#2888 The Valley S2E09: No Time to ReJax
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Well, hello everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben.

hi how are you good welcome to your wednesday how is it thank you in the life of benjamin benjamin this wednesday wednesday and what what a fun wednesday it is i'm i'm gonna be making my trek up to seattle and uh which i love seattle seattle is officially one of the cities i would move to if i weren't living in l.a um and so i'm always excited when we get to go up there so i'm really excited for tonight when i get to fly up there how's it going with you i see seattle

Good? Yeah. I'm just chilling. I had to go get milk today, so I was very upset. Oh. Because I had to take a shower. Because you can't just go to the grocery store. I had to get all gussied up. Look at me. I just look gorgeous. Do a facial. Go wash myself. And I went to the store and I got some milk. So that's been my day so far. It was really exciting. What kind of milk do you get? Whole milk. What kind of milk? Oat.

Did you say oat or whole? Whole milk. I'm a whole milk lover. Yeah. Wow. Get that oat milk out of my goddamn face. I think out of all of the milks, oat is the best. Out of the non-milks.

I have grown to love oat milk. I used to hate oat milk for the longest time, but in the past three months, oat milk has come out of nowhere and has really taken over my life. And now I am an oatly girly. But I would prefer whole. Okay, everybody, now that we've got our milk preferences out of the way, welcome to the Valley Recap. We are going to be in Seattle tomorrow night to be recapping. To recap, Real Housewives of Miami premiere. Next week, we will be in Los Angeles on...

on June 19th at the Fonda Theater to recap this show right here, The Valley. And it's just our luck that we will be recapping The Return of Jax. Oh, God, you're right. So it will be nice to be in an audience full of people hating on Jax together. So if you guys want to just come scream at what a shit face Jax is, join us, okay? Also, this is a recap video. You can find all of our recaps over on Patreon, Crappin's On Demand, we call it.

Also, we're recapping Love Island three or four times a week. So go join our Patreon for that good stuff. Just did a really fun one today. You know what? We do them all the time now. So that's that. And I think that's it. Right, Ben? Do I need to announce anything else? I think that's really it. Yeah. That's it, y'all. Okay. Here we go. Season two, episode nine. When one door forecloses. Another one forecloses. This is the cast of Vanderpump Rules.

Yeah, those doors, when one door forecloses, that means you have no more doors. There are no more doors. It's repossessed. The door is now at Chase Bank. So we start... Sorry, the theme song.

Terrible theme song. Because we're all right. Because we're all right. None of you are all right. You know, we said it the first episode when we heard this song way back in the day in 2024. We said, no, none of you are all right. And it just becomes more and more true every day. Jasmine and Zach almost die trying to be wacky doing a rollerblading scene. So they're not all right.

they're not all right at all and then we see brittany and gina and michelle and jared and they're at a salon and they're getting their hair done um and brit is saying that um she's like she's saying that jax is getting out of rehab on the 21st and janet's like well i hope jack says better in some ways so that cruz has a good relationship with a better man i'm like yeah it's that's not that's something that's never gonna happen sorry janet what

She's so annoying. And then Jared's sitting there behind them and clutching his little Louis Vuitton purse. I can't with these people. So Brittany's like, well, he did me right now. Let me tell you that. Okay. You know, he should have been dead to me when he wouldn't give me that noise. Okay. But I'm looking around the house. See if I can find my wedding ring. I don't know where it is. And Janet's like, have you checked his eBay page recently? Meanwhile, Janet's bought all this shit on eBay. You know, Janet has like a little closet in the back.

of that house with all of the shit that Jax has been selling of Britney's.

- Underpriced. She's got a fan account and Brittany is like, "Hey, we're selling my Jenny Craig bags, yo, okay." Is that what she said? Jenny Craig bags? - I thought she had said Jimmy something. It was like, it wasn't quite Jimmy Choo, but it was like Jimmy Crab. Like, "This is really cool, Kentucky designer named Jimmy Crab. Hey, those great bags. You can put so much beer cheese in them. I sold them, my Jimmy Crab shit bags."

But what is she saying? Because our gorgeous note taker, Shelby, wrote Jenny Craig. And then she left us a link. And there is an eBay page that sells Jenny Craig bags. But they're only $10. And it says, Jenny Craig, believe. Large blue grocery insulated Cooper zipper delivery bag. You know what?

I 100% believe that Jax would sell these. I think that Jax is crackhead ass selling Jenny Craig bags on eBay. They're just tote bags. These are just tote bags. They're actually, they look like they're actually pretty nice tote bags. And they're just like these, they're just Jenny Craig tote bags. And I guarantee Jax is like, well, whatever. I don't like looking at them. I'm just going to sell them.

and I know it'll make Brittany mad because she really likes her Jenny Craig tote bags. Well, do you think they were full of the Jenny Craig food that Brittany's supposed to be doing? Because isn't she like a Jenny Craig spokesperson or something? I forget. I thought it was Nutrisystem. I thought it was Nutrisystem, too.

it's hard i don't know what to say i'm hung up now on this because now i want them to be jenny craig bag so bad i just love that britney would have a collection of jenny craig bags and brittany goes for like 30 dollars i'm not kidding so at first i thought she meant like wow he was vastly undervaluing her like jimmy jimmy crab bags that are worth something and then i was like why is she not more we are the worst gays in the whole world

But if they are Jenny Craig tote bags that are worth like $5 and if he's selling them for $30, now I understand why they were all laughing because it's just like so sad and pathetic of Jack's and also so typically Jack's.

that is just so typically jack's oh baby baby because he would try to make a huge profit off of like a shitty tote yeah typical of a fucking crackhead that's what they do yeah on the fucking tv right off the wall that's what they'll do i sold where's my fork i got a plastic fork with my uber eats where did it go like i sold it sorry i snorted it god damn it cousin

So, sorry, a little personal experience there. So then we go to Kristen and Luke's house. I'm so proud of Kristen. You know what? Kristen has really gone back to her roots. She's actually living in an apartment like they would have lived in on Vanderpump Rules. I know. And it just made me happy. I was like, yes, finally another run-down, shitty apartment with clothes all over the floor. And, you know, it smells like beer rot.

Good for you, girl. Also, so impressed. You know, she was trying to get pregnant for so long, so many months and years, that I'm so glad that now that she's in her third trimester, that she has been able to be...

be in this third trimester for at least, I think, two and a half years. Like, I am so impressed. Like, she's like, you know what? It took me a long time to get here, so we're going to stay here for a long time because I can swear, Kristen has been about to give birth for like, since January, right? Am I wrong? She has been so pregnant for so long. She just did another photo shoot where she's like, here I am, pregnancy photo shoot. I was like, really?

She's been pregnant for a long, long time. She is making up for all the time she's spent not pregnant trying, right? - Yeah, she's been pregnant for a while and happily pregnant. I'm so proud of her eggs. I thought that's what you were gonna say. I'm so proud of her eggs. - Well, I'm proud of her eggs too, but I just think it's so funny. I feel like, I was like, damn, every time Kristen Doty posts something on Instagram, I'm like, it finally happened, she had her baby. And so I was like, did another pregnancy photo shoot?

I'm just three days away. And it's like two and a half days away. One day away. I'm like, this has been pregnant a long time. Oh, don't worry. She'll be one of those people to post every day after being like, it's been two days.

Like those people who get married and then they keep posting their wedding pictures over and over. They're like, you guys, it's been a rough two weeks because it's been such a letdown coming off of my wedding. God, I love that wedding. I look so good in this wedding. I've gained 20 pounds since then. It's been two weeks, but it's been a rough two weeks. And then like a couple months later, I've gained 27 pounds now since my wedding, guys. Still happy.

happiness way right and it's like 10 years later i've gained 500 pounds like girl why are you still posting the same picture you know you know kristen is going to go hard in the paint for some little plastic letters on a board that says one week three weeks 17 weeks every single week there'll be another picture of the baby with a little board next to it and jill's gonna be out there on the side being like

you know, I never got this special board when I was a puppy. Woof, woof. Michelle, Jill's basically going to turn into like the Michelle, Michelle Lolly of, why is nobody giving me a doggy board? I have been here 70,000 weeks. I had to eat roses that made me have diarrhea last season. I'm completely gut off from the sex life of my barons. Somebody help me. So,

So we go to this, sorry, it's a shitty little apartment. So we go over there and then we see Zach coming to the house and he's like, what up, betchas? It's me, Zach. Yeah, fun guy. I didn't even have brakes on my rollerblades.

yeah i did it i survived i went i rollerbladed on chandler boulevard and did not get run over since i survived rollerblading a little bored man just like discussing take that off your social media so they are gonna they're hosting like a uh

housewarming because they're actually they're in the house it may look like an apartment but they're in a house because they have a house in noho and because it's on the rundown schedule they have to have a housewarming but they're not really ready for it so they still have boxes and you know stevie of course she's gonna throw a damn housewarming party with clothes on the floor there's clothes on the floor christian

It's like open milk on the countertop. Like, girl, put some stuff away. Throw it into a closet. Like a normal person. But it's Kristen, so she doesn't. She's like, oh, yeah, we're going to sort stuff. But like, it's good. We're having a movie. And Luke's like, yeah, might as well ignore some of the mess and enjoy the house. And then we see the piles of crap everywhere.

Yeah. So then Luke's talking to Jesse over by the grill as people come over and is asking, um, if there's any Jesse, if there's anything new on the Michelle front and Jesse's like, yeah, no, I haven't talked to her or whatever. And, and, and Luke assures him that Michelle's not coming tonight. So Jesse's happy about that.

And then meanwhile, um, Zach's there. So Jenna, we, we have a, Jenna gets a moment. Jenna has been trying to have a moment for years in the Vanderpump rules. You know, I've been reading that she's popped up a million times. I don't remember no Jenna. Tell me about it. What's she like? What are her interests? She's been around. Don't you, don't you remember my famous story about how I saw Kristen, Jenna and Katie at LA fitness once and Tate Diggs was there and was talking to them and

and how like Jenna was like trying to be like in the mix. She was like really flinging her hair at Tweetigs. - She's like, I've been on television for like 10 years. So I get it, Jay. - She's like, I'm friends with Kristen Doty. This was like, this was probably like 2016 or something like that. - Hey, I've always been team Glinda anyway. You made the right choice.

But Jenna, yeah, no, Jenna has been popping up. And the fact that you don't remember who Jenna is, is exactly the struggle that Jenna deals with, is that she has been trying to make something happen. So she gets some good traction here because, well, Zach first says, Jenna and I have been like friends since I moved to LA. And, you know, we've had so much fun. And like, of course I met her through Sheena because Sheena's like Kevin Bacon. Okay, it's always one degree of Sheena Shea. And then the chyron below Sheena says, Sheena,

It goes from Kristen's friend to everybody's friend. It's Sushi Bacon.

So then we go to Luke, Jesse, and Danny talking about a spa day that Danny had. And Jesse's like, well, you went to the spa. What did you get? Like Botox, bro? And he's like, so guys get this wasn't Botox. Hold on for a minute. It was scrotox. All right. Everybody get that scrotox. Do we understand three under three balls in my balls in my stomach?

Now the way he describes scrotox, so apparently scrotox is, Zach explains it and he's like, oh my God, scrotox, you know, like when your balls, he's like, you know, when your balls droop and they look bigger, like balls get bigger and balls get smaller. This way they just stay bigger. Is that what scrotox is? I didn't know that. I thought it was. I thought scrotox like made your big balls smaller.

I never really understood scrotox. To me, it seemed like something that someone invented and like sort of they created a marketing angle to it. OK, what do you want to hear? Yes. OK, here's what scrotox does. They they put a botulism into your scrotum. OK, first of all, which killed a lot of nuns in nonsense. I don't know if anybody's seen that.

it's very dangerous so it reduces wrinkles and creases who wants an unwrinkled nut sack that would look crazy something should it's like ironing linen some things just shouldn't be ironed okay yeah it's like yeah i was just about to say it's like linen

Enhance scrotal aesthetics. By relaxing the muscles, scrotox can make the scrotum appear tighter, more youthful, and potentially larger. Decrease sweating. Well, that's never a bad thing. Except you'll be sweating out your butthole. Because that sweat's going to go somewhere. Your elbows, your butthole, between your toes, who knows.

improve comfort by relaxing the muscles and reducing sweating. Scrotox can alleviate the discomfort and irritation in the scrotal area. So do you have any discomfort in your scrotal area? No, I think this is bullshit because I think like the body, the body does things because the body is, we've evolved that way. And I think that like balls go up and down depending on if it's hot or cold. And I think it's like, I think,

If my balls are cold, I think I want them to come up to the mothership.

You know, I want to just dangling down there and get it freezing. It's like refusing to put a sweater on your child. Like, why would you do that? Yeah. I also feel like I don't want to increase the risk that I might like twist my legs in a certain way. And like my poor dangling balls are going to get caught in the in the in the madness there. Like, I think let the balls go up and down. Also, it's cool to have a ball elevator. I think like what a fun thing that we have. Like, why would we just like have something dangling, you know?

Yeah, at least some parts of my body are lifting something. It's like, oh, do it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't know. I've just never heard of a guy who wants like big dangly balls on purpose. I think that if you are really concerned about the aesthetic of your balls, chances are you probably don't have a big dick.

because you need to, you're trying to like supplement it or I should say you're insecure about it. Cause who cares if you have a big dick or not? I mean like obviously we like big dicks, but like just cause someone has a small dick doesn't mean that they're any less worthy. But I think that someone who's insecure about their dick is like, well, I gotta like,

I'm not doing my 11 o'clock number with my dick, so I've got to supplement that with some nice, smooth, dangling balls. Yeah. Well, maybe people have, you know, like when people do, what is that called? Like Jack stuff, not Coke, but the other thing he does, roids. So like when you know roid balls are like really tight, little, like they go away. You're like, where'd the nuts go? So maybe guys like that need that.

Yeah, maybe that's what it is. I don't know. Well, I haven't thought about balls this much in a long time. So thanks, show. I've been educated. Thanks, show. Thanks, show. So then we go to talking about scrotox, which we're done now. So then Danny, everyone's like, I'm not going to do that. But Zach, we see getting his scrotox injections, which I think is hilarious.

I think it's so funny that Zach's like, you know what I'm doing? Scrow talks. Need to do a upkeep the balls for Banja. Banja. You know, I really enjoy Zach so much. I feel like Zach lives in this sort of strange place

like, the strange gay place where there's all these other gays that circulate around the show, but they are like the they're kind of like it was like Jared and we haven't seen Simon this year, but there's Simon and there's others. And they usually just sort of sit there to kind of be like, yes, girl. Yes, yes. And it's not like and Zach definitely does that. But it's kind of funny that like Zach is like not part of their crew. Yeah.

And he's like not really part of the straight people screw. He's just on his own gay island And I love that for him. I think it's great. I think it's so fun to watch. Yeah, so The producers like okay, so You know the reason people get scrotox is because your balls drop when you get older and Zach's like they do He's like yeah, so that's what happened. So if they're gonna end up on the floor anyway, why are you rushing it and Zach's like I?

Um, I guess I just wanted to see what it was like to have old balls. I don't know. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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So, um, so anyway, they talk about scrotox a lot. So Jason and Janet show up and it's uncomfortable because, you know, they had their fight with Jasmine last week. My God, Janet is so uncomfortable. She's really uncomfortable. She's like, she's uncomfortable. And,

And Jasmine, you know who else is uncomfortable? Jasmine. Jasmine's uncomfortable. And Janet sees that Kristen's talking to Nia and Janet and she's like, I'm going to wait because I'm uncomfortable. So it's like really uncomfortable.

So Nia's like, oh, my God, they're here. I guess I'll get myself a bottle of wine. She's stirring everything. So Danny's like, at this point, Jason and I are pretty cool, you know, even though we had some problems. But I've got some definite frustration with Janet trying to attack me and my character. I'm going to put my hand on her butt gently and explain, girl, you need to be nicer to daddy. Right.

So then Jasmine's talking to Luke and she's like, how are you? And Luke's like, I'm good. And he's like, how are you doing? You know, at the beach? He's like, I've never seen Jason worked up like that before. And she's like, well, he's hurt because shit was said years ago. But like, I didn't bring it up and I don't care. We don't believe it. Like, I would never hurt him like that unless the cameras were running. And, you know, I needed to have a scene for the first time in a season and a half. So sure, maybe a little bit.

Jasmine's so funny how she changes. She like goes for your throat one second and is like, oh, really? Really? Because I didn't even say it. Talk to your boys because they're the ones who said it. And everyone hates you, Janet. Whatever she was saying. And then the next day she's like, I love her. I don't even know what's going on. Like, I don't even know. I don't even know what the problem is. Like, I love them. I love them. The only thing I love more than Janet are her casseroles.

So they're like, are you going to talk to Jason? She's like, yeah, you know, so she wants to get over it. So then she goes up to Jason and Janet who are talking to, you know, the thirsties, Sheena and Brock. And she's like, hey, hey, hey, you know what, Janet, Janet, I just have one thing to say. If it's possible, I would love to have a conversation with you and your husband and me and Melissa, because then it's four people. Then it's four people and not just three people. Because I like conversations better when they're four people. And Janet's like, great.

I love that. Four is my favorite number at Dave and Buster's. I play every game four times. And if I do not hit a big, I move on. So let's do that. She's okay. Great. One step at a time. Great. Okay. Great. Great. Everything's gonna be good.

So now Sheena is telling Danny and Nia, I got salmon sperm put on my face. And procedure. No, I just like really made a salmon horny. Like you heard about my music videos. So because I'm good as Roe.

because I'm good as well. - Oh, well, might as well use it, waste not, want not. - She's huge in salmon circles. And then Jenna, Jenna's like, oh God, it's my moment. It's my moment, it's my moment. - Making like tons of money in like only salmon. - Only salmon. - She's like getting more clicks than anybody on that site. The salmon splooging all over Sheena's face. - Ironically, their logo is blue.

You would have thought they would have just gone pink. So Jenna is like about interrupting you. I just needed to talk more about Sam splooging on Sheena's face. You can interrupt me as much as you want, Ronnie, especially for Sam and splooging on Sheena's face. That salmon was swimming upstream. So Jenna, here it comes. She's like, hey, Zach,

Do you want to hear something wild? Yes. I dated Aaron, Michelle's current boyfriend, a year and a half ago. Isn't that wild? Ronnie, I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.

This is the fucking wildest thing I've heard in 2025. It's wild. Why are all these people fucking each other? How was Aaron even in this group then? Was he in the group because of Michelle and then Jenna jumped on him? What's with this? All these people, they all just are in that milieu. You know, they all went to Cabo Cantina back in the day together in Saddle Ranch. They all do Runyon Canyon and they probably play pickleball. They all go to the same parties.

we just it's just the way it is aaron i thought was brought in by michelle so was aaron already part of this group where jenna could get to him i'm saying i think he was part of a larger sort of like douchebag circle in like hollywood west hollywood you see the same people all the clubs they just exist yeah okay i don't know it seems fishy i'm calling fishy

she's my biggest fan so she dated aaron a year and a half ago and zach's like are you serious she's like yeah it's just like such a small world i mean god how many guys with bug eyes are getting ass in the city well i you know sheena was talking about going on to only salmons but i actually go on to only honey and he was there and

I kind of like, I don't know, we took our friend relationship to something more intimate. I mean, it is a harder cleanup, but worth it at the end of the day. He's a sweet guy. Um, so Zach is like, did you like him? And she's like, yeah, I did. Hey, should I tell Jesse? I mean, she's so clunky with her like attempts to get on the show. She's like, well, she didn't got back on. Lala's getting back on. Everything's turning up. Jenna. Yeah.

He's like, "Oh my God, you're totally Sean!" So she goes over and, well, he does, he's like, "Oh my God, Ja-Tai, Ja-Na has a story for you and I think you're gonna wanna hear it." So he's like, "Oh my God, all right, go ahead." - All right, here's my story. Are you ready? It has a really great arc to it. It has a beginning, middle, and end, three-act structure. I dated Aaron. - Who? - The end. - Who's Aaron?

Michelle's boyfriend. Oh, that guy. So, okay. When was that? Hold on. Let me get out my little notebook. I've been learning math. All right, go ahead. Okay. So we did it twice. So like the first time was like, like five years ago. And here's a photo from 2019. Twice, five years ago is 10 years ago. Okay, go ahead. And then like, God, I think like a year and a half ago, like briefly, I

So, yeah, it's a pretty compelling story. I have already applied to the moth to be able to tell this on stage because I think it just has like a lot of cadences to it. And I just I want people to really hear my journey with Aaron. So you've dated this guy for eight and a half years, which means Michelle was cheating on me the entire time we were married. Oh, my God. I'm looking for a moth to sploots on my face. It's like called a collab. You guys don't judge me.

Yeah. Wow. Guys, I'm just going to take a moment here because I just found out Michelle was cheating on me before she even met me. So it's pretty wild. And Jesse's like, yeah, that's interesting because I heard that like a year and a half ago, Michelle and him were together. No, you heard from Kristen that she was fucking around on you a year and a half or two years ago. She never said it was with Aaron. You're trying to make the Aaron thing happen. It probably was Aaron, though.

So it probably was. I mean, she did say she kissed someone, but, um, you know what? I'm just going to support Michelle on this one. I say she does. Jesse. Kristen has said in, I don't know, interviews, whatever, that she wasn't talking about that guy. She was talking about a different guy, which means Michelle was like cheating multiple times. So I don't know. Um,

- I say the more the merrier when it comes to Jesse Lally. I'm totally in favor of infidelity against Jesse Lally. - Yeah, I'm with you. This guy's such a piece of shit. And so Jesse's like, "Yeah, I'm just trying to figure it out." And Jenna's like, "I'm sorry, do you wanna have an affair? We could do it." I mean, that would get us pretty close to being on TV. Wouldn't that be great, being on TV? He's like, "I am on TV." Right, okay, so, you know, I'll be here. I'm here when you're ready. Just call me. Any of your friends know me? I've been on television 10 years.

Do you want to hear a great story? I once flirted with Taye Diggs at an LA fitness. Yeah. So anyway, great talking. It's funny because Katie called him Taye Scram after that. It was like he got out of there really fast. It was hilarious. It was really funny.

So Jesse's like, well, six months ago, Super Bowl Sunday, Luke comes up and says, I heard Michelle was seeing a guy. Well, you guys, Luke is the messiest ass person on this. He is messy. He is the messiest one. And he gets away with it all because he's just like an innocent looking little ginger who doesn't shave his nuts.

And everybody's like, oh, look at Luke. He's the best guy. Luke is fucking all of you over. And I love him for it. You're doing great, Luke. He's doing great work. I know Kristen was really upset that we all compare Luke to Van Gogh. But guess what? He is Van Gogh. Because Van Gogh is messy, too. Van Gogh is, like, impressionist messy. And Luke is just 2025 messy. And they're the same person, except Luke still has all his ears. Luke is impressionable messy. Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know what? I don't want to hear any. I don't want to hear any guff that he's not like Van Gogh because he's 100 percent like Van Gogh. Yeah. He looks like it and he acts like it. So he's like, yeah, while we were married, she was cheating and she couldn't get a hold of him. And then she stopped by his house and caught him with another girl. Is Jenna the girl? Was he cheating on my wife who was cheating on me?

Don't you think Jenna would have added that to the story? Like her story was going to take anything she can get to lend her story credence, sir. Yeah. Jenna, all Jenna has is I dated Aaron.

I guarantee she would have added some sauce if she could have. She would have. And by the way, she's right there. Why don't you just ask her? Did you were you like did Michelle walk in on you having sex with Aaron once? Like, it's all right there. She did not. I'm going to say there's nothing more to this. She dated Aaron. She got some free honey. End of story. Yeah, Jenna, this is kind of lame, really. I mean, unless you're going to go up to Michelle and be like, hey, Michelle, did you still you stole Aaron from me? I had a first. OK, there is a fight.

Or Jesse, I was cheating with Michelle at the same time you were dating. Or something. But just this like, oh my God, guess what? I dated Aaron. Who cares, Anna? That has nothing to do with anything. Well, she...

I guarantee she was expecting Michelle to be there. And so it's gonna be a moment where she's like, you know what I did at Aaron and then seeing if Michelle would have a rise out of it. And then it could be an issue. And then she was hoping Michelle would be like, get this girl out of my face. But Michelle wasn't there. And so she came in for her big moment and she had the story and she's like, what am I supposed to do? Well, I guess I'll tell Jesse. It's not going to really have the same land in the same way.

so it was a big flop moment for jenna yeah that was a sad one and she goes oh yeah when i saw you i was like oh my god this is full circle really you haven't seen jesse lolly in all this time michelle you're always or jenna you're always around i don't believe you she's yeah i was like what are the odds and jesse's like uh yeah it's a small world okay can i get back to my kebabs because you're extremely boring even giving me ammunition against my wife you're extremely boring thank

I know. I would rather deal with a kebab than Jenna.

So now Luke is going to talk to Danny about the trip and because, you know, there's they're going to be going on a cast trip to Hawaii and he's going to propose there. And Luke says, he's like, you know, Kristen is very good at uncovering the truth, you know, so I've got to be really careful because we just need to keep Detective Doty off the case. I'm like, yes. Well, you know, Kristen isn't always so great about discovering the truth. I think that's what got her fired the first time around. So well, listen, she's had some misfires. That's for sure.

i wouldn't i would not she's no sherlock holmes okay she's not even else beth wait a minute luke i heard that faith is proposing to me in hawaii

And she stole a jacket in the stole. I can't she stole my wedding dress dress. Yeah so then Danny and Nia are leaving to go the baby and everything and Brittany's like hi guys everyone gather round gather round. Okay. God tell you got something Okay, so last night Jack's came home from the came home to get his mile which by the way what?

what rehab does Jax get to come home to get mail? What is that about? I don't know. I don't understand this whole, I don't understand this whole fucking rehab thing. And why do, why do you even need your mail and rehab? You're not paying your mortgage. What mail are you getting? You're not paying your bills. He was coming there to uncover the cameras, which is what he did. He came and uncovered the cameras. And then, so, you know, me and my mama were covering back up. You know how that goes, you know, take the cameras out, Brittany, take the cameras out of the house. Yeah.

take him out. So, so anyway, so let's talk to Jenny. And, um, so they asked the actual therapist who like goes around places with them. Cause he's got like a, he's like a therapist. It's like a photographer, but a therapist. Okay. And she,

She said that he made the girl who answers the phone cry because he told her that if anybody calls to lie and act like he was on his way to urgent care and she was sobbing and crying because he made her feel like she needed to tell people that. And so the therapist had to tell all of us the truth that he never went to them and them their hospital.

- Girl, of course that whole thing was a lie. Of fucking course it was. It's Jax. Anybody who believes one single thing coming out of Jax's mouth, I swear to God. So Janet's like, "Oh my God, he manipulated the front desk person to say he was having a medical emergency? This is why I have his poster in my bedroom." That guy is fucking amazing. - He's working on levels I didn't even think were possible. I mean, receptionist manipulation, that's genius. That's Kaiser Soze shit.

So Brittany knows that this guy is putting out this PR story to everybody else, but he's really just still being a monster. And then he wrote me this really long email, and he told me that the house is in foreclosure. Can you believe that? I looked that one up. And first of all, I put four, the number four, close. Led to a website. It was a sad one. But that means people are going to sell my house, y'all.

And so she's like, this is really so fucked up because she's saying this could ruin her chance of ever buying another home. And it's true. So Jason's like, yeah, I mean, that'd be terrible. Yeah, I mean, because my name is on as much as he is. And I know I was lost all that money I put down, you know, and like, and Janet's like, does he not realize that he's damaging Cruz? Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's what I said. Okay. And I said it right in front of Cruz, too. But he also said, we're splitting the podcast 50-50. I'll do one week, you do the next. And Jason's like,

This is so disappointing because after what he was saying two days ago, he said he was going to give you all the money. I can't believe it. Anyway, still Team Jax. Yeah, Team Jax. He's trying, guys. So they're like a lawyer, Brittany. And she's like, you know what? After tonight, I'm ready to fight. I'm ready to fight.

Okay, so then we see Michelle going to Lala's new house. We haven't seen Lala's new house in the Valves. She's like, hi. But haven't we? Welcome to my house. Have we? Welcome.

Well, we haven't seen it, but haven't we? Let's see. Ship lap, modern farmhouse, open the door, living room to the right, dining room to the left, walk down the staircase, kitchen to the left, TV area to the right, the exact same layout, the exact same house. Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes full of ticky cocky, little boxes on the hillside, and they all look just the same.

I did appreciate Lala's room and board sofa. That's a cute one. So anyway, what? Her what? Room and board sofa. Oh, her room and board. Oh, that's some fancy shit. Remember I was looking for stuff and you go, oh my God, you should go to room and board. So I go to room and board. I texted you like, are you fucking crazy? They're like, do you like this chair? It's $19 million. Enjoy it. Yeah, but...

but compared to like restoration hardware, I remember looking at sofas and restoration hardware that I was like, my dream was all I wanted was a sectional. I've always wanted a big sectional and,

so I went to restoration hardware and their sectionals were like, you know, three inches from the ground and they're like tiny. And they're like, that will be $30,000. Not, it was like, not even a joke. It was literally $30,000 for a sofa at restoration hardware. I was like, out of your mind store. Yeah. That's a lot. That's crazy. That's crazy money. So Lala's like, welcome. I'm sorry.

How's it going? It is very difficult because my daughter is asking why Jesse's house is bigger. And I say, appreciate what you have. You live in a bedroom built of honeycomb. Be grateful. She is part of the hive. Oh, my God. She likes Beyonce already. No, she is part of a beehive now. Yeah.

So Lala's like, yeah, you know, I know what it's like because my daughter, like when she's hanging out with Rance, she'll go to like Target, like when she comes back to me and put everything in the carts. And I'm like, no, honey, that's only what you do with daddies. No.

does Jesse, does Jesse like, do you see similarities in the same patterns as your ex? Like with Jesse? Yes. Yes, I do. Cause I didn't realize how sometimes he was so disrespectful to people. I always had to like brush it off. And I was like,

yeah, you become desensitized after like the 30th like news article about how terrible your husband is. But I mean, my ex was like not kind to people, but he did put me in a movie called Gotti. So I always thought he was insecure, but no, it turns out he's an assholes. Uh,

Yeah, like he was an asshole, but I do know Al Pacino's now, so it worked out. So she says that she always thought Rand was just insecure. And she's like, no, he's just an asshole. I realized once I wasn't living in the mansion anymore that he's just an asshole. I was like, oh, he's an asshole. I like that we can relabel the men after, you know, the gravy train.

So we all knew he was an asshole, Lala. And so did you. It was worth it at the time. Whatever. I can't cry about Rand or well, Jesse more because I don't know. OK, so let's go to this Michelle and Jesse thing. Well, first we talk about Michelle. Go ahead. Yeah. I was going to say it's actually not so much about Jesse anymore. And now, Michelle, we find out that her mom has cancer and it's spread everywhere.

it's really sad she doesn't know how much time is left this really broke my heart for her because i know i know you know michelle might not be the most charismatic person there is and some people say she's basically a robot and we make her sound like a robot well she does talk like one so um you know you know i know like she received a lot of but like you know this is just this is hard and my heart really does go out for her because she's trying to deal with this like narcissist and she's dealing with a mother who is ailing and

That sucks. I felt really bad for her when she talked about this. Yeah. So she talks about that and they hug.

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So let's go to El Compadre. So now it's time for the Jasmine, Melissa, Janet and Jason sit down. And Janet's walking in in like, I don't know, pajamas from the 1920s. I'm not sure what she's really wearing. So she walks in and she's like, oh, my God, I hope this is peaceful because the last one was not peaceful. Well, Janet, sit your ass down. They've got marionettes here.

I know Jasmine definitely pulled a power move by making them leave the valley and come to Hollywood. Also, now that you say Janet wearing pajamas from the 1920s, it made me realize I could totally see Janet as one of those cigarette girls in the nightclub in the 20s, just walking around with a tray strapped to her shoulders.

So Jason's like this is like weird. I feel like two weeks ago like with this would have been a super fun You know restaurant trip and like not 100% sure what happened to be honest But like we're just like pretty confused about stuff and I just wanted to find out like when we first learned about stuff It was at Britney's pool party and Kristin came over and said Jasmine said you take your ring off and when you go out or something like that and when I first heard I thought well, I was so left to field I was just like laughing but then I was like wait why why would Jasmine say this? Why would Kristen go at go like?

why would you tell Kristen who we're not in a good place with at all? Like what's going on here? I'm so confused. This is so ridiculous. So he's like, Oh my God, Jasmine, basically like what the fuck Jasmine? They're like, we would expect this from Kristen, but not from you. Um, so a couple of quotes from that episode, um,

Kristen, one from Kristen's confessional. She said, I heard this rumor from Zach. It was then confirmed from Jasmine. The second quote was Luke, who told Janet and Jason about the rumor. And he said, I heard the rumor a year ago. So Jasmine heard that you take your ring off sometimes at bars.

Oh, this is so ridiculous. So it's so Jasmine's like, yeah. So Jasmine's like, I mean, I never, I never told Kristen, so I don't even know where this is going. And he's like, but you said that you told Kristen at the party. She's like, no, I didn't. And then we see a clip of her going of them saying, so Kristen told her, she goes, yes. Kristen told me about this. Yes.

So she's, Jasmine and Melissa are denying that they ever had any conversation about the ring or anything like that. And Janet's like, but she came up to us and said, Jasmine said this and then we're okay. And she goes, well, we never said any of it. It's like, yeah, but she did try to blame you. And Melissa's like, at the end of the day,

You get margaritas for margaritas. And this conversation is not focused on like what he said. That's we're not here. We're just here to squash things with you guys, because I promise we wherever the rumors are from. It was not us who originated. OK, but here's the thing, because I just bungled this last section because there's so much bullshit in this scene.

Jasmine in the last scene said, okay, I said it, but I didn't start it. And they're like, did you say it to Kristen? And she's like, well, I mean, I told her that I'd heard it, but now she's saying I never said anything to Kristen. Like you, we have the clip Jasmine. Like what the hell? Just tell Jack.

Why don't you just tell Jasmine or Janet that she's an asshole? Just just do that. Just say it's a rumor that your ring was off. That's it. It wasn't meant to be a horrible thing against you guys. It should never have come out. Kristen was being an asshole. I'm sorry it came out. But yes, I'm guilty of gossiping just like everybody else. But now it becomes this. Well, Kristen's just a liar.

And Kristen's making everything up, which it's like, yeah. And Janet thinks she solves some big mystery by saying, oh, now we know who the real mastermind is. It's Kristen. We already knew Kristen brought this up to get back at you for being an asshole to her friend. She said it on TV and to you. It's not a big mystery that you solved Angela Lansbury. Get off your bike.

Yeah, it's really not. So Jasmine's like, look, I don't really think that you're a Karen. And Janet's like, well, you know, it's funny because I looked up a definition of a Karen and it says it was like entitled something. And I was like, well, you know, I guess I am guilty of that. I am kind of a Karen. Janet had to look up the definition of Karen in 2025, girl. Like no one's ever called you a Karen before. I don't believe it.

Yeah. So they just sort of like bury the hatchet. Like, this is just how I felt in that moment was that you were a Karen, but I don't believe you are a Karen. I just felt in that moment you were a Karen and Janet's like, if I had even realized that you felt ganged up on, even though you did say, please, it's two against one. This isn't fair. I never, I would have just stepped away. I never would have done that. I'm like, yeah, it's pretty obvious that she, she said to you like a million times, but out, but,

He still stayed there. And Melissa's like, well, I'm just happy we're doing this because, you know, we're all kind of learning that something has happened to make us all think we're against each other. What could that be? And Janet's like, well, you know, I think the real mastermind is Kristen. Like, no shit, Janet. So they all hug and now they decide to all be friends. But then Jasmine tells us at the end of the scene, she's like, yeah, I want to be good with Janet because

she's scary and she'll you up so i made up with her so now uh we know we're about to learn some more about jacks because we get a jack's video message and the way the show works is they give us a video of jack's being all nice and kind and then they uh as soon as that's done they give us a scene where we find out even more that he's up to so he's like this time violins we've got the mariachi band over to the table being like

Hey guys, I'm pretty excited to walk out the door. I mean, I have anxiety. I mean, I'm anxious. I'm scared. But you know what? It's time. And I know I have a lot of apologizing to do. And I just, I just, I hope they can see that. You know what? Like, you know, I hope they can see like, hey, Jax, he's making progress. He's taking steps. He's trying. Get that fucking camera in my face, you receptionist.

Anyway, so, you know, I'm just like excited. I'm a new man. I'm a nice guy now. I'm treated and I think everything's fixed. Yeah, Jax, that's why you're there. So everybody could see that you're trying. We know. We know your game by now, buddy. So now let's go to Brittany at the foreclosure house. Doorbells ringing. Oh, my God. There's McDonald's, Taco Bell and Domino's.

So there's a lot of fast food. That looks like a depression dump to me. I've been there, girl. So Zach and Kristen show up and she's like, oh my God, we're having to cater my fast food because Jax is coming to my home tomorrow. So we're going to pack up all his shit and get it out of here. He's got his new little condo now. I just need him to be gone. I need him to be gone.

And so Michelle walks in and sees the fast food and is like disgusted. She's like, Brittany and I certainly have different taste buds. She loves fast food and I do not like it. Now, listen, Michelle, I was just standing up for you. Okay. Don't make me regret the words I used. Okay. Because I am a fast food girly as well. So please, please just settle down over there. Yeah. Michelle, you need all the positive publicity you can get. And this is not the way to get it. Yeah. Come on. You're talking to people who watch the Valley.

so zach is like so since he does get out on thursday and today's tuesday how about on wednesday we take you out for one last night before he's out of rehab and let's just go to jack's before just like one night though let's just go there and but hold on also let me say friday saturday sunday and monday just so i get all of the days in there

So he's like, "I had this idea literally for months now to change the name of Jax's bar to Brits. Yeah, and then we want Britney to like know that we like we support her and we love her and we're in this together."

Um, so Michelle's like, how do you feel about Zing Jack? Oh my God, he's going to break me. Cause like you guys know, I really love him. I mean, he's a Supreme crunch taco, you know, you can try and say no to him, but eventually they're going to be on your doorstep anyway. Well, you know, um, I still love him and he can trick me into going there, but I need to be strong. I need to be strong. Okay. Be strong.

We support you, don't worry. So Michelle is there and she's looking sad. She's like, I wish I was getting the same support that Brittany is getting now. I mean, I am an amazing friend. I will drop anything and everything if one of my friends needs help or they need something. I am ride or die. And so I don't feel that in return.

- Yeah, she's kind of got the Lala disease where she's like, wait a minute, I'm getting divorced. Why is she getting attention for her divorce and I'm not getting any attention for my divorce? You can tell she's like hangs out with Lala a lot. I think your divorces are very different. One, you moved on very quickly and it looked like you were kind of moved on before you got divorced.

and you knew what you were going to do you were confident in it and you found somebody else and you're happy like everybody else that did rally around you but you don't need constant support like britney because britney's a train wreck you know she needs support every day if you still had cars piling up on the track people would be there to support you too you know what i mean but brittany doesn't it's like brittany you get the train back on the track it starts going again and then there's a cow on the train track again and then brittany's like oh my god i can't

believe it's another guy and you're all you're back there fixing it every time yes britney needs a cow catcher but um the thing is that um first of all britney's is happening during the taping of the show also britney and jacks are more famous let's be honest and second of all yeah you do like

You know, it seems like you sort of have this shit handled. I mean, I think she does deserve support because I think Jesse is a total narcissist. I think Jax seems like he's a narcissist and he's like actually dangerous too. He's actually scarier than Jesse. Jesse's like more venal, but like Jax is like a really scary one. And there's... Brittany is actually pretty honest this episode.

in that she's like, I'm trapped in the loop and I'm afraid that I'm going to get sucked back into it. So she's like, she actually really needs all these people to keep her going in the right direction, like you said, like people to clear those cows off her train tracks because she is, otherwise she could just get sucked right back in. So I think that's really what I'm talking about. Well, one of the examples that we get from Michelle is,

of his Santa Barbara trip or to have to go stay at a separate place. No one did that because he was the one who planned the trip and got the house. She's considering that to this, like, well, why are they still letting Jesse in the house? I was like, oh, don't worry. They don't, they're still calling Jax and supporting Jax and they'll welcome Jax into every shooting scene that they possibly can. So if you're worried that you're the only person being disrespected by

all of these users and losers and boozers around you you're not they're doing it to britney too so don't let those fool you yeah although i i have to say there is a part of me that does feel like michelle is not she's not totally without like without merit in what she's saying like it does suck she's going through a vicious awful divorce and her mom is dying and no one's really

like checking in on her. And that does kind of suck no matter what, even if she does seem like she's handling it better and she is like a more stable person than Brittany, like it does suck. So I'm gonna let her, I'm gonna let her. Well, it does seem like that. I mean, I just think that I'm not saying she needs to shut up or anything like that. I mean, no, I know why she would be hurt, but she, but I can, I,

i feel like they do support her i just feel like the the re the it's not as dramatic like they're not having a party you know to pack up fancy stuff and all of that but i think it's just because brit still needs help moving on and michelle seems that she's moved on and also like brit is just that person who's like hey everyone i want to have a party to celebrate my independence okay it's called a beach ball party everyone bring a beach ball gonna put a smiley face on it's gonna be me and then bring it up by the beach ball saying oh no i'm crying again the beach ball was jackson's favorite kind of ball

And Brittany, in literally every scene she's in, has a moment where she goes, okay, guys, gather round. Gather round, everybody. Everybody gather round. Here's what Jax did today, that motherfucker. And then she, like, goes on a monologue and she rallies the troops. And so she's, like, constantly working for those votes. Yeah, and Michelle's like, who wants free honey? It's like, it's just not the same. It's like, you know, Britt is just that person who just does it, who just gets people all around. And she also gives...

You know McDonald's so there's something to be said about that. Yeah, you get Happy Meal toys if you go to Brits, okay? Yeah, well, you know You can turn your nose up against the french fries and the gorditas all you want But guess guess who's getting people in the seats. It's Brit for her divorce and not you so yeah, so your tools now they're gonna bag up all of Jack's shit, so she brings everybody over and she's like giggling and throwing his stuff out of the closet and

And Kristen's like, oh my God, stop writing his shoes. It's like, oh, it's like a way to get the brain working. You know, it's like how you work with little toddlers. That's what Jax needs. You know, you're like, okay, match this. Like, let's be real. Jax needs it.

Kristen creating a sneaker puzzle is hilarious. Putting one sneaker in one bag and another in another. It's great. Because it's actually going to drive him absolutely nuts. Because Jax is very much OCD. He wants everything in order. So it is great chaos. And then Britt's like, hey, there's that thing. And look, there's that. And oh, it's his little denim jacket he likes to wear around. And then they show this sentimental montage of Jax in his light denim jacket. And she starts to cry like, oh.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not going to feel for Jax for one fucking second. So Brittany is like, this is so hard. I mean, I still love this guy. You know, like I've got viewings. They just go disappear overnight. Where can you go? She's overjoyed.

So everyone like throws all the, throws all the bags in the garage and it's like, yay, they did it. And now it's one day until Jax leaves the facility. So Britt goes to meet Naz, a divorce lawyer. I love Naz. I feel like Naz doesn't take any bullshit. You know, she sort of has that look like, I will destroy you in the courtroom. Like, yeah, go get him, Naz. Go do it. Yeah, Naz has that thing where she's like, okay, so tell me what is going on.

And Brittany tells her and she's like, divorce. That is my situation. Well, you're a divorce lawyer, of course. So what are you going to tell her? Side of fries, go home. Naz has a cousin who's going to fuck up Jack's if it doesn't go right. Divorce? And if not, I call my cousin. Yeah, you leave. So Brittany's telling him, you know, he's...

we've been married since 2019. We've been separated, you know, but it's not legal though. Okay. But I moved to an Airbnb and then we're fighting, but you know, what should I, what should I protect myself with? You know, he's got blowups. He's more aggressive. Like he's throwing furniture at me. He's punched walls. He hadn't laid hands on me. He has laid coffee tables on me. Does that count? Yes. That fucking counts. Brittany, Jesus Christ. Call the police next time, by the way, as well. Get this asshole thrown in jail. I fucking hate this person. Not Brittany. Yeah. Obviously. Oh,

Nas is writing down in her, she's writing, just writing notes. And he just, I just imagine that Nas' notepad is just like, I will destroy this man. I will destroy him. So Brittany's like- - Nas is like, all I'm hearing is chicken nuggets, taco supreme, and double pepperoni stuffed crust. Oh my God, it's like you're looking into my mind.

No, just the crumbs on your lapel. So Brittany is like, yeah, he's in rehab now. He doesn't get out till tomorrow. He's still rage texting me like this was just the other night. I had to block him. So she shows Naz the phone and Naz is like,

Oh, wow. Wow, this is bad. This is really bad, you know. And she's like, how does he know that you're not home? And she's like, exactly. Is he stalking you? Yeah, he would look at me through cameras and stuff and he was telling me like what I was wearing and different things. Jesus. She's like, this is disturbing. I don't like it.

So these texts that we see popping up, I know you're drinking. I have eyes and ears. Everyone is going to tell me if you tattle on me again. Go party while I'm in here. I have everyone watching you like a hawk. Which is so gross.

It's awful. It's awful. And so the Nazib is like, yeah, he's obsessed and it's really, it's not healthy for you and he needs to control himself. This is not good. And Brittany is saying that they have, you know, a son together, but that Jack stopped paying the mortgage whenever he, you know, when, when she moved out, he stopped paying the mortgage and,

And so this is where we hear even more. Maybe you already knew about this. You may have been up on this. I did not realize. I knew that Jax was like in debt. But what we find out is that he was in debt. He was back when they moved in.

Or when they got married, he was already $1.2 million in debt to the IRS, which is that's a lot of taxes you did not pay. So he's already behind. And so when they got the house, I'm saying you're not getting out of like the IRS is not going to be like, oh, you're bankrupt. Okay, we'll just forget about it. No, they're coming for your ass.

so they folded it into the mortgage which means birthday celebration yeah exactly so they fold it into the into the mortgage which means that essentially like

she is now liable for his tax debt and so the fact that now he is like okay i'm releasing this house to you and you have to pay off the rest of the mortgage he's basically saying you're paying off my one two one point two million dollars of tax debt that's how i interpret it yeah that's what he's doing crazy crazy that's insane

And so she's like, yeah, so now our mortgage is like $17,000 because of his arrears. Well, yeah, his ass did it. No, his arrears. Yeah, his butt. His little butt's in trouble is what I'm saying. Arrears is a word. I know it is, girl. What do you think? I'm trying to kick his right now. Help me do it, NASA. That's my favorite burger joint in Kentucky. Arrears. A-R-I-V-S. So it got to the point where they even garnished her bank account for $100,000.

Because they're married. And now he got a lease on this condo. He didn't tell her. And now she wants her to take over the house. And she's like, and so you're going to start paying the mortgage? Okay, yeah. And pay all the expenses for the child and this and that?

So what's he going to contribute? And she's like, that's why I need help because I literally pay for everything for my son. I mean, this is nuts. So she's paying him everything because she thought he was taking care of this mortgage and his tax debt, which he has not been doing. It's so vile. It's so, so vile. Like this guy, like every episode of the show, just revealing another layer that this guy is, is,

of a depravity of Jack's. And so then Nas is like, yeah, you need to get a divorce sooner than later. And what I was actually so proud of, of Brittany was that,

she acted on it right away. She's like, can I do this today? And I was actually, you know, I was afraid that she'd be like, okay, well, we know that they're getting divorced. So we already know that. But like, I was afraid that she would have an instinct of like, okay, this is good to know. I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna think on it. And it was going to stall out even longer. And I was like, proud that she got this advice. And she was like,

Despite the fact that she still has feelings for Jax, she knew enough that she needed to do this step for herself. I think that was great for her. Yeah, so let's go to the Brits party. So we go to Brits. The gang is putting up a sign that says Brits over Jax's party.

And they have T-shirts that say Brits. It's like Jax's is crossed through. Or no, it's like the same font as Jax, but it says Brits. And Zach's like, my vision for Brits Bar Takeover is to erase Jax from this bar. You know? Oh, and by the way, everybody is saying, oh, he's in a mental health facility. He's so fragile. He's not fragile. He is not fragile.

Good for you, Zach. Thank you for saying that on this television show. Yeah. So if I can say this stuff on TV, you know, yeah, this guy is full of shit. Don't believe anything he's saying. I wouldn't even be surprised if he wasn't in rehab this whole time. Oh, 100%. So although I guess there there was a receptionist who did get to get caught in the crossfire. It was probably the lady at the Hyatt place. Yeah. He's like, I'm just trying to clean.

I'm just trying to sell Kit Kat bars from our lobby.

So they set up the bar. They do all this stuff. It's fun. It's silly and everything. And they're all laughing about how it's going to piss off Jax. But the only one who's not enjoying this is Jesse. He's like, this isn't funny, man. Jason thinking Jax might think this is funny because Jason's like, well, maybe Jax might find it funny. He's like, yeah, no, Jax won't find it funny at all. That's like me thinking Michelle would think it's funny that I called her an escort. Well, you still went forward with that, didn't you? And found it funny.

by the way. Yes. So yeah, Jesse, of course, aggro abuser, emotional abuser. Jesse is totally teams Jack. So he's like, yeah, that didn't resonate well and neither will this. So now Kristen is in the car with Brittany and she's like, I'm so proud of you. You went to a divorce lawyer violence. I am filing. You know, she said she's going to get Jackson's arrears. I was like, you better girl. You can get her. Yes.

So then they bring Brittany to the bar. She brings Brittany to the bar and Brittany's like, "Oh my God!" And she's like laughing and they walk in and the sign says Brits. She's like, "This is amazing! It's great!" And then Danny calls her the number one girl in the group and she's like, "Oh!" She's like, "This is actually the sweetest thing ever. Like all my friends know just how much I've been going through and actually like how much work I put in this bar so to see it get changed to Brits and all this is just such a wonderful, exciting thing. I've got the best friends!"

And so meanwhile, Michelle is watching all of this and she's like she's kind of gossiping with the girls and she's like, the person that is really awful is right over there. And nobody is saying anything. OK, Michelle, this is where you lose people because Jesse being terrible doesn't mean Jax isn't terrible. Like, yeah.

You mean like the real monsters over there as if Jax is not a real monster as well. You know, I think that's where Michelle loses people is trying to make her thing bigger or compare her pain. Like mine is worse. So Michelle is like, I feel weird because I feel like I'm going to do the same thing, but no one cares. And Janet's like, I get that. I was actually thinking, just think that when I saw this, I was like, Michelle's going through something like this.

And then I did something else because this just was a boring thought to think about. So I'm over there fueling it as usual. She's like, yeah, I was like, what is Michelle feeling? Like, are you feeling like you don't get the same respect? Yeah, Janet, she probably is. Like how you and Jax or you and Jason are checking in on Jax all the time. And Michelle's like, yeah, I'm going through the same thing. If not worse, where is my Zabord? And she's like, it hurts my feelings. So, yeah, we've already spoken on that probably enough.

Besides, didn't they? I mean, we've had several scenes where they were supporting Michelle all season long. And like you said, we've discussed it. So Danny, they're all sitting at a picnic table and Danny's like doing shots, but like he won't do the shot until he sees that Nia's looking away. So the moment Nia turns her head, he like does his shot. Yeah.

real seems you know his smooth real smooth real good over there doing great doing great danny and he's an idiot because he knows that his friends are against him and so he's just giving them fuel i mean he's just so stupid and so of course everybody's like oh my god and especially janet and jason they're dark side danny's here dark side danny's here look dark side danny's coming dark side danny they're just memeing it to death you know and uh jesse's like yeah it's clear he's hiding his drinking um from

for Nia and there's 99% success that Darkseid's coming out.

So, um, uh, so Kristen's like, I just want to ask, is there anything else? Uh, do you have any resentment or is there anything I'm unaware of Janet? Cause I just want to make sure we're good. And so she tells us that, um, you know, she met with Janet to squash things, uh, after the whole ring rumor. And she thought like Janet, she and Janet were good and they were on the same page. But then we see footage of Janet afterwards being like, you know, you know, still talking shit. Yeah.

Okay, so yeah, then we see Janet kind of freaking out at Sheena's house being like, when has Kristen fucking Dowdy ever apologized for anything in her life? No, she's not sorry. She's sorry she got caught. Girl came after my husband. Good luck. You just put a target on your back.

And Kristen's like, yeah. So she immediately called me after that and told me everything you said. It's a messy group of friends. She is trying to get back in so badly. She's causing all the drama on the show. She brought Jenna in this episode. Now she's telling Kristen everything.

So funny. So, and Luca's like, ah, this game of telephone. And Danny is drunk and sitting right there. And he's like, yeah. He's like, why do you talk about everybody else? And Kristen's like, I'd rather you not talk about other people though. And Jason's staring at Danny, like stop talking to my wife that way. Danny's like, you know, last summer I heard a lot about Janet scheming and manipulations, but you know, I never really noticed too much of it because it wasn't towards me. And now I'm trying to see what people are talking about.

- So he's like, I'm pissed about it. You know, you're talking about everybody. And Kristen's like, I very much agree with you and puts her arm around Danny. And Danny's like, yeah, so I'm gonna. - I agree. - And he's like, I'm gonna call shit out now. And Jenna's like, I'm only guilty of talking about things that are all woven together. And he's like, no, no, no, listen, you guys are saying that you guys are good with Jasmine. And he is like, Daniel, Daniel, stop it. Stop it, Daniel. - Stop it, Daniel.

Daniel, Daniel.

And they're like, no, I want a sandwich. And Jasmine's like, no, we're good. We talked. And he goes, oh, you talked? And she's like, yeah, we talked. So we're good. He's like, oh, you're good in that situation about the ring? And they're like, yeah. And Jason's like, okay, and we're not good about other stuff? Is that what you're saying? And he's like, no. But first of all, Danny is not like screaming or being like, you stupid bitch. He's not doing anything like that. He's just like, yeah, Janet, you're talking shit about people like you did with Jasmine. They're like, oh, no, we didn't catch you up.

We're already done. But they're making it sound like Danny's like coming at Janet with a baseball bat being like, oh, fuck you, you dumb bitch. And he's not. He's just saying, like, I'm pissed about all this stuff that you're starting. Does the man have a right? Drunk people have the right to say what they feel as well.

Yeah, but they know I think the difference is it's like in the context of like larger Danny and sober Danny. They're like, oh, because he's all of a sudden, you know, because his eyes do turn black. He never really he doesn't his eyes just are black. Actually, they're just like I was going to say, I've never seen his eyes are too slitted clothes. I can't see what he's always I don't.

there is no whiteness in his eyes. There's just, it's just like two dark pools. And so I think, you know, he goes from being like, yeah, foreign to fortune going to go to Shanna Clarita to like, yeah, you were talking, why you get buttoned? Everyone's business. And so everyone just sort of sees this like, Oh, here it comes. She's starting, you know? So, you know, and he hasn't come to both. Like Daniel, you can't speak for someone else. And so we're kind of like, okay, let's get, let's get him out of the way. Let's go away. Let's go away. You know? So that,

So Kristen and Nia go to the bar. And then Janet, of course, is like, Danny's wasted. Jumping into this conversation. Obviously, Darkseid Danny, TM, Janet. So Jason's like, Danny, just relax. It's not going to go how you think it's going to go. He's like, wow. Wow.

wow he's like what why'd you come because then janet's like oh wow he's like danny darko's here why'd you say what'd you call me danny darko i tried out for that role i lost her to jake john i'm so mad about it okay bunny costume okay you're being weird right now just relax okay danny you're being weird yeah yeah okay well you're being stupid okay wow wow jenny i can't believe he said that

He's an idiot for even drinking because he didn't even do anything wrong in this. And now they can be like, oh my God, Danny got drunk and tried to talk to Janet. Now she's uncomfortable again. And of course, Janet then goes to that place where she's like, well, my husband's not the one out here grabbing asses. Hmm.

So, yeah. So now, of course, you're right. By the way, being like classic Janet pointing fingers at everyone else. Like we just talked about you going after other people and then you immediately go after other people. Don't get the point, Janet. Stop talking about other people. It's like, yes, Luke.

So Nia's mad. She's like, I'm frustrated with Daniel. Like he just kept poking at Janet. But like, it's also kind of like, who do you think you are? Why are you coming for my husband? You're supposed to be our friends. I don't get it. I don't know why she's coming for Daniel.

Oh, my gosh. So then we go to Janet, Jason, Jesse and Luke. And Luke's like, yeah, I mean, he is a lightweight. And Jenna's like, yeah. And I've spoken about things he did in this bar, but so has everyone else. I just happened to add alcoholic and drug addict on top of it. Big deal.

Big fucking deal. You know what? I'm not the ass grabber. He's mad at himself. He's misplacing the anger on me. That's what's happening. He's mad at himself because he has a drinking problem and he grabs asses. And guess what? He kills kittens. Yeah, there I said it. He grabs them and throws them into the LA River at peak times. That's right. I said it all.

And he comes to this bar and he does stuff that he's embarrassed by. And he's blaming me for talking about it instead of being mad at himself for what he's done. Oh, my God. You should all be ashamed of yourself for going to Jax's in the first place. OK, yeah, you're all drunk and you're all there making ass out of yourselves by being there at all. And the man didn't even say anything to you except why you do that. Why are you calling me Dark Side Danny over and over insinuating that he's got a drug and alcohol problem?

over and over again on national TV. Like, you're like, why would he be mad? Fucking Janet. So, meanwhile, Brittany's... But also, Danny, get it together. Don't drink around the woman. I'm not going to...

I'm not going to defend Danny too hard. Yeah, I mean, look, Danny made the mistake of getting drunk, but that's all he did. He didn't say anything disrespectful or out of line than what anybody else did. This woman's been talking about him for weeks. I think he has a right to be like, what the hell? Why are you coming for me? I will also say, though, that if you have a history of being like a sloppy drunk in the group...

that like, as you start to like heat up again and you're taking secret drinks when your wife isn't looking, I think you've earned the right for people to roll their eyes and be like, Oh God, here he goes again. Like, that's just what happens. If you're a sloppy, you are going to get pushed back. Well, that's why I'm saying he's stupid, but I also think he has the right to confront somebody who's been talking shit about him for weeks and not, especially since everyone else is everyone else.

Yeah, that's what this show is. But with him, they're like, Danny Darkside, Danny Darkside, call Social Security. Danny, it's uncomfortable.

So, meanwhile, Brittany sits down with Jesse. She says, "Hey, you're not drinking tonight, Brits!" He's like, "No, I want to be clear-headed for tomorrow." So he says, he tells us that he's picking up Jacks from rehab. These two. And he's like, "The fucking night before, we're changing the name of his bar that he's in love with, covering his name and putting Brits name over it. Fan-fucking-tastic. Jacks was very specific about including Brittany in the entire process."

Um, that's why it's called Jackson. It's not called Jackson Brits. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not falling for any of Jesse's revisionist history about Jax and like trying to make Jax into the victim here in the situation. No, no, no, no. What a giver of him to include Brittany, Brittany, who he brought in to design everything and do all of the work while he did fucking nothing.

spending his own money and then refused to put her name on it as well. Instead of making it Jax and Brits, only made it his when she was doing all the work to get it. What a generous person. Where Jax goes and gets to hit on all the waitresses there. Now, I have to say, here's what really pissed me off. So Brittany tells Jesse that they packed up all of Jax's stuff and Jesse goes, you know, I don't want him to come out and see his shit packed up, hear from somebody that, you know, there are these shirts floating around that say Brits and then he goes on the attack and just starts attacking people. And then he goes on

So how about you get you say, I don't want to find out that Jax is attacking people. Now, I don't want to find out that you did all this stuff and he starts attacking because it totally takes away all responsibility and accountability for Jax. If you're saying like, this is shitty. If you do all this stuff, Jax is going to start going on a rampage. How about you go after the guy whose instinct is to go on a rampage? He is the one who's more at fault here. Yeah. Why are you blaming everybody else's for Jax?

everybody else for jacks is so brittany's like well if he does that it's proof he ain't gonna change and when it comes to me and jacks i got him by the balls because i could do worse if i wanted to and i ain't doing it but he needs to realize and respect me for my decisions and so jesse's like but how much winning do you have to do how much winning is she done jesse

She's millions of dollars in debt because of this guy. She's going to lose her house because of this guy. She's been recorded and stalked by this guy. What is she winning exactly, Jesse? You're such a fucking piece of shit. And now everybody is going to be going crazy because the rest of the cast has got everybody focused on sloppy Danny.

instead of this piece of shit who's sitting here standing up for an abuser and Jesse and Jason, who's also gonna be over there standing up for an abuser in two seconds. So fuck your self-righteous bullshit lady. - I know. - Concentrate on the real villain. - Wendy says how much winning do you have to do? She gets to do all the winning that she wants and deserves.

because she's been stuck in the loser bucket with Jax for way too long. And by the way, Jesse, why are you complaining about how much winning, you know, that does Brittany need to have? And yet you seem quite content to go after more quote-unquote winning moments against Michelle. Right, when you're trying to threaten to move to Orange County so Michelle can't have custody of the kid and all this other shit. Shut up, Jesse. Yeah, you know. So she's like, well, he ain't going to win against me. I'm sorry. He's not. And he goes, but that's what I'm saying. Like, why does it have to be winning?

And he goes, well, we shall see. It's T minus 12 hours and counting people. Yeah. Fuck Jax and fuck you, dude. You're fucking crazy. We'll see how this all pans out next week. Live in Los Angeles at our show at the Fonda. So that is going to be a wild one. That's going to be so great. And we hope everyone is there. And if Jax decides to crash our show once again, I'm hoping he doesn't. He'll be kicked out. None of us want to see his face. He will get kicked out.

So you'd have to pay to get into this one. The other one, he could just wander in off the streets like, hey, I heard you were talking about me. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Ask me whatever you want. I can lie about whatever answer you need me to. Yeah. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much for being here. What a fun show. It is a fun show despite it being so dark. And we'll catch you in the next one. Bye.

Bye.

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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of...

Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus.