#2894 Love Hotel S01E8: Goodbye Hotel, Hello BEL AAAAAIIIIRRR
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good. Welcome to season finale day of Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Love Hotel.

We have our final live show for the Mounting Hysteria Tour this week in Los Angeles. Thursday night, we'll be recapping The Val. The Valley, for those of you not in the know. And also, we are on video every day. You want to watch these instead of listen? Go over to patreon.com slash watch what crap happens. It's also where you will find our Love Island recaps. We do Love Island every day that we record, which is three or four days a week. So, love Island.

A lot of Love Island talk. A lot of bitching about children dating. Today was a doozy.

it's a doozy today it was a doozy so go over there you know those are supposed to be like little 15 minute check-ins but they are full-on 45-minute shows that we're doing over there so go check those out those are always fun and uh that's all we have to announce today let's get into little love hotel action okay i don't know why they wouldn't invite me i'm single i'm ready to mingle okay

Maybe next season, Ramona Singer on the Love Hotel. Well, you know what? I just want to meet a man who's going to treat me right, okay? I need a man to hold me. A man to love me at night.

Love Hotel. You know, it's so funny because I think you have you've noted that the show doesn't really have like a structure and that that continues right to the end because the structure of today's episode was like, OK, yeah.

They're all pretty much debating between like two people. Luann has like maybe three or two and a half really. And then it's like, okay, you all are going to choose someone to go on an overnight date. And then whoever you don't choose gets eliminated, which if they did that, then there's only like one person going into the finals. And then I guess it's, are they going to,

leave the hotel but then you also don't have to you can also split up the date so you can choose if you want eliminate someone or not eliminate someone and then you if you only have one person you can decide whether or not you're gonna actually they actually do win or they don't like it made no sense i was like whatever doesn't go whatever they want they're like okay well you have to eliminate somebody and bring someone to the room they're like but i don't want to it's like okay then don't let's just keep this is like wheel of fortune when you could just spell shit however you want to

I will buy an E. I'm sorry there's no E's. But I want an E. Okay. We will give you an E. We'll spell banana with an E now. Banana. Okay. Do whatever you want. Damn right, I'll do whatever I want. I'll have my banana the way I want my banana.

Yeah, it just made no sense. But it was like fine. It's like a weird charm of the show is it just sort of flows, just flows by and you just enjoy the drama that comes out of it. Yeah. In the end, the important part is everybody loses.

Everyone loses. No one really wins in this one, okay? Like, what prizes are you going to leave with? Earl? Congrats. Earl the Pearl. We left with a prize. I think Earl the Pearl is a prize for us. I will be saying Earl the Pearl for a very long time. I, like, walk around my house, and I just go, Earl the Pearl. Earl the Pearl. Well, I don't know how I feel about Earl the Pearl. Well, I just, I've gotten so close with Earl the Pearl. Yeah.

Makes me laugh every time. All right. So we start where we left off. We're all in the main lounge and Shannon is losing it on the pearl. How dare you insinuate that I didn't care about your home. And what was it? Was it a storm? Was it a car wash? I forgot. We,

When you told me that your house was almost hit by a cart from the supermarket that rolled away violently towards it, it was a hurricane. Oh, well, I'm supposed to know it's a hurricane and not a supermarket cart? Well, I'm sorry. Hold on. How?

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four. Dare you! Earl, I asked you before dinner, how's the hurricane? Your response? It's not hitting St. Petersburg. It's going to Tallahassee. And never, so in my mind, we're good. We're good. So I danced on the table, as I do. And then you to make me feel like dancing on the table was doing something wrong. How?

Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars and... Dare you! You know what, you absolutely could have said that, but sometimes you just don't have the ability to communicate and need that partner to see just the difference from you being happy to being a little off. And Giselle's like, so did you express to her that you wanted to hang out with her? Well, he texted the guys, but not me.

I guess he's using the telephone carrier called Not Me Mobile, which is a rhyme with T-Mobile, where the T stands for tell everyone except Shannon. Well, I suppose that Earl's phone doesn't have an apple on the back. It has an eggplant because it will only text other penises. I don't like vegetables. I thought I told you that already.

You should have known that about me, Shannon. You should have known. This is such Shannon's karma because this is totally how Shannon is. Well, of course, you should have known how I was feeling for you not to know that I would be feeling that way about my home. But it's turned on her. And it's like a weapon that she kind of loves because...

You know, Shannon, listen, Shannon's never going to be in a relationship where she's not bitching at the person the other time and the other person isn't giving it right back to her the whole time. Shannon loves some messiness. She's dysfunctional. She's a dysfunctional person and she needs some kind of dysfunction in her life. It's her love language. So, you know, I mean, Earl, I would say is the right kind, but I think Earl's a little too crybaby for her.

Yeah, he is. Because there's actually, I think, a part of Shannon that enjoys being able to spend an entire day looking askew off to the side and saying, well, I mean, yes, that's very nice, Earl. And doing a little fake smile like, I am pained and tortured on the inside, but I'm going to put up a brave face. Oh, that's nice, Earl. Wow, look at Earl using the salad fork for his main course. Oh, I just, I'm not saying I got him. Earl,

Question, if it were my birthday, would you take me to a gastropub that serves steak with a sugary sauce? Just wanted to know. Only if you're a good little girl. Damn it, that was a wrong answer. Wait until we're married. He's really going to get it.

So Giselle's like, well, I understand, Earl, but you have to give her some grace because she didn't know that's what you needed. You need to tell a woman exactly what you need and she will do it. A woman should never have to look inside you, Earl. OK. And she's like, yeah, his emotions are all over the place. You know, she's like, I don't want your house to be destroyed, but you can't take it out on a little Miss Sunshine. Yeah.

Who exactly is Little Miss Sunshine? Because we've been watching Shadow of Medora for over 10 years. And that is a cloudy day. That is the cloud that comes in front of your cart on Mario Kart and makes you slide all over the place. Her name is Storms. It's in the name. It's in the name. So Joel is like,

Shannon, how did Earl communicate his hurt? Well, I don't normally communicate my emotional, these sort of things with the bellhops, but I suppose it's nice that someone is asking me about myself. Well, Earl's point is that

I should have known that the hurricane was going down to Georgia, and I should have been checking every hour, and I was just trying to communicate and understand it more. And I feel blindsided, and I just do. You know, once a hurricane leaves Florida, we all know, like, the hurricane dies. That's what I thought was going to happen. I don't know why I'm suddenly the one who's in trouble here. I was just dancing on a table. Do I know about hurricanes? No. Am I from California? Yes. Should I now learn about other types of storms outside of earthquakes?

No. I don't want that from a partner. I've never heard of anything moving into Florida and not dying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the last stop. I mean, as far as I can tell, Epcot Center's still standing, so what's the big deal?

All right. Well, the big question, Earl, to you is why did you not communicate to Shannon that you were feeling in that moment? Well, she was with her friends. I didn't want to burden her on that one. You know, she was dancing. She was having fun with her friends who appreciate ocean water. Earl, that's like the passive aggressive. I didn't want to burden her. So you'll burden her for the rest of the next day with this bullshit. You're burdening her right now, Earl. Okay. Yeah.

Joel's like, is this a communication issue that cannot be fixed or is this something that you can make changes to the way you communicate so you can make changes to the way you communicate and you can move forward? Well,

Honestly, really all I want is a martini, sir. I don't know what all these questions are about. I can't see anything. What? Where am I? Someone turn on the headlights. I'm in a fog. I'm in a fog. I can't see anything. Hysterical blindness. It's a bit too soon for that, Shannon. I mean, I'm talking about hurricanes. You're talking about fogs. It's a false equivalency, and I don't appreciate that. In my house, a tree fell on part of my mailbox, and this is too soon.

All right, well, Shannon and Earl, let's take a beat. You guys are going to talk. Thank you. Thank you. Now, please go back to the kitchen and see if you could drum me up a little larger choke tip. God damn it.

So Ashley's like, wow, matters of the heart are so complicated. Yes, Ashley. So Shannon Earl, take a seat on the sofa. And Earl's like, I hated seeing you on the couch crying, although that was my mission ultimately. And she's like, well, I did not come here to cry. I came here to laugh, be so happy, happy, and then cry on the inside, of course. Now tell me the truth, Earl. Do you believe that I did something wrong by not dropping everything, everything in my life?

And I should have known. Do you still believe that I should have known about a storm moving to Georgia? Do you still believe it? And he's like, well, you know what? Maybe where I made a huge mistake, you know, I should have said something before you left that this was really bogging me down. Well, I had no idea. None. No idea. Zero idea.

You had so much time to tell me about this. I ate three balance bars before I went downstairs, and you could have told me at any of those moments, and you did not. Okay? Do you think we could have a relationship outside of here? The sad part is I still lost my balance. You didn't even ask me how I was doing after I fell off that table. It was on TikTok.

The good news is that I knocked the plastic debris out of my anus. Well, you know, look, we've just had so many moments here that everyone wished they had. I mean, and then we see a clip of Shannon being like, I found your stepchild who tried to run away from you and change his name. You are now allowed to stalk him again. That was their big moment.

You have very kind eyes, the eyes of a man who thinks his house is safe and there will be no hurricanes coming. Flashback, flashback, flashback. Well, you know, there's part of me that wants to make it work with Earl because I just spent so much time with him. I mean, oh, God. Well, I do still have a first lady dress to wear. All right, I forgive you, Earl.

Listen, I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave here. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave our memories of the time that we kissed awkwardly in the hallway. Can we just table this whole crap and try to have some fun? Yes, let's try to have some fun. I have an idea. Let's go to the farmer's market and pick out some veggies. Oh, wait. I guess your fun is different than my fun.

We'll just keep talking, but I'm warning you. If we cuddle, my Spanx may be showing. He's like, I left my man Spanx in the room. Oh, God damn it, Earl. I told you to bring those everywhere you go. So now it's a different room.

And Joel's like, okay, time to cool down, ladies. Overnight date. So anyone that's not picked for an overnight date gets the old heave-ho, okay? And Giselle's like, wait, but then we'll never see the other one again. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Phil and Theo. I'm keeping them both. And he's like, okay, what the fuck do I care? Like, I don't even have cue cards at this point. I mean, they're asking me to memorize lines before I come out here. Do whatever the fuck you want, Giselle. What the fuck do I care?

Giselle's like, here, let me help you out since I've actually been on reality TV longer than anyone here, except for Luann and Shen. Well, whatever, all the young people here. So if you're doing a TV show, you want the climax to be a choice between two people, not a choice between one person. So I'm going to keep Theo and Phil for the sake of your television show. Thank you. Well, if she's doing it, then I'm doing it too. Well, if they're doing it, I just want to keep every penis here. All dicks on deck.

Shrieks on the China never matter before. No one cared. Sorry, that song really turns me on. So James is like before, before the land answers that she only wants me, I want to give her a little something. Here you go. It's a statement necklace.

Wow, James, this is beautiful. What is this? Well, I cut the tops off a bunch of spoons and strung them together on some chicken wire. So here, enjoy them. Oh, it's beautiful. One of my finest pieces. Love it.

He knows I love a good statement, necklace. Yeah, well, will you be spending your overnight? Oh, sorry. That was Joel's line. Joel, you say what I was going to say. Will you be spending your overnight with James? Yes, the one and only James. Wow. Shocker.

Alright Shannon, what are you gonna do about her all the pearl? There's so much craziness in this show We haven't even talked about Lou Anne's jewelry this whole time She literally will just go go to a farm and take picket fences and then put them on her ear like she doesn't even care I don't even is it trash day Why are you wearing a recycle bin on one ear and then like the the foliage been on the other? What are you wearing?

I know. Luann, there really is so much craziness. We really haven't been able to comment on half the things that need to be commented on. It's just wild. We do an hour and a half every week and we haven't talked about the time she wore wheelbarrows as hair. It's like, what is going on?

So these are their overnight dates or whatever. So now they're talking to Shannon. They're like, Shannon, what are you going to do? And she's like, well, we talked about continuing our conversation and he's already taking up two drawers in my room. So unless you've got a U-Haul to come get all that crap out of there, I guess I'm going to stick with Earl. God, I love him again.

Hold on. Let me call Earl. Earl, Earl, it's Shannon. Hi. Is there a storm moving towards your house? Not at the moment. Don't say I don't learn. Well, I guess there is a storm moving towards my house and that storm would be you. That was pretty funny. That's pretty funny, Earl.

Well, Shannon and Earl should not have this much conflict, ah, when they only have known each other a couple of weeks. Should they still be together, ah, I don't know, but I don't think throwing in the towel right now is the right thing to do, ah.

All right, well, everybody's chosen their partners, so Mitch and Mark, get the fuck out of here. No one ever liked you. Mitch was like, well, you know, there's only so much the Love Hotel to make that connection, and it just didn't happen with me. I can't believe after I called that woman a moron for picking someone that's not me, I didn't get picked, but whatever. Better luck next time, toots. Your loss.

Mark is like, I can show you the world shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Luann, when did you last let your heart hang out with a sexy man from Manhattan? All right, get out of here. I'd like to say one thing before I go.

Lollibaba had them 40 thieves. Samarati had a thousand tales. Well, Luan, you're in luck, because up my sleeve, a guy of brand and magic never fails. Get out, Mark! Make way for Countess Luan. Make way for Countess Luan. His name is Moby Dick. Moby Dick.

All right, Aladdin, get the hell out of here. I got to spend time with my creepy boyfriend, James. All right, everyone get excited. These overnight dates, I encourage you to get to know each other on even deeper levels. Okay, it's 18 now.

How deep? How deep in hell cavern is right? And everyone's like, James, gross. Oh, James, I thought you were Shannon at first. Sorry. No, Chad would say, I don't go into deep places because it's dangerous and I've got bad knees. How deep you want me? I got a penis the size of a child's arm.

Should I go all the way in there? Are we going spelunking? What base is this anyway? Putting like blue makeup on his face. I was about to say, James, do you have your avatar makeup on again? Damn right he does. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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between the handicapped spaces. So Ash is like, wow, you look so handsome. And he's like, wow, body glow. You got some body glow going on. This is shocking. And the seal barks at them.

This was shocking because I thought, well, when she said you look handsome, I thought, well, I would say, oh, I didn't think I'd ever get a compliment out of you. Well, it's the first time I think you've ever commented on the way I look. Wow. It's so nice. I didn't think you, I thought I was invisible. So it's nice to know that you can see what I look like. I was like shocked he didn't take the chance to make a passive aggressive swipe again. Oh, give him a minute.

It really takes less than a minute. Yeah. So then we see the other couples going to their dates. Giselle and Phil have a spa date. She disrobes and he's like, oh, wow. And then we go to Luann and James going to the Chili's and she's wearing her necklace. And the waitress is like, ma'am, I can't see you while you're wearing chafer dishes on your ears. Considered considered.

Competitive boo. Just like clank, clank, clank, clank, clank as she walks in. So then Shannon and Earl arrive on a beach with horses and the horse wrangler's like, when was the last time you've been on a horse? And Earl's like, well, I did a little cattle drive about 10 years ago. Oh, well, so you don't have a car, you drive a cattle. That's great to know. Okay, well, I did grow up with horses, but unfortunately I can't be around them because of pollen and allergens. So thanks a lot, Earl, for trying to kill me with a horse.

Earl did a cattle drive. Someone's been watching the McBee dynasty. I don't know. Watching city sliggers. Okay. I don't. Is Earl a cowboy? Didn't we know this? He does have the boots. God, he does have those alligator skin things, I guess. But I didn't know that about Earl, that he was a cowboy. Or did I know it? And I forgot. Oh, he probably, when he, he.

he probably is so annoying about that cattle drive he's like you know when i did a cattle drive once and here's something you need to know at around 3 p.m those cows they don't want to walk anymore so what you got to do is you got to put carrots out there like girl i don't care i really don't care about your cattle drive it was just so crazy because i just watched the cattle drive episode of mcbee dynasty oh they do a cattle drive on that show yeah the guys are like we're doing the cattle drive

We're going to go do it with the natives. They're going to teach us the right way to do it. And then they get there and they're like, we just want you boys to know how much we appreciate native culture. Like, oh, uh-huh. Okay, McBee Dynasty. You have to watch McBee Dynasty. I'm only watching it because it's starting on Bravo soon, the second season. And I was like, what is this show? And so I started watching it while I was putting basically IKEA furniture together. I would just put it on. That show is complete. Those guys are garbage. We...

I mean, if you want to yell at some men while we're waiting for Summer House to come back, that's definitely the show. The dad's fucking like...

the lady who's starting their hedge fund, this Russian chick, and she's in charge of everything. And meanwhile, he's cheating on her with this other lady on camera and being like, well, I hope she doesn't find out. You're on camera, sir. And then the sons are always cheating. And one son's jealous. There's like one, all the sons are really hot except for one. And so that one's like super insecure. And he's like, I'm taking over the reins. I don't care what nobody says. And then he follows the hot ones around to get laid. I mean, it is insane.

It's actually good. And they went on a cattle run. You have to watch it. I'm going to say I will sample it ahead of the show. The season two. I'm just I don't know. I'm skeptical. I'm very skeptical, but I will sample it. You should be. It's trash. It's amazing trash. You have to watch it. Listen, I was skeptical about Love of Love Hotel and now I love it. So just goes to show.

Yeah. So Shannon tells us, well, I did grow up with horses, so it'll be fun to get back in the saddle. But I don't know if that will be enough to get me back in the saddle with Earl. See what I did there? Okay, hold on one second. Hold on. Hey, Vicki, it's Shannon. I made a really good joke about Earl, and I was wondering if we could work it into our Vicki and Shannon go across America thing. No? No.

- No, okay. - By the way, what does it mean to get back in the saddle? Is that sexual? I will not be getting it back in the saddle with Earl. How dare you? How dare you even ask me to get in your saddle, you pig? I'm in, I'm in the saddle. Get me in there. Get me in there, cowboy, cattle driver. Hey, cattle, can I ask you a question?

How was your house in Florida? That's right. Phil, did any of, I'm sorry, I mean, Earl, did any of the cattle ask you about your house and the hurricane? Oh, well, I guess there's a little bit of a double standard. Well, I did end up eating half of them, so. Okay, well, point taken. Okay, let's just drop this. So anyone who doesn't do what you want, you just eat them? I'm appalled. All right, well, may I be the first to tell you that broccoli just called you stupid?

So now back to the spa. Giselle is rubbing exfoliating muds. Phil's pecs. It's everything you've always dreamed of. All season long, waiting for this moment of a muddy rubdown of Phil, shirtless Phil, in the spa. Oh, I feel the energy just flowing through my body. It feels so good. I don't want it to stop, but unfortunately there's a stop sign. Hold on, it's a five-way because you're in bed.

She's like, wow, look at your body, Phil. He's like, no implants going on here. Just pure belly body. She's like, yeah, we didn't think there were implants. It's okay. I spend my morning lifting kombucha bottles. In Bel- Then back at the restaurant, back at the Chili's.

The waiter comes and it's like, "Olecum Blossom?" She's like, "Oh my God, you're speaking in French. "Pas-le-vous, French? "Bonjour, Monsieur. "Pico de gallo. "I love French. "I'm French royalty, basically. "I'm married to Count. "Have you heard?"

"Oui, oui, mon garçon, bonjour, Panama Canal." And he's like, "Oh, well, I'm actually Swiss." "Oh, Swiss. Like the cheese, I'm familiar. So how's your French?" And James is like, "Not very good, except for the kissin' type." "Oh, yeah, James. You want to get in here, waiter? I know you're Swiss, but I'm a mess. Get in here!"

So we go to the beach with Earl and Shannon and he's like, "Did you see the bridal couple down there?" "Wow." She said, "I sure did. I sure did. That was me. That was me, the lady who came and stole the flower basket from the little child and said, 'Run! Run as fast as you can!'" I have a certain amount of trauma that's surrounding young sluts at the beach, so unfortunately I didn't look at the bridal couple too much because I knew that she was probably stealing a man from his family.

Okay, well, don't you kind of wish you got in a little closer? Like, what kind of photo would that have been? You know, they're all going, ah, and then Mark going, yeah, that would have been cool. And Channing's like, sorry, that's not. I'm going to laugh slightly to show that I'm still pained from earlier. Earl is showing me that he's the type of man to show up to a wedding with his shirt unbuttoned, dancing the moany moany. I'm trying with Earl. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.

So now back at the spa, just on Phil are now drinking champagne in the hot tub. Like they're in an old commercial for Mount Airy Lodge.

And Phil is like, to us, the new journey, unlimited love as friends, and hopefully, hopefully, a lot more. Hopefully someday in Bel-Air. Okay, Phil, I like that. That was amazing. I appreciate you being patient with me and allowing me to do the Love Hotel at my own pace. And to be honest, I'm torn. I don't know him as well as you, but you're rich. You're creepy, but you're rich. And I'm torn between those two concepts.

I'm torn, torn between two men that I don't really like. So which one will buy me dinner quickest? Probably not you. You only eat kombucha. I've been watching you at the buffet. I'm still out here in the streets. I'm still hustling. I'm still grinding. People in New York are hustling and bustling. And Theo's from New York, so he's got to grind. I love to grind and hustle and bustle. Like Giselle just...

Just tell them to roll the credits on you. No one's believing any of this. Also, Giselle, you're going to need to find someone to bankroll some of that debt that GNA is clearly going to be providing into your life. So, Giselle. It's a charity now. Oh, that's right. Good luck, poor people. Giselle's like, Joel said we all trauma bonded. Ah.

And then he then sighed deeply and then said, when, how many more episodes am I obligated to before I can go back to movies? I didn't understand that last part. But anyway, we trauma bonded, I guess. So now to an Ashley and Wally date. She's like, I'm so happy to be here with you. He's like, yeah, you too. I mean, I'm surprised to be here. I thought I wouldn't be here.

You know, I mean, here you are. Any minute, going to get up, go to the bathroom, never see you again. Is that how this is going to end, Ashley? Just leave me now. You know you want to. Go ahead.

"Wale, why do you have to always go to this place? Everything's going well. You're finally getting your moment. You're all dressed up. It's a dream date. Why do you take it back to the dark place?" And so she's like, "Why do you think that?" He's like, "Well, 'cause we've been having some problems." "Well, why are you bringing up the problems when you're in a nice place? Just like, you know, play house for a moment, okay?" She's like, "Wale, do you actually like me?" He's like, "I love you. Oh, sorry. That came out crazy." I'm like, "Oh, that's the thing that came out crazy? Have you watched your entire season?"

What I meant to say was, I love you not singing. So I was like, oh, well, can we just have a cheers to that, to the love we feel? And then I'm going to hit you with some Roberta Flack. I've been working on it. He's like, oh, God. So then oysters come and she's like, do you like oysters? She's like, I don't like slimy stuff. But do you eat? You know what? He's like, oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, no, I definitely do that. Just not, you know, oysters. Yeah.

But it's a similar texture. He's like, not really. Have you ever had vagina? And we get a maraca. It's like, she has had vagina. Maraca, vagina, vagina, vagina.

And he's like, oh, okay. I guess I should have asked that first. I was going to say, how do you know? And she goes, whoops, I thought Wally knew because I'm just so vocal about my sexuality, you know. And I guess he didn't hear that part. Last time I used it was to try and give the other guy a boner, but it didn't really work. He did get half there. Then I helicoptered it for a while. Then he fell asleep.

Then he started snoring and when he exhaled, I got a little bit of chewed up goldfish cracker on my eye. I forgot what we were talking about. Are you a lesbian? Oh, yeah. Right, right. Do you know that if you hold an oyster shell up to your ear, you can hear the sound of Ralph on the waves? He's like, well, I'm on Team Ashley, so, you know, whatever. I'm just, she's full of surprises. What can I say? So they slurped down some oysters and she's like, he looks so pained.

He's like, he has this look on his face like, I hate this. I hate this so much, but I'm doing it to show that I'm going to make an effort for her.

Meanwhile, Luanne and James are having dinner and Luanne goes, "Well, listen to my voice. I can't sing anything right now. And I wanted to work on that song tonight. I'm like popping Pepsi at AC every single moment just to get this singing voice. I mean, last night I sounded like an angel. I was a regular Barbra Streisand. Couldn't you hear me when I was singing? Oh, people, people who love people are the most luckiest line. People."

All right, well, here we are. Me with a voice that's trying to come back from the dead. And you, skinny little James with a giant honkered penis. All right, what do you want to talk about? How's this going to work? My life, your life? What are we going to do from here? He's like, well, you've heard me say I'm in love with you before, you know. I've only fallen in love a few times today. So I want you to know that's very special. It's very special, Luann.

do you want to get married ideally in a two-week timeline well i would like to get married again that'll be great well it's important for me to have someone with the same lifestyle i need a man who can travel when i want to travel when i want i like to fly first class and i want a man who wears a statement necklace and doesn't even care about it well i'm not a controlling man and i can be in maui and that way you can do your thing and then we can meet up every six months and we can say we're in a relationship you know that would be awesome

- Do you know how well-trained I am by this show? Yesterday, I read a headline that there was a brush fire in Maui and people are being evacuated due to this fire. And I was like, I wonder if James is okay. Like I almost DM James. - He probably started it. - I was like, is your house in Maui okay? Like I've really learned from the show. I might be ready for a relationship. - He probably was dry humping a tree and caused so much friction that some sparks happened. - That came from me and Luann and our chemistry. Sorry, everyone.

Well, I do want a family, but... I mean, you do travel to see family, that's true, but not to the East Coast. I mean, you never go to the East Coast. Well, it's a plane ride, Lou Anne. I could just tell the plane where it should go. Well, that's not a terrible point. All right, well... Well, when you've got something special going on, you know, something I could be part of and come to it. Like a cabaret show? Well, okay.

I'll do it. You know, and if you want to get some time off, come to Maui, be around a tropical thing. We could do that. We don't have to smother each other. All right. Now I just need to make sure we're both in the same lifestyle. Give me a B. You first. Bye. Bye. Perfect. God, I love you. You know, I've been in a long distance relationship before with Alex the Count.

And I learned the hard way, it's not good to be in a long distance relationship, which is why I've got to say to you, James, fuck yeah, let's do this thing. Well, my last two relationships were long distance. Were they royalty? No. Well, then they don't count. Don't bring them up in this discussion, James. Stop wasting my time. Unless your ex-wife's family built a canal somewhere in this world, I don't want to hear about it. You know, when my husband was traveling, I was really lonely. I was alone with the kids a lot.

God, those kids, I can't stand them. Taking away my roundhouse. But, you know, living the single life, I was filming for the Housewives and Alex just wasn't there half the time. And that was really the end of my marriage. It was hilarious. I need somebody in my life now, though. And so he's talking about his kids. You know, some of them are in L.A., some of them are in Maui. He's like, well, I do have an agent. So Los Angeles works. Tell the ones living in Maui to get a job. All right, I'm sick of this. I've already had it with your family, James. Yeah.

The question, James, have your kids ever gotten drunk and passed out in a bush like I have? Oh, my daughter. Now we go to the Theo and Giselle date. Yes. And she's like, wow, the breeze is blowing. And he says, the breeze is blowing just for you because it wasn't blowing earlier. How do you know it wasn't for Luanne? She's been blowing this entire episode. So, not for her. Hey, y'all.

So do you like red wine? Nah. He's like only on special occasions. Hey, that's a big wheel of cheese. These two have zero chemistry. I mean, look at what they've talked about. A breeze, cheese and red wine.

So Wale is taken to Ashley's room to see her view. And then Shannon and Earl are going to the presidential suite. Ooh, la presidente. So she's like, wow, look, it's the presidential suite. There's supposed to be 200,000 people here, but there's really 50. Just kidding.

Yeah, I'm waiting to see the tanks go by. I'm hearing some squeaking. Oh, sorry, that's just my shoes. I think I stepped in something. So Earl's like, that's pretty cool, right? You know, we'll check this out. Look and look. Oh, yeah. And there's plenty of roses here, which will surely set off my allergies. So thanks a lot for that. I appreciate that. You may have noticed I've been avoiding roses this entire time, but that's okay.

Oh, wow. He's like, well, oh, wait a second. Before we walk further into this room, we're going to have to do the Earl of Pearl dance. Oh, so you branded your own stupid shuffle. That was so embarrassing that I had to hide behind a vase while you entered the room. Okay, great. Well, that's not how I do it. I do the Three Amigas dance, which is...

So then we go back to Ashley and Wale on the balcony and he's like, wow, you see everything from up here. Wow. Look at all those men you could be dating right now instead of me. Want to jump off the balcony and try and go catch them? You probably do.

and she's like yeah and uh then they're watching Giselle and Theo eating their dinner from up there and he's like you know he has a cool confidence about him that I think Giselle likes it's like cut back to Theo being like wow God that breeze am I right the breeze and the cheese what a great night anyway well I got the I got the night date that's pretty cool yes you did uh

This is a thrilling date. Let's say Giselle and Theo leave tomorrow. What do you foresee happening? And he's like, well, I guess we just, you know, see how things go. Wow, I like that. That's another level. Wow, I like it. Yeah, super deep, guys. So then Shannon and Earl, Shannon's like, well, I think Luann is below us.

Wow, look at that. I see an iguana and I think it's Siri singing Poker Face off key. It's got to be her. Oh, is she? Okay. Hey, keep it down down there. Keep it down. Okay, right? Stop it. Stop it, Earl. We don't speak like that with ladies. Oh my God, Earl. Jesus.

Meanwhile, James is massaging Luann's feet. Oh, James, why do you have so many buttons? Okay, all right, we're going to relax. You're giving me a massage. Okay, let's see what you got going on down there. What do you got going down? Oh, God. She starts unbuttoning his shirt. Oh, wow, that feels a lot better now. God, what is that incessant tapping coming from the ceiling up there? Just cut to Earl doing his Jake Earl the Pearl dance. Let's do the Earl the Pearl dance. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Money, money, money, money in Rome. You know, all right, let's sit down and have some dinner. So she's hoping this dinner can bring back some of the fun. So he's like, can we do a cheers roll quick in the presidential suite? I mean, this is pretty cool. This is pretty cool. I mean, we've only been here five minutes and Melania has already come in, painted everything white and taken out the Christmas trees. So.

Oh, in that case, I will follow in her footsteps and go to a completely separate location and not spend any more time with you. Thank you very much, Earl. Well, I would love to have a conversation and see if Earl will open up to me more and communicate. But, oh, God, I just don't want to have serious communication all the time. I want to have fun, which is why I'm dressed like Betty Ford in an Easter egg hunt. It's my best Easter outfit. Yeah.

Okay, Earl. So, since I'm totally happy and I'm fun right now, Fun Shannon is here, so let's talk about something fun. Tell me something fun, Earl. Well, my friends in St. Pete send pictures from down there, and there's going to be places that I've gone to for the last five years that I won't be able to go to again for a long time. Oh, well...

I'm sorry to hear about the Bennigans. It's very sad. There's so few left. So to lose any of them is always a tragedy. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was thinking, too. Like, come on, Earl. OK, we go from you lost your house. So you're not going to be able to go to like the local Chili's again. It's like, oh, Joanne's fabric's not open. It closed, Earl.

You know, honestly, when we saw the photos from his house, it was like a tree. Like it, it, there looked like there was some damage, but it was not like he did not lose his house. Okay. His house was by and large. Fine. I'm sorry. I'm just going to say it. I feel like we didn't say it last week, but I'm going to say it. I'm letting, I'm letting the truth come out now. I was, I was not, I was not impressed with the damage.

You're like, I want more. You want my sympathy? I want complete destruction. Yeah. Some like, you know, like it sucks. Like, you know, there's definitely like some, there was definitely some scuffles, but it was just, his house was not leveled and people's houses were leveled. So I just don't want to hear it. Yeah. Here comes one right now. We acting bad, bad, bad, bad. We ain't trying to hurt nobody. For decades, he was untouchable.

I'm going from Harlem to Hollywood. But now, it's all coming undone. Sean Combs, the mogul, as we know it, is over. He will never be that person again, even if he's found not guilty of these charges.

I'm Jesse Weber, host of Law and Crimes, the rise and fall of Diddy, the federal trial, a front row seat to the biggest trial in entertainment history. Sex trafficking, racketeering, prostitution, allegations by federal prosecutors that span decades and witnesses who are finally speaking out.

the spotlight is harsher. The stakes are higher. And for Diddy, there may be no second chances. You can listen to the rise and fall of Diddy, the federal trial exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcast right now. So I just I've you know, Earl, I'm so, so sorry about that. I just I

I just can't have days like that every day. You know, Earl, I just can't. And he's like, I understand, hon. You know, I was thinking about my life and my situation, expecting you to get what was going on with me. And all I had to do was share more with you. So I'd like to share some feelings right now. Actually, dinner rolls just came. I love dinner rolls. What do you think of dinner rolls? I just...

Well, I'm just very... I'm just sad because there was a beautiful auto zone down the street and, well...

apparently the chain broke loose in the hurricane and all the tires rolled away. So no more tires at AutoZone for at least three more weeks. So I'm just really, it's going through a lot for me. I'm just sharing with you now. So now you know what's going on with me. Oh, okay. Well, I have a lot going on with my life right now. And I've been excited to have this diversion. And, you know, I've been in tears twice and keep talking about this hurricane. You know, it's just not what I wanted. So, you know, if my feelings are hurt, I need to express that because I never express my feelings. I'm like,

- Yes, Shannon Bedore. - I'm so bottled up, Shannon. - You know me, I'm always smiling, never emotional. No one really knows my emotional state at any given time, ever. - So the waiter comes and they're like, "Okay, we have a parmesan cheesecake." And Earl goes, "Huh? What's a parmesan cheesecake? What the hell is that? That's not a vegetable, is it? I'm not eating parmesan. I don't care what nobody says." She goes, "Oh my God, it's parmesan, Earl."

oh parmesan she looks at the side it's like i died i died it's parmesan oh she cannot he is not sophisticated enough for her he doesn't even know an alternate pronunciation for parmesan has he never seen the bear for contessa and seen i've gotten herself call it parmesan huh the s can be said as a za or a sha jesus

Oh, Parmesan. Okay, look, I care about you a lot. I know you care for me. And as we go down this journey, I don't know what that means really, but just imagine the journey is a spiraling hole. So just imagine we're going down a journey. Okay. I need to say, I need you. It's so hard for me. I just said it, but it was hard. Probably not as hard as it is to figure out what Parmesan is supposed to be. A fucking cake. Am I right? I mean, God.

I mean, who's Parmy and who's her son? Am I right? That was a joke. Don't worry, Shannon. I understood some of it. Anyway, we're going on a journey. And by the way, I forgot to mention, we are listening to Journey on the Journey. So to that end, let me just say, don't stop believing in Earl the Pearl. Okay, Earl, I'm more of a Poison fangirl. Okay, that's enough. So Earl's like, wow, I've just been through so much. You know, I mean, I've had a rough childhood. Okay, Earl, you're 60. Yeah.

Yeah. Enough, enough of that. The other stuff I think is good, but you can't, you can't keep crying about your childhood. That's enough for all. Okay. I'm just, you know, I, I know I've been through a lot, but probably more than most people and, you know, and that makes you vulnerable, you know, when you do those things. So I need someone that can understand that what you're going through and not judge you and still love you anyway. Oh, Earl, I'm so sorry. I'm, I'm so sorry that I'm,

I'm not able to stop judging you. That's just part of what I did. What was that cheese again that you saw? Parmesan. Yeah. And what's the alternate name? It doesn't have an alternate name. It's just Parmesan. It can't be pronounced any other way. That's what I'm talking about. Earl talking about having the most difficult life is a rough one because it's like, well, tell me what most people have a house to worry about. I've got two to worry about. Do you know how difficult that is? Okay, Earl. Cut the crap.

So she's like, wow, I'm sorry. And he goes, no, I'm sorry. I didn't take a chance on you. I didn't give you the opportunity to help me. Well, that's crazy because I would have loved to get down off that table, stop drinking and come watch you on the couch, stare at CNN for a while. That would have been real fun. Sad I missed that one. Now, please pass that Parmesan cake. I'm sorry.

- Not sure I understand what the reference is. - Parmesan, parmesan. - So she has hope now. So they're like nuzzling on the couch. And then we see the moon and we hear Luanne go, "Oh!"

And it's just James rubbing her feet again. And she's like, wow, this is amazing. You must be getting hot. Massaging is a lot of work. And he's like, I am hot. I need to start taking clothes off. It's a lot of exercise. How good does this oil feel? Feels delicious. Get over here, you avatar stud. And they bang. So now we go back to Giselle and Theo eating chocolate.

out of a bowl and he's like well it's uh different she's like ha ha ha got a man who doesn't appreciate the local chocolate i mean well they said it was some sort of parmesan chocolate i don't know it's like well i'm looking forward to all of the dessert spots in new york that you're going to take me to wow he's like well i know a few because i made my daughter's birthday cake this year i thought it was pretty cool because she's into rubber ducks so i diced up some rubber ducks and put them into a cake and

Well, there was a hospital trip afterwards, but luckily she loves hospitals too. She can't get her to stop watching the pit. How old are his kids? Teens, right? I don't know. It's like 17 and 16.

I don't know. But that seems old for a rubber duck party, just saying. So he's like, well, my kids are older. So, you know, I want someone who wants to have a relationship with my kids. And he tells her, like, you know, he got a bathtub tin and then he layered the cake inside of the tin and then put blue frosting and made a rubber duck out of fondant.

And she's like, wow, who is this guy? I thought Giselle was going to be like, disgusting, a man who doesn't buy cakes from stores. I'm not into it. But instead she's like, no, actually, I really like that he has kids. You know, Phil's kids are gone. My kids are gone. His kids are still there, fresh. And I still want to be able to feel utilized by a child. There, I said it. What an odd sentence.

She's like, I just want, I want to take care of something. And I was like, I want to be utilized by a child. Okay. That explains why Jason Cameron was in the picture. So I, I was, I could not get over the fact that this guy made this cake and he took like a, he just took like a, like a small little tub and then he put the cake in it. And I was like, did you bake the cake in that? Or did you just place the cake in that? Either way? I was like,

I did not feel like it was safe. I think he bought a store-bought cake and broke it up and put it in the tub and then added some icing on that. That's what I was like. Is that tub safe to eat? Like, is the paint in that? I don't know. I was like, you know, like some things you can't really eat off of. And I was like, is this made to be eaten off of? Probably not. I became Shannon. You know, what do you care?

here's what i've noticed about parents they're like oh my god you can't have gluten that is gonna kill you but then you like go to their kids birthday parties and they're eating i mean just like the cake and the cake paint and all the stuff that they put on everything now and their mylar balloons and all the that they have i'm like stop pretending you care about these kids you all want these kids to choke i mean look what you surrounded them with yeah yeah so um i had a really hard time with that cake i just felt like there was the tub really bothered me

So it was a tin that was shaped like a tub. Yeah. Right. But I'm saying like, I felt, especially if he baked it in that, he definitely did not bake it in that. No, he didn't bake it. He's a dad. You know what dads do? They go to grocery stores. He found a cake. He broke the cake up, shoved it into a tin, shoved a rubber ducky on there, called it a day. Well, now we go back over to Ashton Walley.

And Ashley's like, you know, it's so nice hearing the waves crash against the beach. He's like, yeah. And what is the status of you and your relationship of your ex-husband? Well, I've been waiting for you to ask me this, but from what I've heard on the streets and you have expressed some feelings about it to people here. He's like, yeah, well, when I came in here, I didn't know anything. But which is why I'm going to like, that's why I'm here. Like, I didn't know shit. But like, and I didn't know that you're actually not divorced. Like, you're going through a divorce. Like, can you explain to me? Because I don't understand it.

I mean, like, I didn't really know that much about it, but then I Googled the guy and it looks like he's trying to steal a ring from a hobbit. So, I mean, I'm obviously not your type. And then I look at this other guy and that's not your type either. She's like, I don't really have a type. You know, it's just like really old white guys. That's a type. No, it's not. It's not.

I'm strictly PC these days. Like the computer? Yeah. No, type, not typewriter. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, the old man. That's my type. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, I'm not really sure about this. I mean, I don't look like him. I'm not a similar age either. She's like, yeah, I don't have a type. You know, that's hard for some people to understand because, you know, handwriting is difficult. He's like, but.

you've got a pretty wide spectrum and she's like, well, I just like smart people who take care of their bodies and have a lot of money and are close to death and don't really have many people that they want to give that money to upon their death. You know? I like my men to be basically old white guys who look like they might be in movies like Gollum or Frozen and that's really all I need. Or Frozen. Are you saying that Ralph looks like the snowman?

No, he looks like the stone trolls. He does. Look up the stone trolls from Frozen. I don't think it really hit me. Look it up. Literally look up the stone trolls from Frozen. And they're all little Ralphs. Oh, my God. Hold on. I'm looking it up. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. I'll put it on the screen so people can see.

his eyes are like his eyes are close and they're sort of up like they are those are i mean it's bringing it up i laugh so much i don't i don't know how that like it's isn't it weird you see things and they just stay in the back of your mind and then like 10 years later like yep there he is there's ralph that's him rude

That's so rude and amazing. Okay. So what? Gollum or trolls. Gollum or trolls. Okay. So she's like, yeah, you know, whatever. And I just want some passion. He's like, all right, come get your passion. So they make out. And now it's checkout day.

but by the way well like if you're on a date why are you and you're trying to kind of like seal the deal why are you going out of your way to bring up reasons for her not to like you like why are you reminding her of like her type like if like why like he's always trying to challenge her and it's just like oh wale this is personality really stinks doesn't it yeah it's not great you know he's not super nice so then we go to final checkout day and um

James and Luann are on the balcony and they find a floating breakfast in the hot tub. He's like, wow, look at that. It's a floating breakfast. Wow. They sure know how to take care of people. Don't they? Food and water. Delicious.

Yeah. You see Earl above the balcony above. Hey, sorry about that. I kind of dropped Shannon's breakfast over the side of the edge here. Do you mind bringing that up to room 14B? Wow, look at the big boat out there. We got the yacht, girls. We got the yacht. He's like, wow, that's really a big pee-pee. She goes, it's not a private plane, James. It's a private yacht.

I wasn't talking about the blame, I'm talking about the pee-pee. Oh, James! And then we see Earl carrying a tray of juices over to Shannon, who's sitting at the view, and he's like, "Good morning." She's like, "Oh, well, I forgot a brush, so I guess this is all ruined, this entire experience ruined 'cause I can't find a brush. Has anyone seen my brush?" I was like, "Aha."

This is what caused the rip between her and Joel Kim Booster. Did you take my brush, Bellhop? All this time you're trying to be my friend, but I let you into my room and I was the only one whose room you came into and guess what you did? You took my brush. Oh, well, I just want to say thank you, Earl, for this non-freshly squeezed juice. Packaged. Thank you.

Then we go to Ashley and Ralph walking on the beach and having their talk. And so he's like, so my dear, how do we discuss this elephant in the room once again? You mean the day that Edward Walley? Well, he didn't spend the night, just so you know.

Yeah, even though I have strong feelings for him, after about 45 minutes of cuddling while he left my room. And we see that she basically just didn't want, she's like, she says she doesn't feel like this is the time or place to get physical. So she tells Ralph that they had like a really fun date and she wants to know if he's in a place where he can be in a healthy relationship. He's like, well, it's going to take a lot of work. But my concern is, would you be ready for daddy? Hmm.

you know you got married young you had your kids and uh you know now's your time to run free she's like well you know there's been some talk from some people whose names rhyme with wale about me still being married does that bother you and he's like nah everybody's got messy stuff wait until you hear about my life you know you know ralph's got some mess

By the way. Yeah, he was like a touring musician. We don't know much about Ralph yet, but Ralph does not have a clean life. I can guarantee that man looks exhausted. That man screwed a lot of people over.

Yeah, that's a man who has a lot of babies around the world. So she's like, well, being with Ralph and talking about his life is just so easy because Ralph is married and divorced and is raising children. He just gets it. And I don't feel like I have to explain or justify myself. Plus, the way he grunts is so sexy. Oh, yeah. I just figure if he gets mad about me and mad about something or doesn't want me to go someplace, at least he'll fall asleep soon.

I love him so then we go to Joel he's like last day at the Gran Veles boutique hotel sponsored by Saratoga spring water the official water Joel wrong show all right everybody go home it's over it's not over Joel can I wear my speedo no put on some clothes how are the overnight dates they were good

Well, I found out, Luann, you were directly four floors above me, and I would love to put the action to the sounds. Oh, well, that was Earl who was on the balcony. You might have heard the man saying, what about my home in Florida? Non-stop kind of a buzzkill. Well, judging by the way Shannon has a big-ass smile and pepping her step, I'm guessing she got, oh, oh, oh, Earl used his tongue to part the pink sea. That's what I think happened. Whoa, whoa.

What is a pink sea? Is that a horse? Is that another horse thing? I mean, I did feed him some cotton candy last night. Is that what you're talking about? So just I was like, oh, we know why you're smiling. Oh, yeah, we know, do we? We know, do we? Joel's like, how was it? All right, Shannon. Okay, Shannon. I'm a gay man. This is too graphic for me. How was it with James Luan? Well...

a lady doesn't kiss and tell so in the spirit of that he's got a big dick everyone and i blew it but a girl does get dick and dictate that man's got a giant one huge

Now I know when I want to go to Maui, I'll just walk on his dick. I'll get on in California and I'll get off in Maui. It goes across the ocean. It's so big. Yeah. And, you know, I'm torn because Ralph and I, I mean, it's just so passionate, you know? I mean, last night he got down on his knees and I said, oh my God, he's going to pop the question. And then he burped really loud and fell asleep. So...

said something about arthritis or something with his knees i'm not sure while he is still building his life and he's very successful doing whatever he does in rhode island i think he's like the governor of rhode island i don't actually know anything about him joel's like i don't envy your position you have a lot to think about sort of like how i can think about how bowen gets to go out and do all the cool stuff and i'm stuck here hosting this dumb show anyway giselle what are you gonna do

Well, I did give Phil a kiss. And now she's like, oh my God, stop the presses. Giselle gave somebody a kiss. That's amazing. And she's like, well, a little peck never hurt nobody. No, it didn't. But a big pecker never hurt anybody either. Thank God James has got one. Please send my apologies to the Velas Boutique Hotel. My room is now an open concept on account of all the walls that James knocked over with his giant dick.

So I was like, well, I've had drama with men, but I think I might be addicted to it because it actually made me sad that neither of these men tried to do a collection in the middle of our date. Well, that's part of the problem, isn't it? He doesn't chase you. Phil doesn't chase you, that is. And he's 63. I normally date younger. I need a younger man to utilize me.

Yeah, you know, and it needs to be who I want to have sex with tonight. Tonight? No, not tonight, but you know what I mean. I really don't. Someday. When? I don't know, Ashley. Never? Probably.

Oh, I thought you were changing. I will never change, Ashley. So Shannon, how about your date? She's like, well, I'm glad I asked Earl to spend the time with me. I buttoned his shirt and did a funny dance and kept yelling persimmon over the balcony over and over again. Then we drank a lot. Then he stuck his foot in my face in the middle of the night. And I said, oh my God, that's your foot.

He didn't hear me. He was asleep. It was funny. He turns all the way to the other side of the bed while he's sleeping. His feet smell like celery, which is odd because he doesn't eat celery. He's a mystery. I'm in love. We're getting married. By the way, Bellhop, I can't help but notice that your hair seems to be brushed quite nicely today. I wonder if you had a new device that you used to make it look so high and perky. Just wondering.

When you talk about Earl, your face lights up. And when you talk about Joel's situation, you look sad. The good news is you like him. Oh, she said she loves him. Love, love for sale. Well, we'll see. I really have to think about it. There's a lot for me to think about, and it's going to be very difficult for some of those red flags for me to brush them aside. Joel, that was for you.

Um, we're gonna be deciding on who we're taking home, but I would appreciate it if someone from production would go through this housecleaner's murse. I thought this was a quality establishment, but suddenly a brush goes missing. Last day, convenient.

So now they're trying to decide. Luann doesn't know because it's long distance. So she comes up to him and, you know, it's like the end scene. So James and Joel are both there. Joel's like, James, Luann, it's been so much fun watching you act like a couple from Real Sex on the old HBO show. Please keep your clothes on through this process. Well, it's been a wild ride and I'm in a wild ride. Did you know James has two penises? Amazing. Yeah.

Well, we're grownups, we'll make it work. If it's supposed to work, then we'll make it work. And I'm willing and you're willing and we got a decent shot and we kind of written a hit song together. So why stop the momentum? So James, would you love to check out with me from the Love Hotel? Yeah, I'd love to check out with you. Yeah, I'll bring that big dick over here and let's hug. I love that she goes, I thought so.

So they make out and they're pretty good. And then we go to Giselle and Giselle's like, I've given this decision a lot of thought. Is there a polite way to say zero?

Wait, we didn't mention the fact that when Luann and James were like hugging and James was like, wow, so cabaret, you're going to be doing cabaret? She's like, yes. Go to CountessLuanne.com. She wedged in her URL. Just want to make sure people know where to find me.

So Giselle's like, I don't want anybody. How do I say this? Now, so Joel's like, well, you came in here dubious and I'm leaving dubious. That's just how I rolled it in my sign, Joel. He's like, well, you've made a big impact, okay, Theo? So Giselle, you described Theo as a bit of a wild card that excited you. Make your final choice, Giselle.

So then it's cross cuts between Giselle and Phil. And Giselle's like, well, this has been a journey. I've loved who you've been for me. I do feel like you and I were in different moments of our life. You're in your creepy rich phase. I'm in my hustling to earn some money phase. And, you know, I'm hustling and bustling and grinding and doing Giselle and starting a very sad charity. Yeah.

So she then is telling, she then tells Theo, your quirkiness and sparkiness has just made me feel like, wow. Like Theo, Theo's quirky and sparky. Or sparky. He's neither of those things. So she dumps Phil and takes this guy. And I thought Phil took it well. Phil was like, well, it's always going to be a queen. A queen who is always welcome to use my golf cart. And then he just like.

And he like crossfades into nothing. So then Giselle's like, at this time, I would like for us to check out the love hotel to get the raw. He's like, wow, that's awesome. I mean, that pain in my chest is going away now. Oh, you had butterflies? No, I think it was that rubber duck. He was a little lodged in there still. Yeah.

So she's in a place where she's got time for a relationship. So let's see how he likes some Arizona's iced tea. So then we go to Shannon and Shannon's like, wow, going into my night, I'm just going to trust my gut. And I have an extremely untrustworthy gut. I've been working with probiotics and the fauna and the flora. It's just so hard to balance. You know, I checked into the Love Hotel to try to find some love and I met my person and

I don't think I would have dated outside the Love Hotel. I like that, and I'm clearly comfortable going home by myself, if I don't see any hope for Earl and I, but hopefully someday he will understand that Parmesan and Parmesan are the same thing, and he will understand that I have no interest whatsoever in living in a landlocked house. So, yeah, everything's going to be great. Everything's going to be great. If I had my brush, I would be brushing my hair nervously right now, but I don't, so I'll just stay here and unravel slowly on a bench.

And Joel's like, guys, Shannon, Earl, nobody wants to die alone. And I'm pretty sure you're going to die together, probably at the hands of each other. So this was fun. You fucking weirdos. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's been a journey, hasn't it, Shan? You know, I'm amazed at all the things we've got to overcome. It just feels like we found our landing spot, even when it was tough. You know, just like that storm found its landing spot.

My house in Georgia. All right. Okay. Enough. Safe word. Georgia Hurricanes don't count. They don't count. There are no sports teams called the Georgia Hurricanes, so it does not count. Safe word. By the way, my safe word is safe word. So, safe word. Okay. Now, you know, the girls told me today that every time I talk about you, my eyes light up, but then every time I'm actually with you, I look like I want to jump off of the building and sounds like marriage. Let's do it. Okay.

I told the girls, I said, what? I look sad when I talk about my times with Earl? Well, say no more. Earl, would you like to check out with me? Shannon, before you go, I do have a parting gift. Oh, it's the hotel person. Is it my brush?

- It's a plate of artichoke dip. - Well, it's about goddamn time. Thank you so, finally, okay. Everybody come to the Vespa Hotel, whatever the hell it's called. They do a great job here. Here's, Earl, give them $5. Hand them, this is guacamole. Get out, bitch. Get out. - So they walk off and now it's time for Ashley to make her decision, which we all know what she's gonna do. So she's like, "All these things that have transpired over the last couple of days have thrown me for a loop.

And now I have to think about how I really feel. Am I going to go for, I'm going to go for the daddy. I'm going for the daddy. So she sends Wale home and Wale has written her a note. And she's like, oh my God, he wrote me a note, a goodbye note. And so she reads it and it's like, Ashley, you never liked me anyway, but at least I got some free food. So thanks. Good luck with the old person. And then he tells us, he's like, well, guys, she chose a European for me.

I'm out here trying, you guys. He's like, European over Nigerian. I'm doing my best. Sorry, everyone. So then she's like, oh, Joel, I hope I didn't make a mistake. He's such a good guy. Joel's like, look, you have to follow your heart. You know what you need. And I want you to have this.

It's a brush. Oh, this is so nice. Thank you. So then we see their wrap-up things. Giselle, she made plans to meet Theo in New York City for Halloween, but they never came together because Leo lost his phone. Nah.

She does want to visit Bel Air, though. And she's still considering Phil's Rolls Royce. So then Shannon and Pearl are checking out together. But Shannon visited Earl in Georgia and Earl spent some time in Orange County. But Shannon realized Earl was not the man for her. So she remained single. OK, that's a whole other show. Can we get a spinoff of that? I would have loved that. They were never. That was not going to work. He's just not. He's not worldly enough for her.

And then Ashley then, to Ashley's surprise, Ralph wasn't the right daddy to fix her daddy issues. So basically they had sex and he was like, "Okay, taking care of that, moving on." Their relationship- - Yeah, she's still with Beavis or something. - Yeah, she is. I think that he's in like, Josh has been seen filming with them.

Wale may have checked out of the Love Hotel, but he hasn't checked out of the Ashleyverse. And we see a text exchange between them. And he says, you crossed my mind here and there. My regards to Demi and Diamond. How rude of me. Oh, they perked up at the little mention of them. And then we end with Luann in really thick glasses trying to read the lyrics to Love Hotel. Luann, the lyrics are Love Hotel, Love Hotel, Love Hotel. For fuck's sake, man.

she's up there looking like the the old navy lady like okay from the top hotel of love oh no sorry okay once more once more love motel no oh sorry i'll get it this time well i came to a place and they called me kind of creepy but i found a chick who really liked my peepee love hotel love hotel no no you finished it because love all hell well are we gonna start this over oh well well

Great show. Great show. Good job, Bravo. Loved this show, Bravo. Good job. Good job to everybody involved in Love Hotel. You guys changed so much. You changed my life.

you guys did a great job they did and actually the show was formless it was like an amoeba it was like a dating show amoeba but i have to say i actually love the way they i said it before i love the way they sort of like presented it things would just sort of crossfade from one conversation to the other you just get snippets like the entire thing was like a weird dream and then it was great great casting do it again have shannon on every season please it was it was a heart-filling beautiful beautiful show oscar

Real quickly, I know you want to end it, but I have to ask you. Two women you would like to see on the next season from the Real Housewives universe. Let's see. Who have we got that's single here? No, I don't want Heather Gay. I think Heather Gay will be too much like wink, wink, nod, nod. Although she could be the Giselle. Actually, she could have the Giselle role, which is fine. The person who's not really there for anything just makes comments. Yeah. Heather Gay is a good choice. I think that's a strong one. Alexia?

if she's like she is a great choice except she's still with todd but um she's still she's a good choice it would be fun yeah lars would be a fun one the entire real house wasn't miami yeah lars would be good um let's see uh jersey who do we have from jersey coupled up aren't they they're all coupled up over there salt lake city um i don't know about sonia maybe

One of the OGs from New York would be fine. One of those girls might be fine. Dorinda. Just kidding. Dorinda would be fine. Dorinda would be good. Is there anyone single? I mean, there are single people on Beverly. Sutton. Sutton. Sutton would be great. Sutton would fill the Shannon role. Like the neurotic crazy one. 100%. Yeah, I think we just came up with our perfect cast. That's a great cast. Heather. Heather. Sutton. Dorinda. And...

Larsa? Larsa. Or Adriana. I'm not Adriana. I'm Alexia. No, Larsa. Yeah, Alexia, I don't think. She's still dating Todd. But if she wasn't, Alexia would be great. But I think Larsa would be good. Larsa would be funny to watch on the show. Or you could even put Drew Sidora on there. She probably wouldn't be as good. Oh, that's true. Drew would be a good one.

Yeah. Just to mix it up a little bit. Okay. Well, that's fun to think about. Please listen to us, Bravo. Okay. Now we can wrap it up. Karen. Maybe they could put Karen Huger after jail and she could just cheat on Ray because you know she cheats anyway. So they could just have Karen dating behind Ray's back. And then Ray could be upstairs like, did you have a nice day today, honey? She'd be like, yes, Ray. Yes. Everything's been fine. By the way, I'm going to go visit a belly. You know who actually would be a good one would be Caroline Brooks. Yeah.

Oh, well, she'd have to come a long way. She's fine. She'll do it. Yeah. I mean, Amber is going on traders. Yeah. Carolyn Brooks would be really, really a good choice. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being here with us this season. We will be seeing you guys in Los Angeles on Thursday night to recap the ballet. Thanks for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.

Hava Nagila Webber.

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