#2909 The Valley S2E12: Mari-proposal!
01:13:03 Share

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappin's ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

You know that person in your life who just can't stand mayo? Call them traumatized. Call them close-minded. We get it. They're stuck in their ways. But here's the thing. They just haven't tried Hellman's flavored mayo. We're talking bold flavors that will flip even the biggest skeptics. Spicy mayo that adds the perfect kick to your burger. Garlic aioli that transforms ordinary fries into something extraordinary. Chipotle mayo that turns your basic wrap into a smoky sensation.

So to all the mayo haters out there, yes, we're looking at you. It's time to eat your words. Because with mayo this flavorful, any hater is just a mayo lover waiting to be convinced. Hellman's Flavored Mayo. Get ready to eat your words.

My name is TJ Raphael. I'm the host of Liberty Lost, a new podcast about who gets to be a mother and the control of young women hidden behind the veil of faith. Binge all episodes of Liberty Lost ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.

Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Watch what happens, watch what happens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today on this surprise engagement to Kristen Doty episode, it's Ronnie Karam. Hi, how are you, Ronnie? Hello, how are you? I am great, thanks. We're here. We're here to see Mariposa get engaged on The Valley. So excited for it. Now, before we dive into it, though...

We, as you may know, have been recapping Love Island on Patreon. And today we were so fired up that our 20 minute daily bonus episode spiraled into a 90 minute one. So if you, if you have feelings about last night's explosive stand on business challenge that they did, well come join us over there. Patreon.com slash watch where crap ends because we get into it. And I don't know what world we live in where, uh,

there's less romance on love Island than there is on the Valley. How was the Valley, the romantic episode of the day and love Island, the venomous one. I don't know what happened in our world. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with the topsy turvy moment. Uh,

Yeah. Love Island was crazy. The Valley, less so. But, you know, I like more linear villains sometimes. It's just easier to come to this show and be like, fuck Jax, fuck Janet. Easy. Call it a day. We're done. My enjoyment is there. I know exactly who I don't like and how it's going to slot into my day. Yeah. The reason why we had to talk so much on Love Island is because, like,

people that you are like really angry against like your one moment you're like fuck that person but also they have a point so i'm totally on their side but also they're totally wrong and so you wind up having to debate all these not really even debate we were just agreeing the entire time but you hash out all these different angles to all these people these idiots whereas the valley you're right it's just simple like here's your hero here's your villain yeah and you know have fun here's a dolphin so um uh also but i will you know what i am gonna bend something

which is that when the valley trailer dropped

A big, huge part of it was this whole scene where Luke is in bed being like, sometimes I just want to be loved or whatever it is. He's yelling. And then he goes storming off into the hallway in the hotel. It was in the trailer. It's been on every single promo that they've run. Every commercial that airs every single day. It's this shot of Luke losing his mind. And we finally get the episode where he loses his mind and they just bury it in a flashback. What the fuck is going on here? How does that...

What is I this is that's so rude of Bravo to do that you really built us up an entire season just up throw something into a tiny little like oh yeah this thing happened last night I'm mad about that person well at least they showed it sometimes they don't even show it and they just show you in the preview and then we're like psych but they also did it with the Jesse scene confronting Aaron where he's like did you ever ever

ever before I was married during my marriage, after my marriage, before we were ever born spiritually, emotionally, physically, economically have ties to Michelle. And then it cuts to Aaron being like,

Just wide-eyed, cross-eyed like Pikachu. And they've given us that scene every week. Like, coming up, coming up, and coming up next week, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming after commercial. Nope. Coming up after commercial next week. And we finally get it, and Aaron's like, nope.

That's it. Nope. I suspect that this was re-edited. I have to imagine that Luke's moment was probably the cliffhanger for one episode leading into the next one. And for whatever reason, they decided they didn't want to make that the cliffhanger anymore. They decided to change it up and they just buried it in a flashback. That's the only way I can explain it. But I don't know why they would re-edit it that way. I don't know. I don't understand Bravo's

reasoning, but I will happily accept a blind item from anyone on post-production. So that way we can say an old queen at the bar told us what really happened. If there are any old queens in the bar listening to this show, please get in touch. Tell us what the hell happened. All right. Well, here we are with the Valley season two, episode 12. Will you Maui me? So two hours earlier, Jesse interrogating Aaron. Now everyone's arriving at dinner.

And Mia's like, wow, it's a perfect spot to kind of kick off our trip. It's like Hawaii Island vibes with the location. It's just so perfect. So everyone's sitting down to a big dramatic dinner in Maui, which, spoiler alert, isn't dramatic at all. Nothing happens. Okay. It isn't dramatic at all. Yeah, it's not dramatic. They're just there having dinner. But, you know, hey, that's nice.

So they all sit down and Nia's like, yeah, I was texting with Kristen and she was like, stuff isn't good with his grandma, with Luke's grandma. So it's just kind of like upsetting him and everything. And then we see Luke is in the hotel room

- He's stressed. - Kristen's like, yeah. And Kristen's like, when Luca's like really frustrated, he likes to take a walk. And he likes to like take a drive and like deal with some of his emotions. He'll like take a drive somewhere and then he'll walk the rest of the way. And it's like kind of crazy. Sometimes he'll bring Jill along and he'll be like, hey, how would you like to walk me? Rolls reverse, am I right? And then that distresses him. It's really cool. - Then he'll like call me from like far away and be like, I can't find the car. Come get me. - Then it turns out the car broke, so I'll fix the car. It's really manly.

So they order some dinner and Kristen and Luke are like, oh my God, we got to go. Everybody's waiting for us at dinner. So then Zach is talking to Brittany about leaving town. So like, so what did you decide to do for cruise? Like you have cruise now, but you're out of town. So what's going on with that?

She's like, "Well, so Zooli's staying at my house the entire time that we're gone, and then Jax is just gonna come to the house and play with the crews for now, you know, be real fun, things like that. You know, I hope crews has a fun time, like, I don't know, hanging out and eating a lot of chicken fajitas." This is my real first vacation that Jax hadn't been on in like 10 years, okay? And it feels strange, but I'm so glad he's not here. It's like having date night with my friends. It's like friend date night. It's like having date night and all you do is eat unlimited chicken fajitas.

So then a giant sushi boat shows up and she's like, oh, look at that. It's like a little bridge. I was like, Brittany, like there's something about Jax being out of rehab that's causing her to have all these funny exclamations when food arrives at the table. Chicken fighters, it's a little bridge. You're a cool guy.

It's a little bridge. Look at that. It's like a little bridge. Oh my God, I always wanted to see a little bridge. I always imagined what sort of bridge would little mouse use and now I know. That's all I ever want in my marriage. Let's go on a little bridge on Dayton 08.

You couldn't even do that, Jax. J-J-J-J-Jax, why can't you get me a little bridge once in a while? So, Luke is still stressed out when he gets to dinner, and Danny's like, hey, Journey, is there any way you're going to come out of this? I mean, where are we at right now, buddy? Hey, 10-4, buddy, 3-under-3, where are we? And he's like, I'll talk to you later. I'll talk to you later what? I'll talk to you later, Daddy. That's right. That's right. 3-under-3. He's never...

please never say 10 4 again it makes me worried that we're gonna have 10 under four well we can if you let me get a place in santa clarita 10 under four let's go for it so then danny's like i can tell that luke's a little fragile uh i'm one of the few people that know he's proposing a christian tomorrow so i'm hoping that luke is gonna be able to keep it together and keep the train on track for tomorrow

And Nia's like, "Dandale and I just talked with Jas, Jason and Janet, and Janet apologized and it was really awkward for me for a minute." "Oh yeah? Well she should feel awkward. If I were her, I would feel really fucking awkward for screaming, 'Oh! Oh yeah! Accountability! Accountability!' And then being like, 'Oh wait, was I wrong? Yeah, you were wrong. Caw-caw!'"

Yeah, she's like, you know, it would be really nice if once in a while Janet would acknowledge she's kind of an asshole and maybe apologize. That would be great. That would be great. And so Nia's like, oh, wait, she hasn't apologized to you. She's not going to apologize to Kristen. Of course not. Because Kristen ruined her baby's life by suggesting that Jason didn't wear a wedding ring.

Now a baby's going to have to go to ball therapy. Ball pit therapy. Ball pit therapy.

So food is arriving. Nia makes a toast. A toast to friendship. And then Janet is just like, I'm not going to participate. I'm not going to participate in the cheers with someone who's an alcoholic and has to sneak drinks into a cabinet. And then, you know, then we go down over to Michelle's side of the table. And Jason is like, what the fuck was that? Why won't you participate in the cheers? I don't know.

Janet's really on one right now. She's like, just have fun. Just have fun. Just enjoy a cheers. It wasn't like, cheers to Kristen being pro-marriage, you know? It was just like, cheers to friendship. She's like, no thanks. Is this like a cheers to skee-ball? Because I'm really into Dave and Buster's every month. It's me, Quilt Janet. It's me. You also just made up with Nia, so at least pretend to support her toast so we can patch up your friendship that you're trying to do.

So now over Michelle's side of the table, Jason's like, so Aaron, does this feel awkward at all with Jesse here or something? Has it been, has you been pretty chill so far? And Aaron's like, yeah, I think it's, I think it's on him. I think it's, it's on him, you know? And then we cut over to Jesse and he's talking about how he lost his phone under Brittany's dress. And Jesse's like drunk and being kind of like silly over there.

Yeah, Jesse's being a little bit too much as usual. And Aaron's like, you don't even see the half of what goes on with Jesse, guys. You don't see the half of it.

Which will take Jason about five minutes to run to Aaron and tell him. To be fair, all of us don't see the half of what Aaron sees because his eyes are open so big. He literally sees 150% more than we do. Well, when your dog is named Kilo, it just makes you wonder what's going on behind those eyes. Crazy.

Dog missing. Found it. It was up my nose. It was up my nose. Snorted my dog. Zach's like, does anybody want to come see my presidential suite? Okay, let's do it. So Brittany's like, well, how can everyone look at my booty as I walk up there? You see my booty? It's a bridge. Hi, Zach. Do you have a little bridge in your presidential suite? I'd love a little bridge. Bull, check it out.

And Jesse's like, hey, hey, Aaron, bro, hold back for a moment. I want to have a talk, just the two of us.

You can just lean back that way and put your drape your arm around the side of your chair. So you can look super chill, even though I know you're super nervous right now. Co guys don't lie. Okay. So let's talk about things. And Michelle's like, well, this, I want to hang back and listen because I'm nervous. I don't have a choice with Jesse. He is going to be in my life forever. Even when Isabella gets married, I'm like, you don't know Isabella's going to get married. What if she chooses a single life? Mother,

Yeah, don't make Isabella's choices. She's like, I don't want Aaron to have to deal with his doxies. So I get scared. You know, one day Aaron is going to be like, this is too much to deal with the crazy ex-husband. Well, he's in it so far. So yeah, what are you going to do? So they have the talk and Jesse's like, so how are you doing out here? Like with his terrifying psycho eyes, he's like, yeah, yeah.

- Psycho versus coke guys. And Aaron's like, "Very well, very well. Love all the honey. It's great, delicious." - Yeah, going great. - Yeah. - Great. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, I figured it's about time you and I had a little conversation. As a father of Isabella, what a weird thing to say. As a father of Isabella, you know, something really bothered me, buddy. And you wouldn't know this 'cause you're not a father.

Burn. Burn. Whoa. Hey, buddy. I don't know if you've realized this. You have not dropped a load inside a woman that will hate you for the rest of your life. That's just me. All right. As far as I can tell, I'm the daddy to a whole bunch of bees. But go on.

Coming back on Father's Day and having my mother and my friends send me screenshots of you with my daughter on Father's Day when I chose to spend it in Orange County at a wedding with my girlfriend. That is so disrespectful to post a picture of my daughter without even asking a father who's me.

If that's okay. You could have even asked Tom Hanks because Tom Hanks is a father too. But you are not a father. How dare you?

That is pretty wild that Aaron posted photos of not his daughter on Father's Day. It's all the while that Jesse chose not to be with his daughter on Father's Day and went with his new girlfriend somewhere in Orange County. Is that the story? I've sort of forgotten all the story. I can't keep in shape. Yeah, apparently it was on the after show. So much happens on the after show. And let me tell you the same thing I tell after sun on Peacock. I do not have time for you. So thank you to Reddit for telling me what happens.

Yeah. Put it in the show. If it's so important, put it in the show next time, not the after show. But yeah, except first I was like, that's crazy that he didn't have Isabella on Father's Day. But then if it turns out he went to a wedding down in Orange County, I mean, Jesse is so full of it. Every anytime he says anything that gives me a shred of sympathy for him, I always know it's fake and that there's like a bigger story behind it.

Yeah. And that is kind of wild that someone would post your kid on Father's Day, like walking on the beach. And he goes, yeah, that was a big slap in the face from Michelle. And he goes, you know what? Completely slipped my mind. We were having such a good day. We were calling it snow day. It was fun. And, you know, it slipped my mind. But then I thought about it later and I was like, that's not right. So I took it down. So he took it down. So you're trying to start a fight with something ridiculous.

with him about something that he rectified so point for aaron on that one and aaron's by the way staying calm his eyes aren't but he is his eyes are bouncing down the street at this point they've rolled out of his face they're on a little journey they're doing like homeward bound they're like we got separated from our skull oh no how do we get back to it so aaron is like

One eye as a dog, one eye as a cat. Oh no, it's a co-op. I need somebody to play with me or I'm not getting my eyes back.

That's kind of a funny homeward bound where they voluntarily leave the home and then they're like, wait, how do we get back? It's like Luke faking his car walk. Well, let me ask you a question. How do you have your hair like that without getting a dent in it? In the bane of my life. Anyway, another question. Why have I never seen you? As a father, I've never seen you wearing a headband. Explanation?

How is it that you don't have a little pocket in your hair that you could balance an apple easily? So he's like, yeah, did you or did you not cross a line when I was married to about to be married to or married to Michelle? Emotional, physical, refrigerated coal limbo gamey geographical.

Yeah. Any kind of line? Horoscopical. Pharmaceutical. Okay, that was too close to home. My bad. I'll take that for the record. I'd like to strike that. Did you Oscar campaignally cross a line? Oscar campaignally.

Did you claim that bear was a comedy? Did you cross the line by putting the bear in the comedy category? Was that you? Were you the one who was in charge of that? He's like, that is the line. So this is what we've been seeing all year. And it's like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't commercial. So then we come back and he does it again. And he's like, um, nope, absolutely not. I mean, like, nope.

We texted here and there, you know, and then, you know, one time I was like, come to Runyon. I'm selling honey. Because you remember the honey storyline that she got honey in Runyon that you were accusing us of. So I texted her that time. I was like, I'm selling honey. And but that's it. So but then we would run into each other all the time. It was crazy. Like I would be standing there just on the street and my dick would run into her vagina. It was nuts. It was nuts. This town. Yeah.

listen, listen, at this point I want to like you because I know I can get some sweet Coke off you and also some honey, but she triggers me. And as we know, I can't be accountable for my own actions. It's her fault. And she has a way to get under my skin and hold on, wait, wait, hold on one second, Aaron, let me put my hand on your shoulder and another one on your boob. So let me, let me clear this list with you right now. Okay. I think it's time to let it all go. And if we could just find a way to,

To like work together. I don't know. Maybe you could drown yourself in that ocean over there. I think that would help. I don't know. Maybe we could make it work. Yeah. Here we are on this trip to Hawaii. Maybe now's the time where we become friends, you know, a father to a non-father. Fuck yeah. Non-child having loser. Because I realized the way to get to Michelle is not to antagonize her.

her lover it's to befriend him and turn him against her yes so join me ding ding ding so he's like yeah we're done so he gets up and aaron's just like it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

I'm not into chasing trends, but I am all about stuff that fits right, feels good, and actually lasts. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become my everyday essentials. Quince has the kind of stuff you'll actually wear on repeat, like breathable flow-knit polos, crisp

cotton shirts, and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. The best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. We both use Quince. I've got some

Really sweet pieces from there. One of my favorites is a leather jacket that I'm going to keep forever. You know, I use it and you should too. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash crappins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash crappins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash crappins. Trip Planner by Expedia.

You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia, made to travel. So then, scenes from Hawaii, people are at the pool drinking, cheersing. Now let's go to Danny and Nia's room. He's like, babe, there's spray tan in the bed. It looks like Walking Dead season five in our bed. Jesus Christ. It's like, yeah, I guess I hope the maids clean it up.

I hope you're tipping those maids, ma'am. You're leaving Donald Trump's, you know, like Donald Trump all over your bed. It looked like she'd done pottery in those sheets. It was everything. There was so much like orange brown staining in there.

I've never done the spray tan, but like what is the process of the spray tan? Like, is that just unavoidable? You're just going to get spray tan on everything. Like it feels like that there had to be a way around that. Like, how do you get that much? Like, I would feel gross. It's really gross. And look, I'm a pasty person. I don't care how I look generally, except my eyes and my waddle. But like for the most part.

I'm not like a spray tan kind of a person. And it makes me happy watching Next Gen NYC where you see people like with see-through skin. Like that girl, Georgia, looks like a ghost. She looks like she died in 1920 and she's kind of a ghost. She has spray pale skin. She's like, hey guys, sorry, I just got some pale sprayed on me. Yeah, I got spray paste. So...

She is literally, she's like, I aspire to look like a cast member in MFAS out of the wig. I want to look like I've never seen the sun. So now it's going to be a great day because guys, there's going to be people getting married. Yay. And she's like, we're going to be part of the proposal. Are we 100% sure it's going to happen? He's like, well, I told him, listen, gosh, I can make this happen for you if you move.

To Sierra Madre. Where's the Santa Clarita? How could I say Sierra Madre? What the heck is wrong with me? Danny, daddy, daddy, daddy. Come back to me, daddy. Santa Clarita. I was just so wasted. I mean, not wasted. I mean, I wasted an opportunity to say the right thing.

You know, last night Luke had a moment. He went off the rails a little bit. Probably because he did some rails. And then we see, now we see the clips that we're talking about. We see the clip of him doing, like snoring the wasabi, which was in the trailers. We see him in bed being like, I'm fucking going through shit. I just want you to be there for me. That's all I want, Kristen. We see that. We see him going down the hallway in the Hyatt Regency. Like, why? You don't even have your pants on.

man those people who were at that hotel so when dom and i went to uh maui in 2019 we stayed at that hotel and but we were often like the sad little section but we didn't get to be in the main towers where they were but like that's a big ass hotel like that's one of the big that's like one of the big ones in maui and like that's like a lot of people that are there and i was like

All those lucky people got to be there while the Valley was shooting all this shit. I'm just like, I'm just so lucky people who got to see ginger in his underwear running around crying. I know because they were there. Cause I'll tell you one thing. The food in that, that hotel was shit. It was, that was just garbage food. I was like, these people are lucky because even though they got garbage food, at least they got to see the Valley people. So I'm going to say something a little controversial here. I like,

I'm glad that Kristen got married. I'm glad she found happiness. Super glad she had her baby. I was looking at her baby pictures. What a cute baby. I love that she's not coy with her baby either. She's like, kidnap it. Like she's just putting pictures of it everywhere, which I think is cute. But, you know, because celebrities are like, do not look at my baby. But she's not. She's like, that's my baby. I love this for her. Okay. But I'm worried because Luke, I don't care. Luke seems fine. He seems nice. He also seems mentally unwell.

- Not disturbed, but like immature, incompetent. You know what I mean? And I worry long-term for that relationship. Like he's crying, he's running around the halls in his underwear. That's not good guys. It's not. Like if that was my friend who was getting married, I'd be like, you need to like maybe think about this. I don't know if this guy's ready. If a guy's freaking out to the point where he's having mental breakdowns just to ask you to marry him when he knows you're gonna say yes anyway, it's not like there was a question.

there might be something wrong here in this relationship. So I'm just going to put a pin in that. And the challenges are going to be so much harder now that they have a child. There's, they are going to deal with real, really, really big challenges and,

And if just this was enough to make him go flouncing around the Hyatt Regency in the middle of the night, then it's scary. It's scary. It looks like a Van Gogh and it acts like a Van Gogh. Don't go. Maybe you should Van Gogh. Maybe you should get in a van and go. My anti-van is outside of your house.

It was one thing when he only looked like Van Gogh, but now that he's starting to act like Van Gogh, it's a problem. It's a problem, okay? Here's my impressionist feeling about it, which is this Starry Night may be a Starry Crossed Night, and let's get out of it. Let's go from the Yellow House to the

the get out of the house yeah my Van Gogh references are now complete we that up but you get it generally it's it's a little scary I mean the guy is just getting used to indoor plumbing you know he's like proud of himself for inside I think listen I don't want to give Kristen an earful on this topic but I think the truth is

It's time to cut it. Maybe you might have to cut something. Cut yourself off this relationship. Cut your ear off to spite your face. Like, go into this with both ears, is what I'm saying. Go into this relationship with both ears. Both ears open. What's the name of that famous painting with the flowers? Come on, one last Van Gogh reference. You could do it, Ben! Oh, I failed.

Okay, so he's freaking out. And it's like, I'm just going through some shit. So Danny's like, yeah, you know, it's a big moment in your life. You want to get it right. So I'm sympathetic. I'm sympathetic. I talked to him this morning. I said, come over here. Sit on my lap. Sit on my lap. I stuck my finger on his cornhole. And I said, how you doing, brother? You know, I said, you want to go into the closet and do a little shot of something? Yeah.

It's like this finger in his carnal. Daniel. Seems like he's coming back.

Isn't that what you have to do for a pit bull if it's coming down to you? A pit bull? As like Molly, you're supposed to stick your finger in its butt. His emotions were a little bit all over the place, but his prostate's fine. So I think it's going to work out. He actually ejaculated all over me, but hey. Ain't my first time.

But it was in the shape of sunflowers. And I thought, that there is Van Gogh at work. All right. So now we go back to the pool. Janet and Britt are talking with Melissa and Jasmine. And Michelle and Aaron are there. And Janet's just fanning herself. Have y'all talked to Kristen at all? Where's Kristen? Where is she? I don't know.

Yo, little bridge. Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait. Before you answer that, just remember, it's a little bridge. So Janet's like, I haven't talked to her at all. Of course not. And Melissa goes, oh, yeah.

Then Jasmine goes, yeah, we talked to Kristen. I had breakfast with her. Jen goes, well, I have not talked to her since El Coyote. Little bridge. Yeah. So Michelle goes, well, you know, she's mad because I was trying to talk to her and you were just like yelling at her. Yeah. Yeah.

And Aaron's actually lying there, which we don't really even notice at first. Then he like pops his head up and he's like, Hey, how did that night get so heated at El Coyote? I understand the drinks were strong, but as far as I'm concerned, Michelle left her Coke back at the house. So how did it get so hot? And everybody was yelling.

Jenna's like, "Well, there's a group of people whose names I will not say unless I'm wearing rayon, but every time the heat is on them, suddenly there are these made-up rumors that get thrown out, and Jason was a victim of it, you guys, Michelle and Aaron, were a victim of it, the pool boy over there was a victim of it. I heard you were half-bird."

Yeah, that's right. It's a deflection. It's a deflection. And at El Coyote, Kristen was not taking any accountability and was doing like, I don't know why Jenna's around. Why are you talking about just own it? Just own it. Jenna is around because she's fucked all of your boyfriends. Do you understand?

Janet, of all of the thirsty people in this world, you should understand why another thirst bomb is around. And if anything, you're to blame for Jenna being around because you showed that if you are steadfast in your thirst, you will eventually get on television. And that's exactly what Jenna's doing. She's trying to be a boring person who made good like you. OK, so stop being a hero to all the boring, thirsty people out there if you don't want to see them show up on your show.

I just want to be in the pool with my hot boyfriend and have fun. But my friends keep bringing up a girl he once hooked up with. So Aaron's like, you know what? On that note, I'm going to get a couple's massage. And by couple's massage, I mean I'm going to find a pile of white stuff and see if I can put it in my nose. It's cocaine. Great. But if it's just a pile of napkins, I'm also down with that.

Come on come on you're cool. Yeah, you're cool. God. Have you get some chicken play does afterwards?

So, yeah, there's like small talk about like, oh, my God, Brent has a crush on Michelle. So then we go to Zach and Benji in the room and Zach's wearing a shirt that says soccer mom. Hilarious. It is hilarious. And Benji has on like a cute little flowery robe.

And he's like, oh my God, are we giving this room to Kristen? Like, what are we, crazy? Oh my God, have you seen these t-shirts? These are like literally nuts. Benji, what do you think about these t-shirts? Please don't talk. I'm talking right now. Could we fit them in the suitcase? What are we going to do? Oh my God, there's a sliding glass door here. That is adorable. That is so cute. It's stressing me out because Kristen's getting married later and there's like a sliding glass door. Like, what are we going to do with that? Is that carpet? This should be hardwood, shouldn't it, Benji? It's like, oh my God, Jesus. Is this what their home life is like?

bingy says nothing by the way jasmine was like suspicious and was like something's amiss are they getting engaged or something so of course i had to tell her it was ridiculous right bingy anyway don't answer that oh my god so then she's gonna come and by the way we have a suit of we have all these

t-shirts okay that we had to have everyone wear so we had to get janet and jason's size to make them seem like oh we're going to get a group photo on the shirt but like whatever i don't know how what we're even going to do with them tonight because can i i can tell you this if kristen gets proposed to and gets off the boat and janet is standing there with a shirt of her face on it it will be the biggest meltdown in the history of the world like chernobyl and got shit on what kristen will do okay but i feel like we should pack first okay our shit's everywhere

I'm like, it's just, it's the craziest monologue. And so now Kristen's there. She's like, knock, knock, it's Kristen. Don't come in. Don't come in. We're like naked. And she's like, yeah, we're naked right now. But she walks in anyway. She's like, oh, hey.

God, what looks like you just hit something for me. That's cool. Anyway, what's going on? No. Well last night by the way, I feel like number one Luke I love that there's someone more dramatic than you sometimes like you have found a dramatic Chris Donna It's like he wasn't dramatic. You guys didn't say that about Luke like he's having a rough time like his grandma, you know Like that like it's hard to come on guys like he flew for 36 hours. I

And he's like, oh, okay, Kristen. Okay, well, we need to start getting ready to be with your completely non-dramatic boyfriend before he proposes a solitante to you. What is that? He's going to propose that we have happy hour. That's what I meant. Should we have happy hour? And you're going to say, I do think we should have happy hour. Okay, I'm excited.

I can't wait until you guys marry Ketchup's. You guys should marry Ketchup's. It was like Katie's best scene in Vanderpump Rules. You guys should recreate it.

So why is my one out of everything that happened on Vanderpump Rules? I mean, out of 10 years, Scandival, which was like the most recent crazy thing. There have been so many crazy things from Vanderpump Rules. Why is my best memory of Vanderpump Rules? Katie standing there holding a tray of ketchups that will never get old to me. I think about it when I sleep sometimes and it makes me smile. Yeah, it's sometimes some images are just iconic. They just are searing. Yeah.

So now Kristen and Luke, so the whole thing is that they're going to go on this supposed fishing trip and Kristen does not want to take a shower. She's like, I'm just getting on a boat. I'm going to get nasty. Why should I take a shower? He's like, yeah, you should take a shower. But why? Because we're going to go to a luau right after. So the fire will burn off my smell. No, it doesn't really work that way. Cover me in poi. I don't care. You should take a shower. No, you don't have to take a shower. When?

you're on the ocean like that's especially i think when you're supposed to take a shower you should look cute why should i look cute i want to wear a t-shirt that says one tequila two tequila three tequila floor what's wrong with that maybe what about my stevie nicks t-shirt i'll wear that no maybe something like nicer okay i can either shower and wear my favorite t-shirt or not shower

And wear something pretty. What do you want? Okay, so Nia is really into this. She's that friend, like whoever gets married or has a baby, she's like super into it. So she's like, Kristen, you need to look really cute, okay? Because we're going to take pictures for Instagram and you really need to look adorable. Kristen's like, ugh.

Oh, my God. Like, I love you with your inspo pics, but, like, I can't. Why are all these inspo pics of people getting married? Oh, wait. She sent me an inspo pic of a guy, like, running around with his underwear. Luke, it's you. Why are you sending me that? Sorry, I meant to send that to Walgreens to have that printed canvas for your wedding day. I mean...

And I love that Nia is so the girl that sends inspo pics no matter what. So therefore it's like, they're not, she's like not surprised that Nia sending pictures. Like, why don't you look like this?

Or like this. I mean, Nia probably single-handedly keeps Pinterest alive. Okay, I just found some things from my favorite board. I'm just going to send it to you. Okay, please don't wear the Fleetwood Mac shirt. I know Christine McPhee was your favorite, but let's honor her in a different way. Not tonight, thank you. Today we're just going to pretend crop tops aren't happening, okay? Come on, just today. Maybe not wear the Crocs on the boat. I don't know.

Let's pretend a scarf isn't a skirt today, okay? Let's just try it. No NASCAR shirts. Kristen's like, oh, why is she sending me inspo pics of people with combed hair? Disgusting. Okay, do you really need to wear a Tasmanian devil t-shirt? No, I don't think so. Matt, today's not the day to wear I'm with stupid, okay?

oh you're just wearing a free t-shirt that says ace hardware on it okay maybe not free t-shirts send me a picture of what you're wearing oh no kristen you can't wear a shirt that says pull my finger especially not today okay maybe not the one that says senior frogs and then has a picture of a frog passed out you're so right though kristen has all of these t-shirts that you just said she literally owns all of those t-shirts

So then you guys, I don't know about you, but I have not felt pity for Jax literally ever. So hopefully they can get it today because it's time for some tinkly piano music and some really bad eyebrow penciling. Let's go see what Jax is doing. So Jax is swimming with Cruz in the pool and he's like, I'm really, really happy that I get to see Cruz today. I don't know when that's going to happen. So I'm just going to swim with this child in the pool. That's Cruz. This is my son.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, it's been seven days since I got out of the facility and I was really worried that I was gone for so long that he's going to forget about me. I mean, has my face changed about five times since he saw me last? Perhaps. But like, I just didn't want him to totally forget about me.

Yeah. And meanwhile, he's like, OK, go in the pool. And he throws him in the pool. And I can't believe he didn't just leave him in the pool. I thought Jax was just going to leave him in the pool, open a beer and go inside and close the door. So that was impressive. So I have to get some credit for that because I didn't see that happening.

And he even like, like, this is the most affectionate we've seen Jax with his son ever in all this time. Yeah. Because, you know, he has to do it for five minutes. I mean, I'm sorry. Listen, you're in the facility, whatever kind of the car wash facility. I don't know what we're calling it today, but wherever you were, you could come out and you had the time to come untapped cameras. You never had time to come say hi to your son. That's crazy. Okay. So then for 30, so then for eight days, you said,

Even Glenn Close found time to hang out with a child in Fatal Attraction that wasn't even hers. She was a busy lady stalking people, okay? Let me tell you who never forgot Glenn Close, even the household pets, okay? Because she was there. She had time to make a meal for that family. Nope. Nope.

In other words, Jax, I do not feel sorry for you. You son of a bitch. Get the fuck off my toxic piece of shit. You abusive and stop kissing your son on the lips when we know you've at least got herpes. At least stop putting that kid through your same patterns this young. Stop it. But either. OK, so then Brittany's like, oh, hi, guys. What my Hula dance be? Because they all go take Hula dancing.

And she's like, oh, I think mom would be grabbing Jax's nuts and cutting them off and throwing them in the ocean. Or maybe I could be doing like this where I'm trying to grab my Jenny Craig bags back. Yeah, because the guy's like, yeah, hula is really bad telling a story. I don't know if I want Brittany hula dancing in that case. It's going to be like going to the 7-Eleven when she was in high school. Hey, ho!

That's her particular sounds. I'm trying to think of how to put gargling beer cheese into a dance. Her voice does sound kind of like a ukulele a little bit. Like, little bridge.

Today is the worst day of Abby's life. The 17-year-old cradles her newborn son in her arms. They all saw how much I loved him. They didn't have to take him from me. Between 1945 and the early 1970s, families shipped their pregnant teenage daughters to maternity homes and forced them to secretly place their babies for adoption.

In hidden corners across America, it's still happening. My parents had me locked up in the godparent home against my will. They worked with them to manipulate me and to steal my son away from me. The godparent home is the brainchild of controversial preacher Jerry Falwell, the father of the modern evangelical right to

and the founder of Liberty University, where powerful men, emboldened by their faith, determine who gets to be a parent and who must give their child away. Follow Liberty Lost on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. We acting bad, bad, bad, bad. We ain't trying to hurt nobody. For decades, he was untouchable. I'm going from Harlem to Hollywood.

But now, it's all coming undone. Sean Combs, the mogul, as we know it, is over. He will never be that person again, even if he's found not guilty of these charges.

I'm Jesse Weber, host of Law and Crimes, the rise and fall of Diddy, the federal trial, a front row seat to the biggest trial in entertainment history. Sex trafficking, racketeering, prostitution, allegations by federal prosecutors that span decades and witnesses who are finally speaking out.

The spotlight is harsher. The stakes are higher. And for Diddy, there may be no second chances. You can listen to the rise and fall of Diddy, the federal trial, exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts right now. So now Jesse is hanging out with Aaron and Jason having shaved eyes. So he's like, wow.

It's amazing that this ice can do more for itself than Kristen can on her own engagement day. I don't need to be buddy-buddy with Aaron, but I do need to be friends enough with him to make Michelle annoyed. So in the best interest of Isabella and being petty, if Isabella says she loves Aaron, then fuck that guy. I mean, then I will be nice to him too. Yeah.

Yes. So Aaron's like, so speaking of shaved ice, when's the last time you played hockey? And he's like, oh, yeah, you want to go there? Do you really want to fucking go there? You piece of shit. You want a piece of me? And I'm like, geez, whoa, why are you so aggressive? And he goes, yeah, because actually this story connects us. It connects us even more than through our noses. All right. Last time I played hockey. Go ahead. Go ahead, me. Okay.

The last time I played hockey, it was probably 2016. I got buried in the corner. I had the worst concussion of my entire hockey career. A puck hit my hair so hard it never recovered. That's why the dent is there. Fine, that's all out there now. I checked myself into Cedars, and Michelle and I hadn't been dating for a few weeks, but I had the option of who to call to pick me up at the hospital, and since I'd burned through all my other friends and no one liked me, I was like, I guess it's gonna be Michelle Lally. So we started to fuck right there at the emergency room.

And then we had a baby. And that's why I'm a father. And you're not, you hockey loser.

By the way, this guy's poor because in 2016 Uber existed. So you should have gotten Uber. Sorry. Yeah, this guy's poor. I'm retroactively nine years ago. Shamming you should have gotten Uber from nine years ago. So Aaron's like, so wait, so if you didn't get concussed, you wouldn't be with her. And he's like, probably not.

And the producer says, wow, so that's romantic. So, wow, you wouldn't be with Michelle if you weren't concussed. And he's like, it's like I've been concussed for eight years. Yeah, that's how I feel when I watch him talk.

So Aaron's like, so was that the only time you guys broke up? He's like, yeah. And Jason goes, well, there was one more time. He's like, yeah, when you started dating her, Aaron. I mean, technically, Michelle and I are still together. Right, lawyer? Jason's like, um, I do labor law. I don't understand.

So Aaron's like, well, that must feel really good. I prefer sticking up for corporations who are being sued for workers' comp. So I don't really know that this is my category. That's why we have a low-hanging hood, so I can understand what it's like to get hurt on the job. I actually, you know, Janet actually bruised her head on the hood and tried to sue, and I represented the hood company against Janet. So I'm pretty dedicated.

Janet versus KitchenAid. We won. We won, everyone. It was the only time I was actually kind of morally correct in my job. So Jason is like, by the way, you guys spoke for a while yesterday, and I saw when you came back to the room, you guys did a little beer toast, so I assume everything's pretty good. Jesse's like, yeah, it was a good talk. Yeah. And so Aaron's like, yeah, how did you feel about it? And he's like, well,

i said just just be on my team i will do a part i will do my part as a promise to you by not calling her a lying cheating because she doesn't deserve that even though she totally is that this guy's such a pig

He's such a pig. Oh, my God. Yeah, I won't call her a lying, cheating whore. You know, I'll just call her a whore mother of my child, you know. And so I trust that you're a man who will respect my daughter and a man who will now respect me. And if you have a question about my daughter, you can reach out to me. Those things we can build a foundation on. Hopefully the foundation can be poured over your bones after I buried them in the ground.

And so now I have had my carefully orchestrated redemption scene to show them a bigger person. So I think that wraps it up. And Aaron's like, yeah, and respect is a two-way street. He's like, oh. Unfortunately, we're downtown and there are no two-way streets here. Yeah. So die young, stupid. It's one way. One way. You don't go two ways on a ramp onto the highway. So...

So Jesse's like, well, I mean, even if he respects me, Michelle doesn't. So if he says to himself, I don't feel comfortable with this. I should call Jesse. Michelle says, fuck Jesse. Then what's he going to do? Be like, no, fuck you, Michelle. Me and Jesse are bros.

It's not going to happen, but it will. We'll see. Okay, so now Jax calls on FaceTime and Jason. I really hate that Jax is on this show. Jason makes him put a snorkel on to answer the phone. And Aaron, I don't know, they're FaceTiming with fucking Jax. Like, oh my God, we miss you so much, buddy. We miss you so much. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Hey, bro.

God, this man here is like powder. He's like, come on, guys. That's not cool. Too soon, guys. Too soon, guys. Don't worry. I've been spying on you the entire time. Turns out there's like a little drone over their table. Like, oh, that's why that thing's been hovering over us. It's like, yeah, me and me and Cruz are having the best time. Hey, aren't we, Cruz? Wait, wait. What the fuck? I just gave that kid a beer and already he's like, oh, my God, hold on. I think he took my car. I think he took my car. I got to go. I got to go.

So now it's time for the big proposal on the boat. So Kristen, Luke, Danny and Nia, they go to the boat and they see lots of things like stingrays having sex. And Kristen's like, I didn't even know that stingrays did hump. I'm like, have you never seen Vanderpump Rules? I mean, you were on that show. I feel like we saw a lot of like really vicious animals humping on that show. So I'm not surprised here. Yeah. Stingrays hump. Have you ever done that thing where you go on a boat? I mean, I only went on one cruise in my life, but when I went, we did the stingray thing. Have you ever done that?

They bring up the stingray and the stingrays crawl all over you while they swim all over you. And they kind of feel like they're humping your back. It's like on your back.

Why do you think those stingrays are always smiling? You know, every time they show a picture of a stingray from below, it's always like, it's because they just got like a handy from someone else. Yeah, they just got, they got a wingy. They just like humped somebody's hairy back off a cruise ship. Like, yeah. Yeah. They got a stingy, you know? So, yeah, they're humping. And Chris is like, I love a mother nature. Yeah.

So they go out to the ocean and they're fishing and everything. They're pulling up fish, et cetera. And the plan is, um, that like Luke is going to go like, he's going to go fetch the ring from his bag. And then they're going to distract. They're going to pretend like they're going to take couples photos and stuff. And then they're going to distract Kristen by saying like, Hey, look, there's dolphins. And they're like, cause she'll totally turn around and be captivated by the dolphins looking for dolphins for good 15 minutes. Um,

And then he'll get down on the knee. So they get on here and they're catching fish and, you know, whatever. They catch a little fish. And he is like, I think they just kept that fish to use to catch a bigger fish. How sad is that?

Which it was kind of sad. They kept Nemo to like feed him to an eel or something. And so Luke is like so nervous. Oh my God. Like, how can I even concentrate on this? My ring is in her bag. What are we, what are we going to do? Because then Kristen goes and sits on his bag with a ring in it. And of course she doesn't even feel that there was like a little box in there. And he's like, oh my God, how do we get Kristen off the bag? Cause she's like, I don't want to stand up.

Why would I stand up? First, you won't let me wear my Stevie Nicks shirt. Now I've got to stand up and I don't want to stand up. This is the worst trip ever. Can I just drink? No, Kristen, don't drink. Why not? Go put on some cute clothes. I haven't cute clothes. Go take the body odor off. That's disgusting. Why would I do that? God gave this to me. I love Mother Nature. Did you not hear it? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. She's so annoyed. She's like, I don't want to look pretty. It's humid out. Why should I put makeup on? Just do it. Please.

Fine. Let me reach into this bag to get my makeup. Oh, wait, there's a little box. Well, I won't open that up. I'll just reach for something else instead. Yeah. So finally they get her out there and they have this thing where they're like, Kristen, look over there. She's like, where?

Over there. Could you be more specific? It's an ocean. Okay, Kristen, look, there's dolphins. Where's the dolphins? Where's the dolphins? Have you ever been to a festing way? Yes or no? Yes or no? Oh my God, take me dolphins. Take me to your leader. I want to join your society. Where are they? Do you work for the government? Do you work for the government? Luke, I love you, but this is a sign that it's time for me to cross over into their world. Goodbye.

No, don't climb over the board. Don't climb overboard, Kristen. I must join them. It is my duty in life. It is my mission. Where's Daryl Hannah? No.

As I sit here and see the dolphins, I realize I want to marry a dolphin. Propose to me. Will you marry me, dolphin? And Luke is now like down on one knee and he's like trying to propose. He's like, well, Chris, and we've had so many adventures. I don't see any dolphins. All right. From the top. We've had so many adventures. Seriously. Where are the dolphins? You saw a dolphin? Wait, I see one. No, it's a rock. Oh, my God. I'm really losing my mind. Are they leaving me? No, don't let this opportunity go away from me.

I really am disappointed in dolphins because you remember when Jax proposed to Brittany at the, at the crab shack or whatever the hell he was at Venus fly trap. What was it called?

The place on Neptune's net. Neptune's net. Yeah. So they were at Neptune's net and you could see the freeway behind them. And he's like, will you marry me? It's like, Oh, it's a bridge. And then when he retold the story later, he's like, Oh my God, there was like dolphins jumping behind us. And it was just so magical, which is a lie. Cause it was like trucks behind you. It was a parking lot and a freeway. It's a little,

It's like, it's like a, it's like a Neptune's dance where like all the biker gangs go. It's like just motorcycles. It's PCA. So you see all the delicious food. Yeah. Good, good fried food. So, um, I wanted the dolphins to actually jump for Christians. Cause I thought that would be amazing if Kristen actually got Jax's lies, her real engagement, but you know what dolphins you've let me down again. Way to go dolphins. Don't you even realize the cameras are rolling? Seize the moment.

well either way um so finally she is like will not turn around now she's being the most uncooperative surprise engagement person of all time and she doesn't even realize it like she's been such a nightmare for all of them just getting her in the place that she's supposed to go to so now finally he's down on the knee and he's like uh kristen kristen christine's like pawing at her wait no the dolphins i swear to god i think i see one wait what

What about a seagull? You know, I'm okay. I'll do a seagull thing. Like, yeah, short dolphins, they may not want me, but I'll be a seagull. I'll join them. I'll fly with them. I'll fly with the gulls.

So he kneels behind her and he's like, baby, will you be the catch of my lifetime today? And she's like, oh my God. Oh, holy fuck. Fucking A. Holy shit. I just shit myself. Just shit myself. Are you fucking serious right now? I've got poop dribbling down my leg. By the way, I've heard you say that before. Singing bass. We bought it at the big lots. I'm saying it again. Will you be the catch of my lifetime, baby?

Well, even though our relationship was not built on fishing, I will say absolutely yes. Thank you for proposing to me with some sort of strange deep sea fishing reference here. Yes, I will. Seriously, yes. He's like, baby, will you be my wicked tuna? Fuck you! Oh, my God. We were sustainably engaged, yes. Just pooped on it off. Just pooped on it off.

So it's cute and they kiss. It is really sweet. Yeah. It's really lovely. I'm really glad I talked her into that tasteful crop top. Now, this is really beautiful, but I do have a serious question for everyone. Are there really dolphins? Because I don't want to miss any of them. Wait a minute. You're putting the finger on the wrong hand. Okay, now do it this finger. Pull this finger. Pull this finger. Okay.

So she's crying. It's so nice. I loved it. I actually think this was maybe my favorite engagement I've seen on Bravo. Believe it or not. I was thinking about it. I was so entertained by how she was so messing everything up. And then I was also so delighted when it happened. Despite everything that we said about Luke, like there are some red flags, I really enjoyed this engagement scene.

I'm trying to think of one that was in divorce. Proceedings are much better when you have all the clips of the happy times to show. You know what I mean? I'm just kidding. So she's like, will you be my husband? It doesn't count if people magazines not hiding behind a bush. You know, I need Dave Quinn jumping up behind a sea tumbleweed.

Fair. Fair. So she's like, Luke is my rock. I mean, he really stands by me. He stands up for me. I mean, sure, he takes the car sometimes when he's sad and leaves it in parking lots he doesn't remember going to. But, you know, I love how funny he thinks he is, but he's not. Cuck-ho. That's my partner in crime. That's my ride or die. That's my fight or grilled. Wait, I'm just giving options. What am I even doing today?

That was the easiest yes I've ever said. Well, aside from, would you like to see some dolphins? That's a hell yes. So then they cheer. It's nice. And they kiss. And, you know, she holds up her ring and it's, you know, she's like worried that she's going to drop the ring into the water, which is a fair concern because it's Kristen Doty. Oh my God, I dropped the ring in the water. Kyle Chan will never forgive me. Yeah. And then Benji has packed for Zach. We go back to the hotel and Benji's wearing a watermelon shirt. So it's a big day. And,

And now they're going to let Kristen and Luke move into the presidential suite. And so they're putting their shit in all the drawers and getting decorated and doing all of this stuff. And he's like, but Luke has put Luke knew that they'd be switching suites, but he still has managed to he like put everything into all the drawers in the hotel.

Cause he's one of those people that when you get to a hotel, you immediately take everything out of your bag and put the bin to the drawers. And so Zach was like, Oh my God. Like he knew that we'd be switching. Like everything is in every single fucking drawer. I can't restrain men. Seriously. Are you, are you, are you, uh, are you someone who,

- Who unpacks into a hotel for- - No, no. I live out of a suitcase and I take the little plastic bag that comes in the hotel room for laundry and I use that as my discard bag for all my undies. And then at the very end, I throw the discard bag in the suitcase and I hit the road. Easy peasy, little peasy people.

I live that packing cube lifestyle now. So like I basically have drawers in my bag as a result. They're just like in the shape of little baggies. Oh, nice. I don't. Yeah, I don't need to. They're not. They don't look like drawers. Just so you know, packing cubes are not actually cubes, which is so annoying. I actually hate that they're called packing cubes. They are literally just.

little bags that zip. I mean, but you know, I rarely organize those at all. To be honest, I walk around like a wrinkly old Navy mess and you know what? That's it. That's just how it is. I look like crap. So maybe that's why. But anyway, so they're getting this room ready. And then Zach and Benji sit down with Jesse and Zach's like, Oh, because we didn't realize you were going to be back in the room. Like, I'm just going to have to tell you now.

Luke is proposing to Kristen. Can you believe it? He's like, well, I'm glad that my getting fucked over by a woman has really inspired someone else to make the same mistake I did. Great fucking news, guys. Thanks. Okay, so he's like, yeah, that's why they went on the boat. He's like, yeah, because who the fuck wants to go fishing? He's like, yeah, I didn't even want to go either. Okay, so I wouldn't have wanted to go, but okay, you're just going to have to put some earmuffs on tonight. So Jesse goes, okay.

How about we call the hotel? And then at this point, I'm like, oh, he's going to say, I'm going to call downstairs and I'm going to get a new room so that they can have some privacy. He's like, we're going to get 500 white roses and 500 hibiscus petals, put them all over the place. I'm like,

no get yourself out of this suite sir why are you staying in this this suite with these two people who just got engaged like get another room get yourself a space or a crash crash with Jason and Janet like what are you doing staying in this place and I like that he's also just coming up with something that's so outlandish that they're not going to be able to do it so he can look like a good guy he's like I'm gonna call the front desk all right can we have

19,000 hibiscus flowers delivered to the room. They just hang up on him. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck? It was so ridiculous. I mean, this guy... We talk a lot about love bombing on Love Island these days, but this is what... That's what Jesse is right here. I mean, like...

He does this because he knows that that's how he would operate in a situation like that. Performative. And Zach's like, um, 19,000 hibiscus flowers. Michelle said he's broke. So I don't know if he's putting it on a credit card or what. No, we never see the flowers. So yeah, I guess he asked for something they can't get. You know, that's just that's how he does it. So then Brittany is in the room with Janet. Can we do some room service shows? Can we do it? Come on.

So then we go to Melissa and Jasmine. They're getting cute and ready. And they're like, oh, my God, what if we got engaged today? Yeah, you're going to get your you're going to propose to. Oh, my God, that's wacky. Michelle's just like, yeah. I mean, Melissa. Melissa's like, yeah.

Yeah.

proposal is supposed to happen at sunset so now the sun's going down and i can finally call everybody and let them know there's an actual engagement happening and she better have said yes because i put way too much work into this bitch for this not to work out okay okay let's say happy wedding i want them to be silver make it happen i don't care how you do it okay there's so much sand on this beach we need to sweep it sweep the sand this is too much for my friend okay hey britney

You're gonna be mad at me. Why? Is Jax there? Is there a little bridge? No, no, no. Well, actually, there might be a little bridge somewhere around here, but I would never surprise you with that. Okay, this, that's not the surprise. Okay, are there gonna be chicken fajitas? No, that's not either. Um, Meemaw, is Meemaw there? Hey, wait, you got me some white lipstick like my mom's. No, like, literally none of those. Okay.

Luke just proposed to Kristen. She's like, what? He did? Yeah, are you shocked? Um, yeah. So wait, wait a minute. So Danny and Nia got to be there, but we didn't? Come on, what the hell? Y'all know what I'm going through. Come on, how can you do this? How can you do this?

Well, Luke wanted it to be like such a surprise and you know like Dani and Nia being there like yes she loves them but like if you and I were on a fishing boat do you think that even makes sense? She's like "Yeah yeah, 'cause I wanna go fishing the whole time! What if the boat goes under a little bridge?" 'Cause of course Brittany's the only one who's like "Yeah, I wanna go fishing! That was my whole point!" He's like "Okay, well maybe you but like I'm not a fisher."

It's like, well, I can't help but feel a little bit left out. I mean, I got left out of engagement night. You know, I just want someone to show me a little love on engagement night. My bad. Can you do that to me? I mean, Chrissy is one of my very best friends, which I completely fuck over all the time and let other people trash talk her and start fights with her. And I never stand up for, you know, you know how it goes with best friends.

She's like a literally a sister to me. Okay. And I would have loved to have been in that moment. And I feel like all these other people knew, but me, okay. It just doesn't really make sense to me. Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm being selfish. Yeah. And you're also a twit who's going to go tell everybody the second you hear it. Okay. They can't trust you. I can't even believe they trusted Zach and he barely made it here. Let's be honest. And I think she knew because she shockingly did not make this into a big relationship.

like storyline she wasn't like angry she didn't make it all about herself i mean we've seen this happen so many times on all the other shows like i just feel like i should have been part of that and the fact that i wasn't it's like where do i even stand with this person anymore like what's going on but she's like oh well i guess it wasn't for me

yeah well she apparently was talking about it on the after show it's another clip i saw today and uh she's like well i can't believe luke said that he wouldn't tell me because of jacks i mean i divorced him i divorced him and looks like yeah but jax can get any information from brittany and then he would have gotten it out of her and he would have told everybody because brittany would have been walking around the house being like well i can't believe that we're just gonna be christmas

is gonna get engaged she doesn't even know oh isn't that so funny Mr coffee machine and then Jackson like what was that who's getting married and why are you wearing two different flip-flops yeah uh so we go back to Zach and uh you know he's doing the event coordination thing so then Zach Zach's phone starts ringing because of course Janet finds out because she rooms with Brittany so Janet's like

I heard you told Brittany the news. Like, congratulations. I'm so happy for them. I just feel like Jason and I shouldn't come to dinner because it's been kind of weird. And you know what? My child has heard enough by all of this. And for my child to know that I was tricked on coming to a trip that's not about me is going to really hurt their chances to get into a good preschool. So I just wanted to say thank you for ruining my child's life. Thank you. You son of a bitch.

My favorite thing is when someone does something like this under the pretense that they don't want to, like, they want to make it about Kristen. They don't want to make it about themselves. But of course, by not participating, they actually make the night about themselves. So that's 100% what she's doing here. And Zach's like, well, okay, well, I just don't want you to think that I'm discluding you. It's like, well, I wouldn't think that you're discluding me because that's not something that's not a real thing. It's not a word. It's not a word.

Just no, no, no. It's fine. I think it's best if we just don't come. He's like, oh, okay. But I got t-shirts made and I think it would like be aggressive if you had a shirt with her face on it. You know, like you guys don't talk, you know, she goes, yeah, I said I'm not coming. Yeah. Okay. But I just want to make sure, you know, you're not coming, but you're also not wearing a t-shirt. Okay. Cause I'm going to give that to a waiter. Okay.

But, you know, like the dinner aspect, it's a stand-up dinner, you know? So if you want to just come stand up, that would be fun. Because, you know, maybe we could like put a string on top of your head and pretend you're a piñata or something. Like, you're welcome to come for that. She's like, no. It's...

It's actually like a real stand-up dinner, like all of Kristen's friends she made when she did stand-up comedy on Vanderpump Rules. They're all coming, and they're going to make terrible jokes, bringing in a brick wall. It's going to be great. The first guy coming up is going to say how men are different from women. It's going to be wild. It's going to be wild. Oh, wait, I just learned. Reza Farahan is going to be joining, and we have a sneak preview of his material, which goes something like this.

Old people would be like driving so slow. Like I'd be driving fast and then like old person be like driving in front of me and be like driving slow, bitch. Persian people doing crosswalks. Am I right? Damn, bitch. The valley Persian style coming soon, bitch. She's like, no, no, seriously. They can celebrate.

You know, I'm sure there will probably be some bobbing for Coors Lights or something like that. Maybe like a little NASCAR celebration. Not into it, Zach, but thank you. Okay, thank you for that. Thank you so much for that because I was trying to figure out how we were going to get a house to land on you tonight. But since we're not going to have to do that, you've just saved me some time. Okay, totally fine. You know, someone should have just said, you know what?

you guys are in a fight now but you know you're gonna be friends in like six months so don't you want to be there for her engagement even if you don't like her now it's that way down the line when you guys are friends again you can be so happy that you were there this year this moment like why doesn't anyone ever say that because we all know they'll be they'll patch up next season they'll be friends again like this is the way it goes in reality stars but oh well i don't know at least show up and just be like oh my god you know congratulations kristin

That's it. That's all you have to do. Why not that? It's not being fake to wish somebody well. It really isn't. It really, really isn't. I mean, it would be in this case, but it doesn't have to be. You can actually be a decent person sometimes. You can just say, I know we have our issues, but...

That does not get in the way of the fact that I think this is really awesome. And I'm still fucking happy for you, you know? So then she's like, okay, well, I guess we're going to dinner. Okay. And you know what? I don't even want to go. I want to go back to LA because like, this is crazy. Like, I mean, I'm going to have to hang out with him tomorrow. I mean, wow. I'm already excluded. I'm already excluded from one thing. So I'm not going to jump into anything else. And no one excluded. So even Jason, who's like the biggest, like,

simpy you know ass kisser on television it's like babe like if if we're gonna she he's like we weren't excluded from dinner she goes oh really and he goes yeah and it's a good thing they got engaged but does it make sense if there's weird tension she goes yeah and the trips for them yeah so we got talked into coming on this trip and it's her engagement trip wow wow

He's like, no, it's for us. He's like, I didn't take off work to leave Hawaii early because she's like, we're going to go home early. We're not going to stay the whole time. He's like, no, no, we're staying here. Okay. We have a free hotel room.

In a hotel with bad food, so be it. But we're staying here. Yeah. And she goes, okay, unless you are in stuff tomorrow. And she's like, okay, well, you know what? I want food because I'm hungry. Okay. And I thought I'd be eating by now. And he's like, she goes, well, I'm not going to, you know what? I'm not going to anything tomorrow, but TBD tomorrow, TBD. And he goes, okay, but-

I don't know about this tomorrow. Like, stop saying that. And she goes, okay, you know what? We'll figure out tomorrow when it comes. And he goes, what does it matter if they're engaged? And she goes, we'll figure it out. I'm just ready. I've been starving. Okay. You know what? Do you want to go to her thing? Do you want to go? Do you want to go to her thing and get food? I guess that's what you want to do. Great. My husband has left me to go support Kristen to something I've been excluded from. That's great. Our child is traumatized. Thank you for basically murdering our child, Jason. I hope you have... God, Janet, you are...

Just stop. You can't go two seconds without being a total asshole. Just stop. Oh, my God. Here's why Janet is so mad. It's because she was probably rearing up to have...

some confrontation with kristin some big moment she had all her she had all her ducks in a row of how she wanted to do it and all her points and now it's kristin's engagement weekend which means that kristin is kind of untouchable you can't be mean to kristin why would you say this we're on our engagement weekend it's such a special time so basically janet is like fighting an uphill position now when before there were equals in their stupid spat and she's like fuck

Now I can't do the thing that I wanted to do. And now I'm going to be so shit. That's why she's spiraling. I think, well, welcome to being on last season with you preggo when nobody could say anything to you or you'd be like, you tried to murder my baby. So, and that's, I think another problem with the Valley, someone's always going to be pregnant. Yeah.

and or getting married and or getting divorced so someone's always gonna have like a block a stop block card you know that they pull it's like okay gotta be nice to this girl again for the season

Yeah. So they're setting up the, the, um, the room to be, to be nice. Maybe we do see the flowers here. I don't remember, but they're setting up the presidential suite and Brittany is like, well, I would have helped, you know, if I known, but you know, I just don't know why they didn't include me. Why do they disclude me from this so much? If everybody in the crew knew, I just want to be able to help with the situation, make something better for Kristen, but whatever, I'm just being selfish.

She's annoying. So, you know, everybody parties and they get their T-shirts and all that good stuff. And Kristen's like, oh, my God, like to go above and beyond like this, like have all these decorations and have all these shirts printed and to keep it a surprise. Like, oh, it is so sweet. You guys invited the dolphin, right? Somebody has to invite the dolphin. Yeah.

this is nice but like as fun as this party is we really should get back on that boat because there are dolphins out there christian is a lie no no that i'm pretty sure i saw one we should go guys quick

So everybody cheers them on. They're all happy for them. They all party. And Luke's like, guys, please don't share with Instagram because we haven't even told our family yet, you know, and we don't want them to find out this way. And Jesse's like, no, it's your moment. Listen, from a father to a nonfather, let me just say you define your moment. Just don't let fucking Aaron define it for you.

so they do it Luke does a toast and Brittany's like hey someone who's been engaged and married before listen to your gut always and my gut saying want some chicken fajitas right now come on let's get rid of those fajitas at yeah that's Brittany listening to her gut weren't you begging for a new baby six months ago please don't listen to Brittany's guy okay listen to your own she literally has gut issues

That was like a whole storyline last season. I got good issues. Jesse's like, you have a new family, guys, and I love you. Cheers to you guys. Family. And he's like, you know, I love love. Yeah. When you find your best friend, that's great. You also find a cheating whore. That can be fun, too. But you know, every season in its time.

Hey guys, sorry if anybody wanted to go fishing that didn't get to go. We didn't catch anything, so don't worry about it. I wanted to go fishing! Why can't I go fishing for one? And Kristen's like, I've never been so happy I took a shower in my entire life. And that's the end. So Kristen and Luke are doing it, everybody. They're getting scared.

They're getting married. Looking forward to that next season on the Valley, the Kristen and Luke wedding special. Kristen as a bride, bridezilla will be fabulous. It's going to be, well, actually next season is going to be the bait at the pregnancy. It's going to be the wedding. It's going to be a big Kristen moment next year. No, because she already had her baby. But they, I'm sure they've documented some of it. Oh, do you think they're shooting already? Well, maybe, I don't know. Maybe not, but then it'll be like, well, I just had a baby, fresh baby content, you know, be all that stuff. Yeah.

It'll be something. Here's my baby. It's already learned to roll a joint. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you tomorrow with some next gen NYC. Bye.

Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickleless. Hava Nagila Webber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. She gets an A, it's Kelly B. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever will be will Lauren Sills be.

Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

The Bay Area Betches.

Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony, Junie. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony. Come on, shake your body, baby, do the Sidney Congdon. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture. We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. Is your cash earning 4.25% APY right this very moment? It could be if it was in a Wealthfront cash account.

With Wealthfront, you can earn 4.25% APY through partner banks until you're ready to invest, and you get free same-day withdrawals to eligible accounts every day. Yes, even on weekends and holidays. 4.25% APY is not a promotional rate. There's no limit to what you can deposit and earn, and you even get the protection of up to $8 million in FDIC insurance through Wealthfront's partner banks.

Sign up now.

Go to Wealthfront.com to get started earning interest and building your wealth today.