#490 - The Worst Ways To Propose
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, you're here with your Hawaiian shirt. Yes. Dead of the winter. I appreciate the dedication. I'm also here with Fred Durst, apparently. It's a backwards hat, let's relax. Fred Durst owns backwards, uh, fitted hats. Yeah. If it's not a fitted hat, it's owned by somebody else. But it's usually red, okay?

Is it only? No, he's had some black ones in there, right? Now he's just white. I mean, he's been white. I'm talking about his facial hair. White as snow. His hair? His facial hair. You're Fred Durst-ed out right now. That's actually not a bad thing. You did it all for the nookie. We've discussed this already. We've discussed it in grave detail. I think that's what you should go as this year for Halloween. Fred Durst. Why not?

I'm just gonna wear a backwards hat. Backwards hat, just start, you know, telling people, "BREAK YOURSELF!" I can get a little, what's that called? Soul patch? Is that what that is? No, no, no, it's like a, not a goatee, it's like a landing strip, but on your face. Landing strip? Remember when the landing strip was popular with vaginas? Yeah, I did it one year. You don't have a vagina. I know, I don't. Wait, you had a landing strip? Yeah. For your pussy?

I don't- let's make something very clear. I know, your man, your- your- My boy, my- no. Boy pussy, you're pussy. No, no, no, no, no. That's a different- that's your asshole. Yeah. Um, yeah, when I was like 18, I would like shave like a landing strip. I don't know why. I know that you've done other stuff, so what else have you done? I did an F. You shaved an F into your pubes? Yeah. Long time ago. Long, long, long, long. That doesn't- I mean, it doesn't matter when it happens. Yes, it does. If my younger self did it, I'm not held responsible.

Wrong. You shaved an F. Yeah. Did someone enjoy the sight? Because I never saw that. Would you have enjoyed that sight? Not enjoyed, but I'm assuming you fucking shave an F into your pubes and you're like, Joe, look. I mean, maybe I showed you my pubes. I mean, I feel like I've seen your landing strip. Yeah, probably the landing strip. But I remember when I, whether it was the landing strip or the F, I got a physical and my doctor saw it.

And he was just like, yeah? And I was like, yeah, man. He was like, good for you. He was an old Greek man. He was like, you know, it's good for you, my friend. You know? You put an F in your pubes and went to the doctor? I didn't realize. I honestly forgot that I had a doctor's appointment.

And I did. What about remembering the pubes? I would have ran to the bathroom and maybe a little... Did what? Did what in the bathroom? Shave your pubes? Hey, do you think I'm carrying around? This is... I'm talking about before you got to the doctor. 2010, Joey. You think I'm carrying around fucking micro touches? No, this is before... I mean, honestly, you could have been because back then you had a drawstring backpack that had everything.

It did, but that was a couple years prior. That was a weird time. We don't look- You were razor pubing. Oh yeah. You were razor-ing your pubes that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Against the grain too. You would against the grain razor your pubes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably sliced that thing up. I remember I had the Gillette Fusion razor. Did it work well? It just had a vibrating thing in it. Wait. What? You had a vibrating razor for your pubes? Yeah.

You're a horny little girl. Is that weird? You get horny for your pubes? No, I mean, I... Someone plays with your pubes, you're horny? Someone plays with my pubes. Like, plays with your, like, fat... What do you think, I'm getting them braided? What do you mean? Fat. What are you saying? What are you talking about?

Well, like, what do you mean a morning? I'm not like, you think I'm holding my razor to my penis? Why does it need to vibrate? It was like what the Gillettes did at the time. It was the Gillette Fusion. And I thought it was like, well, this must be, because I see commercials for it, this must be a really good razor. And it was just a razor that just vibrated. Did you shave your balls? Yeah. You know, I never shaved my balls in my life. So your balls, you just have like a Gandalf beard on your nuts? No, no, no. I mean, it like...

No. That's not what happened. So then what happened? I don't know. Like, I mean, back in the day, I never shaved them with, like, a razor. Oh. Yeah, I did. Well, I know, like, certain... How'd you do it? You, like, pulled it taut, and then you... Yeah, of course, baby. Hold it tight. Go, you know, go around. I have a very delicate sack. I was going to say, like, I can, like, navigate the area well. Also, by the way, just remember, not Patreon. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're pulling your sack taut and you're shaving it. Well, sure. I mean, I haven't done that in a long time. Let's be very, very clear. Yeah, I mean, now we're just buzz boy trim boys. There are certain parts of your body where the hair is like chemically or like engineered basically that it will only grow to a certain length.

That's why you've never, like, shaved your legs, right? Right. That's why it doesn't get, like, wildly long. It stays the length that it is. And when new hair comes in, it gets that length, and it's like, we're good. Right. Pubes, I think pubes, facial hair. Pubes will just go. Pubes will go. Pubes, facial hair, and head hair are the ones that'll just, just, just, just. And if you're old and white, then your ear hair, because I've seen some crazy... Are you scared about that when you become an old, dumb white man? I mean, I'm gonna just...

clean out my ears. I'm gonna get the shavers. Eww! What do you want me to do? Let it grow out of my fucking ears like a potato? I don't know if I've seen someone live and like in person with like, you know, like hair jetting out of their ears. You've never seen like an old white man in brown pants and suspenders with just ear hair? Oh no, no, no. And it's like, bro, how could you even possibly hear with that? No, you know, what's the grossest hair?

What's the grossest hair? You're like, ew. I think nose is worse. Like when it's coming, if you see nose hair like coming out, like it's like fucking like a stalactite, that's miserable. Stalactite is crazy. I don't mind that because I feel like I don't see like really bad nose hair. You would have to cut that because it would make you sneezy. Well, no, I think it's there and it's not making you sneezy. It's when something gets in there that makes you sneezy.

I hate back of the neck hair. Really? Yeah, like when people are wearing t-shirts and it's like, dude, it's coming out the back of your neck. Really? Yeah, I hate that.

I don't really care. I don't know how else to say that. Like, hair doesn't really bother me, but, like, nose would suck. That's hair. I know. I'm saying, like, nose would be the one that I'd be like, all right, this kind of sucks a lot. So if someone walked up on you with a hairy-ass nose, you'd be like, bro. I'd get this fucking nose out of my face. That's what I would say, honestly. Is that what you want? Yeah. Yeah, I just want to know. You got the Fred Durst thing going on. I do, I guess. I mean, it's not a bad thing. Just live it up, you know? Yeah. You also...

I could have swore you went to a Camp Rock trivia because Nick Jonas and you, you've re-sparked the conversation of looking like twinsies. Because we have the same jacket. And you guys have the same face. So I've heard. Can you sing like him? Because he's very like, you know, like... He's got a falsetto on him that I don't think that I have. Oh, you're saying species of singing. I'm not... High, high pitch. Is that... Is that alto? No. Barretone is... And then falsetto is like...

Yeah, exactly. Like, he's got... I don't know why I put an action on that. Yeah, I don't know who the hell that was. That was like the Croatian version of Nick Jonas. Yeah. Nikolaj Jonaskov. Yeah. Wow. Okay. There we go. Everyone like that joke? Let's wait for the laughter to die down. Yeah, I saw that because someone tweeted me. They were like, you're never going to beat the allegations because we're both wearing the same Knicks jacket. Yeah, I mean...

I always forget that they're from Jersey. Are they from Jersey? Yeah, originally they're from Jersey. The Jonas Brothers are Jersey trash? That's awesome. Well, why do you have to do that, Joey? That's how you're speaking about my children, too. They also... And my wife! I'm pissed for everyone! And you, let's not forget. Well, technically I'm not Jersey trash. I mean, you're grandfathered in, I think. Oh, I've only been there a couple years, and now you're grandfathering me into the trash? How long have you been there? Six years.

This September, it'll be seven years. Okay. Once you get to 10, you're officially. 10 years, I'm fully in the trash. Yeah. Wait, do you have a jersey license? Where have you been? That's treason. I want to be very clear about something. I wasn't happy when I had to switch it over. Right. But I had to switch it at and the plates on my car and everything because did I ever tell you when my license got suspended during the pandemic? For what?

some fuckery and chicanery, but I want to make it very clear. I was very upset about it. And you know me, I like to keep an even keel when I'm talking to like people in like customer service. I don't like being, I have, I feel too bad because I know they have a hard job, but like I was, I was letting them have it. Why did your license get suspended? Something to do with insurance where like I had before the pandemic started back five years ago, I had,

Switch like started the process of switching my insurance over but then the DMVs and everything just shut down.

Like, New York, New Jersey, like, you couldn't get in touch with anyone. Uh-huh. So they just suspended my license without telling me. That's fire. Was it? No. It wasn't. And I was really fucking pissed off. Well, you got pulled over and they were like, your license is suspended. No, I don't... Get the fuck out! I don't know. You know, I like how, because I'm a brown man, that's the first place that you would go. Brown is crazy. Tan. Tan. Well, it's the winter, so you're more just like... I'm darker than you, but...

How hard is that? I'm fucking- You're Fred Durst! Yeah. No, it- it was, uh, I don't remember how I found out. I think I called them, 'cause I got a letter in the mail or something like that. And it was like, "Yo, you're suspended." I don't- I don't remember, but I remember I was- You've been suspended from school? Almost. I almost got suspended. That whole "you smell" thing, remember I told you that story where my dad had to come in? I've told- this is a famous my father story. Wait, you said you told someone they smelled? No, so- I'll give you the abridged. The abridged. Here's the bridge.

What is it? Don't laugh at that bitch. I was in our tech class, and what we had to do was we were learning coding and building websites and shit like that. And we were in a group, and you can look at people's stuff from other groups and comment on it, like feedback and shit like that. Okay. Recipe for disaster. Go ahead. Yeah.

I will say this. At the time, at the time, I didn't have a good reputation. Yeah, this is the pinnacle of Prank Frank. Yeah, Prank Frank was out in full force. And I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and I left my computer open because it was one of those things where like they'd wheel in the laptops and you'd

Yeah, yeah. And I left it open. I went to the bathroom, but my defense was it was when you had to sign out. Remember how teachers made us do that? They were just like, you have to sign your name when you're leaving and when you're coming back. Like, they fucking police us. Prison shit. Yeah. It made sense, though, because people were pissing all over the toilet paper in the bathrooms. Yeah.

But, you know, I have thrown toilet paper soaking wet out the ceiling. We used to do that together in elementary school. That's a fun thing to do. Oh, wet paper is so sick. When you're younger and you're walking into the boys' bathroom and you're like, yo, let's just have fun. And you crumble up a bunch of paper, you soak it, and you throw it against the ceiling. Nothing better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it just starts dripping. That's how we had fun. It was fun. In boys' bathrooms as kids. I never shit on the ground or piss.

Yeah, no, no, no peeing in soaps. I knew people that did that. That's why I was very upset about it. I never pissed in the sink. I spit in the sink. I spit in the sink. I didn't piss in the sink. I didn't piss in the soap. You ever shit in a urinal? I've never crapped in a urinal. Me either. I just want to get that out of my head. That's just mean, dude. People have to piss in that. Well, people have to clean it. I'm not worried about peeing on it. Oh, you just piss the crap away. Yeah, I mean, eventually, yeah. That's what you would do. That's what you would do. You'd be a hero. You'd piss the crap away. Right, yeah. Uh.

But I went to the bathroom and while I was gone someone on my computer wrote to somebody else you smell and came back. That's it? Yeah, came back the girl ran out and was like really upset and the teacher like immediately was like you downstairs principal's office I was like fuck and they had to like set up a hearing my dad had to come in the next morning. Because of you smell? Yeah. Jeez dude that's pretty like. It's what I don't know what this says about me. Who was the girl? Did she stink?

She must have stunk if she's like... I don't remember her smelling. You smell. I don't remember if she smelled.

I mean, clearly she's self-conscious about that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't... I'm not trying to victim... I mean, I guess I am. I'm victim-blaming here. But, like, that seems pretty light. Yeah. And that was my argument. During the hearing. Your argument wasn't, it wasn't me? My argument... Big deal. My argument was multifaceted. One of them was, hey, listen, I was out at the bathroom. Here's when I signed out, signed in. You know, whatever. The other one was...

If I'm going to insult someone. You said that? She's like, yo, I can do much better than you smell. I swear to God. I said I was just like, yeah, if I insulted someone, it would be a little bit more elaborate than you smell. Elaborate. It would. What grade was this? Eighth. Seventh? Eighth grade. One of those two. Okay. And my dad came in. It was a whole big ordeal. I've told this story probably on the show. Wow. Yeah. It was something. Okay.

But you smell, you know, like that. They let you stay. Bro, eighth grade is too late in life. Were you ever like, did you get in-house suspension? Yeah. Dad, I got in-house suspended a few times, which is just they sit you in a room and they put like,

these like walls so you can't like look at everyone and then you have to do like work the entire day and they let you go to the bathroom twice a day. Sounds like solitary confinement. Basically. Yeah. They only let you go to the bathroom twice a day? Yo, I never fucking got that. I never fucking understood that. Teachers hate when you go to the bathroom. I mean, granted, that's where shit goes down. Let's be honest. Like literally and figuratively. But like teachers would be like you have one trip to the bathroom per day and it's like

Bro, what if I'm just... You want me to piss and crap everywhere? I wonder what it's like in schools now. Because you remember it's like, oh, I got to go to the bathroom. And they're like, here, take this. And it's like a full chair attached to a key. And I'm like, why does it have to be a giant lock? Or even worse, and I hope they still don't do this. Even worse, they would be like, all right, pick someone to go with you. What is that? And then we'd get up and we'd go, hmm.

And obviously every time we picked each other. Right. But like, and you never, and if you did pick somebody else, I was pissed about it. I know, I was going to hear about that for a year. You were going to hear about that for a couple fucking months. Yeah. But like, go, like we were in a school. I totally handled this by myself. The bathroom's down the hall. It's not like fucking across the street. Yeah. I don't get that. It made no sense. It's like, take someone with you in case you fall in. Like, why am I taking a spotter? I'm taking a shit. Yeah.

I don't want anyone there. I don't know. Schools were crazy back in the day. Never dumped in school. We really should get one of our old teachers on this show and see if we can ask them, like, why did you do this? I don't think that any of our teachers will remember specific things about us. I hope they do. I would like to think they did. It was fucking 25 years ago, basically. I mean, you know, they tend to remember memorable students. And I think that not only were we memorable at the time, but, like, look at us now.

Do you know that, like, when I was in middle school, in, like, 7th and 8th grade, I was cool with our vice principal. Yeah, I was cool with the staff, too. I, like, I would get sent to her office all the time, and she was, like, very nice to me. And I thought that we had, like, a good rapport. And...

I just like I wasn't emotionally stable back then so I like would just get like very angry very quickly what was oh like you had like a temper yeah I wouldn't define you as ever having had a temper I did then and I don't I don't even know why it's hysterical because you were also the smallest little puniest little baby boy at the time so like who were you scaring bitch I wasn't trying to scare anyone what the hell was that

One more time, one more time. Do me- this is me in seventh grade. Alright, what are you mad about? Give me the scene. Someone's accusing me of something, but I didn't do it. Accusing you of what? I need to know exactly what. Uh, stealing someone's backpack. Stealing someone's backpack? Or smaller? Something that you might- like- Pencil. Okay, alright. Go ahead. It'd be like, "I don't know why you're-" Go ahead. "No, I don't know my pencil, no!" That was so- yeah. As you were wearing your fucking etnies, and you were listening to Good Charlotte.

Yeah. Probably not back then. You had Good Charlotte on your MP3. Good Charlotte came a little later, but yeah. Middle school. That was Good Charlotte. That was prime. Whatever. I mean, regardless. You know? But anyway. He took the earbud out of his head, and you just hear in the background, like, I just did it. I just did it. I just did it. I did fucking. I just did it. That is a South Park voice. That might be. But you were just like, you had like, and you had big teeth at the time. I remember, like, you were so small. You were like a little...

You were like a hairless, big-toothed, little white rodent. You're not very nice. A hairless, big-toothed, white little rodent. What were you? I was a big-nosed, skinny, lanky, dumb, brown kid. I feel better now. Yeah, there you go. You were Rufus from Kim Possible. Did you just Google that?

You scumbag. Honestly, honestly, honestly. Yeah. Not that far off. I don't have big buck teeth. He does not. He doesn't have big buck teeth. But the rest of it probably is accurate. Yo, I recently watched Kim Possible. Holds up.

Still good. Never watched an episode of that. What? Yeah. No way. Yes, you did. No I didn't. It was on like before even Stevens or something. I mean, I just didn't watch it. What? Why? I don't know. Oh man. I also wasn't in- She was your basic average girl. She was just here to save the world. You can't stop her because she's... *sings* Kim Possible. No, it's Kim. I had a crush on her though. I like the pants. Yeah, you're wearing them right now.

I am wearing Kim Possible pants right now. You're dressed basically like Kim Possible right now. You just need the red hair. I just need gloves. Oh, you're dressed like Ron, her boy. That's who you look like. Who's Ron? Wasn't there a guy in the show who was trying to fuck her the whole time? Ron Stoppable. Ron Stoppable. You kind of look like that if you had a little bit lighter hair. Oh, okay. You don't think so? No.

Anyway. I can see it. But anyway, the reason why I brought that up is because I would go into her office all the time, and we had a good rapport, and I thought that we were cool, whatever. And I remember like two years out of middle school, I had sent an email to her. Like, hey, it's Joe. She had no idea who I was. Two years afterwards. I'm like, bro, we had like a thing. We knew each other. Well, that's not a way to speak about your race principle. That's not what I meant. We didn't have a thing. There was nothing like that. Oh.

She let me play with her dartboard. That sounds weird, too. Yeah. She had a legitimate dartboard that I would play, that I, never mind. Yeah, you honestly just buried yourself a little bit. What was her name? Say it so everyone knows the potential criminal. Miss Del Valle. Well, there you go. Yeah, Miss Del Valle. Damn, so she just forgot you. I like to think that there are teachers that remember me. I know you like to think that. I know.

Well, people will probably remember you because your mom worked in the school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like... Bro, there were, there were, like, people loved my mom. You think Miss DeFilippi remembers us? I hope so. No way. Well, she can't because she's probably six feet deep in her sleep. No pajamas. You know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you mean. I just, I like to think, well, like, my mom had, like, a lot of friends. So, like, they'd know me as Nancy's son. Right. Bro, I had one teacher who was never my teacher.

I never did a class with him, anything. He was like, I want to write you a letter of recommendation. I was like, I don't know you. Who? Oh, in high school. I'm going to say, yeah. I've just said every name. Montalvo. He was a nice guy, but like never once. Wanted to hook you up.

Never once. I thought he was Googling my telephone. Yeah, he said, go to LinkedIn. I never once had a class. He just knew me through my mom, and he was just like, I want to write you a letter of recommendation. I was like, go nuts. For who? For college. Oh. See, I don't know about that. I know, because you never. I forged all my. Hello. Wait, what? Yeah, I wrote a letter of recommendation for college, but I made it up. Who is it from? I made up a name.

I was like, there's no way they're going to look into this, so I just wrote something. So you just made up complete nonsense. I mean, obviously, it was not very good because you didn't get into any school. No, I was actually good at writing, so I was able to, like, I didn't want to go to college. It's hysterical. So I remember I told my parents, you're supposed to apply for college in, like, November, December of your senior year, right? Yeah.

Around then, yeah. Maybe a little earlier. And I told my mom I did. And she was like, which schools? And I just like... I was like, oh, I like, you know, like... I just started naming like SUNY schools and shit that I'd like heard of. And I was like, yeah, there... And your mom worked at a school, so she's like... Yeah, she probably had some sort of like inkling. And I remember being like, I haven't done any of that. And I never applied for a school. And then when it came to like...

fucking April or something. I went to my guidance counselor and she was like...

are you going to apply? Because I was honest with her. I was like, I haven't applied to anything. And she's like, apply to Queensborough Community College and they'll accept you, but you need a letter of recommendation. So I just wrote one. Bro, without exaggeration, I had probably six or seven letters of recommendation written. Well, you also had a plan to actually go to college. I was just like, I'm just trying to get into this school. I'm going to lie about this. If they say this is fake and I can't go, cool, I don't care. I wrote a letter of recommendation a couple times and one of them was not a recommendation for the job.

You're a piece of shit. Someone asked you for a letter of recommendation and you wrote a bad one? And I told them very clearly, like, listen, like, because they, it was when I was, like, a supervisor, and I made it very clear, like, I don't think you would be right for this position. And they said, like, can you still, like, I need a letter of recommendation. And I was just like. Do you know the word recommendation is, like, the best?

big part and you didn't recommend it. Well, a recommendation doesn't need to be in the affirmative. It could be in the, like, I am not recommending this person. That is astounding. Of course. You told them, like, I'm going to write something negative. Bro, as a supervisor, let me, let me, let me, let me. As a supervisor, I had to be fucking honest and I said to them. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Don't be fake.

No! Yeah! No way, Jose. Yeah. I was very clear. It was someone that I did not have a good working relationship with. I also did not like this person as an individual. Did you tell them that it was going to be negative? I told them very clearly, like, I don't think you're right for this position.

I think you should ask somebody else." And they were just like, "I have nobody else to ask." And I was just like, "That's so sad." I agree, but also like, bro, it's your reputation that you're putting on the line. Why were they bad? Not everyone is fucking Quincy DaBeatBop or whoever you, you know, wrote as your fake letter of recommendation. Like, these are real people. This was my represent-- you know, like, it was representing me. Right. And why were they bad? They were just like,

You know I'm not a good like a not a good person or they were just like they were late to stuff and like just Didn't know how to work with people well like couldn't read a room like in like they couldn't read a right No, no, but like couldn't like just didn't mesh well and people generally didn't like them because they were too intense and that was all feedback I'd given this person during the year and

And I had to like... That's so fucked. Why is it fucked? It's honest! What if you found out they're homeless? If the reason is because of the letter of recommendation, I would feel bad. You know that writing that letter means they are not getting the job. Like, you are solidifying the fact that they're not getting a job. Uh, I mean, maybe. But, also, it's not entirely on letters of recommendation. Like, if they went out there and they crushed the interview...

That was my thinking. I'm like, no one's even going to read this letter of recommendation. I mean, yes, they will. No, they won't. Yes, they will. It's a community college. No one's reading this. I mean, maybe. They see Joe Santagato, future YouTube star. Joe Jonas lookalike. Lover of Mac Miller. They'd say, yo, let's read this.

absolutely no one's going to read that and if they did read it like he's gonna wait hold on let me go verify that this person actually exists before i like bro it's community like i mean jobs do that like they i'm sure they do i just didn't think that like a community i imagine that it's it's like you need to like you don't know if they're gonna do it so like what if they what if they pick you as the person to do it to i was like in my head i'm like i have good grades like i'm

like, overqualified, I guess, to get into the school. I could definitely get accepted into the school because my grades are good, and I'm writing a letter of recommendation. Whatever. Who cares? I just kept it very vague in general. I didn't put anything, like, specific, like, top of his class scholar. I just said, like, yeah, cool. Joe is hardworking and... Basic shit. I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but I remember being like... The irony that they probably... What if they did read it, and they were just like, wow, this kid sounds like a really good kid, and then you just don't go back? Well, that's what happened. I know. I know.

That's what happened. Ant, did you go to college? I did. Where? Baruch in the city. Oh, nice. School of business. That's a big school of business, right? Finance, yeah. Wow. You got your four-year degree? Yep. Good for you. So we're right here, you know, you and I. All the dummies. We all ended up here. I do want to make one comment. I want to make one comment about this. We've all ended up working four years. Yeah, we all. Yeah. You guys happy with your degrees? Yeah. I don't know the point you're trying to make. Oh, man. I wish I cared more, but we do.

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Yeah, go shop. And then after you purchase everything, after you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. So let them know that we sent you to Skims. All right? Like I said, for women out there, if you want your guy to have nice underwear, or for fellows out there, you want a nice pair of underwear, which I know as guys, it takes a long time for us to throw underwear away.

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Yeah, and if you want something that's not only feeling warm and cozy around your bottom, if you want something that's making you feel warm and cozy in your heart, right here in your chest, go to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard where we're going to have more shows for you. There's going to be us and you, and it's going to be a warm, cozy hangout sesh, okay? Join Patreon and join that first tier, and you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you could start your week and end your week with this.

The Basement Yard, that makes me so happy. Thank you so much. You know, we are so appreciative and grateful you guys have seen, by now I hope, we are in a new studio and a huge reason we're getting the opportunity to do this is not only love and support we get from everyone across the board, but our friends over on Patreon. So patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Thank you guys so much. We love you. And guess what?

Again, if you didn't see, we're going over to Europe. We have some shows in Scotland, London, and Dublin.

And if you're coming to any of those shows, make sure you go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Let us know what show you're coming to and submit responses to the questions we have there. A big part of these shows that we did last year, and we want to do it again this year, is they're interactive. We talk to you. You talk to us. Crazy stories. Bing, bang, boom. It's insane. Maybe not.

But if you go and you submit it, maybe we'll pick your card. Maybe we'll talk to you about you. We can also, if you ask to be kept anonymous, put that in there, whatever. But go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Let us know what show you're coming to. Submit your response. And you never know. Maybe we'll talk at the shows, all right? Back to Joe. That was my transition noise. I figured. That was it. Did you like that? Someone's calling me. Oh, who is it?

Don't know the number, not picking it up. Never pick it up. Scary, scary, scary, scary. Scary? Did I ever tell you I used to mess with those scam callers? I've done that. I kept them on the phone for like five, ten minutes. We were like Hall of Fame prank callers back in the day. I stand by. I was a great prank caller. Prank called one of our friends as a girl saying I wanted to get intimate with them.

I'm sure you didn't use that language. Oh, no, yeah, no. And do you remember? I remember you... Do you remember? I don't know that specific story about that, but I do remember you cyber prank calling one of our friends, meaning you created a screen name and were flirting with one of our friends. Catfishing. Catfishing. Catfishing. And I remember the screen name was SkeetOnMyFaceXX. X? Yeah.

Three exes. It was skeet on my face. That I know for sure. And you were like, oh, hey, how you doing? You're so hot. And they were like, whoa, what? Really? And the screen name was literally skeet on my face. I remember the skeeting. Like, in the screen name. Let's make that very clear. We did, yeah. But it was all fun. It was just bros hanging and... It was just pranking the guys. Pranking guys and having fun. I remember one time I prank called one of our friends and I was just like, um, like, can I, like, come and, like, touch your balls? And, like...

He was like with other friends of ours. And he was just like, yo, she wants, she's, she's down. You remember everyone would always say like DTF. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And then I would like pretended like my boyfriend took the phone and he was just like, oh, all right, come through. Like, let's fight. And then you can hear, I remember hearing our friend to our other friends say like, yo, you got the hammer. Stop. I swear. And then he said like, they're in the cut. Cause I said like, I'm coming to get you. Got it. And we showed up.

And it was you. And it was me. Yeah, yeah. You're an idiot. It was so fun. Yeah. So fun to be a kid and mess around with your friends, have a little bit of good times. You know? Yeah. I do know exactly what you mean. But I was a good prank caller. Maybe we should do episodes of prank calling people. I'm not going to prank call anyone. Why not? I mean, because I'm, you know. An adult. That's part of it. That's part of it. That's a big part of it, I would say. When was the last time you prank called someone? A very long time.

Man. Well, that was the time. Remember there was a show, Crank Yankers? Yeah. And then, you don't remember that? It was like puppets that were like. Yeah, prank calling. Yeah. And then there was the infamous prank call that you kicked my dog. That's like almost 23 or 24 years old. That is a white guy doing a seemingly Indian man's action. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Problematic. A little bit. And, you know. You know. But a classic. Yeah.

But a classic. It's not. It was. It definitely was. That was the funniest thing in the world at one point. No, the funniest thing in the world was the Arnold Schwarzenegger's Pizza Shop. Yeah, but not many people know that. I'm shocked. If you want something crazy like pineapple, I'll kill you. I recently brought that up to someone, and they were just like, Arnold's Pizza Shop. And I was just like,

Sit down. Frank, you lived on whatever fucking website that was. Don't even pretend you don't remember funnyjunk.com. Funnyjunk. Okay? There were some problematic ones on there, too. Of course. Some ones that were not nice. Right. We know which one we're referencing. Are we referencing the one where someone works in a drive-thru and they clearly have some sort of issue? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're just exploring that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you remember the Pneuma Pneuma video? What?

What is that guy doing? This guy. He's just doing this. I mean, I got to say, incredible karaoke skills. Lip syncing, you mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's not karaoke. Yeah, you're right. I mean, he crushed that lip syncing. Yeah, he did a great job. Where is the Numa Numa guy? Can you look that up for me? You could try.

Numa Numa guy. Man. Man. The Numa Numa guy. Oh, he's on stage singing. He's in a band. Good for him. His name's Gary. Is he? Go to Wikipedia. That's always a trusted source. Where is he from? Norway or something? No, that looks like that is... What do we think here? He's in movies? No. What movie? Oh, it's like a student film or something.

Where's he from? Newgrounds. It was on Newgrounds.com. The fuck is Newgrounds? You never remember Newgrounds? You remember Newgrounds, right? I do remember Newgrounds. Yeah. Just go to where he is now. I don't care about all this stuff. I'll just type in his name.

Just scroll to the bottom of that. It wouldn't tell you? We'll figure it out. Yeah. I'll look. You look that up. But the Numa Numa guy, if he went viral now, you'd probably become an internet celebrity and make a bunch of money. That's your career. And then start a coin and then take everyone's money and then disappear and people are thinking, where are you? I'll let everyone who's watching this know right now. If we create a... I'm giving you the heads up. If we create a meme coin...

I will rug pull it. So if we create a meme coin, don't give us the money. At least you're being honest. That's what I'm saying. I am going to rug pull it. Yeah. And you will lose money, so do not give it. This is what is going to happen. If we, like the coin will be called like BSMT.

Okay. It'll be called basement coin. Right. Don't buy it! Don't. If we release it, things have gotten real tough here, but I'm- I'm pulling it. I'm rug pulling. And let us crash and burn. If it gets to a point where we release that coin, let us like, you know like, "Oh man, like things are not going well." Let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let it go right where it deserves to be. What I'm letting you know right now, the rug. Yeah.

How much do we know? We're obviously... I think millions. We're referencing Hayley Hoctua Welch. And we're not accusing her of orchestrating anything. But the evidence doesn't look great. Yeah, I think that there's a... How much did they make off of that coin? Millions, I assume. Bro, she... Like, I'm not even kidding.

If it comes out like she does get in trouble criminally, the movie about the July to January part of her life is going to be insane, dude. Movie is crazy. Maybe on Netflix? Netflix, Doc? Maybe. But like... It's kind of crazy, though. Oh, you gotta do this. How much did they...

It does say that her coin reached a market cap of around 500 million. Yeah, but I don't know what that- WHAT?! Yeah, but that doesn't mean that it's worth 500 million. A market cap, dude? I don't know what that means, though. To be honest. I don't know how much she like walked away with. I also don't even know what a rug pull is. I'm sorry, maybe we do do this. I mean- Well, I'm saying- Let's be very clear. It is a crime. We- Yeah.

I'm admitting to a crime that I may or may not commit in the future. I'm just letting you know that... No, that's literally how people get in trouble. Don't do that. Say you're not going to do it. Well, I'm not going to create a meme coin. Okay, just want to make sure that the lawyers watch this. I'll just go make pizzas before I did that. But I'm just letting everyone know, be smart. But if you see me making a meme coin, it's not going to the moon. It's getting a third of the way there, and then I'm, ha! And I'm leaving. I mean, 500 million, that's to the moon.

I don't think that means it's worth $500 million. Bro, if it was, I'm pushing you to create a coin tomorrow. Well, Frank, if I'm rug pulling, I'm pulling the wool as well. The rug's getting pulled. The wool? The wool over your eyes. You think I'm giving you $1? I'm rug pulling innocent people. So you're not getting $500 million. I'm getting $500 million and I'm running away. Is the rug made of wool? I don't get it. No, you're...

A rug pull is what that's called. Yeah, but why is there wool over your eyes? Pulling the wool over your eyes. You've never heard that expression? No. Okay. Well, welcome to adulthood and planet Earth because that's an expression everyone's been using for years. Pulling the wool over someone's eyes? How many sheep are you talking to that you can just regular... That doesn't make sense. What does that mean? Frank, you know that exists. Pull the wool over your eyes. It's a phrase. It means to fool you. Oh, okay. No, no, no. It does sound familiar.

To trick or deceive. Okay. I'm sorry. I was confused because you were talking rugs. I'm thinking you have rugs of wool. No. Can you do that? You can make rugs of anything. Human skin, wool. Human skin? Yeah. No. You don't think so? No. But anyway, we do have some more sponsors. Really? Yeah, dude. We have some more. We have him. So all the fellas out there, if you're losing your hair, it doesn't mean you can't find it again. Okay? Okay.

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And, you know, I think we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about the pilot. You know, we had talked right before we started recording. There was a pilot that, like, got engaged or proposed. Yeah, during the flight, the pilot came out into the main cabin and proposed to his girlfriend. Why was she on the flight that he was flying? I don't know. I think it's like a horny thing maybe, right?

You know how people like to do, like, I'm at your place of work and I'm here. You know, like they do stuff like that. No, am I crazy? Is Becca here or something? What are you talking about? I wish. I wish. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, now that I'm thinking about it, that's kind of like the wedding singer. Like a wedding singer. Remember he's playing the guitar on a plane?

I don't remember that part. Did you marry more? I don't remember that part or care for it. No, yeah, so I think it's funny because like I think the story came out and she said yes, but- Imagine she said no. Bro, imagine being on that flight. Wait, did he propose over the PA? No, he like walked out to her. Planes can like fly themselves like now. There's like autopilot and shit like that. And there's two pilots. Now, bro? Of course. For years. You're acting like it's 1901.

I mean, I don't know. When did they bring out autopilot? When did they roll it out? I'm going to say the 70s. 70s? 100%. I'm saying 90s, brother. No way. They've been doing that forever. Really? Yeah, autopilot. How hard is that? You lock the steering wheel and you just go. Yeah, but like...

It's way smarter now. No, it's probably older if anything. 19- No, bro, that's- Come on now, you dumb idiot. That says 1912. Now you almost- Bro, if we've had that since 1912- Bro, what kind of question did you type in? What does it say? Just type in, when were planes able to automatically fly? Okay, okay. Okay. When was planes automatically flies? When was autopilot invented?

Same answer! We got the same answer! It was invented in 1912 by the Sperry- The people that made my boots?! I don't know why I'm- Sperry Corporation? Designed to reduce the pilot's workload? This doesn't make sense. Oh, you said the 90s? I mean, it is the- 1912?! That- What? Why? How? Also, I made the joke of being like, this ain't 1901. Well, ten years later, they had it. An apology? Maybe? No, fuck you. For what? You? You did type that, like-

An idiot, to be fair. Also, I just fired you back there for pulling up a picture of a naked mole rat. That's true. Saying that looked like me. That is right. Technically, you are... You're off the clock. You're off the clock. Wait, no. No, this can't be right. Like, all right, look up, like, now planes can fly by themselves. When did that happen? What? No, no. Like, there's a difference. Autopilot, like, it might, like, lock the thing, but, like, now, like, basically they click a button and it follows a path. Like, when did, when did, uh...

I guess autopilot. You're describing autopilot, I think. That might be what you're doing here. And there's no other way to ask this question. We're going to get the same page. All right. Type this. When did planes become as smart as they are? Yo, Frank is AI's worst nightmare. Aircrafts of the 21st century. There we go.

So that's just a big white guy. That is a big-ass white guy. We're not reading that. Frank, the answer is 1912. That's astounding to me. That doesn't make sense. Think about it. Amelia Earhart. That was so long ago. When was that? I don't know. When was Amelia Earhart? I don't know. The 30s? Oh, it was. It was like 29 or something like that? That was the Great Depression. Yeah. So people were upset, but she was flying planes, and that made her happy, which is nice. You should find a hobby in the dark times. Oh, I have some bad news for the people that...

Something happened on that plane that she took. Well, no, she had some good flights. She did. But then she had some one really not good ones. Unfortunately, if you have one really bad flight, there's no more good ones. Let's not talk about this as we're about to fly to Vancouver. Please, God Almighty.

It's totally fine. But anyway, asking, like getting, like, hello, proposing to your wife on a plane. Well, you're not proposing to your wife. You're proposing to your girlfriend or partner. Okay. You know. Technical Frank, here he is. Technical Frank. Not just technical. Not just technical. That's just, it's a correction. Technical Frank. One of the worst places to get engaged. I'm going to get up and fucking leave. What is the worst way to propose to your girlfriend? I mean, that's pretty bad because, like,

What if the person being proposed to says, no, this pilot needs to go fly this plane? I'm creating a clip, Frank. What is the worst way to get engaged? Like, what's the worst way to propose to your girlfriend? It's got to be a flash mob.

That's a bad one. That's so bad, dude. Can we group together? I just hate collections of people dancing. I hate that too. Well, unless they're on a stage. But don't be on the floor. If you're on level ground that I am like, I can stand face to face with you and you're dancing, get the fuck out of here. Or you're on hardwood. Like if you're like a, a Nick City dancer or something like that's fine. But like, yo, you're in Grand Central Station and you're all dancing. Bro, if I walk, they just,

I got recruited to be in a flash mob once, and I respectfully declined. How do you get recruited? Was it like a cult? Someone reached out to me and said, I want to do a flash mob. Do you want to be in it? We're going to make it go viral. Did it go viral? No, Joey. Absolutely. Of course not, because that was the thing that people said just to get people excited in 2010. You know what? It was just like, we're going to make something, and it has all the key components to go viral. So...

Would you have to show up to practice? Because I'm assuming everyone has to learn the dance. You know, I said no, so I didn't go that far. But, like, I remember it was, like, in, like, the cafeteria, like, where people, like, the food hall on campus. Oh, my God. They wanted to do a flash mob in campus? And, bro, they had a big stairwell coming down so, like, everyone could see them. Like, it was bad. So that everyone can clearly see the people that they don't want to have sex with. Yeah.

Yes, absolutely. Flash mob is pretty bad. Can you imagine? It's like, will you marry me? I'll tell you this. If the song marry you by Bruno Mars is involved at all. Pretty bad. Just say no. Yeah. And if you're getting proposed to what Disney proposals are pretty bad. Oh, here's Mickey Mouse. Just kidding. He's got the ring. Like, what are we doing? I want you to make me the.

"Huh-hup! Happiest bully ever! Hup-hup!" Yeah. Any time! Any time! Any time I can get it in there! Any time I can get it in there! No, yeah, like, just make it, like, absolutely, like, you know, like, "Here comes Goofy! What's in Goofy's hand?" Where did you propose? Uh, there was a little beach, uh, by where we lived. But not public. Like, there wasn't people around, right? No, no, no, it was just myself, Becca, and Miles. Cool. And there was a, uh, wine. Did you tell Miles?

No, because he would have immediately, like... Told her? Yeah. Oh, so you proposed to both of them? Of course, yeah. Because that's what my life was going to become. Right. You know? But, like... Was he shocked? Did he say yes? Does he say yes? I didn't ask him. He was very excited. Okay, cool. You know? But it was...

I had the ring, I had asked her father, and I looked outside, and it was the craziest sunset I've ever seen in my entire life. Neon pink and purple and orange. Oh, yeah. And I was just like, oh, fuck. There's no better time. So I was like, why don't we go walk down to the little beach to see the sunset? Oh, you slick devil. I was a slick little bitch. How long did you hold on to the ring?

A couple weeks, maybe a couple days, but it wasn't very long. A couple weeks and a couple days are astronomically different. All right, maybe a couple weeks, but it wasn't very, very long. Okay. You know, and I, because I know, like, once I have a gift, I want to give it to that person. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, and then I asked, and her response was, what? What?

Miles made fun of her after that. He would always make fun of her for it. Was there any rules leading up to that where she was like, yo, don't do it at a restaurant or anything like that? Not that I remember. I don't know that I would. Like a restaurant? I think the public aspect of it puts a lot of pressure on people. I'll tell you this. If anyone's clapping, I am not comfortable. If I hear, you know, like...

Yeah, like if you're like in Central Park and then getting down on the knee and then everyone stops and they're like clapping and they're just waiting. I'd be like, oh, too much. Dude, sports games? Sports games. When they pull it up on the Jumbotron and it's just like, happy birthday to Sue and Ben and Leslie. Ben's got a question, Leslie. Michelle, will you marry me? And it cuts to them and everyone's like, oh.

And it's like there's a guy in a corner and he's got a popcorn and a hot dog and he's like, oh. Yeah, it's like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. And like everyone's just like, look, look, look. And like that is – Too much. That seems – but honestly, like it's individual. Like some people want the pomp and circumstance. Like they want it to be big and insane. No. It's so – Have you ever thought about any ways of proposing? I mean, I would –

No, I've only thought about things that I would not do. Okay. So you're not going to Disney. I think we can confidently rule out a flash mob. We can confidently rule out it. I saw a video recently of a guy filming a proposal, but he was like not...

not like part of it. He was just like seeing it happen because it was like on the beach and there was like a whole thing and just like rug and the woman's there and she's just sitting there or standing there and the guy has, it's him and two background dancers and they're doing a choreographed dance. And I'm like, I've never been more certain that a marriage is not going to last. I'll be honest with you.

Out of place choreography terrifies me. It makes my skin crawl. If there's not stage lights on you. Like, why are you dancing so intensely in a park? You shouldn't be doing too much. And like, over intense choreography, I just see it and I wince a little bit. Yeah, and it's like, you can tell that this dude took classes.

For this? Like, he- oh my god. It's tough. He was in on the choreography with the dancers? Yeah! That's bad. It's like, will you marry me? And then backing up and being like- He's like, will you marry me right now? Yeah, and it's like, bro. Oh no! Just say no before he starts. You know why? I think, like, the current internet age has, like, ruined choreography for me. Oh, like TikTok? Like, TikToks and, like, you know, like-

Even that kind of like came and went though. Like I think people are over the choreographed dance on TikTok. I think maybe it's just our algorithm. I have a feeling it's probably still very popular amongst a certain age range of people. It could be. Like bro, people got famous off of that. Like the...

What's the girl that had the McDonald's? Not the McDonald's. Oh, Charli D'Amelio. Yes, the Dunkin' Donuts drink. She's the most followed person on the app, I think. There you go. She got famous doing those dances, right? Well, yeah. She's on Broadway, I think. Yes. Yeah, I saw her at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Not at there. I wasn't there. I saw it on TV. But like... Yo, what a psychotic thing to go to. A Thanksgiving Day Parade? If you propose to someone at a parade... Oh my God. Like if there's a parade float...

Come on. If there's like a big inflatable like Elmo making its way down and you're like, "Quick, I need to ask for your hand in marriage." You fucked up. I do wish that I lived in Manhattan on the path so that I could just see like a giant like... If you lived in Manhattan on that path, that's like, it goes a very specific route. Like it's very expensive to live there, no? I thought it was just, I don't know where it goes to be honest with you. Doesn't it go down 6th Avenue?

Who the fuck knows? But, like, I mean, I don't know. People live there. I mean, that's crazy. If I... Bro, if I... Imagine a big balloon past your window. That's awesome. That'd be scary. It would be like Godzilla. And is that not scary? I don't know. Let me answer for you. It is scary. You know how some people have, like, a fear of gigantic things? I feel like I have the opposite. You have a fear of little babies? No, no, no. I mean, like, I like a giant thing, but I'm not...

I don't mean like, because there's some people that are like, oh, I want a big giant woman to step on my head. That's not what I mean. I wasn't even going that route. I was going with big giant dongs. Oh, no, that's not what I mean either. I don't like big giant dongs. So you like little dongs? I don't like any dongs, dude. I like my own dong, and that's where I draw the line at dong. The only dong you've ever liked? Yeah. No other dongs in the world that you're just like, this isn't the worst dong. Ding dong ditch, I like that. That is. I saw a tortoise dong recently.

Have you seen this thing? A tortoise's penis? Yes, dude. They're like 800 years old. They gotta have crazy ones. Dude, this thing looks like an alien. Look up tortoise cock. You want me to look up tortoise penis? Yeah.

And search for videos. Don't search for videos. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. That's where I saw it, and it was crazy. What website were you on? I don't remember where it was, but I saw it. Tortoise. He's typing in... Well, here's the thing. First of all... We just found out that ant can't spell. And you guys went to the same high school. Well, this is not going to be able to be shown if we're going to put... Yeah, no, no, no. This is just for us. This is... Look at videos. Is that what you want? Is that his leg? No, well... Oh, my God. Is that his...

That looks like a hoof. Dude, look up the video, dude. You really? Okay. Look up the video. What's happening in the video? It's just, it's doing its dong. What does that mean? It's being a dong, dude. It's scary. Don't, I don't want to watch it.

Oh! You know, get that off the screen. That's gross. Josh, don't put this in. Don't put this in. First of all, that title said, WTF exclamation point wanking tortoise? What are you looking at? See that video. Just to make it very clear, that's not the video that I saw. Oh, you saw a different one of a tortoise's wiener. Different, yeah. That is way bigger than I thought it was going to be, by the way. Yeah, yeah. But...

What other ways are bad to propose? Disney is bad because you're both wearing Disney ears and they're trying to do it with the fucking castle in the background. Yeah. And listen, if you've gotten proposed in any of these ways and it's special to you, that's on you. We're just speaking for everyone else. Yeah. I'm happy for you, but I... But I hate you. I would say no to you is what I mean. So that... You ever see the video? I mean, this is very like...

Progressive, I guess. But they were in Disney and it was a... Don't, don't. Just say a person. Two people. Yeah. You know, but they were proposing to each other. Good for them. I was like, what are the chances of that happening? Well, any proposal, you imagine there's been... I shouldn't say any. The ones that are going to probably say yes, there's been conversation about like...

What kind of ring do you want? What kind of, do you want a ring? What do you think about this? Like, bro, the people that just like say like, you know what? I'm just going to propose. Yeah. With no conversation. One, good on you. Two, you're an idiot. Dude, people who get a no, I would literally, if I'm on a knee and the woman that I'm asking to marry me says no.

I'm just going to stay there until I win. Is the relationship over? The relationship is definitely over. One. Two, I may not get up. I'm just probably going to sit. Just going to lie down right there. I'm just going to sit, crisscross applesauce, and just wait for the wind to take me. Smart, honestly. Clean that up. Don't worry. I'm on top of it. Yeah, I'm not getting up. I'm just going to be like, okay, I'm going to stay down here. You can go. You're free to go.

Would you even ask why? Like, would you want, you wouldn't want any, because honestly, if I had proposed to Becca and she said no, I'd be like, why? That would be the first thing out of my mouth. Like, I would, or yeah, definitely maybe a, what? Just did the most like anime, like, huh? Like, you know? I would immediately think that I'm an idiot.

Because I'd be like, "I should've known this." You'd go into like full Dobby mode like, "Dobby's a bad elf!" And like hit your head on the fucking floor. No! You know what I've been doing recently from Harry Potter? Just in my apartment. Just going, "He's back! Voldemort's back!"

I've just been firing those off right now. It's been real fun in your apartment lately, huh? It has, dude. I have a lot of fun. First of all, don't talk to me. The person who talks to himself more than anyone I've ever met. First of all, yes. Second of all, you know what I've been doing? You know what I've been doing? You know what I've been doing? Tell me. I love these. Yeah, this is a good one. He's like, fame isn't everything. I take it back. That's all right. Oh, you do that to your children, don't you? I do. I do it to Miles all the time. He's back! Bro!

Voldemort's back! Yo, did you ever hear Ariana Grande's impression of fucking Emma... Watson. Watson. Where she's like, Ron's been splinched! Yeah, yeah. You know, she does a really good impression. I feel like we're going a little crazy. Okay. I think I'm more of like a... Like, it's an impression. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't like, oh my god, that sounds like Emma. Like, you know? I thought it was pretty good. Yeah, good for her. But...

Yeah. Proposing at theme parks, flash mobs, bad. Sports? Very bad. Bad. Any, like, choreographed dance? Horrific. That's just bad. I don't like that at all. Because then how do you dance your way out of a no? You know, you must know by the look in your girlfriend's eyes as you're dancing and being like, oh, fuck, she's not into that. I've made a grave mistake.

You know? Like, you're, like, dancing, and she's just, like, horrified, and you're like... What do you mean we're not ready? She's like, I feel like she's not into this the way that I thought she was going to be. I think we could work on it if that's something you want to do. If you're not ready, say that, but it feels like a hard no. Are you... Is this the end of us?

Yeah, I've seen it. You have to know. I've seen in movies people just being like proposing and they're like, what? Why? When? We should have talked about this. Bro, that's crazy. I think that if you propose and you get a no, you're an idiot. You have to know that. I mean, no, there are people that are so stupid that they just don't get it.

You know? I just feel like you have to have some sort of inkling, like, this isn't the time. If you have proposed to someone and they said, no, I'm not calling you stupid, but there are people that are stupid. I am not saying stupid. I'm saying more either you're purposefully being oblivious or you're purposefully ignoring signs. Well, that is what a lot of people, like, a lot of people find it easier to just live in the delusion and world of the relationship in their own head than the reality of what it is.

Right. That's what- I mean, it's what you do, but not with your relationship, but with everything else, probably. What the fuck is that?

What does that mean? Do you remember when we had that conversation where you're like, if I'm driving and my engine's making a lot of noise but no light turns on, I'm just going to- That's right. That's right because it's a car. That's kind of the same thing. It is. There's no issue until you find out there's an issue. Hey, man. That's what I'm saying. Dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth. Life's more painless for the brainless. You know what I'm saying? Why think too hard when it's so soothing? Dancing through life. No need to tough it.

When you can slough it off, I do. Nothing matters and knowing nothing matters. It's just life. So keep dancing through. I'm going to have to hold up a Shazam. What's that from? High School Musical or some shit? That's from Wicked, bitch. Got it. That's not good. People are not going to like that. I didn't know that. We've looked up the worst ways to get engaged. Can you zoom in on this a little bit? Because I can't see. Are these other ones?

I think during the recording. Can you zoom in a little bit? I can't hear. I could... Oh, what about people that do it... What about getting fired for the second time in one episode? How about that? Zoom in. What about people that do the proposal in the champagne glass or in a cupcake or a cookie or something like that? If I have to dig... First of all, if I'm buying a ring for thousands of dollars... It's not going in... I'm not putting it in champagne. It's not going in someone's mouth. It's not going...

I'm not running the risk of someone eating it accidentally. Like, oh, it's in your steak. How funny would that be? If they ate it, I'm sure that's happened. I mean, of course it is. I'm sure it's happened. Bro, the person's like a dog. You have to put the pill in the steak and then give it to their dog. Or you put it in the champagne. It's like, now I have to fish this out? Of crap.

Oh, of champagne. I thought you meant like if they swallow it. No. Bro, could you imagine you buy an engagement ring? Also, what is the amount you should spend on an engagement ring? Is it still three months salary? Or three months pay? I don't know. Just get a lab, bro. Alright, you're obviously doing well for yourself, Mr. Durst. Roland just came out, you know? You just released your new album, Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. Right.

Things are going well for you. Okay. What if in three months you make $100,000? No, I'm not. You're going to spend... If I'm spending $100,000 on a ring, I'm not... It's not going near anyone's mouth. Right. But I also like... I mean, I think you have to weigh the options. Like, if you're going to get, like, an egregious ring, you're making your wife a target. Oh, okay. We were talking about eating cupcakes. This one says...

My best friend swears he proposed by pretending to find a ring while eating out his girlfriend and asking her whose ring it was. He has never wavered from this story. If, first of all, you can ask the person that he allegedly did this to, did this actually happen? That's so fire because for him to just be like, what the hell is this?

What is that? Like, how do you... It's like, look behind your ear. And also, ripping you out of the moment. Like, where's... The magic is gone. Not only that, but I'm such a hypochondriac that I could be convinced that something came out of me and then I'd be like, I'm going to the doctor. A fucking ring was in me. If someone ate you out and they found a ring, right? Yeah, if someone was eating my butt and was like... I would think that someone, like, put a ring in my food. And I ate it. And you shit it out? Yeah. In their face? Yeah. Yeah.

I'd be scared, dude. At the wedding you threw them? At the surprise wedding. Oh, that's another one. When people propose at someone else's wedding. That is so insane. Yeah, I would be a little... I'd be... I mean, listen. If someone came to me and said, like, I'm thinking about doing this, and I thought on it, I was like, all right, go for it, that's different. But if they didn't tell anyone and they just did it? First of all, I'd be like, I'm going to hit you. Don't get engaged at my wedding. I know. I would say no, but like...

Maybe it's like a real thoughtful moment where, you know, wait 24 hours, do it at the brunch. How about that? I'm just saying, some people do allow it to happen. I know. But if they just don't even say anything and they're like, I'm just going to do this. That's insane. That's crazy. What else do we got? Show her the ring, then put both hands behind your back, say pick a hand now. Oops, wrong hand, no proposal this time.

If someone ever does that. Yeah, that's not good. That's way too long. I'm not reading that. What is wrong with people? They don't have jobs? They're writing fucking essays? This is hunting where you're miles away from anybody else. That's a little tough. Yeah, that's a little scary. I don't want to get engaged when there's guns around. Or out on a boat where there's no one around. I mean, if it's just you two and you talked about it, that's sweet. Then it's magical for your moment, but like...

Yeah. Then you're putting the person in the position of if they say no, they might end up over for it. I think that everyone... My actual opinion is that everyone should get engaged in a way that is special as a couple. Don't do anything that's like, well, I like this, so we're going to do it here. Find something that works for you. And if that's fucking Disney and you're both holding churros and that's what it is...

Fine. Yeah. Not for me. Honestly, a proposal, like, the moment it's going to happen should be a surprise, but, like, the way it's happening should be discussed. In some way. In my opinion. You know, like, at least... Get an inkling. An idea. Listen, every couple... I don't say this. I'm not going to say every couple.

The way that Becca and I did it, when we were approaching, like, that's the next logical step is getting engaged, getting married, having a family. There's a lot of conversation that goes into it. Like, at least on our end. Like, we were open, so we were just like, rings, and we talked all that out. Then the little minute details, you could figure out. But, like, the larger stuff, like, bro, if I was – could you imagine – Becca doesn't, like –

The idea of her getting on a stage would maybe scare her a little bit. Could you imagine if I proposed to her on stage at Radio City? The pressure you're putting on that person is crazy. Yeah, I mean, at that point, if I'm...

See, that's why I think that's a bad idea, because I would never want to put someone in a position where they feel like they can't say no if they needed to say no. Yeah, exactly. Because it'd be like, oh, so many people are watching. Like, I'd rather just, like... Yeah. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it... Well, we also did... We also did have someone propose at one of our shows, and we kind of coordinated with them. Yes, and she said yes, thank God. She said yes, thank God. And also, I think he told us, like, in communication, like, we've discussed...

weddings and marriage as like it's going to happen she just doesn't know when got it you know but dude can you imagine first of all selfishly if she did say no the show would have been probably a lot better this is real when we were planning it we said like what if we like stopped for a second we were like oh my god what if she says no and then me you and greg at the same time went

That would be hysterical. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. Yeah, it would be not good for the dude, and I would feel really bad for him, but that would be crazy. It'd be funny because we'd be like, we still had the graphic ready to go. Congrats. You know, like, she said yes. Right. She didn't. And then, like, the champagne was coming out. Yeah, we're like, oh, we got champagne. Man, that's tough. Good times. I would feel really bad. Really good times. This just says at a funeral, bro. You're not getting engaged at a funeral. That's insane.

dead body in the room and you're gonna be like "hey, you wanna do this?" till death do the worst part I could see something romantic about it about getting engaged at a funeral? yeah like if it's like, you know, Meemaw went down and it's just like when one door closes I can't, I cry at everyone's funeral really? everyone? yeah, like people I don't even know will you cry at mine?

bananas question that's crazy well I don't like will it be a point where like are you gonna do the old man route like we had a lot of good memories and I have nothing to cry about because we have a lot well I don't sound like that well you might hopefully we're gonna live very long right you don't your accent doesn't change I mean old bag you know now you're so cold hell yeah yeah right yeah I don't know um yeah that'll be sad what's an old man voice I remember back in my day yeah you know sure

Are we doing the show at that age? No. 70 years old? No, no, no. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Can you imagine we're 70 doing this show? I take off my oxygen mask. Hey, Joe. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, keep this fucking horse galloping until the crows come singing, you know? It will be 24 then. That'll be crazy. Yeah. It doesn't age. It will be seeing over there. I'd be like, I got fired nine times this month. I would never be able to, like...

I've been at our friend's grandparents who I've never met wakes, and I've been crying. Yeah, I get choked up. Choked up is a better... I'm not sobbing, but I'm definitely... I have to breathe more. Fighting a cry in your face... You fight your face when you don't want to cry. There's a weird part of me that likes the back of the throat cries come in feeling. I do that when I can feel it. It's back there, and I was like...

I also like collecting tears in my eyes so that when I blink, it just goes. Oh, you like to engineer your cries. Only when I'm watching movies.

Oh, just like let it go, let it go, let it go, bang. And then like at the right time. Yeah, like I'll stop myself from blanking because I know if I blank it'll probably get like a tear, but like a whack tear. Like I'm trying to get a big fuck. Listen, I love crying. I'm more afraid of being accused of crying when I'm not because it's like, no, this doesn't deserve a cry right now. Like we were watching something, Beck and I were recently watching something and like I like wiped my eye because I was tired and yawning.

And it wasn't a cry tear. You think I'm not a- I'm very comfortable to say if it was a cry tear. Clearly not. You just said you hate when people say, "I'm not crying! This doesn't deserve a cry!" Well yeah, when it's not a cry, I'll say it's not a cry. Why does that offend you so much? Toxic masculinity. No, that's not- Bitch, my masculinity is so sweet and supple. It's not toxic at all. Drink it and it'll be good for you. Ew. Yeah, that was actually kind of gross. Yeah, that was kind of disgusting. Just sounds like sweat.

I haven't cried in a while. If masculinity were to taste like something, what would it taste like? Trees. Tires. Tires? Like toxic masculinity? I didn't say toxic. Oh. Masculinity. What does it taste like? Wood. I would say, yeah, it tastes like the way that wood chips smell. Like sawdust? Sawdust. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If sawdust wouldn't kill me, I'd probably eat it. I don't think it will kill you. If you eat enough of it. I mean, if you eat enough of anything, it'll kill you. But like, I think you can eat wood. That's deep. But I don't think you can eat wood. Can you eat wood? Do not look that up. Please look that up. But I don't know that you can eat wood. I think you could take a little, like a spoonful of sawdust and be okay. Probably could, but it would be very dusty. It would be like doing the cinnamon challenge, but with wood. I mean... And also, I don't want to shit wood. Why not? What if it's really good for you?

Eating wood? Yeah, what if it's really good? There's no question it's not. Why not? Because we've run tests. We're humans. Are you sure? I'm positive that. Tell me about those tests then, Vic. Frank, you don't think I've read all the clinical trials of eating wood? I do not think you have read all the clinical trials about eating wood. Yeah, I don't think there's any, but... I mean, honestly, just look up can you eat wood. Have you ever put dirt in your mouth? Yeah. Yeah.

Is it bad? Yeah. It doesn't taste good? It tastes like dirt. It tastes like just, like, sediment and sand. I've put rocks in my mouth when I was younger. Yeah. Rocks taste good. I can't lie. Well, I don't know about good. No, you should not eat wood because it's difficult for humans to digest. Okay, so maybe we shouldn't eat wood. He needed Google to tell him that. He couldn't believe me. Rocks, though. Rocks. I love how rocks... Don't eat rocks. Don't eat them, but they look delicious. But when you're younger...

And you put a rock in like a little lip, like a zen. Like a rock? You're packing lips of fucking pebbles? Yeah. I used to roll up roly-poly-olies and have a rock in my face. The late 90s, man. What a good time to be alive. Sniffing markers, licking markers.

And glue. When I was younger. You were just doing drugs for kids. Basically, yeah. You were doing kid drugs. Markers and glue. I remember being young and being in the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror and holding out my tongue and taking an orange washable marker and drawing on my tongue. And?

Uh, nothing. No. I mean, it had like a whack taste. You recently put paint on your mouth. Did you get any with that? I put it on my lips. Did you? Uh, I didn't like that. It wasn't a good feeling. It wasn't a good feeling, but I did it. And you regretted it? You live and you learn. Yeah. The important thing is that we're learning, and that's it. That's it? That's it. You're singing more songs than I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's from Sonic Adventure 2. Well...

We're going to leave you with that, folks. Frank, where can they find you? Everywhere. Go find the Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Find me at the Frank Alvarez all over the place. Find TheBasementYard all over the place. Do I get another sign-off? All over the place? Yeah, all social media. You guys go follow me at JoeSanagato. Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard. And if you're coming to any upcoming shows, the ones in Vancouver or the ones in the UK and Ireland...

Those are different things, which I've been told in my DMs and my angry Irish people. You guys can go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. If you want to be a part of the show, submit your stuff, and we like to get a bunch of responses so you can pick the best ones and have a good time. Yeah, yeah, I'm excited. So, yeah, hit them with your sign-off. All right, all right, all right. Hey, it's warm down here. Come back sometime. Bad?

I thought you were signing off. Yeah, that's it. So we're staying in the basement and they're going upstairs. Yeah, yeah. We'll be here in the basement. Come on down when you want to talk again. No? All right. See you guys next time. We'll be playing in the basement. What did you say? We'll be playing in the basement. It'll be just us and you. We're 33. So that's crazy to say. I'm going to get the right one and it's going to hit like a ton of bricks. But until next time, see you later. See you.