#491 - Joe's Birthday Episode
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Ooh, you look excited. Yeah, you know why, bitch. It's my birthday tomorrow. Epic birthday episode! Oh, well not as of recording. Not your birthday tomorrow. No, no, no, but it is my birthday tomorrow. But it is your birthday when this comes out. When it comes out to the pub. When it comes out to the pubbies. I'll be 33 years old. Goddamn. It's divisible by 11, which means- You'll be three 11-year-olds.

Is that weird? Yeah, that's very strange to say, but I guess that's why. No, three 11-year-olds are all 11, dude. But like if you stack them on top of each other, like Muppet style. Not how age works. You can't just add if they're standing on top of each other. They're cumulatively. If you put the knowledge of three 11-year-olds together, that's pretty much where you're at. It could be higher. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know how I feel about being 33 years old. It feels old as shit. You know what? Someone fucked with me, though, one time, and they said, like, you turned 33, but you just completed your 33rd year. Like, this is your 34th year. Yeah, like, now I'm 30. Ew, dude.

You got to do like four? Technically, yeah. That's crazy. We also did get absolutely eviscerated by the student newspaper people at Penn State that told us that we're basically 40 years old. It's like these close to 40-year-olds. They said these 40-year-old men can relate to 20-year-old girls. I didn't like that. That hurts. Yeah, that hurt me deeply. That cut me deep.

Now you're this much closer. You're this much closer to 40. How do you feel? Not good, dude. Are you getting any of the traditional? Because the minute you turn 30, it's like you're 100. Are you getting back pain and all that stuff? No, I actually feel really good. Your knee sucks. I mean, I hurt my knee skiing. It doesn't suck. Your knee sucks pretty bad. My knee's fine. Oh, you got it. That's right. I was confused. You hurt it sucking. What the fuck are you laughing at? It's my birthday. I'm getting it.

This is horseshit. It's good. It's all fun. Well, are we doing anything for your birthday, by the way? Are we just hanging out? I mean, we're going to Vancouver. Vancouver. That's right. We're going to be out there for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. By the time this comes out, some people might have already been to the show. But I'm excited. I've never been. I've never been to Vancouver. So wait, so this is also, we're treating this as like your little birthday trip?

We don't have to do that. I might go to Miami. This kid hates... How about you tell people so they can celebrate with you? You just want to pick up and go to Miami? My birthday's on a Tuesday. It's fucking like... I mean, people like to celebrate with you. Do things with you. I understand that. You know, people want to spend time with you. I understand. You know, now that you're basically 40 years old, Frankie. Also, you're like...

How many months behind me? Uh, four. Six. Five. Five months behind me. Four. Five. Yeah. I'm only five months behind you. So, it's not that crazy. I'm not 40, bro. Isn't it weird to think of that, though? Like, when you were a five-month-old baby, I was just born. Yeah, I was in this world, and you weren't in the world, dude. I know. It's fucked up. It is fucked up. The world without me sucks. Yeah. The world without you is like... What the fuck is that? I don't know.

Wow, I mean...

So? Yeah, I got you a little birthday gift. This is my birthday gift? This is a birthday gift. You set this up? Okay. I mean, I figured that, you know, you don't like celebrating your birthday. Those of you guys don't know Joe. He hates celebrating his birthday. So we had to do something. You know, me, Greg, Ant, we got together. We wanted to do a little something. I see this kid pick up a fucking camera, and I'm like... He was very giddy. You saw he was like... Yeah. But, you know, obviously it's your birthday gift. So, gentlemen, if you don't mind, hit it. Hit it.

*singing*

I mean out of this world, that was incredible! That was way louder than I- Absolutely way- This guy's an unbelievable whistler. You heard that whistle? Can you get- do the whistle. I don't know how anyone can whistle like that. Oh my god. That was pretty impressive. Yeah. Better than- better than- definitely better than you could sing, you know? Yeah, yeah. My heart rate's probably like a hundred. Really? Aw, well happy birthday, you know? Yeah. Did you enjoy it? Did I- yeah.

Oh, I think, oh, is that money? Because that's, I think he's paying for that. Yeah, yeah, all right, we're paying for that. Come out this way, guys. Yeah, no. That was very good. And loud. If we don't get evicted, that'll be a shock. Yo, that whistle that this guy hit, world record. That's a pretty, like, and, like, he did, like, the Spanish, like, the, like, white woman whistle is...

You know that one. Can you do that? No, I can't. I want to learn, though. Can you do it? No, I can't. People that can do that whistle, it's loud, dude. It's very loud. Bro, Espo's dad, that's how he would signal for them to come home and eat. All you would hear is just a whistle. Yeah, dude. Like a fucking, like they were cattle. Yeah, I was going to say, like they're birds or some shit. Becca, too. Becca, she said she was like, we'd be at the park and we'd hear my mom whistle, and that's how we knew it was time to go home. How far away from the park do they live? I mean, a whistle. Sound travels. That's crazy. But he did the Spanish whistle, which is just like,

Yeah, they just do it here. That was incredible, dude. That was really, really loud. That was awesome. So there you go. You like that as a birthday gift? Yeah, that was cool. I didn't know that was on your bucket list. Such a white person bucket list. Like, I want to see a mariachi band. Why is that a white bucket list? Because, like, you should just do that, like... No, I'm just saying that's something that exists in the world. That'd be cool to experience. That was pretty cool. Yeah. That was pretty sick. Do you think you could play that horn? The trumpet, you mean? Yeah.

Not just a trumpet. There was, like, another aspect to it. I don't know. But, I mean, I can't. The trumpet's cool. Louis Armstrong made it fucking cool as hell. Really cool. Yo, you want to hear some shit? Miles got gifted a saxophone the other day, and I kind of want to see. From who? Bill Clinton? Who gives away saxophones? I think his dad was doing, like, a job, and he found, like. He got paid in saxophone? I think he got paid in saxophone.

But bro, I'm not even gonna fucking lie. I was so jealous. Is it a child one or like a full one? It's a saxophone, brother. Okay, so that's bigger than his body. Kenny G. Yeah, this shit is big and brawling. It's got a strap on it? It has like three on the strap and then a strap around. And then like a full fucking saxophone, dude. I feel like they named that wrong. It shouldn't be called a saxophone. Because it reminds me of a seahorse.

Ooh, see, "horse-a-phone." See, well that's not... I mean, I think "sax" is good because... Or like a horn horse? It's a sexy horse horn. A horse horn? A horse horn? No, bad one? No, it sounds like your horses are coming towards you with a horse horn. Well, I mean, maybe that's what saxophones were originally used for. We don't know. I'll tell you this right now, if there was a horn that existed that you blow it and horses come towards you, I'm buying it. I'm sure there is. I mean, they have dog whistles.

What does that make dogs do, though? Freak out. But I don't want dogs to freak out. I know. Well, there's no magic. Oh, it's like training. Yeah. They use it for training. Just another way to torture fucking animals as if they're not already hating us. Yeah. But it sounds saxophone. It's very sexy. So it kind of makes sense. Can he play it?

Miles was ripping some stuff. What? Nothing crazy. He wasn't fucking Kenny Genin out there. Oh, he was just like, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, but give him some time. This kid picked. Yeah, that wasn't really good. That's better. That sounded like a cat in his ears. It's like, oh, fuck. I think a saxophone. Give him a couple. He'll pick it up very quick. Me? Yeah. Give me some time. I can also pick it up quick.

Are you going to attempt to play the saxophone? If he brings it home. It's at his dad's house right now. But if he brings it home, it's not going back to his father's house. Let me make that very clear. You need to get your own mouth part. Read. That's what it is. That's what it's called. That's what it's called. Yeah. I think I need to. They're like made of wood, I think. They are. They're like balsa wood. It's like a thin. Yeah, it's like a thin ass wood. Balsa wood or something like that. And you have to like tight lip it. You have to get a tight mouth. You got to tight lip it. You got to keep your teeth tight.

Yeah, no, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's an insane. I'm really upset I did that. I got you. Take the dick-sucking thing out of there. Thank you. I mean, you didn't need to call it that. Yeah, I did not. Well, what? You just called it the dick-sucking thing. Just say the saxophone. Keep it. No, come on. Well, I actually did get you another gift. No more mariachi bands. Is there anyone else coming through? Bring in the strippers. Yeah. No, you're not a stripper guy. Okay.

You're not a stripper guy. You're not. I'm not. I'm not a stripper guy either. Stripper, I don't get it. When I was younger, it was just like, what? And now it's just like... The idea of it was like, cool. I think we're the last generation of people that like... You think strip clubs are fading? Not in Atlanta. Why Atlanta? They're like the strip club capital of the world. Are they? Yeah. Really? That and like Montreal or something. Do you know, I remember the last time we went to Vegas...

Or not the last time, but one of the times we went to Vegas. I wanted to go to a strip club out there because it's owned by the Godfather from WWE. That would be the reason why you go. Dude, how cool would it have been if we walk in and he's just fucking doing his Godfather thing and he can hit us with a... I don't think they can call it the Ho Train anymore, right? Why? Well, I think on purpose he was calling it the Ho Train. Yeah, because he would come out with his... As he called them. Hoes. He called this. Well, we saw them as women.

We did. I think he did, too. He just saw them. It was an act. I hope so. Well, technically, it wasn't an act if he owns a strip club. What was it called? Cheetahs, I think. That's a strip club. That's definitely a strip club. Yeah, yeah. Look up if strip clubs are going away. Are less people going to strip clubs nowadays? Okay. We don't know. I don't really know, but I did get you another gift. Actually, technically, I didn't get it for you.

So I was able to get in touch with a good friend of mine who is a three-time Slam Poetry of the Year winner. Oh, okay. Francisco. Yeah. And I, first of all, I haven't seen him in a while. Right. He's been pretty upset since sometime in November, a specific Tuesday in November he's been upset about. And then, what does it say on strip clubs, Ant? I'm trying. Oh. Right there. Is the American Strip Club dying out?

Analysis of the strip club market from 2014 to 2029 from Yahoo Finance. I clicked that. There was nothing on it. Yahoo Finance. Yahoo Finance. Finding out the answer to that. I'm just going to say yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay, cool. So three times slam poetry of the year, Francisco. I asked him for your 33rd birthday to write you a little poem. Yeah. And he went on like a 40-minute rant about – I have a feeling I'm going to be offended by this.

I don't think so, honestly. I really don't think so. So Francisco wrote you a brief poem. He wanted me to read it to you. Okay. Are you going to perform it as him? I mean, I can't. That would be disrespectful. So you're just going to read it? I'm just going to read it as he intended it, as the Lord intended it. Okay. Okay? So he said that this poem is called Joey. Right. For you, for your birthday. My birthday. Okay. Born white as milk. Frank, I knew that I wasn't going to like this. I just knew it.

Born white as milk. You have to perform it. I can't, I'm not, I'm not Francisco. Try, just do your best impression. Do an impression of the guy, dude. I don't have- People wanna hear the impression. I don't have his get up, I don't have his- Just do it! It's my birthday! Okay. Okay. Born white as milk. With hair that's dark but has since gone gray. Alright. It's a couple of strands on the side.

With a best friend whose looks are so astounding, some have even thought, is Joe gay? Did that? Oh, gray and gay. I was like, does that even rhyme? Like, okay. Little freckles. No. Little freckles. Little freckles. Little boy playing football, basketball. Oh, yay, sports. Five foot. A buck. No, no, no. Do you know there's a lot of discourse now I've seen on TikTok of people like, okay, how tall is he though?

Oh. Okay. Five foot. A buck ten pounds. His shirts look like dresses. His boxers look like shorts. Hair like silk. Skin, olive oil, gold. Joe doesn't have this, but his best friend Frank has all of those. Okay. Yeah. So we're using this. This is for my birthday, by the way. Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Frankie. What are you laughing at? Giggles? Shut the fuck up back there. Fucking bullshit.

Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Where Frank? Garden hose. Yeah. Jalopy Joe? More like Sloppy Joe. He's a carbon copy of his mommy and poppy Joe. Making some pennies delivering pizza and working parties betting on himself? Now we're with Cocky Joe. Okay. A full media empire. King YouTube. Everyone, settle down, kids. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. From Humble...

Okay. What's that? It's you. You fucking bitch! You bastard!

Little twink bitch adjacent. I'm going to start. Yeah, I figured. Little twink bitch adjacent. Instead of being a slut replacement, he made videos in his basement. Now he's old and gray, basically ancient, trying to make his mark across the world like a scratch on pavement. That last part. No one has given me any snaps. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I'm trying to be like Francisco. Across the world like a scratch on the pavement? Yeah, that makes sense.

Why not? I don't know. What does that mean? Francisco wrote this. Right, yeah, not you. Oh, no. We've seen Nuck If You Buck from afar, Joe. We've seen the only one that can fuck in a car, Joe. We've seen Marathon. Yep, picture. We've seen Marathon Joe, Billionaire Joe, and even Boxing Joe, too. But now we're here for your least favorite, Joe. That's Birthday Joe.

Happy birthday to you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Francisco, he wanted to make sure you got that in time for your birthday. He did. And I did get it. What was your favorite line? None of it. Can I say that? Maybe you just said happy birthday. What about, I think this one was really, really good. Hair like silk, skin olive oil gold. Joe doesn't have this. But his best friend Frank has all of those. Joe lives life with a pencil dick where Frank...

Garden hose. Right, yeah, no. Yeah, no. That was nice. I mean, I think it was very... It was thoughtful. It was, for sure. You know, I thought it was really kind. I do appreciate it. It's nice. It was a nice little gift. Jalopy Joe, more like Sloppy Joe. He's a carbon copy of his mom and poppy Joe. Why did you... Yeah, you started dropping bars there. You like that, right? Why did you start calling me Jalopy Joe back in the day?

I don't think I did. I think it was a friend of ours at the time, Chelsea. I think she just started calling you Jalopy Joe. And a jalopy is like a fucked up car or something? Is it? Isn't it? What's a jalopy? I thought that was a lemon. Yeah. A lemon? A lemon could be a fucked up anything. Like someone sells you a lemon. Wait, what? You never heard that saying? Like a lemon is a jalopy? Now you're getting into a jalopy theater. A jalopy.

Yeah, an old car or in dilapidated condition. Is that what that says? Yeah. Dilapidated. You're dilapidated Joe. Right. What does that mean? You don't know dilapidated? Like fucked up. Yeah. No, but like when someone says like, oh, you sold them a lemon, like something that looks like it works, but it doesn't work. I don't know why they do that with lemons. Wait, that's an expression? Like you sold me a lemon? Yeah. Yeah. You've heard that one, right? Yeah. Not to be confused with lemon party.

Yes. Lemonparty.org. Right. Which was old men blowing each other. Were they blowing each other? Someone, yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. Don't start typing. Did I ever tell you about the time? Oh, my God. I don't know. I think I might have told you this. I had a family member, like, post on social media, like, hey, I'm trying to put together some, like,

Different websites and places to donate to charities and stuff like that Frankie do not tell me that you did what I think you're about to say I responded like yeah, I got you I know of one that like it helps like struggling farmers across the US or something like that And you sent them to lemon party org. Oh, they did it. Oh

They posted it? They posted like, thank you to these people, check out these websites. And it was like, thank you. And it was a slide, a whole slide. It was just like lemonparty.org. Was there like a photo or it was just the website? It was just the website name. Oh my God. But then afterward, the person contacted me. They were like, you're the biggest piece of shit. Yeah. If you don't know, by the way, lemonparty.org. Pull it up. Is it still available? Don't pull it up. Eh, pull it up.

Pull it up. Pull it up! Uh, but don't put it in the episode. Don't put it in the episode. Josh, cut this out. Josh! Josh, don't put the Lemon Party in the episode. Lemonparty.org, if you go to the website, it's just a picture of old guys blowing each other. Oh yeah, it's still available. It's still there. And... Uh oh. And... Oh! Whoa! We have... That was a fucking virus.

Oops. By the way, we're not putting it in the episode, but like the photo that we were talking about that when we were young, people were like, oh, yo, go to lemonparty.org. It's a dope website. And you would go and there's a picture of an old guy blowing another old guy. And another old guy like just hanging out. Just like directing. Yeah. We just went to that and it showed the picture for a second and then it just looked like the Matrix. Yeah.

And it was like, your computer's gonna explode. There was a line on there that said something like, any of you guys drink Pedialytes or something like that? Don't go back. Don't go back. But I am curious, but don't go back. But yeah, no, that's crazy, bro. Oh, man. Lemon party. What a time. Why lemon party? Is that like pee?

I imagine they were just trying to get something that would just throw people off the scent. Got me. Could you imagine? Sex has a smell. We agree with that, right? Yeah. What does it smell like? I don't know. It's just like a smell. I can't equate it to a food or anything. Yeah. But it has just like a raw, just like. I think that if it was possible to.

To be like a raw piece of human meat. Okay. You smell like that? Yeah, if you took... I'm with you here. If you took two sweaty thighs...

Just the meat. And just smashed them together. Or like rubbed them. Or rubbed them together. That's what I imagine it smells like. I don't like it that much. Oh. Do you like it? Yeah. You like a musty? I like it wild. Well, don't. I don't know why you're calling it musty. Well, not musty. I don't know. When I think of musty, I just mean like it's like potent.

Well, no. Musty means something different. I think it means like it's like there's like mildewy wetness to it. Oh, that's not what I meant. Look up musty. We need to stop utilizing the... Musty definition. Having a state moldy or damp. Yeah, so... Yeah, yeah. Damp. I guess technically it is musty, but like I don't... It gets damp. It gets a little damp in there. It does get a little damp. You know, but... A little damp. Josh, you having fun editing this episode?

Yeah, no. We're getting a text from him, and he's like, yo, you guys are out of your fucking mind. You ever have sex in a room, and it's like, okay, that was great, and then you walk out, maybe to, like, whatever, and then you come back in the room, and you're like, whoa. It hits you like a fucking ton of bricks. That's when I'm kind of like, all right, we got to open them. This is... Really? Yeah. Hell no, I live in that shit, baby. That's nasty. No, it ain't. Yeah. I mean, it's a room. I'm not in a fucking box. I'm saying this... I'm not saying the room is nasty. I'm being like, yo, just open a window. Let's get the smell out of here. I mean...

It's ventilation. People live in places that are, you know, apparently... You walk in and out.

I live in a well-ventilated home. I don't know about you, bitch. What do you live in? A cigar bar? There's always a thing just sucking the air out of the room? I wish I lived in a cigar bar. Do you? You'd probably be dead by now, Frank. I would be dead. Cigar bars are a dangerous place. Dude, we went to one in the city, and it was so cool. They had good drinks, good cigars. But even I had to step out because I was like, holy shit. That was too, too, too, too, too much.

I don't like being in them. I have very sensitive lungs, I think. I almost joined... Yeah, I don't know. Please say it. Go. I almost joined a cigar as a member of a cigar club. Guys, I hope that people are paying attention here. I hope that people are paying attention to the slow progression into a monster that this kid has become. First of all, this was way before...

we started doing this show or anything. This happened 2014, 2015. I was young. There was a cigar lounge by my college that had just opened up, and I went in to buy cigars, and I was like, yo, this is sick. There was fucking pool tables. They had a fucking bar, but it was like BYOB and shit like that, but they had all the mixers and stuff. And I asked the guy, I was like, what is it to join? And it was like, $50 a month, you

You get a locker. You can come in whenever you want. You can bring whatever you want to drink. You get, like, 20% off of the cigars. What's wrong with that? I wanted to be a part of a group of men, a friend group of, like, hang out with boys and friends, you know? In suits and just hang out. No, no, no. I was going, you know, normal. Just like... Have you ever smoked one of those really long ones? Churchill's, yeah. Hell yeah, baby. Or...

Like, I'm like, bro, you remember one time we went in, like, Connecticut, and they're like, we were just, like, looking around, there was one that literally looked like that. Yeah, there's- I'm like, who's smoking this Popeye? Yeah, there were some that were, like, they were, like, way too big, you know, just, like, an absolute, just, overkill.

And... Yeah. Anything more than that... Anything more than that is not a good smoke. It's dangerous, really. It's useless, honestly. Who wants that? Egregious. And it was legit, like, as thick as, like... Who's smoking those? A fucking adult cucumber. Yeah. And...

I don't know why adult there is. Yeah. No, no, no. I've had long ones, like long skinny ones. Crazy that we're talking about this. Josh, get him on the horn. Have him on standby. Make sure that you put the word cigar in full. Text across the top. Add some contact. But, yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What were we talking about? Smoking poles. Whoa. Smoking poles. And the word musty is still up on the screen. Yeah.

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And you know what? While you're cooking with Caraway, why don't you let us cook over at patreon.com slash the basement yard. We tell you guys about it every single week. And by we, I mean me. And by me, I mean, hi, how you doing? Patreon.com slash the basement yard is another way to continue to support us. As you guys have seen by now, obviously, we're in a new studio, new digs.

And that's because of not only our general support from all the people that love and support us, but also from the people over on Patreon. So patreon.com slash thebasementyard. You sign up today, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance, and you sign up for that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start and end your week with us while you're cooking, while you're dancing, while you're cleaning, while you're driving. Doesn't matter what you're doing. Actually, it does. We don't want to hear about it. Patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Thank you, folks, for all the love and all support. Go check it out. And

And as you guys have seen, we're going over to Europe for some shows. And if you're coming over to those shows, go to thebasementyard.com slash submit in order to fill out the questionnaire that we have there. We ask you guys some prompts, some questions, and you respond with some stories, fun, cool, crazy, scary, whatever. And then maybe we talk to them.

to you or about them while we're at our shows. So for the shows that we have in Glasgow, Scotland, in London, and in Dublin, go check out the basementyard.com slash submit. Submit your responses. Maybe we'll talk to you about you. You never know, but go check it out. Thanks, folks. Joey, back to you. Thanks, Frank. We appreciate it. No problem. What was that? I don't know. No problem. I don't know. I don't know. This is such a crazy episode. It is. We started the episode with a full mariachi band, and then...

Francisco, three-time Slam Poetry of the Year winner. It's star-studded. It's a star-studded episode. Star-studded. Wait till you see who we got next. Hit it, man. We got nothing. We've got nothing else. What the fuck was that? I don't know what he wanted me to do. No, yeah, that's it. By the way, I just found out. Oh, yeah. I just found out that at the end of Santa Gata Studios videos,

Oh, the hymn? Bro, I had no idea that existed. Really? Apparently it's been going on a while. Quite some time. At the very end. A couple months at least. At the very end of the Santa Gata Studios videos, which if you don't know, youtube.com slash santagatastudios, we post every week. But at the end of that, there used to be a song that would play, but apparently it got copyrighted. Yeah. So Ant's just been going at the end and going, ba-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba. And he says something. Yeah, he's like, they did this. Sometimes I think you put in one where you were like, I tried this food or something like that. There was something.

He does, like, commentary. Yeah. Bro, I had no idea this existed. It's been going on a while. And, like, we watched the video that just came out yesterday of me and Greg on the drive home. And then we're just watching it, and we're, like, laughing at it. It was the video with me and Keith. And then it started playing through the speakers of my car. We were dying, bro.

I'm shocked you didn't know that. I was like, yo. Damn, that's crazy. It's a supervisor who doesn't know what was going on under his own nose, dude. Congratulations. You won that one, Ant. Yeah, he got me. But then we were like, did he just do this for this video? And then we started watching the other ones. So there was like five in a row that we were listening to the other ones. No, it's way long. It's been months. Like, honestly, I feel like it was like maybe the summer, right? It's been a while. Yeah, I didn't know those happened. It's like a super long time. So I'm now like –

Now I'm going to watch all the way through just to hear Ant. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then do commentary. Honestly, you hit that shit. I do. Do you dance when you record it? A little bit. A little bit, right? A little shimmy? Sometimes I send them to the merch store. Okay. Sometimes. Look at this guy. There you go. See, he is...

He's getting it. He's getting it. He's like, oh, give something for people to look forward to every single week. What did Ant say this week? Oh, yeah. Maybe you should start putting in crazy things. Whatever he's about to say will get you fired. No, it won't. No, it won't. Start saying crazy things. I can give you some stuff to say if you want. We'll talk offline. I don't know if you saw, Joey, a couple weeks ago we spoke about the jerk-off ban that was happening.

Did we talk about that? We might not have. I know that you've been bringing it up to me. I've been telling you because it's a crazy story. So, Ohio lawmakers. This is Ohio? I didn't know that. It's right here. It's next door, baby. It's states away. State away. It's like 10. No, it's not. It's right, Joey, Ohio. Ohio's not one state away. Yes, there's one state in between us and Ohio. Penn? Yeah, that's it. Is that truth? Yes, it is truth. Pull up map of truth.

Wait, I think that like... No, no, no. Yes, dude. There's two states in between us. There it is. You just said two now. No, I'm sorry. There's one state in between us. Is that true? Yes. That's true.

Go to Google Maps. Why are you looking up a picture of it? Literally just type... Don't go to Google Maps. I can see it. I can see it. There's the maps thing right there. I can see it, yeah. It's literally right there. I drove to Ohio once, but we had to go through West Virginia, so I didn't know where that was. Why did you have to go all the way down? Because roads don't just go like that. Sometimes you gotta go like that. Yeah, but there's... Why would it... That doesn't even make sense. I don't know, bro.

I don't know. You might have got lost and someone just tried to blame it. Hold on. Because now looking at this map, you see how it kind of looks like veins or whatever? Yeah. I saw a video, and I don't know how fucking true this is, but I saw a video where it's like, I think it was like Japan or it was an Asian country that like there was a...

fucking um like a bacteria or something right that you can you try and find that yeah yeah they met i know what you're talking about they mapped their like train system they through this back it wasn't bacteria it was like mushrooms like fungus and shit yeah and that's how they mapped the way that they're like the most efficient way incredible that is the most ridiculous thing and are you kidding me with that

Wait, is that the actual thing? It is. This is what they did. No, this is what they did. I was looking for the video so you could see it. Yeah, no. It's pretty... I don't know if it was... Oh, yeah, it was Tokyo. That's a three-minute video. Do the 39-second one right there. I got you. It's like... Was it Tokyo? All right, hold on. Let's watch this.

I mean, it's just going out in a circle. Oh, the veins, I see the veins. So what they did was they put food sources on the specific cities that they want the trains to go to, and then they used the fungus to map the best way to those food sources, aka cities, and they used that. That is unbelievable. Mad smart. That is unbelievable. Bro, Becca watched, like, a fucking documentary on mushrooms one day, and it was like, they are, like, connected through the soil across the whole planet.

That makes me believe, I mean, not that I don't believe, but, like, doing mushrooms would probably have, like, this, like... Bro, there are people that, like, swear by psychedelics and stuff like that. Yeah, they microdose every day. I can't do that. I would not, not that I've ever done them, so I don't know what the effect is, but, like, I imagine it's not fun. Why? Why?

I mean, if you do, like, an insane amount. But what does microdosing do? It gets you high. Stuff. No, it's not necessarily, like, a high. Like, you don't get, like, high. But you get, like, something. It's, like, it does something. You get high. Yeah. You get high. Just say it, brother. No. Yeah. You don't even know! I know. I don't. No, like, it's crazy. That's why, like, honestly, Last of Us kind of does scare me a little bit because, like...

If the mushrooms, if like bacteria decided to turn on us. Well that shit is real. That strain of fungus is real. Cordyceps. And that's actually what it does. It just doesn't do it to humans. It does it to ants. What does it do? It takes over their brain and then makes them act like super aggressively. Why do you look up goo? No, I was just going to Google. Don't.

Goo! Um, yeah, no. Yo, look, there's like spiders and animals that like, cordyceps will take over their fucking brain and turns them into zombies and shit. Bro! I can't, I can't. This is real shit, dude. I know, I know. That's why I'm talking about it. There's no way I'm dying in a zombie apocalypse, though. I would need guns. Yeah, duh! What do you mean you would need guns? Like, you just broke the fucking... No, like, I... You would need guns? How would you survive with those? Bro, imagine being in here and we just have...

Yeah, but we would need food. And the way that Greg eats, we'll run out of food in an hour. Yeah, that's true. This fucking little snack boy. Yeah, no. But he'd probably be good at finding the crumbs around here. He does eat like a little rodent. He does. Yeah, he does. He eats like a little rodent. He'll find them. I'm going to say this. I picked up his book because it's over there. Do you see his lips? What are you talking about? Do you see the picture of him? Yeah. He's got an old picture. Yeah.

It looks like he just got done. You know, I'm on that book. Like in it. No, like I'm on the cover. Oh, like the picture of you. Yeah. It's like, you know, no, no, no. Like, you know, it's like, Oh, so-and-so said, yeah. Yeah. So this is the best book I've ever read. He's got, I'm just going to say this, that picture, look at his lips.

What's wrong with them? Looks like he got done doing something very fresh. Why? Are they, like, thick and swollen? They're a little, like, I've never seen Greg's lips like that. Outside of that time that you and him shared that room in Pittsburgh or something? Oh, dude, that's so fucking good and funny. Stupid loser. Yeah. But, so, Ohio introduced, it was, literally, it's a band thing.

Yeah, contraception begins at erection act. What does that even mean to me? We're not going to get into the whole debate of it. It could be the law in Ohio which would make it illegal for men to have sex without intent to make a baby. So that includes... The Christians have gone too far with this. That includes jerking off. This is insane.

State Representative Anita Samani and Tristan Rader announced their plans in a blue sky video explaining the legislation's purpose. It was initially introduced in Mississippi by Senator Bradford Blackmun and is now going to the legislative floor. The bill will make it illegal to discharge semen or genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo. What is genetic material if not semen? Yeah, that's a great question.

Okay. No, no, no. You don't have to look that up. Don't look that up. Here are the penalties. Okay, go. For the first offense, $1,000. To beat it? Yeah, but, like, a person, like, of the court has to, like, catch you. Oh, the bill is expected to make clear exceptions for contraceptives, masturbation, and LGBTQIA people. There you go, you dumbass. But, like, still, like, that means that... So, wait, you can't... That means sex. So that means that sex without intent of...

fertilizing an embryo, the first offense is $1,000. Second offense, $5,000. Any subsequent offense, $10,000. Dude, I'll tell you this right now. I'm racking up. God damn. Holy shit. TikTok. Clip that. Clip that and put this emoji. The sweating one, that's the emoji that they use for you. Oh, the red face one? The red face and it's sweating. Wait, so I'm confused by this. The exceptions are, you said contraception?

It said contraceptives. So if I'm wearing a condom, it's okay? I guess so. It says masturbation, so I guess they allow it. You're safe. Don't worry, jerk-off king. No, but you- And then it says, you know, people of the LGBTQIA+ community are safe as well. Oh, so gay people can just raw dog each other and it's nothing? But the straights? This is an attack on straights! Oh, make it harder to be straight in this country. And white and straight, the wait- And having a ton of money?

The weight of this is getting insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but does this mean that you can't have wrong sex with your wife? I imagine, yeah. So, like, that's what I imagine it would mean is that, like, if you got forced this. I mean, if someone reports you. Bro, I'm telling you right now, if we ever do a show. Okay, where are you going with this? No, can you imagine just, like,

Bro, could you imagine? Like, that's crazy, right? Like, that is some legit, like, Handmaid's Tale shit. Like, they're controlling where semen is going. Right. Wild, right? As bananas. Damn. 10,000? Some of us will be safe. What was that? What was that? What were you going to say? How do you get caught?

That's what I'm saying. I imagine someone reports you. Who, your neighbors, like, peeking? Like, I saw them having raw stuff. Maybe. Or, like, in conversation, you know, just be like, yeah, I had sex. I didn't use a condom or something. They'll just be like... Who says that? I'm sure they're going to set up... Dude, if people are, like, together, I'm assuming they're not using condoms. I mean...

I don't know. I'll say this: Married people using condoms. Kinda- kinda crazy. Some people do! Some people do because they wanna avoid- Weirdo. I mean, it's not weird. Some people- I mean, yeah, no, it's weird. Some people want to avoid getting pregnant and, you know, the woman might not want to go on birth control, the man might not want to get his shit snipped. I'm gonna get killed for that, now that I think about it. Yeah, you're done, dude! Yeah. I'm getting murdered for that. Damn, you're dead. You're dead, bitch. I can't have an opinion?

Can't be a straight white male with a ton of money and an opinion anymore, huh? It sucks, dude. We can't say anything nowadays. Oh, man. It is crazy. I do think if— Oh, wait. No, never mind. I mean, I imagine the law will write in how to enforce it and shit like that. Bro, could you imagine being a cop? You'd be like holding up a blacklight. What's that? What is that? That's weird. I think that's an invasion of pride.

Yeah, duh. Like, that's crazy. Absolutely. It's also super weird that, like, we're in this weird place in the world, or not the world, the U.S., where it's just like, make more babies. We're not going to care for them once they're actually out, and we're not going to help them survive their whole fucking life, but make them and put them into the world so we can take advantage of them and take their taxes. Let's get that universal health care going before we start making some crazy bills like this. I mean, or just kill this bill.

I thought you were gonna go kill whoever made the bill. No, no, no, no. I don't wanna just kill the legislation. I don't wanna say that. This is, this is... Yeah, obviously, I mean, this, do you think, I don't, what the fuck?

I can't even talk, bro. I do that so often that there is compilations on TikTok of me just not being able to speak. Yeah, well, the world is starting to realize how stupid you are. Oh, here we go. The smartest guy. There he is. I mean, I wouldn't say smartest. I would definitely say. I wouldn't either. I don't think anyone would.

I wouldn't sit here and profess to being someone of incredibly higher intellect. He's trying to say words and shit. You think that you said cordyceps before, you smart guy? Cordyceps, dude. You know cordyceps. Yeah, you're the mushroom guy, too. I mean, I have mushroom stuff every morning. I have a mushroom drink every morning. I do. I don't want to say the name of the company because I don't want to give him a free plug. Because you're a money-hungry bitch. Is that why? Because I'm a cheap bastard. Because I'm a cheap fuck.

Yeah, it's like cordyceps, reishi. Reishi? Reishi. You're asking me? Chaga. Lion's mane. What's that, a mushroom? Yeah. You've never seen it? It looks like a ball with hair on it. Makes sense why they would call it that. Yeah, dude, it's pretty good, actually. This is a weird question, but stay with me. All right, here we are. Have you ever bitten a dandelion's head?

I've eaten a dandelion, yeah. It's not good. Yeah, it's very bitter. Not that, well, I'm not going for that. I meant like, it's so hairy.

Are you talking when it's in the wisher? Yeah, before you blow your wish, you bite it. No, that I've not done. Really? Why would I do that? I was just curious. I was a kid. I'm curious. That makes sense, honestly. I've eaten dandelion greens and stuff like that. No, no, no. It's very bitter. I'm talking about out of the ground, and you're about to make a wish, but you're like, this looks like Albert Einstein's head. I want to make dandelion wine one day. Actually, I've heard it's pretty good. Dandelion?

That's so weird because the liquor store in my neighborhood is called Dandelion Wine. Yeah, that's like a real thing. I know someone that growing up they had a big farm and they would pick the dandelions and make dandelion wine. Sounds like it would be disgusting. I don't know. I've never had it. Have you had it? No.

I don't know. Greg, Greg. Had it, been there, seen it, made it. One time, Ant got me a wine as a gift. Oh, my God. What'd you get that for me for Christmas or something? It was a cranberry wine. It was a cranberry wine? I hate cranberries. I was excited because I like- Yeah, you like different types of wine. Yeah, and I was like, oh, cool. I hate cranberries. I hate cranberry juice. Not for me. That shit was so bad. Really? And I had to text him. I'd be like, yo, I appreciate the gift. This sucks. I was like, I'll just let you know. I wanted to try- We've had orange wine.

Yeah. We had that at your place. I want to try blueberry wine. Blueberry wine? Yeah. You can make wine out of any fruit, basically. Yeah. You know.

Would you stick with the grapes? Yeah. Yeah. I would stick with that. Yeah, no. Cherry wine? Isn't there a guy online that makes like wine or something? Mead. He makes mead out of like Mountain Dew. Yeah, yeah. That looks, I would try it. I would take a sip, but I have a feeling I would hate it. Why? It's just the sugar breaks down and turns into alcohol. It must be insanely alcoholic if it's fucking Mountain Dew. Yeah, that's probably a lot of sugar.

Mountain Dew. You a Mountain Dew guy? Absolutely not. Oh, I used to like, I haven't tried Baja Blast. And you know me, I'm a big Taco Bell fan. I've never been blasted by the Baja. By the Baja men? Yeah. Who's that comedian that does the whole bit on the Baja men?

What's the bit? You know what I'm talking about, right? The Baja men who let the dogs out? He did a bit where he's just like, how many Baja men can you name? They've won like 30 Grammys or something like that. No way. I don't know about 30, but they've won a good amount of Grammys. One would be more than I thought they would have. No, they've won. Look up how many Grammys have the Baja men won. Right under Musty. Right under Where's Ohio. Musty and Goo. The Baja men.

So it looks like it might be only one. I think it's one. All right. Well, one. Yeah. They have one nomination. They're one for one. Best dance recording. Okay. That makes sense. Song was a smash. Why do I think that this person, like they had multiple. Isn't that song about ugly? It's about like ugly women. Like who's fucked up? You know, it was like the party was nice. The party was jumping. Hey, yippee-yi-yo. And everyone was having a blast. Huh, huh, huh, huh. I love how you're like, it's something like. You know the lyrics. Yeah.

Yeah, what happened to the Baja Men? They're probably still just raking it in. Probably. What, 1999 that song came out or something like that? Was it? It was at our fifth grade graduation. I mean, every song was at it. Mambo No. 5 was at our fifth grade graduation. That also came out in, like, 1998.

Lou Bega is probably still raking it in. Who? Lou Bega. Oh, the guy who made that song. Mambo No. 5. You know, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. That song fucking still hits. 50-year-old white people love that song. All right. You're going to be there one day. You'll be an old white. Yeah. You're kind of getting pretty close. Right. Rank these old white songs. Okay. Okay? Blindly.

How many you got? I'm gonna give you five. Okay. And you tell me what you think about them, okay? Blindly. I'm gonna give you the five songs, and then you tell me which ones are like your least favorite to favorite. Okay. Mambo number five. Who let the dogs out? Wait. No, no. We're going blind. Dumbass. Let them put them in a ranking. Well, then you know the first two, then.

I'll put Who Let the Dogs Out at four. Okay. And I'll put Mambo No. 5 at three. See, that's a smart tactic. You've done enough of these blind ranking things that you know to attack the middle first. The Macarena. How does the song go? I'm not going to do it. You got a nice try. I don't want to offend anyone by trying to sing the Macarena. What language is that? I believe some of it's in Spanish.

Then you should be good. I mean, not that good. You know that I can sing the words to the Macarena. I can't remember the beat in my head. You're right. That is offensive. That's a good one.

Alright, I'll put it at two, so I have one and five now. Ooh, okay. So you gotta go big or go home. Yeah. September by Earth, Wind, and Fire. One. That's a great song. That song is ridiculous. So good. Yeah. So, so, so good. And then the last one was gonna be The Pledge of Allegiance, so crazy, Joe. Wow, Star Spangled Banner, he put last, dude. I know Pledge of Allegiance and Star Spangled Banner last, they were fucking one and the same in his book. He put it last. He put it last. Okay.

America, get him. September. That's a good one, though. Yeah, that is a really good one. I love when that song comes on at weddings. There's an even better Earth, Wind & Fire song called Boogie Wonderland that when that song comes on, I am not severance. Frank is gone. New guy. It's Frank A. Frank A shows up and dances to Boogie Wonderland. Love that. You know what song I hate? The Electric Slide. You can't.

It's electric. Hey Woogie, I like it. I like it. Did you see my aunt? Oh. Yeah, oh white people love that and your aunt's white. I believe. Yeah. What other, or like, all those like wedding songs. Oh, Cotton Eye Joe, dude. I think someone recently, we talked about it a couple of weeks, like months ago or a year ago on a previous episode and we like thought like it's, there's gotta be something about it that's racist and someone looked it up and was like, yeah.

Really? I think it has like a... No, if it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from? Cotton-Eyed Joe. Yeah, I don't know what that means, but it feels like there's an undertone. There's something there. It does feel like that. There's something there. What other one? Cupid Shuffle. That's a great one. Cupid Shuffle. That's a good one. To the left.

We're missing the... Cha-Cha? We're gonna get funky. See, that one got played out for me very quickly. Really? I used to love it when I was in fifth and sixth grade. Yo, fifth grade was...

The perfect time to be into the fucking reverse reverse or whatever one when we've spoken about this Charlie Brown everyone just like what do we? Know what the Charlie Brown? Yeah, no, no, no like that's too vague You're telling us to step to the left and to the right like super popular wedding songs like I'm sure I Know we did an episode on this

Yeah, yeah, we did. We just completely forgot. What are the songs that have instructions? Go check it out. We have like the ones that are like instructions though because this one's a, yeah. Yeah, like instructional dance. Bro, also, I honestly think there should be a federal law now that we're passing ridiculous laws in this country. Yeah, no jerking off, no coming until it's for babies. Yeah, no nothing, fucking whatever else we got going on here.

I think that it should be a federal law, written into federal law. I want to dance with somebody by Whitney Houston being at every single fucking wedding. Hold the fuck on. YMCA, banger. I mean, it's kind of been taken now from us normal people and given to... I don't love the YMCA. I love it at Yankee games. The Time Warp. That I hate. Love the Time Warp. You would love that. I have danced so hard to the Time Warp. I hate the Time Warp. Our man doing his...

The wobble can kill itself. What's the wobble? Oh, my God. Wobble, baby. Wobble, baby. Wobble. Dude, that song can fucking pop out its arsenic tooth and chomp down hard. The hokey pokey. If I ever go to a hokey pokey and I hear that song, I'm rescinding whatever gift I've given to that couple. Yeah, dude. I better be at a kindergarten class party.

Party or something. Yo, when I was in college, emphasis on the when I was in college, the wobble was like the thing that people did. So like at like all like the fraternity and sorority parties, someone would put it on as a joke and there were like the the cool kids would be like, oh, I can't dance. But I was just like, you guys all suck.

Hated it. Hated the wobble. They didn't include me. Crank that. That's fire. Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy. Damn. All right. Soulja Boy. Tell them. Gangnam Style. The Twist. I've never been to a wedding that has The Twist. Oh, I've been to one with The Twist. It hits.

And do the twist. I love the twist. It's good. It's good. Also, a San Agato wedding favorite, shout. I love how you say a San Agato, a white wedding favorite. Any white wedding has shout. Yo, I've been to a lot of weddings where they don't have it. I don't think I've been to a single wedding that doesn't have shout. Well, you probably know a lot of deep whites then. No. Because I've been to white weddings and they didn't have it. Famously, we went to a wedding back in October with the Halloween drinks.

And there's a video. There's a video because I had a couple drinks and I was emotional. It was a tough night for me, okay? Frank was... It's a tough night. ...crying harder than I've ever seen. Bro, it was crazy. I'm not going to tell why, but there was... I'm not going to tell you why. It was the... It starts with A and ends with local. Local. Local. But they were...

There's a video of them when they did the, and people get down and I'm in the background and my shirt's ripped open and I'm hanging on my brother and I'm just like, and then there's people, and there are people that are telling, because they won't stop doing that until I get down. There's people yelling at me. They're like, get down. And I was like, yeah, I remember. Yeah, it was a good time. A little bit louder now. A little bit louder.

Electric Boogie. What's that? That sounds familiar. Boot Scootin' Boogie. What the hell is that? What about Happy by Pharrell? How do you feel about that song? I... So I don't like it for weddings, but, like, it's one of Ruby's favorite songs to dance to. So, like, because of that, I like it. She calls it Happy Dancin'. That makes sense. So she's just... Like, it was a thing, like, when she was, like, younger, she would go, like...

And I go, what? And she goes, Happy Day Saint. It was so fucking cute. Your daughter would do a weird voice like that? Yeah, like she was fucking, Oh, Hail Paimon. You know, like shit like that. You've never seen fucking Hereditary? You've seen Hereditary. Yeah. Great movie. I actually just forgot about that. It's a really, really good movie. Before we get more into the songs, we do have some more sponsors. I wound up and I was ready to throw my phone.

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I am telling you right now. Okay? So go get yourself some nice steaks. All right, folks? All right. Lastly, we have to talk about what is probably the most viral thing in the world right now. Yeah. Yeah, we know. We know. We knew we were getting to this. Yo, if you guys are living under a rock,

Allow us to lift it up and skip it across a pond because this is the greatest thing that's hit the internet and I don't even know how long. So it's a Spanish version of basically Temptation Island. Yeah. And Becca used to watch it. It's like the idea is like couples that are kind of shaky go on to a show and like the island and like they're supposed to like

have temptation to see if they're strong enough to stay together. Yeah, they put them in a house. Basically, they take a couple who's on the rocks, they put them in separate houses, and they surround them with hot single people. It's like a recipe for disaster. And not only is it hot single people, but each other's significant others too, right? I don't

Really no, I think that everyone's maybe there like a lot of the people who are on the show are there doing the same thing But there's also single people I think I don't just like a throw them in to just yeah just terrorize and it's like oh Let's see if there's temptation which if we actually which is the job. Let me be very clear about something I don't care listen I am well aware there are different dynamics and different relationships and all that if you're going on this show you shouldn't be together yes, period

It's over. Period. If the idea is like, let's see if we want to fuck other people on TV to see if we'll stay together. It is nuts. Let's put a bunch of people in a tropical island house. In underwear all the time. And with alcohol. Yeah. And cameras. Yeah. So this thing hit the internet. Unbelievable.

This dude Montoya, man. He's really going through it. Basically, for those who don't speak Spanish, I'm raising my hand over here. I'm just going to describe what happens in the video, and you guys can kind of see it. I'll give you a rundown of what's going on, but just a preface. I don't think we can show this. I mean, maybe we could show some of it. Be on standby. Josh, be very careful. Be on standby. Okay, thank you. Can I talk to him? What do you need? Ask him how he's doing. How are you doing? Good. Good?

There's no one there. Oh, okay. So this dude, his girlfriend is in the other house. And also what they do on the show, because they are the biggest instigators in the world, they have security cameras everywhere. Everywhere, bro. Like in the toilets, basically. So if your partner is talking to someone or they're out on a date with someone or they're in the pool and they're getting kind of close or they're kissing or whatever's going on, they will show their partner...

a video of it and he's watching a video of his partner hooking up with someone else so let's let's talk this is a two minute clip do you are you gonna give the play-by-play we'll do play-by-play welcome back to uh san agosto sports frank alvarez here here with my cullen commentary joe how you doing i'm good all right well we got our boy montoya here and uh you want to just full screen uh actually in the league like that it's fine

You can just play it, just play it. Not a good look. Just move the mouse. That's Montoya. So, yeah, that's Montoya. That's his girlfriend getting kissed by a man. Well, he didn't kiss her there. He licked her mouth. Which is worse than a kiss? Way worse than a kiss, dude. Because that has sex behind it. And right now he's screaming at the TV. And she's like, this guy is fucking in his underwear. And I think she says, like, I want to go to sleep. And he's like, all right, let's turn the lights off. Which is, like, not...

not what you want here. That woman that you're seeing is like the host of the show. Oh my goodness. Or they might not even be seeing it, but lights go off Montoya immediately. He's like, I'm out. He's pointing to the water. He's like, I need to go there. He's like, I'm going to go swim across the ocean. And then they put the night vision. And then the night vision goes on, of course. And he's still watching. Now he is very emotional as you would be. If you watched your partner that you presumably love, you know, a lot. Yeah.

about to enter the den of the beast. And there's no way else to describe this as just, Joey, I don't think you've seen steeper hills in Switzerland when you were out there. It's going downhill from here. This is pretty bad.

I, you know, once you start, well, and there he goes. He's off to the races. So these houses, by the way, are down the beach from each other. So he's running right now. He's not running. He is in a full sprint. He's in a sprint.

And he's screaming. And then the host is yelling at him, Montoya, por favor. Please come back here. Bang a key, por favor. Yeah. And he's heading down to the other house to try and stop this hookup from happening. Unfortunately, it is too late. And look at his face. He's pulling up to the house right now. He's screaming. They cut to, that's what I'm talking about. She is. And then there's just other naked people in the hot tub.

So they keep cutting back. As he picks up speed on the beach, you can turn it off at this point. As he picks up speed on the beach, she is now getting rabbit fucked.

By this other guy. I don't know if she was doing if she was the rabbit or he was there It looks like they switched positions if you go back and we do a play-by-play here You could see at one point Joe. We're not going back. Well you could see at one point that she is on the receiving end of said rabbit fuck and then does go on top in order to Contribute to said. It's a rough go for sure and like first of all the editor is

That guy will never be paid enough for this. For what they? I mean, crazy you immediately went with him. It's a man. Just other naked people. Yeah, I mean, Josh, don't put that in. His aunt's got a freeze frame right now. Can't put that in. But, yeah, it's kind of wild. As he's running on the beach and they cut to her, it's really like a jackhammering going on.

And what made it worse is as he is sprinting harder... They're going harder. They're going harder. It's almost like his legs are connected to their motion. There was a weird... You know how people say there's weird universal connections? Like we have a connection to the stars, the moon, and just the general feeling of the universe. However...

Our creator made us put a very specific connection between this man's sprint speed. And them having rabid, rabid jackhammering coitus. It sounds like a fucking thunderclap in there. Like, it was a lot. And honestly, I would like to see... Because, listen...

Maybe if he didn't run so fast on the beach, it would have been slower. Do you know what I'm saying? Or maybe if he started walking backwards, none of this would have ever happened. You know what I mean? There is no possible way that you as a couple make it out of this. Out of this. And you know what? We don't know the other side of the story. We don't know if he was like a real piece of shit or something. It's quite possible that...

I did read something that he got a lap dance, so this is payback for that, but we don't know. I mean, how do you quantify a lap dance to that's your payback? That's like someone shooting a BB gun at you and then you dropping a megatongue nuke on them. But again, we don't know. Maybe this dude Montoya deserves it. I will say this. He technically didn't see the actual sex of it all.

He took off. Honestly, good for him. It was a great time to take off. Yeah. Because if you would have saw the rest of that, that TV is coming off the hinges. Oh, my God. And there was another clip where he, like, kicks a TV or a screen or something like that. And there's more sex in that clip. And it was intense. Here's what I will say. My heart goes out to these people. I hope that they work it out.

I don't. I hope that they go separate ways. We don't know who's right or wrong in this situation. All I know is that the editing is fire. That's all I know. It's great TV. Do you think it's like if he ever hears someone loudly having sex, he gets a form of like... Maybe. Maybe. He'll be reminded. Yeah, and he's just like, oh no. Yeah, yeah. Like rain on a tin roof. You're like, oh God, Isaiah.

This reminds me of when we were on that show. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. We wish the best for them as individuals separately because this is over. Yeah, I think – You can't come back from this as a person. Yeah, I think so. I think so. That's a rough one. You cannot. But we hope that they're great and good and, you know, it's amazing. Unbelievable. I mean, go watch the show, I guess, because – I mean, I think that this show is probably getting like –

millions and millions of viewers now per episode. These people will be rich forever because of this. I mean, not these two people, but probably the fucking producers of the show. I mean, no. Those two people are also probably going to be on every single show possible. Because you know how I feel. I believe all reality TV is staged. I really do. Okay. You know how I feel.

That there are American producers of Temptation Island right now that are just like, guys, on this next season, you need to turn it up. Like, they are like, we need to create our own Montoya, por favor. Yeah. You know, or they bring this guy on the show. That'd be great. And oh, my goodness. I mean, actually, this guy's been through enough. Yeah, he's been through it. Yeah. He has been through enough. That is. They are in the TV Hall of Fame now. Is that what that is?

What? The TV Hall of Fame now? That just exists in my head. What else is in there? Like Jersey Shore. So Jersey Shore and Montoya, por favor, are the only two things you can think of in the TV Hall of Fame? I'm sure there's more. Give me more. No. Okay. Yeah. Fair. Yeah. I don't know. It is what it is, Frank. I don't know. My brain is so mush.

Bro, do you understand? It's a rough one. Like, I remember when I was in high school, I had heard that my girlfriend, like, kissed another guy.

And the crash out that I probably had. Good use of some Gen Z slang there. You like that, right? That's a crash, dude. That's a fucking 10-card pileup crash out. That is bad. That is the definition. Like, I couldn't. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, unbelievable. Unbelievable. You can't come back from that. No. Good on them, I guess. Montoya.

Alright, well I think that's where we can end the video. Or the episode, I should say. What the hell do you think this is? This is bigger. This is better. This is the basement boys. Live, large, raw, in the basement. The birthday episode, I understand. This was your birthday episode. Happy birthday. Thank you. I appreciate the gift. Well, you know, the gift that keeps on giving. That's me. And the poem and everything. If I'm not going to do anything else, I'm going to make you happy for your birthday. Thank you. I appreciate that. They're still here!