Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, you seem like you're focused on something. Well, Joey, I am the danger. I am the one who knocks. Frank's watching Breaking Bad at home, and that's pretty evident.
It is a problem. I'll admit it. When I get into shows, they become my whole personality sometimes. And that's okay. So you're going to start cooking meth? I'm not going to start cooking meth. Do you think you'd be good at cooking meth? No, because I have no knowledge of chemistry. Although, I will say this. It's probably just like cooking. I am confident enough. What are you doing? What did I do? You're looking at us like something's going on. Because you guys were talking about cooking meth, I was just saying.
Start the timer. Oh, you're worried about – oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start the timer. Demonetize. Yeah. Oh, cooking. I think it's just similar to cooking. If you're a good cook, then you're a good cook. No, but I think there's titration and – What's that? Polymerization. That's a Pokemon card. No. Yu-Gi-Oh? It might have been Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah, I think it was. But polymerization and chemistry, I don't know enough about chemistry. I am confident, though, that if I did want to learn chemistry, I'd be able to do it.
I don't think you need to learn chemistry, bro. The other guy became really good at it and he's an idiot. Well, because he was watching him and he was a fucking master chemist. He was cooking his own. You could cook good enough meth. Don't be down on yourself. You can cook good enough meth. I mean, I'm not trying to cook meth. Let's make that very clear. You do a great job. Let's make that very clear. I'm not cooking meth. I don't have it in me to cook meth. I wouldn't be a good meth cooker. I wouldn't do it because I heard it explodes if you're bad. I heard that it's like...
one little
and it's like you make mustard gas instead of meth or something like that. That's what I mean. Yeah, you die. That's not good. Yeah, but I would like to wear a gas mask. Those are cool. I'm trying to think if I ever wore a gas mask. Bro, I used to think that gas masks were so cool. Well, because you were like a Banksy kid who like, you know, let me guess, you love the picture of Banksy throwing the flowers and you want a gas mask because it's culture and it's anti-art and Virgil Abloh would like it because of art.
Off-white. I'm shocked you know that, Virgil. Virgil did off-white. R.I.P. Make that very clear. I'm not speaking ill of this man. No, when I was very young, I think I was just really into that. I went from ninjas to gas masks.
Masks. A lot of masks. Yeah, I could see that. I could see why. You know, I think it probably is like an inner personality trait. Like it's something that you want to find a new mask to wear because the masks that we wear are what we allow people to see of us. And there are the masks that we don't wear at home or when we're feeling the most comfortable with our loved ones, with the people in our lives that enjoy us the most, that see us as we naturally really truly are. Like for instance, Uh-huh.
Is Batman the mask or is Bruce Wayne the mask? That's a great question, Joey. And I love that you can't come up with an example that isn't a comic book reference. All right. Let's let's let's use another. The Flash. Superman. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stanley Ipkiss. Who is the mask there? Is it Stanley Ipkiss or is it?
The Loki mask that he finds at the bottom of the water. For those of you who don't know what Frank's talking about, he is referencing the 1997 hit. Yikes. Five? Yikes. Eight. Yikes. Am I warm? No. You're in the 90s. 94. Yeah. Give me the year. 94? 94, yeah. The 94 smash hit, Jim Carrey in The Mask. The Mask. He had three movies that year. The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, and the first Ace Ventura. What a year. Yeah.
What a year, dude. Big year for big old teeth Jim. Well, he didn't have big teeth. Just think. No, he's gone. Do you think if you were to be, like, create your own drug? We're back to the drugs, by the way. Are you doing meth? Right. Are you going something a little less? You just said create your own drug. Oh, you mean like cook it? Like you can cook it or make it, you know? Oh, okay.
I saw once there was a video of Gordon Ramsay when people were making cocaine. You know how like certain people get to it's just like, "Gordon Ramsay was making cocaine?" "He was with people that were making cocaine." "He was WITH people making cocaine?" Yeah, it was like one of those- you ever see those like documentaries? I'm picturing him! You dickhead! You pink- It's raw! It's raw cocaine! Let me tell you- It's frozen. It's rubbery. You stupid bitch! This is fucking garbage!
What does he call people? He doesn't call them pigs. He calls them pigs. But he calls them something else. Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. He's like, you fucking donkey. Cut it up, Finn, you idiot. Oh, and he gets it. He always like, he's like so defeated by it.
Like I saw one where Wolfgang Puck was there. He's like, oh, it's Wolfgang. Yeah. You know? Oh, I saw that recently. Someone served him a steak at his own place. And Wolfgang Puck was like, what is this? This is not. I have no idea what this is. It's too raw. It was pork. That's what it was. Oh, pork. You don't want raw pork. That can be a little dangerous. When I was in Europe, I ordered pork and the guy was like,
We order... We do it red here. I was like, what? Get the hell. He's like, yeah, I'm just letting you know. No. I was like, I don't have the stomach. I'm an American. Yeah. So cook the fuck out of it. Red pork. Yeah, that's how they serve it there. No, no, no. I was too afraid. I was like, I can't do this. I don't like that. Bro, I did see... There was a place in Japan that did chicken sashimi.
You have a better chance That's bananas Of me eating a whole thing of mustard Like I'm not That's crazy But back to the Wait one second On Japan I don't know if it's Japan Feels like Japan You ever see the videos of them making that omelette That's like wet Hell yeah It's a cool video But I'm not eating that I've tried it And I What where
In my home. What do you mean where? Oh, I thought you went and tried it at a restaurant. No, no, no. I've tried to make it because it's like... You make it with chopsticks? I tried using chopsticks and... How many attempts? Three? Oh, one attempt because it failed gloriously. Got it. But they cook it and then they fold it and they roll it and then they cut it over rice. Cutting it is very cool. Apparently, that's the originator of it, the founder of those omelets. Yeah.
He, apparently it's like a super exclusive restaurant to get into. So like, I know if you go to Japan, that's on your. No, I'm not. I'm not. No? I don't like soaking wet eggs. I don't like dry eggs, but like something in between. But those are like. Bro. Well, they're cooked. They're safe. Like you're, you're, you're okay. Maybe. I would do it. Have you ever had the, I remember I, I told you about the Gordon Ramsay eggs, right? In Japan.
At nauseam you've done that thing. Oh my god, they're so good! A little bit of creme fraiche. I do a little sour cream because I'm not hung off when you got creme fraiche at your shop, right? Creme fraiche would be great. You know? But then like you have like the the the chives or a little green onion, you know, get really into it and you just keep it pat on off on the heat off the heat on the heat off the heat. Chives is a decoration.
Doesn't really add. It's a decoration, bro. No. It's a decoration. No. It doesn't add anything. I don't even know how you're hitting that octave, Mariah Carey. Jesus. No, they definitely have like a garlicky, buttery taste. Absolutely. Ant, please, for the love of God. No, they suck. No, they don't. Not that even suck, but like garlicky, buttery is so nuts. That's what they do. Chives? Garlicky, oniony, buttery.
To them. Yeah, absolutely. What do you mean chives? What are chives fucking? Mild onion-like flavor, a subtle hint of garlic, and fresh grassy herb. Okay, maybe not buttery, but like everything else I said, yeah. That's pretty close. Onion is what I assume. But garlicky. I love, oh man, I love green onion and chives. And just, just, like I love, I love, I love herbs. I love cooking. I like a lot of shit. I'm like, you know what I'm having a renaissance with?
Big cilantro house right now. Becca has been crushing the cilantro dishes. Why does the earth hate cilantro? Because there's like half of the earth that is just absolute stupid and they taste cilantro as like soap. Are you like that? Yeah. Really? That's devastating. I've never tasted that nor have I ever had cilantro being like, oh, what is that? Well, no, I don't even like, it's like a gene. It's like the, the, the asparagus pea thing. Like not everyone smells. It's like a certain gene in their body.
There's some people on this earth who will eat asparagus and pee normally? Yeah. Weird.
Be honest with me. Stinks. It stinks of asparagus. Is that what you're going to ask me? If I have a single stick of asparagus, I'm basically eating it later when I'm peeing. And like instantly too. Bro, coffee, same thing. If I take it, really? Bro, I'm pissing. Wait, what is coffee? Your piss smells like coffee? If I have a coffee, the next time that I pee, which is usually not that far after, it smells like I'm brewing a bowl. What? A cup. That's a bowl.
A bowl of coffee. I can smell coffee in my piss. Really? Yeah. I've never heard of that, but I don't think that's a well-known thing. Are you a coffee drinker? I don't think I've ever seen you drink coffee. I like coffee. Have you ever smelled coffee piss? I don't think I've ever smelled coffee piss. No, that might be you. You might be. Honestly, we might have found something out about you. Yeah, no, I can definitely smell it. But asparagus piss, it's stinky. It's wet and it's hot. You think there's any freaks out there that are just like, pee on me.
but asparagus pee on me. A hundred percent. Ew! What do you mean? Ewy! You think, but I think that if you were into piss, you'd be like, I want this to be piss. I don't want it to be some like whack shit. I mean, that's a great question. On other people's lives, you need to talk to someone that's into pee pee play. I'm sure I have. And like, see, like, like, yo, like, do,
Do they charge, like this is an untapped market and we might be into a business thing here. One thing I've learned doing other people's lives, it is so tapped. I promise you it's tapped. You sure? A hundred percent. Because like you can get really, I mean, look at what we saw last week. Dr. Dan. Okay. Yeah. Dr. Dan is really, he's a smart businessman. So like, is there a way to be more playful with peepee?
So like, all right, asparagus pee is an extra like five bucks because asparagus ain't a cheap vegetable. You know, there's an extra surcharge of let's say five bucks. A hundred percent. You know, and then like we could do like a really dehydrated pee, like a yellowy frothy bastard. This is what I mean is like if I was into piss, I would want it to be like, give me your pee. Like don't drink for three days. Whack piss.
Like, make it stink and hot and yellow. Like, stale pee. Stale? Like, day-old pee. That's so disgusting. Like, off the side of the BQE in a water bottle. There's nothing I hate more than day-old pee. When I would go to Connecticut with you guys and you would pee on your piss...
And the piss would just sit there? I would flush it every time. Oh, pee on piss. Oh, you were the flusher. Yeah. I couldn't piss on this piss. For those of you guys that don't know what Joey's referencing, at the lake house that we grew up going to, they all ran on early 1900s septic tank systems. They are not good. And the rule there is just like...
They have like a little jingle. In this aisle of fun and sun, we never flush our number one. Yeah. So people would pee and then leave it there. The next person would pee on that pee. And I'd go in there and be like, I'm not pissing on this old ass piss. And I'd flush it and then I'd pee. Why? What's the issue? Because I've done it before and it just kicks up a smell that I'm not... I feel disgusting. It does. Stale pee stinks. And it feels like it gets on me. It's stale a pinky. It's stale a pinky. It's stale a pinky.
Like, I don't like that. I don't like when something stinks so much, it feels like it gets on me. And then I'm like, I can't. Oh, really? Yeah. But then you just jump in the water and you're good. Yeah. Because you've pissed in the water right next to someone. So hard. I've done that. Do you, like, try to, like, play it off? Because I remember when I was a kid and everyone would be like, are you pissing in the lake? And I'd be like, no. So, like, I made it so, like, when I am peeing, I'm, like, more talkative.
Because normally people are just like, they'll be like talking and like, and then they'll keep going. Like, oh, that's when you peed. But I would just be like, yeah. So like, what's everyone thinking about right now? Like we're going to have a really fun night playing Manhunt or something. Pissed the whole time. Yeah. You know, I've pissed at that like many a time. What is the most you'll pee on a pee before you flush it?
Because at the lake, we've gotten to like... I'm talking like iced tea levels of dark tea. I'm not... That is so gross. You're disgusting. I won't do it. I'll piss on one piss if someone is paying attention. You don't think it's like a level of like...
Like I want up to you. My pee is on your pee now, bitch. What are you, a dog? You're going out there and you're pissing on other people's piss? I just think like the times I've been to like restaurant bathrooms or something and like someone doesn't flush or bars. That happens? Oh, yeah. I can honestly say I've never experienced that. Well, a lot of places now have automated things. So like when the person is done, they walk away, it flushes automatically. But like I've been to places where it's just like there's just piss.
That's crazy. Ant, you have something to contribute to the piss talk. There's a good amount of times where I don't flush at a bar. Are you fucking insane? You too? Fired. No, no, no.
I didn't say that! What's the thought process? I saw a video of like, they flush a toilet- I know you did. They flush a toilet- I did not say me too. And it all like sprays up at you. Yeah! Bro, that's every toilet that you use ever. Yeah, but not as bad as- No, but some of them- I refuse to believe that like, toilets that have a weaker flush are spraying piss and shit everywhere. Now, I've been to some toilets that are like the Cedar Rapids. Let me make that very clear. Airplane toilets, nothing's getting out of that. Sssss.
It sucks everything down. It sucks your fuck. Yeah. Bro, I don't like automated toilets. Like in the airport, if you have to use the bathroom, which I've had to do against my will.
I will sit there and it will flush in the middle of me sitting there. And I, it's such a scary moment. Because then your butt is all pee peed poop ton. No, I'm, it feels like it's going to suck all my insides out of my asshole. That's crazy. That is pretty crazy. I don't like that. I have a thing where like, I like to like, you ever seen like a movie about like the, the mob or, or some like organized crime and like whenever they like whack someone, they like, or like the shot in, uh,
Inglorious bastards after they kill the guy one of the guys one of the Nazis that well for not to monetize before I Don't know the way the world's working. We might get more money They said Nazis give them the money Like you know how they like kneel down and they're like standing over them and it's like the point of view shot I kind of like to like after I use the bathroom to like look it's like see what I did. I
Wait, what? You pee in a toilet and then you stand over it and look at it? I stand over it and I look at it. Like, look what you did, you filthy pisser. Therapy, dude. Like, I can't even suggest it enough. How is that therapy? Frank, that's not a normal thing to be doing in the world. Why not? Why are you looking at your piss like, look what you did? Well, like, just, it's a sense of like... Like, what is that? It's hurting over there. Just like looking down at it like...
And just walking away. Like, job complete. Like, I pissed in you. You know, mission complete. I did what I had to do here. Fucking. You do that whenever you go to the bathroom? No. Yeah, pretty much. I would say almost every time. Wow. I also, you know, I know I've told you this before. Right. But I had a little race between the toilet and my piss. I do that too. Just for fun, man. Yeah, like when you're getting near the end, you're like, I'm going to flush this thing. Just to see who finishes first.
You are the toilet. Yeah. It's always a competition. Classic. Yeah, you do that? Tails all this time. Sorry, I was crying. Okay. Like when you're peeing into a toilet, when you get near the end of your piss, you're like, I'm going to flush this and I'm going to finish my pee before it's done flushing. No, because of the spray up thing. I like reach over. Why don't you? Hey, brother, watch this. You need to grow up. Toilet seat. Down. Close the toilet seat. Down, dude. In my own home, I'll do that.
Are you like a germaphobe? I'm starting to figure out. I think I am. I mean, that's okay. That's okay to be a little afraid of a germaphobe. Listen, public bathrooms, you couldn't convince me to eat in there. You're talking old Frankie Dryhands over there. There's a lot of hand sanitizer that goes on those things. Yeah, you know how I feel. Anytime, and I've been in some disgusting public bathrooms. I have too. Let me be very clear. There was one one time where I was in like, I was driving through like, for like my old job, like a shipping...
Like an industrial, a very industrially area where there's like a lot of like shipping and like 18 wheelers loading up and stuff like that. And I looked on my phone like bathrooms near me and it was without exaggeration, just a stone building in the middle of like Newark, New Jersey. Perfect. And I went in there and it was a site. What you would imagine a murder to be staged for. Like it was like ridiculous. Yeah.
You raw dog toilets? No, I prefer not to. What does I prefer not to mean? I mean, if the setup is going to be just as difficult, you know what I mean? So you won't make a little, you know, like a bird's nest and then take a shit on that? Yeah, no, I don't like that. Wait, is it you?
Oh god he got him Don't do that Yo wait Isn't it you Are you the pitcher No no no Don't you do this thing Where you throw a bunch Of toilet paper in the toilet Yeah I do Tell him Wait what He'll throw a bunch Of toilet paper Into the toilet You said tell him And then you decided To tell me I broke the rules immediately Okay Go ahead go go Oh so like I throw a bunch Of toilet paper in And then I take a poop
Because so the water doesn't splash back up at me. Genius. Very smart. Makes a little bed for it. That's stinky, though. No, it's not. It's paper. Well, yeah. Raw dogging. Your shit is in the air, brother. That's what I'm saying. You have air shit.
Oh, I see. Like if it's in the water, it kind of masks the smell a little bit. A little bit. You're over here just letting your shit in your hand. You have big, big mud pies out in the open. You're literally just holding it like this. You might as well. You might as well shit and then put your face next to it. Literally. I courtesy flush. You're not worried about the air of your shit. You courtesy flush raw shit. What are you talking about? I'm saying like. You're cooking it in there? No. Like, it's like, so you've established this is the grossest episode. Also a weekly episode. Can we add? Yeah.
So you go in and you full on make a damn like a poop beaver. Yeah. Dude, that's what you do. And then you crap on top of it. Yes. So it's just airborne crap. Yeah. And then you flush and it's like... It might be close because sometimes when you flush it comes up and goes down a little bit. So like...
What is your concern? It's out when I flush. Are you just trying to say it's not out when I flush? No, no, no. I'm saying the water. The water levels, they fill up a little bit and then they go down. Oh, you think that the poop's going to hit it? It might hit your ass. Bro, that ain't happening. You might get... What do you think? He said, Tyrannosaurus Rex? A Tyrannosaurus? How much dung do you think? Dung beetles, by the way? Cool, but ew. I mean, I applaud their...
Determination and work ethic. I can't say much about, you know... You ever think about a dog and how it loves piss and shit? Because the thing that you just said, right? Like, and I think about this all the time when I'm walking my dog. He loves to pee on other dogs' pee. Is that like graffiti? It's like a... I fucking... This is my... Because they... Because...
It's like graffiti, you know? Like they say like, not just graffiti. And you go over them. Yeah. That was disrespect. So is he disrespecting like the pool? Hell yeah. Because that's their scent. That's how they mark their territory. So you take my piss and it's like, this is my fucking hydrant now. And then someone else says it and you're just like, damn, that's not mine anymore. Bro, the dog, dogs, dogs are like members of the cartel. You know what I'm saying? Like,
You impede on their territory. They're going to get upset about it, you know? I have watched numerous times. A dog will walk over to a tree, pee on it. My dog will see that, run right over, piss right on it. Yeah. And they always, dogs always have, I remember when we had a dog, like, they always have a little bit of piss to spare. Just enough to, like, just be like little petty little bitches, you know? Even if he doesn't have piss, he'll go through the motions and just be like, leg up, oh, got nothing, keep going. Like, you know, that's good enough for you? I mean, piss.
Piss is very potent with its odor. But no piss will come out. He'll just lift his leg. No, but even one drop. You know what they say. One drop of blood in the ocean, a shark will smell it. One drop of dog piss on a park bench, the other dogs will know. You're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm saying no piss comes out. I'm saying that you're probably not inspecting close enough. Or you're wrong.
It's possible. Highly unlikely. Because I'm walking the dog every day and I see it. Highly unlikely that I'm wrong. Right, it's unlikely. But it's possible, and I respect the possibility, but I also honor the improbability of my being wrong. I don't even know how to do all... I don't know how to unpack what you just said. Love that sweater. Thank you. Really good sweater. You have a new chain. What is that? Is that a cat? Yeah, Ruby gave it to me. Ruby?
She went to the jewelry store and bought you some jewelry? She got kids playtime jewelry. It's a kitty cat? It's a little unicorn. Oh, it's a unicorn. It's a unicorn. You know what I thought that was at first? What? You know, like the namaste hand thing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was that. With the eye in the middle, right? I was like, oh, okay, there's something going on here. With the eye in the middle. What if I just came in and had radically different spiritual beliefs? Yeah, I mean, I think that would be very interesting.
Yeah. I've never been a very spiritual person. So, like, if I come in and I start talking about, like, God or something, like, you know. It wouldn't shock me. Yeah. I mean, maybe one day in my life. I think there will come a time. Probably. Because I'm afraid. Right. That's what I'm, yeah. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Yeah. I think you're going to be like, one day I have to, like, I have to. I have to because if I don't, then I'm in trouble. Yeah. Because if I think about...
Not. Then. My father-in-law put it best. My father-in-law has a really strong connection to his faith. And he says like, if I'm wrong, I lived life as a good person anyways. And I was like, good for you. You know, there's some certain beliefs I don't like, but like,
Maybe one day we'll cross it. That's everyone's problem with religion, honestly. We'll cross that down the road. Yeah, now that we've talked about religion, how about we get to the end? Oh, and religion and Nazis and drugs. Forgot about all that stuff. What an episode. Anyway, Squarespace.
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Big scandal going around right now. The Girl Scout cookies are killing the population apparently. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Allegedly. Allegedly. Oh my God. I don't want to be screwed by the girls. He's done. The girls are getting him. The Scouts. Oh my God. What would you do if they hand delivered a subpoena as like fully dressed up as Girl Scouts? Can you imagine?
You know, I never understood that where it's like you got served. Like people just like, Oh, I used to do it for my old job all the time. Like why are people escaping that? Like, dude, you're going to get these papers. I, I, I've served a lot of people. But like, do they run away from you? So all the times that I did it was at their home.
So, you basically, like, I would go up, I would knock on the door, and I would say, Hi, I'm looking for Joe Santagato. And if it's Joe, he'd be like, yeah, that's me. He'd be like, I have the subpoena for you. I didn't do the, you're being served. No? I was never told I had to. I think I might have said it at points, but like... You've never, like, just walked up to someone on the street and be like...
Roger? Here you go, Roger. No, no, no, no. It was all like homes and stuff. And then there were times where it was like, you know, like I had driven like two and a half hours to wherever I had to be. And I told my boss, like, I can't.
sit here and wait for the person to get home. And it's like, all right, well then you give it to whoever you give it to get their name and their information. And then you have to provide something called an affidavit of service, which basically just says like, I serve this subpoena on your behalf to this person. And I think there was like one or two times where the person was just like, I'm not fucking touching this. And I'm just, and what I was taught was just like, okay, you don't need to, I am giving it to you.
You don't have to take it. I'm leaving it here. What you choose to do with it is on you. I would love to serve somebody. It was not as glamorous as you thought. I'd make it glamorous. You'd be like a little bitch. I'd stalk. You'd be a little bitch about it. That's crazy. I would stake out is what I meant. I did a surveillance. A cup of coffee and a cigarette just outside when he gets home. So it wasn't my job traditionally, but I was one time asked to do a surveillance.
And like, it was literally like sit here. Like a private investigator. It was just, so it was for a subpoena, but it was sit here, wait until this person gets home. And then when they get home, hit them with the subpoena. And it was cool on July 3rd of the year. And I was trying to like, I had learned about it that morning. We were going to be leaving to go to the lake. Oh. And I was just like, hopefully they come home. They did not. Ooh. I got out of there by like five or six. Cause they never showed up.
Damn. Yeah. They probably spotted you, dude. You were followed. No, no, no. I was good. I was good. I was good. I was inconspicuous. Anyway, apparently this thing came out. You know, Girl Scout cookies, very popular, but apparently they did a test on the cookies, and in 100% of the samples, they were some form of metal. Well, and not good metal. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.
Alleged! Alleged! We don't know what the deal is. We don't know if this is true or if it's not true or what the deal is, but there is an ongoing investigation and there's 100% of the samples they're saying have traces of metal. I will say this. If you had asked me, I would have said they had traces of crack because, boy, oh, boy, once I pop, I cannot stop.
This is just my opinion. I honestly think Girl Scout cookies are overrated. You're bananas. I don't think they're bad. I think they're overrated. I think people are like, oh, I need 10 boxes. They're fine. Well, it's because the boxes are cheap.
Ish, I guess. And I don't know, dude, you're trying to like support little kids. I will say whoever you're not supporting. I will say I will say whoever was just like, let's get these little kids to peddle the cookies. Geniuses will be more inclined. Yeah, I'll be real honest. Give them a badge. I recently bought Girl Scout cookies for like a family member. What's your favorite one? I was going to say the old name, but apparently they're not called Girl Scout.
anymore. They're called Caramel Delights. And then they have these little ones that are like French toast. What? Whoa, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm into French toast. Hell yeah. Do you like Girl Scout cookies? A couple. I don't like Thin Mints. They can go ahead and die a fiery death. Thin Mints?
Suck. Double suck. So much. Triple suck. It's insane. And they're probably the most popular. People love them. They are disgusting to me. I think we did an episode. Well, we did a video, a Standing Out of Studios video, what was more popular than Mint. That was well before Ant. No, it was him. No. Yeah, because it was like the one where it was like The Rock and it's like zero or one or something like that. I was there for that. Dumber than a box of rocks. Something like that. Or maybe it was another one, but I forgot what is... I did a Tate...
No, no, no, but I'm saying we did an episode or something and it was just like thin mints are the most popular, true or false or something like that. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, they're whack. But I mean, yeah, anything chocolate and mint flavored can go ahead and just do what it needs to do. Mint chocolate chip ice cream, garbage. Garbage, absolute pee pee. Masura. Absolute masura. Yeah, see...
No, I think Caramel Delights are the best. Those are good. Tagalongs are good. What the hell is a tagalong? It's the peanut butter ones. Hell no. Yeah, you hate that combination. But it's good. No, I just... What the fuck is Adventurefuls? Adventurefuls. These cookies are newer edition featuring a crispy cookie with a caramel and peanut butter filling. I...
Don't hate that I will say they great job naming them except the Samoans were upset about that. Oh see those those are good our peanut butter What's with all the peanut butter guys peanut butter? I'm just like Just noticing look up the French toast ones. Those are fucking bananas. Also. I'm not can you just type in type in Girl Scout flavors Girl Scout Girl Scout cookie flavor. I think everyone knew what you meant. All right. Thank you You never know out of context. Yeah those um
You know what's good? And I know I'm going to get shit for this. Meat and cookies. Way to go, Girl Scouts. I can't. Why are we attacking Girl Scouts? We is crazy. I feel like you were saying something. Adventurefuls. The Dosey Does are great. Caramel Delights are great. Those are good. Caramel Chocolate Chip, I've never had. Adventurefuls look interesting. Where are the... The S'mores, surprisingly, not great, dude. Really? Lemonades, I'd rather go to hell. Hell.
I hate lemon flavored baked goods. I hate that. I hate it because it's not, it's just overly lemony. It's so lemony. It's not like a hint of lemon. Yeah, give me some zest. Zest me, but don't fucking like. I love a good zest. You're eating a lemon here. Zest all over me. Yeah. Go down. Gotcha. There's the, there's the toastier. Toastier. That looks good. That one. Toffee taskick.
Oh, where'd you go? Toffee-tastic is good. I don't want ones that look like women. I don't want to eat cookies that look like women. Which one look like women? The tree foals. How does that look like women? Those are women's faces. Those are women's faces? Are they not? Yeah, I think he's right. A little silhouette here. Those are good, though. I think that's like the Girl Scout logo. Tree foals are good. Toffee-tastic is mad good. Thin mints? Thin mints.
Fuck you! Thin Mints suck. Ass. How about you and me shut up together and I fight you Thin Mints? What does that even mean? I don't even know. What the hell is toffee though? It's just like, "Bray-shweets."
I don't know. I like Toffifee, which I think we recently brought up. What the fuck is that? That sounds like a cat's name. It's a really cool little candy. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. I got to back up a little bit. You said they're overrated? Yeah, yeah. You're nuts, dude. I just think that some of them are good, but I think the way that people talk about them, it's like, bro, I legitimately don't need them. Well, they have a really smart marketing and business strategy. The reason that they're great is...
Is because they're good cookies that you can only get in a short window of time from a little drug dealing child that basically sells it to you. Right. You know? So like, exclusivity. You love that. Exclusivity. They make a billion dollars every year. Yeah, because they have a lot, but like...
I don't know. I don't think they're overrated. That's crazy. The world's going to punch you. Probably. Maybe the Samoans that were upset can attack you too. Samoas. You don't want to mess with them. I don't think they're called Samoans. I know, but I'm saying the Samoans were probably the ones that were upset about them being called Samoans. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You know? Also, those, they're good. They are good. I'm not a coconut guy, so that kind of like... It's the perfect balance of chewy and cookie. You know? Yeah. Yeah.
I'm all about caramel. I like caramel. I don't like old people caramel. Oh, like Werther's? No, because those aren't bad. But there's a certain type of caramel that I've had that I'm like, this is garbage. Give me the sugary one. I've had one thing with caramel that I fully believe is the worst use of caramel I've ever seen. And listen, mad respect.
To M&M's. But the caramel M&M's are fucking garbage. I thought you were going to say M&M. Oh, well, he, he, he. Yo, mad respect, yo. He can get some respect too. Absolutely respect M&M's. Yeah, the caramel M&M's are dumb. Caramel M&M's are dumpster pee pee. Yeah. You know, we're doing a lot of pee pee talk today. Basura. Yeah, basura. Que la verdad.
Cat piss, I would say. Caramel. Whoa, that's the worst piss. Yo, disgusting. Disgusting piss. Bro, my house used to reek of cat piss as a kid. Cat piss is the worst piss. Because we had, I remember, you know why I remember cat piss? My first foray into cat piss? Because you had a cat. We had a cat, but one, I saw her peeing and she was shaking. Your cat? Yeah. And then she, I had a Triple H wrestling figure. And she pissed on it? No, even worse.
He came with like, you know how, remember how Triple H used to wear those giant denim jackets? Yeah. He came with that as like an accessory and I took it off for his match. Duh. And my cat somehow got it and pissed on it. So like. Pissed on his jacket? Pissed on his jacket, dude. And like Triple H. So that's why you hate cat piss. Not because it smells like piss. It smells bad. But you watch your cat shake and piss all over Triple H's denim jacket. Like it looked sick. It looked sick. And she probably was. The signs were there.
Yeah. But yeah, no. And cat piss smells like worse piss than any piss. I hate that. M&M pretzels. Those are incredible. Yeah. And I'm not even big on... Like, I like pretzels, but like, not like that.
Those are a great... Ooh! Peanut M&M's. Best M&M. Peanut M&M's are the best M&M. And then the original. Yeah. I will fully... Oh, well, there was an M&M in the early 2000s that were M&M crunchies. They were like... Like, you know how like... Oh. It was like... The Rice Krispie shit? Yeah, like a malted milk ball. Yeah, I like that. And it was M&M. Peanut... Not peanut. The pretzel ones are good. The pretzel ones are good. I don't hate them. I like them. How do you feel about Whoppers?
Here's the thing. Whoppers, as like, first of all, coming in a milk jug. What are you doing, Whoppers? What? Whoppers come in milk jugs. Oh, I have seen that, yeah. But the outside is too, like the chocolate is too soft. So I go from soft to crunch. And I don't like that. But, tis the season. Whoppers makes their robin's eggs. Shoot, shoot everyone. No, don't do that.
Robin's eggs are the best version of that. I recently sent you a picture when I was on my way in and I was like, got my lunch and it was my sunflower seeds and a bag of Robin's eggs. Oh,
Whoppers are very bad. Like, maybe the, like... No. Out of the Halloween candy, whenever I get those, I'm like, I'm never eating this. This is disgusting. I'll eat them if I'm feeling dangerous. I'll eat way other, like, whacker shit. Well, you know what makes a Robin's eggs really good? One, Easter. Robin's eggs are not bad. Easter, great. Two, the chocolatey, the candy coating on the outside. Those are a great coat. The perfect amount. You looked up legit Robin's eggs. Yeah.
And just put bird eggs up here. But like the candy coating is perfectly thin and they're delicious. Yeah, those are really... Wait, it's Cadbury. No. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, I've only had the Cadbury ones, which are very good. No, no, no, no. Robin's eggs. They're a Whopper brand. See? No, okay. This I haven't had. Oh, yeah. No, I don't like it. I'll bring them in. No. Because I have gone on record and I will say this. Cadbury's a top three chocolate. Shut up.
Of the holiday candies, like holidays themed candy for like whatever, like Halloween, they have like pumpkins and like Halloween candy, spooky guts and pee pee. Everything's orange. Yeah. Christmas has what it has. Obviously Easter has the best assortment of holiday candy.
Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. It's like, cause like when, when Christmas, I mean, it's like, well, Christmas, everyone did. Oh, peppermint, peppermint, peppermint, peppermint stick. No, I only like it. But like, shut up peppermint. I don't like when other shit is peppermint. Like just leave, leave, leave peppermint. Candy canes fucking alone. Let them be.
But like everything else. And like think of Easter. Easter we have like Robin's eggs. We have jelly beans. I know I'm not going to sit here and argue about the jelly beans. Peeps. Bang. Top tier. Yeah. Peeps. Bang. Trash. Peeps are so good. Peep. If you're watching this, I will be your, if you want to have a Super Bowl commercial next year, I'm in. Super Bowl commercial.
I hope that company goes belly up. My mom would be upset about that. She loves peeps. I love peeps. But, yeah, so I'm shocked that you're not more of a – when's the last time you bought a box of Girl Scout cookies? Like four years ago. You need new ones. Where am I going to get them? I've never seen a Girl Scout in my life. They don't, like, go door-to-door anymore. No, I know, but, like – Actually, that's not true. They went door-to-door in my neighborhood once.
That makes sense in like a suburban area, but like there's no Girl Scout cookies. I mean, you don't know people with kids, but like. I've ordered them online. That's the only time that I've had them. Yeah, so like a lot of kids now will have like their own page. Bro. This just led me to fuck Girl Scout cookies for a second. You know what's a thousand times better than that? When children are selling the chocolate bars.
I love that chocolate. That is such an underrated chocolate. The chocolate bar like on the subway, like they have that box. It's called World's Greatest Chocolate. Yeah, it's good chocolate. It's a good name for a company too. Yeah, that was big when we were in like middle school. I would make my dad buy the whole box and then I would eat it.
Oh, really? Yondo. You know what I recently got gypped into? And yeah, gypped is the right word to use here. Really? Because I feel like that might be a sleaze. A little slurs. Gypped? To the seas. To the seas. Isn't that like a... Isn't that the... Oh, I see. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. No. Gypped... I don't know. Whatever. Go ahead. Oh. What'd you get roped into? What'd you get roped? You got roped. I got... You know what I got? What?
I got the rug pulled out from under me. From? I got, I got, I'm trying to think of another one. I got finagled. By? A child. Your own? No.
A strange child. A family member's child. Okay. Was doing a fundraiser. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. They always got stuff. I'm gonna get you. They always got things. And I'm not gonna say their names, but they know who they are. Yeah, they will. They won't watch this. What were they selling? What were they peddling? You ready for this? It's a fundraiser and you get Krispy Kreme donuts.
All right, hold on. I'm back in. No, right? Right. Listen, honestly, I am always kind of apprehensive because there's like a weird level of like, how much do you give? You know, blah, blah, blah. Krispy Kreme donuts. I'm like, all right, I have to buy three boxes. Frankie. Listen to me. Listen.
No, but they didn't have, and I'll tell you why, because they didn't have the option to like buy one box and add a tip for like an extra for a bigger donation. How much was a box? I think they were like, like 12 bucks, 13 bucks each or something like that. 15 maybe. I think it was 15 actually. And this is a good pyramid scheme. You ready for this? I'm like, all right, I'm going to do it to support, be a good, you know, member of my community.
I do it. And I'm like, I notice that as I'm doing it, I don't put in my address information. And I'm like, how the hell am I getting these Krispy Kreme donuts? They go, great. Thanks for the donation. Print this voucher out and go to an authorized Krispy Kreme location and pick up your boxes. Give me my money back. Give me this fucking money back. I kid you not. Out of my full Tony Soprano, where's my money? I don't know.
furious. Here's a voucher? If you're gonna make me donate my money and then get up and go to a Krispy Kreme donut? Authorized Krispy Kreme? What does that even begin to mean? Well, they have, Krispy Kreme has storefronts. Special ones that are authorized?
The Krispy Kreme! That's what I'm saying! Walking into any Krispy Kreme is different. But I'm also not going there. Bro, I was mad. That's crazy. The audacity to make me pay my money. I was gonna say hard earned. Leave out the adjectives. It's fine. But it is your money. It is my money. And then tell me to do an extra step. If I'm committing to this, first of all, ship them to my home. Or hand deliver them to me. The thing that you messed up is...
It needs to be one of these. Okay? You're right. Here's the money. Donut coming the other way. You're right. You're 100% right. That's why the world's greatest chocolate... If you're ever in a kidnap scenario, you gotta be like, wait, I wanna see this. I got fucking bamboozled. My boozled was BAM! Bing bam boozled. Alright? I...
You got to make sure you see the product in person. I can't have this. I can't. And this is why I don't like shopping online. This is why. Because then there was another instance where I bought something online. I told you, we got you something for your birthday. And it was like, ships fast. This is great. I buy it and they're like, this doesn't ship till April. I had angry man that day. I honestly...
This is happening with the TV that we have. I needed the original legs for it because I don't want to hang it up on a... What's it called? A bracket. Yeah. So I just want to put it on the legs. So I had to go to the company and be like, can you ship me the legs? They're like, yeah. They're like, good news. They're in stock. Cool. As soon as I got the email that your order is confirmed, they went back order. I'm like, what happened to in stock? Now there's no ETA anymore.
And if you're going to do that, fine. But send me an extra pair so I can beat those with a
Because I'm furious with this. Like, if you're going to send me an extra pair for a month after, send me an extra pair so I can throw them in the ocean. This is why I don't like shopping online. Because you never get a straight answer. You go to a store. I want this. Here's my money. Here's the thing. Thank you. I'm leaving. I much prefer that. I can't even tell you. But I like opening boxes.
I love opening boxes. That's what I'm saying. When you buy online, you're like, oh, my clothes are here. I know, but if you know what it is, like my issue, my toxic trait is I fully expect boxes to just show up at my house, but I hate shopping online. Right. So when Becca gets something, I'm like, is it for me? I was like, do you mind if I open it? You haven't opened anything. She's like, yes, you can open it. And I open it. I'm like, whoa, what is this? Yeah. You know, but bro, I recently bought something for Becca for Valentine's Day.
And I bought it. Again, ships fast within, you know, two days. If you place your order between, you know, before, whatever. I fucking buy it. Ten minutes later, I get an email. It's backordered. I can't. And I'm like... And it's like, we'll let you know when your shipment is ready. And then it showed up two days later. Figure out your system. Figure out your goddamn system, you damn dirty whores. Yeah. You damn dirty bastard whores, bitch whores. If you're in...
If you're in stock, I make the order, and now it's the back order? You're telling me I'm the one? I'm on the back? Yeah, you put it onto the back. They barebacked you. I've been barebacked. You've been barebacked. I hate that. I just, I hate. What is back order? I just spit. Well, back order is that the demand exceeds the supply. So they're like, you know what?
We fucked up. Fuck you! Take it off! I'm not gonna buy it if there's nothing in stock. What happened to sold out? What happened to that?
Pre-orders! Pre-orders get me! Pre-orders get me so bad, bitch. They get me so angry. At least be transparent if it's a pre-order. Tell me when. If I'm not expecting this, I'm not getting until summer, make a pre-order, I'm fine with that. I hate when people use, like, business terms when they're like, pre-order this ship's Q1. And it's like, just fucking tell me what month. Don't do this. Don't narrow it down to a fucking 25% of the year. If you're gonna do a pre-order, be transparent with me. Tell me how many weeks, tell me if it's gonna be months, or if I'm gonna get this in 2035.
I just want some transparency. Don't tell me like pre-order. We'll figure it out. I can't do this. But also, and I know I'm probably going to get flack for this because I know that there's like actual like logistics that go into this. If I pre-order something, there's no reason that you should cap the pre-order unless you're like,
Doing it for like art purposes. What does that mean? Like I I remember there was a Company I was looking at they had a really cool watch and it was like on pre-order. Okay, and it was like Oh our pre-orders have exceeded the limit and it's like order more order more. Well, they're making them I know but order have a make more. Oh
I know. This never happens to Santa Claus. How is there no pre-order with that? He's making them by hand. Literally by hand. Him and his elves. Is that offensive toward... No, it's fine. Okay. Him and his... The elven men. The elven... Well, elven women can contribute if they choose. And elven women. You know, I'm assuming the elven women do a lot over there. Well, boy, what's that mean? What do you mean? Is that...
Is that okay to say? That elven women are working hard in the North Pole? Yeah. Why would that be bad to say? I don't know. I just want to be careful and make sure we're not accidentally offending the elves in the North Pole. Well, they have a very important job. Why do you keep looking behind me? You're freaking me out. Is there a spider? There's an elf. What's going on here? No. I just don't like it. If it's pre-ordered, there's no reason you cap the pre-order. If you get more than what you thought, if you only make $500 and you get $600...
Holy shit. Make more right away. Make them. They're pre-ordered months out as it is. But they're also probably doing a pre-order. And I know there's an actual answer for this. I know that. But you don't. It's not your problem. I'm the customer. I get to be angry. The customer's always right. Rule one. Rule two. Rule two. If it's in stock and then suddenly becomes back order, give me a discount because I bought this under false pretenses. It's
If this was backordered, I wouldn't even dream of wearing it. Oh my God. Back, buying something backordered? What do you think I am, a bitch? Yeah, dude. You think I'm gonna wait? What do you think? You think I'm gonna wait? I don't wait. Please, please, sir. When it comes here, tell me. Or, like I'm some cuck, send it to me when you get the chance. You have my money and now you have my dignity. They're cucking you. What else do you want from me? That's what they're doing. They're fucking your wife in front of you, Joey. Legitimately. And then they're like, we'll let you know when we're done. Or it's like, oh, you want this? You can totally have it. I give them the money and they say, well,
Well, I'll decide when to get it to you, though. Companies, we're on to you. And we're not, we're going to be the one to break the fucking... Snake oil salesman pieces of shit. Hell yeah. No dignity, no respect, or loyalty to your customers. And I'm going to do you one better, you goddamn whore bastard bitches.
If you have a thing on your website that's like, "Sign up for alerts of when it comes back in stock." I better get one email from your company. You don't. And it better be when it's back in stock. Because I see an email that's just like, "We also have..." I'm not only going to unsubscribe from your email chain. I might find the company and spit at it. Spit. We'll email you when it's back in stock. Go to hell. Don't send me an email.
Don't ever go out of stock. You know business people. Call them. Let them know we're on to them. Let them know that we have figured them out. On your fucking heels. We're on your heels. Damn right. We have ads. We're flying today, baby. We are on ads. Speaking of companies. Cut me off while I'm singing High School Musical bananas. Just go. You look like Dylan Efron today. Who's that? Zac Efron's brother. Don't know him.
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We yelled. Oh my God. I want to ask you a question. Oh my God. Okay. So this thing on TikTok and stop me if you've seen it. Okay. Stop me if you've seen it. Be fucking honest. All right. Okay. Fuck. Whoa. Jesus. Let me ask you a precursor. There's a lot of questions being thrown at me right now. There's only going to be two. One. How much do you think you pee a day? We're back on piss. Heavy on the piss. This is a big pee episode. Yeah. It's huge. The boys be pissing. This is the thumbnail. Right. No. The pissing dogs. Don't do that. Pissing boys. No.
How much do you think you pee a day? Fluid ounces. Or pints or gallons? I would say I probably pee a gallon of piss a day. Damn, that's crazy. I've been really good with my water intake. Nice. For like the last couple months. I've been consistently drinking at least a gallon of water every day. Wow. Good for you. Thank you. That's why I always have that smart water bottle because it's a quart. Okay. So four of those? Four of those a day. That's it, babe. Now let me ask you. Okay. Okay.
Just so you know, I don't know where my TikTok algorithm has led me. It definitely has not led me to piss. So I think we're safe. Really, baby? We're here right now. I'm going to put this right here so I can make sure that I'm reading everything. Okay, Frank, how long do you think it would take to fill up the Grand Canyon with piss if every single person on earth was pissing into it at the same time?
That's billions of people, dude. It's 8 billion, I believe. Are we at 8 already? I thought it was 6. 8.2. Wow. Too many people. That's a ton of people. That's way too many. Everyone at the same time pissing. I've never seen or been to the Grand Canyon. Like a normal pee, too. I know. Yeah, not like a... If you in one... Not like an Austin Powers wake up piss. Just a normal average pee. Yeah. Oh, man. How big is the Grand Canyon?
I don't even know how to answer that. Big? Big is my answer. All right. I would say if everyone on Earth... They're on the edge of the Grand Canyon, we're all pissing. And we're assuming that the Grand Canyon is lined with a non-absorbent material, so it's not like... No evaporation. It's not... So it's going to be... It's like a pool liner. Yeah. How long would it take to fill up the Grand Canyon if it had a pool liner with human piss? Right. I would say a billion people, man.
I would say... 8 billion. 8 billion people. Yeah, yeah. I would say maybe like a month. Right? That's what I thought. Yeah, I'd say a month. Hands shaking his head. Show me a piss my show. Wait, have you seen the video? I didn't see the video, but I know the question. You're telling me there's a viral video going around, but you know about this piss-filled thing? You're just a piss guy. Just a piss guy. Dude, so the amount that you can fit in the Grand Canyon is 1.2 million.
Quadrillion gallons? Is that 24 zeros or 40 zeros? I can't even fathom that being a number that we're going to entertain. That's a circus number. So if every person... So 8 billion gallons a day, that's a lot of gallons, brother. So on average, apparently, people piss a half gallon, which is still a lot of pee. Yeah. I would imagine I pee probably a half gallon too because I retain some of the water I drink, hopefully. Yeah. I think...
So this is what this says. Is the math 100% correct? Not for me to decide here. I mean, you're not a mathematician. Also, this is about piss, so. Correct. They said. What's quadrillion? If people on average piss a half gallon a day, it would take not a month, but 800,000 years. What? Why? 800,000? What was your answer that you knew? I was going to say 1,000 years maybe.
Shut up. What is the maybe? You made it seem like, oh, I know this question. Maybe a thousand years. You either, here's the thing, with questions like this, you're either criminally under what the answer is like we are with a month or you're outlandishly over. Here's the thing.
A thousand years sounds way more like realistic. 800,000 years? I feel like I could fill it in at 800,000 years. That's so much time. Nah, brother. Well, first of all, you ain't living to be 800,000, Joey. I'm saying in a wizard life where I could live that long and pee.
8, that's a lot of years. Bro, 8, think about everyone on earth, bro. How big is the Grand Canyon, dude? Apparently fucking massive. It's taking this long to fill with piss. It can't be that big. They've got to be doing some math incorrectly. I did go on Reddit because I was like, let's see. Oh, it must be real on there. No, no, no. This is a video that went viral. So I went on Reddit to see...
Or I was like looking it up to like make sure I had the numbers correct. And then I saw a Reddit link and then someone did math and they were like, I think this thing is off. And even they came up with like 700 and something years. But that still seems way longer than I think. Well, billions. Bro, 8 billion people peeing into the Grand Canyon. You're going to tell me that's not going to take...
A solstice at most. I don't know. I mean, you'll probably see some like water accumulation. Hell yeah. But like, isn't it? Isn't it? Oh boy. Isn't the like Grand Canyon also deep too? It's a canyon. Yeah. What classifies a canyon from just a hole? That's great. I mean, you know. I mean, we can talk about your. It's. What? What are you talking about? I was going to make a joke about your canyon like asshole.
Insinuating that you normally get it. Got it. Yeah. Estimated volume of the Grand Canyon is 4.17 trillion cubic meters. Which, what is that? I don't even know what a cubic meter is. A cubic meter is a meter. That's a square. By a meter, by a meter. That's bananas. So like six feet by six feet by six feet, roughly. Oh no, three feet. Sorry. A meter is about three feet and change, right?
Yes. I like how I'm acting. And, like, he knows. You're the one that has been to school the most recently, so. I knew. There are 8.2 billion people on the planet, but for our purposes, we'll only include people over the ages of 15. Why? Why? No, baby's pissed, dude. Baby's pissed, brother. That's what I'm saying. What is this person doing? So, equally, roughly 6.5 billion people. Even that. One cubic meter is 1,000 liters. So, we'll need... I can't even read that number.
It's an insane number. Each person produces roughly 1.4 liters of urine a day. With 6.5 billion people, that's 9.1 billion liters a day. At that rate, it would take 458,241 days to fill the Grand Canyon. Which is how many years? I don't know. Divide that by 365. 1,200 years? That's quick math. I don't know. I hope that's not even close. 458,241.
No, I think you're roughly in the ballpark. Wait, hold on. I fucked that up. 258. What is it? 258. Times 100,000 would be 350. Divided by 365. 65,000. 1,255 years. Not bad, buddy. Really great, buddy. 1,255 years. You said 1,200. Oh, wow. Look at me. You don't know.
You don't even remember? Just say it with confidence. Math. Good. Memory. Puff your chest. I'm sorry. Even 1,200 years. That's so much longer than I'm even believing now. Yeah, I don't even believe that. I just think that this is a... Like, I don't think people realize how much piss... Like, the average person pisses a half gallon a day. But then you have freaks like Greg who pisses several gallons a day. Greg is pissing at an alarming rate. I think, realistically... Me? Let's do a social experiment. Let's get a bucket in here. One...
cubic I'm not doing this and we just pee in it no or dump our piss into it we're back to the front you wanna you wanna piss on piss that's what that's how you get your rocks off you know Steve-O I don't know did you ever you definitely didn't Steve-O does stand-up specials now and he had a stand-up special and I watched it last year with my brother and one it's basically like some stand-up and he mixes in some like stunts and stuff like some of them are fucking crazy I don't wanna give it away because I respect you Mr. Steve-O
One of them I will give away. He collects urine from everyone he knows for like seven months or six months, including the urine that's in his like traveling RV. And he puts it in a pool and he dives into the pool like a kiddie pool. Go ahead. Take that in. Steve-O, by the way, you're alive after that. Bro, he's done way crazy shit.
Swimming in a little piss. Swimming in a little piss? Swimming in a little piss, baby. That is so gross, dude. That sounds like that's like a rejected Jimmy Buffet song. Swimming in a little piss. Imagine the smell. Yeah, it smells like piss, probably. Worse. A lot of piss. Worse. It can't be worse than cat piss.
I'm sure it's definitely worse. No, I'd rather a pool of human piss than cat piss. Are you crazy? I don't even know if I have a preference, to be honest with you. Yeah, Steve-O, if you're ever in the area, what's up? Go piss on Frank. No. He'd love it. No, stop that. Apparently. No. Hey, Steve-O, if you're ever in the area, let's pee on each other's pee. No. And then you can swim. That doesn't seem... All right, what about if people crapped?
Way longer, because the average person is one crapper a day. I think the real problem is the difference between a billion and a trillion is just so big. It's a million billions, right? It's so crazy. It's just so big. How about a quadrillion? Exactly. What? Clown numbers. Did you ever see the thing that was just like, the richest man in history was some African...
or something, and it was like he valued what the land was, or like Genghis Khan, and it was like what the land was valued that he had conquered was like trillions and trillions of dollars or something like that. Probably. That's crazy. I don't... So what, a billion is 990... A trillion is 1,000 billions or a million billions? How do these numbers exist? I remember... What's a Google? Is that 100 zeros?
Why did we even get that high? They're not even usable to use these numbers. I mean, they are when you talk about stuff like space travel and shit like that. And piss. And piss. One. Oh, what am I looking at here? Can you zoom in on this stuff? One trillion. That's bananas. It's not letting me.
There we go. $1 trillion visualized. Those are double, and by the way, those are double stacked. Double stacked pallets like that. So this is what I'm saying. So this is one, here's the thing. This is the person down here. Oh, fuck. That's what that is? I was literally going to be like a trillion dollars. I thought it would be more than that. No, like this is the human. Got it. And this is the trillion. That's why it takes a long time to piss in the grand can. Yo, honestly, that $100 million is not what I thought it was going to be.
I thought that was going to be way more. That's it? I really struggle when people are just like, you wouldn't be able to carry this much money in a bag because it's too heavy. I struggle with that. It's just paper. And I know it's like $100, 100 pounds of paper. You know, they say, what's heavier, 100 pounds of bricks or 100 pounds of feathers? And it's like, brother, they're both 100 pounds. Bro, if you give me a backpack...
And my clothing and like some Janko jeans or whatever you're wearing. Like recently I'm walking out of there with at least $50 million because it's paper. I don't think that you could do that just because like, I think that's like more than you think. But like, were those how heavy is how much it weigh about 22 pounds? I don't think the pounds is the problem. 22 pounds, dude. It weigh about 22 pounds. You could easily fit a million dollars into a briefcase backpack or duffel bag. Yo,
50 million weighs 500 kilograms, about half a ton. Yeah. That can't be true. I didn't think this was right. I think bro, $50 million weighing half a ton. I think that's right. Really? Yeah. But what if it's a hundred dollar bills? How much is a million? 45 pounds. A million dollars is 45. Bro. I think that money is like heavier than you think, but like,
Half a ton? Nah. That's 50 million? I refuse to believe that. I refuse. I actually believe it. I think it makes sense. Bro, paper is heavy, dude. If you're... A paper is heavy. Bro, remember we had to haul... Did you bring any of those fucking stacks of paper out? No, I was in here when you guys said you got it. Bro, those are heavy. Well, they're little reams of paper. Yeah, but those are like not... How much would one of those be in money? 500 sheets. How would I even make a guess? 500 sheets on four bills.
I'm just saying, give me a duffel bag. I'm leaving with at least you. I mean, you weren't there for this video, but remember those $10,000 things? Like those are obviously very light. 10 of them though is a hundred grand only. Yeah. And then 10 times. No, but I'm saying like, that's a hundred grand. And like, that's like a lot of space. Like to fit that in something I think is difficult and it probably wouldn't be heavy. And that's only a hundred grand. I got it.
I'd be good. You're not carrying $50 million. Bro, put me here. I have a great video idea for you. Put me in an enclosed room and say, you can, whatever you, you put as much money as you have in there, whatever you can walk out with, you could keep. And I'm, I'm easily bankrupting you. How much money do you think I have? You think I have $50 million fucking dollars? I've seen your bank accounts. I know that you have at least $400 million. Imagine.
I would be living in Tuscany right now. I'll be honest. I think about it often. What? Having that much money. $400 million? Yeah, it'd be... I would quit well before that. Did you fart? No, I don't know what that was. Imagine you just let a fart rip. Like, I need more reasons.
Give me more reasons. Give me one reason to stay here. You know that song? Don't know it, but we're going to get out of here before that continues. Why? Frank, where can they find you? Don't cut me off when I'm singing. You don't even know what song it was. Give me one reason to stay here by Tracy Chapman. Give me one reason. Oh. You know, Tracy Chapman. Yeah.
I guess we're getting out of here. F Alvarez, 8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all other forms of social media, that being Instagram and a tick tock. Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. Go check out the basement yard at the basement yard, everywhere you enjoy us. Thank you for the love support. Everything that I could have think of. I'm a little fried right now. I'm kind of hungry. So totally fine. Food's on the way. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.