#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
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Welcome back to the bas- Welcome back to the basement yard, explain your shirt. Explain the shirt. Oh! Oh! It's uh... It's for my butcher.

It's for your bircher? It's like, it's a for bircher. It's for your bircher? Einerning. Joey couldn't the other day say ironing for some reason. What did I say? Eining? You said einering. Einering. We'll get to that in a little bit. It's from my butcher. They gave me this shirt. It was very kind. Wait, you went in and bought meat and he's like, here, take a shirt? Yeah. Every time I go, there's this guy that's just shoveling meat, which is a crazy way to say it. Yeah. Pretty sure his name is Will. He's a cool dude.

But he's over by the deli and I always walk over "Bro, a good deli is so... like you need a good deli" You need somewhere in your neighborhood where people know your name so you walk through the door and they're like "Oh look at the cat-drag thing!" "Ahh the big time is here!" "Do cats drag things in?" Yeah, the cat drags a lot of stuff What do they drag? Like animals? Like mice? Dude, we used to fight- my cat used to kill mice and put them in my sister's shoes Birds, bats

Dude, we gotta like get rid of cats, I think. I think they're evil. Fuck you, I loved it. I loved it. It was a cute sense of like- You loved finding bats in your sneakers? Well, I didn't find them in my sneakers. They were mostly in my sister's stuff. This is true. You trained this cat to prank your sister. No, well, it was like a sign of love. That's what cats do. They do it as like, we love you. I brought you a bat. Dogs do that shit too. Dogs don't bring you fucking- My dog's never brought me a bat. They'll bring you ducks. Ducks. You've never seen those duck hunt- Duck hunt dog. My brother-

Oh, like bloodhounds. Yeah, but I don't think it's just the bloodhounds. I don't know. But my brother's dog, he has a husky. And he used to, when he had a yard at his old house, and he would bring him outside, and he would have to keep him there just to show all the animals, like, the dog's coming. And they'd run into the fucking bushes. Dude. Because he used to go in the backyard and he would murder rabbits. They're just like, they're territory. Animals by nature...

I know. I'm animal, dude. Talk to me, Steve Irwin. Damn, RIP. What's his son's name? Yo, let's get his fucking son in here. Bring a reptile. Bring a fucking giraffe in here. Robert. I think it's Robert. And then I think his daughter, I think, I don't know. I don't want to say because I think his daughter's name is Bindi, I think, or Bondi.

Oops, if it's I don't even know I think look up Steve Irwin's kids now bitch. I'm sorry. That was too much. You're not a bitch Yeah, I think it's Robert do the kid I say I see them cry over stuff and it makes me want to cry is it bondi or bindi? Robert and bindi. Okay. All right. Good But I don't even know how that's offensive, but I don't know I do we I don't know but I

I'm screwing up this person's name. I don't want to say something offensive. Okay. So, by nature, these animals are territorial. Bro, we found, they were on two different instances. We found kittens in alleyways and brought them home. And our cat, you remember Mystique, Sticky Lou. She was... I had a cat named Mystique, Ant. Make fun of me. She died of, guess what? Cat mouth cancer. So, hope you feel good about yourself. Was she blue? No, but she did have like a half...

They also named their dog Rogue. These people are obsessed with cartoons. It's ridiculous. We made an agreement as a family. I'm so glad you didn't name your daughters after, like, fucking, I don't even know, Storm. Actually, that's a fire name. We were so close. We were very, very close. Storm's a sick name. We were very close. But as a family, we agreed that any pets that we get would be named after X-Men, so we had Mystique and we had Rogue.

Who's next on the list? Well, we now have our own family, so... If you get another cat, then it's going to be like, oh, this is Professor X. I mean, I'm all about good... You know how I feel about animal names. If I get an animal, I'm not naming him like Francis or like Robert or fucking like Mark. I think it's funny. Like, when people have like a pug and it's like, who's that? It's like, oh, that's Arthur. There's a dog? It's so stupid. I hate it. You know what I hate? I hate when people...

Give their cat names jobs. This is Dr. Buttersworth. Yeah. What is this? But it's more playful than fucking like, bro, we talked about this not like a couple of years ago at this point, but like Aaron Judge has this beautiful little dog and its name is like Kevin.

And it's like... Kevin's horrible. That sucks! Kevin's horrible. Your pet name needs to be playful. I fully agree, though. Alfred is a good dog name. But, like... Like, that's a stupid name. Yeah, like... And it depends what dog it is. We've gotten past, like, certain human names. Like, Gertrude. And, like, you know... Eustace. Like, those... Eustace. I'm sorry. I watched Severance the other day. But, like...

We've gotten past... Those names suck. We all agree that those names suck. Sorry any Gerties out there. Bill, it comes back. It's cyclical. I know, it is cyclical. But right now, what were old-timey names can be pet names. And then what are now pet names will be old-timey names eventually. Imagine you had a fat cat. It's like, who's that? It's like, that's Barbara. That's hilarious. It is, but also...

I hate it. I would much rather that. I agree with you because Kevin is so bad. You have the perfect, you skirted the line so perfectly with Charlie because it is. It's close. It's very close. It's a good, playful animal name. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. But it's also like that sucks as a name. And forgive me for any Charles's or Charlie's out there.

But it sucks. Okay. I mean, you naming your pets after X-Men is way cooler. To you. And you're also wearing that shirt. Which, by the way...

Speaking of cyclical, let's come back around like a circle. Frank, you got a shirt on that you got from your butcher. It is my butcher's shirt. Which is fine. It is cool. And it's a great place. And it's a cool place. Lenny's. But turn around. But turn around. Frankie, turn around because we want to see the back of the shirt. We just want to look. The front of the shirt looks so cool. It does. But I'm interested in what the back of the shirt looks like. Look at that. The Brahma Bowl, like the rock. Me and the rock. Do me a favor. Give me a little spin. Give me a 180. You want like a full spin? A half spin. No. No.

Not like that. Show the back of this shirt, please. Turn back around before we get demonetized. I know why you're doing that. And I just want to say... Because it's got fat nuts on the back of it. It does have nuts. They're bull balls, dude. Bull balls are a symbol for power and strength. Just, you know... Can anyone picture...

What would happen if I wore a shirt like that? What would happen on this show? It would be 45 minutes. Well, here's why. Here's why it would be 45 minutes. Because yours would be like an... And you're doing it and I haven't even worn it. What is it? Amy DeLeon? Amy DeLeon? Or fucking Kith. They'd be Kith Bow Bowls. That's why it would be funny because you would spend money on it. This was a gift from a butcher. Do you not expect a shirt from a butcher to include some form of nudity?

No. I have no expectation of what that even could possibly look like. I fully disagree. I think that... Frank, you're wearing a shirt that has animal balls on them. And you hear like, they're a symbol of strength and whatever. I don't think that you can hear how much shit you're full of. I will be really honest with you. Bullshit. There you go. That's very good. Good job. Comedy. I'll be very honest with you.

I love this butcher. I threw this shirt on this morning and I was like, you know what? I am going to wear it in because I want to support local business. Good. Unlike some people here. Joe, by the way, just tried to legally change his middle name to Elon. That's true. That's what he tried to do. I didn't make that joke. I fucking hate that guy. Annoys me to no end. But...

If you're wearing a shirt from a butcher, you don't expect there to be something obscene on it. You know, how many, if I had told you that one of the people at the butcher. Why are you making that connection? Because they're butchers. Yeah, what does that mean? They're just kind of like, you know, they're sweaty. Butchers are not delis. Delis are like. To me, it's two in one. No. What do you mean? Like you walk in there and it's like a bodega? No, that's a bodega.

So what do you, okay, like a deli, like it's got like the meats and stuff that you can buy sandwiches. So yeah, so you walk in, by the way. Is there cows? What a great plug they're getting. Yeah, but like you can like. No, but you go in the back and they have like their meat cut out and laid out and it's like, here's the chicken. Do they kill the animals there though? I don't think they kill them there. But they get them and they cut them up there. They get full animals and they're like, we're going to cut the, all right, this is getting made in a couple of ribeyes, ribs. This is going to be all of it.

Yo, it's kind of crazy to have it in you to, like, kill animals all day. I don't think the butchers kill the animals. They just get the carcasses. I mean, you carve them. That's a crazier part of it. That is pretty crazy. It's like a science. Like, you ever see that thing in any... Well, you don't go to butchers because you're not as elevated as I am. I've been to a butcher before. You're going to a deli. It's not even a butcher. Well, they also have a deli section where they have their cured meat. I'm not trying to shit on this fucking person. This place is literally...

Amazing. But- I go to this butcher. You know what- They also have dead animals on the walls. You know how- you know how- And they have a choo-choo train. You know how that's a real butcher? A cow escapes from it once a year. Really? Bro, the one on 20th Avenue? Dude, but cows running around all the time. They found a cow on Ditmars Boulevard, dude. And it was like, yeah, it escaped from the butcher. That's kind of cool. I once saw there was a poultry place, which is a chicken butcher.

What do you think? I'm in second grade. You think I'm an idiot? I'm not explaining it to you. I'm explaining it to our millennial audience that doesn't even know what a millennial. That's 30 years old, Frank. If you don't know poultry by now, then the show has killed you. Gen Z? Who's the current one? Gen AA? Wait, do we go? Where do you go from Gen Z? You go back to A, baby. You go AA. Gen Alpha. They call them Gen AA or Gen Alpha or something like that. No one's watching us who's seven years old.

Bro, I get cameo requests. From seven-year-olds? Bro, and it's like, can you please wish my son a happy birthday? It's his 12th birthday. He loves the show. That's unbelievable. That is crazy. Also... I stand corrected. Don't... Like, thank you, but like... Yeah. Bull balls. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. They just saw an animal's nuts. I'm just saying here. Oh, so the poultry place. It was near where I went to middle school, and it was under the train, and I watched someone...

Legitimately. I remember it as clear as day. No. They went to like under the train pigeons, bagged them up and went into the poultry place. Swear. Swear. That's got to be a leagues. If it's not. It should. It should be. I would have called. I would have snitched. I mean, now listen. Pigeon, known as squab, is a delicacy in other countries. Not this one. If you were to tell me.

That what I was eating was a New York pigeon? Forget it. You couldn't. There's no way, dude. I'd rather chew gum that I found under my desk in my public school classroom than eat a pigeon. Yeah. But I would go to another country and eat their pigeon. Whose? Whose country do you think has the best pigeons? France. I would love a French pigeon. France.

I would. Because the name itself is already French. Bichon. Is something going on? You keep shushing us. Oh, sorry. I'm just... No, I think he's just going like this. Oh, he's just... He's in contemplative thought. I'm so pensive. Fuck off. The name itself is French. Bichon. Yeah. Is it? Don't. Don't. Don't. It's not. I think it's just a word. I mean, look at the word. You're saying it with a French accent. That doesn't make it French. Bichon. Look it up now. Now you have to. And if I'm right, if I'm right, you have to kiss the bull balls on my back. What are you...

What exactly am I saying? Is pigeon French? Is pigeon French? Where is it? Where's the country of origin? Have you never watched the spelling bee? Is pigeon French? Pigeon is a French word. Kiss the balls, bitch. Come on. I'm not kissing those balls. Kiss these nuts. For a peeping chick, while dove is ultimately a Germanic word possibly referring to the bird's diving flight. Wow. Did you know that?

Dude, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the word pigeon is French. Why? Because you just... Why? Because you look at it and you see, like, oh, it has, like, similar French spelling to, like, other, like, pigeon. I got nothing. I've been completely derailed on my ass. I'm right. So you're fucking... I know you are. Your reasoning feels wrong, but you got it right. I'm a little offended that you don't like my...

Butcher slash deli shirt. It's not that I don't like it. I think that it's a funny shirt. Thank you I'm saying if I wore it we live I'm saying we live two different lives. I'm held to some standard That's right you are because because look at what's behind you a Polaroid picture and a fake award behind me is Power Rangers tea and Gameboy I'm confused about it because I think people expect a little bit more of a collectedness eclectic ity

From who? Me or you? Me. You? You're the eclectic one? You don't think I'm the eclectic one that collects Power Rangers, dude? That's it. And T. And is wearing... You, Frank, you're the one... First of all...

Yeah. And he's wearing a unicorn kitty cat on his neck. Frank, you're the one who always says that, here we go, this Joe, oh, that Joe, oh, this Joe, that Joe. That sounds like an eclectic guy. You're, I don't think you are eclectic. Eclectic, eclectic, eclectic. I think your hobbies are more mainstream hobbies. What does that mean? Personal health. You're into Marvel, the highest grossing movies of all time, real mainstream. But bitch, sorry, sorry, I'm pulling back the bitch. Back bitch.

I was into that before all that stuff and you know it. I had the Marvel trading cards and the X-Men trading cards in the 90s. You know it. Oh, so comic books and the creation of cartoons isn't mainstream. Prior to where it currently is. Sure, it's grown. It is grown, but what I'm saying is like if I started getting into that stuff after it became mainstream, I could see your argument. And what are you like, baseball?

America's pastime? I'm not saying that every hobby or thing I like is eclectic, but I would think the people generally will agree that I am a little bit more eclectic than you, if not significantly more. Fix your chain. The other one.

Well, they'll believe it because you've created narratives on this show that only exist here. You know what's funny, though? Yeah. None of my narratives are fake, though. Really? Frank, you create narratives all the time about how I am a, if I say the words, we'll get demonetized. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. That is obviously fake. Right. But about me and my eclecticity is not fake. It is a legitimate, true, real thing.

I'm the salt of the earth, baby. Like, I am the people's people. I think that's why people like this show. See, this is the narrative I'm talking about. See, this is the narrative that I'm talking about. So, like, this is where we start to get into, like, all right. I think that's why people enjoy the show because they get one percenter. Right.

Corporate Joe and then they get a alcoholic. I never said that and I would never I'm saying right now I never said that. Yeah, right today today. I didn't yeah, but you've created that narrative, bro Do you know that I saw something online and it was a video of you dancing at the AC show? Yeah and I saw a comment on that and it was like where is Joe and someone was like he was probably getting blackout drunk and I was like, oh

What? Scott. Frank's dancing and drinking Grey Goose. I'm double fisting a Grey Goose and a champagne bottle. Sitting in the back of the thing talking to Zach. Dancing to Bobby Shmurda on a couch. Like, it's a sick video. It was. But like, this is what you've done. Yes. You're lush. What do you like to do? Drink? I know. The world knows, Joey, that I am a jokester. So all of, but back to what you just said. You are. I am. A very disciplined young man.

Who takes his personal health very seriously. See now he's doing this now. I'm being- you want- I'm- what I'm saying is my eclectiveness, my eclecticity. Yeah.

is definitely not a narrative that has been spun. I'm the worst, you're the best. I never said that! See, now you're projecting. You're projecting. You see that? Watch, I got him with it. I got him. You're projecting. I never said that being non-eclectic is being bad or the worst. I just think that... No, I was referring to the other things. Those things are pretty bad. Right. Yeah, but you're not those. Okay. But I am more eclectic than you. Okay. Now that we have that settled. My point is, if I wore that shirt, it would be over.

Well, again, it would be a wrap because you would wear it and it would be a Balenciaga shirt with bull balls on it. Amber Crombie. Where are those shoes from? New Balance. Take them off. What's on the inside? What's on the inside? Amelie on Dior. It's still New Balance. It's a it's a collab. I'll be really honest with you. I don't know what Amelie on Dior is. It's a it's a brand. I don't know. I didn't know. Free. Free.

Yeah, that's right. They gave it to us at the Just for Laughs Vancouver. So now we're both wearing free stuff. We're wearing... Most of this stuff on me has been gifted. Who's got a more expensive outfit on? You. This? This was a gift. Well, what am I wearing? Let's see. Let's see your wrist. What's that? What's on that one? Oh, yeah? Pull the slings back. Free. Okay. Oh, I accidentally stole this from the shoot.

Oh, I almost took some jewelry from him. Oops. But I didn't. I gave it back. I got back to the hotel. I was like, oh. I don't think they care. Me neither. They've made it seem like if you want anything. What's that though? What's on that one? We went too far. What Joe was referring to, by the way, was shoot, we were just out in Palm Springs. We won't say who it was for or what because I don't know if we're allowed to yet. I don't think so. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I'm not gonna. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. But we were out in...

Palm Springs. Yeah. California. And quite the ride. Interesting way to get there for sure. It was an interesting ride in. Now, me and Frank took different flights. We met in Denver. And then we took a plane from Denver to Palm Springs. I've never been to Palm Springs. It's in the middle of the desert. Apparently, a lot of people go there. Didn't know that. It was an international airport. That was shocking. And the airport was as big as a baseball field. Legitimately. First of all,

90% of it was outside. Yeah. And everyone is 65 years old. Yeah. And white. White as fuck. White as hell. Now that I'm thinking about it, the only two black people I saw the entire trip were on our set. No one in the airport. No one in the town. Yep. No one at the restaurant we went to. Yep.

Yeah, so. Oh, Whitey's out there. They love it in the desert, I guess. But Palm Springs, it's like known as like a. I had no idea. It's like old Hollywood. Like, because there's like Palm Springs, Pioneer Town. Apparently, it's a huge music place. I had no clue of any of that. We were there and they were just like, yeah, this is where the Stones recorded this album. And then like. The Doors. Yeah. I was like, I don't know.

I don't fucking know. So I got, I feel like, but so we connected in Denver and we flew from Denver to Palm Springs, which was longer than I thought it was going to be. It was like two hours from there. And then when we're descending, flight was like normal for the most part. Then we're like descending into Palm Springs. And, uh, the captain's like, we're going to have the flight attendants sit down. Cause it's, uh, going to get a little choppy.

It didn't get a little choppy. It got a lot of choppy. It was a fucking full-on chopped salad on the plane. We were chopped our fucking heads off. Worst turbulence I've ever been in. Without a doubt, the worst I've been in. And you know, I have fully explained my mentality getting on a plane. Frank hates flying. I don't like flying. I do it. And it's not like when I'm on the plane, I'm like, I need to like take something or I'm a nervous wreck. I'm fine. But like,

The minute I feel like a... A little shake. A little shake. You're like, oh. Yep. So we're descending and... We're bouncing around, dude. Dude, like... Bad. Not like...

I don't know how to explain it, but like roller coaster. Not only that, but like weirdly doing stuff like this. Yep. It was like that. And I'm like, I keep seeing the sky and then the floor and then the sky and then the floor. And we're going through clouds. Yeah. So I start feeling the bounce.

Frankie, I'm like, it starts going and like there was like bumps and stuff and it's for like five minutes. I'm like, all right, whatever. Like, you know, you kind of get through patches of turbulence like that, but it was turbulent. Is that the word? That's a great word. Uh, for like 20, 25 minutes, something like that. And it got just progressively worse until like the last half a minute. I was, and then we hit the ground, but like we, uh,

We start going through like a lot of turbulence and I'm like, oh, Frank's probably freaking out. And I look, I look over at Frank, he's sitting right next to me. And I was, cause I was looking out the window and I was like, I just want to know if it's going to happen. But then I turn around, I look at Frank and he's just like this.

Breaking Bad blasting in his ears. Holding his phone, not watching and just doing this. So I was watching, I downloaded this season of Breaking Bad, which rewatch it or watch it for the first time if you haven't. Okay. And science, bitch. Yeah, bitch. And thank you. Yeah.

And I just stopped watching, but it was playing in my ears. So I'm like sitting there trying to be calm and Walter Jr. is screaming in my ear. And you know, I'm not doing that. I'm not. I'm sure that won't offend anybody. Do it. It will. And I'm not gonna. So I'm sitting there screaming. And then you like a psycho have your window wide open. You don't want to watch? No. Oh, I want to. I have the windows closed. That's why I sit at the window because I like to look.

Nope. I know we're high up. I'll be honest. I even sometimes convince myself like we're actually not really like this is all like a prank and we're not really in the air. We're still on the ground, but like people are like trying to make it seem like we're flying. That's what you do in your head. I've done that. Like when I first started flying, like pretty consistently or not even like this was like like eight years ago when I was like getting on planes.

I would sit aisle and I would be like, I'm on a bus. Yeah. It's a bumpy road on a bus. Yeah, that's exactly. And yo, like there's this, like, I don't like hitting the ground without seeing though. No, I, I know, like, I know the feeling of hitting the ground. I'm like good until we're like, you know, close to the ground because I put myself in the mentality of like,

We're at a safe fallable distance. You know what I mean? Like, we're still high and going fast. But, like, this is a safer distance. But, like... He thinks it's floating. Yeah, so I'm sitting there, eyes closed. Walter Jr., do the impression. You're doing it. I'm not doing it. You're the impressions guy. I am, but I'm not. Come on, eclectic man, do the impression. Frank, don't do it. I'm just doing the face he made. All right, go.

I saw your light flash before your eyes. You're like, no. I mean, this is me boring for your life. I know. I know. No, I would never. That's offensive. And we're like going and I look over and I look at the window. Yeah. And we're going through a cloud. But like, I guess there was like a light that flashed. It's from the wing. Well, no, because we were way in front of the wing. It might have been on like the front of the plane or something. There was a light that flashed.

and the color of the light that flashed made the cloud that we were going through look

Like fire. Yeah. So I just went, Nope. I thought about that too, because as we were like, when you're going through, or if it's like raining and you get close to the ground and you're going through a cloud, the lights from the plane just make it look like you're going way faster than you are. Yeah. So I knew that like, as that was happening, I'm looking at it. I was like, Oh God, that's even creeping me out. And look over at Frankie. And I just like, I,

I didn't see him looking, but I saw him turn his head back and I was like, I really hope he didn't see that. I really hope he didn't see out the window about that. Yeah. So we landed safely. Thank God. Yeah. You know, thank you to the flight crew, I guess. I don't know. Pilot. Yeah. Pilots. I don't know why I said it like that. Pilot. Then again, Palm Springs guys, desert. Show of hands here. Can anyone tell me what they have in the desert? Almost exclusively. Yeah.

Anyone? That's right. Dirt and sand. Sand. That's it. So we get out. 40 mile per hour winds. And we're getting blasted in the face. Yeah, we're like walking to baggage claim. And it's like a fucking college campus. There's like a cafeteria and shit. And you get outside. And I'm like, oh, okay. They weren't kidding about the wind. And like, there's dirt in my eyes. I'm eating it. I can feel it between my teeth. And then we get in our Uber. Uber.

And the guy, I think, didn't he say something like he didn't know where we were going? And I was like, dude. Something like that. Whatever. But, like, he was awesome. Shout out to Dan. He's not watching. So we start driving, and I just have my head down. We have a 40-minute drive now. We've been traveling all day. Yeah, it's a 12-hour fucking travel day. We have, like, a 50-minute drive to where our Airbnb is, and we're in the car, and I just have my head down, and I'm just, like, looking.

And I just hear Frank go, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I look up and I look out the window and I can't see anything because we are in a sandstorm. Yeah. And not like the cool EDM electronica song sandstorm. Yeah, no. And some of them are going, not the banging. Yeah. But yeah, so we're legit like sandstorm. Tatooine sandstorm.

Jakku You know, yeah sandstorm. Yeah, it was kind of wild and then the guy even said so we were asking about him cuz it was so many like is it normally windy like this he's like Yeah, it gets windy sometimes and whatever then we're kind of talking about the weather It gets real hot or whatever the fuck so I'm like, okay this guy's like spent some time out here he's a professional driver like whatever and We're driving

and we're in the middle of the sandstorm, and I'm like, holy shit, dude. We can't see anything out the front of the windshield. And he just goes, guys, this isn't good. And I'm like, I don't want to hear that. And he's still, by the way, through the first, like, minute of the sandstorm going 85 miles per hour. Yeah, we were sending it. We were not. I just...

Click. I just put my fucking belt on. I was like, yo, if we hit a rattlesnake in the road, we're going flying. That's the other fucking thing. As we pull up to the Airbnb, after we go through a fucking tornado, basically, like Dorothy, we were at Oz. He goes, all right, just be careful out there. We're like...

He's like, coyotes, rattlers. I'm like, get us in this fucking house. It was... Like, we were exhausted at this point. There was a charcuterie board waiting for us. That was very generous and very kind. That was the first time I've had a charcuterie board at midnight. Well, midnight...

Fucking Palm Springs time. Oh, yeah, so 3 a.m. in New York. Yeah, that was a late cheese that I had. Yeah. For sure. Did that haunt you the next morning? No, I was fine. I actually was, like, great that, like, that whole trip. Like, I was...

surprised like sometimes when I go like on trips and stuff I feel like I get too nervous oh and like your tummy gets a little rumbly bumbly or something like that yeah I don't know but yeah but overall it was really cool being out there it was an awesome experience we had so much fun on that shoot those people were so fucking cool yeah so thank god for that I was like yeah when is this shit gonna stop there was at the set that we were at there was a snake handler yeah that was a little scary and

I was like, at the end of the day, I was like, did you find anything? She was just like, nothing to worry about. Just a snake, a gopher snake. Gophers, brother. Yeah. Those are. I only know them from Caddyshack. That's right. And that was a fake one, but I imagine they're similar size. They still got gophers? Yeah, they got them. But yo, so those are the ones I'm assuming they call them gophers because they do burrowing too, because we saw those holes. Well, when she called it a gopher snake, I imagine it's because like they swallow gophers.

Right. That was where I went, but probably you're right. And there were holes everywhere. There was like snake sized holes. And like everywhere. And I don't do like bad with animals, but like when we're in their territory, bro, we were in the desert. Yeah. We drove like. And the shoot was like not, it was like very like decently far into the backyard. So like we're in the den. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, we were. It was also that collection of rocks. I was like, dude, I don't like that. Yeah. This is a community. That was a nest. Yeah, I didn't like that. You know it was a nest, but. But it was a good experience. We had a lot of fun. Thank God we survived. No coyotes. No coyotes. You think you could take a coyote? One? Yeah. Really? How big are coyotes? They're just like little dogs, right? I could take a coyote. It would definitely hurt, but I would get some. One? Yeah. I would get it off me. You'd get off on it? You know I didn't say that. You know I didn't say that.

I think one coyote. 15 to 45 pounds. Yeah, I'm beating the shit out of him. One coyote. Yeah, I'm beating the shit out of him. No problem. Two coyotes. Problem. With a good set of legs. Like, if I roll my ankle, now this is going to get tougher. I've never met a dog that can, like, really manhandle me. Are you serious? Yeah, I don't think I have, dude.

There's dogs out there. They just look like little... Joey, knowing Joey. Holy shit, gray wolves. Gray wolves are how big? 20 to 50 pounds? 70 pounds. No, 70 to 115 pounds. Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. And how tall are they? Well, first of all, six and a half feet long. Bananas. Yeah, no. Yeah, we're not fucking with wolves. 32 inches, so almost three feet. Coyote, I'm fucking beating the hell out of. But a wolf? A Mexican wolf? What the fuck is that?

I don't know. There's so many jokes to be made that we're not going to do. I know. We're not going to touch them. I'm not going to do it. I heard you go, ah. I was like, don't fucking say a word. But yeah, gray wolf. Really quick, it looked like gay wolf. And I was like, whoa. Wait, gray wolf. Isn't that someone's name in? Gray worm. Well, I know. I remember gray worm. But isn't someone like gray wolf? Oh, in fucking Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter.

What? Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter. He's a Death Eater, the one that has all the snarl-like gnarly teeth. Oh. And he's just like, oh, I'm a werewolf. He's the one that attacked. Sirius Black? Well, no, I don't know if he attacks him, but in canon, he's the one that gave Remus Lupin the werewolf disease because he attacked him.

You're saying a lot. All right. Well, we do have advertisements. We have to get to those, ladies and gentlemen. They're just little puppies. Knowing Joey, he'd be like, oh, cool. I'll tell you right now, I would give a coyote three tries before I hit it back. Really? If a coyote latched onto my neck.

As long as I'm not gushing blood, I'm going to still be like, I'm nice. I'm nice. I'm a good boy. You're a good boy. Remind me. I just did that, like kissing like a dog. Remind me of a story after you read these ads.

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Keep this party going. I just did that thing where I was like, like beckoning a dog at the shoot that we were at. Again, it will remain nameless for now, but we were rapping on one of the takes and they were just like, all right, let's do something a little more fun and playful. And Joe and I were like, all right. And Joe walks up to me and I beckoned you like a dog and like, is that you? And then it was silent and they go,

Let's just do one more. Yeah, they were really nice about it. I think when you do something a little weird, they're like, all right, we're going to do one more. And I'm like, that was great. But the best was your necklace. It was like, what is this? This is so nice. And you're like, oh, my daughter gave it to me. Oh, my God, I love it. Can we just put it behind your neck?

It was mad funny. Yeah. It was funny. That was like a legit shoot. Yeah, it was cool. It was really, really cool. I had a great time. Yeah, I think it's going to come out great. I'm excited for people to see that. Also, I want to bring this up before I forget because I have a picture of it in my phone. I think someone sent it to me and they were like, you should talk about this. Oh, no, I think it was my sister. She sent it to me. She's like, this is a Basement Yard topic that you guys should bring up. Okay, what's up? Is it real? Who knows? Doesn't matter. Don't include that. Listen.

I gotcha. Don't put that in the clip. Did you know? Apparently. Before mating. Allegedly. That's fine. Before mating, male giraffes headbutt the females in the bladder until they pee, then taste it to see if she's ovulating. Kinky.

Yeah? Yeah, dude. Imagine being horny and being like, give me your piss. Let me test your piss. That's what people do, dude. They test piss? Piss play. There's out there. Oh, some. Okay. That's what I'm saying. So, you know what? Giraffes are kinky, dude. You know what? Listen, I'm not into it. You're not going to get me into it. Giraffes? Piss. Oh. Giraffes are awesome. Giraffes are cool. Yeah. But also...

Don't. Don't. Don't. Dude, they're headbutting bladders and drinking piss over there. They're sick. When I was younger, I had once to make myself pee punched my bladder repeatedly. Yeah. You're a giraffe. See, that's basically... I guess I am. You were trying to see if you were ovulating. No, I didn't care about if I was ovulating because I can't. Right. I was just trying to make myself pee. But if anyone tries to tell you and kink shame you people, you pissers out there, you know, wherever you may be... Yeah, I'm not...

I mean, if you were, I fully support your love for whatever piss you're into. I would pee on someone if they wanted me to. Crazy. I don't think I could. I'm not going to judge you.

I'm not going to judge you. I fully support. Crazy. It is. It's crazy. You wouldn't pee on, you wouldn't pee? Nah, I can't. And thank you for not asking. I saw where that was going. What? I know you were going to say, you wouldn't pee on your wife? No. Well, I was, yeah, I was like, yeah, thank you for not personalizing it. I appreciate that. I was like, all right. But like, if she really wanted it. Hey, don't talk about my wife. Yeah. Okay. But no.

First of all, don't say, hey, don't talk about my wife like I'm disrespecting her wife. You're asking me to piss on her. I'm not asking that. I'm saying if she was into that, you would say, like, no. I would say, respectfully. Right. This is not... You would put on a suit. I would say, madam. I'd have a clipboard, and I would say, ma'am. I don't think I can oblige. Yeah, I would tip of the cap, and I would say,

I just don't think I'd get Southern for it. Okay. Cause that, that feels like that would be the way to respond. Right. You know, I just, not me. If you want to let someone down, you do want to let someone voice. I just, I don't think I could bring myself to do it. Like you ever, what was that movie? Um,

The restaurant movie, right? Waiting. Yeah. Remember the guy in Waiting just couldn't piss in a public toilet? Yeah. I would feel like that. Okay. You have like performance anxiety. For pissing. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to do it. Okay. But what I was saying, for you kinkers out there. I don't know. That feels like a slacker to us, right? For the people into kinks. For all you kinkers out there.

Maybe we just take that out. It's not a slur. Can we look that up? Make sure. Go Google some slurs. Don't gargle. Don't gargle it. Don't gargle that. For those that are into kinks. Yeah. If you let anyone shame you, just say, it's natural.

Giraffes are doing it. Giraffes are doing piss play. Yeah. Monkeys are doing poop play. When you think about it, the thing that the giraffes are doing makes a lot of sense. It's like they're testing, they're doing what a what's-it-called does. How do you find if you're pregnant? Exactly. Pee on the stick. Yeah, pee on it. Pee on the stick. Exactly. And they're just testing the waters. Instead of putting the toe in, they're putting their tongue. Let me ask you a question here. I don't know what question you could possibly ask me. One's coming. Okay. Okay.

So you know how you have to pee on the pregnancy thing and then you wait and then you find out if you're pregnant or not? I don't have to. No, I know. But I'm saying like, so that's a thing. What if there was an extra step and you had to like put it in your mouth like a thermometer? Crazy. Would you, would you, I mean, would you do it? Me? Yeah, yeah. Wait, why am I? If that was the thing. If like the way to find out if the person's pregnant. You pee on the stick and then your partner needs to put their mouth on it? Yeah. Yeah.

Because you need both. You need the male. You need the female. She got her pee. You got your saliva. You know what? I'm going to... I guess it's the least that I can do in that situation. Exactly. That's what I was going to say. My fucking... In this situation, wife is going through the insane process of being pregnant. If that's what it takes... Do a little thermometer piss. I'll do it. Because she's doing enough. You know what I'm saying? And honestly, that...

It may make the test go faster. We don't know. We definitely know it doesn't. We can say that. I can with confidence say it definitely has no effect right now. Yeah. I'm sure there are people that do that, though. That was a trap, and you passed. Good job. I mean, neither of us can talk. What did I do? I said pistol earlier. You said pistol. You're probably not going to be happy about that. They signed up for this company. They'll give you a pistol. Bring your pistol is what you said.

Did I say that? I think so. We can always redo it on the back end. It's no big deal. Nah, we're fine. Yeah, I hope. But shout out to giraffes, man. I just, I think it is a smart way. Are there any animals that do shit like that where they're just like, yo, like piss on me so I know if you're pregnant? Look up hyena pregnancy. I know this one. I know this one. Oh, do you know? Yeah. So the female hyenas basically give birth through whatever their birthing canal is. It looks like a uterus.

No, no, no, but it's like some, it's something else. It's like the way it comes out, it looks like, I don't need to see it. I saw it once on Animal Planet. I'm gonna pull up a, I'm saying type in hyena pregnancy. But they have to like, bite open and rip open their, their, their, their like uterus, I think. Oh my God. Yeah, it looks like a, basically like a penis. It's only 110 days? Wow, Jesus.

What's a... Alright, we want an explanation. We don't want any. I don't want to see it. No. Why would I want to see it? Say how. How. How does a hyena... I mean, there's a right there. How does a hyena... There's a right there. Where? A right there. That is a mea... Both of us. How does a mea... How does a hyena give birth? Go ahead. We don't need to show this. Aren't the males the one that are pregnant or something? No. That's seahorses. Well, I know that.

I don't know why that's such a well-known fact. It's one of those random things that we learn in elementary school. Yeah, that I never forget. How to get out of fucking... Yeah, a pseudopenis. See? Which they give birth through. The birth canal is only about one inch in diameter. And the suffocation of the cubs is sadly common. Oh my god, that's heartbreaking. No!

The successful birth will result in one to six cubs weighing around a kilogram each. Yeah, their shit explodes, though. Well, they have to rip it open in order to prevent... Oh, my God. Being an animal is so wild. The animal kingdom is just bananas sometimes. You know what I'm saying? They're giving birth through penises. Yeah, they're headbutting each other's ding-dongs. Just piss. Yeah, pee, drinking the pee. What is it in... Hey...

I guess head-butting your bladder worked, right? Because it works for them. I mean, I just peed. If you push on a bladder, someone will pee. I don't even know where my bladder is. Like, I know in the general area. It's like your pubic area, like that general area, like a little higher. In the front? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is my bladder? Yeah. It's behind there. I mean, it's not on your, you know, it's a couple layers back. Yeah. But when I had knee surgery in high school, they told me I couldn't leave until I peed, but I, like, the epidural was still in effect. Yeah, see? The epidural was still in effect. This is a lot of pictures, brother. You know, they're medical. Yeah, I'm right here.

It's right here. Nice. He was right. It's pretty much right there. Yeah, the pubic area. But they told me I couldn't leave until my... Until you pissed. Until I pissed because of the... What's the fucking thing? I just said the word. Epidural. Epidural wore off. So I had to pee so bad, but the muscles in the area, I couldn't release it. Damn, did they give you a catheter? No. So I was sitting there punching my bladder...

To pee. Were they there for that? The nurse saw me because it literally was like, you know when like, you know the awesome sound of when you milk a cow into a metal bucket? We've talked about this. You know, they heard that because every time I punched my bladder, piss would shoot out. Oh, you had one of the metal pans? I had, it was, it basically looked like

Like a half gallon milk jug. Yeah. But they cut a part of the top out. Uh-huh. And they heard that and they came over and they're like, what's going on? And they saw me and they reopened my drugs and put me back to sleep because they were like, you need to go back to sleep. Frankie, just to be clear of what we're... I don't want to set the scene here. You're telling me that you had surgery and you woke up and you had to pee really bad. Yeah. So you're punching your bladder. Yep. And pee is coming out of your penis...

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like that. Harder. Harder. You want me to show you? No, I don't. What do you mean? No, I don't even know what you were attempting to do just now. And then the nurse puts you back to sleep because it's like this man's psychotic. Yeah, that's the second time they had to put me back to sleep because I during because I got hurt playing high school football. So like the PSAL, which was the public school athletic league for like public schools,

They paid for everything. And it was like the top of the line doctors. Oh, wow. I got my knee surgery at the hospital for special surgeries. It was like with the doctor that did like all the surgeries for the jets. Is this relevant to the story or are you flexing on us? It's relevant to the story. So as I was getting ready and prepped for surgery, they're like, hey, by the way,

Obviously, this comes at no cost to you. Do you want to wake up during your surgery? And I'm like, what do you mean wake up during your surgery? And they're like, well, we'll give you an epidural and you'll wake up. We'll wake you up in the middle of the surgery so you could be awake and see what's going on. And they had like a camera, a monitor, and they're like, so you could see you could watch a surgery. That's kind of fire. No, not for you. And did you wake up? You don't. So I woke up.

And I was in, I was laying down. You told them like, yo, wake me up. I said, yeah. And both my parents were like, what? And I was like, yeah, fuck it.

Yeah, fuck it. Why not? They're probably like, no one elects to have this. I was like, it's free, so why not? I would do that too. So I woke up. I went to sleep with the anesthesia. I woke up. Obviously, I don't know how much longer later, but there was a big hood over my chest, and there was a big... I couldn't see my legs, and there was blowing hot air on me.

Bro, in the OR, they were like listening to Coldplay. They were having the time of their life in there. Yeah. Like, you know, I wake up and I hear fucking clocks and I'm like, all right. Clocks. But I felt a pressure. Like all I could feel was something. It felt like something was like pushing on my leg like that. But it was weird because you can't feel below the waist. Right. Weird. I didn't grasp that concept. Could you move?

I can move this. But again, it was under... Did you move this? Yeah. It was under a thing blowing hot air on me. And then I went to wiggle my legs and I couldn't. Weird. And mentally, I just got freaked out. Yeah. So I was just like... And the anesthesiologist was sitting right next to me. And I'm like, I can't move my legs. And they're like...

You're getting surgery, dumbass. Well, not only that, but they were like, yeah, that's the epidural. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, no, but like, I can't. And I started like freaking out and wiggling. And I could hear they were just like, all right, put him back. Yeah. So they just like, it was- Knock him out. Basically. So I'm breaking a sweat trying to move my legs. And they just like released the valve for my anesthesia. And I just literally, I was like, gone. Damn, dude.

You don't like needles? I just, I can't imagine that. What did they expect to happen? Like, what do you expect? I mean, I also. I think they expected me to be like, why? And I saw on the screen, like, it looked like someone was like in like peach colored jelly. Did they open your, so like, my only, I would ask them, I'd be like, yo, are you going to open it? Or like, you're doing this like microscopic bullshit. So I had four openings. So, cause my knee was basically. Did they cut and open?

Look at him. We found his thing. Really? It's actually hard, yeah. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. Are you afraid of needles? No, I'm not. It's just I'm picturing like looking at my own knee being open. I would definitely elect to see that. That's crazy. If I had no pain. I didn't see that. But the way that they did it on me was normally it's like three holes that were in my kneecap because my whole knee was fucked. ACL, MCL, PCL, patella. It was fucking spaghetti in there. TLC. Spaghetti.

And then underneath, maybe like... Wait, you tore all those? Everything, dude. What'd you tear? ACL, MCL, LCL, PCL, and my patella was fucked. What did you do? Football. I tore his ACL, PCL, HDL, ILBGTQ+. That's a whole thing? That's great. What happened? Whatever, that was bad. So they opened the shit and they had to fix everything. So there was three holes and then the opening was a slit.

Whoa, dude, you got a vagina?

From there Because they opted When I was getting the surgery done They were like Do you want the new ligaments Do you want them to be cadaver Or do you want them to be Your own ligaments Get a dead guy's Knee in my knee Well no I took my own So the little slip that they do Is they had to go Into my hamstring And they took Some Ligaments from my hamstring And used that to Reconstruct My own shit Because they said They were like There's a chance That your body rejects The cadaver And then you got a Big fucking issue Ah

You know. It could be haunted. You could have a haunted cadaver knee. And that's the issue is that. Basically, yeah. But, yeah. And I was fucked. Damn, dude. My knee is starting to feel a little weird. Really? I'm not even kidding. You don't like needles? Why do we keep saying needles? I don't think needles was the problem here. You're very squeamish, though. You don't like scalpels? Scalpels, yeah. Okay, we're starting to get there. You don't like stabbing?

I'm a little less cool with that one. Like, I know what you don't like. And you ready for this? What? You don't like when you see that thing that's, like, prying open skin. Yes. That freaks you out. That's what I'm picturing, and it's starting to affect my actual knee right now. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. That doesn't bother me. It was, I still don't have feeling in some of my knee. And, like, you could still see where they went. Like, the scar is still there.

Were you on, were you producing this show while we had this conversation where I said like, I was trying not to sound like a serial killer, but watching someone like a doctor do surgery and like cutting open something. I think that's fascinating. Frank, we don't care. That's the, that's where they went into my hamstring right there. Yeah. It's pretty prominent, honestly. And it's still like, not like the feeling is still not back. And I think like the scar tissue or something, they're still putting you under.

Well, they fed you a lot of anesthesia that day. You've never been under anesthesia. Have you? No. That's a picky boy's video asking right there. Yeah, all right. Yeah, get an anesthesiologist in here. Bro, it's like a thing. Have you ever seen videos of people fighting anesthesia?

I would probably do that. Probably. I would 100% do that. You would fail, brother. Obviously, I would fail. There are people that fight it for, like, minutes, and they're like, like, Steve-O. Yeah. There's, like, bro, look up people fighting anesthesia. If there's any... What, are we going to play the video on this thing? Why not? Can't. But, like... So, you wouldn't do good with, like... Have you ever seen, like, a crime scene photo or anything? I'm okay. It's something about the act of it actively happening. So, like...

A dead person. I think I'd be all right with that. What about if they got hit by a train and they're smushed? I'm okay with that. Because that's... Because they're dead. They're gone. It's a result, you know? It's a result. So they're like in progress of it all. So surgery. Yeah, that'd be tough. I try. Well, no one's begging you to try. Do you say I will try? No, I try to look sometimes if it crosses my page and I can't.

When the hell is surgical procedures crossing your page? I've gotten that sometimes. I've never gotten that. You've never been under anesthesia or gotten surgery? What can you not watch? Something like that. I have something that's similar to that that I refuse to watch. I'll give you time to think. Mine is people getting hurt in the gym. Can't watch it. I saw this video by accident, and now I can't watch videos unless it's very obvious that the dude doesn't get hurt.

And they're just doing, like, a workout thing. And they, like, fall backwards or something? No. Like, so I don't have a problem with people, like, fainting after, like, deadlifting or something. Kind of funny. But someone was, like, leg pressing and their legs, like, inverted. So, like, because of that, I can't watch...

If I'm looking at a video and it just looks very... Raw is not the right thing. But if it looks like that, I won't watch it. Yeah. Because I'm like, yeah, I can't. Do you remember that show that was on MTV when we were kids? It was called Scarred. Yes. I loved that show. And they had some gnarly shit on there. It was like skateboarders. It was like, yeah, a fucking board went right through my neck. I was like, what the fuck is this? I used to tell my girlfriend at the time, like, I don't know, I might end up on it because you're so wild. And she was like, oh my God, stop. And I'd be like, you know.

My legs. It could be my legs. It could probably be my legs. My legs, which are mostly scars. The people saw it. They saw that my legs is... You probably told her like, yeah, I smitten my legs, but I'm waiting to hear back. Why?

What? I submitted my legs to the show. No. Waiting to hear back. What a good scar. No, but I think, yeah, like something like that. Any like lower body injury. Sports injuries in general. Sports injuries are bad. I always think back to that dude from Louisville. Kevin Ware. And then Sean Livingston. You remember that one? That was gruesome. Paul George. A couple years ago. Was it Kristaps Porzingis? Didn't he have one a couple years ago?

Or someone on the Celtics. The worst one I have ever seen. It was the tight end for the Bears. Was it Zach Miller or Heath Miller? I can't remember. But what I'm describing with the leg press, that happened to him in the end zone. And right now, I feel something. Because that's how I got hurt was playing football. So football injuries fuck me up, but like...

I think, yeah, I think like you're saying, like just like gym injuries or something like that, but mostly the lower body. What about pimple? You like pimples? You like pimple stuff? I don't hate it. Do you like watching big fucking little squirty pimples? No, no, no, no. That I don't like. I don't mind them. I'll tell you this though, when they're like,

And they're not like wet and big and what you know, white and dry pimple like a blackhead. I don't hate that. Oh, yeah. I'm not afraid to admit it. I don't go looking for him. But if they pop up, I give it a sec before I swipe away. Yeah. You know what I kind of like? I like when they're like scraping someone's nose and like there's like a cheese and you're like, yo, this is disgusting. But like, that's why I like it. Full transparency. You know what? I can't watch as you were just saying that boogers.

I don't know why, but like those videos, you ever see those videos of like, it's like one is like the kid at like his Christmas choir and he sneezes and there's just a giant booger? That I can't, I can't, I don't know why. You're not a booger boy. I can, well, who is? I'm not, I mean, I wouldn't say I'm a booger boy. I can't, or like people that like, and then eat it, I can't do that. That I don't get. I've never done that in my life. You ever eat your boogers? I did it as like a fucking toddler. You did it? I'm sure I did it as like a four or five year old. I've never done that.

You pick your nose? Every guy picks their nose. All the time. Pick your nose. Not all the time. At least five days out of the week. But, like, people that pick it and then look at it and eat... Like, I'm not even kidding right now. I get looking at it. I get looking at it. But I'm not eating this. What are you, fucking crazy? Also, it used to be really difficult for me to watch people throw up. But I'm okay now. Like, I remember, like, if, you know, ten years ago, if I were watching, like, Jackass, I would need to...

Throwing up makes me laugh. Not me throwing up, but other people throwing up. It makes me die. Bro, there was one. I know you can't watch it. And I highly, I'm not even kidding. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It was like cut from one of the jackass movies. How'd you see it?

Because they release it in 1.5 or 2.5 or something. You know what? Before you get there, cliffhanger. We have some ads. We have some ads, ladies and gentlemen. We have, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is going to keep you looking stylish, okay? Because they're going to be like your personal stylist. You're going to go on Stitch Fix. You're going to fill out your little style quiz. You're going to tell them what kind of patterns you like, what kind of clothes you wear, what's your height, weight, what kind of fits you like from which brands and whatnot. And then they'll jump right into work. They'll start pulling some items from some brands.

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And yeah, that's what it's used for. So there you go. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Z-O-C-D-O-C slash basement. Okay. ZocDoc.com slash basement. What were you talking about? Something disgusting? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Dave England, one of the jackass guys. And the skit was called The Omelet. Oh, no. And he ate...

Like, he took bites out of, like, a potato, a block of cheese, an onion, and drank, like, three raw eggs, and then threw them up into a pan and cooked it and tried to eat it. Frank, what the fuck? You know, it's the gross... Like, that's what I'm saying. Like, I couldn't see that. Also, I don't like seeing, like...

Like bugs in skin. Like ticks or botflies or something like that. Botflies. I can't do that shit. Botflies being in someone's neck and they're like pulling it out. Bro, I'm good. Anything in the ear, can't do it. No, I like cleaning ears. I don't know why you like that so much. Oh, I'm sorry. You said it feels good when you do it, right? It feels mega good. I've never felt that before in my life. Have you used one of the cameras? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are great. It's cool, but like...

I've never been like, oh, it feels so great. Like scratching an itch I had or something. It's just like whatever. It's weird because it creates the itch and then it scratches it at the same time. You can never get enough. So you're kind of like edging yourself a little bit. Kind of. Sort of. Yucky. Speaking of food, though, in the weirdest way possible, Ant looked up. Ant, are you okay over there, by the way? I mentioned that omelet thing and you were just like, no, I'm good, I'm good. Ant looked up.

pulled up this thing before that we wanted to end the show with. And basically it's this idea that like you get a hundred million dollars, but you can only eat one food for the rest of your life. Are you doing it? And it's a, by the way, it's a random food. It's not like you could pick it.

Am I eating it every single meal? That's it. Yeah. So wait, it's not random every day. No, it's what you... Oh, I do the random thing and then that's the one every day. If it wasn't random, if you could pick, what food would you think that you could actually eat? I mean, the real answer is that nothing, but... The real answer is I would get a year into this and blow my head off. Okay. Yeah. But like, is there any food that you love so much that you believe that you can have it for the rest of your life? I don't think that I would like...

My favorite food. I think like, uh, it would more be like, what can I kind of make different versions of like pasta? You'd be like pasta or sandwich or something like that. Cause I guess anything could be a sandwich. This kid's cheating. I'm not saying I'm doing sandwich.

You just said pasta. He's like, I put the pizza between two bread. That's a sandwich. When we said we were going to bring it up, he before said burrito. So he's cheating. You're the cheater. No, I think that's cheating too. I just think that's the chance you take when you select random. You could just have, you know, a carrot or you can have an omelet and omelets could be different. That's the chance you take. Carrot, bro. If it was carrot, I'm getting four days into this. I love carrots. Also, obviously, if I get something insane, like fucking...

I don't even know, but, like, it's not going to kill me. Yeah. Like, if you only eat carrots, it's a wrap, probably. Oh, you'd be all right. I don't think so. You have the greatest eyes on the planet, though. Yeah, but you would have deficiencies and you'd die. Yeah, you would need to... The assumption is that you're also taking supplements to give yourself what you're missing out on. Can we not do supplements? Can we just, like, we just have them? You'll die. No, no, no. I mean, like, can we just, like...

Let's just be under the assumption the food tastes like this, but it gives you everything you need. That's fair. Okay, we can do it. You know what I mean? But it won't. Well, this isn't a matter of life or death. So what, you're going to eat a protein-packed carrot? Are you not understanding what I'm saying? I am fully understanding what you're saying. I'm asking. Why can't we do that? It makes it easier. I would absolutely say no. I could die. You know what? I'll give you this one.

You want it to be the other way? If you get carrot, you're dead in 10 days. No. Frank, can you survive off of carrots for 10 days? I don't think so. You'd be so deficient. In what? Whatever a carrot doesn't have.

Protein? Fiber? It probably has fiber, but I don't know. I'm sure you'd be all right. I don't think so. What about everything you eat just tastes like the food you get? So you could still get everything. Nah, the other one. That's even worse, probably. No. I don't think you would enjoy... Ooh, I have a good one. Okay, go. We're still going to do this one. But imagine that every food... How much money would it take for every food that you eat for the rest of your life just doesn't taste like that? It tastes like something else. Oh, I'm fine with that.

That's a weird world to live in. I mean, it would suck. Hamburgers would taste like carrots. Hot dogs would taste like corn. But then you could have an apple that tastes like a hamburger. Right. That would be cool. So do things just switch? Like you need to find the thing that tastes like steak? Yeah.

That's kind of cool. That's kind of cool, right? I like that. Then we get old quick. If I had to pick a food, like if it was my choice, it would probably be crab legs. I'd be dead in a week because I think there's a lot of cholesterol in crab legs. You would eat only crab legs? Dude, colossal king crab legs? Hell yeah, dude. I feel like they're not satiating enough. You haven't had enough of them, brother. I have had enough to fucking satiate my appetite.

Really? Yeah. All right, so let's do it. So Anne has a random food generator. I think my answer to this question is no, by the way. I mean, I'm still going to do it. I know, but you're going to play the game because you're a fun person. Yeah. So I'll just say this. If the answer was cheese. No, we're going to select the foods now. I'd be happy, but I would also not make it very long.

Yeah. Cheese has protein. It has like digestive enzymes, right? And it's got an expiration date on you. Well, certain cheeses can age for years. No, I meant like it'll kill you. Oh, yeah. If you just eat cheese. That's true. All right. So Joe's, this is Joe's first. So for the sake of the game, you're doing it. Or do Ant's first. Ant's, let's see what yours would be. Oh, I'm doing it too. All right, here we go. Would you do it? Would you do it? It depends what mood I'm in, honestly, but I'll do it for, I'll do it for here. Okay. This is mine.

Panzanella salad. What the fuck is panzanella salad? What is that? Is that like escarole? Hold on. Look up panzanella salad. I'll be honest. Already not happy. Yeah, no, no. I mean, there's a meat in there. Yo, a salad's probably not a bad thing. Yeah, because you can... You can... It's like other stuff. I know. Well, that's what I'm saying about sandwich.

Panzanella is, what is that? Tomatoes, cucumber. Yeah, this is probably not a bad guess. I think we had this the other day. If there's a meat in this, I'm in. Four cups of tomatoes. Somewhat dry. Cucumber, basil, onion. I got no meat. I mean, that sounds delicious. This is okay, actually. This is okay. You'll be able to live for a long time with that. You know what the thing is, too, with this? You can choose to just eat tomatoes.

Like the cucumbers. Right. And just be like, oh, well, now I'm just having cucumbers. I got a little mix of things. Yeah, you have a mix. That's not bad. I say sandwich before and I'm fucking called a cheater. He's eating that salad. He's not eating any salad in the world. Yeah, but what stops him from putting something in that salad as long as it is still technically a salad? The rules stop him. Frank, what do you mean? All right. You saying a sandwich is like whatever. Oh, panzanella. Pan means bread.

So I think there's some bread in here somewhere. I got crusty bread. Oh, that sounds so good. Okay, I'm happy with that for $100. All right, so this is Joe's. Joe's food is...

White chicken chili this kid gets a delicious fucking meal Also chicken was going to be part of my answer I think that's the thing that you and you have my eyes really well chili you get the sauce you get the tomatoes you get the beans you get That's pretty good my fibers up my fucking Of course the internet wants him to live forever watch what I get I can guarantee my fucking answer is gonna be dog shit It's gonna be like you get cat food Here we go

Pad Thai. Pad Thai. Love that. Not bad. I am super in love with that. Not bad, not bad. A good Pad Thai? A good Pad Thai. Oh, daddy's hungry now. Yeah. I think I could eat a ton of Pad Thai. And like you can make it spicy some days or it could be mild some days. I like when it's fucking spicy. Oh yeah? Yeah. You ever had Tom Yum soup? Tom Yum? Tom Yum. No. Dude.

Unbelievable. It's like a Thai soup. Yeah. Oh, you haven't been watching White Lotus. Have you been watching White Lotus? I have not. I did see the clip of that guy saying he likes to get, you know. Yeah, there was a clip of that. Saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's do one more. All right, all right. Ants. Ants next one is $100 million, by the way, eating white chicken, chili, and pad thai for the rest of our lives. Very easy. I mean, it'll be hard. Like if Greg did it or something? Yeah, this is for Greg. Yeah, for Greg. If it's cheese.

Chicken pot pie. Delicious. He'd kill himself by the afternoon. Yeah, it's pretty unhealthy. Chicken pot pie. It's delicious. I can't remember the last time I had a pot pie. I think Beck is making this for dinner tonight. Chicken pot pie? I think so, yeah. Now this is getting weird. How did it know that? Imagine the next one is just like, we see you, Joey. All right, so that's Greg. So what about Ahmed? All right, Ahmed. Here we go.

Wow. Chicken tenders? Well, it won't have to change his diet. Wow. Wow. What a perfect. Chicken tenders and they can only be from Uber Eats. Yo, if I got chicken tenders. I'd be pumped with that. Oh, yeah. Super pumped. But it's also a lot of fried food. Yeah. At Air Fry Mine.

Make it somewhat healthier. It won't be that much, but yeah. Alright, who's next? Mikey. Oh my god, if this is not just a handful of spinach, he's gonna... Kiwi?!

This is weird that it's doing that. I love kiwi, man. You a kiwi guy? You a kiwi boy? That's all right. I don't really love kiwi. Oh, I love a good kiwi. I think it's probably the most visually appealing fruit. No way, watermelon. He got the worst one. No, kiwi's way cooler looking. What the hell? The inside. Dude, you cut open this green ball and it's just candy red? Dude, you cut open a brown ball and it's green and liney. It's cool, but like...

I think the surprise color of a kiwi is cooler than the surprise color of a watermelon. Yeah. What about the surprise color of a dragon fruit? You ever cut open a pink dragon fruit? Those are weird, yeah. They're like...

neon pink sometimes dragon fruit is not good it tastes like zero I don't know why people are like this is so I'm like it tastes like nothing I've never had it and been like delicious I've had it and just said nothing it is what it is alright so who else we got Zach let's see what Zach's gonna eat for the rest of his life kiwi's the worst one by the way so far right I wouldn't agree with that Zach's gonna get chicken tenders I would say I'd be pumped but

I'd be dead. Honeydew. Love that. That's the worst fruit, actually. What? That's actually the worst fruit. No way. The worst fruit is honeydew? Absolutely not. No. No. Dragon fruit's worse than that. Way worse. You don't like honeydew. Papaya is worse. Hell, papaya tastes gross.

I also think that like pomegranate is wildly overrated. I disagree. I love pomegranate. I don't like dislike it, but like I think that people are. It is a bit of a hassle to eat. Like I don't want to have a fruit that's crunchy because you got to eat basically this the seed. You know, the seeds in a honeydew. I hate that shit. Yeah, it's just slimy. What was the movie where the dude was having sex with a honeydew or a cantaloupe? Good luck, Chuck.

With what's his name? Dane Cook? Yeah. The dude who's having sex. He'd microwave a cantaloupe and then fuck it. That's true. Crazy. Doesn't sound like it wouldn't work. Just saying. All right. I mean, we got to see what yours is again. Let's do another one for Ant. Oh, I'm going again? Why?

Sausage. I'll take sausage. I mean, that is a pretty blanket statement. He's going to take sausage. Damn it. Whoa. That's a blanket statement. That could be Italian sausage. It could be bratwurst. It could be. Bratwurst. It could be. What's the other one? The other like European sausage. Bangers. Oh, kielbasa. Kielbasa. Kielbasa.

It could be technically a hot dog. I got hot dog, deer, chicken, turkey, sausage. That's right. The meat could be anything. Remember we had that rabbit sausage that time for your birthday dinner? Was that rabbit sausage? That was really good. All right. One more for Joe. All right. Frank's having fun. I am having fun. Onion rings. I'm going to blow my head off. It will be dead. I hate onion rings. Good. Joe, you got white. Well, that's what you get, bitch. You had white chicken chili. Now you get a side. That's tough.

Now I get a side of onion rings. I'll say this. Onion rings, way better than french fries as a side. Way better. Are you saying that to just like rile people up? No, I'm saying that- You think that onion rings are better than french fries? A million times out of a million. Ant, please. I need something. No, you can't. You gotta be in the mood for onion rings. At least. I'm always in the mood for onion rings, brother. Fries are overrated. Frank, that is so crazy to say. Why?

That you think onion rings are better? You get more flavor with an onion ring than you do a french fry. And they're cool rings. That's so wild. How is that wild? I don't know. To me, that's bananas. It's crazy. Better than every fry? I will say, personally... You can season fries. Yeah, but you still, you can't. You can also season onion rings to make them even better. You get the flavor of the onion.

It's too much. Do you like Bloomin' Onions too? I haven't had one in God knows how long. A Blooming Onion is the craziest invention. The fact that that's served as a meal is bananas. Dude, I know someone that went. This is a true story. They were hungry and they ordered two Bloomin' Onions from Outback and just like that was their meal. And then they got through the first one and they were like, I probably shouldn't eat the second one. And they gave it to their neighbor.

Or something like that, but I know that they definitely ordered two. Now I don't know who's crazier. The person who just eats a full blooming onion or someone who's a stranger accepting it from a stranger. Hey, I was going to eat this, but I'm full off my first onion. Listen, I understand. I see the value of fries and I understand that there is a hierarchy to fries. Waffle, crinkle cut, shoestring, steakhouse. You know, personally though,

I'm getting an onion ring over a fry any day. Let's see what Frank's side is. Sure. Last one. Tart, tart. What is that? That looks like pizza. That looks like pizza. I think the site messed up the words. I think that's just pizza. Tart taffin? Tart tatin? I think you got pepperoni pizza. Plug that into it. I don't hate that. I will be dead quick. Tart tatin.

Oh, it's a pastry? Oh, the site just got its things crossed. What the fuck is that? Oh, that looks like it's like an upside down pear thing. I think I've heard like... Go to the ingredients! It's like a dessert. It's savory. I think it's pear and they like cook it and caramelize it or something. That looks delicious. What's his name? Gordon Ramsay made this once. He's like...

Alright, you fucking dog. Here's how you make the world's best tartattan. Alright? Fuck it, baby. Alright, so there's apples. I don't like cooked fruit, though. I will say that. That's not bad. I hate cooked fruit. Bet you wish you had an onion ring. I do. Can't have it. No, you can't have a tartattan, bitch. I didn't even know it existed until now. Yeah.

Anyway, there you have it, folks. That is all for this week's episode. Frank and his bull balls will be back. The bull balls might not make it back. I will be, hopefully. Right. Where can they find you, Frank? FAlvarez885 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media. And go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard and TheBasementYard on all forms of social media so you can come hang out with us and live the dream. You guys can follow me at JoeSanagato. Go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram.

And that is all. See you guys next time. Yeah, bye!