Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard, our 500th episode. That's ten. It's double five. A five for me, a five for you. So five over here, five over here. That should be- Or you do- you do- Five zero zero. So this-
Correct, yes. For the audio listeners, you have no idea what's going on with this. No, no, no, it's our 500th episode. Also, for the audio listeners, you can't see this. Yeah, there's big eyes. But Frankie's dream has come to fruition. We have two big fat deer towers. I don't know if it's my dream. This thing's coming out like piss. Yeah, look, I mean, this is a... I think this also speaks to the level of hydration that we both regularly keep, where yours looks a lot more healthy and mine looks like I am about to die.
Did we run these through like a dishwasher or something? I mean, it's beer. It's alcohol. It sanitizes things. It's beer. Beer Towers, 500th episode. 500! Cheers to us. Dink me. Dink me. Throw it in my stink pee. Wow. Oh, man. All right. Michelob Ultra. That's what you bought. I feel like I'm on a golf course right now. Frank's not drinking Michelob Ultra, but...
I made myself a vodka diet. Yeah, so right... A vodka diet? That sounds miserable. Right before we started recording, we noticed Ant was really sheepishly quiet in the corner over there. Yeah. And then I just hear the ice clinking in the glass as he's walking over. And it was clear he couldn't not be involved in the celebration. Had to drink. Right. Had to drink. And you made yourself a vodka and diet Coke? Yes. That sucks on so many levels. Mmm.
Okay. You really are 21, aren't you? I'm a young girl at heart, you know? No, so am I, though. 500 episodes. 500 episodes. 500 episodes. That's bananas. That is bananas. This is, what, I joined in 200 area? 250 something. Yeah.
I thought I had a burp. Oh, don't puke. I don't think... Do you think we're going to finish this whole tower? If we do, this is going to be the messiest episode we've ever done in our entire lives. Yeah, it's all right. Um...
500 episodes. Doesn't feel like it. Right. You know, what's like the podcast record of episodes? Joe Rogan, they're at like 1100 or something, right? I have no idea. We can get there. That's a long time. Yeah. We do 52 episodes a year. Yeah. Yeah, that's how numbers work. I mean, technically, we do double that because we do a Patreon episode every week, too. Right. So if we start counting those, Rogan, count your fucking lucky stars, bitch. Yeah, dude. In 15 years. Yeah.
You might be in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, so we got the beer towers. I haven't seen one of these bad boys in... Couldn't tell you how long. It's been a while. It's been a while. Since I had... Oh my.
I'm so glad that I can sing because I've been like losing my voice kind of because I was like sick. Yeah. Five days ago. So we filmed yesterday and I made a joke. You sounded a little like RFK Jr. Right. Not because of what you were saying. Yeah. Because of what you were saying. Let's make that very clear. Yeah. But just because of how you sounded. Yeah. And yeah, I wasn't like Oreos are making your kids autistic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
If you feed your kid, I don't want to do the impression. That's kind of fucked up. I'll do it. I'm not gonna. I already did. Yeah. Well, he's just like, you know, saying shit like goldfish will turn your kids gay and then they'll be transgender for New Year's or something. Yeah. I mean, goldfish are a gateway fish to gayness. Let's be honest. Are they? They have rainbow ones. So I imagine that like rainbow fish are fucking cool. Don't even. I'm not. I'm not. I'm on. I'm on board, baby. I'm imagining, you know, it's an overrated fish. The fighting fish.
I'm good. The hell are fighting fish? What are those called? Beta fish. Beta fish? What's a fight? Why are they fighting? I had them when I was younger. Oh, you mean the actual fish? What'd you think? I thought you mentioned the rainbow goldfish. And then... What's that? They have goldfish. They have a bag of rainbow-flavored gold... Not flavored, but rainbow-colored. Bro, I'm talking about animals. You're talking about snacks? Well, I started with goldfish. I thought you were talking about the rainbow fish in the book with the scale that's holographic. Oh, by... I know who you're talking...
I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. I was talking snacks, baby. Oh. I was talking full snacks. Goldfish are fine. Pizza flavored. Good. Ew. What? Let me guess. You're also a freak that likes combos? I don't hate combos. Like a real incel? You think that, first of all, you are not going to pass combos over to the incel community. They have, incels have Mountain Dew, Monster Energy, Combos, and
Uh, we're really fighting to keep beef jerky on our side. The non-incel side of it. One of us is fighting for that apparently. I love beef jerky. You don't like beef jerky? It's good, but I don't need it. Crazy. You're just gonna give that to the incels willy-nilly?
You're about to give combos. Combos. They've taken it. No. I don't like combos. They're kind of gross. No, I like them. I like them. What would you prefer? Combos or those Ritz sandwiches that had the cheese in the middle? God, you're making me. It's like picking a favorite child here. Which you don't have one because you don't have any children that we know of. I'll say Ritz.
The Ritz crackers. That's duh. That dusty cheese is good, dude. I like that dusty cheese. When I put my mouth on that cheese and it evaporates...
Into what can only be described as like- So you know me. Yeah, I do. You know that I like to like- You love to suck things. But I don't suck these. You- Yeah, yeah. I knew it. I knew it, this freak. Joey likes, and for those of you guys that are audio listeners, he takes his tongue. He makes it sharp. Those of you guys that don't know, Joey's got a sharp tongue. I do. That has quite the butt crack on it. Does it? Yeah, you got a butt crack right down the middle of your tongue. Look at that shit. Look at it. No, don't look at my ass tongue. My butt tongue.
But and then he just like for some reason just like uses your strong tongue to just punch the shit out of this fucking cracker. Well, no, that's not what I was going to say. I do do that sometimes, especially with Oreos. Scrape. I can scrape an Oreo clean. Yeah, I can do that. But the little crackers, the Ritz crackers, the cheese, I'll like put the whole thing in my mouth and then kind of open it. Eat the one side of the cracker. Bullshit. You know, I get what you're saying. You know what I like to do?
I haven't even gotten to the meat and potatoes of what I'm saying here. Go ahead. I'm sorry. You're right. I get it down. Now I just have cracker and then cheese. And then I take the cheese and I try to get it off of the cracker. And then I take the cheese and I rub it on the top of my mouth with my tongue. And then it just like gets all dusty on the top of my mouth. And then I eat it. Anybody else do that? There's dead. You can hear a pin drop in here. I don't think you realize how borderline insane it sounds like.
To do that? Yeah. You just chew them up and eat them?
Yeah, I do. You don't take the cheese and like... No. I do that. Sometimes I'll like separate, you know, like I'll separate the cracker in my mouth where I'm like, you go over there, cracker. You and the cheese go over there. Segregation. You know, stop that. Yeah, exactly. Men over here, women and children first. You know, and then I eat it like that. But the only thing that I think I have a weird separation thing with when I eat is peanut M&M's.
Peanut on a net. I like cracking those bitches open. I crack the shell. I remove the whole shell. I remove the whole chocolate, and then I got just the peanut in my mouth, and I like to find the seam, and I like to split that shit. And then that little, you know, that little like bing bing on the top of the peanut, I love to take that, and it's sharp. Ew.
And I get it all out of there. And then I crack that bitch right down the middle. Yes, yes, yes. I love that. I love that. Also, Robin's eggs. The shells on those, I love cracking that shit in my mouth. Unbelievable. Robin's eggs are a top-tier candy, which is why I stand by Easter might have the best seasonal candy of any holiday. It's very, very, very possible. It's very probable and possible.
But in true basement yard fashion, we completely got away from what we were doing. 500 episodes. 500. I think we celebrated 300. First of all, she's, you hear her? She's screaming at you? She's yelling at me. Look. Careful. She's yelling at me. She's yelling at me. You almost took that shit onto your fucking brand new computer, which by the way, Joey has used this thing more than any computer has been used in history. It's true. To justify buying it. It's so true. But in true basement yard fashion, we got off the topic. Yeah. 500 episodes. Uh-huh.
Is this, because you started the show, is this where you imagine the show would be? I'm sitting here with Barbara Walters. Thank you for that question. Oh, I thought you were just going to slam, wham, bam. Maybe the next one. What? I like what you got going on here. I'm a big fan of cream and green. The cream and green is good. I don't know what it is lately, but I'm greened out, baby. Bro, me too. Ant was just talking shit. He's like, everything you do is green.
Green phone? Bro, I got a green phone, dude! Green face? Ooh! Green pants? How's your undies? Whoa, oh, you're green. How are my undies today? How are you? Are you wearing tighty-whities like before? No. Oh, you would hate these. Why? They're not cream. They're not green or cream. Are they multicolored? There's no cream on these boxers. By the way, Frank... Gotta say that in a better way. There's no cream in these boxers. Frank showed up to the shoot yesterday and...
The socks that this man had on. You know, enough. A very, very bright orange. Enough. I was like, well, they were orange and blue. They were orange and blue or green. I can't remember. I have several pairs. Of those specific? Enough with all the socks, Lander. Socks are meant to be fun and playful. They're the only article of clothing you can be really super playful with for only yourself. Shirts, everyone else sees it.
Everyone else sees it. So like you wear a playful shirt, people should be like, oh my God, enough. Boxers and boxers, underwear for those that wear underwear and socks. For those who wear underwear? Like, I mean like tight underwear. Cause like women wear like- Strings. Not boxers. Yeah. You know, I'm just saying, you know, they have underwear. If you were to wear women's underwear, what kind do you think you would wear? Would you thong? Listen. Or would you wear panties? Listen up real quick. Ladies, let me speak on your behalf. Okay.
I'm gonna protect you here. Thongs, they're sick, but if I was a woman, I wouldn't be wearing them. Unless it was like sexy time, here we go, bing bang boom. Okay. So if you were a woman, you wouldn't wear thongs? I would wear them like if I'm trying to like, if I know I'm getting myself into some shenanigans later. Okay. But like, if I'm going straight comfort baby...
These panties is gonna be granny's. You're going granny panties? I'm going underwears, babe. What about, what's that called? Booty shorts or something? I don't know. Like Spanx? But those are like on top of things, aren't they? Spanx are like, you know? They're like shapewear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about like, they're like shorts, kinda. I'd wear those. But the bottom of your butt sticks out. I just, the idea of wearing a thong and always having this thread in your asshole.
You probably don't feel it, though. I mean, yeah, they've probably, you know, through their life, warm enough. But, like, you're going to tell me that's made for comfort? Apparently, everyone's wearing them. It's all the rage these days. It's all the rage. Those kids are wearing the thongs. The kids love the thongs. Ew, that was disgusting. Yeah, disgusting. Here we go. Make sure you edit that. It yells at you, right? Look at your hands. Look at your hands. Hang that up.
Also, I had a very interesting- I went back to the vet for my dog. Oh my god, just let this dog die already. Jesus Christmas. He's alive and well. That's good. It's insane. This dog is just trying to die on you and you just won't let it happen, dude. When was the last time you went to the vet? Oh no. It's a couple beers.
You are a heartless pig. That's what you are. You can't call a smash man a pig. I guess you can. What does that mean? Actually, I guess you can nowadays. I don't even know. Nowadays? Where's the connection? Here we go. Jeez, would you fill that with vodka in there? What the fuck's going on over here? Here we are. You have a stash. Damn right I do. Yep. Hold on. There he is. Welcome.
Back to the basement yard. Perfect. I went back to the vet, and it's because I saw that my dog was licking his penis a lot. Does that mean like—serious questions here. Yep. I remember you talked about the hot spots that dogs get because they lick them. So in your head, were you like, my dog's penis is a real hot spot right now? Technically, yeah. Okay. Technically, I had to refer to my dog's penis as a hot spot. Yeah. Also, I had to get in there and check it out.
You jerked off your dog? That's not how you check it out. So he was licking his dog. Hey, giggles. Sorry. So he was. What the fuck? When we got back from Europe, I picked up my dog and my mom was like, hey, he's been licking his penis a lot. And I was like, maybe he's just like in that kind of mood. I don't know. Is that a mood that he's been in before? Huh? There's several. You would if you could? I don't know. Frank, what are you even saying?
Anyway, I pick up the dog. You're giggling again, right? He laughed like this. I pick up the dog and she's like, he's licking his penis a lot. I'm like, okay. So then I notice him doing it and I'm in my apartment. So I go over. I'm inspecting this dog's penis. Yep. Right? And he's looking at me. Are you going to walk me through how?
Looking at it. What do you want me to do? Well, dogs have retractable dicks. It's not on his actual red rocket penis. It's like the sheath. The sheath. Incredible. I was ready to attack you, but I love that. Go ahead. So I just saw something there. I was like, oh, yeah, it looks a little red. I'm going to take him to the vet. So I take him to the vet. Wait, his penis looks a little red. There's like a thing that looks like a cut. So I'm like, oh, it's probably a hot spot.
You know, because if they get cut, they start licking it, and then it could spread. Infected. Whatever. So I looked at a little infected. I go to the... Ant's looking at me like I was the one licking it. Like he was licking his own fucking hot spot. I mean, nothing. I wasn't. Okay. I get to the doctor, and he's like, oh, you know, what's going on? It's like, I think there's a hot spot on my dog's penis.
He's like, okay, we'll kind of check it out or, you know, whatever. And he was a super nice guy. And then... Technically, it was your dog's foreskin. It wasn't... I don't know what to call it, to be honest with you. It's like the protective barrier. Yeah. So it's like the wall. What is the point of what this interjection that you just had? What are you trying to establish that you don't already know? I'm trying to hear myself talk. I know. Trying to hear myself...
She's whistling. So I go in there and I'm like, oh, there's something wrong with my dog's penis or whatever. And then he's like, okay, cool. We'll check it out. And then he tells me, he's like, by the way, I just want, you know, I didn't want to, cause I was in the lobby. I didn't want to tell you I'm a huge fan. He's like, I'm a huge fan of yours. And you know, whatever. I love the podcast. I was like, oh, thank you, man. I appreciate it. Is this the same guy that gave you a discount last time? No. So I went to a different one and he actually made a comment. He was like, oh, you know, we were jealous that you went to the other one.
And I was like, oh, I don't even know how the fuck they knew that. I think because they were checking the system, maybe? Yeah, the records. So he says that, and I'm like, okay, cool. And he leaves the room for a second to go get the doctor. I look down. My fly could not be more gaped. It's so open. And I'm like...
so embarrassing now. You know what's so funny is you've openly told me that's something that you always check for. Because I, yeah, because I'm like always, before we go on stage, I'm like checking to see that it's open. But it was so, dude, I'm not kidding, so cavernous. It was so open. Just like, what kind of pants were you wearing? Jeans? I was wearing pants like, kind
Kind of like these, like a whatever. But like, I think the way that I was sitting, it just didn't help. And it was so opened. And I'm like, this guy's getting a look at my penis and the dog's penis. So he's seeing one of them is a real hot spot. And the other one is just just a spot. Playfully infected. Just a spot. Yeah. And I was like, oh, OK, thanks. But that was like no discount. But, you know, they should have gave you the I'm a fan of you plus the dick discount.
That would have been sick. I was totally okay with that. I mean, it wasn't a huge bill. The other one was a pretty big bill. Well, yeah, last time you had to get them milked or whatever the hell you said. You don't even listen when I talk. Because nobody is going to milk my dog, Frank. Didn't you say they milk his anal glands or something? They express them. Oh. They express them. But it's a form of milking. Yes. Yes, it is, I guess. So it's just not the type of milking your dog would prefer, right?
Or you would prefer probably. I would not want my anal gland expressed. I don't even think that's something we could do. I don't think we have that either. I don't think we got that shit. I'm fine with that. I'm cool with not having that. I'm cool with not having that. That's funny that you brought that up though because I went to the DMV to get that fucking Real ID thing.
I don't want to do that. Oh, yeah. You probably have to. Was it a... Did it take long? I had to literally, like... Like, I was getting fucking Zayn Malik tickets. Like, go on at, like, 8 a.m. one morning and get an appointment. And it was, like, the only appointment that was left. Uh-huh. And, first of all, naturally, go there. They lost power.
The DMV? Yeah. They lost power. Are they allowed? They lost power and they were waiting for the... What's it called? To come back up. The internet. So I got there and they're like, You here for Real ID? I'm like, yeah. And they're like, Ah, bad news. And I'm like, what? And they told me. So they're like,
listen, you can take this sheet and come back anytime you want in the next two weeks and we'll take you right in. Or you can wait and then try your luck to see because, you know, Verizon was just here. See if that'll come back on. And then if not, you come back and, you know, we'll give you that sheet again. And I'm like, all right, you know what? I was like, I might as well wait a little bit, you know, just to fucking test my luck. And I sat there, I sat down.
And I'm like, all right, I'm giving myself 45 minutes. I was like, if I don't even hear that the internet is back, like if they don't take someone in front of me in that time, I'm just going to leave and come back another day. So I'm sitting there, sitting there waiting, whatever. When's the last time you physically went to the DMV? When I got my permit.
Dude, I don't know what it is. It's all old people. It's not what are they doing? I don't know. Oh, maybe expired It was so one guy was there and it was just like he needed to get this change and blah blah blah blah blah But like it was all it was I was the youngest person in there by 25 years. I
Do old people just like the DMV? I don't. Maybe. It's just like a hot spot for them? A hot spot. This is a hot spot episode. It is. Possibly because that's the only place people talk to them because they're maybe like old decrepit losers. You've got so much karma. You're coming your way. It's insane. But so I'm there. I'm waiting. I'm like, all right. I see. I'm watching, you know, looking at the time and it gets to 45 minutes. But I notice Verizon is like coming in and out of the building.
So I look over like the server room and they're in there and I'm like, all right, you know what? They're hacking the mainframe right now. They'll have it up. I'm in. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking like, might as well just give it another few minutes unless there's a sign that I should get out of here. Like from the Lord above? I don't know. I don't, you know how I feel. I'm pretty like in the middle agnostic. So like, I'll be like, send me a sign. Exactly. I'm superstitious. That's I think the best thing. And then I'm like, unless there's a sign at this volume,
There's an old man directly in front of me scrolling through like Facebook, not Instagram is reels. TikTok. I don't know what TikToks are called. I guess TikToks. But like, what's the Facebook one called? I have no idea. The short little video formats. I think we get what you're saying. Stories or whatever. Whatever it is. He's scrolling through them.
And it's like, you know, like, oh, five signs to see if your, you know, house foundation is messed up. And then one is just like, if you're using these roofing nails, stop right now, you know? And then he gets on one, and it's a clear AI voice. Like, Mike told me, you know, you know how it sounds, how it's kind of like disjointed. Please tell me this was like, oh, my big fat tits or something. It was it? What'd it say? Bro, the guy...
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what I was listening to, so I put my phone down to listen more and looked around me, and other people were just like, it starts playing on his phone, and it's like, I gave my stepson these pills to help him with his cock growth. I couldn't believe the results, so I had to test it out for myself. Ha ha.
What? Yo, I couldn't. He's watching porn. I'm watching porn in the DMV. Out loud. Like louder than you would. Like, first of all, I know this is a pet peeve of yours, but people in public scrolling on their phone, you're either at no volume or you either have headphones on or you're at one. Yes. Two is jail. If anyone else can hear you, crazy. Yeah.
But it's on full volume, honestly, to the point I might have thought to myself, like, does he have a speaker in his pocket or something? Because it was loud. And it was like, my son's dick. Yes. And I've got to try it out. Yes. What? Yes. And I thought for a second. Did anyone say, hey, bro, I thought for a second might have been like, I gave this old man watching porn in public the benefit of the doubt. Did you see his phone? No. No.
So I thought for a sec, like maybe it's... Benefit of the doubt? What is it? The benefit of the doubt of thinking like, I gave them the pills, so then I took the pills to try it on myself. That's the benefit of the doubt! But then I listened and it was a female voice. And then she started getting more sexual. It was just like, I unzipped his pants and couldn't believe it. This guy's listening to a smut book. Bro. Bro.
I couldn't. I was sitting there flabbergasted at this fucking guy. And not only watching porn in public, but like blasting him. Not only blasting and watching porn in public, but it was like my stepson, which is fucking disgusting. Right. I said, I literally put my phone in my pocket. I put my papers by my side. That was my sign. I got the fuck up and left.
Oh, so you didn't get it? I didn't even... I just got up and left. So that was your sign? That was my sign. Damn, dude. You should have been like, this will be good for the podcast and walked over and be like, hey, Rusty, what are you watching? The fuck is this? You wanted me to like inquire and just be like, let's sit down and analyze this together. I mean, I don't have that in me. I could never do that to a stranger and walk up and be like, are you blasting audio porn right now? What's going on, sir? I looked over. There was a woman like four seats to my right and she was just like,
You know that look. You know what I mean? It's like, is he watching Stepmom Party? I couldn't... Like, at what level of not giving a fuck do you allow something like that to happen? Bro, you know what's crazy? Like, obviously that's ridiculous. There's... Those videos that exist... You said that one was like AI or something? It sounded like... Like the cadence was very AI-like. You know what I mean? It probably was. And he was like, oh...
I can only imagine what he was watching. Oh, God. I've been getting these like TikTok shop fucking ads or something. Bro. But they're so weird. It's like a girl in the middle of telling a story about, oh, my boyfriend has never clapped my cheeks before.
as hard as he has this past weekend and then she's selling some product like ashwagandha pills or something it's like my boyfriend like was clapping the thunderclapping the shit out of my cheeks and I'm like this is what advertising is now this is what sells apparently and so someone a dude is watching that being like oh if he thunderclapped her shit
Then I'm gonna thunderclap some cat. I can take... See, this is the way... If you're gonna sell fake cockpills, the way to do it is...
At a bodega on a rack right next to like, you know, a hundred grand bar. And it says something like rhino fuck or like jackhammer cock time. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Did I ever tell you what I went to? I, when I lived in Astoria, I went to the deli and I got a sandwich and I'm, uh, I'm paying for it. And the dude goes,
He starts pointing to it because it's right next to the register. Yeah, I know. It's literally, as you're paying, it's right here. Yeah, and literally it's like giraffe tits or something. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Hard giraffe dick or whatever it's called. And it's like something like that. And he's like, yo, you want, you need this? And I was like, no, I'm good. He's like, no, bro. He's like, you need it. And I'm like, what's going on, bro? I'm trying to buy a sandwich from you. I'm trying to like help out. What about you gave off limp dick energy? Yeah, I was like, yo, why do you think that I need some, you know,
Turbo hyena dick or whatever the fuck. Like, what vibes am I giving off that you think I need that? I can't imagine. Now, listen. I understand, you know, there are people that suffer from erectile dysfunction and you take whatever supplements and pills you need to work on that. Yeah, but, like, take something with class. Like, that's what I'm saying.
That was crazy. That was nuts. That's what I'm saying. Like, go get a blue chew if you feel so inclined. Cialis. Something from a doctor. What's the Viagra? Bro, if you're getting your cock pills from the same place that you buy loose cigarettes, you're fucking up in life. Yeah, come on, bro. Maybe you did some irreversible damage to that fucking yang. I imagine, though. Like, there's got to be. I saw one when I was, like, scrolling. I follow this account that, like,
tweets crazy things that like I screenshot and we use for the episodes and one of them was just like the new viral sex chocolate and it's like
What is going on, dude? Yeah. Like, chocolate to make me horny? I mean, apparently chocolate's an aphrodisiac in and of itself. Nothing has ever, I've eaten anything and been like, it's go time. Really? It's never happened to me. Yeah, they say that about, like, strawberries, chocolate, oysters. Never. I will say this. I've eaten quite a ton of oysters. Never? I can't imagine that the oysters are what made me horned up. Right. It's usually just women. Yeah.
That's usually what did the trick was women. Not the Hershey bar I ate on the way over. Okay. Like maybe that's what our next business venture needs to be. Maybe if you guys make another hot sauce, Secret Handshake Foods Co. Did I say that right? Secret Handshake Foods Co. Yeah. It felt wrong when you said it, but it was right. You have the everything bagel hot sauce. You have.
The Bloody Mary hot sauce. What if your next hot sauce is an aphrodisiac hot sauce that like is like laced with like hints of chocolate, strawberry, other foods that are horny foods. So it's a horny hot sauce.
It's a good name. Horny hot sauce. Horny hot sauce. I'm giving you that for free, by the way. We're not going to market a horny hot sauce. Everyone else is doing it. I know. People are getting their thunderclaps tied down and bang, bang, derang. I know. You might as well. I know. It is kind of crazy that those are like a thing. And again, we're not saying there's an issue with people who have ED. I get it. Correct. People have erectile dysfunction. That's totally fine. But if you're going to buy your pills...
Right next to where you would buy a lighter a lighter with fucking like a lighter with like a Skeleton like this on I'm just saying maybe you've made mistakes if you get breakfast sandwiches from the same place you buy your your your pills
need to reevaluate that. Yeah, fuck that motherfucker that was pawning off the pills. Yeah, that's crazy. And saying that I needed them. I mean, they always had horny goat weed was the one they had by us. Horny goat weed. Which, there was a hyena one that I saw though and I was like, no. Hyena humper.
I don't know what it's called. I don't know either, but I imagine. I mean, they're all animal based. I don't know why goats are the one that they put in there, though. It's also about going fast and then an animal. Yeah, so it'll be like nitrous oxide hyena dick fuck or something. I don't know. We'll workshop the name. We're coming up with stuff, but we do have some ads. That's not a good place to start. We do have some ads for this episode. The first one being, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard.
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We'll see you next time. Oh, we're not going anywhere. Oh, you're... I don't hear her screaming. There she goes. Bro, I've done a number on this. What are you up to? I'm at just below two. Holy shit, this is 1.5 liters? Yeah, I'm not finishing this. You got it, you got it. That's banana pants. Frankie was beating Joe, but now Joe took the lead. Why are they yelling? There's so much yelling going on. There's a little. Um, so... Stinky Winky. Whose Winky is Stinky?
Not my dogs. Your dogs is fucking hot. No, I fixed it. You fixed it? That's crazy. He just said my dog's penis was hot. Hot spot, baby. No, I know what you meant. Hot spot. I know what you said. I have a question. Ask me. Did you see this video of this snake in Thailand? This is a very wiener episode today. Did I see a snake in Thailand? Well, you've never been to Thailand. No.
Would you? Hell yeah. Yeah? Oh, you haven't watched White Lotus. No, I haven't, but they have elephant sanctuaries out there, and I would love to pet an elephant. Would you like an elephant if it were, like, would you like to, like, pet it or ride it? Ride? I would ride it. I would, but I feel like not if they're mean to the elephants. You know what I mean? Well, like, they need to be a little mean to horses.
Who? When you're riding a horse. When's the last time you rode a horse? I've never ridden a horse. What? You should ride a horse, man. I've rode a horse with you. In pre-K. Yeah, those are probably donkeys. So we rode horses, Becca and I, for our anniversary. And Becca, bleeding heart, love her. But she was like... The woman was just like, all right, give him a little kick in order to move faster. Oh, you got to kick him. And Becca was just like, I don't want to. And she's like, they have very thick...
Actual thick skin. Bro, also, I could never hurt a horse, even if I wanted to. I feel like you could hit a horse with a baseball bat and they'd be like, hello. I mean, yeah, maybe. I don't know. They look strong as fuck. Not that I would do that. That's psychotic. Bro, you don't understand the power of a horse until you're on one. I don't know why that was. Until you're riding this thing. Horsepower. Oh, I felt horsepower. You ever get into a Mustang?
Yeah, I felt it. I got a Ford F-150 packed in the backyard. But y'all, did you see this snake in Thailand? No. You might make you want to rethink it. Ant, pull this shit up. So apparently there have been some floods over there. We hope everyone's okay. What the fuck is that? So this video came out, and it's a python. This isn't real. It may be fake, but who cares? We're not the real police. Wait, did it eat?
It was a did it eat. Dude, that looks like it ate a fat man. That's what they, I mean, I think. There's no way that's real. Bro, why not? Dude, there's, you ever heard the story of the Amazon? That there was like, it was like the late 1800s or something? Yeah, I can't. What? I can't. I'm not, I'm not ready to speak words yet because of how what? The fuck? That's a big bitch. If, if there are things in the world that exist...
Like that? Dude. We don't have a big enough military then. Oh, we definitely don't. Can you imagine? I mean, we do spend a lot of money. You know what's crazy? We have a big military. Yeah, but I don't trust them. I trust the military. I don't trust the people who control the military is what I wanted to say. We're on an episode. This is because we keep drinking.
Dude, what would you do if you came in and that was just like hanging from here? A giant spider. There's nothing you could do. I'm going to say spider. You'd be dead. Fuck, how much did I drink already? Yeah, no, I'm not excited about that at all. I mean, if I saw a snake, I'm not like afraid of snakes, but anything that big, I'm afraid of. Anything that big? You're afraid of elephants? See, when it comes to animals like that, I'm in the same way. I'm like...
We're dumb in different ways. Who's we? Me and you. Oh. We're dumb in different ways. No, no, so like you think you could like beat animals up. I think – well, actually, no. This is similar because with you and gorillas where you're like, oh, I'll kind of like whatever. I think that I have something in me. Yep.
That when animals see me, they know that like I'm their bull. You're not a threat. And not that I'm not even a threat, that I'm just like that I get them. Like they see me and they're like, oh, like a doctor. I'm dead ass. I think this. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. No, no, no. This is like they feel their vibes and they're like, this guy is not a threat. So I'm just going to do my animal thing over here. When I am walking on the street and I see a dog and we make eye contact, I really think that they see me and in their mind they're like, oh, yeah, no, that's a good, that's good.
Like, I think that they understand. Like a dog barking or whatever, I feel like I would walk up to it and it would stop barking. You're like Cesar Millan, basically, is what you're saying. What I am is fucking stupid. Yeah, we know that. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like that. But I would say giant snakes, I don't feel that way with. I don't think... Elephants. An angry elephant who's doing the thing.
If I walked up to them and I just felt like I could like comment, if I just, if it's, if it, you know, you gotta get on the side of them, but you'd put your hand here. You do that. Well, I was just looking to his eye and I'd be like, it's okay, big fella. And it would chill. Gotcha. And I don't know if that's real, but I feel that in my heart. Big fella.
I don't know if I would use that language. Yeah, well, what if you angered it even more? Because it was like, did you just assume my gender? I'm a big elephant. That's true. Crazy. And you could tell elephants' genders pretty easily. You just go around the back. He's got big swinging dicks. The dicks are big. The vaginas are big. Really? They're just big animals, dude. I don't know that I've seen an elephant vagina in my day, but... I mean, neither have I, but they're big animals. I imagine that they got... They gotta have it. They gotta have it, you know. They gotta. They gotta have a walk-in closet back there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
I watched a video of a rhino taking a dump the other day. All right. Everyone, I'll see you guys later. I'll tell you this. They produce a lot of dump. A lot. Yeah. A good a lot. Yeah, dude. Have you ever seen the one of the hippo dumping? And it's just like its tail is acting like a fan. Yeah, and it's like slapping it around. That...
Is dumb. Yeah, dumb design, absolutely. Also, like, you know, hippos don't even need tails. Yeah, I agree. They have really dumb, stupid tails. You're so big. You have this very thin tail. And it's like it has, like, a little thing at the end. It's just like four Homer Simpson hairs at the end of the tail. What's the point of this? I don't like that shit either. Get rid of it. Although, have you seen an elephant tail up close?
Dude. I can't. Oh, no, they're big. It looks like a mace. Those hairs look like if they hit you, they'll pierce you. They're sharp hair? Dude, I mean, they're just thick hairs. Ant, do me a favor. Look up as he's doing that. We're going to talk. Look up elephant tail up close. Okay. A lot of animals have tails that don't need them. Bears. Why the fuck do bears have tails? I'd like a tail, though. I would not hate one. I would like a tail just to, like,
Just to wag it? Yeah. Just to have it? Or, like, if it was big enough that I could, like, pick stuff up. Go to that first picture, babe. This? Yeah. Like, I wish I had it. What? Yeah, dude. That's an elephant's tail? Hell yeah. Look, there's one of it crapping right below it. Don't. Don't click on that. Okay.
That's an elephant's tail? That's so weird. Look at how thick that hair is. That's like brush. Brush. Yeah, it looks like you'd clean your grill with it. That does look like that. That does. I have another question. Since we're just asking questions today, let's let them fly. Why is everyone so mad at Katy Perry? Oh, yeah, they did the Blue Origin. They did that Blue Origin space thing. Before we get into Katy Perry, do you think that's real or is it fake?
I don't know. I think a lot of people now are saying that it's fake. Like they're suggesting that it's fake. I haven't looked in enough to be able to plant my flag in either side of the argument. But would you do it? No. The fattest no that I could ever imagine. That's a scary one. Dude, no. I hate getting in a plane. That's true. You think I would be like, let's go to space where there's nothing.
I mean, are you in space? Or are you like in the ocean or the atmosphere? That's a good question. I think technically you leave... See, that's the thing. First of all, I'm with you. No. No, no, no. Not doing it. But like the idea that I could be above the earth looking at it and then also look into space for a second is so crazy. I can't even imagine. I almost feel like...
It can't be real because if that was me and I went into space and I saw the Earth in front of me and then I saw space behind me and I landed back on Earth, I would be like so different. Dude, I would be a different person because it would just like...
I'm not even kidding. I think I would just look at life differently because when you see like how big it is, not even how big it is, but like when you see like every person you've ever met, every interaction, everything is just right there and then nothing, I'd be like nothing matters to anything and ever, ever, nothing. I know. How do you get down and you hold up a flower and you promote your album? Like I'd be like, bro, I'm not me anymore. Yo, I would not. I wouldn't be able to get down and talk with people about anything other than like
Nothing is real. Nothing is real! Dude, if I go and I see this thing and I- You'd be doing the Jim Carrey thing. You ever see his interviews where he's like, "I'm not me, I'm a fictional character of a-" and you're like, "What?" Bro, I could- I would lose my mind because the idea of seeing the Earth- The Earth in like such a way that makes it feel so insignificant- Bro. Is not- Like, I couldn't handle that. Like, yo- And then looking and seeing the sun?
The sun? The sun. You think you could just look at the sun and be fucking like, okay, dude? Can't we see the sun? We see it from here, babe. That's not what I mean. I mean, like, if you're in space, if you look at the sun, what does it look like? The sun. But, like, so you can't look at the sun, though, is my point. But it's so far away that you could look at it and just go like, yo, that's the sun. Isn't that wild that the sun is, like, the sun, dude? Sun. The sun is just the sun. The sun is... It's crazy. It's big. It's big.
Big, brother. Bro, also the sun is really the father. Really, if it decides, I'm not going to work today, we're all dead. Also, who named it the sun? Like, why didn't they call it something way cooler? S-U-N? Call it a cooler thing. What, bitch? How many Earths do you think can fit inside the sun? Millions. I would say 150 million Earths. Yeah, it's a lot. I would say...
Honestly, Joey, you know what? Coside, 500 episodes, 150 mil. 150 million Earths. 1.3 million Earths, but it's still a lot. We kinda. I'm excited that we were above. I mean, 1.3 million is still a lot of millions. That's a big burning star. It's a star. It's just gas, dude. Gas. I don't think there's a surface to it. I think it's just like gas.
How is it burning still? It's been so long. Don't ask. Someone might realize and be like, yeah, actually, you know what? Click. Turn that shit off. It would take eight minutes. Wait. Wait. Here we go. How is the sun in space burning so hot that it warms the earth? Yeah. But as we know it, fire needs oxygen. Without oxygen, there...
Can't be fire. But in space there's no oxygen. Maybe it's not actual oxygen. Maybe it's burning the hydrogen or something. I don't know. How is that happening that the sun is like... Well, hydrogen is important. It's fire. We know it's fire. But is it fire? We know it. This isn't like a fucking... It's space fire. When you go buy a fucking lighter that has a weed sock on it. Yeah. This is like space fire. So I think it's like different fire.
So it's not like fire. It's just like burning gas. That doesn't need oxygen to burn. Maybe. I don't know. Like that's so interesting. And it's just there. Like it's just like a constant. It's got so much of itself that it's just like we're just good forever. Hopefully. Eight minutes is all we have, Bib. Yeah. I saw one video and it was just like here's what would happen if the earth, if the sun just burnt out tomorrow. And it's like. I'm not. I'm not. You don't want to know.
Dead. Well, it would take not long. It would basically be like... Like a couple months and we're dead? Yeah, probably. Because it's like the first week, you'd go into a winter. Oof. And then things will just... The ocean will freeze. That'd be cool if we go ice skating. No, I'm not ice skating on the ocean. Get the hell out of here. I would. I wouldn't like that. Ice skating on the ocean, dude? What if it cracks and you fall through? It won't. What if it does?
Dead? Yeah. I'll be dead in a week anyway. No, I mean, we'd probably survive off of like... I would say eight months we'd survive. With no sun? Yeah. I don't know about that, Chief. No? Just in complete darkness? I mean, think of science. Science has now allowed us to figure out heat, figure out light. Think about science. Think about that. I'm thinking about science now. No? I mean, most of the food in America is chemically grown anyways.
You could survive on beans. You could sur- I mean, I think beans need to grow. Beans are plants. Canned beans, I mean. What do you think those are? Beans. Yeah, but we have a bunch of cans. Yeah, but then we won't. Right. Then we won't have them. That's a good point. You know? And then, and then what? And then what do we eat? All the fucking- it would become a desert. The earth would become a desert, basically. A tundra. Tundra desert. This is a- Who do you think's eating somebody first?
Maybe we shouldn't talk about the end of the earth apocalypse because I don't, I don't, you know, I don't want to go there. I'm having a good day. Okay. So back to my original question though. Why is everyone so upset with Katy Perry? Uh, like Wendy's like tweeted at her, like Kesha's got beef with her. Kesha's got beef with Katy Perry. Cause Kesha went to the, went to Wendy's and was like, ha ha ha. And she posted a picture. Wait, what? Yeah. Why is Wendy's always like, well, you know, we're the beef boys and we're all over beef. I just, I saw people are like,
upset at Katy Perry and this is not me saying like I don't get it what did she I'm saying like I just don't know I don't know either like I mean I don't know about the beef between Kesha and Katy Perry either but apparently there is one is it got to do with that guy that did all Kesha's music what wasn't there a guy that like was in charge of all the Kesha's music or something like that I'm not familiar I know that Kesha something happened to Kesha something not cool
I don't know if that has something to do with this. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. All I know is that people are like, ooh, Kesha's shading fucking Katy Perry. Yeah, because they posted a picture and it's like, Katy Perry's made it back from space. And then Wendy's, the official account for the fast food chain Wendy's, tweeted like, can we send her back? Yeah, that's wild. That's a wild... I just don't... And then there have been a ton of people that have been saying like,
Fuck Katy Perry. Like, let her say... And I think people's issue with the Blue Origin space thing is that, like, it undermines, like, the work that is being done by, like, space engineers and stuff like that. Does it? That's what I've seen people posting. Like, I've seen people just salty, like, we're rich, we can go to the moon, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, that. You know. It's, like, tone deaf. I...
I heard that Katy Perry was like, I recommend this to everyone. And it's like, bro, we can't afford to do that. What the fuck are you talking about? That we can go do that. It was like her, Gayle King, and other people. Oh, I saw the video of them walking on, and Gayle did not look happy. I mean, I wouldn't be happy going into space. Me neither. I'd be shaking. I mean, did they sign up for it, or did they have to buy into it?
I don't know. How did they choose Katy Perry? No offense to Katy Perry. Katy Perry is, I mean, a big person. I mean, she is no longer what she was 10 years ago. Like, Katy Perry 10 years ago was like A-lister, ton of music coming out. She's absolutely an A-lister still. Like, she's still like an A-list pop fucking, like, borderline. Yeah, dude. She's a giant follower. What does she say? Is she releasing new music?
I don't know. I'm not the demo, so I don't really know. I mean, you have your ear to the ground more than I do with this stuff. Yeah. You know? I just don't... Like, people are, like, upset. And do you know why people are so upset at Katy Perry? I think it's just what he said, just rich people going to the moon. Like, tone-deaf shit. But, like, before that, people were upset with her for something. Here's what I'll say. I don't know. If there's a reason to hate Katy Perry, that'd be fun. I love hating people, right? But...
I think if there isn't a legitimate reason to hate Katy Perry, right? And she got back from space and Wendy's was just like, send that bitch back. That's fucking hilarious. It is. It is. And if I'm Katy Perry, bro. Bro, if I'm Katy Perry, I'm going on Twitter and be like, suck my dick. Bro, I'm beefing with Wendy's so bad. If there's nothing. If there's nothing is what I'm saying. If Wendy's just like...
Just jumped off the porch like, yo, fuck Katy Perry. Bro, this is not the first time. Yeah, if Katy Perry's under fire, and this is us just saying we legitimately don't know. If she's under fire for something heinous and ugly, yeah, fuck her. Absolutely. But we don't know. We don't know? But why from Wendy's? I'm trying to put myself in Katy Perry's shoes. If I went to space and came back and it was such a crazy moment for me,
And then Wendy's was like, yo, send his ass back. I'd be like, suck my dick, Wendy's? Like, what the fuck did I do to you? This isn't the first time that Wendy's has, like, just tried roasting people on social media. Damn, Wendy's. It doesn't make sense. And can you look up other times Wendy's done this? But, like, out of all places, like, it just...
Wendy's. Like, it would make sense. It is funny, though, to be, like, a fast food restaurant. Bro, if I was getting, if I was beefing with a fast food restaurant on fucking social media, actually, that would be kind of sick. That's how I got my start. Oh, with Taco Bell? Yeah, I've seen people, like, reenact our interaction. Drove me nuts. But. Oh, like, trying to take it to be their own? Like, kind of, like, being, like, biters? That was, like, 2010. 2010.
Yeah. Which is crazy. I was hyped that a verified account even replied to me. I am forever. I got hyped once with, because Chipotle responded to me. I got hyped and they like, I don't know. It was so cool. And I loved Chipotle at the time. Now, not so much. Speaking of brands, we do have more sponsors that I would have forgot about. But listen, Mother's Day is coming up.
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All right. So it looks like Ant pulled up other times that Wendy's roasted people on Twitter. This is going back. Oh, this is only a couple of years. I feel like there's way older though. Embassy Suites by Hilton replying to someone roast us next. Tell your dad to get off Twitter. They roasted like other companies here. So,
So is it like their thing? Is Wendy's now like the official roaster of people on social media? This is stupid. See, like Monster Energy, top drink of choice for when you hate yourself and so does your English teacher. Like, it's a little intense. That is true, though. But that's not a roast when you're just exposing the truth. Have you ever drank a Monster's Energy? No, have you? I have never, but I feel like... I feel like if I did, I would immediately just start wearing...
tap out shirts all the time. I feel like that too. I feel like if I didn't want to have sex with women, then I would probably love it. Like if you wanted to hate them. Yeah. Like if your approach to women was just like, I'm going to be mean to them. And then when they don't like me, I'm going to hate them for it. Bro. I'm glad that you brought that up. Okay. Oh boy. Are we going after incels today? Yeah. Every day. Get them. Um, there was a, there was a tweet.
That I saw. And it was a dude. And like. I mean obviously it's the internet. So who knows if this is like real. But it was a dude's. Like Tinder profile. Starts it off with. Trigger warning.
Yeah, you've already lost. If you write your own trigger warning to like your bio or like, oh, I might say something offensive or if it's like me and my boy, if we started a podcast, we get canceled immediately. Canceled immediately. Yeah. Yo, you guys are sick, dude. Just say you're racist.
It says, let me guess, you're 25 with three kids. This is how he's starting off. Wait, who's he saying this to? This is a random person. Oh, this is his bio? His Tinder bio. Oh, so he thinks he's attracting a certain clientele. Let me guess. Let me guess. You're 25 with three kids. And you've done had your fun. Now you don't want that. You want a real man to settle down with and take care of you and your kids because you let a loser nut inside you. Jesus Christ. Then...
The ultimate, I'm six foot even. We're starting off with the height. That's when you know. That's what you guys do. I mean, when you start off with your height or if your height is in your bio, then your dick is tiny. I'm six foot even, have my own house, two vehicles. Vehicles. Technically a bike is a vehicle. And I make over 75K a year. Whoa. I mean, I know it's hard out there for people, but like. To put it on here, like it's like, yeah. Yeah.
What do you bring to the table? If the answer is someone else's kids, then go kick rocks. No man will ever want you. Stop saying you're thick. You're obese. Also, you're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. Jesus.
I will say that last, the very last line I am fully on board with. You're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. That kind of goes hard. But this is... No, it doesn't. Fuck you. No. You call yourself dog dad? No. If anyone says you have any kids, you say, yeah, and he has four paws. No. If you did, Joey, tell me right now because I will shoot you in the back of the head. We got down to the bottom here. This is kind of insane. Um...
Uh, no, I wouldn't say that, but what do you know? I'm, I'm definitely beating you. Um, my thing is like, I don't understand why there's men on the internet thinking like if your objective is to attract women, why is the thought process? Like I'm going to insult them first. Well, I think there's this mentality that it's just like,
Women want a man that's a real man that tells them, like, where's my fucking dinner? And fuck you and your opinions. I'm going to handle everything. Like, they think that's what people want. Do they all sound like Stone Cold? I mean, I don't know. But don't disrespect Stone Cold Steve Austin, by the way. I love Stone Cold. Not in my fucking house. Are you kidding me? It's my dream to get fucking stuttered.
We can make that happen. I would love to make that happen. Oh, my God. It'd be so sick. No, I think it's because, like, society tells them, like, men are not men anymore. Now they wear dresses and they drink soy lattes and they have, you know, friends that are women that they're not fucking. You know, like... Even straight guys are gay. Yeah, basically. So, like, they feel like the people that are unable to...
formulate any opinion outside of what they're being told by the media think like okay so in order to appeal to the women that I want I need to be a piece of shit but like I understand that my what I'm saying is like it's interesting for me to see guys thinking that in order to make myself look desirable I have to
Be mean or have to say negative things about women and like this is what I bring to the table So and you don't right? It's it's not necessarily about making yourself be like, okay if you want to be successful You want to be in shape you want to do all those things? That's great. That's a great thing you don't need to then put down women at the same time because that hurts your chances at being attractive and
I don't get the idea that you're like, you're not an idiot. Well, I know you're not a moron. That's why you don't get it. That's why I've stopped even trying to understand it. When I say like, I don't get why these people are so stupid. It's because I'm not putting myself in the idiotic mindset to even try to comprehend it. That's why you don't get it. What? So you, I know how you are, Joey. You try to understand things that you don't get.
Sometimes if you don't get it and you don't understand it, just let it fucking be dumb and idiotic by itself. I'm just saying I think that if the objective is to be like a high value man, the value like. Oh my God. Hold on. So listen, right? I just want to get this out. This is by the way, like four millers deep. This is what we're talking about. I know those are Michelob's. We're on a golf course. Can't do anything nice. Yeah. Did you expense those? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I'm saying like if the objective is to be attractive to women, right? And even the term high value man. I hate that shit so much. Same. But who determines the value? I think if you're talking about the dating market, the person who makes the value is
is the opposite person. You know what I mean? Like, you're only a high-value man if women see you as a high-value man. Not if men see you as a high-value man because that's not the market. You know, I'm not going to say their names, but now all these fucking, like, pro-men podcasters that sit there and just be like, you're high-value because you're strong. You're high-value because you are...
your ancestors killed saber-toothed tigers. Like, they have convinced people that are sitting in their fucking basement and playing video games for 20 hours a day, which I'm not saying anything bad about that. I love video games. But, like, they have convinced those people that, like,
They need to go out and grab respect by the fucking horns and rein it in without giving the respect to other people. No, but that's my point. Like I'm saying, the term high-value man, like who determines the value? It makes more sense to me to be like, well, you're a high-value man because –
a lot of women want you. Not because a lot of dudes want you. Like, if you're a straight guy... Unless you're gay, and that's cool. Well, yeah, no, that's not what I'm talking about, though. But, like, if you're a straight guy, if you're a high-value man, that means that women are determining the value because those are the people that are choosing. You know what I mean? Supply and demand, baby. I completely get it. So, like, you're saying you want to be a high-value man...
because other men think that you're high value or something like you're trying to prove a point to other men like that doesn't but that doesn't like you're you're isolating this is what this is I know that I'm not like confused I'm just like talking but you are confused and I'm not confused you're stupid what are you talking about I think so Joey right before we were recording was saying that he believes he is a high value man and that
people should be impressed when he walked into the room. Like when Joey said, he's like, when I walked to the room, people say like, oh my God, that's a guy that means more than anyone else in here. What are you talking about? I'm talking out of my ass. I know. Yeah. Now I was getting to a point. I know. And I appreciate your point, but I also think that this is a comedy show that we talk a lot about comedy. Sorry, catch up.
Go ahead. Let's try to catch up. You don't want to talk about that. What do you want to talk about? No, you can talk about it. I'm fucking around. Jesus Christ, Joey. I was in the middle of a thing. Good for you. You were in the middle of a thing. You made your point that these people are idiots. We crossed that bridge back at fucking Timbuktu. Okay, so go ahead. Sorry. How's your day going? It was going good. Can someone explain how these things always are bubbling? What is carbonation?
Carbonation is gas. CO2. Yeah, it's carbon dioxide. Is it CO2? I think so. I think so. Yeah. They pump into it. But there's always bubbles. You ever have a glass of champagne and there's one, it's like one bubble. It's getting like bigger. And it just goes one line straight up. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? How is that a thing? Where does it choose to go? Why are we asking Ant as if he knows? This is the guy that walked over with a vodka diet Coke. I'm not even sure. He crushed it too. Good for you. Yeah, I was debating getting another one.
You should. You should get another one. No, it's okay. You should butt chug another one. Okay. How many days a week do you think you drink? Oh, I can't answer that on here, can I? Yes, you can. Because your parents aren't listening. Probably like four. That's more than half of the days of the week. That's less than half. Two. Be honest, though. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four days a week. Yeah, four. Let me ask you another question. So I'll ask you two. Then I'll get to you because I know your answer is double. If you're going out. Mm-hmm.
Like, let's say we're... Set the scene. Set the scene for me. Because going out and, like... Okay. I'm not going to say... Let's say that, like, Becca and the kids are, like...
somewhere else. They went on a vacation somewhere and you're not there. Without me? Are things okay at home? I'm trying to set a scene where it's like you don't have responsibilities to go back to or anything like that. I can come out with me and I have no responsibilities. Oh, that's not what I'm saying. You'll see what I'm saying. If you don't have that whole thing and it's like, okay, me and you are going to go out. And get after it? I guess. How many drinks...
Do you think that you would usually have on a night out like that? Well, again, like, are we getting after it or are we just like casually just like a dinner? Okay, so it's like a dinner and then we'll go to a cocktail bar after. Maybe like three. Maybe three. I would say one at dinner, maybe two at dinner, and then one at the cocktail bar. But like if we're going for it and it's like...
What is going for? Like, I don't know, like the... 2011. It's not 2011. It's today. Okay. Yeah, I would say three. Three drinks. Yeah, I would say. How many would you say? I feel like my answer is kind of boring. I don't... I would just match whoever's drinking the most. Yeah, like you can't... Whoever's drinking the most out of the group. That's how I'll match. I'll find my buddy and we'll go after. Yeah. So if we go out... So dinner and cocktails, we're talking about, let's say dinner's at 730.
7.30. And then we go out for cocktails and we're done by like 11. Okay. So that's three and a half hours. Yeah. Like I drink an hour? I would say. That's not my answer. What's yours? More? My answer is as much as Joe drinks, essentially. I think like, again, like you have to match the atmosphere. If the people at the table are just like, yo, we're going to have a night, then it's like, all right. It's not about having a night because like if you drink a drink an hour-
There's never... Oh, it's going down. Oh, Frank, Frank, Frank! He wasn't looking at the cup. No, because... I don't know. I was just curious. How many would you... How many do you order? I think that when I go out with my friends, if we're going out... If I go out at like 7 o'clock, I'll usually have like 5. Okay. I'm not going to a place and ordering one. I'm not doing it. I think... I could do one. Well, yeah. I'm just saying, why am I here?
I just, I can't do alcohol the way I used to. I just can't. Like, this is, this is crazy. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how we used to do this and then be like, let's get another. I feel like back then you were like, I don't want to say worse and make it like that, but like you could drink a lot of beer. Dude, I, this is not an exaggeration. If we're going like college, I could have drank this and then another.
That's insane. Don't get me wrong. I would have been very drunk. Yeah. But, like, I would have been able to get through it. Bro, I don't think you realize, because, like, we also drank the way that we were drinking was different. Now we're, like, casual. You know what I mean? Like, we're poor one. We're like, ugh. Like, it was just, it was a lot more binge drinking, like, back then than it is now. Yeah. And it was also the way in which we were drinking. Bro, we would drink. Think about this. We would play fucking...
10 games of beer pong a night. That's a beer in those... Two beers in those cups. So one beer per person. And we would have a drink in our hand while we were doing it. Yeah. Like, you know. That's a lot of fucking alcohol. It's kind of crazy. It's a little. Yeah, it's a little crazy. When you think about it. Yeah, dude. I... Bro, we have pictures... If I go out and it's just dinner, it's a little date night. Okay. Two? Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, one or two. I don't see my friends that often. So, like, maybe, like...
I don't know, like every other weekend on average maybe, something like that. But there's like times where I don't see my friends for like a month or something like that. But if I'm going out, it's usually like five or six drinks. If it's that sort of thing. If the idea is to go out and enjoy – Day drinking? Day drinking, I can drink all day. Well, that's what I'm saying. If you're like, oh, we're going to this thing at noon, that's a mistake. My issue is burpee.
No, no, no. You're a burpy boy. Well, I am. Well, you're a, sorry, you're a. Yeah. Because I have that thing. I have a disease. People told me I have a disease. You do. It's called like something. RPD or. You have PDD? No, I don't have PDD. It's C3PO or R2D2. R2D2DD. But it's something where it's like you can't burp, so it doesn't. There you go. Oh, hiccups? Oh, no. No. Um.
Yeah, I don't know how to pronounce that. Retrograde crocopharyngeal. Everyone's got fucking college degrees over here. Degrees now. College dungarees. Degrees. RCPD. I got the C3PO. That's it. When I was talking about it on the show, someone messaged me and they're like, this is what it is. I have it too. And then I started getting fed a bunch of TikToks about it. Yeah, I don't care. So I'm just... One more beer is going to start swinging.
I'm not going to start swinging. I'm going to start crying. I'm an emotional drunk. Don't do that. No, you used to be Joey Muscles back in the day. You're referring to like 2013. Yep. That's why I said back in the day. Yeah. 12 years ago? Yes, absolutely. People change. No, I know that, obviously. But like back in the day, you used to be Joey Muscles. I've always been a very happy, fun drunk. That's something I hold in very high regard because we know people that when they drink, it's like this is the worst person to be around in the world.
Yeah. Do you think...
that will get to a point in life where it's like drinking is like cigarettes to us yeah absolutely right i think and honestly i think we're pretty close there was a study that came out a couple years ago that like the generation that's like turning 20 doesn't drink yeah they are drinking significantly less right and we we we when we did the penn state show we joked about that and they were like no we're drinking brother but like that's a college crowd yeah but i
I do think that alcohol is becoming less popular, you know, with the current generation. Yeah. I think eventually there'll just be a pill that you take beforehand and it, like, just gets rid of the effects anyway. Like, I think eventually everyone's going to be able to do whatever they want. I think people are not drinking because of hangovers. I think they're not drinking because it's, like, not good. Well, there is stuff now. No, I mean, like... He means, like, there'll be a pill that you can take. Like, in the future, yeah. That, like, you could feel drunk. It's called...
Drugs, brother. They have those. They have those. They absolutely have them already. It's called drugs, my guy. So that's what that is. But yeah, I mean, we got so close. Well, some of us got closer. Some of us. Are you closer than me? Yeah, a little. Oh, no. You know, I did picture this is how this would end. Frankie's trying. Someone's got to throw up. I'm below you. I beat you. You're in the middle? No. Just take from the spout.
Oh, wow. I spilled a little. Damn. All right, you win. You win. I can't do this. He has always said it. That's kind of crazy. Sorry, Mom. Has your mom said, like, don't be drunk on the internet? No. Oh. Well, because I'm... Sorry, Liz. My mom. Sorry. Nancy is her name, Frank. But, yeah, 500th episode. Next time we'll do this with vodka. No. Bye.
You would do something like that. It would. It would do it. That would be the piggy boys. Like, we're doing Vodka Towers. Like, bro, you guys are crazy. Yeah, you guys are sickos. You are sickos. Thank you. Just want to say 500 episodes of The Basement Yard. Very crazy. I can say as, you know, when I started the podcast, I thought of it as a thing that was very supplementary to what I was doing at the time and just being like,
You know, this is cool. I like to, I was the first time I heard myself on a microphone. It sounds really cool to hear your voice in headphones and I don't like it or whatever. I don't like it. I don't like hearing my, we abandoned the headphones, but I did. I was like, Oh, this, wow, this feels like very professional or whatever. And it was like cool to me. And, but it never felt like the thing. And now it's just brought so much, um, to my life. So I appreciate it. 500 episodes of the show. And, um,
It's really cool. I'm really proud of it. I'm glad that you're here doing the thing with me, too. Ant, also happy that you're here. We're doing it together. You thought I was going to say something negative? I thought you were going to say... No, no, no. I'm happy Ant's here, too. Oh. Yeah, we are. You've been great. Some people hate the addition of you. I'll say that. Oh, yeah. That's life. It's fine. That's life. That's life. That's what all them people say.
You're flying high in April, shot down in May. But I know I'm gonna play that tune when I'm back on top, back on top in June. And they say that's life. That's life. I can't deny it. That's something else.
Thank you guys so much for being around for 500 episodes. Hopefully you're around for 500 more at least. A couple more. A couple more at least. And tell your friends. Tell your friends. But not even going to do a regular sign-off, but we appreciate you guys. Thank you so much. Love it. What a ride. Having a great time. Love it. Thank you guys so much. Love it. Fibs and fubs it. See you next time. Beautiful.