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cover of episode #354 – What the dying can teach us about living well: lessons on life and reflections on mortality | BJ Miller, M.D. and Bridget Sumser, L.C.S.W.

#354 – What the dying can teach us about living well: lessons on life and reflections on mortality | BJ Miller, M.D. and Bridget Sumser, L.C.S.W.

2025/6/23
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The Peter Attia Drive

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Peter Attia:我认为可以从临终者身上学到很多关于生活的东西,特别是关于生活质量和可能存在的遗憾。我希望理解更多关于生活,以及人们在生命尽头会思考什么。 BJ Miller:我们应该重新审视生活质量与数量之间的虚假对立。死亡没有客观的方法,主观性很重要。临终关怀的准备工作在生命早期就开始了,不要期待在临终时刻出现顿悟。生与死是一个整体,它们不是对立的,我们从出生就开始走向死亡。 Bridget Sumser:我对死亡感到好奇和接受,这让我能够在这个领域工作。在亲人去世时,我能够保持冷静和专注。姑息治疗是一个大概念,临终关怀是姑息治疗的最后阶段。我们的工作是与患者会面,确定最重要的事情,并努力提高他们的生活质量。

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This chapter explores insights gained from working with people at the end of their lives. It discusses the physiological and emotional processes of dying, cultural barriers to conversations about death, and how acknowledging mortality can be empowering. The transformative role of honesty, forgiveness, and connection in the dying process is also highlighted.
  • Insights from decades of working with the dying reveal what truly matters.
  • Cultural aversion to discussing death leads to unnecessary suffering.
  • Acknowledging mortality earlier in life can be empowering.
  • Honesty, forgiveness, and connection are transformative in the dying process.

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BJ Miller, a hospice and palliative care physician, and Bridget Sumser, a licensed social worker specializing in serious illness and end-of-life care, join Peter to share insights from their decades of work supporting people at the end of life. In this episode, they explore the emotional and physiological processes of dying, the cultural barriers that prevent meaningful conversations about death, and how early engagement with mortality can lead to greater clarity and connection. The conversation highlights the distinctions between hospice and palliative care, the nature of suffering beyond physical pain, and the transformative role of honesty, forgiveness, and relational awareness in the dying process. Through stories and reflections, BJ and Bridget reveal what truly matters in the end—and how the dying can teach the living not only how to face death but how to live more fully.

We discuss:

  • The personal journeys of BJ and Bridget into end-of-life care, and the connection between living and dying [3:30];
  • What dying looks like: the physical, cognitive, and emotional realities at the end of life [13:15];
  • How historical perspectives on death contrast with modern experiences of dying [25:30];
  • The difference between palliative care and hospice care [30:45];
  • The systemic challenges surrounding hospice care: why patients often enter it too late to receive its full benefits [35:30];
  • How delayed hospice referrals and unspoken preferences often prevent patients from dying where and how they truly want [39:30];
  • The realities of home hospice: challenges, costs, and burdens placed of families [43:45];
  • How proactively engaging with the reality of death can avoid unnecessary suffering and promote a more peaceful ending [53:30];
  • How palliative care is misunderstood and underutilized—especially in cancer care [1:02:45];
  • Palliative care in the case of Alzheimer’s disease: emotional support, future planning, and family involvement [1:12:15];
  • The importance of having an advance directive: defining what matters most before it’s too late [1:23:00];
  • The differences between how young and old individuals experience dying from cancer [1:30:15];
  • The difference between pain and suffering, role of medicine in pain relief, and why emotional healing is essential at the end of life [1:35:45];
  • Dying well: the power of self-honesty and human connection at the end of life [1:47:00];
  • How psychedelics like psilocybin can unlock emotional breakthroughs and deepen connection for patients near the end of life [1:55:15];
  • Lessons from the dying on how to live well [1:57:30];
  • The physical process of active dying, and the emotional and practical considerations for loved ones [2:09:30]; and
  • More.

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