11: Deep Dive: Weddings...
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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I have another deep dive for you. This deep dive is from Alejandra's episode, Weddings, They're Not for Everyone. And just like weddings aren't for everyone, sometimes our opinions aren't. This episode might be a little polarizing, and we just we really kind of dive in and share our takes on these stories. So, let's get started.

Starting next week, we'll be back with regularly scheduled Reddit posts and kind of sticking to the stories a little bit more for you guys. I also just wanted to jump in and say that we started our own Patreon account and we're going to be dropping some exclusive episodes and content there as well. So you can find the link in this episode description and I hope you check it out. But let's dive in. Okay, up first.

What's that?

Sepsis is like a total body infection. Okay, I thought so. Yeah, you can get it very easily, but your immune system starts attacking itself. It was so sudden. She was doing okay and was getting ready for her wedding that was supposed to happen the same month she passed away. Wait, the daughter who passed away was getting ready for her own wedding? Yeah. It was that sudden? Yeah. Oh, okay. We still don't know what went wrong. We were devastated to say the least. Her fiance had a hard time adapting to the new normal.

I still have contact with him. We're very close. I took most of her belongings, including her wedding dress. We bought it together and she put a lot of her touches on it. Worked very hard on it. Although it hurt to look at, I make sure it's safe. She was a month away from her wedding before she passed away.

That's insane. A month. I wonder how that happens. Do you get sick first or does it just happen randomly? It can be both. It's very, it's very dependent. Like say you had appendicitis and your appendix burst, you can become septic from that. If you're in the hospital for a long period of time, you can become septic. It's,

It's kind of an umbrella term for, you know, a total body infection. Yeah. So Zoe is the stepdaughter. Zoe is younger than Lauren. She's 23. We're not very close and distance is one of the reasons why, but we're very respectful towards each other. The issue started when Zoe visited to talk about her wedding in April. We were talking about wedding dresses and she suddenly brought up Lauren's wedding dress. Hmm.

I asked her what about it and she said she saw it several times and it got stuck on her mind. Asked if she could see it and I let her. She then said she'd like to wear it at her wedding. The audacity. So? Like, we obviously need more context because it's so easy to boil these stories down to like a few lines where it's like, maybe it was more fluid. Like, maybe they had some drinks and she was like, you know...

Would you be okay if I wore it? She's not going to use it. You know, would you feel like in her honor? Like, there's always more context. Like, it could have been done really gracefully, but it's just like, ooh, and you boil this down to the bare bones. Was there any tact or was it out of pocket? Was it just like, can I wear it? Yeah. I had a hard time believing that someone would, but you never know. Well, I know. And she says they're very respectful towards each other, but at the same time, like,

You just don't know. Cause you can frame that as like, I'd like to honor your daughter by wearing her wedding dress. And I think that is an okay ask. It's a little hard because there's a lot of sensitivity, but I don't think it's the worst ask. Like if you, the truth is on the person. Yeah. That what you have to kind of read the room, like take her temperature or she should have had her dad take her temperature first. Yeah. Just be like, gosh, that wedding dress obviously means so much to you. Like,

How would you feel about like Zoe wearing it in her honor? Like totally feel free to say no. It's just, I don't know if that would make you happy. Let me ask you before she does. Right. To not make it an awkward situation. Right. I told her I wasn't sure that was a good idea. She told me it's fine. She'll have to change a few things in it so it can fit her size and style. But this is why I had a hard time accepting it. Oh, she wanted to change it. Then you don't even want to wear it because you think it's fucking beautiful. No. You're just being, you're just.

cheaping out and you're exactly you're saving money exactly i told her i was sorry but i can't let her have it she offered me money but it's sentimental value is what matters to me she argued saying i was making things complicated and it was all right since she too is my daughter you've been yeah related technically for five months that's nothing no nothing what's

she asked if i don't love her as much i told her my love for her is different but she threw a fit calling me unfair and unreasonable to still say no this girl's nuts yeah throwing a fit you're 23 you're getting married you're offering that person money why don't you just go buy the dress yeah she offered her money but it's sentimental value is what matters to me is what op said oh go buy the

damn dress they make why does she want the dress then i'm really questioning now her motive especially if she wants to change it yeah she wants to change the style to have the size altered and she has to pay for it then why do you want the dress go buy the exact same dress that doesn't have these unique touches and you can get it in your sides even so weird that's really really weird okay her dad got involved in the argument saying he doesn't see why i'm against it

I have a big problem with that. As a partner, when you agree to marry someone and you form this partnership, you should have your partners back. And that's against your children, mother-in-laws, father-in-laws, whatever it is. Like your partner is now your person and you should go to bat for them unless they're truly wrong. See, I don't know about that because like I think about my stepmom who's an angel, but I also think about like my dad and like I would be pissed if my dad was siding with my stepmom on something. Yeah.

Unless I'm very clearly wrong. But like, I don't know. I feel like my dad is my dad and he's been my dad before this woman was even a little thought in his head. And I'll be his daughter at the end of the day. I will give you that. Yeah. But he doesn't necessarily have to get involved. Yeah. That's kind of what I'm saying. My dad would probably side with my stepmom on this one. He'd be like, Ollie, like, you don't need the dress. I'll get you another dress. Like he would, you know, he would dad it up and he would just be like, you don't, come on, you're better than that. You don't need the dress. Yeah.

So it's tough on this one, but it sounds like he was like, no, my daughter needs the dress. Yeah. See, my dad would not do that. He'd be like, he wouldn't be like hand over the dress. I don't think, I think the difference is I don't think your dad would truly pick sides. Yeah. I think he would just be like, what can I do to appease both people? Make both

People feel like they're being respected and at the end of the day, happy with the outcome. Well, it's actually funny. This is actually hitting a very kind of different, but there's an heirloom in my family. So my grandma passed away. I was very close to her from ovarian cancer in like 2003. So I was really young. She had like a lot of things she left behind, including like a mink coat at Christmas a few years ago. So my dad's remarried to my stepmom, Karen. Her mom is Carol. So that's like my step grandma. Yeah.

And at Christmas a few years ago, all of a sudden she opens, Carol opens a present from my dad and Karen and it's this mink coat. And I don't even know what it is though. At the time I'm like, oh, and then she just looks at my dad. She goes, is this what I think it is? And my dad's like, she's like, I can't take this. And my dad, she's like, this is Joan's mink coat. Like your mom's mink coat. And then my face just changes because I'm like, why is a family heirloom that's supposed to be passed on to me? Yeah. Going to someone that's not in the family. She's family, but she's not family.

Karen is family. Your stepmom is family. Yes, but even if it went... Like, she's not blood. Like, my grandma never even met these people. And I think at the point, too, where it's like you and your grandma were one really close, I think that's the biggest, you know, the biggest point. Well, I was really young, so I don't even know if you could, like... She just... She was so fond of me. And here's the thing. If I didn't exist, go ahead. The family heirloom has to go somewhere. Yeah. But when there's a lineage behind... Under you and there's a daughter... I should stay in your family. Like, my grandma knew me and loved me. Yeah. So she'd want me to have those things. Yeah.

I'm sure she would love your wife today and her mother too, but she never met them. There's no relationship there. There's no significant value. And once you take a family heirloom out of the family, that's dangerous because that person can technically give it to someone else. Oh, you don't know. You have no control over where it goes. Right. I would stipulate it now. I'd be like, I would talk to your stepmom. My mom said I should do that. I would 100%. I would. Well, no. So here's the catch. So she opens it. All of a sudden, I'm processing what it is. My dad looks at me because he realizes, oh shit, I didn't even talk about all 100% before. It's about to hit the fan.

And so then I'm like processing like, wait, what? You really just skipped over me like that? What the fuck? And he literally to save it, he goes, well, you know, we know all Hunter lives in California. She can't wear a mink coat like that. She'll get paint thrown on her. Bitch, it gets cold here. No, PETA. The fur. So he was like...

She can't take it, but he goes, but she knows that one day, you know, you'll hand it over to her rightfully to kind of, he said it publicly in front of everybody on Christmas. So I think he kind of said it to be like, to stipulate, to make it very clear. Like we're giving you this coat. Yes. But you have to pass it back to Alejandro. Yeah. Yeah.

So it was fair. This was a few years ago. And my mom was like, you need to have a conversation with your dad. I would. Because you know what pissed me off about that? Like, I wish my dad had had a conversation with me beforehand. It was kind of like I was on the spot. At least offer it to you. Well, no, not even offer it to me. He could have just pulled me aside because it's his mom at the end of the day. He could have pulled me aside and said, hey, his daughter. I know. But he could have said, hey, Carol's going to open a box for me. It's going to be your grandma's main coat. I want you to have a heads up. That coat is coming back to you. It's just a gesture right now.

obviously she's not going to live forever. You're like, we don't know. We don't know. But like, and who knows? She could all live me. We never know. But like he could have made it clear, Hey, you're, you're going to get that coat. So it's not such like, cause it was like jarring, triggering. Right. So that's kind of like my point here. There's ways to do it that are a little bit more graceful. Yeah, definitely. But,

I have the conversation now. Yeah. I'm a big, big, big fan of like things getting passed down and heirlooms like jewelry and things like that. And me and my grandma talk about it now. And she's like, do you want this? Do you want this? I'm like, yeah, I do. I would love that. I'm having my grandma right now make me a recipe book of all of her favorite recipes. So I have that stipulate that stuff now because when people die,

families fucking battle as like disgusting as it is. Yeah. People go to war over things they feel entitled to and you don't know if like, does Karen have siblings or stepmom? Well, so that's the thing is there's no really, there's not really granddaughters for her to pass it on to. Yeah. Karen never had any children and,

And then there's no one that could go in. I'm not nervous about it going to the wrong person. It's more so just have the conversation. Yeah. Might as well just have the conversation and I'm not here to be spoiled. That's fine. You know, I don't care. It was more so like not having the conversation to get on the same page, you know? Yeah. And that's what the husband could have done here. This is, you know, your daughter that just passed away. He could have had this conversation with, you know, his wife who is the one writing this. Like,

I know this is your daughter's dress. Yeah. She just passed away. You know, is there any chance you'd let her wear it? Yeah, it's all about communication. Because like if my... Similarly, if my dad had a conversation with me before... It would have been a better... It would have been a different scenario. I would have been less caught off guard. There would have been, you know, better messaging about it. Same thing here. Like he should have had a conversation with her, take her temperature before the girl approached her. So what ends up happening? Yeah.

I declined to discuss it anymore, but they kept bringing it up and asking if my daughter would have wanted someone else to have the opportunity to wear this dress. That's so unfair. Since she unfortunately couldn't. That's unfair. That is emotional manipulation and abuse. That's unfair because like in my head when we were talking about my grandma's coat, I'm like, I guess we don't know who my grandma would have wanted to have it because she's passed away now. So we can't imply anything either. Grandma, did you want Alejandra to have it or did you want my new wife that you never met to have it? Yeah. We don't know. Maybe she would have said, I'll give it to your wife. We don't know. Make her feel more

more of the family. Yeah, yeah. Like include her. Right. Like you don't know. Yeah. But to use this in a way where it's emotionally manipulative. What would your dead daughter want? You're twisting the knife. This woman just lost her daughter a month before that daughter was supposed to get married. And now your new daughter is getting married, which is already a trigger because it's... Yeah, being at that wedding is going to be very difficult in itself. Yeah. And then to be at that wedding and then watch this girl... Wear the dress. ...wear your daughter's dress...

Especially if it was like there was a little arm twisting in order to get the dress. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't even feel good at that point. If you don't want to give me the dress, I don't even want the dress. No, why would you force that? How would you feel good? Being like, I had to twist your arm to get your... It's bad juju at that point. Daughter's wedding dress, which I'm also going to put my own spin on. Like, no, I'm sorry. If you're going to wear that dress, leave as is. That should be an original dress.

tailor it to your size but she made very specific adjustments to this dress and that dress is going to see you at the wedding as is. Exactly. You know what I mean? Exactly. Don't try to make it your own then. That's messed up. Go get your own dress. Exactly. Go buy the dress you want. If this is a

really about honoring her, like this is genuinely like, I really want to honor your daughter. Then you wouldn't want to change it. You wouldn't want to change it. You'd go get your own wedding dress and you'd approach her and be like, I want to honor Lauren in some way. How would you feel about me taking a piece of fabric from her dress and using it as like,

I don't know, like sewing it on somehow. Or even just using her veil. Using her veil. Using something that's not so significant. To be like, I want to incorporate her into my day because she didn't get her day and I want you to feel like, you know. I don't want this to be a miserable event for you because of your loss. Yeah. Instead of like, let me just take her dress. No, this is purely about her. Yeah. She's being a little bitch.

This made me so mad. I lashed out at both of them and kept saying no. Others said I had no right to act like that, leaving the dress in the closet when my stepdaughter can make good memories with it. But she said she's planning on changing its look. Yeah.

No. Yeah, no.

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Top comment, 100% not the asshole, but everyone else in this story sure is. The fact that both your stepdaughter and your husband are continually guilting you after you had firmly said no is just disrespectful. It's preying on your grief. I'm disgusted that any person who claims to love you would presume to tell you what your recently deceased daughter would want. Also, a girl can avoid having to look for another wedding dress.

Yeah. And the audacity to tell you that you are making things complicated. I'm infuriated for you. I am too because- Touche. Comment. Yes. Hit the nail on the head. Perfect because- Perfect. It's true. You're not inconveniencing anybody. If Lauren had never been alive, that girl would still have to go get her wedding dress. If Lauren had never passed away, she would probably still have to go get her own wedding dress. Either way, at the end of the day, I think it's also-

I can't understand why she would want to wear this because in my mind, I'm like, this was her dress. She was planning on wearing it. Fucking disaster struck and she didn't walk down the aisle. Yeah. I wouldn't even want to wear that dress. No, I wouldn't feel right wearing it. I wouldn't feel right. It would make me sad. It would make me sad. Honestly, like I feel even nauseous about the thought. I know. Yeah. Why would you want something that's so tainted? Her whole day was ruined, canceled, didn't happen because she passed away. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't like this. No. So OP responds to that comment and goes, you're right about what you said. My husband said he thinks that Zoe is trying to get close to me and bond with and claims I'm not opening up to her, but the dress shouldn't be involved in my relationship with Zoe. Yep. I don't know why he refuses to see how unreasonable they are being. I'm exhausted and can't take any more guilt tripping. She needs to just put her foot down firmly and say, this is non-negotiable. Yeah. I've, the dress has been relocated. I've,

completely handed it off to a secure place because I don't even want the dress. I would honestly, I would give the dress to a close family member or friend or I would put it away in like a safe. I would get the dress out of sight. So they don't steal it. I've put the dress away for safekeeping for the foreseeable future. One of the other top comments is

He's going to steal that dress and give it to his daughter. That would be like a whole nother level. That's first of all theft. And I'm willing to bet that the dress is over a thousand dollars, which actually becomes a felony grade theft. Oh yeah. And like, that's insane. Yeah. That's, that's a whole nother. Yeah. They also say, Oh P you should store the dress somewhere else until at least the wedding is over. Yeah. No, I think not even like,

I wasn't even saying that so much out of fear that they'll steal it, although they could. We don't know these people. They might be off the record. If they're willing to emotionally manipulate and guilt trip this woman after a significant loss like that, who knows what bounds they're willing to go to. I would put it away, but I would also just say like,

It's gone. This is no longer out of my hands. It's not an option. It's not even an option. I took it out of the equation because I couldn't handle the, you guys are making me relive such a traumatic grief, which is shame on you, but I'm going to look out for myself. So I have completely taken the dress out of the equation. Zoe, we can bond by dress shopping together. I'm more than happy to go dress shopping with you, even though it's a sense, it's still painful. It's less, it's more painful to,

Have you wear my daughter's dress? Yeah. Because Zoe said it's about bonding, but what better bonding activity with your mother and whatever she is, stepmom, than to go wedding dress shopping with her? Exactly. When I go wedding dress shopping, I just thought about that. I never thought about that till this minute. Who would I bring? I guess I'd bring my mom. I'd probably bring my stepmom because I'd want her to feel... Included. My stepmom never had kids. So she never had got to go with a daughter and never will unless it's me, right? Because I'm the only girl. So...

I would try to... That's a bonding activity. That's special. Me just inviting my stepmom to come dress shopping with me would put her in tears. It's such a nice gesture. It's such a gesture. And then, you know, there's like my boyfriend's mom and my boyfriend's sister. It's like, geez, do you bring like a whole squad? You do. Who do you bring? Yeah, you do. I never...

I never thought about that until right now. It is literally like, I mean, I watched that show, like Say Yes to the Dress and they go to Kleinfeld. Who do they take? They bring everyone. They bring mostly it's mom and future mother-in-law. Oh, you do bring your future mother. I didn't even think. So I'd have. That's kind of a standard. Okay. So I'd have my mother.

I'd bring my stepmom just because I want to make her a part of that experience. It would mean so much to her. It would. And then obviously my future mother-in-law, if I marry Brett, his sister, I feel like I'd bring his sister. Yeah. I'd bring my sister. Yeah.

Right. Cause I'm not going to bring his sister. I'll bring my sister. Now I've got, I want to bring my cousin Meredith because she's like my sister. And she'll be a bride. Yeah. And then I want to bring my friends. I want to bring you. I want to bring my friends. We're going to tell me like, cause my mom just, well, actually my mom's a savage.

I know your mom might be like, your mom might make you cry. I've got a tough crowd. Now that I think about it. You need some cheerleaders. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, I need friends there too. So geez, do you roll in with like 12 people? Yeah. Do you really? Some people do. That's standard? Which has been, yeah. It's very, very common to go wedding dress shopping with like a group of people. And then if you have a grandma, do you bring your grandma? Some people do. Oh my God. That's too many grandmas. I know. Some people do. I think like I plan. My mom. Yeah. Who'd you bring? My mom.

mom, Justin's mom at this point in time. Um, and then like maid of honor, a couple of bridesmaids. Oh, I forgot about that. I'd probably bring my grandma. You would. Yeah. And then I think that's it. Yeah.

I want to make a day of it. Like I want to, I don't want to get too champagne drunk because then it's like I could have booze glasses and pick an ugly ass dress. For sure. But yeah. I wouldn't let you. You gotta do it right. You gotta have fun and like, yeah, have people there. Dang, I didn't even think of it. That's like a spectacle. Do you bring all your bridesmaids?

Some people do. It depends on where they live. I feel like if I didn't bring all of them, people would be offended. They'd be like, you know what her dress looks like? And I know, you know, I know you can at least invite them or you say like, I'm going to go pick out the dress with family and then you all can come to the try on. Oh wait, what's the difference? So you'd have to get fitted multiple times sometimes.

Before you ever pick a dress? No. So you pick your dress and then you get fitted. Oh, so you could go pick the dress with your family and then go back for the fitting for the reveal with your friends. Yeah. But some people don't even show their bridesmaids their dress until the day. Really? There's a lot of pictures I keep seeing of like

wedding parties and they do a reaction. Yeah. And so they reveal the dress to all their friends. You know me. I hate secrets. I can't do anything about sending like all my best friends a picture of me like which one? Like my purse. I'm so indecisive. There's no way I'm going to be able to go in there and pick a dress. And I'm sorry. I love my mom. I love my stepmom. I love Brett's mom. I love all of them. But I'm going to need a friend opinion. Yeah. I can't. You need a lot. Yeah. You need a lot of opinions. And like you want to pick the right one. It's your big day. So it's like you want all

of those people supporting you, but that's the tough part too is,

you're gonna have a lot of opinions in the room so true that dress makes you look fat look at your arms and that mother will shred me in every single day i am gonna be such an asshole like if you have nothing nice to say about the dress don't say anything just say you're not a fan okay not a fan and we'll move on but i don't i won't do all that though i'm self-conscious about my arms oh my god fuck off out of here if you're gonna critique me but like if my mom were to be like that's just not the one i'd

I'm not going to be like, okay, sounds good. I'm going to be like, why? I need reasons. You want specific feedback. Yeah. I don't know. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it. I know. It's a lot. This other comment kind of struck me as odd too. They go, the wedding is in April and it's already March. How does this woman not have a dress yet? Wow. They're definitely planning to steal it. Oh my gosh. I didn't think about the logistics. Yeah. This was a recent post. This was 18 days ago. Oh,

Oh my gosh, wait, so they're getting married like this April? Yeah, upcoming April. How do you not have a dress? It takes so much time to get a wedding dress altered. Yeah, why is that?

a lot of fabric. Yeah. Especially if you're doing a bustle. What's a bustle? A bustle is if you have a long dress and like a long train, you, um, they basically put like a little rope on the end and bustle it up. So when you're dancing, you can like pin it up essentially. And it looks like it's ruched in the back. Wow. Yeah. So if you're doing a good quality bustle of that takes a lot of time. God, I have anxiety. There's so much that goes with it. Um,

It's insane. But yeah, OP, the only comment she had was the one saying the daughter trying to get close to her and this is her way of doing it. I just feel like

There's other ways. Zoe's being very inconsiderate. And like I said, if her true intention is, wow, you're not going to get closer to your stepmom by wearing her late daughter's dress. No. You're just going to trigger her. And if anything, she might resent you. Because what if you don't wear it well? What if you spill on it? What if something happens? That's going to taint your relationship. It's going to create more drama. Why not create new memories with her, distract her, and say, hey, I'd love for you to come dress up with me. Yeah. I think that's the best way to do it. I think this girl seems a little...

and like emotionally manipulative. Like, oh, you don't love me the same? That's so messed up. Come on, you know that. That's not fair to ask because you know the answer. I'm sorry. Anyone who says, no, I love you all the same,

They're full of shit. There's a different love when they come out of your badge. Oh, you went through that labor of love pushing them out of you. Yeah. It's different. And like 26 year relationship with a daughter you birthed versus you just met this girl. Well, yeah, they've been married for five months, but you've known her for like two and a half years. Okay. Yeah. Not the same. I've had water bottles in my room for longer than two and a half years. Okay. Whoa. Come on.

Kind of messy room. No, but that's, I think that says everything we need to know. The fact that she would ask that shows where her head space is. She's just emotionally trying to manipulate the whole situation. Yeah, I agree.

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Am I the asshole for not letting my matron of honor hold her baby during my wedding ceremony? First of all, I hate that you called it a matron of honor. Is that the original? That's the original. And then it got...

maid shifted to maid of honor now that i'm thinking about it i kind of hate maid of honor too because like maid you're a maid you're my maid your servant yeah the help peasant yeah like am i the help on your wedding date but okay anyway what would you even change it to though my best bitch i don't know my main bitch that's better than maid yeah my even like lady lady of honor lady of honor that sounds so british like that yeah it sounds like uh bridgerton or whatever it

I haven't even seen the show, but I know. So good. Coming from a self-proclaimed probably future bridezilla, I'm going to go with no, you're not an asshole. No. You're fucking up the aesthetic. Your baby. Your wedding pictures would be. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the people that love babies. First of all, Morgan and I, let's just let's just it needs to be known that we're not anti babies, but we're not pro babies.

I'm not the biggest fan of kids in settings where it's not kid friendly. Yes. Let's leave the kids at home. Yeah. Or you know what? Hey, have daddy hold the baby or guess what? If the dad's not in the picture, guess what? My dad will hold your baby. Yeah. I don't care who's holding the goddamn baby, but it's not you. So I'm

someone at the back by the door someone to hold your baby for the day exactly and someone at the back door someone so in case it cries not an earshot yeah like zip out of there babies are turbulent they are unpredictable little predictable and that baby maybe your baby's amazing but on your wedding day let's say that's the day that your baby decides to just choose chaos terrorist yes to be a terrorist and he starts throwing up oh my god can you imagine he throws up and gets on your wedding dress

I would just be irate. Or he starts having a fit because it's a weird setting and they're not used to it. Well, and you're a baby. Imagine him sitting up there. Also, why does she want to hold it? I don't know. Hold your fucking pretty flowers and have fun. Does she have context? Like, oh, it signifies something? Let's get into it. I'm just really passionate about it.

I know. And this is a hot take in itself. It is a hot take. Some people are like, Oh, kids at weddings. It's a fun experience for them. And I get like, you have the flower girl and the ring bearer. And those are those traditional roles that you, you know, you have. And I'm all for that. But then after, you know, once that, you know, you walk down the aisle and the kids do their job, it's like,

Have a nanny or a babysitter or even like a family member that's older and doesn't want to stay super late. Like take those kids before things get wild. Because like a lot of people have open bars now and things like that. And it's just like... I didn't even think about that. It's a lot to then like your friends that are supposed to be there supporting you and having a good day. Then they have to worry about their kids. So I'm big on like... I really... You know, you see all these...

These hot takes of like, here's what I want at my wedding. Child-free wedding. Leave your kids at home. And a lot of people are in arms about that. They're like, I can't come to your wedding unless I can bring my kids. It's this fine line of like, what's the vibe you want? And like, do you set hours? Like all kids need to leave, you know, an hour after because we're fucking going to rage. See, here's the thing is I don't trust people to self-monitor. Yes. So what I think what my solution is so far-fetched. I'm just going to...

Try to be super well off.

So that when my wedding rolls around. You can have a daycare center. I already thought about the daycare center. When you were talking, so many ideas were going in and out of my head. Daycare center crossed my mind, but I figured some people just aren't going to feel right about that. What I would try to do is I would, the people who really need it, I'm not even going to volunteer it. If they come to me and they ask about the kids, I'm going to say, I will hire a babysitter who I know and trust to watch your kids for the night. That's so generous. That's what I would do. To me, that's a night that you're going to remember forever. You want to have all your friends there. Yeah, exactly. And a hundred people.

120 bucks a night to hire a few babysitters. Well, it's like I was a nanny and I had to watch three kids at one time. And then sometimes, you know, their little friends would get dropped off and I was watching eight kids at once. Yeah. And I was only 20 bucks an hour. So it's like, yeah,

200 bucks for a nanny to take everyone's kids. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. I would totally, totally go that route. Put it into the wedding budget. I would do the daycare center, but I feel like people... Then they're there. It's kind of like out of sight, out of mind. Yeah. And people feel more comfortable when someone's at their home and these people would have like background checks. Like it would be like not just anybody. I would like hire very trustworthy people.

Because I'm like, no excuses. Like you've got a nanny, you go home when you're ready. I'm ready now. But you know what happened with the issue with this plan is I've just already realized that I can't do a destination wedding then. It has to be a wedding in town. You just bring the nanny with. But I have, I'm probably gonna have multiple nannies. By the time I get married, multiple of my friends will have had a baby.

So that means I'm going to have a nanny for each family. No, you just have like one nanny and like, where does she take the babies? She gets a one that she's just gets one of the sweets. Where? In at the resort. Where are you going to get married? What if I get married at your barn? Then what? Then she stays at the hotel. What hotel? Wherever the guests are staying. Oh, there's logistics. People aren't going to sleep in fucking tents. I

I know, I know, I know. So this gal. Okay. I, 21 female, am getting married at the end of July 2021. My sister, 29 female, is my maid of honor. And she's currently... Your sister too? Fuck you. She's like, no, mom is holding the baby. What? I know. And like a lot of times, like some people are really, really close with their siblings. Yeah. And then some people aren't and they feel that like... Yeah. Like we have a friend who's not as close with one sister...

you know, compared to the other. And it's almost like she's talked about, you know, when I get married, I can't exclude any of my sisters. It's more of a formality. Right. It's not like she'd pick her to be a maid of honor, but it's like, right. You don't want to step on her toes or her feelings. So it's a formality. Yeah. And I mean the age gap here too, it's an eight year age gap. So yeah, maybe that's the vibe, but yeah.

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Visit Safeway.com for more details. My sister is my maid of honor and she's currently pregnant with her fourth child. Her due date is a few weeks before my wedding and I could not be more excited to meet my new nephew. However, she's been making some comments that are a bit worrying to me.

She has repeatedly told me that she is going to hold her new baby as she walks down the aisle, regardless of my thoughts, despite the fact that her husband will be at the wedding and able to hold the baby. She plans to hold her baby during the ceremony and even feed him if she needs to. Oh, no. This lady's going to whip out her tit? Nope. You know where I stand on all these things. I'm pro. I am pro. Like, free the nipple. Yeah.

I don't think women should be shamed for breastfeeding anywhere. No, definitely not. But this is like your wedding day and you're going to have anywhere from 50, some people go big, go home, like fucking 400 people at their wedding. You want 400 people to just be trying to focus on you saying your vows and your sister's there with her boobo. Oh, she was going to try to feed it during the trip. Yeah, that's what she said. Oh no. Yeah.

Come on. Can't babies wait? Like, I don't know what the period is of time. I mean, you can pump and have a bottle ready. Like, but at the end of the day, like this is the sister, like egging this on. Like, I'm going to walk down the aisle with my baby. I'm going to hold my baby. And if I'm up there and I need to feed my baby while I'm at it, I'm going to, I would be like, Hey, how,

can you even get your boob out in a bridesmaid's dress they're not like they're not giving friendly like that yeah i would honestly be like i wish you wouldn't but if you must then like maybe don't be my maid of honor i love you so much that's where i would be your mother duties seem very important it trumps and it trumps the maid of honor and i understand i would make it like a i totally understand you can't be my maid of honor like make it very just yes

Don't worry about it. Yeah. You need to be a mother. You have four kiddos. Yeah. Have so much fun with your kiddos. It's okay. Why don't you like just set this one out? Yeah. I don't know. Like call me selfish, but that's my wedding day. And yeah. You want it to be the most remarkable day possible. Especially like we talked about. Yeah. Weddings are expensive. So it's like, why spend all this money and not make the most and be the happiest with it? And it's distracting. Let's just be honest. If someone's up there holding a newborn baby,

Everyone's going to be looking at it. Maybe it's like doing something funny. Maybe it's like he's crying. That's so offensive to me. It's almost like stealing the spotlight. Because everyone... Most people do like babies. People are like, oh my God, a baby. So...

That's kind of roots me. It's the oogly googly. Yeah. Like you're standing up there kind of stealing the show. Well, and her due date is only a few weeks before the wedding. Right. So it's like. The baby's going to be very young. Very young. And like. It's not good for him or her. Well, no. And babies at that age, it's, they're on just their cycle of eat, sleep, poop, repeat. Mm-hmm.

It's just a time in their life where a lot of stimuli can be very aggravating. And it's a lot to put a newborn through. Yeah. Especially just even thinking about germs. And they're like... Again, July 2021. We're still in a pandemic here right now. Yeah. It's a few months away. Yeah, true. So it's like that little one's immune system is...

Yeah. It's just not smart. Yeah. It's not smart. I don't know. She's not the asshole. No. I told her she should feel welcome to have her new little baby with her during the day while we are getting ready. But when it comes to walking down the aisle, I would not like her to be holding the baby. Yep. The baby could cry, poop, need to eat, et cetera, et cetera. Literally. She has insisted that she will be holding her baby during the wedding. Otherwise, she will not be in the wedding. Fine. Go off. Bye.

Have at it. To each their own. You feed your baby in the crowd, lady. Yes. No problem. See you there. Oh, my God. Like, okay. I sound heartless. Like, of course, you want your sister to be in your wedding, but her motherhood comes first. So, like... Yeah, it does. That's not even, you know, being disrespectful. No, and it's a very important role, and it's like you have a newborn baby, and that baby is...

you're that baby's lifeline. So yeah, you do need to take care of your child first and foremost. But at the end of the day, then you don't need to be standing next to your sister on her wedding day. I agree. Set this one out. In addition to the baby holding dilemma, she has jokingly told me that she will call me a bad aunt in her wedding speech, or she will get her other kids to object in the middle of my wedding. That's so rude. I think she is trying to be funny, but all of these comments are frustrating and hurting my feelings.

The sister seems very off her rocker. Yeah. I get she's, you know, a lot of hormones during pregnancy. Maybe, you know, not the clearest of, you know, head, but. Not the soundest of minds. No. Don't object on someone's wedding day. Yeah. For what? Isn't that like, I heard that that's actually an old tradition. Okay. This is going to be so bad if it's not true. I've heard. No, I just might ring a bell. Have you heard about where that started from?

If like there was another man in lieu, like if, Oh, what? So if she was already married, I think that we can look this up. It's like the objection actually came from, um, I think it's something that used to be back in the Southern, Southern part of the U S Oh God. To make sure they weren't related. Yeah.

I look it up. I would believe that. It's like an objection to the marriage if they're related or if, yeah, if one of them had been previously married and is still married. That's what I've heard. I've heard like, I'm sure there's an abundance of reasons. I don't know. But I've heard that it's because of the fact that if the, if the one of the partners had a secret spouse, it gave the spouse a chance to come up and be like,

No, sorry. That bitch is already married. Oh, kind of like the wedding I told you about in New York? Oh, where... Yeah, you should mention that story. Yeah. So this... My boyfriend, he has a friend and...

He was getting married to this girl, his longtime girlfriend, and they had this elaborate, beautiful wedding. I won't say where because I don't want to be too identifying, but like a very high profile place, a very nice venue. The man himself is high profile. The man himself is somewhat high profile, a lot of money involved. So let's just say it's a very, was a very expensive wedding. Do people have to pay?

to sign NDAs to go? I don't know. I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. But it was like a very like bougie event. Bougie and like so much money. Like we just talked about how expensive weddings are. Like this one was probably very, very, very expensive. Six figures. Yeah. Easily. Probably seven.

Yeah. I would lean towards this up and fake your range. Oh, my God. Yeah. So anyway, they got married. But on the wedding day, literally the wedding day, right before this bride is about to walk down the aisle, the mistress, who was really a mistress, like she wasn't calling. Yeah. Yeah.

She decides she's going to expose this relationship that she had with the groom and she releases... She creates an Instagram account simply to release like...

screenshots. I would die. Pictures of them on vacation together. Like he wasn't just like texting this girl. Like he was taking her on vacation. It was a whole nother relationship. It was a whole nother relationship. Yeah. And she exposed it on Instagram. She had the hashtag. Yeah. It was like trending on Twitter. So she used, she figured out their wedding hashtag was, used the wedding hashtag, tagged the venue. Oh.

The wedding venue. Yeah, geotagged the wedding venue. She may have gone as far as to tag them in it. She did the most and it was like hours before they were going to say I do.

And everybody, I mean, so my boyfriend went, I ended up not going to the wedding at the last minute, but he said like right before, like people are checking. Cause you know, in this day and age, everyone's on social media. Everyone's on social media. And they started seeing these things right before she's going down. You feel one, like terrible for the bride for that to happen on her day. Yeah. And two, it's like,

You could have done that a lot sooner if you were doing it for the reason that you wanted her to know. But at that point, you know she's doing it to be so malicious and get this attention and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, well, it's like, I don't know if that was her Hail Mary. I think she had tried to get him to open up about it. But she was kind of like, fine, I'll do it. It kind of goes back to our last episode, like throwing a grenade at a relationship. And it was just...

She, I mean, to wrap it up, she's... That's a nuclear bomb. That's a nuclear bomb. That's a nuke. And that's just so sad to me. Like, you're in your beautiful gown that you probably paid so much money for. And this was a huge wedding. Hundreds of people were here. Oh, my God. So you've been publicly...

Like that – I heard from people who were at the wedding that it kind of threw the vibe off a little bit. Because how does it not, right? Well, and it's like it's the elephant in the room then. It's the elephant in the room. No one's going to mention it. You're fucking not going to approach the bride or ask her about it. No. But at the end of the day – But you know. And then from her perspective, you know everyone there knows. And like this wasn't a – like I've had a situation in my relationship where someone tried to throw a grenade at my relationship with unsubstantiated like claims, right? Like, oh, da-da-da, but there was nothing to back it, right? Yeah.

This wasn't her just throwing shit and seeing what sticks. She was putting out pictures of her, clearly the mistress and the groom, clearly his face. Like there's no denying it. The way he posed in these pictures was like, are you not like, which one's your fiance? They're all like a sports game and they're like smiling. And I'm like, is he not thinking like this could be leaked in my face? Yeah. She even got like either his name or his initials tattooed. Oh my God. And the screenshot she posts like isn't even just his name. It's his phone number.

Yeah, it was really messy to say the least. So anyway, that... How did I get on this subject? I don't remember, but it was a good story. Yeah, no, that's a wedding story, right? So, I mean... So whack. Whack. So whack. And wild. So... Oh, objecting. Objecting. That's right. This is the modern day. Objecting. Literally. You create a fake Instagram on the day of the wedding and release all the receipts, which is so coward. Like you said, just go there. Or like...

before the wedding even starts yeah if you truly feel so inclined to stop this wedding or to communicate to one of the people getting married that you shouldn't do this for whatever reason you have feelings you know someone's cheating which if you know someone's cheating before the wedding yeah you better fucking tell them like you should feel obligated to i think she did i actually think she did try to reach out to her and she didn't return her calls

And I will speak on a personal note here that I actually talked to the girl, the mistress, personally. So plot twist. What? Plot twist. So that same girl was used in my relationship. So when I had my stalker situation...

I literally just got the chills. I know. What? Yeah. So when I had my stalker situation, that's why I made that comment of like unsubstantiated claims. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I mean, I know you had this stalker that was basically like trying to break you and your boyfriend up and just coming at you with all of this false information. Yeah. So she had created multiple, multiple fake Instagram accounts to like comment and message me. Oh my God. And so one, this was probably one of the more recent instances. I posted a picture of me and my boyfriend and she creates a fake Instagram account, comments

comments on my photo and being like, she uses that example. She goes, what's going to happen when the same wedding day drama unfolds and she finds out about the other girlfriend and tags that girl who was the mistress. Oh my God. And I'm like,

I see what you're doing here. It's not going to work, lady. So I messaged her just for shits and giggles because I knew exactly what was being done. And I'm like... Well, also it's like, I'm sure that girl has been dragged through the mud as it is. Oh, she has, yeah. So... And she, you know, she subjected herself to that, which you kind of... You opened that can of worms and that's on you. But at the end of the day, you don't need any more...

Right. Right. Unnecessary duress. So I messaged her just, you know, I messaged her actually to prove a point because as you know, I've been like building a case against this person in case I ever have to like try again for a restraining order. I mean, so I've been got to have your, your evidence ready. Yeah. So to anyone listening, it's actually really hard to use social media as like evidence to get a restraining order against someone. Unless you can confirm IP addresses. And you can't get an IP address because in order to get an IP address from Instagram, you have to get into Facebook and the government typically won't like approve.

proof of subpoena. You have to do like some hacking. You have to hack it illegally and most hackers aren't going to do that because who wants to hack into Facebook? So it's really difficult is what I'm trying to say to use social media evidence to like as proof that somebody is a threat in your life which is a shame. It's a modern day shame. It's also very surprising. It is. I honestly think that social media forensics needs to like step up their game in terms of protecting people because people use social media as a means to

harass, bully, stalk people. And I know that you're doing it yourself. It's easy to be a troll when you're behind a screen. Right, right. So with this instance, this person created many fake Instagrams and this was one of them. And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to message this girl just because I want to prove something. Also just to like dish it back. Like, yeah, it's just...

I know we, like we've talked about. I didn't message the fake Instagram. I messaged the mistress. No, I know. But did you ever send a screenshot back being like, you're full of shit? No, because she deletes the Instagrams right away. So, so,

So she commented on my photo, what she said, and then Lauren came in hot and replied to her comment saying like, you're a stupid bitch. And so the girl replied, oops, didn't mean to comment this, meant to DM it and then deletes her account. So I couldn't even message her even if I wanted to. But I messaged the girl. A true psycho. A true psycho. I messaged the message girl. I was like, hey, super random. And I sent her a screenshot of the profile and I said, do you know this person? Because-

She just commented on my picture of me and my boyfriend, tagged you as another girl that he's talking to, even though you live in Vegas and my boyfriend hasn't been to Vegas in years. But anyway, and she was like, I have no idea who that is. She's like, girls do crazy shit on... She was super nice. She was like, girls do crazy shit on this app. I'm sorry that you're dealing with that, but no. And I sent her my boyfriend too because I've never even met that guy. I have no idea who this is. Our stalker episode is going to be so fun with this lady. I'll save these stories for that. She's absolutely nuts. But yeah, I mean...

If you feel the need to object and it's a valid reason, shoot your shot. Just do it a little bit more classy. Try to do it before. Try to do it before. For sure. There's a lot of money being invested in these days. Do it before. And the fact that this is... Back to the story. The fact that this is the sister making jokes about objecting and...

Ruining her day? Yeah. Sisters out of the wedding in my book. Agreed. Top comment, not the asshole. You should probably remove her from the wedding party. If not, the whole wedding because it sounds like she plans to make your day about her in one way or another. Yes. Literally, that's all I'm hearing. Before I got here, I won't go off on another tangent. I was on the phone with my mom and she was talking about she has three sisters and one of the sisters is acting very much like this person. And it's like those people, you have to put them in your place. You do. Yeah.

I think especially when they're pushing boundaries. Like at the end of the day, this is your day. You're in control. You get to choose who does what. If she's not fitting into the role that you designated her. Yes, yes. Bye. Bye. It doesn't benefit you. It is your wedding. Not your family's wedding. No. It's your fucking day. Yeah. Kick the sister out. Kick her to the curb. Justin hates talking about weddings. He gets anxiety. Really? Why?

It's going to be an interesting day. We'll put it that way. Yeah. I mean, there's always family dynamics. We both come from very dynamic families at this point. And we both now, like his parents aren't together. My parents are not together. So yeah, there's a lot there. I don't know how much I want to expose my dad.

But I... I exposed my family on this podcast in a lot of ways. I know. I know. And it's like my biological dad, I have like my biological dad and then my adoptive dad, Jerry, that I live with and kind of helped raise me with my mom. And my biological dad, one time I like took him out for his birthday and he sat me down and I was dating a guy for like three years at the time, was getting super serious. And he looks at me and he goes...

So if you and so-and-so get married, who's going to walk you down the aisle? I didn't know that happened. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I'd like you and Jerry to both walk me down the aisle. Like that would mean a lot to me. It's really important to me to have you both there. And he looks at me and he goes, no.

If you want to have Jerry walk you down the aisle, I won't be joining. Don't even invite me to the fucking wedding. Wow. So our wedding is going to be really fun. Yeah. On that note, your wedding might be a little stressful. So these stories make me feel great. Yeah. No, I mean, I don't know. I think people say that, but in the heat of the moment, like when the wedding comes around and that's... They'll be fine. Yeah, I think so. I mean, God, I haven't put a lot of thought into this. I literally...

yeah during this podcast i've had revelations of like oh wow this is what i want this is what you have to do so i don't i haven't even thought that far but i know i still have to get engaged yeah me too that's a little that's a little ways off we yeah we live in la it's like the most unaffordable city and it's just like people don't get married here early yeah later in life yeah later in life that's a delicate i know i miss the midwest for that reason yeah being able to afford a home earlier yeah i guess on that in that note but like

We got some good weddings coming up. Do who? Noelle. Yeah. If I'm invited. Yeah. I shouldn't speak out of turn here. I'm like, who's getting married? Cause I have one wedding this summer for sure. My friend Kate. Oh yeah. You have Kate. Yeah. This summer, next summer, next year, next year. COVID has kind of bopped things up. Yeah. Same with this wedding. Um, yeah, I don't know if you want to invite me to your wedding. Hey, I could use the practice. I will happily. If any listeners want a fun person, um,

Two fun people to come to their wedding. You'll be each other's dates. We will bring it. Yeah, I'm down. Alejandra can dance. I can dance. I got some rhythm. I cannot dance. Yeah, you can. But...

I'm a talker. You're a fun time. I'm a nervous talker. Or if you need, if your date, if your wedding people need plus ones, I mean, we have boyfriends, but girl plus ones. Yeah. I mean, my, they won't care if we're just going for fun. This is research. This is research and development. This is so that we can scope what does and doesn't work at weddings. I'll put it on the company card. Yeah, put it on.

Expensive. Recon for Reddit stories. No, I love weddings. I crush weddings. Yeah. But invite us. And I hope you guys enjoyed this episode of Two Hot Takes. Woo! And that's all we got for this wedding edition. Yeah. There's more though. This is definitely going to be a recurring theme. Weddings are definitely kind of a polar... Weddings bring it. Yeah, they do. They bring it. Marriages generally, but just weddings. They are like a big...

like what's the word conundrum like there's such a production and they're drama provoking they're very that's the word they're drama inducing like they just bring out the worst or the best of people and yeah see you gotta like you gotta make you gotta nourish your friendships now because i think about who i want next to me on my wedding day and i'm like i want the right people next to me oh god yeah you can't just you don't want to be photoshopping people out of your wedding pictures yeah and you also don't want like to distance yourself from really good friends because you're selfish and you're

just not thinking about them and then five years now from now you get engaged and you have a wedding and you call them up and they're like estranged at this point and you're like hey I want you to be at my wedding or I want you to be at my wedding and they're kind of like I know you and I aren't even close like that anymore distance makes things really hard yeah maintaining friendships but you just use them as like a wedding like what do you call them like a

Like a pretty... Do you just want to fill up your wedding with pretty bridesmaids and you don't even keep in touch with these friends? You know what I mean? Yeah. You lose touch with girls that would have been like such great girls to have at your side on your wedding day. I completely agree. I think like, especially since we moved to LA and like a lot of our friends are still in the Midwest. Yeah. One of your best friends, one of my best friends. It's hard maintaining relationships with people. Like my best friend Jordan lives in Chicago and it's just...

When you're so far away, you can only text someone and say, hey, what's new? How's it going? So many times. It's hard. It's hard to maintain those relationships. And then all of a sudden they get married or you get married and it's like,

What do you do? Like you want to be there. You want to be there for their day. Yeah. But you also haven't been as close. So I don't know. It's tough. It's hard. It's really tough. Weddings are political to say the least. Oh my God. Political, polarizing. Yeah. Drama filled. I know. I might not even have a wedding. After this episode, I already didn't put much thought into that, but now I'm like, you're just going to love it. And then at the top, the cherry on the top of all this is that you're like paying for this.

You pay for your own anxiety. Big check that you're writing for like a lot. People say it's the best year of their lives, but I just know myself...

And I have a feeling it's not going to be the best day of my life. I'm going to be stressed out. Yeah, I can't imagine. I'm going to cry too much. I'm going to cry. I'm going to be furious. Someone's going to do something stupid. Like, oh, I'm already getting anxiety. I just know it. You see it now. Yeah, I don't think it's going to... I'm sounding such a pessimist, but I know myself. You're a realist. I know myself and I'm realistic enough to know that I'll probably be more stressed than happy. So maybe it's best I just don't do it. I know. I'm just like, I got to put my mom... I just got to like...

I don't even think my mom will blow it, honestly. No, my mom was just like, she's going to cry and then I'm going to cry and get stressed out. It's like, I just need like my mom to have a babysitter for that day and just like put certain people on opposite ends. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot you got to think about. That's true. A lot. That's true.

Well, that's all I have for you guys on this episode of Two Hot Takes. I hope you enjoyed the deep dive and I can't wait to share what we have for you next week. Lauren and I have an amazing episode coming up. And don't forget to check out our Patreon account. We cannot wait to drop more deep dive episodes there for you and really start building our community and just getting to know each other more. So until next time, bye.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors,

Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details.