141: An Ale Assortment..
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Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from all free and clear detergent for a healthy routine. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event-long savings. Enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online for

For easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details. You guys.

Merch is here, but it's only live for our friends on Patreon until next Thursday. So if you want merch now before certain sizes are gone, head over to our Patreon for the link. You can even get access as a free member, but if you do join, even the lowest tier, you do get a 15% off discount code. So be sure to head over there. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to this episode of Two Hot Takes.

Do you feel like really distinguished in our robes? A distinguished? Lass? Lady? Lady. Miss? Mistress. No. Mistress. Thank you, Skims, for the robes. We're going to be so cozy for this episode. Oh.

But uh, hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan. And I'm Alejandra. And we did forget to record this at the beginning. You just like put on your radio voice for that. Hi and welcome to Two Hot Takes. I know. Yeah, it happens. It happens sometimes. But um, we just recorded. It's gonna be a good one. I think it's gonna be a great one. It's fire. Fire, fire, flame. We're matching. We're matching.

We've got Mr. Jingles to my left here. He's been pounding a cider. He's hammered. He's been giving some crazy takes. Oh, my God. Jingle really piped up. Jingle piped the hell up. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. You got your little buddy next to you. I know. What's his name? I don't know. He's definitely like... He's a little gnome. I don't know. Like...

I don't know. It's got to start with a G. Really? Yeah. Okay. I was going to say Joffrey, but that's terrible because of Game of Thrones. I was going to say Randolph. Randolph. I like Randall. Randall. Randall I like. Okay. Not a G, but. He's probably one of my favorite Costco purchases in the past 30 days. That you're going to say ever? No. Oh, in the past two business days. Yeah. I mean, I get really good stuff from Costco. I know. You love Costco. I'm going to Costco tomorrow.

Okay, this is like the last free promo I'll give Costco. But we just had to get new appliances for like the house we got and are renovating. And I went everywhere. I looked on Best Buy. I went KitchenAid Direct. I saw your TikTok. I made a TikTok about this. I saw your TikTok. I was like, everyone needs to know. Uh-huh. For the girls. It was like for a fridge, dishwasher, stove. I was blown away. Like washer and dryer, $5,000. Wasn't it like $3,000?

It was five for the same appliances. So if I priced it out on like Best Buy, KitchenAid, because KitchenAid didn't have the dishwasher or the washer dryer. If I priced all those items out, Costco was three grand, like KitchenAid was five and Best Buy was like seven. It was, I was like, how, how do they do it? How does Costco do it? I don't know. So if you need appliances right now, their holiday sale is magical. Oh, so it's a holiday sale. Nice, nice, nice. Okay. Are they doing any alcohol sales that you saw of? Sometimes. Sometimes.

Find out tomorrow. You will. I'm throwing a boozy brunch for the girls this weekend and I'm loading us up on champagne. It's going to be good.

Okay, so today's theme, as you guys can tell from the title, it is an Ale assortment. So these are all stories that either Alejandra might directly relate to or I just think that she would have a good take on. So if it's really weird, it's not like she has personal experience. It's just because she'll do good giving her take.

And I posted for the people and I was like, what do you want to see Alejandra respond to? And they made some really good points. And they said, when Alejandra first started, you would give her some unhinged shit. I remember. And they were like, you've been a little too easy on her.

Maybe. Multiple people were like, I want to see you get fucking unhinged on her again. Yeah. So we have some wild ones that I think are going to be really, really fun for you. Good. I want that. It's funny because in thinking about what stories to try to find, I was keeping that in mind as well. And I had that same realization where

my reactions have become more tame over the years. And they used to be more unhinged. But I couldn't tell if it was because the stories have become more tame or if I myself have become more tame. So this will be kind of a test because...

I don't know. Okay. Yeah. We're going to find out today because I got some wacky ones. Good. I want that. Well, and the reason we are doing this special little Ale theme today is because you're not going to be seeing her as much on the show. Yes. For the initial time being. Yes. Yes. Yes. Change is afoot. And change is afoot.

Both in a lot of ways in my life. And as Morgan said, I'm going to be moving around and spending more time with my family and just will not be on here as much for the near future. You're not as accessible. You're just bopping. Yeah. Just a lot of personal, professional changes, things happening in my life, some planned, some unplanned, some wait and see. So...

Just a little bit of up in the airness. Yeah. And it's like a season of change for me. For sure. And people are gonna be like, oh my God, is she pregnant? No, she's not pregnant. Not pregnant. I can confirm that. We're still friends. Oh my God. Morgan is so scared that like people, it's so crazy. I can't believe you said that. She literally was like, I need people to know that we're still friends. And I'm like, you know, people are gonna be like, Alejandra hasn't been on in like four months. No, I've done that before. But then like, no, no, no, no.

know. Yeah, all is well. It's actually like it's really exciting. We have so many like trips on the calendar already together that like there's no way people are going to be like, are they still friends? Like popping bottles of champagne in Malibu this weekend. Are they still friends? No, we just you guys got to know. You got to know. The Arthur fist. You got to know guys. She's Arthur fisting so hard. Okay, well, are you ready? Yeah. Let's dive in. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Okay, are you ready to feel attacked? Actually, yeah. Okay, cool. Okay, so this one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Backing Down on My Daughter's Teachers Calling Her the Proper Name? Ooh, that's a good one. Just wait. My Daughter, Alexandra, 14 female, hates any shortened version of her name.

This has gone on since she was about 10. The family respects it and she's pretty good about advocating for herself. Should someone call her Lexi, Alex, etc. I'm like already crying. Wait, you're crying? I just like, I'm really excited. She also hates when people get her name wrong and just wants to be called Alexandra. Sorry.

That's nuts. What's your name again for those watching? Wait, technically Alejandra. Someone was like, she doesn't even say her own name right. I was like,

Don't make me pop off on why I have to say it like that. Because stupid people here can't say it right. My mom that I defended me in the comments recently. Did you see that? No. My mom popped off. My mother. You guys, my mother found you trolls on YouTube and was like explaining why I say my name the way I say it. Because it's

She's like, her American grandmother couldn't say it, so we had to come up with, like, an English version of her name. Oh, my God. I can't believe you're crying. I'm, like, crying. This is so funny. I worked really hard to find this one. This is so good. This is so good. Alexandra corrected her, and the teacher respected it. She had the same teacher all three years of middle school, so it wasn't an issue.

Now she's in high school and is still taking Spanish. Once again, the new teacher announced if a student had a Spanish version of their name, she'd call them that. So she called Alexandra Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her, but the teacher ignored it. My daughter came home upset after the second week.

I'm not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt like I had to in this case. If it matters, this teacher is not Hispanic herself, so this isn't a pronunciation issue. Her argument is, if these kids ever went to a Spanish-speaking country, they'd be called by that name. I found this excuse a little weak as the middle school Spanish teacher actually was Hispanic, who had come here from a Spanish-speaking country, and she respected Alexandra's wishes.

The teacher tried to dig her heels in, but I said if it wasn't that big of a deal in her eyes that she calls her Alejandra, why is it such a big deal to just call her Alexandra? Eventually, she gave in. Alexandra confirmed that her teacher is calling her by her proper name.

No. Quickest, easiest no I've ever done on this show. Because I'm so attacked right now. But I'll put myself aside. Like, objectively speaking, your name is your identity, and you should go by what you want to be called. That is the power of your name. Mm-hmm.

And it's so important. Like, think about it. Your name is everything. Your name is what you hear probably more than anything else day to day. It's people have a sentimental attachment to their name. It's meaningful to them. It's important to them. So if Alexandra wants to go by Alexandra, Alejandra and Alexandra, yes, they are like similar in different countries. Like those names are similar versions of each other.

But they're still not the same name. And that's why, like, I similarly wouldn't go by Alexandra. That's a different name to me. And I think the mom did. I would do the exact same thing as a mother. I think the mom was defending her daughter in a way that's super important. That's going to resonate with her.

later in life because people are going to butcher her name or people are going to try to shorten it her whole life. When you have a long syllable name like that, people really want to shorten it. Always. I mean, you went through this in like kindergarten, right? I think I was in, no, I was in fourth grade. I was in, yeah, one of the early grades in my life. And I...

I must have been I was younger. Let's just say that. And I was in computer lab and you have to type in your name to log in. And I was like too young to spell my own name, apparently. Like I just kept getting it wrong. And so I kept raising my hand for help from the teacher. And the teacher was like, we need to shorten your name. Like it's just too long. And so she's like, let's go by Allie. And I was like, no. Well, no. As a kid, I was like, OK, yeah, amazing. And also like I blend in more with the kids.

So I went by Allie for a while, like a long time. And that's just what I was known as. And it felt cool. And my parents never once in my life have called me Allie. They never once went for that. And then I love that they did it. Never. Not one time. And because my mom, I mean, she's Latina, came from Peru. She's like, your name is beautiful. First of all, I had to like

fight for that name. Like everyone wanted it for their daughter and I had the first girl. So like it's so important that you got that name. And then my dad is actually the one who wanted to name me Alejandra despite being a Spanish or an English speaker who's white. And they both were just like, no, your name is like so beautiful. We would never call you Allie. That's not the same name. Oh my God. I love that. Yeah. So anyway, back to this. Yeah.

I say all that because I remember so deeply, like that's such a core memory for me. Like truly, I'd say that's my villain origin story. And so I'm like so serious. And like that was so impactful for me. And if I had had somebody stand up for me and say, no, her name is Alejandra and we're not going to change it for sake of your convenience. That is something that I would have appreciated. And the fact that she has a mom who's willing to do that.

I think totally inbounds. I think totally appropriate. The Spanish speaking teacher is full of shit. Yeah, it's weird. I feel like a lot of Spanish teachers do that, but...

for my Spanish classes, it was like pick a fun name. So like mine was Chapara, like short girl. And so it was like pick a name that like helps you learn kind of a new phrase or like something like that. It's fun. It's not your name or it's not another version of your name. And you didn't have to do it if you didn't want to. It was supposed to be fun. It is supposed to be fun. I didn't take Spanish because obviously I knew it. But I've met so many people that have been like, oh my God,

Oh my God, I had your name in Spanish class. Because you got to pick any name you wanted. Yeah, any one. As long as it was a Spanish name. So you could be like Alejandra. You could be like Marisol. You could be so many different names. And I think that's fine. If a Spanish teacher says, you know what? Everybody has to have a Spanish name, but it doesn't have to be a rendition of your name. Fine. But...

To say, oh, your name is Alexandra and we need you to go by the Spanish version because if you were to travel to another country, not true. No, they'd call you Alexandra. And let's flip that for a second, right? What if we told every immigrant coming to the U.S., like, sorry, Roberto, you're going to go by Robert because that's the English version. In America, we speak English. So you're going to go by Robert. Right.

No, we don't do that. That's not appropriate. We don't like to do that. No one wants that. So why would we flip that? It's not fair to do it either way. No. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. She could have, but she shouldn't have to. Good for you for having your daughter's back. Too bad your husband didn't.

Agreed. Yeah. No comments from OP. No updates. But I think it's important. Like if you want to go by that. Yeah, it's a different story. But you shouldn't have to like be forced to like change your name or anything like that. No. I someone asked me the other day.

They're like, if you could change your name, would you? And I was like, ooh. Honestly, I tried envisioning myself as other names. Like my mom almost named me Danielle or something. That was in the running for me too. And I just, I'm not a Danielle. Like no shade to Danielle's out there. I have one of my best friends from growing up in high school was Danielle. But I'm just not a Danielle. Like I honestly feel like such a Morgan. But do you feel like that's because you've only known yourself as Morgan? Maybe. But at the same time,

I have like the second first name. So my first name actually is Morgan Ashley. And I'm not an Ashley at all. But I'm a Morgan or a Morgan Ashley. Like it has to be. Yeah, I agree. It's so weird. I don't know. Is there anyone you know, whether it's a girlfriend or you've met someone where you didn't feel like their name fit them? No. No.

Maybe. Maybe, actually. There's a couple of people I have. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I'm like, yeah, it is an interesting choice. There's a couple of people I've met like that, too. But I feel like I've hated my name growing up because it's so long and people can't say it. But recently, I've really embraced it. And I don't know if it's like gaining popularity, but people are struggling with it less. Yeah, that I've noticed. And I

I thought the other day, like, would I change it? And honestly, I don't think I would. No, I love your name. Thank you. It's a good one. Yeah, I don't know if I would. Okay. Moving along. Moving along. This next one, it's titled, Am I the Asshole? Wealthy Friend Made Me Split the Bill. Damn.

I, 36 female, have been friends with a guy, 48 male. We'll call him Rob, for years. He's a very wealthy and successful guy, does very well for himself, and has no kids, never been married before, etc. He is a serial dater, and his goal is to date the hottest girls he can.

He spends sometimes thousands on them every week in buying them gifts, dinners, and straight up giving them cash. Damn, is he single? Where's Dan? Rob. Rob. Sorry.

It's his thing and one of the ways he likes to spend his money. Whatever floats his boat, his life, his money, I don't judge. And if he's happy, then I'm happy for him. However, recently he went through an awful breakup that sent him spiraling. And I was there every day and night to talk to him on the phone, offer him advice, read his sometimes over 100 messages a day, and otherwise console him.

We're talking hours every day that I was spending on him, and it went on for weeks.

Quite honestly, it was exhausting after a while, and there was definitely a lot of trauma dumping going on. I'm a single mom who works full-time, and I don't always have a lot of free time or mental energy, but I did my best to support him. He recently invited me out to dinner, saying that he, quote, owes me for all the support I've given him. So we went out to a really nice restaurant and had a nice dinner. Until the end. The check arrived, and he stated, quote, all right, we're splitting this thing.

I was shocked as he wanted this dinner and invited me. When I questioned him and also informed him that I had to pay $100 to a babysitter to be able to go out with him, he insisted that he's not paying for me, that we are just friends. I'm able to support myself and my kids, obviously, but going out is a treat because of how costly everything gets. $100 is a lot for me.

I sent him my half and left shortly after. Somewhat upset as I felt blindsided by this and also felt that he should have treated, given the fact that he invited me and also because he makes exponentially more than me and knows my struggles sometimes as a single mom. Am I the asshole for being upset with him? Would love some insight before I confront him. I think we both know the answer to this. No, I don't think so. No, no. Can you imagine if I was like, yeah, you're an asshole?

I it's just weird. Like he used the words I owe you. Yes. Like when you say I owe you, you're kind of implying it's going to be your treat. Correct. I think there's a lot of a lot wrong with this picture. One, you're to your point, the language I owe you. What do you owe me? Like dig a little deeper than what when you said you owed me. What did you mean by that? You owed me a dinner. So I got your presents.

Is that like a treat? Like, I know that your presence is valuable, but like you don't say that. Like, I don't say, oh, I owe you, Morgan, and then I'm going to go hang out with you. It's like, oh, I'm going to treat you. I'm going to bring you a coffee or I'm going to bring you lunch or we're going to I'm going to take you out to dinner and bills on me. I think that and then to like this is enough for me to like reevaluate the friendship. Oh, I think it'd be done. Yeah. I just think after everything that this

OP has endured and been such a stable, loyal friend to put up with hundreds of text messages. This guy has no problem shelling out money on women that he isn't nearly as close to. I have a guy friend that I'm super close to and I would spend money. I mean, I was with you the other day about to buy him like an expensive wallet. Like,

I will shell money on him over any guy I'm seeing any day because he's been there for me for so much. He's been such a good friend to me. I have no problem with that. Like the fact that this guy doesn't see the friendship and the value and like how hard it is for her to have to hire a sitter. She's a working mother. Doesn't make nearly as much as him. And for him to say, let's split the bill. It's honestly really offensive. Yeah.

I think so too. And it's like he's not even realizing that she gets your friends. Do you think any person that was interested in you or trying to have ulterior motives would sit there and be your friend and let you vent for three weeks? I mean, yeah. I mean, yes. Some women would. Oh, I would not. For me, that would be such a turnoff. And it's like,

You're bitching about paying for her half of the dinner. What if she was, like, charging you what your time would have been worth for a therapy session, dude? Right. Because she's been your...

like therapist and you're sounding board for weeks you've been trauma dumping and like doing that and all this stuff and i'm and i don't want to say like oh well if you do that to your friends your friends automatically owe you agreed but he did say let's go to dinner i owe you that's the problem that we have with this is the whole i mean here's the thing i think oftentimes we forget that like when you're being a good friend to somebody that's just being a friend there's a quote that i love

If you do something kind for someone and expect something kind in return, that's business, not friendship. It's something I probably butchered it, but it's something where it's like, if I do something nice for you, it's not like, well, now you need to bring it back. Or if I'm just simply a good friend lending you an ear, giving you my take, playing therapist for you, that doesn't mean now you owe me. That's just me being, showing up and being a good friend to you. And you're going to, it's going to come back in some way when I need you one day.

So like I want to make that really clear. But the fact that this guy didn't see like her kind of putting in overtime during this tumultuous breakup and not think like I should do something nice for her, whether that's take her out to dinner, send her some flowers, hire a sitter and get her a spa day, something that's really problematic to me. And again, I'm not saying he owes her, quote unquote, but she went above and beyond and

And the least he could have done when he asked her to dinner is cover the bill. Yeah, it seems like it's a very one-sided friendship. And even if he would have said, oh, you know, I think if you want someone to pay for their meal, I feel like you should...

kind of like almost preface it in a way where it's like, hey, do you want to go out to eat here? Like, you know, it's like you have to consider her budget. Like you have to have your head so far up your ass to like think that the single mom who's paying for a babysitter can then go to like

A mastro's yeah, like you know how they have the dollar signs on like the food places Yeah, it's something where it's like you can afford that you blow money all the time But if you're taking someone else out who maybe it doesn't have the same means as you Yeah, you should really consider that spot and where you're going and don't shock someone don't pick Mastro's or some crazy steak place and then drop the bill on them at the end totally well said like that's shitty read the room

Read the room. So overall vote, not the asshole. The top comment, not the asshole. This guy isn't your friend. He's a user. The invitation to dinner and the IOU would make anyone assume that he was paying for the meal. Block this guy and move on. He is using you as a therapist instead of treating you as a friend. You have enough on your plate without this self-centered guy wasting your time dumping his breakup woes on you.

You will breathe a sigh of relief that you don't have to answer to his messages anymore. And don't fall for any of his apologies. He doesn't care about you. He will just be upset he lost his free therapist. Yep. That part. Did you see the video of the girl on TikTok? She was like, watch me get a guy to buy me a Chanel bag. And she like walked up to a guy on the street and she was like, hi, how are you? And he was like, I'm good. How are you? And she's like, I'm really sad.

And he was like, why are you sad? And she just like made up this story. And she was like, do you want to buy me a Chanel bag? And he goes, sure. I literally, I'm like, I'm still questioning if it's real or not. Yeah, what? I need. But they literally, she gets a Chanel bag. I'm like, the cheapest Chanel bag is like eight grand. Where was she when she did that? I don't know, but she had an accent. So. Okay, scammer. I want to be like her. You know what though? It's like people get mad at these things, but it's like,

She's playing the game. Exactly. Get mad at him. He's making you guys look bad. You don't hate the player. Hate the game. Like play the man. Like go get your man in line. Like the guys everywhere are like rioting right now. You women are using. No, you don't have to get your game up, buddy. Like why'd you fall for that? Like that's the thing. And I think you you said it really well where it's like

Like, you would rather invest in your friends than a guy you're dating. Every day of the week. And I feel the same way. Like, I would rather get my friends a nice gift, like, than invest money into, like, a temporary thing. Like, it's not a guarantee until you're married. Like, you could break up, and clearly he does. Like, he's 48, never been married. Like, that sounds like a Rob. It's like a you problem, Rob. I think friendships are...

one of the most valuable thing we have in life. Like truly, I really, and that's a whole other side tangent. I won't go down, but like friendships are so important.

Keeping friendships is so important. If you fumble a good friendship, that is one of the worst things you can do. I would argue worse than a breakup. Oh, yeah. Worse than a breakup. Way worse. It hurts way more. Way more. When you find a friend who is willing to be there for you through thick and thin, offers you support, a shoulder to cry on, plays therapist. Every friend plays therapist from time to time. It's just part of the gig. Yes.

And like I have a guy friend who does that for me. I would if he needs something, I would do it. I would I do treat him. I would treat him. And it's not about gender roles. It's just like I appreciate you. And like I will show you that more than some guy who I've gone on a couple of dates with. Yeah. Who hasn't even like proven that they deserve a spot in my life. You said it best.

Next. Next. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from all free and clear detergent for a healthy routine. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event-long savings. Enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online for

For easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay, so speaking of friends, this next one is seven days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Writing the Bride a Check When I've Spent Over $2,000 on Her Wedding as a Bridesmaid. All of these stories are literally things I have contemplated in my head.

I know. They really are my thing. I was like, I'm going to attack Alejandra. Wait, have I ever? Oh, wait. No, you weren't at my house either. No, this is just me having. So weird. This is something I would ask. But no, to be clear, I'm not like, I don't know the details here, but like there are instances where if you travel for like a birthday and you shell out thousands of dollars and you're like, is it weird if I don't bring a birthday gift? I literally contemplated this with Lauren's Cabo birthday. Me too. I didn't get her anything. Me either. Me neither.

But I think she's fine with that. She's totally fine. It's unsaid. But it's like we traveled. We spent a lot of money. If you want to get us something. I actually did get her a small gift. I was just going to say. I got her like a little necklace off Amazon. I got her a little something that I actually forgot to give her. So Lauren, if you're listening to this, I got something for you. It's November. Her birthday was June. I know. But it's okay. All right. She gave me a blank birthday card. She doesn't know that actually. Oh my gosh.

I need to go roast her later. You know how we were all obviously drunk in Cabo? She bought me like a card in Cabo because you know how our birthdays are really close? Yeah. So we were there for Lauren's birthday and she was like, I really remember how she wanted me to feel celebrated, which is really sweet. But she got me like a card and then gave it to me. But she was drunk when she gave it to me and she forgot to write in it. So it's blank. And I just didn't have the heart to tell her. Oh my God.

you should the next birthday she has you should give that card back to her and use and write in it say less sisterhood of the traveling card perfect lauren if you're listening to this this is kind of cute actually doing like a journal for your friend's birthdays and passing it around instead of cards that's really cute that's adorable that's really cute okay there's just a notebook yeah i like that

The birthday book. And you just pass it from each friend. I make it like a burn book. I just start trolling you guys. You dirty bitch. The past year, you've been hell. You trifling asshole. You've ruined my life. This last year's been hell. Okay. So this one. Am I the asshole for not writing the bride a check when I've spent over 2K on her wedding as a bridesmaid?

I'm in a wedding this weekend for a college roommate, and after the bachelorette, dress, shower, hair and makeup, gifts from her registry, and little shit she's requested is all said and done, I'll have spent over 2K on this wedding. Shit's not cheap.

What?!

And the wedding is not close, so I have to travel to get there and pay for pet care while I'm gone.

My mom and the other bridesmaids are telling me it's still expected of me to write the bride a check for at least $150 to cover the cost of my plate at the wedding. I find that absolutely insane. How much effing money is this girl going to squeeze from me? Is this a celebration of a union or a cash grab? My other friends say, don't you dare write her a check. So now I'm just totally unsure of what to do.

So am I the asshole if I don't write her a check? I'm one of the only girls who is single, so my money is always tight, especially in this economy. And I sort of don't care if it makes me look bad. I think it makes them look greedy if they think that. Please help give me your opinions. Thanks. I guess to answer the question, I don't think it makes you an asshole, but I think there's, it's not a simple answer. Like I think it's how you go about it.

It's how you communicate this to me. I don't know if you have thoughts on that. I guess like I would still get a card. Yeah. And just like just something like thank you so much for including me in your day. I'm so excited for you guys. Yeah. But then it's like if she opens an empty card and there's nothing in it. I...

personally, when I was in my friend Kate's wedding and I did spend a lot of money. I live in LA. I traveled to Chicago. Flights were $600 round trip. Hotel was like 1200. I mean, I spent a lot of money on that wedding and I did still give her $200. But

I had the means to do so. And it was like me and Justin. Yeah. So I felt like that was like a little better because like we were kind of like splitting costs. Yeah. But she's in a different situation because she's single and it's all on her. And so that's a lot of money. So I don't know. It's hard because it's not something I would expect out of my friends, but I don't know how to necessarily go about it to where maybe it doesn't create resentment or whatever. But

Then I'm like in my head, I'm like, if your friend resents you for not doing another 150 after all of that effort, energy and money, then that's probably not someone you even want to be friends with. Yeah. I mean, I think all of these topics are relative, like budgets, what you deem valuable, what you can afford, how you view it's all there's no really hard, hard and fast playbook on this. But like to touch on what you just said,

I think there's one of the statements that I had a problem with was she said, like, I don't even care if I look bad. You should care. This is your friend. This is one of your probably close friends, I would assume, if you're in their wedding. And you don't care how you look. That's a problem to me. Either you don't really value the friendship or you're willing to lose it or willing to risk it. And that's a little bit of like, whoa, so maybe do you not want this friendship to survive? Like, is this kind of the end for you? But I guess...

If you really feel like your budget has been strained and you are just hemorrhaging money for this wedding, if it were me, this is just my personal take, and it's a good friend, I would honestly be super candid and I'd be like, hey, Morgan, I love you. Your wedding was amazing and I'm so honored and happy to be able to celebrate with you. But I'm going to be really honest. This is really hard on my wallet. I'm not complaining. I would spend every single dollar I could to make this day special again.

But I just don't have the means to give you a gift on top of the money I've spent, like travel and all of the things, you know. So I'm just going to give you like a little something sentimental to remember the day or something. You get like a card and maybe like a little like trinket. Right. Yeah. I think that's really nice. I think that's I think you just and if they're a good friend, I would be like, I totally get it. You've done more than enough. You being here and you spending all the money to be here.

is better than any $100 gift you'd get me anyway. So, you know, that's where it all comes back down to relativity. Like, how strong is your friendship? How open is your communication? How understanding is your friend? Now that you point that comment out, I'm like sitting here kind of scanning and I'm kind of confused why she said yes to being a bridesmaid in the first place. So that's what I'm getting at. Like, you might know more because you've probably read ahead, but like the comment of like, I don't even care if I look bad.

I feel like I only say that once I know I'm... You're already checking out. I'm done. Like, that relationship is severed. Yeah. So I'm like, are they just really tense friends? Well, I think they might have been close and maybe aren't now because it's like, I'm in a wedding this weekend for a college roommate. It's not like one of my best friends from college. Like, it's my college roommate. It's kind of like, well...

roommates in college. Like, you could have lived together just out of convenience. Like, it doesn't really, like, solidify things. And then it's this other line, how much effing money is this girl going to squeeze from me? I know. That one gave me pause, too, where I would never describe one of my friends in that way. Like, damn, girl. Like, how much is she going to squeeze from me? If...

If you're not that close with someone, just say no to being a bridesmaid. It is okay to say no. And I think more people need to say no. Yeah. Like, truly. I have a close friend who told me that they think that another one of their friends is going to ask them to be a bridesmaid and they're fully prepared to say no. It hasn't happened yet. But I was like, wow, that's interesting. Is it me? It's about me. Yeah. I'm like, Morgan, eat your words. Because what if I say no? You're like, it's fine. You're like, play this clip. You're like, it's perfect.

No, but I'm kidding. You can't say no. Okay. Everyone except for me, I guess. Hold on one second. Oh, ASMR. I didn't want you to have to like cut it and you know. No, it was good. Okay. People might like it. No, that is interesting. No, but whoa. What were we talking? Say no, friend. Just say no.

But my point in that is like, not just that I'm, I'm in my era of like, I'm just going to start saying no to like certain events. Yeah. I've been going to weddings recently where I'm actually not that close to the person anymore. And this is, I won't go down this rabbit hole, but like,

This is why I said it's like you've been in my living room recently because I was just talking about this with Richa and Danielle last week where I was like, I think I just need to start politely saying no to certain weddings where I'm so distant from them now that it almost feels weird that I'm there because I hear so many stories and like speeches and like moments that I actually don't have anything to do with anymore. Yeah. And it feels like I'm intruding on a vulnerable day or imposing something.

That is so funny you mentioned that because literally today I took a four-hour car ride with my dad. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm thinking about doing something for one of my friends. And he's like, oh, my God, so-and-so. And I can't say the name because it will show with time, but I can't say the name. And I was like, yeah, you know, I haven't seen her in...

quite some time and he was like how's she doing I was like oh good oh I know what friend she got married no you can't say that um and I was like uh oh and then he was like did you get invited to the wedding I was like no and he's like what and I go well we haven't really been close since college like I I honestly haven't seen her in four years and usually when you think about weddings and even bridesmaids it's usually people you're close with at that time in your life true and

And so it's true. It's interesting. So I was like, I'm not I'm not hurt. I'd love to, you know, see her. We're still friends. We chat, you know, here and there. But no, like I I wasn't really expecting anything. Yeah. Yeah. But no, that's and you're you're reasonable. Some people are unreasonable about that. Yeah. But I to your original point, I think people should feel free to say no.

It's hard to say how close they are because I've lived with girls where we're like best friends and we still call each other like that was like... Lauren has introduced me before. I was like, oh, we were roommates. And so someone would be like, oh, they're not that close if she's just calling her roommate. But it's like that's just Lauren's way of trying to connect the dots for people. But it's like we're, you know, best friends. Like we're so close. We go so far back. So I wouldn't look into that. Maybe that was just their way of kind of describing the timeline. But...

I don't know. When it all adds up, then you're like, something's off. Yeah. So the top comment on this one, not the asshole. I wouldn't. Asking to be a bridesmaid is such an expensive ask the way it's done. You've spent enough, in my opinion. It probably wouldn't go over well, though. I can see it now. My bridesmaid didn't even give me a gift after I bought her jewelry.

When I got married, I brought my bridesmaids to the department store. I told them to pick a black gown or dress, whichever they felt comfortable in. Black is a universal color, so they could def wear it again. I then paid for all of them because in my opinion, it shouldn't be a financial burden for people to be there for me for a party, which is all a wedding is really. See, this is going to be a hot take. And I think I've said it on another episode, but I don't understand the whole like you should pay enough for your plate.

I'm sorry. Yeah. What? I know that's kind of a rule I've lived by too. You chose to have this party. You invited me. You catered the food. Like, I think that's like a mentality with weddings that people need to kind of like come to terms with. It's like,

especially in today's day and age, you're the one planning the party based on your budget. You shouldn't automatically assume that people can come and even gift you anything. Right. Their presence is the gift. Truly. Anything above that is extraordinary. And if you're inviting people for the sake of getting money or getting gifts, you should evaluate that. Right. You should assume that you might not even break even on somebody. You might be that negative. You're not going to break even. Yeah. I mean, I just...

I'm not saying don't honor the couple and don't give them a gift or money or whatever it is that you want to give. That's totally fine. And that's what I do. But I don't like this expectation of you need to cover your plate. What?

I'm a guest. I'm being hosted. And there's no such thing as a free dinner. I live by that economic principle. To get anywhere, it costs you money, your time, your gas, your travel. Everything costs you money. The dress, whatever it is, dry cleaning. And so I don't know. Again, maybe I'm going to get

heat for that take but that's just the way I see it if I throw a party I'm not expecting anybody to cover their like meal or their drinks no I'm inviting you I'll fully be paying for like my bridesmaids dresses especially because it's like I'm picking bridesmaids dresses based on what I want right and so it's like it might not even be within like their budgets or you know whatever so it's like you have to like

It shouldn't cost people that are there to support you on your day an arm and a leg to do that. Yeah. That's just my opinion. I completely agree. I accidentally just found kind of an update from OP. I went to go see if there were any comments from her and found an update. This was my first time being a bridesmaid. I had no idea it would be remotely this expensive or I would have immediately declined. Two, the bride and I are pretty close and talk every single day. So I would have felt bad declining. Mm-hmm.

What?!

This is something that's perplexed me. Yeah. The engagement party, and then you have a bridal shower, and then you have the wedding. Bachelorette. And then you're expected to get gifts for everyone.

Like some people literally get gifts for every single one. Wow. I'm like, I'm not doing that to people. Yeah. We paid for the bachelorette, bridal shower, hair, makeup, dress, hotel, travel, nails, shoes, decorations, etc. And most of the comments are people saying they as brides paid for most of it, if not all of these things for their bridal party, which is what I assumed would happen, but clearly didn't. And to put it into perspective, my dress was $50.

So the rest of the 2K was spent on frivolous things. She also wanted us to help decorate the event itself, which I absolutely refused. She goes into detail about the actual wedding and saying it was a shit show. Oh.

Oh, the rehearsal dinner was in a strip mall. The makeup girl was 45 minutes late the morning of the wedding and neither of the hair girl nor the makeup girl nor the bride had a plan set. So it was completely disorganized while everyone else got over an hour in the chair getting their makeup done. I got 20 minutes and both my hair and makeup looks so bad that I had to redo it myself, but they made us pay for it all up front. So that was $200 that I basically should have just lit on fire.

Oh, no. There was not one real flower in the entire venue or in our bouquets. They were fake dollar store flowers. The cocktail hour was servers walking around with pizza and Swedish meatballs on trays. The dinner was a salad with iceberg, lettuce, black olives, and cherry tomatoes. It didn't have any dressing. The entree steak was so overcooked and dry, it truly tasted and smelled like dog food. This comment goes on and on, um...

The bride only reserved a block of rooms for one night, but expected us to be there for two nights. So we were unable to get the group discount rate. And the hotel was in a Best Western that was charging 200 a night. This is so specific. In a rural area, which I thought was in fucking sane. So over $400 for the hotel room. And it was one of the shittiest hotels I've ever stayed in. I ended up sending the bride $100 electronically and don't plan on participating in another wedding ever again outside of being a guest.

Oh, my God. And I feel like it strained my relationship with the bride because of the greed that was displayed and the lack of consideration for others. We need to, girlies, we need to get together and we need to redo this model. Somewhere along the way, it became a really fucked up way to ruin your friendship. And like, I just had a friend who was recently a bridesmaid and she said to me, she had the audacity to be like, I'm not going to be a bridesmaid ever again. I'm like, you're going to say that to my face? You're going to say that to my face. Like, I don't want to get married one day.

How could you say that? And it's like, I can't even be mad at her because I'm like, you went through the ringer. I get it. Like, yeah, but we've got we've got it. There's too many horror stories out there about being a bridesmaid. We've got to redo it. We've got to start over. I think like a lot of people nowadays are trying to show up for the photos. Yeah.

Expensive ass photos. Truly. I think Instagram and Pinterest and social media has amped up the your wedding day needs to be perfect so much.

Mine, I know it's going to be a shit show. I'm having a camel. The camel, everyone keeps telling me, you better be sure your camel doesn't spit on people. You know what? I hope it does. Do camels spit? Apparently, they spit like llamas. Do you look it up? Yeah, they do. Really? Yeah, I got to talk to my mom's friend and be like, does your camel spit? Like, can we put a mask on it? I don't know. No, don't put a mask on it. I don't know. But I'm like, it just, it doesn't have to be, like, I'm doing such a crazy little carnival. Like, it's going to be like a hillbilly hoedown. Yeah.

I just it doesn't have to be crazy. The wedding? Yeah. Like, well, there's not like I don't think it's that's not actually where I was going with this. Why do you think people get so crazy about this stuff then? Somewhere like along the lines of.

weddings have just become more and more and more extravagant. The whole process, like to your point, social media probably feeds into it. This is no shade on these engagements, but like my dad is, was really confused why I like attended two engagements this year. He was like, what? He's like, they have audiences now. Like back in the day, you just pulled out a ring and ask them. It was just you and her or him and him or who you want, whoever. Yeah. Like it was just you two and there was no audience. There was no like performance. It was just that.

And he's like confused, my dad's a boomer, by the idea of like an engagement being like a group effort. Yeah. And that's no shade. No, especially mine. Like I never, ever would have imagined that he would have had everyone there. Yeah, but it was beautiful. And like that's an amazing, I've done two now in the last few months. Yeah. Amazing. I know your cousin too, Alex. Yeah. Exactly. But like.

I guess where I'm going with this is I just think society... Why did Justin and Alex do it that way? They didn't wake up out of nowhere and say, I want this. Society has... You should ask them both. ...created a theme of like it's supposed to be somewhat of like a little bit of a show. Like something that they're going to be able to tell their friends about. Something they're going to be able to post about. And I'm not saying they're doing it for the gram. That's not what I'm saying about them because I know both of them and they're actually two of the most like low-key guys that I know personally. Yeah. But...

I think just we've just over time all like conformed to it without even realizing it. I can see that. The whole bridesmaid thing and the way you ask them to be your bridesmaids. Like you see TikToks, like watch me put a box together to ask my girls to be their bridesmaids. And like they're Chanel's. Like it's gotten out of hand. And I think that because as that's gotten more intense, so have the expectations. And somewhere throughout the way that this is trended,

The bride has gotten these really unrealistic expectations for their bride's bridal parties that I don't think existed back when our parents were getting married. No. It was very simple. Very simple. And now it's become so complicated. And you hear of so many stories of strained friendships, broken friendships, people writing into Reddit asking if they're an asshole for not shelling out 5K. Like, why is that even a conversation? It shouldn't be.

Well, we can change it here, folks. I'm just saying like I just got to give it's such a bummer because it's supposed to be a beautiful thing. Like being a bridesmaid, I've never been one, but it's it feels like it should be an honor and it should be fun. And almost always I talk to people and they feel burnt out. They feel like they would have rather just attended. And it's like, well, that's a bummer. I know. I've been thinking, too, like with well, I already told like you and Lauren, I was like, we're just going to split like it's the two made of honors because like

I think it's a lot for one person, first of all. And then I was also thinking, but I'm like, but I would never say like to the two of you, go plan my bachelorette party. Like I'm, maybe it's the control freak in me. Like I want to help too. Like I want to plan. I want to be like a fun, like the three of us like planning this thing. But I also like,

I hope as I start going down this path that I'm a little more chill. And if I'm ever not, throw a tomato at me or something. I don't know. Just be like, girl, remember that episode we did? I'll just roll this tape. Roll the tape. It's easy. You're making it very easy for me. Calm down. Future Morgan, you need to rein it in. You have gone out of control and it's okay. You're going to have a good day, okay? Just calm down.

Thank you. Thank you, Alejandra, for reminding me of this moment. Perfect. Perfect. Just keep that. Anytime you need to. You're going to be fine and it's going to be fun. And like, here's the thing, though, to bring it back to the story. I think one thing that we're like picking up on is like your friend. This should be something that your friends want to do. Yes. Like your friends. Let's use us for an example. Like me and Lauren will want to give you a good experience. We want to make it fun. We want to spend the money. We want to plan a good event.

And if they don't, then they probably don't have business being your bridesmaids. Mm-hmm.

There we go.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. Are you ready to do some math? No. Why do you keep doing this to me? You made my brain hurt on Tuesday. Well, it's not like us physically doing math. We were on Tuesday. What was Tuesday? We were running around the store trying to figure out how you could take advantage of 30% off. It was so hard. She's having us do like algebra. That was really bad. I cut out for this. I was like, my brain hurt. I had to leave. I was like, I'll see you outside.

And everyone was watching us run around the store being like, okay, well, what's 30% of da-da-da-da-da? It was a nightmare. Well, that was some girl math when we went shopping. Have you ever heard of sexist math? Yeah. How? What context? On Reddit. Did you have the same story? I might have, but I don't think I read it. I just saw the title. Am I the asshole for using sexist math? Yeah, but I didn't read the story. Here we go then. Perfect.

The story is three months old, titled Am I the Asshole for Using Sexist Math. So some context is needed for this story. To start, with my wife, 32 female, and I, 32 male, have joint finances and have since we got married seven years ago. Everything goes into a joint account. Bills are paid out of it and there are no restrictions on who spends what.

Naturally, we discuss big purchases, but overall there is no distinction in where the money comes from. The household has income and expenditures, but it's not tracked at an individual level. I know this isn't for everyone, but it has worked well for us.

As for our jobs, my wife has a really cool job at this little shop doing art experiences for kids. Think pottery painting and other little crafts. She loves it and the culture and setup are great. It doesn't pay very well, but the other aspects make up for that to her. I work in a corporate job and have done very well and climbed the ladder quite a bit and make good money. The pay

The pay disparity is to the point where my income makes up 85 plus percent of the household income. Now, this is fine. This is a setup that we have agreed on. I have no more right to the money than my wife does, but both can spend equally and make 50-50 decisions on expenditures. My job isn't better or more deserving of respect than

than my wife's. I in no way looked down on my wife or her career. Money has never been an issue until now. We have a three-year-old daughter, and after a relative moved away, we are needing to find a daycare for her to go to while we are at work. While we are looking at options, we weren't particularly impressed with any of the choices near us. Then my wife threw out the idea, quote, I never thought we would be a household with a stay-at-home parent, but maybe that's what makes the most sense.

She did not like that response. She said, quote, Yeah.

I said, well, mathematically, we couldn't afford to lose my income or we wouldn't be able to afford the house or other expenses. This upset her further, and she began going off on me about me being sexist, looking down on her job, and generally being disrespectful.

I tried to respond saying I don't think any less of her job, but just mathematically, it wouldn't work. She said my, quote, math was sexist bullshit.

And the conversation devolved from there. We still haven't figured out a decision around daycare, and any attempt to bring it up sparks the same sort of response. I'm in no way saying she has to be a stay-at-home mom, or that there's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom. But since she brought up the idea of a stay-at-home parent, I don't think I was in the wrong to point out the financial reality of the situation. Am I the asshole for suggesting she would have to be the one staying home? Is she that bad at math?

She's got to be more fucked up than us. I don't think he's the asshole. Sis, what are you doing? Stay fucking home. Like a gift horse in the mouth. I literally didn't try not to lose it this whole time. I'm like, wait, I'm like literally trying to figure out like where she's coming from. And I'm like, I'm trying so hard to formulate like a good response. But like.

Oh, my God. What? The only thing I could see here is that like while she loves her job, maybe she feels a little insecure about how much she makes. Yeah. And like. But I'm just. Okay, I'm sorry. Like, let's just be super real for a second. Right. Like, let's take the facts. Okay. Let's for easy math say he makes $850,000 a year and he makes she makes 150. Easy math because it's a million dollars and he said 85 percent. Right. Yeah.

I know that's like a lot of money. So this is just for easy math. But look at the disparity, right? $850,000 is a lot of money for a family to live on. You're living comfortably. You can have whatever pick of resources you need for your child, okay? She can stay at home.

you can afford to lose the 150. Yeah. Nuts. Jobs aside, she could be a NASA astronaut. It doesn't matter what the role is. Just from a purely objective financial standpoint. Trying to keep the boat afloat money-wise. Yeah. So let's say they have the same job. Like, it doesn't matter. What? Like, the fact that she looked him dead in the eyes and was like, so one of us is going to be a stay-at-home

And then got mad that he assumed it would be her. She was implying the same thing towards him. Exactly. The audacity to look at my husband who makes eight times more than me and be like, that's crazy. You're going to have to stay home next year.

Okay, I wonder if she's... I'm sorry, I'm on. I wonder if she's trying to girl math, though, and is like... No. Well, if you stay home, then there's no cost of childcare. Childcare is free. So no matter what we make, it'll be fine. There's no way. Like, girl. Unless my math is wrong, like 85%, right? That's a huge... Yeah. I mean, I'm envisioning... What were you envisioning? I'm envisioning like 200K and then whatever...

15% of that is like what is that's not how that works so the whole pie has to be 100% yeah 85% would be oh shit so what's what's um so what's 15% of 200k 35k

You think the whole household is 200? That's what I was envisioning for this people. So two... What's... You think I know what 15% of... I don't even know what 15 plus 15 is. You can ask Siri your math questions. Really? Yeah, so I'll just like hit my Siri button and be like, hey Siri, what's 15% of 200,000? And Siri does it. She'll tell you? Yeah, because I get confused a lot of times if it's divided by 0.2 or like times 0.2 to figure out the numbers. I'm good with this. This is...

Okay, well, here you go. Not good at math, but I do know how to use a calculator. I know my way around a calculator. Okay, so $200,000 for math, right? And you said... 15% of that. That's $30,000. So let's just say she makes $30,000. He makes $170,000. Okay. That's what I'm envisioning. Okay.

She's an idiot. So she looked him dead in the face and was like, so you're staying home next year? Oh, there's no comments from him. I want more tea. This has nothing to do with gender roles to me. Nothing. Like, I am so, like, I love my job. It would take, you couldn't, you couldn't, you couldn't make me be a stay at home. I just love what I do. Yeah. I don't, it doesn't matter how much money I make.

So this is not coming from the perspective of someone who thinks, oh, she's a woman. She needs to stay home and he needs to keep the job. Yeah. I just think like from a rational standpoint. Maybe she got hit in the head that day. No, here's what I think. Here's what I think. I think she's projecting. I think she's a little insecure that he does out earn her by so much. I think so. And maybe feels insecure about her job.

Even though he clearly admires it and thinks highly of her, she, for some reason, maybe he's done things, said things, or just it's all things that she believes that her job is less than, less important. And so she took that so personally.

And now she's projecting. I think so. That's what I was getting the vibe because no matter how much you love your job, if you're not making enough that like you can sustain yourself or like your family, because that's what this is coming down to, like her job can't sustain them as a family if he stays home. No matter how much you love it, you're not going to feel great about that. So I think it is a little projection. And overall, like he's not the asshole. Like this is just the reality of the world they're living in. Yeah. And you made a good point, too. Like

Why was it okay for him to assume that she'd stay home, but it wasn't okay for her to assume? Yeah. She was implying, oh, I never thought we'd have one parent stay at home. Well, if it's not you, then it's him. Yeah. So you're doing the same thing he was doing. Right. One of you, you were both like the Spider-Man meme. Like you were both pointing at each other. Yeah.

And then getting mad that what? No. Top comment. Not the asshole. But the reality is that your relationship can't afford a stay at home parent because neither of you wants to be that parent. That's a good. Fine. But like they definitely can't afford for him to stay home. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't matter even if OP wants to be the stay at home parent. It literally doesn't work.

That's the bottom line. Yeah. Capitalism is still popping off. We can't avoid it. Also, like, the little one is three. There's, like, maybe a year and a half, two years until they're in kindergarten. So it's not like...

It's like if she loves her job and loves working, but they can't find a daycare they like, the reality is you can afford to stay home. It's short-lived. You can go back to work when your kid goes to school. Yeah. It's not like it has to be permanent. No. So. Yeah. Moving along. What story do you have? Is it juicy? Yeah. One of them is. Okay, you're up. So.

I was going to let you pick. Ooh, someone's giving me a choice. Wow. Okay, I'll let you pick. This is what that feels like.

Yeah. You're about to find out. So, oh yeah, I'll let you pick. I'll read the titles, but I have one that I want to fire off really quick. It's short. It's sweet. Love it. Very relevant. You attacked me. I'm going to attack you. Actually, this isn't an attack on you at all. Okay. It's not. I promise. I do want to preface that because you're going to be like, bitch, what? I didn't know you felt that way. Okay. So title is, this is from the subreddit true off my chest. Okay. My boyfriend called me. Oh, wait, that's not

Just cut. Cut! Never mind. Got engaged and my best friend is telling me not to wear my ring.

Oh, God. I, 24 female, got engaged to my boyfriend, 25 male, of eight years on Sunday. The ring is exactly what I dreamed of and I love it. It's thin, gold band with a pear-shaped diamond. My best friend, 24 female, seemed disgusted when I showed her my ring. What? The first thing she said was, oh, you wanted a rock. Sure did, baby. I bet that was a solid 5 to 10K. No.

I told her I don't know the exact price. For context, she is married twice now. Damn, I got a dogger like that. Like, that's irrelevant. And the guy she's currently married to, they've only been together for one year. Her ring is a lot smaller than mine. Not that it matters, but maybe to her it does.

but still very pretty in my opinion. They're also moving into her parents' basement at the end of the month, which she said is causing a lot of stress and arguments between them. So maybe she's just been a bit in a mood. But what she said next frustrated me. She told me, I would be too scared to wear that anywhere. You probably shouldn't wear it out in public or do anything while you're wearing it in case you break it. And she even said, I'd be too scared to even do housework wearing that ring because I'd totally break it.

She never once made a positive comment. She just talked about the dollar value and that I shouldn't wear it because I will break it, in quotes. This is separate, but I've noticed she's been gradually becoming more and more passive, aggressive, and rude towards me lately. My fiance thinks it's a jealousy issue. Am I overreacting? Like part of me feels as I might be, but I'm also hurt that she never made a positive comment. Plus, when she got engaged and showed me her ring, I was nothing but ecstatic for her.

Yeah, I think the fiance hit the nail on the head with this one. I think she's just feeling maybe a little inadequate, a little jealous, a little insecure that things aren't where she wants to be. And I think that

A lot of us go through that. I remember when like my friend Kate got engaged and I was like, oh, I wish I was there. Like it's easy to get jealous of friends that are like moving through stages quicker than you or are just like getting things that you want. And so it's hard to like not let that little green monster creep up. But you like bottom line, like you need to be happy for your friends. You need to be supportive. Like you can't let your internal emotions

or jealousy like sabotage you in ways like that. One thing I will say and something that I'm doing is I ordered like a fake ring off Amazon to wear like traveling. And it was like a tip I got during one of our patron like group therapies because that is something where I'm like, I don't want to get like mugged because my ring and like people think it's a diamond. Yeah, it's not. It's Moise Knight.

Love it. But... Sustainable queen. Yeah. And the other thing I was going to say is like anyone that gets engaged, get insurance on your ring. Yes. That's what a lot of these people said. It literally is like $100 for the year. And some homeowner policies will cover it. That too. But it's like $100 for a year and anything happens, the stone falls out. I...

lose it get to get stolen it's replaced for a hundred dollars versus having to rebuy it but no this thing like i smashed it into a brick wall on accident is it um durable i don't know like yeah um like on a scale of hardness diamonds are a 10 and moissanites are at nine so it's like just under a diamond yeah um i watched a hammer test before i got it and they took a hammer to a diamond

Didn't do anything. They took a hammer to the Moise Knight. It didn't really do anything. And then the CZ shattered. So it's pretty solid. But yeah.

It's weird. Like, I mean, the ring is meant to be worn. Right. Of course. They're made with the intention of lasting. Yeah. For quite some time. So, no, this just sounds like she's very, very jealous. Right. I think you made good points. I think people get jealous or feel threatened. Like, she clearly is threatened by it, whether she's unhappy with her ring size or she's unhappy in her marriage. And this is just a sore reminder that her friend maybe has it, quote unquote, better off. Mm-hmm.

But one thing, one quote that we'll just leave off on that I think it's natural for all of us to feel a little jealous in life. For sure. And not just in this context. In any context, you see somebody getting promoted or you see somebody, you know, just getting ahead. And I love the quote that's like,

Calling somebody ugly won't make you any prettier or call somebody poor won't make you any richer. Nope. I love that because it's like you can hate and throw stones all day long, but you will not shine any brighter. Your ring will not magically get any bigger by trying to make your friend feel ashamed to wear hers. No, it's really weird. Right.

That's really weird. Everyone needs to remember that because it's like, so why do that then? Yeah. Like if you were showing true cause and... Like if I was genuinely like Morgan, that's a freaking rock, which it is. I'd be like, let's make sure you have a life jacket when you jump into Lake Minnetonka so that you don't sink to the bottom. There's other ways to show your friend if you're genuinely concerned about the size of her ring. But this doesn't sound like that. No, I don't think so. And I will say like to each their own, but two marriages by 24, that is kind of wild. Yeah.

Is she from the Midwest? Sorry. Or like Utah? I don't know. I don't know. But they don't really, do they do divorce in Utah? Great question. I don't know. One I'm not prepared to answer. But I feel like instead of dating, you know how like some people date for five years? Yeah. She's like, oh, we're dating for six months. Okay, marriage. Like that's, I'm like. Couldn't be me. That's a lot. Couldn't be me.

And if I would have married the two people I dated at those ages, like 20 to 24. Oh, my God. I'd be divorced already. I'd probably be on my second divorce, to be honest with you. And the last thing I want to say about that, too, is I'm scared. I forgot what I was going to say. See, I told you my brain just it starts to shut off at night. It's OK. Yeah.

Also, no shame in divorce. No, no, none. I love Emrata talking about getting divorced before you're 30 is such a flex. And her videos on it seem so funny. Oh, for sure. I'm gearing up for the next wave because I know our age group is going to start to hit that divorce age. There's going to be a whole new flock of people. Yeah, I don't remember what I was going to say, but it clearly wasn't important. But yeah, not the asshole. Your friend is...

obviously a little jealous hey there it's ryan seacrest for safeway it's back to deals time now through august 15th enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points look for in-store tags for eligible items from all free and clear detergent for a healthy routine then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings enjoy savings when you shop in-store or online

For easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Visit Safeway.com for more details. Okay. So now I'm going to let you pick. Option number one. Behind door number one, we have a story titled, Am I the asshole for excluding my, in quotes, adopted sister from family photos? Both of these are very popular. Okay. Second one. Am I the asshole for going through my friend's closet to find my wedding dress? Yes.

That one. Yeah? Yeah. It's more popular. I'm confused. Yeah, I know. My interest was piqued. Okay. You're intrigued. Yeah. This is off the subreddit. Am I the asshole? Obviously. So, am I the asshole for going through my friend's closet to find my wedding dress?

I found it weird.

Now, my sister's getting married and she wanted to wear the dress. This was our mother's dress and we always agreed we'd each wear it. I told my friend I needed it back and she claimed she couldn't find it. She sold that shit. I was perplexed because how does it just get up and walk away? She apologized and offered to pay me the cost of the dress, which I turned down because it wasn't about the money. It's irreplaceable, bitch.

My friend and her husband went away. I was there to water the plants and feed their dogs. I decided to go look myself. The closet was very cluttered and I eventually found the dress. What? Thank God. Thank God. What a shitty friend, but thank God. I can totally believe that she missed where it was and she wasn't being malicious in the slightest. Okay. She's a better person than me.

The box was tucked behind a few larger ones containing seasonal clothes. So she's giving the benefit of the doubt. Okay. Okay. But I texted her saying I found the dress. Instead of being happy for me, she asked why I rummaged through her closet. I said I wanted to double check. She told me I had no right to go through her things. I said that because of the clutter, my sister almost didn't get to wear a dress she's always dreamed of.

My friend told me that I could have asked her to look again, but I pointed out it took two years for her to even look in the first place. God, so mad. Where's my stress rock? Perfect. Am I the asshole? So I have this stress rock now. I saw it. It's so cute. It took her two years to look through a cluttered closet, and now she's mad that her friend went in there and found it. Your friend did you a favor. You didn't have to replace a sentimental...

Irreplaceable, priceless heirloom. Her sister gets to wear the dress. Everyone wins. She was doing you a favor and watching your dogs and you're going to get mad at her that she went through a closet? You could have asked me to look again. You proved you're inept. You couldn't do it the first time. I hate when you ask people to do things and they do it so poorly. Just like, this is why. I'm scared you're going to throw that rocket. Oh, I'm just heated. This is why I have a really hard time

like relying on other people. It's because like, unfortunately I get proven, like I can't rely on other people. And so I always feel like I have to do it myself. And maybe this is an eldest daughter trauma other people can relate to, but that frustrates me so much. Like

If you were at my house watching my dogs in this, like if this were us in this situation, I would be like, thank God, girl. Where was it? Yes. I would be embarrassed that I couldn't find it myself. But more importantly, I would be relieved. So relieved. Thank God you found the dress. Oh my God. I was freaking out that I lost such an important heirloom in your family. Thank God. I'm so glad you went through my closet and found it. What the hell are you hiding?

Well, and it's like I first when I'm like, I knew where this was going. I was like, she's not going to find it. It's going to be gone. I was like, did she sell it? The fact that it was actually in there. And then I'm like, did she really look? Because you kind of would have known like, hey, I gave it to you. It was in this box. Do you see the box? I don't know. It just feels like was she hiding it on purpose? And

My head goes to the worst case scenario. Like she obviously knows her friend and she was like, she wasn't trying to be malicious. But it almost feels a little too like I get, you know, people's houses can be cluttered and there can be a lot of stuff. But it felt like it was really easy to just kind of like do a deep dive and find it. I don't know. It just something feels off. And the reaction after her getting mad, like this is your best friend. She's in your house watching your dogs watering your plants.

Like what do you have to hide? You could go through my closet any day of the week. I think at one point I was like, yeah, you can go to my house and see if you can find something in my closet. I'm not home. Anybody can, any of my friends can go through my closet at any time. And I get it. Not everyone's like that. Some people are super keen on privacy and they feel like they want, I get that. My mom's like that. My mom doesn't even let me like in her room without her permission. Some people are just a little sensitive like that.

But given the nature of the situation, I feel like it's outweighed by the fact that like one, you lost her dress theoretically, right? Yeah. If you truly looked and you didn't find it and this wasn't malicious, then you are technically in the wrong for misplacing and losing a dress. And if I misplaced or lost something-

I would be so happy and relieved that it's been found. I would feel relieved. Like my conscious is clear now. And the fact that her instinct is to now just shift blame, it makes me think she didn't look for it and she's embarrassed. That and the two years part, how it took her two years to even look for it. Right. That's unacceptable. I think she misplaced it. Yeah. I just think it could have been so easy though, like where it's like,

If, again, this were me, I would have been like, hey, I can't find it. Do you want to come over and we'll have some wine and just like clean out my closet? Yes. Because in my head, I know I didn't get rid of it. I know I didn't throw it away. I didn't move. I didn't move. I know it's here, but it's clearly just tucked away and hidden. Yes. So do you want to come over and help? We can make a night out of it. It's an activity. It's a closet clean out now. Come on. I agree. It's weird. You read my mind. I was like, if it were me and you...

first of all, we'd be sick to our stomachs that we lost our mom's wedding dress. And I'd be like, I will literally hire someone to tear my house apart for this dress. Yeah. Come over. Let's look everywhere. Yeah. I would just be like, Morgan, I'm coming over to look for it. Like, fuck off. Love you, but fuck off. I'm going to look for it. I guess moral of the story, don't have other people safekeep sentimental items. Like,

If this was so sentimental and you wanted to make sure it was good somewhere, it probably should have gone to your sister's house, not your friend's house. Like, don't trust other people with items that you hold near and dear. But I have certain friends that I consider sisters. I would trust you. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. But I'm wondering if they were friends, the type of friends. I mean, if this person's watching her dog... They're basically family. Like, I'm getting a dog soon, and I've thought about who would watch it when I travel. And I'm like, I'm...

kind of a helicopter parent with dogs. Like, I don't let just anybody watch my dogs. And I'm thinking like, well, I do have these trustworthy friends that I would let watch my dogs. So it's like, if you're letting this person come house it, you trust them. This is so... I'm even more complexed. That's why I'm like... What's the top comment on this one? Oh, yeah. Okay, let's get there. So the top comment... And by the way, this story has... The overall vote was not the asshole. 20,000 upvotes. Yeah, it's popular. Wow. It's popping. So top vote, top comment says...

It's kind of toxic. I would have just taken it and never told her. Let her think she lost her mind. You know, that is a curious way to handle it. But like in that moment, I would be so proud and happy I found it. I would not be able to not share. And you think if this is your best friend, she's going to be like, yay. Like the reaction is so weird. Weird. Weird. Okay. I would. Yeah. And then OP replied, yeah.

I don't even think she ever would have attempted to find it again. And then somebody commented, replied to that, not the asshole. You are assuming she even looked the first time beyond opening the closet door, turning on the light and taking a quick peek. I do agree with the, I wouldn't have bothered telling her you looked and found it. If anything, she should be embarrassed. As in my opinion, it shows that she put minimal effort looking and looking for it.

The good news is that your sister was able to wear the dress and maybe it'll be handed down to your daughter. Daughters. If they have them. I don't know. That's so cute. I love that they both wear the same dress. I know. And then here's a response. She knew exactly where it was and had no intention of returning it. So this person's taking a more like pessimistic view. That's where my head went. They go, she knew exactly where it was and had no intention of returning it. I'm sorry. Thank goodness you had a chance to look in her closet. And even better that you found it behind all the boxes she used to hide it.

Edit. Here's why I think that. If I had my friend's mother's wedding gown, I'd for damn sure put it in a safe place and it wouldn't take me two years to look for it. The moment I realized I didn't know where it was, I would have torn my house apart. Yeah. And if I still couldn't find it, I'd probably call my friend in a panic-induced bawling meltdown. It's not like this was a shirt from Forever 21. No. Is the friend married?

Let me see. Like was the friend trying to keep it for her own wedding and try to like, you know how some friends. My friend and her husband went away. Okay. So she's already been married. Otherwise I was going to say like, maybe she's trying to keep it for her own wedding and be like, I'm so sorry. I couldn't get it for your sister's wedding. But like,

I'm getting married now. Like, can I wear it? Like, we're like sisters. We're close. That's so weird. Maybe she's jealous of the sister. Yeah. And they're like closeness in their relationship. Yeah. Like the sabotage. Everyone's like, what's the end game here? Like, why? That's the thing. There's another. Let's see.

She's more concerned about someone going through a closet where there's likely nothing of value anyways, rather than be happy for her friend who was made whole again. Yeah. Is the friend married? If not, maybe she planned to magically find it when she had her wedding. It's funny. It's like you read these. No, this one is juicy. I love this one. This is really fun being on the other side today. Isn't it? For this one. Yeah. There's some good comments I'm trying to find.

I think this person's taking their side, the friend side. I agree two years is a long time, but you ask the question and leave it as you don't want to be a nag. I'm sorry. If you're asking for something back-

You're never a nag. I don't understand that mentality. If I borrow something of yours and it takes you 20 times asking to get it back, you're not a nag. I suck at getting things back to you. Shouldn't take you 20 times to ask. No, not at all. It happens again and again. You forget to ask. You've got a major house renovation and your friend knows how important it is. So there's

surely they've looked properly for it life gets in the way and it's on your list but not the top as you need to make your house habitable at the end of the day the friend was the problem and it took two years for op to realize this but she's not the asshole the only thing different i would have done is not tell the friend i found it unless i was going to go scorched earth on her that's so interesting because i would not be able to contain it i'd be so happy and excited i know

The minute I buy someone a gift, even though, like, I bought Justin's Christmas gifts the other day, I'm literally giving them to him this weekend. No! Because I can't wait. Morgan! I just can't wait. I don't want to... Put them at my house. Nope. Actually, no, I'm moving. Dude, if he goes all over again, we'd be this story. I'm just, like, it's so exciting. And also, like, I guess if they're that close, like, what if she went to the sister's wedding and then saw the dress? Yeah. Like...

Then it might be even worse, like worse, like worth you get a little drunk. But it's like then it would be like you went through my house a year ago and didn't tell me. And you found like, I don't know. I bet you I'd do it again. I just don't feel like there's a point like it's her reaction is weird. And that's the true problem here. It's it's just showing holes in who she is as a friend versus anything else.

I completely agree. This is the last thing I will read because I think that this is a good note to end it on because it kind of just sums up something we have said time and time again on this podcast. Something I've learned from personal experience is that weddings make people lose their goddamn minds. Everything related to them seems to twist up all the common sense and decency some people have. All the selfishness comes out. Weddings and funerals often bring out the true person, a person's true nature. Right.

Mic drop. Okay. Again, roll the tapes back to my initial message to myself. Keep it together, Morgan. Well, first of all, I feel like you and I know this is where it's like, know your friend. Like, and

And if you think you know your friend and they do this to you, I'm sorry. Then you didn't lose a real friend. If this was us, I think we're both on the same page here. You have full permission to go in my house and tear my shit apart. Because guess what? I'm in the wrong. Same. My shit's really bad right now. But it's going to get better once I move and have my actual own space and room. But...

Yeah, you can go in there. It's a tornado. I have my piles of clothes on the floor, my piles on chairs. Oh, I know. It's just... I'm very organized. I know. You've seen my closet. I wish I could hire you to organize my stuff. We could work something out. Okay. Okay, cool. We could work something out. I just had a little idea popping in my head. Okay. He agrees. Yeah. That was a little agreement. Maybe his name is Jingle, like the elf on the shelf. They're coming, kids. I know. The elves are coming. I know. I saw this meme. I know.

How about the elf? I saw this meme. It's so mean. It was like, y'all better kiss your short kings goodbye. Santa needs his elves again. Oh.

Oh, that's funny. It wasn't me. I'm not the author. I'm just repeating the content. Just the messenger. Don't kill her. Just the messenger. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. It's back to deals time. Now through August 15th, enjoy store-wide deals and earn four times rewards points. Look for in-store tags for eligible items from Kraft Singles, Keebler, Triscuit,

One quick one and one crazy one to end us.

We've been talking a lot about ineptness and how we hate it. And I think this next one kind of plays into that. It's a month old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Help My Husband Get Dressed for Work? My husband is a healthy, able-bodied man. He works out five to seven days a week, and because of weightlifting, he has very big shoulders and arms. He works in sales and wears collared shirts to work every morning for months on end.

He wants me to help him button his cuffs on his sleeves. His excuse originally for not being able to button them himself was that he's too big to be able to do it. I called him out saying that I think that's just an excuse because when I haven't been home, he's able to button them by himself. Now he says it takes him too long to button them himself. So he wants me to do it because I'm able to do it faster.

My issue with helping him button his cuffs are, one, I'm not his mother and he's a grown man, and two, I have a routine in the morning that I like to stick to. I drop off our son at school, then I go to the gym, and then do grocery shopping or errands. He gets upset if I refuse to come home to help him button his cuffs after dropping off our son at school. The days that this is most frequently irritating to me are the days that I have off from work. I work three to four days a week, and I get three days off.

when our son is in school to focus on myself, going to the gym and getting errands done. Having to drive all the way home after dropping off our son at school cuts into some of my time that I can be getting other things done. Am I the asshole for refusing to help my husband button his cuffs on his dress shirt? He has me feeling like I'm being incredibly selfish for not wanting to help. Okay, first of all, are you Mr. Incredible? Like, your proportions are off. Yeah. Like, I'm trying to, well...

I'm like, we're all like, we're sitting here like trying to like act this out. But seriously, like... That sounds like, are your arms not long enough? Also, there's no excuse. I literally, as an OT, we have this like button hook thing. And so we would use it for people that had like...

like paralysis on one side from strokes. And so in order to dress themselves independently, there's this little button hook and they go and they put it through the loop, grab the button and pull it back through. Like if someone that's had a stroke and can't move half their body can still button their shirt, I think you should be able to. Yeah. Now I'm wondering if it's not just, it's not a mobility thing. I wonder if it's the shirt. Maybe the shirt. Yeah, like the shirt is restricting him.

Because think about it. Tommy boy. Kind of. Tommy boy. Like, think about it. You're in like a button down shirt. Maybe the shirt's not like, because I've worn something tight where I like, I'm like, oh, I can't. Yeah. I don't know. But regardless, moot point. Because it's like, if that's the case, bro, get bigger shirts. I don't care what you got to do. They clearly don't live in LA because it would be not even be up for question to drive home to do something like that just wouldn't even be in the debate. Nope.

They clearly live somewhere where commutes aren't as bad. But regardless, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. It's brutal. Wild. I would just start ignoring him. Like, I don't know, like, and I think that's, like, a problem because for me, I don't have a lot of, like, as of now, knock on wood, I don't have, like, weird problems that come up in my relationship like this. Like, I can't imagine if I married someone

And then they started being like, you need to come home to button my shirts every day. You need to come home to put my shoes on. I can't reach and bend down to tie my shoe. That is unheard of. I'm just like, this is purely weaponized incompetence, like ineptness. But I can't figure out why.

Maybe he just doesn't get enough attention. That's what I was thinking. Does he like not get enough attention? Maybe he doesn't get enough attention. There are some comments from OP. Someone does share a button zipper buttons assist device. Not the asshole. They said after sharing it. Thank you for the link. I will buy one of these for him.

This grown man wants you to drive home just to button his shirt? That's a weird power trip thing, and I suspect he has a lot more to do with something besides his shirt, not the asshole. Yeah. And OP goes, I truly don't believe it's a power trip thing. More so just laziness on his part. And that's the only comment I see in regards to it. But I can't imagine being so lazy that I'd rather wait for someone to come back and sit there with my sleeves unbuttoned, like...

He must want attention. Yeah. He must be needing a bigger hug. It's deeper than the shirt. Just imagine you're like, well, I got to stay. I'm going to be late today because I can't leave with my buttons unbuttoned and only one person can button them and it's not me. Yeah. I don't have the time to wait around.

I'm way too impatient for that. Yeah. I'm an independent gal. No, that would drive me nuts. And I just start ignoring him. Don't even acknowledge it. Like, what do you mean? Ignore his calls? Like, honey, you need to come home and about my shirt. Oh, sorry. I went to Target. I got groceries. I didn't see your message. Like, I would love to have a relationship therapist or like a therapist chime in on this. Like,

what is the healthy way is like, hey, honey, I'm not coming home. Like communicate clearly. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But if that doesn't work and this is the only problem in your relationship, what else can you do to solve this? Because my tactic is avoid. I, again, not a licensed therapist. Let me just make it really clear. I know a lot of you were confused, but...

I had to really clarify. But I would venture to guess that a therapist or anybody listening in on this would say, I don't think that's the only problem. I think there's other things and either she's looking away or not realizing it or it hasn't come to fruition yet. I don't think there is any way that's the only thing that's off in their relationship. Oh, no. I'm looking at the post history. Doesn't seem like there's...

A lot of problems. But they have they have chickens. So like I guess her biggest problem is having a hard time sexing our 16 week old standard cock and chickens. What? Yeah, she's she's got chickens. And then another one is, do I have to legally cover my co-tenants other portion of rent for our salon working gal? But no other marital posts and issues. But here's the hear me out.

sometimes people have normalized things in their relationship to where they don't no longer even realize that it's kind of off. And so he could be doing small things over time that have compounded that she is just like, let's just say he like won't come home until dinner served. Like, let's just say that's one of his things too. He's like, yeah, no, I'll just like drive around until dinner is served. But it's been so long that she just thinks that's normal. Like, no, yeah. Like, why would he come home and just sit around with his

sitting on his hands like yeah he's not gonna come home till dinner served that's how it is in this house and she's just she's not gonna write into reddit because that's just her normal it's her normal yeah so i wonder if he does weird things here and there and this is the one that just sticks out as like okay this one's a little off i need to know i'm gonna message her hey what else is off about mr incredible hey yes i don't know it's interesting i did read the top comment it was the power trip one but i could see him needing attention he's just very

Yeah. Damn. Something like sarcastically. No, I know. I know. He's feeling neglected. Yeah. The kid is getting too much attention. Honey, come button my sleeves. There's something so weird about it. It's weird. It's weird.

Last one, I'm giving you a choice. Okay. You have three to choose from. Whoa. Yes. A lot of pressure. Yeah. But you're going to have a new roomie soon. No, I'm not. Maybe no roomie, but you're for sure like leaving your roomie situation. Yes. And you've had a lot of different roommate experiences. Yeah. So the next one is roomie themed. Okay. Option one, am I the asshole for refusing to re-sign a lease weeks before leaving my pregnant sister homeless? Yes.

Next one, I think my roommate may be poisoning me. Or three, am I the asshole for returning my roommate's dog to the shelter? That one? Yeah. Okay, it's a little vintage, two years old. A few months ago, my roommate decided he wanted to get a dog. I and my other roommates were fine with it, and I was excited, so I gave suggestions for a good fit for lifestyle and helped him search.

I knew I didn't have time for a dog, but I was eager to reap the benefits of having one in the house that wasn't my responsibility. My roommate and I agreed that he was best fit for a low-energy adult dog that was small-slash-medium due to space. Then he came home with a German Shepherd mix from a shelter. Six months old, large, and very energetic.

She was untrained and had separation anxiety. I did my best to help, making suggestions like getting her a crate so she could have her own space and could go in there when everyone was gone. I picked up food for him after my roommate ran out of what the shelter gave him and forgot to get more. I even exercised her when she got to be too much, taking her on walks or throwing balls. That was probably my mistake because almost immediately, my roommate stopped doing anything for her.

He basically abandoned the dog to me. He wouldn't buy her toys, wouldn't exercise her, wouldn't even come home to feed her or let her out after work. I talked to him several times, tried to get him involved, and tried to step back. But my other roommates were too busy, and this guy would do nothing. If I didn't feed her, she wouldn't eat. If I didn't exercise her, she'd destroy the house and annoy everyone until someone shoved her back in her crate.

Yeah.

Ugh. Ugh.

all day and clearly had not let her out to go potty or have fed her.

I was furious. The next day, I returned the dog to the shelter. I told them what had happened and showed them the pictures of the night before. They called my roommate and told him they had reason to believe neglect and were enforcing co-ownership to take the dog. My roommate was furious. The rescue blacklisted him from adopting from any of their locations. When I got home, he shouted at me saying it wasn't fair and I should have told him I was being serious instead of stealing the dog.

My other roommates, while happy the dog is gone, agree that it was an asshole move to move so fast and not to have made sure he knew I was serious. Am I the asshole? Do you want to go first? Not the asshole.

This dog deserves way better than this piece of shit. I do believe that, but I do think it was a little bit of an asshole move. A little rash. A little rash. And I don't think taking the dog back to the shelter. I just, I'm just like so against that. It seems like they're a good shelter though. The fact that they would like blacklist him and like take the dog back that fast and be like, oh my God, yes. And you're blacklisted. You can't ever adopt here. That's true. They seem like they're at least a good shelter. That's true. Like rehoming it. I just, like it's hard for me to like put my,

personal feelings out of it. Yeah. I just struggle with the idea of bringing a dog back to a shelter. Like I just would rather like cut my arm off. So like that's just me. But you're right. That is like the responsible thing to do. Leave it to the professionals to rehome the dog. Yeah. He recognizes that he's not in a position to be a dog owner and that's a responsible thing to do. Why force it? So I will acknowledge all of those things to be true.

But I just struggle with that. I don't think it's your responsibility to make sure that somebody knows how serious you are. If you say something in any way other than a joke, it should be taken at face value. You shouldn't have to threaten. You shouldn't have to hardball people. No. Or strong arm them.

If you say something and you seem like you're serious... Meaning business. You shouldn't have to double down and prove that you mean what you're going to say. No. So that part, that's on him. You assumed the risk that he was joking or not serious by not taking it seriously. At the same time, it's a little rash. It seems like he gave it 24 hours. I know. And that's... I guess I'm like... I'm in hindsight now that we're talking about it too. I am kind of like, well...

You know, he could have given him another warning, but at the same time,

I don't know if this were me, if I would even trust him. I feel like would he hide it that he's like still not really taking care of the dog and then like the dog is still suffering. Like for a dog to be left in its crate and like granted sometimes dogs do get sick in their crates. Like there's they get upset tummies and they just they can't hold it. But he clearly hadn't even been home and even considered the dog. Yeah. I just think that's really, really shitty. And Justin's roommate got a dog and

He, you know, he travels a lot and he does other things. And he was relying on one roommate to take care of his dog. And that roommate moved out. And so he's kind of now realized like having a dog is kind of a lot. Like he kind of had it really made with having a roommate. Yeah. That was kind of a built-in doggy daycare. A hundred percent. And he's a great dog dad. I don't want to imply like otherwise, but like I'm the one that bought the dog a bed. Mm-hmm.

Because, like, it just, he didn't see the need to get her a bed. Yeah. And I'm like, she needs a place. Yeah. And so, like, I get, like, you know, everyone is a different type of dog owner. But I think this guy proved he is incapable and neglectful. Like, this is. Yeah. But I guess, like, to your point, like, this roommate.

I don't know. And maybe like, I know we have a lot of shelter people that have people that have worked for shelters and maybe you could chime in on this. Yeah. And I know that because we had a shelter story in last week's episode, but is it better to,

To bring the dog back to a shelter, like the shelter, especially the shelter it came from, so they can rehome it? Or is it preferred that, like, say this roommate, the situation wasn't good, would it have been better if the roommate would have found the dog a home? I think the first. The shelter. And obviously I don't work for a shelter, so please do weigh in. But just having volunteered and fostered. Yeah. Yeah.

They want to vet. They want to use their resources to probably rehome, make sure it's a good match. Well, and there's a paper trail, right? There's a paper trail. You know where the dog is. Ensure this doesn't happen again versus you take more of a chance. This guy isn't like – he doesn't know what to look for. He doesn't know what to ask in terms of screening a potential new dog owner. So I would assume that – I guess the word shelter is like this scary –

Kind of like everyone just envisions the puppy locked away in a crate barking to get out and sad and scared. But there are a lot of great shelters out there that are cage-free and that do a great job of like placing dogs and giving them the love and the resources and the support until they find their forever home. So I don't want to bash shelters. That's not what I meant. I'm just such a dog lover that it would like – I can't –

It would be really hard. I think what I would try to do is what I personally think I would do is like the halfway point where I'd go to the shelter and say, listen, this is the situation. We got this dog from you or my roommate got this dog from you. It's not working. We need to rehome the dog. I don't want to put the dog back in a shelter facility and I don't want to use up the resources to do it because that's resources you guys have to use now. Mm-hmm.

I will be a foster. Can you help me rehome the dog? Yeah. I'd probably do it that way personally. I know, but then you give the guy the chance to like step in. No, no, no, no. I would make it so that that's not an option anymore. Like I agree this guy was not fit to be a dog owner. And to be honest, I mean, that's the challenge of...

Like when there's a dog in a household, no matter how you try to spin it, it is the household responsibility. I've lived with dogs. I've lived with roommates who have dogs. Yeah, you take care of your roommate's dog. It's no shade to them, but it's just by default. It just happens. It's not even like they aren't a good dog owner. Like there's just been times where Blue needs to go potty and I see her at the door. I'm a human being with a heart. Am I supposed to pretend like I didn't see it? Or like, Daniel.

Yeah. Let the dog out. I'm right here. I'm right here. Let me open the door, let her out. But now since I've let her out, I've also got to be responsible, let her in because Danielle doesn't know the dog's outside. So now I've got to remember to let her back in. So it's like, yeah, it just happens. And so anytime someone, anyone out there who's has roommates or is going to live with people, if they say I'm getting a dog,

please know you will be caring for that dog. Yeah. In some way, shape or form. 100%. You will. You will. It is almost impossible. Like people take naps. People forget. There are moments where you, the responsibility will fall on you. And I think to your point too, we just naturally, when we know someone is going to pick up the slack, we kind of let it happen. Yeah. Because we're like, well, there's this other abled body who's going to, if I forget or can't do it, they will. Mm-hmm.

It happens. We do have some updates. Okay. There's a lot of comments on this one. I'll try to post the link. Morgan, remember, insert links on YouTube. But some people are like, not the asshole. If it weren't for you, that poor dog would still be neglected. Yeah. And it really does seem like your roommate didn't care about the dog. My friend had his ex do this with the dog, except he refused to do anything for the dog. And the girlfriend essentially neglected the poor dog. And she was tearing up everything in the house. Hmm.

OP responds, my roommate did this exact thing. Before I had him get her a crate, she would be locked in the laundry room with all of our shoes without our permission. Poor dog got anxious and tore up everyone's shoes. Roommate said it was our fault because we should know puppies chew things. Never minded that he put her in there knowing she had issues and would do this. I've probably lost at least $100 in possessions because of the dog. I'm glad she's somewhere better now and that I'm moving out in January. Hmm.

A lot of people are asking, like, can you expand on why your roommates think you're the asshole? Well, word count was hard to elaborate. My roommate was able to talk to them before they heard the full story, and he managed to paint things in a light that fit his story. I was able to chat with one roommate since then, and she's more understanding now that she knows my side. So then Opie does, like, give an update.

Not sure if anyone will see this, but I wanted to get out there that after chatting with one of the non-dog-owning roommates, things have adjusted a bit around the house. She happened to see this post and recognized the situation and wanted to apologize for not having sided with me. Like many of us do, she believed the first story she was told—

which was from our horrible roommate and not me. Apparently, he told her that I had told him I was joking when I gave him the ultimatum and told him I liked helping out with the dog and wanted to continue. With emotions high and our roommate highly angry, she was scared to disagree and told me she didn't think it was fair for me to not give a better warning when he insisted she and our other roommate give our opinions. And afterward, she just wanted to hide and not be involved.

Since then, she says she feels awful and realizes this is a flaw she should work on. We've actually grown a bit closer through this, and we're talking about finding a place without the other two once our lease is up in January. It did call the shelter and ask about how the dog was and if our roommate would be able to go to other shelters to adopt.

And they said they have contacted all the other local shelters to let them know. And he will not be approved for any adoptions within a good radius of our town or from any of their other places nationwide. The good news is the dog is doing okay and is already back to harassing people to play with her. Oh, I want her to be adopted though. Happy ending.

It is a happy ending. And yes, I mean, this man, he's a neglectful dog owner. He shouldn't own a dog. No. Some people just are not fit to own dogs the same way some people are not fit to be parents. I think that's very true. And the thing is, like, sometimes you don't know until you get a dog and know. And I think it is really important for people to and maybe shelters do this.

I don't know. But I think it's really important that if you've never had a dog or a cat, you start with fostering. Like, I think it's so important to like, you don't get the luxury of doing that with kids. And I think it's something... You can babysit. You could. It gives you a glimpse.

But I think it's like, then you know, and you're not agreeing to take on this dog and you get the fun puppy stage and then you give it back. You're kind of like going into the expectation of like, I'm going to see what it takes. I'm going to see if I can handle it. While also, if it doesn't work, I'm helping this dog get out of a shelter and finding it a great home. Yeah. I think in theory, that sounds great. I know some shelters have moved away from temporary fosters like that. Really? Yeah. I've tried to foster because-

I didn't really like this shelters rationale, but like apparently it can be just too much back and forth. Yeah. For the dog. Yeah. And like the dog is trying to act like apparently they don't get to show the true. The dog doesn't ever get to show its true personality because it's kind of like in that

like not honeymoon phase with you, but like still in its shy. By the time it comes out of its shell, it's going to another foster and the cycle repeats. So they want just like long-term fosters. Yeah. There was another reason a shelter gave me that I don't remember now, but I just, it's gotten harder to, believe it or not, it's in my experience living in Los Angeles, you know. Yeah. You're very active in dog rescue community. Yes. And I found it's harder to foster than adopt.

That's so wild. I feel like there's one shelter I follow here. It's Westside German Shepherd Rescue. And they're always looking for like emergency short-term fosters. That's just to get the dog like secure. Yes. Especially if it's because they do a lot of rescues from kill shelters. That's like a pull. And especially with dogs that are like pregnant, about to give birth or like having...

has puppies and they can't have them in the shelter because of parvo and yeah all this stuff like i feel like they're one of the ones that are really like really good i know there's good shelters out there there are i will say and again i love shelters i have volunteered fostered all the things but there have been a lot of shelters that do a lot of gatekeeping and especially here's the issue with la and i'm just i'm gonna expose these shelters really quick let's some of these shelters in la are

Because it's L.A., this is a market thing for sure. They want to, if they have an opportunity to adopt a dog out to a high profile or celebrity. I knew that's what you were going to say. They will do it. I know the foundation you're talking about. Yeah, there's a couple, but I know which one you're thinking of. Especially the Nell. Yep. And so some of them will literally hoard the quote unquote like desirable dogs, golden retrievers, golden doodles, Frenchies, poodles, whatever. Yep.

And they will like, because if they can hold out for like, ooh, Ellen DeGeneres, all hypothetical, you guys, I don't want to slander anybody. But these are just like, they will, because their odds are good. I mean, think about it. These celebrities are all adopting now. That's the thing. And that's great. I'm here for it. It's more visibility. I love it. It helps the cause. I'm not against it. But listen, why are they like...

It's like these shelters have assumed that they're going to be a better dog owner than me little old all aid on the street. Which honestly isn't necessarily true because they're traveling for months and going on shoots. Exactly. But here's another thing, too. It's the visibility. It'll give them clout because then they can post it and say, oh, my gosh, Lisa Vanderpump got her dog here or whoever. Right.

And I've noticed that. And I know because I've fallen victim to it. I've tried to get puppies that they will literally... I'll see the dog gets adopted to like a celebrity. And I'm like, I applied for that dog way before. Like, there's just no way. You've applied for a lot. And I lose out. And so my point is like... That's so wild. LA, it's really hard to adopt a dog, you guys. It's... I think this is why I have like such a like... The shelters here are kind of funky. They put me in fight or flight mode. When I see a dog, I know like...

And the thing is, is they won't even, I've done where certain shelters will allow you to keep an application on file. And then if the dog comes up that you want, you just say, hey, my name's Alejandra. I have an adoption on an application on file. Here's the dog I want. And some will make you reapply, which I don't understand because a lot of the answers are the same. You're just gatekeeping now. And anyway, sorry, tangential, but I'm looking to get a dog and it's just been so hard because

There's just so many barriers to entry nowadays. Like I saw something that it's actually easier. I don't want to make a false statement. To go to a breeder. To buy a gun than adopt a dog. That's... Jarring. Wild. Jarring. And do a breeder for sure. Honestly, well, and so one of the comments I saw on our YouTube was...

I got declined like three times from a shelter. And so like, oh, and I think she was like a vet tech. So she was a vet tech, got declined from adopting from a shelter. And so she went on Craigslist.

I mean, what choice do you have if you're dying to be a dog mom in like all these shelters? I mean, I'm not justifying it. I'm, you know, I would love to adopt, but it's some of these shelters and not all of them. There are really great ones out there. Some of them need to do better. Yeah. Really. I literally, we had a couple people that work for amazing shelters and they were commenting their like process. And if any of you guys reach out to me, I would love to put together like

a PDF kit for shelters. I'll help you, work with you, like, do the videos with you and, like, literally, like, we'll send it off to shelters. Yeah. It should be, like, an informational little course because there are good ones out there and maybe... For, like, an event, like...

Here in LA, I would love to get involved with the shelters. I've been involved with them. And it's so fun to help them do their... They're so scarce on resources. And a lot of them could use more. Some of them are dominating the market. We know which ones those are. And some of them aren't using the best practices to get that visibility. But there's a lot of good ones out there. So we're not discrediting that. No. And you will see when...

Not right away when we move into our house because I want to enjoy the fresh house without a dog wrecking my shit for a little bit. But we, Justin and I, have talked about fostering and like having a dog on the show every week, kind of like sitting over there where our buddy Randall is. I thought his name was Jingle. Oh, Jingle. Yeah, we changed it. Jingle. Like then being like, hey, like this is Jingle. He's up for adoption. Like,

We want to like use this for that and share stuff. And I do share some rescues on my Instagram like Westside German Shepherd because it's just near and dear to my heart. I know. Well, while we're on that subject, sock check.

I've got dogs on my socks and I didn't even know we were going to talk about dogs. I picked some stories that might have been a little relatable. You know I'm for the dogs. For all the dogs. You're the ultimate dog girly. You really are. I'm the biggest dog lover. That's why it's hard for me to even slander a dog situation. But I love dogs more than the next person. Yeah.

And we get it's tough. But hey, if you can adopt, adopt and definitely don't support backyard breeders like, you know, we know it's tough and there are really good shelters out there. So you might just have to work a little harder for your new best friend. But thank you for coming on this episode. I'm going to miss seeing your face so regularly, but it's fine. You're not gone forever. Yeah. You're just adventuring a little.

Yeah. I mean, like I said, there's a lot of changes. Mostly good. Yeah. Depending on how you look at it, but mostly good. So, you know, change is scary, but, you know, I feel like it's very needed. It's so cliche to say, but like,

We're in the season of change with the holidays coming up. We know holidays are a tumultuous time. There's a lot of changes, new year, you know, just new feelings. And I just happen to be in a very, very thick season of a lot of change all at once, which can be really… Jarring. Jarring. Yeah. And just overwhelming and just taking it day by day. It's like I do. But…

feel free to throw like your best Alejandra THT memory like she's not dying but you know what I mean passing away let's just pump her up a little bit like she's given so much to the show and again she'll be on sometime in the near future but just show show some little

All I love in the comments, whether it's your favorite moment or just some nice words. Unhinged moments. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you can find one. I know. God, you picked out. I think the story you picked was probably the best today. Really? Yeah. It was so good. Or it's just because you didn't read it. So you had the most like fierce reaction. That is also true. But thank you for having me. I love you guys. And this has been so much fun. And.

I'll see you sometime. Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway.

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