149: Frothing at the Mouth.. Ft. Michaela Okland & Ellie Schnitt
01:35:21 Share

Are we ready, girls? Aye, aye, Captain. Oh my God, you guys are quick with it. Holy smokes. I can't hear you. Aye, Captain. I don't see your response. Oh, Captain.

Who lives in a part... Okay, I'm sorry. We're done. I'm ready. Um, Mikayla, you were going to start off the show today with a song, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot takes, we got two hot takes. You take two takes and they're hot out of the oven and you take the... Woo!

That was amazing. I don't know. I think people are going to start petitioning for that to be our theme song. Give me a second. Give me a little time to workshop it. You're going to take her on tour. Just for that. Literally just for that. Don't tempt me with taking you on tour. I think people would really be down. Both of you. Both of you. Which, welcome back to another episode of Too Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host, Morgan. And today I'm joined by the lovely, talented...

Ellie Schnitt and Mikayla Oakland. Hi. That's my DJ. That was really good actually. That was so important. That was really important. We should put our songs together and see what can be made. Mix them together. Oh my god people would lose their minds. We were talking about this last night and I'm like so nervous. I don't know why. I'm just like I'm so excited for this. I just like can't contain my nerves.

But Mikayla, you were like the first guest I ever had on this podcast. I can't believe that. Like the first like different guest? Yeah. Like first person that wasn't family or friends. It was so long ago. It was like two years ago. I don't know if any of you remember, but I've been around. You're an OG. An OG. I mean, you had the Beatle guy story. Oh my God. The Beatle guy story. I think I like recently got a DM about that. Yeah. Like I think...

I think after that episode came out, people like did find him or thought they did. I don't know. The play. I don't know if the play ever happened because I would periodically check for it and it never I never saw tickets for it.

So I don't know what happened. Just in case anyone's uninitiated, there was a man who was method acting to play a beetle in his home and his wife was upset about it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really... Today's stories might... They might rival it. They might. It's tough. It's really tough. Oh, man. So today's theme that I have for you guys is...

frothing at the mouth. Okay. We often do. Some say foam. I like froth. I slip up. I mess up sayings all the time. And I just think froth has a better ring to it. It's got a better mouth feel. Yeah. Yeah. When you said that, it didn't even register that it's normally foaming at the mouth. But froth is a nice word. I know. Well, it makes you think of like a latte. Yeah.

I like it. So it's stories that are just going to really get us heated. I think you guys will have just expert takes. It's going to be good. We're experts at getting mad. I'll tell you that. Then let's go. Let's go.

Okay, so up first, we have one that's coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. This one is titled, My girlfriend got hurt at Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I feel terrible, but don't think it was on purpose. She's mad at me.

Believe women. I mean, already I'm mad. I started taking Brazilian jujitsu in 2021 as a way to get into better shape after lockdowns. I had joined a regular gym and I also started going to Jujitsu Academy on the advice of my cousin who had started going to one. He lives in another province. However, he was able to recommend one where I live. I'm only a blue belt, but I really enjoy it.

I started dating my girlfriend last year, and I thought Brazilian jiu-jitsu was something we could do together. She was reluctant, but I got her to come observe me a few times. She was still reluctant. Then she told me about a woman-only class for beginners at a different academy.

Okay. Okay.

She never went alone, though. A few times she complained to me that the others at the academy were rough, but it's a contact sport, and I convinced her to stay after she wanted to quit. Last week, I had to work a couple of days when she wasn't working. I tried to convince her to go without me. The first time, she didn't, but the second time, I got her to go. She got hurt that time. She was rolling with a blue belt, and he got her into an arm bar.

She says he went right into it and didn't go slow or give her time to tap. She broke her arm, left Alna near the elbow. He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life and didn't think her arm would break like that. She said the others should know because of the size and weight difference and he should not have done the arm bar that forceful or fast.

I believe him that it was an accident. However, I feel terrible for my girlfriend. I've only talked to her once since she got hurt. It was mostly her being upset and I didn't really get to say anything. We were talking about moving in together. Now she said she doesn't want to. She said the others at the academy were rough and should have known not to go so hard because she's smaller than them. But it's a contact sport and one of the purposes is self-defense.

I do not like that she got hurt, but I also don't believe the blue belt or any of the other guys were rough on purpose. She won't talk to me. I don't even know what's going to happen with our relationship. She said she is mad at herself for not quitting when she wanted to, but she is mad at me too. And our instructor. I don't know why she's mad at him.

I feel awful that she got hurt, but at the same time, it's a contact sport and injuries can happen. I don't think it was on purpose or anything like that. Can I ask a question? Is it a contact sport? I wasn't, I didn't get the impression. Was it? Do you think it's contact? Does he think that it is? Also, is it Brazilian jujitsu?

Brazilian, right? I thought it was regular kind, not Brazilian. Hard to say. This man is exhausting. Okay. So she never, mind you, even barring the broken arm, never wanted to do jujitsu. She was never interested in doing jujitsu. I don't know why, to begin with, it was so important to him. Also, love the little nugget of like, women always leave our gym. What?

What's up with that? It seems like there's a pattern here that he's not seeing. Yeah. I wonder why women leave the gym. Clearly a pattern. I've taken self-defense classes and like safety is the number one thing. Like they're very, very careful to break someone's arm takes a lot of force. It's very difficult to do that.

That's not like a oops, broke your arm. No, I have like a visceral reaction to that. And she was even trying to give him a compromise where she was like, well, maybe I'll join one that's like women only. But no, no, no, no, no. Of course not. That's not what he wanted. It's control. And it's like the way he doesn't believe her. Yeah. He wasn't there. And he's giving some random guy like that he's not really connected with the benefit of the doubt versus his partner who he should be going to bat for.

And like, who does it benefit when you just join a gym and you're learning to go against someone who's got way more training than you isn't slowing down to teach you anything is just like going at you to hurt you. How's that going to help anybody learn?

Does anyone watch Friends? Have you guys seen Friends? I've seen it. It's been a while. It's giving Ross trying to jump out and scare Phoebe and Rachel to like teach them a lesson. Like unagi. Like, yeah. And they're like, isn't that sushi? But it's like, I feel like a lot of times in life, guys...

will use their strength or something that they have, like, as an advantage, air quotes, to teach us a lesson, to, like, prove we're inferior, to prove we're weaker, to prove they're smarter, stronger, faster, you know, whatever it is. And I feel like that's what this was. Like, this was him trying to, like, assert dominance in some weird way. Well, I think it would be really... Granted, I've never done Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but I think it would probably be really hard to break someone's arm on accident. Like...

I think it's probably a purposeful thing. You would have to know how much force you were going to be putting on that person. Yeah, according to Google, and obviously it can change with people that have like conditions like osteoporosis or weakened bones, whatever, 225 pounds of force to break an arm. Oh my God. Yeah, like a thousand newtons if you want to, if you're real smart. And I don't know what that means, but that sounds like a lot. It sounds painful. I mean-

Even like football players aren't breaking their arms that often. That's just like a hefty. You would have to really be trying to do that.

yeah I feel like men with sports are very much like if we were ever doing the same sport like if I was even doing soccer against an olympic soccer player I would win even though I don't practice soccer and I feel like they have that little mindset did you see it okay wait why don't you oh yeah there was a woman and she was like what is she like a track star like she's like really good at track and this guy with no training like couch potato was like

yeah, obviously I could beat you at track because I'm a man and you're a woman and I'm obviously faster than you. So she like did the race with him and she sort of kept pace with him, kind of played with him for the first half and then just shot out ahead of him so far. She smoked his ass. But still so many of the quote tweets were like, well, he was keeping up with her even though he doesn't even practice. This is proof that men are actually more superior athletically.

Like, oh, he could just roll off the couch and keep pace with her. Yeah. She was doing that to fuck with him. Yeah. Oh, it's so hard being a woman. Like, there's such a barrier to entry with anything where it's like, even like professional women's basketball. You have all these guys that are like, well, you know, Zion in high school could have beat her even though she's the best woman. Like,

like oh you like football name 10 players on the 1975 Eagles team like it's like can we just yeah can we not like well I feel like that's what a lot of the dudes defending Simone Biles husband are saying like why would he know the most famous woman athlete when it's like any man could do that did you see his tweets that surfaced no he was tweeting about those Olympics he was he was a liar of course he was a wavy little

He was a lovely little liar. He knew who she was. Of course he did. You're not dumb. And like, if you're on Raya or her Instagram or whatever the fuck way they met, you

You have eyes. You looked at her account. Like, come on. I get in the beginning of dating a super famous person being like, oh, yeah, I'm not super familiar with your work. But to keep that ruse through marriage. To like make a little joke. And be like, I never heard of you. Not even once. Never heard your name. I'm the catch. It's like, why do you feel like you need to humble her? You know, like, why are you so insecure that you have to do that? And that is literally the story. That's what the Brazilian jujitsuers are doing. They're humbling her. In the contact sport. And for what? For literally what? It's crazy. It's crazy.

The top comment is, well, it's pretty obvious why women stopped coming to this place. Immediate red flag that multiple women started coming and then stopped after a few classes. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason that there's an all women gym that exists now in the same area is because of this one. It's all people from that gym who've left that gym. Yeah, they migrated. What is the instructor teaching them?

I'm also wondering if like the men there don't want her to be there. Like I'm wondering if they're actually welcoming or if the boyfriend's the only one who really wants her to be showing up. I feel like that's probably. Yeah. I also think it is interesting that he was like, I thought this was something we could do together when it's already a hobby that he has. It's not like you're coming up with something for you to do together. You're saying, I want you to do what I do. I want you to be part of what I do. And I'm not going to make any room for us to create a new thing.

I literally just saw something on this where people were talking about how women will always invest in like man's men's hobbies. Yeah. Versus like, how are you investing in me? Invalidate them as hobbies. Yeah. And it's like, oh, well, that's not a hobby. Like sewing, like painting. Don't even get me started. Sewing is wonderful. It's a we're going to go. We're going to go to something. Yeah.

you're right. It's crazy. How many times have you been sat watching some boring man movie because it's his favorite movie? How many times has he sat and watched your movies? Namely Princess Diaries. I can't even get started on this. I can't talk about this, but I did watch all of the Marvel movies for a man would not watch Princess Diaries 2. 2?

Two is still really good for a sequel. It's such a good movie. Chris Pine. It's very special. They gotta bring him back. They are doing a third movie. Are they both in it? I don't know. If they're not married and still together with kids and raising the next monarchy, I will riot. Yeah. I will riot. Speak on it. This is 2024, though. Women need to stop pretending they're interested in men's hobbies. Stop. Stop. Looking right at the camera for that one, yeah. Stop. Stop.

There is one comment OP did respond to. Ooh.

Someone goes, he did it on purpose. 99% sure. Her being a white belt, he should know to go easy. Yeah, injuries can happen, but it seems like he put more effort than he should have. Also, if I were you, I would look up the gym and the instructor to see how legit it is. Even in professional fights or BJJ matches, it rarely happens because they all give their opponent time to tap and they are doing it to win. Seems like a blue belt should not be a blue belt.

That's what makes me think he did it on purpose or doesn't know what he is doing. So yeah, I think you are the asshole. Oh, get his ass. Exactly. Got him. This person sounds like they're familiar with the sport. They know what they're doing. Very familiar with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. OP ignores anything in relation to like blame and just says, my instructor's lineage is good. He's trained. Lineage? Is this Pokemon? Like his ancestry? Yeah. Like his father and his grandfather?

He's trained under more than one black belt, and he has participated in tournaments all over the world. The academy is accredited and is probably the best one in the province. He is legit, and his lineage proves it. What the hell does lineage mean? Up with the lineage. Dude, I want to punch him in the face. Oh my god, so he like didn't take the comments and change his mind? Nope. Okay.

Great. He won't believe his girlfriend or any of the people he asks. Well, does his girlfriend have lineage? These are questions we have to ask. I hate him. Would this be breakup worthy for you guys? Yes. Yes. Yeah. But so many things are breakup worthy for me. That's a good point. What would you find like the most like innocent breakup reason? Like the least serious one? Too tall.

You couldn't reach them? Too successful. Well, yeah, you told me someone last night and I was like, girl, what? You ghosted him? I like him. What was the other one? Oh, text too much. Another one didn't text enough. You know, it's got to be just right. Fine line. Yeah. Fine line. Cheated on me. That's a valid reason. Okay. Moving along.

Okay, this one is two days old. It's coming from AITAH titled, Am I the asshole for telling my husband that his buddy's wife needing help is not my problem? My husband and I live right next door to his friend Tim and his friend's wife Jonah. I have a four-year-old son and a week-old daughter. Tim and Jonah have a five-year-old and three-day-old. My

My labor went a lot smoother than hers did. She ended up needing an emergency hysterectomy as she was bleeding out on the labor and delivery bed. They came home last night.

Now, when they got home, Tim called my husband down to smoke a joint. And when he got back upstairs, he told me that Tim had asked him for a favor. Apparently, he was wondering if I would go over to his house periodically throughout the day while he was at work to check on his wife and do tasks for her. Cooking, cleaning, keeping her company as she was bedridden and feeling really down and depressed from the unexpected hysterectomy and the reality of not being able to have more children.

Listen, I feel for women. I really do. But this is not my problem. I just had a baby myself a week ago. And even cooking for us is a chore in itself because of how exhausted I am. My husband said repeatedly, quote, it's okay if you say no. I'm sure they would understand.

But like, it'd be nice if you did this for them because I'm sure they could really use the company. And I know I'm being selfish, but I do not care if she could use the company. And I feel really backed into a corner and manipulated with wordplay. It's okay if you say no, but you should just say yes. But I'm getting really pissed off that I'm even asked of this. I asked my husband why him or his buddy would immediately think I would be able to do this considering I just had my own baby and I'm also taking care of a four-year-old.

He said, quote, I understand that, but you're already up and doing things. And she can't even do that because she's bedridden. So she can't even make her kid food or anything. Anyways, I told him no. I told him I had a bad taste in my mouth about them attempting to back me into a corner for a yes answer with their guilt trips. And that if she was incapable of doing anything, Tim needed to step it up and either A, take time off from work or B, start meal prepping and call someone else to come into his home and do everything else.

My husband and Tim work at the same job, and they were both given four days off when we went into labor. So he had time to try and figure this out. But instead, he tried punting it off on me, thinking I would say yes. My husband said that he doesn't blame me for saying no, but my attitude on it has caused tension between him and Tim because I'm acting heartless. Am I the asshole for not caring that Jonah needs help and telling them that it's not my problem?

First of all, if the husband weren't smoking a joint with his buddy, maybe he could be helping out a little bit. And that's a good point. A week after they've given birth? Do you know how, like, she shouldn't be up and doing stuff. Like, how is that a serve to be like, well, you're up and doing stuff. And she shouldn't be. She should be, like, vibing. She should be in her vibe glowing and growing. Have you seen a week old baby? No.

It's a worm. They look like an alien. Like you need someone else there to even just go take a shower. You can't put your baby down. 20 minutes. What's she going to do? Pack up her newborn and the five-year-old or four-year-old that she has and walk next door and then do all this other lady's shit. They're just like, oh, woman job. I know woman. Woman near me. Woman could do. Woman

woman could go there and do both. This is so crazy. First of all, Tim, step up. Secondly, like, why can't her husband do it? It's not like he's clearly not helping you at home. Or get a nanny. Both of these people. Both of these husbands. What are you talking about? Or like a relative.

Like someone who doesn't have a newborn. This happened to my mom, actually. Anyone? Really? Is that anyone else? Not the exact same, but my brother and sister were 11 months apart and she had both like very young babies. And we had a relative in the family who had just had kids too. And they asked her to fly out and like help out with the kids and like bring her. She was like, I can't do that. What?

Like right now. My life is insane. You have no idea. I have two kids under the age of one. Like, do they not have any other friends? Do they not have family? I don't understand. You can't call a nanny? Like...

I literally don't understand why you would think a woman who pushed a fetus out of her vagina, like that she can barely walk around. She's using diapers, you know, like you can't even you're not stitched up down there. Like she's you're not even really sometimes supposed to hold your baby because of how like injured you are. Yeah. Like what are we talking about? It's actually crazy. And the fact that you mentioned that to like,

she's definitely still healing. And I just saw a video on Twitter where it was like a guy putting like a panty liner in his wife's underwear postpartum. And people were like commending him like, this is a real man. Oh, I think I saw that video. The bar is in hell. See how easy it is? Well, her guts are falling out of her body. So sorry not to...

But this is how dire we're at right now. Yeah. And it's true. It is true. It's crazy. It's actually crazy that she mentioned that she's doing cooking and cleaning around her house right now. I fully will not do anything for at least six months. Nor should you. Why would you? I expect to be weighted on hand and foot. If I have to do it, I will refuse to do anything. Well, this reminds me. I saw someone. Women are so fucking tough. Sorry. No, no, no. It's so true. And speak on it. Yeah. Just...

There was like a man being interviewed and he had just had a baby for the first time with his wife and he had like contacted his mom and he was like, I just want you to know this made me realize because back then I always thought my dad was the one working hard going off to work and you got to like stay home. But now I realize that my dad was the lucky one having an easy like going off to work while you stayed home. And I always thought that what he was doing was harder because, you know, you see them leaving with their briefcase going off.

Yeah. Stay at home moms. They deserve Nobel Peace Prizes like to keep that together. Kids on a schedule, especially people. Can you imagine homeschooling and having more than one baby, more than one kid? She's got a toddler in the home at the same time.

They're demons. Toddlers are demons. And they don't understand. Like, they don't understand why you can't give them... They're not going to give her a break. Exactly. No. I would be like, we're going to couples therapy over this. Like, this is unacceptable that you would even have the audacity and the lack of brain cells to ask me this. Mm-hmm.

Well, it just shows a total lack of respect for what she's doing. Like, it makes it so clear that he doesn't recognize what she's been having to do for their family. Which is just crazy. I don't know how you could watch someone give birth and think that, you know? Yeah. It's nuts.

We have a lot of comments from our OP. Of course. So I'm going in order from like first posted to most recent. There's a comment that was deleted by the user, but it seems like they were asking kind of how close she is with this other wife. Well, that's the thing. I have met this woman twice. Each time for maybe 15 minutes. Stop.

My husband has only been friends with this guy for going on four months. He met through work and we just happened to move right next door a month later, which made their friendship stronger. Happened to? It sounds like, what's that movie? Don't Worry Darling? Yes. My husband has only met the wife maybe three times, so neither of us know her well at all. And I certainly don't feel comfortable being in the position to care for her, her older child, or take care of their home either. Okay.

Well, yeah, because a lot of it also sounds like they want emotional labor for her, like taking care of how she's feeling about everything, which is so draining when you're already healthy and normal. But she probably has postpartum as well. Yeah, especially with the hysterectomy. Having that choice to not have any more kids or that autonomy over your body would be gut-wrenching. Yeah. That is...

She needs to seek therapy. She needs support. Like someone who's a family member or like a friend. Who knows her. That have met more than a couple times. Yeah. This person kind of popped off and goes, you're the asshole. They're calling her the asshole for not wanting to help. You don't have to, but you ought to help friends and neighbors. It's not like you work anyways. Oh!

Not the gasp. I just gasped. I know. Oh, if he goes, they're not my friends. I've met her twice. I've met Tim, the husband, maybe four times. And that's just another man being like, yeah, woman labor. Woman go do the labor that women do. Mm-hmm.

Someone goes, where's her family? Like, this is one of those times you, i.e. they, need to call their family and ask for help. OP responds, I've seen her mom stop by at least once a week since we moved in here three months ago. Same with her sister. What? So she has options, I'm assuming.

I'm just imagining these two men are on like lunch break at work and the one guy is like, yeah, my wife's having a really hard time. The other dude's like, well, dude, my wife has had babies. She just had babies. She can take care of a baby. I'll set you up, dude. Meanwhile, they're smoking a joint together outside. Go meal prep. Huh? Go start cooking. Go start cleaning your fucking house. Do the dishes.

To have time to like just go hang out with a friend and smoke a joint a week after you've just brought a child into your family. So crazy. It's not even like that alone is shocking to me. That's an insane luxury. Yeah. Where's the baby? Yeah. Where's the baby? Where is your child? Where like what's going on here?

Yeah, there's a lot of comments. People are like, you don't have to do everything, but show some compassion instead of sitting at home all day on your phone. Men are saying that. Were those comments getting a lot of likes? No, they got downvoted. Okay. Thank God. No, that one got downvoted 457 points. Thank God.

Yeah, there's just a lot of comments. Someone goes, Yeah.

He has a hard time telling Tim no. Half the time he bitches when Tim gets a hold of him to go hang out because he doesn't want to go but feels bad saying that he can't. He needs to grow up, woman up and not be such a pansy. Speak up for yourself and your wife. God damn. Be an adult. Be a grown up.

I know. Opie's going to bat for him, too. Someone's like, what the fuck did I just read? Is your husband an asshole or just a moron? And Opie goes, he's just a moron. Generally speaking, he's a sweetheart. Wicked good dad, too. But Tim, he lacks the ability to say no to Tim. So that's a detail you left out. I don't know if you realize that they're from Boston. This is all making a lot more sense. Okay. The...

They're a little more toxic. I don't know, Boston men, kind of toxic masculinity. Okay. Yeah, I honestly, I know this is probably not easy and feasible, but I would not want to keep living next to these people. Yeah, because it sounds like they are going to want to take and take and take. It's like easier access to just...

suck you dry do we know what the other wife did she did she ask what are her feelings like do we know anything about how was she thinking this was any kind of good idea like no that's a good question like possibly i wish possibly she doesn't actually even want this like that wasn't her idea she probably doesn't even want that i mean i not i bet that's the case yeah yeah like if i was at my lowest of lows i

and just not doing well after giving birth, like I wouldn't want a stranger to come take care of me. No, my husband's colleague's wife. And like, you're probably embarrassed. Like it's a mess because you know, there's kids running around. You haven't been able to do anything. Like you just don't want people in your family you want in your home or maybe like a professional nurse, you know, somebody that like has seen it and, and isn't going to judge you. Been in the trenches. Yeah. Yeah. I just, this is crazy. I would,

I would be calling the mom and sister to come like move in. Like you said, they have been visiting. They've been there. So it's like they're clearly in town. Wow. Sometimes these stress me out when it's couples who are already married with children together because I'm like, oh, I wish I could be like break up.

Break up. I know. And it's obviously like easier said than done. I say get divorced a lot. Yeah. But I feel like something that has like had a lot of discourse lately is like people being great partners until the kids come and then all of a sudden they flip a switch. And to me, that's the scariest thing in the world. Yeah. Because like I don't want to do this by myself. Mm-hmm.

I want it 50-50, like truly 50-50. And it's like you could have someone say like, oh, yeah, I'm so willing to do that. But then when it comes down to it, I saw like a question that you should ask your partner. And it was like, if the kids get sick and we both are working, who has to stay home?

And it's like simple questions like that. Like, is it automatically assumed because you're the mom, you're going to be the one staying home? Yeah. Like it's like there's a list of questions you should ask. And I started like started like asking them. And I'm like, now that you're engaged, it's like, let's start putting these out there. I know. I'm like, I got to make sure. Fuck. But it is like it's.

It's scary. You just don't know until like a kid is literally there in front of you. And then at that point, it's like it changes. And you're so vulnerable. Like when you have a kid like you can't just abandon the kid. And it is like typically on the person that has the kid like you're breastfeeding. You're yeah. You know, you're doing these things that the baby is usually like more attached to you early on. Like it's just a struggle. Yeah.

That's a struggle. Yeah. It's tough being a woman. Yeah. It is. That's sort of the theme. That's sort of the theme. Yeah. It's a girly girl episode. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Well, next story. Let's see if I can find one where there's a girly in hot water. See, the problem is I'll never say that she's wrong. I struggle so hard. She did nothing wrong. No, I struggle so hard with that, admitting that the woman was wrong. Yeah. We almost never do. I'll be like...

I'll be like, well, I bet there's something they're leaving out. There's something we don't know. There's something they're not telling us.

I will say with this one, I hope this is a story that Jonah's wife or maybe the wife's name was Jonah. I hope the other wife finds this post and writes her side of the story. Yeah. We've had that happen. We've had like themes on it. I'm working on one. If anyone sees stories, send them my way. But I really hope she finds it and is like this post made me realize how unengaged my husband was. And yeah, we can only hope that would be huge. Yeah.

Asshole. Okay, moving along. Get away with friends to the laid-back Maryland coast, where you can catch up while casting off and hang ten while hanging out, where a day on board is never boring and full throttle is half the fun, where you can sink a putt, raise a glass, and there's always room for one more round. Ocean City, Maryland. Somewhere to smile about. Book your trip at ococean.com.

This one is, it's a heavy one, you guys. So I feel like I should give a trigger warning for like tragic animal loss. Oh, okay. It's a little heavy. So if animals and like losing a dog is going to trigger you, like skip, skip ahead.

So this is four days old. My 35 male girlfriend, 35 female, won't admit to killing my dog. What? Do I end it? You're starting strong with trying to convince us. This might be one. What the hell?

About four years ago, my then-girlfriend was about to move in with me. My dog had a broken back from an injury four years prior. The injury was my fault, but he had healed and could walk and run. However, he tweaked his back, jumping up on a wall. After taking him to the vet, he was given gabapentin for his pain. Prescribed by the vet, my dog weighed 27 pounds and was given 400 milligrams of gabapentin. 200 milligrams and then 200 milligrams two hours later.

A fairly largest dose for his size. He was not supposed to move or be in pain so his back could heal.

Oh!

She suffocated him under the weighted blanket. When I explained what happened to him, she freaked out and started cursing at me and blaming me for giving him gabapentin. I said quite a few choice words and the relationship was done. By choice words, I mean I cursed her out. I did eventually apologize for that, but she never admitted to killing him. Fast forward 18 months and we have been talking again.

We were in love, very much so, but I was unable to forgive her for not taking responsibility for my dog's death. I told her there was no way we could be friends or anything romantic until she took responsibility for suffocating my dog. She refuses to apologize or even acknowledge that she killed him and again blames it on the gabapentin and injuring his back four years prior.

I find the behavior morally reprehensible and refuse to be with someone who can't do the bare minimum of accepting responsibility for doing something terrible to someone they loved. She also claimed she loved my dog. She says I'm going in circles, holding on to the past, etc., which to me sounds a lot like gaslighting slash stonewalling. How should I go about this? Do I cut ties or accept the loss of these five years?

What? So she thinks, like genuinely thinks that it wasn't the weighted blanket that killed the dog? It appears that way. And he's very, very sure. Very sure that it was suffocating. That it was the weighted blanket and suffocation that killed the dog. Did they autopsy the dog? I will see if there's any comments. Yeah.

I mean, it's, I'm really, you know, we're not great at math. Me and Ellie talked about this on the way here today. No, no, no, not me as well. Two plus two equals four. You know, I'm good at that. Right. Dog was 27 pounds. Weighted blanket was 25 pounds. Oh, wow. And she folded it. Yeah. I don't know if that like increases the pressure. Does that make it more? Hard to say. This is some physics where like distribution also changes how heavy something feels. I feel like folding it makes it feel therefore heavier. Yeah.

I'm not a fucking scientist. I don't know. That makes a lot of sense though. That really makes a lot of sense. I feel like... But it's... Yeah. Yes. I feel like... Kind of a small dog. I feel like yes.

Yeah. So this is that is scary to like, especially if he knows for sure that this is what happened and like she just won't take responsibility for it. That's a very scary person to choose to have a relationship with. Right. The like whole concept of not admitting wrongdoing. It's very dangerous. It's hard to hard to keep a relationship going in that way. Yeah. And that

- That's sort of like the worst case scenario. That's not like she didn't flush the toilet and you were like, did you not flush the toilet? She said, no, how would you, how would you, why dare would you say that? She killed your dog and won't admit that she did something wrong. Like that's kind of a serious thing. - And we were just talking about how you should be nervous about who you have children with.

And I feel like this really goes back to that. Like, this is something... And this is, like, the first thing in my mind when I date people is how would they be to my children? Which, weird. Not even... Don't know why I'm already thinking that way. But, like...

That would be a deal breaker for me to be like, oh, if they can't accept responsibility for something that happened to the dog, why would I want to raise children with this person? Because it's kind of narcissism, right? Like to say that it could never be your fault and like in what other circumstances, like it almost seems like he's not even...

obviously I'm sure he's very upset that the dog had died and was killed but like he's not like I can never forgive you because you killed my dog he's saying I can't forgive you because you won't even say you did that she won't even apologize won't apologize right I've

I've apologized for so many things that like I don't necessarily feel the need for. But like that doesn't matter. Like I hurt someone else's feelings. However intentional it is, like that's the bottom line. I hurt someone's feelings. Yeah. I can apologize for doing that. Even if she thinks there's a chance that that's not how the dog died being like, you know what? That was a stupid idea. It was a stupid idea to think that that would like be a helpful thing for the dog. Now that I'm thinking about it, I realize...

that that didn't make sense and I could have caused that and I'm really sorry if that's what happened. Even if she has to throw an if in there. You know, like, to just fully be like, there's no way, no chance, absolutely not, couldn't have been me. No, it was the drug that the vet prescribed to the dog. Which, like...

That's not how that works. Yeah. Also, weighted blankets give me sleep paralysis. So I know that there's something with those things. Oh, that's so scary. Because it's like you can't move when you're under them, which increases the odds of getting sleep paralysis. Creepy. Yeah.

And then imagine if I had taken drugs. I don't know. They should put that on the packaging for those things. Yeah, good to know. Good to know everybody. Wow, PSA. I just got one. I'm not using it to sleep. Well, you can test it out. Some people love it. Some people have a sense of time. I kind of like it, but I need to be squished. I need the squish. I literally, you know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an autistic woman who developed...

mechanisms to help decrease cow's stress as they go to be killed. Yes. Temple Grandin sounds like a game on your iPhone. It sounds like a drink. Yeah, literally. That's what I thought as well. But she created a device for herself when she became overstimulated and she would put herself in the device and pull the lever and it would squish her.

Oh. Me when I'm in the device. Yeah. Literally, I tell my partner, Justin, I'm like, can you just squish me? Like, literally lay on top of me. I just need to be squished. Like, I'm overwhelmed. Squish me. It feels so good. I literally...

sometimes I say can you just like temple grand in me but like it's probably not appropriate to say that's appropriate she developed a squishing device she's an inventor of squishing she is so she is legalize it what sad story and I would say he should just cut and run yeah cut ties move on also I feel like he'll always

He'll always have some kind of resentment or like maybe not resentment, but just distrust or anger. It does break the trust. And I feel like it's just dangerous to get back in if you're already out. He'll never look at her and not see his dead squished dog. Sorry. Like, am I wrong? No, you're 100% right.

um there's also a lot of comments from op it's a dumpster fire in these comments like truly people are like oh you vet wouldn't give him that much gabapentin for a small dog like

Oh, they're saying that dose doesn't make sense? Yeah. And like, he's like, what, did you go on Google? Like, did you get a veterinary degree? Literally, that's like the first answer on Google, apparently. Yeah. And apparently a dog can OD on gabapentin. I don't know. But I will post the link for this one if you really want to deep dive in the comments. I mean, he shares a lot of personal stuff. People are like, I don't know why you're talking to her again. Like,

People are saying, like, dude, there's more pussy out there. Why don't you just go find another one? Another pussy. Yeah. So many pussies. Just find another pussy. And Opie happens to share, like, personal information that he's bipolar and mentions, like, a previous abortion they had. And so then people start attacking him for that. Like, totally getting away from the problem. Yeah. He does get asked, did you perform an autopsy to specifically find out? Big question. Mm-hmm. And...

He says, no, she had him cremated. So he was unable to. Wait, why was she in charge of that decision? Why was she cremating the dog? I do not know.

believe him. I do not know. What do you mean she cremated your dog? Would she put him in the fireplace? What are you talking about? I'm so confused. Sorry. Can you imagine? No, literally, like, why was that her decision? And how did she do this without, like, he's really putting... This is where my sexism comes in. Because I'm like, he seems to be saying things that don't make sense could be her responsibility. It is. She wouldn't be able to sign the thing, I don't think. I mean...

I don't know. Like maybe they put him in the freezer until they could take him in sooner. I just saw a video of someone storing their cat in a freezer. I might have been from a TV show now that I'm thinking about it. Like a cartoon. I do know people that have had to buy walk-in freezers to store their dog or cat so they could bury them come springtime when the ground unthawed.

Wait, you can't bury... That's a Minnesota thing. But why is he not just saying, like, we cremated? Why is she saying she cremated the dog? Like, she took that decision away. It doesn't make sense. Or, like, she stole the dog in the night. Like, literally, that's what he's making it sound like. Like, what are we talking about?

Yeah. It's my one thing. It's my one question. I don't know. That's the one part where I'm like, I don't know. But it does just seem like this might have been kind of a toxic relationship overall. Well, and he comments too. He's like, I've never attributed this to malice. I just thought it was negligence. Like the dog wouldn't have froze to death. So why like put a blanket on him even? There were many, many blankets right beside the dog. But she went further and found the weighted blanket. Because she probably thought it'd be nice. Like a nice little blanket.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. And then he says something like the dog died almost immediately while she went into the shower. So after five minutes, the blanket was put on. He passed. I know this due to the rigor mortis setting in when I tried to give my dog CPR.

Wait, what does suff... Is suffocation obvious? Like, if... Would she have seen... Like, would she have noticed if the dog was suffocating? Surely the dog would have been making some kind of noise. Like a gasping or like a... You think? Probably, right? Like, I don't think suffocation happens silently. And I don't think you go out without a fight. Unless the pillow's on your face. Although the dog was...

On drugs. So maybe it's more lethargic. Didn't we couldn't fight it off. Adding up slowly just went. Seems like maybe just a slippery slope of bad things all came together. Well, doctor, veterinarians need to start putting out that PSA. Don't put a weighted blanket on your dog when they take. Why would you put it? Well, you're right. No. Common sense is not common.

But if I took like a little anti-anxiety or pain medicine, I'd be like, well, I'm going to get comfy now. No, hold on. Because if I took my little Valium...

him and went under a weeded blanket, I'd never get up. No. But not in a dead way. Just like I just would be comfy. Yeah. We have a little bit more info. Someone gets real specific with questions. One, she sent you a video just prior. Two, dog was gone for two hours. Three, she said he looks strange. Four, she cared enough to put a blanket on him, but not enough to check on him. Five, she can't really admit or explain.

Could she have actually killed the dog either on purpose or by accident then tried to cover it up with the above, aka the blanket? One, I was working. I received a video I couldn't watch due to internet restrictions. The video showed my dog under the blanket looking really stressed. I didn't see the video until a couple of hours after my dog was dead. Well, that's not looking good for her. It's not looking good. Because you can tell when someone is stressed or suffocating.

I haven't seen a lot of suffocations, to be fair. To be fair. It's hard because like with people, like we, our skin changes because like the lack of oxygen. Also, that's different for people with more melanin. Like it's harder to tell when people that are of color like have decreased oxygen sats. Like even the finger O2 sats don't work as well on black people because of the infrared light working through the skin. It's like harder to penetrate. So there's like a lot of like

bias in like even medicine with people and like dogs have fur right so like i don't know but like if she sent a video of the dog looking stressed and then sent him a message an hour before he got home that the dog looked strange

put two and two together bitch like take the blanket off of it yeah i feel like she i feel like she did know i feel like she's playing dumb yeah just i have questions i have questions but i think she's in the wrong yeah it's just move on like this is not worth it like i've been in my relationship five years but if justin killed one of my horses with his negligence like my pony i'm

And he couldn't apologize, we'd be done. Yeah. That's scary. Yeah. It's scary to not feel like there's any need to apologize. Yeah.

Yeah. The top the top comment with 6000 upvotes. You answered your own question. You just didn't like the answer. And they quote O.P. and go, I find the behavior morally reprehensible and refuse to be with someone who can't do the bare minimum of accepting responsibility for something for doing something terrible. Yeah. Case closed. Yeah. Period. That's so true.

It was hard for me, though. Was it? It was hard for me to admit that a woman did something wrong. Yeah. I still question some of his comments. I'm with him. I'm fully with him. You got to get rid of the dog killer. She gone. And the cremator of your dog. Apparently. Taking him in the night, cremating him. That is... With no... It's a weird comment. That is suspicious.

For 60 years, families like ours have been growing apples for treetop applesauce and apple juice for families like yours. Ripe, juicy apples picked at the peak of perfection. And year after year, harvest after harvest, we've held to our core belief that the best quality apples make for the best tasting applesauce and apple juice. So from our family to yours, make it treetop. Farmer grown, farmer owned.

This next one is three days old. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Warning My Partner of an Outcome I Thought Was Common Sense. Last night, I, 21 female, cooked dinner as I usually would for my partner, 20 male, and I. And it was a chicken dish. If it makes any difference, chicken breast I had bought packaged from a supermarket yesterday and it was still relatively fresh according to the use-by date.

Between my partner and I, if one cooks, the other will wash the dishes and put leftovers away. And so later that night, my partner was washing up and went to put the leftovers away, but for whatever reason decided to leave the dinner leftovers in the saucepan on the stove. I had noticed before I went to bed and asked what he was planning on doing with the leftovers, and he just replied, quote, I'm taking them to work tomorrow for lunch.

Fair enough, I thought and went to bed. Come the next morning and we're both getting ready to leave for work. And by the time I made my way downstairs, my partner had already packed his lunch and was getting ready. I thought nothing out of the ordinary and we both headed off for the day. Posting in real time...

I not long ago get home and find my partner glued to the loo, groaning and moaning and some other unpleasant sounds. I asked what's wrong, and he starts going off about the chicken. I just said, well, I'm fine. Did you heat it up enough before eating it? And in return, got a meek response of, no, I ate it cold from the saucepan. No!

Yeah, that was what I was worried about.

Normalize it. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, I thought it was common sense that leaving chicken out for 12 hours, 16 hours, I believe, by the time he actually eats his lunch and then eating it would lead to a bad situation. But apparently not. So am I the asshole for not warning him of the consequences of eating old, unrefrigerated chicken? Not even a little bit. No, not even at all.

Also, her response is how any of us would respond. And here's the thing. I have experienced the not knowing of things later in life that should be obvious. For example, recently, not knowing that pickles came from cucumbers. And how would you know that? Not knowing that raisins came from grapes. Yep, that one's harder for me. Well, and I just, I wasn't a big fan of eating those things. The thing about chicken, who among us isn't eating chicken often in our lives? And listen, I...

I have food poisoned myself more times than I want to say because I'm bad at cooking. Right. But I do, I am very scared of like leftovers. So that is one thing, you know, to put the leftover in the fridge. Well, especially chicken. Chicken's the poster child of being careful. Chicken is like, oh my God, salmonella. Isn't there a smell by

Like, I would imagine it would have had a smell. It's meat. It's meat. You can't leave meat out. Even pasta and rice you can't leave out for more than, like, an hour. Otherwise, you can literally die. Yeah.

You could die. The situation, I would like take my partner aside and be like, do you know not to put metal in a toaster? Do you know not to put aluminum foil in a microwave? I did not know that one. Also, until right now? No, no, until I had experience. You see the sparks and then you're like, oh my God, what is going on? Yeah, it's a quick way to find out what cups have metal inside of them or plates. Yeah. Oh. Look,

It's not... The problem is not necessarily that he didn't know. It was that he expected her to realize that he didn't know and warn him. Because, like, if she had warned him...

she would have come across like nagging him or like babying him in some way. I would be scared to tell someone that because I'd be like, I don't want them to think I think they're stupid. Like that would that would make me feel like I was going to insult them. Yes. It's a you could have gone the other way with like telling him it could have made him mad. Right. Either way. Yeah. Like if you were like, are you going to put that away? Yeah. And he said, no, you would have to be like, well, you could get sick. Don't eat it. Yeah.

Can you remind me of his age? 20. Okay. Yeah. It's old enough to know. You've lived a lot of life. You've been out of high school for two, three years. Two years at least. I will say, I think this is the downfall of boy moms. His mother.

Boy moms that coddle their boys, that don't teach them how to do laundry, that don't let them cook for themselves. Like, you need to raise your son to stand on his own two feet. You shouldn't raise your son to go from your house to his wife's house or his partner's house. Like, have him be a self-sufficient, independent, strong adult person.

I'm sorry. I don't know if I missed this in the story. Did he take the saucepan with him in the car to work? I think so. Because like, yeah, it's funny enough when men will do that thing where they just put the whole pan in the fridge. Okay. I'm going to be honest. I do that. Sure. Sometimes I'm just like, I've literally put the air fryer basket just in the fridge because I'm just like, I can't. Well, it's you. And so it's okay. And so it's fine. Okay.

Thank you. I'm going to pass. That's like funny enough, but like to take like a rotted, gross pan in your car. You don't ever, not at one point during that moment, did you think to yourself, there's something wrong here? No. I can't stop laughing in my head, imagining like why he thought they were putting meat in the fridge overnight. Like what? Like what? What?

Why did he think they were doing that? Just so it was in a nice container for him to bring it to work? Probably. Could be. He was thinking that's why we put things in the fridge overnight? Yeah. I just think there are a lot of moments for him where he should have stopped and thought what was going on was weird and didn't. And that's concerning. I'm very surprised in my own life how I haven't gotten food poisoning more, to be honest. It's only happened to me once. I've had it quite a few times now. From a restaurant. Quite a few times.

just the sushi food poisoning is by far the worst but chicken also up there but like in college like you get like food drunk like especially pizza yeah and oh my god we had this one pizza place in um dinkytown it's like my little college town and it was like mesa pizza and they'd put mac and cheese on the pizza or like taco pizza but the mac and cheese one like i for sure left one out on the counter overnight and then ate it the next day for lunch oh yeah

So how didn't I die? I think it's the preservatives probably that were in the stuff. But I didn't know until recently that you're not supposed to have pizza that's been left out on the counter. I was doing that. Well, like a few years ago, like I was doing that. You're learning a lot of things lately because you're like, oh, well, you know, cold pizza. So surely not overnight, but you're actually not even supposed to leave it out for like more than a

few hours yeah i have fully left it out many times overnight yeah totally so like i'm kind of looking at him and i'm like pizza and chicken are not the same pizza and chicken are not the same especially like domino's pizza you could probably put that in a landfill for 20 years and it's not gonna get bad i cannot do domino's anymore

I love it. The taste, I love, but every time. Yep. Just not good. And it's worth it to me. I don't know if I've ever had Domino's pizza. It's so special to me. Where have you been? I don't know. I've never really liked pizza from places like that. I always try to find a place that makes a nice margarita pizza. Okay. Here's my bone to pick. With margarita pizza? Somewhat. Okay. I like...

Like Neapolitan margaritas, right? It's more like there's big blobs of the cheese with the basil. Right. But then people will use margarita interchangeably for that pizza. When I go to order a margarita and it comes out fully cheese with no basil. Oh, it's got to have basil. You just gaslit me. Yeah. I don't like that. I think it's that they don't know the definition. There are some liars in this world. There really are.

And that's on that. And it's sad. Overall vote on this one. What do you think it was? I don't know if anyone's necessarily an asshole. I guess he is for being mad. I mean, he's probably just emotional. He's in distress. He's going through a lot in that moment. He would blame anything in that moment. Oh, my God. I just like I can put myself in those shoes and like...

It's harrowing. I do hope after a day he was like, yeah, that was my bad. Like, I should have known that. And you know what? He'll never do it again. Never. Sometimes you got to learn the hard way. Overall vote, not the asshole. Top comment, not the asshole. Perhaps he will learn from this experience. Perhaps. Perhaps. One hopes. OP responds, I really, really, really hope for both of our sakes. He has.

For both of our seats. Because she can't even use the bathroom. Oh, God. In their home, I bet. I hope they don't have just one. Yeah. They're 20. I think they probably do just have one. Yeah. That's a good point. This was our fear at our house that we were doing. There was only one bathroom there. We had to add another one because we both have stomach problems. And got to be safe. Got to be safe with it. Oh, we had to. Okay. Next story.

This one is nine days old. And I think you guys are about to be angry. Just frothing. Just physically in pain.

Oh.

My wedding is on the 19th, and my bachelorette party was last Saturday and was organized by my best friend Lucy. I partied with my bridesmaids, had some shots, and they were so excited for me marrying the love of my life, Erwin. We

We've been together for three years. After the party, everyone was wasted and went home, leaving Lucy and I in the Airbnb. I was not that drunk, at most tipsy, so I helped her clean up because I'll be staying the night with her too. While we're cleaning, she's silent, which is very not like her. She was very active during the party, so I thought she's just tired, so I told her I can finish up and she can rest. So she went to the bedroom. While

While I was finishing the dishes, she returned to the kitchen. She told me that she needs to tell me something. Oh, God. So I stopped what I was doing. Then she said that she's sorry. She did not expect that Erwin would ask me for marriage because, quote, it was a bet gone wrong.

This is worse than I imagined. I was confused and asked her to elaborate. But what she basically told me is that when I first introduced them to each other, she and Erwin had already had a bet that if he can get me to marry him, she will then date him exclusively. Apparently, they had been secretly dating since before I even met Erwin. What? Their relationship was toxic, so they have these constant breaks, but almost

but on this particular break, she allowed him to date anyone. That's when Erwin and I happened to meet. When I asked her why she's only telling me this now, she said that she felt guilty. She didn't want to hurt me, but she didn't want to take full accountability and acknowledged Erwin's part in this. She was trying to convince Erwin to come clean together, but he refused and told her, nah, the bet was long gone because he was genuinely in love with me.

When I asked her if she still has feelings for Erwin, she answered yes, and she realized how good of a man he is now.

When I confessed if Erwin knows how she feels about him, she answered no. But if I allow her to, she'll confess her feelings to him. At this point, I just left. I had no energy left, even if I wanted to slap her in that moment. I feel so played and betrayed and humiliated. The two closest people in my life made me a pawn to their sick games. I don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so confused."

What the...

First of all, nightmare scenario. This is so much worse than I could have dreamt it to be when you first introduced it. I was like, okay, maybe she turned him down or something. Right, right, right. She's just going to be a little bit bitchy. I don't know. They had a bet. A bet. First of all, throw them both away. Because...

Yeah, he might love her now, which is great. Like, I'm glad that at least that much changed. But to even be willing to do that is how long. Yeah. How long were they dating while they were dating? I don't know if OP mentions. I know we do have an update. OK, so we do get a little bit more info.

But let me see if I can find anything. Right. Like how soon after they started dating did he propose to her? Like how long has this been going on? Like have they been together? She said they were dating for like three years. Three years. And like for how much of that was Lucy also dating him and they were like laughing at her or like whatever? Right. He certainly has cheated on her. You know? Like at the least. Yeah. I'm not seeing anyone ask about the overlap. Yeah.

Um, someone's asking, did your so-called best friend show you any evidence of this? Basically being like, is she just jealous? Jealous. And yeah. Yeah. Because that's happened before on Reddit. Like we've seen that. Um,

And OP goes, I still haven't talked to Erwin and I admit that I keep delaying it because I'm afraid of what he'll say. But yes, I'm picking him up from his flight tomorrow and have him explain all of Lucy's confessions. I don't want to reach out to Lucy for more info. I just can't see her without getting angry. She did not tell her for the right reason because if it were for the right reason, it would have been at any time before this. But

The fact that she chose to do it right before they were actually getting married showed she didn't want them to be happy. Like, she didn't want her to actually, like, be with him. She could have told her at any other point in these three years. Yeah. She just wanted them to not get married. She's, like...

continuing these like clearly like toxic games and she's including this person in them 100% I think the only reason she told her now is in hopes that Erwin would have broken up with her like I think she went to Erwin and was like okay like she agreed to marry you we can be together now

Like, I think that Lucy was really hoping he would call it off and then they could be together. Like, she even... That's crazy. Well, and she even kind of says it. Like, she's realized how good of a man he is now. Well, yeah, he is now because someone cooked there. Yeah.

Yeah. Like he is now trained. Like, of course, everyone wants the puppy that's already potty trained. Yeah. No shit. You want him now? And who's to say your relationship wouldn't be toxic again because the two of you aren't good for each other. Come on. Get it together, Lucy.

Maybe I'll ask this question to you guys. If you guys were in this situation and your friend came to you a year into you dating someone, not three years when you're already engaged and said, hey, you know, I just want to come clean. Me and Erwin did know each other before you guys started dating.

And, you know, you guys have fallen in love now. We've stopped seeing each other. But, like, I love you. I think you deserve to know this. Were they dating each other actively? Like, while I was dating this person? Well, so Lucy and Erwin were together. They would break up, get back together, break up. So Erwin and Lucy were actually broken up on a break when Erwin...

when Irwin met our writer. So they technically weren't together. In this situation, I would absolutely break up with that person. I would be like, thank God I caught this before I married them and had a child with them. So it's still, you would never be able to get past it. I don't know. I would be hard. It would be hard. I would definitely be fucking mad at both of them. But I guess it's the question of, were you cheating on me or were you not?

Was it that you were dating other people when we were first dating and not exclusive because that's, you know, a normal thing to do? Or was it that we were together, we were exclusive, and the last year you've been doing this? Right, like when was the crossover? When was the cutoff? Yeah. No comments on the original post about any overlap. It's unclear if Lucy and Irwin hooked up again or if it was like this bet. And that's all it ever was.

And I think it's actually well, and it's kind of shitty that Lucy didn't explain that further. Like, it's almost like she it's almost like she made it up. It just sounds crazy. Or she wanted to mentally destroy her friend versus be like, but we didn't hook up after you guys started dating. It was just the bet. Yeah. Like that makes it better in my head that at least then I didn't like get cheated on. They were like, your friend sucks. Yeah.

And your boyfriend maybe also sucks. The person I'm going to marry came to me with like the nastiest intentions. Like that's how we started our relationship. Even if he changed his mind, like that's still in him. And that was like the foot we started on. I do think it would be so heartbreaking. I couldn't. I couldn't handle that. Your whole relationship has kind of started on the wrong nation. And there were certainly lies like longer than I would have expected. At least lying if there wasn't cheating, but probably cheating too. Yeah. Yeah.

oh that's so hard like they were made like laughing at me like i was a joke yeah yeah and like i'm supposed to trust this person as my life partner valid points that's so if he really loved her he he would have told her yeah that is true that's a big point and he was unwilling never came you thank god you brought that up because i didn't even think about that yeah he should have come clean at some point so true because it's not like should your best friend have your back like that yes but should your husband yeah

That is so true. Yeah. And if he fully like realized how wrong that was and messed up and like was such a mistake and not in his actual character, he would have like five months in, however long it was. I gotta tell you. I need you to know this. After getting engaged to her, like you would always have that fear that it could come out, I feel. Well, and what's like to, I guess on that point, like what's to...

ensure that they don't resort back to their relationship. Yeah. Like it's I guess they're still hiding it. Yeah. Yeah. It just sounds crazy. Like I know that people do crazy things, but there is a part of me that's like maybe this girl is just in love with her fiance. Like I'm lying and lying. Let's find out. We have the update. We have the update. So invested. Like, let me sit up for this.

Hi, everyone. I didn't expect this to blow up. When I wrote my original post, I was emotional. Maybe that's why I have omitted some important facts. Oh, give it to us, please. Also, I am not a native English speaker, so maybe some stuff I wrote was lost in translation. Oh, was HK Hong Kong, I was wondering. I think it sounds like that. I didn't know. I didn't want to assume, but it's making sense now. I also commented on my original post about my history with Lucy, if you're interested.

We are. We're going to. Should we find that first? And we're very interested. We'll get to that. Okay. Yeah. A little history of how Erwin and I met. We met at a company event. My company was the host and his was one of our clients. We bonded over the after party and exchanged numbers. Days after, he added me on Facebook. I actually saw that he and Lucy were mutual friends. So I asked him if they knew each other. He answered yes. And they met during their internship days, but they weren't close.

I asked Lucy too, and she confirmed it too, so I didn't make a big deal out of it. We began casually dating. No labels, just seeing where things went. I knew that he had been seeing someone else at this time, as was I. But when we admitted to wanting to make things official with us, we broke off with our casual flings.

and the rest is history. I appreciate everyone who reached out. Thank you for the kind messages. And it made me realize to think of my situation logically. And so I did. And yes, Erwin and I have talked. I picked him up from the airport yesterday and told him about Lucy's confessions. He went pale, but he was calm. He told me to ask everything I want to know, and he will answer truthfully. It was true. I'll try to summarize here.

One, did he know that I was Lucy's best friend when we met? No. They didn't talk much about their personal lives when they were together. But he knows that Lucy's best friend's name is my name. But when we met, he didn't really put the pieces together. Two,

How long were they dating before we met? He did not keep count because they were on again, off again, but they were casually seeing each other for around four months before we met. And in his mind, they were never official as they didn't label their relationship. But he wanted to be. He did try to pursue her, but she kept messing up with his head. So when she allowed him to date when they were on a break, he thought of it as a way out. Did they really bet on me?

Yes, but he did not take it seriously. He also did not initiate it. For when did the bet happen? It happened days after I introduced him as friend to Lucy. He admitted that since we were still not exclusively dating, he still sees Lucy. Lucy initiated the bet, and if he does win, she will know that he is mature enough to seriously date.

Five, when did their relationship end? A month or so before we made our relationship official. He already broke things off with Lucy because he was starting to fall for me. Lucy took it well and did not ever bring up the bet again. Six, why all of a sudden did Lucy bring up the bet?

Lucy started bringing it up after we made our engagement official. He admitted to have forgotten about the bet until she reminded him of it. So when Lucy reached out to come clean, he refused because he didn't really think that it was a serious bet. Seven, is he aware of Lucy's feelings? No, he genuinely thinks that Lucy is happy for us.

First of all, that's a hater-ass friend. I'm not believing him. I'm really... Like, you did... He was dating someone and never saw her photos with her best friend. Like, he was never seen... Like, he had never seen this woman before, never heard of her. Just, like, vaguely knew the name. And he wanted to make it... Like, I don't know. I don't know. She's talking about Facebook, though. Like, maybe this was, like, 2007. Well...

I kind of believe him. I kind of do too. I think there's so many people nowadays that like aren't on social media and they met so organically in the wild that maybe they didn't like creep on socials like meeting someone online and finding their Instagram and scrolling for the last four years of their life. And maybe she's got a comment. Maybe her name's like Kelly and there's like a hundred Kelly. Yeah. You know, I don't know that I would necessarily put it together. Well,

And like with that, too, if English isn't first language, HK is Hong Kong. I have a lot of friends that came from like China or the Philippines and they don't go by their actual name. Like my friend has a traditional Chinese name, but her name is Ellen. And so like maybe socials were hard to find and, you know, whatever. But Michaela, what were you going to say?

Well, I just don't know. Like some of his comments were just downplaying and he's like, well, she wanted to come clean to you. But I didn't even remember that that happened. And I didn't think it was serious. That's not even the problem. It was like all of the fact that you dated like that is significant. Like so much of it was significant that he's acting like all it was was I didn't take the bet seriously. So why would I tell you? But I do think that like.

I wouldn't have... I mean, if you're in like a toxic relationship that you're trying to get away from and somebody says something like that to you, I don't know that I would have thought it was real, especially if I broke up with them and they were like supposedly cool with it. And...

I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I think it is fucked up that he didn't say that they never told her that they had dated. I think that that's a wrong thing. But I don't think he's wrong for not thinking that that was a serious thing. And I think it's a hater-ass friend to think that that's... Well, yeah. She's a hater-ass friend. She's done. I'm still not sold on Irwin. I'm going to tell you. All these bitches fighting over Irwin? I don't know. Like...

It's sketchy to me. It's still very sketchy to me. I have a little bit more, okay? Right now, I don't know where to go from here. I believe him, but I just don't like the idea that the foundation of our relationship is from a bet. Whether it be serious or not, it's still not good. Can we rebuild trust from here? I don't know.

but I'm willing to try. Aside from this issue, Erwin has been a great boyfriend and I don't want to make a harsh decision about us and regret it in the end. What I do know now is that we need to call off the wedding. He told me that he'll understand if I don't want to go out with the wedding anymore, but he asked me to consider our relationship because he loves me and he'll do anything to regain my trust back. That's nice. Yeah. Well, and the wedding was supposed to be in two days too.

So like it's the 17th. It was on the 19th. So.

Maybe there will be an update that they didn't call it off. Yeah, maybe they'll get married. That's a good compromise. I don't think they should get married like so soon after something like that happening. I appreciate that they're going to think about it and like not immediately break up, but also not get married. I feel like that was the right choice. I also learned that Lucy actually tried to contact Irwin days after the bachelorette party, but Irwin missed her calls. She's still not reaching out to me, but

but I don't care anymore. Many of you say that she's sabotaging our relationship. This is her last ditch effort to have Erwin by herself. And I think you're right. It just hurts that our 11 years of friendship have to end this way. Yeah. So there. I think this will also be my last update. Everything from here on will be Erwin's and I's decisions.

Thank you everyone for listening. And to everyone who thinks I made this story up, I wish I did. I guess real life is stranger than fiction. I'll be watching Cruel Intentions and Dangerous Liaisons this weekend. I think she is a mature person and I appreciate that. I think Lucy was obviously trying to sabotage them, but I also think she deserved to know that information. I just think she deserved to know it earlier and her husband should have told her. Her husband should have told her. He should have. Yeah.

I will. It's sketchy to me. I will say it's hard, though. And I think like Ellie kind of made a point on it. Like when someone's already like really messing with your head, it could have it could have been such an offhand comment where it's like, well, you're dating my friend now. If you get her to marry you, like we could date seriously, actually. And if it's just like this offhand comment, like it might not have been registered. It might have been like a

here's Lucy fucking with me again. Right. Like, you know, so I will say like, do I want an update a year from now knowing what happened? Absolutely. Because time, only time will tell the type of person Erwin actually is. But I will say like, this definitely feels like very bad intentions from Lucy for the most part. I just think he should have told her about like,

the relationship existing and like period even if it wasn't offhand comment and like that didn't stand out to him just like obviously there were communications that were had about her like and knowing that they were like I don't know there were things that were definitely held secret that should have been communicated yeah I guess the bets the most important part of it or not yeah I guess at the time that they agreed to be official because they were both like they were both seeing other people on the side he was seeing Lucy a little bit

But did call it off a month before they became official, which I do find some value in. Because he was like, I'm not even official with this girl, but I'm getting serious. I like her. Bye, Lucy. Yeah. But I guess at that time when they became official, probably, I don't know, even before that would have probably been good. I think I would have wanted to know right away. Yeah. Yeah.

I also think it's weird because they were friends for 11 years. I would be uncomfortable with my friend starting to hook up with someone that I'm still seeing. Yeah. Like I would have been like, hey, I know you guys happen to like randomly meet at your work, but just so you know, like,

We're dating right now. I have been casually seeing him because I'm sure our writer would have called it off. Yes. Our writer never would have gotten into that from the jump because she sounds like she's a good friend. I think that the couple can potentially move on from this as long as there's truly nothing else. But I do think she's going to have a bit more of a critical eye about certain things now knowing that information about how things started. Yeah. Yeah.

What a snaky friend. Oh my God. What a nightmare. Like, was she enjoying... Like, was she not telling her... You have to think it. ...because she was nervous about it or was she not telling her because she was enjoying it? Was it a power trip? You have to think that it was something like that. I think it was a power trip and this...

screams I want what I can't have they're official they're getting engaged the wedding is two weeks away also why not I mean Erwin said she did approach him right after their engagement became official to come clean so she was already trying to do it then but like you had from engagement to the bachelorette party to tell your friend and you're doing it two weeks before the wedding yeah girl

I get like both the husband and friend maybe like now it's been like I should have told her earlier, but now it's been so long that it's almost like worse to say it now. Like I can understand being stuck like that, but oh my God, the amount of stress I would have keeping that secret and not like sharing it for years, that would be too much. I wouldn't be able to do it. Yeah. I can barely tell people like...

I can barely keep secret what people are getting for Christmas. Like the minute, the minute someone gets like a gift delivered to me, I'm like, okay, open it now. I don't, I don't, I don't care for you to wait. I'm like, call it Hanukkah. Let's go. Like we celebrate that too. Like just open it. Cause I want people, I'm like, I'm excited. Gift giving is my love language. I sell that giving gifts. So it's like, just do it. Like go. So to keep something like this from your best friend, psychotic, like actually psychotic.

psychotic that would really fuck me up that would really fuck me you'd have trust issues they really really should have said something right away yeah i think so keep us posted if you're out there yeah let us know okay

Bye.

Go to warbyparker.com slash covered to try five pairs of frames at home for free. warbyparker.com slash covered. Well, that one was crazy. That was crazy. Like that one, I just can't believe people like that. Well, I can't believe people like that exist, but like, whoa. I know. That's what this Reddit is for. It really is. And this next one, because it's kind of, it's kind of a delicate situation. Mm-hmm.

And I don't know if there's necessarily exact black and white right wrong. A little gray area. Okay. Let's get into it. This one is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit. It's 12 days old. It's titled, Would I be the asshole for cutting off my dad and his wife if they planned on being buried together instead of my dad being buried with my late mom? Oh, this is tough. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

My mom passed on when I was 14 years old. My dad moved on and married my stepmother five years later. I've always missed how romantic my dad and mom were. They had a wonderful marriage. What really made me insecure was the fact that my stepmom used to be my dad's long-term ex in high school, who reconnected when she passed and they got together.

My dad had told my mom that they broke up due to long distance. The fact that they had pre-established history before my mom even came into the picture always made me insecure. At their wedding, speeches were made idolizing their love, how they were each other's first and going to be each other's last.

It felt like a jab at my mom's memory, even though there was nothing wrong with it, and my stepmom was mostly cool with how things were. But it didn't stop me from believing that my mom was being seen as a placeholder for my dad's current wife. I may have a small grudge against what she said at their wedding. Quote, we found each other again after all this time. It was destiny for us to be together. Oh, yeah. Isn't that disrespectful to my mom? How

However, my dad was completely swooning over that. Recently, I got to know my dad has made the decision to change his burial spot and now is making plans to get buried with my stepmom. This made me really upset and I screamed at them both because it felt heartless of my dad that my mom is buried all alone.

We had a family meeting and my dad told me that stepmom is his life partner now and it is important for him to honor the vows he made to her and the fact that she has been far longer in his life as

This makes me so sad. I'm pissed for her. Yeah. I don't think he's like...

being an asshole but there's just no way those things wouldn't hurt like there's no way those comments like about destiny it's like so my mother's death was the death like that was fate bringing you two together that like that

And I'm sure they didn't mean it, but also like how could you not think of that when you're saying it? Like he's allowed to move on and find love and that's a beautiful thing. But like just the lack of care that like your child, like no respect for the love that your child had for their mother. Mm-hmm.

I think that is disgusting because it does. It does feel like that. It feels like, oh, so my mom had to die for you guys to get your happy ending. Right. Like they're almost saying like this story was destined by fate. And this is such a incredible love story about how we found each other after like we couldn't be together because of distance and like we're able to. I don't know. It's kind of bullshit. And like this happens a lot, I think, with like widows and like

at least on Reddit that I see and like other new partners coming in and kind of discrediting that the one that's passed, how easy would it have been to instead be like our past took us apart and you had a great, you know, amazing ex-wife who tragically passed, but you have a beautiful daughter. And I'm just so grateful that we now get to share our love. Yeah. In the second half of your life type thing. Yeah. You guys didn't work out the first time.

Who's to say that you only work out now because of how he grew as a person because of the wife that passed? And they were together for at least 14 years if she passed when the daughter was 14 years old. Yeah. That's a long marriage. That's a significant time. That's a lot to discredit. It's really shitty. Really shitty. I don't know. I have a hard time like...

I don't think he's an asshole, but I – because, like, I get it. He's in love and, like, he's happy that he's marrying someone. But it just feels maybe negligent, again, is the word, to not think of how those things would affect them. I don't know about the burial thing either. Like, I don't know how to feel about that. I know. Like, because either way, one of the women will be buried alone probably. Why?

Well, why should that be the case? Why can't the three of them get married together? That was my thought. I think that that's fine. I don't think I'd be cool with it. I don't think the past wife would want him to never move on and find happiness. I don't think she would find it. I don't know her, but I don't think it would be disrespectful to have them all be together. If I died and then my husband got back together with his ex, I would have some things to say from up there. I'd be haunting that fucker a little bit. Yeah.

But I'd be down for like a trio burial plot. Yeah. And nobody's alone. Yeah. Like my partner wants to get fucking launched in a rocket in outer space. Like I might be alone. Like fuck. Like you're dead. I don't know. I agree. But like it is like it's sad to think about I think as a child. I would be really bummed about that. Well, it's so scary when someone passes to like feel like

they're farther away from you and like their memory is getting farther and farther away and I feel like all of these things that her father and his new wife are doing like make it seem like she never existed at all which is just like everyone's greatest fear yeah and that's like feeding into it at a level that's just like so painful yeah and it's just it's so hard losing a parent and like

I think for girls, there's so many big events in our lives, especially if you choose to have kids, like that you need your mom for. Like there's this audio going around right now and it's like, it's like a, oh, it's just literally makes you cry when you hear it. But it's like this audio where it's like, where you just want your mom and like she's gone and it's like someone like screaming the audio, like it's really fucked up. And it's like, she's probably dealing with that because by this point she's, you know,

30 ish maybe even older she should get buried with her mom her and like whoever she marries in her family with her mom have family plots put everyone together yeah like if your energy's stuck in the ground down there like make it a party at least where do you guys think we go when you die

I think it's like kind of a video game type situation where I'll like go back up to wherever it is that we go in the fifth dimension or whatever. And I'm like, oh, like what kind of life do I want to choose this time? And then I like plug in and like go back through. I'm kind of a reincarnation person where I think that you don't really know that you're going through again, but you almost like never, you know, you're dying when you're a person, but then you wake up and don't realize you died because

Because you ever hear about those kids who like remember their past lives and stuff? Yes. It's so eerie. There's a good Netflix show. Yes. And you made me watch it. Oh, yeah. I fully believe in that. Yeah. I fully believe in that. I think you die and then you open your eyes and you're somebody else.

Well, I think there's a little. I'm on board. My only difference is there's an in-between time where you can kind of like float around a little bit. I can see that too. And like hang out and then be like, okay, this era sounds fun. I'm going to go again. I think it's more comforting to me to think that like you're never really gone, you know? Yeah.

I feel like we have all these science things too where it's like energy is not created or destroyed. So it's like we definitely go somewhere. Yeah. But our consciousness is like so freaky. And if you think about our internal thoughts, like I wish I could just read animals' minds like

I'm like, then it makes me so sad how mean we are to animals. And then I just like go down this rabbit hole. I'm just like, this is terrible. It's a whole thing. Yeah. Do you guys ever watch? It's German and I will butcher the name, but it's pronounced like Kurzgesagt.

What's it on? No, I certainly haven't, but what's it on? I would love to hear about it. It's spelled like this. It's on YouTube. Oh, you got that fast. Kurzgesagt. Yeah. Nice. So they have this theory. They call it the egg theory. And it kind of is like a video game hybrid, like that you guys are kind of putting together, but watch it. It's literally called the egg theory. They have a full video on it and it just kind of explains like our energy and like it essentially gets really crazy, but it's like

everyone on your planet is you just like at different times like you're like reincarnated like into every person yeah just different versions of yourself like it's so crazy that's a very buddhist idea where it's like i'm gonna have empathy for everybody because at one point i've been them and at one point i'll be them again buddhism is so cool yeah

I love that. It's really cool. Religion's crazy. I know. I would love to just study every religion in my free time. You should have been a... Why not? What is that, a theologist? I could actually, yeah. Theology major? Free time. There's your new hobby. edX.com, edX.org. There you go. I refuse to call it anything but Twitter stuff. Yeah, no, I never will. Oh, no, I was talking about edX, which is a site for taking classes. We both were like...

don't call it x i didn't think so i was like no i'm hearing things over here cleared that up because so many people would have thought i was calling it x and that just feels like a personality trait to be claiming it does to do that

There's no comments I can look up from OP. It appears their account has been suspended. What the? Sorry. No, it's annoying. They might have violated too many of Reddit's rules on other subreddits. Reddit has rules? So many rules. But the top comment is like very thoughtful advice.

I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed when I was 15 after a long battle with cancer. My dad remarried two years later. That felt like a slap in the face as his love with my mom sounded much like your parents' love.

As I've gotten older, I've come to grips with those feelings and accepted that my dad probably started processing her death upon diagnosis. I was too young to comprehend she had been given a death sentence. 25 years later, my sister found out that he still owned the grave site next to my mom and was unsure if he wanted to be buried there. My sisters and I chatted and came to understand that this also didn't sit terribly well with us. He has a wife he's been married to longer than my mom. Wouldn't this be a slap in the face to the one still living?

At the end of the day, there's no winners in either decision, and ultimately our fathers need to make that choice themselves and consider the feelings of their living spouse.

Wow. This is such a sad one. This is really hitting. That makes a lot of sense. That's a very thoughtful response. Yeah, because can you imagine being the second wife and being like, but what about me? I'm only here. Especially he said that they've been married longer. Yeah. Or in each other's lives longer. Yeah, however that adds up. Because of childhood, I think, or whatever. Yeah.

I think they should just get buried together. They should all in a polycule. Yeah. Yes. I love the word polycule. I will say, though, if that happened to my mother, I would get buried next to her. And whoever else could just also be in that area. Yeah. Either OP, like our writer gets buried next to mom with her partner or dad and second wife, which the next comment after the first like one we just read.

So it's been done. See, it's doable. It's doable. We can throw in the cremated dog and just rip that dog. Oh my God. Rip that dog. Full circle. Mikayla, you brought it back. You brought it back.

Well, that is all I have for us on this episode. So good, Morgan. So fun. Thank you guys for being here. I owe you so much gratitude. Not at all. I'm so appreciative of you coming on this humble little show. It's incredible to be here. I'm honored to be here. Where can people find you guys and your podcast? It's called Late Night Drive with Ellie and Mikayla. Mm-hmm.

You can get that anywhere you listen to podcasts. All the places. It's so good. I got to listen to two episodes last night and...

Great combo. You keep it bopping, flowing. Thank you. Good topics. And you even have a little song that you sing at the end. We do, yeah. So if you liked the singing at the beginning, you're definitely going to want to hear this jingle. It's so hard to not jingle. I'm really a big jingler. You are. And you are. And it's what makes you so special to me. The jingling. Everyone likes a good song every once in a while. Except I have one YouTube commenter. I should

I should find it. But they literally told me like, I would sing, I'd be like, moving along. And they'd be like, stop singing everything. I'm just like...

Yeah, people like that. I don't know, find some joy maybe. Or when we do accents, like some people hate it, but some people enjoy it. Your accent you did yesterday was so good. She's so good at accents. Oh, the Australian one? Yeah. She's so good at accents. Well, I'm just imitating Dr. Chase on House. I'm not doing anything. That's what it was. It was the House episode, which I love that show, but

They were a little ruthless. Yeah, I can't believe they actually kissed. That grown-ass man kissed a nine-year-old. So weird. If you want to know what we're talking about, go listen to their podcast. That's such a good teaser. But thank you, guys. We are on tour. There's only a few tickets left at a few shows. Everything's selling out. So stop waiting.

Don't rely on anyone else to get your tickets because I've sadly gotten a couple messages from people that like my boyfriend was supposed to buy my tickets and he didn't get them in time. And there's not second shows coming for a lot of them now. And it's just like I feel heartbroken for this person. So don't wait. Get your tickets. Merch is on sale. Show up in the merch. If you do, you might get a prize.

So be ready. Be ready. But other than that, there's some amazing content on Patreon this month. And thank you to Heineken00 making a dry January very easy for me. But other than that, until next time, guys.