153: Are the Straights Okay? Ft. Carlo Malis
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People are gonna die over your voice today. Word? Yeah. Is this a recording? We are rolling. Oh. We're rolling. I was like, when is this gonna start? We are rolling. It's kind of hard to tell because it's a one-girl circus in here. I have to start everything and then sit down. So I kind of shock people a little sometimes. But hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan. And you have probably recognized his voice already. I hope.

We are joined today by Carlo Malice. Yes! Hello everyone. Dude, I'm like, is Bane in the studio? Holy shit! I actually do the best Bane impression ever. That just now was unreal. I'm like, Tom Hardy? What the fuck? Dude, I have the best Bane impression ever. Let's hear it. Are you ready? Yeah. It's like really good. Okay, I'm ready. Which part of the movie is your favorite? Your favorite.

But like all his parts of our show. So you have to pick one. I don't know. All right. I'll do the most famous one. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. You think darkness is your ally, but you've merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. Oh my God. I didn't see the light until I was already a man. By then it was nothing to me but black. Unreal. Unreal. We're done. We're packing up. That's the show today. That's all folks. That's the show.

Oh, my God. So, Carlo got his start on TikTok. Yes. I would say, from my perspective, your bread and butter is, like, responding, duetting to crazy, outrageous videos that might be a little sexually coded, but...

I feel like it's pretty diverse. Nowadays, it's more diverse. It's more diverse? Yeah. Those are the ones that I feel like I got first from you. And you'd have water fall out of your mouth. Or you would just have these crazy reactions. And I would lose my mind. Yeah. I adopted that from one of my best friends, Mike. Okay. Because he did the, sir, sir. And then he and I became friends. And then I came up with the whole Pastor George thing that was based off of his.

And then it kind of became driven by that. And I was like, this was supposed to be like social commentary on how dudes just get horny over everything. It wasn't supposed to be me. Like, it's just a character to emulate how freaky dudes are. They're freaky. Yeah. They're freaky. Oh, my God. Our theme today is going to be, are the straights okay? Okay.

We're not okay. We're not okay. We're not okay. I have had people asking, they're like, please have some more guys come on. Like we want some more dudes perspectives. And I'm like, I know, dude.

I know a dude. I know a dude. That'll be good. So here you are. I'm here. And we're going to get into this. Before we start, though, have you seen that wood, the log splitter guy? Oh, yes. Of course I've seen him. You can't not see him. He does ads now. Oh, my God. The candle we have in the studio today is from him, the hot log splitter guy. Dang. I forget his actual name. Maybe it says on the candle. Yeah, what is his name? Um...

Thor. Thor Bradley. Of course. But the candle is non-toxic masculinity. So I'm hoping it'll inspire some good vibes. That man's name is not Thor, it's Morning Wood. Mr. Morning Wood. Is that what his thing is? I don't know. There's a hot girl doing it now too. Word? Yeah.

Hey, I might have to, you know. I could see you out there. Kick off a new fetish. I could see you out there with an axe. Word? Yeah. You see me with an axe? You're a strong looking guy. Yeah. Just out there chopping that wood. Hey. Making eye contact with the camera. If you see me out in nature playing with some wood, don't be surprised. I won't be chopping anything up though.

Okay, let's dive in. Let's get it. Okay, up first. Hitting them where it hurts, okay? I'm excited. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for commenting on my partner's lack of a hairline when he keeps making comments about my weight? Okay.

We had a daughter last year, and I've put on about 30 pounds. Now, even though I've gained weight, I don't think I'm fat. My legs have just gotten thicker. Anyways, he keeps making comments saying that I haven't stopped eating since I've gotten pregnant. Yesterday, I was preparing a snack for our daughter when he said, quote, Why don't you move out of the way? You don't see you're big. He tried to play it off after and said he was just talking about my butt.

It really hurt my feelings. So I said, quote, at least a fat person can lose weight, but your hairline is never going to grow back. For context, he's 27, but the front of his hair and the middle have thinned out a lot. He's very self-conscious about it to the point that he won't leave the house without a hat and he'll turn back around if he realizes that he forgot to take it with him.

He's been angry at me since I made the comment, but I feel like if he keeps talking about my weight, then I can talk about his hairline. Am I the asshole? Hell no, she's not the asshole. No.

You know what I'm saying? Like, don't, what's that saying? Don't throw rocks if you live in a glass house. Yeah, that's spot on. And there's so many things that go. She's, dude, she's postpartum. There's so many things that go into that. Like, you don't understand the hormones that are, you know, being distributed after giving birth. You don't understand her state of mind. And she just gave birth. Like, what the fuck, bro?

Well, it's like, and she talks about it too, where she's like, I don't think I'm fat. Like, I've gained about 30 pounds, which I'm pretty sure that is the average, if not lower than the average of what women gain during pregnancy. But it's like, regardless is like, who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? This is your partner. Exactly. You are supposed to like love her and you just had a kid with her. So like you're, you're together now. You're tied for life, baby.

I think his insecurities were kind of overflowing when he made that comment. Well, it's like if you can't take it, don't dish it out. Like the glass house saying is like the perfect one for him. Like what did you expect to get back? If you keep calling someone fat or big or move out of the way. Like what? Come on. Use your head. At least he was thinning for the both of them. So bad. What do you think the overall vote on this one was?

I think in favor of the woman, I would hope. So the overall vote is everyone sucks.

They were like, yeah, they're like, you both suck. Like you were wrong, too. So the top comment, everyone sucks here. Why are you being so mean to each other? Info. Has he always been negative about your appearance or is this something new? You have a young child. Are you both sleep deprived and snarly? Maybe whatever it is, you need to get to the bottom of it and stop sniping at each other. It's not fair for you or your daughter.

And OP goes, no, he hasn't always been like this. Overall, he's usually loving and not mean spirited. He just keeps making these little comments about my weight, even though he knows that I'm insecure about the weight gain and that I'm actively trying to lose it. Yeah, I think there's a lack of communication happening. Clearly. Clearly. Clearly. But I get it. Like, it's one of those things you just, you've had enough. You snap after the 10th comment. Yeah.

He deserves. I doubt that that was the first comment. No. No. Yeah, but people really didn't like it. They're like, no, he didn't deserve that. Even after calling you fat so many times. Hell no, man. That's a little goofy. My thing is, whenever I say something, I'm expecting a consequence to what I say. Really? It could be in favor of what I'm saying, but I'm expecting some sort of...

anything i don't know i guess that's just how i grew up because you know i love that yeah it's like i'm going to expect it's like you're not always going to get the reaction you want but you're going to get a reaction i i've never heard someone put it like that and i absolutely love that because no matter how like good intentions you can be someone can be just determined to misunderstand you and like

What? You think, what? Yeah, I think understanding that not everyone is going to give responses the way you want them to be said and understanding that will kind of broaden your perception of people and make you more tolerant of listening and hearing other people's perspectives. Okay, Buddha. Yeah.

Okay, Confucius. No, hell no. You're very, just very well-rounded. I hope. You're good. I try to be. Okay, moving along. Therapy? Hell yeah. I love therapy. Everyone needs it. We're big therapy pluggers. Everyone, especially men. I think so too. But as soon as you reach the age 25, when the existential dread becomes all-consuming,

That's when you're like, I need to talk to somebody. Because you'll just be consumed by your thoughts. It's that prefrontal cortex developing. And you finally have this like awareness of like, I'm on a rock that's floating through space. It's like that second coming into existence. Like, you know how when you're like, fuck. Have you ever experienced this? Like you're five years old and all of a sudden you're like, fuck.

Yeah. You're like, whoa, what is going on? I literally had this conversation with someone the other day. I was like, our consciousness is by far one of the most terrifying things. Cause like, I get, we all die. Okay. Like I'm trying to, I'm trying to get better about being okay with death. Right. But I'm like, where does our consciousness float to? Because like,

Like, if you think about as a baby, I'm like, you don't really remember that. So then, yeah, you have the snap in moment where all of a sudden you're awake. Exactly. But like, then you die. Like, do I sit in the fucking box? That's scary. And that freaks me out. But I did see this one TikTok of this dude. He was pronounced, he was clinically dead for like a little while. And he said that coming back to life after...

experiencing like such peacefulness has been hard to cope with. So I'm like, you know, that kind of opened my perception. I've always had the idea that like, you know, energy doesn't die, you know. It goes somewhere. Exactly. It's transferred. But it's like, there's still that

It's so funny how death is the most certain thing, but also the most uncertain thing. I know. After it happens. And it's like, like you said, it's something that we don't think about. But when we do, it's like, oh! I think about dying daily. Yeah, me too. I think about dying all the time. Especially driving in LA. Dude. Oh my God. It is...

terrifying like i had my surprise every time i parked my car i literally i as i get someplace i notice my body just like sinks back and i'm like i have been like holding so much tension in my body the whole time i was driving but like in la you have to i put my blinker on today i look over my shoulder i'm clear all of a sudden i'm changing lanes and someone was flying 100 miles an hour and like got in my way and i'm like i could have just died i wonder if like people are paid

To be like, you know. Bad drivers? Yes. I think so. Because it's so prevalent. Especially the people who roll out. Yeah. When they have the stop sign, they make the right turn. They don't even look. They don't. They don't care. They just expect everyone to stop for them. I'm like, are you on autopilot? Or is your car on autopilot because-

Like, what the hell was that? What do you think about the Waymo Jaguars that don't have people? Oh, my God. That is terrifying to me. I would not be able to chill in that situation. No. Like, I would be inching to grab the wheel every time. I don't think I can do it. I have really bad car anxiety. I wouldn't. Yeah, I can't.

Whenever I'm not in the driver's seat, I'm like, hmm. Stressed. Very. Same. Same. I know everyone's like, it's a control thing. I'm like, no, it's a I have more faith in myself than you thing. Yeah. I don't care what it is. All I know is that I need to keep myself alive. Okay.

And when I give that responsibility, when I give that responsibility to someone else. Yeah. I'm going to be a little freaked out. Yeah, that's that's me. That is me to a T. OK, moving along. What do you think the weirdest thing you've seen on TikTok is?

Oh, my God. I know there's a lot. It's like asking me what's the weirdest thing at a circus. Everything. The fact they exist. Oh, my God. I've seen so many things to where I'm at the point where I'm like, what else is there? Yeah. What else could there possibly be? We're not even surprised at the existence of aliens anymore. No. No.

That's how weird TikTok has gotten. Yeah. I feel like I have the same experience because Reddit is like this crazy, dark corner of the internet. I read a post the other day of this guy who had to have his foot amputated. So he decided to take it and cook it, cook some parts of it and eat it.

And he said he tasted similar to like bacon. He ate his own amputated foot? Yeah. Him and his buddies cooked it up one night in a cast iron skillet. Why, if I need my foot amputated, would I then eat the very thing that shouldn't have been on my body? You wanted to try it? It's not supposed to be there, which is why they took it off. I know. It's wild. So I've seen some crazy stuff. So I feel like there's a lot. I'm like...

I don't know. I don't have a favorite because there's just so many. My favorite, my favorite Reddit story to date is someone said he was like, he was like, there's days where I look forward to like having diarrhea. He was like, I have lax days where I'll just take a laxative and just chill at home and just shh.

the whole day and I have never laughed so hard in my life I've never read that one and I'm like I'm like the fact that there are people have this story to tell and then there's people who agree with this story the fact that there's a community for this is that was the most that was the funniest part of it is like there's so many people who do this thing and

And it's like, there's a thing for everyone. There really is. You reminded me of like one of my OG stories. Have you heard of waffle stomping? No. So there was this person that wrote in and they were like, I found out my boyfriend was waffle stomping in the shower. And so every single time he took a shit, he had to do it in the shower. No. And he stomps it down the drain with the heel of his foot. No. Waffle stomper.

That's an OG. The fact that there's a term is probably the scariest part. Because the drain, the little holes, they kind of look like a waffle. Wow. Okay. This next one might be... It's definitely memorable. Okay.

So it's a month old. It's coming from A-I-T-A-H, which is just another version of Am I the Asshole? Uh-huh. Am I the Asshole for telling my brother he cannot stay with me over Christmas if he brings his prosthetic leg?

My younger brother has a prosthetic leg. I think it is creepy as fuck, and I have no idea where he got it. I'm reasonably certain that it is something I would rather not know. To be clear here, my brother has two perfectly healthy legs still attached to his body. He just has this thing he takes with him everywhere. I don't know why. I don't want to know. Before you ask, yeah, it is probably a mental health thing.

He wanted to stay with me rather than our parents while he is home for the holidays. I said he was welcome to stay so long as he doesn't bring that thing to my house. He said it wasn't a big deal and that he would leave it in his luggage. I agreed on the condition that if I saw it outside of his luggage in my home, then I had the right to destroy it.

He backtracked on staying with me and is at our parents' house, where he is miserable. They still treat him like a little boy instead of a guy who is almost 30. He called me again after supper and asked to please stay with me. I said he could, so long as we, together, took his thing and put it in a storage unit until he leaves. I get the key. He won't do it.

He says that I'm being a bitch for not letting him stay with me. I think he needs to get therapy or medication or both or a girlfriend, dog, cat, hamster, something. Just not a goddamn prosthetic leg. Am I the asshole? I don't even know how to accept the information that just came into my brain. It's just a little blankie, basically. There's so many things to unpack.

It's just a little security blankie. A little fun. First of all, is your brother Rocket Raccoon, bro? Why is he going around? Collecting arms. What is going on? And secondly, this man couldn't, he couldn't not have it to the point where he

He backtracked and said, you know what? I'm staying with mom and dad. I will put myself through the misery of their, you know, whatever it is. Yeah. Rather than not keep my leg. That's crazy. Well, and like a leg is not, it's not small likely unless it's like a baby, like a toddler prosthetic leg. What part of the leg is being kept? So I think someone does ask. Yeah. So,

OP does respond to some comments from people. One is, I'm a prosthetist and I have to ask, what does this leg even look like? Below knee or above knee? Does it also have pylon bear or is there a foam covering so that it sort of looks like a leg? Is there a foot shell on it or is the foot component just sort of hanging out? The reason I'm asking is because A, prosthetic anything is mind-bogglingly expensive and B, you can't just

have a prosthetic leg if you have two perfectly healthy legs. You literally need a stump to make one that's specifically yours. Did your brother receive it from someone? Did he steal it? And just to be sure, if it's an actual prosthesis and not a leg brace of some kind. I've had patients and their families make this mistake before.

really getting into the questions. Make this mistake before. I mean, I feel like someone's family, like they passed and probably just brought it to Goodwill. And that's like what I envisioned he got it. But OP goes, it looks like a carbon fiber cup with a steel knee and lower leg and foot, which based on what I know about those, like that's an expensive unit. Carbon fiber is like not cheap. I watched a TikTok of a guy who has a

I think it's a below knee amputation. And just his one was like 123 K. And I think it was like, it's an, it's like a running one. So you can like, do I have an engine in it? They're so expensive. I used to fit people for wheelchairs when I was doing my, um, OT job. And like the cost of a wheelchair is,

Which is like, it's literally, people don't realize like wheelchairs are an extension of that person. Right. That's what makes me so fucking mad when you see those airline employees just chucking them. That is so crazy, bro. It's crazy. So this guy has the Ferrari of prosthetic legs. Yeah. Chilling. The Ferrari. My question is,

What is he doing with it? What could he possibly do with it that he is required to have it on his person at all times? Well, someone does ask, is it just there to look at or is there cuddling involved? Is he bringing it with him to places then to have it like function? And Opie goes, what he does with it is on the list of stuff I do not want to know. Okay.

I would have to know. I'm like, is it weird? Yeah, but like, I mean, he's likely not jerking off to it. No, you don't know that. We're talking about a man close to his 30s with a prosthetic leg. That is true. I feel like if he's jacking off to it, that would be the least of my worries. Like, I want to know what's really going on. You know when someone's like, I'm about to put my foot up your ass. That's probably what...

He's living out that saying. So the top comment, I know this is extremely distressing for you, but I'm laughing so hard. At first I was like, is this asshole serious? She won't let her brother bring his leg? Like a whole ass leg? Initially, that's what I was like. I was like, bro, he needs it. Yeah. Do you want him to hop? That's a lot of work. That's not sustainable. And then after hearing the story, I'm like, wow.

He needs it. He needs it. He needs it. So we do have an update on this one. What? I have to know. I was not aware of this prior to 30 seconds ago. Oh my God, exclusive. I know. Breaking news. Breaking news. I didn't realize how much attention this was going to get. Enough that someone informed the woman my brother stole it from. What?

And she was able to figure out what happened. She called the cops and he got arrested. I guess he was sort of trying to do the thing where he could be the hero that tracked down her leg. Please don't ask me what the fuck was going through his head. The leg was expensive enough that he is facing real criminal charges. That's all. Yeah, that's felonious behavior right there. That's a felony. Yeah, after $1,000, I mean, depending on the state.

That was a really impressive word. What? Felonious. I've literally never heard that word. Really? Never. You know, the prefix is a felony. Felonious. Oh, that's a big one, Elmo. Oh, my God. You learn something new every day. You do. Felonious. You just used it so smooth. Like, I could tell you've used it before. Yeah, I like to read.

Oh my God. Well, okay. Thank God for Reddit. Like she got her leg back. You thank God for Reddit because after I went through a breakup,

Well, not really a breakup. It wasn't official. Which are arguably the worst ones. It's almost more painful. Because it's like, I'm not supposed to feel this way. Yeah. But I do feel this way. I went into the craziest rabbit hole of Reddit stories. I spent the whole entire day just listening to Reddit stories.

To the point where I was like, if this is, I was swiping on TikTok. I was like, if this isn't a Reddit story, I don't want to listen to it. Subway surfer got you down bad, huh? Yes. Yeah. And that's when I heard that lax story. Fucking dude that's like, I spent all day. My most relaxing day is me taking laxatives all day and just shitting my brains out. Which is so funny because if you have the IBS where stuff shoots through you, that's like a nightmare. So the fact he enjoys it. Wow. Yeah.

Because there's many kinds of IBS. I have that one. I was about to say, I feel like it's so common with women. Like, I never hear dudes talk about IBS. Stomach issues. It's like hot girl tummy problems. Hot girl tummy problems. It's just the thing. But I'm getting a colonoscopy this year. Hell yeah. We'll let you know how it goes. Don't. Keep your post. Don't. Everyone else will know. Just not Carla. Keep your rectum to yourself, all right? Don't. Don't.

I'm traumatizing you today. Oh, no. TikTok has done more than enough of that. Okay. Okay.

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This next one, two days old. Two days old, fresh. Two days old, fresh. Hell yeah. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Sharing a Free Meal with My Anti-Instagram Boyfriend?

I post my food pics when I go out to eat on Instagram. It's just for fun. I spend 30 minutes a week on it, tops. My boyfriend is a very sweet guy in many ways, but one thing I'm not so much of a fan of is that he often hops on the bandwagon of hating innocent things. Not just liking something, but making sure everyone knows he doesn't like it, even if nobody asked.

I can't help but notice a theme. Pumpkin spice lattes, pouty selfies, Taylor Swift, etc. As you can guess, he is not a fan of the food pics and thinks it's very annoying and cringe. He doesn't even follow my Instagram, even though he has an account. Oh my...

Even though I don't have very many followers, I have started getting occasional offers and invitations from restaurants in my city to try their food for free in exchange for a review. Nothing crazy. No steak dinners so far, but I've gotten a few sandwiches and several baked goods. Well, I just hit the big leagues and got invited to a new restaurant opening that includes a free appetizer and entree for me and one guest.

I immediately invited one of my Instagram friends, who I have gone out to eat with on several occasions and who also enjoys taking food photos. I told my boyfriend, and he's pissed that I'm not taking him, and says I'm doing it out of spite.

Mm-hmm.

when it's actually successful. Damn, she hit it right there on the head. I love that for her. Good job for her, bro. Like, why are you even writing in? Yeah, that dude's a clown. You know the answer. Why are you with him? Bro, I hate people like that. People that's like, oh, I hate this. Like, how can you hate on Instagram and all that shit while actively having an Instagram account? I mean, it's literally taking a picture of a meal, like,

I mean, I feel like if you don't do that at least once, you're a weirdo. Yeah. You can't tell me you've never ordered something and it looks so fucking good. See, I do it to send it to people because I'm like, look at this. Yeah. But yeah, I've done it. But I don't know if I've ever posted on Instagram. Not even your story? Even still, it's like...

Who gives a fuck? Like, who cares, bro? I feel like that's such a, like, I'm generalizing, of course, but I feel like it's such a dude thing to just, like, hate on innocent things like this. Yeah, definitely. Especially Taylor Swift. Like, right now, with the football and Taylor Swift and, like, all the hate, and it's like, I'm boycotting the NFL until they stop showing Taylor Swift. Right.

Are you a Swifty? I'm a big fucking Swifty. I can tell. I can hear the passion in your voice. I'm just so annoyed because it's like, does she want to be shown on camera? No. No, she would love to go and support her man, her boyfriend, her partner without getting shown on camera. She is literally just trying to live her life and have a good time. And the fact that people are like burning cutouts of her head. So you're telling me, Buffalo Bills, that you...

that you had the energy and the time to print out a picture of Taylor Swift and then put it in a barrel that's on fire, you need to get a fucking hobby. Yeah. I think it's so funny how, you know, people will put so much effort into like hating something that they end up

Like, it's like you're getting the opposite outcome of what you're trying to achieve. Yeah. Like, you're putting all this effort into this. Dedicating so much time to it. To like, why do you hate Taylor Swift? And you can list off all her songs. You know the lyrics to this. Why I hate her. You end up being one of her biggest supporters under the guise of hatred. It sneaks up on you. Yeah. It's like, dude, I think you support her more than I do.

It's that haters to lovers trouble. I hate haters with no purpose. Like if you're just hating just to hate, that's weird and strange. But if you use, you know, those negative feelings and make something positive out of it, like let's say you're like, oh, I hate that guy. Someone who's, I guess, on Instagram doing better than you, right? But then you use that as a means to be above that, you know, granted, you know,

I wouldn't argue that that's the best way to do things but you know at least you're doing something positive for yourself if nothing else rather than just sitting around just wallowing in despair and anger over stupid shit for what exactly for what literally stress stress changes your DNA yeah it does don't let Taylor Swift popping up on the TV screen stress you out exactly come on

Not a big deal. I'm just like, all right, well, you know, people like this. People like what they like. Let them live. You know what I'm saying? Me, I can't say I'm not a hater, but I'm a hater with a purpose at least. What's one thing you hate? What's like you're like you would die on that hill and you would go down hating? One thing I hate. Damn, that's hard. Because I'm at the point where I'm just like, I don't like putting energy into things that...

So I'm like, hating something requires at least a little bit of love too. You think so? You can't truly hate something unless you loved it. So mine is the hackers from India.

and I know that's like, again, a generalization. What is going on in your life? Hackers can be anywhere. I fully recognize that. But like my grandma and grandpa got scammed out of like 20K from a hacker from India. So I love that YouTube channel of the guy who he's like pretending to be an old grandma and will reverse hack them as they try to hack him. And I just love those videos. I want to make it.

When I need another hobby, I have too many right now, but I want to learn how to fucking hack them back. Hell yeah. And I just want to take them down. See? Hater with a purpose. There's some people that deserve the electric chair to be brought back. Just not on high. Not on high. But like...

You know, like a cattle sense. Like a little... Yeah. Electrify, not electrocute. Exactly. Just a couple zaps. Every time they try to call someone. Just fuck them up. Nah, yeah, I feel that. Something I hate? I guess that. You know, haters with no purpose. Okay, that's a good one. Yeah, haters with no purpose. Because like me...

I'll hate on something, but I don't, you know, I don't really hate on something. I'm just like, not stupid. You're not that passionate about it. Yeah. You know, it was just like, whatever. You're logical. That's, that's all it is. Yeah. And so was she, that girl in the, you know, she's logic. She's like, I'm bringing someone who would appreciate the experience, who would also post it.

Yeah. And make me look good to the restaurant. Exactly. This is a business move. Exactly. People make a shit ton of money off posting their pets, posting food. So this could turn into like something bigger for her. Yeah. The overall vote on this one is not the asshole. Hell yeah. But the amount of comments I see saying everyone sucks and you're the asshole is

is actually concerning. Yeah. It's always like that.

It's because they want to go against the grain. They probably don't even really feel. They're just a bunch of that guy, you know? Literally. They just hate just to hate. They're like, well, now that, you know, everyone's collectively on this point, I want to be different. So weird. They're so weird. This person. Your boyfriend sounds like any sane man would. Howdy selfies, pumpkin spice lattes, and Taylor Swift are all horrible things to like. You're the asshole.

That's literally just her boyfriend writing that. If you don't like those things, just don't engage with them. That's my philosophy. No one is waterboarding you with pumpkin spice lattes. That's what I'm saying. You end up putting more effort into people who actually like that stuff. Oh, my God. Just crazy. And people are asking a lot of unnecessary questions, I feel, too. They're like, is your boyfriend paying for all these dinners?

okay op does respond like no it's we have separate finances yeah it's all me um someone's like you're the asshole these things are cringe that's crazy not all women like football and they'll still sit there and watch it with their partners like this is literally just a food pick a lot of people this is my hot take a lot of people don't need opinions

Not that they don't need opinions. They don't need forums to be able to express them. I agree. Like, have your opinion.

People probably say that about me and this microphone. They're like, take it away. But here we are. You can't get rid of me, bitch. Hell yeah. That's my favorite attribute in a person is perseverance. Like no matter what you're doing, as long as you're going hard with conviction, I fuck with it. I'm a scrappy motherfucker. Unless it's non-conducive to you and your environment, you know, then I'm like, all right, well, you're doing a little too much for nothing. Yeah. Would you be able...

Would I be able to? Would you be able to date this person? Who? This guy. Or like if it was a girl that was like a hater without a purpose. You know what I mean? No, I can't. I can't. It goes against, you know, I just can't. A person, I just... Goes against every fiber. I just can't. Like for you to just hate shit just to hate shit, like, you know, I just can't. I wouldn't be able to either. Top comment does have a not the asshole vote. Thank God.

Your gut feeling about this is absolutely correct. You're there to do a job, essentially, and his bad attitude would be a hindrance to you getting it done right. I would also gently point out, as a married woman of 21 years, that for a relationship to work and be healthy and happy, your partner needs to be supportive of the things you're excited about.

Exactly. They don't have to be interested themselves, but they do need to encourage and lift you up. Your boyfriend is disdainful of your passion. Did you know disdain has been scientifically proven to be one of the four predictors of future divorce? And that's on John Gottman, baby. Who's that? A relationship expert. He can analyze a couple for 30 minutes and with 94 or 95% accuracy can predict their divorce or not.

I feel so. Yeah, I mean, that's just knowing people and human interactions. I don't see any updates about this, like, in regards to them. I don't really think that needs an update. I want one. Really? We broke up. I want her to dump his ass. That would be a good update because I just... Someone like that is just... They're just like an endless pit. Like, they're constantly just trying to bring you down with them. So he must be miserable in some aspect and he just wants her to...

Yeah, I don't like it.

Go to warbyparker.com slash covered to try five pairs of frames at home for free. warbyparker.com slash covered. So this is coming from Best of Redditor Updates. It is titled, Am I wrong for throwing my husband out after finding nudes from the nanny?

Why would you even ask? I think she just needs validation. We all do. We all do. We are over thinkers. Yeah, that's facts. I'm new to Reddit, but my little sister suggested I ask here. I'm 28 female. My daughter is Cassie, 11 months, and my husband is Alex, 35. So basically, it's just what the title said. I had Cassie and then returned to work, psychologist, and I could never be a stay-at-home mom.

I'm actually French but live in the U.S., so when I returned at the four-month mark, as I had a difficult birth, we looked around to find a nanny to look after Cassie while myself and Alex were at work.

We saw a few girls, but then one of Alex's colleagues suggested his daughter, who had dropped out of college. Let's call her Liv, 20 female. Everything went well. Admittedly, I did notice her being quite attached to Cassie, but I brushed it off as a good friendship between the two. She also liked Alex. It was obvious she had a crush on him, always batting her lashes and giggling. Mm.

I actually found it amusing as I'm confident in myself. He always laughed it off with me too. But then on Thursday night, he asked me to do something on his phone while he bathed Cassie and I saw some pictures flash up from Liv. When I looked at them, they were obviously sexy nudes. She was wearing skimpy lingerie and in a provocative pose. I looked back at the history and she had been sending these for a while. Shh.

As far as I can see, Alex never responded. But obviously, text can be deleted. When I asked him, he got defensive and told me to stop using my psychiatrist tricks on him. I was not happy with his non-answers and ended up in a shouting match, waking Cassie. So I got him a bag and threw him out. Told him he's not welcome back until I have answers. I'm considering taking Cassie back home to see my family in France for a little bit.

His mom and friends have been blowing up my phone, saying I'm being too harsh, and they were harmless texts. Nevertheless, I feel disrespected, and that doesn't fly with me. Was I too harsh? Should I expect his claims that he never responded? Her psychiatrist tricks on him, literally just asking him, are you cheating on me? That's the quickest gasp. Stop using your tricks on me! I asked you if you're cheating on me. There are pictures, sir. Yo!

What are these? Like what? That's crazy. I hate when people bandwagon on the one who's like doing the bad thing. You know, I hate that. I hate when people feel enabled and encouraged to continue their bad behaviors.

Because you always look at the reaction and never what's causing it. And then you're like, oh, she's crazy. Well, why is she crazy? You know what I mean? I hate that shit. That's one thing I hate. Yeah, I do think that's a red flag. If you are talking to someone new and they're like, all my exes are crazy. Definitely. Yeah.

Who's the common denominator? You. Exactly. I feel like, like you have to be able to take accountability to some extent. Yeah. Like you don't want to, you know, blame yourself for like everything, but also you're like, there's certain actions that I could have, you know, done differently or, you know, it's all about self-reflection and self-awareness. Yeah. But just, just, you know, uh, throwing the blame at everyone else and,

You're crazy, even though when there's evidence to prove that what I'm saying is true. Yeah. Well, and I feel like for this one, she does say he never responded. But if you were innocent in this, you could have like approached your wife after the first pictures came through and been like, hey, the nanny.

I did nothing to initiate this, but we have a problem on our hands. And why would she feel so comfortable as to continue to send them if he wasn't responding? Exactly. Like,

I mean, there's some I know there are some women out there and there's some guys, too, that probably get off on it. I feel like I see so many stories on Reddit and at least like that are like I stole blah, blah, blah. Like we started dating because of this reason. I knew he was married, but I didn't care. And it's just like.

I think maybe she's 20. She's just very confident and just kind of like naive and maybe just going in hard and just being like, I'm going to keep sending until I get asked not to. But I feel like news though is such a vulnerable thing that like when you don't get a response, you're like,

you kind of just like, what the fuck? The rejection of it? Especially a nude. Like if I send a text and I don't get a text back and you double text, you're like, okay, that makes sense. Like granted, it's like kind of strange, but you know, it makes sense. But if you send a nude, something that you're expecting someone to be like,

oh my God, you look so good. Yeah. I'm not going to continue to send that if I'm not getting the validation. Yeah. You know what I mean? I can relate to that because I'm definitely like I'm more insecure with my body. Right. But I've had girlfriends that are not

And, like, the ass pictures they would get. I'm like, damn, if my ass looked like that, like, I'd send to everyone I know. Right. Like, so. I mean, at that point, you just put it online at that point. That is true. Like, fuck it. That is true. At least get some money off of it. OnlyFans. Yeah. Patreon if you want something, you know, like that. But, yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, I feel like he's definitely. You don't think he's telling the truth that, like. There's no way he's telling the truth.

And my thing is, is like the only thing that I could imagine or that would help, you know, his case is the fact that he wasn't like putting them in an album or like, you know, deleting them. Like the fact that he kept them on there.

that you're kind of like, hmm, he could be telling the truth, but at the same time, why is she continuously sending these things? Yeah. I'm curious how they just popped up, too. Like, were they really that easy to find? Yeah. No, she definitely did a little bit of scouring. Yeah.

The top comment on the original post, you are not wrong. Even if the very first nude was unsolicited, he should have alerted you and discussed and people comment below. And his parents and family trying to minimize the bad behavior are just as complicit. Exactly. Which is weird. Everyone trying to gaslight her and be like, it's not a big deal. You're overreacting. Really? Because I don't think it's normal for a 20-year-old nanny to send naked pictures. Yeah.

Yeah. That's weird. Getting your family to try to guilt trip your partner into continuing a relationship that they obviously felt the need to get away from. How about we put an end to that? How about stop implementing your families to try to sway the other person that you did wrong? Do not get them involved. Like, come on, bro. This relationship is between y'all. It doesn't help your case. At all. No. Are you ready for the update? Yeah.

What's the OP? So a lot of people were like mad at OP. They were like, you cannot kidnap your daughter. You can't go to France. So she does start off by addressing that.

Mm-hmm.

As stated, I informed Liv's father of what happened. He was furious with both Alex and Liv. He apologized to me and said he will try to get to the truth from her and that she rebels any chance she gets. But this was disgusting. I then looked through the camera in my daughter's nursery and I saw a clip of Liv asking if she wanted a sister or brother from Miss Livy and Daddy. What?

Yo, that's actually sick. Is this Ariana Grande? Whoa, what's her story? Oh, she stole Spongebob from his wife. Spongebob. Well, I'll tell you after. That made me feel sick to my stomach. Yeah, nah, that's sick. She responded to her dismissal with denials, but I told her I had the footage and that she was to never lay a hand on my baby again.

But if she wanted Alex so bad, she could have him. I reminded her that how you got them is how you lose them. And he would soon tire of a 20-something-year-old college dropout kid. Alex returned to the house temporarily for us to talk. After me showing him the camera footage and text from Liv, he broke down and said he was really sorry. He admitted that while nothing had physically happened between them, they had been exchanging photos and messages for a month or two.

My thing is, like, if I have to get information out of you, like, incrementally, like, come on, bro. It's done. You're giving me truth in increments as I find more things out. Like, I can't believe anything you're saying. No. No. It's like, unless you found that footage, would he have admitted to that? No. No.

He showed me the original messages and it was her who had pursued him. She started by saying she felt like a schoolgirl around him. Puke, because she is a schoolgirl. And she said she needed advice from an important man like him and sent a photo of her in lingerie asking if it was sexy. He started out not really responding, but after a few texts, he responded and it started from there. She was saying things about them being a happy family together, but he never responded to those texts.

He begged me to forgive him and start fresh. He said we can move and that we have plenty of money. He will do whatever I want. I told him what I want is to go home for a few weeks, so that's what I'm doing. Cassie and I are flying tomorrow. He honestly looks so pathetic right now.

They are welcome to each other. There will be no wedding. As I mentioned in my previous post, it's fiance, not husband. And I will be consulting with a custody lawyer once I get to France to see my options, both in the U.S. and internationally. But as someone in the comments said, I stayed in the U.S. not because I think it's a good place to live, but because that's where Alex was based and wanted to build our family. However, I will always support the daughter-father relationship, but he cannot have our daughter and his nanny.

Now that that's not happening, I'd like to move home and most certainly away from the slutty nanny. I am not looking for any custody advice. Dang, yo, she stood on business. Yeah, there's also another like mini update from Liv's father, the nanny. He also found and sent me some of the deleted messages. Liv talked about wanting me out of the picture so she can be Cassie's mom.

This is terrifying. Yeah, she dodged a missile, dude. This... Like... Yeah. That's crazy. This is really bad. This is giving, like, I'm gonna murder you and take your husband and baby. Yeah, and then asking my child if they want a sibling by way of me is crazy. Ugh.

It just gives you, like, the heebie-jeebies. Like, it is so gross. See, that's why I'm afraid to go outside. Like, every time I hear stories, I'm just like, I'm glad I'm paying a high rent because now I got even more reason to stay in the crib. I've honestly became quite a hermit. Dude, ever since COVID, I'm like, ever since COVID and then realizing just how...

I guess, limitless. The inside of your houses with a TV and Wi-Fi? No, just like how limitless like, you know, human behavior is. Oh. I'm just like. It knows no bounds. I think I'm going to stay home.

So this story reminded me of Ariana Grande. Yeah, what's up with that? Wait, she's the one dating Benny Blanco? No, that's Selena Gomez. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm very in the know on celebrity gossip drama. I see. Too much so. Yeah, you revealed some interesting things thus far. Yeah, I have some brain rot for sure. So Ariana Grande was doing this musical reenactment.

like version of wicked one of the other actors is a guy named ethan slater yeah ethan previously played spongebob yo i wish y'all could see the picture that she just so they are working together on wicked ethan is married to his longtime partner they just had a baby together

Ariana would become friendly with them. So much so to where she was holding their baby and told his wife, I would love to have a baby like this someday. And ends up leaving his wife and they're dating now. They're together. Yo, that's almost as crazy as that. What's his name? Adam Levine story. Remember, didn't he try to get, he told the girl that he wanted to name his child Adam.

After the girl that he was like. Somner or something like that. It's like S-O-M-N-E-R. And wasn't that girl like, was she young? She was like super young. She's younger. She's just like an Instagram model. Yeah. And so they were DMing and he was like, I want to name my baby after you. That's. A baby he's having with his wife. That is abhorrent. What is wrong? What is wrong with these people?

Like me, bro, if I was in her shoes, I was like, I'll be like, why would you think that that's something that would, you know,

Woo me. Like, what is wrong with you? If someone said they were naming their baby after me, I'd be weirded out. I don't care how hot. Because you know, sexy people get away with a lot more than the average person. That is very true. They get away with a lot of cringy behavior. Oh my God. I want to have... But that is inescapable. No. You can't. You cannot. No, it's so gross. I would love to have Alex Earl on to talk about

how she kept a dress she threw up on in her closet for like a year. She didn't wash it. She literally like threw up all over this dress and just hung it up like nothing ever happened. I'm sorry. I'm like, girl, what are you doing? Get it dry cleaned. I'm sorry.

Do you mind repeating what you just said? So apparently she like just did like a closet thing. I don't know. And she took out this dress on her TikTok and she had worn it out like a year prior, threw up all over it, but didn't clean it after. Just hung it up in her closet. I know. She was letting these girls get away with this. Okay. Because I have a few questions.

Is that just like negligent behavior or is that like you have to be so conceited to the point where you think that you are

upping the value of your dress with your own vomit. Well, and she did post it herself. So like she posted a video finding my puke covered birthday dress from last year. She just like pulled it out. So I mean, she opened herself up to that discourse. I just want to ask her about it. Yeah. Please find out about that. Yeah. Yeah. More, find out about that and less about your colonoscopy. Okay. Update me up.

I think you're going to be concerned about my colon health. She's like, yo, guess what just happened? No polyps, baby. Be good for another 10 years. I specifically ask you not. I'm just like so paranoid about colon cancer now, especially like the prevalence of it is crazy. Has it risen? Huge. And it's in our age demographic. And you look at big people like Chadwick Boseman.

Dead at 35 from colon cancer. He was like 40. He was like 45, I think. Was he? Yeah, he just looked very young. I was surprised when I saw his age. Oh my God, I'm so bad at math. What's 2020 minus 1976? 44? 44.

So he was a little older. Okay. The TikTok star that passed was like 34 or 35. Who? Oh, the guy, his family. Yeah. Him and his little kid. That was so sad. Yeah. So it's just better to get checked, especially if you have any stomach issues. Like our 20 to 30s is the highest age of like rise in colon cancer. So. What is a, is it the food we eat? What is going on?

I think so. I'm scared. I haven't done. I need to like really dive into it because I want to look at it based on other countries and see if like other countries with restrictions on food. Like we still let red dye go in all of our food. Dude. And like just so bad. Did you know that most of the cereals sold in the U.S. are like illegal? Yeah. Everywhere else. Yeah. I think Japan has like a ban on American cereal. I would believe it. You can't. They're like no. It's really bad. Bro.

A lot of the bread in the U.S. is not considered bread because of the high sugar volume. Hershey chocolate is not considered actual chocolate in other countries because it has too much dairy content or something. It's weird. It's scary. Our food is not good here. Yeah, I mean, the food is meant to make you sick so that you can shell out the big bucks. Then use the healthcare system. Yeah. It's all... I'm like a big conspiracy person too, but I think that's one where I'm like,

I feel like we... Doesn't seem so off. We could talk about that all day if we started. That's like a bonus episode we could do. Oh, man.

I'm not sure if this one necessarily needs a trigger warning, but I think it's an interesting conversation that we're about to have. After this episode and while I was editing it, it got me thinking about laws pertaining to this issue you're about to hear. And based on what I'm finding, it's not illegal. So let me know what you think about this one. It's kind of a dicey story, but I feel like it could bring about a meaningful conversation for all of us. You ready for a doozy? Always.

Have you ever had someone try to baby trap you? Not in America. Okay, this, if I was a dude, this would by far be one of my biggest fears. That's crazy. I don't know. I would probably be celibate. No, that's a lie. That's a lie, but. I just feel like if you baby trap someone in the U.S.,

That is just, you know, very malicious. Like you are, you are a malevolent person because it is so expensive to raise a child in here that you would forego any chance of you having like decent finances to keep this person with you.

That is a different type of evil. Someone in a foreign country like where I'm from, I'm from Guinea. And when I went back to visit, you know, had a little fun over there. But she was trying to get me to like, you know. She's trying to go halfsies with you. Like, nah, we're using protection. First of all, we're using protection.

But I understand that, you know, me being there's a perception of me. You know, they think I'm I'm not American. I'm from Guinea. But because they have this idea that I'm like this rich American, that I would be, you know, take care of her and get her out of that situation. So that makes sense.

But you're here and you know how shit is here. It's a little goofy. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, so this one is two days old. It's coming from True Off My Chest. I caught my serious girlfriend trying to baby trap me last night. I don't know what to do from here.

Just a warning, this post does have moments of TMI. I will say he gets very descriptive, so take that with, you know, a grain of salt. Maybe skip if you don't want to talk about sex. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and live together. We are both 25 and get along perfectly, rarely fight, and seem to be on the same page about the future and what we wanted.

We both have a desire to get married and have a family one day. I 100% was planning on marrying her soon. The first year of our relationship, I strictly wore condoms. She isn't on anything because hormonal birth control doesn't agree with her mentally, but over the past year, we've slowly gone to using the pull-out method.

I'd say it's about 65 to 75% what we do. I pull out and finish on her stomach. Since we live together and seem to be serious, we kind of have the, quote, if it happens, it happens approach. But I do not want to try for a child now, and she knew that. We do talk about things regarding our future children, send cute baby reels to each other, but it's just cute talk.

Last night after we had sex, I finished on her pulling out 20 seconds before I finished. I went into the next room to grab her some paper towel to wipe it off. And I saw her fingering herself. I asked her what she was doing and she stayed silent for a minute until I put the pieces together.

She told me, I love you and I really want a family with you. So I asked her why she's telling me that. And she said, quote, I've been taking your cum on my fingers and putting it inside me for months now. I ended it. I haven't returned her calls all day.

Is there a big chance she could be pregnant from this? With how long she's been doing this? I feel the odds are low, but my trust is broken. Well, I don't know why I imagine her taking like a turkey based therapy. Dude. That would be horrifying. I thought, dude, my thoughts before this were like, she's poking holes in the condom. Yeah. Or, you know, turkey based or nothing, but.

This is great. I'm just envisioning her like, like snow plowing it down. And like, I just like the mental image it gives you. It's just so bad. Like I've had guys and like, I guess when you're dating someone for two years, you don't think you have to be paranoid about that. But I have like guys that literally are so paranoid about their jizz. Like,

They use condoms, but then afterwards they flush it. So it's not left in the trash for a girl to get and like use. I just thought that was normal practice to flush. I don't think you're supposed to flush latex. Really? No, you're not supposed to flush tampons. I'm fucking the environment up. You're definitely. My fault. You're definitely, yeah. My fault, gang. Damn. I wonder how long it takes condoms to disintegrate in a landfill. It's hard.

I don't have the knowledge to answer that question. Yeah. Just random. Damn. Yo, fingering yourself with your boyfriend's DNA is that there's underlying problems that need to be addressed. There's something going on. Because if you just, you're like...

Right then and there in front of him. Yeah. You're like, I want him to accept this behavior. Well, I mean, she's been getting away with it. Like, I think he just walked back too fast. But it sounds like they kind of, she has baby fever. But he was kind of like encouraging it a little bit. Of course. Which I don't want to like victim blame him because this is like.

This is not good behavior. But it's like, you're sending her cute baby videos. Like, you're going to make her think you're ready. Yeah. I mean, I don't even think that's, like, victim blaming because there's cause and effect, you know? If I'm under the impression that we both want a baby, I'm going to assume that I can take measures to ensure that. But I wouldn't take drastic measures in her case. I'd kind of be like, yo, like...

When they were like, if it happens, it happens. That would probably be like, oh, okay. You know, that would be the extent of what I would do if I was her. Yeah. If it happens, it happens. But going out of your way and trying to force a baby upon someone is kind of. That's fucked up. I feel, and this is like my hot take for the day probably. I personally think if you're not on any form of birth control and you're using the pullout method, you're trying to get pregnant.

Pullout method has a 96% efficiency. Are you sure about that? We can look at it right now. Fact check me. I think it's less because the top comment, one out of five people that use the pullout method get pregnant. Really? That's one in every five, assuming 100 people pull out perfectly. If I'm you and I'm 25 with my whole life ahead of me, I'm not liking those odds. I swear I heard it was 96% effective.

And that's not what you're trying to use. That's not based off of just experience. Like I looked it up. Oh my gosh. Um, yeah, that was the top comment. OP does add like a little bit of an edit. Um, and people are like, she's lying about not being able to take birth control. Um, you were, you were pulling out. So that's trying for a baby. Um,

No, we weren't trying. We were okay with a slim chance. Saying she's lying about hormonal birth control. Like, no man should ever claim that a woman's lying about hormonal birth control, bro. You don't know what happens and the effects of it. I would never make a comment about that. If she's lying, she's lying. If she's not, you know.

But as a guy, I just wouldn't comment. There's certain things that as a man I wouldn't comment on. That shit makes me suicidal. What? Birth control. Like you had it? I've tried a bunch of different kinds. The pill and other like NuvaRing type stuff and it just, anything. Yeah, fucking with hormones, yeah. It'll fuck you up. It is. It's not good. It'll either fuck you up the way you want it to or it'll just fuck you up, but.

It's disrupting the equilibrium of your body. For sure. Be careful out there, you guys. Condoms. Condoms are your friends. Some people have latex allergies. I do. I think I do. You have a latex allergy? Yeah, so I don't use latex ones. I bought this. You use the goat skin ones or what the fuck? Is that what they're made out of? They use some component that, you know, uses animal skin, I think. Shut the fuck up. At least that's what they used to do.

I swear to God, if I've been putting goat skin inside of me. Dude, you, goat skin, human skin, it's all skin. Ew, I use these ones. Yeah, look up the, why is it called skin? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. What's in it? It doesn't have like an ingredient list on Amazon.

Dude, I have to know what's in it. I need to know. I swear to God, this is going to ruin my day if I've been using goat skin condoms. Oh my God. Yeah, they just say latex-free skin feel technology. A revolutionary polyisoprene material. It's so soft and comfortable. It almost feels like wearing nothing at all. Wow.

That is a little too vague for my sense of comfort. I know. I need the chemical formula now. Where is polyisoprene coming from? That doesn't sound great either, though, to put inside you. They're just using scientific names that you wouldn't know. That way you're just like, oh, whatever. It's just science. Science? Oh, my gosh. Okay. I just need to Google this just so I can have peace of mind.

It is the primary chemical constitute of natural rubber. Okay. So trees. Okay. That's better than a goat skin. It's all the same stuff. It's all nature. You rather have tree inside of you than a goat? Yeah. Every day. Twice on Sunday. Every day. Every day. Her coochies start talking. Yeah.

I need like someone to like review lamb skin now. Have you tried them? No, I haven't. Well, there you go. Send us a review. The first time I ever used a condom was the most painful thing. And I used to think that everyone was like a masochist. What? Because I thought sex was the most painful thing ever. Not enough lube? No, it's not that. I bought a condom that was like...

super tight around the base. I mean, so I was just like, I was like, yo, what is wrong with people? Like, what are they doing? Why are they doing this? This sucks. And for like two weeks, I did not like have sex with the girl that I was talking to at the time. And I had just like, that was like me losing my virginity. I was like, nah, fuck that.

I was like, I don't know what these people want. This is overrated. This is crazy. My hand is better. How am I here right now? Oh, man. Yeah, sex should not be painful if it is. You got to go see a specialist. Yeah. Otherwise, like ask yourself, are you using enough lube? Speaking of, this might be a fun tip for you.

Have you ever used coconut oil? Of course! Okay, good. It helps balance out the bacteria in the vagina. Yes, it is antibacterial. Yeah, it helps the good bacteria in the vagina. Why am I saying it like that? Vagina. Say it with an Eastern European accent. It helps the good bacteria in the vagina. Yeah.

Can you talk like that the rest of the episode? Of course. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I love coconut oil. And not the J. Alvarez, like, weird stuff. J. Alvarez. Did you ever watch that sex tape? Asking someone. How far have we gone as a society where you could casually be like, have you ever watched that sex tape? I'm sorry. I feel like everyone was talking about it. So he used this, like, coconut oil lotion thing.

Lotion? Yeah. That's crazy. That's not what you're supposed to be using. Literally go to your grocery store and get a jar of coconut oil. I think it needs to be unrefined. Or refined. No, no. Unrefined. Extra virgin coconut oil. That's the one. Otherwise you'll be fucking that Gucci up in the worst way possible. Well, and when you scoop it out, like it does...

have like little grains initially. So you got to like warm it up on your hands, like get the, get it going. Yeah. Cause that room temp it's solid. So pro tip for those out there. Yeah. Yeah. Miss coconut oil over here. I know. Well, and people do say they always yell at me. Yeah. Like if you're using coconut oil plus condoms, coconut oil can cause your. Yeah. I will say.

You know, choose your own level of risk. Uh-huh. But I haven't had any issues with condoms and coconut oil. Really? In the past seven years. I recently, so funny, I made a video about coconut oil. Really? Insert video now. One of my favorite videos.

Okay. I'm going to watch it. It's going to be good. I got to show you that video after this is done. It is. I'm a little nervous, though. It's so good, I promise. And I'm not just saying that out of hubris or, you know. Yeah. I'm saying it because it's fucking hilarious. Well, if Carlo gives us permission, we'll include it here for those watching and listening. Yes, please. Plug it a little. Access granted. Okay. Moving along. What the hell, man? Where is this shit?

Hey, have you seen the coconut oil? Oh, shh. It's my fault, man. Here you go, brother. Thanks, man. I've been looking for this all day. Hey, man. Why is the word virgin crossed out? Huh? You said what? The word virgin on this bottle of coconut oil is crossed out. Why? Because that is what it used to be until I got my hands on it.

What? Trigger warning on this next one, you guys. The story is somewhat safe, but our conversation after does contain talks of poop. This next one. God damn it. Oh, God. It's coming from Relationship Advice. It is a little older. It is titled, When My Girlfriend and I Get Into a Fight, She Pees on the Floor.

So throwaway account for obvious reasons. But a couple of months ago, I, male 24, met this really incredible girl, female 22, and we hit it off. We shared a lot of common interests and spent pretty much every waking moment together. She had this really weird obsession with being a cat girl, but I thought it was kind of hot, so I didn't really care too much.

Even though it was pretty early into our relationship, we decided to move in together and it was pretty good for the first couple of weeks. But then things started getting weird. I'm not going to beat around the bush and I need you to understand that I'm being 100 percent serious. She started pissing on the carpet when she's frustrated with me.

She says it's a part of her kinship or something, but when we have an argument, she'll just squat and piss somewhere in the apartment. I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind, and my entire apartment smells like urine. I do genuinely enjoy her company, but this is getting out of hand. I don't know what to do. I need help, please.

Yo, what is going on? Are the straight people okay? What is going on? Not only do you have to argue about it, not only do you have to worry about losing the argument, but your loss now results into a urinated carpet. No. Oh my God. No. That's so crazy.

Can you imagine getting so mad at someone that you piss the floor? Not only can I not control my emotions, but my bowels as well. Oh, damn it. Pull my dick out. Would you pee back? Would you just stoop to that level? If I was him and I got to the point...

I couldn't take it anymore. Can't beat him. Just join him. Yeah. It is that mentality. For real. Damn, bro. I just had a like, this is not something I've ever shared. Oh, God. I just had before. Yeah. I'm like, I'm really nervous. Before you share this. Understand.

I'm not a safe space. I am not a safe space. I overshare sometimes. I will have judgments. I overshare. They may be in favor of you. They may go against you. They're definitely going to go against me. But I'm just letting you know beforehand. You're going to go out in the real world after this. And you're going to tell people, you're like, I went on this girl's podcast. And she's fucking crazy. Depends on what you say. Because sometimes I'll be like, yeah, it wasn't me on that podcast.

AI's getting crazy, man. Oh, man. I'm so sorry, everyone. Regale us. You remember how we talked about snapping into consciousness when you were a kid? Yes. So I just had this mental image of me as a kid.

And I used to like at my house I grew up with, I like lived with my great grandma and like my mom, my brothers. And we had this like really old couch that like went the whole length of the wall. But like the way it was angled, like you could get behind it. It was like a fort. Right.

And so I would like always go behind the couch to like do things I shouldn't. Like I would take my cat behind the couch and like I used to like give her haircuts. Okay. Like an actual, like an actual cat. Like I was like four. I was like three or four. Like this is very, I wasn't in school yet. I was like three or four. And I remember one time and I don't know why I would fucking do this because the bathroom was like 10 feet away. I remember peeing behind the couch. Is that it? That's it.

Man, you had me on the edge of my freaking seat. That's gross. Yeah, but you're like four. But still, like who just pees behind the couch? A lot of people. Four-year-olds. You made this a very safe space, actually. This was very safe. I feel like I could tell you way more now. Well, I mean, with the things I've heard and seen, you know. Where's the weirdest place you've peed?

Weirdest place. Well, I'm a guy, so. You have a lot of. My options are. Flexibility in that. Yeah. Weird place I peed is in my car. In a bottle? Yeah. Hell yeah. That's kind of normal though. I've peed in a bottle at my apartment because the bathroom was way too far. Okay. Just out of, I was like, yo, my penis is going to fall off if I don't get this out of me. Yeah. You know, many instances in life when that happens.

Yeah. There's something about dudes. I feel like when you have to pee all of a sudden, it can just like happen out of nowhere. And I literally, I was taking my fiance's like roommate's dog for a walk the other day. I don't know. I was taking a dog for a walk the other day and I was walking down the corner and I like went to take a right to go down a side street. And I looked down the street and like a block, half a block up.

There was a pickup truck and all four of the doors were open and you could just see streams coming from like the doors. And I, I was like putting two and two together. I'm like,

Are they pouring water out? Nah, they're having themselves a piss party. They were all pissing. All of them. I literally just like turned the dog around and kept, I like walked the total opposite. You're like, no good things could come of me walking in that direction. None. None. As a girl by herself, none. But like, you're brazen. I think the better question is, where's the weirdest place you've taken a shit? You know? The woods. Yeah.

Just the words. One time, I remember I had just registered for college classes. And at the time, I didn't have a car. And I used to have to wait on the bus. But I was like, you know what? Let me just walk because I'm better off walking than to wait for the bus. So I'm walking and there's like this tall grass. And then there's like these corporate buildings. Uh-oh. Walking and I'm actually enjoying the walk. I'm like, wow. You know, I'll just walk all the way home. All of a sudden. Uh-huh.

Rumble in the jungle. Yep. Fucking craziest shot I've ever had. It's one of those where like your whole body's reacting to the pain in your stomach. Yeah. It's hard to like walk. Your muscles are constricting. It's just like you start sweating. Yeah. And you're just like, you know, and you're clenching and you're just like, please stop. So then I bolt across the street. I'm like looking at the corporate bills. I'm like, oh.

I'm like trying to get in. But it's like 6 p.m. So no one's there, obviously. They're gone. They're gone. And I'm like, no, why do? And it's just the tall grass, all these cars coming. And I'm like, fuck, am I going to have to do this? So I'm like, no, no, I'm not that far away from my sister's job. She worked at Best Buy and like the talent center. But like I said, it was one of those that just cripple you. It's crippling. So I'm like, no, I can't make it. I can't make it.

And, like, as I'm, like, taking my shorts off, like, it's just... Literally? It's like... And so I just had to do that. And then I had to use my socks. So I'm there sockless, drawless. I'm just free-balling at this point. Oh, man. I felt so... That was, like, so primal, too. I just felt like a dog after. I was like...

I was like, there's a very fine line between humanity and animals. Oh my God, that feeling. That is a really tough feeling. I just experienced it.

uh, in London a couple months ago. Oh yeah. If you're going to experience anywhere, it's going to be London. It was the traveling. My stomach was messed up. I was constipated. English food will do that to you. And I literally had a coffee. I had two coffees that day because like nothing was happening. And so I'm like, it's day four. Like I got to go. So,

Had a coffee and all of a sudden I'm like, you feel it. You just, you hear it. You're sweating. It's the sweat that starts it all. The sweat makes me panic because I know when I'm sweating, I know it's bad. Like I know it's bad. And I'm wearing this like really long coat. Like it is literally so long. I had someone ask me in a grocery store, can I ask you a question? What?

why is your coat so long? Like it basically touches the ground. That's your poop coat now. So I literally, I like, there's nowhere to poop. It's Notting Hill fucking craft market. I run into a restaurant. I'm like, hi, any tables? Oh, nothing. You can sit outside. I'm like, okay, cool bathroom. We run in the bathroom. There's two bathrooms, men, women. And I literally go in and get my coat up immediately explodes.

I shit you not. Two seconds after knocking on the door, knocking on the door, I go to like get toilet paper. It runs out. I luckily have enough.

I go to flush. It doesn't flush. No. It's clogged. I have people banging on the door. I have to open it and be like, I'm so sorry, girls. Like, it's clogged. Like, I'm going to need a minute. Shut it again. And they're like, oh, I guess I can go into the other one. I'm like, yeah, you might want to do that anyways. Yeah, what the hell? It was just, it was a nightmare. And like, I finally got to the point I had flushed it like 10 times or something like that. And there were still a little bit. I'm like, that's as good as I can get it. Like, I got to go. And I ran out of there.

And I had to check my coat because I like, I literally like, I was like, there better not be poop on this thing because then you're walking around, you know. You definitely defiled that bathroom. It was everywhere. It was everywhere. Yo, let somebody run up in my restaurant.

Commit a crime like that. - It was so bad. I didn't even get a drink. I just put it in my, it was like, I need to run. - I don't blame you. - 'Cause if the girls from downstairs see me, like, we can't. - You're like a fugitive. You're like. - Yeah, yeah. I would have rather pooped in the grass than that experience. - So pooping in the grass is a enlightening experience. I feel like everyone at once, they got to. - Okay. - You know, it kind of brings you closer to nature. - Okay.

Let's go out and shit in the woods real quick, man. Learn to live. I'm going back to Minnesota soon. I'll try it. I will carry toilet paper with me. You're the first person from Minnesota I've ever met in my entire life. I didn't know Minnesota was a real place until you said it. What did you think it was? I thought it was like AI generated state. It's like one of those places you hear about. It's literally like one of the best states. Minnesota? Yeah.

Like, hands down. I've been to almost all of them. What's the population in Minnesota? I don't know. Probably like 500,000. I don't think it's that little. I promise you. It's almost 6 million. What? Yeah. You're telling me that there's more of you? Yeah. Minnesotans? Yeah. We're very diverse. We're actually a really big melting pot in Minnesota. Especially Minneapolis. Yeah.

Dude, you are broadening my mind. And the food, the foodie world there is insane. There's a lot of immigrants because Minnesota, being very blue, takes in a lot of refugees. So the food scene in the past like 20 years has just blown up.

Minnesota is really cool. Really cool. I wish you could take a trip to my brain and see how much it just exploded. I love Minnesota. That's crazy. Love Minnesota. You're the first Minnesotan I've ever met. I'm trying to organize a good little trip for everyone to go and experience. Now I have to go see. I'll let you know when it is. Drew's coming.

It's going to be good. I love Drew. It's going to be good. She's great. Moving along. Shout out Minnesota. One last one for you. And I think it's also going to be a little bit of an ick. It is coming from True Off My Chest. Eight days old. Truff my chest. True Off My Chest. Oh, True Off My Chest. Okay. A place to get personal things off your chest. Just like you can just dump in here.

My husband of eight years drives hundreds of miles for work every week. And because I work from home, he calls me every time he gets in the car and expects me to stay on the phone and keep him company for his hours long drives.

This has been going on for years now. It is absolutely fucking maddening. And when I don't have anything left to talk about on our fifth hour on the phone that day, he says, I'm boring and starts complaining that we're just another couple who have nothing to talk about.

No, motherfucker. Most couples don't talk for dozens of hours on the phone every week. Most of the time, there's eight to ten hours gaps every day for stories and topics to accumulate. But I have no material left inside my fucking head. Everything I've seen and felt, I've already talked to you about. What else do you fucking want from me? I'm running on brain fumes.

Sure.

Like I wish I felt special because my husband wants to talk to me incessantly, but I'm not. I'm aggravated. I sometimes want to listen to music or a podcast or a show on the TV, but I can't because I'm on the phone with him. I get overstimulated because the kids also want to talk to me, and I feel like I have too many pots on the stove and my attention is being pulled in too many directions.

Work, kids, spouse, IMs, email, the cats having the zoomies. It just gets to me. But does he understand? Nope. He gets butthurt that he has to drive alone. Should he listen to music and podcasts? Yes. But apparently him being autistic and no, no therapy at all, ever, has made him severely attached to me to the point I cannot fucking breathe.

Even when he's home, he is up my ass about 80% of the time. I just want to scream, leave me the fuck alone. But anytime I express needing to be alone, he makes me feel bad. I don't know if he means to. Think he does, though.

He has no friends and dislikes his family, which makes it all worse because I'm literally all he has. It is exhausting being the only person he has. I do not know if I can keep up with this for the rest of my life. I'm suffocating. I'm suffocating just listening to that guy. I'm stressed for her. I'm stressed. Oh, for real. Dude, being on the phone is such an arduous task. I hate it. It's like I go on the phone with people.

Because I'm like, this is a conversation I'll have for like this amount of time. And then, you know, that's it. Because I also hate texting. I hate texting. So I'll call real quick. 30 minutes, maybe an hour for real cool. And then, you know, that's it. Yeah. It is a lot of work to be on the phone. It is. And like, I'm just not about it. Phone calls.

especially like random ones that pop up and you're like oh my god is everything okay why are they calling me they stress me out i need people to text me very clearly hey nothing's wrong but let's chat and i'm like then i'll do it i love texting i type on my computer so i like go really fast but like oh this much i don't mind the phone call it's just like

I don't like feeling like it's a task. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like when you take the fun out of the spontaneity of a phone call. Yeah. And you turn it into like... And she's just getting off work. She probably had calls all day, had to interact. Yeah. Social battery is down the drain. That. And it's like you don't see it as someone expending their social battery because...

It's not, you don't view yourself as like an outside, you know, societal person. This is your person. Yeah. It's like, this is a separate individual, separate entity with separate needs and wants and everything. Yeah. And I feel like when you start to implement the idea of that's my person, they have to conform to what I want. That's kind of where the rift begins and, you know.

Setting those types of expectations on people is just ridiculous. Well, and I don't... I feel like if he's driving, like it sounds like he's a truck driver or something. If he's driving a lot and like a phone call once a day, an hour a day, but they're talking every day...

for hours and hours on end so it's like she says here by the fifth hour on the phone he says i'm boring and starts complaining fifth hour is crazy i don't think i've been on the phone with anyone that long since like high school i've never been on the phone that long ever like somebody need to be paying me for like someone needs to be paying me it's

It's just kind of concerning. And I think he definitely has a very insecure attachment or something. Yeah, definitely. Or something. I don't. But yeah, she said that he's autistic. So him understanding social norms, I guess, is a bit of a task. It could be really difficult. But at this point, I mean, she says, no, he's never had therapy. Yeah.

But, like, you guys need to go to couples therapy. You need to, like, start working with someone who can, like, convey this message. Like, this isn't normal. We need to work on this. Exactly. I need me time. I need to be able to decompress because... I mean, she's been married for eight years and I...

Would not be able to handle this for more than a month. Yeah. Shout out to her. A saint. That's crazy. A saint of a woman. That is crazy. Yo, because if she was your... And that's one of those things where it's like, if they ever separate and she gets that taste of freedom, she's never going to want to go back. So he definitely needs to put more effort into, first of all, understanding himself.

And then understanding, you know, other people. Yeah. That's crazy. And then guilt tripping her as well. I know. He just doesn't get it. Yeah. The top comment. It sounds like you need to assert boundaries around this and stick with them. You should do what they say to do with little kids. Offer him options, compromises that are acceptable to you, and reiterate that those are the only options you can offer. It's up to him to take it or leave it. He might whine, sulk,

guilt trip you, but he's an adult and a husband. His needs and desires aren't the only ones that matter. Your needs matter too. And you've been far too accommodating for far too long.

Yeah, that's how you got to do it. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I used to guilt trip back when I was younger. And learning, you know, that's something that you have to learn to like not do. Yeah. It's like guilt, it's like making people feel bad. And I learned that from like my parents because I would get guilt tripped by them if I didn't do stuff that they wanted. So that's why I'm saying like you got to understand yourself and where your behaviors come from.

so that you can better serve your partner. But like guilt tripping is so terrible. It's so bad. It's so manipulative. Yeah, it is. And understanding that it is manipulative and it's not, you know, it's something that you need to nip in the bud. Yeah. Well, especially if like the person you're guilt tripping on the flip side is a people pleaser, which it sounds like she could be to put up with this for so long. Like,

That is like so emotionally and psychologically abusive. Yes. Yes, definitely. This can't go on. And the worst part about it is she makes it seem like he's unaware, like completely oblivious to his actions. He is. And it doesn't seem like she's setting boundaries either. No. She's being kind of a pushover on it. Yeah.

And like lying about the phone calls, which I would every day. I got meetings all day. Back to back to back to back. I got crazy meetings. It was Sunday, 12. It's 12 a.m. on Sunday. I'm I am not. I just I would I would. I'm talking to the church. I would talk to anyone. I would talk to anyone. I would take telemarketer phone calls to get off the phone. You imagine I would take the scammer from India.

He's like, well, all right, man. It was nice talking to you. Wait. No. Please. Tell me about my car's extended warranty. Please. Please. One more time. Student loans? Yeah, sure. Melnet, is that you?

I never, you never even went to college. Oh my God. It's tough. It's really tough. Being on the phone is a lot. I just feel like any social, I mean, I'm biased because I feel like almost all social interactions are just a lot. I'm an introvert. Yeah, I'm like an introvert, but like I'll put on my, I'll put on my extrovert suit.

You know what I mean? That's what people always like. I'm like, I'm introverted. And they're like, you? No. And I'm like, no, that's like, I can force myself to be an extrovert in social situations. But I go home and I need a dark room that's quiet. Yo, I love being in the dark.

I just like... I love... There's so much comfort for me in the dark. I don't understand. Bundled with a fan on, just peace. I love cold environment and, you know... You love Minnesota. It's cold. I think you got it twisted. I like my apartment to be cold. Like 66 degrees. Yeah. 69 at the hottest. No, I left the East Coast for a reason. I hate snow.

I can't do snow. It's brutal. But it's so fun at the same time. Did it snow? Like, everywhere was getting crazy snowstorms. Did you guys get one in Minnesota? Yeah, there's some blizzards for sure. Are you guys... You guys are north. Mm-hmm. We're by Canada. Oh.

That explains your accent. Yeah. It's not that bad though. When you said bag. Bag. Bag. I have to think about that. I do so I don't get made fun of. But I want to, I got to like bring it back. Just like, oh, can I get a bag? It's just so cute. Can I get a bag? And a boat. Let's go on a boat. A boat. Dang. I got to check out Minnesota. You'll love it.

There was only one comment that OP responded to. Someone was essentially like popping off on her and being like, meanwhile, there's wives all over the world wishing their husbands would pay attention to them. I think any wife would be exhausted after eight hours of a phone call. Not all attention is good attention. And that's on that.

Not all attention is good attention. No. Not all of everything. There needs to be moderation with everything. Yeah. Even moderation needs moderation. Yeah. Opie, she basically just responded and was like, you did not read past the third sentence. Yo, for real, yeah. Like, come on. Like, yeah. But, oh no, you go ahead. No, I was going to say, I hate people who like, they already have a response prepared before they ever hear you out.

Common sense isn't common. Comprehension is very hard. Like you missed the entire point. Like it's right there in front of you. You're so close, but yet right over. Some people have no problem being far away. They just like the idea of just talking. There's people that get off on rage baiting. For sure. For sure. And the best way to counteract that is just...

Not talk to them. Nope, just ignore it. My favorite thing to do. Don't engage. The older I get, the more I realize how much of a skill it is to know when to shut the fuck up. That is a superpower. I need to work on that.

Dude, your life will be so much better. I definitely need to work on that. And also like not engaging with people that are trying to rile you up. Yeah. Because I like I think it happens with politics and family stuff where you're just like you just want to fight because it's like it feels like if you don't fight. Yeah. It's like you you lack that integrity or something. But I need to get better about like that. Like knowing when to shut up or just being like, that's interesting. I'll consider it. Sometimes now. Ends. It ends. Like.

It's so amazing. Sometimes now I'll write what I initially was going to say. And like this happens to me all the time. I do this. I literally do this. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm like, delete. I literally, if I get a mean comment on YouTube, I type out like a nasty response, just like advocating for myself. And then I see it.

It makes me feel better. I delete it. I don't post. Or sometimes I'll pin it and I know that my supporters will just go after it. That's a tactic if I've ever seen one. I love, that is my favorite. Just pinning the most heinous comment. Well, Carlo, that's all I got for you.

This was amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. Learn so much about Minnesota, coconut oil, lamb skin condoms that you apparently use unbeknownst to you. I hope not. I'm going to go home and literally read the ingredient list. She's panicking right now. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. But where can people find you? What do you have going on right now?

share away a lot of things i have going on right now i can't talk about i like that though but yeah i mean i've actually been pretty busy which is good but uh you find me on instagram tiktok youtube carlo malice everywhere i like it facebook oh there you go are you on the tube

The Tube YouTube? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The links for Carlos' channels will be in the description. So be sure you check them out. Give them a follow. And I'll be sure to post the coconut oil one that you have too. I'll show you that. It'll be good. Okay. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.