Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
State Farm and DJ Dramos from Life as a Gringo, no making smarter financial moves today secures a financial freedom for a successful tomorrow. Now we have a level of privilege that our parents never had. So what do we do with it, right? How do we utilize the opportunities that we have that they don't, right? And a lot of that is educating ourselves, educating ourselves on how to not make the same mistakes they did. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm, proud sponsor of My Cultura Podcast Network.
Like this show and want to make your own? Let me tell you about Anchor. It's the site that I use for my podcast, and best part, it's free. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer. And Anchor will even distribute the podcast for you, so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many more. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started.
I'm not introducing the whole episode. That's you. No, I think you should do it. I'll take over. Hello, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. And today, joining me, I have my lovely boyfriend, Justin, of Park Wild. It's a music duo.
What's up, everybody? Hello, hello. Justin and I have been together for a little over two years now. Just about. Yeah, we are Hinge Success Story. So Hinge, if you're looking to sponsor your favorite couple, we're right here. Justin and I have had some really fun experiences. We've traveled to Budapest, Copenhagen, Denmark. We've been to the
We've had a lot of New York adventures and just have come across our own messy relationship stories. I think I'm picturing the bathroom we experienced in Copenhagen. Yeah, that one was on you, though.
I got catfished by a hotel booking and we ended up having to poop in like a glass box for the week. Frosted glass though. Yeah, but I still could hear everything. Echo chamber. It was an echo chamber. I'm not sure. This is kind of becoming, you know, a pattern for me, whether it's the bathroom with Lauren in China, the bathroom in Copenhagen with you. I have bad bathroom luck and so do some of the stories today.
Are you ready to dive in? Yes. Let's do it. So today's stories are going to be all about how relationships are messy. Whether it's friendships, dating, shit happens, things get messy, and it is what it is. I, 24 female, talked my boyfriend, 20-year-old male, into having a threesome with my best friend and I.
Now I know she actually has feelings for him. What to do? Okay. First of all, never, ever, ever, ever invite a friend into your relationship, especially your best friend. Just the title is messy. I feel like there's always these tendencies and these moments in relationships, especially when you're younger, that...
You see certain things or you see things portrayed in TV shows or movies and they become these fantasies, especially as a couple. But definitely do not involve friends. No, she's 24, though. She should have known better. Yeah. Her boyfriend's 20. Like he's a little young, but she's 24. Like why would you ever want to have sex with your best friend and your boyfriend? That's not going to be good. I just feel like.
I feel like then it's an easy person to go to. It's someone that's easy to say. Comfortable to approach. Hey, you want to, you know... You want to see my boyfriend's dick? Right. I just... And I've been down that road. I feel like I wouldn't have known unless I'd experienced it. But it leads to a lot of distrust and it leads to a lot of random problems here and there that you never see when you're just...
are hot and horny and you just want to jump in and try new experiences. But it becomes something where someone is going to get jealous. Someone's going to get hurt. For sure. And the best friend is definitely not the place to start. No, let's see what ends up happening here. My boyfriend and I had been looking for someone to have a threesome with. Recently, he and my best friend became good friends and really close.
She seemed interested, so we all mutually agreed. My boyfriend needed more convincing, which I took care of. You just self-sabotaged yourself. Like...
Why? But she recently admitted to having feelings for him, feelings which he can't return. And ever since the agreement, she constantly keeps going into sexual topics with him. She even sent him a nude picture. Wow. Yeah. She's pushing boundaries. She's like trying to swoop in and like steal the boyfriend. Okay. That's a whole different situation then. I mean...
That's not just, yo, let's all get together and have a threesome. No. That's like borderline... Boyfriend theft. Yeah. Yeah, no, she's crossing the line. This is not your best friend anymore. I can send it to a threesome or talking about a threesome and not whatever it is she is doing. Even my boyfriend doesn't appear to be okay with it, yet she keeps trying. What do I do? She messages either me or him when she is turned on so we can, quote...
Help her. We are both very uncomfortable with this. However, it's really awkward to say anything. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I have a little bit of experience where I don't think you realize just how real the situation is. It seems with these fantasy type things, I think you go in thinking with not your mind.
Oh, yeah. I mean, for sure. You're trying to get laid. You want to have a good time. And it's convenient. Like she conveniently, I'm glad they didn't actually fall through with the threesome. Like I'm really glad because this is messy as fuck and they haven't even had sex yet.
But I think like her whole thing, like this is uncomfortable and it's really awkward to say anything. No, it's not. Like this is your friend. And if she's your best friend, you should be able to be like, hey, knock it the fuck off. Quit texting my boyfriend or we're not going to be friends anymore. Like you're crossing the line. They haven't even had sex yet. Oh, wow. How does she have feelings for him? I don't know.
I don't know. I feel like if I, if we went down this path, theoretically. Yeah. And we have, we've talked, well, yeah, when we haven't, but we've talked about having a threesome. Right. But in that same context, if we didn't know better and you went to one of your friends.
And all of a sudden one of your friends is texting me and doing these types of things. Oh my God. Sending pictures. That friend would be done. It would not, you would not sit there and just say, oh yeah, this is normal because I agreed to a threesome. Oh, this is awkward. How do I talk to my friend? No, that friend would be excommunicated. I mean, at least he's being honest and telling her. Yeah. But that shows like the strength of their relationship, which is good. That is like, that's a good sign to me that they're open and like,
The fact that he needed convincing from her too is also a good sign for me. It wasn't like, oh yeah, babe, like...
I want to have sex with you and your friend. Like it wasn't him doing the convincing, which I really like. I think if it would have been the other way around, that to me would have been a red flag. But it's just she's got to talk to the friend. Like this has gone a little too far now, especially the nude. She sent him a nude. Yeah, that's next level. I think I feel like the guy in these situations when it is a girl and another girl is generally the initiator. And I just feel like there's...
There's so many better ways to go about it. I think as a couple, you can say, okay, yeah, we are down to explore. We're down to try something. We're down to do X, Y, Z. And whatever it may be, with a threesome or even something more, I think the best way to approach it is to say, hey, yeah, we could have one of these experiences. We could go do this, but let's do it when we are out of the country. Let's do it when... Or even like, I mean, it's...
You can use Tinder and Hinge for that kind of stuff. Like the amount of times I've before we dated, obviously, but the amount of times I was on Hinge and swiping and you'd see a picture of two people and in their bio, they'd be like, hey, we're a couple looking for a third. And there's other ways to do it. Like, granted, yeah.
I think it's riskier to do it that way because of like STDs and like you're putting a lot of faith in that other person. But I mean I've heard stories about that like Tinder hookups where that person who was the third person that got brought in gets obsessed with one of the partners. So I mean you're not safe either way. Like shit is going to go south potentially. Yeah.
But I mean, I think it's a lot better than still like your best friend. Like at least go to someone that's like maybe a mutual friend.
Not in your life every day. I still think it leads to something going wrong between you and your relationship. There's no perfect way to do it, but I just think if it's someone... Yes, you take the STD risk and whatever else, but if it's someone that you do not know or maybe you slightly know or just met on...
somewhere abroad on vacation doing something, then there's no risk of either person being like... having any sort of contact almost. Yeah. Because it's unfeasible. It's kind of like when...
talk about people and how some people view watching porn as cheating, it's again, like you said, it's unobtainable people. Yeah. And so, and I think that's the important part. Like you don't, the only way I would ever have a threesome if, if, if I was, we were traveling or if it was someone that like wasn't connected to us, because I think no matter how much faith you have in your relationship and maybe there's people out there that have this like
just fucking exponential level of trust in their partner. But I just feel like having someone that's in your life every day, your best friend, always around, and they're already texting. They already have a relationship. And so it's like, for me, it's like, I'm not fucking double dipping. Yeah. Like,
not a chance in hell. Like once you cross that line, you can't walk it back. Don't have threesomes with your friends. Yeah. I mean, one of those relationships is going to crumble, whether it be the, Oh yeah. You and your friend or you and the boyfriend. And at the end of the day, neither of those relationships is worth it. No, it's not worth the one night experience or whatever it turns into. But, and if you really do want the threesome, which, Hey, it's, it's
it sounds fun. I wouldn't know personally, Justin would a little bit, but I feel like don't just don't do it with your friends or anyone you're close with. Yeah. I've, I've had my own experiences and I've also had friends that have had threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, full on, uh,
you know, orgy at Burning Man or whatever it is. Oh my God, I have like an uncle that's gotten a Burning Man and the shit that happens there is so wild. Yeah, I just, a lot of times what I hear back is it's not what it seems. It's overrated. Yeah. This one is a girl, girl, guy. What are your thoughts on two guys, one girl? I still think
regardless of the situation, if you're willing to do it one way with your partner, you should be willing to do it the other way. I think it's only fair. Yeah, it has to be. Right. And I think there is some level of fantasy with seeing your partner just engage in these types of things. I feel like it's a porn fantasy. It's some sort of, I don't know where it comes from.
But it's definitely been a thing. And I know a lot of people that have gone down this road because of that. Like wanting to see their partner have sex with someone else. Yeah. And I just, I think it was just at the age where it was the exploration and trying to figure out, yes, I'm in a long-term committed relationship, but you haven't had that chance to go out and...
explore. And that's why I don't find it weird that they are going down this road in the first place. I'm saying, hey, I want to go try this. I don't think one in a threesome is weird at all. I think everyone has their sexual fantasies and their kinks and fetishes and whatever you want to call it. I don't think it's weird at all. I think they were just a little naive to invite a friend into the bedroom. Well, I think it's a curiosity at the same time. I mean, I think as soon as it is happening, you would pretty much know whether you're
enjoying or you're hating it. Yeah. Well, so I mean, what's your advice to her? How does she, what do you think? Just text a friend straight up? Like what, how does she handle this? Yeah. I think you got to confront it head on. I, I, I agree. I think if I were in the situation, lay down the fucking hammer. You even said if it were your friend sending me a nude. Oh,
I would be in my car driving over to your house. I would be like, what the fuck was your problem? Yeah. No, any of us would. Like, I know. Like, shit would be broken. They would... Oh, excommunicated. Cut off. Yeah. And I think in my case, the one and only threesome I've had...
It was set up in that perfect type of way where I think it was through a dating app. And it just happened. We showed up, me and my ex. You went to their house? To this random person's house. That's kind of the way to do it, though, because then you can leave if you guys feel uncomfortable versus having to awkwardly kick someone out. When it was still like, you know enough to know you're not walking into a murderer's house. But you also don't know enough at the same time
to where there's no emotional, like you just, you almost see this other person is helping you guys experience this. There's no emotional, like always coming in between us. It's going to be this weird. No, he's just, he's just to, to get you guys off. And so we got there and you kind of go through this awkward phase of let's kind of get to know each other without getting to know each other. So you're, you're,
Oh, you're just like, you have a couple of drinks and you're just, you're having these awkward conversations. And then I guess just out of nowhere, it just kind of happens. And yeah.
I just, I think I had too many drinks. So I really didn't true. I don't feel like I truly experienced it. Yeah. And I got to the point where in the middle of everything, I'm like, you hit that point where you've just had too much and you just don't, nothing feels good. The only thought in your head, you got too drunk. Yeah. And the only thought in your head is like, Oh my God, I need a glass of water right now. It doesn't matter. Like, did you let them finish? Yeah.
I feel like I got to a point where I almost even blacked out. So I don't know. So moral of the story, don't have threesomes with your friends and don't get blacked out drunk before them so you can actually enjoy them. Yes. You got to walk that very fine line. Okay. You ready for the next one? This one's going to bring up some interesting secrets I have.
My 25 female husband and two friends, all 25, peed in the hot tub when I was sitting in it with them last night. I feel so disrespected and grossed out. And he keeps saying, quote, you're making way too big of a deal of this.
Last night, we did a small Friendsgiving at my husband's parents' house, who are out of town. It was mainly centered around his boyhood social circle, most of whom still have family that live in the neighborhood. After we got done eating, a few of us decided that it would be nice to relax in the hot tub and look at the lights of the city. We had been in maybe five minutes, and my husband said, quote, everyone ready? His two friends gave a thumbs up, and then in succession, they each said,
Done. My husband's friend, Satchim, said done last and they all started laughing and the other two said, okay, we'll buy the next round. It was an obvious inside joke, so I asked what they meant and they started laughing and explained the hot tub pee game that they had been playing since they were like five.
Wow.
Wow. I love the specific hour-long shower. Oh, my God. She's really, really washing that piss off of her. Are you sure they weren't all 15? It sounds like that. Or younger. Are you dating a 25-year-old or a 5-year-old? Like, this is just so immature. Honestly, like, in that moment, I feel like I would have been so mad that I would have done something, like, even more disgusting. Yeah.
But at the same time, it's like you can't just pee in the water because they don't care about the pee in the water. So it's like, I don't know, do you poop? But then I was just taking it too far. I just can't picture. A, I can never picture this happening with me and my friends and then you sitting there.
But... I don't think you would ever disrespect me in that way. Right. You would be like, hey, babe. First of all, you would make sure you did it when I wasn't in there. Like, it would be like after I'd been in there and I got hot and left. And you'd be like, okay, you guys, are you ready for the pee game? I mean, yeah, I guess if I had that game. But I can't even imagine. No, like, I...
I've had a hot tub at my house for, you know, a good portion of me growing up. Yeah. And. You ever be in there with me in there? No. Are you sure? Yes, I'm very sure. I would always take care of the chemicals in the hot tub ever since I can remember. That was always my thing that I did. Yeah. You're a little pool boy. Yeah. And so I would never disrespect my hot tub in that way. So I might break your heart right now. I didn't pee in your hot tub, but. I don't know if I believe you now. Yeah.
No, but when we were at my mom's boyfriend's place, I did pee in that hot tub. I had way too much to drink and it was cold. I didn't want to get out and I peed in the hot tub. And see, I even have friends where at the hot tub. No comment. Well, I'll get there. I even have friends that come to the hot tub at my house and I'm generally back home.
Even when it's like 20 below and you're hanging in the hot tub, your hair is freezing, whatever. Any friend that I've ever had over, I guess as far as I know, but generally they make a point and say, yo, where can I run and pee quick or should I go inside or what should I do? You have such respectful friends. And usually they run like over the snowbank or whatever because it's no big deal. We have dogs and it's not like there's going to be this random yellow patch in the snow. Blame it on the dog. But better than it being in the water, I guess. But at the same time, I'm not that traumatized because –
Chlorine kills... Chlorine is crazy. Yeah. It would take a whole lot of people peeing in there for it to truly make a difference. But, I mean, it doesn't make it any less gross. Oh. I think it's more about the respect thing, too. Like, in her point, like, she is in this hot tub, like, with her husband...
And his friends. Like, it's just gross. Why is that even a thing in the first place? Because he's a fucking immature asshole. But even still, I've never heard of, like, anything so weird. People are weird. People just, like...
I'm sure there's this probably isn't even weird in most friend circles. Like, I'm gonna be honest, like, there's another Reddit story that maybe I'll get to in another episode. But there's this one group of friends that anytime anyone passes out, it's a group of guys to anytime any one of them passes out from drinking, they all die.
their dicks and stick it in between his butt cheeks. That's like their friend group. So hot tub pee game is like PG compared to that. Yeah. Like the other one, sexual assault. So this is very PG. But the fact that she was in there is so it's just disrespectful. Well, I feel like even if, if we flip the script and even if I were in that situation, I just, you'd almost feel like it was a joke. You'd almost be like, all right, okay, stop joking that. Yeah. Well, this is not a joke. So,
So is there more? There's more. Today, I feel like I've calmly approached him and tried to explain how dirty he made me feel, how unsanitary it was and how while I appreciate that he has these long running rituals with his friends, he needs to stop the ones that would make him laugh in middle school and for certain leave me out of them. All he keeps telling me is relax. You're making way too big of a deal of this.
I'm sick of hearing him make excuses for this disgusting and childish behavior. How do I approach him to make him appreciate I need him to never do this again? My God, I don't know. Honestly, I feel like I don't even know how you approach the situation besides just being...
he's obviously not grasping what she's saying, especially after she articulated it very well. Like, it made me feel gross. It was disrespectful, unsanitary, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, he's not getting it, which means he doesn't respect her or her feelings.
Yeah, I feel like if you can't get on the same level with someone, especially that you've been with for however long, but if you get... Yeah, enough to marry them. Yeah. I mean, if you're married to somebody, I hope you're on the level of communication where you... You'd think so. Yeah, but like...
I feel like the way I always judge it is you can tell when, yes, there's times where you will not connect with somebody. There's times where you're going to have disagreements. And I feel like that ends up building a stronger relationship. It's bound to happen. But the biggest nightmare I have is when you're standing there and you're having a conversation and you just –
it's almost like you can't even talk because you're so on different pages. You can't even say one word without there being some problem with it. When there's a problem, I don't like to fight it out. I don't like to get loud. I don't like to make a big scene about it. I like to sit down and literally just
Have a conversation and talk. I hate the dramatic yelling, fighting, whatever. But with this guy, I mean... You might have to get loud with this one because he's clearly not getting the nice, quiet, respectful conversation. You might just have to fucking pee on him and say, yeah, how's this taste? How would you go about that?
I don't know because he's not getting how gross it feels. So I think like honestly, I would probably go a step further and be gross. I think I would go to like a hunting store and buy deer piss. You can buy that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hunters have to buy it to like scent themselves before they go out hunting. But I think I would buy like just a shit ton of deer piss and –
pour it in the hot tub with them or like pour it on him and be like, how do you feel? Like, do you like getting peed on? Yeah. Cause I didn't, I didn't enjoy getting peed on. I feel like you're just, you're, you're diving down a rocky road. Yeah. But, but,
he deserves it. And he's not, he's not, he's not getting it. Yeah. But there's only so many times you can fight fire with fire until, but if this is the one issue they've had in their relationship, then I guess so. Then you got an issue to have. You got to pee on him back.
So she does give an update. Okay. I posted about this on Friday morning. We spent all day Friday fighting about how not only was it disrespectful, but that he refused to even acknowledge my issues with literally being peed on. Yeah, that's the big...
Yeah. Wow. Wow.
My soon to be ex-husband has tried to call me God knows how many times to apologize and saying he gets it now, but it's way too late for that. It was too late for it when he and his friends did the initial act. I have more self-respect than that. Yeah, I feel like it's not about the...
No. It's about the breakdown of communication and how that act reveals so much more about him. Oh, he's an asshole. He doesn't respect her or value her feelings at all. Yeah. I think it's just the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it could have been that. It could have been 10 other different weird things. Yeah.
I also feel like if this is all it took to make you file for divorce, what the fuck was going on before that? Obviously, I can't even foresee this happening in any situation in my life. But that... I'm going to pee in the hot tub next time we're in there. Well, I have a special dye in there that turns a dark blue if you do. It's not true. Haven't you seen the movie? Haven't you seen that in that movie? I've already peed in there. Okay.
Well, that's disrespectful. I think if that is truly the thing, I don't think that's what's taking your marriage down. No, I think there's a lot more disrespect happening. And like you said, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah, it's just nothing's healthy about any part of that. And even if whatever ridiculous, weird little inside joke you have with your boys or your dudes, whatever. Don't put your wife through it.
no and i and i i feel like there's times where in a relationship you have if you have a very close relationship with a few of your friends and you do have an inside joke yeah sometimes it can be very weird to be on the outside of that yeah but to this extreme is a different level this is just like a what the fuck in the first place yeah b then to not just be like okay i'm sorry whatever it was stupid apologize at the end of the day like it's the person's
And their feelings are just as like valid and important. So it's like all you have to do is be like, hey, you know what? I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Apologize to the person that you're supposed to be partners with and care about because you obviously don't give a shit. Right. And should be almost...
A level above that of what you have with your friends. Exactly. Like you're committing to be with this person and marry this person and be with them the rest of your life. Yet one little stupid, dumb thing like this. Yeah. You're for the boys. You're too for the boys. It's too far gone. Yeah. Which is why like...
I'm sorry. I think anyone that has like a barstool flag and like Saturdays are for the boys or like, sorry, babe. Saturdays are for the boys. Can't see you today. Like run. Those people are going to act like this, be 25, married and still for the boys. Yeah. Have a lot of growing up to do. A little bit. A little bit. If you're a facilities manager at a warehouse and your HVAC system goes down, it can turn up the heat, literally. But don't sweat it. Grainger has you covered. Grainger.
Grainger offers over a million industrial-grade products for all your operations, including warehouse HVAC maintenance. And even better, they offer access to experts and fast delivery, so you and your warehouse can both keep your cool. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.
Next one is along the similar lines, like a little disrespect, a little disrespect happening. Let's see it. Husband, 32 male, and his friends have a nickname for me, 35 female, in their group chat, and he won't tell me what it means. Okay. What is it? It's a nickname.
This happened a couple days ago. My phone died right as I was texting my mom about something rather important, so my husband let me use his. As I was typing, a banner popped up with a text from one of his friends to their group chat saying to the effect of, quote, Hey, do you and ST still want to Halloween plan we talked about? Okay. So, of course, I'm like...
Who's ST? Those are not my initials. I briefly looked at the chat. A few messages up, I was at least able to confirm ST was me. Like I said, ST is not an abbreviation of my name or any name I would go by. None of my friends call me that or...
or anything other than my real name. So I was confused. I showed him the chat and asked what it stood for. He looked suddenly really flustered. He grabbed his phone back and said, oh, it's nothing, just a nickname. Okay, well, what's this stand for? He literally couldn't tell me. He just kept saying, don't worry about it. Well, is there some reason I would need to worry? I wouldn't be worrying if you just explained what it meant.
I was a little put off by this to find out all of his friends are calling me something I don't even know about. I told him, even if it's just something dumb, you should at least tell me because clamming up just makes it look kind of weird.
And guilty. He's definitely guilty. Changing the subject. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about us, sweetheart. Yeah, trying to think of what ST could mean really quick. He's trying to cover his ass. He's guilty for sure. He still refused to tell me. This entire back and forth was maybe a minute or two. Then he suddenly goes, okay, fine. It's super terrific. Yeah, that's exactly what I was saying.
He's just trying to come up with like ST. So she goes, look, I can't tell if I'm being crazy, but I just don't fully buy that.
If that's all it was, why not just say so the first time I asked? I asked like three or four times for him to tell me what it stood for. Why keep avoiding it? On the other hand, I know this makes me look like a really high strung paranoid person to be suspicious when it could be easily what he said. No, sweetie. Like you're not. 100% no. Yeah, you're not off your rocker. Yeah, none of your friends, none of his friends are going to say no.
Yeah, do you and Super Terrific want to come over later for the game? No. No, it's definitely bad. That's a waste of time. Like, no one would actually, no. No, it's not being high strung. It's definitely... She's right on the money. Yeah. She's right on the money. I don't want to accuse him of lying with no proof and over something so stupid. This is still bugging me. I just want to know if I'm being insane to have an inkling of doubt about it standing for Super Terrific.
Do you think he was telling the truth? Would it be ridiculous to bring it up again at this point? No, not at all. Like she is on to something. S-T, like super terrible would be probably more accurate. Like it's negative. Like when you come up with a name like this, it's definitely a negative thing. If it was positive, you just say it. I feel like it's either negative or it's –
something sexual or just but still with your like I can't imagine him with my friends in a group text having any sort of nickname for you or for anyone in that type of position like I just don't even know what the point is unless he SB super bitch
Well, but like if he is that nickname coming from him, like where does that even come from? Why are they married? What's the. Yeah, they're married. So why would you even come up with a nickname for your wife? And B, if it wasn't you coming up with it, why are you going to stand for your friends coming up with this nickname and then just going along with it? Like, oh, yeah, that's perfect. It's probably going to be something disrespectful, too, for the fact that he didn't.
Like he got so flustered right away. Like it's not going to be something positive. No, 100% though. So top comment on it is my money is on sugar tits, which that's not that bad. Sugar tits is like... Yeah, I'm telling you. It's like something sexual like... Yeah. But still. But at least it's not making fun of her. Right. But at the same time, why would you feel normal...
Having a nickname like that for your wife in a group chat with your friends. Yeah. No. I mean, that shows how big of an asshole he is. And again, lack of care for your partner. So she has an update on as well. Okay. Well, not a happy ending. Really? Yeah.
Shocker. Shocker. Did she figure it out? Ended up getting a text from one of my husband's female friends that is in the group chat the day after I posted here. Turned out that right after I called him about the nickname, he told all of them I'd seen it and to stop calling me that. She sent me a screenshot of his message, which reads, verbatim, LOL, oh shit, ST just saw that. I'm so screwed, haha, but seriously, don't send that anymore. I'm going to end up in the doghouse. Tears of laughter emoji. Ah!
Yeah. Asshole. So we don't know what it actually stands for. I think she's going to get there. Oh, wow. But already, fuck this guy. Yeah. Fuck him. Divorce. The female friend who reached out is a new addition to the group as of a couple of months ago. Friend of the girl one of his guy friends is dating. So that's also really fishy. If this girl is dating one of the guys in the group chat and she got added in, why isn't the wife already in there? Why isn't it like a big friend group chat? The fact that she's not in there...
It's a little fishy. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. Bad vibes. It just feels like those middle school, high school type clicky things. Very clicky. Just dramatic as fuck. I'd met her a couple of times on group outings and liked her. She told me she was uncomfortable once she caught on that ST was me and they were using that behind my back.
Then when she was told what it stood for after my husband's message, she thought to contact me in case I didn't know about it. I'm extremely grateful for this. Yeah. Love that girl. Taking one for the team. Being a girl's girl. We all need those in our lives. 100%. I mean, I feel like even if it were me in that situation, I saw that in a group chat with someone else. I feel like I'm the type of person who honestly would not be cool with it. No, but you're one of the good ones, though.
But the tricky part is navigating. Props to her because she stood up and said it without caring how she felt.
How it could affect her and her relationship too because she's dating one of them. Right. But it's still it's just like it just feels so immature. Ridiculous. Yeah. It's so scummy on his part because it's like, do you really respect your wife or like even give a shit about her if you're willing to talk about her in a negative way? Or is it some outlet of some feelings you have? Yeah. Why else? Now, the part that everyone wanted to know. A lot of you thought it was sugar tits.
Oh, wow. That's mean. Hmm.
I don't like that. And like, I feel bad. This lady and Nick Jonas got some, some flack for having sausage pepperoni tits. And that I can't even imagine. Like that's so hurtful on something like that. You can't change about yourself. No. And that, that goes back to, it feels like this middle school, high school bullying type. It is. It's,
bullying. But how do you do this to your significant other? Yeah. That you're married to. Yeah. If you're that uncomfortable with something like that about them. Pay for her tits to get done or shut the fuck up. Like making it a joke with your friends. It just feels so uncomfortable to me. It's just slimy. And she never says how long they've been married, but this isn't a new thing. So has this literally been a thing since they started dating? Because
That's typically when guys are willing to talk shit to their friends about the girl they're with. Like, oh, yeah, I'm not that serious about her. Like, oh, sausage tits. Yeah. Like, I don't really like her that much. Like, this has definitely been a thing for a long time. Yeah. And the fact that he carried it on after they got married, I don't like it. It's another one that's just too far gone. It's definitely a deal breaker, no matter whose side it comes from. Yeah. If you truly are...
are committed and married to someone, you should never even have the thought to hurt them in this way. Yeah. Or even if like it's a whole different situation because she found out because then it then it's a direct thing. But even if she never found out, I don't know how you feel comfortable doing that.
Forever. No, there's a venting. There's a difference between venting and like being a malicious bitch. And I think in this case, it's like if she was in the room and knew what you're saying, would she be OK with it? No. OK, well, then you probably shouldn't be saying it. Yeah, I feel like with the venting. Yeah, maybe maybe it's something you talk about.
one time or something. But if it's, if it's that prevalent of an issue to be a recurring nickname that you give your wife in the group, there's deeper problems in the group chat where you're letting your friends refer to her as sausage. There's deeper problems. Yeah. Yeah. 100%.
She goes on to say,
It's not a compliment nickname that you wouldn't foresee a person not liking. Isn't it obvious? It's mean spirited or am I crazy to assume so? Anyway, that's about it. I don't know what to do. We're sleeping in separate rooms because I can't bear to be near him or have him see me. Yeah, that's the other thing. Oh, that body issues that it's going to cause then. And like, how would you ever let your partner see you naked?
you read one of my group chats and your nickname was SD, small dick. Like you would never want to have sex with me again. I think you'd almost take a position of like, Oh, you want, you want it now? Yeah. You want the sausage tits? Now you're into it. Now it's not a joke. Now it's the thing. It just, I mean, you're in a spiral downward very quick. Yeah. And just the body issues, like as a woman, like it is very, very hard body positivity. And it's,
Just being comfortable in your own skin is so hard. I mean, me personally, from the time I was little, like I remember the first time I got called fat and I can tell you where it was and who said it. His initials are TT and it was in the fifth grade on the playground. Well, those things stick with you though. Asshole. Yeah, it does. They stick with you almost forever. They do. And so, you know, I'm sure guys, you know, you have your own body positivity issues and you, you know, you want to be fit. You want to look a certain way, but
I think as women, it's really, really pushed on us like in every aspect. And so for him, like this is supposed to be the person that she trusts the most that has her back. And then for him to be talking about her body in such a negative way. Yeah. And I would never fuck this dude again. Yeah. It's it's done. Yeah. She goes on to say, I never want him to see me naked again. Yeah. Rightfully so. Don't talk about your spouse's.
Bodies, people. I'm trying to figure out if my need for space is temporary or permanent. If it's permanent, then I'll be pursuing a divorce. I just thought so highly of him. I could never have imagined he'd view me like this behind his back. It's like if he was to gain weight and I encouraged all my friends to start calling him fat ass or beer belly behind his back. What other possible reason to do that than contempt? I said this, but he insists it doesn't have any deeper meaning and it's just bad humor.
Whatever. Time to put the kiddos to bed while he's typing away at his phone on the other side of the room. See, the issue I'm realizing is now there will always be a fear in my mind that he's saying nasty things about me to who knows who. So here's the update. Sausage Tits signing out.
And they have kids. Yeah. Which, fuck that dude because he's the reason she probably even has sausage tits. True. Kids do bad things to people's boobs. Pay for her to get her tits done. Yeah. Be a good husband and pay for your wife's boob job after kids. That should be negotiated from before you guys have kids. I don't think I can beat that. Yeah.
I don't think I can beat that. Okay, you ready for the next one? Yes. This one is going to end up going back on poop talk as they call it on TikTok. Let's do it. I don't know. I keep putting myself there. I keep putting myself there. But...
Hello, Reddit. I'm a 20-year-old male, and I accidentally Pavlov'd myself to poop every time I come. And there has been a strain in my relationship with 22-year-old female. I can imagine. Yeah. So when I was younger, I was only able to masturbate when I was going to poop because of privacy reasons in my home. So sooner or later, I would jerk off and then go on with my poop.
That slowly evolved into doing both at the same time. Like the same, same time. Yeah. Ew. That sounds like one, a lot of multitasking, but it almost makes a little sense because male G-spot is in the prostate. So I'm sure jerking off was even better for him. Potentially, but at the same time, like, I don't know if I've ever, ever been turned on while I'm sitting on the toilet. Sure.
True. Two different contexts, which I mean, duh. I mean, that makes sense. Like women, like orgasms for women are like so mental, like some say 80% mental, 20% actual like stimulation. So yeah, I mean, it's a different context. So yeah, going shit. But I mean, he got off on it. I mean, he, again, he said he Pavlov himself. That's a conditioned response. To each their own. Yeah. Yeah.
Now, I didn't see anything wrong with this, stupidly, until I moved out of my old family home. When I finally moved out, I decided to masturbate on my bed and well, throughout the motions of finishing, I accidentally made a mess on my bed. He shit his bed.
Literally shit is bad. I mean, that's the next level, I guess. Wow. I wasn't able to hold my bowels in, so I decided to continue masturbating on my toilet so that it wouldn't happen again. Why would that be your first thought? How do you ever anticipate to have a normal sex life then? Are you going to have sex on the toilet? You sit there and she straddles you? Right, but is it an actual thing to...
To literally not be able to control? Like, could you actually get somewhere with a habit so deep that it's...
becomes that uncontrollable? I don't know. I've never experienced anything like that. So I find it really hard to imagine. Like, I think everyone has been in a position during sex where like you have to fart really bad and you just clench your butt cheeks together. You hold it in like you just don't fart. And so I imagine this where it's like there's probably like this build up while he's jerking himself off and it's like just clench your fucking butt cheeks together. I just can't even imagine. I mean, I can understand when
You're going for a while and then you really have to pee or something like that. But not to the effect where you cannot physically orgasm without the other happening. Yeah, this is weird. And the fact that like you can feel yourself getting ready to finish and the fact that he literally wasn't able to hold his bowels in. Like he has incontinence now. Like he just does it. Wow. Okay. Well...
I didn't see anything wrong with continuing this masturbation plan until I got into a new relationship. Now, I won't describe the whole relationship phase, but I'll just say that we had sex and it was an event. I went over to her house and stupidly forgot about my predicament. So I'm standing off of the bed and having sex. And right as I was about to come, I felt my bowels churn and I dropped a fat poop bottle.
on her floor. So can one not happen without the other? Or is it just the one way street here? It sounds like it's very, it has to be both. It doesn't sound like he can come without pooping, but I don't understand if like he feels his bowels churning. There's run to the bathroom and then come back and finish.
Right, but or does it happen simultaneously then? Yeah, but at that same time, if you feel that happening, don't let yourself come. Like stop. Hands off. Don't go any further. Pull your dick out. Go to the bathroom. Poop. And then come back and finish. Or is it that instantaneous? I don't know. But how is that even possible? Yeah, like you feel it coming on or like you have to get yourself out of this predicament so you slowly start like...
Almost like exposure therapy where you're like, you got to make this a part of your plan now. Like, I got to get myself out of this Pavlov situation. Like, you can't poop and cum at the same time forever. No girl is going to be into that. Right. Well...
Well, maybe, but still. Still, I've heard stories. But yes, that you slowly work out of your habit. Yeah. Habits die hard. It was right there on the middle of the floor in her bedroom. She asked me what fell, but I was too embarrassed to say anything. I really didn't know what to do and it smelled so bad. So I put my clothes on real fast and ran out of her house. Oh no.
How do I salvage this relationship and explain everything to her? She's been texting me nonstop and I just don't know how to answer. Please help. Dude, you're shit out of luck. Okay, but at the same time, knowing the whole context of the story, you have to have some sympathy for his situation. Oh, yeah, I feel bad, but... Like he almost walked himself into an interesting medical condition. It almost seems like it's an actual condition. He could be on an episode of House.
Yeah. And like you said, I think you slowly without this situation in particular, I think you slowly have to work yourself off of it. Yeah. I mean, but he should have taken this into his own hands like a long time ago. Like he moved out of his parents' house. It should have been, you should have been done shitting and coming at the same time then. Like, how did you expect to have a normal relationship and sex? Like,
Like I said, no girl is going to want to straddle you on top of a toilet while you poop and cum. Yeah, well, imagine if you were in any sort of different position that first time when that happened. Then what? Yeah, like I guess it would have been worse if you would have shit her bed. There's no coming back from that. I mean, regardless, it's still kind of the same deal. If that happens to me, I don't know how you...
even explaining that? No. How do you give that any sort of context? I don't know. I think at that moment I would be like, God, you gotta like lie really fast and be like, hey, can you leave your room for a second? But even then, it's like- How do you get her out of there to clean up your shit? Yeah.
Oh my God. He didn't even mention cleaning it up. No, he just left. He was horrified and left. Oh my God. Yeah. There's no coming back from that. There's no, I don't know. Like when we first met, when we first were becoming a thing. I would have cried profusely and said, can you please get out?
Right. I would have made it, I would have made it more about like, Oh God, it was really hard to just have sex with you. Like, can you please get out and give me a minute? And then I would have like grabbed the shit with one of my socks and thrown it out the window. Like I would have gotten rid of it, cleaned it up real fast.
Hopefully you had matches or a candle in your room to diffuse the smell, but I would not have just left it there. I would have scrambled and come up with any solution to get rid of that shit. I don't care if I would have had to shove it in my purse. That shit would not have been left on the floor. There's no way on earth you picking it up, putting it in your purse can remove the smell and everything that's already happened.
That's why I said I hope you had matches. There's no match. There's no candle in the world that's going to cover that up. Have you been in this position? Like, why do you sound so sure? Yeah, I mean, picture a New York apartment. Okay.
And maybe I'm sitting in the bathroom at the same time that my roommate desperately needs to go. Oh, God. But I cannot get up and leave. It's not happening. So he improvises, goes and grabs a grocery bag and sits over the edge of the couch and proceeds to try and take care of his needs there. He's shot in the living room. Yes. When I say that there's no candle and no match that will ever work for that,
There isn't. I mean, it instantly lights up the entire room. I think the neighbors smelt it. No. Because it was so bad that he instantly grabbed a can of Lysol, went running around the apartment...
holding down the button on the Lysol. So it was just a constant stream. I come out of the bathroom and it's a mix of like just straight up shit smell, like stronger than you've almost ever smelled it. There's nothing that smelt like what I smelt mixed with an amount of aerosol that makes you want to like you can't breathe. You literally can't breathe. And so we looked at each other. Why was his poop so fragrant?
I don't know if it was in particular that one or if that's just how it is when there's no water involved. Oh, true. I bet the water does help because, I mean, you even you have some shits that are still so out of control smelly, but the water must like like mute it a little bit. Yeah. And I like I don't think it was. I don't know. Who knows? Yeah. I mean, he's just shitting into a paper bag. Right. But I come out.
And I'm faced with all these obstacles. We look at each other. Instantly, we both put on our shoes. We walk out and we go sit at the park for like an hour. God, it was so bad. Wow. Yeah. No, I mean, I've... So you've never been in a situation where you're so traumatized and embarrassed that you just have to leave instantly? No. I've been in situations like sexually where I've been super embarrassed after, but I was not in a position to leave.
So, no. On your own turf. I just still feel bad. I just still sympathize. Yes, of course you should take steps to try and figure that out before. And also realize that you are going over. And it seemed like he knew he was going there for a certain purpose. Yeah. Maybe get a butt plug, though. Be more preventative.
I don't know what that does. It plugs it up, doesn't it? At least you're, there's steps to pooping on the ground then. If you have a butt plug and something's like putting pressure up there, you know, you kind of stopped. At least you have to then poop out the butt plug first before the actual shit. Yeah, probably be like a rocket across the room. Yeah.
I mean, can you imagine? Yeah, and then he's got to find the butt plug after too in his pile of shit. And then that adds just more to it. But I don't know. I don't feel like it's a situation where it's so, so out of line where it couldn't be something you work past if the relationship means something. Yeah. As a girl though, like if you –
Cause like we didn't have sex until like three months after talking. Like I made you wait a while. And I think at that point, like I knew you enough, but I'm sorry. Like if you would have shit on my floor and ran out and wouldn't have cleaned it up, I still would have been done. Yeah, I can see that. But did they never do anything before this?
Just zero to 100 right there. I mean, I guess like he doesn't mention their sexual history. So you don't, but if she would have given him a blow job or a hand job, he would have either shit his pants or wherever they were. So it sounds like it just went from make out to, there are some comments that,
Someone goes,
Great solutions here. I really like this. I think he should definitely pursue the enema treatment. Water sploosh his bowels, get all of his shit out. I think that might be the best way to go. I don't know. That's why I'm curious if they are...
regardless of if he were to just go to the bathroom prior to a sexual experience. Would he then have to poop again? No. Would you automatically have an orgasm? No. I think he can shit without coming, but I don't think he can cum without shitting. So then that's step number one. Yeah. Which I think you really need to almost take some laxatives, and once you are just pooped out, then...
try getting yourself off. Like there's gotta be some steps. Like, I don't know why he hasn't pursued this sooner. I mean, he's, he's a 20 year old male as a 20 year old male. You just think that you would have wanted to have solved this issue a lot sooner.
Yeah. It just seems odd. Well, and even though you probably haven't lived outside of your parents' house for too long, but still enough time to probably realize, hey, at some point, this might be an inconvenient situation. Yeah. You're like, I have to have sex at some point where I don't poop. Otherwise, what are you going to do? Just never... Yeah. Yeah.
So he commented back and said, yeah, I did leave it on the floor. Dot, dot, dot. Are there any more questions? Yeah. So he was actually responding quite a bit. He comments back. Do you think I could just pretend it never happened and gaslight her into thinking it never happened? Because it's a little too embarrassing to confront. OK.
Okay. One, don't gaslight someone into thinking they're crazy. That's so, so problematic. No, it never happened. You didn't clean that up. That was a dream. That shit, that wasn't me. Where did that shit come from? Did you shit on your floor? Yeah. Who was there? Did you have some other guy over?
Have you seen someone else? That wouldn't be me. Someone comments back, pretty sure she'll come across the poop either way. Probably instantly. Oh, the smell alone. OP comments back, do you think I could convince her that her dog did it? There's a difference between dog shit and human shit. And how are you going to convince her that when you ran out the house? Exactly. Guilty people run. So, yeah, I think this guy is...
Shit out of luck. So we have no more updates. No more updates after that. Nope. That's it. Okay. Last one. My 18 female boyfriend, 19 male, wants to drink my menstrual blood. Okay.
Barf. It was a trend on TikTok for a while that people were doing face masks with their period blood. So... I don't know what sides of TikTok you're on, but I personally did not see that. And like, okay, I don't even know how to respond to that. Well, let's see what she has to say here. I started dating this guy. He's a goth type. He's a bit of a sadist and he believes in witchcraft. Solid. Solid.
Solid pick. Yeah. Like to each their own, but... She's got to be into it though. Yeah. And I also don't know why you're surprised he wants to drink your blood. I'm just going to throw that out there. I'd still be surprised. I think he's really weird to be honest. Yeah. Kind of the vampire type. Yeah.
Oh, here it is. He never comes outside during the day. Yeah. I think he's really weird, to be honest, but he supplies me with free weed. There it is. There we go. One day, we were getting high. I get a paper cut, and my finger is bleeding. So he asked me if he can taste it, and I'm like... This isn't real. This is real. Also, thank God, like, you don't have any blood-borne illnesses, hopefully. Yeah. Because otherwise your boyfriend has it, too. It was weird and wonderful. Oh, okay.
She's into it too. Yeah. So now whenever he asks, I just cut my palm or my wrist and he drinks from it. Sometimes I think he's a vampire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier, it got freaking weirder. I told him I was on my period and he asked if he can drink my menstrual blood. I told him no and he threatened to make a voodoo doll of me. God, run. Run.
Okay. I don't know. Like, what the fuck? Not gonna lie, that's kind of gross. You want to think it's fake, but how do you come up with that? No, this has got to be real. Not gonna lie, that's kind of gross. No weed is worth that. Should I break up with this creep? Yeah. You never should have dated this dude. Like...
Where is this guy? Oh, my God. He should be in prison. Yeah. Jail. Straight to jail. You almost think like you see these crazy stories on TikTok or on YouTube or on the news or whatever. Yeah. Florida man ate someone's face off. Yeah. Bath salts. To think that there might not even be drugs involved in this. Well, there is. Free weed. Yes, but weed does not make you want to eat plants.
Drink blood. Also, like, period blood isn't just blood. There's... God, I'm going to lose listeners after this. But there's clumps of tissue in the blood. Like, it's not just like you cut your leg or your finger and it's just blood. Like, there's shedding occurring inside and there's tissue, you know? Oh, yeah. So... Sorry, babe. But, like, it's not just blood. So, to drink that...
I don't know. It's not going to go up a straw. I mean, regardless, even the cut on the finger. Weird. It's just... So weird. I don't even know. Don't let anyone drink your blood. Like, I just... I cut my finger one day, like, babe. Yeah.
I cut my finger. Yeah, no, that's not happening. Sorry if that's in your kink list now. Top comment. LOL, yes, breakup. Plus, being with someone just because they give you weed doesn't sound like a good reason to be in a relationship anyways. OP comments. Free weed. That shit is expensive. Girl. I don't know where you live, but...
We have friends that don't have issues affording it in California and they're unemployed. So I don't know what to tell you. Like, you should not be dating a vampire just because you want free weed. It's just so bizarre. I don't know. Yeah, this is not normal. And I think she needs to run. Fast. I'm just so happy to hear you don't want to suck my blood. What?
That is very positive. Yeah, that's one good outcome from this story. But also kind of weird that she said she kind of liked it. I know. Which...
can't imagine it feels good i don't know it reminds me of like the oh i hurt myself kiss it whatever that is but oh yeah but then it's like oh i cut myself oh can i uh get a taste but all right i mean that's not even a to each their own type of thing that's just a plain out well i hope she finds a new drug dealer soon because this vampire sounds like he's gonna voodoo doll her and it ain't gonna end well
Well, that's all I have for this episode of Two Hot Takes. I hope you guys enjoyed these messy, messy relationships. Yeah, I ended with the star of the show. I know, the messiest of them all. But if you guys have any good messy relationship stories or any other stories that are good, send it our way. Bye. Bye.
Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.
Visit Safeway.com for more details.