51: Truly Toxic..
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We are... Oh, Hunch is back! Woo! Woo!

And I'm better. Better than ever. Better than ever. Oh my God, this is so long overdue. I know. And here we go. I'm freaking ready for these stories. I know. I don't know what to expect, but I'm back in the saddle. Literally. Me and Morgan rode some horses a couple days ago. Oh my God, they're so cute too. If you guys watch Yellowstone, my horse is in Yellowstone. Her horse is in, I think, at least season one, possibly March.

Yeah. I think you said up until three. Three. And I'm watching right now and I keep looking for Red. His name is Red. He's such a cutie. And he's distinct though because he has a lot of the horses on Yellowstone are like that red brown, but then they have a black mane. Red is Red on Red. He's got a red mane. So I haven't seen him yet. We got to find him. We got to find him. We shall. I'll include some pics because they were some really cute ponies. The theme though.

There's been a lot in the news about Jamie Lynn Spears. Okay. And I'm not a fan. No? Team Britney, bitch. So, in honor of our gal, Britney, today's theme, toxic. We're going to get flagged for copyright. You're imposing on Britney's copyright. So, let's just get to it. Okay, let's do it. Let's dive in. Toxic. Toxic.

Yeah, I'm scared. Some of these stories are just like off the rails. Like these people deserve coal. I don't know. They just deserve not good things.

Their zipper on their pants to break. Their tire to get flat on their car. Like petty things, but not, I don't want to wish ill on them, but like they're fucking assholes. Like a razor scooter to the ankle. Yes. Yeah. God, that pain is like no other. It's almost like too far. Might be too far. Might be too cruel. Too cruel and unusual. Oh God. But I'm just going to start. Here we go. Okay. Okay.

My female 42, sister female 39, told my son that she is going to be his mother because I have terminal cancer. Okay. Let's hear more. Yeah, this isn't going to be good. You always hit me with these like just absolute. I want to find this woman and spit gum on her. Okay. Okay.

I've stage four breast cancer. It's terminal. I'd most likely have two years or less left. Because of this, I'm spending as much time as possible with my son, who is 14, and my family. Just for extra information, I am a widow. My late husband was killed by a hit-and-run driver years ago. A week ago, I overheard a conversation between my sister and my son. She was telling him that since his mother, me, was going to die, she will be his mother. I was horrified.

My son strangely seemed to agree, but he was in tears. My sister wasn't. I'm quite close to my sister, so I know that she really loves my son. She has never had a child herself, and she kind of treats my son like her own. I had a problem with it, but she told me she was just loving him, so I put it aside. I didn't know it would escalate to this.

I confronted her a few days ago after careful thinking. I asked her why she told my son that without asking me first. And she said, but isn't that the truth? To be honest, I am not sure if I can trust my sister with my dear son. I never really thought she was fit to be a mother, especially not to him.

I said that it would be my choice, not hers. She agreed, but she said she was the most suitable person to parent him. Her exact words were, quote, I will take care of him well. You wouldn't need to worry. I will be a good mother to my son's name.

I don't want my sister to be my son's mother. I'm not on my deathbed, but I'm nearing my end. It just really breaks my heart to hear my sister talking about how she'd take over my position as a mother when I go. My sister said she'd give me space to think, what do I do? I know I shouldn't be on Reddit for this, but I have exhausted the people in which I can ask advice from. Thank you.

What is there to think about? I guess if she still puts in her will that rights would go to her sister. How old is the boy? 14. Okay. So he needs a legal guardian. Yeah. At least two years. I think what's tripping me up about this story is the wording. I think it's the language and that just goes to show how powerful language can be. What turns me off is like,

the sister saying, I will be his mother. He doesn't need a mother. He has a mother. And even after his mother passes away, he doesn't need a new mother. He needs a guardian. He needs- A guardian. Like a supervisor and a family member or somebody he can rely on and be a role model and support him, but he doesn't need another mother. So I think what turns me off so much about this is

Her sister basically self-determining that she will be the new mother of her son when that's just so inappropriate. And even if she was going to declare a new mother for her son, it would be OP's decision.

decision, not a self-proclaimed relative getting to just claim that title. No, I completely agree. I think her saying, oh, I'll be your mother, unhinged. Yeah. You're not his mother. Absolutely not. He doesn't need a mother. You're not his mother. You didn't birth him. You didn't adopt him and raise him from an infancy. You didn't foster parent him. No. There's like no application here to where you would even be considered his mother. Correct. You're his aunt who is doing a great service to your sister who

after her passing to look out for her son, to care for her son, to support him.

You're not his fucking mother. No. And like I said, I think the only person who bears that decision is the OP, the actual mother. One day when her son becomes an adult at 18 and has autonomy, he can then say, would you be my bonus mom? You know what I mean? He can decide you're like a mother to me. Sure. But this aunt cannot just declare herself a mother. That just turns me off so much.

I think it's so wrong. It's so, so, so wrong. It's insensitive too. Well, and it's, you know, 14 is still, it's very young in the sense that

You know, you're not driving yet. You don't have a lot of responsibilities. You're still a kid. 14 is young. You're still a kid. And so he's probably trying to wrap his head around this diagnosis and like this timeline where I could lose my mom in a year. I could lose my mom in two years. And like having someone take advantage of him and, you know, he's such a vulnerable kid. The aunt is taking advantage of him. She is being so harsh.

cruel to this little boy who's probably already struggling with so, so much. And then to like, just like kind of latch onto those vulnerabilities. He's scared about losing his mom. He probably does want his mom, a mom. So for him to like agree in that moment, it's kind of like, yeah, you're right. Like,

He's probably just so scared. I think about my sister who's 14 and how that is a very vulnerable age. It's a very formable age, if that's a word, where you're still obviously like have 10 plus years left of development. You're prefrontal cortex.

all of those things, those are such forming years, like your teens. You're a little sponge still. You're still a little sponge. And like losing your mom at any age is so scary. I mean, the thought of losing my mom at the tender age of 27 scares me, but I can't even imagine at 14. And he feels vulnerable because once his mom does pass and since his dad was tragically killed, he doesn't have anybody. So he's probably thinking, yes, of course I'm going to say, I want you to be my mom. You're the only thing I'll have left. And

He probably loves his aunt, but as an aunt. And it's just everything about this to me is wrong on all cylinders. From the way that she approached it, the way that she discussed it with the son without going to her sister first, the language being used, I'll be your mother. All of this is so wrong to me. I would be wildly infuriated. Infuriated? What's that word? You're so mad you can't even say it. Yeah. Infuriated. Whoa.

Here we go again. Words are hard. Words are hard. Words are hard. Infuriated. Okay. That sounds right. I'm going to – yep, that one. Let me know, guys. You always do. I don't know. Let me know. You know what, though? I will say because I have listened to your episodes where people correct your language and your words or whatever. I think I mess up words a lot and I know that I do.

But I think if you say words like confidently, like say it with your chest, you almost have people wondering if they're saying it wrong. And I think that's the key. Like just say it so confidently that people don't question it. I try. They still do. Well, haters going to hate. Yeah, I completely agree. I'm trying to find it on Reddit because I want to read the comments on this one. And I took the screenshot ages ago. So found the post. Top comment, 1.6 thousand upvotes.

Yeah, I think this is pretty gross. Of course this isn't what you want, but the fact that she is your sister does not automatically mean that she is the most logical choice to care for your son. You get to choose that person, or people. Maybe it's her, maybe it's someone else, but you get to choose based on who will respect your wishes and raise your son accordingly, and that may not be her. Also, she will never be his mother. You are not replaceable. You are the only mother he will ever have. He knows that, even if your sister is clueless and cruel. And I think that's a good thing.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Bingo. He does not need another mother. No. I think too, like kind of what this person said is,

You need someone who will respect your wishes and raise your son accordingly. And I look at making the choice of who you would want to take care of your child after you're gone. And I would not want someone who is already, before I'm even gone, starting to disrespect my role and my memory. Yeah, totally. It's like you're already proving that you are actually not a fit choice. Completely. It's like the bed is still warm. Like why do people rush into...

taking over other people's roles and responsibilities before that person's even, you know what I mean? It's so preemptive. It's so unnecessary. The fact that you can even mentally like go there. Like I know you're trying to maybe be proactive and make sure that like the intentions might or might not be good to make sure that the son knows he's going to be taken care of. Let your sister know her son's in good hands, but you're going about it so wrong and just like- It's so cruel. Yeah. I don't have any other word other than it's very cruel. It's cruel. It's cruel.

I have experienced something like this recently. My mom's longtime partner, he's been in my life since I was seven, nine, I don't even know, but they've been together forever. They're engaged. They were planning on an Italian wedding and then he got diagnosed with stage four cancer. And so it was a couple of weeks after, he had just gotten the diagnosis and people were already coming at him being like,

Well, like, who's your life insurance policy going to? Like, who are you leaving this to? Who are you leaving that to? And it's like, he just got his fucking diagnosis. We don't even know, like, anything yet. I don't even think he had started chemo at that point. And, like, it's just like, to me, I'm like, that doesn't matter. Do you love the person or not? Right. That stuff...

There are certain loose ends that maybe need to be tied up, like make sure your will is correct and all that stuff. But there's a time for those types of questions and housekeeping items. And I think timing is important. I think messaging is important. It just goes to show that the way that you do something really does matter. It can make a difference. If she had gone about this completely differently, had maybe approached her sister and been like, hey –

This isn't something you want to think about, but it's a reality. And I want to make sure that you know that if your son needs somebody, I'm there for him. And whoever you decide wants to be like his primary guardian, I will support and I will do everything I can to protect him. But I just want you to know, like, I'm here for you. Yeah. And gone about it that way and not called herself the son's new mother and pulled the 14-year-old aside to have a conversation about it with him directly. I think this could look completely differently. Yeah.

Yeah, it's also the fact that she overheard it. But it almost seems like

grooming is used typically for a very like sexual way. Like you're grooming a little kid or like a younger adolescent, whatever. But it almost seems like that. It almost seems like she's planting these little seeds. Like priming. Priming. Yeah. I don't, yeah. Grooming wouldn't be the right term in this sense. I'm sure there is an appropriate one. Priming is, I forget. I took like psychology classes in college, but it's basically, it is something where you're like pretty much planting the seed and you're getting ready for that.

Well, and it's almost like she wants him to like trauma bond to her. Yes. Or something. It's just, it's icky. This whole thing is fucking gross. Yeah. I don't like it. This woman. I don't like it at all. That wouldn't go over well with me if I was a 14 year old. I'd be like, I don't, I have a mom. Thanks. Yeah. No, she is something else. I don't know if there's much between those two ears of hers. Cause this is fucking bad. It's a good way to say, call someone dumb. That's a nice way to answer. Yeah.

Okay. You know? Yeah. You didn't say it. I didn't technically say anything mean. This was posted at today's date. This was posted two months ago. I'm just seeing if there's any comments from OP. No comments. Nada. Nothing. So it kind of flew under the radar. I hope that she found, you know, the answer, the support she was looking for. When was this posted? Two months ago. The post? Mm-hmm. Bye.

Hopefully everything goes okay. On to the next one. Okay.

We have talked about sign language before on this podcast and you know a little sign language. I do. You used to be fluent, right? No. I know sign language. For those who are listening, I just signed that. I was never fluent. I took like three years of sign language. So enough. I have communicated with people in the deaf community, but definitely not fluent. Yeah. No, I think like...

I hear about like really memorable experiences from people like on Twitter or TikTok about like, oh, I was in Subway and the Subway workers couldn't like communicate with this person that was deaf. And like he was just trying to order a simple sandwich. I knew signs, so I helped him.

And I remember there was one time we got in an Uber. I'm just like, we're playing this. It's going to make me cry. But a lot of the Ubers, like if they are deaf or hard of hearing, it'll say on your app. And like you got in the car and you sat in the front seat so you could like sign and actually talk to him. Yeah. And it was – Oh.

I was so glad you remember that. Yeah. We were in like South Bay somewhere going out. Yeah. And I remember he was, he was like happy about it. He, I think he's, I think you got out of the car and you're like, I'm the first person that's ever signed in his Uber to him. Oh,

Yeah. I love sign language and I wish I used it more. I wish I had an opportunity to use it more. Yeah. I think it's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. When I see people signing in public, I always just am in awe, but you're actually not supposed to watch people signing because it's eavesdropping on the conversation. It's very invasive. It's just so beautiful. I know. I try not to look, but I think it's so beautiful and I'm a hand talker as it is, so sign language is right up my alley.

Same. Oh, I love. And then we have a good friend who is, she, Noelle, is very fluent in sign language, obviously. She grew up with two deaf parents. Yeah. It's an amazing language and one I'm going to make an effort this year to start learning. Yay. Yeah. So this one, am I the asshole for setting an ultimatum with my sister over sign language? Hmm.

Hi all, I, 30 female, am hearing. Married to a deaf man, 32 male. I'm going to call him Walter. And we have a deaf daughter, 6 female. I'll call her Cora. Walter comes from a primarily deaf family, but my family is all hearing. We have chosen to raise Cora with sign language and not go for an implant. This is simply for context. I am not seeking judgment on this.

Before Walter and I got married, my parents began to take classes to learn ASL, as did my brother and his family. My sister, Emily, took them for a bit but ended up not continuing due to, quote, lack of interest. She and her husband have not taken any lessons, nor have their three children. Walter tried introducing their daughter to baby sign when she and Cora were both very young, but my brother-in-law asked him to stop, as he didn't want to, quote, confuse her.

Confuse her of what? Idiot. People teach their babies sign language all the time. Babies literally will babble in sign language. Sign language is a thing. Isn't that a thing? Sorry, I'll let you finish. No, it's...

It is literally the time to teach your kids multiple languages. They're little sponges. Yeah.

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Cora and her cousins play as best they can with the language barrier, but it's extremely frustrating for her to feel like she isn't being understood. When my brother's children, who visit only a few times a year, visit, they interpret for her. Or Walter and I have to constantly be looking over their shoulders to help resolve their miscommunications, which is too helicopter parent for me. Mm-hmm.

When we learned Cora was deaf, Emily pestered me about getting her an implant and continues to send me shamey Facebook posts about the benefits of the implant and those videos of babies hearing for the first time. She constantly says it's, quote, better than having to learn two languages. She's very pushy about it, to the point she and Walter got into a heated argument over it. Since then, she has not pestered him about it, only me.

My last straw was this past weekend. Emily was with all her kids, teaching them a game. I noticed that Cora wasn't joining, so I brought her over and Emily outright told me that Cora couldn't play because it's a game, quote, for people who can speak. I was fuming and pulled her aside. I told her that my daughter can communicate, just not how Emily wants, and said that I won't have my daughter excluded for something so petty."

I told Emily that we will be cutting contact unless she starts putting in effort, learning ASL, teaching her kids, including Cora, and not being so disrespectful. We got in a spat about it, so my family left. Emily has not had contact since. My parents think I'm being unfair to Emily, but agree she should make more of an effort, and my brother has completely agreed with me. Walter feels like I've been extreme, but I'm honestly frustrated that I haven't been this extreme sooner. I do worry that I'm being clouded by Mama Bear Rage,

And this is actually super irrational. So I think I might be the asshole. So who's the asshole? No. Emily is the asshole. Sorry.

Period. Fuck Emily. Period. Like I don't have mama bear cloud judgment because I'm not a mom and I also don't have bias towards the hearing world. Well, I guess I am a part of the hearing world, but like the deaf community. Like I personally am not deaf. I don't have a deaf family member, but I'm enraged by this. I think it's absolutely inappropriate. And I think it's disgusting that first of all, sign language is beautiful. I think it's very beneficial to have your babies learn sign language better.

Not even for the purpose of communicating with their cousins, but it's actually... I don't remember the benefits, but there's actually a benefit to teaching your child sign language at a young age. I don't see how it can hurt. I think that's what angers me. Yeah. Is in what world does learning another language or learning another way to communicate ever hurt someone? No. And sign language isn't just for deaf children either or deaf people, but...

I have a lot of OTs that I know that actually with kids that are on the autism spectrum, they have a really tough time with language sometimes. There can be kids that are nonverbal. And so the way that they communicate is sign. Yeah. And so it's like, to me, I'm like, this lady is on some serious hallucinogenic drugs. You know what it's giving? It's giving the, this is America, we speak English vibes. Yeah. That's my thought exactly. You know, like this is the hearing world where we, like your daughter can't play because

We have to talk, you know? And it's like, first of all, her daughter can communicate, as the mom said, just in a different way. I'm just so angry because I think I love sign language so much and I don't see how it can hurt. Yeah. I don't see how teaching your kids sign language... First of all, don't you want them to have a relationship with their cousin? And if learning a second language is the means for that, they're better off for it because they're going to grow up and they're going to know sign language better.

And guess what? When you're more fluid in another language, you're more likely to pick up a third language even more easily. It exercises a part of your brain at a young age that is so important. Yep. I just don't... I'm completely baffled. I want to fact check this, but I actually feel like I saw something...

recently where kids who sign versus like, or kids that can sign versus kids that just as babies grow up speaking, I think they can communicate their needs to their caregivers a lot sooner. I'm not sure. I want to fact check that, but I also just thought about the fact too, like

I feel disadvantaged that I'm not fluent in multiple languages. Like, I feel disadvantaged. I feel like it's just... It's such a benefit in all aspects to know multiple languages. Even, like, um...

Like looking long-term down the road, if you learn languages, you can play instruments, or even if you're older, like forties, fifties, sixties, and you start learning another language that can prevent or decrease the risk of developing like Alzheimer's. I knew you were going to say that like dementia. Yeah. Like the more we work our brains, the more longevity you're going to have. So like, granted this little girl is fucking six, but like,

Who does it hurt? There's no cons. I just want to... Like, who does it hurt? I want to sit in front of her sister and be like, why are you so opposed to your children learning another language? I just can't think of one drawback other than it inconveniences you because you have to put in more work to, like, teaching them the language. But the best way to learn sign language, any language really, is exposure. And they're going to get the best exposure just trying to communicate with Cora. Yeah. And Walter and OP, who is clearly, like, fluent in sign language. Yeah. Yeah.

To me, I'm like, their kids are going to learn another language so much easier because they get to practice it with their family members as a means of communication. Yeah.

I don't get it. I also think as like say I was the cousin in this case and my mom restricted me from learning sign or like didn't encourage it and I like was missing out on this cousin, I would feel so much resentment for my mom. Like when you were older and you find out the reason you can't communicate with Cora is because your mom barred you from learning sign language at a young age. Yeah. Like they're missing out on such an important or what could be an important relationship. Yeah. Yeah.

Who knows? So that annoys the fuck out of me. I do just want to like commend OP because I think on one of the past stories we read, it was about a woman who was going to have ASL at her wedding. I remember that. And to me, I'm like, this is like such an opposite take of what her like parents did for her. Like the woman that got married, her parents got the cochlear implant, didn't let her

Learn sign language. Oh, yeah. And she felt alienated from people that are like her. Yeah. She didn't feel like she belonged. Yeah. And so, you know, this little girl to grow up in such a supportive environment and have a mom who just like really advocates for her is...

It's such a breath of fresh air. It's so beautiful. And the cochlear implant is such a personal decision. I think that's another thing we haven't really touched on is how inappropriate it is that she's sending her... Facebook posts and harassing her. Telling her, encouraging her to go for the cochlear implant. That's her decision. And the cochlear... She's really doing that out of a place of self-interest because she thinks it makes...

her life easier. Like if your daughter has a cochlear implant, she can communicate the way we communicate and we won't have to worry about a quote unquote language barrier. It's easier for you. Exactly. It's like, what's that sound? To you. To you. Yeah. To you. To you. It's almost, I wonder if her sister is like embarrassed. I don't know if she thinks maybe signing in public, people look at them. Maybe she thinks that it makes them stick out. Like her sister has some type of insecurity because I don't know what person in this world would be

so against teaching their children another language to communicate with their family members.

Despicable. Yeah. Top comment has some thoughts about what the sister is. Okay. Not the asshole. Emily is ableist. Worse, she's ableist yet somehow thinks she's better informed than you on implants and other options for supporting your deaf child. If she doesn't want to learn ASL, so be it. But she needs to at least acknowledge that choice means she's the one creating obstacles to communication with her niece, not the other way around. Yep.

Frankly, I'm surprised Walter is encouraging you to keep the peace here. Keep her in time out. Keep her in time out and away from Cora until she changes her attitude. And if the rest of the family can't back you up on that, they can keep their distance too. Yeah, kudos to the brother. For sure. He's kept his composure. Yeah. And like, I think Walter is probably just like, probably just trying to keep the peace. Like, doesn't want to break up his wife's family. Yeah. But... Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Walter's definitely...

It's good that he's kind of balancing them a little bit, but I were OP. I mean, oof, I would be health have no fury. Let her kick rocks. Yeah. Kick rocks. Eat dirt, bitch. That's so messed up. Yeah. The comments on this, there's a lot of comments.

Are people just absolutely up in arms? Yeah. People were really appalled. They were like, no, not the asshole. No, not at all. And it's so sad. Like we see this a lot on Reddit and, you know, in doing this podcast is,

So many people who ask, am I the asshole? And it just goes to show when you're in the situation, it's so hard to decide to know whether or not you're like crossing a line or am I wrong for that? But like objectively when other people hear the story, they're like, the fact that you even think you're the asshole. Yeah. It's so much harder when you're in it and it's your family members and it's your emotions and it's your child. But when we hear it with no skin in the game, we're like, no, you're not the asshole. I know. This is an interesting take though. I screenshotted this one and-

It goes, as a disabled person, I'm not so sure. OP, you absolutely have the right to decide as a family that your daughter will not get the implant and will communicate using ASL. And your sister has zero say over that. Moreover, she will always need to accommodate Walter by either learning ASL or if he reads lips, learning to speak more slowly and turning towards him every time.

However, not getting the implant was a choice, a choice not to be able to hear in a way and not to be able to interact with hearing people using speech. It's a choice, just like not learning. ASL is a choice. I think it's a bad choice to not learn a language that your brother-in-law and nibbling need to communicate, but it's a choice.

I happen to be of the opinion that all levels of ability should be accommodated by society, but this is interpersonal, not official. Who should accommodate whom with their choice? Should your child get a cochlear implant to make things easier on all of her hearing family, or should her hearing family learn ASL to make things easier on her? I know that learning ASL would be a good thing for your sister to do, but I'm not...

Sure, I'm ready to call her an asshole for not doing it. The thing she is an asshole for is playing a game when your daughter is present that requires hearing. Those games can be played any other time. Extended family needs to include everyone. That's a really interesting take. Yeah. It is eye-opening and I see parts of that that I can kind of agree with. I think the reason I still stick to my opinion is because I think

Learning sign language, learning another language is an asset. Worst case scenario, her kids walk away with another language and another proficiency that they can maybe use in other aspects of their life. Maybe one of them goes off.

and marries a deaf woman or a man, and now they have this, you know what I mean? You just don't know. Versus Cora getting a cochlear implant, sure, that makes her feel like she's a part of the hearing world. It doesn't undo her deafness. It doesn't make her hearing. That's not what cochlear implants do. And if anything, you know,

cochlear implants have a way of almost sometimes making somebody feel, I can imagine as a non-deaf person, I'm just trying to imagine what that would feel like. Like there's something wrong with me and I have to fix it with this machine or this machine will help the quality of my life. And it's a personal choice whether or not to get that. And your family can make a choice to learn a skill or learn a language to better communicate with you. I guess that's the difference is I see like...

Again, there's just, you've learned sign language. Yes, that is a choice. Absolutely. And they have a choice or a right to not learn it.

or not want to have to adapt, but I see no harm in doing so. Yeah. Versus getting a cochlear implant can lead to other, maybe like identity confidence, you know, like the ableist comment. Yeah. It leads to just, there's more detriment possibly. Yeah. And I think too, like maybe the sister doesn't understand that like a cochlear implant isn't like it's, it is a surgery. It requires surgery.

And it also isn't like, oh, you turn it on and you're hearing. You're just hearing all of a sudden. No. Like it doesn't work like that. It is like a lot of people in videos I watched after the last story, like a lot of people described it as traumatic. Yeah. And listen, I'm not like saying there's anything wrong with cochlear implants. What I'm saying is it's a personal choice. Yeah. I think cochlear implants, if that's what somebody wants to do, great. And I know from taking sign language, when I took sign language, my professor was deaf.

And so I learned, and he immersed us so much in the deaf community. And we learned about like those who like go for the cochlear implant and those who don't. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with that decision, but it's a decision and they didn't want to go with that. So, I mean, I respect that decision. I can't respect somebody's,

to wanting to communicate with their family member. You know, like I had to learn Spanish in order to communicate with half of my family. That was technically a choice. My mom could have said, no, we live in America and I just want her to know English. She'll get by learning just English. Which a lot of, I think, like a cultural thing too to consider is like I have a lot of friends in grad school.

Who their parents were first generation Americans and they chose not to teach their kids their native language so they'd fit in. Right. Correct. That's an assimilation thing. Yeah. And so they are... Like a lot of them are sad about it. And it's just like... I'm like, I think languages are kind of like people in situations like the more the merrier. Oh, I am...

Maybe I'm like the wrong person for this story because I'm so biased in the sense that I, like if I have children, I've already decided that I want them to know at least four languages. Yeah. I feel the same way. That's on like the low end. Yeah. I think like language immersion schools, if you can afford it, are so cool. It's beautiful. And if you can't, just taking as much, I mean, there's Babbel. There's so many things you can take now. Community classes. Yeah. And schools, you know, you can take three years of a language and you can, I mean, my mom took French for...

three years and my mom and my grandma are fluent in English, Spanish, and French. I think that's beautiful. I would love to know another language. I know. I got to get on it.

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The pursuit to serve others is yours. Find your purpose at GCU. Private. Christian. Affordable. Visit gcu.edu. Okay, up next. I did not read this one.

It was sent to me and just based on the title, I was like, okay, I'm just going to save it. Sold. Okay. Yeah. So it's a true blind, a double blind. Double blind. Double blind. A double blind. Like a study. Right. Yeah. My 27 female husband, 30 male, posted on here to cry about the open marriage he asked for. Okay.

Okay. Be careful what you wish for. I'm pretty sure my husband has been posting on here about our marriage and since he wants strangers all up in our business, let's do it. Oh, she really did that. Uh-huh. He talked about how he asked for an open marriage because I never wanted to have sex with him, but didn't mention that this was not even a year after we lost our baby and my body had gone through the worst experience of my life.

I had to deliver our lifeless baby and then almost died. I felt like a failure for losing our baby, and here he was telling me I was failing as a wife too. I told him he could do whatever he wanted.

He talked about how I agreed to let them use the basement, but didn't say how the first weekend after I agreed to this open marriage, he left me with the kids for three nights and came back with a $700 charge on our bank account and said if I don't want him to spend so much, I should let him bring girls to the basement. And I ended up saying okay. I would be upstairs crying myself to sleep, feeling like a failure, hoping this would only last a couple months while he was downstairs with I don't know who.

He mentioned that I met another guy, but didn't talk about how I went through this whole period where I'd try to have sex with him more than a couple of times a month, and he'd say, not now, I have someone coming, or no, I'm tired, I just had sex with XYZ. I'd already met someone, but I wanted to put our relationship first and didn't want to start seeing someone else. I kept trying, but it seemed like to him, I was just a babysitter, maid, co-parent, and roommate. I knew he loved me, but he wasn't showing it anymore."

I decided to let the other guy in because I wanted to hurt my husband and remind him that I exist. But honestly, being treated like I'm the most amazing person on earth feels good. He puts me first and treats me so well. Now that my husband is realizing that, he's throwing temper tantrums and trying to make me feel bad.

He knew I was going to be gone this weekend. I told him that weeks ago, but apparently since he told me that he's closing the marriage on his side and wanting to reconnect with me, he'd expected me to do the same.

Now he's saying I abandoned him and the kids when I didn't. I've always loved my husband, and I want us back to where we were three years ago. But I know it will take time. I'm finally feeling like a human being again, and I'm not going to ghost the guy who's helped me get to this point just because my husband is paying attention to me again. I need him to show me more first. I want to know that no...

I want to know that I matter to him and not just because I get the kids ready for school or cook, but because I'm a human being and he wants me in his life. Since we're asking strangers for opinions, I'm curious. What would you do in my situation if the person you loved treated you the way he treated me? Divorce him. Leave.

I would leave. And I don't say that lightly because I know that, you know, we're not married and we don't share children with a man. They got kids involved. We don't know how hard that is to do, but I'm just picturing myself in that situation and hearing this story genuinely made me feel sick. Yeah, I'm nauseous. I felt nauseous during that story. I need a Zofran. Yeah, a Zofran. A tequila soda will do, I guess. Yeah.

That story was disgusting and I think that that behavior is disgusting and I think that she at the end kind of says, I want him to treat me like a human and I want him to – basically she's asking for respect is kind of what I was getting from that. The bare minimum. The bare minimum. Literally the bare minimum. To view her as a human, to respect her as such, to see her as more than just a housemaid and a caretaker. And unfortunately you can't dictate the perception that somebody has of you. He treats you a certain way because he views you a certain way.

And you can't force somebody. It's hard to get that back. Right. Once this like wall and his level of respect has dropped past that wall, I don't think it's coming back. Yeah. And even if it does, do you really want it anymore? He treated you like shit for three years? Right. However long? After you were grieving and you know a trauma that he'll never understand, what your body had to go through as a woman and to bear a child physically, right?

And not be able to like bring that child home and have a loss. I know he's experiencing a loss too as a father of this child that they lost. But that you can't say that that's the same type of pain as the woman who physically had to experience that. Yeah.

He just seems like a master manipulator to me. He's just disgusting. He wanted his cake and eat it too. He got all butthurt because she actually found a real connection while he was filling his void with sex with strangers, whoever he was finding to bring home or go to hotels with. And the fact that he had the audacity to bring those women into their home- Where their children sleep. Correct. That's where I think I started to get sick. Yeah.

is the whole thing is a little twisted, but if you want to go to a hotel and pretend like you're this bachelor and kind of like role play, sure, whatever. That's fucked up, but okay. But you're bringing them into your home where your wife is, not even your home, but your home where your wife is home. And I'm assuming your kids were home too. Yeah. And who knows how old they are, but like kids are perceptive.

Yeah. So perceptive. Yeah. So who knows? Like, and I'm sure they realize their mom's crying. Like if she's crying herself to sleep every night. Yeah. Kids hear that. Kids pick up on that. Feel that. Yeah. The whole thing. What I would do if I were in her position is I would leave and you've found another person who shows you what it feels like to be honored and respected and treated like

Yeah. Yeah.

I agree. I think this whole situation is a mess from top to bottom. Like one of the more toxic ones for sure. I don't know a lot about open relationships or poly relationships, but I do know that it never should be done out of like manipulation or like a guilt trip. Like it needs to be very established that both partners want it. It's to benefit everyone. And

like I came across another post that will come up eventually but they referenced like a poly group on reddit so I like out of curiosity went looked at it and this group preaches nothing but like open communication honesty being very transparent with your like chosen like partner like your or your like married partner if you are married or like just being very open and so I look at this and it's like he kind of forced her hand to open the marriage one manipulation like

I don't know if you'd call that abuse, but like emotional abuse. Yeah, probably because she was at a very trying time and everything she describes sounds like fucking hell. But then for him, like you said, once she finds someone and has a connection...

He was jealous. He was like, well, I didn't think anyone would actually want my wife, but now that I can't have her, I'm closing this down. Right. I'm going to manipulate this situation even further. Right. So she doesn't get any ounce of fucking happiness. Absolutely. I'm going to drain it all. Yeah. And I think the big difference between him and her, I mean, there's a lot of differences, but one thing I see in their coping mechanism is that he is going and seeking out

I mean, I guess we... I'm assuming here because he's not the OP or the writer. Yeah. But he's going out and getting this like physical pleasure and this sexual indulgence with these multiple partners. Yeah. And it's probably just a temporary fix, a fleeting feeling of satisfaction versus...

She went out and found this like one person, this consistent partner who's showing her respect and love and care. And there's nothing, I mean, if I were him, I'd be jealous too. I'd be like, I'm over here just filling voids however I can with these people who don't mean anything to me. And you have somebody who cares about you now and is showing you respect, showing you what I'm not showing you. So of course he's like threatened. Yeah. She found a real connection. Yeah.

I think that's too, like it shows how abusive their relationship is, how toxic it is, especially because of the fact, like I feel like abusers, and this is my opinion from what I've experienced, but abusers start to care more or start to acknowledge you more or like kind of tighten their claws when they realize you're slipping away, when they realize they've lost their control. So for him...

It's probably this point where he's like, oh, she's moving on. I'm losing my control over her. I had her on the side doing everything for our kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I'm losing my control. And so he's like, oop, can't let that happen. Reel her back in. Reel her back in. Because the fact he went on Reddit and was like, she's leaving me. She abandoned me with the kids. He's trying to rewrite the narrative and victimize himself. God, I wish I would have... I almost wish I would have read this before because then I would have tried to find his post and...

And I don't think maybe some Reddit Instagram account will find it someday and I'll have an update for us. I'll sleuth after. I'll add it to the updates episode I'm planning. And I just feel like this is a tactic to just like she wants her to forfeit this other connection that she's made to come back to him. And I just have this feeling that he's going to continue doing what he's doing. This will be a cycle. Right. Right.

She'll drop this other person. Yes. Get back together with him. Maybe he'll try for a month. But then after that, once he realizes he has her again, right back to the same bullshit. Correct. Yes. That's exactly what I envisioned happening. I don't see this as like a safe and loving and stable, consistent relationship. No. Granted, we only have what the OP is telling us, but-

That's just not how I envision it based on the information we're giving. No. Given. I completely agree. Top comment. He doesn't appreciate you, nor does he respect you slash your marriage. Leave him before your children have the chance to recognize his disgusting behavior. You never agreed to him spending copious amounts of money on a side bitch. I'm sorry this is happening. Much love to you. I hope things work out for the best for you in the end. Mm-hmm.

The amount of people who don't dump a husband who spend significant amounts of money on a side chick amazes me. If my husband spent $700 on a weekend getaway with another woman, our marriage would be over. Another one of the top comments, I would get a divorce. Yeah. I mean, I know we're saying it very lightly, but I think this is a divorceable offense. I think that this is like such a...

twisted dynamic it's not a healthy stable situation that you want to be in no and like this comment kind of points it out they go i second this like to the divorce comment if op ever gets sick again he's just going to dump her again so he could get his dick wet and that's exactly what you're saying like this yeah this isn't a supportive partner no why go through life with someone who treats you like this yeah absolutely not with kids that are going to grow up and witness this dynamic

Not fair to anyone. No, no. Leave while you can. Yeah. You always can, but leave. Yeah, definitely. It's never too late to leave your partner. No. Or too early. Yeah. Well, maybe too early. No. Really? I think you could... There's some things where... Oh, like too premature? Yeah. Like a one-off? Yeah. Like my dad...

My dad. You're about to expose your dad. No, no, no. My dad had an episode. He had an episode on Father Knows Something about a write-in and she was like asking about cheating and she was like, can cheaters ever change and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, he had just like a very thoughtful response to it. And essentially like, yeah, there are people that are serial cheaters. Like I dated a couple of them, but there are people that cheat once and really learn from their mistakes and can grow as a person and

really value your relationship or whatever. So I think you could leave too prematurely, but yeah, I think that's true. And on that really quick point, I think that there's cheaters and then there's people who have cheated. And I think those are two different buckets of people. Like the saying, like a cheater never changes. Maybe that applies to somebody who is a serial cheater who like, you know, cheats repetitively.

recurring offenses, repeat offenders. Sure. Yeah. But like there's people who have cheated and they don't do it again. Yeah. I agree. I'm not defending cheaters by any means. I mean, I have a whole cheating episode. I know. I will bury a cheater, but I, I completely agree. This is, it reminded me when I was home for the holidays, my little brother, I have like a, an ex who I dated in college and he's just very unstable. And so he's got a couple of kids now and,

But he reaches out to my brothers randomly and is always like, how's Morgan doing? Does Morgan miss me? Or like just weird comments. And so it's just like you're literally having your second or third kid. You're engaged to your baby mama, like your partner, whatever. And yet you're still reaching out to my little brother asking about me. So strange. And I dated this man in 2012. That is so strange. I can't imagine. We're 10 years later.

Like so far removed. That's a decade. That's a decade, right? Not just like 10 years later, but you are in a whole new relationship of years. He's obviously entangled. We're in different universes. Different worlds, different states, different everything. Blows my mind. Yeah, that is a different type of... I can't understand that. No, do not at all. Okay, moving along. Let's find another toxic one.

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Visit Safeway.com for more details. I don't think I've read this one. I've been getting a lot of comments where you're like, where people are like, Morgan read that one. Morgan read that one. And I'm like, I could have sworn I definitely did not read this one. Like on the show? On the show. But I think it's like, I don't know if it's a Mandela effect or whatever that thing is.

I've heard of that, but I for some reason can't recall. It's essentially where enough people remember something happening a certain way where they convince themselves that it happened. So a lot of the examples I see on TikTok are old Disney movies. And they're like, I could have sworn the version of this Disney movie had the character doing this. And then someone will pull up the VHS, the original version, and it does have the character doing that. But then there's other instances where it never happened.

So I don't know. Okay. But I think this one's going to be good. Okay. Am I the asshole for not thinking the joke my family played on my girlfriend was a big deal? I, 25 male, have a girlfriend, 23 female, who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. My family often jokes about it. They have a super dark sense of humor. It bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn't feel like a joke. It feels like she's being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. Okay.

Even though I explain it's just how they are and they don't mean any harm, she doesn't really want to be around them. I told her it was really important to me we spend Christmas with my family. We would all quarantine first and test, and it was important to me. She resisted at first, but after some urging from me, she gave in. She said I absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her, though.

We got there and it was fine for a while. Then my mom and my sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters that had my girlfriend's face all over it. They both laughed, saying my mom made them screen printed and it was just a joke. My dad thought it was hilarious. I even chuckled a little because she's really beautiful. So what was ironic, they put her on an ugly sweater and

My girlfriend looked at me, and when I said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up, and left. Didn't say anything to anyone, just took her car and left.

I called her several times and she didn't answer. The only text I received was, you need to find your own way home. That pissed me off and I called her a couple more times. The whole time my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn't realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like this. I told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it.

I had another fight with my girlfriend when I finally got home and she said I was an asshole for putting her in that situation and I said I didn't realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. She said I let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. I said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. She asked how it was supposed to be a joke.

I said, that was just their sense of humor. I said I was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. She said that no, them realizing she wasn't going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day. We aren't speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a Merry Christmas and asked how the day went, I mentioned what happened, and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her.

I don't really think I've done anything, though. I didn't know they were going to do that. And really, it was just a joke, and I think she's overreacting. Am I really the asshole here? What are your thoughts? I hope he had to fucking walk home. Yeah. I hope he had to walk 500 fucking miles. But, I mean, I'm more upset with his family than I am. Whole family. Yeah, but... But I hate him. Yeah. Why? I look at, if I had a partner, and... You do have a partner. Yeah.

Yeah, I do. But if I had... Whoa, do we need to catch up on something? No, I just didn't finish my sentence because I'm still computing this story in my head. I see what you're saying. It was so long ago when I saved this even that I kind of forgot how fucking bad it was. Um...

I had this similar situation and I had a partner who kept brushing this off as, Oh, they're being ironic. They're being funny. But then I expressed to them, no, this isn't funny to me. And it's like, I'm the butt of the joke. Yeah. So I don't care if it's fucking funny to them. It's hurting my feelings. Yeah. I'm stuck in this situation. They're making fun of me. They're making jokes at my expense. I'm not laughing. Yeah. So if I already told them like, Hey,

hey, this is upsetting me. Please. Like, I don't want to spend any time with them. And then they urged me. I agree. But I say, hey, please have my back. If something comes up, something, something came up, something fucking shit hit the fan and his support was nowhere to be found. He actually chuckled. Yeah. Chuckle, chuckle. You're going to chuckle at my face on an ugly sweater. Go fuck yourself. I don't care how beautiful you think I am.

I think that's another, that's one thing I have an issue with. Like, well, I have an issue with a lot of things, but the thing that sticks out is he's like, it's ironic. She's beautiful. What if she doesn't think she's beautiful? Right? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So he's making it sound like this is an objective fact. She is beautiful by all standards, objectively, full stop, period. Maybe she is. There's some people in the world that you just look at, you're like, that's a beautiful fucking person. They're beautiful people.

But however, that does not mean that for a fact Bible, like she thinks she's beautiful. And so the irony is kind of lost. You don't... There is none. Like you put a beautiful face on an ugly sweater. To me, that doesn't strike me as ironic. It strikes me as like...

a bad joke. And it's not like she's a jokester where they have this like joke cunt or like this, this joking banter. And it's funny because she's a jokester. They pull jokes on each other, whatever. That's not the relationship that they have. As you stated, she made it very clear. She doesn't like these jokes. She doesn't appreciate them. She doesn't think they're funny at her expense. And she's vocalized it. It's not like she's been sitting on it. And this was like the straw that broke the camel's back. So I agree with you.

I think the family is absolutely – there are families. Like my family is pretty – They go hard? They go hard. So for me – but I do understand at some point you get tired of it. You're like, I'm tired of getting roasted. I'm just trying to like go to Christmas. Like I don't need to like – you know what I mean? So I get that on that front, like having a family of –

you know, jokesters for it to say the least. I get that. My family function, if you don't leave like absolutely roasted, you weren't really there.

I wouldn't fit in. I'm so sensitive. No, you can't be sensitive. And I'm not a super sensitive person, but there are moments where I'm like, enough is enough. I'm really tired of getting teased for this. You can only handle so much. Everyone has a threshold. Yes. Hers was clearly met. Yes. And some people don't appreciate jokes is what I'm getting at. So for her to vocalize that to her partner, as you just said, and him not to have a conversation with his family or at least have her back, it is an asshole move. Yeah. I think...

Like him being like, oh, you could have given me a heads up. Well, would you have changed anything? She said that? The dude said it. About her leaving? No, he said to his family, like after this all happened, he's like, you guys could have given me a heads up. And it's like...

For what? Are you going to warn her or are you going to have them change their attitudes? Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know what he, where, who's going with that. It's just weird because it's like, you haven't done anything to rally, like to wrangle your family in up until this point. So like, what would a head up, like what would have, what would a heads up have done for you? Yeah. Yeah.

And also I think what pains me about hearing this story is that this was kind of like her one last shot. Like she already didn't want to go. Yeah. I think that's the worst part. When someone doesn't want to go to something for fear of something happening and then that thing happens, you're like, hell no. No. In her head, like her – Y'all proved her right. Exactly. Everyone proved her correct. And so I think Buddy's going to have a hard time coming back from this one. Her family, I think, owes her an apology. Yeah.

I think the joke missed. It did not land. And she clearly... Jokes are hard because what's funny, it's like that Kardashian meme where they're like,

It's a joke to me. It's an insult to you. I won't joke with you anymore. It's kind of like gaslighting. Like, yeah, I think it's funny, but to you, it's offensive. Right. And it's like, but a joke similar to beauty is subjective to the ears who are hearing the joke. Yeah. What I could think is a hilarious joke. You could be like, I don't think that's funny. That's offensive. And so people can't force their humor on her. If she doesn't think they're funny, maybe this is a mismatch. Maybe you're marrying into the wrong family. Truly. Yeah.

This is a family of clowns and they don't want to change? This to me, I get weird vibes from this. I almost feel like there's a weird family dynamic going on and they're trying to sabotage his relationship for whatever reason. They don't like her. They're weirdly attached to him. Some emotional incest. Whatever fucking reason is going on here. But this seems very sabotage-y. It does. I mean, he keeps saying she's beautiful.

So like I said, I don't know if you can just be like objectively beautiful. However, it sounds like she's very aesthetically good looking. So maybe they're threatened by that and they want to bring her down. Because it was the two women in the family, right? It was the sister and the daughter. The mom. The sister and the mother. Yeah. So I mean, I don't want to draw conclusions based on that, but maybe they're just like so threatened by her beauty. I don't know. They're trying to like in their eyes level her. Yes. Which like, God, those people.

But then again, is this a family? Because think about it. If this is someone you're dating, eventually the goal is marriage. And not for everybody, but for some people. So if you do want to marry and spend your life with this person and their family, you're marrying into a family. This is what you're going to get. This is what you're getting into. So this might be a blessing. Maybe this isn't for you. And it sucks that a family could be the reason to end a relationship, but it's a real component of the equation. I completely agree. I think like,

I know, like, I've seen a lot of stories and just, like, talked with people. They're like, yeah, I didn't meet my in-laws, like, until two years in. And my relationship with my mother-in-law is fucking terrible. Like, it is toxic and blah, blah, blah. And I really do think, like, yeah, like, your partner in your relationship is, like, definitely the most important. But, like, if they're very close with their family, like, that can also be a big dynamic. So, like, I'm kind of on board with, like, meeting the family as soon as you can. Yeah. Like, just...

dive in. Yeah. I think, I mean, again, that's a personal choice. There's some people who can completely look past a family dynamic that they don't necessarily resonate with and they're totally fine with just having friction and tension at every family function. And then there's people who are like, listen, if my family's not a fit, then this is a non-starter. So I think it's kind of like that saying, there's different ways to skin a cat. Like there's just different ways for people to go about that, which did you know that's a saying?

The cat one? Different ways to skin a cat. Yeah, I wish they wouldn't have picked a cat. Like, skin a cat. I know. I said that to Lauren and she freaked out. She was like, why would you say something like that? I wonder where that originates from. Right? It's so interesting. So interesting. Wait, but we agree that he's an asshole? Oh. Yes. Okay. Absolute asshole. God, I'm breaking the table here.

I hope for her sake she ended it. I can read the top comment. I kind of was like, I was ending that. I feel unresolved. I was ending that prematurely. So the top comment in this one, you're the asshole.

massive, you're the asshole. You might think your girlfriend is beautiful, but I can guarantee you that when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see beauty. She sees a defacing scar and you allow and support your family in making that identifying feature of how they see her.

By allowing your family to treat her that way, she is no longer, quote, your beautiful girlfriend. She is, quote, that freak with the scar that he brought over. A joke is not a joke if the subject of it is not laughing. You are such an asshole. I want to really smack you over the head with this fact.

44.5K upvotes. Whoa. Okay, we totally glossed over the fact that she does have this facial scar. We totally... I at least forgot about that. Yeah, I think... And I think that just kind of hammers home everything. Like this is... If you don't know how she got it, if it was like congenital or if it was from like an accident, who knows? But regardless, with how...

What our beauty standards are and how they're forced on us from like every age. And you're just fucking like ping pong back and forth with like standards and trying to keep up with them. I'm sure she had a hard time with this. Yeah. Regardless. And I hope she's embraced it now and like recognizes her beauty. But like, yeah. You're right. I forgot about that fact. It can't be easy. That's even more messed up that they would put her face on a sweater. An ugly sweater. That's so messed up. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

What a family of assholes. Yeah. I would be running. I would... Especially the fact that he can't even recognize it. Yes. Turned around and then gas lit her. He's no better than them. No better. Maybe worse because he's not recognizing it after the fact. Yeah. And he said stuff like, you ruined the day because you couldn't take a joke. I do actually think she's overreacting. But sometimes it takes ruining a day for people to really hear you. Like you guys... You told the story, you and Justin on an episode where...

Oh, it was like that guy who kept like cross pollinating with cooking. He was using like... Oh, yeah. And she like... I think she faked like being more ill to not go to like his party. Yep. And I think Justin made a good point. He's like sometimes it takes like a significant event and kind of like ruining, quote unquote, ruining a day...

In order to have your message heard. And if that's what it takes, then maybe that's what it took. Yeah. I just want to read one more comment because I did get like 29,000 upvotes. Piggybacking on the top comment so people see this as I also have a prominent facial scarring and I haven't seen this point anywhere. It's not just about being ugly. If you tell me I have an ugly nose or an ugly smile, no worries. It's rude, but I can deal with it.

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Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. People don't get large facial scars in a vacuum. It's very likely that something awful and traumatic happened to them which caused the scar.

The events leading up to my scarring were over 15 years ago, and I can still confidently say it's the worst thing that's happened to me in my life. So not only are you and your family making fun of her for being ugly, they are likely reminding her of a very traumatic event in her past that I'm sure she would like to move on from and not have to think about on what is supposed to be a happy day. I have a lot to say after that comment. I feel like you do. That's a strong point, but I feel like...

I'll take it away. I completely agree. Like, you kind of forget that this was on Christmas and she just, like, drove off and left. So, like, her holiday was completely ruined. Who knew? Who knows if she had anyone to spend it with after? Right. But also, like, I kind of forget, like, my brother Matt, who has been on a couple episodes now, Matt has a really prominent facial scar. And you don't notice it as much because, like, it's been, like, he got it when he was 17 and

I mean, he's old now. There's an eight-year difference. I'm 27 at eight years. That's how old Matt is. 35. 35? Six? Five. Whoa. I'm not the only one bad at math. I'm so bad at math. I don't even know why I tried to compute that. Matt, if you look at the YouTube videos or the stills on Instagram of him, you might see on the left side of his face, he has a really prominent scar.

And Matt wanted to be a model. And when he was 17, he was like hanging out at the beach and this guy like stirred up trouble with him and his friends, took a beer bottle, smashed it, and then took the beer bottle and slashed my brother in the face. And I just remember being with my mom when she got the phone call or like hearing the story of her getting the call so many times.

But like they thought my brother was bleeding out. Like it was so close to like his vein that when my mom got to the emergency room, the doctor literally looked at her and said, if that would have been an inch lower, you wouldn't have a son right now. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. That's traumatic. So traumatic. So like putting that into perspective, like we don't know how she got her scar or like, you know, whatever. But if it is something like that, like this person said –

It hammers home probably in the worst way possible. Absolutely. I'm like ashamed that we missed that because I didn't even think about that. I think we were just so mad at him not supporting her and like them making fun of her and like trying to pass it off as a joke. I don't think we – I think we just thought it was already offensive in and of itself and this is an added layer. This is an added layer. This makes it even worse. Yeah. I hate him. Yeah. He sucks. I hate him.

But honestly, yeah, I could go down a rabbit hole of why he sucks. Yeah. Well, and so the next comment goes, this is a really good point, and now I'm even angrier at OP. Yes. I'm more mad. Yeah. I hope she dumps him and his asshole family. Yeah. Agree. This was posted actually a year ago. So last Christmas? Yeah, it was posted a year ago. So there's no update. Account's deleted. I don't see any comments from OP. That sucks. Sucks. Yeah.

Okay, last one, which may or may not be the worst. I don't know. You tell me. Okay. Am I the asshole for demanding my husband cancel his boys weekend and come home? Basically, my husband and I have been married for about six years and have a three-year-old daughter, Elle. Prior to getting married and having Elle, we were both very independent people. This hasn't changed. As much as we value our couple slash family time, we also both cherish time to ourselves and with our friends.

We came up with an agreement that we each get one weekend a year to do whatever we like. Go away, stay in a hotel, go out with friends, while the other stays home looking after Elle. It's been working really well so far. Well, this past weekend was my husband's time, and he chose a fishing trip with pals. Staying in a cabin roughly 30 minutes away. No problems.

Saturday morning, the worst happened. My sister was involved in a serious car wreck. She's on life support. It's touch and go, and I'm devastated. I can't say much more. I called my husband to tell him and ask he come home ASAP. And he refused. He said it's his weekend and he'll come by the hospital Monday. He wasn't totally heartless. He listened to me cry and scream and reassured me she'd be okay. How do we know that?

but he was adamant that he's enjoying the remainder of his weekend and will join me today. My family are obviously noticing his absence, and I'm too embarrassed to tell them. I understand this is interfering with his weekend, but this is my sister, and she's in critical condition. I'm stunned. He's never been this selfish before. I'm angry, upset, confused, and I just don't know what to do.

No. Not at all. I think you haven't slept in two days because you realized you're married to a shitty person. An animal. To be honest with you. I think that's where your restlessness is coming from.

I understand that you get one weekend, but like, come on, life happens. This is an emergency. This is absolutely like trip ending status. Definition of life happens. Yes. Life happens. And like, I'm sure she's going to give you another weekend for boys. Like you can take, you can, you can get your brain check and do it again. Like this isn't, I just, oh, I can't even, I don't even have words. It's just a no brainer to me. It's a no brainer. It's,

If my partner, even if like, if Justin called me and he was in Minnesota and he goes, something really bad just happened. To one of my family members. One of my family members is really sick. They're hurt. They're in the hospital. I'd be like, I will book the next flight. I need you to come here. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. He's only 30 minutes away. Oh my gosh. He's 30 minutes away. I was picturing myself right now in like Peru and I would still fly back. Yeah. It's a nine hour flight. This is family. You drop everything. When some shit like this happens. Yeah. And you share a child. This is her aunt. Yeah.

You drop it all wrong. Oh my gosh. You drop it all. What could be more important? I'll tell you. Cause there's updates. Oh, let's hear them. Wow. I didn't think this would attract any attention, especially this early. Thank you all for the healing thoughts and well wishes. I just want to clarify that.

Read this weekend arrangement. My husband and I regularly have date nights and nights to hang out with friends throughout the year. This, quote, totally alone, do what you want, YOLO-like weekend is the thing that happens once per year. He sees his friends on a weekly basis, as do I. Update two.

Which, I'm again so mad at him for not coming home for that reason because...

And trauma like this, like witnessing this as a young baby, like a young kiddo could haunt you. Like I remember when I was nine and my grandpa died from a brain aneurysm. I was there when he took his last breath. Terrible experience. Don't put little kids through that. Let them say goodbye and then kindly sweep them from the room. So he, if this wasn't for her amazing friend, he would have left his wife in the position where his little girl would had to be there and witness all of this. Yeah.

The fact that for, if not for anything else, the fact that her husband doesn't want to come back for Elle's sake to be like, I can't. Yeah. Like even if you don't want to be there for your wife and her sister, you can at least come back and be there for your daughter. For your baby. Like what the fuck? And allow your wife to be there for her sister. I want to pull my hair out. I can't. I'm sorry. I don't. We're still, we're still going. Ugh.

I realized I made it sound like my husband and I only get one weekend per year, which is my fault. This weekend, we call YOLO weekend, is on top of weekly nights out. Time with friends, time alone, etc. It's more like a chance for us to do things further afield or go nuts without having to worry about waking up early with Elle. Trust me, he sees his friends all the time. That's what hurts the most. I've read your comments about an affair. Ooh.

And I don't know, it doesn't seem likely, but who the fuck knows at this point. He's not the person I thought he was. He did show up this afternoon. I met him in the lobby, told him to go fuck himself, and went back up to the ICU. I don't want him here. I'm still running on no sleep, so I'm probably being an asshole now. But I hate his guts at the moment. I hate his guts at the moment. Yeah. What? There's one more update. Okay. I didn't see this one. I saved this story on...

On the original thread. And so when I was like just pulling this up, like in between stories, I went to the best of Redditor updates. And there's a third update that came out three months later that I never saw. Okay. Fuck. Uh-oh. Whoa. I read ahead. Okay. Hi, everyone. I'm not sure whether anybody remembers me or really cares for an update, but I found myself back on Reddit for something unrelated and rediscovered my old thread. So if anybody's interested, here it is.

Most importantly, my sister, she is alive. Yay. Yeah. Wow. Thank God the universe slash most of all the amazing medical team she had. They were able to bring her out of the coma and there was no brain damage. Wow. Which was an unbelievable relief. Unfortunately, she still has a long recovery ahead of her and is essentially relearning how to walk, but she's alive and we're all grown so much closer as a family. Thank you sincerely to everyone who cared enough to send well wishes.

Update on ship bag husband. Sorry. Uh-oh. Whoever suggested he might be having an affair. Ding, ding, ding. I didn't see that coming. No. I thought like even if he has a mistress, he could be like, deuces, I got to go. I thought he was just being a selfish asshole. Same. Are you serious? So he flew somewhere. He wasn't 30 minutes away.

He wasn't with the boys that weekend. He was with a woman from work that he'd been seeing for about a month. It took him so long to get to the hospital because he was panicking and calling his friends to beg them to cover his ass, essentially. A few weeks after my sister's accident, one of his friends came clean to me when the guilt became too much. The rest of his friends continued to lie until my husband basically confessed.

Are you kidding? Fuck those friends. Yeah, fuck those friends. You, like, at that point, you know he's caught. Fall on your sword. There are bigger fish to fry here. What a psycho. I didn't see that. I didn't get...

infidelity vibes i didn't either i thought he was just being selfish yeah i thought he was just an idiot who like was drinking too many beers the night before like whatever but that doesn't make any sense like okay you have an affair it's a woman that you work with like she probably knows you're married so literally all you have to say to your there's an emergency there's an emergency i gotta go or whatever how if you want to keep the lying trail but like yeah or i have an emergency i need to go what were you doing what were you two doing canoodling

so hard that you couldn't be like separated. He shot himself like not to like give cheaters ideas, but like he shot himself in the foot by doing this because he could have literally been like, oh shit, okay, I'll be there soon. Call your friends on the fucking way. It's a 30 minute drive. Send a group chat. They were going to lie for you anyway. They were going to lie for you anyways. So send a group chat to the boys and be like, dude, I fucked up. I said I was fishing this weekend. I was with so-and-so. I pictured fishing too. Yeah.

That's what we think boys do. No, he was the... Oh, he was fishing. He was fishing. Okay, sorry. No, he was hunting. Yeah. Fucking slimy bitch. But send a group chat to the boys. And then your wife would have... No alarm bells would have gone off. None the wiser. Yeah, totally. Which, not giving people ideas. No. Don't be a shit person, but...

He shot himself in the foot by being just a selfish prick. Yeah. But I'm honestly glad he did because now I hope she left him. I don't know if she gives an update on that. Needless to say, we're separated. Okay. I'm planning to file for divorce, but things have been very, very busy and I've been looking after my sister and Elle, my daughter. So it's something I haven't gotten around to just yet, but I will. I'm not sure what else to say. Life is just sort of slowing down again and we all have to get used to this new normal. But more than anything, I'm just grateful my sister's going to be okay. Mm-hmm.

Thank you again, everyone. It sounds silly, but reading your messages got me through these long days and nights in the hospital, and you truly touched a stranger's life. I love when Reddit does that. I did not think that was going to... That took a turn. I thought it was just going to be toxic because he didn't show up at the hospital when she needed him. But he was like a cheating asshole. Yeah, because like I have the original post open right here. Like in a screenshot? No, so I have the original post open. So this is the original one. Mm-hmm.

Which was posted two years ago. So the update isn't even on here. Oh. That third update isn't on here at all. I had no idea. Oh my gosh. I just knew update two that like he showed up. And I was really proud of her for saying go fuck yourself. Yeah, I was too. Wow. Wow.

Wow, wow, wow. Top comment on the original. Not the asshole. I think something as serious as a family member going on life support is fairgrounds to reschedule a fishing trip. Guy needs to rethink his vows if he can't be there for you when you need him for something like this.

I want to know like how people picked up on the cheating. I will see. Let's go through the comments a little bit. Let's see if I can power scan here. Just so many comments. This shouldn't be a normal reaction and it sucks OPS to deal with this. I hope her husband gets his head out of his ass and realize the person he's supposed to love needs him to be a husband and not some uncaring piece of shit. I can't imagine. It's not like, it's not that any of the top comments either. Interesting. Which is like also like,

Shit, I'd cancel a trip if I was dating a girl for a month and something that serious happened. I can't imagine that to someone I was married to. Married to and the mother of your children. Yeah. And this is technically your sister-in-law, so it's your family. Yeah. Someone goes, I mean, I'd do it for an acquaintance or a coworker. I would do it for a friend. I'd do it for you. Yeah. Easily. Easily. Easily. Easily.

I'm not seen. I flew back to Minnesota. I mean, this might be like a stupid comparison, but at the drop of a hat when one of my friends was in the hospital. Like no, like... Yeah. I mean, granted, I wasn't on like a girl's trip, but I flew from here across the country to go see one of my friends. I just can't imagine like if my husband, his brother or sister was in severe critical condition, I would drop whatever I'm doing. I could be...

skiing in the Alps of Switzerland and I'd be like, I'm coming home. Same. So I searched the word cheating on this whole thread of, there's about 1500 comments on the whole thread. Cheating is only mentioned six times and granted like Reddit kind of works weird. So like it might only be searching what's loaded on the page. Yeah.

So first mention I see, he would come home to divorce papers in my house. This is a betrayal on the level of cheating. Someone goes, this is worse than cheating for me. And so someone goes, yeah, I'm so glad you shared this. I too have that feeling that this is a tantamount to cheating. Okay, so no one's being like, he's cheating yet. Someone goes...

which is one person so far, there's only 99 upvotes on this. The top comment had thousands of upvotes. And they go, I'm thinking he's further away than he said, and he's cheating. Ever see that movie same time next year? It could happen. I haven't seen that. But that's kind of what I said. I feel like he was further away than he said he was. And that's what the one under says. Hundreds of miles away sounds about right. Maybe he is left.

Maybe if he left right now, he still couldn't be back for another day. Yeah. Unfortunately, I think refusing to come home when you're 30 minutes away is worse because it makes him sound like a psychopath rather than a run-of-the-mill cheating bastard. But still, yeah, I think he's more than 30 minutes away doing something he's hiding. Drugs, cheating, whatever.

Only six mentions on the whole thread though of 1,586 comments. That's crazy. They just stuck out to her or it maybe just took one person for to plant that seed and

I guess, granted, we're only given a snapshot of their marriage. Yeah. There could be so many other instances that she kind of stuck a pin in. And when she saw just one comment that said cheating, she was like, and then all of a sudden all these bells went off. And she was like, oh my gosh, that would explain this and this and this. And oh, that weird charge. And maybe it just was the glue she needed to secure all these thoughts that she had. And this was like, yeah. Yeah.

Wow. We're completely speculating here. I know. I never would have like... I wouldn't be there. It didn't give me that. I thought he was just being a selfish asshole just based on the fact like they sounded like they had a really good marriage. They supported each other in their outside relationships. They had good relationships with friends and still cared about each other. The fact that this man gets one weekend a year to YOLO it with his boys and he chose to spend it with his mistress slash coworker.

It's weird that they've only been together a month, though. And this is probably the one weekend he's gone away with her. Who's been together for a month? In the update, she said they had been seeing each other for a month. Oh, yeah. It's one of his coworkers. Yeah. So, like, the timing of all this, like... Yeah, all of it's weird. All of it's so weird. But moral of the story, he fucking sucks. Good thing the sister's okay. Asshole, asshole, asshole. Glad she moved on, left. I hope the divorce is finalized. For real. Oof. Hoo-wee.

And that's on toxic. That's on toxic. I'm traumatized. Me too. But I brought this upon us. It makes you thankful for having like normal relations, semi normal relationships. Oh yeah. Healthy relationships. Yeah. Right. Reddit can be a humbling place. It really can be. It really can be. I see a lot of comments, um,

From people being like, your podcast made me realize my life isn't so crazy. Yeah. Like I love my mother-in-law. Right. Yeah. Well, I, I'm kind of at a loss for words. This, this, um, this really took a turn that I didn't see coming. I know. Well, don't be shitty. That's all we'll leave you with. That's all we'll leave you with. Well, thanks guys for joining us on another episode of Two Hot Takes. Until next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Be sure to check out this week's partners, you guys, Little Spoon and Babbel. I'll be sure to put all the codes and links in the description. Thank you.