7: Deep Dive: Cheating or Nah?
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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan, and today you are getting a bonus episode. It was pretty apparent that after reading Alejandra a few stories, we were really getting into it. And so the following stories are deep dives where we really include our own personal experiences and stories and just kind of get a little carried away. So I hope you enjoy. ♪

I, 24 female, found a moist condom wrapper under my boyfriend's bed. Okay, tell me more. We've been together for six months. We don't use condoms, and he has never given me a reason to believe he's ever cheated on me. I drove over to his place after two weeks of not being there, as he kept insisting on coming over to my place. Ooh. Mm.

Already off to a bad start. Well, okay. Let's hear more. We were planning to have a date night out. When I come over, I usually touch up my makeup by turning on his lampshade and sitting on the floor next to his nightstand. So I did the usual and behold, with all its glory, I see a used condom wrapper under his bed lying on top of used socks.

I stare. Finish. But I've got some thoughts already. Spit them out. A sock. Maybe he was masturbating. I have heard of guys masturbating in condoms. What? I have. I have. I have. Like to just...

help with like their one them last longer or like why the cleanup is easier one I think and two yes because I mean a lot of the times they have to go off and have sex and use a condom and I mean all guys say condoms don't feel as good so they jack off with a condom I mean it sounds a little crazy but it does sound super super fishy that's what I've heard that guys do oh my gosh use a condom

Oh my God. Okay, hold on. So she finds the condom. Finds the condom wrapper, not the used condom. Oh, okay. Just the condom wrapper. Okay. I stare at it while I feel these emotions rush through me and he catches me and asks, babe, what's wrong? He looks at the direction to where my eyes are pointing and calmly said, let's not go out tonight. Let's talk.

That's where I lose it. Yeah. No, he's, he knows he just got caught like saying, Ooh, babe. Yeah. Right. Let's, let's not go out. Let's talk. Right. Right. Well, my mind is going a miles a minute. So like I have already more thoughts, but I want to hear what happens. Do they talk? So she goes, you know how bad this looks, right? He goes, yeah, I know. Which is why I want to talk.

And she goes, me trying so hard to keep my composure with tears running down. He goes, sits down, faces me, places a hand on my thigh. I know this looks bad. I'm not going to say anything to manipulate you or hurt you. I'm looking right at you. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I have never done anything behind your back. What you're feeling right now is justified. I put myself in your shoes and know this looks really bad. What? Yeah. So I complimented.

I can't, it's like the opposite response I would have expected. Like it typically, when you catch someone cheating, your first like typical reactions, like gaslighting, like, no, like it's old. It's been there since, you know, 2018 before I even met you. Like it's old. Like,

I have no, I have no idea how that got there. Maybe my roommate had sex in my room. Like it's typically like a gaslighting situation, but this is the complete opposite. Yeah. It's almost, I can't tell if I'm terrified of the honesty or if I respect it. I know, which is like, I have like two things where it's like, okay, one, is he truly being honest? Because that is like a very thoughtful, deep response. Or two, is he like,

playing it like this because he knows he just got caught and it's like if he got defensive he

and started acting any other way, then that would look worse. You've either got a really, an honest man who's coming clean and that's a diamond in the rough, or you've got a high functioning top tier sociopath who just like had his like script ready to go. Oh my God. There's no in between. I pick up the condom wrapper and notice it's still wet. Oh.

Oh my god. What? Yeah. How long does a condom wrapper stay wet? I'm gonna guess not very long. I'm gonna open one up and test this theory until our episode next week. I'm literally gonna do an experiment. I'm gonna be a little scientist. You're gonna like have someone come in it? No, no, no. And by someone I mean Justin? No, just... I mean, it's just the wrapper. So if I just take...

a condom, open it and just leave the wrapper sitting somewhere. Yeah. If it's still wet, just the wrapper, just the wrapper. I'm willing to bet. I'm not a scientist, but I'm just, yeah, it doesn't feel right. I pick up the condom wrapper and notice it's still wet. Expiration year on the wrapper is 2025.

Okay. So we know it's like relatively new. Yeah. And it's what? No, the fact that it's wet. It's wet. No, no, no, no. Say no more. Basically, his excuse was that it's from someone he had sex with multiple times months before we ever met, which was around maybe summertime of 2020. He said,

He said it was her condom that she brought. He also said four months into our relationship, he found her hair tie in his closet, but didn't think it was necessary to bring it up to me. He also said that he's found other used condom wrappers around his room from the past. I've been cheated on before, but with pure evidence in front of me.

I've been lied to before. Why does it feel like he's telling me the truth? But why was the condom wrapper still wet? Guys, please help me organize my thoughts here. I really love this man. The fact that it's still wet is really psyching me out. It is psyching me out. I don't like that. I don't know why she hasn't conducted her own study because it's pretty easy. Just buy a condom, leave it under your bed for like a week.

That's what I'm saying. But then again, she's like, hey, call me in a year. Let me finish out the study and see if it's still wet in a year. I don't know because summer 2020, this was... Okay, wait. So he said he was...

or dating with a girl in summer of 2020? Summer 2020. And when was this? This was posted 18 days ago. Okay, so this is like February. And they've been dating for six months. Math isn't adding up here. Why would it still be wet? I mean, there's a weird chance that condoms stay slimy. I don't know. The inside of the packaging is like lubricated to keep the condom moist so like the latex doesn't crack or disintegrate.

So I understand, but like that's at least six months, summer 2020, even if it's at the end, that's at least six months. So it's like, yeah, it is six months. It's like, buddy, I don't know. I got a bad, I got a bad vibe. I honestly, I need more. Yeah. If I'm her, I need more. I mean, I'm pretty quick to jump on the cheating bandwagon and say, no, God, he's cheating. But I really, this one, especially because she has some cheating experience. It's not her first rodeo.

I'd like to believe that she has some common sense. And if everything else checks out and this is the only weird thing, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not buying it. That's a tough one, I feel, for her. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it either. In order to actually believe him, I would need to, like...

And I hate doing this and I've never ever been one of these people because I've always thought like if I have to reach out to another girl to make me believe who I'm with, I shouldn't be with that person. Like as much as I love them, if I can't trust them wholeheartedly,

it's not right. Right. And so my first like instinct is like, well, she could reach out to, yeah, I thought that too, but no, no, because then that in itself is like, that's unhealthy and a mission of defeat. And I know girls who have done that and it like gets around and not that, not that it matters what people think, but also like you're kind of airing out your dirty laundry. It just makes you look like your relationship is on the rocks. You don't trust him. Exactly. And I mean, you,

kind of you don't in a sense if you're reaching out to other people. You don't. It's true. Yeah. It's true. I mean you can say no I do but but

But there's a but. And the but is that you need more evidence. Yeah. The top comment, he's cheating on you. Sorry. Don't care what kind of crappy explanation he gives you. It's all lies. For someone who is always insistent of coming to your place. Yeah. That's. Oh, he's always insistent. I thought it was just one time. I guess like the past two weeks, he's been super insistent on coming to her place. Okay. Okay. That kind of changes things. Yeah. That kind of changes things.

And then you coming to his. The condom he didn't expect you to see. He's cheating. End of story. What you need to deal with now is if you will forgive him and move on from this or if the wrapper was still wet. Yeah, I think he's cheating. If it was from summer, come on. Wouldn't be wet. Logic. I don't know. Stranger things have happened. But the weird part is that he wouldn't. He wanted to go to her house. That is weird. Yeah. So I had an excellent time.

And to this day, I don't know, but he like randomly one day, like he had like a nice car. And so we were driving somewhere and he typically, we always get in his car to go places. Yeah. And he was like, no, let's take your car or something like that. And I was like kind of shocked. Like, wait, why?

And he was like... What's in his car that he's trying to hide? Right. And he was like, I just smoked in it like last night and it smells like weed. And first of all, I'm like, you don't smoke weed. You do like once in a blue moon. Two... Also, why would that detour us from taking your car? Right. Like I'm not a cop. And third...

last night, like it's probably like aired out. Yeah. So it was just weird on a lot of fronts and I still don't know why that happened. And my dumb ass was like, okay, whatever. But looking back, I'm like, I don't know if like maybe he had a blonde in the car and he had black seats. Oh, and,

So a blonde and a blonde. I'm a shedder too, but like dark hair kind of blends. And if it was dark, you could be like, you dumbass, that's your hair. But a blonde hair, I mean, you're not putting that past me. No, but there's something like about bleach dyed hair. That shit falls out. Cause it breaks. Yeah. It's just, my hair's everywhere. Everywhere. This comment, she says like really kind of trips me up too, because it's starting to make me think

potential sociopath. Yeah. Oh yeah. I get that vibe. Someone was like, Hmm, I don't know what the optimist in me wants to believe. He's telling the truth, especially because he was so level headed in his response and wasn't defensive or angry. And then OP, the original poster goes, yeah, his composure got to me. He wanted to talk this out and make sure I felt understood. I'm not one to accuse or yell or fight with either. So if you could imagine it was very level headed, if it helps,

He sat right in front of me and looked me straight in the eyes and said every single word. He even told me to feel his heartbeat and it felt like a normal resting BPM. Okay. That's weird. You lost me. That's weird. That's weird because first of all, I've encountered high functioning sociopaths. They are cute. They're okay with lying. Yeah. And then second of all, if he's telling the truth...

Your heart would still being like a little pitter patter because you're just nervous because this is an awkward situation no matter how you skin this. Yeah. Like either way, it's high stress because it's like you could be telling the truth, but is she going to believe you? Is she going to believe you? Is this your breakup? You just canceled date night. I get nervous sometimes for like just telling someone a hard truth. Yeah. And it doesn't mean I'm lying. You're just, it's nervous. You're just anxious. It's hard having like tough conversations. Yeah. Or just like. Yeah. That. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That almost kind of makes me think that this person had. Sociopath. Yeah. I mean, you'd be surprised how convincing they could be. Seriously. And. The shit I've had said to my face. And then when I like, I just like, like one of my exes was just like, no, nothing happened. I swear. Like, no,

like everyone's, you know, she's going to reach out to you. I just ran into her at this concert and like nothing happened. She messaged me and was like, really? Yeah. She messaged me on Instagram and I was like, Hey, I just want you to know, like I hooked up with your boyfriend last night. I had no idea he had a girlfriend until like someone else told me. And I like he,

He had like kind of called me to get ahead of it, I think. And it was like, I just want you to know, like, you know, I saw this girl at this concert last night. You're probably going to get like told like blah, blah, blah. But it's not true. What? Okay. All right. Yeah. And he stuck to this for like weeks. And then I finally was like, you know what? I don't believe you. This is your one chance to own up to it. And maybe I'll forgive you and give you another chance. Or we're done. Yeah. And then right then and there, he's like, yeah, she was telling the truth. What?

I'm like, you fucking lied to my face for two weeks. Yeah. Hey, I mean, okay. And he was like, so calm, composed. So that's why I'm like with this, I'm like, yeah. Hey, I've had the same situation and they never told the truth. And I found out through other sources that it did happen, but they stick to their story. I'm like, you have to be

I don't even know what kind of mental state you can be in where there is evidence, there is a witness and you're still sticking to your guns. I just don't even, I just don't think that they think in their mind, they're just like, no, I'm going to be fine. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah. So I got to give him like credit that he even, because he could have not. No, I know. You know, and I guess my dumb ass gave him another chance after that too. You know, people make mistakes. Yeah. Yeah.

Very true. I don't know. I appreciate the honesty. I know it's too little too late and he's still cheated. But even if you have the ability to tell the truth, even if it's two weeks, two months, it shows that you are willing to admit your mistake and grow. Because everyone does make mistakes. And I don't believe one's a cheater, always a cheater. I don't either. I think...

I think that's a really... It's just... It's too cemented. Yeah. And I think, too, if you have cheated in the past, like, and if it was a really, like, you didn't have a good outcome or, like, you wrecked your relationship because of it, I think you are less likely to do it in the future. Like, if you lost something because of cheating. Yeah. I also think... Yeah, that's true. That's true. And then the guys, like him, actually...

You gave him a chance though, right? Yeah. He cheated again. Okay. All right. Well, that makes sense. That's in line. But, but what I was going to say is if you had said, well, fuck you. I know you told me the truth, but I'm still done. I can't get over it. He maybe would have learned his lesson. No. Sometimes. So no, sometimes the opposite has, because what happens is they go off into their next relationship and they cheat again. But this time they never tell the truth because they said, look what happened last time I told the truth.

They broke up with me anyway. So lie. That's bad. Yeah. But back to this condom rapper. So where do we conclude? I definitely... Yeah. I think he's cheating. I feel like save yourself the heartbreak. Something's off. Something's weird. Yeah. Something's weird. Yeah. And like you've been cheated on before. Take the L. Oh. And walk away. This is just not...

Not normal at all. No, something's weird. At all. I think this is a common trend though because just like searching on Reddit like, oh, I found an open condom wrapper. And then like the next story is literally the same thing. I, 29 male, found an open condom wrapper under me and my wife's 26 female bed that I am unaware of.

Brand snob. Yeah.

It's not Trojan. Not Trojan. Extra big. Magnum. Yeah. Magnum. Yeah. Do you confront her? Why do people even say stupid shit like that? Confront her. Yes, of course you confront her. No, go your whole life wondering if your wife is cheating on you and just leave the condom. Like,

What? Yes, you confront her. Yeah. Because you didn't... The only time I really understand that is when you look through someone's phone or email and you invade privacy and then you're like, do I confront them? Because you have to weigh your options. You snooped. Yeah. You were a little bit wrong. And then... But in this case, like you're in your goddamn house. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And you literally, I don't know how you, was it under the bed? Yeah, he found it from like pure happenstance. Yeah, I mean like just saw it under the bed. It doesn't matter. It's your house. I was literally like, she's in the bathroom right now. I would literally pick it up, walk in there and be like,

And I wouldn't say anything. I would just hold it up and just stare. Right. If someone's just staring at you, not saying anything, that's going to make you so uncomfortable that like, she's just going to tell the truth. Yeah. Like she's going to be like, Oh, well also you don't want to give too much detail because you want to see what she'll say. Yeah. Like if you say, Oh, I found this under the bed for all, you know, there's another condom in the house and she could be like, Oh, we were in the kitchen. Okay.

I didn't find this in the kitchen. You know what I mean? Like you don't want to give them any intel that they can use. No, you want to just be blank. You got to go in there. Yeah. You just, but yeah, definitely confront her. Definitely confront her. Yeah. What? So that's like the biggest thing with some of these stories. It's like, just confront them. Like you want to go on wondering if she's cheating on you the rest of your life? I don't understand that. You know what I will say though? This is where it gets toxic.

I was doing so well. I was doing so well at giving non-toxic advice. But what I will say is that what I've found that can be successful if you think someone's cheating on you is you build a case. Yeah. Just see if there's any more evidence that's going to pop up. You take a picture maybe. You keep it. Whatever you need to do. You file that away. You stick a pin in it. And then you look for trends or you find something else. And then you have like a case.

And you go to them because what happens is if you confront too early on something that could be like a weird situation where like,

you don't remember that drunk night you guys dropped the condom and it was the weird brand that night whatever then you kind of look dumb but they could have still been doing something wrong and now they're on guard and now you are like oh shit i fucked up so you're kind of backpedaling but if you build a case and you have enough it's kind of like when the fbi follows people for years like it's almost like a stakeout because it's like okay this is just one rapper but like

Right. And it was a convenient time. Like you just came home from a business trip. You gave her the perfect convenient time. Right. So maybe like plan another little trip for a weekend and just maybe pop in your house unexpected. Oh yeah. Sorry, sweetie. Trip ended early. Hi. Yeah. And that's where people are like, well, you shouldn't have to do that. And it's like, that's true, but you got to look out for yourself. Yeah. No. And I also think like,

have been shown repetitively that people can lie. Yes. Yes. And some people can lie very easily. Um,

And I think it's really hard because like that's your wife and you don't, you know, want to assume the worst of your partner and like think that this person is just cheating on you. But like at the same time, like if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, it's probably a duck. Right. But I guess I will say to add to that, like if this is a complete one off, like your wife has always been nothing but faithful and honest and

has never given you any reason to think that. And then you have this weird situation where like, this isn't definitive. Like there, there are explanations for that. Yeah. That's where you kind of are like noted, but I'm not essentially going to act on this because you know, you don't want to preemptively strike. You just, you gotta like,

Especially something like that. I know. You kind of want to see all the cards. Right. And let everything come out in the wash, so to speak. Exactly. Let it ride. Yeah. You looked at me like I need to strap in for this one. Yeah. Really? Put your seatbelt on. Put my seatbelt on. Put my thinking cap on. Put my cheater glasses on. I'm ready. This one's going to be a wild ride. You can always tell when one of the Reddit posts is going to be...

wild based on the number of awards that it gets from people. Oh, you can get awards on this? You can get awards on Reddit. And so this one has a lot of awards. So you just know it's going to be good. Yeah. Like it got an Emmy for being just a top Reddit thread. It did. Here we go. Am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend's coworker that we're not married? I've

I've been with my boyfriend for about five years. We live together. He does not want to get married, which I'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. My boyfriend was talking to coworker on zoom. When I brought him some coffee, coworker said something like, Oh, so this is the lovely wife I've heard so much about. I said something like, thanks, but we're not married. He said, Oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife.

And then introduced himself. I introduced myself. Then ended the conversation and left as quickly as I could while still being polite because both boyfriend and coworker were giving me a weird vibe. Okay. Okay. Let's keep going. A little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked, what was that? I didn't know what he meant. So I asked what was what? Boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct coworker and that it's better if people think I'm his wife.

I said, I'm not his wife. I'm his girlfriend. And he never told me that he told people that I'm his wife. This somehow becomes an argument with my side being that the boyfriend never told me that his coworkers think we're married and

And boyfriend's side being that I should have figured that being called his wife indicated that coworker thought I was his wife and I shouldn't have corrected him. And when I said, I thought he just made an assumption. Boyfriend said that wasn't the point. The point was there was no need to correct him and that it was rude and that it made my boyfriend look like a dickhead. Fishy, but I've got thoughts and he's being really selfish. Really selfish. So selfish. He wants his cake and wants to eat it. True. Exactly. Like,

The minute that you told the first part, I was like, and she didn't know. It's like, okay, this guy doesn't want to get married, but he knows that that's not traditional. Let's just be real. It's just not. Yeah. It's not traditional path. Why are you telling people? And so it's like- Because he feels awkward and this is why. It's like- Social norms. He wants to avoid a conversation of the coworkers asking, well, why not? And so it's easier for him to say, I'm married. This is my wife. But obviously he doesn't actually want that. And so-

Him getting mad at her is just him projecting his embarrassment. I don't think she's wrong. I think she did the right thing because in her mind, she's thinking he doesn't want to get married. So his coworker thinking we're married is misguided and he would want me to correct her because he doesn't want to get married. Yeah. So I don't think she did anything wrong. No. And I think like in his mind, like, okay, I understand like you might not want to get married. Like it's just...

You don't believe in the traditional values or like, it's just not an interest of yours. Totally fine. Totally fine. But your girlfriend wasn't on the same page. She did want to get married. Exactly. So she's making a sacrifice, a big one, because she seems like she wanted to, to be with you. Right. Right. Great. At least fill her in and just be like, hey babe, if it ever comes up with my boss, I'm

Yes. It just helps me at work, like get out of things I don't want to do or blah, blah, blah. Like whatever the reason is, just be on the same page. Have that conversation with her. I completely agree. It's like, it's not like they colluded and he was like,

Oh, if anyone ever asks from my workplace for purposes of saving face, we are married. You're my wife. Wink, wink. Yeah. Yeah. But he didn't clue her in. I hate when people do that. When they lie and then they expect you to catch on to the lie. How the hell are you going to know? That's not okay to me. Are you telepathic? No. Yeah. Right? I can't fucking read your mind. No. And I shouldn't have to. One. No. That pisses me off because...

If he doesn't want to get married, that's totally fine. And clearly your girlfriend slash... Wife. Not wife for purposes of your blog. Air quotes wife. Yeah.

accepts that and made a sacrifice to make that work for you, but you don't get to call her your wife behind her back to save face with your boss. It's the have your cake and eat it too. It's just not fair. No, she's not wrong at all and he's actually being a dick. I would throw it right back. I'd be like, excuse me, am I a mind reader now? I didn't know that you were lying about us being married and that I was supposed to catch that lie, especially when it's like,

So candid. Like you're just bringing him. She was on the spot. Yeah. She was on the spot. And okay. Yeah. Some could argue what she could have just stayed quiet, but haha. Yeah. Like awkwardly laugh it off. Yeah. I mean, that's, I have been called like Brett's wife like before, or like Mrs. Lockett, like when we go to hotels, you know?

And I'm not going to be like, no, we're not married, you know? Yeah. Because for what? But if it's like my boss and my boss was like, what did you and your husband do this weekend? You'd correct her. I'd be like, oh, he's my boyfriend. Yeah. Whatever he is. I feel like for, you don't correct people if it's like really like insignificant. Yeah. Like a hotel check-in. Right. It's like, you're not going to see these people again. I'm not going to see her. Like, I'm not, it's going to be more embarrassing for both of us if I correct her. Exactly. It's just not worth it. Right. Right. But this guy doubles down. Oh, he doubles down. Oh God. Okay. Okay.

What's up? He then said the solution to this, that when he next has a video call with coworker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation and say that I was messing with him and that my boyfriend is actually my husband and us not being married is an inside joke. I thought coworker was in on. Fuck no. Sorry. I can't even let you finish. Why is he lying? Now I'm mad. Why is he lying? Now I'm ignited. Something's wrong here. Something's fucking weird. Take your L.

Go to your boss and be like, I mean, God, it's not even his boss. It's his co-worker. Whoever the fuck she is. You just say, Hey, you know, by the way, the other day when so-and-so said she's not my wife, I just to make things easier. We say we're married because we basically are without the legal ties. And that's on you. We're, we're, we act like we're married, but we're not. So like, sorry about that. Whatever. You fucking clean up the mess that you create. Exactly. Don't know. She is totally like, she's out of it. Free of this obligation. This is not on her.

This is your lie. And now you're making her not only are you like making her feel bad now you're actually making her become like an accessory to your like narrative. She's an accomplice. Yeah. Now you want her to go out like now you're asking her to lie. Well and it's

And it's like, why? Why? For what? Like, does your boss only employ married people? Like, what is the catch here? There's something that's a bigger issue going on. Is there more here? Yeah. Okay. She does give an update to this one, actually. I want to hear because this seems like there's a bigger play here. I then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with. Thank God. And quote, no fucking way am I doing that. Yes. Stick to your guns. Yes, bitch. Yes. And he said I was being an asshole. Yes.

That I got him into this and now I have to bail him out. Okay. First of all, you got yourself into this when you lied to your coworker without telling me that we were in on a fake marriage. Yeah.

You clean up your own mess. He dug his own hole. Like at this point it's, it's up to no one but him. And like, it would be so much easier. Like the coworker probably didn't even think twice about this. The coworker was probably like, Oh, she was awkward. Like whatever. That's true. And also I guess it's like, this is so non-material to your job. Like, is this going to affect your work performance? Is this going to affect your salary, your bonus? You're like, no, probably not. So why does it matter?

technically this is your personal life and your employer actually has no business meddling in your personal life. Yeah. If you want to share that school, you don't need to go out of your way to create this extravagant narrative. No. That you're married for what? Yeah. It makes no sense. That bothers me. I would react just the way she did. I'd be like, no, you decided to play family. That's on you, buddy. And also like, I'm going to fucking double down. If you want to create, you want to save this mess,

You go, you find, buy me a fucking five carat ring. You put it on my finger and we'll really play house. We'll really play wife and husband. I like that. Right? Like, you know, the way to clean up this mess is now you really have to marry. Let's just go get married. Problem solved. Let's go to Vegas. Yeah. It's right next door. Let's go. You want to play these games? Let's just do it. So the top comment is not the asshole. This is so shady and it feels like there's a lot more going on. Yes. If you're not married and he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife.

Bingo. Yeah. I've seen a lot lately too, like just all across social media, TikTok, like whatever it is, but like I've seen a lot where people are like, boyfriends don't get wife privileges. Facts. Facts. Like that's not how it works. No. Like you shouldn't be doing your boyfriend's laundry. Yeah.

Like you shouldn't be cooking all of his meals, cleaning his house. If he's not going to wipe you up, he doesn't deserve wife privileges. Like I've just seen that. No, it is very, very, very, very. Cause otherwise where's the incentive?

Okay. Well, I got to push back on that one because I don't think you need to like, if I have to incentivize a man to marry me, then I don't want to marry that. No, absolutely not. So it's not like, oh God, you know, let me string this out so you can really like cash in. You're already a team at this. You're already a team. I like for me, like speaking personally, I do like do laundry sometimes. I do do things like that, like cook.

But it's because I want to. Yeah. And also like we can get into gender roles and I know it's 2021 and the woman does not belong in the kitchen and the men can do laundry and they should. But, you know, if that comes natural to you, there are some women who just have like these mom traits to them and they just naturally... Oh, they enjoy doing it. They want to be like a caretaker and they want to do laundry and they want to cook. Then have at it. And I don't think it's like, oh, you're giving that you're giving in too soon. Yeah.

you know? And I think like, I mean, it's, it's something I've seen. And like, I look at, like I joked with my boyfriend and I was like, I'm not, I'm not cooking for you anymore. Ha ha ha. Like I showed him the, you get ravioli out of a can. Maybe I'll microwave it for you. He would just be like, well, you're not getting anything. Like we'll each cook our own separate days, but yeah, that's just getting petty, you know? It is. And it's like, okay, like you want to like,

be a team with this person, a partner. Like, yeah, you might not be married. Maybe it's not a good time. Like I want a certain wedding, a certain ring, blah, blah, blah. It's not the right time. Like whatever that may be. But at the same time, it's like,

What do you... Like, you expect him to just pay for every meal? You expect him to just cook every meal for you? Like, you're supposed to be a team and a partnership. And, like, it's no, like, skin off your back to just, like, do that. Unless it is. And if it is, if it is skin off your back, if you do feel like you're overextending for a man that really does deserve cold ravioli, then...

Not the right one. You're probably not in the right relationship. Exactly. Or you need to have a conversation and say, hey, I'm not your maid. I'm not your mother. I love you, but you've got to like, maybe you've gotten a little too comfortable with me like doing things like this to you. Set some boundaries. Set some boundaries. And I think it should be 50-50. Like if you're going to trade off and do his laundry, then he should help you in some way. Yeah, like for Brett, like my boyfriend Brett, I...

definitely have done things like that, like do laundry or, you know, clean up. But it comes back around. Like he won't let me pump my own gas. He will not let me like, he opens my door. Like he does things like that. And like I could go on and on and on. It's a trade off. Like carries up my groceries, like things like that. And I know that's playing into these gender roles. Like why is he carrying your groceries? You can open your own door. Yeah.

It feels nice to not carry a 50 pound Trader Joe's bag. Yes. They pack those bitches. Let them do the heavy lifting. Okay. Like maybe I'm strong and I know I can lift it. I know I can, but I don't want to. No. It's like play smarter, ladies. Not harder. God damn it. I know. I agree. So the other comment is super...

Like, interesting and really, like, peculiar. Okay. So it goes, I wonder if he's lying to take advantage of this discriminatory information that shows that married men make more money than single ones. Do they? He added a link in this comment of his. Stop fucking around. That links to a fucking, like, MLA source. Mm-hmm. So...

I think he's definitely on to something, which I could see. Like married men, I've heard something where married men get promotion over single men. Really? Because they showed they're less bachelor-like. They're committed. They're tied down. But the bachelor's not going to say, I need to leave today at 6 o'clock to catch little Tommy's soccer game.

The bachelor is going to like drink whiskey in his office until he passes out and work till midnight because he can. You know what I mean? Like I see the opposite happening. Like I feel like, okay, I work in law. So obviously I work with a lot of lawyers and you know, for the most part they are married, but the ones that aren't, the young ones grind, the young ones grind. They're like Wall Street bros. They don't have a family to go home to. Exactly. They don't have anything to go home to. And sometimes that's kind of sad, but no, they have nothing to lose. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, because a lot of the times at that young point where you're just like, well,

let's go. Let's fucking ride. Like grinding out these textbooks. But I don't know. I could see, but what I, my first reaction when you said married people like get promoted or raises or whatever, my reaction was, um,

Because the employer's like, oh, he's got a family to feed. He's got mouths to feed. Like more of a sympathetic reason. Like, oh, he's got to put food on the table. He's got to keep a roof over little Tommy's head. He's got to pay for fucking private school. Those soccer lessons. Yes. So that's my thought is like they're kind of coming at it from like, oh, you're a family man, you know? Yeah. But I don't know. I'd be curious to see what the MLA source has to say. I know. We're going to have to do some further research. Yeah, some di-

deep dives or whatever. So OP does give an update. Okay. Update. We talked. He's fucking a female co-worker. Okay. Honestly, I didn't want to use my own experiences and dig in here. I didn't want to do that. I don't want to go there. But speaking from fucking experience on this one, I was lit. My first, I swear, I wish I said it. Your spidey senses went off. My spidey senses were like, what if he's fucking her or she's trying to fuck him? And I was like,

I don't know why my mind went here, but my mind was like, maybe he's more attractive to her because he's married. Like some women literally love the men who like are taken, who are married. It's so fucking weird. There's this group of women who like truly thrive off of taken men. And my first thought was like, what if she's a fucking weirdo? Who's just like,

She's like attracted to him because he's married and he needs to keep up this facade. The other coworker that he's fucking. And she just blew it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Like I've, I mean, I think it's like something like I've seen a lot of this with like the professional athlete circle where like we live in LA, we encounter like a lot of people and even living in Minnesota, like we have a lot of professional sports teams there. So I would have friends. Go gophers. Yeah. Go gophers. Yeah.

But like I would have friends that like played for the wild or, um, I had mutual friends that played for the Vikings and like there was something like the guys that were married would still go out with their buddies on the team that were single. Yeah. And,

And there was something about those ones where the girls at the club, granted, okay, their rationale might be like, well, he's at a club. If he was happy at home, why is he here? Like, blah, blah, blah. As if you can't have both. Yeah, you can be married and still go to the club and have fun with your friends. For sure. I hope so. Jesus, otherwise I don't want it. Exactly. Like, don't propose, Justin, if I can't go to the club. For real, if you're listening. I want to go to the club. I love the club. But you would see those people get like...

Bombarded all night. And like even in LA when we go out with like the people here. Yeah. Like the hockey guys that were engaged or married. Oh yeah. Which was like fucking 99.9% of them. I swear they were like all married. Yeah. But they were good ladies if you're listening. They were pretty well behaved. Maybe not.

maybe not for the most part 95% of them for the most part yeah but there were some scummy ones but yeah but but not I've seen worse no I have too and so it's just like one of those things where it's like these people would like and one they're professional athlete right so it's like that drop but like there was something like you had the young rookies and all the single guys standing standing at the back of like the like the bottle service booth like where you like

all gather to get your bottle service bottle. Yeah. And the young ones would just be standing around like looking awkward as fuck. Oh my God. Yeah. Not talking to anyone. And you'd have like the senior guys like swing dancing and just like going nuts with their friends. And yet, well, maybe the girls went to them because they were having more fun. I think that's exactly what you're illustrating here. They also have the most money. Typically they do. They've got the higher salaries and the higher contracts. I don't know.

I don't know. I do agree with that though. But like... They just got bombarded to a point where it was like, you know he's married. Yeah. It's common knowledge at this point. Like if Patrick Mahomes went out... Yeah. It would be like people just like going after him. Right. Well, first of all, the man's worth half a billion dollars. And that just like ignites stars in women's eyes. But second of all... Some men's eyes too. Some men's eyes. Right. Thank you for that. He is obviously engaged. Yeah.

He has a baby girl. I know. Fresh baby girl. Such a cutie. And that's great. That's fine. That's dandy. But I swear, no matter, it sucks. Like if he went out, oh my God, girls would be flocking.

to him. Why? Because he's a professional athlete. He's high profile and he's worth a lot of money. But anyway, I want to know why him being married contributed to his affair, his work affair. So her update is short and brief. Apparently he's fucking a coworker.

apparently I can't leave my wife for you sounds better than quote. I can't leave my girlfriend for you. Oh, okay. So I was like kind of on the right track. You were like marriage made it more appealing. And it's just like a better excuse. Like if he's done with this girl, now that he's had his little affair and he's, you know, over her, right? Like now it's like, well, you know, I'm married.

It's like, it's more of an excuse. Like, like kind of like she said, like it's harder to go through a divorce and leave your wife versus like, oh, it's just your girlfriend. Break up and be with me. Yeah. True. So he clearly doesn't want to be with the coworker because if he did, he didn't, he doesn't need an excuse. Yeah. Right. Like, like,

I don't know. Maybe the coworker gave him an ultimatum and was like, you need to like, you need to tell your girlfriend about us. And maybe he's like, it's not my girlfriend. It's my wife. I can't, I can't leave my wife for you. Like I double down and be like, Oh, well now I'm really fucking telling your wife.

He not only had the audacity to fucking cheat on you, but he had the audacity to create a narrative about you that wasn't real. And when you shattered that, he had even the bigger balls to come to you and say, now I need you to help me repair this narrative so that I can continue to cheat on you. That's the thing. Are you fucking kidding me? If she would have gone with his lie. Yeah. Yeah.

He would have been enabling. Would he have continued his affair? Maybe, but the fact, what would piss me off, and I'm actually getting heated just thinking about it, is that he made her an accessory to his infidelity. Yeah. That's fucked up and nope. You don't even, the facts don't matter anymore. I mean, the facts matter. Everything else is like static noise.

You have to focus on the fact that he actually did all these things and that's enough for you to have to walk away. Yeah. She goes on to say, so now he's going to have to tell people we've divorced. I don't even know how, but good for her. Idiot. She done. Yeah. But yeah, like love that for her. What the hell? Like it's fucked up. See, I like, I want, I kind of saw it in the beginning. I was like, Hmm, there's some cheating. Yeah.

I don't know how, but somewhere. Yeah. And now it makes sense. Something's off here. Yeah. I think like at the end of the day, like it's really interesting because this has come up like in a couple of the stories I've seen and just like people talking. But there's a saying where like everyone thinks about cheating, but it's whether you act on it or not. And, you know, I've talked to Justin about this because we like read it together and he's like, no, like I don't, like I don't think about that at all. But I'm like,

I think a lot of people do. And I think there is something to be said like, okay, it's more about your actions. But I think there's a difference between like thinking about cheating all the time and like just

just having eyes and like recognizing other people's attraction levels. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Brett and I have talked about this. Yeah. He's like, you're psychotic if you think that I just go through life and don't recognize attractive women. No. Like you have to be like... He has eyes. He's human. Yes. Exactly. It's normal. Right. But it's like, okay, are you thinking about...

hooking up with that person when you look at them. That's where there's a, there's like a boundary. Yeah. So it's interesting. But like, I think in this case, it's like, he definitely wasn't even just thinking about it. He was cheating. He was doing it. And so it's like, if you're actively cheating on your partner and it's like not a one-time thing, like, Ooh,

oops, one time. Okay, maybe it's forgivable, but like it's multiple times. And not just that, he created this fake story and then got pissed when you blew it. Think about why he was really mad. He wasn't mad because now the world thinks that he is not actually married. He's mad because now- You blew his story. You blew his story to his mistress. I fucking hate that. When a man puts like a mistress needs and wants above yours. Yeah. Like you've, oh God, I'm glad she loved him because that's just fucked up. And like he's selfish as fuck.

And I mean, it's sex because as a woman in that situation, you could rationalize it and be like, well, yeah, he cheated, but he clearly didn't like this girl that much because he had to create a story on why he couldn't be with her. And that's where you're like, it's toxic and it's easy to buy into if you really want to. So I'm glad that she was like, no, fuck you. He's going to have to tell people we've divorced. Right. I love that.

Yeah, I love that for her. Moving along. Not the one. Okay. Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes.

Gillette razors, Metamucil, Crest toothpaste, secret body spray, and a Swiffer power mop. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details. My 26 male girlfriend, 25 female, had cheated with my best friend, 27 male.

Okay. His wife, 25 female, wants to date me now. Little switcheroo. Okay. All right. Come mingling. We see you. All right. So I found out last week she was cheating on me with my best friend. Fuckers, first of all. Yeah.

Oh, bad. All bad. When she forgot to sign out of her Facebook and a message from my best friend said, I love you. Oh, I would literally throw up on my keyboard. I'd be so fucking mad. That hurts so hard because you lose your loved one and you lose your best friend. Yeah, that is like the double dagger. That is just like the worst case scenario you could ever encounter. Truly the worst. My heart goes out to that. And personally, I would rather...

I don't know, guys or girls, they come and go. Your friends... That's your ride and die. Those are your ride and die. It's like your friends, like there's that joke where it's like my girlfriend said to my boyfriend, like, you may not be in her wedding, but I fucking will. And it's like, because guys come and go. Like they may not be the one, even though you think they are, but your friends are going to be the ones who stand next to you on your wedding day. Or if you don't have a wedding, they stand next to you through it all. That and the fact like it is hard.

to like make good friends. Like I've had a lot of, especially in Los Angeles. Definitely. And so it's like, even like Minnesota, LA, like yeah, anywhere. Like you, you've kind of gone through like a recent adjustment in your friend group. Oh yeah. Yeah. Very recent. So I think my heart's in this one. Yeah. And like, I had a friend in Minnesota that just like was like,

Just so hurtful to me. And like as hard as it was, like cutting that toxic person out was like necessary. Like she kind of did the,

opposite of this, she would message my boyfriend at the time and tell him that I was cheating on him when I wasn't. She was literally trying to cause a breakup because she wanted a fun single friend. Like, just stir the pot. Yeah. Like, oh my god, really? That was the motivation? Either that or she wanted to fuck him. I was thinking she wanted to fuck him. She told me multiple times, like, oh... I just wanted you to be single. First of all, any of you bitches do that to me, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. Yeah, so I just, like...

I don't fuck with like friends. No. Fucking with your boyfriend. Like, or your partner. Like, it's just... It's so bad. There's a big fucking pond out there. Right. Find another fish. There are quite literally billions of people on this planet. Millions in each state. Yeah. And no matter where you are, like, fucking do better. Like, why would you... I mean, you shouldn't cheat, period. But like, if you're gonna fucking cheat...

don't do it across the pond. Like go, go get creative. Like the coworker too. Like why do people, there has to be some type of psychological. It's convenient. It's convenience. And I also think there's, it's proximity. Like I think naturally we're wired to be attracted to people that we like have a degree of connection with. So like,

I have a cousin who's a guy and a lot of my friends have kissed him at one point or another. Quite a few. Quite a few. And he's a great guy. I love my cousin. He's awesome. Who wouldn't like him? But he's not... There's so many other guys out there. There's so many other guys out there. And a lot of the times, I think... Not a lot of times. Not to discredit his game. I'm sure he's got game. I wouldn't fucking know. He's my cousin. No, but why? Why make it messy? But I think it's because people meet... Yeah, right? I think they meet him and they're like, oh...

you know, he feels close to home because he's like related to one of my best friends. Right. And I think there's this relatability where people are like naturally attracted to people that they share a connection with or like a mutual people person with. So with like, it's just like in this case to come to bring it back to this story, my first thought was these people are connecting over their grief.

Because they've both been cheated on, right? Yeah. They've both been cheated on and it's like misery loves company. So like, you know. I think it's really confusing because it's like OP is the guy whose girlfriend cheated on him with the best friend. Right. And now the best friend's wife is coming to him. It's like this intertangled web. But... What is his question? Is it wrong? No. So...

He basically goes to say like from the, I love you. I opened a thread and it was them talking about dates behind my back.

She admitted it after I confronted her and since Bob wasn't going to tell his wife, I told her. Damn. Long story short, we broke up and the best friend's wife moved out. Yesterday though, his former wife called me and said she wanted to sleep with me and wanted to get back into dating. I'm concerned. She has not grieved properly and neither have I. What do I do? Yeah, this was a week ago. Take a step back. Immediately, no.

No, she's trying to get revenge. Yeah, this is a Blac Chyna move. She's revenging. Yeah. She's avenging. Blac Chyna. This is a Blac Chyna where like Blac Chyna said, fuck you for cheating on me with Kylie Jenner. I'm gonna go fuck your brother. Yeah, I'm gonna be permanently tied to your family. I'm permanently in. I'm in. And then they have a child and that's a whole nother story. But in this case, she's so clearly like...

Hurting. Hurting. This is purely to get back at her husband. Yeah, it's a reverse. Like, who could hurt him the most? Like, her husband or former husband. Like, who could I sleep with that would really, like, kick him while he's down, right? And it would be his best friend. I mean, it doesn't get any better than that unless he has a brother or his dad. But, like, you know, that's some savage shit. It is. And...

No, I'm sorry. She didn't just wake up and say, God damn it. You know, I've just always wanted to sleep with you. Well, especially a week after. Yeah, no, no, no. A week after. Like, it wasn't... Because he was just dating his girlfriend. Right, right. And she was just fucking married full on. And she was married. Probably still is, right? Because they're not divorced if it was a week ago. Yeah, oh my God. How fast can you get a lawyer and get a paper signed? Not in a week. No, no. Like, it takes sometimes years. Absolutely. So it's like, this is purely just like to get back at him, which I...

If that's what it takes for you to get closure, I support it. But at the same time, this guy's going through it. Don't put him through it unless he's down. But by him writing this post, I'm going to take that he's not on board. He's conflicted because he wrote this post and...

I don't know. I understand you need to get... I'm not down for revenge. I think that's where I'm like, I lost her because I'm down for coping. If you have to go fuck someone else to cope, be my guest, have at it. But I've never understood the revenge thing. Like I've never been a revengeful person. In most cases, like I think about...

I think my biggest thing, and me and Lauren talk about it a lot, is I had an ex that we dated for almost three years. It was two and a half, a little over, almost three years. It felt like forever. And he broke up with me in a text message. Oh my God, I didn't even know. And I...

And I did not even reply. I know. So fucking badass. And so it's like... Like that's when I knew. I was like, I fuck with you heavy. And so like for me, I'm not a revenge either. No, you're not. Because I'm like, I just want to be done. Like get this person as far away from me as possible. 100%. I'm a firm believer in...

that no response is a response. Oh, no response is sometimes way better than a response. It's loud. It can be really loud. It eats people apart. And you know what? It's like...

For me, that is my method of coping sometimes. I can think of a few times I've done that where I... And people are like, you need closure. No, I don't. That is my closure. I don't think this person deserves a response. No, they don't. They don't. And to formulate a response takes energy and not responding isn't an asshole move to me. I know sometimes it can be that way, but...

For me, it's like, this is me hanging up my armor. This is me not waving a white flag, but like, this is me saying I've had enough and I don't need to engage in this anymore because where energy goes, your focus flows. So like, wow. Yeah. And I'd rather just not even feed it. It's like, I'd rather just, it's like, there's a, like, I'd rather starve the fire. Yeah. And I mean, like, I think your energy point is like,

so true because it's like why waste more energy on a person that did not care about you, did not care about your feelings. There was complete lack of respect. So it's like just...

For what? For, yeah. And I do, I will say to that point, like I do, this is why I'm not revengeful is because I, I try to be the bigger person, you know? And I, like I've been cheated on. I've been hurt. I've been betrayed by friends. I've, you know, had all those situations, but I try not to go low because at the end of the day, like you can cut that person out. You can never talk to them again, but you have to look at yourself in the mirror and you have to sleep with yourself every night. And

For me, I would rather go to bed every night knowing I did my best and I didn't sink down to their level. Like this girl to relate it back. Like, okay, you're hurt. And now for some reason you're out for blood and you want revenge. You sleep with his best friend. You're no better than him. Well, and it's like that might make you feel good briefly. I don't even know if it will. But at the end of the day, like...

Now, now what you get an eye for an eye? Like, are you going to go rehab your marriage now because you feel like you got even? I don't think so. You're doing more damage. Like in a, in, in maybe some world, you guys work out your differences and you rehab the cheating and you get back together. You're just making it worse because now you're sleeping with his friends. So like now both of you have to like get over something. Right. So like, why just not be, why not just be a good person and just walk away and say like, I've gotten fucked over. Yeah.

fucked over. And never once have I been like, I'm going to fuck over the person back ever. It's just not because why? Like, it's just energy that you're, it's just not worth it. It's not worth it. Just the best thing you can do is move on and never look back. I think, um, like as you were talking, had this like flashback to one of the times I was like a little immature, but we've all been there. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, like this was, this was after it

It was after my three-year-long relationship. And it was after like... I'm trying to think of the timeline. But it was after the long relationship. And I was living in Minnesota. And I was dating this guy that was like a mutual friend of my friends. And we were never like official. But we had talked and hung out continuously for a year. This friend? Or this guy that you were dating? This guy I was seeing. So we had hung out for like a year. And his like...

Dad owned this restaurant in Minnesota. Minnesota is like... Small fucking world. So small. It's so funny. Like all you have to say is like one...

thing and I know exactly who you're talking about the identifying factor I love it yeah and like it's the nicest it's like one of the nicest restaurants yeah oh I fucking love that place I'm sorry yeah I love it have you been there recently Cove yeah it's fantastic I absolutely love it so like he was so sweet like I would be having a bad day and I'm like hey you know I'm just feeling really blue today not feeling great like whatever and he would literally show up with like a

like industrial size bucket of soup from his restaurant, like ginger ale, which is like my go-to drink when I'm ill. And like, just on a normal day, like he was so thoughtful. And like this stuff went on for a year. We literally had plans to go out on his boat like the next day. And so I texted him one night and I was like, Hey, you know, good night. I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow. He's like, okay, sounds good. Like can't wait. Yeah. Text him the next day for the boat.

ghosted. Absolutely ghosted after a year. Turns out he wanted one of his servers from his restaurant to come on the boat. Like, because he was the manager of his family's restaurant. And I'm like, okay. How'd you find that out? My friend that was mutual friends with him. Who was on the boat? On the boat. Oh, you didn't tell. Yeah. And he actually dated this girl after. And so...

Like totally fine. Yeah. But I was so pissed because I'm like, really? Like at least give me the decency to just like tell me that you've met someone that you click with more. Like that's not going to hurt me. Like what hurts me is like the ghosting. Like just be open, upfront and honest.

And so like me and a couple of friends one night, like, Oh yeah. Took a fucking carton of eggs. It was like me and Whitney. Oh my God. I remember this. Yeah. Alejandro is like one of her best friends since grade school. Literally like 15 years. Yeah. And so I mean, Whitney used to TP the shit out of people too. Like that's literally on brand. Yeah. She was well equipped for this task. Well fucking quick. And he had like this corner apartment and we were like, it was like scoped out in the grass. Like,

on our stomachs, like crawling up. It was like me, Whitney. And I think Noel, I was going to say, I didn't want to incriminate her, but I feel like she would. Yeah. Yeah. It was Noel too. Those are like the two, like those bitches will do anything for you. They will ride for you. Fucking friends. Yeah, I know. Great friends. And so we're like crawling and you could see him like in this little glass apartment and you saw him like, and the girl was there too. Oh my God. Yeah. And you saw him and the girl, uh,

literally like walking with the fireplace on going to sit and like watch a movie and we just take eggs. Does that make you kind of nauseous though? Are we so adrenaline? Oh, I was so pissed. But you weren't like sad. Like I, I never want to see someone that I'm like talking to or dating with another girl. I was more mad. I, I mean, I think like,

God, I've had shitty boyfriends. No, I have too. I'm like, I was mad at that moment, but I have felt that where like one of my other exes, the one that has the secret baby, he started dating the second time he cheated on me. He started dating that girl. And so I had to deal with her like coming down to the cities and always running into them together. And it was like the most like uncomfortable, gross situation. And like,

like that made me sad but in this moment i'm like fuck no i'm tom cruise mission impossible throw our eggs for sure i was ready to all to end it all yeah i honestly i don't think one of the eggs even hit the window what i'm fucking pissed now i have to i've got a bone to pick with winnie and noelle none of your eggs landed we had some weak arms i'm pissed but it was a thought that counts sure

I thought that counts, but... You could have done more damage. Yeah. No, that's actually funny speaking of which. Like, one of my exes who cheated. One of them. But this is the most notorious one. Oh, God. This is the one that just... The true sociopath. Yes. Sociopath through motherfucking through. Still lives in Minnesota, poisoning the lakes. So he... Oh, my God. That's probably the greatest thing anyone has ever said on this podcast. I know.

wreaking havoc on Lake Superior. Oh my God. No, for real though. He for sure is. And... Yeah, still being problematic. Still being fucking so problematic. I mean, thank God I don't like keep up with him. So I actually really don't know what he's up to these days, but probably ruining someone's life in some capacity. Most definitely. Most definitely. And so he...

Fucker. Just thinking about him. And funny, it's like I've moved on. Completely. I don't harbor that. You know. I don't harbor this like ill will and I wake up and choose violence and like think like how can I fuck him today? But it's like when I talk about him, I'm like, God damn it. Because it brings you back.

When I say it out loud, I'm like, Jesus Christ, why did I ever put up with that? Right. Yeah. No. And I mean, looking back, yeah, it's the exact same thing. It's like, why did I put myself through that? Yeah. That person was not worth it. No. But in the moment you're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so sad. So I obviously moved out to LA from Minnesota for college and...

So when I was in Minnesota, so I was dating him when I was in Minnesota and he lived in California. Okay. He was in San Diego and we were dating long distance, which actually worked. I actually didn't mind long distance, but you know, when you're dating long distance and they're a sociopath cheating, then there's issues. But, um, it's like the perfect opportunity for him. It's a formula. It makes it easy. And that's why, right? Like at the time you're like, Oh my God, he just loves me so much that he wants to date me across the country. No, no,

No. No. It makes his life easier. It benefits him in some way. He can cheat tenfold when you're like, that is the way. Anyway, moved out to LA for college. I went to Los Angeles. He was in San Diego, but there's this girl that he had been one, one of the girls he'd been cheating on me with, which I didn't know at the time. She's a Minnesota native as well.

So I move out to LA. We date for like a little bit and then we ended up breaking up. So I start my new life in Los Angeles and I go to Loyola Marymount where I went to college. Right. So Loyola Marymount is a school here in LA. It's private. It's small. Right. It's like the St. Thomas of LA. Yeah. I say that to say that there's not a lot of people, let alone Minnesota transplants. So I'm like thinking I'm the only one.

No, wrong. So there's another Minnesota transplant that year. Oh God. And it's none other than the girl he was cheating on me with. Oh my God. So he like, you just couldn't escape him. No, I couldn't escape him. I go to college. I think I'm moving to LA, like no mutual friends, no mutual contacts. And then of course this girl of all schools, she couldn't go to UCLA. She couldn't go to USC. What are the chances? She goes to Loyola.

And so the, one of my first weeks on campus, she comes up to me, I'm sitting there on campus, minding my goddamn business. She comes up to me and she has the audacity to say, so I'm sure you know who I am.

Whoa. Yes. Not even a like, hey, I'm sorry. Like we both got fucked by this guy. And we didn't both get fucked for the record. I knew. She knew. So she, so then get this though. This is where I'm going to circle back to where you build the case. Right? So I am like a pretty nice person. So I'm like, okay.

Okay. Yeah. Hi, what's up? So we started talking, but at this point I don't actually know he had cheated yet. I just know she exists. I just know she's his friend. Fuck. Yes. So in my mind. She threw him under the bus. She was on my radar. Right. She was on my like little spidey senses. I had some feelings about her because she was just a little bit too around, but I didn't actually know. So then she comes up to me very informally, introduced herself. And then we actually start hanging out.

Because I'd been broken up with him and we're just like, we're both from Minnesota. Small world. You always flock with Minnesotans here in LA. Well, and like Minnesota people are just really easy to get along with. Like despite you guys having that, like, ugh.

tumultuous history. Like I'm sure she was still like one of like your people, like Minnesota people have a certain vibe. I think so too. Yeah. And I, but you know, like at the time she knew like, Oh, I was hooking up with him when you were dating him, but I didn't know that. And I think part of her, it's kind of going back to misery loves company. I think part of her like felt closer to him through me in a weird fucked up way. So then I'll spread the details. We start hanging out. We become like,

And we are hanging out here in LA. There's comfort in knowing that there's another Minnesotan. And then she gets drunk one night.

She gets really drunk one night and I'm like, I don't let myself really get like that, you know? So she's really drunk and she just starts fucking spilling the tea. She just starts telling me in detail about how she was fucking my boyfriend. Were you still together or did you already break up? We had broken up. But he was still trying. Yeah. We were like talking, but we were broken up. And she starts telling me like, oh yeah, like that one morning where like,

You left and I came over right after? Yes. Like, oh, that Valentine's Day? Like, oh yeah, I was in his bed. I'm like...

Bitch. Bitch. Because not only are you okay, you're spilling the tea. But you've been trying to be friends with me. Yes. You've been weirdo. You've been trying to be friends with me one and two. She was jealous of you. You knew. She was literally trying to just embed herself in your life. It's so weird. And like you knew. So you're admitting to me that you knew he had a girlfriend the whole time because you're admitting that you knew I was a thing. Yeah.

And you still did these things like... Terrible. It's so weird. It's so terrible. That's probably one of the weirder situations I have where it's like, I don't know why this person wanted to like befriend me and wanted to like... And granted, like to this day, I don't really have beef with her. Like...

it's not worth it for you. No, I think she can say the same about me. And I'm kind of like, I more so feel bad for you because at the end of the day, you're the girl that he thought he could fuck with on the side. Like I'm the girl he brought around his friends and his family and to his fucking concerts and all that shit. And like, you were kind of like on the sidelines. And that's the thing. Like, I think being a side chick, it's like,

Yeah, I've never been one. So I don't know that I know. No, I haven't either. I've always been the girlfriend. Same. I have one experience in college where it's like I potentially was walking a slippery slope with that. But I've always been the girlfriend where I've been cheated on. I love that for us. And I think if you're...

a side chick on accident, right. That's a different story. But if you know that they're like dating someone and you're truly going to be a side chick, it's like, don't you like want more like for yourself? Like I want to be spoiled in a relationship. I want like, I want the whole shebang. Right. I want dates. I want dinners. And like, maybe you're getting that as a side chick, but it's like, you're not getting all of that. Like you're getting fucking Chipotle dates. If you're lucky, I'm getting Mastro's.

You're not the same baby girl. You're not the same. Like I've never been a bench player like that. Like I've been the star fucking player. I'm the fucking LeBron James. I'm the Patrick Mahomes.

I don't even know who a bench player is, but at best you're that. Like, you know what I mean? It's like your second, third, fourth fucking string. Yeah. Don't you, like you said, don't you respect yourself enough to be like, yeah, I don't deserve this. And like, it's funny, they hold out for hope and I can't speak because I've never been one, but I'm assuming that they hold out for hope. I've had two guys. Yeah. I could, I could see that. Yeah. Like I, especially if like he's, you know, in,

And I don't think like anyone that could be the love of your life would ever put you in that situation. I think if you, if you met someone and like,

you guys were meant to be he would break up with whoever he's with and then go to you right he wouldn't put you in that position to be the side chick so it's like yes i can see how you would be like oh well i love him and he loves me you know he's gonna break up with her it's just it's not a good time so i've been in two situations where there's been a sidekick side kick that's basically what you are you're fucking wrong you're the sidekick in your relationship they were sidekicks because they helped them cover it up so they damn near were sidekicks but they were side chicks

Two relationships. And in both, those girls, women, whatever, were around before me. So I'm like, I am not the problem, sweetheart. Oh my God. If he knew you before, I even was a thought in his little head. And he had every chance to fuck you, date you, whatever. And he still chose to bench you. Yeah. And I come along, you know, knowing nothing.

And then they wife me up and they leave you on the sideline. I am not the problem. It's, and I don't want to say you're the problem because I'm never going to shame a woman like that. You're just getting roped in and nothing like he doesn't see you as a main chick. You're always going to be side chick to him. And yeah,

You just got to move on. Yeah. That's a self-respect. It's not worth it. Like you just are you like as a side chick, you deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship too. Like why are you putting yourself through that emotional turmoil? Right. Right. Um, this girl, unfortunately it was a side chicken. Didn't know. Oh my God. Uh,

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on personal care items at your local store. Now through August 27th, get extra discounts when you purchase participating items like Dove Beauty Bar, Dove Body Wash, Dove Men Plus Care Body Wash or deodorant, Dove Shampoo, Trace-A-May Shampoo and Axe Body Spray. The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary.

Visit Safeway.com for more details. The title says, I just found out that my boyfriend, whom I've been dating for two years, is not actually 27, but 33 years old and is married and has three kids. Okay. There are levels to this shit. How do people get away with this? That's what I'm saying. This is a top tier. This is a like fucking. This is an Olympic level cheater. This is like Sean White of cheating. He's on X Games.

games mode yeah oh my god like that's oh my god okay go on please these are title says everything we met two years ago on tinder and we started dating at that time he lied to me that his age was 25 i was 23 then until day before yesterday i thought he was 27 years old but he's actually 33 fucking years old and he's been married to a woman for over seven years oh

Seven. And he has three daughters.

I have never felt so hurt, cheated, betrayed in my life. I'm literally so fucking heartbroken. I've never been betrayed like this by anyone until now. We literally talked about getting married, having children many, many times. I literally dreamt of having a family with him one day. But now, thinking about all of that, I feel so disgusted. What should I do now? See, now I feel bad for what I said about being the bench warmers because...

I just want to clarify that I think there are instances like this one where... If you don't know. You don't know. We said that. Yeah. If you truly don't know... It's the women who know and choose violence. Yes. And this one, it's like, she was in the dark, which... And I feel for her. I feel for her. I mean, like, how do people get away with having like...

Like alternate lives. The Ted Bundys of the world. I don't understand. Yes. And for her, like I feel for her when you're telling me that because those are the women that I can sympathize for because they've been played. Both women in this situation have been played. I'm willing to bet the wife doesn't know. Oh, no chance. Right. So both women have been played in a way that's devastating. So it's like she had these dreams of a family and marriage and then the other woman hasn't.

had that the marriage and it's all shattered and I feel really bad because love is love and if you love this person and you truly believed what they were telling you it's still heartbreaking to know that they weren't you know oh 100% like you're

Both of their worlds are shattered, especially if the wife finds out. So the top comment says, I hope you don't decide to stay with him. Please tell me you're not. And OP goes, of course I'm not staying with him. Firstly, I feel so fucking uncomfortable that I was dating someone who's eight years elder to me. I know that's not a huge age gap. That's me and Brett's age gap. It's not a huge age gap if you're in...

of like similar status level, which you guys are. Like when you met, you were both working, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I wasn't in college or anything. Yeah, but if she was in school. Oh, she's in school? But like if she, like who knows what, she doesn't mention it. But I mean, she was 23 when they met, potentially still in school. No, I was 23 when I met Brad.

Fuck. Okay, well, to each his own. To each his own. I mean, I don't think eight years is weird, just for the record, but that's the least of her problems here. Eight years is weird if, for me, I think eight years is weird if the person is still in college. Yeah, sure. If you're 20 and he's 28. I mean, honestly, saying that out loud doesn't even sound that weird, but...

I don't know. Like maybe it's... Okay, listen. My parents are 13 years apart. So for me, it takes a lot for it to be weird. And that didn't... I mean, you've met Bob and Tatiana. They don't seem like a weird... No, they don't seem even 13 years apart. I think it's like it's very situational. But like I think if someone's 18 and then the person's 26, like... Oh, that... Yeah. When you put it like that... That's too big of a... Yes. Eight years still. But it's like it's certain...

in people's lives. Right. It becomes weirder. Right. No, unacceptable. I agree. I agree. But moral of the story, she's not staying with him. Good. Good. Good. Good. The other comment under hers goes, tell the wife she deserves to know.

I have a personal experience with that one. I would, I personally, like if I found out that like my boyfriend of two years was married with kids, like I would 100% like immediately tell the wife. Yeah. Okay. So I think that's the right thing to do, but I don't know. Like we all say that we all say that in the moment, but in the moment, like I haven't been in that situation. I've been in a situation where I dated someone who I know was hooking up with someone who was married and,

And that person, so my boyfriend that I was dating had hooked up with a person in the past.

who was married and is still married as we record this podcast. Oh, yes. The absolute terrorist. Right. The terrorist. So like we, it's so easy. And everyone said to me, tell the wife or tell the husband, tell the husband, blow it up. Right. When you're, even though I knew I was, I wasn't wrong. I had nothing to lose. No skeletons in my closet. Yeah. The thought you're blowing up a family.

And I know everyone's saying, well, you know... You let her off too easy. I did, of course. Of fucking, of course. This woman ended up, like, stalking Alejandra. Yeah. Because... Because Alejandra, like, wanted to just, like, date her boyfriend, be happy. And this woman wanted Alejandra's boyfriend still, even though she was married. And, like, Alejandra had a full-on stalker. So...

Yeah. No, I think you let her off way too easy. I did. I did. But it was like restraining order vibes. Oh God. Yeah, for sure. It was on that level. Actually, someone tried to break into my Instagram last night and I'm like, probably her all over. Yeah. But the point I'm making here is like, yes, I absolutely let her off way too easy. But this goes back to what I was saying is I always try to be the bigger person. And I, in that moment I was like, why, why feed this any energy? And, but to, to relate it to this, like,

Everyone told me, including my mom, like tell her husband, tell her kids. Her kid was my age, right? We're peers. I would have. But no, it's so easy to say that. It's so easy to say that. But when you're in that position...

It's like, why invite that drama into my life? One, two. I think it would have made her stop though in that moment. Maybe, but maybe not. And if it didn't, like... I think in that moment, it would have been like, if I don't stop, then literally my whole world is going to crumble. I don't know. Like, it's kind of hard because it's like, you could just threaten and be like, hey, I'm going to reach out and tell your husband if you don't stop contacting me, if you don't leave me and my boyfriend alone. Right. So...

It's kind of like you're damned if you do damned if you don't again. But it's like, I don't know. Like at that point, like the level that you got to, like I would have like that husband would have known. I know. And sometimes I think about it because it's like this person is still going through life, not knowing what his wife is capable of or has done. But yeah.

It's just, you're throwing a grenade at a family. Are you ready to do that? Yeah. Are you really? It's easy for right now because you're on the outside to say yes, but when you're really in it like this girl in the thread. Yeah. Three kids and they're probably kind of young, right? So you're throwing a grenade at that family. I don't know. It's a lot to take on. It's tough, but at the end of the day, like...

She's got a... It's the right thing to do. I'm not here to say it's not. It is. You absolutely should. It's just, I think it's more uncomfortable than people realize. For sure. I mean, it's tough. Yeah. It really is. But at the end of the day, that was her mistake. And then for her to then terrorize you. Oh, in my case? Yeah. Oh God. That's a whole like that's its own podcast episode. Like that is its own. The shit I've been through is insane. Yeah.

But she, she, that person, I don't know. Like I always said the same thing you said, like, oh, she would stop if I told her, her husband and her, her family. But I don't know if I believe that because I think this person is just too far gone. She was, she was willing to lose it all. I think. And those are, those people are dangerous. So they are, you have to stay away from those types of people. I guess you don't know what revenge you would have gotten for that. It's waging a war that I'm not sure I'm ready to enter. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, tough stuff. Stalkers are tough. They are. God, I can't even imagine. Especially when they're unstable and they're smart. The smart ones are scary because they're smart and unstable.

Oh, God. Stalkers. That might just have to be its own episode. You should. That should be an episode. I'll have your back. Please. I'd love to. Well, that's all I have for you guys on this deep dive episode of Two Hot Takes. Please reach out to me and let me know if you guys like hearing more of our personal experiences that relate to the stories or if we should just stick close to the Reddit lines. But I hope you guys enjoyed and I hope to hear from you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hey there, it's Ryan Seacrest for Safeway. Take care of yourself this summer and save on all your personal care favorites. Now, through August 27th, save up to $3 or more when you purchase participating personal care items like Pampers Wipes, Gillette Razors, Metamucil, Crest Toothpaste, Secret Body Spray, and a Swiffer Power Mop.

The more you buy, the more you save. Catch these deals before they're gone. Offer ends August 27th. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit Safeway.com for more details.