Delicious or Disgusting Taste Test | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. It's a good thing.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, small more. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You're joining us for hard-hitting news here on Two Bears, One Cave. Congratulations to Hamas for finally cleaning that area up.

Well, you don't know. You don't know. Let's play both sides. Totally. Congratulations to Israel for cleaning that mess up. Yep. You guys both did it and good luck. I have no idea what's going on over there. Really? None. It's fine. Everything's fine. I don't read much. Yeah. You'd be shocked how little I read. You'd be shocked how little I read. I don't feel comfortable being the person that lays it all out, but I'll tell you this. They're not getting along. That part is clear.

They are not joining each other for the holidays. Do you think that's the biggest out of all the worlds of people who hate each other? Is that like they're number one? I don't know. There's a lot of people that really hate each other. Really? I mean, Iran, didn't they just fire some missiles towards Pakistan? That's pretty. What's Pakistan done? I don't know, but I wouldn't fire missiles at them. You know, so funny. I don't even know. All I know is they're like really into cricket.

They are. They also have nuclear weapons. Are you serious? That's what I meant. Are you serious? Pakistan has nuclear weapons? Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. That's like the fat chick coming back hot after summer school. And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, you don't want to fuck with people with nuclear weapons. Iran doesn't. I would have totally have said we could go to war with Pakistan in a heartbeat. Really? 1.2 billion people? Do they have a lot of people? Yeah. I thought Pakistan was like a little. Just under a billion. I thought it was a suburb of India. Tell that to somebody from Pakistan.

Wait, India, what's bigger, India or Pakistan? India's bigger. Okay, yeah. Do they have nuclear weapons? Does India have nuclear weapons? They're definitely into cricket. I would think so. I would think India does. Is Kumail Pakistani? Yes. That sneaky fucker.

Yes. And he didn't tell us anything about these nuclear weapons. Yeah, they do. They do. So they have what? 1.2, 1.4 billion? Doesn't Pakistan have like 800 million people or something like that? What's the population of Pakistan? It's got to be up there. Oh, that's only 213 million. What country do you think you could- I'm way off. Sorry. But we got to say it though. Pakistan has 230 million people, but India's population is what? It's over a billion. It's got to be a billion. Yeah. They don't have condoms over there. 1.4 billion. Look at that, dude. 1.4 billion. Yeah.

Yeah, but like, I don't mean this disrespectfully, but what have they done? Sorry? With all those people. I mean, what do we got in America? Like a couple hundred milli? And we're killing it. We have 320 million people. 330. Do you think, what's their GNP? I wonder if California's GNP is bigger than India's. You mean the gross domestic product? Whatever it's called. You know. GDP. GDP. For India? Yeah.

okay three point one seven six this is how little i know about india yeah if you told me where do they where does all their money come i would think it's from making soccer balls it's the fastest growing uh economy in the world right now for real yeah what do they make like what's a big indian product um what is a big indian product food sure what's what's california's gdp hold on let's see what's it with india's product is first

I want to go to India, by the way. That's one of my intrinsic value trips. Chemicals. Cereals. Pharmaceuticals. Pharmaceuticals, of course. Seminal fluids. Yeah. Louis Philippe. Louis Philippe. Who's he? Don't know. Race car driver? Named after the French monarch, of course. Of course.

Don't know who that is. It's a clothing brand. Oh. Oh. I never even worn it. Yeah, but do you imagine how many people wear it there? I bought a suit. This is really big news. Yeah. Fuck India. I bought a suit. Fuck India. I guess that's like. We don't have to say fuck India. India's cool. I love India. Like Russell Peters doesn't even like India. Really? Secret time. I think so. Why? I remember telling him I wanted to go there and he goes, I wouldn't.

He may have said you might not want to go there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I heard it's like rough there. Well, of course there's rough parts. No, no, no, no, no. Like all of it. Really? Yeah. Like everyone gets sick when they go to those there. I don't think that's true. A lot of people go to India. By the way, I'm not a good listener, so I don't know what he said. Yeah, I think you didn't pay attention to all the secrets of Game of Thrones. I don't know if you... Let's FaceTime Russell Peters. Okay. And we'll get the real Indian download. Actually, it's a great idea. Hey, Siri, FaceTime Russell Peters. This will be good.

Okay. Is it ringing? Yeah. I'll put him so he sees you. He'll tell more Indian secrets if he sees you. Yeah. What time do you think it is in L.A.? Two hours earlier than it is here. It's just two? They kept that? They kept that. They haven't changed that. What do you think he's doing, boxing? Maybe. Oh, I bet he's got great Cat Williams gossip. Oh, he definitely does. How come Cat Williams didn't go off on him? Maybe he likes him. Motherfucker.

That sucks. This would have been a great call. Yeah. Hey, can you text him? Like, dude, you need to call me back. Yep. ASAP. Emergency. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in Bombay. Is it bad that I think we only call him about Indian things and black people? No, that's his expertise. Hey, I'm doing a podcast with Tommy. FaceTime us. Russians were really big in chess.

I thought we were on your suit. Oh, I got a suit. Okay. Sorry. What is wrong with my brain? So I was still thinking about countries. I was trying to figure out why Russians were so big into chess. And it was because of the Soviet. That is like the one thing they were good at. So they just dumped a bunch of money into the kids learning chess. Really? Yeah. Kasparov's like the dude.

I'm really into chess these days. So my dad was just like an avid chess player. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. He always had like 25 games going at once, right? Like, yeah, yeah, constantly. Multiple chess boards. And then he would be playing like 30 games on his computer and on his iPad. It was just chess, 24-7. And was he good? Yeah, he was a good player. So it's a lot more complicated than you think. Well, there's tiers to it like anything else, yeah.

No, it's like really hard. Well, the advanced players are astonishingly good. I would consider myself intermediate and I've never won. You consider yourself an intermediate player? I play a lot more than the average person. In this country, I am an intermediate chess player. How do you know that? I'm a top tier backgammon player. Wait, when did you start playing? This weekend. This weekend. This weekend. This weekend, I got really into chess. I'm getting a private chess tutor and I'm going to learn. I mean, I'm already doing like things Bobby Fischer does. Like...

I am. I just, it's easy. You just, it's not my own thought process by just stealing from Bobby Fisher. Yeah. Ruby's, Ruby's a gamut. Yeah. Yeah.

It's really interesting. What I do is I attack from the right side. Yeah. And they don't expect that. They think you're going to attack to try to control the center of the board. But I attack from the right. A lot of people don't expect that. They don't see it coming. And I'm trading fucking horses for castles. Horses for castles. I trade a horse for a castle the other day. And they were like, it's a deceiving move.

And then, and then boom, I got him cornered. I leveraged my queen once. I leveraged my queen once. They thought this guy didn't know what he's doing. He doesn't realize he's playing against Bobby Fisher. Yeah. Yeah. Was this online you were playing? Yeah. Against a computer. Yeah. What level did you set it at?

Intermediate. Intermediate. It's been my passion. I was on the chess team. You were not. I was. You're saying that because I told you I'm into chess. No, I swear to you. You were on the chess team. I was on the chess team in fourth grade. And yeah, it was. So they had a. I wonder if they still have a thing about it. Because I was on the chess team at Zachary Lane Middle School. Will you Google that? See, because I remember that we would go to chess tournaments. And people were like, you play at Zachary Lane? They're like, oh, shit. For real? I swear to God.

See if it's even a thing still. So I'm a high-level backgammon player. Like elite, I would argue. How long have you been playing backgammon? A long time. Okay. Like probably 20 years. Sorry, that's in... Where is that? That's in... Is that in... Wait, was it fourth grade? Like a fucking whoop a fourth grader's ass. I don't know. Is it elementary? Oh, there's elementary school. Where does it say that? Yeah, in Plymouth. Yeah, yeah. See if they have a chess team. They still have it? Yeah, chess club, right? Mr. Morley? Yeah.

I don't remember, dude, but they had like a bonkers chess program there. And I went to a tournament and this kid, I was like, he was just like, where do you go to school? And I go Zachary Lane. And he was like, oh fuck. Like, he's like, you guys are the shit. And he kicked my ass. He kicked my ass. But like, yeah, dude, I was around chess a lot. It's so much more complicated than checkers.

Yeah, no shit. Are you just putting that together? It's like checkers on steroids. Like you really don't know what you're doing. It's not like checkers. Well, see, here's the thing about chess. And this is why I'm, this is what is my downfall when I play backgammon.

Is like, there's typical chess moves, you know, control center of the board. Okay. And then I always think if he thinks that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to do the opposite. So I'm the same with backgammon. Like I'll always. Do you know the chess pieces names? Do you know those? Yeah. What are they? You got. What's in the front row? Pawns. There you go. Yeah. Queen, king. Then? Horses. It's a horse. Knight. Are those knights? Yeah. Then what are the ones? Rooks.

there's no, is that castles castles? And then you got the bishops, right? Yeah. The ones that look like priests. Sure. They go sideways or diagonal horses go up and over like a tight end. And then the other ones just are wide receivers. They go straight away. That's pretty good way of breaking it down. Yeah. And so, uh, yeah, I like to take my horses and I like to confuse them. I like to go horse move twice, uh,

Pawn up to right and then they think I'm gonna go pawn one Jesus don't give away your strategy like this and then I'm gonna go and then I go whole chess world I go horse hop horse hop horse hop sometimes and it confuses them. They don't know what I'm doing They don't know I've studied a lot of Kasparov and Bobby Fischer. Mm-hmm. This whole this whole weekend you did this whole weekend I know more about Stalin was really into chess That's why the chess program got so big because he was really into chess. Napoleon was really big into chess. Oh

All these big gangsters were into chess, and I thought, I'm sleeping if I don't get really good at chess. And what a gangster move if a guy like me sits down on a chess board and just starts, do you know who Magnus Carlsen is? So he was my gateway into chess. Magnus Carlsen is the motherfucker. Is he a young guy? The fuck yeah. Gorgeous, full head of hair,

sleek body dresses clean look at this kid look at this kid he's like he's like if Chris Hemsworth and Leonardo DiCaprio had a baby uh okay

And he comes in. This is what he does. And I do this a lot. Now look, he's in a suit. Is that why you got a suit? That's why I got a suit. Fucking tailored Winston Churchill suit. Oh, is that his day? Is it? Yeah. It's Wednesday. So I wake up. I start drinking at eight in the morning. Soft scotch, cigar in bed, breakfast in bed, paper. Probably won't read it, but I'll stand there with it. Yeah. Smoke a full cigar. Then I get in the bath. I take a bath with a bottle of champagne. Where are you staying? Nowhere.

Where I always stay. - You smoke in bed? - Uh-uh. But I got an extra room. I just got a room, I'll smoke in it. And then I go to the club at noon and we do call and stick to work show and then drink throughout the day, have some duck later that night and live like Winston Churchill for a day. - So tell me about getting a suit 'cause I'm a big fan. - I've had them but I got them for the premiere of the movie by Elk Rhythm really quick.

And so I didn't fit in any of them. And then when I lost weight, I didn't fit in them again. Right. And so then I went in and I, they were like, here's a crazy thing about suit. I can't tell what a good suit. I can't tell if a suit's good or expensive or not. Right. So they're like, do you want a suit? And I was like, yeah. And they're like fucking $2,500. I was like, no fucking way. I'm going to wear it once.

So then they got me like a $300 suit and then they just tailor it to your body. Yeah. And it looks good because it's no one can tell the cloth. Right. Yeah. Where'd you go? Just, I don't know. Like one day suit broker. Really? I think so. I got two of them. I gotta get, I gotta get, we gotta get your measurements.

And we got to have my boy, Rashaun, do one for you at Sam's Taylor in Hong Kong. Oh, that's right. You got an expensive suit in China. In Hong Kong. You got a couple, didn't you? Yeah. They're supposed to arrive today. Are you serious? Yeah. It's my new look. It's got a vest and everything. Yeah. A bow tie. Ooh. A little in the pocket. Yeah. I can't fucking wait. So-

Magnus Carlsen, so I don't know everything, but he's, so like chess matches start and then you got like four minutes to go, right? He always shows up late, always shows up late. Like his dude does his first move, like pawn two up or whatever, and then wait, or unless he's doing like I do and he does fucking pawn horse or whatever. And then Magnus Carlsen shows up late,

And then organizes his area. And as the clock's ticking down for his move, he's like getting his water ready, like putting his treats out. His treats. And then he just goes like this, pawn. And then everyone gets frustrated with him. Yeah. And then he beats everyone. He's the best jet. How old is he? He looks so young. He's young. He's young. The kids, the brain on that person has to be so complex because you have to think through all this. He's 33. He's 33 years old. Mm-hmm.

I wonder if he's a good conversationalist. - He's a Norwegian. - Sven Magnus Olaht Karlsson. - Olaht Karlsson, yeah. - He's Norwegian. And he's a grandmaster. I think I'm just like a master right now.

Wonder how quick you could beat me in chess. I bet I could hold that's a guess a game How many moves do you think he could beat me in a chess? Whatever the minimum amount is like what what's the quickest moves you can beat get beaten in chess? I wonder if I can - you can't be it's for it's - if you fuck up, but yeah, you think you beat me in under four I

No, I could stave him off. I'd go full Bobby Fischer on him. How many moves do you think you got on Magnus? 10. 10? Easy. Easy? Easy, I got 10. Easy, I got 10. Pawn, another pawn. I go old school and play it safe. Pawn, pawn, horse, diagonal, and then what's it called? Flip-flop? Uh-huh. Flip-flop? Uh-huh. You know when you do the thing? You do castle to king and they switch moves? Yeah. I do that. That's five right there.

I just keep my barrier up and then he's going to slip up. You think he's going to slip? He'll slip because he'll underestimate me. Not understanding that I know a little bit of what I'm doing. I know the high level shit. You said not understanding. Here's what he's expecting.

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With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. He's expecting a man who can't do anything. Right. He doesn't know that I got high-level access to some stuff. What access do you have? Bobby Fischer and Kasparov. I've studied them. But don't you think he's done that? He's a grandmaster. Yeah, but you know what it is? It's like...

It's like when you go, this guy didn't know anything, but I know a little something. So he's going to think I know nothing. And then he's going to be like, at one point he'll be like, hold on. He's going full Casper off and I'll switch it up. I'll go Bobby Kelly on him. Bobby Kelly? Or Bobby Lee. Bobby fucking Fisher. Bobby Fisher. Bobby Fisher. You know Bobby Fisher is Jewish and he hates Jewish people?

Yes. That's right. That's true. And then, and then they said to him, he's pretty complicated guy. Oh, you think? Yeah. He was in a cult. He was, he went and when he played Casper off that this is fascinating to me. This is like old school.

They go and play, and he wins, but all the cameras, or he loses to Kasparov, but all the cameras round. He goes, no fucking cameras. I don't want any fucking cameras. Stalin's like, yo, get the fuck out of there, Kasparov. Get the fuck out. He's like, we already won. That's all we need is we beat him. You are now the fucking champion. And Kasparov's like, nah, I got him. And then Fischer lit him up. I could be wrong about names. Yeah. It might be Kapow.

There were a couple of good Russians. Yeah, the Russians were really... They were really fucking good. It's kind of sad that they let go of communism. You think so? Yeah, they should have rode that horse. I think they rode it for a while. Yeah, but they should have stuck with it. You think so? Yeah, because I think they'll go back to it. When? I think communism is going to make another...

Another show of it? Yeah, I think so. Look, I sound like a lunatic, but when they were all shitting on George Bush, I said, trust me, one day people are going to look back and think fondly of George Bush. And everyone's like, no fucking way.

The other day I said to someone, don't you miss George Bush a little bit? And they're like, fuck yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. He was, his dad was a fucking gangster. Yeah. His dad was a real fucking motherfucker. He was a motherfucker. That's for sure. Like a real man. Like they don't make men like that. Well, dive bombing into fucking Japanese planes. Like he ran the CIA. I mean,

Those are usually pretty gangster dudes. Fuck yeah. We have some foreign treats here. You want to try something? Yes, I would love. I love. You said you're hungry. I'm starving and I love experiencing new flavors. Yeah. What about, what's this? What's that? I don't know. I need my fucking glasses. I'm excited to see what we have. Dude, hair transplants are looking good these days. And cock fillers are too. Cock fillers? Yeah. Yeah.

They reached out. I'm listening. Okay. Like, it can get bigger? Yeah. And is it always bigger? Because that's what I would like. It stays bigger. I would like an always big cock. Yeah. I would take an always big cock for a hard cock. Oh, my God. What is this? Does it smell bad? Smells like fucking cat food. It's a sandwich spread. I'm going to throw up, and I haven't even smelled it. I'm taking my zen out. Yeah. Do you suck your zen when you're done? What do you mean? Get the last little bit of it. Mm-hmm.

You have sex with ZinZin? No. Oh, me either. You do? Fuck yeah. Is it better? Uh-huh. I put two in sometimes. Really? I really feel it. Does it affect your sex life? I don't know. I always wonder if she can feel it. Like, because it's in my mouth, and then if I go down on her, does she get the effects of nicotine? Holy shit. What? Okay, pretend I didn't say that. Okay. All right. We'll take a little bite. Okay. Oh, it's soft. It's a sandwich spread. Go ahead. You go first. It's a sandwich spread. I'll take a little off just so that...

I don't want to take all of it. Yeah. What sodas we have? Not the fucking integration liquid desk looking for. Like, yeah, put shit in your mouth and then wash it down. That didn't look too bad. If you don't breathe in through your nose, it's not bad. Oh my God. Here, try it. Okay. If you don't breathe in through your nose, it's not that bad. I wonder what it is. I never read what it is. I'm glad I didn't before I ate it. Man. It sits on the back of your tongue. It's a pork sandwich spread from Denmark. Oh.

Oh, God. That was bad. Do you know how hungry you have to be to eat that? Oh, God. It was on the back of my tongue, and now it's in the back of my nose. I need another Zin. I need a Zin to clean a palate center. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. It's not good. It's in my molars. I do a little more than that.

Just do a little big bite. No, I don't think so. I think this is enough. It's in the back. It's like in my chin. It's in my... I'd save that zin. You're gonna need it. You're gonna need it. What the fuck's wrong with Danish people? It's not that good. It's not that good. It's not that good. It's not that... Can you imagine ice skating to school and then having a sandwich of this? It's so bad. Don't throw up. I'm gonna throw up if you throw up. That was really bad. Wait till you burp it up. It's so bad.

What the fuck's wrong with Danish people? That was the first one. Oh, if that's all I had, I would have moved to America too. At least they're chicks fuck. That was fucking disgusting. That was really bad. Maybe we should wash it down with a sardine. These sardines. These are Moroccan sardines. That's the best place to get sardines. In a box? Aren't they supposed to be in a fucking can? Oh, shit. Sardines are good. I like sardines. This will be a palate cleanser.

I've been eating chicharrones a lot. Really? Yeah, because I'm being car- Kino? Carno? You know? Oh, thank God there's a can. Sardines are like pussy. They don't smell great at first. Oh, wow. These are fucking aggressive. Really? Wow. Holy shit. Should I keep my zen in? Oh, I don't want my zen to be tainted by sardines. Oh, Jesus. All right, I'm going to just leave it up like that. And they're not very malleable. You'd think they'd be a little...

These are heart healthy. Yeah. Who was I just watching? I was watching a celebrity eat these. They're great sources of protein. Are they? Yeah. But man, there's a gelatinous thing on the side. Do you see the gelatinous thing? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Trash can. There's a trash can there? No trash can for him? There is one. There's a trash can. You should try one. You should try one after that? Put a big one on your tongue. Just let it sit on your tongue. It's so fucking aggressive. It takes the whole fucking taste and overwhelms your mouth in a second. I'm going to do a case of sins. Fuck.

What is that? Are these a different type of sardine? I mean, they came in a box from Morocco. It's 300 calories for one sardine. What? Or maybe for the whole box. Here, you should try one. Put the whole, just get a big one and just let it sit on your tongue. Let's see who can leave one on their tongue the longest. Give me the plate, though, too. Give me a plate.

You know there's a fucking hot chick. I think it was like Angie Harmon was just eating sardines. Oh, some of them are good Wait, they're not all the same. Well the ones in a restaurant usually don't taste like this How do we doctor that up? Do we have hot sauce? And you're not gonna like this you're not gonna like this. Oh Oh man that smell just came over here. It smells aggressive. Yeah, it smells aggressive.

Oh, it's got like a fucking sour taste in my mouth now. Fuck me. The smell is strong, man. I can't imagine. Andrew Zimmern did this for a living. Oh, my God. He just did this every time he went out. Just get a big one and just put it on your tongue. No, no, no. I'm trying to get it out, man. Really, hook one. There you go. There you go. Just close your eyes. Close your nose. Put it in your tongue. The smell is so strong. It's really aggressive. Just go for it. Just go for it. You can do it.

Your face isn't helping at all. I just know what I've been through. Just chew it. Chew it. Give a bite. Did you just shit? Did you just shit? You just shit? That's terrible. Who the fuck eats sardines? You're crying. I just had them at an Italian restaurant. They didn't taste like that. What, did they clean them up or something? No, the taste doesn't. You think if you dip them in ranch, they're better? Holy shit. Those are really fucking bad. Those are terrible.

Can you imagine just getting sardines and being like, here's dinner, guys. Let's get something basic like that bag of chips. What's that? What are those? These are shrimp-a-snack. Shrimp snacks. Where are they from? Probably Vietnam. Yeah, East Asia. I can't see anything. These are going to be good. Shrimp-flavored snacks. These are made out of Chino, California. These are American. These are going to be great. Cool. It'll be a palate cleanser. It smells like shrimp, but the kind that you go, should we eat these? Yeah.

Better? It's obviously better than the sardine, right? It's way better than the sardine. Here, let me see that. Let me see the spread. I bet they're pretty good in the spread. A little pork and shrimp. Pork overwhelms the shrimp. Oh, I got my front teeth. I got my front teeth. Let me try a chip. The chips aren't bad. The chips are way better. The chips aren't bad. They're not bad. They're not bad. It's not my go-to now. Oh, I would never fucking go. Who brought the shrimp snacks? No, this is going to be a great Super Bowl.

We should have these backstage at our show for the MGM. And be like, you guys should try these. Get some spread on them. Take a little, I bet. Watch people just puke everywhere. I bet if you do. Here we go. Oh, fuck. The thing is, you got to mash them up a little bit. So I bet if you do a little bit of pork spread with a little bit of sardine on a shrimp cracker. Hold on. Okay. And then you just mash it up. See, I bet this is actually really good.

Really good? I don't know. I bet just like this is good. Okay. Okay. Pork and sardine. You're going to throw a chip in too? Sardines. And pork and beans. Throw a chip in with it. I'm going to do a chip. Yeah, that'll probably help. It's like doing a shot. You just got to breathe in first. Yeah, yeah. I'm already having fucking... Do it. Chew it.

Chew it. Chew it. Chew it. Chew it. Chew it. You got it. You got it. You got it. It went down. Is that good? That's good. It's so bad. No? The sardines overwhelm it. Yeah. The sardines are like, that's all you can remember. What else do we have? I like that. I don't even know what that is. I'm going to like it. It's olives. Oh, I love olives. I hate olives. Give me an olive. I love olives. God damn it.

Oh fuck. My hand can't even open this. Oh fuck. There's someone watching this going, they're third world shaming. Yeah, yeah, I know. And you're like, no, no, no. Oh, that smells strong. Olives? Holy shit. The olives? Yeah. They look really purple. Oh, they smell great. Really? Mm-hmm. That's good? That's fucking nice. You're not going to like them. It's a lot of olive.

It's like when I like cock and then someone pulls out a 12-inch cock and you're like, wow, that's a lot of cock. I said I like cock. I didn't say I like that. That's a lot of olives. If you don't like olives, you're not going to like that. I'm not going to like it at all. Ugh. Ugh, fuck. What kind of fucking olives are these? Yeet? How about this? What are these? Ugh. Pineapple ginger? That's nice. What is it? Jamaican? Yeah, of course. They all have diabetes. Yeah. Of course we're going to like their food. Pineapple ginger, is there alcohol in this?

Don't know my stomach hurts. No, but what are you trying olive? Oh, you're like olives. You're not gonna like olives I see some gelatin a shit over there. Just try an olive. It's a lot of olive They're super soft. So they kind of melt in your mouth And then you got to run your teeth over the pit to get the pit out. There's a pit in there You should know that I remember eating olives not knowing there were pits inside them just fucking going at him We're like, what's this crunchy part in the center? Okay, so

- Ooh, that's an, that's, olive stays with you. More, I can taste the olive in my mouth more than the sardine and the pork spread and the shrimp chick. - That's really exciting. - Fucking putting this in back in my mouth. - I think we should be done after this. - No, I wanna see what else they got, 'cause this looks good. - What's that? - Oh, this is fucking candy. - Okay. - This looks good. This gelatinous membrilio. - Yeah. - Okay, just pop it in and let it run around your teeth.

You're playing tag. I hate olives. For real? Yeah. I love olives. And those olives are pretty aggressive. I like olive oil. Everyone likes olive oil. I know. But I think it's weird that I like olive oil and I'll even like an olive oil like top of not, you know? Yeah, but it's different olive, I think. I'm scared. You're going to be fine. You've had worse in your mouth. What's the worst thing you've ever had in your mouth? I don't want to think about it. Oh. That tastes like a head taster.

That tastes really bad. It's an aggressive olive. It's not like the olives you normally have. Like, they're purple. Normally, olives are black. I think it's been in brine, and it's been in brine too long. This fucking pineapple ginger beer is fucking amazing. Where the fuck is this from? Peru. Fuck them. Those are your people. I don't like them anymore. Your mom grew up eating those. A handful. You go to school, you get a handful of olives in your mouth. Walk up to Machu Picchu.

I'm going to stick to Jamaica. The Jamaicans got it down, man. Jamaicans know what the fuck's going on. Like, if you had to be one black guy from one country, what black country would you pick to be from? Jamaica. Everyone picks Jamaica. Kenya. Kenya? I just want to run like the wind.

If you're from Kenya, you have one of those hard to pronounce names that starts with an N. Yeah. And you're like, Nguikwe? Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, I'd rather be Jamaica. They're like, yo, Travis. Travis, come here, buddy. Boom, ba-clot. Travis. Got a big blue iris. Those white guys from Jamaica are fucking the shit. Who? Like, when you ever meet, there's white people from Jamaica. The people that settled the land? No, just like there's, you know, the people that settled the land.

- The population has white people there too. - No. - Yeah. - No. - Yeah, yeah. - No, not like people that work at the hotels. - I met this white girl from Jamaica. - Pull up hot white Jamaican chick. God damn it, that sounds sexy already. Holy shit, except then you gotta go into every fucking chicken spot with her going, "I want the bonbelle, not the fucking ugly one." There we go. No, white. - But you wanna hear 'em speak, man. - I wanna hear 'em speak. I wanna hear a hot white Jamaican chick go full Chet Hanks. - But go to videos.

Oh, dude, there's a one. Like, yeah, look at her. Both of those are going to be white girls. Well, we got to put our... Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hold on. That's fucking... She does not look Jamaican. No, I know, but listen. Chicken, no? And yeah, at the end of it...

When I have done everything already, I will throw a teaspoon of brown sugar in my sauce and mix it with my already done chicken. Oh wow! I believe brown sugar is a flavor enhancer and it in a day if you make the dish sweeter, just increase the flavor. You cook or you like.

Because sugar is optional. If you don't like sugar, you just don't put it in here. You don't see white chicks like that. You know how many fistfights you get into with her ordering, me want some pizza. And they're like, can you just do it the way we do it? They're right behind us. Yep. Me want them boomer clack. Those rude boys behind me. No, fuck them, boy. If she was here in the States, people would think she's doing a bit. Of course. It's Chet Hanks. Yeah.

Chet Hanks ever seen Chet Hanks do boom baklatt. He does that. Are you serious? I haven't seen by the way He's someone I want a fucking party with Chet Hanks fuck, but you want to talk about Bert Christ you're geeking out If I run into Chet Hanks, he's getting the full treatment. Oh Yeah, he's getting top to bottom. He's gonna ask me to walk away pulling Chet Hanks doing Doing patois. Oh my god Chet Hanks doing patois is one of my favorite things ever. Oh

I feel like, you know when you have like a, you drink too much and you puke for hours? - No. - That feeling afterwards that come down of like, oh, it's all gone now. That's how I feel from how violently I've been spitting this up. - It's pretty, here, yeah.

Yeah. Do you think there's any black people that are like, that was good? I mean, that didn't sound terrible, right? I mean, it sounds like he knows what he's doing. Yeah, I mean, he's claiming it's because he dated someone. Like, is that what he's saying? That's his explanation, that it was a girlfriend? I guess, I guess.

Don't know I don't need him to explain it yeah I give Chet gets such a pass because of all of his dad's work for me that he can do whatever he wants hmm You ever seen when he got beat up by his girlfriend? She hit him with a pot and he said like a cooking pot Yeah, she's like beat him hit him with a pot and he was bleeding He did not speak patch while when the cops showed up. There's video. She fucking hit me man She fucking hit me with a pot

He does. He can do, he does. He did 75 hard. He did? Yeah, he did. It was the first time I ever heard of it. Watch it. Yeah. Holy shit. Did I tap too much? Not at all. No, no, not at all. Can I tell you something? You pushed me. It's really hard. Look at him. This is not Patois face. I know, I know. But this is really hard to, to have been hit like that, be bleeding and not want to make a video. Oh yeah. In that moment, you know? So what's he say here? He's trying to flip the story.

Wow. Wow. She just attacked me with a knife. You better get out of my face. She just attacked me with a knife. There's the proof. She's mad because I caught her stealing. Stealing my money. Taking my credit cards and charging her rent to him. All this shit like that. Poor Chet. Jesus Christ. You know what?

It makes you really upset when somebody does that to you. I didn't think he should have done patois to her there. I'm going to beat your ass. I'm going to beat it like your mama. When you make a little chicken, you put some brown sugar in it. We did. Is that Irish? What did I just do?

with some brown sugar I love that they were like my family brown sugar really bring the flavor out does it really yeah when we went to when we went to trip flip was such a shit show it was so I love the guys that produced it but at times I just ran into somebody that worked for you on that a camera guy

He was at the UFC and he was like, Hey man. And he goes, I'm a sound guy. I thought he was a kid. Maybe a sound guy. Short guy. Yeah. Yeah. Sound guy. Eric Beeney. He's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Um, we, they, we were in Jamaica and they're like, we're going to take you to the blue ivory hole. It's a very magical hole where they're soothing properties with the water that will calm you down and heal your body. But it's got to be delivered by an authentic Jamaican. So we were like crates. We drive up these back roads all the way up to the top.

We get there, there's five black dudes sitting on a park bench. None of them look like sorcerers. They're all just regular dudes. And we find out that we have offered our services to the guy who's not in charge. And then they start yelling in Patois to each other, I'm the one who gives the bath. You don't give the bath. And he's like, you're going to boom, boom, boom. And then...

The one guy in front of our travelers, because that's the idea of the trip is we take these travelers on a vacation of a lifetime. Yeah. I'm standing with our two travelers doing my read. And then the one guy proceeds to hit the other guy in the head with a fucking rock. He does? Knocks him unconscious and goes, I'll be performing the ceremony. So we've just watched this. And the travelers are like. They're like. Then he takes us to what I could only call a clogged sewage drain. We sit in a clogged sewage drain and he bathes us. He just washes us down.

There's like used condoms in there. It's so disgusting. All of us are afraid of getting beaten. And you're like, oh, this energy feels right. Thank you. I feel so cleansed. I feel so good. And then we just got like everyone's safe and we just left. It was horrible. That was like, but Jamaica is really beautiful.

Jamaica is pretty fucking cool. Where were you? In Kingston? I have no idea. I've never paid attention to anywhere I was ever when I did Tribal Channel. Ever? Never. I never paid attention. I remember hearing Rogan. Some guy did a whole episode on Rogan about going to the biggest cave in the world. And I was like, I think I've been there. And then he showed a picture and I was like, yeah, I've definitely been there. I've been to the biggest cave in the world. I hiked six hours into the Vietnamese jungle, spent the night in some cave, and then hiked out.

And I just forgot about it. Forgot. I'll tell stories to people that I forgot that I did on Travel Channel. Like someone was like talking about redwoods. And I went, yeah, I remember I jugged up to the top of a redwood to bungee jump out of it. And I got stuck up there because a windstorm came in. I was at the top of a fucking redwood. How tall are redwoods? They're like 300 feet. And I'm holding on to the top of a fucking redwood. And a windstorm comes in. And it's just me just...

Yeah, 350 feet up in the air holding on. I held on so hard. I cut all the insides of my arm and I bit by a spider the night before on the back of the head. And I was sweating, panicked. And then they're like, all right, you want to bungee jump down? I was like, get me the fuck out of here. We had to jug up to the top of that. You know what jugging is? Yeah, yeah. Where you, it was the most exhausting thing. Did you bungee jump? No, fuck. And then we, the first dude, first traveler bungee jumped and he hit the fucking tree.

Hit the tree and then they were like you're next and I was like, I'm gonna jug down I just rappelled down. I was like, I'm fucking done so many things we did on that show I remember the very first episode we brought two people out to swim with whale sharks and it was a black couple and The black guy couldn't swim but he was too proud to tell us he couldn't swim He didn't want to tell anyone he couldn't swim and he thought he thought the light the the like scuba suit like the suit would hold him up in the water and he jumped in and just sank and

And our fucking sound guy had to jump in and rescue him. Yeah. And man, when you can't swim, the panic, the words that come out are so real. Yeah. I think his first words were mama. Really? And we were like, what? And he just started thinking then. And his chick was like.

Come on, let's go look at whale sharks and then me and her scuba dived around or like swam around to that Do we have this Mexican couple? This is the hardest I've ever laughed and it was really tragic We were running we were taking snowmobiles on a lake So a snowmobile can get going fast enough that'll keep you boy on a lake But it's counterintuitive in order to turn right you really got to turn left for whatever reason that's how you turn and the guy said

Do not let go of the throttle. You're going to want to let go of the throttle. Do not let go of the throttle. And just whatever you think, turn the other way. There's this Mexican couple we have met in Arizona and they were like pretty Mexican. Like, like, and so the guy gets on, he's got like jeans on. Cause like you won't get wet. And they put them on. I wish we had footage of this. If someone can find the footage, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

And the guy goes, whatever you do, turn left and punch it. And the guy goes, okay. And guns it and fucking flew across the lake and hit a tree. He broke his shoulder. And as he's going across the lake, his girlfriend says to me, he not gonna swim. He couldn't swim. He just gunned it.

And it was like days of our lives. Smoke came out everywhere. We took him to the hospital. It was so bad, he had to do the rest of the show in a sling. Then as soon as he recced, she goes, it's my turn. I was like, you want to go?

That show was reckless as fuck. Jesus Christ. They must have signed their lives away, right? Dude, we took a black dude to a Civil War reenactment. What? The first day we got there, we were like, he was from Alaska, and we took him to South Carolina. And we're like, today we're doing a Civil War reenactment. I don't think I had put the weight on what that would mean to him. And he goes, what team are we on?

Said I don't think we're on the good one and those guys did not break character and they were playing like it was 18 fucking 1770 or whatever And then I said to him I go I go don't worry I go I appreciate you being so cool It can't get worse the next thing we did is we took him to an old plantation To test out if it was haunted and I said so you guys gonna stay in the back

Back house. Which were at one time slave quarters. Yeah. You're going to be staying in there to see if it was haunted. You guys didn't really think this one out though. It sounds like. The owner of this plantation murdered all his slaves because they were sleeping with his daughters. And this guy's girlfriend was white.

And we put them in bed and this guy woke up in a fucking panic throughout the mother like it and we had cameras everywhere The guy did not sleep at all did how that episode do good We did we did redneck Olympics with a bunch of fucking dimes like dimes and they all were next to nothing We were next to nothing everyone was covered in mud everyone was rubbing all over each other. It was pretty fucking hot nice It was pretty fucking hot cool

- Cool. - Yeah. Shout out to that guy. He hit me in the dick with a snowball once. - The black guy? - Black guy hit me in the dick with a snowball. I thought my dick exploded. - Where were you for that? In Carolina? - In Alaska. - You went to Alaska too? - Yucca, Austin, that's where I first met the guy. He threw a snowball and hit me in my dick.

the head of my dick and I thought it exploded in my pants and my hands were so cold I couldn't feel it and I really thought my dick exploded and I was and I told the producer Lonnie I told her the night before she goes what if you do you need a cup and I go no I don't need a cup no one's gonna hit me in the balls she was what are they hitting the dick I go you get my head that my hammer you get my head of my dick with a hammer I wouldn't feel it you don't feel your dick it's your balls you're worried about okay and then when it hit me in the dick she came up

And I'm going, I think I hurt my dick, hurt my dick. And then like a fucking asshole, she goes, I thought I could hit you in the head of the dick. You're either a hammer and you wouldn't feel it. And I was like, I can feel it. I can feel it. Those things are rocks. Did you see, have you seen that video of that? I think he's a Japanese pitcher throwing the snowball. Oh, into the, into the board. He throws it at a wall. Yeah. And you're like, yo, did you just like a 90 mile an hour snowball? I saw a picture of a bunch of Yale graduates after a snowball fight.

in like the 1700s and they were looked like they didn't beat the fuck. You ever been in a snowball fight? Yeah, of course. Really? I mean, I grew up in Minnesota and Milwaukee. Yeah, it's snowing all the time there. I've only been in... I've been in Yuki Gassen, which is like a professional snowball fight. A professional snowball fight? Yeah, type in Yuki Gassen. It's like...

It's like, good luck spelling that. But they make the snowballs, and then they sit there in the cold. Harden. And they're rocks. Yeah. They're fucking rocks. That sucks. And this black dude that played with us, I wish I remembered his name. He's the same guy we took to the plantation. He...

He, uh, it's fucking intense. Dude, see if you can find that, that pitcher throwing that. Yeah, look at this guy. Yeah, this guy. Imagine if you're like, all right, let's do a little snowball fight. And he's like, okay, sure. Fucking A, dude. That's the black dude I'm telling you about played minor league baseball. Oh, really? He played minor league baseball. He'd grown up in Alaska, never been to lower 48.

He played minor league baseball and he threw gas and he hit me in the head of my dick and I tried to jump over it and it fucking, I thought it ruptured. I thought my dick would look like Frankenstein where they'd sew it back together. Was it bruised? It must've been sensitive. No, no. I fell off the bed having sex with Leanne the other day and I landed on my ass on a razor blade and I have a cut today on my ass. Why do you have a razor blade on the floor? Long story, Tommy. Oh, okay. Long story. Just cleaning people up. Yeah. Yeah.

cleaning people up. - My mouth is still watering from that last bite. - The smell of this trash can is just really starting to affect me. - We gotta try this one. - Oh, fuck. - I don't even know how to get into this. - What is it? Can we say what it is first? - I don't, I can't, you tell me. - That's so heavy. - That's a lot of calories. - What is that? - My mouth is still watering. - Oh, it's a, it's... - Well, it's a dessert.

La Campagnola Membrillo. Gelatin dessert from Argentina. This will walk into your mouth like a fucking parade. Okay. This is your dessert. This is what you authentically would have had as a child growing up. Truly, true, true. How do you get into it? That's a good question. This is a... How do you get into this? Where the fuck do you get this? You just crack it open. Is there a... You're the chess master. Can't you figure this out? Yeah. Let me take a Bobby Fischer approach to this. Yeah, yeah. Thanks.

Yeah, there's a seal here. There you go. Is that going to be disgusting too? Fucking shit. I'm all fucking grossed out for today. I said we just get a knife and open it up. Please don't be gross. See how to open it? Are we going to watch YouTube videos? You'd think the top would pop off. What about where you peeled? That didn't go across? No.

oh damn it it looks really good membrillo what's that mean in spanish looks it's a thick red jelly made from what does that say 15 year old pussy yeah perfect to spread or just it's authentically an argentinian quinceaneras does everyone have a quinceanera just mexicans uh no it's a lot in latin latin america it's pretty popular really yeah not maybe not everywhere but a lot of them do

Do you have a can opener? I bet you need a can opener. You think so? Let me grab one. Yeah. It looks good. Fuck. La Campanella Lola.

Do you think they have dyslexic Japanese people? What? Do you think they have dyslexic Japanese people? Yeah, I think that's probably everywhere. Really? Yeah. That's got to be even harder. With those letterings? Yeah. What do you think is the easiest language to read? To read? Yeah. One of probably ours. I bet Arabic's hard as fuck. Yeah, it's probably hard. It's like Sanskrit, right? Yeah, and then flip for us, right? Because they go the other direction. Sweet. Did they ever grow up from Sanskrit? Sanskrit? Yeah. Yeah.

Do they like, is it just the same? It's been thousands of years. I'm sure it's evolved some. Cause also every Arabic country speaks it a little differently. What's their LOL. Hey, see what Sanskrit LOL is like. What are the Asian things where they go? BRB. Right. Right. Do they have that shorthand? I don't think people realize how brilliant I am on this podcast. No, you're great. You're great. Like that's a legit. There we go. That's a legit question. Yeah.

Opening it up. Bobby Fischer cracked the code. Yep. I know Japanese people laugh with W's. Like wah, wah, wah, wah, wah? Yeah. Like instead of like H-A-H-A-H-A, they just do W-W-W-W. What's being said? I don't hear anything. Oh, he said Japanese people laugh with their eyes closed. Oh. No. No. Yeah, you do. Can everyone else hear you? Yep. Whoa, this is...

Pretty solid. Yeah. It's not like jelly. I think you need like a sliver. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. You're going to try a little piece. A little? No. Buddy, we're getting fucking cake bites. Here's yours. It's a dessert. Right. The others. But fruits are bigger and big in South America. That's not going to be bad. This will be fine. Oh, it's a fruit roll up. Fruit roll up? It's a fucking fruit roll up. Oh, this is really good.

Oh yeah, thank God. Fuck. This is really good. It's a fruit roll-up. Thank God I'm not throwing up. That's actually really tasty. Dude, South America for the fucking win. I bet those balls aren't so great. What balls? The ones right there. What are those? That's actually really tasty. Argentina for the win. These are... You know what's better if we don't know. Yeah. Ready? Blind taste test. Pop one in your mouth and tell me what you think it is. Same time. Okay. That's not bad. That's not bad at all. What is that?

Besitos. Casaba snack. Colorsion de Manico. Look at that. Look at what Zola pulled up. WWW is the Japanese equivalent of English ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that's what I actually said, not what Bird said. Oh, yeah. How did you know that? Someone fucks Japanese pussy. Someone's trying to get in the chat thread about fucking Pokemons. And he's just WWW.

How do you say it in Sanskrit? What's LOL in Sanskrit? How about just Arabic? Why are we going all the way to... Isn't it not Sanskrit what they write in? No. Go ahead. Just type in LOL in different languages. See, Sanskrit's a thing. The French do MDR. I can't see a fucking thing. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Mortaria. Mortaria. Dying of laughter. RS in Portuguese. Riso. Riso.

ASG in Swedish. Ah, the Juj. MKM in Farsi and Dari. Okay. In Iran, they're like, MKM. You're not going to blow up the whole plane. Look at Chinese, 233. 233. Boy, they just use numbers? Yeah. Fucking Chinese, man. They're like two steps ahead of us, one step behind. Like we'll be doing that in the future, but we're not doing it now. But in the future, we'll be like 233. 233, man.

I mean, we used to do that with 143, right? Oh, we is a... 143? Yeah, 143, I love you on a beeper. Remember that? Oh, no. No. 112. Oh, man. Okay. I feel so sick. I feel good. That fruit roll-up really kind of saved the day. Yeah, thank you. It really cleansed my palate. That was very helpful, actually. What do you think they all taste like together? No, they're not. Like just one mash-up. You are? Well, we are.

One mashup on a shrimp roll. I bet the fruit... I bet... I gotta be honest with you. I bet the fruit compliments the sardine in a way we couldn't expect. I'll do... Let me see that olive. Oh, fuck. The olive is worse. Here we go. Oh, fuck. It's on your hands. Oh, my God. It's like fucking... Here. It's like hot pussy. Ugh.

Wow, I don't know if I can do it. The smell of the fucking sardine already got me. We already did it. You don't have to do it again. It's so aggressive. You don't have to do it again. Everyone watching is like, do it one more. All right. Take this. A little bit of this. Let me see you do it. Oh my God, Bert. I bet this isn't that bad. Oh yeah. Okay, should we try just the fruit roll-up and the sardine? Okay. I think it's going to taste pretty good. You want it on a chip? You go first. Chip or raw dog? I think...

I don't know. You do it like that. Oh, fuck. Fucking sardine ruins it. Yeah, no shit. Should try it. Just try a little bit. God damn it, man. Fucking sardines. Get a lot of fruit roll up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good call. That's a really good call. I just go full fruit roll up and they shove a sardine inside it. Oh, man. That sardine is fucking overwhelming. A little sardine goes a long way. There you go. There you go. That's the bite you want. Get all the focus on the fruit roll up. Focus on the fruit roll up. There you go.

Yeah. You look like you're about to cry. There's so much fur all up. He's not like a child. There's so much fur all up. And the sardine still comes through. It's so bad. Amazing. You did it. Yeah, but the sardine's in my teeth. It's so bad. It's so disgusting. It is so bad. Fuck you, Morocco.

two three three two three three two three three two three three mkm mkm oh my god thank god jamaica's here jamaica you save the day every time thank you so much for your pineapple ginger juice thank you we should do a live two bears out of jamaica that'd be amazing just and not and you can't come down it's just for jamaican people thank you chad hanks thank you jamaica

Thank you to all the white girls. Oh my God. That's so fucking good. That's so fucking good. I'm having another one of these cheese balls. Oh, thank God you didn't say something else. Here you go. This is my gift to you. Well, if you've ever watched our show and said we're not cultured enough, you know now we're very open-minded gentlemen. If you have something in your hometown that you guys eat that you'd like to send to us,

Send it to us and we'll do a taste test. Be it head cheese or like some of the stuff that the Inuit eat with like a salmon eyeball, we're in. That fucking sardine won't stop. I think sardines, I don't think there's any saving grace for sardines. - That was so bad. - Can you imagine kissing a chick who loves sardines? - Oh, fuck dude. - And she was like, "Oh, I just had sardines." And you're like, "I dated a chick one time, "I thought she ate bologna all the time." And then I spent the night at her house and she was like, "Can I get you something to eat?" And I was like, "I might as well have a bologna sandwich."

She was like, I don't eat bologna. I was like, oh, that's what she fucking smells like. Her natural smell was bologna. Her natural smell? Yeah. It's not that bad if you like bologna. It's not that bad. It's better than sardines. A lot of mayonnaise on a bologna sandwich isn't bad with white bread. Do you think there's a podcast in Pakistan right now where they're trying mayonnaise and they're like, oh, white people eat this? And there's just spoonfuls of mayonnaise. They're like, no wonder they die so quick and all that type 2 diabetes.

Let's try a cheeseburger. Let's get out of here, dude. All right. I feel really sick. Congrats on beating diabetes. And thank you guys for watching and listening. And I'm going to go try to read. It's in my teeth. I'm going to have to brush my teeth for the first time today. I didn't want to brush them before this. I'm glad I didn't. Oh, it's stuck. I'm going to try to kiss Leanne. Do it right now. I'm going to sound deep. I thought you were going to throw up. I thought he was going to throw up, too. It's still coming.

It's coming up. Hold on. No, it stopped. All right, let's go eat lunch. All right, let's go. All right, love you. Love you, bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the swath, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.