Happy Women’s Month | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
01:16:24 Share

Amelia Earhart. No. She's amazing. Okay. She did crash. That guy fucking is a ride or die for his chick. Yeah. I think he should get a vote. I think we should take Stedman over Oprah for National Women's Month. This is women. Yeah, but he does kind of play the part a little bit. 100%.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. It's a good thing.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, small more. You were pulled off stage last night and I said you wanted to say something to the audience. I just want to apologize. You never know what's going on behind the scenes and I don't want to get into details but we're dealing with some real tragic news and I was trying to process it my way. You and your family. That's it.

You got to have a good fucking out. You got to think of your excuses. Can I tell you, I think my anxiety gives me powers and I'll tell you why. I think I have superhuman powers because I was on the flight. So does my eight year old. Keep going. He actually really does. I really think I do.

I was on the plane yesterday with Leanne. Didn't drink on the flight. Definitely drank at dinner last night. Let's talk about my blood work later. Okay. And I was feeling movements in the plane that she wasn't feeling. And I realized. Big plane, small plane. Big plane. Delta. I don't like flying Delta. The airline gives you. I don't like flying Delta. Can I tell you what's crazy? Really? You know, Japanese Airlines called Japanese Airline, but that's probably not what they call it. They probably call it like something. They probably just call it the airline. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I was like, it's kind of cool that we forced them to say Delta, like in their language. They have to go Delta. Delta. Yeah. So, but I noticed that like. That's your problem airline, Delta? I mean, I grew up flying Delta. I just find that everything looks very Swedish.

Like everything's like ergonomic. Okay. Everything's like very format, very like blue and red. And I miss the Delta days when they had that fucking hot lady. Redhead? Oh my God. Yeah, I DM'd her one time. Yeah.

Yeah, I was like, you do good work. Can you pull up a picture? She was the hottest. No, I'm sorry. It was public. It was public. I messaged her. She is so, she changed fucking. I mean, she was the best. Well, you know what it is? It's a nod back to the way flying used to be. Where you could smack them on the ass? Yeah, where the airline was like, you know what people want to look at?

attractive people. So, you know, it was the good old days where they would weigh them and they'd, you know, make them dress up. They would weigh them? Yeah, they did. They're like, you better not be over 125. So now you can only get that internationally. Like when you go, when you fly Cathay Pacific or Emirates or Japanese airlines, like,

They still enforce that. They're like, yeah, we'll hire you. Stay hot. Yeah. And then here you got big old Sally waddling down the fucking hitting you with her hips. And she's in a mood. And you're like, I got to fucking deal with you. This is what it used to be. When do you think the first mood? Hey, happy Women's Month. Happy Women's Month. Happy International Women's Month. When do you think attitude showed up with flight attendants?

It's definitely been like it, it probably, you know, there was probably a couple that gave it a shot in the seventies or eighties that got, they were like, that's when they used to like, yeah, you're out of here. And then, you know, fuck you tried to, they probably tried to sue and they're like, get the fuck out of here, you know? And then it's probably like shifted for real. I would say in the nineties, probably in the nineties into the, into the early two thousands when it became like, it's a, you know,

You don't have to look a certain way. That's when people started to go like, oh, but you're only hiring hot people here? Because we know somebody also that, for a totally different business, that only hires attractive women to work there. Is that me? No, but it is fucking hilarious. All right, I'll say it, but you got to cut it out. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. Oh, that's so fucking funny. But that is like a throwback thing. Yeah. And you know what ends up happening? You take note of it, right? When you go to this business, you take note of it. And then, like, I don't know. Everybody seems to, like, not complain. Just like, oh, okay. This is what it is. There's no fly in the ointment. No. There's... It's just... That's so funny. Yeah. I...

I would love just one throw. They should do throwback flights. One throwback flight where it's 1950s. Where they advertise it? Yeah. You can smoke on the plane. You can smoke on the plane. And you got to wear a suit. That's another thing. You don't get one or the other. You got to do it all. You got to do it all. Yeah. Yeah.

god i would love to do one of those people had like self-respect on those flags that's when planes went down all the time too did they yeah i mean i've been watching a lot of airplane crash videos why you hate that i know but i i got cocky i thought my anxiety was good and then i got on the plane yesterday and i was noticing when the plane would move and leanne didn't even notice it and i went i wonder if i'm like more tuned in yeah because i have my anxiety i have flown in so many situations where

you know there's real malfunctions and i don't even get like a little bit of anxiety i thought of you on my flight coming in because it was really bouncy coming into austin yesterday and i i don't have a problem landing bouncing landing doesn't bother me it's always take off take off take off and the idea of having to sit for two and a half hours fucks my head up in a tube in a tube and that i just start going like what am i gonna fucking do and that's why i i almost drank a takeoff

And then I was like, I don't want to drink on a plane. I'm healthy right now. I'm the healthiest I've ever been. And I was like, this is what will kill me is drinking all day on a fucking plane and then going out to dinner and drinking at night. So you didn't drink on the plane? Did not drink on the plane. And it was turbulent? It was turbulent coming out of LA. And it was turbulent. It was fun, the whole flight, turbulent coming in. But you weren't anxious in the turbulence or you were? Not landing because I feel like we're already on our way down. But I'm saying on the way up you were? Yeah.

You were nervous. And I, I mean, it was really bad. I started sweating and I was shaking and, and I go this, I looked at the end, I go, this is fucking physical. Like I'm not, I go, I'm not going to drink. I'm not doing this as a put on. Yeah. So like, Hey, look, I should get a drink. I'm like, I'm not drinking, but look at this. This is real. She's like, so funny. I don't even feel it. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I feel it. It's, it's, it's coursing through my fucking veins. Sure. But I wonder if that, cause I wondered, you know,

I wonder sometimes if I'd be able to dodge a punch. I've dodged a couple punches and I saw a couple. Dodge a punch? Yeah, because my anxiety is so high. I wonder if that's like a superpower is if like... Like you're just... Yeah, like if I always... Like when I... I regret speaking like this already and I haven't even said it. Yeah. But when I hung out with Nate Diaz, Shane Gillis said he was going to fuck me up.

He was like, just so you know, they're gonna jump you. - Jump you? - Yeah, and I was like, Gillis, I don't know, he likes heightening the fucking anxiety too. And so I was really nervous. I was very terrified that I was gonna be, that I might get jumped. And then I thought, now's the time I find out if I can duck a punch. I was like, how badass, if I'm gonna get a slap in the face and I just go,

I duck it and I go, oh. And I find out then. Well, here's the thing. They're definitely going to do that now. Now that you put that out there, you're going to get slapped. No, Nate and I are buddies. Nate and I are buddies. I believe you. Nate and I are buddies. Okay. I think you're going to get slapped. I'm not getting slapped. I don't want to get slapped. That's why I'm done talking about MMA fighters. Oh, are you? Yep. Nothing but respect. Good. And you know what? Because I always thought...

it's all jokes, you know? And I told Nate that. I always make jokes about the guys who get it. The guys who get comedy, I make jokes. I make jokes about Connor and Nate and Izzy. But then there are a couple guys that don't get the jokes. Yeah. That really don't get jokes. Sure. And so I would never, so I was like, you know, I'm going to just stop talking altogether. And now you're watching all these YouTubers get fucked up by MMA fighters. Yeah. And you're like, oh, that. I could totally see you talking about

some wild shit to Sean Strickland and then being like, haha, right? I would never say anything to Sean Strickland. I would never say anything to Sean Strickland. Oh, so you learned your lesson. Actually, Sean Strickland's a no-fly zone for me. Okay. I actually have nothing but absolute respect for Sean Strickland. No, I'm being serious because I know that Sean Strickland, if you said something even misinterpreted, he is a guy that has no problem slapping you in front of everybody. He is...

He is alpha male. Like, he is the dude in school that you're either friends with or you're not friends with. Yeah. And I want to be friends with him. I like Sean Strickland. Okay. His interview with Theo is fucking amazing. I like everything about him. He always has a gun on him, apparently. Yeah. Like, do you see him at the surprise party? Uh-uh. His wife threw him a surprise party and he pulled a gun out. At the surprise party? He was like, whoa. He walked into his house with a fucking ton of people and just pulled his gun out. I was like, ugh.

Sean Strickland is fucking old school. Yeah. Old school man. It's like...

It's like that Chris Rock joke. Yeah, but can you kick my ass? Yeah. Can you kick my ass? Yeah. Sean Strickland is, I love you, Sean. I have nothing but respect for you. This went in a whole other direction. Let's go MMA fighters that we have nothing but respect for. Oh, fucking all of them, dude. What are you talking about? I know, but there's a cut. Like, I'm done.

I'm done. I'm done. Yeah. I remember saying... It's just like a wild cat exhibit at the zoo. That's who they are. They're just fucking pumas and panthers and tigers and lions. You just got to be like, oh, it's cool to watch from over here. That's what it is. It's cool to get close to them sometimes, but I'm like... Yeah, yeah. It can always...

turn. It can. Like, we know somebody goes like, no, they're cool. Like with a, with like a tiger. It's cool. I work with it every day. And you're like, yeah, no, no, I see. That's cool. Over there is fine. And I think you forget how big they are. Like, like even just shaking Nate Diaz's hand. Like I remember I was, I said,

When I was in Ireland, I was like, let me see. Like joking. I'm trying to sell tickets. Let me see Conor McGregor. And then I saw him. And I felt his shoulder. And it was like, you know, it reminded me of Rogan's shoulder. Just this fucking lump. A boulder. And I was like, fuck. That hand thing, too. When we were in Vegas and we were together, we met Johnny Manziel.

With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month,

When you purchase a three-month plan, they mean it. There are multiple people here who have told me that they could not believe this was actually the way it is. They have signed up and they're only paying 15 bucks a month. Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest

5G network. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash bears. That's mintmobile.com slash bears. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash bears. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 per month. New customers are

on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

Isn't the point of traveling to get away from it all, to feel the best you've ever felt? Then maybe you should check out Aruba. You'll spend your time relaxing on cool white sandy beaches and floating in healing blue water. You'll meet locals brimming with gratitude for an island that redefines what a paradise can be. When your trip comes to an end, you won't need another vacation because you just had the vacation. That's the Aruba effect. Plan your trip at aruba.com.

And like, he's not a big guy, but his hands like a baseball mitt. You mean Baker Mayfield? No, Johnny Manziel. Wait, when did we see Johnny? God. We met him at the slap fight.

Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, shit, yeah. I totally forgot that. You sat down and talked. Cowboy Cerrone. Cowboy Cerrone is someone I'd fuck around with. Sure. Well, he's very funny. He gets it. I would make jokes because I think he knows it's meant as a joke. Yeah, he definitely does. He has a good sense of humor. But he's also a fucking man.

Yeah, no, I wouldn't fuck with him. I'm saying he's funny. He gets jokes. Yeah, he was funny that night. He was hilarious at that. He was talking shit. He was talking shit too. Like it was dead silent. And then there he was like, it ain't shit. And I kept going, he said that. He said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he was a lot of fun. God damn. Yeah, those guys are fucking. He was a lot of fun.

But yeah, but Manziel, you clearly don't remember. I do. I do now. But that's a fucking bear's paw on him. And then you're like, oh, that's definitely... There's just different builds to these people. He's doing really good. I don't know.

And now that I remember running into him, he's doing good and he's playing great golf. I've been talking. I talk about him on stage. I know. And Sean, you know Sean who I work with? Yeah. I've been talking about him on stage for a few months. And the other day he goes, dude, Johnny Manziel's white?

I was like, yeah, because you've been talking about him. I just assumed he wasn't because you said how good he was. I was like, yeah. Yeah, there's a few. There's a few outliers. Johnny Manziel's like Big J. Yeah. He likes the fun of the spontaneousness of the sport. Yeah. But if you tell Big J, hey, you're going to have to write a Conan set, he'd be like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Yeah. Johnny Manziel's cool as fuck. I think all...

I think, did you see Jason Kelsey's retirement speech? Yeah. Yeah, it was emotional. Some cool watching a man cry. Yeah, about something that's meant a lot to him. Something that he's been dedicated to for his entire adult life. He's 36, man. That means like...

He's been playing ball since he was a kid. 13 years in the NFL. The majority of his life has been this one, you know, profession. I love that. I always thought he was just the greatest. And to hear he was an underdog. Yeah. Was kind of fucking cool. Yeah. He's a big man too. In person you go like, oh, okay. And he's undersized. That's the crazy thing. When you meet him, you're like, whoa. And then you realize for the NFL, he's an undersized lineman. Yeah.

These dudes are fucking monsters. Ah, fucking. He said that, what's his name, has a big dick. I don't know. Carson Wentz. Was it Carson Wentz? He said, I posted it in my stories. Look at my stories on Instagram. He goes...

He goes, the big Hail Mary play they threw? Yeah. And he goes, and the guy, I'll say this, with the biggest dick on our team. Yeah, yeah, Nick Foles. Nick Foles had the biggest dick on our team. I love that he brought up his dick size. Well, that became a big folklore thing in Philadelphia. Oh, really? It was like Nick Foles' dick. Yeah, yeah. Big Dick Nick is what they would call him. And I guess he's like very...

uh, you know, kept to himself, like the total opposite personality that you imagine. Give me a big dick. No, you'd be insufferable, dude. But, uh, I don't know if I'd be me. I don't know. I don't think I would. Uh, I don't think I would be me. I think I needed my dick to establish my personality. I think we all do. I was saying the other day, I'm so glad I was fat. Cause I don't think you really appreciate your health until you've once been fat and out of shape and unhealthy. And then you get healthy. It's almost like being rich.

it those kids that just have been rich their whole life yeah it's not doesn't mean anything to them but if you've been poor yeah and then you make some money that money is so much more fun for you because you remember what it's like being poor of course i wonder if that's how people that go through plastic surgery are like i used to be ugly as fuck i remember the there's so there's always see people that like overdo it but i remember just uh i knew a couple girls who just had

crazy terrible noses oh whoa and then they'd come back from summer break with their new nose and they were gorgeous yeah you're like oh shit this is what was this is all you needed like if you go crazy then it's you look like a fucking goblin but like if you just like fix a bad nose yeah some of those noses i kind of think a big nose is sexy i do too i'm talking about these were like not

beautiful nose like a big big beaks big beak yeah i think it's there was a chick like one of those there was a chick that was fat as fuck yeah our freshman year just i mean a big tub of shit yeah and then she went like and i was happy women's month happy national women's month and and uh

And everyone wrote her off. And I didn't write her off, but I definitely wasn't mean to her. But I was just friends. I wasn't like. You didn't beat her up. I didn't. I just was kind of nice to her. Yeah. Like just a regular person. Sure. And then she came back.

a fucking dime sophomore year. She goes to all girls Catholic high school. I went to a boys Catholic high school. So the word got out. Has anyone seen this person? Yeah, yeah. I don't want to say her name. Edit it out. Okay. And they were like, has anyone seen her? She came back. I guess her parents sent her to a fat camp and she came back

The hottest girl and she was the coolest right because she had a she had fat girl personality a girl energy Yeah, and so she came back with fat girl energy with hot chick body. Yeah, and she was like what's up Bert? And I was like remember I wasn't mean to you I Never hooked up with her. Yeah, I remember she went for the guy that was a dick to her too, of course Of course, so fucking she could have it's a life lesson. She learned she learned and

National Women's Month. Wait, let's talk about my blood work real quick. Okay. Perfect blood work. Can I get a bone broth? This is my new health system. Fasting. I am not a doctor. I am not a doctor. Thank you, brother. This is I am not a doctor. Listen to me right now. But I will tell you, I have been doing... Who gets kettle and fire? Kettle and fire. Kettle and fire does this bone broth. And I do bone broth every day. I fast every...

For I try to do 16 hour fast and I've been keto if not carnivore I mean swear to God but this bone broth I swear to God one cup and I feel like I'm done eating For it staves off my hunger. I'm just gonna murder this real quick. Hold on Here take it away. It's done. I'm done. I don't even need anymore. That's it. Thank you. Yes

Perfect blood work. Clean bill? Top to bottom. Across the board? I want to say this. I'm not a doctor. I'm just giving you my stats. Carnivore for roughly seven months. Carnivore.

Keto, 100%, I would say 85% carnivore, meaning ribeye steaks every night. Eddie V's, anytime I'm in Austin, both nights I went to Eddie V's, I got their carpaccio, their yellowtail sashimi, I got cream spinach, and I got their fucking ribeye steaks.

Every fucking night in Austin. Okay. Cholesterol's better than it's ever been in my entire life. That sounds like a calorically dense meal. Perfect blood work for my liver enzymes. Perfect. Really? Perfect. Perfect. And I went, I did the blood work Friday at like 1.30 and I was like, I won't get it till Monday unless it's bad, they call you immediately. And Saturday, Friday night, we went out, got fucking...

- Wasted. - Yeah. - Don't forget, let me tell, forget to tell you about the code word. - The code word? - Oh yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. So get up at like four in the morning and my blood work showed up in the middle of the night. Don't have my glasses on, I'm gonna panic 'cause I've gotten bad blood work. - And you're fucked up at this point? - I'm hungover. - Yeah. - Look at it.

Everything's in the green. Everything's perfect. Right down the center. And I went, shut the fuck up. Eight in the morning, my doctor texts me. Did you see your fucking blood work? He's like, this is fucking amazing. Whatever you're doing, stay on it. Dude, carnivore 100%. I drank 57 times in the last 210 days. I've counted them. 57 times? 57 times. It's more now. It's probably like fucking 65 since I got my blood work. But 57 times in the last 210 days. And

And I'm staying on it. I'm staying on it. I feel like health is one of those things just like I had to be as fat as I fucking was to understand how good it feels to simply tie your shoe, to simply be able to do, to get on a treadmill and jog without pain, to feel good, to get up and look in a mirror and not hate mirrors. Imagine how you felt when she came back sophomore year.

She was so fucking pretty yeah, she and I know that all the other girls were like fuck and they were always cool to work She was like the fat chick yeah, they were always cool to her, but then when she started out shining him Yeah, you see the bitterness of course she never really made it into that center click. She was always an outsider. Yeah, it's interesting anyway perfect blood work code word here We go okay code word Leanne's been getting drunk lately. She's gonna be fucking livid when I tell this story Okay, she is in the lobby but she's drinking with you lately. I

Run around lately when Leanne drinks she gets ornery. Okay. It's like a bull you can see that the smoke come out of her nose just Yeah, and so one night We get into a fight Leanne's a little drunk. I don't I don't think I was drinking and I the next morning I said hey, you know, I was on your side last night like we were on the same side and

She goes, I know. But what was it? And I said, well, I think when you drink, sometimes you get ornery. And I notice it. I can pick it up. Yeah. And even the girls can pick it up. Because it's like a weird ornery. Like, just have a drink and then go, and that's why all that laundry's on the stairs. Ain't no one taking it upstairs but me. And it just starts coming out. So I said, there should be a code word. She's going to walk in this room and make me stop talking. OK. There should be a code word that we use. OK.

When we notice the other person's drunk. Okay. And then when we go, Hey, everyone, cause for me, you know, mine, I get sensitive and I think everyone's teaming up on me. Okay. She goes, okay. So the code word will be for you. If I notice that you're getting in your feelings cause you've had alcohol, I'm going to say, Hey, blue eyes. Yeah. And then you'll know that'll pull me out. And I go, and if I, you notice it for me, you say, Hey, brown eyes. Okay. And then all you know is you hear that and you go, I'm centered. The person I'm with loves me. We're a team. Nothing bad can happen.

So we go to dinner with Whitney Cummings and her boyfriend. I won't say her boyfriend's name because I don't know if they're out in public or not. And so Leanne has a martini, then another martini. And Whitney asks an inside baseball question about business stuff. And Leanne is kind of talking shit. And Leanne just goes, let me fucking tell you about that bitch. And I go, hey, brown eyes. And then it's supposed to work where she goes, you're right.

She goes, I'm getting code worded already. He pulled the code word out. I'm getting code worded. Can you believe that? And I go, hey, that's not how code words work. She's like, no, this motherfucker, we have a code word. If someone's drunk and they're talking shit, we got a code word. And he's already code worded me. I only had one drink. Oh, our code word. Now everyone knows our fucking code word. I'm like, this is not how it's supposed to work.

I could not stop fucking laughing. I go, when he goes, what is she saying? I go, I just finished your statement on their brown eyes. So I can fucking wrap it up. This is two martinis in two martinis. We haven't even gotten our appetizers yet. So we had to change our code word.

But apparently a lot of people have code words that they, a lot of couples have code words. For that kind of thing? For like, if you're saying something you're not supposed to say, like do you and Christina have a code word? Because she likes to tie one on. Yeah, she'll get a little loose. But no, I don't think I have a code word. No, it's usually like a little...

A look or... A look. It's a look or an under the table squeeze. That's usually the code word. The code word is like, yeah, just like a little leg or hand squeeze. Like, hey, Jesus Christ.

What are you doing? It's one of those. But I don't have a code word. But a code word is a good idea. Yeah, we have a new code word. Also, no, I don't think it would work, though. I think I would say, hey, Brown Eyes, and she'd be like, what about him? And I'd be like, that's not how the guest goes. I was code wording her last night at dinner. Yeah. I love when she drinks because it is the chick that I never got to date.

is the fucking redneck who doesn't mind pushing someone into their, like, it's, I love that energy. And man, she got, Leigh-Anne got lit last night. We all went out to Eddie V's and she called our daughters and was talking shit. I loved it. I was laughing so hard. George is like, mom? And she's like, ah, fuck him.

And just, oh, I love that energy. Yeah. She's been getting loose. Sounds like it. It sounds like you have multiple stories. Dude, I have so many good Leanne stories right now. We went to Philip Lee's Sushi by Scratch. It's great. It's great. And we had...

So much fun and there were two girls that were getting hammered down at the end of the bar and they were just like they were they got drunk quick and Leanne was just lands eavesdropping on everyone. It was we had such a fucking good good eavesdrops

are the fucking best. It's a good time. The fucking best. Yeah. I almost think they should make a thing on your phone where you can eavesdrop better on somebody. You know like those things they have on the sidelines? Like spyware. Like spyware. Yeah. I'm sure that's available. I don't think they're going to, I think you have to seek it out.

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to united.com slash Australia to book your adventure.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.

I love other people's conversations more than mine. - It's fun, yeah, it's fun, it's really fun. - Yeah. - Yeah. We play games like when we're at, where you guess people's lives, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like you start assuming like, oh, that guy, he's a fucking, he owns a shipping company, that lady, she's probably like a Pilates instructor. You start building their life and then you ask them and you see if whether you guessed well. - Oh, hold on. Can I tell you my two favorite eavesdrops I've ever had? - Sure.

The girls and I took a cruise from California to fucking Puerto Vallarta or wherever you take that cruise from. Yeah. And we are sitting having dinner, and there is a table of eight black women. Mm-hmm.

And they are fucking shitting on one of their girlfriend's boyfriends, one of their friend's sister. I think they're all related. So it's family. Why'd you have to bring him? She goes, he's cool. And I'm not doing the accent well. And they're like, he's annoying. And they're lighting this guy up. And there's one seat available. And the girls and I are just, no one's talking at our table. We're just eavesdropping. And we're like, and they're like, he's,

disgusting he smells there he he gets drunk he talks shit he's we did not want him coming and you brought him and she's like i love him and they're like he's not right for you and we're just waiting and waiting and waiting all of a sudden isla starts kicking the table and she goes oh he's coming and it's better than i thought it's a skinny white dude with like a chin strap beard and he's like yo yo what up and we're like it was the best reveal yeah second best eavesdrop

Leanne and I are at the beach. This guy's going to hear this. He's going to know I'm talking about him. He is? He has to. I introduced myself to him. He was that interesting.

We're sitting in fucking in, I might've even told you this. We were sitting in the Cayman islands and we're in our cabana and the cabana next door is a bunch of Canadians. And I hear the words and that's how my first wife almost died. And I'm like, huh? And they go, and then everyone goes on your honeymoon. And he goes, who knows? You could get frostbite and brand and Banff in the winter. I took her horseback riding for our honeymoon. We, she almost died. My second wife. Now she died. And I'm like,

I was like, Leanne, stop talking. I'm listening to this guy. He was so interesting. I went over and introduced myself to him. I was like, I need to know more about your life. And he's like, I'm a lawyer from Ottawa. Oh, how many wives have you had? I was like, he's like, I'm on my fourth. And she was like, I'm not dying. He kills them all. And I'm like, I know somebody who's had three spouses die. Yeah. And then I know. And then I found out that four girls that I have

at least dated for a few weeks, are dead. Isn't that crazy? Four? - For real? - Yeah. Like either someone, one of them I dated for like a month, one of them I dated for a summer, one of them I dated for a year, and the other one was more like a, you know, fling. All four are dead. - How'd they die? - One of them died in a car accident.

One of them was a fall. A Xanax. Yeah. One of them was an illness. One of them's missing. So I guess we just assume she's dead. You sound like the guy from that Netflix documentary. Have you seen that Netflix documentary? Which one? The one where they go, so they showed up in scuba suits. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. American Nightmare. American Nightmare. That is the best fucking night. Also, the guy, though, when he's telling the story, he's like, and she's gone. And you're like, that's your...

That's your sad face? He's like, I just wanted to help her, you know? Anyway. Yeah. And you're like, you're not really emoting well. What time did you wake up? And he's like, like 11? Yeah. And you waited till 1.30 to call us? Well, they were watching me. They were watching me with the camera up there. And the detectives are like,

Okay, so we... How about he goes, one detective's like, buddy, what I do is I tell who's talking shit and you're talking shit. Like, this is a lie. And I know you're lying. And then the one guy that did the fucking polygraph, by the way, if you haven't seen this doc, it's so fucking good. American Nightmare, it's so well done. I still think the, okay. Don't even spoil alert it. No, let's spoil it. Yeah, we'll just spoil it now. Let's just ruin it. Let's ruin it. Let's ruin it. If you haven't seen this, and by the way, we're going to talk about Spaceman next. But when you watched it, okay,

Episode one focuses on the male victim, suspect. When you're watching episode one, aren't you like, hey man,

And something's up with you. He killed her. Yeah. Because your sheets aren't on your bed anymore. But also waited till everything. There were three guys in scuba outfits. But don't you feel like the way that his emotions read, you're like, these don't feel like. And then the thing is he's present day, like for the documentary, but then they show you the interrogation room and it's exactly the same. He's like, yeah. And then they came in and like, Oh God, I just want, I want her. I want her back. I want her back. And then they're like,

okay and you so you watch that whole thing and you're like this guy is definitely full of shit yeah and then the second episode starts with the girl and she's like yeah they took me and she has the same level of emotion where you're like this does it i don't you don't believe her until the end of episode two you don't believe her when she goes when she see her walking into her parents house casually on her cell phone like

You're like in her nursing outfit, I think it looked like. And you're like, this is fucking horseshit. And then to learn in episode three is when you go, wait, wait, they're telling the truth? The only thing crazier than the two of them is the guy who kidnapped her, who's like, first of all, she's not lying. I did kidnap her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really did.

And you better not accuse her of lying again. Yeah, you better not. Or I'll start kidnapping your kids. Yeah, he's fucking. And he's giving advice. He's like, first of all, you have terrible locks. You need an alarm system. Get a bigger dog. Like, it's the most banana story. I him breaking into people's house about people and then stopping and going, yeah, you're right. I fucked up.

That's the wildest thing in the world. Yeah. He broke into that lady's house. Yeah. And then, and then was like, and then no one believed any of the fucking women. Yeah. No one believed. Now that we're celebrating national women's month. Yes. We should just step up and say all those people that work at fucking Vallejo, please. That was horrible. They should be fucking fired. And,

The FBI guy was fucking his ex-wife. He had such a conflict of interest. Like, he should have recused himself from the case. And then when he gets...

the lead, like the groundbreaking lead, he's like, yeah, we'll look into it. She's like, aren't you like flipping out right now that I gave you this? He's like, I don't know. We need to do a test. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get some sodas and talk this through first. Yeah. It's very, it's very bizarre. The only thing that, that like kind of goes over most people's mind though, is that when you're watching, um,

the detectives and, and how shitty they handle themselves. You have to remind yourself that you actually felt that way about this guy too. When you start, you know what I mean? Oh, I never thought. Yeah. So like when you're watching him, you're like, it's fucking guys full of shit. And then you're watching the detectives and they're like, yeah, you're fucking full of shit. Yeah. So you actually are aligned with the detective and you don't realize it. Oh,

oh yeah i never realized that because i had a certain point have the foresight to know exactly oh that they she really did get it they've caught the guy but they just went so they leaned so hard into their full of that they blast them on the news the chief of police is like burn that it's and then they question him in the depth and he's like i don't remember saying that

I don't want to burn that bitch. That doesn't sound like my vocabulary. Let's go through history to celebrate national women's day. Yes. And we may be the wrong podcast to do this. Maybe. And also to the women that I've known that are dead. They were great. Let's take a moment of silence. To all the women you dated that are no longer with us. All mine are still here. Okay. I don't have a big list. Neither do I. That's why it's kind of sad. I wonder if they're all here. There's one I can't find. Yeah. Nice girls. The...

Who let's, let's celebrate women for a second. Okay. Let's start. Let's start with the top five bad bitches in the world. Meaning in history, in history, we're talking JFK status, Martin Luther King status, like, but women, but women. Okay. Uh, so they're not there. They're below. Obviously they're, well, yeah, they're women. They're women. So, and this is going to be tough because there's some bad motherfucking women that

And when you think about, if you're talking history, not the current ones, we're not doing Kamala Harris, right? We're talking ones that had to do, she doesn't make the fucking list. No. No, not even remotely. Nothing, I mean, I would even say. So we start Amelia Earhart. No. Why? Can't do lesbians. Why are we taking them out? Because they weren't. They have male traits? No, yeah, yeah. They were so focused on pussy, they were like, that's what I want to do. But she's amazing. Okay. She did crash.

That's a good point. Yeah, it's like no one talks about the people that didn't get to Everest. Yeah. Like he was one of the best climbers. What is he doing now? Well, he's up there still. He's still there. Everyone's like, I mean, yeah, she had some good runs. I mean, there's better pilots than her. There are. There are better pilots than her. There's one, the first female to fly. But think about the tits it had to take back then to fucking...

Solo. Fly across. Dude, bitches did it before her. Who? It was a chick Googler. First female to fly. She set the record flying from England to Australia. Really? Yeah. And she did it way before Amelia Earhart. Amy Johnson.

She flew solo from England to Australia in 1930. Well, then she's on the list. No, she's not. She died too, I think. Flying? Yeah. You can't. See if Amy Johnson died. You can't listen in order. Well, she's definitely dead. It's from the fucking early 1900s. At 37, she definitely died in a plane crash. That's a plane crash.

It ran out of fuel. That's not her fault. Really? It's just like a woman not to fill it up before you leave. And then go, hold on. And they go, hold on. We still got 23 more miles. I go, yeah, but we're getting on the interstate. The incident was initially claimed on poor weather, but it was later claimed the plane was downed by friendly fire. Shot down is definitely not. Yeah, but we can't really be sure about that. Really? Yeah.

And I think I will stand as the foremost knowledgeable person about Amy Johnson. And so, and listen, by the way, I doubt we're going to get any blowback from her. No, we're not. She looks beautiful in that picture. First of all, it's got, look, okay. So you got to take, these are the rules for the baddest bitches in the world. Okay. What's the rules? And I hate that I'm saying this, but I'm going to say, this is our game. So we can do whatever we want. They have to be straight.

Jesus. Okay. Well, no, because then here's the deal. Back in the Industrial Revolution, they only hired women and children because they were subservient. And so they could tell them to do whatever the fuck they said they can do. So now what we're looking for is bad bitches who push back against society. Still dated men, so still liked men, right? But pushed against societal norms. Right.

So like when you look at someone like Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady, she was a bad bitch. She was the first one. She was a groundbreaking woman. Like Rosa Parks, bad bitch. Rosa Parks, no one's got what Rosa Parks had. That's a very, do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Amy Johnson, Amelia Earhart, dime a dozen. Rosa Parks, not.

Rosa Parks did something none of us would have the balls to even stand up adjacent to her. So like, that's what I'm saying when I say bad bitch, like, like really bad motherfucker. Okay. So Harriet Tubman, she's on the list. Fuck. Yes.

And by the way, I don't want to start with two women of color because I feel like I've already blown out. Yeah, it's also it's like how many how many we're gonna have I know I mean there will There's a fucking bunch. I'm okay. I pull Maya Angelou off the list. She's I was she was on my list originally I pulled her off. I saw an interview of her on Sally Jessie Raphael that just turned me off Oh, really? What did she say that upset you? It's just the way she talked to someone. It was like a Bill Cosby thing Oh like kind of lecturing them. Yeah, it's like you need to be relatable. Okay, so

All right, so Gloria Estefan. Do you say Gloria Steinem? Estefan. Gloria Estefan. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll listen. All right. I mean, like, Cuban had to, you know, deal with the... It's a male-dominated business. Boom. Became a huge, huge pop star. Huge. Okay, Gloria Estefan, bigger. Okay. Okay. I like where we're going. So now we're going to... Straight. Straight. Which is part of your... Fuck yeah. It's part of my credentials. Yeah.

um because we can do a lesbian list we can do a lesbian list okay it's a different list billy billy jean king fucking yeah right okay it's a she played a different thing than the than like the straight ladies yeah gotcha uh so okay so if we're gonna do gloria stefan so then let's name the people in her field that she's better than is she better than madonna

i mean if you're yeah you're looking at it now right because like there's a time when it was a i think more of a now i i think it's without question without question because madonna's a white chick gloria stefan person of color had to rise above but also madonna's

Don't do Madonna now. Don't do Madonna now. Well, Madonna in her heyday was the biggest thing in the world. And the biggest thing in the world. But I would say. And also definitely, here's the thing though, definitely sexually fluid. So maybe isn't that like not. She's out. Yeah, she's definitely ate a lot of box. She did. Guler Stefan did not eat box. No.

I think Gloria Estefan is in that list. And in a bus accident, broke her back, came back, still had a fucking thriving career. Incredible. Great businesswoman too. I think, I will say this, had Selena lived longer, it would be a run, she would give. You think so? Selena was a bad motherfucker. Okay. Selena, Selena, I just saw the one movie on her, but Selena was pretty fucking dope. Okay. Okay. Gloria Estefan, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman. I say, I say we do this. I say we gotta, we can only do

I think we got to pick Rosa Parks or Harriet Tubman. I mean, Harriet had a fucking harder time for sure. Yeah. Yeah. She definitely did. Yeah. She definitely did. She definitely did. God, I have like a thing for Rosa Parks.

Well, look, we can't let your sexual feelings influence the list. I think it has to be a... No, it's not sexual. I just got obsessed with Rosa Parks for a period of time. Yeah? Yeah, I got really obsessed. You know she was like the fifth person to sit down on the bus and not move? I learned that in later years that she wasn't...

the first one she wasn't the first one it was just that it had the biggest impact yeah it had the biggest impact because of who she was church going lady like the one one chick got i think was pregnant at like 15 and they're like no we can't let that one be the face because it's gonna and so they they overlooked a couple did you know that marie antoinette did not say let them eat cake no she never said it

Well, then what's the... It's just one of those things. It's like everyone thinking Sinbad was in a movie about genies. So it just never happened. Does everybody think that? Yeah. Type in Sinbad genie movie. Sinbad genie movie. Non-existent film Shazam has been allegedly to start in by Sinbad as a genie. Everyone just remembers it as their collective unconscious. Type in Marie Antoinette, let them eat cake. Marie Antoinette, by the way, little insight on her.

Let me just listen. Is the most famous quote attributed to Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France, during the French Revolution. As the story goes, it was the Queen's response upon being told that her starving peasant subjects had no bread. But she never really said it. Or at least that's what a podcast I listen to. Oh, okay. But did she ever actually utter those words? Probably not. Qu'ils mangent de la brioche. Doesn't exactly translate to let them eat cake. It translates to as well as let them eat brioche.

Of course, since brioche is a rich bread made with eggs and butter almost as luxurious as cake, it doesn't really change the point of the story. More important though, there's absolutely no historical evidence that Marie Antoinette ever said, let them eat brioche or anything like it. So where did the quote come from and how did it become associated with Marie Antoinette?

As it happens, folklore scholars have found similar tales in other parts of the world, although the details differ from one version to another. In a tale collected in 16th century Germany, for instance, a noblewoman wonders why the hungry poor don't simply eat a sweet bread, a "Kossum". Essentially, stories of rulers or aristocrats oblivious to their privileges are popular and widespread legends.

What's more amazing about this is an ad for your tour was at the bottom of the page. Yeah, it was. That's fucking bizarre. That is crazy. That's fucking bizarre. That's weird, yeah. It's like getting a pop-up ad for dick enlargement pills when you have a small dick and you're like, how do you know? How is this? Marie Antoinette, Prussian, right? She gets given to King Louis at like 14. He's like 15. Jesus. And they take her to the Prussian border. You know what they do to her? They strip her nude at 14 and they go, she's yours. Take all her clothes off her.

Send her over. There's like the custom back then they didn't dress her in the gear ours These are our clothes and had to dress like a Prussian. We want a fucking Paris, baby Yeah, okay Queen Elizabeth. I'm putting Queen Elizabeth on this list why I love her really I love Queen Elizabeth Queen Elizabeth does not want to be Queen Yeah, her fucking coward uncle denounces the throne for some fucking high society slut. Yeah the

By the way, bring up Truman Capote. Have you seen this Truman Capote Swans thing? I'm all over the fucking map. Yeah, you really are. It's these fucking, I switched over to Lucy's. Lucy's are the shit. And they have these little breakers and I love breaking them. I know. Let me get one. Boom. Hold on. Stop with Truman Capote. Queen Elizabeth does not want to be queen. Her dad dies. No male heir. She has to be queen. She didn't want to even fucking do it.

And she was queen. She let her husband go around and fuck island hopping. Tight. Dude. Yeah. How crazy would that guy? That guy like lives on a fucking bachelor party on a boat for like five years. He's going island to island. And he's like, if they get pregnant, we kill them. Pretty cool. It's pretty cool. I put Queen Elizabeth on the list. Okay. Out of all the queens. You got to put a queen on there. You just put a queen. So we got Harriet Tubman, Queen Elizabeth, Gloria Estefan. Yeah.

Yeah. And you wanted Margaret Thatcher on there. No. There's two Brits. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Queen Elizabeth over Margaret Thatcher. Really? Margaret Thatcher was kind of a cunt. She... I mean, from my understanding. Okay. Like, the Falkland Wars was all her. The fucking... The big coal mining iron ore thing. She kind of fucked those guys. Okay. She fucked everyone. Okay. I mean, I know I'm going to get pushback, but Margaret Thatcher wasn't like the hero. Pretty cool what she did. Yeah, yeah. But...

I'd take Condoleezza Rice over Margaret Thatcher. All right, so we have... Do we do athlete? We should do athlete for sure. Now that's tough because so many great ones are gay and you do not allow them in this list. So who can we allow in to the great athlete debate? It's a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer? Yeah, Venus Williams. Straight? Venus, not Serena? Serena Williams. Okay.

I take Zarina over Cena. You know what I mean? I take Zarina. Zarina's unbelievable. Best female athlete ever? You absolutely have that ammo for that argument, yeah. Let's quantify her in the bad bitch list. Ready? Yeah. Woman of color at a young age playing in public courts on Compton with her dad as her coach, right? Yeah. Not set up to succeed. Her

Her sister arguably is better than her at that age. At that age, 100% still goes on to and then push back from society. That's the other thing we need is a pushback from society when they're telling her what to wear on the court. She goes, no, fuck you. I'm wearing this. And she just dominated the sport. She dominated the sport and she dominated that sport more than any woman has ever dominated any sport ever and ever, ever, ever. Yes, she was super dominant. Okay. So now you got Venus. Venus. Venus.

Sorry. Gloria Estefan. Yes. Harriet Tubman. Harriet Tubman. Okay. Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth. Jesus Christ. This is a weird orgy. One, two, three, four. So we need one more. We need one more. Okay. So wait, what's the world we're going to pick from? Because we have an athlete. Yes. We have a musician. We have a humanitarian. A humanitarian. And we have a princess. So a politician. Okay. Queen Elizabeth.

so we didn't take explorer because they they never really panned out they die we didn't take do we do do we do actress who would who would get a catherine hepburn would be a yeah i mean does she push back against oh yeah what all the might have been gay though oh i think she was gay because they can't just be great they have to be straight and they have to oprah

No. Get out of here. You know, do you see what she did with the Ozempic? No. Allegedly. I don't even know. I just overheard this. She is like the head of Weight Watchers. And she's been on Ozempic for like two years. Really? Everyone's like, you look great. She's like, Weight Watchers. And then finally she was like, okay, I'm on Ozempic. Oh, really? Yeah. What does she look like right now? What does Oprah look like in 2024? Let's see. Images. Oh, yeah. She still looks good.

I would have sex with Oprah just to lay in bed with her and hear her talk in the morning. Really? Yeah. Is she still with that guy? Stedman? Yeah. Probably. I don't think a guy like that goes anywhere. I don't think Stedman's got options. He's got options. Whoa, that's what Stedman looks like fucking Al Sharpton. Go to that picture on the left. Is that Stedman now? Yeah. No, it's back in the day. Oh. It's 30 years old, man.

Oh, Stedman's a good looking man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Stedman's a good looking man and he's a great side piece. That guy fucking is a ride or die for his chick. Yeah. I think he should get a vote. I think we should take Stedman over Oprah for National Women's Month. This is women. Yeah, but he does kind of play the part a little bit. Yeah, that's true. So we have Gloria Estefan, Stedman. Venus, Harriet, and the Queen. Yeah, we have a lot of people of color on this list.

what about just got the queen she didn't even do anything she just got born into it yeah that i don't i want to remove the queen but top put in let's just see how our list compares to the internet top 10 greatest women ever we'll see like what what a list says we should have put jenna jameson on our list i was going to say somebody should have a porn star melikali oh yeah that was the first chick you jerked off to like in porn very creative very crazy yeah it's like boom pasteurization

who was your first porn uh it wasn't a porn star it was uh a chicken vogue magazine oh yeah no i jerked off to the sports illustrated issue for sure but i'm saying when you saw porn who was the first porn i wouldn't even be able to tell you seriously the chick that put her foot in another girl's that was your first one yeah yeah i've never seen anything like that that was very good oh god i'm gonna know i'm gonna know where this is on that tape you didn't make note of who that was i don't even know who she was

that's a good move yeah whole foot going just toes but it was so hot yeah i didn't i didn't expect it that's what caught me off guard yeah that's what i like in in porn is like when you go what's that yeah like i love that there's something like now there's no new moves left there's nothing yeah it's hard to surprise me rosa parks is on there number two wow you should have kept her where's harriet tubman well hold on who's this

emeline prankhurst a leader of the british oh suffrage yeah get out of here pass pass ada lovelace sounds like a porn star keep going does

Was the first person on record to acknowledge the capability of what computers could do and worked with Charles Babbage, the father of computers, to translate an article which is considered to be the first instance of computer programming. Do you know what that means? Do you know what it means? She basically did all the work and that guy took all the fucking credit. Yeah, yeah, which is actually the fucking move. So Rosalind Franklin... Is that what you do on your mom's house? Yeah, of course.

Of course. Rosalind Franklin, she was into, okay, keep going. Oh, there's Margaret. Margaret Thatcher, goddammit. We cut her off our list, though. The Iron Lady was the first female prime minister and came to power in 1979, 61 years after women got the right to vote. Yeah. Oof. Angela heard it. Kutz. Kutz, not on our list.

Sad you look sad philanthropist one of the wealthiest women in Britain she co-founded whatever scroll Mary Wollstonecraft that's back in the day a British writer philosopher and advocate for women's right it's nightingale Oh, we didn't think about I didn't think about Florence Nightingale Okay scroll we know she did Mary Stokes wait. What did she do? I don't know what she was a nurse

Oh, really? Yeah. She was like a secular nurse. I thought she was a Days of Our Lives actress. Marie Stokes. Yeah, you know she's British, right? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Ready? Don't even tell me what she did. Just judge by her face what she did. Fucking. By the way, we're taking this. It's National Women's Month. We should celebrate her. I know. Made tea? I don't know what she did. Okay. This is before makeup, I guess. Yeah. Go down. Go down.

She founded the first birth control clinic in North London. Okay. Great. She was an abortion doctor. That's cool. Eleanor of Aquitaine. Ooh, that's back in the dizzy Middle Ages. The Virgin Mary. Motherfucker. We could have had her on the list. We could have had her. Jane Austen? Jane Austen? Shit. I was thinking of a different Jane Austen. All right. All right. Let's pivot. You ready? Yeah. Let's do now.

top five most evil women in history. Okay. Like we're looking for Hitler's equivalent. All right. Amber Heard. Oh, that's hold on. Right.

Eve hold on hold on no no no no no she's not gonna make the list when you think about like Imelda Marcos Like when you think of like the bad bitches you think it matter Imelda Marcos was not nice. I don't know yeah I think so type in a metal Marcos. I don't really know anything about her other than she had shoes lots of shoes So but nobody you got like Eileen Warner. I like serial killer. Who's the girl that Casey Anthony Casey Anthony? Yeah Griselda Blanco

Yeah. There are some real bad bitches. Look at her. Look at that expression on her face. That's get the fuck out of my face.

This is what made me think about it. I was watching this thing on Vice about the Korean. There's like five Korean families who own everything in Korea. One of them owns the Korean Airlines. Yeah, she owns the Korean Airlines, her family. And they're getting ready to take off. And the flight attendant brought her a bag of macadamia nuts and didn't put them on a plate. And she had them turn the plane around and fired that person and had them escorted off the plane. And then goes, now we can take off.

Yes. This is the owner of Korean Airlines? Type in Korean macadamia nuts, uh, airlines. I guarantee you it comes up. What?

Nut Rage. Okay. The Nut Rage incident, colloquially referred to as Nut Gate. That's not the right name. Which was only in 2014, occurred at JFK to New York City, onboard Korean flight, where the Korean Air Vice President, Heather Cho, dissatisfied with the way a flight attendant served nuts on the plane, ordered the aircraft to return to the gate before takeoff. Wow. All first class passengers, including Cho, were given nuts immediately.

bagged in their original packaging in keeping with the airline's procedures. However, Cho had expected them to be served on a plate in first class. She questioned the cabin crew chief about the standard procedure of serving the nuts. After a heated confrontation, Cho assaulted him and ordered him off the plane, requiring a return to the gate, delaying the flight only about 20 minutes.

That's bad bitch energy. All right. So I guess Heather Cho.

I think we put her on the list of one of the most evil women in history. Do you have any Korean dates coming up? Oh, Jesus Christ. So you got like, so you got like, there are a bunch of serial killer women that you don't know about. Yeah, there's a lot of them. And so, so I don't know if we go all serial killer. Yeah. Cause that, that would fill up a list real quick. Yeah. But like I heard Winnie Mandela was pretty bad.

Really? I heard Winnie Mandela. Winnie Mandela, by the way, came in late to the game. I got to tell you, just for the optics, I think I'd leave her off the list. I think you give Mandela's wife a pass. I mean, it might be on Bert's personal list, but maybe for the show. First of all, okay, maybe I shouldn't say this. She did deal with some shit. I don't know if you know. No, no, no. She married him when he was in prison. Okay. Okay.

She married him in like 1997. Really? I think. Okay. She wasn't like his OG chick when he was doing all the civil rights stuff and then got put on that island. No. She wasn't that chick. Winnie Mandela was like the new chick. Is that right? Can you say that's right? Well, here we go. Winnie Mandela.

Met lawyer in 1957 when he was still married to Evelyn Mace. Oh, yeah, okay. Homewrecker. Mandela was arrested, jailed in 63, not released. The couple separated in 92, finalized their divorce in 96 with an unspecified out-of-court settlement. And then when asked in 1994 about the possibility of reconciliation, I'm not fighting to be a country's first lady. This is what she's saying. Okay. Go to controversy. There's got to be controversy in here.

Because if I'm not mistaken, like he had to do a lot of cleaning up after he got out of jail because of her. Really? I think. Okay, let's just leave her off. Okay, she endorsed the practice of necklacing. Okay, she's on the fucking list, Tommy. You know what necklacing is? When they put a tire around your neck and light you on fire. Oof. Okay.

It's an execution. She endorsed the practice of... Okay, you're right. I should not say a fucking word about Winnie Mandela. She was a great person. Okay. Okay, let's leave her off the list. Leave her off the list. Maybe even edit that out. I don't know. Okay. So we definitely have Eileen Wuornos, but that's just because she's going to represent all serial killers. Also, she's the worst. Or she's the most famous. Most famous. Yeah. You got Griselda Blanco. Yeah. Did you see that show? No, but I've seen the docs about her. You get...

Who's like an evil woman American politician? Oh, that's pretty subjective. Well, I mean, yeah, you can probably make a case that they all are. They're all fucking self-serving assholes.

And this is all in celebration of National Women's Month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys, this is all about you. I'm sure there's a podcast with two women. No one's probably listening, but two women who are doing the same thing on National White Men's Awareness Month. Is there a National White Men's Awareness Month? I don't know. There should be. We've done a lot.

I mean, let's be honest. Nothing would work without us. Can we even air this episode? Yeah, it's fine. So Griselda Blanco, Eileen Wuornos, Heather Cho. Heather Cho, the Korean air executive. Who's like a mogul female? Oh, it's the Thanos girl. Oh, it's Thanos. It's Elizabeth. What's her name?

Elizabeth Brooks. No. Smith. No. Elizabeth the turtleneck. I think it's Holmes. Huh? I think it's Holmes. Holmes. Is it Holmes? Yeah. There you go. She's on the list. Yeah. Evil. That's evil. It really is. That is. You know, it's evil how, and she's completely zero emotion about it. Like,

And then put it down behind there. This will be a good one. Put in evil female dictator.

Yeah, okay. What's the Latin girl that cut up her boyfriend in the shower and cut his dick off and stabbed him like 50 times? I have no idea. You know what I'm talking about? Jodi Arias. There you go. Oh. Jodi Arias. Oh. You could easily argue she's more evil than Eileen. Casey Anthony is up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Casey Anthony's up there. Fucking Jodi Arias.

Griselda Blanco. And then tell me about this Hungarian bitch. Is this the search you just did? Yeah. Who is the most brutal woman in history? You say it. Elena Cuscu. The wife of dictator Nicolai Cuscu was the most hated woman in all of Romania. For over 40 years, the couple ran a double-headed tyranny. Yeah, Romanian. That was a brutal. Top 10 most evil female rulers in history. Okay. Let's see.

Before, okay, 280, keep going, I don't care. 2080, keep going, keep going. Give me someone today. Oh, Jesus. That's also super old. Yeah, these ones don't count. No one knows them. Mary of England. The first is 1500s. We don't care. Don't care. Empress, yeah, fucking BC. Get out of here. Catherine, another. The Medici's. Medici's, yeah. Okay, she was friends with Michelangelo.

Yeah. In Florence, Italy. What did she do? Make that a little bigger, Zolo. Can we close this ad? It's not to mistake or define, Catherine, the next one of our list, most female, evil female users in history. Pretty ambitious mom, considering that three of her sons were kings of France and two daughters were married to one. Not to mention she had five children more in her marriage with the Duke of Orléans, later known as King Henry II of France.

Hold on, what did she do? During her three decades of power, she ruled through her sons as regent and their closest advisor, the Nostradamus and the Ruggieri brothers were her pals. Therefore, some associate her suspicious acts with the occult, although responsibility for starting the French wars of religion in 1562 cannot be attributed to her.

the Huguenot massacre of St. Bartholomew Cannes. Despite what some historians are saying in her defense, the woman was in charge through her son Charles at the time. More than 3,000 Protestants were killed that week starting the night of the 23rd and 24th of August. The prosecution was spreading through France late into the autumn. To make things worse, the massacre started only a few days after her youngest daughter's wedding.

It's not hard to imagine that a vicious mother planned all this and thus lured Huguenots to come to her doorstep. So there's nothing left to be said except that she was a product of selfish ambition, a cold and calculating woman who used her children as a tool in gaining power and legitimacy. And now let's see who else we have in our, all right. Because that's just, she's just a mom being a mom. But she was very calculated. It's like what,

This story is. Isabella of Spain. Oh, wow. She fucking... She killed all the Jews. Did she? Yeah. Or the Muslims. Self-proclaimed purifier of Roman Catholic faith. Dude, she was a cunt. With her husband responsible for the...

expulsion of more than 40,000 Jews who refused to convert to Christianity. I mean, you guys get on board. Of course, they had the Pope's blessing since they were given the title, the Catholic monarchs more suffered the same destiny considering in 1492, the fall of Muslim kingdom of Granada to the Catholic monarchs. Okay. I think she's got it. She's got to be up there. She was a pretty evil fucking chick. Look at that face. Whoa.

No Spanish accent is going to turn that face. Nah. God damn. Yeah, that's real. You know what that is? That's a product of being inbred. Yeah. The inbreds all look like that. Well, you see that in these homogenous societies, which usually are islands. That's why you see it in the UK. Really? Yeah, sure. Because you're isolated, right? So if you're Ireland or you're England, even when you're...

meeting somebody who you're like i don't know this person it's like you share so many genetic traits because nobody leaves right it's not they're like bulldogs you just keep reproducing with the same bloodlines oh my god go to the next so what you're saying wait i don't know if i said that right i'm gonna take the under

Most celebrated Chinese actress. Oh, she was Mal's chick. Oh, she was Mal's chick. Oh, she was hot as fuck too. She was Mal's chick and she was a capital cunt. Like, yeah. Yeah. Oh, she got, oh, she killed herself. She did. Yeah. She killed herself in prison.

She wasn't going to be put to death after she supported the murder of countless people. The only thing better is when they try to kill themselves and they don't. And then they go get hung with half a jaw.

Oh, fuck. Because that's what happened to Robespierre. Yeah. At the French Revolution, he was like, fuck that, you'll never take me alive. And they're like, you missed. And he was like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then they still- And then they still cut his head off. Fuck. You know what they did to Marie Antoinette? I'm going through a French Revolution thing right now. They were trying to get her, find out where she was. The only reason she lived as long as she did is all her friends took care of her. Yeah. So they took one of her friends, beat her to death, cut her head off.

on a off, put it on a, on a pole and then hung it outside the cat, the castle where Marie Antoinette was. And they're like, give your friend a kiss. Wow. That's what people were like. Wait, let's see the rest of the, I got to finish the list and then we'll just, yeah. What's the rest of that list look like? Mouse chick. Is that her? Who are we at now? This is the same one. Oh, okay. Okay. Let's see. Cause now we're going in timeline. So we're going to get, okay. Rana Valona.

The Queen of Madagascar. I saw that movie. It's not that bad. 1800s. Okay. She, let's see. Oh, she said, okay. She had people, 10,000 people die due to starvation disease. In addition, let's see. Next to the line is some pretty gruesome method of execution that involves flaying your skin off while you're alive. Other messes which were equally horrible. Although it seems that she didn't have a good relationship with her in-laws. Yeah.

including her husband considering her death his death age 36 and shortly after her coronation one can assume that she has done her dirty work as well her former lover is neck speared because he didn't want to do the ridiculous test of faithfulness holy which included swallowing and throwing up chicken skins um yeah okay she lived to 83. she lives a full life she lived to 83. yeah

Oh, this is old school. No, we don't care. Yeah. If it's 80, we don't care. Yeah. Well, I guess she was. Yeah. Oh, she's the number one. She's number one. Zayton. Yeah. Cruelest female ruler on our list. Empress Wu. Oh, I saw a fucking documentary about her. You did? Yes. She would get the feet bound.

They were all about feet binding back then. Well, she did the things that you expect a dictator to do, that she had a secret police that carried out interrogations and tortures and killings of potential rivals. She's even responsible for the death of her son, as well as her daughter, who was strangled, believe it or not, by her. So she killed her own kids. Yeah.

Yeah. That's that. Yeah. That should put you up there. Yeah. Sadly, shouldn't get the press that. Yeah. Eileen Ornos gets. That's what I'm saying. Eileen's just famous. Why don't they make movies about this? This is a pretty cool movie. Yeah. Like there's so many movies about evil dictators. They should do. Because I'm telling you, I

This is what made me think about this is I'm watching the Truman Capote doc. I started watching it. I can't watch it. It's not a doc's movie. It's called Swans or Feud. It's on Hulu. Swans or Feud? It's called Feud, but it's Swans are all over it. He had five women, four women who were socialites in New York high society in like the 50s, 60s. And he wrote an expose on them. He was best friends with all of them.

They all were getting cheated on by their mans. They all had all this drama in their lives. And Truman Capote didn't have any real inspiration anymore. So he decided to do a Vanity Fair article, not using their names, but telling their stories. And it destroyed his relationship with them. It ruined him. And it ruined a lot of their lives. And one of them is fucking one of the hottest chicks ever. Really? Oh, my God. Her name was Babe Polly. And it was his best friend. I started watching it because I was like, this will be cool.

I always wondered about Truman Capote and cold blood and I knew he's a socialite He had this like Andy Warhol thing about him. So wait, this is also this is a poly look at her This is a different movie than the Capote movie that came out a few years ago It's there's another there's a big there was a famous we did like five Yeah, they did but this guy that plays Capote is amazing, but I started watching it and then I realized I

I can't watch it anymore because I don't like Truman Capote. I don't like him. He makes me really uncomfortable. I hate his energy. Yeah. His energy was like, they trusted him and then he sold them all the river and then he played the victim because they didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Yeah. And they were all just chicks that were bad bitches who were married to powerful men who they were like, they all got cheated on like in crazy ways. I mean, this girl, Babe Polly, her husband was fucking the, uh,

uh, mayor's wife. I know her husband ran CBS, ran CBS. Yeah. He was fucking the mayor's wife and the mayor's wife wanted him to get caught. So she rolled in and let him fuck her on her period and bled all over babe Polly's bed. And then was like, good luck cleaning it up, bitch. And left Jesus. And so who were the swans? Look at how beautiful babe Polly is. Oh, by the way, this is what I was thinking. So this is my thought.

So all these women are fucking amazing actresses. Demi Moore's in it. Demi Moore plays one of the most... She's great. Plays one of the most evil women in history, Ann Woodward. Ann Woodward shot her husband in the face. Truman Capote outed her in an article and...

Ann Woodward killed herself, took cyanide because she didn't want to deal with the pressures of high society. But Demi Moore's in it. I didn't even realize it was Demi Moore. Naomi Watts is in it. Isn't that Chloe? Chloe Savigny. All these women are just amazing actresses and they do such a great job. And in a weird way, and I say this because it's National Women's Month, but you have all these great actresses that aren't getting the hot, sexy roles

because they're aging and none of them have had work. None of these women have had work. Yeah. But they're so fucking good in this. I was like, yo, what are some great women in history that these women can hit out of the fucking park? Because they're great at, they do it for men. Like Sean Connery was acting until his 80s. But for women, they don't. So then we get one of them to do

a fucking bad bitch movie. They did it with Eileen Wuornos. It was a great movie. More bad bitch movies, I think. - Bad bitch movies. All right, well that's a good way to wrap up women's, our salute to women. - Our salute to women. Listen, we wouldn't be here without you ladies.

Thank you for everything you've given for us. You look at great moms like Kelsey's mom. Raised two fucking great kids. You look at our moms. Our wives are moms. Our wives are moms. We love women. And we just wanted to celebrate you in the best way we know how to. And we did it in our own way. Yes. So we'll see you next week.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the swamp, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.