Ripping Beers & Running 5K's w/ Jason Kelce, N.O.R.E, and Beau Allen | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. I'm Tom and this is Bert, everybody. Say hello. What? I'm hammered. Yeah, that is not weird. This is incredible. Thank you guys so much for coming out. If you're listening, we are at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.

And there's a 5K, which was, I think it was your goddamn idea. This idea is almost dumber than Two Bears Sports Management. Yeah, that really didn't pan out. Two Bears Racing, Two Bears AI Porn. Yeah.

We've had a lot of dumb ideas, Tom. Quite a few. And I put this near the top, but it fucking panned out. We were so hungover this morning. I was like, there's no way I'm running this fucking race. I was tapping out. I smoked DMT yesterday, and I had like 20 shots at Bar Howard, was it? Bar Howard. Yes. Let's just break down the bartenders at Bar Howard.

Holy... Cheat on my wife. Holy... Those fucking women. I will hit subscribe on that OnlyFans. If those girls want to get it going, I will fund that. Hey, can I get an IV? Oh, my God. She's looking at how fucking quick she comes. Holy shit. Holy shit. Hey, can I get a blowjob? Why don't we... Oh, no, no. Just the IV from you, please. Or both, if you're into it. Just IVs. Be cool. Okay, that's awkward. I mean, if you're doing... There's two of us. All right. So...

This is a crazy thing that actually worked out, that so many people wanted to participate in exercise, which is... We did this because we started realizing our fans are a lot like us. Fat. It's crazy how anytime I'm in public and I see a guy that looks like he doesn't take care of himself, I'm like, this guy's a fan. And then as soon as I see a guy... There's Mel, big fan, big fan.

Dark side of the grill. Check him out. He's a great chef. Yeah, anybody that's like, this guy's falling apart, he's always like, what's up, bro? Big fan. So yeah, two middle-aged guys who, you know. And we got to keep it going. I mean, look, this was a pipe dream that we started in Austin because we were looking to fill content. And we were like, yo, it's going to be January 1st when this drops. What's our New Year's resolution? And then we just jokingly said 5K by May. And then we called all our friends that had been canceled.

And they all said no. This one? And then we did it in Los Angeles, and now we're here in Raymond James, and we've got over 7,500 people here. And it's just amazing. And I've got to keep it going for all the bucks that showed up. The bucks came out.

But let's break down that do not take my fucking blood pressure. Just give me a goddamn IV. I do not want that. Or just give me the IV. Or don't. Or don't. But do not take my blood pressure. How bad would your blood pressure be? I do not take my blood pressure. Is that a good sign? No. I get the white coat syndrome. And I don't want to. Listen, I normally get two bags. I'll be fine with one bag. Just do not take my blood pressure. What's his blood pressure right now? Is he still thinking? Well, does it register he's dead inside? No.

What are you talking about? You're so frustrating. Your blood pressure is always perfect. Well, it might not be. I don't know. 140 over 70? Yeah. It's not great. It's not terrible, she just said. I personally would rather lower on the top number. If you're going to take my blood pressure, I don't need an IV. Stop. No, I'm not getting one. Why? There's 7,000 people here. I'm not getting my blood pressure taken. And guess what? All 7,000 want you to get your blood pressure. Nope, nope, nope.

Stop. Game's over. I'm not playing. Stop. Game's over. Nope. It's my arm, and I hold him tight. Nori, get up here. Nori, come here. Nori's a black man. You don't go to the doctor. No way. Nori, come here, please. Over here. Nori, will you let them take your blood pressure? There you go. That's my man. Here, we got a mic for you, Nori.

And Jason Kelsey's Garage Beers are up here. Have you had one yet? Here, sit down. I never met Tom, but I feel like I know you. What's up, bro? How you doing, man? It's a pleasure to meet you. Ladies and gentlemen, from Drink Champs. That's right. How you doing? And a fucking massively successful rapper himself, Nori. Yo, can I say something? This is brilliant. I'm also an alcoholic. Nice. That likes to jog. Yeah.

and I get a euphoria high of a jargon and the fact that you have all of these maniacs out here. I did the race.

I didn't read the disclaimer. Yeah. These hills do not pay the bills. That shit is killer. You didn't like the nine corridors up that you have to run? I did not understand what was going on. Guess what? Neither did I. And it was fucking awful. But it's brilliant. Because you know what's crazy? Even if it rains, you can still stay. It's like you're outdoors, indoor, not outdoors. You're right, because you're covered. Yes. But this is brilliant, guys. This is brilliant. Thank you for coming. Make some noise for them, goddammit. And he was fucked up early. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, where's my Yamazaki? Where's the Yamazaki? Hold on. I got a gift for you guys. What's this? Oh, gifts? Yeah, I got a gift. Oh, shit. Has he been on Drink Champs yet? No, Tom. No. I would love to be on Drink Champs. You know he's got a new series coming out on Netflix in April. May. We're in May. Right. May 13th. Really? Yes. Who got it? You got it?

Oh, shit. Oh, Lord. When you was on Drink Champs, I gave you a bottle of Pappy, and we drank the whole bottle. Holy shit. Selfishly, it was just me and him. We didn't share with nobody in the room. We drank the whole bottle. The whole bottle, and...

I'm looking to do that here. Let's do it. Yamazaki. Let's open it up. Let's open it up. Open it up right now? All right, let's do it. Let's open it up. Can we get some glass of ice up here? Yeah, glasses of ice, please. So we have our whole crew called Run Champs. You see, I don't know if you see the shirts. Yes. So we came here to run another 5K, but apparently Yamazaki's going to win. Yeah, if we're doing Yamazaki, there's no second race. There's no more second race. Okay. No, no, no, we can do it. Oh, boy. It's my favorite thing ever, and I swear by it.

Box of wine on the treadmill, Guy Fieri, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I can put 14 miles in. Wait a minute. Can you say that one more time? Box of wine on the treadmill, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I put in 14 miles in a night. Oh, wow. Dude. Wow. Jogging drunk. You know what I watched one time? I've never jogged drunk. I watched the movie...

1918 about World War I where the guys got to run and give a message. Yeah. And every time he ran, I ran because I was drunk. Like, I was in World War I and I had to give the message. It was fucking awesome. Dude, I watched football drunk on the treadmill and every time they run, I run. It's a fun... You got to play games with yourself. That's a really good training regimen. I'm not going to lie. I called him one day. I was like, yo, can I go to the sauna drunk? And he was like, I do it all the time, dude. Fuck.

You should never ask him a health question. Zero. We were a bill of buddies for a second. I kept seeing him in the sauna, and I was wondering, is he drunk? And then I got drunk. I did it the same night, and I called him, and he was like, yes, dude, you can do it. And I went to the sauna drunk as fuck. A polar plunge, hammered, suburbs you right up. Say you're throwing a kid's party, you get too drunk. Yeah, the cold plunge. The cold plunge. You cold plunge, suburbs you right up, you come back drunk.

Done. Right. Holy moly guacamole, man. Sure. Yo, listen, guys. This is really, really dope, man. I've been all year. We just came from Maui. We ran six miles in Maui. I did a Miami half marathon. I did...

You just recently started running. Yeah, I was going to say, talk about how you've changed, dude. Like you got after it. Oh, thank you, man. You look great. Thank you. I just fell in love. I've been doing this. I've been doing this on Nike+. I know we got Spartan here today, right? Yes. Yeah, big up to Spartan. But I've been doing it. I just wasn't recording it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I started to travel and I wanted to rewrite my life. I wanted to go to all the places that I performed at.

and I did shows, but I wanted to go back there as a jogger and participate in the races. So I did Puerto Rico, I did Maui, I did Naples, I did Tampa. So my point I'm trying to make is, out of all the races I participated in, this is by far the coolest. Let's make some noise for you guys, guys. This is by far...

The coolest. Wait, let's make some noise real quick for Drink Champ. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Look, I know there's a lot of white people, but everyone loves hip-hop. That's the truth.

And Drink Champs is a deep cut into hip-hop. Yes, it is. Like, I'm telling you, the best interview ever, DMX. Any interview about DMX, fucking amazing. Drink Champs was the first place I heard Diddy say he wanted to party with someone. Oh, shit. Yep. He wanted to party with Fabulous. Yeah. Yes, yes. It's true. Dude, it is. It's on camera. We can't deny it. Shout out to Diddy. Great guy. Shout out to Diddy. Yes. Yes.

It is such an amazing podcast. And if you haven't listened, you've got to check it out. Okay, so now I need to answer our age-old drinking question. Can you mix ice with Japanese whiskey? Ooh. You should have it neat. Is that what you're trying to go for here? I'm asking. Out of idiocy. Yeah, because I don't actually know. I know that some bartenders won't even serve you

If you ask for ice. Here's what we should do. Okay. Let's have a little bit neat and see how we like it. Okay. I like that. I'm going to be fucking hammered. It's that time of year when you realize it is time to clean things out. You got too much clutter. You got too much stuff. You got too many clothes. You got things everywhere. And you got to get yourself organized. So spring cleaning, it's here. And bubbly cleaning can help.

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Yeah. And by the way, when Jelly Roll gets here, no one take pictures. Let him get up here quick. Yeah, that'll work. I seen Jelly Roll last night at Carbone on the beach. It was dope.

And he was playing a lot of hip-hop in his show. He was? I liked it that. Yeah. I liked it that a lot. Yeah, yeah. I never met Jelly Roll. Super nice guy. It was my first time meeting you, too. As well, man. I'm a big fan, bro. Yes, yes. A big fan. Please, please. I follow you on the gram. Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk hip-hop real quick. Okay, let's talk hip-hop. You talk about who you love. Because Tom's like a real deep-cut hip-hop guy. Okay. Well, I mean, I just, I don't know. And you got on the Alpha Flys.

That's right, dude. I can tell you serious about running. Those are real nerd running shoes. These are nerd shoes. Yeah, yeah. If you are a running nerd, you got Alpha Flyers on. And they trick you. They trick you into thinking it's not as hard. Yeah. Your brain goes, oh, yeah. No, it does. I think I'm faster in it. Yes, thank you. We drink a Japanese fucking whiskey, man. Come on. So if you start seeing me sweat, just think I was running the 5K earlier. That's all. Yo, salute, man. To you guys, man. To you, brother. To you. Cheers. Cheers.

And to all of you, thank you so much for coming out today, guys. And by the way, is this my first time on Two Beers? This is my first time, right? This is your first time, bro. We got to do it again. Yes, I don't mind. I don't mind. I'm telling you, man. You're my guilty pleasure. You really are. I fucking love drink champs. And just so you know, woo-hoo! Very good. Did that just come out of me? There's a whole drinking, running community that wakes up in the morning. It's true. That wakes up in the morning and looks at your speech when you say,

I will always keep myself healthy enough. You remember that speech? Oh, yeah. That is like in the drinking, running hall of fame. I get. The best thing I ever saw was. It kept so many people from going to rehab. You know what I mean? Yeah. There was people that were about to go, and they saw your thing, and they're like, I'm fine. Yeah. They're like, I'm fine. Because it's the second speech that he goes. He goes, if you're thinking about quitting, don't. Don't. This is two of the most.

Brilliant speeches in drinking history. Do you understand how important those two speeches are? I speak from the heart. If you think you have a problem, maybe it might be you. She's standing behind you. Nope. Nope. I'm a black man. I don't get my shit taken. Take his blood pressure first. No, no, nope. Don't even get near my fucking arm. Don't even get near my arm. Wait. What do you think it is? I don't want to deal with it. Listen. Listen. I'm having a good time. Okay? Okay.

By the way, I didn't even know you could deny having it in your blood test when you do an IV. I always do it, and I feel shitty about myself. What is it, like 260 over 150? What is it? I'm not getting my blood pressure taken. Holy shit. Look, there's a medic right there. You're fine. Oh, thanks. I got beat in this race by a guy in a wheelchair today. Yeah. His name's Jerry, by the way. Oh, his name is Jerry. Yeah. Shout out to Jerry. I see you right there, Jerry.

But I gave Jerry a lot of credit, and then I thought about all those, you know, the downhill shit. Oh, yeah. Jerry smoked. By the way, for real, Jerry smoked me on the uphill. He did. He passed me on the uphill and then flew past me again.

I kept neck and neck with the disabled guy. With another disabled guy? Okay, that's good. I had a couple. When I ran the L.A. Marathon. You ran the L.A. Marathon? I ran the L.A. Marathon with no training at all. And I got beat by an Asian dude dressed as Big Bird with a tuba. I'm trying to picture it. I'm trying to picture it. I got beat by a dude with cerebral palsy and his dad who was wearing jeans.

Jeans is rough on a marathon. Two Mexicans, and the mom was with them. It was bad. I got smoked. But the thing is, just finish, right? Yes. Just finish. I haven't ran a marathon yet, but I'm looking. That's on the... Yeah. Have you ran a marathon? No. Fuck no. And you did the LA Marathon? I did the LA Marathon. No training at all. No training. It's not the best way to approach a marathon. No, no. I would train. Yeah. He's a lunatic. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I would train. Do you know who might like this whiskey? Who? Have you met Jason Kelsey? Football player? Yeah. No, no, no, I haven't. Hey, someone grab Jason and Bo. Yes, please. Jason and Bo. Bo Allen. See if they want to come out. Jason Kelsey. Let's bring them to the stage.

When you guys caught me up, in my mind, I was thinking I was going to have to jump on the stage. So I was getting my Hulk Hogan impression on. Like, ah, Ric Flair, motherfucker. Could you still freestyle right now? Hell no. For real? Uh-uh. Yeah. When was the last time you rap battled?

I rap battle myself every day. In the mirror? Yeah, like if I'm running, I rap battle myself. I tell myself, you know they say you should never talk bad to yourself because yourself doesn't know how to do it. I think there's an exception to that rule. It's like right before you run, you just say some bullshit that you think someone else would say about you. About you. Yeah. And then it fires you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, they're making their way. Ladies and gentlemen, Bo Allen and Jason Kelsey. Give it up. What's up? Thanks for having us. Of course. What's up, bro? Yeah, anywhere you want. We got to give a shout out to Jason. Jason donated all this garage beer that you're drinking today. Oh, shit. Time out. We donated that? I just feel like I'm somebody's son all of a sudden. I'm just here with my dad and my uncle. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Oh, here we go. You want some whiskey? I would love some. Oh, let's get some whiskey poured. Can we get a couple more cups? She just took my blood pressure. 120 over 60. That's a lie. 120 over 60. Tom, I hope you're at my fucking funeral. 120 over 60 is good. Yeah, I know. Tom's an asshole. Yeah, over here. Another one over here. Do you kind of hate your brother and love your brother? No.

What does that mean? I think everybody kind of hates and loves their brother, right? It's a normal brother relationship. Yeah. Like, I like Tom, but I kind of hate him. Yeah, yeah. That's a normal, that's a healthy male relationship, I believe. You want one too, right? Yeah, sure. Fuck yeah. So you guys running at 2 o'clock? Running at 2. Kelsey's got this great idea. Kelsey, why don't you run everyone through with this idea that you had for this 5K? We're going to try something. Have you ever heard of a beer mile? No.

Are you being fucking serious? So beer mile, one beer every lap, so every 400 meters. So four beers every mile. Four beers, wow. So I'm going to try a beer 5K. So we're doing 12. I'm going to try. Dude, you can do it. You're a fucking champion. Do you think you can do 12 beers? Absolutely no chance. A thousand percent I believe in you. I don't know. I've never tried drinking 12 beers that fast.

And here's the thing. You're earning it with every 400 meters. That's my thing. If we're going to do it, let's do it big. And also, there's water in beer. There is. It's mostly water. I brought some hydration packets I'm going to throw in there, too. In the beer. We're going to be safe out here. Raspberry garage pants. We're going to get you an IV and just wheel it behind you as you're running. This is how I know I was white in a past life, because everything they said makes total sense. It's like,

Oh, this doesn't make sense. Everything about it was like, yeah, I see it. You've got to do it. Let's go for it. I'm going to go for it. All right. Beers. Had to be whiskey. Now, can you do it with whiskey? That's fucking rough. Holy shit. So what would it be? A shot every 400 meters? I think it would just be 12 shots. 12 shots. Jesus Christ. If anybody can do it, you are the guy. Thank you for gassing me up. Thank you. Yes. Hey!

There's plenty of time to test this theory. Yes. Yes. There's plenty of time. Now, do you do, because you're retired now. Yes. You're still lifting strong like a psycho. I'm trying to, yeah. Because your meathead mentality cannot go away, right? Yeah. You've got to keep at it. Yeah. Do you do any type of training to prepare for the 5K? Any running training? I've done zero. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I went on a jog on Bayshore Boulevard here on Thursday. There you go. I texted Kelsey right after. I said, it was the first time I went for a jog in like 15 years. So I've done a lot of prep for this. I feel really good. You feel good? Yeah. This is right in my wheelhouse. I'm a big jogger, big runner. So very excited for it. Running is like such a big man's kryptonite. Yeah. I say we, but like us linemen. Us bears. Us bears.

No, I fucking despise it, but I make myself do it. You know, I make myself do it. Yeah, I think it's healthy. It is, I've heard. Supposedly. Which is the only reason I think anybody does it, right? Yeah, pretty much. Swimmers are psychos. That's true. People who swim. By the way, bye mom, bye dad, I love you guys. Thank you very much for coming out. Bye mom and dad. Bye. Dad, you want to try Japanese whiskey? It's very good. You want to try Japanese whiskey?

You have something at home. He's fly. Remember I gave you the Pappy Van Winkle. You FaceTimed him. He was like, that's the 10-year though. I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, we did FaceTime my dad. That's right. All right, love you guys. Swimmers are crazy because you can't listen to music and you just stare at the bottom of a pool.

Yeah. Yeah. That's swimming. Yeah. It checks out. It checks out. That's how it works. That's how it is. Yeah. I mean, and on, at least, was it like that at Wisconsin? The swimmers at Cincinnati were usually the craziest, too. Oh, yeah. Like, they are the freakiest and the weirdest people on the- Ders was a swimmer at Wisconsin. That checks out. And he's kind of, I mean, from workaholics, Ders. Did you ever have sex with a swimmer chick? No.

Thick back. Thick back. Swimming is all lats. It's almost like a trans back. And if they cut their hair short, you're fucking a dude. Great cardio though. Great cardio. They last all night, but man, there's a couple times you're like, so I am kind of fucking a dude. You're like, alright. Nor do you ever fuck a dude? No, no, no.

How come black guys are still homophobic? I can't speak for the black race on this one. Let it be. Are we going to take a shot of this? Should we take a shot of this? Are these the shandies? These are the garage beer summer shandies. Summer shandies? Garage beer summer shandy. Have you ever had a summer shandy? I've never had a summer shandy. Hold on, I got one arm. I'm getting divergenized right now. We're here. Yep.

So this is... Wait, so this is how they open or they made a mistake? This is how they go. They make a mistake? Brian had some tool over there that you can take the top off of it. I've never seen it before. It's pretty snazzy. Wow. It makes it more convenient for drinking when you're on the move or running a 5K, you know? Or running a 5K. Hell yeah. So I'm going to take a shot of this first and then I'm going to down it with the... Perfect. All right. Here we go. Cheers. Yes, cheers. A shot of whiskey first. The whiskey. Chase it with the shandy.

These 12 guys are about to drink while running. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Here we go. Oh, my God. That's fantastic. I like that. Can I ask a racial question? A racial question? Yeah, please. Those are the only questions I prefer. I feel like you're the best one to bring it up. Go ahead. What race is the best drinkers? Irish. Or Latinos? Oh, shit. Latinos in the building?

Here's the thing. Latinos are the most fun. Whites are the most terrifying. So it's kind of what kind of vibe you want to go for. I need you to break it down. Break that down. Well, break it down and reverse it. Let's eliminate who are the worst drinkers. It's Asians. The Asians. Asians are the worst. They get red. They're allergic to alcohol. Native Americans, Asians. You say this is the reddest face I've ever seen.

You know this? This is for a fact. This is for a fact. Oh, yeah. There's a thing in... Bert's got some Indo-European half-Asian blood going on. This is a fact, dude. You did get read. First of all, thank you for bringing this up. Yes, okay. But, yeah, you know...

There's a lot of Asians that have an enzyme that doesn't go with alcohol. Plus, they'll start bowing up on you. Shit that you're not expecting. So I feel like, yeah, it's not the best. You know, whites are the craziest. Google drunk Asian businessman. There is no, like, some redneck or some Irish guy drinking. They're out of their fucking minds, dude. They'll do shit that you can't even conceive of drinking, and they'll do it for days on end. They're the scariest. And I think Latins are the most fun.

That's because of the tequila, I feel like. Based just on crowd reaction. Once again, we left black people out. Sorry. No, no. I'm not sure. I don't think we make that card. No, black guys are fun to drink with. Yeah, yeah. Always. Hey, hello. Hello. Never not fun. You know what? I didn't realize that black dudes could be alcoholics. You didn't realize that? Until Tupac Shakur. What? Tupac? Yeah. You didn't get drunk with Tupac. No, no, no, no. Okay, I'm about to say. I need to hear this story. When you...

Listen to Tupac. You're like, this guy's a fucking alcoholic. No, no, no. I didn't realize he had a drinking problem. Oh. And then one day I was like, well, he's drinking all day. Yeah. Thug passion is like an all-day drink. Right. And so I just never saw it. And then when you moved to New York and you hang out with the... When I got to New York, all the black comics partied and all the white comics were all sober. And I was like, oh, black dudes get down. Yeah. You ever done coke with a white dude? Yeah.

You know, I've never done cocaine in my life. Are you serious? What? Never done cocaine. Never like backstage? I used to sell cocaine. Let's make that clear. I think some people didn't hear that. I used to sell cocaine. Yeah, and I never even tested it. In the movies, Miami Vice and shit. What's the most you ever sold in like one transaction? Probably a half a key. Half a key? Yeah, I never was a big guy. But that's got to feel good, right?

No. I mean, I've always wanted to do that. It didn't feel good? No. It was out of necessity. But like when you're holding the key, how much do you get paid for half a key?

I don't know how I've sold drugs in 27 years. Well, I mean, you know, was it like... I kind of had a career. I know. But it's like... But wait, if you hadn't sold drugs, you maybe wouldn't have had a career. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. You got to be grateful that you went through. It gave me some shit to talk about. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gave you credibility, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the credibility that's definitely shit in the hat, though. No, it's the best, dude. I would fucking put that in my Instagram bio. I sold coke. Yeah.

I mean, it's... Do you ever rob anybody? It's a lot of crap. Does anybody want some more... One more shot of whiskey? This is a dream podcast for me. It's my favorite people. Let's go. Let's go. Cheers. What's like... You guys ever commit any crimes?

Just petty crimes. Petty what? Shoplifting? Yeah, just illegally pirating media. That's a big one for me. Now, you're big, strong guys. Did you ever just beat the absolute fucking shit out of somebody? Yeah, I used to do that to Kelsey on the football field. Oh, Jesus. Oh.

Shots fired. Hey, Jason. 2018, it was the hottest football game I've ever played in. It was really miserable. Right here at Ray J. Eagles, we won the Super Bowl the year before, and Kelson, the birds came down. It was like week two. It was like 95 degrees. It was the hottest fucking game of all time. The glass...

Reflecting the sunlight on the field. It was fucking terrible. It was so hot. We went out to warm up and we were out here for two minutes and the coach said, boys, just go back in. Just go in. Yeah, like you're going to get more tired out here trying to warm up and play football. So we just cut warm up short. Yeah, so he used to play football on this field. Now we're just fucking ripping beers and running 5Ks around the stadium. Life comes at you quick in retirement. I got to ask you this. First of all.

Big fan of you guys. I love football, as so many people do. It is so much fun to watch NFL action. Who is the worst? Who is the matchup of your career where you circle it and you're like, this is going to be a week. Sunday is going to be rough with this motherfucker lined up.

I could start. I mean, when we were in Philly, Dallas' O-line was incredible. They had Zach Martin, Travis Frederick, Zeke was cooking, and I was a nose guard. So I'm eating 30 double teams a game. They're running duo, which is just like a very basic straight-ahead run play. And I'm just like grinding my ass off. And I get like one assisted tackle a game, and I'm fucking eating double teams. I mean, so that's one where I was always like, I really got to strap it up. Bo played the worst position in the NFL. Yeah. Like, just be fat as fuck in...

try and take on two offensive linemen every single snap the worst yeah the worst i mean i don't know why kelsey play the easiest position he's a center you're just a help guy help yeah i get to make all the calls yeah exactly two father days two two father's days ago my wife got me a wallet for father's day and i thought how invasive how how presumptuous

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This is the best vodka in the world. You're talking to a man who's put 10,000 hours into a couple things. Eating pussy and drinking vodka. I'll bring my wife in if you want. I'm pretty good at the first one too. But this is better than pussy. This is the best vodka you're ever going to have. It's clean. I sleep, my sleep scores through the roof because of it. It tastes

clean. Everyone I've given it to loves this vodka. Tom, tell them. It's absolutely fantastic. We have a proprietary distillation process. And listen, we are winning competitions. We have gold medals in various competitions. And honestly, you, the people, are the ones telling us how great it is, too. This is not just smoke and

that we're blowing here. We're telling you because you're telling us this is now your favorite vodka. So thank you. And if you haven't tried Poroso's, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it. Tell them, request it. When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry Poroso's? And if they say no, you go, you should. It's pretty freaking awesome. And then walk out. You know what I do? I go, do you carry Poroso's? And they say no. I bring out a bottle and I give it to them. I go, now you do. Can I get a bottle of glass of Poroso's? That's awesome. That's awesome.

What's up? When you're a center, when you're a long snapper, are they not allowed to hit the long snapper? Not anymore. You are not allowed to hit the long snapper. Holy shit. Oh, I be down. Oh my gosh. That was a close call. My blood pressure just raised. Wait, but who is your motherfucker, this guy? For me... A lot, but who are a couple? Pretty much every week. So Dexter Lawrence up in New York towards the end of my career. Really, really good player. Guy that has everything.

If you play a guy that's big but doesn't really have any speed to his game, you can kind of work around it. If you play a guy that's undersized fast, doesn't have that length or that size, you can play to that.

Guys that have both of them are just like, I'm working with nothing here. I'm going to try and outsmart this person, and usually it works. Thankfully, I played Dexter Young in his career, so the first couple times I played him, I could use all these little tricks that I accumulated over a decade. And then after you play him again, it's like, oh, shit, that didn't work anymore. Just throws you to the side. Dexter was up there, a guy named Snacks.

Oh, Snacks. Yeah. It's a great nickname. Wait, for a nose guard? That's like the best. Yeah, for the giant. I meant for his daughter, but yeah. What's up, Snacks? It's a great nickname. It's a great nickname really for anybody. It's a great nickname. Yeah, Snacks Harrison was unbelievable. Limbaugh Joseph is very good. A lot of nose guards that nobody in this audience probably is going to be that familiar with. Yeah, yeah. Vida Veya. Vida here.

I didn't see Vita. I don't think Vita's running many 5Ks. Vita was a real problem. I wanted Des Watson. That's that big boy, right? He's a big guy. You see Des Watson? He's 460 pounds, right? 460 pounds, 7'2". Big boy. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted him to run it, but he doesn't have to report for another week. Wait, how do you guys come up? This is good. I like the nicknames thing.

Did you guys have a lot of nicknames in the... We did. And the old school players all had nicknames. Yeah? That's one thing I wish we'd bring back... I'm trying. ...to the NFL is, like, the great nicknames of, like, the past. Yeah, let's get nicknames going. Wait, how did you... In hip-hop, how did you come up with Nori? Oh, no, I read a book about Manuel Noriega. Shout-out to Manuel Noriega. Yeah. Shout-out. And it just dropped, and a person picked it up and asked me a question about Manuel Noriega, and...

He didn't know that I had the page folded, so it was actually where I was just reading. So I said it, and then he just started calling me Noriega. And so it was like just given to me, and then I knew that I would face legal problems, so I shortened it to Norie. Yeah. That's how it happened. Do you ever hear from his... I actually reached out to him, and he was in...

He was locked up in Florida, in Kindle, in the prison. Yeah. And I lived in Kindle at the time. So I reached out to him, and they had their attorneys reach back out to me, and I was like, oh, let me just change my name. Yeah, yeah. So you were like, what's up? He was like, actually. Yeah, because I don't spell it the way he spells it, and I never named it. I never sold a product with that name on it that way. But I wanted to do that just out of respect. Yeah.

And you know, people sometimes just see a payday. They don't see like a relationship. How dope would it have been? Oh,

Oh my God. Noriega, the rapper, met Manuel Noriega. Dude. The fucking dictator or whatever the fuck he was. You're kicking him as a dictator? I don't even know what the fuck he was. You know what I mean? Whatever the fuck. That would have been dope. I tried to go see him. I really wouldn't go see him. But I think his family saw it like a payday. Yeah. So I got away from it. You know what I mean? He's a big Putin fan. So that's cool. Yeah. You? Yeah. I'm a big fan of anybody. Yeah.

If you're famous, I'm a fan. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I want to party with Kim Jong-un. What's the worst hip hop? He loves partying with the Asians. Wait, Kim Jong-un? Notorious drinkers. Oh, Kim Jong-un's an alcoholic. No, he is. And by the way, Kim, if you're listening to this, or Jong-un. He's a big fan of the pod, I think. Dude, you know he listens to podcasts. You don't think he listens to Rogan a little bit? Western media's undefeated. You think, all right, who's the most fucked up person you think listens to your podcast? Mine? Mine?

Probably my own family. But no, you gotta have a deep... You know Putin listens to Rogan. You know he does. For sure. You know he does. You know Trump listens to it. You think Putin... He doesn't... Does Putin even... You think he listens to English-speaking podcasts? Fuck yes. I heard Putin's going on new heights next week, actually. Would you have Putin on as a guest? Dude, you'll do crazy numbers. It'll be fucking insane.

Alright, what's the worst hip-hop name you ever heard where you're like, yeah, that shit isn't gonna fly? My very first name. What was it? MC Yahoo with the ball to beam. MC what? MC Yahoo with the ball to beam. It's a lot. It's a mouthful. Yeah. It's terrible.

Imagine I would have went with it and been successful. Imagine that, like, when it worked. Like, you would have been saying, hey, when I walk by, MC Yahoo with the boulder bean. You're all like, oh, no, it's by MC Yahoo with the boulder bean. It was terrible. How long did it last? I was 11 years old. I'm

From 11 to like 14. Oh, 11. Yeah, yeah. From 11 to the 14. You mean it's a child's name. No, I thought I was a grown man at that time. When you're from the ghetto and you're 11 years old. Yeah. You're 21, sir. By the way, a black 11-year-old is more of a grown-up than me. I'm telling you. Without a doubt. Yes, yes. That's a fact. Without a doubt. I definitely got laid more than me. Yes. We went through a whole bunch of shit. But I'm glad I didn't choose that name, though. I'm so glad, too. I'm blessed. Nori's way better. Wait, Tommy, do you have any nicknames?

Bunz. Tommy Bunz. You know what that's from? Not from Belly. Yeah, of course it's from Belly. Your nickname was Tommy Bunz from Belly? From Belly because a lot of people... Let's make some noise for that, goddammit.

I'm sorry to make this drink chance. I apologize. No, I love it. I love it. Yeah, yeah. So you was watching Belly and somebody was like... I mean, I'm in college. Belly comes out. We're all hip-hop fans. We're Hype Williams fans. And the soundtrack's crazy. And we're just watching this movie. I'm Tom. Tommy. The parents call me Tommy. They're like, you remind me of DMX. I was like, I know. And then they just started calling me Bunz, man.

Best DMX interview ever. Let's make some noise for DMX. Best DMX interview ever. I'm going to give you a Hype Williams story real quick. Yes. I love it. I'm number one coming out of Left Rock City, Queens, 97-30, 57 Avenue, apartment 5E, Corona, New York, 11368. I make it.

So I finally get a chance to get a Hype Williams video. Hype Williams is the man in hip-hop. That's what I was just intervening to say, that at the time, Hype Williams, just imagine it's Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino. He is that level for music videos. So who Hype Williams is? No higher. Hype Williams? So put it like this, guys. So wait, no explaining it. Hype Williams is every...

Hip-hop video you loved. Yeah. Yeah. So put it like this. If you get Hype Williams, you basically win the Super Bowl. Right? Put it like that. Right? Nice. Nice. But you got to get him. He's weird. Exclusive. He's weird. He's very hard to get out. He's just weird. He's just eccentric. I don't think he wears deodorant type of shit. You know what I mean? Kelsey probably loves him now. This guy sounds great. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, you know what I'm trying to say? He's eccentric. You know? Yeah.

We finally get Hype to agree to it. Hype meets us at the Trump Hotel, and he says, yo, get a room at the Trump Hotel. So I get a room at the Trump Hotel, meet Hype Williams. It's just me and him. It's weird. So he says, Roy Jones is the number one boxer at the time. So he's like, we're going to court Roy Jones, and Roy Jones is going to be a part of your video. So I'm like, okay, fine.

He had Roy Jones' number. I didn't have Roy Jones' number. He called Roy Jones and he says, I need you to be in this video. And Roy Jones said, he said, act out the video. And Roy Jones said, no, no, no. I'm not going to act this out. I have a fight this Saturday. You guys can come this Saturday and film. I immediately hit mute. I'm like, what did this guy do?

He says, say it in the mic. They can't hear you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, what is this guy? Loses. We don't want to film that. But Roy Jones was so confident at the time. He said, you guys are good. Came, filmed it.

He wins. He can't be touched. He wins. This is when he was untouchable. That's correct. That's a song. We filmed the Hype Williams video. Hype Williams gives me a bottle, three bottles of cognac. At the time, we're from the hood. We're used to drinking Hennessy and Coca-Cola. I drank three bottles of Louis XIII. What? Wow. With Pepsi. We thought it was Hennessy.

You're drinking like $100,000 bottles. Louis XIII. We're sitting there. So I'm having a ball of it. I go backstage. He has a case of Cristal. I'm having a ball of it. Everywhere we go, Mr. Charles, he had Mr. Charles flown in from New York City to Las Vegas. Do you know I paid for all that shit? You did? You? I'm thinking I'm balling on a budget. I'm thinking I had no idea. See, an artist, all of that...

It's charged back to you. See, nothing is more fucked up than the music business. Nothing is more fucked up than the music business. Thank you for saying that. It is the most predatory business practices in the world. So it was the most fun I ever had. It was the most balling I ever had. But I did not know I was paying for this whole shit. What was your bill? Do you recall? Absolutely. 1.8 million. 1.8 million? Absolutely. Bro, imagine that. Wasn't today fun?

Here's the bill. What was your rookie dinner like?

Mine wasn't that bad. I got a 7th round pick. Rookie dinner means you had to pay for the whole team, right? It's kind of like an initiation. It's a little bit of an offensive line. So that's a lot of fucking food. It is. So I was a 7th round pick. We had a good group of vets, guys like Kels and other dudes. I think I got out for like $7,000 or $8,000. But I was still hurt over it. But it wasn't $1.8 million. I wasn't drinking Louie. Some dude tried to order Louie at my rookie meal. I said, no, no, no, Acho. You're not doing that, brother. No.

Not on my dime, my guy. It wasn't really that bad. A lot of it comes down to how good the rookie is. Do the vets like him? They're going to have some fun with him, but if a guy's a dick, you're going to get got at the rookie dinner. Really? I've seen guys take Louie and they don't even want to drink it. They just take the shot and pour it into a glass of water. Just because the guy's a dick. Or if you're a first-round pick, like Vito was drafted by the Bucs here and he was a rookie and like

We had a nice... We kind of fucked him over a little bit. The higher your pick is, the more you're going to... And what is it like a rookie... First of all, you don't imagine rookies being dicks because you kind of... In your mind, you go... Oh, no. There's some that are. They come in with an attitude and they're just what? Not friendly? Usually, the ones that do come in with an attitude are actually...

Like, they're usually really insecure. Yeah, right. They're usually, like, trying to mask something. Sure. So nine times out of ten, the really good players and the guys that end up being great players in the league aren't like that. Right. They're confident, but they're also, you know, just excited to be in the NFL. Yeah. And around NFL players and vets. So that's the way it usually goes. But, I don't know, the higher pick you are, the more that rookie dinner ends up being. Sure. I've seen it as high.

Like, you've seen in the $20,000s of dollars for a meal. That's pretty crazy. Right. I think our rookie year, we had a first-round pick. We split it three ways, and it was something like 15. Somewhere between 11 and 15. I can't remember. That's a nice meal. We split it. Steaks? Steaks. Some wine. Louie. I mean, it's all in drinks. Yeah. And guys are taking bottles of wine home. That's hilarious. Right. I love it. Can I ask you a football question? I would love a football question. Ooh, um...

Why did Deion Sanders' son go so late in the draft? Yeah. I think there's multiple parts of that. I think the character stuff and, like, all the interviews is probably being overplayed a little bit. Okay. I think the reality is if he was viewed as a first-round talent or a guy that would be, like, an organizational changing player. Right.

they would have drafted him in the first round. Right. Like if Michael Vick or Cam Newton or any of these guys had the same interviews with those type of traits, they would have been drafted that high. Wow. Because at the end of the day, teams want to win games. Right. So the reality is when he starts falling, all that is is a metric of these teams that are in the market for quarterbacks don't feel at a high level that he's going to pan out to be that player in the NFL. Right.

Now, the interviews and stuff like that, did that cause him to fall more later in the draft? Potentially, but I think most of it comes down to the arm strength isn't like crazy elite. The athleticism isn't crazy elite. So what is the trait that is going to stress defenses? Well, it comes down to there's been a lot of quarterbacks with his traits that have had success, but a lot of those guys have some it factor that you can't measure at a combine game.

Right. There's they see the game in a way that you can't measure. Right. And if he's one of those guys, which he was throughout college, he had amazing success. He can still pan out in the NFL, but you're not going to spend a high pick on a guy that doesn't have those measurables that they're looking for. So I think that's the biggest reason.

But do you think it had anything to do with Deion himself? I think some of those distractions later in the draft do play a little bit. But I still think, by and large, the majority of it comes down to, like if you're at that pick, right, and you have this group of quarterbacks. Let's say you've got four guys that you think are in this tier.

If Shador was that high above those other guys that they thought had that probability of panning out the next level, we think this guy can be this player. If he's that much higher, you take the baggage. Because at the end of the day, that's what you're drafting for. You're trying to draft to win games. But if it's close, or it's like, hey, this guy can do this really well,

If he pans out, you know, is it worth risking it with Shador and having to deal with the stuff on the side and all the noise? The way teams dealt with, you know, like Tim Tebow coming out, right? He was a guy that had a lot of years as a backup and not to his credit. I mean, Tim was a great person, but because he had such a fandom and such a following,

That is something that you have to think about. This is going to be a media circus. There's going to be like it's going to be. They do. But they do. But my only issue with this whole topic is I think that is being talked about way too much. I think that that has taken the overwhelming majority of the spotlight in this instance. And the reality is the majority of reason why he was not selected where people had him pre draft selected. Yes. Is because the NFL did not view him as that person.

caliber of player. Or that they had the potential to be there, right? Mel Kuyper Jr. almost had a seizure on television talking about his, because he analyzed him as a top pick. But the really, where he got drafted is just the statement of the NFL saying, we don't think you're a top-tier talent. Exactly. Well, apparently no one read Black Twitter. Yeah, you gotta go to Black Twitter. Black Twitter. Hey man, Black Twitter was where I was. Black Twitter is different. Black Twitter.

What is Black Twitter saying? It was called... I'm going to say this wrong. I apologize. Don't say the N-word. Nope. Please don't say it. They wanted to break a black man. That's what Black Twitter said. Said what? They...

You can't come in as a black man. They did it to Colin Kaepernick. This is black Twitter. That's all I watched. Also, to be fair, back to black Twitter, there's a few black NFL players. Like, it's not just... No, but they let... Hold on. They let this shit happen with fucking Eli Manning.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Eli Manning's dad, Archie, was a little controlling. Dude, this is all black Twitter. I'm just telling you what black Twitter says. Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. Did you be on black Twitter? Buddy, that's all I fucking do. Let me tell you something, man. Because you know what? Burt Kreischer is a piece of shit, doesn't show up on black Twitter. Yo, I should explain the point you're making. The point you're making is that people were saying they were...

Hypercritical of Dion having said, my son will not play. I will not let my son play for certain teams. And people were very vocal about that. And they would point out that when Archie Manning did it for Eli several years ago, that it wasn't an issue. So that was one of the things going on. Or when John Elway did it, it wasn't an issue. I remember when Archie did do that and when Eli was doing that, that it was controversial at the time. Right.

it was frowned upon, but at the end of the day, there were still teams that viewed Eli as being as top tier. Like that's all it comes down to. I'm going to keep coming back to that. And like Shador, you know, Brock Purdy dropped because he didn't have any of these outstanding traits. Right. Right. He's panned out in the NFL and the same thing. Like all these, there are quarterbacks are selected later in the round that just don't have these, these attributes that,

allow teams to accurately project whether they can be the best quarterbacks in the league. Totally. When you're drafted in the first round, that's what you think you're getting. You're trying to get a guy that eventually is going to be an all-pro quarterback

one of the best quarterbacks in the league. Right. And they get it wrong all the time. But when you're making that assessment, you have to pick quarterbacks that have some type of trait that leads you to think that. You go, this is going to work out. You see this guy's arm. His athleticism is going to allow our offense to do all these types of plays. Or he just reads the game incredibly. But that's a harder one to gauge. And that's where there's...

The viewpoint and the decision-making and all that stuff is way harder to judge coming out. Let's get back to Goofy. What do you think is better? Let's go. Being an NFL offensive lineman, an NFL quarterback, a platinum-selling artist, rapper, country musician, whatever, or a stand-up comedian?

And we're assuming we're good at all of these. All of us are. Bro, there's millions of dollars of talent on this stage right now. I want to be a platinum selling artist. That's amazing. It's just you up there. I want to be MC Yahoo with the

With the bald of me? Yeah. With the bald of me, yeah. What the fuck is that? It's a love bug. Yeah, I ain't gonna lie. That's white people bugs. I've never seen that type of bug. It's a Florida bug. No, I live in Florida. They're two bugs together. Oh, they're fucking big guys. Yeah, that's why they're called love bugs. That's two beers. That's two beers. That's two ants. Wait, wait. Okay, let me ask you.

Ballers is one of my favorite shows on earth, right? You ever saw it? Of course. How accurate that is because... Completely ridiculous. So it's not accurate? I mean...

I think that all of those stories in some semblance can happen, but that's a much more dramatized version of what reality is. But yeah. Yeah, but also, he's a good guy. You know? It's no fun. Jason's the worst at being famous. Him and his brother suck. You want to ask this question to a different player. Yeah, you need some guy raw-dogging bitches in Cleveland. Ask that question to Johnny Manziel. You'll get an interesting answer. Look.

Look, Jason's such a good guy. He says he's going to come and he shows up. You and him are the same. You're a regular human. That's all it takes. Availability. That's beautiful. I had to get my medal because I was out here earlier and I did it. I've never done a 5K where you're like, fuck, we're going upstairs? I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest.

I thought these guys are my friends. Yeah. So I thought they would give me the VIP warning. This hill, these hills are money. Yeah, yeah. No one is talking to each other. You're just going through and you're just mean mugging. Everyone gets mad at the hills. Yeah, of course. How could you not? You go down the hill, you get happy. And then it tricks you. Because there's more hillbillies.

There's a lot of hills, bro. There's more hills. Did you walk the hills or run the hills? I don't walk nothing, sir. You didn't walk a single thing? I don't walk nothing, sir. What was your time? They called me N-O-R-E. On the run, eating. I'm eating these miles. You have your time?

I don't have my time. I didn't give a fuck about my time. There you go. That's what I'm saying. I wanted to come here to do two beers. That's what's up. God damn it. And drink Oso's and rock my metal. Rock your metal. I'm telling you. These are my favorite podcasts right here. Wait, did you guys ever play a game drunk, high, or hungover? No. No. Never? Nothing. Hungover. Never hungover. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but no. See, these are good guys. These are great people. Great people.

I could tell. I wasn't good enough for that. That would do like a shot of whiskey or something like that before they played. That was the thing. Marshawn Lynch famously, I think, has talked about being like a shot of Hennessy before he played. Wild. The league has also changed quite a bit. Yeah. Even just in my time, like more of the young guys just don't even drink. Like it's not even like a thing that they really –

enjoy doing whereas earlier in my career when you first came in the league that's all anybody did was like the first thing you did Thursday practice let's out we're going to the bars yeah thirsty Thursdays let's go I was talking to some of the young guys about team meetings yeah and then and I was like do you drink in them and they're like no I go I know guys that used to just drink in all their team meetings sports science has ruined camaraderie yeah goddamn science how fucked up do you get after a Super Bowl win

Is it a blackout? I mean, enough that you don't remember. That's okay. That's a blackout. But you wake up going, what did I do yesterday? And your wife goes, you won the Super Bowl. That's right. At some point, you remember winning the Super Bowl and you remember going to the after party. And then that's kind of it. Kind of hate. And then you kind of have that brown out. Oh, I ran into that person and this person. And then you're trying to piece it together. Yeah. That's the Super Bowl after party. How about a fun one? What is...

You're a college kid. You want to play in the league. You get to the league. What's the stupidest purchase you made? Oh, let's go around the table. Hold on. What's the dumbest shit you bought? I'm guessing Jason's is going to be mild. You're so fucking relatable. I'm sorry, man.

I got a tree for the yard that I didn't plant. I think I'm getting a call that they're telling me my pancakes are ready. Oh, shit. Do we have his pancakes? I'm like the most needy person. I asked for pancakes, and you guys have such a wonderful staff here. They just are whipping up pancakes. They love you. They love you. I mean, the dumbest purchase I've made? I don't know. Hold on. You're famous for wanting to bring your kids to the—

Yeah, that's right. That's not a dumb purchase, right? Oh, an F-150? No, no. No, that's good. No, but you were famous for wanting to bring your kids to the Super Bowl when they were infants. Yes. And your wife was like... I actually brought my kid to this Super Bowl. My first child...

My brother's playing here. Well, actually, take that back. That was in Miami. Sorry. This Super Bowl sucked, by the way, for me. I came here to watch my brother play a Super Bowl. They got killed. And then I got, like, and they didn't even know who I was. That was when nobody knew who Jason Kelsey was, right? I am walking through Raymond James Stadium getting shit-talked, wearing a Chiefs jersey, just, you suck, and I am getting it, like,

endlessly with my parents. Then I, we just got to get out of here. We got to walk away. It was the best. I've never felt like such a one NFL fan. It was, it was incredible. It's pretty amazing. Um, no, I've tried to bring my kid to a Superbowl and apparently for a Superbowl, each kid has to have every heartbeat has to have a ticket.

So we have an infant with us. We think we're going to be able to get in. We show up, and they tell us, no, you can't bring that child in here. And for anybody that doesn't know, to get to the Super Bowl, it's like a whole process. It's like the White House. Yeah, we're already halfway through this meandering maze to get into the stadium, and they finally tell us, no, you can't come in. And we start panicking, and thankfully the NFL, we call, what is it?

Seven ways to Kevin Bacon or whatever that yeah, we're playing that game and eventually they get us in there like yeah Don't worry about you can come in the stadium, but Wow I don't really know where we're going with that here around a garage beers Jason thank you so much for sending these years. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for being here You're a fucking legend. Thank you, but hold on wait. Yeah, so worst purchases are

Only one with light beer. No, no, no. Only one with light beer. Nori, you've got to have a wild rapper purchase that you've made. Oh, hold on. Hold on. I thought he was going next. Okay. I think yours would be more exciting than mine. Save it for Nori. Yeah, no. I mean, mine was like, okay, not when I was young, but the most aggressive purchase was the Super Bowl when we played was in Minnesota. I'm from Minnesota. I grew up there. So we had...

I had 30 people there. I had to buy 30 Super Bowl tickets for my family. Oh, my God. It took a little bit of a hit of my Super Bowl check that year. Yeah. Shit. I was a seventh-round draft pick. My big purchase, I think I got a $50,000 signing bonus my rookie year. It went out to McCormick and Schmidt's Steakhouse in Philly and was like, I'm balling. You know what I mean? Like, I'm the man. That's awesome. It wasn't anything super exciting, honestly. Bo and I had the privilege of being drafted very late in the NFL draft, which...

I think there's this conception that everybody in the draft gets paid a ridiculous sum of money right away. Yeah. It's good, but to make a truly absurd purchase like a McLaren or some ridiculous house that is never going to ever get paid off, we didn't have that kind of money yet. Yeah. Mine are like yours. I'm a very relatable, regular guy too. Tom, what's yours? Yeah.

Fucking asshole. Go ahead. What do we got? Come on, bro. You're a very what? I've spent money on houses and watches. That's it. Okay. I used to think my brother was making bad purchases. My brother bought some Marty McFly shoes.

Apparently they're like big collectors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like $9,000. He spent six at the time. They're worth $9,000. And I know that now. Jesus Christ. At the time, I crushed him. I'm like, dude, what are you doing? Like you're buying shoes for this much money? What the? You're an idiot. And now they're like $9,000.

They might even be more than that. It's crazy how much these things appreciate. Incredible. Especially if we don't wear them. And he doesn't. He just keeps them in the box. He's got boxes. Well, I shouldn't even say this because I don't want people to know this. He's got all sorts of sneakers and art and stuff like that. He's got money under his bed. So my most ignorant purchase by far is when I bought an iced out diamond Newport chain.

Wait, do you realize how many people responded to that here? That's incredible. Some of them know. Or some of them is like, that's fucked up. I was smoking cigarettes one day, and I was just like, I kept missing my cigarettes. I kept misplacing them. I was like, what do you do to not misplace your cigarettes? By the way, I don't smoke cigarettes no more. Nice. But I was like...

Fuck it. Let me get a chain. Let me get a chain and diamond it out. By far also the most embarrassing moment of my life. I'm riding in an elevator and this old white woman just comes in the elevator and I'm sitting there and I'm just, it's just a natural impulse. And I open up my chain and it's a full box. She just looks, she's just horrified. Nothing threatening. Yeah. But I pull out my cigarette.

And the way she looked at me, I got rid of the chain immediately. Really? So fucking awesome. I was like, this is a bad decision. I've never wanted anything more, man. I want it now, too. Did you sell it? Yeah, I sold it back to TV Johnny, big up TV Johnny for doing it. But then my other purchase is recent, also terrible. Yes. I was in a Lego movie. Yeah. I don't know if you know Pharrell's...

and the neptunes like first hit on television was with me yes super dog what what what what what you know yeah that look at it up google's right so he puts me in his lego movie and i was looking to do another chain so i said ah and i just made a lego chain yes and my chain has a chain it's fantastic make some noise for me make some noise for the lego chain

So I got a Lego. And I know that I'm 47 years old. There's no way I should be running around with a fucking Lego chain, right? Dude, do you still have it? No, I just bought it. I just bought it yesterday, that type of shit. Oh, fuck! Yeah, yeah, yeah. But who the fuck would have think a kid from Left Rock City, Queens would be in a fucking Lego movie

Rocking a diamond Lego chain now. God damn it. That's what's up. Thank you. You got bars. Fuck yeah. You got bars. Into the sentence. He was the one that introduced me to Richard Millay. Richard Millay, yes. I've never... It's like... I gotta pee. And you ran. I gotta piss. What you got on? I'm gonna go piss. What you got on right now?

Those are some great shorts, by the way, Tom. Another shot. Thank you. Are we doing another shot? Let's do another shot. We have to because you also have to wrap up. We've got to get to Jelly's Run Club, so we've got to wrap this up. All right, let's do it. I also got pancakes. I got pancakes. Did you know that your electricity bill increases the more you use lights? I don't even know what he's rambling about. No. This is a standard thing I go through most days. Tiny shots. Tiny shots. Tiny shots. Okay. That's okay.

I sure already got enough in there. Come on. More? A little bit? That's up to him. A little there? A little here? Yeah, fuck it. Frank. Shout out to Frank. Frank, how much weight are you down right now? You're doing good, right? Doing great. This is Frank from Barstool Sports. He does walk and talk with Frank. He'll be doing it today with Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown will be out here. And I don't think... Metz fan. Metz fan. He's already a good guy. He's got a Metz hat on. AB's a big fan of Garage Beer, isn't he, Kels? He's the best follow on Twitter. I know that.

That's right, left rack. It's not Le Freak, it's left rack. But I got you, my man. Got you. But also, let's just, first of all, thank you again, everybody. You made this possible. So thank you for coming out today and supporting.

You guys are amazing. Big shout out to Nori, Bo Allen, Jason Kelsey, everybody that came and supported us. Can't thank you enough. The run champs. The run champs and the drink champs together. Thank you. Salud. Cheers. Thank you to Mike Calton. Thank you to all the celebrities that said they were going to show up and fucking showed up. There's a difference in celebrity. The people that show up and the people that don't show up. Cheers, everybody.

Cheers. And we're running it. One chance. Holy shit. You're going to be hammered during this run, bro. That's what I'm about to say. Yeah, I'm drunk already. All right, here we go. All right. That's why I got to eat these pancakes. Pancakes. Let's get those pancakes. Those gooey pancakes. Yeah. I'm hammered already. I'm pretty. I'm good. You was hammered since I saw you earlier, sir. Buddy. Reed, get that DMT pen. All right. Ha.

I'm going to do the IV after. I'll do the IV after. Get the IV after. Don't let them take your blood. We love you. We'll see you out there. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate y'all. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the squad. The other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.