Before and After (Season 2, Episode 15)
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Hi, Jennifer Simard. Hi, Patrick Heine. Look, it's been a day. It's my birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. I thought that I had my notes here. I didn't. I had to get on a city bike and bike home and bike back. And it's been, we just did an interview with Marco, your friend and colleague who wrote on the Golden Palace, which you all are going to be hearing soon. It's just been a day. It's been a day. But you know what? You had a little bike ride. That means you can have an extra piece of birthday cake. Totally.

An extra glass of birthday bourbon. All right. Well, today we are doing season two, episode 15, Before and After. This was written by Bob Rosenfarb, director of the show.

Directed by Terry Hughes. And it originally aired on January 24th, 1987. Bob Rosenfarb, who hurt you, girl? I... This episode is so triggering. I've been texting you all day. Yeah, cheesies. You can probably guess what it is, but do you want to tell them? It's the Liz and Stephanie. It's the Beach Friends episodes when Rose moves the fuck out. Well, particularly Stephanie. Yes. She just... She really rackles my feathers or whatever they say. Hackles? My hackles, my...

Whatever. I hate her. And I don't like Rose moving out. I don't like people not wanting to hang out with their roommates. I don't like people having to be like, hey, we're just roommates here. All of it hurts my—I take it all personally. You know, spoiler alert. He texted me this morning. He said, you know, Jen, we should do an experiment where we get locked in an apartment together for a week. And I just wrote back, we shouldn't.

Would you want to go and just like be in your own room and like you maybe would talk to me sometime? Like, would your door be open? Patrick, my door would be shut.

It would be locked. It would also have this kind of lock that you can get from the top and the bottom. And I would also have a mini fridge and a microwave in there. So you never have to talk to me. There was an en suite. And the thing is, no, to your point, yes, I would come out and talk to you. And I would love to have social time. Let's watch a movie. But when I want that door closed, maybe I am not a door open kind of gal. Nope.

If I had my way, there'd be no doors in any place. We'd all be communal living. We'd all just be hanging out all the time. Oh, God. That is my nightmare. Like this, he texted me this morning. This was his nightmare. It's my nightmare. And I said, I am Stephanie. The new friends not wanting to hang out with Rose. Really what we're talking about is

Boundaries, baby. I know. What are they, girl? What are they? Show me a boundary. I would love to know what they look like. Never seen one, girl. Never seen one. Well, listen, I do have something that happened this week. So this episode aired January 24th, 1987. This is a trigger warning for suicide. Oh. So this gets a little dark, but this is a thing I've known about for a long time. And it's a wild story. Okay.

happened two days before the airing of this episode. So if you don't want to hear the story, fast forward about a minute. Two days before this episode aired on January 22nd, 1987, a man named Robert Dwyer, who was at the time the state treasurer of Pennsylvania, convened a press conference where he killed himself live on TV. Oh no. This is an insane story. He'd been in Pennsylvania politics for over 20 years in both the state Senate and the state house.

But he'd been recently convicted of accepting a bribe from a technology company for awarding them this like big contract. He was going to get like $300,000 for this. Oh, wow. And so he calls a press conference where he talks for 20 minutes. The press thinks he's just there to defend himself, to say that he's not guilty. And he does. He does that for 20 minutes. And then he pulls a gun out of a manila envelopes. He warns the people, the reporters to take cover. And then he shoots himself on live TV. And many local stations carried it live. Oh.

And then a couple of other stations played it in full after the fact. Many other stations played it up to the moment of pulling the trigger and then played the audio. But I mean, it's a famous moment in like television history. It's very dark. It's very morbid. But that happened the week that this episode came out. So now get,

this, the only change in procedure or policy that was a direct result from the Bud Dwyer situation was the AP changing their quote film protocol. So prior to 1987, AP photographers carried black and white film for everyday use and switched to color film only in anticipation of special events like a presidential visit or something. So thus, the photographers present at Dwyer's final press conference had cameras loaded with black and white film all

And as the story broke nationwide, hungry news outlets requested color pictures. AP did not have color pictures. So from this point on, AP photographers shot with color film. Like that is the only change. There was no like no laws were changed. Nothing was passed about like showing violent, brutal crime scenes in news conferences or anything like no policy was affected or changed based on this situation, which I just find wild.

Oh. So anyway, that's a really dark way to start this episode, but I just... Listen, no, I mean, that's pretty significant. It's pretty significant. Well, let's go to the episode proper, shall we? Let's do it. All right. Let's do it.

So we open in the kitchen. Rose is adding drippy, soupy icing to a tiered cake. The linoleum floor is sitting there like an accusation. And Soph walks in and she is all of us. Yes. What the hell is that? It's a wedding cake for little Joni Winston up the street. You know, Sam and Edna's daughter. That's a girl? Woof!

Now, this raises all kinds of questions for me. Because it's like, how long have they all lived there? I know Blanche has lived there a long time, but like Rose and Dorothy are new. They've only lived there, like how have they gotten so close with the down the street neighbor that they're making a wedding cake? When I lived in the Hudson Valley, those close to me were like, how do you know everybody? I'm like, well, that's what you do.

you just you want to introduce yourself what happened to closing the doors and i wanted to talk no but the thing is i'm both like i mean i say i'm introverted but i i guess you could say i'm ambiverted because i know how to do it totally but i just need my own your space i need boundaries i need space and alone time but i know what etiquette looks like and i know how to be a good neighbor and neighborly yes so i i you know how friendly rose is oh yeah but we get

this savage line from Sophia. That's a girl? Woof.

Oh, my God. Damn. Holy shit. Not nice. No. Not nice. And also not appropriate ever. We would never make that joke today. But it's also just like, who wrote that, girl? Well, we know. Rosenfarb wrote it. Bob Rosenfarb wrote it. Bob wrote it. Girl, who hurt you? So Dot enters wearing very sexy pinstripe pajamas. Shit. And she is awakened by Sophia being too loud in the bathroom, apparently. Dorothy, what are you doing?

This raises questions for me about, like, what time is it exactly? Because Dorothy has been asleep for hours. And everyone wants to make sure not to wake up Dorothy. Rose is fully charged.

dressed baking a wedding cake. Blanche is about to come in from a date. Is Dorothy me? Does she go to bed at 6.30? I think it's morning. Is it? I think it's morning. Doesn't she say she has to get the cake over there by 8? But I thought it was maybe 8pm. At night? Yeah. I don't know because later in the episode Blanche is still in her pajamas and Dot is raring to go. So I don't know. I'm just

curious if everything's okay with Dorothy. You know what I mean? We're in the kitchen. Do we see the lights outside? Well, it's Miami. It's dark out there. Yeah. Oh, so it's probably nighttime. Maybe Dorothy's just been in her room drinking by herself. Well, listen, one of our favorite listeners is a teacher. Remember, she laid down the law. She's like, absolutely. When I get home at four, those pajamas are going on. And I get that. I mean, I have my in-between PJs, which are these like Lululemon sweatpants.

in between. So I get home from work or wherever I am, I take off my pants and I put on my PJs. It's my favorite line from your best friend Tina Fey's book where somebody asks her what changed when she turned 40 and she goes, well, when I got home, I got to take my pants off immediately. Didn't used to have to do that. Yeah. You know, like that's me. Today, I have a very long day. I'm wearing a nice leopard print blouse, like gold zipper situation. But

On the bottom, I am wearing wide-legged black jeans. After having tried on black leather pants, Ross in the leather, and I went, absolutely not. Not today, Satan. No. No. I like my fupa, could not handle it. I was like, no way. I think what we've settled on is that Dorothy went to her room at 6 p.m. to start drinking by herself. I think, and I love that for her. I love it for her.

So she drinks alone the way that Sophia eats alone. Totally. Never in the kitchen. Sophia never eats in the kitchen. No, that's true. She always takes her food to go. Right, exactly. She's like, you got to get out of the way so the ladies can have their girlfriend time. Blanche enters having just fed the minks after a benign date, right?

Well, the wildest part of the evening was when the Latin busboy dropped his crumb brush in my lap. Oh, not the man of your dreams, huh? On a scale of one to ten or seven. Well, that's not bad. Actually, he was more like a five, but he just looked so good with me on his arm, I gave him another two points.

Because of how good she made him look by being with him. He got two extra points because of her peacock beauty. I can see you doing that for a gentleman caller. Right. I can see that, like, being your story. Oh, thank you. Yeah. I don't know if I would say that about myself, but... No, Blanche does say a lot of things that most of us wouldn't say. Yeah, truly. You know?

But we get a list here of just how much Rose has been overextending herself with the volunteering. Okay, so this is kind of serious. She literally says, That cake looks delicious. Let's cut her up. Well, I was going to give it to Joni Winston, but if you're really that hungry, I'd still have time to make another one for the wedding. Of course, I have to address those 3,000 envelopes in the morning after I pick up the decorations for the hootenanny at the church. But that's...

But that'll still give me plenty of time to wash cars in the afternoon. And give blood before seven. God damn it, Rose. The Walter White of it all. I know. The washing of the cars. My thing was like, am I the only person for whom it sounds like it might be fun to hand address 3,000 envelopes? That's not

It's kind of fun. You would like that. You'd be like Susan on Seinfeld, though. Just drop dead from licking the glue. You know, that happened to me once. I had a job... You dropped dead from licking glue? Almost. I had a job where I was an executive assistant, which, by the way, I should never have had that job. Okay. Like, there's a whole chapter in my book about how, like, basically...

Steve had to come in and do the work for me because I didn't know what I was doing. But one of my jobs was I got the stack of like the 200 paychecks. Yeah. And I would have to put them in envelopes and then seal the envelopes. And before I knew that there are envelope sealing things you can get so you don't have to use your own tongue for like two weeks. It's like flushed with water. Everyone, hi. Little plastic...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Water, sponge. Yep, yep. Those things. I was doing this. I know, and cutting yourself. Cutting myself. I was getting bruising on my tongue. And I was like, I don't know what to do. And Steve was like, get on Amazon and for 99 cents, get one of those sponge things, you idiot. What would you do without the graham cracker, Chris? I don't know. I would be so lost. I'd be in tax prison, I'm sure. I love that you're like, I should never have been an executive assistant. And literally no one who works at this podcast thought any, like, we all were like,

I know. Silence. Natalie, Steve, me. I was desperate to get this job. I wanted this job so badly. And I was the definition of a personality hire. They hired me because they thought I was funny. Now, this is the thing. Yeah. We all have our strengths. Yeah. At the live show, you're getting there at 5 o'clock. Oh, no, honey. I'm getting there at 3 o'clock. You're getting there at 3. I'm behind a closed door with my mini fridge and microwave. Okay.

Hiding from me. And my tiny television that's in my contract. Totally. And I'll say, I'll come out at five when the meet and greet starts. I'll be there at three, but I'll have my quiet time. And there'll be a sign a la Gypsy that says, the co-star of Jennifer Simard is not allowed in this dressing room. I have a, no, I often, I make visits around the theater and people can come in, but there are times where I have a sign on the door that says, please do not disturb. And the other side says, no, really. Ha ha ha ha.

So if it says no, really. We know. We know. You leave the diva alone. Not the diva, the introvert. Leave her to peace. Exactly. But Dorothy is just saying that, like, Rose is way overextended. She has to learn how to say no. I have a question here. Yeah. Are you good at saying no? I am. Are you? Yes, I am. You answered that quickly. I am. No is a complete sentence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, that's it. I'm surprisingly, people don't ask me to do much. Yeah.

Like, I don't know if they think that I'm not capable or if they just know I'm too busy, but it's not like I'm getting a lot of invitations to mail the letters. No, I hear you. I'm also getting better. Like, we live in a meme world. And I've learned a lot from Instagram. Sure, me too. And one of the things I read recently that inspired me is one way to decline something is to say, I love this. It's so badass. It's like...

Well, I am free, but I need to rest. Great. That's true. That's a great way of saying it. Yes. I am free, but I need to rest and prioritizing. I don't have the bandwidth. I have to prioritize my rest. It's only in asking you this question that I realized nobody asked me to do anything.

Why do you think that is, though? I don't know. Because you'll say yes and they don't want you? No, maybe. I think it's because they know I'm—everybody in my life knows I'm very busy, right? Yeah. And so I do the things I can. I volunteer. I'm on boards of organizations. I do a lot of that. But no one's ever like, hey, Patrick, we need somebody to, like, pick up a shift at the bookmobile. Could you—like, I never get that. Oh, to volunteer. Yeah, never. Well, people do know you're busy. I guess. I mean, those of us who—

I don't know. He's kind of loud. That's not true, but you do all that volunteering. What's the thing you do at 54 Below every year with Martha Plimpton? AS4. AS4 is the organization that I'm on the board of that we put together this thing every year. And I volunteer at Daisy's school a lot. You would get the Friends of Friends of Friends of Friends of Friends Award. No way.

You know? All right. But Rose is very bad at saying no. Now, they're all going to sit around and talk about this. They decide to have the usual, which still is not cheesecake. I know. It's Sundays. Yeah. We have not yet reached the cheesecake era of the Golden Girls. Well, yes and no. I mean, they've definitely had cheesecake. I keep wondering, like, did we as a country invent that cheesecake is a Golden Girls thing? Because it doesn't seem to be their thing the way we all think it is. I don't have an answer for that question. Okay.

Okay. I wish I did. I don't. You guys, the way she looked at me like, you son of a bitch. Are you really asking me? Are you really asking me? Putting me on the spot on this national podcast. And I, and you know, and cheesecakes around the world. Around the world. The international podcast that this is. Yeah.

Around the world, they're going, God, we know the answer. What a bunch of idiots. She thinks she can wear leopard print one day and she doesn't have to know stuff? God damn it. But then Rose can't even sit and enjoy the Sundays because she's got to get the wedding cake to the venue by 8 p.m. And so, you know, Dorothy and Blanche are having a moment in the kitchen where they're kind of just talking about, like, she's way overextended. Why is she doing all of this? Yeah, right. And then we hear, like, something crash. Like a phone. A phone dropping. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Rose. What happened? Honey. Call an ambulance. Oh, my goodness. I mean, we all think she's having a heart attack. Yeah. And she says call an ambulance. Yeah. She's worried. Everyone, you know, and it is awful to see them so worried. Yeah.

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Cheesecakes, Patrick here. Before we get back to the show, I've just got a quick tour update. So my next three shows are the following. June 6th, I'm in Boston. June 23rd, I'm in St. Louis, Missouri. And June 26th, I'm doing my hometown show in New York City for Pride Weekend. I'm so, so, so excited about that show. Those tickets are now going really fast. So

I'd love for you to join me in my hometown show, June 26th. So grab your tickets as soon as you can. So by now, you've heard me say a thousand times that these shows are just like so, so fun. So if you can make it, please do come and join us. Basically, I make you laugh for an hour as I tell a true story about a disastrous evening I spent with Bea Arthur herself when I was in college. We have this incredible drag performer playing Bea from Beyond the Grave via video. The whole thing is hilarious and ridiculous. It's like a RuPaul's Drag Race romp. It's

so much fun.

And then there's an after party and you're all invited. So we meet at the venue bar where we mix and mingle. We take pictures. We have a drink or two if that's your journey. And we make a whole bunch of new friends. And that bar at the New York show is especially awesome because it's like an indoor outdoor terrace. I'm obsessed. So once again, my next few shows are June 6th in Boston, June 23rd in beautiful St. Louis, Missouri, and then June 26th for my hometown show for Pride Weekend in New York City. And then, of course, there's a ton more shows throughout the rest of the summer.

You can get all the information and tickets at the link in the show notes of this episode or by going to PatrickTours.com. That's PatrickTours.com. All right, my loves, back to the show. So we go to the hospital. We're in the waiting room. Everyone's worried except Sophia, who says she knows the 12 warning signs of death. Number one, your children start visiting during the week. Number two, your doctor won't let you post a check.

Number three, you can't eat cream of wheat because it's too spicy. If cream of wheat is spicy, you're in trouble. Right? But yeah, she only gets three out. Because then she softens and she gets honest and she's worried too. And she says, if anything happened to Rose, it'd be like losing one of my own children. Yeah. And then she goes to the cafeteria for jellos. I could frankly take her, leave Rose at this point. For real.

For me, personally. But the thing is, you hate her because you see yourself in her sometimes. I know. You're right? Well, especially in this episode. This one nearly killed you, right? I mean, look, when we get there. You were so uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable. I was sad. I was angry. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Oh.

So the doctor comes out to talk to Blanche and Dorothy. He introduces himself as Dr. Wallerstein. What does Blanche say, girl? Excuse me. Are you the ladies who came in with Mrs. Nyland? Yes, yes, we are. I'm Dr. Wallerstein. I've been treating her since she was brought in. Oh, Dorothy, she's going to be all right. Her doctor's a Jew. Blanche, please. How is she, Dr. Jew? Wallerstein. Why don't you come see for yourselves?

Look, I get that it like I'm very sensitive and I don't want to offend anybody or whatever. But like the doctor, the actor laughs like, is it not a funny? Because the joke is that Blanche is that dumb. You know what I mean? That she would A would say something like that and B just assume something like that. It's just a stereotype and a trope. You know what? I think people would come down on both sides of this. Because if it was if it was a hair salon and she's like, oh, Dorothy, your hair's going to be so perfect. Your barber is gay. I would laugh. I would think that was

funny. I think a lot of people would laugh. I'm just not sure. Yeah, we're allowed to. Yeah, and I don't think today it may not get passed, you know? And I'm not sure it should. Look, I have more questions than answers. Totally. But the gals enter Rose's room, and the doctor explains it was just an esophageal spasm, which can mimic a heart attack. Why are you laughing? I laughed so hard at the words esophageal. Esophageal.

I don't like how it sounds when you say it. Say it again. I want you to f*** my esophageal area. Can you imagine? I just want you to f*** my esophagus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No. Oh, no. Don't f***.

esophageal spasm made me laugh. What is this writer's name again? Bob Rosen. Bob Rosenfarb. You are on a roll this week, girl. Like it is esophageal spasm. I just thought that was so funny. And then I looked it up. It was something like

throat slammers just choking like it was yeah yeah no and he says it can hurt oh it's a constriction of the food pipe yeah it can be very painful of writing but it's not at all serious and i was like look why was she clutching her heart then doctor you know what i mean well your esophagus is right i mean you're right about that area say that word your esophagus is it a soft g or hard g i think it's esophagus esophagus esophagus oh because i

Oh, because I said esophageal. Oh, my God. She could wear leopard print one day. Stupid idiot. But anyway, I have a little ditty on the doctor. He's about to leave. He's so cute. On his way out, he says, she just needs to take it easy for a few days, relax here for a few more minutes, then you can go home, right? Yeah. So this actor's name is Nat Bernstein. Love it. He has an interview here with you.

where he discussed how he decided to take a shot at breaking into Hollywood. And a few of the things he said was he came out from Pennsylvania having absolutely no clue what he was doing other than trying to do something different with his life before settling into what he thought would actually be his life. He thought he'd be a teacher or a guidance counselor or a coach, something in education. When he was at Penn State University...

He says that's where his heart belongs. He took some acting classes. And at the end, he thought, well, maybe I should try my hand at acting out in California. I'll go out. I'll fail. And then I'll come home. OK. So his first job was on the Paramount lot as a gopher. Oh, well, I had an image of him dressed up as a gopher. Like I had an image of him like in a gopher costume. Right, right, right.

So he thought to himself, hey, look, I'm around all these actors and stars and around these shows. How lucky am I? But then he asked the producers of the show Taxi to help him get his SAG card. And they did. And he began to land small TV roles. Right. And this is interesting. So he landed this role that we're seeing now. This is one of those small roles on the Golden Girls. This is so weird. The next week he got a call and they said they wanted him back on the Golden Girls. Right.

And he thought, oh my God, it must be recurring. They want me back as the doctor. No, it wasn't. They asked him to play the father of that baby that the woman thinks has been abandoned. Oh my God. Yeah. That's like in two episodes from now. And so, and he's thinking, really? Oh my gosh. And so even for me, he's like, he's learned enough now about the business to know that those kinds of things don't usually happen. How odd that was. Right. And he said on his time. I just watched that episode. I can see him perfectly. And I did not recognize him as the hot doctor. Yeah.

set up his time as a guest star, he said his only goal was not to screw up. Yeah. Because when you're a guest star in a show with these four incredible women and the director's directing you, all you want to do is make sure, don't forget your lines and you're moving the ball forward because, you know, they're not going to give you a lot of other takes. Yes. And I can say that that's true. And he's like, and he did it and he said it was just the strangest job and to this day he thinks that's what makes acting so much fun. You know, so...

when all of you are still watching these actors out there, you know, just to know that. And he's still at it. Yeah. And he's like, he gets residuals and, you know, he says the Golden Girls is the gift that keeps on giving. He said it was a great experience. It was nerve wracking when it's a one-off, you know, you just have to be professional. But since then, from 1990 onwards, he's worked primarily as a TV writer and a producer. Good for him.

for him. Yeah, it was a nice career, right? Nice job, hot doctor. Well, Rose waits for him to get out of the room and then checking to make sure that he's gone before telling them what really happened. And what really happened. Yeah, is something wrong? You want him back? No, no, I just wanted to make sure he was gone. I have to tell you what happened. I died. I died and went to heaven.

Rose, honey, you didn't die. You passed out. You hallucinated. Remember that New Year's Eve when you had the three margaritas? You thought you were an animated broom in Fantasia?

I love the idea of hammered rose. And I love the idea that Bea Arthur might never have had a margarita because the way she says margarita. Margarita. Margarita. I'm like, it's not a woman. It's a drink. But we know from Jim and we know from me that Bea Arthur likes to drink, but she drinks warm citron vodka. Okay. Well then that's what I'm saying. Maybe she's never had a margarita. Margarita.

I'm glad you caught that. I totally did too. But Rose knows it sounds crazy, but she's like, that's why I have to tell the two of you. So she gives them the full story of what happens. She said it wasn't exactly heaven. And Blanche says, you died and went to a suburb of heaven. Which I think is cute. Very cute. And she says, no, what happened was it was an enormous train station, like Grand Central, only cleaner. There were people everywhere rushing off to catch trains, sitting on benches, browsing a souvenir shop. And then, of course, there's a joke about a heaven-adjacent souvenir shop. Right. And Rose is saying...

And at the information desk was this huge train schedule. And next to every departure, it said, Destination Heaven. My first thought was, gee, what a great title for a movie. My second thought was, damn, I'm dead. Oh.

And so she starts wandering aimlessly through the train station when she hears a voice. And it's a voice that she knows. Now, Betty White does another goddamn voice here. And I cannot stand it. I was so stunned. I just started wandering aimlessly through this train station when I heard a familiar voice calling. Woes! It was my Uncle Johansson. He died when I was nine years old. A steam shovel hit him in the mouth. Oh!

Whoa. Whoa. Is that really you?

What is a steam shovel? It's a big yellow construction equipment thing. And it hit him in the mouth. All right. And that's how Uncle Johansson died. But also, I didn't realize till this moment, till I was reading it, how funny this next line is attached to it. I was so happy to see a familiar face. I'm like, were you though? Could you see his face? Was it still there? Oh, my God. Well, she said it was Blanche. Well, at least from the nose up. Right. And so he's got good news for Rose. Uncle Johansson asked to see my ticket.

And he said, "Whoa, whoa, this is a wound twit ticket. You can go back and continue to live your life. But before you go, I have two pieces of advice. Don't get hit in the mouth with a steam shovel. That can kill you. And make the most of the time you're given. You'd be surprised how quickly it goes."

Now, Rose is really going to take that advice and run with it. Yep. She's going to eat life. Now, my favorite thing is brilliant be Arthur. Remember, Dorothy once had a speech impediment. Mm-hmm. And she says to Rose. Listen, Rose, honey, it's been a very tough night for all of us. So why don't we go home and west and we'll talk about your trip tomorrow. So cute.

You know, I have a little ditty. I know they're back to back, but we had to do a little ditty on rhodicism, which is what this condition is called. What's rhodicism? It's when you pronounce your R's as W's. Oh. It's really defined as a difficult. Hang on a second. It's called rhodicism. It's a word about a condition. It's rhodicism. How dare they? That's not fair. It's rhodicism. That is so rude. Yeah, but it's difficulty pronouncing the R sounds and it's very rude. Very rude.

It's wooed. Oh, no. Let's not make fun of them. No, we're not making fucking fun of them. That is the person who invented the name for this thing. They're a son of a bitch is what they are. Just snickering all the way. That's horrible. Anyway, the specific issue of children saying R's as W's is referred to as gliding. It's also referred to as adorable. Well, it's true. Well, we have something about the ages coming up. But, you know, it's just part of the, you know, phonological process. You know, you can think.

So, you know, like we said, ring would be pronounced as wing. Light would be white. We get it. We understand how R to W sounds. So gliding. Just give me like two more examples just to make sure I'm really clear. Stop it. So gliding, as you said, because you're doing my deep dive apparently. No, but it's common amongst children under the age of four.

Okay, so it's only considered a disorder if it persists past the age of like six or seven. Oh, Daisy used to do it. Yeah, so like between four and six, there's maybe... Daddy, I really, really, really love you. Oh. Yeah. So after that age, a speech-language pathologist might consider a child for intervention therapy, you know, when gliding is persisting. Persistent speech errors were estimated to occur in one to two percent of older children and adults, so not very many. Yeah.

But since the uncle Rose describes is an adult and his issue with pronouncing R's and W's is a result of being hit in the face with a shovel, his issues would actually be considered an articulation disorder. Yeah. The guy got hit in the face with a steam shovel. Like, Jesus.

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Cut to the phone ringing in the living room. It's dark, so presumably it's the middle of the night. It is, and Dorothy enters the living room, flicks on the light, and answers the phone. Hello? No, Rose is not here. Do you have any idea what time it is? It is not party time. It is sleepy time. No, that is not an invitation.

Sir, you cannot die from that. No, it's just uncomfortable. Take a cold shower and the normal color will return. Bye-bye.

We're getting the sense that this has happened a lot over the last week. Rose is back from the hospital. Dorothy is on the phone with somebody who's calling to talk to Rose in the middle of the night, but then just wants to have an obscene phone call with Dorothy. Apparently. It was really dirty. And Dorothy handles it in stride. Holy shit. What is Rose doing with these friends? Well, honestly. How is Rose going to? Where does she? How is Rose going to handle that phone call? I know. I know. So Blanche enters and, you know, they're just saying it's another one of Rose's friends. Sophia comes in too. And then we get this amazing.

moment but Blanche says now who in hell was that another one of Rose's new friends friends they're more like animals all they do is party and carry on all hours of the night I am abhorred we know what you are Blanche I'm glad to finally hear you admit it Sophia I said abhorred abhorred a slaughter trap it's all I said

It's really good writing. It's funny. It's funny. It's very funny. Dorothy is saying she's worried about Rose. Yeah, she has empathy, but narcissistic Blanche has not. No, like Dorothy is actually worried about her friend and Blanche is just worried about how all of this activity is affecting her. No, she says, we have to carry the responsibility around here. I have, yes, Blanche actually has to pay for the house repairs now. Exactly. Exactly. Because we...

what's going on here, dear listener, is that Rose has taken that advice from her uncle very seriously. She's eating life, as she says. She's, like, she's out partying. She's out, like, living it up or whatever. Yeah, because life's too short. So Rose enters, and I gotta say, Rose enters with, like, a real spring in her step. It's like,

five in the morning or whatever it is. And she's just like walks in and she's like, oh, I was thinking like, where is she coming from? We're going to find out that her and her beach friends are going to the beach for a sunrise breakfast, which by the way, sounds amazing. It does sound amazing. Sounds so good. But I'm like, where's Rose coming from? Yeah, we don't know. We don't know. But she's been out all night. But she's definitely different. Yes. Since this experience. And we see it here, right? Blanche and Dorothy want her to like sit down and talk. And she's like, oh, I can't. I've got a van full of people. I'm like Dirk's fan. Is Dirk part of this club? Probably. Probably.

That's my goal. That's like something Dirk would do. 100%. How old do you think the people in the van are? Are they all her age and like all having the same experience? Oh, I don't think so. They're like 30-somethings. I think they're younger. Yeah. Which is like, how did she meet them? What is their conversation? Like, do they just love her St. Olaf stories? I don't know, Patrick. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just like, really thinking about like what the people in this van must be like. I know. You know, and how she found them. Begs the question. Begs the question. We'll never know. And they, you know, they start to ask her, don't you think you're overdoing it? And she just doesn't get it. Yeah. What do you mean?

overdoing it. And she's saying she wants more out of life. And they're saying, but you're driving us crazy, you know? Right. And Rose is like, I can handle it. And Blanche is like, no, you can't. And neither can we. And you're driving us nuts. Right. She's like, you don't do anything to help out around here anymore. I need house repair money. Well, that's when Rose is saying, ah, that's what this is about. You know, for the last three episodes, Rose has just been like organizing her recipes and like cleaning the kitchen. Yeah. It's like an overcorrection, right? I know I've done this in life. I have

people close to me who do this where they just extend themselves so much yes and then when they finally take care of themselves I was like girl I was waiting for you to take care of yourself like you know what I mean but like it doesn't have to be so extreme no and I think back to the episode where Kirsten or whatever one of the daughters was going to the airport and Rose is making her like a picnic basket yeah Rose has led a very simple quiet life Bridget that would be Bridget Bridget yes and so I

I get what they're doing here, which is like Rose is like, oh my God, how many like opportunities of the sunrise breakfast at the beach that I miss and staying out all night with my new beach friends. Yeah.

and it feels midlife crisis-y to me. Very good point, yes. Like she was so scared about what, it's not so much that she's like grabbing life by the balls, it's like she was like scared to death and now she's just reacting. By the blue balls from the guy on the phone. Totally. They'll turn the right color What if Dorothy just started having phone sex with him like right in that moment? You know what I mean? I mean, but honestly, she could make a dollar with that voice. Oh my God. You know, Rose is saying,

Oh, so that's what this is about? You're just upset because I'm not the old Rose sitting around the house doing things for everybody else. Now, that's not true. Yes, it is. Oh, Rose, honey, we're only thinking of you. Well, I...

Well, I'm only thinking of me, too. And if you two can't adjust to my new lifestyle, well, maybe we have a problem here. No, Rose. You're the one who has a problem. Are you telling me that I can't live my life the way I want? Not if it means disrupting everybody else's life, Rose. You're getting impossible to live with. I guess I'll just have to move on.

something we never saw coming Rose is like okay well there's just one thing to do I guess I'll just have to move out it feels like Rose came in with that objective like I want to make them say the thing that's gonna make me have to leave you know I didn't see it that way but I just think well if Rose really plans on living her life like this this is not gonna work it'd be like if one of them was like even just in their age with age-appropriate friends like if one of them was like a

Yeah. They wouldn't be able to live together. No, and to Blanche's point, it is okay as long as you're not disrupting the whole household. Like, again, if I'm quiet in my bedroom with the door and my microwave and my refrigerator and my TV on low, that shouldn't bother you. But if I invited over a party. Uh-huh. You, Danny Burstein, just like a bunch of your Broadway pals. My Broadway pals. You would be banging down the house. Can I come in? Can I please come in?

Danny, please. But after this moment, we have a serious commercial break music. This next scene is so sad. We're in the kitchen. It's Blanche and Dorothy. Sophia enters with some weird news. We get this weird story because it's going to come back in the end, but they drop it on us now.

I got a letter from Gina Marie Donatelli. Her cousin Joe is hanging the wallpaper in Tony Bennett's guest bathroom. Oh, that's nice. He says celebrities stop by there all the time. And one day he saw Dean Martin, Liberace, Don Rickles, and Mitzi Gaynor. All of these people stopped by to use the bathroom on the same day? What am I, urologist to the stars? What?

What a weird detail. It is a weird detail, right? You know? This is the moment I was talking about earlier, though, where Blanche is still in her nightgown, but Dorothy is fully dressed. Uh-huh. Like, ready for plumbing, I guess. But a cute sweater. It's that fuzzy, navy blue and white sweater. Yeah. But yeah, it is a weird story. I know there's a callback at the end of the show with it. Yeah. It seems like filler to me. It feels like filler to me, too, because this is

the morning we're going to learn that Rose is moving out. Yeah. And so Dorothy is sad about it and Blanche is sort of pretending like, fine, forget it. If she wants to, what does she say? That's right. She's like, in fact, I'm happy she's leaving. Ha ha ha ha ha. You see how happy I'm? I'm going to try it. Go on. Oh, just forget about her. If she doesn't want to be our roommate, that is fine with me. In fact, I'm happy she's leaving. Ha ha ha ha.

You see how happy I am, Dorothy? You try it. Go. If you don't mind, Blanche, I'll laugh on the inside. That's iconic. It's an iconic Blanche moment. And Dorothy's just sad. Yeah. And Rose enters and like,

Rose is decidedly not sad. No, she's just matter of fact. I mean, death has changed her. It's like she has no fear. Yeah. That's just it, you know? Right. She says to them, I know you don't approve. I know you don't understand. But I feel like I'm doing the right thing for me. That's right. In the world of the show, they've only lived together for 18 months or two years or whatever, you know? And Rose is moving on with her life. Yeah. Everyone is just kind of sad except for Rose. Right. Right? Thank God because it's a sitcom. We do have a funny line in here where Rose says,

Isn't it funny how things turn out? Being dead really changed my life. Does that for a lot of people, Rose. So they cut the sadness with jokes. And they all say goodbye. They follow Rose into the living room. This is very reminiscent of the final episode of Golden Girls. Oh, yeah. Where they're sort of calling after her and then nobody really says the thing. And then Rose turns and leaves. Yeah, they exit to the living room following her. And they're like, you know, we'll forward your mail, okay? Bye-bye. And we say goodbye.

see the sadness on Dorothy and Blanche's faces and we're feeling it because my thing is why can't it be like all right you're different now but I'm gonna meet you down by the beach for a drink next Wednesday it feels very final like they're never gonna see each other yeah well they did just have that fight that's true so now okay here we go so we cut to Rose's new apartment by the beach she's these I'm gonna need you to hold me through this because I don't like it I don't like it

At all. Oh. So, what I have here, when I tell you I think about this scene every day or two since 1987 when I first saw it, I think about this scene...

All the time. All the time. Have you talked about it in therapy? I will be next week. I absolutely will be. Because Rose is there. Rose's roommate, Stephanie, answers. Rose says hi. And Stephanie calls Rose by the wrong name. She calls her Rhonda. And I have here in parentheses, not since Peter. Wait, wasn't that what the author called you? Not since Peter. I mean, this is a trigger for you. 100%. Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Rhonda.

It's Rose. Sorry. Oh, that's quite all right. There's a little poem my mom made up that might help you remember. It goes, hey, your name is Rose. I think I can handle that. Okie dokie.

So rudely. To like poor Rose, who's just like trying to live her beach life. True. It's a special sort of chemistry when you can put up with Rose's endless stories, right? I mean. You know, if you're Stephanie, you're trying to establish boundaries. You know what I mean? I'm sorry. What word is that? I don't know.

I've heard of this word. I looked it up. I don't know what it means. Yeah. Stephanie is trying to say to her and, you know, Stephanie's doing her crossword puzzle. She's like, I am not to be spoken to. Clearly that chair that she's sitting in is Stephanie's chair. Liz knows not to fuck with Stephanie's chair. Oh my God. That's funny. The high back white chair. Yes. I mean...

Other than the rudeness of, hey, your name is Rose. I think I can handle that. Yeah. I have no issue with the stuff that she's saying. You know, like, and Liz, too. How dare you? Rose is just trying to be nice. She's just trying to make friends. I said that was rude. But they both, Stephanie and Liz, both try to explain to her that they're just roommates here. Well, next we learn that Stephanie is a drug addict. You have your own friends, right?

Because Stephanie... Justice for Stephanie. Stephanie asks Rose if she has a Valium, to which Rose is scandalized and says she doesn't, but she has a Tangerine Lifesaver. Then Stephanie makes a joke about the Lifesavers being the hard stuff. Stephanie, why don't you take a look at the mirror? You know what I mean? What's going on with you, Stephanie? You hate Stephanie. Stephanie, why you gotta be like that? Listen, this flight attendant enters. Her name's Liz. She's so beautiful. I love her life. She's exhausted. She says, Hi, Steph. Stephanie fucking corrects her like an asshole. Ha ha!

Hi, Steph. Stephanie. God, am I beat. That London trip is a killer. I've got to be in Paris in 12 hours. I'm going to get some rest. Hi, Liz. We haven't met, but I'm... Stephanie's mother. I'd recognize you anywhere. No. No, I'm Rose, your new roommate. Great. Welcome aboard.

Stephanie. It's Stephanie. Stephanie, what is going on? Why are you so mad at Liz and Rose? I love how much you hate her. You hate her. Oh, God. I'm obsessed with Liz's life. I want to be Liz. She's beautiful. She's got this, like, short haircut. You can tell she's kind. Not like the wicked witch of the living room in her high-back chair. Jesus, Stephanie. Stephanie.

And she is kind. She mistakes Rose for Stephanie's mother. I wrote, Liz is accidentally savage because she's like, oh, you're Stephanie's mother. I'd know you anywhere. And Liz says, welcome aboard, like a good flight attendant. That's right. Yeah. So Liz exits, goes to her room, leaves Rose with Stephanie to fend for her fucking self. Because you know that Liz has learned the hard way. When Stephanie's in her highback chair doing her crossword puzzle, you stay the fuck out of her way. You stay out of her goddamn way. I can't.

even contribute because it's just too good i mean you oh i love that she walked in from her london trip and she's like fuck stephanie's in the high back with the crossword fuck and her mom is here jesus christ what is going on well it continues because rose is like she seems like a nice person where's she from i don't know is she a beach person i don't know how long have you lived together

About a year. Really? I don't fucking know, is what Stephanie says.

Oh, God. And then Rose says, is she a beach person? I said, I don't fucking know. Rose is what Stephanie says. She finally answers like a human being. Because Rose is just realizing, like, I've barely lived with my roommates longer than that. And we're like, call each other best friends and family. And so Rose says, really? And what does Stephanie say to that? This is the cruelest model. Not since the rest of you are non-speaking townspeople have I been so personally attacked. Right.

She says... That is from a horror movie. That is...

The cruelest? That is so mean. Because I'm now just envisioning, like, you're never going to have those late nights where you're just, like, staying up having that extra Cosmo. You're watching the movie together. Oh, there's that dinner party that you're invited. Like, none of that is ever happening. We now learn in real time that Rose has already lost touch with her beach friends. Right. That also I took like a bullet. What happened to them? Well, and the thing is...

We've all had friendships like that. At least I have, where you get enamored by the fresh and the new, and you kind of leave old stalwart friends to the side. Yeah. And it's a shitty thing to do, and it's a lesson. I mean, I did it as a child, mostly, but it's a shitty thing that people do. Well, I had this friend who came to me, like, right before I met Steve, and we were really, really close.

Really close for like a year. Okay. And I kind of lost touch with most of my other friends, which was really fucking shitty of me. It was awful. And me and this guy were super, super, super tight. And then Steve came along and, you know, I got a boyfriend who became a husband. But I just saw on Facebook that this guy just moved out of New York this week.

And he had like a goodbye party and I wasn't invited. And, you know, we didn't really keep up with each other. But it's the same kind of thing. The friendship burned really hot for like a while. Yeah. And then it kind of died. And then we just fell out of each other's lives. Yeah. So it does happen. Yeah. You know, and she tries to stay positive. And she's like telling a sweet story about Charlie. And she's like now she's standing by the window looking out at the beach. Stephanie, the asshole, is not listening. And like mid-story gets up and walks out of the room without Rose even noticing. That just broke my heart.

my heart and you know I don't even like Rose I know but you are Rose you're really identifying with Rose really like but if this were me and I found myself alone in the living room with nothing to do I lost my two best friends my beach friends don't talk to me anymore look we gotta just move on to the next scene I can't talk about this anymore oh god

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So we're in the living room of the house. Dorothy's on the couch grading papers, I assume. Blanche enters. She's been shopping. Now, I love this. Blanche went out to get stuff for her and Dorothy to cheer them up because they're so sad that Rose is gone. But now that Blanche is home with all the stuff, she wants to keep it all. Even the stuff she got for Dorothy. Right. Yeah, this was for you, but it's so cute now it's for me. So she ends up giving her a gift that I'm hard-pressed to think wasn't for Blanche also. This is for me. This is for me. This is for me.

This is for me. This was for you, but it's so cute. Now it's for me. This is for you. Edible panties. Oh, what a lovely sentiment. Thank you. You really like them? I like them. I love them. In fact, I may have the waistband with a glass of milk before I go to bed tonight.

We have to hear Bea Arthur, Beatrice George Arthur, say the words edible panties. Yeah. She says waistband and I'm barfing. Like underoos. I know. She's like talking about the waistband of her edible panties.

That she's going to enjoy the glass of milk. Listen, I want everyone to have the sex life they want to have. I really do. This episode's been very hard for me. And now we're talking about Bea Arthur and her edible panties. Do you know what I mean? And it begs the question, what the hell is in the other packages? I know.

If, you know, I guess Blanche is just full up on Sunday through Saturday. She's got a set. Have you ever worn edible underwear? Yes. You have? Yeah, like years ago. And had them eaten off of you? I plead the fifth. I mean, I'm not, this is my life.

How dare you? I've never done that. I mean, we are talking about the lady who threw the foosball table aside down in the basement to get the whipped cream and the candle wax to have her first sexual experience at 17. So I forgot. I forgot. I'm dealing with an adventurer in the bedroom. In the game room. There was no foosball table. But there was wax. What did I say? Yeah, all of that. Chocolate syrup. Chocolate syrup. Ice cube. Blindfolds. You name it. It was there. It was there.

Well, so she did this shopping and Sophia comes in. And Sophia's just like, look, what's going on here? And they're explaining to her. They're just sad that Rose is gone. And Sophia sits down, wants to tell a story. They're not having it. She tries again. They're not having it. She settles for an anecdote. The anecdote makes no sense. Yeah. But the point of the story, and I love that Sophia, and of course this would come from Sophia. Yeah. Look, we are very upset about Rose. We don't want to be entertained. All right. I'll give you a point without a story, but just this once.

If you really miss her, go tell her. Maybe she misses you, too. I don't know, Blanche. What do you think? I really miss her. Oh, so do I. Let's go tell her. But wait a minute, Dorothy. If she misses us, how come she hasn't called? Maybe she died, Blanche. It happened before. Maybe this time it took.

She says, if you miss her, go tell her. Yeah. It's so simple, you know? That's right. So they decide to visit her and we're back to Patrick's greatest nightmare. It's such a nightmare. So we're in Rose's new apartment. The gang's all here. Steph is there. Liz is there. Liz is looking like a mill bazil. They all have plans for the night, except

Oh, I know. I know. And Rose is realizing that, like, she's with her roomies for the first time ever, and she offers to whip them up a fancy dinner. Now, we all know that dinner would be disgusting. But still, Stephanie, you goddamn asshole. And entertain the idea and say thank you for one second before saying no. I know. Well, Liz says...

Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I whip us roomies up a great big fancy dinner? Oh, sorry, Rose. I've already got plans. So do I. See you later. Look, Rose, you're a real sweet person, but I have to be honest with you. We're all just roommates around here, not friends. I hope that's okay. Oh, that's fine. Great. Good. Night, Rose.

I have a mini deep dive on these two actors. Should I give it here? Yeah. Okay. So Deborah May, the actress who plays Liz, the flight attendant, the nice one, she was born and raised in Indiana. In high school, she became the Miss America of baton twirling. Oh, I can see it. I can see it. How gorgeous she must have been. Yeah. And she would go on to represent Indiana in the actual Miss America pageant in 1971, where she was the

talent and Miss Congeniality winner. Uh-huh. I mean, can't you see it? Yes, you're a little, you're crushing on her. I love Liz. After her pageant success, she began an acting career with the American Conservatory Theater. From there, she broke into TV. From 1979 to 1980, she was a regular cast member on the CBS daytime soap opera Guiding Light. During the 80s, she appeared in a number of made-for-TV movies and series and guest starred on almost all of the top-rated shows at the time. She says she's got great memories of her time filming this episode.

She brought her baby to this set and said that all three of the women came in to, like, meet the baby. Oh, that's sweet. How sweet is that? Yeah. She said Betty White was especially charming and kind to her. And she said in an interview, I mean, I'm quite good at holding character, but they are so funny and they ad-lib quite a lot. Yes, I do remember that. And I remember just before I went on to enter Betty White's apartment, one of the stagehands said, quote, the ladies have said that you are a very handsome young woman. Ha!

And I just love the fact that they used the word handsome. I love that, too. I also love that we have an actress on set telling us that they did ad lib. I know. Because you and I have asked that question and thought maybe they didn't. Stani says they don't ad lib. At least her experience was that they did. Get this. Outside of her film and TV career, in 1981, she directed a documentary about South Africa apartheid called You Have Struck a Rock.

She made a documentary about apartheid. Okay. And more recently, she appeared on TV shows like The Cut and the final seasons of The Walking Dead. She was like a recurring character. Oh, yeah. And she's still with us. All right. Now, Rosanna Huffman, the asshole who played Stephanie...

She seems like a lovely person in real life. She was born in 1938 in a small coal mining town in Pennsylvania. She loved being a small town girl. And despite not knowing the rules of any sport, Rosanna was her high school's head cheerleader and homecoming queen. Maybe that's why she was such a

an asshole. In 1954, after putting herself through two years of teaching college, she decided to move to New York City because she had a dream of singing on Broadway. That dream came true the next year when she landed a singing role in the 1965 Broadway production of a show called

Half a sixpence. But get this. Directed by Gene Sachs, Bea Arthur's future husband. Oh my gosh. Wild, right? Now get this. One night at a party in New York, she met a man named Richard. And after multiple proposals, she finally said yes to marrying him. The two were married, moved to L.A., and had one daughter together. Her name is Chrissy. Husband Richard is none other than Richard Levinson, who would go on to co-create Columbo and Murder, She Wrote. Oh my gosh.

Married well, my love. Yeah. Her beloved husband, Richard, died of a heart attack when she was just 47 years old. So Rosanna raised their daughter with joy, love, and endless support. She continued to act. Over the course of a decade, she appeared in seven episodes of Murder, She Wrote, playing a different character in each episode. And beyond that, she had an amazing career in TV and film and as a voiceover artist. And then she, unfortunately, died in 2016 from pancreatic cancer. I know. What lives and careers, though?

Amazing. Thank you. That was great. Yeah. As they're opening the door to leave, Blanche and Dorothy are on the other side of the door. And this is, I love this moment because now Rose is seeing what's happening. And she's like, her cool roommates are going out without her as her old roommates are coming in. Oh, wow.

Hello. Is there a Rose Nile? Dorothy! Blanche, come on in! Oh, Liz, step into my old roommates, Dorothy and Blanche. How do you do? Nice to meet you, Liz. Have to run, sorry. Nice meeting you. I'll catch up with you two later. Oh, we have so many running jokes. Rose shoves the new roommates out the door. And she's like, alright, bye!

All right, bye. I'll see you. I'll meet up with you in a little bit. And the new roommates are like, wait, what are you talking? And she slams the door in their faces. Right, right. That's a great bet. So getting back to the episode proper, once all of our roommates are reunited, the old roommates, that is. Yes. We ask some questions, but it becomes clear that no one's going to be brave enough to say how they really feel. Everyone's trying to save face. Right. You know, Rose doesn't want to tell them that she's obviously made a mistake.

stake. Yeah. She's kind of doubling down and the girls don't want to tell her how much they miss her. And part of that is because they believe Rose when she says that she's so happy that she made it's all working out great. I made this amazing decision. This is exactly what I needed. And they're kind of there to say, we miss you. But Dorothy puts her hand on Blanche's hand and is like, we are so happy for you. This is exactly where you should be. And the thing is,

had they just told her the truth, she would have caved. Yes. Because, you know, she says, she's like, oh, my roommates and I go out all the time. We're, you know, Liz and Steph and the rest of the beach crowd. I'm usually out with them. She says, I'll be honest with you. It's a dream come true. And so she's not being honest at all. No. And I wonder what would have happened. That's

that frustrating moment. Like, oh, just everyone just lower your pride, your shields, shields down, you know? It is the interesting thing about TV or film or theater that like the audience has more information than the characters and that's really cool when that happens. And I like that. But you know, they leave quickly. They're kind of like, well, let us, you know, you're going to meet up with your roommate so why don't we like get out of your hair? And they just like

turned to leave and then they're gone. And so you can tell she's lonely, so lonely that she actually calls the front door person on the intercom. I wrote, this is so me. She's so bored and so lonely. She's like, hello, doorman. Do you want to be best friends and hang out? And the door guy's like, I kind of can't. I've got, I'm in a committed relationship with 122, which is like, it's so funny and it's so awkward. And it's just like Rose, that's like Rose's rock bottom moment.

It is. So much so that she hugs a cat pillow. And I brought a pillow in for you to hug. Oh! There you go. This is my support pillow for the idea of not having any friends. Oh, my God. Do it just like her. Rumpf.

Oh, my God. It smells like you. So in the next scene, we're in the criminally sensuous kitchen. And I say that Blanche, of course, comes in. I cannot believe it is Saturday night and I, Blanche Devereaux, the most witty, stunning, criminally sensuous woman to come out of the South since Miss Tallulah Bankhead, do not have a date. So what? I don't have a date either. What's your point?

It's funny. I didn't make this note, but I just remembered that Bea Arthur sort of famously understudied Tallulah Bankhead in a play. And there's a story she tells, basically her saying to Bea Arthur, the difference between me and you and the reason you'll never be a big star is because I have sex appeal. Like, that's a thing that Tallulah Bankhead said to Bea Arthur. Isn't that wild? Well, that didn't age well. I mean...

Honest to God. So Rose has entered having fed the minx and overhears the conversation. Because they don't see her. They're just sad. They're just sitting there being sad. They don't know what to do. Yeah. They're kind of lost without Rose. And Rose is behind them and they don't know it. So what do you want to do tonight? I guess we could be constructive and clean our closets. We could go to a movie. We could do what we normally do. Talk dirty and pig out. Okay.

I'll get the bowls and the spoons. I'll get the ice cream. I'll get the chocolate sauce and whipped cream.

Now, I love that Blanche and Dorothy don't have a big reaction. No, I have not missing a beat. No, they kind of just like look up. They don't even turn. They hear her and they're like, everybody wants to play this moment correctly, you know? And they just do what they always do. I'll get the bowls and the spoons. I'll get the ice cream. I'll get the sauce and whipped cream. They're sitting down and Rose says, anything interesting happened while I was gone? And Blanche says, does this mean you're back?

And she says, if you'll have me now, of course, I get stuck on the what's going to happen with her deposit and the first month, last month at the new apartment building. How is she getting her stuff back? Right, right, right. Well, there is that inheritance. Daddy's inheritance. Kirsten, that bitch. Yes, totally. Maybe Kirsten can move in with Stephanie. Totally. Totally.

But this is awesome because there's no discussion. There's just love. It's just it's family. And Dorothy just goes right in and telling her about that letter from Gina Marie Donatelli. It's just wonderful, right? Right. We learn that because remember, he's re-wallpapering Tony Bennett's bathroom. And now, of course, we find out that Blanche had an affair with Tony Bennett.

Which is a great way to end the episode. But to your point earlier, I will say, I had that thought in terms of worrying. Like, they could have gotten a new roommate. I mean, how can they afford? They make a big point about that. I mean, who's going to pay Blanche's maintenance fees at this point? You know what I mean? All the house repairs have to get paid somehow. But it is a cute way to end the episode. She's like, he may have left his heart in San Francisco, Tony Bennett, that is. But he left his shorts on my radiator. And she ends with a Sophia picture there.

Very good. I love it. Oh, cheesecakes. This is a good one. Thank you for going with me through my trauma. I had a moment. Yes. You know what? Join our Facebook group. Please. It's the Golden Girls Deep Dive Podcast discussion group. We have over 5,000 people in there. It's so fun. It's such a great place. It's such a great way to meet people.

Come see me on Tour of Cheesecakes. I'll be in all over Ohio. I'm doing all my shows in San Francisco and Portland. And then I'm coming to the East Coast. I'm going to be doing Atlanta and Boston and New York and just everywhere. That's great. It's a great way to meet fellow cheesecakes in your area. My show's only an hour. Then we go to the bar. We hang out. I'm watching, like, the cheesecakes really meet each other and, like, make new friendships. It's so fun. Oh, that's great. Just go to PatrickTours.com for tickets.

PatrickTours.com. Listen, thank you for being a friend by telling a friend about our podcast. Don't you dare. No, I will. No, this is a great product. Everyone loves it. You know, I talk to them like, so tell someone. So tell someone. Help us grow. Exactly. All right. Love you. We love you, Cheezies. Bye. Bye.