Hope for a New Level of Self-Awareness w/ Kelly Rowland
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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things all things all things Chad

All right, so we are continuing on with our conversations about hope for new this month. All month long, we're talking about the hope for new levels of self-awareness, hope for new perspectives. But this week, specifically, we're going to talk about levels of self-awareness. I feel like this is an underrated, rarely discussed topic.

hope that all of us must have. I think that if we are married to the same self-awareness that we had five years ago or 10 years ago, then we may be hanging on to a version of ourselves that no longer exists. Hope for a new level of self-awareness is being willing to ask ourselves in this moment, who am I?

How am I showing up? Who have I been? Maybe you've never even asked yourself these types of questions, but there's something really powerful about saying, how can I become more aware of who I am, the effect I have on those around me? And is this a reflection of who God says I am or where I am headed? Some of the changes that we need to make in our lives aren't

going to be done exclusively by creating a list and making the plan, but it's also going to be done by having an awareness about who we are. I have a tendency to show up and procrastinate. I have a tendency to show up and then shrink, but to have a level of self-awareness that says this may be who I am, but it is not who I am becoming is one of the most powerful gifts that you can give yourself.

I can only imagine how many times today's guest had to do that. When I think about Kelly Rowland, of course I could tell you all of the accolades, all of the achievements. We know her. She is our sister and our head. But I imagine that growing up, being who she is, that she had so many moments where she had to ask herself, "Who am I now?"

Is it true to who I am becoming? And am I willing to make some changes? I'm going to mind her business. And I am so excited that she's allowing you to join me in this journey of minding her business. I feel like this conversation is going to be one that you did not even know that you needed. If you've never seen Kelly outside of...

the stage and the incredible music or films or business that she does. Get ready to meet someone who reminds you that all of us, no matter where we are in life, are more alike than we are different. Let's get into it. I tell this story at every birthday party, but when I first moved to LA,

I was struggling and I didn't have a big circle. I didn't have a lot of community and I felt like I was still proving myself and discovering myself in a lot of ways. And all I wanted to do was get my hair done.

And my husband called someone, she was of European descent to do my hair. And she jacked, she jacked the edges up. Edges was not as important to her as they were to me. And I had a nice little bald patch going on my edges. And then finally, I don't know how it happened. Uh,

But I finally was like, babe, I need somebody who understands that I need every last one of these follicles to make it. Every last one that God gave me, I need to give back to him in heaven. And that is when Kelly entered my life and sent me just not just hair, but she's like, what else do you need? Do you need doctors? Do you need grocery stores? And so, Kelly, I love you. Thank you. You are there for me. I think at one of the most pivotal transitions in my life. And I'm just grateful to have this conversation with you. Thank you.

I love you. You know, you always here and I'm so grateful for you and grateful for our bond and it just continues to grow. And you know, you my sister now girl.

Yeah, we stuck together like Chuck, which is why I want to ask you this year, we're talking about like hope, just hope in general. Like, I feel like that's one of the things that the world really needs. I think we know pressure. I think we know stress. I think we know defeat. I know, I think we know grief.

But I really want to spend this year focusing on hope. Where does it come from? How do we protect it? How do we maintain it? And I think during the month of January, people are really focused on like, oh my gosh, there's so much new that like I'm hoping to do this this year and that this year. And I think that that momentum is necessary to start the year, but we want to sustain it. And

I'm wondering as you have started this new year, as you're like rolling up your sleeves, like what is it that you know about yourself that you're holding onto for hope in whatever possibilities are available to you? Like, what are you holding on to about yourself this new season? Oh goodness. That's a great question. One, um, what am I holding on to my possibilities? I'll definitely say, um,

I think it's for me, 2023 is about breaking procrastination. I know that probably sounds like some people, when I say it to people, they're like, you procrastinate? I'm like, yes. Sometimes I'll have like a little hiccup, you know what I mean? Where I'm like, well, can I do this? And I think that I'm holding on to my what I can do.

Instead of what I can't, because if I see something and it looks big in front of me, sometimes it's quite daunting. And I'm like, no, I can't possibly be it. And I might like talk myself, try to talk myself out of it. But instead, this time I want to talk myself into it.

Okay, so you're holding on to what you can do. And I feel like that takes a lot of self-awareness and definitely a perspective shift because I think most of us spend a lot of time thinking about like what we can't do. So what are like some of the affirmations? Like what do you tell yourself when you're in a moment and you're like, your initial response is I can't do it. And then you got to like renew that mind real fast. Like what do you tell yourself instead? And maybe you give me an example. Let me get in your business. Give me an example. Okay.

Okay. Let's see. There's something that I'm working on right now. And I have to call somebody or I have to call somebody

And I was literally, yeah, I had to call somebody. I was getting ready to dial the number and I was like, oh, I had all this like angst in my stomach. And I was like, oh, maybe they're busy. I just say they're busy. I just, they're busy for now. I'll give it 30 minutes. And then 10 minutes later, something goes, no, why would you wait 30 minutes? Why are you, why are you doing this again?

So I could hear myself talking to myself or maybe spirit talking to me and just saying, call now. What are you waiting for? Call now. And so...

I was like, I must be some like close to something great because everything is trying to talk me out of it. But I'm like, even if it's like this, like it would talk me out of it. You know what I mean? But it's like, yes, because it's like, you know, if you're that much closer to something great or doing something great or thinking something great or doing something great with yourself or about yourself, like, of course, like there will be something to

Pull you back to what you're used to doing and the unfamiliar territory scares the crap out of you or scares the crap out of me. But it's the part where I grow the most. And I'm like, I don't want to be stagnant in my growth and I don't want to. It's usually my kids there because I don't want them to see me stagnant in my growth.

And I notice like just certain things, like whether it's like Titan is really shy in a room. And so I'm like, did he see us be shy in a room? And Tim is like, yes, he's seen me be shy in a room where I'm like, oh, I do kind of get reserved. You know what I mean? So when I see certain things manifest in them, I'm like, oh, let me fix this quick. So it's usually my kid. Wow.

OK, so I am stuck at you talking yourself out of making a phone call. We must break this down. I feel like when I view other women, they are strong. They are confident. Like I have seen you on the spot. Like I've seen videos, videos of you on social media on the spot.

Using your voice putting someone in their place and it looked like so easy for you So the fact that you could have nerves about a phone call one it makes me feel a little less crazy But also I just want to understand like what is it about us using our voice in a new way an unfamiliar way a more assertive way that makes us want to shrink before we show up and

Don't you think it's past? I think for me, it's past. You know, it's like just...

Growing up and maybe it was somebody or I can say for me personally, it was possibly somebody who tried to quiet my voice. You know what I mean? And I don't think that parents try to do it. I don't think that teachers try to do it. I don't think that people, you know, who come in and out of your life try to do it. It might have been something that they were shown. And maybe like that's.

unfortunately their way of dealing with it which is like you usually mock what you see which is why right parenthood is like oh my gosh well how do I figure which is why I'm going through doggone gentle parenting right now trying to figure out how do I change or break the cycle do you know what I mean

what I mean so it's like yeah okay I need to communicate with Titan this morning like him and his dad had a disagreement and we broke down the disagreement and then come to find out Titan left out parts of the story that his dad told me parts of the story and I'm like having to break everything down instead of why did you do that like I can't do that I have to show him how to communicate first because here I am at the tender age of 41 trying to figure out communication

You know what I mean? With anybody that I love. So let me help him at eight with his communicating that I didn't get it. But I'm learning about it at 41.

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I'm all for gentle parenting and using your voice. It's hard. It's hard.

Ella, I want Ella to use less of her voice. I don't want her to use less of it. She gives me too much to work with and I don't want to shut it down. And then I don't know. I don't know. I need, like, I'm not fluent in gentle parenting. Like, I'm still picking it up. And sometimes she says some things to me and I just, my initial response is very generational and it's not new. It's not how I want to show up.

I don't know. I feel you to the umpteenth power because if I like I told Titan the other day, I said, dude, I said, if you said to your grandma, I said, if I said what I said, what you just said to me to your grandmother, Doris, I said, I don't think I'd be here. It has nothing to do with you.

I said, what I'm telling you is please don't use your tone or your voice to talk to me like that. Do I disrespect you? He said, no, mom. I said, no, honestly, do I disrespect you? He said, no. I said, do I talk over you? He said, no. I said, do I raise my voice at you? He said, you try not to. I can tell.

The fact that he said, you try not to, I can tell. I was like, but you, you, you trying me though. So I know that, you know, and it's, it's so funny because somebody said in this general parenting video, no kids don't know anything about manipulation. I just tilted my head. Really? Really? How was that even possible? I'm still learning about general parenting. It's the hardest thing ever.

Well, it sounds like you're also gentle parenting yourself and trying to use your voice and really assert yourself. And I don't know. I can imagine. No, I probably can't imagine what it was like living your life out loud for the world to see and a certain level of confidence being assumed and

about you a certain level of just knowing being assumed to you because your path seems so clear and maybe maybe for somebody easy if you're looking with one eye maybe it looks easy because there's another part of me that looks like that was only made for the strong how do

How do you even hold on to yourself when everyone's pulling at you? Like literally the world is pulling at you. Like what does self-awareness look like when there's like Kelly Rowland that we see and know and love and think we know, and then the Kelly Rowland that you're going to bed with at night? Oh, I think that two totally different people, um, to be honest, it's like in that time, um,

I mean, just being younger, it was just trying to figure it out, especially in my 20s. You know what I mean? Like, I think we were all trying to figure everything out in our 20s. So I think that sometimes it was, transparently speaking, like the fact that the rest of the world was liking me. I was like, oh, well, we're going to be OK. You know what I mean? So it's like a lot of my esteem.

was brought about with the rest of the world in their opinion you know what I mean and um when I put my head on my pillow at night you know I felt blessed above anything but it was like I should be grateful for this moment and I am grateful for this moment but it was also like if I was tired

I don't think I thought about even being tired. You know what I mean? Whether it was tired or whether it was, and it's not to say that it was too much because it wasn't too much. It was more so like things were moving and I loved the direction that it was going. And I'm grateful for every moment that I have, but it was also like,

It was go time. And I was with go time. But when it was time to be still and allow myself like a moment, I probably didn't know when to stop. If that makes any sense. It does. It does. There's this like fine line between...

I am living a life that other people would pray for and I am going to show up and live it out in a way that makes God proud, makes me proud and honors the moment. But also this human side of I am tired and I do wish I could say no without worshiping.

worrying whether or not I'm going to lose the opportunity. I feel like in my own way, I've dealt with that in different stages. And I've had moments like right before it was time for us to go into a new city where I literally, maybe it was insecurity, maybe it was straight up truth said like, I'm not built for this. Like I'm tired. It requires too much vulnerability. Too many people are staring at me and I'm not my best. And you show up and you do what needs to be done in the moment. But like,

How do you take care of yourself? Did you ever have this moment where you're like, I have to honor that two things can be true at one time, that this is a blessing, that I am fortunate, that this is an opportunity of a lifetime and I'm tired and I need better boundaries because I want to do this for a long time, not for a short window. Yeah.

I don't think I ever had that. To be honest, the one where you're like, it's two at one time. I'm like, wow, I wish I wish that did circle my brain. You know what I mean? Because I think I think that I would have handled it. A lot of things would be different. You know what I mean? And it's like some of those things that you look at at 20, like look impossible.

And it's like, oh, if I do that, like you said, then I don't know if this opportunity is going to be here. And I don't want to just like watch it go away. And but at the same time, I love that. On one side, I love that I fought through it. And another moment, I'm like, oh, you know what I mean? What did that cost me? But at the same time, I still feel like I was I'm good. Does that make any sense? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I just feel like... Because I will say, I feel like our school... Yeah, our school... Don't nobody work like the way we work. I'm sorry. We were like... We worked hard. And it's a blessing that we're... I know for me, I'm still able to do shows overseas. Or people call from all over. That's me. That was what...

the hard work cemented, you know what I mean? Was the opportunity and the opportunity continues to give. Here we are 20 something years from now and I still get those calls. So that's why I say on one side, it's like, no, I'm happy I did it. And then it's like, no, I'm just happy I did it. But it does cost you a bit, but you just have to, you know, see how you feel in that moment, I guess. Yeah.

Do you feel like, so maybe you didn't feel like that in your 20s, but do you feel like you honor those moments more now? Like, was there this turning point, this change where you realize, like, I am going to have to start surrendering to these moments where I don't have it, but trust that I can get it if I go on vacation or if I say no to this meeting. Like, how does it show up for you now? I'll definitely tap out. I'll say, I'm tired or I can't do it today or whatever.

honestly it was my kids like my kids got me more focused to be honest um like now I have this thing to where like I always say I'm like yes I want to do it or yes I want to show up for this person or yes I love this idea let's try it let's do it blah blah blah now I'm like

Does Titan need me? Well, does he have something in school? Okay, I need to be home more. I haven't been home in a couple, like two weeks or three weeks. I need to go home. Noah is the little, you know, clingy one now. I'm like, when he calls my name, I want to be right there. So because the top of the top of, sorry, the end of last year, I was getting ready to go on a trip and Noah saw my bags out and he said, mama, mama.

I said, oh no, this kid equates me to a suitcase. This is not good. So, and how is that going to affect him in the long run? I said, I literally told my team, I'm prioritizing, like, of course I've prioritized my kids before, but it's different now. Like, it's like, no, I'm not going to do that. And it's like great, exciting stuff. And I'm like, I want to say yes. So bad, Sarah, so bad. But I,

had to say no to like four things that just came up that are really awesome opportunities, but it's just like, I'll be okay. And if they're supposed to happen again, they'll happen at a different time. So just priorities shift and change. And I think that even self-awareness shifts and changes too, because that same 20 year old who knew how to like go and go and go is now understanding the need for pause. I feel like

That happens so much in my life. Like what was a priority six months ago is not a priority now, depending on what's happening in my life and in my world. And I feel like with the kids, especially you only have like a window, right? Like you've only got this window of getting it right. I can remember the other morning I woke up, I was exhausted and I was thinking to myself, like, I don't know, like they want to start waking themselves up. Like, I don't know if this is for me. They need to grow up. Ellis six. They need to grow up.

They need to grow up and start taking care of themselves. But I felt like God told me, like God just got me. The Holy Spirit met me right in that moment and was like, she's only going to be six for a little while. And in a minute, you're going to be preparing to send her out of the house, to go to college, to do whatever. So you're trying to have enough energy right now for a version of her that's going to change in three years, four years, five years.

and having to remember that in those moments where things are stressful is important, not just for me as I'm showing up for them, but I think as a mother who's navigating career and opportunities is because the sacrifice that you have to make when they're young is not the same sacrifice that you make when they're 20. And I feel like for women who are career-minded, who have decided that they want to be entrepreneurs, they want to climb the ladder, they want to go back to school, a lot of times they're wondering, am I sacrificing

my destiny for my children or is it possible that I can actually put it on pause? And it sounds like you're trusting that there are certain opportunities that can pause while you show up for the kids and then you can resume them. Maybe it's a different company, maybe it's a different vision, but it's still a continuation of who you once were. It is. I completely agree with that. And it's so funny because a girlfriend of mine and I were talking about how

and I'm not just saying this, I think women are the most amazing beings on this earth because just the fact that we can figure out, you know, the way the household runs, the way the motherhood and sharing ourselves with our, you know, spouses, husbands, and then like it being an extension to the kids and making sure that everything is good while we are at home.

or not at home and figuring out work and running a company. And you know what I mean? Like the fact that we are so many different things, like, and we show up like, and we're, we put our all into it. Like, I think we are extraordinary because it's like,

I sometimes I and I love my Tim. I love him with all my heart. But he's like, oh, my God. Like, did you prepare breakfast? I was like, breakfast has been done or, you know what I mean? And I'm getting makeup done. It's in the warmer. It's way more than you. But breakfast is done. Titan's lunch is packed. His karate clothes are laid out for when he gets home from school. You know what I mean? I ordered food already because I know I'll be gone on Thursday and Friday. So it's like, boom, boom. Like we are. How do we do it?

I don't know. I don't know. Kelly, yesterday I got up at 445. I boxed. I made breakfast, lunch, dinner for the kids. I took meetings like I did all of the things. And I literally went to bed thinking like, I don't know how you just did that, but it was definitely a win. Yes. And P.S.,

that we should give ourselves more grace. You know what I mean? Because I know for me, like I'll still feel like, like last night I went to bed and I was just like, there was a moment, I think where I think I raised my voice to Titan. And, um, when he got into bed with me, cause it was thundering here last night, I just took a moment. I said, Titan,

I was out of line earlier, man. I was like, I'm so sorry. I raised my voice. I was like, and I didn't have to. I could have just talked to you. And he said, you're right. Good night, mommy. And that was it. But like...

But that was the moment, like I almost put my head on my pillow. That was my only regret for that day. But it was just, you know what I mean? But it was a big one to me because I don't like to have any friction with my kids before we're going to bed or my husband before we go to bed. But it's like we think about so much and it'll weigh on you the whole day or that weighed on me the whole day. And that was the one thing that I worried about.

At least he forgave you. At least he, he received your forgiveness. At least he forgave you. It's true. At least he did. You're right. I am on this journey of like discovering the things that bring me joy and pour it back into my soul. So I have to ask what brings you joy? What do you do for yourself? Vacation, water, a little, a nice little meditation prayer.

And watching movies or watching something that I love. Like I love like watching movies and I love watching, you know, the binge worthy shows. So, yeah, that makes me that brings me joy. Are you a sit down and do nothing on vacation person or like what are we doing this morning vacation person? No, I want to sit by the water and do nothing. Like I want to eat. I want to eat. Like why are we doing things? Yeah.

You know me, I want to eat. So yeah, I want to eat. I want to just relax and chill, maybe play some games on the beach or listen to music. Just relax, like just unplug just to just be.

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Okay, so we're going to answer an advice question. But first, I have to ask you, when you look at your life and all of the women who have played a part in you being who you are today, who is the woman who is most influential, but maybe less known? I'm going to say less known because I know that you have a lot of different people. But who do you think is like the underrated hero, heroine of your life? Yeah, and tell me about her. Underrated hero.

I mean, everybody knows her. Well, it's okay. I mean, you know. Underrated? But you know a version of her that we don't know. So go ahead. I mean, I definitely say it was my mom. And the reason why I say it is, and here's the strange part, is I think my mom, I think she blessed me even more in her passing than her time here, even on earth.

She shows up for me in ways that blow my mind. I think I appreciated her more. I think some of these tears are guilt. So sorry. But when I'll never forget when we moved from Atlanta to Houston, that was really brave of her. I don't know if I ever talk about that, but I'm really proud of her because my mom was very much so like she was she was brave. She also like was, you know, a little a little bit fearful and

She didn't know anybody in Houston, Texas, but she picked up and she moved because she wanted a different life for her child. And my life changed when I moved to Texas in dramatic ways. I just she is that chick in my head. I often wish I could like see her face to face just to tell her how much she gave me, how much she means to me.

Yes, I needed to get this out. Okay. It would definitely be my mom. This is going to get worse because I have to ask the next question. It's like a part of the series. She said it's going to get worse. Okay. It's going to get worse. Prepare yourself, okay? Oh, boy. So part of what I'm asking women this year is like, who is that woman in your world? I want you to tell us her name. And then I want you to tell us like what you hope she knows. Like, I hope she knows. And then you fill in the blank.

How should I start off? Just like that woman is my mother and Doris. Tell her name. So that woman for me is Doris. She's had several last names. That woman for me is Doris Rowland-Lovett. I hope she knows that I'm so proud of her. I really think she's brave. That she loved me, showed me affection. It's

Something I'm so grateful to her for. I hope I make her proud. That was a drag. Look at you, over there crying and snotty. Look at you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. No.

Thank you for sharing. I don't hear about your mom often. Obviously, I knew when she passed, but it's good. I feel like you know more about a woman when you know about the women who helped to pave a way for her. And it sounds like your mom did exactly that. And then I also feel like it's important when someone has passed to speak their name, because I feel like it keeps their legacy alive in the earth. And so I thank God for Doris.

And for the gift of you, because I experienced doors through you. So thank you, friend. Thank you. Thank you. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What I know for sure is working with the right therapist can help you find your most authentic self. I've been in therapy for some time now, and after doing the inner work, I'm feeling like the highest version of myself these days.

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That's betterhelp.com slash evolve. We're going to mind someone's business, okay? Okay. Okay. We're going to mind someone else's business. We've been far enough in your business. We're going to mind somebody else's business. We haven't. Okay. I love it. Any advice, question. Okay. Okay. Here we go.

It says, hello, Pastor Sarah or SJ, as I affectionately call you. I'm new to listening to you and am hooked. There were two podcasts that hit me this season of my life, Longevity and Sisterhood with Beast in My Hole. Now, let me pause. Kelly, just so you know, when they send these advice questions, I tell them, don't send me two or three sentences because they want to know, should I leave them? And I want to know how long y'all been together and what did he do? And do they buy you flowers on Valentine's Day? So this is about to be the longest advice question you've ever heard on a podcast. Take notes, okay? It's all good, all good, all good.

Yeah.

Okay, there were two podcasts that hit me in this season of my life, longevity and sisterhood and faithfulness of sisterhood. To hear B. Simone and Megan's relationship raised the question of how come me and my sister can't get along like that? And they are not even blood related. This hit home because my sister and I don't have the best, if any, relationship. We weren't raised in the same home. I was raised by our mother until the age of 14, and she was raised by her biological father until 15.

Essentially, we were both abandoned at very young ages. As adults, we just don't see eye to eye. I'm the oldest, 47, and she's 43.

In the few years I was raised by my mother, I was raised in a very strict and structured home. My sister, on the other hand, was raised by her father, who was barely home and running a business, less structured. Fast forward to now, we do things differently. We have periods where we don't speak for weeks or months at a time. Currently, we're in one of those periods. My question is, how do I have a relationship with my sister that doesn't always end up with us not speaking?

How do I manage this relationship with my sister without disrupting my boundaries and peace? There tends to be a lot of drama in her life and it is often dumped on me, but there's never an opportunity for me to share my concerns. I find myself always having to extend the olive branch even if I wasn't wrong. I don't believe she even realizes how her actions affect me. That may be because I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves. I

What's her name? She doesn't... She didn't give us her name because she don't want her sister to hear that they beefing. Okay. So we just got to call her something else. We can call her something different. We're going to call her sis because it sounds like she needs a sister right now. So...

Yeah. One, I think that I'm trying to make sure I remember everything. According to her history, it sounds like nobody's even shown her how to be a sister.

So learning, you know what I mean? It's like the abandonment, the separation. How are all these things supposed to equate you to just automatically know how to be a sister? Just the fact that you're inquiring about it goes to show how big your heart is, because at least you you're wanting information in in one.

wanting to know how to be a sister. So that's compassion. You have the potential. You're on the way to being a great sister if you have compassion. Two, I think that when it comes to sisterhood, it's about being honest, you know? And I think that

You have to be honest with your sister. You know, it sounds like you guys definitely do have a struggle, you know, in the fact that this is two completely different mindsets. Your mom was home. Her dad wasn't home. So here's the unavailable dad. And here's the woman with, you know, a woman who's always there.

So it sounds like you got like pieces of that, you know, female to female relationship. But she's really probably struggling trying to figure out what that is. You might be the first person to show her what that is. Not putting all the pressure on you by no means at all. But I think that both of y'all need some grace in this walk. I think that you have to be honest. I think that the...

sometimes even you have to like, excuse your like ego. You know what I mean? Like, cause sometimes you're like, well, I know this better. I know this better. It ain't got nothing to do with you in that moment. It has to do with your mother who has dementia. That's what y'all need to be coming together for, to make sure that y'all are communicating, like write down the things that you want to say. And then maybe like make a, yeah, make your list and then see if you being petty on some of it and see if you're like really trying to have like a connecting moment with her.

But sisterhood is beautiful and it's complex because I think that naturally sometimes like there's this thing on women where we need to compete. And but I think that that's that's so far like, you know, before us that we need to start to just remove that at this moment and just make space for humility. You know what I mean? We're not perfect as women. We're not perfect.

We don't know everything and we're figuring it out. And I think that when you have a space to talk and connect with her, have a sense of humility, leave everything else at the door. And just if you want to connect, you will. But I think that for me, I've prayed before meetings with my sisters. I have, um,

written things down so that we can have some clarity because I don't want it to weigh on us individually and our relationship and our you know our your kids can feel all of that too so I just think that it's really important to be honest have humility like I said you sound like you already have compassion yeah that's where I would start

I think that's a phenomenal answer. You used a few key words that I think are so important. You talked about if you want to connect and removing ego. And I think you have to be honest with yourself, you know, at 47 and 43, like, do I want to be in relationship with my sister?

And if the answer is yes, then I think you have to go that second step of asking yourself, am I willing to change to be in relationship with my sister? Because a lot of times relationships struggle because you enter it and you're like, I'm not going to change anything about myself. This is the way it is. And this is how I've always been.

always done it and then you end up having someone who's like well then you can be by yourself but if you're going to come to her in humility and begin to ask questions like how does it make you feel when I say this or what's a better way to express that you have to know that that may mean you have to modify

versions of yourself in order to be in relationship with that person. My sister and I, sometimes I feel like we could not be more different and then I think we could not be more alike. But I think in those moments where I feel like we couldn't be more different,

that I have to give her space to be on her own journey, to not control her decisions and to be a support system that's not just saying, "I told you so, but what do you need?" Okay, maybe I knew that that wasn't going to work out well, but now is not the time for me to express that.

Maybe instead I should say, how can I take care of your heart? Or what can I do to serve you? I think a lot of times siblings feel like my role is to make sure that you avoid the mistakes that I've made. And I think that your experiences can be helpful to your siblings, but it doesn't mean that they're going to take that path. True love is saying, even if you make your own decision, because I have decided that I want to be in relationship with you, I'll go with you even if I knew we was going to run out of gas.

Even if I knew that this path was going to be rocky, even if I knew it was going to be a struggle, if it's going to be a struggle, I want you to know you're not in it on your own. Love is a decision. Like a lot of times we act like we, you know, fall out of love or it just didn't work out anymore. But that thing is a decision every single day to choose love over division, to choose love over discipline.

And you got to make that decision. And I think in the best case scenario, she makes that decision with you. And you guys get to say that like we weren't we weren't raised together. We have different ways of being. But if we are going to choose to love one another through no matter what, let's make some changes to make sure that we get to know each other and then can serve one another and to become better women in our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s, 100s, that we want to do this thing together. And that takes work.

It does. And because she said like, what'd she say? She's 47, right? She's 47. Like she said in her ways, you know what I mean? So it's just like you said, you make the choice. You got to make the choice for sure. That was great advice, Sarah.

Thank you, friend. Okay, so before we go, I just want to know, we are coming into this new season, 2023. I know you're going to do all kinds of industry-type interviews where they're like, what can we expect from you on the business side? But I want to know, what can we expect from you on the wholeness, on the womanhood, on the confidence journey that you're on? What can we expect to see in you?

No, I'll say what can we expect to experience from you? Because we may not see it because it may be so inner and so deep that it's just intimate between you and God and you and your friends. But what will we experience from you as a result of the decision you're making for yourself this year? It's a great question. I think you'll experience you'll you'll you'll see me making different kind of decisions when it comes to business.

Yeah, because it's like I said, I have this thing on my mirror that I wrote, it's nothing you can't do. So now that I want to stay in this mindset, I'm like, okay, it's nothing I can't do. So what...

What can I go out here and conquer? What do I want to conquer next? So what has been on this goal list for 10 years that I'm about to conquer? So it's literally that. Like, I want you to see the things that have been on my goals list. You start to see trickle around you for sure. Beautiful. If that makes any sense. I can't wait. But it does. It makes a lot of sense. It does. It makes sense. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's going to make even more sense at the end of 2023 when you see, when we see you out here making your move. So I love you, friend. I'm excited for you. Thank you. Thank you for this. I love you. Thank you so much. And thank, look, thank you for the tears. I'm sitting up here and I was like in my head for a second as you were talking and I was like, why did I have such a meltdown? And it's because like, I had this moment in the car earlier this year and, um,

I don't know why I just started crying. It was hard, but I, and then I tried to like get it together fast because I was with someone from my team in the car with me. And I was like, get it together. Just, you know, suck it up, suck it up. And the rest of it just came out. So I'm so sorry. Sorry, but not sorry, but I do feel better. So thank you.

I love it. No, I think that that moment's going to help a lot of women. So I appreciate you being courageous and even sharing it. You know, allegedly, like a part of the gentle parenting and reparenting of ourselves is like, it's okay to like cry and like, you know, be seen and to like have meltdowns. It makes you human. That's what they say. Allegedly. Okay. Allegedly. Okay. I'll take it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'll take it. Okay.

I love you. Have a great day. I love you. Thank you for having me. Bye. Bye, Sarah. Kelly, friend, sister, we needed those tears. It gave us permission to let a few fall ourselves. Thank you so much for your light, for your love, and for your commitment to constantly living out loud. We

We appreciate you for making room in your so busy schedule to hang out with us. I had a blast. I will make sure that we have a vacation and some food very soon. And I know so many other women who are connected to this podcast are going to walk away feeling blessed and inspired to do their inner work. So thank you. Thank you, friend, for doing yours. Let's continue talking next week. I can't wait to grow with you, learn with you, evolve with you and hope with you. See you soon.

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