Learning to Love Vulnerability w/ Amber Polk
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries What? I don't need your likes I don't need your validation All I need is a God fighting for me that says all things All things All things Child

So not many people know my story. I may be the girl you discovered one day on Instagram. Maybe you stumbled across the message on YouTube or someone sent you something. But my journey started a long time ago. I share quite often about my

my teenage pregnancy, the relationships that ensued as a result of my low self-esteem, the abuse that I endured. But very few people know how I went from that experience to the girl who's on YouTube. And so I thought I would share with you exactly how it happened in one of the lessons that I learned that I think prepares us beautifully for this week's podcast. So I was actually married before. And in my first marriage, I started a blog.

At this point in my marriage, I had experienced a lot of pain, a lot of trauma, but the trauma didn't start with the marriage. It didn't start with him. It started long before him. It started with the thoughts of self-sabotage. It started with the thoughts of low self-worth. It started in the loneliness and isolation before I even got pregnant. So I'm in this marriage and I'm at this breaking point.

And honestly, I feel like I'm going to break down. I grabbed my laptop. I open it up and I just start typing. I'm sure that if the grammar police of Instagram would have been on that blog back then, your girl would have been canceled and fired because the there and the there and the they are's and all of the things were all mixed up. But what was certainly pure was my heart to release that pain. And I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can feel the pain in my chest as the words

float out of me. The anger, the heat, the darkness. Writing in those moments felt like the only thing that was keeping me afloat. I was writing under my married name at the time and so I didn't think anyone was really going to read this blog. I was wrong. Within three months it had over a million hits.

What I learned in writing this blog was that there were so many people who were just like me. They were experiencing their own dark seasons. They were experiencing addiction. They were hoping to break out of trauma. They were doing all types of things to heal the pain that they could not give words to. And then they found a blog that made them feel like they finally had the words. Still, not preaching, not speaking, none of those things, just sharing the words that were on my heart.

And then I realized that some of the women were being inspired by my life, but they didn't know the backstory. I was talking about the pain, but I didn't talk about the experiences. And so I decided that I was just going to rip the bandaid off and tell all of these women who were so inspired by me writing and so inspired by my courage that they were being inspired.

by a girl who got pregnant at 13. They were being inspired by a girl who was about to divorce. There was nothing inspiring about my life at all. And so I shared it. I decided to share with the subscribers of this blog that the girl who you think is so inspiring is the girl who's made these detours, who's had these challenges. Do you know that then

The women came even more, not just women now, there were men too who were saying things like, "I can't believe you had the courage to say it." There were women who were 60, 70 years old telling me, "I had my son too at 14. And when you shared your story, you shared my story too." Then I guess I got big, bad, and bold because I decided to share this story again

At my dad's conference, woman, thou art loose. Still not a preach nowhere in me. But the more that I became vulnerable, the more permission I had to be authentic. And when I became comfortable in my authenticity, I feel like I also decided that there was a possibility that maybe the dreams and the limits that I placed on myself were not actually factual.

Maybe those were the limits that trauma placed on me, the limits that insecurity placed on me. And so I started doing things I never thought that I would do.

What's crazy is that one of the things that people say they love the most about me is my vulnerability. But the truth is that I didn't set out to be vulnerable. I just wanted to be free. I just wanted to tell the truth. And sometimes I did it guarded, and sometimes I did it expecting to be rejected. But I think that when I look at my life in hindsight, I can see how I did demonstrate vulnerability.

The reason why I wanted to share that with you is because sometimes we do not realize that we are falling in love with vulnerability until we're in the destination that vulnerability paved the road for. If you can look back over your life as I have done mine and see areas where

You guess you were being vulnerable. I guess it did take courage to do that. Then maybe, just maybe, you can do the same thing today. You can ask yourself, what would courage look like? What would vulnerability look like?

When I spoke with Amber, I realized that she had to do the very same thing that I did. She had to come to a place where she decided that being vulnerable was the only way to be free. And she tested that vulnerability amongst strangers, then brought it home to her family and friends who could see it before she even displayed it, that there was a shift happening for her.

Maybe you're looking to transform your life and to change what has happened to you. And maybe you think it'll come from a job, a relationship or something happening outside of you. But I think that the transformation you're looking for is going to happen because you learn to love the vulnerability that can only come from the inside.

The hope that we have in loving our vulnerability is that through vulnerability, everything changes. If you don't believe me, let's meet Amber. She knows a thing or two about it. Amber, we're giving twinsies. Are we? Yes, because we both have on gray. Right? Gray sweater thing. I should have picked lipstick, though. How are you? I'm good, her. You look, your makeup is giving. All I said it was going to give. It's really, really pretty.

Thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. So grateful to be here. I'm excited. I've heard so much about your story, but I've only read it. So I'm excited to just get to know you a little bit more, especially considering this theme about learning to love vulnerability and finding the hope in that. Because I think most of us do not like vulnerability because we don't see any hope connected to being healthy.

defensive list and to being open. And yet I feel like your platform and your story proves that there's so much hope to be found in vulnerability. So when you hear that theme, what comes to mind for you? The theme of hope and vulnerability in particular, the theme that comes to me is recovery. And the reason why I say recovery is because through my story, in order for me to gain hope, I've had to go through intense levels of

deliverance and recovery in order to regain hope for anything. Because my background is not like cookie cutter, it's rough. And when you go through so many cycles of continuous pain and hardship and delay and setbacks and just all the myriads of just conflict that come through struggle, you don't have hope.

And so through my walk with Christ, though, I've been able to really regain my hope for love, my hope for life, my hope for myself. But that came with so much deliverance and a lot of renewing of my mind. What are you recovering from? It's hard to just pick one thing. So I think... Ma'am, okay.

So I'll just give like a synopsis of my background. So I was a very sick child growing up. By the time I was six, I was diagnosed with chronic atopic severe eczema. I get misty every time I talk about this. I was very sick with like asthma and inflamed lip nodes. By the time I reached 18, I was 400 pounds. I'm a preacher's kid. My mom was a minister. So you know how that goes.

And just the abuse that came from people because I didn't fit the norm. My family's from New Orleans. You cannot tell by my accent. So the image is everything. Hair, eyebrows. And I was so sick I didn't have all those things. So just the combination of

Being teased and being bullied, dealing with the verbal abuse I went through, all those things, it took so much from me so young that, you know, at the typical age, you would be like super excited about life. I was so busy trying to survive and just make it through the next day without people having to notice me that I didn't have time to have hope for anything. And so I'm recovering from, I guess I would say I'm recovering from the loss of

The loss of joy, recovering from the loss of peace and the loss of rest that came from so much unintentional trauma that was going on in my life.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know that so many people are going to be able to relate to this concept of not fitting the standard of maybe their family, the standard of beauty, the standard of their community and culture. And I feel like that truth is a reality that a lot of us don't really acknowledge because so many of us are trying to fit in.

but really come into a place where you're able to verbalize that part of my trauma, part of my experience that has been difficult is that I wasn't able to find a sense of belonging. And so when did you begin to see things really shift and change where you either started to feel like you belonged or it didn't matter whether you belonged or not? - It's a mix of both. So when I was 18, I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I was there for six years.

Doing my undergraduate studies. I played violin, so that's what I went to school for in undergrad. And just the ability to just be myself. I didn't have to think about, I'm so-and-so's daughter. I'm Reverend so-and-so's daughter. Or Minister so-and-so's daughter. I'm Amber. And I get to be. And in the midst of that, I started my weight loss journey. And that was about a little over 10 years ago.

And that really shifts so much for me because it pulled so many like lies out. I was able to finally find myself, you know, it was rough, but that's when things were to pivot. I met my best friend. I got to just be artsy and creative and be myself. I got a chance to breathe. I got a chance to be seen and be heard. And it just really, it changed so much for me.

Okay, so Amber, let me tell you, I love so much what you just shared because so many of us want vulnerability from our family. We want vulnerability from the communities that we have been raised in. But the truth is that you may not be able to be the full expression of who you are until you get out of your father's house, until you get out of the community that has only known one version of you or will only accept one version of you.

so that you can be vulnerable in a space where you get to introduce yourself. No family member's introducing you first, no experience or rumor is introducing you first. And in that context, if you being able to be authentic, even if it's among strangers, it gives you courage to take that authenticity back into familiar places because you're confident

that there is a space where you can be loved. You're confident that you fit, that your gift matters. And it seems like that time in Minnesota was where you were able to discover that you are uniquely you and that you do have an opportunity to explore and create. And it may not be what your family's used to. What was it like when you are going through this transformation, but your family is meeting a new version of you at the same time?

To be honest, it was like, how can I describe it? It was like having a pot of gumbo for the first time. It was the best taste you would ever get. It was like, it was just so warm. It was like, it was fresh. It was new. And to be honest, my family saw it in me. My mom is the one who said, I see you.

What you look like when you're free. It was my grandmother who said, baby, God got great things for you. It was my family that saw that. Like my aunt Pat, like she always, she's always cheering me on. You know, my family's always pushing me forward. But I have to push myself forward. I have to see that for myself. And going through this transformation for me that I'm still going through, it's so, it's just so, it's so, it's so restorative.

I sometimes look in the mirror and I say, "My God, how have you ever soared me?" I look at my skin, I look at the way

I am now. How I'm, you know, I still struggle a little bit with, you know, wanting to be seen, but I love how I'm a little bit more of myself, you know? When I'm in my room, I'm going to be Amber, you know? I'm going to be my crazy country life self, but then I'm also flip on you and throw stats and data at your face. You're not going to know where that came from, but I'm going to be my full self, you know? And this transformation that God has brought me through, I have...

I thank God because like the restoration that has come into my life is just, I'm grateful. I feel like for anyone who's ever experienced a radical shift in life, that there's like a moment where it becomes reachable. Dr. Anita describes faith as believing that things are possible, but hope as believing things are possible for me.

And I can think of my own moment where I was like, I am hopeful that I can change my life. Can you tell me about what was happening in your world at the moment where you decided, you know what? Like, I am going to grab the reins of my life. And I believe that change is not just possible for me, but it is within reach. And what I love about you, sorry, I won't hear your answer, but

is that you had to participate in what you were hoping for by making sure your actions align with what you had in mind. And I'm just thinking about the courage you had to show, the outgoingness that you had to trust would be embraced or not even care if it would be embraced. Like, I feel like your participation in your transformation is inspiring. And so I want to know what was that moment

where you feel like it became not just something that was possible, but something that was within reach? The moment that really hit home for me, it goes all the way back to, this is really a little childish, but it goes all the way back to kindergarten. At my elementary school, when they told us, I believe in myself and ability to do my best at all times. And I knew then that

That even though my grandparents worked on plantations and even though my elders didn't have the opportunity to take it, I could. And I carried that with me. And by the time I got an opportunity to take that, take those reins, I did. And I told myself, whatever I want to achieve, I'm going to go for it. And what was going on in my life, it was many things. The desire to really hold on, like the thing that really just like...

Pivot me there, sort of when I was young, the seeds were planted then, that I can have, that I can achieve. Because a lot of us came from, you know, grandparents who worked in Louisiana on the plantations. And with that, I mean, the chances of you being anything is really low. If it hadn't been for my school teachers and principals that motivated me, I don't think I would, you know, even reach for the opportunities that I've reached for today.

If that makes sense. Now, it does. It makes perfect sense. And I think it speaks to community's role in us experiencing growth and us being able to receive seeds, even though we may be in dark seasons. I

I obviously know you touched a little bit on your weight loss. You said that when you were 18, you were almost, you were over 400 pounds and then you lost weight naturally. Now, I would not be a good friend if I did not ask for a friend. How did you, how did you even get the willpower? Like, what was the sauce? Like, how did you go from that to really taking care of your body in a different way? It was baby steps. I'm not going to lie to you.

I went about it was the wisdom I received from God. So this is what the instruction given to me. I was to eat everything God made.

I was to write down everything I ate and I was to start walking. And that's what I did. So I break my weight loss journey into phases because it's a 10 year journey. So I wish I could tell you I drank water and walked in and that was it. I love it because everyone makes it seem like it's a quick fix, but it is a journey. It's a journey. So the first phase was me just relearning food, you know, like, um,

So like my family is Creole, so it's boudin, it's jambalaya, it's gumbo. But I had to relearn food. So I started to eat a lot of more veggies like okras and tomatoes. But it wasn't baby stuff. So I may have had fried chicken.

But I had a big old plate of okra with it. And then I started to, you know, take my juice and then slowly turning into like water with a little like sugar, like a little sugar water. But then from there, it's like with the help of God, I was able to like strengthen my relationship with food. I did Jillian Michaels. I did Taibo. I love kickboxing. So I did Taibo. I did Jillian Michaels. I walked a lot.

And the willpower, it really came from grace. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't willpower because I had an emotional eating issue. That's how I got that overweight. I would eat my feelings. I didn't know how to express them. There was no space for me to express them, really. So I got that weight through eating a mass amount of food. And so I had to renew my mind. I had to relearn how to deal with my feelings, right?

I had to learn how to articulate my emotions. I had to be patient with myself. I had to deal with the seasons where I would gain weight even and had to start all over. And so it's been a really, really long journey. But I really just developed the grace in the community. Like my grandmother always cheering me on, my mom pushing me forward, my friends cheering

They're always like, girl, you got this. Like, you look at you, girl, you're smaller than me now. So all of that has helped me to get to where I am today. And I'm very grateful. Don't you think that in order for a woman to come to a space where she just wants to take better care of her body, I think that when I am emotionally eating, I am taking care of my

heart and mind because it feels like that is a solution to what I'm feeling. Like it's going to offer me a temporary high, but then I have to remind myself that I want to take care of my body too. And then I start, you know, incorporating healthier foods and working out. But I do feel like there's a vulnerability when our body doesn't look the way that we think it should look, or we know that it's not at its best or we're not taking care of it.

Is it possible to love your body while transforming your body at the same time? Yes, but that love has to come from that love is not going to be on your own.

I believe that you have to put on the grace of God to gain that love for yourself. I really do. Because society will teach you to hate yourself. It will teach you not to love yourself. As black women, there's that aspect too. And so it...

I think in this time, like, it's really easy to say, oh, yeah, girl, just look in the mirror and tell yourself these nice things. And I respect that. That has a space. But to truly love yourself, you need the renewal power of the Holy Spirit so that you can see the way God sees you. I really feel that way. Because for me...

Like I have people say, oh, you're so pretty, you know, but from the ages of six to like 24 years old, I had so many other messages telling me, oh, yeah, you know, you don't look the part or, you know, people just reminded me like, oh, you don't look like this. Or, you know, my mom is really beautiful. So we used to say, well, who is your how you look like that? You know, he would make those comments to me.

So as much as like, I would love to say like, yeah, you can love yourself, do yourself. No, I think you need the power of the Holy Spirit to help you. You know, I think I love Dr. Tamer. And I read that book. Sorry, Lord. Almost like it's my second Bible. I love Dr. Tamer so much because she pulls you to come home to yourself. And I think that

In addition to God, learning how to come home to that voice in yourself. Like, I think I'm beautiful. You know, what do I think? I want to love myself. And giving yourself the space to choose to love yourself, because that's hard. But in the mix of the two, like having God so you can see the love of God.

Through your eyes so you can love yourself. I think it's possible to love your body. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I could have had that same love for myself. I wish I could tell that 19-year-old, you can love yourself. Get the eyes rubbed. You can still love yourself. You got a little back fat. You can still love yourself. But I didn't know that. I thought I had to look a certain way in order for me to love myself. But you definitely can. Ask the Holy Spirit for His grace.

And if the Holy Spirit is not your thing, okay, there are resources. We have always had people get that famous book, get that famous book, you know, Homecoming is such a good resource so you can come home to yourself and see yourself the way God made you to see yourself.

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Can I ask you, so you have accomplished so much at such an early age. You have really honestly done a complete 180 from where it seems like you started at six years old. How do you continue to be hopeful even when you are accomplished? Because I...

I think that one of the definitions that I possess of hopefulness kind of, it also depends on a certain level of hopelessness, right? So in order to become hopeful, there must be an area of my life where I feel hopeless. But how do you continue to tap into hope when you have embodied what was a previous hope? Like, what are you reaching for now?

Right now, I'm reaching to be settled. I want to be settled in my career. I want to be settled in my spirit. I want to be settled in my family's life. And when I say family, I'm talking about my mom and my sister. They're my family, my close family. And to be honest, yes, I'm hopeful. I've reached a place of hope in that I'm going to need to accomplish getting my master's degree or all of those things. But there have been 20 years of hardship for me and my family.

And with that comes so much grief and cycles and patterns. And so what I'm hopeful for is peace and to be settled, you know? To wake up and not think like, okay, what's about to pop up, you know? And yes, there's some states where we can be completely settled and we can be completely solid. And we thank God, amen. And there's other areas where we're just like, Lord, there's one thing. And so what keeps me hopeful is

Isaiah chapter 43 when God is telling them excuse my accent I'm cheering I am with you come on cheering come on cheering

I love that. I was reading that this morning. It's been my theme in this season. I have called you mine. I am restoring and I am redeeming you. And that just keeps me hopeful. Isaiah 61, arise and shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord is upon you. That's a deliverance scripture. That keeps me hopeful. When I think about

You know how, sorry this is a little emotional, but like in 2018 when my family lost everything from that Hurricane Harvey and the Lord told me I'm going to restore. I said, I'm going to keep on to that. And so like, that's what keeps me hopeful. Even while reaching a place of hope, I still have enough hopelessness in my life.

that, you know, I have to keep that hope that the things I'm praying for will eventually come to pass. And they will come to pass because God don't lie. He's going to do it. Right? That's not his thing. Do you think that you have found a way to love the precarious balance of things are going well, some things could be going better without feeling like

One wrong thing cancels everything out. Like I want to I want to ask this question the way that I hear it in my head, because I feel like there is a sweet spot where we learn to love life, even though things aren't necessarily all.

the way that we want them to be. Maybe we don't have the partner. Maybe we don't have the children. Maybe it's not exactly what we have in mind, but I think that creates a vulnerability that I still have desires. I still have something I'm depending on the Lord for. I'm still growing. I'm still changing, but I can also see the beauty. Does that

make you feel hopeful too? Or does that make you feel stressed out? Because I'm going to be honest with you, sometimes it stresses me out because I want to be like, Lord, thank you for that. But if we could get this together as well, that would really do something. I want everything to be on one side of the fence, but I am learning and embracing that

There's something to love about life just being right there in the middle where you can see the good and see the bad, but not be moved by either one. Yeah. No, I just got there. I literally have just gotten to this place because it's hard. Like, especially for me, because like I was saying, you go through so much, you just want everything to be calm. Because like, I just need peace. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And I just got to that place. And what helped me was actually my friends. They helped me so much. They helped me so much to see the roses. And my mom, she's always like telling me to focus on the roses in your life. And it's hard for me because I want all of these things to be roses. Yeah. But in practicing a lot of gratitude, I do find myself being a lot more grateful.

I don't know, restful. You know what I mean? Just like, I could be stressed out about this, but that's not good for my good health. I could be stressed out about these things, but I know that my God will come through, so I'm just going to rest here. Okay, so I want to know. Go ahead. Oh, no, ma'am. Go ahead.

I want to know three of your roses. Like we want to smell your roses. Can you give me three of those roses that you smell when you're experiencing a moment maybe of disappointment? And this is probably a good practice for so many of us. We have these moments where we experience disappointment, where we experience disappointment.

you know, life not going the way that we anticipated and we have to actively choose gratitude, which means we've got to go into the garden of our soul, the garden of our present reality and pick some of the roses to smell. So I want to know, Amber, what are your three roses? What brings you back to a place of gratitude even when life is challenging? Rant BMP.

Come on, somebody. That's giving roof over my head. A roof over my head. That is a big rose for me. A second rose is food in my fridge. I'm being for real. Yeah. Because those are seasons for me. That wasn't the case. And then my third rose would be, my third rose would be, what would my third rose be? My mom. My mom is my third rose.

So those three things. And I know like I could think about other things, but that's, I'm like legit, like having a roof over my head that makes me happy. I go out of my apartment. I see tents everywhere. I have a place to stay. I'm grateful. I know what it's like to be displaced. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge. Thank you, Lord. Because there were times that was not the kids. And I have a wonderful mom. I'm blessed in that way. Not everyone has a wonderful mom. Yeah.

there are other things like, okay, I can go to Ross. I love Ross. That's my fourth rose. I love Ross. I was at Ross last week and I said, God, this is an anointed place. Ross is an anointed place. Inflation is really giving it what it's giving a lot of anxiety and Ross just lets me know, okay, I see this for $3. Praise the Lord. Yeah.

Target used to be that place for me, but Target is on something different. It's been on something different for a few years now, but it's special now. Target is a department store. It is not just... It's a mall. It's a department store. It used to be like something that was within reach, but that's not what it's doing anymore. Target never was that place. Target was always that expensive girl for me. I love it, though. Like,

I just love to go to Target and just like, look, you know, I'm like, wow, it's so pretty in here. Like the Magnolia. I love them. I love the Magnolia people. I got the little sugar and the flower. And I said, I just love their collection. It's so cute. I love Target. But I go there now because Miss Tab stuff is in there. So I'm always in there. She had to come up. Can we just take a minute? Miss Tab had to come up on us.

I love her story. And I feel like going back to being hopeful. I mean, when you hear her story. Yeah. I mean, my goodness. And look at the restoration power of God. And that's why I think like we can always have. I'm not trying to sound Christian. I'm dead serious. We can have hope knowing that God will never fall. He won't.

I've seen God literally turn things around. Like, I would be like, I don't even know how you did that. But even today, I got a phone call from someone saying, yo, guess what happened? I said, hey, what is that? You know, like, we can be hopeful. And I think in my seasons of disappointment, because I've been going through a transition, you know, and it's been a little OK. But and there have been moments where I was like, God, like, what are we doing here? Like, what is this giving, Lord? Yeah.

But I'm always reminded that God won't fail. That song, He Won't. And like, I'm a real church girl, like church of God. You know what I mean? But that song really blesses my soul. When I'm really feeling like, God, you forgot about me. I play that song and I'm always reminded that He won't fail. You didn't fall when my family was without lights and water. You didn't fall. Excuse me, Miss J. You didn't fall when...

I was sick. You didn't fall when we lost everything. When my mom's car was being taken, just all these things were going on. You didn't fall when I had to pay my school $13,000 for whatever reason that was about. You didn't fall. You're not, you won't fail me. God will not fail. And even if it doesn't look like things are solid,

God still won't fail. Even if it's like, I don't even know if I can hold on the next day. I know what that feels like when you don't know if life is even, why am I even here? God won't fail.

I think your testimony is going to help so many people to really lean into that and trust God in those seasons of vulnerability and to hang on to hope in those seasons too. Sometimes you need someone else to remind you just of how faithful God is, someone who's been in a different circumstance. And so thank you for providing us with some hope today. You're welcome. I have an advice question though. We have to answer our advice question, okay? Yes. Yes.

It says, "Hey SJR, I hope you're doing well. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible for context. The last three years have been really challenging for me from withdrawing from university, losing my scholarship because of the pandemic, to back-to-back physical and mental health issues and a million things in between. For a moment there, I started to lose sight of who I was as a person and as a believer.

Over the last few months, though, I've been sensing what I guess can only be described as a hope revival. I started to pray about it and felt that my 2023 was going to be about hope and restoration. A few weeks later, I saw a post about hope being the word of the year for Woman Evolve. I believe that was some sort of confirmation. We're only a few days into the year, but I'm definitely more hopeful than I've ever been in a long time. I'm learning to trust God with everything again. However, as hope

I'm taking a deep breath because I know this very well. Yeah.

I know this song was too well. Do I go first or do you go first, Matisse? No, you go first. Can you repeat the last part of the question so I can make sure I answer accurately? Sure. How do you handle being hopeful while being tired of the fight? How do I protect my hope from shrinking in the face of adversity? The first thing that I would recommend you do is like you're doing now, being honest about how you feel because without, sometimes with faith it's,

You want to make sure you get all the emotion out so that faith can actually rest. And so that's what you're doing now by sending men in this question is getting that, getting the despair, the grief out so that you can have a place for hope. So once you get the emotions out, the second thing would be, I will go to God and say, Lord, what is going on? Why are these cycles going on? What is the root cause of this? What action needs to be taken place now?

for the restorations to come into my life. And what I mean by that is because I'm here in a cycle, it sounds like a, just like a pattern. With that pattern, I would suggest that you remind yourself that definitely God can and he will bring you out. He can deliver. But then I would go to God and say, Lord, what? And I want to be careful because I don't want to sound like really creepy, but I want to suggest like, what is the root cause of this cycle? What is going on?

And then believe God for your deliverance to bring you out of this season so you can have the season of hope and restoration that you're believing for, if that makes any sense. It does. It makes perfect sense. I think I would just add to that that

When life is putting us in the boxing ring and we don't want to be in there, and it can be really easy to just put the gloves down and to say, you know what? Like, I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore because everything I thought was important is now gone. And when we begin to think like that and believe like that, we have more faith in what we're losing than we have in what remains.

And so fighting sometimes is not about trying to hang on to all of the things that you feel like you have left as much as it is protecting

Just one thing, one thing worth protecting, and that's your hope. Because at the end of the day, I got to be able to protect my hope. Yes, I may have lost this and I may have lost that. If I start counting all of the things I've lost along the way, how could I not feel hopeless? Like if you started thinking about,

All of the things that you experienced, all of the heartbreaks, the setbacks, the disappointments, the betrayal, how could you not feel hopeless? If you're feeling hopeless right now, there's no reason for you to also feel condemned because if life would have handed that card to someone else, they would have felt the same thing.

But sometimes the only thing that we can do to fight back is not fighting at all. It's hanging on to what we have left. And there's always something worth hanging on to. And that's hope. Hope because I woke up this morning and I don't believe that God has kept me alive to torment me. If God has kept me alive, then there is something in this day that I have to offer to the world. Not that I'm waiting for. I have an opportunity to offer somebody hope.

you get the chance to be the hope that someone needs to see in the grocery store, to a person who's on the street, even if it's just to say, I am praying for you, to someone who is often ignored, you have an opportunity to become hope. And when we assume the identity of hope, we will begin to see things change, not just for us, but for everything connected to us. And so, yes, it's hard to feel like life is throwing you punch after punch after punch. Take a minute, breathe.

Nurse that wound, but also ask yourself, if I'm still here, why don't I become the hope that someone else needs so that they don't feel like they're getting swung on over and over again and no one sees them? Show the people who are in a similar circumstance that you have something worth giving and that's the hope that is available to you and others. I hope that makes sense. It makes a lot of sense, actually, because I was getting ready to say that.

that it doesn't last it's not going to last forever and that's something because I took a deep breath because I was like oh my goodness I know this so well that sometimes you get trapped in like what to say because like well what do I do you know but it every time I just was going through that that season where just like these weird patterns was going back to back to back it came to an end for sure

they come to it and it doesn't last always the light does come and like you were just saying um holding on to your hope because that's one thing you can't hold on to one thing you know is joy will come in the morning one thing you know is the light will shine again and and i would encourage you to go to god and say lord help me bring me out help me you know i

I know you're going to come out of this because it always is. God is too good to let us stay in cycles. He's too good for us to like, let us stay and repeat like, or not cycle, sorry, in seasons. God is good and he is faithful. He will not keep you there. I would say Isaiah 43 is definitely that scripture. Read it and hold on to it. It is carrying me through. It has carried me through so long, so many years.

Okay, Amber, so I have to ask you before we go, when I asked you to smell your roses, you mentioned your mom. And so I'm going to throw a question at you, but you're not allowed to use your mom because I already know that she's probably going to be the answer to this question. But who is the woman outside of your mom who has inspired your life the most? Okay.

Oh, this is so hard. Okay. Wow. The woman outside of my mom who has inspired me the most. So many women. You're one of them. Okay. You know, it's funny how you have all this education and you just can't think them up. That's fine. You're just one of them. It doesn't have to be the most because we don't want anybody being jealous when they listen to the podcast. So one of the women. Oh my goodness. I'm running through my bank. That's besides my mom.

Can't use my grandma either. Oh, family Lou Hamer. Family Lou Hamer. Okay. And why? Oh, my God. To stand that bold and to say by any means necessary in a time where as an even still now as a black woman, the adversities we go through, but to stand flat footed like that and to say what she had to say and didn't shake, probably was shaking inside, but you didn't see it. Powerful. Yeah.

Okay, so if she were listening, what is one thing that you hope she knows about her life and her legacy? Her life and her legacy is

has changed so much for young Black people and Black people as a whole around the world. The way that she advocated in the aspect of voting, the way she pushed and pushed and pushed for her people to have rights and her people to have rest and her people to have stability, though we are still fighting, the way that in that Jim Crow era, how she pushed in that way has given us so much like...

in different areas and different ways. And so I would let her know that because you stood flat foot, I can stand flat footed too. I can stand flat footed too. I can.

Yeah, and obviously you're doing that. So I want to thank you for inspiring us and standing flat footed in your truth and your vulnerability and your hopes throughout the pain and the disappointment. It's been really inspiring to converse with you and I hope that it inspires many other people because you're a blessing. And I have a feeling we're just now beginning to see the brightness of your light. So I hope you keep putting yourself in uncomfortable positions and putting yourself out there because you have something to offer.

Well, thank you, ma'am. Thank you for having me. Y'all have a wonderful blessing. You too. Take care. Yes, ma'am. Bye. Bye.

In a roundabout way, Amber, I think that you and I just gave someone a license to be vulnerable. They don't know it yet, but the stories that you told today are going to stick with them in some of their darkest moments. And in those moments, they're going to dare to hang on to hope that though they feel vulnerable, they are still covered and protected by grace and love forever.

but most importantly, by God. I'm so grateful for you, for your heart, for your insight, for your story, and for the beginning that you are just experiencing. I hope you take care of yourself. All right, now y'all know the drill. Talk to me nice if you have an advice question or wish to co-host with me. Simply email podcast at womanevolved.com. I can't wait to hear all of the ways that you're gonna make us better. Chat soon. ♪♪♪

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Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten.

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.