Let Truth Be Your Motivation w/ Dr. Natasha Stewart-Gresham
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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things things all things Chad

Every now and then I get tired. Like not just I need a nap, not just I need a good night's rest. I mean the type of tired that requires I completely unplug

And really figure out who am I now? I'm sure you've been there. You get a new job. You have a new baby. You move to a new city. Something happens in your life that shifts everything. Maybe it's lost. Maybe it is something new. But no matter what it is, you find yourself having to ask again, who am I? What do I need now? What moves me?

I feel like those moments right before we begin to ask those questions feel so dark, so wearied feel that we end up coming to a place where we have to admit, like, honestly, I'm just burnt out. Nothing moves me. I don't have any passion about anything. My body, my whole soul, my mind, everything is just burning.

I preached a message once. It was called Hungry for Hope. And in it, I talked about Mary being at the cross of Jesus. And when she's having this moment where she's seeing her son be crucified, I can only imagine that she was at the end of her rope wondering, what do I do now? Who am I now that this assignment is over? I bet in many ways she was beginning to experience burnout herself.

And then Jesus takes the time to do something so powerful that I think gives us all clues and insight into how we should handle those moments when we are at the end of our rope. Jesus gives her a new vision for her life.

He says to Mary, "Woman, behold your son. Son, behold your mother." He's speaking about her and John walking out life in a new way. This new vision for her life sparks her again. They leave from the cross and begin to journey together because the only remedy for burnout is fresh vision.

That fresh vision often requires some accountability, some awareness, some boundaries, some work that not many of us know how to do or are willing to do. And yet today we're going to give you the tools to help move from a space of burnout and into a place of reflection, awareness, but then new beginnings.

Dr. Natasha is reeling from her new beginnings. When I introduce you to her, you're going to feel like you're talking to your favorite auntie before we even get started. She has an incredible resume. She leads up the counseling and behavioral health department.

at the Potter's House Dallas. She has been a part of our family's ministry for over 17 years, but today I got to mind her business. I have not had an opportunity to connect with her since before I moved to Los Angeles, but I do see her in church

And one thing is noticeably different. Dr. Natasha has a smile on her face that has come from a major shift in her life that I can only let her explain. So let's get ready to mind her business in this week's episode. My prayer is that when it's all said and done, that you will be reignited from the place where you were experiencing burnout and have new passion, new compassion for all that awaits you. Let's go.

One of my favorite sites is seeing you in church on Sundays with your boo thang. I feel like I left and went to Los Angeles for eight years and I was still seeing you in that same spot. But when I came back, you had a bonus person there with you. Can you tell me about that?

Tell me a little bit about how this love story has unfolded. Listen, God is good. Look, you gave me hope. I saw yours unfold. And I said, God, if you could do it for her, you could do it for me. So we actually, Micah Stampley is a friend of mine, a friend of my husband's. And tragically, his daughter passed away. Yeah.

And so I went to the funeral and I also went to the funeral on behalf of the ministry. And so I spoke and my husband was sitting there and he said, hmm. And so he met me at the repast and he said, hey, I want to take you out to dinner.

Really? Just right there? Right there. Okay. And we went to dinner and we've been together ever since. Oh, right now. So I don't know too many people who meet at a funeral, but we are one and we've been rolling last three, four years. Okay. So like, how has this love changed your life? Oh, wow. I never felt protected ever.

in a relationship before with a romantic relationship. And although my father was in my life, he was not in my house. And so I never really had a connection with a male. And so for my husband to show up and at that point,

At that point, I met him when I was 49. And so I had to learn to accept love from a male. Wow. And I thought, I'm Dr. Natasha. I know what that's like. And I tell people and all that. But to have it present in my life, it was a little overwhelming. Yeah. Because he is truly a husband. And God began to speak to me before I had men in my life, but I didn't have a husband. And there's a difference between a man who wants a wife

and a man who's a husband. Okay. And he is a husband. So that's a provider, a protector, a nurturer, encourager, lover, all of that. And I didn't think that was possible, but it is.

Okay. So that's interesting to me because I think so many women experience burnout in relationships. Like I'm over it. I'm tired. I'm never going to experience it. And yet you have this remarkable love story. At what point did you know that you were going to have to change your perspective, your heart posture in order to make room for this type of man and this type of love?

At the very beginning, and I was in a marriage for 18 years, and I went through a divorce. And when I went through the divorce, I said, God, I don't want to get married. I'm over, I'm burnout. Yeah. Burnout. I do not want it. And it took God to speak to me and say, it's not that you don't want marriage. It's not, you don't want what you had. And he said, and if you would take accountability for your part in the marriage- Uh-oh.

Come on now. I will send you a husband. And he had me create a vision board. And the whole time I'm crying while I'm doing this vision board because I was like, God, I can't. I haven't seen good marriages. I haven't experienced a good marriage. Why are you putting this on me? And so I did a vision board of what I thought I wanted in a husband. And so we went through this process and he had me call my ex-husband and apologize. Oh, okay. Hold on now.

What you mean now? Yeah, because he broke it down to me. He said, you didn't respect the role of husband. Wow. And he said, if we're going to do this again, you have to respect the role of husband. So I need you to apologize because you only treated him like a man, not a husband. Wow. So you felt like you didn't have to listen to him. So I put it in order. So when you were disrespecting his role and his position, you were disrespecting my authority. Mm.

So now I'm going to set it up. So you apologize to him. And so when I apologize, I had in my mind, I'm going to call and I'm going to say, I'm sorry. And then he's going to say he's sorry for what he did. And we're just going to be like this kumbaya moment because we really do have a good, decent relationship. So I just thought it was going to be this kumbaya moment. So I call him up and I apologize. And then he listens and he says, well, I really appreciate you calling and saying that. And it's about time. Oh.

Exactly. You know, and my mouth is a little slick. You know, I'm saying this like you might, but my mouth can be a little slick sometimes. And I started to say something and God said, shut up. He said, this wasn't about him. It was about you. Why?

And I said, but God, how do you honor somebody when you don't agree with them? How do you submit? What is that? I can't do that. And he says, you do it all the time. I said, what do you mean? He said, at work, do you have a boss? I said, yes. Do you always agree with your boss? No. Do you ever disrespect your boss? No. Do you challenge your boss disrespectfully? No. So you do it.

So you are picking and choosing when you want to be submissive. So if you can do that with the boss, he said, how much more can you do that with somebody who's your covering? So I had to swallow that. You know, now this month, this word submissive, it's been a theme and it's not the theme of the month, but it has been, it is recurring in these conversations. How do you define submission? Yeah.

Submission is what I'm up under. And this is what I tell women. You have to make sure you can submit to something. You can be under something that can sustain you. It has to be able to support you. If I put my weight on it, just like this chair, I'm right now in submission to this chair. I don't know it, but let a leg give out. I'm going to be on the floor. So I am trusting. So basically, submission is trust. I trust that you will do the best thing.

For me, for my interests, for my welfare, for my happiness. And with my husband, he makes submission easy because I can truly say not that we always agree, but I always know that he's for me. Yeah. That he's for me. And I knew this time I had to pick a man that I could respect. If I could not respect him, I could not submit to him. Yeah. So for me, submission is trust and respect.

Everyone knows Beth Moore as a dynamic Bible teacher. She has been a trailblazer for women in ministry like myself, but I'm not sure if you knew that she is also the author of a fiction book that has just as much power

in its punch as her sermons or Bible study. I'm so excited that we are going to have her book for our August Book of the Month for the Woman Evolve Book Club. Her book, The Undoing of St. Silvanus is a book about a family's broken past and how they managed to navigate to a place of healing and breakthrough

I believe that this book is going to be so powerful for you because it's also going to help you break the shame off of your past. I encourage you to join the Woman Evolved Book Club and to do the work with us in a community of like-minded women. Go to womanevolvedbookclub.com before July 10th and join us in August. You don't want to miss it. Okay, so what I hear you saying is that part of the reason why women struggle with submission is because they have issues

incredible souls, big spirits, big energy, big potential, big ambition, maybe big achievements. And they're trying to submit to someone who is umbrella in size. And that there are some women who in order to submit are going to need hangers, like where they store airplanes. They need a man who is a hanger who can facilitate the full business

breath of their wings being spread. And that's why most women struggle with submission is because we're trying to use umbrellas instead of hangers. But if we ever find a man who is wide enough and wise enough and strong enough to really handle ourselves, then submission is easy. That's been my testimony. Come on and testify.

Absolutely. And now it's mine. And that's it. And that's why I say women pick right. Pick right. Don't pick on looks. Don't pick on, oh, he's driving this type of car.

In the long run, does he have enough bandwidth to support you? And this is thing as women, we're nurturers and we always want to see potential. Potential doesn't mean anything unless it's actualized. And so don't get hung up on potential. What is he doing with the potential he has?

Yeah.

He said, so I can't just think about, can I cover you? I have to make sure I can cover your children. He said, because everything that's connected to you is now going to be connected to me. So he said, when I said, I've never had anybody who did estate planning. Wow. Yeah. That's how deep he was. He was like, I need to know burial. I need to know estate planning. I need retirement. And he didn't ask me for anything. He didn't ask me to do this. He did it.

And I was like, now, what kind of love is this? That's why you be looking the way you looking at church on Sunday. Covered. Covered. Covered. Your worship is totally different now. It is covered. And when I tell you he's a good man.

Okay. So I want to zoom out of the lens a little bit because we're talking about romantic relationships, but the reality is that most women, especially this time of the year, are burnt out from just about any and every relationship, from parenting, from work relationships, and they're trying to get into a place where they can experience passion again, where they feel alive again. And I'm wondering with your background, with

the knowledge and experience that you possess, can you talk to me about how a woman recovers from experiencing burnout in almost every area of her life? First, give yourself grace. And the other thing, we always talk about self-care and I'm an advocate for self-care, but I also want us to have self-compassion because self-care is

by its nature implies that you're doing something and we're already doing enough. So self-care almost feels like another chore. What do I have to do? Bubble baths, retail therapy. It feels overwhelming sometimes that I can't do self-care. So now I'm talking about self-compassion. And that means being gentle with yourself, being loving with yourself, being kind with yourself, giving yourself permission to say, I'm not okay. Giving yourself permission because as

women in society, it's almost frowned on to say, I'm tired of being a mother. I'm tired of being a provider. I'm tired of being a wife. I'm tired. And it's like, we should have this cape on and it is unrealistic and it's unfair. So I want you to give yourself self-compassion because compassion is how I feel. Okay. It's not what I do. It's how I feel. And it's

okay to feel whatever you feel in the moment. And if you're feeling overwhelmed and you're feeling stressed out, then acknowledge that and say, that's where I am. But that doesn't mean that's where I have to stay. And now what steps do I need to take? And one of the biggest steps that you can take is no. Yeah.

You know, you just helped me realize that I think I am most tired when I am pretending to not be tired. But when I finally acknowledge that I'm tired, then I start making decisions that reflect where I am. The refusal to admit that I'm tired has me signing up for stuff that I can't do, overexerting myself, going to bed late, trying to do everything for everyone, but I'm not tired.

But the moment I put my truth into the atmosphere, people change the way they engage with me. When I say I'm tired, they ask, how can I help you? And so many of us are resentful because we have not released our truth into our environment and atmosphere because we don't want to let people down because

we don't want to disappoint them, not realizing that we need to disappoint them so that we can appoint ourselves, so that we can appoint our truth. And it's not until we are willing to disappoint others do we really make space for ourselves in our lives.

Girl, let me give you an offering. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I love what you said about owning your truth. Yeah. Because the scripture says the truth will set us free, right? But it's only the truth we acknowledge because truth is always around us. Yeah. But we don't always acknowledge it. And until we step into the power of truth and say, I'm tired, then we can change. All human behavior is motivated. Right.

Everything we do has a motivation. And so let truth be your motivation. And it's okay. Wherever you find yourself is to say, this is where I am. Doesn't mean I'm going to stay here, but I need to acknowledge it so I can deal with it. That's so good.

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One of the things I've been focusing on a lot, especially as it relates, I'm parenting. My daughter's 13. My youngest daughter is seven. And you have an adult daughter. How did you do it? Like, how did you survive...

raising a young black woman in a world where, I mean, I think things have even changed since she was growing up, but like, how do you keep their confidence intact? How do we teach them girl evolve in spite of like girls are burnt out already at 13. My daughter was talking about boys. She was like, all boys these age are trash. They're just all trash. And I'm like, good point,

But why would you say that? Like trying to keep our hopes open. What do we do with this state of young women right now and how can we position them to stay open and hopeful and optimistic in spite of the real violence that they're experiencing, the social pressures that they're up against and the self-esteem issues that are bound to have, they're bound to have with what's being represented in culture?

What I did was, and I promise you, and I don't want to sound churchy, but I just grew up in the church. And so I always said, God, you have to help me in my own way. I'm not religious. I have a relationship. And I said, God, you gave me this daughter. And if you don't want me to send her to you early, you're going to have to intervene and give me some help, right?

And so he gave me, when he reappeared to the disciples and Thomas was there and he was doubting, because a lot of times our children, whether they're girls or boys, they doubt what we say. They doubt what's going on around them. There's so much doubt in their life.

And what did he do in response to Thomas's doubt? He showed him his scars. And he said, be transparent with her, age appropriately. Let her know you don't always have the right answer. Let her know that you messed up too. Let her know, age appropriately because she don't know everything.

but she knows enough to get her through. So when you were struggling with self-esteem, I struggled with self-esteem. When you're struggling with how to be intelligent, but still be cool, I struggled with that. So being able to be relatable to her, but still maintain, I'm still your mama, but you can say anything and everything to me. I remember one time when she said, mom, you know how you said I can tell you anything? And I said, yes. She said, well, I want to tell you something, but don't get mad. And I said, well,

I can't promise you I won't get mad, but I can promise I won't take it out on you. And she said, okay. And she said, I don't always like you. Okay, the one feeding you clothing, you don't always like me. And I said, okay. I said, fair enough. I said, and why? And she told me why. Well, because you get on me, you do this, you do that. And I said, got it. I said, so help me. I said, when I'm yelling at you, sometimes I don't realize I'm yelling. Let me know I'm yelling. Why?

I said, let me know. I said, let's come up with a signal. Do this. And then that way I know my voice is elevated. I said, I yell because I don't think you're paying attention. So she did that. We got it. We had a kumbaya moment. And so then I said, well, can I tell you something? And she said, yes. I said, you promise you won't resent me or take it out on me? She said, yes. I said, okay. I don't always like you. Okay.

And she, same reaction. She's like, what? How could you say that? I'm your daughter. I said, just like I'm your mother. But do you think I like always telling you to clean up your room? Do you think I like having to go up to that school because you didn't do your homework? Do you think I? I said, so I said, I will always love you, but I don't always like you. And I said, there are going to be people in your life

That you love, but you don't always have to like. And I said, and that's okay, but let's talk about it. So I was very open, very transparent. And now we just, we have these bracelets and we just got besties on our charm bracelets because she literally is one of my best friends and I love her and she's grown now. So I'm like through the hump, but not really. But yes. This sounds like gentle parenting though, before gentle parenting was a thing. Maybe a little bit, but I have snatched her up.

I have snatched her up. These stairs are giving me a flashback. She was on the stairs and I literally was going up the stairs and you know how you just flick. And I said, didn't I tell you to clean the kitchen? And I just flicked her like impassive. And she looked at me hands on hip. Don't you put your hands on me. And so I just, I,

I lost it. What happened? I snatched her up. I had her and I bounced her between them rails. Nice. Nice. Well, not nice, actually. Not gentle at all. Take my hands off you. Tell me now. Not gentle at all. Not gentle at all. When I finished handling her like a ping pong, she went down there and did them dishes. She did? Okay. Wow. I don't know where to go from here. Okay.

Every now and then, you know, I just said, think don't call CPS. But yes, I had to bounce her off the wall a little bit. Okay. So there is a mix here. There's some gentle parenting with some generational parenting. And that's a new cocktail. Yes. But most people who...

who do the flicking don't also do the transparency and the vulnerability. Most of them feel like I can't show her my scars or I'm just trying to forget that it even happened to me. Why would I bring it up again? What level of wholeness did you have to pursue in order to come to a place where you didn't mind your child knowing what happened to you and the experiences that you possess? Because I do think so many women have a lot of wisdom to offer their children.

adult women who would love to hear their mother's stories, but they're so guarded. They have blocked it out so much. Maybe there's a lot of pain there, a lot of shame there. So they don't open that box, not realizing that the healing that they could have in their relationship can only happen if someone's willing to be vulnerable and transparent. So like, how did you find the courage to say, I can do this?

I think one of the things that you talked about was self-healing. I had to heal first and know it was okay. And I loved her too much to let her make the same mistakes I made and to feel the same pain I felt. So if it risked me being vulnerable, I wanted to show her all my scars so she didn't go down the same path I went down. Because we always say this, you're my dream living. So if it is, let me not make it a nightmare. Yeah.

So let me give you the tool guide I did not have. And that takes courage, but you have to be okay. And you have to give up. Sometimes I think as parents, we want our children to think we're rock stars and that we did everything perfect and we walked on water. And it's a lie. And your parents didn't do everything perfect. Nobody has. And so I think being okay with saying I messed up.

And it's okay, but I still ended up here. A friend reminded me, going back to my husband now, my friend reminded me, she said, I wish your mom could see you because my first husband, she told me not to marry. Really? Yes. And I didn't listen because I thought I knew it all. She needed to bounce me off some stairs, but anyway.

And so I married him and she told me, she said, I wish your mom could see you now. And I said, I believe she is. But if my mom had told me why,

I shouldn't have married my, she just kept saying, don't, don't get married. And I kept asking her, I said, why? I said, because all I could see the sun, the moon and the stars, but she didn't say I'm looking at him and I see this, this, this because of my trauma. And so my mom never told me she wasn't in a place to be whole enough or healed enough to tell me what she saw. And it wasn't only until later that.

When she saw him, she saw what she went through. Man. And so I wish she had the strength to tell me. And so I said, I'm going to tell my daughter. I'm going to tell my son. I'm going to be as open and transparent because I do not want y'all to make the same mistakes. Okay. So what I hear you saying is as a parent, you would spend...

Less time saying, I told you so. If you're willing to spend more time saying, I'll tell you why. Not just I told you so, but I'll tell you why. And that can be really healing for the relationship. That's good. I try, I'm really trying. Parenting is...

I love it. I love my girls. They're the ones we're really parenting. Everyone else, we're kind of moved into that adult friendship zone. But it is interesting to see them navigate the world and to see their perspective as they're taking on new challenges. But I am constantly trying to make sure that I'm giving them what they need at this age and making sure that things are open no matter what's happening.

So, okay. So I have a question for you. You are in this new relationship, this new marriage. You're really not even newlywed anymore, but you got this newlywed thing going still. What do you think is the greatest thing that you have learned about yourself in this new marriage that you didn't know until now?

That I could be soft. Really? Okay, tell me about soft Natasha. I always thought women were weak and I never wanted to be a weak woman. Wow. Because once again, I saw my mom be weak when it came to men. And I said, I'm not going to give anybody that much closest to me. Or I'm going to have my own mind, my own money, my own, own, own.

Honey, and right now, honey, listen, I'm thanking God. Listen, he said he'll give you a house that you didn't build. But anyway, so that, that, and people would say, you know, we pray for blessings and all this stuff. But when it came, I was kind of like, no, I have to stand on my own. I can't receive this. Yeah.

He has a housekeeper and he's had the same housekeeper for 20 years. When I first moved in, I wouldn't even let her do my laundry. And I was like, fool, you've been wanting a housekeeper forever. Why? But it was like, I was like, no, I don't want to trust this. Why?

And God had to speak to me and say, you can be soft. You can be vulnerable. He's not going to manipulate you. He's not going to take advantage of you. He's not going to hurt you because you gave your heart to me. And I gave him your heart. And one of the things that God told me when I met my husband, he said, don't look at anything else but his heart. Mm.

Look at where his heart is. And I was like, okay. And I said, well, God, show me his heart. And when he showed me his heart, that's when I realized I can be soft. I can be vulnerable. And it's a journey because that old man, that old Natasha wants to stand up, you know, and he's taking me in unfamiliar territory. And so sometimes you get insecure, you know, because this is new and it's scary. It's good.

But it's scary and it's like, well, what if he goes away or what if this, you know, I don't want to get used to something that I can't maintain. But look at God. My husband said, I'm going to do it so if something happens to me, you will always be taken care of. Wow. Y'all make me shout in here.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I believe that journaling is a safe place for authentic self-discovery. No wonder years ago when I created a blog, I began to learn new things about myself. Writing and connecting with women was life-changing for me. The experience was heavy yet liberating. It opened me up to a world of opportunity. Getting to know our true selves takes time as we're constantly evolving.

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No, that second time around, I think, you know, a lot of people are afraid to fall in love after they've experienced devastation. But if you apply the lessons from the first time properly, that second time around can be so rewarding, so restorative and so fruitful. Absolutely. What's it like blending a family with adult children?

So that's a little different, you know, because so between us, we have five children and his oldest was 32, 26 and at the time 15 or 13. And so the two, like you said, they were grown. So it was kind of like more of a friendship and everything.

His son, I was just like, okay. I was an empty nester. Now I'm back here, but he is the sweetest boy. And I was intentional. And I said, I'm coming into his space. So we started watching movies together. Oh, that's good. And then at that time, he was really into gaming. So Natasha started learning how to game. Give me the replays.

Let me see how this works, you know, the controller, you know, so I started doing stuff and then I intentionally started driving him to school. Wow. And that was our time because I needed him to know, I love your dad, but I love you too. And you're part of my life.

And he started actually calling me mama when me and his dad were dating. And his mother and his dad both said, you don't have to call her mama. You can call her Miss Natasha. And he said, no, because she treats me like one of her kids. And when his dad said that he was going to propose, we went on this trip, he sent a letter saying,

And in the letter, I couldn't open it till after he proposed, but in the letter, he said, I'm so glad now I can call you mama publicly. And that just melted my heart. So it was just, God does all things well. It was just really God in his even...

My husband's ex-wife called me up and said, can we go to lunch? And she said, because my children love you. Wow. And she said, so I need to love you. Yeah. And so we have a great relationship. So God is good. Is that like, are you pinching yourself? Daily. Yeah. Daily, daily.

Daily. Because when I tell you, but I suffer now. Listen, listen. Can you repeat what you said earlier? No. Oh, 18 years a slave. Yes. And I don't say that against him because he is a good person. He's a good father. He just wasn't a good husband for me and I wasn't a good wife for him. And when I divorced him, I remember my brother calling me and he said, why are you getting a divorce? Because on the outside, everybody thought we were perfect.

And I said, I'm divorcing him to give him a chance to be happy. Wow. And a chance for somebody to love him as he should be loved. And I know I'm not doing that. And that's not fair to him. I told you, God told me to take ownership of my part. I was just thinking about that. Yeah, that ownership. So how do you...

How do you take ownership of your part if you feel like, well, the reason why I acted that way is because they did X, Y, and Z. Because a lot of times we fail to take ownership because we feel justified in our actions or we feel like I would have never done that unless they did that. So like, why take ownership of something that you feel like someone else caused? Because I want to grow. Yeah.

And that's really why I did it because I could sit here and be justified all the things he did or did not do. And I would be justified. I would be right, but I'd be stuck. Wow. And I didn't want to be stuck.

And I knew God had something more on my life. And I said, okay, God, I said, how do I do that? And it's what I do with clients. I know they're growing when they start taking accountability, when they don't look at this, this, this, and this. Because anything external, I can't control, but I can control internal. And so I had to stop looking at what he did wrong and look at what I did wrong.

And so I could grow from it and I could attract on the level I was believing for. Do you think it's fair to say that in a demise of a relationship that everyone has always played a part? Or do you think there are instances where like literally no one did anything wrong and then this happened? No, that's a fairy tale. And it doesn't mean it's 50-50. Right, right. But you did something.

thing and I even go back to I started saying this when I was getting close to my divorce I ain't even looking at him anymore I'm looking at me because I picked this foolishness so what was wrong with me that I picked this you know and then I put up with so much for so long I said so this

there has to be a deficit in me. Yeah. You know, and nobody is perfect and nobody is, nobody's a hundred percent good or a hundred percent bad. We all mixed up. Yeah. Me included. You know what I mean? Right. And so when I realized that I'm dirty, come on, let's just be honest. You know what? He, he, he did a lot to put up with me and I'm grateful for the time that he put up with me too. Well,

What do you think was your contribution? Like, what did you have to take ownership of? Not being submissive. I would really not even ask him his opinion or his, you know, even moving to Dallas, even though I knew it was a God thing. We were living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We moving. I'm getting this job at the Potter's house. Come on, pack up your stuff. I didn't take into consideration his career. Did he want to do? He had family there. I'm just like, we moving because God told me so. Yeah.

And although that was true, the way I handled it, and that's how I handled him throughout our marriage, and that I didn't consider him. So when I was thinking he didn't consider me, I wasn't considering him either. And I remember when we told our kids we were getting divorced, they said, but you guys never fought. We never heard you guys raise your voice. And so people think, oh, if you raise your voice and you're yelling, there's problems. No, you can be as sweet as tea.

And still have problems because you're not being, you don't honor and you don't value and you don't respect. And what God told me that got my life all the way together, he said, listen here, little girl, that's my son. And after he's your husband, he'll still be my son. And you have to treat him like he's my son. Wow.

Yeah. And so he got my life all the way together with that. And I said, ooh. Because he said, if you mistreat the least. Yeah. And so I said, okay, God. And I apologized. I repented to God. And then I called him up, like I said. And I said, I am so sorry. Mm.

And I meant that thing. Now, I was expecting that in return. Maybe he'll watch this. But anyway. But I let it go. I let it go. And like I said, and now we are good friends. We have children together. And we just celebrated my son's 24th birthday. And we all came together. He's remarried. And we all came together. We all fellowshiped, had fun together. And this is how it's supposed to be. Yeah. Everybody found what was right for them. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Okay. You meant that from your soul? From my soul. What woman has been the most influential to you as it relates to your desire to be soft? Oh, my. Let's see. And this is going to sound your mom, your mom, your mom. Because it's one thing to be on the outside, but then it's another to be close, right?

And to see her be close, this is the moment that changed my life with your mom, is when she had her book come out. And I went with her on a book signing tour and your dad ended up coming. And so this was all designed for your mom. And so that when he arrived, everybody kind of

We got about your mom and they were flocking towards him and taking her book for him to sign. And I was outraged. I wanted to, and she was so graceful and so kind and so loving. And so I said, I'm missing that in my life. I wanted to be Peter. I wanted to get a sword out. And she may not even remember this, but that changed my life. And I started watching your mom. Why?

And I was still married at that time, but I knew I didn't have that type of grace and that kind of femininity and that kind of softness that I could allow my husband to shine in what was supposed to be my moment. Wow. And do it just so gracefully. And then another moment, we were at the altar.

And I'm a little germaphobe. And somebody was crying and they gave me tissue. I held that tissue. I wasn't giving it to that girl. And I acted like I didn't see him because I'm not about to wipe her tears and the snot coming out of her nose. Your mama took the tissue and wiped the girl's eyes and her snot. And I said, God, you're humbling me. I said, now, first lady, then wipe this girl's tears and her snot.

without blinking and I said I need to be that soft I need to be that gentle I need to be that that available and maybe because I'm still not at the snot I was going to say how's the snot walk for you no I'm still not there he's still working on me until we go to glory on that one but

But just that idea of being that soft and that vulnerable and that open to God to use you, that you wipe their tears. Now, I might do some tear wiping if I know you. But it's not. But it's not. You're on your own, sis. Okay. Well, then I have to ask you before we go. What do you hope my mom knows about the impact that she's had on your life?

That I love her truly, that I love her for no other reason than who she is. And I don't require anything from her. And if she was here, she'd tell you I never asked her for anything. Anything she's done, she's just always freely given. I'm just so honored to be in her presence.

and to just see her be her authentic self. And with all the ups, the downs, the stabilization, just everything that she has never changed in the 17 years, she has never changed. And I just want her to know I'm appreciative. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. This was great. Thank you.

Am I the only one who found this conversation to be so fruitful, hilarious, and rich? Dr. Natasha, your transparency, your vulnerability, your storytelling is unmatched. My listeners and I want to thank you from the

bottom of our hearts, we're walking away with some strategies on how to optimize our wellness. Let's put some tools into practice this week, ladies, and see how we can become a little bit more Dr. Natasha-esque in all that we do. I want to hear your praise report on our social media. Tell me how you are doing the thing that you were called to do in a way that makes you feel more alive than ever before. Then we'll connect next week and have the conversation continue.

chat soon. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

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