Presence of Restrictions w/ Nona Jones
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries

One of the many things that I love about this podcast is being able to connect with women from all

All walks of life. Some are familiar to us and others we're just meeting for the first time. Our guest today is a woman you want to get to know. Her name is Nona Jones and she's a multi-hyphenated social media and ministry maven filled with so much wisdom. And the very first question, she literally took my breath away with her story. I know a lot about her success. I did not know a lot about the journey that led to her success.

I believe that you are going to be deeply enriched by the journey of this woman who has learned to kill comparison. Let's fit it all in one episode if we can. Okay, so listen, let me tell you something.

Nona Jones, you have just taken over. I feel like this lane of like faith and climbing the corporate ladder and being an influencer. Like, can you just help me understand like your journey, your story? I feel like I started hearing about you before I even had an opportunity to meet you. And they're like, there's this black woman at

Facebook and she's all about faith and she's just merging at this intersection and it feels so powerful. Who are you? What is your story? Break it down for me. Oh my goodness. So first of all, thank you so much for having me. I really, really appreciate just who you are and how you show up at the intersection of so many ecosystems in this world. So I just want to start there. I appreciate who you are.

You know, when I'm asked to describe myself, there's about five words that come to mind because I think a lot of times we tend to walk into the successful chapter that a person's life is on and we just assume that's the whole story. But I am a statistically improbable product of grace. And what I mean is there's an assessment called the Adverse Childhood Experiences Assessment.

And it's given to children who have experienced trauma in an effort to determine the probability that they will have poor outcomes in life. So that's drug addiction, you know, premature death, delinquency, et cetera. The assessment is on a scale of one to 10. And if you have a three, you are considered high risk for adverse outcomes. I took the survey and I scored an eight. I,

I grew up in a home defined by physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. I'm an only child.

My mother, when I was seven years old, I told her her boyfriend was sexually abusing me. She had him arrested. But on the day of his release from jail, she took me with her to pick him up and brought him back home where the abuse resumed again. And at the age of 11, I tried to end my life. I didn't grow up in the church. I didn't know anything about hope, Jesus, the Bible, God, none of that. Um,

I just knew that whatever was on the other side of death had to be better than what I was experiencing. And God blocked my attempt to end my life because there was purpose on my life. And so, you know, the woman I am today is truly a result of grace. I went to college on a full scholarship. My mother has a third grade education. She couldn't even help me in school because

But God surrounded me with teachers and people who believed in my potential. Graduated from college, went into corporate America. And what's funny is I got married at 21. So a month out of college, I got married and people thought I was either crazy or pregnant. Like literally, they were like, oh, she probably pregnant. But it wasn't that crazy.

It was that I found my husband and he was my rock. And we've been married 18 years at this point. Got married right out of college, got into corporate America and the Lord just favored me. Like seriously, people in high level positions saw something on me. And at the age of 23, I was asked to step into an executive role for a Fortune 100 company.

I think I was too young, if I'm honest. Like there was some experience I didn't have, but through the mistakes that I was allowed to make, I am where I am today. So I thank God for his goodness and his faithfulness. Okay, so you're not just going to drop this lifetime movie of a story on that.

And just end it with a prayer and think that we're not going to break this thing down. We have questions about what you just said. Okay. Listen, oh my goodness. There are so many different areas of connection and community that I feel like we are resonating with in hearing your story. I want to go back to you as a little girl, um,

and I just want to understand for you, um, for those listening and from you, like the experiences that you had with your mother, with sexual abuse, um,

For so many women, that defines them, that defines their potential, that defines their worth, their ability. How were you able to have those experiences, but not or did they in some ways define you? Do you feel like part of your motivation to succeed was getting out of here? Like what was the connection between your highlight reel versus your pain? Yeah.

Okay. I love this question so much because I recently spoke at a business conference and I share my story very vulnerably and transparently regardless of the audience, because what I have found to be true is that more of us have been through this than haven't. And so I was speaking to a group of about a thousand executives and I was sharing my story and

afterwards, women, men, I'm talking about college presidents, superintendents of school districts, CEOs came up to me in tears talking about how they had experienced the same thing. And I say that because what I believe to be true, this is not something that I've studied empirically, but this is what I believe to be true, is that students

Success can happen in one of two ways. Success can happen because you're running toward your future, like your ambition is fueled by a vision for your future, or it can happen because you are running from your past where your ambition is fueled by a sense of if I get this position, if I get this title, if I make this much money, if I get the vacation home, if I get married, then I will finally matter.

And for me, that's really what my story was. And really writing my first book, Success From the Inside Out, was about exploring the arc of that, which was I found myself at a White House dinner. This was when President Obama was in office. I was at a White House dinner. I'm looking around the room and there's all these like

famous people and dignitaries and world leaders. And I was like, I don't know, 33, 34. And in my mind, I was thinking I should really feel like I've made it. Like I should feel good, but I felt so empty. I felt so empty. And I think that's what really kind of catalyzed what I call my like self-inquisition, which was okay.

What is it that led me to pursue all of these things? And I still feel empty on the other side of achieving them. And so for me, I think the sexual abuse, the verbal abuse, just to give you a concrete example, the sexual abuse started when I was like five and it didn't end until I was maybe 10 or 11. And I remember one time telling my mom, I was like, mom, we got to talk about what happened in my childhood. I think I was maybe 22, 23.

My mother said to me, there's nothing to discuss because it wouldn't have happened if you would have just kept your legs closed. Now, talk about identity crisis, right? It's like, wait a minute. So you mean to tell me that if I had just kept my legs closed at 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, that I would not have been a victim?

But that's the type of stuff I carried into my career. It's just this belief that, man, maybe I am defective. And the only way to fix my being defective is to achieve more. But the thing about success is there's nothing you can accumulate around you that will fill the deficit within you. And I had a deficit on the inside of me.

How do you repair yourself from the wounds of your mother not showing up for you in the way that most would assume that you needed, but I guess God made provision for? Yeah. I mean, I went through the full arc of emotions and I think sometimes we hold ourselves accountable to being healed when healing is a journey. Right.

You know, we say things like, oh, I'm over it. That was so long ago. Oh, yeah, I'm over it. But the reality is you're never over it. You learn how to live with it. And so I think what I had to do was a few things. One, my mother has never apologized ever for what she allowed to happen. And part of my healing process was.

was taking her where she was. And what I mean by that is I had to realize that the reason why my mother could not, um, repent for what she did is because the weight of the guilt was so heavy on her that she couldn't even process it. And her only defense mechanism was to try to shift the blame to me. Um, and I think that was part of my healing was realizing, you know what,

She's not even capable of giving me what I need. And so the only solution is I'm going to have to forgive her.

I'm going to have to release her from this debt of an apology because apologies have no power. Like somebody can apologize in earnest. And if we don't accept it, we're still going to be bitter. And so that was a huge part of my journey was just realizing she's not even capable of repentance. So I have to forgive her so that I can really release my future from the power of my past and begin to move forward.

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Okay, so this is going to be a little bit of a convoluted question because I can hear it in my head, but I don't know how to make it make sense outside of my mouth. But we're going to go and we're going to flow. How has who you are as a woman changed?

been shaped or defined by you comparing who you do or do not want to be as a result of your, you know, first definition, first experience with womanhood, not necessarily being in that capacity, something that you want to aspire to? Oh, my goodness. I think for many years, I

I had this ideal me that unfortunately wasn't real because I was basically pulling bits and pieces of what I thought was ideal from other people's lives. And,

And the problem with that is I never had their experience. I didn't grow up in their household. I didn't have their educational experience, but I would look at them and I would be like, man, why can't I be more like her? Or, you know, um, in my case, because I know that insecurity is something that was kind of birthed within me because of my past. Um,

you know, I would be very, very sensitive to critique and criticism, which you need to grow. Like, here's the thing, you know, especially professionally, you need somebody to tell you where you're not like, you know, achieving your full potential to get better. But I can,

I couldn't handle it because in my mind, I saw where the other person was who I was comparing myself to. And that critique, it just it made the chasm between me and her or me and him so clear. And I was like, I can never be that. And I think my experience, especially the things my mother spoke over me.

it created this like fractured identity to where I never felt I measured up no matter what I achieved. And I remember, Pastor Sarah, I remember getting awards, like national awards. And people would be like, oh my gosh, you're like the first black person to do this. You're the first black woman to do that.

feel like it mattered because in my mind, yeah, but look at what she's doing over there. So I could never embrace who I was becoming because I was comparing myself to who somebody else already was. And that's not necessarily who I was called to be, but it was my past that was constantly making me think, you don't measure up. You're never going to measure up. It doesn't matter what you achieve. It doesn't matter what your title is. You're never going to be enough.

And so I think that definitely shaped my understanding of who I was as a woman. It's just not enough, no matter what I did.

Okay, so like now I'm like in my own process because this is therapy because I'm thinking about the many ways in which comparison confirmed my deficit. Like, and I think that I learned to just seek out how do you compare here? How do you compare there as confirmation of me not measuring up? So in order to kill comparison, which is what your new book is about,

Do I have to one first stop comparing or do I have to stop seeing my deficit? Like, what is the first step? Oh, this is so good. Well, I think the first step to any change is just acknowledgement that something's not working.

something's not working. One of the things I talk about in the book is I think I have my aha moment. This was early in the pandemic. I had like a full year of speaking engagements, you know, things got canceled and postponed and all that. Well, there was this like really large women's conference that moved online. And I remember I was checking Instagram one day and like all of my friends were posting about this conference they were speaking at. Like, I know the host. I was like,

Why don't you invite me to speak? It's like she invited everybody in my circle except for me. And what it did is it like triggered something in me that didn't feel good. Like it just, it felt ugly. It felt toxic. And I had all these why questions running through my mind. You know, why wasn't I picked? Why wasn't I selected? And the Holy Spirit asked me an entirely different question. The Holy Spirit said, why does it matter? Why does it matter?

that you weren't invited to do this thing. Why does it matter that your friends were picked and you weren't? And I was like, what do you mean? Why does it matter? Like, because this is huge event and I'm not going to be there. And the Holy Spirit was like, let me make sure I understand. You think your value is only so much as your speaking engagements. I was like, well, no, I know that, you know, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I know all that.

And the Holy Spirit said, you know that in your head, but you don't believe it in your heart. And because you don't believe it in your heart, you're insecure. And I was like, but that honestly, that step one is, is allowing, allowing that, that, that feeling of like, I just, I don't measure up.

to take you on the journey of figuring out why does it matter? Like, why does being left out, why does not having the title, why does not being at the top of the list, why does that matter? And once you understand that, I think the second thing is comparison can take two forms. I think sometimes we think of comparison as it's toxic.

Comparison can also be good if it's healthy because it can lead to inspiration. The word inspiration actually means to breathe. When we inhale breath in our lungs, that's life. So when somebody inspires you because of comparison, that's life. But when you exhale, that's what leads to death. So expiration is what happens when it's toxic comparison. And when you start to feel yourself expire,

that's when you know it's time to do some work. So I think acknowledgement is step one and then being willing to do the work. That's step two. Okay. Inspiration versus expiration. It's a bomb. I, I,

love that so much because to your point it is a fine line I was going to ask you like how do I navigate this reality that I am on social media there are people who inspire me there are people who expose me especially for women who are maybe listening and they're thinking to themselves like I have

a goal. I have this vision that I've never seen modeled. I've never seen demonstrated before. And so I am watching how someone else conducts themselves in other rooms. And I am watching how you speak in different atmospheres and comparing how I show up so that I can grow. But what is that fine line? And I think that that inspiration versus expiration begins to help us understand how we even show up on social media.

What do you say to the person who's like, you know what? I've compared myself and I'm never going to measure up. And I just don't think that I can even be inspired anymore. Like comparison has become completely toxic. Well, let me first say that I think so. Social media gets blamed for so much. Talk about it. Talk about it. Get me together. Get me together.

Since I work in this space, I know and I see the data. Like I see the data. So but it gets blamed for so much. But what I often encourage people to realize is just because social media exposes insecurity, that doesn't mean it's the source of the insecurity. Because if you think about it before Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok,

There was still insecurity, but it was in our local community. Like, you know, the person we went to school with or the woman we saw teaching Sunday school, like our insecurity was triggered by those people. Now what social media has done is it's just given us a front row seat to the fiction of other people's life. And please hear me, the fiction, you said it earlier, everybody's posting the highlight reel. Yeah.

Like we post the day that we got the new car, but we don't post the day it got repossessed. Right. That is kind of goals by the wayside. And so I think for someone who feels like, number one, I can never measure up. First of all, don't speak in absolutes because the question becomes what measuring stick are you using? When you say I can never measure up, measure up to what? Right.

Because the reality is God didn't die for us when we were at our best. Jesus didn't lay down his life when we were at our best. He laid down his life when we were at our worst. So when we say we don't measure up, we're not saying we don't measure up to the love of God. What we're saying is we don't measure up to the standards and expectations of men.

And those things are fickle and fleeting and changing. And so my encouragement to any woman who's struggling with this is first to realize insecurity is the result of securing your identity to an insecure foundation and

And you have to figure out what am I securing my identity to? Is it my relationship status, my financial status, my job title, my academic credentials? All of these things that are unstable, they're fickle. Like people like them one day, they don't like them the next. If you're securing your identity to those things, step one is we have to begin to detach ourselves

our identity from those things. You are more than your job title. You're more than your bank account balance. You're more than your speaking engagements. You were designed with purpose that cannot be negated, no matter what you do or do not achieve, because God approved of you at the point that he decided you were necessary for creation. Hmm.

Okay. So I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video to be a co-host to podcast at womanevolved.com.

Let me know what it is. You want to talk about why it's important to you that you be on the podcast Maybe you're like girl. I am not gonna be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people First of all, this is a sign overcome yourself But if not, you can send me an advice question podcast at woman evolve.com Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I love what you're saying about securing your identity to an insecure foundation um

You shared so much about your story. How do we overcome when our nuclear family, the family that we've been raised in, was the insecure foundation? Like we didn't have a choice, but that was the foundation that we've been given. And now I'm having to re-anchor myself or my identity is just secured to this pain. It is secured to this trauma.

Right.

And so I would rather be secure to this identity of she's a mess. She's out of control. She's the one that no one's counting on than to be held accountable to a standard that fell out of reach for me.

Oh, my gosh. So first of all, yes, that is I think that's problem number one, is that some of us have allowed our trauma to become our identity. So much so that if we like healing is almost a threat to our identity. Yeah. Yeah.

So we say things like, oh, I want to be delivered. But in reality, we don't because deliverance is unfamiliar terrain. And so then we would have to create a new identity. And that scares us. I think back on the story of Saul and David, you know, everybody knows about how, you know, Saul was jealous of David. But it's interesting because people often think that David triggered Saul's insecurity, but that's not true. If you go back and you look at the story, you'll notice that when Samuel approached Saul,

and told him, you know, that the whole attention of Israel has been turned to him and his family. Saul was like, why would you say such a thing to me? Like, do you know where I come from? Basically, he was like, you know, we are the smallest tribe and why are you even looking at? And the reality is Saul saw himself as small, even though his father was a man of standing.

And so sometimes it's the way that we see ourselves, not the reality. It's the way we see ourselves. And I think it's important that we have the power to change how we see ourselves. You can make a decision right now.

to walk in your power, you can make that decision. But it's going to be scary if you only have known trauma. If you've only known victimization, it's going to be scary to walk in power. And some people will even try to keep you in your trauma because they don't recognize this new you. But we have to make a decision. It's like, I don't want my future to be defined by my past. I want my future to be defined by what God is calling me to do.

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I want to break that down a little bit. This walking in your power because I won wholeheartedly 100% I'm behind you. I get it. I think that one of the things that I want to break down though, is that when we talk about walking in power, it seems powerful. But if you are going to have to release your identity that has been connected to your trauma, and we talk about identity being connected to trauma, it may mean that you are just angry all the time.

It may mean that you don't let people in. Like your identity is rooted to your trauma because of the barriers or restrictions that you created in order to protect yourself from experiencing another trauma. But walking in your power may not necessarily make you feel powerful to lose out of your mind. This notion of I'm not going to compare myself anymore. I mean,

that I am going to have to walk blindly into my future with trust that who I am becoming has never been seen before. Who I'm becoming has nothing to do with who is beside me. And there is a vulnerability connected to that that is powerful, but that doesn't always feel powerful. Does that make sense? Am I saying anything?

That makes perfect sense. And actually, so I brought, I brought my Bible. At some point we would get into the words. Throughout, throughout the book, I use the story of Saul and David, but I focus on Jonathan. Okay. And the reason I focus on Jonathan is because number one, a lot of people don't talk about Jonathan, but when Saul said that David, you know, people are going to praise him and you know, what else is he going to have at the kingdom? So,

Saul was worried about how David was going to impact his legacy, which was Jonathan. And he literally said to Jonathan, the son of Jesse is going to, he's going to take the kingdom from you. And yet Jonathan somehow, some way didn't feel threatened by David. As a matter of fact, he gave him his Royal garments. He gave him his weapons and he was like, go forth brother. And it was curious to me. I was like, how is it that,

that he wasn't threatened by the one who was really his threat. Well, if you look at the book of 1 Samuel, I believe it's in, yes, chapter 14. I want to read just a quick verse to kind of set this up. So basically, you know, Jonathan had attacked the Philistines and the Philistines were, they were arranging themselves to go to battle with Israel.

Israel had no weapons because the Philistines had made it such that there were no blacksmiths available to them. The only people who had a weapon, it was Saul and Jonathan. Saul was in this place called Michmash. He had 600 soldiers with him. He was under a pomegranate tree chilling. Jonathan was like, no, no, no, we're going to go fight some Philistines. So he goes by himself with his armor bearer to this outpost of Philistines. And he says something very powerful.

So this is in verse six. Jonathan says to his young armor bearer, come, let's go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few. To hit on your point about power,

Power isn't always about having resources. It's about having access to the source. And that is that is the father. Jonathan knew that it wasn't the weapons that were going to win the war. It was the favor of God. And so if you have the favor of God in your life, you don't have to compare yourself to other people because your lane is your lane.

And the father of the universe is for you. And I think when we internalize that, that becomes our power is trusting in the power of the father. Can you tell me what, did you ever have like an aha moment? You told me that from the time you graduated, that you were just favored placed in executive positions, maybe a little too early, but still there. Did you ever have a moment when you recognize that the favor that you had experienced was

the protection in spite of the trauma that you experienced. What was like your aha moment that you went from the little girl who was trying to kill herself, not because she felt like Jesus was on the other side. She had no idea of faith to like having this radical encounter with faith that changed the way you saw everything that happened in your life. You know what? It actually wasn't that long ago. I would say it was probably four, four years ago. And I'll tell you exactly what happened. So I have faith.

felt like an imposter throughout my whole career because I was always like half the age of the people at the boardroom table. I was usually the only person of color, many times the only woman. And so I often felt like an imposter. But after I was recruited to Facebook, I'll never forget. I was talking to a pastor about the work that I was doing and I was just heads down doing the work.

And he said, Nona, he said, do you not realize how strategically God has placed you? Like he has placed you in a leadership role in the world's largest social network. Because I was telling him about some meetings I was in and I was like, not really. I'm just kind of doing the work. But he said, no, Nona.

God has placed you there out of all the people. You say it yourself. You're not qualified to be there, but God placed you there. It was in that moment that my eyes were open and I began to think about the arc of my life and how every position I ever held was always created out of thin air.

How I was never, ever qualified for anything I was ever called to do. And I realized, you know what? It is so true. God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called because I am. And I thank God every day for what he's called me to. But that was the moment is having someone call.

pointed out, like you, you're occupying a space and you don't even realize what God has entrusted you with. That was, that was powerful for me. So when you walk into these, you know, positions that are created out of thin air or just any new endeavor at all,

Do you have to coach yourself about not comparing? Like, do you have to like kind of start back at chapter one? Like, what are you up against right now in your life where you are having to kill comparison in order to just receive whatever favor and positioning is connected to your current vision, your current reach, your current projects?

Oh, my gosh. Well, I will tell you, it's it's very difficult. And I'll kind of split it out into the professional sector and the ministry and the professional side of it. It's very difficult. Comparison is difficult because I work in a very intense environment. So to give you an example, I would say like 90.

99% of the people that work at our company graduated from an Ivy League school. So my colleagues, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Cornell, like that's the general mix. I went to the University of Florida, which is not a bad school, but it's not Harvard. And so when we get into conversations about educational background, it's easy to be like, oh man, I don't really measure up to these people. But then I have to remember that

I didn't go to that school and yet God still placed me at this table. And so there is something on the inside of me that, that deserves to be here. And that's on the professional side in the ministry side. I have found this to be so interesting because,

It's funny because I've talked to several people who they said, I just want to, you know, I want to be like a big preacher and, you know, I just want to do all these things. I'm like, why? And most of the time it's because their identity is fractured and they feel like if I just have more followers, a bigger platform, then I'll finally matter. I think in the ministry side,

comparison can be huge because we're looking at followers. We're looking at platforms. We're looking at who's on TV and this, that, and the other. What I've had to learn to do is literally turn it off and turn it down. I don't know...

what half of my friends are doing because I just, I don't follow what they're doing because I don't ever want to get to a place where it's like, oh my gosh, why am I not doing that? Why is she doing this? Why is he doing this? I have to guard my heart every single day so that I can maintain a posture of celebrating success versus feeling like, oh, I have to compete. But that's the human, I think that's the human frailty is this idea that, oh,

I only matter to the degree that I'm on this stage or I have this many followers. And we have to guard our hearts against that. I love that. Guarding your heart, I think, is so paramount to really navigating a place of wholeness, a place of peace. I think a lot of times we talk about wanting to access that peace, the confidence, the joy that we know is available to us, but it doesn't happen without restriction. And what I hear you saying is like, I restrict what I take in. I restrict what I allow to come

out. I take them thoughts and move them out of the way. And from that place, you're able to be anchored and rooted in a way that allows you to continue to maximize your potential. I won't even say be successful. I'll just say continue to maximize your potential, which is what we're experiencing you do through your life. Amen. Amen. And I think we have to like,

we have to guard our eyes to guard our heart because our eyes truly are the window to the soul. And so what we see can influence us.

how we feel about ourselves, what we think about our potential, because again, we're comparing ourselves to somebody else. And so I do think it's important for us to be vigilant about that because the enemy, he loves to strike up inadequacy in us. Because what I do think is inadequacy, believing we're inadequate, it has a way of making us take ourselves out of the game before we even get eliminated, right? Like, well, I'm not going to try because...

I can't do that. Says who? Well, because I just see how she's doing it. I don't do it like that. And there are many different ways to do it. I love that. Starting my day with prayer and meditation has honestly changed my life.

It allows me space to clearly hear from God and to set intentions for my day. I've even found myself using the Abide app in the middle of the day when it starts feeling like anything other than what I'd hoped for. Whether an unexpected issue arises at work, my kids start to stress me out, or I'm simply feeling a bit off, meditating has helped me recenter and mentally get my day back on track.

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Take advantage of this amazing offer and try out the two-minute sessions that you can choose from with topics ranging from overcoming anxiety to finding forgiveness. Support this show and get 25% by texting Sarah to 22433. Okay, so we have...

An advice question that I want to get into because I know that you are going to help a sister out. Okay, so here we go. What are some things that you're thinking about that helps you find your way in this season as you navigate experiencing your own personal revelations as you go deeper with God?

leading others deeper professionally and in all other relationships on a regular basis and growing your business, which is also deeply tied in ministry. I tried to make that make sense, but also that's what I'm asking for help with. How do you make sense of it all? I think so. I think I got the general gist of the question and I,

I think it's so important to have like a regular practice of prayer and repentance before God, like regular practice daily. I don't make any,

decision without going before God and like really seeking his wisdom and his counsel. And I think that's how I'm able to just navigate the, oh my gosh, there's so many changes happening on my job right now. I was just meeting with my team. They came in from all over the world and

We just had a bunch of reorgs and a whole bunch of things happening. But through prayer, I was able to hear God's wisdom on how to navigate it. And so I think it's important to have that regular prayer practice and not necessarily rely on other people to be your intermediary to the father. You know, sometimes we'll say, will you pray for me? Yeah.

Pray for yourself, pray for yourself because it's spending time with God that enables you to hear his voice. Like if I don't spend time with somebody, how will I know their voice? You have to spend time with God to hear his voice. And that's what keeps me grounded, whether it's in business, in marriage, ministry, et cetera, is spending that time with God and not letting life interfere with it, which is easy to do, you know, children, you

mom, I need this mom. I need that. I got to have my time with God in order to make sure that I'm hearing from him and doing what he's calling me to do. Can you define what a practice of repentance looks like for you? Oh yeah. So one of the things that I do is I take the Lord's prayer and I try to personalize it because I think that provides such a great roadmap for how to go before God. You know, our father who is in heaven,

You are my heavenly father. You see all, you know all. But then when you get to the place of, you know, forgive me my transgressions as I forgive my transgressors, it's then the opportunity for me to go before God and say, Lord, I ask your forgiveness.

Specifically for how I responded to that email. Yeah. I ask your forgiveness, Lord, for how I showed up for my husband. I ask your forgiveness for the pride in my heart, thinking I know better than you and doing it on a daily basis. It's important because I think repentance is really the training ground for humility. And we know this, you know, God resists the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Yeah.

You're not going to be humble without a regular practice of repentance because you will see how frail you are before God. And you'll learn to be sympathetic to other people when they fail you. I think that that is exactly how I would respond to this question. I think it does come down to humility. Sometimes we can become so burdened

by our responsibilities that we think we are in control of the outcomes, that we are in control of how the day flows. And so it begins like, how do I balance all of this? How do I stay in control? How do I feel like I'm ahead of the game? How do I make sure I'm pouring into everyone and feeding into everyone? But humility allows us to remember like, that is not my job. My job is to stay low. My job is to make sure that I can clear the channel and that I can listen.

And so the question isn't how can I be there for everyone else, but how can I be so in tune with what God is developing within myself that I'm able to share it to the world around me? And how can I be clear enough to hear when God is challenging me through my relationships and my connections with an opportunity to grow? But I think it's less about how do I be the

captain of this ship, but more so like, how can I be a really good passenger while we're all on this ship called life, unsure of where we're going, unsure of the turbulence, but certain that there is a destination ahead of us. That's going to allow us to experience God's favor. That to me relieves pressure because there's pressure and trying to be there for everyone. Yes, there is. And a lot of times what happens is in trying to be there for everyone, you

we end up so empty and so depleted. And we end up not only missing our purpose because we're so busy trying to help everybody on theirs. We end up missing our purpose, but we end up feeling unfulfilled because we're giving so much to other people. So I just, I love how you said that. And I pray that we internalize that because we have to take care of ourselves. Okay. So taking care of ourselves also means killing comparison. Where do we get the book?

Go on and tell us. How do we find it? How do we kill, slay this giant and become more like Jonathan? Yes. So it's available wherever books are sold. You can also go to NonaJones.com to find the book as well as KillingComparison.com.

I'm posting about it regularly on my Instagram. All my handles are the same at Nona, not Nora. I get called Nora Jones all the time, but I am not her. Never heard of her. The internet has given me her net worth, but Bank of America doesn't recognize it. Bank of America needs to fix whatever glitch they have in their system.

No, and thank you so much for your time, for your heart, for your story, for your lessons, for your light. It's been such a joy to learn from you and glean from you today. So much love, much light to you. Oh, thank you, my sister. I appreciate you. Much love and much light to you and all that you're doing. May God enlarge your territory. Thank you. Take care. God bless. Bye.

I try not to be an I told you so kind of person, but listen, I told you so. I knew that Nona was someone you should know. Listen, I'm just a messenger out here doing the Lord's work to the best of my ability. Chances are you're more than able to join in the

I want to be a messenger for your story. I want to hear about what you've gone through, how you are growing and evolving and bringing others along for the ride. You know, as a co-host, that's how I want to learn. I want you to send me a one to two minute video about yourself to podcast at woman evolve dot com. And let's make this thing happen.

OK, you can also drop your advice questions in that inbox, too. If you want to know my two cents on anything happening in your world, I'll talk to you next week. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftop.

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details. Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. ♪

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.