The Revolutionary Power of Words w/ Sylvia Lloyd
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can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries what I don't need your likes I don't need your validation all I need is a God fighting for me that says all things all things all things Chad

Revolutionary power, not just in your purpose, not just in your heart and your mind and your soul, but in your words. There are power in your words. And we want to talk about that all week long at Womni Ball. Make sure you're following us on these socials because we want you to be a part of changing the way that you speak.

Speaking of the way that you speak, Sylvia is joining us today and boy, is she going to help us understand the power of the words said and unsaid, but most importantly, how we can still evolve regardless of what we may or may not have had. There's this moment in this podcast that turns from just a conversation between friends

into something that feels so much deeper and meaningful for you and where you are in your journey. So listen up. There are nuggets here you don't want to miss. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for having me. How's your day so far? Um, I didn't have to work today. So today has been good. We like that. Did you sleep in?

I did. Nice. I did, but I forced myself to get up and go for a walk, so...

What's the weather like? Where are you? What's the weather like there? I am in Detroit, Michigan. Okay. The weather, it depends on the day. But like last week, we had a snowstorm. And today, I think it's like 45 degrees. Really? Okay. Is that not bad or is that bad? Oh, that's perfect. Oh, nice. Like I went outside with like...

Really? Yeah. We're in LA. So 45 degrees is giving parka, uh, scar, gloves. It was like, uh, 10 degrees last week. Oh,

Okay. Miss Sylvia, I have questions for you. First of all, I want to thank you. You are an essential worker. You showed up during the pandemic in a way that many of us could have never done or would have run out of the strength and resilience to do. And yet you showed up. And so I want to honor you for your sacrifice. And thank you for seeing us through such a tough, tough season. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

How has it been recovering as the pandemic begins to loosen its hold a little bit? Well, I had to remove myself from the position that I was in because they were not making any... They were just kind of carrying on as business as usual. So I had to step away from my full-time job and step into private practice, which...

was very difficult because going from full-time income to some time income was a journey in itself. So I found myself the last year grieving the loss of my career. So I've been in the field of social work for 12 years, primarily working in community mental health. When the pandemic hit, I was working in an inpatient hospital.

And it just wasn't safe. So I had to make the decision to say, I can't put myself at risk and I can't put my family at risk. So I have to do something different. I tried to step down to like an integrated health clinic.

Thought that would be better. And then it wasn't. I tried to do part time there and also do private practice. And they said no. So December 2020, I had to. Well, December 2020, I started my private practice. Wow. What were the words that you said to yourself when you decided to start your private practice? That's a good question. Yeah.

this is your time because God had been telling me to do it but it wasn't it wasn't a safe option for me like I'm like how you're gonna make how how is this gonna make sense um and he had been saying just do it just do it and of course me I'm like that's not gonna like how am I gonna pay my bills just do it so to backtrack I have been having migraines I have migraines um

And I had had a migraine from like April to November. Wow. Yeah. As soon as I left the job, I haven't had a migraine since. I had carbon monoxide poisoning in October of that year. And this is 2020.

I still don't know what the cause of that was. I had COVID, I believe, multiple times. So it was just thing after thing. It was just like, I feel like God was forcing me out. Like, I'm not going to make this comfortable for you. I've already told you what to do. So I got in a car accident. So I was like, yeah, I don't think I need any more signs. Yeah.

That's so powerful.

And when we don't do it, life pushes and squeezes until we have no choice but to step into it by faith. Sometimes we do things by faith. Other times we do them by force because life just gets to closing in on us. And it sounds like that's what's happened in your life, that you're now living in this space of faith. I love that. So I started my private practice, um,

But still, because I was unsure, I joined a group private practice, which is a little bit different from independent. Because if you're in a group private practice, they kind of manage all of the business stuff. And that was the part I was scared about. Like, I'm not scared about being a good therapist. I'm scared about being a good business owner, right? Like, I don't want to deal with the billing, contracts, all that. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to take this step, but it's going to be a baby step.

So I joined a group private practice and everything was okay. Like I had budgeted it out. I was like, well, if I have this many clients, I'll be good. But in the group private practice, there is a fee split. So the owner was making 60% and I was making 40%. So I did that for a year. And then I was just being like,

Thanks for making this baby step. We need more than that. So I went completely independent December 2021. What made you want to be a therapist? I never want to be a therapist. OK, I love this story already. Oh, both of my degrees are in social work.

And I chose social work because it just felt natural, like helping people, encouraging people just felt natural to me. And when I graduated grad school, I remember saying like, okay, I'm just going to go in here and work my way up the ladder at whatever community agency to, you know, work my 30, 40 some odd years and retire and be okay. And like, no lie, I think I graduated May 2009,

And July, God was like, oh, no, you're going to run your own business. And I'm like, no, I'm not like I'm going to work at nine to five. What do you mean? So I was in Atlanta at the time and lost the job that I was working. I was working for Child Protective Services and got fired.

And I moved home and I was like, well, God, what do you want me to do? Because I'm always asking. I do ask. Now, do I always listen? That's different. That's different. But I do ask and point me in the direction of community mental health. So I started working with community mental health in my hometown in July 2012.

So I was doing private life. So I thought it was a case management job, right? Like, oh, no, you're also going to be doing therapy. I'm like, I didn't sign up for that. But OK. So just from there.

I was like, oh, I can do this. Like at the time I was working with youth. But when you work with youth in that type of setting, you're working with the parent as well. So I got experience with providing therapy for children and adults. I was like, OK, I can do this. But the plan still was to work full time and do therapy part time. But I could never find a way to make that work.

So I just kept trying these full-time jobs, but every time I would go to another job, it was just like, this isn't working either. So that had been my journey from 2012 to 2020 was me in positions that I thought were good for me, what I was supposed to be doing, but it was just always hard and it had nothing to do with the job. It was just other people, my coworkers,

and the issues they had with me. And it was chaos every day. And I also, for the majority of that time, worked midnights. So that's a whole different beast. Yeah, that sounds like it. That sounds like where all the crazy starts happening.

Yes. Okay. So you said that you went into social work because you were just an encourager. You wanted to encourage other people. I am wondering, were you an encourager because you'd been encouraged by so many people that you were just returning what had been poured into you? Or did you feel like you are giving people what you wish you had? Hmm.

I have been encouraged by other people, but also I think it was more so me giving what I wish I had. Because I'm technically a middle child. So I kind of always got lost in the shuffle. Not on purpose, but I think it just I just stayed out the way, read my books, minded my business.

did what I was supposed to do. So nobody had to say anything to me. So that's kind of just how I lived my life. And I was always the mediator between my siblings. So it was more of a natural thing for me, even with my friends. Like I always found myself in friend groups of like three and I always ended up being the mediator.

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That's so interesting. My daughter is she calls herself a middle child, but she's really the second to the youngest. But she feels like a middle child because she's in the middle of these two extreme age groups. And I often wonder like how I can best support her. So you have to tell me as the mother of someone who sees themselves as a middle child, which I think is basically a way of saying, I don't always feel seen. I don't always seem valued. What is it that you needed to

in those moments to validate your identity within your family system? I think I needed for someone just to ask me if I was okay. Because a lot of times I wasn't, but I didn't feel like I had the space or voice or the ability to articulate that. So I think I just wish more people would ask me if I was okay. Like, yes, I'm in my room.

You know, I appeared to be okay. No one is asking me. So how do you know? And my mom's husband at the time, he did ask me. I was in middle school and was being bullied. And I was literally like in my closet crying. And I had been in there for hours, just sobbing. And he did come in there and was like, what is going on? And I think now that I'm thinking about that, like that was...

Probably one of the only times somebody stopped and was like paid attention that something wasn't right with me. Yeah. And it wasn't on purpose. It just was a lot of stuff going on at that time. I had a blended family, so there was five of us.

um and we were all stair steps four girls one boy so it was a lot going on I feel like the noisiest person or people got the most attention and I just wasn't that person so I think just to kind of check in with her and um quality time I think would probably be good with just you and her yeah

That's helpful. I'm going to write that down. I wonder if I ask adult Sylvia those three powerful words that she did not hear as a middle child, what her answer will be. So I'm going to ask it. Sylvia, are you okay? I'm okay today. I live with anxiety. So when I'm really overwhelmed, I have anxiety attacks.

And so yesterday I was overwhelmed and it just came out of nowhere. But I've learned to use my tools, right? Like I think therapists and helper professionals always tell other people to use the tools and then we don't use them. So I'm just laying there. And when I get in that space, I kind of just scroll and I just bounce back and forth from Instagram to Twitter. And I look up and I have been laying there for like two hours. And I'm like, okay.

You need to get up, you know, pull yourself out. My biggest, the things I do usually when I'm in that space is pray, journal, speak out loud, whatever it is that I'm feeling. And then depending on the time of the day, take a shower and do my nighttime routine. And then I'm usually able to come out of it.

So it's just kind of reminding myself to take better care of myself. Like your body is responding to something. So let's figure it out. What is the difference between speaking out loud, what you're feeling and thinking it in your head? Speaking out loud removes it from your body, like gives it a voice. I think a lot of times most of us have an ongoing dialogue in our head. And for me personally,

it just manifests in a way that is like tension. So I can literally feel it in my chest. So I feel like I need to get it out. So speaking it helps with that. If I'm not able to speak it, I'll journal. I did both yesterday. So that was helpful. Because again, because I didn't feel like I had the room to speak.

articulate how I was feeling. And I don't think it's because I didn't have the room. I just didn't want to be a burden, if that makes sense. For sure. I get it. So I still am kind of in that space. Like, I don't tell people what's wrong with me. One of my exes, he came up with this thing. He was like, listen, I'm only going to ask you how

How you're if you're OK, three times and then we're just going to move on because I know you're not OK. But I also know that you struggle with like telling people that you're not OK. Yeah. So that's still something I'm working on. I'm working on telling people.

when I'm not okay and also asking for help when I need it. I wonder how much of learning to communicate how you feel has to do with having space and having someone to talk to versus someone asking you the questions that make you connect the dots. Because I think as children,

You need help connecting the dots. I don't know that you can just freely say, I'm angry. And in some of our households, you can't just say, I'm angry, I'm mad. There's no space for that. And so you end up internalizing all of these emotions. And unless you do the active work of really allowing it to come out of your body, then you learn to internalize emotions. But I'm wondering, do we need...

safer spaces or do we need help communicating within ourselves so that it can come out in a way that others can deal with? I think the answer is both. Cause I didn't, as a therapist, I didn't have, I wasn't in therapy for years. Like the first time I saw a therapist was in 2019. And that was one of the first things she said to me. It's like, you're internalizing everything, right?

We have to give it voice. Like we have to find a way for you to be able to articulate how you're feeling, articulate your needs, articulate your wants because you deserve to. So I feel like that's a moment. I feel like we got to rest on that for a minute. Like you deserve to, because I don't know why that just stood out to me, but I think that a lot of times we,

We feel like we don't want to be a burden. We feel like we don't want to be an inconvenience. We don't want to come off as weak. We don't know if other people will receive it, but it's powerful to think that you deserve to express your emotions. You have earned the right as a human being to not have a world or a whirlwind within yourself. You got to be willing to release that. And that feels like,

I don't know. That feels like what Oprah would call an aha moment. That feels like an epiphany. It definitely was for me. And I think in therapy, I learned that I was very codependent. And you hear codependency a lot when you're talking about addiction. But a lot of us are codependent just within our relationships. Yeah. So...

Me, my mom and my sister are very close. But I found out in therapy that I was making a lot of my decisions and holding a lot of stuff in because of the way it would make them feel. So I'm not right now. It's getting thick in here because somebody is. Oh, hold on. Keep telling. Keep talking. But then I got questions. OK, so I'm not going to say this.

I'm not going to tell you that this hurt my feelings because I know it's going to make you feel a way. I'm not going to tell you that I need something because I already know that you might not have the financial means to help me. So I don't want to be a burden, but that's not healthy because it puts you in a position to always be catering to everybody else's needs but yours. Hmm.

And that's the whole podcast right there. I think we're done here. That right there, man, it is why we don't have relationships that can really withstand the test of time. It's why we withdraw. It's why we remove ourselves is we don't think the other person can handle the weight of who we are. This idea of I don't want to be a burden means that I...

that I don't want the fullness of who I am to rest on you because you're denying yourself, but it's still a part of who you are. And to trust that whoever is called to your life has already been empowered with the strength to help carry you for that season of your life, for that moment of your life is a beautiful thing. But we have been conditioned to believe that our healthy wants, our healthy needs, our healthy desires,

need to communicate could be a burden to someone else. And in an effort to make ourselves small, we end up making ourselves depressed and sad and alone. And it doesn't have to be that way. How did your shift in showing up for yourself, regardless of maybe how your family felt, change the dynamic of your family? I'm going to try to say this without crying.

This has been the loneliest year of my life because I've had to set boundaries with my family. And when I'm talking about clothes, like me and my sister and I are similar in age, the age gap with you and your sister. Okay. So I'm 34 and she's 33. And that is like, we're best friends and we have a similar relationship with our mother. Yeah.

I would like spend the weekends at their, at her house. She's married. And my mom also lives with her, but it's like, once I started setting boundaries, I could feel the tension. Cause I'm a feeler. So even if you don't tell me something, like I can feel that something's off. So I had to, people were not, were not respecting my boundaries. So I had to put space, which I,

kind of left me by myself. So this has been a very transformative year, but it's also been a very lonely year.

year. What did you get in exchange for the codependency? Right. Cause if you stop being codependent, there is something that's on the other side of that. And maybe there is a loneliness. Maybe there is this season where you aren't as connected, but there's also something else that keeps you on this side of the boundary. Otherwise you tear the boundary down. Um, yeah,

I learned to give this, that it's okay to give disagreements space to breathe. Like you don't, you don't have to,

Come to a resolve, because I think a lot of our arguments that we have is trying to figure out who's right and wrong. And sometimes it's not even about that. Like you have your perspective and I have my perspective and the truth is somewhere in that. But I've I've been able to sit with the disagreements that I've had with my siblings because I have time to do that. And also by me just giving it room to breathe, my mom and my

One of my siblings, my sister, has come back and told me, you know what? You were right. You were right about that. I shouldn't have dismissed you in that way. I was wrong. Now, it took a few months, but I feel like it's been helpful. Like I don't because I have this thing where I really do feel like I am right now.

I used to say 98% of the time, but I'll give it a little nine. Well, I used to say 98% of the time now closer to 90. Like I feel like I'm right. 90% of the time, but it really doesn't matter if there is no understanding. So I'm sitting over here, right. But what is it? I'm not talking to my sister. So who, who's winning? Yeah. So it has, it's deep in my understanding. Um,

It's strengthening my prayer life because a lot of times you're going to have disagreements and you are not going to come to a resolve. And I have just started praying about it. And I think God has become the mediator for me.

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Man, that's I feel like what you're saying is in exchange for codependency, you have experienced individuality.

And if we spend our whole lives from the times we're in our family systems to into relationships and friendships, codependent with someone, then we never discover who we are independent of another being. And that individuality does mean there may be seasons where you have loneliness, but in that loneliness, you're able to further develop into who you are outside of other people's opinions.

What do you think is the greatest lesson that you've learned about yourself in this season? There's been so many lessons. I'm trying to find one. You can give me more than one. I've learned that I can do hard things. I've learned that material things really don't matter because I had to make a lot of changes in my budget. I've learned that it's okay to ask for help.

It's really challenging, but it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. Full transparency, when I wrote in in October, I was living in a hotel. Wow. Because I hadn't paid my rent, I was able to apply for the state benefits they had for COVID. But once that ran out, that was it. And I didn't have...

I don't I didn't have pay stubs because I wasn't working a full time job. So it's like, how am I going to get somebody give me an apartment? Right. And again, don't want to be a burden to my sister and her family. Can't go there. Can't go to my dad's house. And I was living in a hotel for two weeks. And I think.

I listened to the episode and I think her name is Gia. Oh yeah. And she was talking about how she was at the Met Gala, but yeah, she was like staying with her friend. I'm like, so what makes you better or less able to ask for help than she is? Like, cause I always feel like people think I have it all together. Um,

But since you're in a hotel, ask for help. So I eventually one of my friends, which is actually my pastor's daughter, was like, you can just come stay with me until you figure it out. So I've been here living with her since November. So I think the biggest the biggest transformation was.

has been learning to ask for help and letting people know and being okay with the fact that I'm not okay. Yeah, because there's asking for help and then there's receiving help.

And I feel like I can receive help for like small things. You know what I mean? Like, can you grab this grocery for me? Cause it feels like a temporary project, but it is even more challenging when the help that I need doesn't necessarily have an expiration date. And I found myself in that, in that man, I have found myself in that position so many times where it's like, I need help. And I don't know when I'm not going to need help and receiving that help.

It's humbling and it's hard to receive it without also putting yourself down at the same time and allowing yourself to be human in the process and to say, it's okay for me to need help and it's okay for me to receive it. And it doesn't make me less than, do you feel like that's something you've had to navigate to? Yes. And still navigating it. So when I stepped away from my full-time job,

I had purchased the car, but I wrecked it like within a month. So I haven't had my own car since 2020. So I was driving my mom's car, which was hard because it's like, this is your car, right?

I don't know when I'll have one. And she's just like, it doesn't matter. Like I rather my car be with you so that I know my child is safe. Yeah. Um, but it was still hard. Like I felt, still felt like I was depriving her of something. Um, the car needed work. Um,

And my mom was like, ask your dad. Now, this is going to sound crazy, but because of the relationship with my dad, I used to tell people like I literally rather strip than ask my dad for money. Like literally. So, I mean, he paid for a few things, but I still felt guilty. Like my mom had to call and ask him because that's one person that I still do not know.

Or feel comfortable with asking for help. So this has been my ongoing journey and challenge for 2022. Is there something that he could say that would release your heart to allow him to show up for you in that way? Is there something that you need to hear? Is there something you need to see? I need to see...

the willingness for him to, cause he has six children. He has two sets three with my mom and three with his, um, my younger sisters, my younger siblings, mother. Um, I would like to see him have the same willingness to help us that he helps that he has to help them. Like they don't have to ask for anything. And, um, that's hurtful. And that's been our whole life. Um,

like to watch it's not like it's one thing to have a dad that just isn't capable and isn't doing anything for any of his children but to watch him be able to do it for three and just completely dismiss the other three um I wanted to say at first that I want an apology but I really don't feel like I need that because I've already forgiven him for it but I think I want to see the willingness for him I feel like

I'm the child. Can you call and ask me if I'm okay? Like, can you call me and ask me what I need? That's not our dynamic. It doesn't happen. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that that's been your experience. A part of me wonders if there's any value in you telling him that you need that, like,

even though you shouldn't have to, I wonder if there would be any release and breakthrough through you saying it. I don't know. What do you think? It probably would. I just, I'm not there yet. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. It takes as much time as it takes, especially when you feel like you have to tell someone what should come natural to them.

You know, it's not on the same scale, but I feel like in marriage I experienced that where I have an expectation for my husband because like maybe you've seen my day or maybe he has an expectation for me, but it's uncommunicated expectations. And I don't know, I think a part sometimes because...

I've even seen this with my parents, I think, because there's this underlying feeling of like Sarah will get it done. Sarah will figure it out. Sarah is going to be OK that nobody is like, OK, well, let me pitch in and help or let me help her figure it out unless I ask for it. Like I can remember being in college and I was waitressing at the strip club like I.

had my son. I was working a full-time job and then waitressing at night. And I was living with my boyfriend at the time. And my parents would pay for like my sister to get her hair done. And I would be like, hello.

Hello, I ain't drowning. Hello, there's water in my lungs. But I wouldn't say anything. I would just expect for them to see the splashing water over there. And, you know, and then they're like, well, why didn't you say anything? And it's like, I don't think I should have had to. But it's hard. It's really hard when you have to say the things that you shouldn't have to say in order to get what you need. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, to all of that. I will say that my mom is like a super mom. I think, and it makes me feel bad in a way because I think she overcompensates because of my dad's lack. So that makes me sad, but it's nothing my mom wouldn't do for me. I drove her car until I couldn't drive it anymore because the transmission just went out. So, yeah.

I need a desk. So I did take a part time job, but it works perfectly with my schedule. So I see clients on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then I do assessments for an agency here in Detroit. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And I just started that. I didn't know it was going to be a work from home job, which thank you, God. Hallelujah. But I need a desk. Right. Because I have monitors.

And I'm figuring out like, how am I going to pay for this desk? Because I needed a fairly decent one so I don't have to replace it in the next 30 days. And she was like, just send me the desk that you want. And I'm like, why would I do that? I'm going to pay for it. And she was like, just let your mom be your mom. So, but I think a part of that with her is...

I feel sad that she feels like she has to do everything. And as a mom, I'm not a mother, but I would assume that she literally would do anything that she needs to do for her children. But like not in this eye rolling. This is so heavy. You do it from a place of love.

of real joy and love because you want to see them win. You want to see them be okay. And it's hard. I see it now that I have my own kids. Like I see it so much differently than I saw it when I was on the receiving end.

But your mom wants to see you win and she wants to do whatever it takes to help you get there because you winning is her winning. You know what I mean? Like, it's not just you. Like, you are a part of her legacy and a part of her seed.

And so when you take root and produce fruit, she lives on in the earth and anything she can do to help cultivate your soil and to help your soul, she's going to do because she wants to give you every shot. And I don't think that she's overcompensating. I think she would show up with that strength regardless. And I think,

that you would just happen to have a dad who was showing up too. But it's not like one parent does less because there's someone else there. Everyone brings the fullness of who they are. So that's the mom you were going to get regardless of the dad you had.

That's true. Thank you for that. Yeah. You're a baby. I get that. My mother, honey, I got my tonsils taken out and my mother rolled up on my house. Like I was five years old. Like I was a toddler. And I was like, I mean, she was put a moxicillin syrup. Like she was shooting the syringe in my mouth. I'm like, nothing happened to my hands. Nothing happened to my hands. But still, I'm like, I can't.

I can put the medicine in my own mouth. But there's something about this opportunity to still show you while she's with you that I got you. You know, and as long as she's in this earth, she's going to hold you down like that. Your mother sounds like she's good stuff. Yeah. She actually went to the grocery store last night and she said, you need anything?

And I gave her like two things. Do you think she came back with those two things? Of course not. All your all your kiddie snacks. How many Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch? All the things. Graham crackers, Teddy Grahams. You used to love these Teddy Grahams. A whole rotisserie chicken. I'm like, damn, I didn't. Thank you. But I didn't ask for this. Yeah. My prayers for you was going to be that you

Receive the love that is flowing your way from your pastor's daughter to your mother that you would not be.

so hard on yourself, thinking that you need to stand up on your own, that you missed the opportunity to see that God is sending you angels to carry you through a tough season and that you deserve to breathe and catch your breath and reset and regroup and to believe that you won't be behind in the process. That's my prayer for you in this season. I appreciate it. And I received that.

One thing that's important to me is genuinely check in with those that I love. So, how are you today? Really? Take a minute to think about it. If you're feeling overextended, tired, annoyed, or just meh, it's time to connect with your feelings by starting your mental health journey with Headspace. We all say fine when we don't mean it. Fine isn't really an emotion though, girl, is it?

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Okay.

I am 27 years old and my life is not the way I want it to be. The transition from childhood to adulthood is surreal and scary. I have invited Christ into my life, but wonder if I need to do more. I want to get to the next level. When did you make the decision to begin your healing process? Bottom line, I want to grow, but get in my own way. What can I do to stop getting in my own way?

Okay. So been there. Personally, I'm going to answer it in three different ways. So personally, I'm

Give yourself more grace like you're 27. We have this thing where we just feel like we are old, like by 30. And that's not the case. I personally believe the first like life crisis happens between 27 to like 32 because you do have this this.

expectation or at least I did of things that I should have accomplished by 30 and it's just not real all the time. So yeah, personally, I would say give yourself grace. Make a list of all the things you've already accomplished and celebrate that. And that will help you and get you in the position to celebrate yourself more. Because I'm pretty sure there are things that they have done already.

leading up to 27, even if they haven't done everything that they wanted to do. Um, spiritually, I would say get connected with women's ministry, young adult ministry, um, any ministry, honestly at church. Um, because that's where I did a lot of my, uh, growing and, um,

It was it was a safe space. I was able to have conversations with people that understood where I was and spiritually could support me through that. So that, yeah, I would say get connected with community, even if it's not in the church, like get get get get a solid group of people that.

I'm going to lie to you because I think at that age, we have a lot of people around us that don't always tell us the truth. Yeah. So, yeah, I say I would say get a close group of people that can help you be accountable to your growth and your journey. Professionally, I would say go to therapy. Therapy is great. Yeah.

And if you don't want to go the therapy route, traditional therapy route, life coaches are great, too. You just need somebody that is skilled at helping you put the pieces together. Like I always tell my clients, I am not here to fix anything. I don't have a magic wand. I'm just here to partner with you on your journey. That's it.

And this is a safe space for you to be able to do that. So yeah, that would be my advice.

And that's excellent advice. And at the risk of sounding like a clown because I'm following up after this professional opinion, I just want to add one sprinkle of something. Whenever we want to do an overhaul of our life, we want everything to change at one time, not recognizing that evolving is a gradual process. So if you're going to change your life, let's start with one thing.

What's one area of your life where you want to experience change? And then what is the system that will support that change? It's not enough to want it. What are you going to move in your life in order to make room for that change to happen? I think it's James Clear who says, we don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our system, something like that.

But basically, you can have a goal all you want to, but your life isn't going to change because of the goal. It's going to change because of the system you put in place. So start little by little. I want to wake up earlier because it's going to give me more time to study. I want to change the way that I eat. I want to change my thoughts. Let's attack these thoughts. Let's attack these rhythms one by one by one until we experience the goal that is within reach, but not aligned with the system we have in place. That's my two cents. Yeah.

I love that. And also, so I don't remember when I did it, but I, instead of doing like New Year's resolutions, I have eight life goals now. And how I check in with myself and keep myself accountable in regards to the things that I'm doing, I...

set my smaller goals based on whatever those eight goals are that I, this is what I want for my life. So the things that I'm working on very small, large, whatever I check in and keep myself accountable by always going back to that list. Um, cause sometimes a lot of the stuff that are goals for us, um,

I don't know if there always are goals, if that makes sense. Like, I think just in my experience, you know, you were supposed to graduate high school, go to college, work a full time job nine to five until you retire. And that's what I was going to do. But.

That's I have more to do than that. So I had to shift and I had to do and set goals that worked for my life and God's will for my life. Yeah.

That's so good. There's a divine word connected to who you are and it's not recycled and it's not something that someone else has spoken over to you, over you. And the greatest gift we can give ourselves each day is to wake up and say, how do I step further into that word that was spoken over to me? And it sounds like that's what you're doing, Sylvia. And I'm grateful that you allowed us access to your journey. Thank you for sharing your life with us today.

Thank you for having me. Did you enjoy yourself? How was it? I loved it. Good. You were phenomenal. You're going to help so many people. Thank you. Okay. You take care. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Sylvia, sis, thanks for co-hosting with me today. You brought that fire. I feel better just being in your presence. I know the delegation will grow because of the gems you shared. And for that, I am so grateful. Thank you for sharing your story and your life. I love

that I get to meet you all in a more personal way on this podcast. It's like one of my favorite things to do. I want to continue to meet you. I want to hear your stories. I want to know how you're growing, how you're evolving. Come co-host with the kid. Email a one to two minute video to podcast at woman evolve dot com and let us know what makes you a great co-host and what can the delegation learn from you?

All right. I know some of you are like, sis, it'll never be me. But what you can help me with is my life. That's all right. I can handle that. Send me your advice question. Same email address podcast at woman evolve dot com. We've got your back. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftop.

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Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.