Women in Power w/ J. Bolin & Cyndi B.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode. I'm pretty sure this is a promo. You know what it is. We in this piece. Trap nerds, trap nerds. Real n****s like you never heard.

We're giving you reliable gaming news with the best movie and TV reviews from a Blur perspective. All things inside and out of Blur culture. Listen to the Trap Nurse Podcast on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Prospective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Prospective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all type of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Prospective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple

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Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for an even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.

stories with Unpacking the Toolbox. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Someone told me that I need to chill out on the God content and I was posting too much God content and that really did bother me. I remember puking, thinking I just turned down something and I felt like I let down everybody in the industry.

Y'all need to rescue me from having to do my mother's hair and her saying Al 24-7. The 14-year-old is hungry and she slammed the door in the 8-year-old's face and when we get out of here, I'ma not be gentle parenting. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of

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My Kind of Gals. And what I love the most about Women's History Month is that we learn a lot about unsung heroes, but we also have a moment to reflect on the women who have made history in our lives. You know, it's so funny. I actually posted a video on TikTok of me sitting down. Well, actually, I wasn't sitting down. My mother was sitting down and I was doing her hair and I was treating her the way she treated me when I used to get my hair done. I don't even know. I'm going to see if we can play the clip.

from the video. I hope this sounds not terrible. Now, didn't I ask you to be still? I asked you to sit down if you was comfortable doing all that moving. Come on now. I'm just leaving how it is. Turn around so you can be comfortable now. Is it supposed to look... Keep your head still.

Be stiff. How about that moving? Okay. Then I ask you to keep your head still. I'm at the salon. I don't have to. Alright, I'm going to leave it like this. Alright, I'm going to leave it like this. This is how you used to do me. This is how I'm not good. This is how old Mama used to comb my hair. That's how you used to comb my hair. Put this on. Why are you filming this? Because. One thing about them fables. Oh. Oh.

I have probably watched that video about

18,000 times. Don't ask me why, but I think it has something to do with me reliving my childhood, but with the roles being reversed. What does this have to do with Women's History Month? There is something powerful about us living out what we have seen.

demonstrated for us. And when we have representation, it's powerful. And when we don't, we have to feel our way around or, you know, search our way around to find someone who is doing something historical for us.

I bet that if you look throughout all of your life and you think about the women who you have encountered, the women who stand out in your mind didn't just stand out in your mind because of them being normal. They stood out in your mind because they did something that left an impact on your life. That impact made you into the person you are today, whether it was a teacher, a parent, a friend, an aunt, a cousin, some lady from church, your grandmother.

They are a part of the fabric of who you are. And so for Women's History Month, I am celebrating all of the women who go the extra mile to say, you know what, I am going to show up in the fullness of who I am and any chance that I have.

to impact another person, I will. We're going to spend this episode talking about what it means to be a woman in power, what it means to be a woman who is making history. I believe that this is going to be encouraging for you no matter where you are on your journey. When we start talking about women who have been historical and who've had great impact and influence and talking about power, it can honestly be pretty intimidating. Why? Because

Because we often see our area for growth, we often compare ourselves or we're so busy trying to live up to other people's expectations that we miss out on an opportunity to really understand what does power look like for me? What do I want to do with the time, the gifts and talents that God has given me? And how do I...

really ladies at the feet of Jesus in such a way that he tells me what to do with this hand that I've been dealt. Isn't that what we're all trying to figure out is like, what do I do with this hand that has been dealt? And sometimes the best way to do that is to shuffle the deck.

I've got a mind your business question and that's exactly what she has done. She is shuffling the deck and she's got a different set of cards. And the only reason why she was able to do this is because she created some boundaries. Let's listen in to her question. Hi, my name is Jamice. I'm a recovering people pleaser. Um,

My question is, what kind of advice would you give for someone that's recovering from people pleasing? Like growing up, just really having a hard time with saying no to people and then standing your ground. Or my thing is I always get attacked with the after effect, like feeling bad for saying no or, you know,

feeling bad for whatever the label they put me on like I'm selfish or whatever for saying no like how could I push past that and move on

who cannot relate to the guilt of being a people pleaser. In 2021, we had the Woman Evolve Conference. We had Nedrick Lover-Tawwab there, and she took a Q&A from the audience, and someone asked her a very similar question like, okay, I'm a recovering people pleaser. I'm starting to set boundaries, and now I am wondering why.

What do I do with the guilt that I feel afterwards? And then the consequences of creating boundaries. And the person basically said, how do I not feel guilty? And Nedrick Glover-Tawab, she's got one of those names where you got to say the whole name. I hope that my name is like that. Like, I hope that you have to say Sarah Jakes Roberts, like say the whole thing.

But anyways, she basically said that guilt is an emotion and it will pass. It is unrealistic. And I think we do ourselves a huge disservice when we think to ourselves, I want to set boundaries. I don't want to be a people pleaser. I still want people to be happy with the boundaries that I set and to applaud when I make these changes, because that means that they'll still be pleased with me making the decision that ultimately matters.

made me not want to be a people pleaser in the first place. It makes sense in my head. It's girl math. You know what I mean? But at the end of the day, I think it is unrealistic to expect the very people who benefit from our people pleasing tendencies to also be the people who applaud us when we make boundaries. Only a few people have the...

maturity to be able to say, hey, thank you so much for creating a boundary that preserved yourself. I'm so proud of you for doing that. And I will adjust accordingly. I will say, though, my friend Courtney and I kind of had have that going. But it's because we both have spent so much time in therapy that we can see when the other person is at a boundary. And as much as it may mean that, you know, we're not getting something that we wanted or needed from the other person. We're like, I'm so proud of you for setting boundaries. Look at you out here, not people pleasing.

I struggle with the concept of people pleasing, though. I think it is because when I was a teenager...

I felt like I disappointed so many people when I got pregnant that I was like, I'm not going to live to please anyone anymore because I've already disappointed so many people. But I do believe that I internalize a people pleasing mentality in me wanting to perform well, to reclaim a sense of acceptance, and then also feeling like I had no more space to make any more mistakes anymore.

And so I felt like I needed to please anyone who I encountered to make sure they wouldn't leave me, wouldn't reject me, wouldn't abandon me. And as a result, I suffered a lot until I got to a place where I was like, listen, I'm not going to be able to please anyone. And I need to make some tough decisions that are going to shake up my life again. And in the process of doing that, what I learned is I can withstand the shaking that comes with me rebuilding my life. Maybe that's something that someone needs to hear who's listening to this right now.

I told you before this started that there was a woman who sent in a question who was trying to figure out what to do with the hand that she's been dealt because she has reshuffled the deck.

When you reshuffle the deck, only you get to choose whether or not you're going to shake things up in your life. And you need to know that you can handle the shaking that comes with reshuffling the deck. But it is your choice. And a lot of us don't make that choice because we do not want to deal with the shaking, deal with the rejection, deal with the guilt trips.

We tell ourselves that it would be so much easier if I just continued to do what makes everyone else happy, even if it means that I suffer. There's, you know, I don't know how large of the population has this philosophy because there are some people who are like, listen, I'm gonna look out for myself. I'm gonna take care of myself because if I don't know, no one else will. And to you, I say, where's your podcast? Because we want to listen to it. The rest of us are out here on this awkward journey of,

of choosing to take up space and doing it in a way that honors our truth and hopefully preserves the relationships that we value.

Part of the reason why people pleasing is honestly so addicting is because we do get a sense of belonging. We have a sense of identity. We need that sense of belonging and that sense of identity and that approval. And it feels good when you've been rejected. It feels good when you're afraid to fail to say that they're for someone to be on the other end saying you're doing a good job at this.

even if it means you're betraying yourself. And so to choose to no longer people please is to choose to be faithful to yourself. Obviously, we're going to be talking about power all this month. And I cannot tell you how excited I am about my book, Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and Become a Force.

This book is so important to me because I started realizing a few years ago that we are inundated with the concept of pursuing power. And so many people who we admire, who have great influence, we say, hey, those people are powerful.

We're looking at their outward work, saying that they're powerful, not recognizing that before you can make a power move that people can see, you have to allow power to move inside of you. And in order for power to move inside of you, you have to be willing to examine where am I experiencing a power loss? And a lot of us lose our power in people pleasing. Many of us lose our power in power.

expectations of our community, our culture. Where have you lost your power? Was it shame? Was it an experience you had? If you can begin to identify where you lost your power, then we can reclaim that power from that scenario. So Power Moves is all about recognizing that, hey, what happened to you had power.

We do not do ourselves any favors by pretending that the divorce didn't have power, that the betrayal didn't have power. Like you can be out here gassing yourself like it don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter. But if you changed what you believe, you change what you thought is possible. You changed how you see yourself. That thing had power. I oh gosh, I wish I had my Bible on me.

I'm recording this in my car. It's a long story. We're at a rental house and all the kids are here and there's a lot of noise in the house. So I got in the car with this microphone. If I had my... Oh, I have my... But the service is terrible. Um...

Okay, so I will tell you, though, there's a scripture. Y'all look it up. Read your whole Bible. You'll find it. But there is a scripture that talks about when Jesus gave the disciples authority and power. And, you know, you've probably seen that. I'm going to tread over serpents to heal the sick.

cleanse the lepers. He lists all of these things and then he goes to have an over all of the power of the enemy. If you grew up in church, maybe that's not unfamiliar for you. But what's so intriguing to me is power. That word power is a Greek word that means dunamis. And we see it in Acts when he gives the disciples power. And that same dunamis is the power that is used when he talks about the power of the enemy. When you try to act like the enemy didn't have any power, you're

Like, unless you put Jesus power on top of it, unless you've healed, unless you've been restored, unless you've been redeemed, like that thing took a bite out your tail. You know what I mean? Like, sorry to break it to you, but it's okay to admit that like, hey, I need the power of Jesus.

Over this area of my life so that I can be healed, so that I can be restored. Because if I don't have that, then that means the power of the enemy is going to run rampant in my life, in my decision making, in my purpose, in my destiny, in my relationships. And so Power Moves is all about reclaiming the power that has been stripped away from us and using the power of

of God to really trump that power. So power moves. You get to tell that thing. You don't have power anymore. Pack up your bags. We out of here is an eviction notice around here. You no longer have power. And then I'll walk you through literally once power moves in you, then power can move through you. And when power moves through you, it that's when you're shuffling the deck. That's when you're saying I'm going to show up differently.

And because I'm gonna show up differently, it's gonna change my relationships. And I'm not like a burn every bridge kind of girl.

although some of them bridges do need a gasoline can and a lighter and uh yeah a lighter to them uh i also recognize listen i'm married i got six kids i have four siblings i have two parents i have an incredible mother-in-law i have a lot of relationships and if i'm no longer going to be a people pleaser these people are going to be impacted by me changing who i am and i still i rock

with them. You know what I mean? Like I do rock with them. And so how do you introduce your power into these new relationships? I'll walk you through that. And then we talk about becoming a force. I know you all didn't ask for a summary of the book, but the point is this. I believe that women have a greater tendency to people please because we have been awarded. We have been celebrated for people pleasing when we live up to the body's

stereotypes when we live up to you know probably in the 50s it was like being a 50s housewife being barefoot and pregnant in the 70s maybe being a free sex spirit like when we live up to these different tropes men we are considered someone who can embody power some of the celebrities who we see as powerful today are you know it's questionable are they powerful are they not like can they sleep in

night are they having relationship issues like just because you're powerful doesn't mean that your soul has power in it and so if we're going to be powerful in the earth if we are going to be women who are historical in the impact that we leave on others we have to be willing to let power move in us evolve

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Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details. Hi, I'm Katie Lowe's. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And now we're back with another season of our podcast, Unpacking the Toolbox, where Guillermo and I will be rewatching the show. To officially unpack season three of Scandal. Unpredictable. You don't see it coming. It's a wild, wild ride. The twists and turns in season three. Mesmerizing. But

Also, we get to hang out with all of our old scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. So many people. Even more shocking assassinations from Papa and Mama Pope. And yes, Katie and I's famous teeth pulling scene that kicks off a romance. And it was peak TV. This is new scandal.

content for your eyes, for your ears, for your hearts, for your minds. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between.

This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Now, I asked two of my friends who I believe work with some of the most incredible people on the planet to join me on this podcast because they take pictures of women. And in those pictures, myself included, you know, we look powerful. We look amazing.

Maybe we look like we fit the bill. And yet they know because they're behind the scenes, you know, what does power really look like? What doesn't it look like? And so I wanted to talk a little bit about the illusion, the image of power,

versus having the real deal power. And so I invited them to have a conversation with me about what it means to be powerful, how it shows up in our world. And then they let me mind their business a little bit as well. So I can't wait to share this impactful conversation with you. I hope you love it as much as I do. By the way,

I was supposed to record this podcast, well, this interview with them. My husband had an unexpected trip. He was going to join me for this podcast. He had an unexpected trip. And so I tagged them in last minute. The only problem is they only had evening slots available. You know, I'm somebody's mama. Evening time is bedtime. You will not believe this.

the struggle I had trying to make this conversation flow seamlessly. Ella was definitely ready for bed. She'd had a long day at her play rehearsal. Mackenzie was hungry. So there's literally like so much stuff happening in this podcast, but we edited it down so that you didn't hear the 15 minutes of me trying to gentle hard parent. So if you notice that it feels a little like about halfway through it is and just pray for your strong friend.

Okay, guys, I have a question for you. Who is the most powerful woman you know who doesn't realize how powerful she actually is? I think my wife. I think my wife is very, very powerful. And I don't think that she knows how powerful that she is. I think that what I'm able to put...

and push and help other women with across the world is because of what she pours into me at home. And so it allows me to really, uh, you know, go out across the world and help other women out. And I don't think she knows it at home because she's so meek with it. Like she's so kind and so meek with it at home that I just don't think that she knows it, but hopefully she hears this.

Oh, we love Nicole. Do. Queen, Queen Nicole. It's so funny. I would say my mom too, honestly. Oh, go ahead. Live your life. No, I said I would say my mom too, honestly. She really is that girl. I don't think she realizes it. Tell us about her.

My mom? Oh my God. She's just that girl. She's great. I mean, what do you want to know? Like what she, like what her job is? Well, no, like what, like you've seen her, like what makes her that girl in your eyes?

Because she really be changing lives. I think seeing her from as a kid to now and how she really went and got it for us to change our world because we grew up very much...

you know, section eight food stamps. And she didn't want that for us no more. So like she went and, you know, got a degree after degree. Now she got her own nonprofit, but her nonprofit, like millions of dollars, you know what I'm saying? Like she's that girl. And I don't think she realized that she's that girl. I have an interesting question because you all both deal a lot with women and their images. And so I am curious to know, um,

what does it look like when a woman knows that she's powerful? It can be very dangerous sometimes. It can be dangerous sometimes because I think you can, I think with all things, you can either utilize it in its best way or you can abuse it. And I think that what I have noticed over the years, I think when I first got started in the fashion world and started working with ladies, what I would see is that what I was giving them

was vanity like i was pouring vanity into women and so it would make them feel so powerful and then you would these ladies were turning to like fashion beast and not like beastie mo not like what we talk about now but i mean like they will become mean girls

and it was at one point where I realized, I'm like, I think that I'm turning girls into mean girls because I'm giving them straight vanity. Like it's, it has nothing. It has no substance behind what I'm doing. And it's just, you know, it's just, it's, it's vain. Like we can't get around the word vain. And, um, I think that it can be abused at times, but I've also seen women that have utilized their power, you know, and, um,

Most of the times, like you just said earlier, I don't think a lot of women even... I don't know a woman that knows her power and speaks of her power. I don't think I've ever heard one say that she has power. I think that a woman who has power never really speaks of it. She just loves what she does and is just a part of who she is and she knows that she's called to something big.

bigger than her. I think that's the true definition of power to me, not necessarily knowing that you have power. I'm taking notes because I want to ask questions and not forget. But like...

I am curious about this because I think that most women want to feel confident. They want to feel powerful. But I think part of the reason that I don't even lean into this notion of like being that girl is because I feel like the moment you start drinking your own Kool-Aid, like you lose sight on what really matters. And so, you know what I mean? Like, cause then you're like, you see...

who you are instead of like who you can become. You know what I mean? I think there's something to be said about there always being a little bit of distance between like where you are and who you could become. So I, I honestly, I think it's the reason why I wrote the book, Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and Become a Force. Like as powerful as that title is, it

really is about like harnessing power in a way that doesn't alienate your people or like build up pride. Because I think there is this like fine balance. There is a fine balance. I think you and I can't think of the young lady's name that was on your podcast.

And y'all were talking about how when you get to a certain place of therapy, you weaponize it. And I think that certain women that end up knowing that they're that girl, are they get in these powerful positions or they just start to, they start tapping in on what they're capable of.

And they can sometimes weaponize it. And I think that the humility, like Cindy was right. Like you are like, you are that girl to us, but you're that girl to us because we, as long as I've ever known you, I've never heard you or seen you try to pull a power move. You know what I mean? Like I've never seen you try to pull a power move, like even behind the scenes, even with coming from childhood or coming from where you come from,

Like I always I've always seen you in such a humble state. Like I feel like you embody this this internal power because you tap into who, you know, God has called you to be like you're trying to be nobody else. Like I think Cindy always Cindy always says that she's never sees you in business mode.

And she's often wondering what you're like in business mode. I'm like, she's the same person that she is when she's talking to you as a friend or talking to you anytime. And I feel like... He'd be like, you don't play in business mode or whatever. What? What?

Wait a minute. You're not going to come in this friendship and just take, take, take. You have to be able to give something and receive something. You got to be able to take criticism. You got to be able to give her realness. There's a give. I feel like you're an all-around girl. That's my take on it. So I do think that you're the it girl, but I think you're it girl because we get a chance to see you in your own world and you cook, you clean,

You work out. Never smell an onion rings. You cry. You know, you cry. I've never seen her cry. I've never seen you cry. I mean on stage. I mean on church. She cries. She cries. She cries.

Well, as much as I have enjoyed as talking about me, Cindy, I would love to know, like, what has your confidence journey been like? What? Yeah, we want to know. Ask me. What is your... I have no idea. No, what has it been like for you, though? Because you have... Ask me. We have watched you... What you mean? ...grow, okay? Not even just over the years, but over the months, we've seen you grow exponentially.

Yeah. I mean, we've seen you grow since like, honestly, like a few weeks ago, things, things happen and like you literally, you challenge yourself to grow. Like that's, that takes confidence to do that. What made you change? Um, I don't know. I was tired of being the same. I don't know. I was just...

And I was going to say, how would you define who you were before? Oh, my God. Childish. I was a people pleaser. It was real bad. Real, real bad. I don't know. I think. I don't know. It was all bad. I think.

And I don't even know how to articulate who she was. You know what I'm saying? Well, how'd you know it was bad? Like what happened that made you feel like this is something I got to change? Friendships. People telling her the truth. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's another way to work on your confidence is to have people around you that will tell you the truth.

And you take it and you try to grow from it and you do something about it versus like just staying in the same, in the same place because somebody could have told you the truth a month ago and you could have, you know, retaliated against it. Like, no, that's not who I am. You got to accept me for who I am. You know what I mean? Right. But I think I've seen, I think we've seen you grow in your, in your confidence, even when you're in crowds. How do you take crowds now? Like when you're in a crowd of people and you're feeling fly, you're,

I still don't like crowds. I don't think I've changed with crowds. I still don't like crowds. I think that you and Sarah are just alike with that. I think that Sarah is not good in crowds either. So...

Jason is telling folks business. Why would you tell Woman Evolve with 40,000 of them that I don't like grass?

I'm going to keep it. I ain't going to edit it. But just know I am who I am because of you all. Because I was never out there trying to be in the crowd. We outside, I guess. That's hilarious. I think you got pushed into the crowd, you know, with your calling. And it requires you to be with the crowd. Even when you want to. You are a loner. If you can be at home and cook and

and clean and play with them kids all day long and play with PT all day long. That's all you would do, man. That's all you would do. How does it work for you getting out? What do you think you've grown with people?

Like internal relationships, external relationships and being in public. How do you feel like you've grown over the past? Like, how's your confidence? Because I know sometimes it's hard, but you can struggle in a room, not necessarily just because like, oh, I don't want to be here around people because I don't like people. But sometimes it's something that we deal with internally. And sometimes it's confidence. I walk in a room sometimes I get this big, which is why I don't like going into those rooms. How do you deal with that? Yeah. Yeah.

I definitely prefer to be behind the scenes. And I think that part of the reason why I have had to come out of my shell is because God's assignment on my life has put me in a position that requires, I think, more about what is required for his power to work through me versus what makes me comfortable. And by not being around crowds, it's not necessarily that I don't... I just don't like small talk.

Walking into spaces where it feels like status is important or like people, no matter where you are on the totem pole, because as a 14-year-old teen mom, I'd walk into some rooms and they're like, hey, you can sit in the corner. Nobody wants to hear from you. But now I walk in and I am whoever I am. And a lot of times people want to talk to me

who they think I am, but they don't really want to get to know me. And so I think I do the best when people like part of the reason why I do well with like woman evolved me increases because most of the time they come up to me and they like, girl, your wig and like, girl, what you said. And like that best friend in my head energy is good for me because it doesn't make me feel like I have to break through small talk. And so I do think that it speaks to how God will position you and environments that,

are uncomfortable, but they're not a drastic difference from what it will take for you to be the best version of yourself. Because if what I had to do meant I walked into rooms like cold all of the time and I had to like speak up and find myself and advocate for myself, I think that I would not be very successful at that. So I think God was like,

I am going to make you go into some rooms. You are going to be around people. You're going to be very exposed and very visible. But I'm going to make sure that you feel a sense of safety in the community that I orchestrate to be around you. And so I think, I mean, it just goes into the reality that God takes into account all of who you are and then still calls you out of who you are. But he doesn't do it in a way that like- That's so good.

It's like he doesn't do it in a way that requires you to be someone you're not. Like I can only be me. So when I'm speaking, when I'm in a room, I can only be myself. And sometimes that's nervous. Sometimes it's shy. And like you can hear me trembling in my voice when I first speak. But like I obey and then God's power shows up anyway. How do you differentiate which rooms are ones that God has called you to and you're just going to be exposed and uncomfortable versus the rooms that you're just flat out annoyed in?

Well, I mean, I know for sure that like I am called to whatever woman evolve is. So hold on. A child is that we're recording this at 7 p.m. at night, guys. It's a long story, but my children are home.

and the 14 year old is hungry and she slammed the door in the 8 year old's face and when we get out of here I'm going to not be gentle parenting that is hilarious can you tell me what's their mom's name the kids what's their mom's name Sarah have we not they belong to you they act like their mom

Oh, all right. Don't make me fight you in front of a live audience. Don't get fought. You know, Jay, I differentiate between the rooms that I'm called to be in versus the ones that I think are just, you know, another opportunity by really asking like, what purpose will be fulfilled by me walking into this space? And

Is it God's purpose or someone else's purpose? Because sometimes we'd be asking like, what's my purpose? And depending on who you ask, they will have an answer. Because some people are going to be like, your purpose is to be my yes ma'am. Your purpose is to make sure that I get everything I want. And so I recognize that anytime I walk into a room, I am fulfilling someone's purpose. And I have to qualify whether or not that purpose is God's purpose. And so there are some things that like I want to do, but I am not...

willing to step outside of God's purpose and even sometimes my comfort zone. So, you know, like I got invited to the Time 100 next gala and I really wanted to go. Okay. I really, I really wanted to go because, okay, let's talk. We're going to tie it all in together. Okay. So it was right before Woman Evolved and Woman Evolved was obviously bigger than it had ever been in the past. And it was like breaking records for stuff. And so I was having this like

oh my gosh, God, I can't believe that you would allow this 14 year old girl to experience this, that you would use me in this way. So that's kind of like my mindset leading up to it. Then I get this, like, you're being honored as time 100. Next thing I'm like, oh my gosh, again, there's like this another layer of it. Like, these are all the things that if you

felt like your power is in what you did, like would add like this shiny sticker to my name. And so I was mostly blown away by it. I get invited to the gala. I'm like, I want to go. I want like my 14 year old girl to fully live in this moment. I want her to experience it. But they told me that I couldn't bring a plus one, which means that I was going to fly to New York.

and go to a gala and be in a room by myself. And I have social anxiety. At least I'm used to my man being with me because he can kind of like navigate the room. And I just like did not want to go out of my way to be uncomfortable. They weren't, you know what I mean? Like I'm going to pay my own way. I don't invest in my discomfort. God, if you're going to call me out here-

I'll go if you send me. But I'm like, God, I'm not preaching a message. Like we literally talking about me getting dressed up to be somewhere in a room, maybe meeting some people who are absolutely amazing. But I'll never know because all I'm going to do is sit in a corner and be like, hang on.

I was one of the people. You know, but if I were called to preach somewhere like we've gone into women's prisons and they were like, hey, it can only be you. Like, I will overcome that in a heartbeat because that is more important to me. That is more important to me.

than just being in a room to rub shoulders. So I think I qualify it based off of like, who's going to get the purpose and the glory out of this. That was great. Like literally just figuring out, because I think that's something a lot of people battle with is knowing what rooms that they're called to and they're meant to stay in and you're meant to be uncomfortable. You know what I mean? Like, and God's doing something in that room. You just got to sit there and wait and not even know what that thing is, right?

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Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And now we're back with another season of our podcast, Unpacking the Toolbox, where Guillermo and I will be rewatching the show. To officially unpack season three of Scandal. Unpredictable. You don't see it coming. It's a wild, wild ride. The twists and turns in season three. Mesmerizing. But also, it's a wild, wild ride.

And yes, Katie and I's famous teeth-pulling scene that kicks off a romance. And it was peak TV. This is new scandal.

content for your eyes, for your ears, for your hearts, for your minds. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind the scenes. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words. Yeah.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

that feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Can we talk about turning down big opportunities though? Because there are some people who think that they will become powerful by like however many rooms I can get in, however many opportunities I need to take advantage of them. I don't want to miss my moment. So I'm going to go to everything. I'm going to look the part, even if I don't have the money. Cause like I am chasing power down and, uh,

I think when we do that, obviously there are a lot of room for error. There's a lot of room for error, but like, how do you qualify when opportunities are in front of you that look powerful, that could change your financial situation, that could change your status, or maybe you're working with someone. How do you qualify whether, or like, how have you maybe turned down opportunities that other people would like,

die for. Cindy, you want to go for this? How do you do that? Why? I have a story to tell. My God. I mean, I don't have a story, but I just be like, no, I just say no. And I don't care at all. Because I'm not that girl. I don't chase a bag like that. You know what I'm saying? I'm never pressed. It was never that serious to me. Never gave take everything. You know what I'm saying? I do like that about you. I think that in our friendship, I have seen that

You always say you and I are completely different because I'm always on the go. And I like, like you're always working. And that's not what I want to do. I don't want to always, I don't want to always work.

But there are things that, there are things that I, that I like that I work for. And I love that you were like, I want to be at a certain level when I'm there, I'm comfortable and I'm good. I haven't reached that level to know where I'm actually like comfortable at. So I had this one opportunity where I was like, I was working with, um, this crazy, uh,

amazing superstar. And everybody kept saying that it was so amazing, right? Like when you want to start as a stylist dream to work with this person. And so I had the opportunity to work with them. And when I was working with them, this was, um,

This was maybe three years ago. And I started doing some work and they wanted me to come in and do creative direction for their brand. And it would require me to move everything that I had just kind of gotten started and on the ground here in Dallas, which is my own office, my own team. And I just started to kind of cultivate things. And then they were like, we're attracted to what you have, but we don't want it in Dallas. We want you to uproot it and bring it to Los Angeles. Wow.

And I'm like, okay, that sounds pretty good. So let me try to get everybody involved that I possibly can from CPAs to attorneys to everybody to really figure out if I can really do it. So they say, we want you. I say, okay, cool. I'm coming. I'm going to come, but I want to make sure that the numbers are right.

The numbers were never right. And we went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to the point where I was just like, you know what? Forget it. I don't want to do it because if they can't pay me my worth, I don't want to be there. I turned it into a worth thing more than it was more than it was anything, because that would help me to turn it down easier because the person devalued my worth. So that was my way of making that excuse myself. And so later they came back and said, we're going to meet your number.

Well, now I got to put my big boy drawers on because it's like, okay, you're going to be my number. So that means now I have to really show up. Yo, I called one of my friends and I said, I don't know what to do. And I said, I have this opportunity coming up and I don't know if I should take it or not. Something just didn't feel right about taking it. Well, I had a dream.

And the dream was that I sat down and I sat down and I was sitting in a chair and there was a oven sitting in front of me. I was sitting on a lazy boy couch and there was an oven across the room in front of me and I was cooking chocolate chip cookies in the oven. Follow me. Okay. Don't judge. Follow me.

I'm a big, big bad. I'm literally on this couch and this lady passes by and she says, oh my God, I want some of your cookies that you're baking. And can I have one? And I said, yes, but it's going to take a minute before they're done. I sit on the couch and as I'm waiting, there was a vent above my head.

And I bent above my head. I could see a reflection behind me of a big snake that was forcing itself, shaking, trying to bite the top of my head. And I literally woke up from the dream saying,

And when I woke up from the dream, the revelation that I had the next day is that, well, the next day, I ended up turning the job down. I felt sick as a dog. And I said, this had, the dream had to have been about this. And one day, two days later, the entire world shut down. So the actual facility that they had that I was going to do creative direction over shut down and fired everybody. So I would have uprooted everything to move to Los Angeles,

thinking that this was going to be, and would have been stuck. And just would have been moving on my own, chasing the bag, chasing the opportunity and chasing the fame, honestly, because it's just cool to be known to be working in that particular position. And so my revelation was that that snake was the opportunity that was trying to take my head off. And in reality, the cookies that were baking was a product that I was able to build. And I had women that were patient enough to

that wanted what I had to offer that didn't require me to move at all. So that's the reason why I was sitting in the Lazy Boy and I was watching the cookies bake and it took time for me to grow. They were willing to grow with me. So that's my story of how I literally turned down the opportunity. I was sick as a dog. I literally, I remember puking, thinking I just turned down something and I felt like I let down everybody in the industry that was in my position, that wanted my position. Mm-hmm.

to say you're turning this down like why would you turn something down like that when everybody wants to be there and so that was my moment I turned it down I felt my most free since turning that position away and now not having to chase a bag I can say no to other things now comfortably wow you know I play dominoes and we have this like all money ain't good money it's very much so given that like all power ain't good power you know what we got to say Cindy

No, I think what's wild is the amount of people that tell me they want to be in my position. They want to do what I'm doing. They would love to have one person they work with. And I'm just like, why? Not why, but I don't think people realize they don't get what people think they get. You know what I'm saying? It's like...

You're chasing the wrong thing. It ain't never gave. I think we all get into it because of that though, because it looks, it looks like what it's not. It looks like something else. So when you're chasing a bag, I got into this on accident and I feel like God just elevated me on accident. Yeah, no, no, I'm so serious. And I think, I don't know. I was never attached to it like that.

I never wanted to be a celebrity. Nothing. I think my biggest thing right now is like trying to not lose that original, like lack of intention. Now that I have to be intentional, if that makes sense.

So like, I didn't get into, you know, I did not start woman evolve on purpose. I've never been the girl who was like one day I'm going to have a women's ministry. I've always been this like off to myself kind of girl. So when it became clear that like something was happening, it's very easy to have your purpose hijacked by other people's purposes. And.

And people underestimate that when God gives you a purpose, that you also have to do the work of protecting that purpose because it is easily hijacked and it gets hijacked by other people's opportunities. It gets hijacked by other people's motives and what you will accomplish.

allow or won't allow. And so I think my hardest task is making sure that like things remain pure, that I don't start taking ownership of something that I didn't even start where I'm like, I did this, I built this, I got this, or start like inviting people into an environment that is so...

when pure that it becomes, you know, pretend or performance because I started losing my vision on what it was supposed to be. Well, I hope that that conversation was helpful

As enjoyable, we get a lot of kiki-ing going on in our group message, so I hope we didn't annoy you too much. But I hope that you got some really good nuggets from the conversation. I am still marinating on this idea that the women who are the most powerful don't feel powerful at all. And the women who think they're powerful are not powerful, at least not in the way that they think they are. What is that? And how do we get to a place where...

We can really own who we are, but with humility. I want to say that I am really living in that space. I feel more confident in who I am than I have ever felt. And it doesn't feel prideful at all because I also feel so confident that I'm raggedy, broken, that I need Jesus. And that when Jesus and I partner, that amazing things happen and that I'm funny and I'm not

the sum results of my mistakes and that my accolades don't define me either. Like, I really feel like I'm finding this sweet spot of confidence that doesn't require me to stay locked into anyone's box.

And I believe that that is a direct result of just truly radically embracing authenticity. And when we radically embrace authenticity, we have no choice but to become powerful. You all have to pre-order my book, Power Moves. It's going to serve you so well. And I can't believe I'm saying that.

I was nervous about it. I wrote the book and then, you know how I'm preaching. I'm like, I don't know if this make any sense, but I'm gonna give it to you anyway. I got to read the book for the audio book just last week. I think it was. It was last week because I recorded the interview after doing the audio book and the kids were acting crazy. But anyway, um,

Reading through the book, it helped me to realize that there's some really good nuggets in here. And if just one or two of these resonate with women, it's going to really serve them in a season where they are becoming. So you guys download the book. I am going to continue to unpack what it means to be powerful.

How do we tap into it? How we embrace it? I'm going to continue to ask some people who I admire to join me as we dive into this discussion of becoming powerful. How do we do it? How do we shed the skin of our past? How do we embrace the possibilities of our present? How do we trust that our destiny is not going anywhere without us? What's up, Pastor Phil? Pastor Phil Muncy says that all the time. If you are at one, you probably have heard it a million times. That is what I'm looking forward to unpacking. And I cannot wait.

And rescue, we haven't tried in a couple weeks. Y'all need to rescue my mother.

No, y'all need to rescue me from having to do my mother's hair and her saying out 24 seven. Y'all need to rest. Y'all need to rescue gentle parenting again or hard parenting or something, because at the end of the day, I parented her like she parented me when she was combing my hair and she didn't enjoy it. Maybe she wants to gentle parent after all. Maybe her ways are changing. I don't know, y'all.

I'm going to ask the podcast team. I'm going to be honest. I am recording this at a rental in the car. We may actually have some rescue eaves, but I'm sitting in the car with very limited access to Wi-Fi just so that I can get you this podcast. So we will see. All right. I love you guys. I will see you next week. It's going to be so much more professional. It's going to be amazing. You're going to be blown away. It's going to be fantastic. It's going to be powerful. It's going to be beautiful. God, Holy Spirit, Jesus.

When I say, Father, we need you, Jesus, please walk with us and Holy Spirit fill us. I mean that from the bottom of my soul. Each and every day comes with a new set of circumstances and situations. And sometimes we feel powerful and sometimes we feel so weak that it doesn't feel like power is available to us at all. But then at the very mention of your name,

demons tremble. So we say Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, over her mind, Jesus, over her heart, Jesus, over her finances, Jesus, over her health, Jesus, over her children, Jesus, over her grief, Jesus, we need you. We love you. We're so grateful we don't have to do life on our own.

Please squeeze my friend tight. Help her to feel your presence and to never feel alone. In your name I pray. Amen. I'll see you next week. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode. I'm pretty sure this is a promo. You know what it is. We in this piece. Trap nerds, trap nerds. Real n****s like you never heard.

We're giving you reliable gaming news with the best movie and TV reviews from a Blurred perspective. All things inside and out of Blurred culture. Listen to the Trap Nurse Podcast on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Prospective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Prospective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all types of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Prospective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple

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Hi, I'm Katie Lowes. And I'm Guillermo Diaz. And we're the hosts of Unpacking the Toolbox, the Scandal Rewatch podcast where we're talking about all the best moments of the show. Mesmerizing. But also, we get to hang out with all of our old Scandal friends like Bellamy Young, Scott Foley, Tony Goldwyn, Debbie Allen, Kerry Washington. Well, suit up, gladiators. Grab your big old glass of wine and prepare yourselves for even more behind-the-scenes Scandal.

stories with Unpacking the Toolbox. Listen to Unpacking the Toolbox on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.

wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.