#117 Gas Stations
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Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about, you insane Hollywood a**hole?

So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. $45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Hello, folks. Welcome to the Dateland podcast. I've not read anything all weekend, I don't think. You forgot? I forgot how to read. All right. Here we go. Hello, folks. Hey, Bear. Uh.

I had this this morning because you're going to read The Beard Club. And I asked Laura, does Dusty have a beard? That's how much I'm out of it. Wow.

And for some reason I was picturing like not much of a beard. Yeah, well. And then I looked at you right now and I was like, yeah, it's a lot of beard. Well, I can't criticize my own beard after reading beardclub.com. Well, it's going to get in better shape. It is going to get in better shape. But yeah, I mean. I mean, I should know you have a beard. I don't know. I'm saying that I was kind of out of the, I slept till, I slept forever today. Yeah.

I was out of it. Yeah. My voice is not, if it's, yeah, hopefully it sounds okay. Enough to, but it was like, yeah, Arizona air. That thing just got to me. Well, you had a big weekend too. I had a big weekend. What happened? They, I don't know. I can't even think of a joke. This one's. So we did, I shot my special. I might have a title for it. I don't know. Do we already get, we get a bunch of titles? We did. Yeah.

Were they good? Any of them good? A lot of hay bears. Yeah. Oh, boy. Let's go, folks. Civilian Station. Civilian Station. Very creative. Yeah. Yeah. I got an idea. How about Hay Bear? Yeah. Thought of that one? We, yeah, so anyway, I shot that special. I shot the special. It went awesome. Phoenix is awesome. Doing it in the round was great.

It was very, very cool. The way they did it, the stage looks so good. I don't know. The top had these lights that were over me. We had this overhead shot.

that I think will be shown. It was super cool. The crowd was so great. Supposedly, I don't know for sure, but someone told me afterwards that I think there could have been a fight that broke out. You know, I got an email this morning from someone who said, was it the Late Show? Yeah. They apologized because they said...

And his wife, her hair, I guess, was hanging over the seat, the guy behind him. And the guy put his knee on her hair, like, you know, to pin it against the chair. Yeah. And they got into a, not a fist fight, but they got in a big argument. Yeah. Is that what?

Yeah, that's what I heard. Yeah, well, he emailed us. Oh, that guy did. Yeah. Oh, wow. See? Arizona's wild. Yeah. It is wild out there. Yeah, it was dusty. Yeah. That's very nice, though, the email. And I'm sure both of them are not. That's awesome. Yeah. I hate that something like that happened, but it was real quick. Yeah.

It was quick enough that I didn't have to address it. I just kind of heard it. I just heard like a loud something. And then it was over. And then I just, I kind of heard it, but it was enough that I was not, you know, long enough that I was like, I just kind of kept going. Mm-hmm.

And that's so crazy. That's exactly what I heard happen. So that's very... We'll tell them, you know, it's all right. It's also weird to have to be like, hey, could you get your hair off of me? You know what I mean? Well, she's saying that they pinned her hair behind. Right, but it was dangling all behind. Well, if you have long hair. So you take that guy's side. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, can you...

Get your hair under control. Yeah. But I mean, I wasn't there. He said the only reason it's touching the guy is because the guy's taking his knee and pinning it against the back of her chair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's one of the, it's like the seat in the airplane when they push your back, it's, you can either, you just deal with it and be annoyed with it, which is how I would handle it. Probably a lot of people handle it or you can hit the seat. And so it's, it's going to be, that's how you're going to handle it. And the one emailing seems to be the one with the hair. So the other guy didn't email and say anything. Uh,

So maybe we need to hear from him. Right now, I'm on team hair. So the guy who got mad about, he's the one who had the wife with the hair. He's the one that emailed. Yeah. She's going to show up. They should go to another outing and sit in front of that guy. She shaved her head. She goes, does this make you happy now? And then they get. So I sat in the second show. I watched the whole thing. It was awesome to just sit in the crowd and watch. And I had a real out of character moment. The guy in front of me.

Every joke you did, he would turn to his side and be like, I would do that. Yeah. Like relating to all your jokes, but in an annoying way. Yeah. And I had a really out of character moment. I leaned forward. I grabbed the dude on the shoulder and I go, enough. Whoa. Wow. Maybe that's what you heard. Maybe. It felt awesome. Did his wife have long hair? Yeah. Aaron. Aaron.

Is this what we're getting to? It was you. I said enough, dude. And then I leaned back and I thought about the whole show, you know? Yeah. Right when the show ended, I go, Hey, sorry about that, man. He was like, no, it's fine. I told you Arizona's wild. It's too hot. It's just too hot out there. There's not enough humidity. You need some.

But I've never confronted anybody in a moment like that. Do you think that guy even knew what you meant by enough? I don't think I know. He heard the tone of my voice. He knew what was going on. He knew he was misbehaving. So he's relating to Nate's comedy and having a good time, and you told him to stop. But thousands of other people were doing that without conversing about it right after the joke. We needed you in the audience of the shows we did in Arizona. Yeah, we had to.

Probably. I would like, I had Aaron walk around just, if people, if they laughed too loud, not high enough. Right. He would just keep them kind of at bay. If they weren't really laughing, he's like, not enough. Not enough. Up, up, up, up, up. And then if they started laughing too loud, I'd go, what are we doing? Aaron just grabs his shoulder. Hey, what are we doing? And if their hair was too long, he would just pin it to the chair. Yeah. I was a menace just walking around. Just walking around.

Putting their hands down to make sure their dresses went far enough down. Not enough. Not enough. Hey, you're dressing shorts. Hope you enjoy the back row. Get her back there. Get her back there. No, look, I get it. People, it's always tough. People are excited. People get, you know, it's hard to say. It is nice. It's like just laugh. Like I know. Yeah.

It's you're caught up in the moment and it's like, I understand it, but always remember you might have Aaron sitting behind. I can't even enjoy shows though anymore. Like in the crowd, because everything people do irritate me. Like when I'm in the audience that I just, that's what I want to do. I saw a show. I saw Todd Snyder at the Ryman this weekend and people were yelling out requests and things. And I just,

I just want them all to be quiet. I can't even, people were talking to each other in the front row, probably not even bothering the show. And it just, it was bothering me. It's ruined the experience for me. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. I mean, you know,

Yeah, I don't know. People get excited, and it's like they do it, but Aaron handles it for us. Yeah. Enough. I love that. Enough. Wow. I've never spoken like that ever. It just came out, man. Do you think the – did he listen to the podcast? This guy didn't know who I was. Yeah. I was just a weird dude behind it. That's the big risk. Yeah. There's a great chance.

a ton of people in that room know who you are. Yeah, yeah. So that's the risk you took. That's more than even being in confrontation. You're doing it. That's like doing it at a fan reunion where you're like...

You know, you're like, I don't know everybody. Not everybody knows me, but there's a great chance. Imagine that guy listens to the podcast for the first time after the special. Yeah. And here's this moment. And he goes, you're that guy. He's like, I've been looking for that guy. Yeah. I hope he's learned a lesson. Found him. I love this. Overall, everybody, look, it was an awesome night. It was awesome, man. I was glad you were there. Met all the Webbers. Yeah. Which was very fun. That's a lot. It's a lot.

It was a lot, but they were all super cool. I always think, I always, because I joke around, I don't want them to be mad, but they're all, they love it. Yeah. And they got robbed immediately. And they don't want to handle them. I was yelling that as they walked away down a sketchy street. I said, this group right here. They've never been on a street like this before. Yeah.

But they, yeah, the whole night was great. The show went great. You know, we, we try to think, I mean, yeah, my voice is like this. It was like my voice started because I was there for like nine days and it was just that dry air starts hitting you. And then, so I think it takes your, it was like towards the end and just the amount of just like everything going on. It was just a lot, but we hung out, kept it kind of calm with Albuquerque. Albuquerque was great the night before and,

I ended up doing like 67 minutes and 70 minutes on both shows, which I was very excited about. So the pacing was very good. I liked around. I liked walking around. We had some fun stuff. There's like little, little things you see in the opening. And I get handed a microphone by somebody. But there's somebody. You might not recognize it first, but then you will.

Not famous, just my family. But then, yeah, I don't know. The whole thing was awesome. And then today, I think, yesterday on the flight home, I was writing down, all right, going through some jokes that I told as we were building this hour and trying to write some of them down to be like, all right, what do I have that's not on this hour? This morning, I woke up with a panic. I'm just like, what are you going to talk about?

Because we're about to announce some of the 2023 tour, and it's going to be a big tour and a big year. And so when we announced it, I was just like, golly, because it's going to be all new material. And you're like, what on earth? Did you feel this way after the last one too? Yeah. Yeah. The last one, it just, maybe I felt more excited. Like the last one, I felt the same way, and it all just kind of came together.

I went to Huntsville, went to some clubs. But I mean, I got to go. I'm going to have to go pop down Zany's. But I'm on tour. So it's like I'll just, from here to the end of the year, we'll be just trying to filter out, getting that in between. I looked at, because I went to Phoenix to stand up live also before the start of the last tour just to work on my new hour. And I was looking at that note card and

And I was still doing like a lot of stuff from the greatest average American, but I don't think the greatest average American was out yet, but I was still, I still had a lot of stuff. And, but it, but it was like, just see that. I looked at that card to then look at, I mean, this hour is like pretty different. There was, there were some jokes that were still that are in there, but it wasn't, I mean, they're very different now, but it's just like, what are you going to talk? I don't, you know,

I guess you just figure it out. Yeah, you always do. Yeah, it's brutal, though. It's not brutal. It's exciting, but it's just like, gosh, what on earth? Yeah, I mean, you know, you just got to... Yeah, it is hard. Keep going, keep going, right? Yeah, you got to just say things and then...

I don't know. It is wild, though, to just think about the idea that you like come up with new jokes. Right. You have all these jokes. You're like, oh, this is a good joke. And then you think, oh, this like parts of my life, I would think, oh, this is the best joke I'm ever going to write. Yeah. And then you write more jokes and you're like, oh, I don't even like that joke. The joke that I thought was the best joke I ever wrote. I don't even like. Yeah. It's amazing how it happens.

Yeah, there's no rhyme or reason to it. And there's no formula. I mean, if you're like a joke writer, there's a formula. If you're one-liners or if you're, there's got to be somewhat of, you still got to come up with the ideas. But yeah, it's, yeah, because you got to, I mean, you figure it out on your own. You know, no one, you know, I mean, I don't really know comics that have writers, but I know some do.

But yeah, when you've got to do it on your own, you're like, yeah, I don't know. What am I going to do? All right. We'll figure it out. It's going to be great. My name, I meant to have a picture. I don't have a phone. I had the badge that we had for backstage. My name was misspelled. Was it really? Yeah. Yeah. You got to love that. It doesn't, it just doesn't matter. That's great. It never matters. It was B-A-R-T-A-G.

z or something like just like all right yeah i'm only i'm only recording a special here yeah no big deal yeah yeah try to get it right on the editing i guess right that's all you get yeah i watched yeah i mean because we uh carlin george carlin and louis did a special there which we watched those two this weekend it was it was it was kind of surreal not that i'm

doing it for that reason or whatever. It is crazy to be like, golly. And Segura, I think, is about to take a special there, too. So we'll see. I'll let you know where it's going to come out. I do know. I don't think I can say yet. I'll find out when I can say it, and I'll tell y'all. Hoping to be coming out in January. And so, yeah. Start the year off hot. Yeah. All right. Did y'all have anything you were supposed to say?

regarding this weekend? I think it's going to segue nice into these comments because they're about your special. All right. Grayson Allen. Sounds like a country singer. Dude basketball player. Dude basketball player. Okay, I thought country singer. He'd be the one that definitely get in the fight. That's what he does. Yeah. We had tickets to this weekend's tapings of the special on Phoenix. On our way there, we got a call from our babysitter. Their house was flooding.

So we had to turn around and go back. As a consolation, I suggested we listen to this week's podcast and at least get in the mood. My wife, who has never seen Nate perform stand-up, said, this is who we were going to see. I laughed out loud and explained the live act is wildly better than the podcast, although I love the podcast. Thanks for giving us a good laugh, as always. That's very funny.

She's like, man, thank God the house flooded. Sounds like she set it up. Dodged a bullet there. She might have set it up. Yeah. Michelle Caulfield. We got to the theater early, so we had time to get to our seats well before the show started. A few minutes after we sat down, a couple sat down behind us. All of a sudden, I heard the man saying, Nate Bargates.

over and over again. I realized he was trying to do a voice search on his phone to look up who Nate was, but because he was saying Nate Bargates, he wasn't getting any search results. Apparently, they had no idea who they were there to see. I did hear them laughing a lot, so despite apparently not knowing who Nate was, I think they had a great time. There you go. Maybe it was the name tag that was tripping him up. That is true. Yeah. You know?

Or he thought you related to Bill Gates. He thought this was a TED Talk of sorts. Oh. A Nate Barr Gates. Because how could he afford something like this? Well, obviously. Right. Right. He's in the Gates family. Yeah. Rick Peterson. They started filling seats up front for people that didn't show up. And Usher came up to the row that me and my son were sitting in, which was the last row. He said, hey, poor people.

You want to come fill in some seats? Not the exact quote, but close. He did say poor people. So we got to move down super close to the stage. Once we got seated, a guy from our row was like, did he just call us poor people to justify? Yes. And while it might seem rude, look at where we look at where we are. Nate killed it. Of course. Yeah. Whoever, they were just being funny. Uh,

That was Nate's brother. But if you're not poor, why are you buying such bad seats? That's true. You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. If you got Gates money, you'll be sitting up front. You know what I mean? Up front, baby. Listen, I would have been back there with you. And I'm the kind of poor that they would not even offer me the up front seats. No. Yeah. They'll be like, this group of poor people, not this group. You'd be a distraction in the special. Right. We're like, we don't want a lot. We don't want you in the video a lot. Yeah. They would ask you to get back to work. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, poor people, you want to move up front? And what are you doing? Yeah. Lunch break's over, bud. Shift's over, buddy. Ryan Peterson. Nate, my wife and I are coming to your show in Cedar Rapids. I was wondering if the show is going to be the same as your special. Can't wait to see you. Also, do you know who the opener is?

Yeah, I mean, that's like next week or something, two weeks. Yeah, that will be the same. I'll probably have some new jokes. The rest of this year will be a lot of probably as close to that special. It's the January is what I'm looking for to be switched over to new. And worst case, you end up having to do some greatest hits at the end.

which I might do anyway if people have seen this special. Just, you know, but, oh, you know, yeah, Cedar Rapids, though. This reminds me of that guy at Aaron's show one time. Didn't you say a guy was like, when you guys coming back and you were like, I don't know, probably a year or so, got to write some new jokes. He goes, oh, don't tell me this stuff is made up. What does he say? He goes, oh, don't tell me y'all thought about that ahead of time.

Yeah, like you're all just amazing improv geniuses. You think I'm the greatest comedian of all time? We all just riffed for an hour and a half? Yeah. If you could riff a pure act, the thing is, too, is I don't think people are giving you enough credit. Like even that guy would be like, well, you should be bowing down to me if I could.

If I could have an act together that I do differently every night, that that's that tight. Yeah. There's just no way. Yeah. It's like people don't like putting an act together to where it's like becomes what it is, this presentable act. I mean, it's just, it takes forever. I have no cards. Maybe one day we'd show, I could show the Phoenix, the jokes I was doing in Phoenix to the special. Mm-hmm.

From the first to the end to show you how, you know, different. I wonder if people, yeah. It just changes to where people think you're, even if they were at both shows, they think it's different because it kind of is. It's like the topic would be the same. Yeah. But it's just the rhythm. Everything gets so much tighter and it gets presented in this perfect pack, you know, or as close to perfect package. And that's, and it takes a long time to do it.

I wish I could write it like that, like that guy. Yeah, I mean, how expensive were these tickets? You think that you're seeing a guy that can just come out and just do it? You're going to go, sir, if we could do that, you wouldn't be this close to us. Right, right. I can promise you, you would have been stopped by four to five people before you got this close to ask when we are coming back. Yeah.

All right, so the Greg Garcia episode. Tim Meek, longtime caller, first-time listener. Love it. I think I get why Nick falls for Nate's made-up stories. After opening with Aaron was a – hold on. After opening with Aaron was arrested for punching some dudes after Notre Dame's loss. Nate just moves on. I began Googling Aaron Weber comedian arrested. Long story short, Aaron wasn't arrested.

And I was pulled over for being on my phone while driving through Atlanta. Wow. Thanks for the laughs and the citation. Keep up the good work. Well, yeah, a lot of people got Tim. It's very nice of Tim to assume that it would make the news if I got arrested. Yeah, because that's true. Well, prior to this podcast, I thought that the statement was so absurd that no one would believe it. But now, after seeing how Aaron handles himself in a crowd...

Yeah. It's believable. It is. That's true. I was at the bar. These guys were making fun of Notre Dame. Grabbed him by the shorts. Enough. Enough. A lot of people believed. A lot of people said, we should give him another chance, but I could see him doing it. Yeah. It's like Costanza when he fights those people in the movie theater. Oh, that's one of the final episodes, isn't it? Yeah.

And he's, yeah, it's like those guys that laugh, kick in his chair. Yeah. I would love it. Oh, that's the, when he does everything opposite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Got to bottom of that. Kevin Lawson, what an amazing guest. Greg is oozing with charm. He is someone that you immediately like.

I love that his show were about giving back or fixing a wrong. Then to hear about his real-life Burger King example of giving, wow, what a great guy. Hopefully examples like that will keep his hell life much more comfortable. Thanks for sending this one out, Aaron. I agree with Kevin. It's like easy, Kevin. I think Greg's married. Yeah. Well, when he goes to hell, I think it's going to be much better.

I had a lot of people say this was their favorite episode. And I'd say, because of Greg? And they're like, yeah, sure. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, that was why. It was definitely something. I don't know, but I love that thin Aaron. That's funny. I say what Aaron thinks he looks like. Yeah. And Aaron looks in the mirror. A lot of people say Greg sounded like Aaron. He did sound a little bit like him. Yeah. Yeah. And people say I'm oozing with charm. I get that a lot, too. Yeah. That's true. Enough. Yeah.

That's charm. Kate Smith. This is why we need Aaron around. You need a super genius to clear up the difference between nectarines and tangerines. Thank you, Kate. Though I don't know if I'm the resident fruits and vegetables expert on the podcast. Yeah, could you clear that up for us?

Oh, no, I can't. Well, nectarines, aren't those are like the half peaches, right? Dusty said they were like tiny oranges, but those are tangerines. That's a tangerine, yeah. But we're talking about nectarines. Well, you know, if you don't say nectarine and tangerine, you could see where they could be confused. Yeah. What is a nectarine? It's a small one, a small little peach. It's like a peach. Like a plum, like a plum and a peach.

Oh, it's got a thing inside of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like a plum and a peach. It's got a big thing inside of it. Half apple, half peach. I wouldn't eat it. Is it half apple, half peach, or half plum? Half apple, half peach? That's what that is? I don't think so. What's that nonsense at the middle? Yeah. It's way more like a peach and a plum seed. In the nectarine versus peach debate, the difference is, so this is a raging debate going on right now.

Yeah. God, I could read a whole novel. Nectarines are actually a type of peach, which makes it confusing to understand the difference between the two. Okay. Nectarines are smooth and have a slightly firmer texture than peaches. So it's like, it's a type of peach. I love a nectarine.

We didn't know what it was until right now. Well, I mean, now that it's cleared up, I have had nectarines. Do you eat that core? No, no, you can't eat that core. What is it like a- What's very hard, like a peach seed. I mean, you can crack it open and then eat the little seed inside of it. All right. That's just the cover. Yeah, it'd be tough to eat that big seed. Yeah, you crack it open, eat the little seed inside. Okay. How did these come about? Like that's the, you know- Yeah, how'd they get-

Apple and the peach get together and make a nectarine? They're breeding fruit. Probably graft it. We start messing around in these laboratories. Yeah. Who knows what's going on. Scientists. You could take a little bit of an apple tree and probably graft on a peach limb. I mean, that is a thing. They should have just gone with a people. Yeah. What? If it's half. Yeah. A papal? Papal. No, I'm trying to. People, yeah. I think the peach deserves a little more. Oh, I see. P-E-A. Yeah, P-E-L-E. People.

Like if you're going to combine them, if you said papal, the peach could be like, I mean, I'm not barely even a part of it. Right. That's fair. And so you go, people. I'll take the people. Well, half peach, half apple. Have you seen these square watermelons that people make? Cube watermelons? No. I'm not a big watermelon guy. Oh. Are you okay with people manipulating the genetics of this fruit to make it easier to ship?

Oh, that's what they're doing. How are they doing that? I don't know. They've just manipulated the DNA of that seed. I can't even get a watermelon to grow and they're making them squares. It's amazing. Would they make it? Would it just when it grows, do they just put a square thing around it? That's probably what they're doing. So they're not doing it's not a science experience. Well, that's that's science. Yeah, that's a good thing.

I give you such a weapon to use. Just enough. It would shut me down anytime. David Beal, in reference to the movie Catch Me If You Can, while the rest of us are wondering, who is Frank Abagnale? And is he still alive? Dusty straight up types Leonardo DiCaprio into Google search bar. Listen, let's be fair. I think he's still alive.

Is he out? Like, he's out? I don't know. Is that it? Oh, that's when I would have kept it on. So, Dusty, you do realize those are actors, right? Listen, I had no business running the computer. That's so funny. It's funny to see the tabs you have pulled up, too. Was Robin Hood real? And then Escape from Alcatraz, the movie.

I was doing my best too. You're holding it down, man. That's so funny. Also, Harper had this. I grabbed it. This is the name misspelled. Can you see it?

Nate Bart Gaze. You know, the funny thing in that picture, you got quite a gaze going on. I do. And you're like, Nate Bart Gaze. I think that's on purpose. Yeah. I mean. They knew what they were doing. They knew what they were doing. I saw people wearing that. I didn't notice it was spelled that badly. Yeah. Oh, man. So what was the guy saying?

We're moving to Arizona. Sorry. Bargates. Bargates. Oh, so Bargates is not far off. Yeah. All right. Okay. Putting it all together. All right. A little tea. I don't ever drink tea.

I love tea. I'm a big tea guy. Are you? Yeah. How big is the Opry? That throat coat? Throat coat's good. Peppermint, ginger. I like ginger for the stomach, peppermint for the voice. Tea, I always take it as very high. Highfalutin. Highfalutin. I think you'd go highfalutin or very hippie. Yeah. I don't think hippie. I always think highfalutin. If someone's like, oh, I'll take a tea.

At a table, you're like, here we go. Oh, yeah. Like not iced tea. Yeah. I mean, I would just think you're talking about sweet tea. But when someone asks for a hot tea. You're like, oh, you're from England? Yeah, it's like. When I worked at a restaurant, nothing infuriated me more than a customer asking for a hot tea. Yeah. I'm like, oh, now I got to find a bag. I got to find a spoon. I got to get a cup. It's a lot goes into it. That's about it. Yeah. Yeah. That's about it. But it's like spoons. But when you're doing it at Olive Garden, it's like, come on, what are we doing? Right. Right.

Right. You really need a hot tea right now. You got to get someone to ask for a hot tea and you're like, yeah, I'm going to, I got to go brush the dust off the thing. Yeah. Like we're not drinking hot teas in here. Yeah. It's 90 degrees outside. Just put a sweet tea in the microwave. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's what I would do. Yeah. That's the only thing that I don't, I don't think I ever drink them because of that. Cause I feel like. I totally agree. If you grew up in the South, I feel like that would be like, what? Yeah. Who do you think you are? I'm not trying to be better than anybody, man.

I'll take, you know. However you serve the tea, right? I'll take it however. No, I would just say, if they said hot, I would say, well, I don't belong in here. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I would think.

All right. Arizona episode comments. No, I apologize. It's been Sarah Shallow. I am shocked that y'all didn't talk about Travis Walton in the Arizona episode, considering UFOs come up quite a bit on this podcast. Travis Walton claims to have been abducted by aliens in Snowflake, Arizona, November 5th, 1975.

Yeah, so I didn't know it was Arizona, but I saw that movie. There was a movie about it, Fire in the Sky. And there were some loggers, and they saw at the end of their shift a bright light, and he got out of his truck and went, and it sucked him up to the spaceship. And he was missing for a few days, and his buddies, they thought they'd killed him, and they were being investigated. And then he just shows up and says that –

Aliens abducted him. I believe him. If you look at him, he looks like he's seen some stuff. Yeah. He was on Rogan recently and told the story. Oh. But. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That'd be interesting. It's a crazy story. Yeah. Look where he reappeared. Haybear, Arizona. Haybear, Arizona. Wow. All right. That's crazy. That is crazy. All right. I love that he's got so casual. He just got a little alien mannequin down there with a hat on it. Yeah. He goes out of those conventions now.

What does he say? Like they just took him up and looked at him? Yeah, they... He looked like a guy that met them all. How you doing? Yeah, right, right. He shook their hand. He fought them, actually. How you doing, Travis Walton? Walton family. They're like, uh, hi. Yeah, I'm part of the Walmart Waltons. Yeah. You guys have any hot tea up here? They go, we don't drink anything.

Walton claimed that he awoke in a hospital-like room being observed by three short, bald creatures. He claimed he fought with them until the human wearing a helmet led Walton to another room where he blacked out as three other humans put a clear plastic mask over his face. Doesn't remember a whole lot of details. He fought with another human, a traitor to the human race. Wow. I think in the movie he fights with the alien, like kicks him or something. I don't think they have other humans up there. Yeah. Yeah.

So the movie's not exactly right. Apparently not. Took a little creative liberties out there. Yeah. How you doing, Travis Walton? Just going around in Eden. How you doing, Travis Walton? The guy's like, believe me. I don't have a name. Yeah, he's like, am I saying that right? Yeah, Travis Walton.

Says all his buddies took a polygraph test and all passed. So there you go. T-bone. T-bone. Yeah. Okay. I guess the logging career was kind of tough after that, I would imagine. Yeah.

He was sick of logging, so he was like, I'll go on this spaceship and tour the country. Yeah. Tour the world. Universe. Michael Williams. I'm used to hearing Nate mispronounce all kinds of words, but hearing breakfast murder, Lake Havasal, and gila monster was pretty rough.

Yeah, I had you read that, so now we both murdered it. Gila is Gila monster, apparently. Gila? Yeah. A lot of people call me out on that one. How were we supposed to know that? Yeah, I like Gila monster better. Mm-hmm. So I think that, yeah, I mean, that's how we say it. And Havasu is Gavasu. Yeah, I don't know about that one. Havasu. Havasu. Yeah, sounds like you did it right. Okay. Okay.

I have a zoo. And I guess I said the Gila monster was poisonous, and a reptile expert, Jesse Rothacker, said they're not poisonous, they're venomous, and there's a difference, which I did not know. What's the difference? I still don't know. One's just annoying. I think venom, I mean, it is injected. Poison. He said it would hurt very bad, but it's not poisonous. Oh.

So still not, would not be, he doesn't recommend getting bit. On my, well, it's like venomous is,

I don't know if I'm right, but venomous is I think what they inject. So they put venom into you like a snake, like a poisonous dart frog is like if you touch them, they have poison. Oh, OK. But that being said, when I did my joke, when I did the Cape Fear Serpentarium joke, I say venomous snake for us. I said poisonous before that. And someone said something to me once after a show.

And so I changed it to venomous. So, cause it was like, you're just trying to not, I don't want someone to get hung up on. Yeah. Get out of the moment. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Have y'all ever heard of Cunningham's law? A couple of times. Cunningham's the guy who invented Wikipedia. And he said the quickest, the quickest way on the internet to find the right answer to something is not to ask a question. It's to say the wrong answer.

And people are more willing to correct you than they are to just answer a question. Oh, wow. It happens faster. They can't wait to correct you. That's for sure. They can't wait. They love it. So anytime we get something wrong on this podcast, it's just know, like, you're welcome. Yeah. Because we're getting the answers quickly. That's good. Yeah. We'll get the answer to this next week. Yeah. Don't tell us. Something to keep in mind. Yeah. And we appreciate Cunningham coming up with that. Yeah. Why didn't he use... How did he find out Wikipedia has a name?

I don't know. That's kind of like you're like, what? I thought the guy that invented his last name would have been Wikipedia. John Wikipedia. At least Wicca. Yeah, the pedia part I get, I guess, like encyclopedia. And wiki, doesn't that mean? Wiki is a term for the software where users can contribute. There you go there. You know, so it was Wikipedia. And who knows if that's true? We'll find out in the comments this week. Yeah. All right.

Does hot tea ever cool down? Does it just stay the rest of your life? At night when the sun goes down. Yeah. I mean, I'll tell you, someone makes it. You really, it's like, all right, go watch a movie and come back. And then you're going to sip on it. Heather Kaufman, when Nate used the sentence, John saw a boob yesterday for describing a boob. My boys ages nine and 10 lost their minds.

And have repeated that sentence daily. Thanks for giving my boys material to make them cool with their friends and in trouble with their Sunday school teachers. Love the podcast. All right. Thank you. That's what we're doing. Yeah. Making kids laugh. That's what it's all about. And making them cool. Yeah. That's what you want to do. Make the kids cool. Yep. Get them in trouble in Sunday school. All right. Heather Hirsch. Here's another fun fact about McDonald's in Arizona. Yeah.

The McDonald's in Sedona is the only one in the world with turquoise arches. It was required by the town of Sedona to keep with the landscape requirement. Wow, look at that. Wow. Did you do a McDonald's while you were out there? I'm going to eat McDonald's tonight because I'm going to go back to eating good. We did. I had pizza afterwards, Whataburger, ice cream, ice cream cake.

Ton of candy. Then the whole Sunday cheat day we had, it was like everybody came over. I had so much candy. I got nauseous. We had a Sunday bar.

But I got real nauseous. Because your body couldn't handle it? Yeah, it was like just too much candy. I mean, it was like 10.30. I had to lay down, and I just kind of rested. And I ate some candy. And then last night, I ate some before I went to bed. And I was like, why am I – I got real nauseous again.

So I used to do a McDonald's, a big McDonald's meal. So it kind of ascended off back into like- A last supper. A last supper, yeah. You know how many times I've told myself that? Yeah. I'm going to get after it tonight. Tomorrow, I'm a new man. Yeah. I think any good addiction is like that. You're like, this is the last time. Yeah. This is it. Well, once I've been able to handle it, like now, like Laura's going to make HelloFresh tonight. And I was like, no.

I go, that's like a normal meal. I was like, I'm going to McDonald's and I'm going to go like,

Because I could have got it last night, but by the time I landed, it was like, you know, I don't want to go at 10 o'clock and run the risk of it being bad. Right. I need to go, you know, dinner time. Get fresh McDonald's. Get fresh McDonald's. Prime hours. Prime hours. I need the shift. I need the age shift. When the employees are still caring about it. The best of the best. The best of the best. Ice cream machine still working. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Manager still on duty. Yeah. I'll probably go try to run by Dairy Queen maybe or something. I'll really get after it.

But I want to stay in shape. I will. One day we can talk. I think I've talked briefly about it. People ask about me losing weight and I'm going to I'll talk about it in something just to tell you what I did.

I don't want to talk about it right now in my voice like this. I'd like to mention this McDonald's thing, though. It seems like they went to great effort to do the green arch, but then they have a flag higher than the McDonald's itself with the yellow arch. I mean, come on. It's like McDonald's is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do what you're talking about, but we're also going to get our yellow arches in here, too. Yeah. Well, I wonder if people were like, is this McDonald's?

Yeah, even the Do Not Intercense turquoise. Yeah. Maybe they thought people would not think that's McDonald's. Yeah. And maybe they didn't. I don't know. Maybe it's for night when the lights are on. But I just think that the Sedona is like, no, you can't have the yellow arches. And they're like, okay, no problem. But then they still have yellow arches. We'll throw that swag up still. Yeah. Yeah. Boom. Boom. Jimmy Fallon's got a beard now. Yeah. Yes, he does.

Some are here. Some are here. Some are there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Some are beard. So this week, we are talking gas stations. Boom. All right. Talk about gas stations. So if you're going to go get air in your tire, you're crying over here, Aaron. Sorry. Sorry. I'll be back soon.

Dusty, if you're going to get air in your tire, where do you tell Hannah you're going to get it? I'm going to the gas station. Gas station. I'm going to run up here to the gas station. You ever say service station? Oh, no. No, no. I don't. Do people say that to you?

It feels like I would ask you where, if I saw you and I needed a gas station, I would change it to when you walked up and go, do you know where the service station is? Yeah, I mean, I could get into that. Yeah. Yeah, I go, and I go, what kind of service you looking for? Yeah. And then we could converse about it. I could get down with a conversation like that. Some people call them service stations. In parts of Canada, they call them gas bars. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Gas bars. Going to go to the gas bar to get some gas. And then the rest of the English-speaking world call it petrol. So you go to a petrol station. Go to a petrol station. Yeah. I feel like I've heard that. That's what they say to you if they saw you drinking tea. Petrol? Yeah, they go, do you know where the petrol station is? And sorry about the queen. You know, that's what they'd say to you. Because they're like British, he's saying. Like, hi. Because you're fancy. Oh, yeah. European. Yeah. Yeah. That's enough.

So most of us call it gas station. There is a difference between gas station and convenience store. 7-Eleven convenience store.

A convenience store also doesn't have to have gas. That's right. Bodegas in New York City are technically convenience stores. There's like 10,000 of them. If you live in New York City, you love to tell people that you're going to a bodega. That's what I've noticed. Yeah. It's a good name. Yeah, it is a good name. It's a fun word to say that you don't get to say in other cities. Yep. There are no bodegas in Nashville, right? We have a 7-Eleven bodega.

Yeah, maybe downtown Nashville. There's probably some bodegas down there. Some corner stores. Corner stores. Yeah, we don't have bodegas. Not like New York. But I mean, you have people you go... When you're starting comedy, you have bodegas. I mean, you just lived out of them. You just go there and get everything. Yeah. So they're like convenience stores and gas stations are like squares and rectangles? Well, I mean, some gas stations aren't convenience stores. Some just sell gas. That's what I'm saying. Okay. So some...

Gas stations are also convenience stores, but not convenience stores are not. You say what? Now you know what it feels like to sit in front of Aaron at a show. That's how that guy felt. He just told me enough, I think. Yeah. I'm still recovering from Dusty's ad read. Give me a minute. I'll be back in a second. Well, I think when cars first were invented, from what I read, it was kind of like- From what you remember. Come on. Yeah.

Oh, he's back. He's back. Yeah. Quick comeback. It's kind of like what electric cars are now. When they first get it started, they're still trying to figure out, well, how do you keep them running? And so they would like sell gas, like at markets and stuff like that. You just go buy it in a can. And then finally they open actual gas station. The first one where you pull in and they pump it was in 1913 in Pittsburgh. Yeah.

but at first they were just trying to figure it out kind of like take it home Cracker Barrel had charging stations here you're like just trying to figure it out yeah take it home they don't have them anymore no they do but I'm saying now there's a lot of places for charging stations but

It's for like years from now when everything's electric cars, they're going to be like Cracker Barrel is one of the first places you could go. It just seems weird. Yeah. When I was growing up, we had a place where my dad loves called Edge's Grocery Store. And it was Larry Edge who ran that. And it was a real old wooden rundown looking place. But he had everything in there. We used to go get Blue Bell ice cream. He had the gas pumps. We would just fill up the four wheeler. He had like meat that was just kind of sitting. I think it was bologna just kind of sitting out.

that he would carve off a piece. He had some cheese and pickled eggs. And it's sort of been in, in, in Penton, Penton, Alabama. Um, and, uh, it was great. Larry was always running the store. He was always hanging out in there. And we had a little charge account, uh,

Permanently closed. Yeah, it's closed now. They got the gas pump still running, but they got the Pinton Grill is attached to it, though, and it's still open. You can go get some food back there. Oh, that's good. Good patty melt back there. Looks like a lovely place. Yeah. Yeah, the church is nearby, too, the Pinton Church of God there. But we had a charge account. You could just go up and be like, put it on the tab. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun.

As a tourist in New York City, there was nothing more exciting to me than to go into that little bodega right around the corner from Letterman to see – I forgot his name now, but the guy that Letterman always talked with. Yeah. He had a camera in his shop and he would go to him. You know what I'm talking about? No, I've never seen that. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. And you'd go in there and he'd just be in there working. You'd buy stuff and sell it. To me, he was like a celebrity. Yeah.

Yeah. And so many tourists went there, and I thought that was just the greatest thing. That's kind of like your Larry Edge, sounds like. Yeah, I mean, Larry Edge also owned a stock car track and a go-kart track right there in town. Was he the mayor? Larry Edge was running things. Larry Edge, he passed away, but I'm still friends with his grandson, but Larry Edge passed. That's why the store's closed now. But the Penton Grill's still running.

So if you're in that area, stop and get yourself a patty mouth. Yeah, I feel like places like that have great food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is really good. Yeah, the best hot dog I've ever had was in Knoxville Gas Station. Just like a mom and pop? Yeah, I'll never remember. I want to say it was across a bridge. I mean, this was, I had to be 19. It was somewhat like the stadium and all that stuff, and then there's a bridge. You go over the river right there. Yeah.

And I wanted maybe that gas station was right there. And I remember just...

Best hot dog I ever had. It stuck with you this long. Stuck with me this long. Yeah, you've mentioned it on the podcast before. Yeah. God, it must have been great. We used to get hamburgers in a bag that you would microwave at Larry Edge's store. And I was thinking about that the other day, how gross that, I'd never do that now, but we used to tear those up. Oh, yeah. I would. Ballpark. I like a nice, yeah, like a hamburger. I think I would like that hamburger a lot. Yeah, just a little hamburger in a microwave. Mm-hmm.

Some state, well, now I guess it's down to New Jersey is the only state, the whole state, you can't pump your own gas. Someone has to pump it for you. Oregon up until 2018, you couldn't pump your own gas, but now they'll allow counties that have fewer than 40,000 residents to pump their own gas. But if you're in a big city, you still can't.

And people freaked out in Oregon when they first started how to do it because they didn't know how to do it. They didn't want to do it. There's one guy right there commenting that this is dangerous. And they just never had to pump their own gas. That's a grown man. I drank gas as a kid. You know what I mean? I mean, come on. That is crazy. That is a dude. Yeah.

That you want to go, what are you doing? Yeah. He said, I had to do it once in California while visiting my brother and almost died doing it. It's like, what happened? This is a service only qualified people should perform. And that is why the wall is there, because they're afraid somebody will pull off with a pump still attached to their car, Aaron. I've done that. And nobody got hurt.

They think people now are too distracted. I mean, they've always done this. So I guess they just think qualified people need to be handling flammable liquids. You do see every now and then just somebody ripping a cigarette while they're pumping their gas. That's pretty dangerous, probably. Lucy, put that out. I'm talking, you know, you go out there where it's like,

These small towns where the gas station is kind of like the cultural hub of the city. Yeah. And those people out there are just ripping them. I had a buddy. He would, to show you that a cigarette would not light gas on fire, he would throw a cigarette into a pail of gas. And it wouldn't light. It wouldn't light. I guess it has to be a flame and not the cigarette. Not just the- Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. So everybody can smoke. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just don't light it while you're standing there. It's already lit when you pull it. Light it in the car. Yeah. Get out and start pumping. Did you guys ever see Zoolander? Yes. They're just having a water fight with the gas hoses and then one of them lights a cigarette and they just all blow up. Yeah.

They did. I would always, you turn your car off when you pump gas. Yeah. Yeah. I always got nervous about that. They had some do's and don'ts. And the only thing that I have done is don't get back in your car while it's pumping. Okay.

They said, don't do that. And in Massachusetts, they don't even allow the locks that most of us use. They don't even have them there. Or I guess they didn't at one time because it's very cold there. There's a lot of static electricity. There's a chance you get back in your car, some static electricity builds up and causes a fire. I've gone to other gas stations if they don't have the locking pump. That infuriates me if they don't have it. You put your cap in there. Oh, okay. Oh, will that work too? Mm-hmm.

Wouldn't it take more time to go to the gas station than just sit there? It's not about the time. It's the principle of that lock. It's like you lost a customer. That's what I'm saying. You'll remember it. Did you ever check the other pump just to see if one was missing? No, I haven't done that. I should think about that. But I'm so mad that I'm like, you know, sometimes I'll stay.

Also, if a gas pump's real slow, I'll go, nah, I'll just get a couple of gallons here. I'll move along. You have a lot of ups and downs with gas tanks. Yeah. I've been to a lot of them. I get frustrated pretty quickly with them.

I don't know what they're doing sometimes. Or they'll go, like you ever sit in there and it goes, see cashier? I'm like, no, I'm not coming in. Yeah. I've had a problem with my card here, but I'm not coming in. Cancel, cancel, cancel. Can you get... What do you do? You just leave? Yeah. Yeah. Can you get gas 24 hours at a gas station? Some of them. Most of them, I think. Most of them. It doesn't even need to be... No one needs to be there. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

It does seem like a very dangerous like, because you see videos where people are like, they're my favorite videos. Like people are building a fire and then they pour a little gas on it and then the gas runs up the tank and then they throw it and then their whole backyard catches on fire. And then the video always ends. I'm like, no, I want to see what happened next. But it's like, it's so flammable and we're just like handling it. Have you ever wondered how the pup knows when to cut off when it's full? No.

There's a guy inside. He's looking through the hole. That's good. I assume they just had it worked out. I never really. Well, they do have it worked out. It's a device called a Venturi device. And I guess air is coming out of your tank while the gas is going in. There's another little hose within the hose. No one ever points the hose to look at it. But there's a smaller hose that sucks air out. And it builds up and it can tell when it's full. Science. Science.

Do you always go, once it stops, do you go a little bit over? Oh, always. Yeah. I'll tell you when I'm done. Top it off. Get a couple more. And I've had it not stop.

I have spewed it out of there. I have spewed it out of there, yeah. Yeah. I put it in, and then I go walk inside. Always. Yeah. That's what I do. It's just running. Lock it up. You just trust it to stop. It's dangerous. They tell you not to do that. They do. There are warnings on the thing. Yeah. I say a lot of stuff. Yeah, I may have told the story on here before about a comic who did that, and it overflowed. Roger Keese. You know Roger Keese? No. No.

And I mean, they had to like call 9-1-1, just shut down the gas station. He had like a $240 gas bill. Jeez, how long was he in there? I don't know, but he said he was in line and somebody came in and was like, there's gas being everywhere. And he was like, oh, sorry for that sucker. Call 9-1-1 and like, can everybody get back? And they had to like bring in a bunch of sand and just all this stuff. Did he call 9-1-1?

I called the fire department. Yeah. So 911 goes to both of them. They decide what. What's the problem? Yeah. You always think 911 police. Yeah. So who answers it? The police? And then they did. That lady decides. It's like a neutral dispatcher. And then they, they get in touch with whoever you need. Never really thought about it. Have you never called 911 before?

Not that I may. I feel like maybe once. For me? Yeah. No, I feel like maybe once. I think I've had an accident maybe. Yeah. Like an accidentally called. Have you called it? Yeah, I've called before. How many times? A bunch. Probably four or five times now that I think about it. What are you doing? If I just see a car, if I see a car accident. Your gout flares up? I've been in a few accidents where you're supposed to call 911 and tell them.

If you're on the side of the road. Four or five times. Probably four or five times. I've called so many times. Well, that's a trade-off. I mean, that's like number three on the speed dial. Yeah. I would want to go, hey, Dustin. It goes your grandmother, mom, 911. That's your speed dial. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's like, that's, yeah. I mean, just all the time. Like how, you know, you see a fire, you're like, well, I'll call. It's like a fun, it's fun to be the one that calls. Where do you see a fire at? Just people's houses. You know what I mean? Like just driving a house is on fire. One time we called 911 and,

It's a lot of fun. Just making sure y'all heard about it. My sister is diabetic. Have you honestly called it a lot? Yeah, oh yeah. My sister is real diabetic. She used to go into these weird kind of diabetic trances or whatever. And we would call. We would have to call that 911. 911.

And wants to come and like give her some glucose. I bet she's on one of her. But she's just, you know. She's on her diabetes dance right now. She'd just be sitting there like staring off into space. You couldn't get her to do anything. Margaret. Margaret.

Call 911. I is dusty. She doing her dance. She doing her long stare. She's back at it. She's back at it. Yeah, she would. She had a couple of M&Ms. Set her off.

And I get, you know, I used to get prank called a little bit. My mom worked third shift and I'd stay by myself. And, you know, how they used to have that call where it's a, you have a, this is AT&T with a collect call from. And they'd be like, oh, it's Jim. But this one, I picked it up one night, goes, this is AT&T with a collect call from. I know where you live. You're dead. And I was like, I freaked out. Yeah. Ran to my sister's house. You know, who was my neighbor? Yeah.

She's in a trance? She wasn't in a trance. Okay. Yeah. Thankfully.

I'd be like, I need help from a brain caller and my sister's having a diabetic thing. Send two. Yeah. Hey, while I got you. Yeah. A lot of smoke in here. I think she's been smoking a lot. If we can get the fire department. Send everyone. Yeah, you grew up in like a jungle. Can we get the cops, the fire department, and the ambulance down here? Send everybody. Send everybody. We got a lot going on. Flurry Edge comes down there to see what's happening. He goes, dead gummit, boys. Yeah.

What are y'all doing down here? We're like, we need candy. Put it on the tab. Yeah, go ahead. Who did you find out who prank called you? No, never found it. Yeah. You know, my mom's name was in the phone book, right? And then they had another call they made later on the voicemail. They said some, you know,

Things that will be targeted at a woman that I shouldn't say. And so we figured they just looked, they were just flipping through the phone book, doing things. Bathroom wall. Yeah. Who knows? I did. Yeah. Well, I went. You can't say it. Well, no, I shouldn't say, but it's a, it's a good time. Yeah. Do you talk on your cell phone while you're pumping gas? No. No.

Because of safety? Yeah, I think you just heard it once and then you're like, I'm not going to do it. I heard what? Your cell phone could set it off or something. What? You've never heard that? Your cell phone could set it off? I don't know if I don't do it. And I heard that and that's why I didn't do it. And then now more and more of my cell phone, I'm just like, I think about like whatever the waves and radiate. Like you're just kind of like, I don't need this near me. It gets hot. You're like, less and less I've just –

I throw my phone. I just want it away from me. Yeah. The other night after our, so on Sunday on our big cheat night, we went to go eat. We went bowling at a Sunday bar. I just left my phone at home. I mean, left it back at the house. I just don't want it. Like, it's like, it's, it's. Do you like that?

I love it because I'm so tired of, I don't know, it's like it just doesn't stop. It's constant. It's constant. It's always near you. You're like, I just don't want to. I'm in, like I'm hanging out. Do you ever find yourself, do you ever feel your phone vibrate when it's not on you? Yeah, all the time. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. I had a thing I thought of this week. This is like a, you know how people tell you always be in the moment?

Like that's a big thing, right? Always. You got to make sure you're in this moment. I think people are only in their moment and no one's living outside of it. No one's thinking past, present or anything. They're only in their moment. So it's a weird thing to say because you look at people like, you know, it's like they see on Instagram, like them posting pics and videos and,

Make sure you're enjoying the moment that you're in. You're like, all of you are only in the moment. You're only thinking, that's why you're thinking about you in this moment. What can I get out of this moment?

You're not thinking, how dumb do I look filming stuff? Or am I going to tell this story later because I was filming? Am I going to have this memory? Am I going to be able to like, you know, anything else? You're only in the moment and you should be out of the moment a little bit. You're living the moment. You're doing it. Yeah. Zoom out a little bit. Zoom out. Even if you're in it, like I know they're saying like, don't just be on your phone and like look around and be enjoying what you are. But you're like, I think people are doing that.

You can get out of it. That's interesting. Yeah, there's a balance. Yeah, there's no balance. Yeah, you should probably have a balance. I don't like the balance. I don't have a balance. You don't like balance? It's all or nothing?

I mean, I think it kind of is. I mean, you know, it depends on what you're trying to do, but it's like about someone telling you to be balanced. It's just like, I don't have a conversation about it. So they're just like, just be not, you should be about like a diet.

I think just living to live and not living for content. Yeah. There's so much out there where it's like, oh, I'm doing this. I'm feeling this way. This should be content. If I'm gardening, I always think, well, I should film some of this because this will be good content. But then I'm like, no, I'm gardening, so I don't have to do these other things. Yeah. People don't think about the stuff going forward. It's like they don't – because you can see –

Like live in the moment. Maybe I'm not talking about exactly the, like, make sure we're present, but it's like, you can see a lot of times people can have a problem come and they don't see that that problem was on its way the whole time because they're just in their world at that moment.

Yeah, they got blinders on. Blinders on. Yeah. So they're just walking and then they get crushed by something because they don't think about the consequences of this going forward or just be a little bit, think about what you're doing, but be also going like, I know where this can lead. Yeah. Like a diet, like talking about being balanced.

Well, if you want to, unless you're fortunate to be like able to just be balanced, then you're lucky and you do get to be balanced. But I wasn't able to really be balanced. I went too far. So I have to go extreme to try to learn to be balanced. But you got to go pretty hard one way to learn to try to have a balance. And the balance is basically you don't get to eat

ever, like you do occasionally, which is not a balance. It's not like you're like, I can eat one and then I eat an apple. It's like no one's going to. That seems like a weird way to live. Or I don't think most people can live like that. I don't know what that is. I was just thinking about that with the phone. I get told a lot too. I get told to make sure you're appreciating what happened or what's going on. I'm the most appreciative. I'm in it. I've been here the whole time.

Like it's, and it's, it's, it's people that are, it's me trying to make sure other people can appreciate it. That's what's like, I got to try to make sure. Cause you have people that like come now and then they're like, wow, this is amazing. You're like, yeah, it was never, it was not like this at all. Like Laura gets it, you know, Laura, we were in it at the beginning, but when people come on now and they think it's all amazing, it's like, yeah, but it wasn't.

I mean, I wasn't complaining about it, but it's like, I appreciate it very much. People always see what you have now and think that that's the way it's always been. Yeah, they're always like, make sure you appreciate where you're at and don't take all this for granted. You're like, yeah, yeah, I'll never do that because I had to go get all this. Right. So I do appreciate it. I'm truly grateful that I'm allowed to even do this, that the audience is even, I can't believe that they want to listen to what I have to say. Right. And I'm scared that it can all go away

And not because of like a cancellation, just because I'm not good enough to keep their attention. So I'm very appreciative. But it's like, as people come, it's like, you got to make sure that everybody's appreciative. I got to make sure my daughter's appreciative. And like, you know, just reminder, like, yeah, this is not, we're very fortunate. And it takes a lot of hard work to get this. It's a weird, I don't know. Yeah. I can get like...

I get sometimes with, you know, I'll get weird when someone's there. Make sure you appreciate it. You're like, yeah, yeah. Oh, I am. Well, it's a weird thing to say to people too, for people to say that sort of thing. It's the big guys. Sometimes I understand it. Like you're trying to give someone advice or you're trying to say something. I'm not even saying really, I got told this this week, but it's like,

Make sure you slow down and look at what's going on around you. Yeah, yeah. No, I am. I am. And you know how hard it is to keep it going? I got to think about it every day. I think about it every second because I'm trying to create something. I'm trying to do something. That's not for me. It's like I can appreciate it, but I want to create a world that everybody can enjoy. Yeah.

And like, so it's like, you got to be on the grind. You got to be doing it, dude. You can't just sit there and just go like, you're right. I do appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know, it's like people will say to me sometimes that they'll go lately. They've been saying they go, oh, you're running your own merch table. And I'm like, well, you know, there may come a time if I'm lucky where I can't handle my own merch table. Right. But I'm like, I'm happy to even be in the position where there's a line of people wanting to buy my merch. I've stood at the table with CDs and.

Everybody pass by me and go buy the next guy's stuff many times. So it's like, I'm, you know, I like selling my merch. I mean, you know, like I say, if I'm lucky one day, I'll be at a place where I can't handle it. Right. But I like it. I feel like it's fun. After the show, I come, people talk to me, I sell them a shirt, you know, I don't know. It's like, if you want to learn appreciation, it's like, just make something. Yeah. It could be as building a birdhouse.

Like if you're a kid, go actually build something and then you just appreciate it. Yeah. And it's like, I know that's a very small example, but I never thought of it when I was a kid or anything. But when something's actually, you're like, you know, someone made a cup or you see someone makes those poetry, you know, ardent poetry. You see what goes into it. Like they make, you know, a vase. Like clay pots or something. Yeah.

And you see it and you're like, it looks terrible. And you see that person showing you because they're as proud of it. Yeah. Because they appreciate it. Because they were like, you know how long this took me, dude? I don't know how to make this. I don't know what I'm doing. And like, that's why you end up like, that's how you learn appreciation, I think. And appreciation is a great thing to learn. Because you're very proud of what you did and you want to strive and then you want to do it more. Yeah.

like i like this is going on a whole but this is a positive this yeah i love it's like i see like some people talk about you know people talk about mental health a lot now and so they talk about like uh i feel like they talk a lot about like what other people got it like here's i've got this problem and so here's what you should be doing to help to deal with my problem instead of being like

I need to figure my problem out. And then that way I don't burden everybody with like I saw, like I think younger people are talking about that a lot now. Mental health is a big deal. I have stuff like I get it. We but it's not your burden to figure me out. I don't get to walk around and make you have to figure out how to be around me.

I need to figure out how to be around you. So I need to solve it like that. Talk to me, talk to someone. You got to go talk to someone to go. How do I not be the problem? I can't. I nothing will ever be fixed. If I wanted all of y'all to do deal with what I have to deal with. And I have trouble dealing with this all the time when stuff doesn't get done the way I want it to be done. I can get very like, why are you not doing it? I know how to do it. How are you not knowing how to do this? Well, that's not fair.

Because I'm the one that's reaping the benefits and the reward, the rewards. So either I need to do it or I can teach them how to do it or I can't expect them to do it. And that's what you got to deal with. But people have that with, I see like, like that's social media. It's like, man, it's like, I'm about to, maybe I'm just getting older and I just can't handle it. But people talk about mental health on there all the time. And it's like, well, everybody has it. Everybody on earth has it.

And it's all like, so here's how you deal with me when I walk in this situation. You're like, you're never going to be happy if you got to make, you know, people you got to manage. So you, so it works the way you want it to work. Why would you want to manage that many people? That doesn't make, why would I ever want to manage? I mean, that's, that's, it's like, it might as well be running a Walmart and you're like have a hundred employees and

If you go to the grocery store, you got to just be like, I need everybody to act the way I want you to act or I'm not going to have a good day. Well, that's insane. Or I can try to go, let me be the boss of one person. Yeah. And then I'll be able to handle. And some of that is, is like, I'll just mentally go because I would lose it if like stuff didn't go the way I want it to go. And so I would learn to sometimes just tell myself like, you know, and I would do it privately. I'm not trying to do it.

But you just kind of go to yourself and go, like, the day's going to go. Like, who knows how this day's going to go? Look at it as being kind of fun. I bet my name's misspelled on that thing. Yeah. So could I lose my mind? Could I find out why that was like that? This is a big special. I sold out four shows at this place. Who do you think you are? Could I do it that way or is it funny? It's funny. Yeah. Because who am I? I'm nobody. Nobody.

I'm nobody. Yeah, that wasn't done with ill. That wasn't done with ill. And who am I? Why should they know my name? They shouldn't. I'm just an idiot. When I go, like, when I met people after the show, they're waiting by the fence. I took a picture with them. And they're nice. And you're like, yeah, dude, I'm you. Like, I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you even want a picture with me. Who am I? I am nobody. I'm just a dude that just happens to be funny. But it's like, I don't know.

And I don't know why I went on this big. I don't think this counts as a rant. I get it, though. No, no, no. Maybe it does. You're like, all right. It's a happy rant, though. It's a happy rant. I want people to be positive. I just saw it. You see a lot of that. Well, some people should...

they have an energy and they should put it like you were talking about, like you should like managing a Walmart. It's like, maybe that's what some people need to do. They have this management thing in them where they want to tell everybody how to be. It's like, well, you should put that or put that energy into actually a job where it requires you to manage people. Yeah. Yeah. If you want it, well, if you have that,

You might have very good skills to be a real leader. Right. Because you have direction that you want things done the way that you think they should be done. But you can't be not put in any situation because you think this is too much. Like you get to, like I get not wanting to be like someone like, yeah, dude, I want you. Sometimes you want to be alone. Sometimes it's like, you're like, I just want to hang out with my buddies and I don't want it to be.

And I'll feel that all the time. Like, or you think I need to be this or I don't want to be too much. Or if I could go do something, it's going to be a whole big thing. But you got to just like realize like, yeah, you got to do that and be like, so I've got to figure out how do I do that? It's not your burden. It's not your, that's not fair to be like, you know, you shouldn't be like, oh, I'm sorry. Like you see me, I get upset and you see, and you're like, I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong? You could never do something wrong.

There's no, there's zero chance you could ever do something wrong. My job is to handle myself to then be like, no, of course not. And then it's like. Right. To be able to just roll with it. You got to just roll with it. Yeah. People can't roll with it. No one did this to me this weekend either. Like, so I know people would hear this podcast and, you know, people that were there and no one did this to me.

It's more stuff I saw in passing on Instagram. People that would not even know me. I'm seeing a lot of it because now you get so much post from other things. I feel like it's younger kids. You're never going to

I think people are very sad these days. They are. I think the thing about it, it's like, let's figure out why we're sad and try to fix that. Yeah, and that is to go talk to someone. Yeah. That is the, like, you might need to- Probably the way we eat, the lack of exercise, that we're on social media too much. All of those things make you sad. Oh, that phone is like, it's not good. Yeah. Yeah.

Our food is so bad. The food is bad. And then, you know, nobody drinks water. They're all dehydrated out here and they need a little water. Some liquid IV. You know what I mean? Yeah. Get some, but hydration is big. It is. And people are sad. It's hard not to realize this stuff, but like it was, I still love all these. I mean, I'll end up doing, I'll talk about the food at some point or what I did, but

But it's, I don't know. This is on gas stations. Take your shoes off, walk in the grass. You know what I mean? Drink a little gas sometimes. Drink a little gas. Drink a little gas. You'll appreciate how your life was before you drank that gas. Yeah. I think I've drank gas too. Yeah. Why have I drank gas? I've drank gas. I was trying to get it out of a lawnmower with a hose pipe to put it into a four-wheeler. Yeah. I drank gas. I drank a little bit of it. It's crazy to drink gas and be like, I can't put my finger on why I did it. Yeah, that is. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, a lot of gas stations have signs that say ease back into it. That's an N right there. That's really a master at ease it back into it. Yeah, that's like the weatherman. After a horrible story. Yeah, and he goes, send five degrees out today. Did you see that clip that went viral of them talking about, one of the morning shows, talking about the queen dying?

And they're like, the queen has died, and they're mourning. But back here in America, we're celebrating the start of football. See, it was just such a hard cut back to American history. It's that stuff, too. People don't – yeah, man, the queen's a big deal. If it's not a big deal to you, it does not mean it's not a big deal to – it's gigantic. Yeah. It's gigantic. It's huge. So is the start of the NFL. I know. But it's like, as people are like, oh, the queen, we got our own problems. You're like, there can be many problems. Yeah, yeah.

It's okay. We can focus on more than one thing. People just didn't realize social media is not real. That's the other thing. It's like, just calm down. Big time. No one, everybody's normal. That's why it's, you know.

Well, according to Snopes, there's never been a fire that's been caused. That's what you should have said, Aaron. You could have gotten a good enough in right there. There's never been a fire caused by a cell phone, but there are signs that say no cell phones, a lot of gas pumps, because it does cause static electricity, so it could happen, they say. So you shouldn't have any electronic equipment around a gas pump. Or wear a sweater.

Yeah. Static electricity. There are videos of people getting in their car and getting back out and fire start. Or a balloon, right? Yeah. I think they just don't want you talking, so you have to focus on those advertisements. Yeah. I would not be surprised if that's the real reason. I love the money that's been spent on gas pumps to put in quick little ads. I'll watch them. You've been scared to death by one? Oh, it just starts talking all of a sudden? I mean, I've jumped out of my skin late at night. Yeah.

I think I'm the only one there, and then the local news anchor. So... You know, all of them have a secret mute button, by the way. No way. Yeah. The second from the top button on the right is a mute button. Oh, how about that? And I think it's universal. I've tried it before. It works. If you ever want that guy to stop talking, just push that button. I always do that. You know, it's like, do they...

I think I like it because you get to see some of the local news sometimes. Yeah. Like you're like, ah. Catch up on stuff. I'll take that. Sometimes it's just ads. It's just commercial. If it's just ads, yeah. Yeah, the queen died. And football season's starting. That's where you found out. They should have a game on. Now, do you stop? I always let it get to the E. The light comes on, and then I fill it all the way up, and then I just do it again. Oh, no. I'll...

I think about, you think very in the moment. And I think about the situation. Like I would, I think about like, I'm not saying it does happen, but sometimes I'll think if it's at half, if there's, if I'm driving by and it's like, I can take a right, fill it up and get back right back on and make no big, like cutting across or, and it's just an easy transition. I'll do it then.

So if it's very smooth, I think about my route coming back. Like if you come to my house from the airport, that gas station, that's when you make that right off Concord Road, there's one right on the corner. And so it's like I got to make a right. So that one, you just kind of, it's almost like you're just going through and I think

The amount of time I'm going to, the least amount of time I'm going to spend is that's, that's the least amount of time I can spend. So I would do the gas. You'd like take a right in there. Or if I just, if one's on my side, you just kind of figure it out there. They say to maximize efficiency, you're supposed to fill it up when it's halfway empty. Why is that? Because the car performs better when it has the most gas in it. So rather than let it get all the way down to E.

When it's halfway through, when it's halfway down, then you fill it back up. But does the other gas stay in the bottom? Old gas? I don't know. Or is it like a popcorn machine? It's like the old comes up. It's all kind of mixing in. It's a great question. I don't think it's like oil and water. It's just like another layer of gas. Is it good? So if you do that, is it like immediately drive over like a few speed bumps?

Shake it up. Yeah, hit the brakes a lot. Hit the brakes really. Yeah. Get it. You don't want that old gas and the new gas to get. They should have speed bumps right as you exit. Rumble strips. Rumble strips. Just to be like. Yeah. Just to shake the gas up. Yeah. I'm with that. Do you know what mid-grade gas is?

89 no i think that's regular oh 87 oh no you're right 87 89 91 but i didn't know this but it's just the regular and the premium coming together oh there you go oh got that yeah it's the same principle just mixing it up they're just mixing it up oh really yeah do you put you don't ever get full or mitigate is that the mix put the mid-grade is just the two mixed together yeah

I've never had a car where it would make sense to put premium. Is there a car where it makes sense? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Or they tell you. They tell you it makes sense. Yeah. They said it. I did this. They tell you it makes sense. Yeah. They said the warranty may not honor it if you damage your engine. If you get like new Cadillacs or whatever, like a new SUV or whatever.

I think they tell you the high, you know. Put the premium. Now, are there any bad side effects if you have a terrible car that you put premium in? Will the car not know what to do with it? I think it's just the premium is just less ethanol, right? It's like being skinny fat if you do like a bad car with premium gas. Like you're like, is that guy skinny? You take a shirt off, you're like, good. That's worse than I thought. Pick a side. Yeah.

They used to, the early days, they would sell gas in glass containers so you could see what kind of gas you're getting because it was such bad gas. No transparency like that anymore, though. Yeah. No, yeah. Why is there a paper straw in there? Yeah. There's food in there. They have a strategy how to build gas stations. They say that the best place to build a gas station is right after you go through a light at a four-way intersection on the right-hand side.

Because then it's easier to get out. Yeah. So you guys all like a Buc-ee's, right? You guys are big Buc-ee's fans. I made my first stop this weekend. Oh, yeah? How did you feel about it? First time. It was good. I mean, I just ran in. I was going to Knoxville to do shows, and there's one in Crossville, Tennessee now. Maybe we've talked about this. I imagine you overwhelmed. I hate them. I just had to run and use the bathroom, but there's a guy playing horse with no name in there. See, I'm overwhelmed in there. I'm like, what's going on in here? Where did everybody come from?

Yeah, did you not really go walk around and look around? I didn't have time. Yeah, you got to pick a better gas station. In the moment. How do you not? What are you talking about? Buc-ee's, we've talked about it, like it's going to Disney World. Yeah. And you just ran in and go, where's your bathroom? And bounce. I got a glimpse of it. It's a big gas station. Browse the jerky's, man. That's so funny. I mean, everybody's like, you might be the only person that used it as if it's a map coat.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I was with Angela this weekend on the road, Angela Johnson, and she said they did the same thing. They stopped that same Bunkies and just used the bathroom. Wow. You didn't go walk around? I would have loved to if I had more time, but I just... How late were you? Well, I mean, I wasn't late, but I didn't have time to browse.

Five minutes. Yeah. I'm not saying go in there for an hour. Get yourself some chocolate-covered peanuts. Did you literally go car, bathroom, car? I mean, the bathroom's way in the back of Bucky, so I walked through and saw it. So that cut out some time. Get a brisket sandwich on your way. Did you walk through? Did you think I should have parked on the other side? No.

I did. It was incredibly busy in there. Everybody was going to Knoxville for the Tennessee-Florida game, and the lines were long at the checkout line. Well, Dusty called me after his first Buc-ee's trip. Yeah. You couldn't wrap your head around what you just saw. I mean, because I was so excited. Did you think you were in a Macy's? Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to describe it. I mean, I go to a lot of Love's, and I'm a big fan of a Love's truck stop.

And so I thought, well, all right, Bucky seems like a bigger loves. But I was like, what is happening in here? It's so busy. Would Bucky's be...

For trailer park living, if you got a present from Bucky's, would it be like someone went to Nordstrom? You would just be like, we can't afford this. This is what Bucky's would be like for trailer park living. It would be like, hey, do you guys want to go to Bucky's today? Let's make a day out of it. And that would be the trip. Yeah. But that'd be the trip for me. That'd be a trip for a lot of people, I think.

I mean, it'd be like- Because it's so crazy. Let's go to Bucky's. Let's get a brisket sandwich. Let's get some jerky. My sister, whenever she comes up from Alabama to visit, likes to stop at Bucky's for the brisket sandwich. Oh, yeah. She really likes the brisket sandwich. It's great. But I can't- I mean, it's so much going on in there. It's a madhouse in there. I like a Love's, too. Yeah. But-

I like Buc-ee's better. You know why I like a gas station? I think it's kind of beautiful in a way. I think it's the last place. I think it's as close as we can get to a true representative cross-section of America. It's the last place where all different types of people are in there. Yeah. All different backgrounds, races, religions, whatever. It's America in these gas stations. Because everybody has to stop there.

I don't know if there's another place like that. I've been to gas stations with the Amish there. DMV. Yeah. You disagree? No, no. I get it. Yeah. I've seen Amish people at the gas station. A busload of them. There you go. Just hanging out in there, getting stuff. Yeah. Beards and old uniforms. Dude. They wear old uniforms? Yeah, they're like wearing their old, you know, an old Amish uniform. Yeah. Yeah.

I was in Phoenix this weekend, and we hiked to the Grand Canyon, and about four miles into the Grand Canyon, a pack of Amish showed up, hiking in the full-on uniform. Yeah. No water bottles, just Skechers, slacks, and a jacket, the vest, and the long-sleeve shirt. Yeah.

What commitment. Yeah. You know? And Skechers. Well, they all wear Skechers. They do? No, it's like black, like busboy shoes. Oh, okay. Shoes for crews. Is that what they're called? That was what we called it, because it had the bottoms that could grip the floor. Oh, yeah. Shoes for crews. For crews? Crews, like a crew of work people. Oh. Like a work crew. Yeah. It looked like orthopedic shoes. Mm-hmm.

So the first convenience store to stay open 24 hours was a 7-Eleven in Austin, Texas. After a University of Texas football game, this is like the 1960s, students kept flooding in and people at the game, and they just never could close. They stayed open all night, and then they started realizing there's –

People that want to come around the clock. So they started open around the clock, 24 hours. And then they were like, oh, games are only once a week. Now there's 150,000 convenience stores in the United States. Wow. Just a little. Most people spend, how much time would you say, spend in a grocery store and a convenience store? So accounting, you spend six seconds. Half hour. Well, the walk was...

Before I told that story, y'all would have said I spent all day in there. That's true. You're saying... Grocery store, the average person spends 41 minutes in a grocery store. 41 minutes. Gas station, 12. Three and a half minutes. Three and a half. In and out. Because most people... Well, 12's a lot. Yeah. What are you doing in there? If you're making a hot dog, you could be making a hot dog at the Love's.

You ever had a- Everybody spent 12 minutes. That's a lot. About 10 minutes in, the employees would be like, what's this guy doing? Yeah, he's casing the place. He's been here a while. Is he working? Most people go in, grab a drink or something. Yeah, I don't think shifts are 12 minutes long. Love's is one of the last places that they'll say, welcome to Love. When you walk in, they'll welcome you. Welcome to Love's. And what do you say back? I give them a wave. Yeah. I go, all right. All right.

Over 80% of convenience store food. Which one's yours? The big one in the back over there. You got a big semi. That's right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I got my little headphone on with the mic. Oh, yeah, the Bluetooth. A little trucker headset. A little Love's Hack. They got that other register in the back. Yeah. Go use that. Yeah. Okay. I've seen so many times. Long line in the front. There's another one back there. Yeah.

Just go back there with the beef jerky and Slim Jams. Trucker back there trying to pay for eight grand of fuel. You just got your little package. Trying to get a shower set up. Yeah. And you're over there, I'll take these nerds and some Tylenol PM.

80% of convenience store food that's purchased is eaten within the first hour. 65% is eaten immediately. Yeah, that's where I'm at. Sometimes you just take the wrapper to the cash register. You've already eaten. You know what I mean? You're like... That would be 10% is eaten before. Yeah. Well, millennials, I'd be you, right? They buy at least one prepared food from a convenience store each week, meaning that's their meal. Oh, yeah.

You're more than that? I'm way above that. I probably spend 85% of my money at gas stations. Really? If I just total everything up. A prepared meal? What do you get, a sandwich? Not a prepared meal, but yeah, maybe like one of those, you know, a sandwich that's wrapped up or something like that. What about a... I've eaten a lot of gas station hot dogs. I had to cut that out.

Like a Sheetz or a Wawa. A Wawa has a pretty good sandwich. I remember people really going crazy for Wawa. I like a sandwich. They went crazy this past weekend. Yeah. There was like a news story. Oh, okay. Oh, there was? Yeah. But it was the... Okay. There was a...

But the Wawa, that was a big Wawa. It was big as like Big J and all the guys I started with were Philly. So New Jersey and like they all loved Wawa. Yeah. So it was like a big deal. Big J would make us go, which we loved it. He'd make us go every time. He'd say, we got to go to Wawa and we go get a sandwich there. Wawa. It is good. Wawa was the first one that I was like, oh, wow.

And you can make a hot sandwich. It beat out Firehouse Subs, Jersey Mike's, and Subway for best sandwich. It is a great sandwich. Wow. It's famous once the Gobbler made with turkey gravy stuffing and cranberry sauce. Like a Thanksgiving sandwich? Sounds like it. What do you guys think is the number one item bought in a convenience store? Cigarettes. You talking about gas? Well, besides gas. Inside the store. Inside the store. It's got to be cigarettes. Gum. Tobacco. Hold on. Hold on.

It's going to be Doritos. Well, that would be snacks. It's not that specific. Oh. So you'll say snacks? I'll say... I know I'll drink soda. Is that snacks? That'd be separate. I'm going beer. Beer's number two. Yeah. Tobacco's number one. All right. Snacks, number three. Snacks are actually number five. What else is there? Drinks were four. I said drinks. Number three, lottery tickets. Oh, no.

I would think that'd be one. Yeah. Did you ever drive to another state for lottery tickets? Well, in Alabama, you can't get lottery tickets. So I used to go to Georgia. Actually, in Alabama, you have to be 19 to get cigarettes. So when I was 18, I would go to Georgia and get cigarettes and lottery tickets. You could smoke them at 18. You can only buy them at 19. You could smoke them really any age. Yeah, we've had that exact conversation. I feel like we're having deja vu here. Yeah, just trying to keep the kids...

Giving them some life hacks. This is all the kids listening. Kids, if you're having trouble buying cigarettes in your own state, why don't you drive home? Well, I remember a lady in Georgia being like, you're not supposed to be over here buying them. I shouldn't even sell them to you. And it's like, well, just do it. You know what's happening. Would you just stock up so you didn't have to go all the time? Oh, no. We were living in the moment. You are when you're little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're little.

When you're younger, that being said, you are very much in the, like you're not buying, you're putting $5. I mean, you can't do that anymore, but I put $5 of gas in just enough to get me. Yeah. So as, so that is true. And when you're younger, you're kind of just like, I'm getting place to place to place to place. But if you want that to stop, you got to start thinking of a bigger picture. And I don't think I ever bought a pack of cigarettes that I didn't say, this is my last pack.

You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm quitting right after this. That's good. I did eventually quit. That's cool. And it feels good. There you go. My lungs feel good. Yeah. It's, you know, it's good. You just try to make it better that kids are listening. Yes, exactly. I get it. It is good to breathe well. Yeah. That helps. You know? It helps. Helps you feel better. The more oxygen you get, the happier you are. Two most famous convenience store drinks. That's true. Both from 7-Eleven.

Slurpee. Slurpee. Icy. Mountain Dew. Well, Icy is something in itself. And then the Big Gulp. Oh, yeah. Big Gulp. Big Gulp. It was the largest drink available by any reason. 32 ounces, the Big Gulp. And then they did the Double Gulp, which is 50 ounces. And then they had the Monstrous Team Gulp, which is 128 ounces. How big a cup is that? 128 ounces. Or Dew Team Gulp. Yeah.

Oh, it's like a Gatorade. It's like what you give to a teen. One of those big tubs. What's the smallest cup on there? What is that? That's an original fountain drink from McDonald's in 1955. Their cups were seven ounces, which is like an espresso shot almost. Yeah.

You ever go to the movies, though, and they're like, hey, if you get the large, you get a free refill. I'm always like, who wants a refill after drinking all of this? Well, you take one to go on the way out. I've got a refill. Yeah. I put a lot of ice in. Oh, okay. And so I go, I don't ever get a refill on the popcorn. Yeah. But I go fill another soda up. Yeah. So they used to do Slurpees and Big Gulp. You have to do it behind the counter. You couldn't do it yourself. You had to take it.

Or when you asked for it, they would do it. I do remember that. And they would make it. Yeah. And then the Big Gulp became such an issue that when Michael Bloomberg was trying to ban sodas in New York City, they called it the Big Gulp ban. I was living there when that happened. I was furious. Yeah, you were against it. Yeah. Furious. It was going to change your life. Well, I mean, look, the audacity to go like, yeah, I drink a lot of soda. But no one should tell me I can't have soda. I'm for it. Yeah.

Like they were just like, it was, that was insane. It was only like a certain amount of ounces. Oh yeah. I agree. Everybody was furious. The nanny state. Yeah. So it didn't pass. No, I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah. And then the Slurpee. That's like in Seinfeld when he runs on, we should all wear name tags. Yeah. It's like a version of that. Yeah. His other thing was the calories on menus, right? Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's not bothering, you know,

It's not keeping you from doing anything. It's not taking something from someone. Right. Yeah. The idea that you go, you're drinking too much soda. You're like, who do you, I mean. You're my mom. Yeah, just put a picture of somebody in a diabetes trance on a big cult. So you're like, you can look at it and go, this could be you. Like they do with cigarettes? Yeah. In Canada, the cigarette packs, they have really bad things. Oh, they'll have pictures of like diseased mouths and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Is there a limit on how much beer you could buy?

Or alcohol? In a gas station? Yeah, I guess anywhere. I don't know. I think it depends on if I've gone to a gas station before and stumbled, and they've been like, we're not going to sell you any more alcohol. Yeah, you're a special case. I remember in Indiana, there was a limit on how many cans of beer you could buy per transaction. So it would have to be split up into multiple transactions. I don't remember what the number was. 72 maybe? Did you ever hit it?

Oh, yeah, all the time. Yeah. Yeah. So you just have to walk around and get back in line and just buy it again. 72 cans? Yeah. I don't remember the exact number, but it was a cutoff. It was like three cases. Yeah. After a certain number of cases, it had to be rung up separately to comply with Indiana state law. You drank quite a bit back then. We were drinking quite a bit back then. Or you drive 10 minutes and go to Michigan, and it's an anarchy up there. You can do whatever you want.

Every July 11th, 7-Eleven gives away 500,000 gallons of Slurpee. In Australia, it's November 7th because they write their calendar backwards. Oh, really? Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. So the Slurpees were so big that the Simpsons, they did a parody called The Squishy. And when the Simpsons movie came out, Slurpee sold the Squishy. I mean, 7-Eleven sold the Squishy.

And it was, it was made by accident. It was made by a dairy queen worker. His freezer was,

stopped working. So he threw a bunch of soda bottles into his freezer. And then when he got them out, they had ice in them and people really loved it. And they're like, oh, what do you call this? He said, I call it the Icy. And that's how Icy started. I used to love going to Walmart and getting an Icy. Yeah, and Icy's still around. They're now headquartered here. I might go get one today. Yeah, that little dog on it. Yeah, you can get them. Oh, I love that logo.

You can get it at, I think you can get them at Burger King. Is it a dog or a polar bear? It's a polar bear. Yeah, it could be a bear. Yeah, it might have to go. But then when 7-Eleven bought the rights from them, they changed it to Slurpee, the name, the Slurpee. Take Harper and go get an iced tea today. Yeah. I think it might happen. You go Coke, I see. I like the Coke, yeah. Really? I go Cherry. Cherry's good too, though. Cherry will mess up your whole day, though, and your whole mouth is red. I'm prepared for that.

I think ahead. I think, who am I meeting today? Yeah. Am I going to be comfortable with them knowing what's going on? And today's a day where you'd be fine. I'm probably not going to talk anymore today. Counterbalance the tea. Yeah. Go something hot, get something almost frozen. Yeah. I went high, too old money here. So I'm going to go new lotto money. Good money.

The world's largest convenience store, Bucky's in New Brunsville, Texas. 120 gas pumps, 83 bathroom stalls, 1,000 parking spaces. I need to go see that one. 31 cash rushers. Parked right by the bathroom, got in and out. Pay at the pump is a relatively new thing. Yeah, I remember not doing that. My mom still does it. Yeah. She didn't know how to do it, so she'll just go wait and...

She didn't care. She gets gas like three times a year. But they thought that would cut out all the buying all the stuff because if people weren't going in anymore, it would really cut down. But it actually had the opposite effect because now the lines weren't as long for everybody having to pay gas. So the people who were really into buying stuff just made a day of it and it actually picked up sales. What would you think about if almost it was like a sonic thing where you pump your gas and then you could order stuff at the gas pump and they'd bring it out to you?

on roller skates uh yeah it'd have to be quick yeah it'd have to be quick it'd be before you were done pumping gas i think but i think like oh if you pressed it let's say you put the gas and then you're like well yeah bring me out a diet coke and you know some gum and then it just tacking onto that gas bill and they just bring it out to you if it were fast i'd be into if it was fast i'd be into it the thing with sonic though you're looking at a menu

So you would have to know exactly what you want. They would have a whole menu up. They'd have some sausage. I think like a gas. Yeah. If they could bring me a jug to use the bathroom in. Yeah. That would be, that would be, that would be. I would, like if they had food, like good food, like if it was a place like that, you'd be like, hey, I want to, I'll take a number one. Yeah. Yeah. What I'm saying is McDonald's should start selling gas.

Yeah. Have a gas pump. I wish they had some mom and pop places inside like a Love's where you could go get a hamburger, like a good hamburger. It's always like, I mean, I'm not a McDonald's fan. It's always that. McDonald's and Subway. Subway. Maybe a Hardee's once in a while. Hardee's every now and then. Yeah. I wish they had some mom and pop gas station. What's the age that you think you start filling the tank up every time?

What do you mean? You know, like when you first drive, you're never filling the tank up. But then you do hit an age. I guess you've got to have like a real job. Yeah, you've got to have some money. But then you start filling it up every time. Probably like mid... I mean, do you fill it up every time? Close to 30. I fill it up every time. Do you, Dusty? Yeah. Well, sometimes I get if I'm like...

I get impatient. Yes. Then I just stop it before, you know. And that's enough. Yeah. Yeah. Just to get where I'm going. Yes, enough. Enough. You just grab that pump and you go, enough. Enough.

So I think we talked about a previous episode with all these electric cars starting. Convenience stores are actually going down. There's fewer now already than there used to be. And they think they'll eventually either fade away or they'll have to change. So what they're talking about doing is maybe one thing is, I guess most people who have electric cars, they have a level one charger.

They're talking about installing level three chargers, which can charge your car so much faster that it's almost like pumping gas, filling your car up with gas. So that's one thing that they're talking about. If they did that, that would help people go inside. Yeah. Because now it takes a long time to charge a car, right? Yeah. Yeah.

They're going to have to do what these movie theaters are doing, which is they're going to have to turn it into more of an experience for people. There's going to be a lot more Buc-ee's, a lot more places trying to do that. Which will be fun. Yeah, which will be great. I mean, I'm excited about what's to come. In California, Tesla has already opened a charging hub where you come, there's a lounge, espresso bar, free Wi-Fi. So that's kind of what you're thinking. Yeah, culturally a little different than what I'm...

We want something more fun. Yeah. We want more of a Bucky's. Yeah. But I'm sure that place would like some hot tea and some free Wi-Fi. So convenience stores will either go away or they're just going to have to totally change the way they do things. And we've talked about Harper pumping gas and stuff like that. I know she's already been with you to pump gas before. Yeah.

But our daughters, I mean, that's 15, 16 years from now. Who knows? I know. It's going to be a wild world out here. Your daughter's definitely going to pump gas. Your daughter's going to have gallons of gas in her crib. We're gas for life out here. Yeah. Yeah, we're gas for life. Yeah. I think you're still going to be –

She'll definitely live in a world, like Soul Harper, where there is no gas station. I mean, when she gets older. Yeah. We're mad at Max. I don't know, man. I mean, it's, you know, I think it'll be like DVDs.

Well, California. You'll know what they are, but you might not buy them. Yeah. California said by 2035, selling all electric cars. I'm more into DVDs than ever. So. Yeah. I hope they have like a McKay's gas station. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you can go get gas for cheap. Yeah. I could see. Yeah. Yeah. Used gas. Yeah. They got to get, yeah.

I could see using DVDs. Yeah. It's like when you play, I don't play video games a lot, but we have one on the bus. Everything's like, just to play the game now, it's like, it's a whole thing. There's all this extra stuff they're adding. You're like, I just want to go. I want to play. I know. In movies and everything, you're like, you do go, if I put this DVD in, it's playing right there. It's not going to be...

a thing. Yeah. I'm into it. I'm into log in. Yeah. I hate video games with like a story. I don't play a lot of games either, but if you're like, there's a story, I'm like skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip. I don't, I don't need to know the story. Yeah. Well, some games you do. Not for me. I don't need to know it either. I'm like, where are they hiding the gun? And,

You know, where's the car? I can see. I watched The Core last night. The Core? Oh my gosh. I haven't seen that movie forever. Where they go to the center of the earth? That's where they go to The Core. I remember that movie. Pretty fun. Yeah. I liked it. All I remember about The Core. No, I wouldn't be interested in it though. Yeah. It's the guy they hired a hack. You like science fiction? Yeah, exactly. Heavy on the fiction? Yeah. Yeah.

It's the guy they hire to hack the internet. Yeah. And he goes, I'm going to need a lot of Hot Pockets. Yeah. I remember that line pretty good. I think he asked for money. He asked, well, that's one of his requests. I'm going to need unlimited money. Is that what he said? Well, they go, can you hack the internet with unlimited resources? And he's like, I'm going to need a lot of Hot Pockets. But I mean, like, I'd want to...

Is he going to get paid, too? He gets paid, I think. You think so? Well, he was also doing a bunch of illegal stuff, and they arrest him, and this is like, I'll do this. I'll hack the internet for you, if I remember correctly. It's been a while since I've seen it. In that movie, they make it to the center of the earth. They get down there. It's real hot. Oh, it's real hot down there. Yeah. Well, they get out at one point.

Which is kind of funny. Like they get to the middle and then they hit a point where they're like, I guess we got to get out of our ship. And you're like, well, I don't think we could. That doesn't make sense. Did you see where NASA crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid? Oh, man. Yeah. To see if they can make it bounce a different direction. So if one ever came toward Earth, they could...

Divert it. How'd it go? They said it'll be a while before they know for sure if it changed course, I think. How did you not know right away? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, I don't know. I guess it must have been very slight. Yeah, it's not like it goes opposite direction like a pinball. Boing! Yeah.

I'd like to hear a boy. Is there video footage of the crash? There's animation. Oh, animation. No real footage. I haven't seen real footage. Yeah, they got a drawing of it. They got a lot of hot pockets. And you go, is it going to work? You're like, we won't know for quite a while. When's the last time you stopped at a gas station and they gave you a key?

Did they go to the bathroom? Yeah. Not that long ago. Yeah, I would say within the year. There's one on the way to McMinnville when I go out there. Those are probably not convenient. So those are gas stations, right? Those are straight up Chevrons. Yeah. This one's like a little bit of a grocery store in Watertown.

Yeah. It's a good spot. How'd you say that? Watertown. Watertown. I thought it was Waterton. Watertown. No, it's Watertown, but you put a little R in there. Water. Water. Water. Yeah. Word of return. Is that basically it? Yeah. I'll show this video. This is Lincoln. So they were all the guys that go on the road with me, which has been because everybody I've started with, I've been around, I've known for 20 years.

And they very nicely got me a hiking stick with a rain check tour on it. And then they got a poster with everybody's or a picture of everybody's face on it. That's cool. It was very cool. They forgot Gary Veeder. Julian forgot Gary Veeder. So then they wrote another letter. Like it was, but it was very sweet. It's like a perfect gift. We forgot to put the hiking stick on the, on the bus. So they had to get it through the airport. And so Veeder,

And Julian, two perfect people to try to do this. They were like, well, just have a fake limp. So he walked through the airport. And that's how they got the stick home. It was just him acting, Julian acting like, oh, man. He just had to pretend it was a medical device for him. He had to pretend it was a medical device. Wow. I mean, that's worse than a guitar. It's just huge. It doesn't move. What did he do with it on the plane? I don't know.

Julian figures stuff out. He figures stuff out. All right. Sorry about my voice. We love you always. I'm about to announce the 2023 dates coming up. I also have big dates. Two weeks. Fargo, North Dakota, Casper, Wyoming. I'm coming out there. I'm blanking. Cedar Rapids. Bunch of stuff. And this weekend, Greg Warren. This weekend.

Greg Warren special. I'm directing it, producing it with 800 pound gorilla, Lexington comedy club, comedy off Broadway. Great comedy club. Great comedy. Greg's very, very funny. Y'all saw him on the podcast. Yeah. Come out to that Saturday night. We're taping the show. He's there all weekend.

So come to any of them. Saturday, we are taping it. We appreciate it. Everybody that will come. It's going to be, I'm very excited. We're almost done with Mike Vecchione special. So we're no more about that, but it looks great. So yeah, come out to Greg's this weekend. It's Thursday. I'm with Angela Johnson in Memphis. And then Saturday I'm with Angela here in town at the Ryman auditorium where she is taping her special.

So I'm going to be opening her for that. And she's doing two shows at Ryman. That'll be fun. And then October 22nd, I'm recording my dry bar special in Provo, Utah. Provo, Utah. Yeah. October 22nd. Yep. That's awesome. Everybody go check that out. Yeah. October 22nd. Yeah. Yeah.

This weekend, tonight, I'm in Texas. I'm in Texas all weekend. Houston tonight at the Secret Group. Then Bryan, Texas. And then all weekend in Dallas at Hyenas Comedy Club, which I've never been to. I'm excited. And then next weekend, the Stress Factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut, where I've never been. It's a great club. Yeah, it is fun. I've been to the Stress Factory. Stress Factory is a...

That's a big one. I've never done either. I'm so me. I'm pumped about it. Yeah. And then I got a bunch of dates come up, Chicago, Milwaukee, Davenport, Iowa. Come see me.

I want to say since the last time we've done a podcast, I was in Greenville, South Carolina at the Comedy Zone. I had a great time. A lot of Nate Lamb fans came out. I appreciate that. Those shows were really hot. I had a good run of Comedy Zones. Jacksonville, Greensboro, Greenville, all hot. And this weekend, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Dayton, Ohio, September 30th, October 1st. And then October 4th, I'm back at Zany's in Nashville. All right. That's good. Yeah. All right. We love you. See you next time. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.