#126 Holiday Shopping
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Hello, folks, and hey, bear. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm Nate Bargetzi, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay. All right. Here we are. We're doing it up. Got your Vandy gear. Big win Saturday. Big win Saturday. Oh, but I don't want to jinx it. Bowl bound, baby. I don't want to jinx it. We're doing... I wore it with confidence because we pre-recorded this, so I do not know what happened in the Vandy game. But, you know, I feel...

One thing's for sure, you guys, you played the right way. Yeah. That can be sure. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah, that was some cheap shots they took. Yeah. All right, it went great, but we still did it. We did it. We're bowl bound. We've already got our bowl tickets. Yeah. We got World Cup, I'm sure. We got nice emails, World Cup. Everyone thought we got everything exactly right. Yeah. No complaints. All went good. Yeah.

Yeah, we did good. I feel great about it. Celebrate Tristan's birthday. We got Lauren, Nick, your birthday. We got everybody's birthday. Nick helped us with the soccer. So if you also don't agree with it, then call Nick. Yeah. He's a sucker. I think he represents so many people. He's 150 million people playing. I hope you're happy. He's like a stat boy from PTI. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got one over there.

People love how dumb we are until it's something they actually know. Exactly. And then they're like, this is so frustrating. I forgot to tell you. Did I tell you all that I met an aerospace engineer in Dayton? I think so. No. If I did, that's okay. He came up to me and he talked to me for a while. And I just want you to know.

that I know you feel like you got a lot of stuff wrong. Yeah. Nate and Dusty were actually asking really smart questions about, in the physics episode. Of course. About like how, about like escape velocity and how far until you're no longer pulled by the Earth's gravity and stuff. He's like, those are really, really good questions they were asking. Wow. And I want to make sure they know that it's not all dumb. Like these are smart, these are smart things. Well, I knew they were good questions. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know a lot about soccer, but I know the right questions. But you told that guy, you're like, well, I mean, you tricked your way into getting this job, so. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Yeah. Yeah, aerospace, whatever that is. You know what I mean? So you met a con man is what you're saying. Did you get aerospace? Oh, aerospace engineering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anybody, if there's some physics or an astronaut that meets Dusty, I want you all, when you see him.

We're doing the quotes, if you're listening. Hey, I worked in science and NASA. Yeah. Yeah. You know, in Dayton, though, I saw you went to the, what is it, the military museum there? I went there, too. And I had a pocket knife that they wouldn't let me take in. So I took it out, and I buried it under a park bench out there. Yeah. It's a huge parking lot. I didn't want to walk all the way back to the car.

And they took it. They went out and they found where I buried it and took my knife. Wow. Yeah. How do you know that? Did they tell you? It was gone. Well, someone might've watched you. Do you think it was them or was it just like a guy walking by? I think they did it.

Or you forgot what bench you did. I mean, all of these are possibilities. Yeah. But I believe they took it. The more fun thing to think is they were watching you through the window. I'd imagine the amount of knives that get dug around that place is probably pretty high. Yeah. I mean, I got to- I think you could have just dug for another second and found a new knife.

I got, well, maybe, maybe I got a pretty good success rate though. Once I was going to the Preds game and I hit it, uh, the knife in an alleyway downtown and I found it. And then another time I was going to the Ryman and they wouldn't let me in with a knife. So I hit it in the ceiling tiles of the coffee shop next door.

And I went back months later and got that one. He's like Dwight from The Office. He has stuff hidden everywhere. Because the coffee shop was closed when I got out of the show. So I couldn't, and then I don't go downtown a lot. Yeah, so next time your horse got down there. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we get next trip to town. Next trip to town, you went down there and said...

Daddy's got to do one quick stop. Yeah. And it popped up in there. I mean, did they see you put it up there? I went to the bathroom, you know, climbed up on the toilet and stuffed it on the ceiling top. Yeah. And it was just sitting right there? It was right there. Oh, no one knows the look. Yeah. So we can say if you see Dusty about to go into a thing that you imagine is going to be no knives.

Look around. Yeah. Yeah. There'll be one around. Yeah, there'll be one around. Do you have a go-to secret hiding spot in the house for stuff? I mean, you don't have to say what it is, but do you have like a go-to spot? Under your seat. It's, uh, there, no. Okay. I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe we- To hide stuff from Laura? Yeah.

No, to hide stuff from whatever. Let's say you have some precious jewels. Oh, like under the couch with the spoons? Yeah, exactly. Something a little more discreet than that. I don't know if we really have one. I mean, some drawers you might have. But I don't have anything. We had some fake books on the bookcase growing up that opened up. Those were fun. What would you put in there? I would do...

I think like our passports or something like that. Yeah. Like some kind of, you know, just valuables. Yeah. Frost Nixon DVD. Something like that. Yeah. I don't know if I have anything that I don't have a lot I would care about.

That's not on your person right now? I think I look at everything as like, I'll move on. It's like you just grabbed it. But if you had a gold watch that you inherited from your great-grandfather. Yeah, I guess I don't have anything like that. So if I had something like that, yeah, there could be something. Yeah, I don't know. But I don't know if that kind of stuff means. But I don't know. I've never had it. So maybe it doesn't.

You have something that you've been passed down? No, nothing like that. Nothing that's valuable enough that I need to hide it. I have sentimental stuff, probably. Yeah.

Imagine you have some blueprints or something. I got some stuff hidden. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a specific spot, but I do hide things. Yeah. His map to escape. Yeah. Yeah, I got stuff hidden around. I don't want to keep all the hidden stuff in one spot. That's right. In case it's found. How about your wife leaves you and you go, no, I've been prepared for this. Yeah. You're always prepared. She couldn't even surprise you with that. I want a divorce. And you're like, I'm already. Yeah, I saw it. I got a place in the woods. I'll go to it right now.

I've been waiting for this day. I wait for everybody to learn. I don't trust anybody. Yeah, you got to be ready. You got to be ready. You got to be ready. You never know. All right, let's start. I mean, we don't have anything to talk. No, I don't think so. Had a good lunch. Hope everybody had a good Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah. How was your Thanksgiving? It was great. It was great. Mine too. Alexis Torres.

I started listening to Nate Land after I graduated law school. I listened while I studied for the bar exam to make it through 12 plus hour study days. Then listened while I waited three months for results to drop. Oh, I see. I recently passed the bar exam and now a licensed attorney. All right. Thank you all for making a rough period of time a little better with laughs and positivity. All right. Congratulations. Congratulations.

really seems tough to listen and study though. I don't think we got a lot going on. Yeah. I don't think, uh, any of our words are messing with the words. She's reading. So there's zero overlap. Yeah. Yeah. There's no, it's easy. She's like, it was easier than you thought. Like classical music. Yeah. Yeah. Just a noise in the background. Uh,

I watched, you know, I did watch The Firm. Oh, The Firm's a good one. Yeah. I didn't know it was about what it was about. I thought it was, I didn't know what I thought it was. Set in Memphis. Yeah. So I was just in, I was just in Memphis and I was like, all right, I'll watch it.

And then I was like, oh, it's like a mafia kind of thing. You're like, oh, I didn't know. Yes, John Grisham, right? Isn't that a John Grisham book? His stuff's great. Really nice shot of the Bass Pro Shop in the background a couple of times there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. It was very fun, you know? Wilford Brimley. Oh, yeah, he's great. Tom Cruise. Oh, he's in it too? Gene Triplehorn? Is that her name? I think I thought Jack Nicholson was coming on at some point, but he didn't show up.

That had Gene Hackman in it though, right? Gene Hackman? Yeah. It's been a while since I've seen it. Yeah, that's the other one that he's in. You Can't Handle the Truth. Yeah. If you like The Firm, you might like Rainmaker. Ooh. You ever see that movie? Matt Damon. Yeah. It's another legal movie. Okay. If you're into litigation. Yeah. Yeah.

Alex, she's changed her mind. Yeah, you're watching that going. Sorry, Alexis. You're going, when is the you can't handle the truth line coming? Yeah, just wait for it. Yeah. I don't know where the truth would be. Father Jim Olofsson. Father Jim Olofsson. I'm a priest from Illinois, and right now I'm a full-time student doing graduate work in Rome. Wow.

As I walk to class every day past the hordes of tourists at the Coliseum, I can't help but be a bit self-conscious as I laugh out loud listening to you guys. Thanks for all the fun, and don't forget to get to church sometime. Yeah. That's nice. We're being listened to out there. Look at that next to that. That's great.

That counts as, you know. I've been to the Coliseum. Oh. You have? Yeah. I think more stuff was still attached to it. Yeah. I was there for a show. Yeah. I had tickets. He had tickets. Same tickets he had at the Titans game. He goes all the way up at the top. I can't see. Is he dead? Is the lion even? Yeah. Is it the Christian or the lion that's down? Yeah.

They used to fill the Coliseum with water and have naval battles in it. Isn't that crazy? That's how big it is? Yeah, it's pretty big. Is it a football size? A small football stadium, I guess. Were they putting a boat in there? They'd fill it up with water somehow, and they would have naval battles in there. Who said this? I read it years ago, and I've been repeating it ever since. I remember them saying that to me in school, too. This could have been just an Alabama thing they were saying. Yeah. That's what they told you all, too? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, they would fill it. I mean, here's obviously a drawing of what it would look like, but they'd fill up kind of the base layer of it with water, let these ships go at it. It's one of those that I wonder if they were like, we should do it, and then you're like, no, they never did that, dude. How are they going to get that water? How are you going to keep the water in there?

Yeah. I've heard the... That's what I always thought. Christians and the Lions is way over exaggerated and that either didn't happen or... It was like donkeys. Hardly ever happened. Like the...

I heard somebody say the Christians were fighting the lions. They weren't being fed to them. They were fighting them. Well, ideally, they'd try to fight them off. Not Barry Sanders out there. Emperor Titus ordered the Colosseum to be flooded, and then he used special flat-bottomed ships during the battle to accommodate for the shallow water. So they didn't put a ton of water in, but they put enough to have these ships floating around. And then they pulled an island in the middle of it where they could land and fight. I mean, that's...

There's a lot going on. And they would watch them truly fight to death. Yeah. Who was fighting? Most of them were slaves, I think. Gladiators, yeah. Yeah, like they're just- They were just bought and sold to do this. Yeah. Football guys are tough. Yeah, we're talking about concussions. Yeah. Or like, does he have CTE? And you're like, I don't know. I mean, I was stabbed multiple times. I don't think his head's attached anymore. Yeah, yeah.

I think the CTs, they're going to have to look into it. Imagine just, and people just going to watch that. You'd go. Would you have season tickets? Oh, I would hate that. I'd be the last guy to want to see that. But at the time, I mean. I know, but think of that time where it's, you know, no entertainment. Community thing. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah, I probably would be in there. Yeah. There was no other entertainment. A cynical person, more cynical than me, would say this is no different than the UFC.

No. It's completely different. What are you talking about? They fight to the death with swords. Yeah, well, they just stop a little earlier. That's kind of everything. That's the whole everything. I think you're right. The sport becomes a sport when it's like, well, let's just not die out there. But people are injured irrevocably. I mean, UFC, I think they say it's better than boxing because the boxing is just to your head the whole time. And so UFC, you're watching two...

Professional athletes know this craft that's so crazy. Right. And so, I mean, there's a level, I guess, the sports of that is like, well, you're watching these gladiators and stuff. But, I mean, the UFC also gets – they get paid. I mean, again, this is – they're using slaves to do this. I mean, just – there's a – probably, I'm just scratching the surface, probably a couple different things than –

This and the UFC. I mean, I agree. When the UFC first started, I feel like in the 90s, there was no rules. Wasn't it a lot more brutal? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I imagine. Tank Abbott, that guy. John McCain called it human cockfighting. Yeah. I'd imagine it's still better than the Coliseum. And we just go look at it. Oh, look at that. All right. Head on out. You know? Yeah.

Clayton Stevens. So far, I've met two Nate Land fans in person. One was a pediatric surgical oncologist. Wow. No idea what they do, but I don't think they're on call. That's with cancer. Oh. Oncology. Oh. That's pretty big. The other was a gas station attendant. That's...

That's pretty big. Yeah. You're an oncologist? It's pretty big, man. It's pretty big, man. Good for you. I think that's my favorite thing about Nate Land. It's the closest we can get to a true representative cross-section of America, all different races, backgrounds, religions, whatever. There you go. Boom. All right. Look at that. Clayton Stevens nailed it. He gets it, dude. He gets it. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about.

Jessica Pruitt.

When the situation was handled, I left the parking lot shaken and upset. I was disappointed by a trip with Ian on a low note. When I turned the corner, I saw Nate's giant face on the side of Zany's. I busted out laughing, and my mood immediately improved. Nate, thanks for always cheering me up when I need it. Love you guys and the podcast. That's so nice. All right. That's really cool. And I wonder if everybody knows Dusty's face is on the other side of the building. A little smaller than Nate's. I had no idea. A little crammed in with a bunch of other people.

people yeah it's up there and nate's face got painted twice though yeah yeah because it got painted and then tore down i think jessica very upset i think she commented she now knows who ran into your uh face oh yeah about this guy this guy yeah yeah uh yeah he's like i won't give my information they're like well we're just going to read the side of your truck yeah that has all the information on it uh that's awesome so i mean it stinks about your car

Sean hates, hates. I went to my doctor to get blood work done. I got a call early Saturday morning around 7.30 a.m. from the doctor's office. I mean, who told me to give them a call back when I have a chance? I called them back ready to hear the worst case scenario since it was Saturday and not thinking about what date it was. All it was was them wishing me a happy birthday. Needless to say, I was happy and upset at the same time. Blood work came back fine. I mean, yeah, that is crazy. And it's also...

Who is calling 7.30 a.m.? I know. Your doctor calls you? And says, happy birthday. And then what? You just have a conversation with him? Yeah. Who asked you to call them back? Imagine getting a call on your birthday going, hey, give me a call back. Yeah. And then you call them, they go, happy birthday. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. It would be...

And he sent this because you said for your birthday, you got three calls from your dentist office. Yeah. But if it's like a doctor, maybe it's not like a hospital. It's like a family doctor. I mean, they might say, hey, happy birthday. Just give me a shout out on the voicemail. Yeah. I'd be most upset about 7.30 a.m. Yeah. You'd be like, golly, that's early. Yeah. Give it some time. Let the day come on in. Yeah. Yeah.

It's my birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you waking me up? I don't even get to sleep in on my birthday. It's the best way to let the day come on in. Yeah. Maybe the doctor was on call and he was, I don't know, getting ready to go home or something. Oncologist. Oncologist. That's what that is. They go study how to be, hello? Pat Fitzgerald. My cousin is a producer at WGN where Bozo used to be aired.

He said they got a call one day to the station that said if a kid missed the first bucket in Bozo Buckets, they need to let the kid try again. Seems nice enough, but the caller went on to say that the Chicago Mafia was gambling on how many buckets the kids would make and zero was not an option. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. That's intense. Yeah, and you would want to go, why do you not just make zero an option? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think they probably just got going for fun, and you pick, you pick, and then the next thing you know, they're really into it. And I think, oh, well, zero should be an option. But I mean, I don't know. There's like three mafia guys, and how many do you think will hit? Nobody guesses zero. Once they get started, I guess if it's only three. It better be greater than zero. Yeah. You have 24 hours. You have 24 hours. Yeah, they're like, we're not going to change our thing. We're the mafia. You change your thing. Yeah, you change your thing. Man. Yeah.

No. He goes, John. I mean, Bozo. He's already in makeup. Yeah. He's a, what's the actor called? The method actor. Method actor. Bozo's method. He's already. John. He looks at him with his clown face up. Bozo. Sorry. I know you're already in Bozo mode. You're in the zone. Did he talk? Bozo talked, right? Talked to me. When he came to Lebanon. What did he say to you? Uh.

get out of here kid you look worried yeah yeah what's this kid's problem he turns around yeah he goes sir i didn't see you there he goes i'm eight uh i thought you were 40 oh my gosh i just feel such a sad energy old man presence he goes i don't know heard you slide over and i thought what can i do for you

What did he say to you? I don't remember. Oh. I think I was too scared. I think if you get in line, you get up there and you get your picture made. Do you sit in his lap and tell him what you want? The photo I vaguely remember is, I mean, I'm this tall. You just get up there and stand beside him. He puts his arm around you and you take a picture. Six weeks later, you get your film back. If a billboard went up,

In Lebanon, Bates' family was there. Y'all went to everything. It's that Bozo's coming to town.

Count us. Titans tickets. Like every, you go to every, but I'm just saying. It's a wide range there. No, I know. But you go to every, I like to think every single thing that came to town y'all were at. No, I guess I would argue because so little things did happen in my childhood that now when I moved to Nashville, I want to get involved and get involved.

I don't think much stuff was coming out there, but I mean, if it came. We were there. I mean, I remember the Harlem Globetrotters came. It wasn't the actual Globetrotters. It was like the minor league Globetrotters. It was a Harlem something else. Yeah.

It's like 110th Street. Murfreesboro Globetrotters. The Westside Globetrotters? I think the Globe is what they didn't do. I think they took that out because they're more regional. The Harlem Trotters? I don't know. Find out what the Harlem Globetrotters regional trotters. And they came to Lebanon. We make one out of every four shots. They don't do it.

And they played the local media personalities. Yeah. And I went down there. It was at Southside Elementary. And I went down there in the bleachers and got one of the local newspaper guys autographed. I didn't even get the Globetrotters. I got the guy who wrote for the Lebanon Democrat. Yeah. Sarah, I want to be you one day. Yeah. And I did. Yeah. Harlem Wizards? It could have been.

I mean, it's like the B team. Trick hoops and alley hoops. It could have been that. Founded in 62. You caught them early. Yeah. They're still getting things figured out. Do you remember if there's a three-point line?

I remember when the three-point line became a thing in college basketball. Yeah. So there was not a three-point line at this one. No. At my school, when the three-point line came in, we couldn't afford to paint it. Yeah. So we just took black duct tape and just made it with duct tape. Yeah. But we got offline. Oh, no. So there were some places it would be like maybe 18 feet, and then some places it would be like 22. Yeah. Yeah.

You knew where to go. Yeah. You knew where to go. We had home court advantage because we knew where the spots are. If you go over to the left, I mean, it's a borderline layup. That's amazing. About that? Yeah. It was not a perfect whatever that would be. I mean, the fact that you just didn't go, let's redo the tape. Yeah, we didn't care that much. I mean. Yeah. You couldn't afford the paint. We couldn't. Yeah. The small school. You got into a fundraiser?

I mean, we had a cakewalk every year. How much money did that... How much did paint cost? You know what that is? I remember cakewalks.

We can do a cakewalk. Just the idea that funds the whole city for a year. This is my school. The whole city is funded by cakewalks. And they go, and that does it. $400 and Lebanon is up and running one more year. Lights go back on. Lights go on. He goes, I don't want to jinx anything, but one side of the court has a painted three-point line.

So. Monty Mitchell has a joke about they did cakewalk for diabetes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I liked a nice cakewalk. We do them at church. Yeah. Yeah. Cakewalks are fun. It's like musical chairs with a cake, right? In my picture in a crib. You like walk on like a path. Yeah. Okay.

And you win a cake. We just put our cardboard and had numbers on it. And then you'd walk and then they stop and read a number. And if you're on it, you win a cake. Oh, that's nice. It's crazy though. When you think about it, like going to Lebanon, like some of the people you saw, it is like that, even that new space per person or something, but you are like, it's, you know, especially if someone comes out and sees you and you're like, no one saw us, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm the hometown boy made good. Yeah. Who's the most famous person from Lebanon? Me. We're about to find that out. I don't know. I mean, we... What's Lebanon? Like on Wikipedia, is it known for something? I'll look it up. Well, I can tell you that. Cracker Barrel was founded in Lebanon. That's its home headquarters. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. All right. That's probably what we're most known for.

U.S. politician Jimmy Duncan. I don't know him. Jimmy Duncan, wow. You don't believe if he's really loving it, Bates doesn't know him. Yeah. I don't know if I buy it. They should look into that. Is that the only person they have on there? Thomas Kilby, George Huddleston. A lot of pictures in black and white.

Castle Heights Military Academy was the last military academy in the state of Tennessee. And one of the Allman brothers, maybe two of them, went there. Famous musicians would send their kids there to get them in line. Charlie Daniels is from there. How is that not top of the list? He's not. He lived in Mount Juliet, but he's not from there. John Ray Clemens, I know.

His brother and I were best friends in kindergarten. Do you know all the people? Wait, are you serious? John Ray Clemens? Yeah. Yeah. His brother Al was my best friend in kindergarten. Yeah. John Ray's a little bit younger. I mean, that's what is... What about Haystack? Haystack, I don't know. Reba McIntyre? She just lived out there. She lived in Lebanon for a while. She lived in that big mansion out there. Yeah, yeah. She's not from there. No. But she lived there. It's...

A.C. Wharton, I know. Yeah, you know him? I know him. Wharton Store in Lebanon was there for a long time. What's crazy is, God, hold on. What was the names? I don't know what names. I don't know what I was going to say. Give me a clue. No, no. I was going to say something reading one of these names or something, but I forget what I was going to say now.

There was a guy on my baseball team. Oh, the fact that you're still that guy, you just go, yeah, I know him. Me and him were best friends in kindergarten. Yeah. And just like after that, you're like, I don't even remember kindergarten. And you're like, no, no, no. We were tight. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, we knew each other all the way through school, and I still know him. Yeah. Well, you can count people from Cumberland too, right?

Albert Gore Sr. Okay. You can count him. The Gore family. Yep. There was a guy in my senior class, on our baseball team I played with, Chris Price, who he played in MTSU, but he played a little bit in the minor leagues and baseball and

He's probably one of the better known. Do you think that's the farthest you've been from like your level of something to someone else's level of something? Being on that baseball team together? Being on that baseball team? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Well, I don't know. There's a lot of levels. I'm pretty far behind. Let me rethink that. But yeah, pretty much. And that goes to plays in the minor leagues? Yeah. And then you run back to first base. Yeah. He saw that. Yeah, he probably did. Yeah. Probably remembers it too. Nolan Blizzard. Great name.

I'm 12 years old and I love the podcast and y'all's comedy. Just recently, I was on a plane from Houston to Baltimore as an unaccompanied minor, something I do quite often.

As people who fly for a living, I was wondering if you have any tales of sitting next to weird people or being in strange situations on a plane.

We covered that last episode and opened it up with it. Sorry about that. Well, Dusty, didn't you have a case where someone asked you to switch and you said no and the lady started crying? Yeah, I won't switch now. But yeah, I was on a plane. I had my aisle seat. I like an aisle seat. That's where I want to be. And the middle seat was open and the guy and his wife came and he was like –

would you mind switching with us so I could sit next to my wife? And I was like, where are you at? And he's like, I'm at a middle seat right there. And I was like, nah, I don't want to do that. And so he tried to pay me and I was like, I just really just want to, I just want to keep this seat. And so then he goes and sits down and she is sitting next to me and then she starts crying and I'm like, oh gosh. And then I get up and I go, all right, I'll switch with you.

And then I sat between these two huge dudes the whole flight and I regretted it the whole way. I was like, this lady just needs to grow up here and learn to fly on a plane. There's no need to be crying. I had to sit between these dudes a whole way. I'll never do it again.

Yeah. And did he try to switch with, I guess they weren't giving it all up. I guess they weren't. I don't know. I was just in the moment when she started crying, I was like, you know what? I'll just be a nice guy here. And I regretted it the whole way. Did you ever think about taking it back? All right, come back. Did he pay you? No, I didn't take his money. What was he going to give you? I don't know for sure. I did think about it later, but I was so mad at the guy that if he tried to pay me, I was going to refuse just out of anger towards him.

I don't know what that would have done, but that was in my mind. I was so mad at this guy. But yeah, she just was, she started crying and I'm like, this is not that long of a flight. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Yeah.

But it's like you're crying back there between those two fat guys. And it's like, if it's your first flight, maybe, you know, book a seat together here. Yeah. Maybe plan this out a little better. Did you talk to her when she was crying or? No, I just looked at her and I was like, yeah. How old was she? She was, you know, forties. Yeah.

You say, look out that window and tell me this earth is round. Yeah. Get her off. Yeah. Show me where it bends. Yeah. I should have. Yeah. I should have been like, you doing all right today? Yeah. I got some stuff for you. Yeah. You want to be afraid. Get your mind out of it. Yeah. Yeah. You want to be afraid. I don't think we're taking off. Yeah. Yeah.

We died in 2019. This is a simulation, so you're crying because the guy needs to plug your thing back in. Matt Goodell, between Dusty's enthusiasm for ad reads and Aaron's seemingly inescapable laughter during...

You guys really make them fun. You're one of the few pods where I don't skip the REIT. All right. All right. Send that to the sponsors. Yeah. Yeah. All right. A lot of pressure on this ad read coming up for me. Yeah. Jessica Humbert. I had no surgery last year and remember waking up from anesthesia being willed out of the OOR.

What is OR? Operating room. I heard two nurses have a conversation about how I was doing, and the nurse who was with me during surgery responded with, she's doing great. But she got so sweaty that halfway through we had to change her gown. Nothing like waking up from surgery and finding the whole room had to stop surgery because you were too sweaty for them to continue. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, the nurses, yeah, they don't have that conversation. Like, that's right there. She's doing great. She's got real sweaty. Yeah.

I like having an O-R at the end of that sentence. It's almost like emphasizing. You're like wheeled out of the O-R, but then the sentence is over. That's what I was reading it as. When I first read the, so I started on the top sentence, but I got a little peek of that O-R and I thought. Something's coming. I go, it's going to be a little this O-R. Yeah. And then it was O-R. You're being wheeled out of the O-R again.

I had two nurses having a conversation. How you doing? Doing great. Got a bit sweaty, you know what I mean? I'm going to change your gown. And he goes, go. Just the whole room. Yeah. And they had to do it. You're too sweaty, you know. I mean, she's just like limp. And they have to. And they go, you doing all right? Maybe get a fan going in there or something. Yeah.

Uh, Brayden Verner. We were cooking out of my dad's backyard when the song Teddy Bear by Red So Vine came on. My dad proceeded to tell me and my friends about how great this song was. So we stood there silently around the grill listening to the song. When it was over, my friend and I looked over to my dad to see him broken down in tears, crying as he pulls the meat off of the grill. It really changed the dynamic of the cookout. That is a sad song though. You know it? Yeah. Yeah.

But, like, yeah, crying, pulling the meat off the ground. I mean, yeah, I can see how that changes the vibe. What's it about? I don't remember exactly, but I think it's about a kid and a teddy. I mean, and it's like, I don't know. It's just a sad. I remember hearing it. I don't know the song, and I would describe it the same way you just described it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that teddy bear song about? I don't know, a kid and a teddy bear? I ain't got it.

Everybody on earth goes, if you wrote a song about a teddy bear, what do you think you'd write about? Maybe a kid and a teddy bear. Yeah, it's sad, though. It is sad. I mean, I agree. You can't define a word with the word. You got to just be like, you got to deal with your dad. Yeah. I think it makes it worse. Your mom starts crying. Everybody's like, your mom's cry. Your dad starts going, you're like, oh.

I think I've figured out the gist of what this song is about, if you're interested. It's about a trucker going through a small town, and on the radio he hears, well, somebody talked to Teddy Bear, and then he hops on, and it's a kid whose dad was a trucker, but his dad died, so now he still has the radio. So he's talking to this kid whose dad died. And the kid thinks it's his dad? No, no, no. Is the kid Teddy Bear? So Dusty's not even right.

Listen, there's a teddy bear involved. There's a kid. There's a kid and a radio. He goes by his handle. I will say this. And the boy was disabled too. Oh, how did they even get that into a song? How do you squeeze that in? There you go. I mean, that's, and then he was sad. He's doing, he's in a wheelchair. And I went, you're like, what? Oh, there's the line right there.

As that little crippled boy talked with me. I mean... Nate would love the song and wouldn't even know the words. Not one breaker came on the old CB as that little crippled boy talked to me. What it says, which I don't even know why he would... He's never met this kid. So how does he even know? I guess he goes, yeah, I heard him. And then, yeah. Yeah.

Can you play the song? I don't think we can. But that would be, yeah. How do you get all these descriptions? I think it's a pretty long song. I mean, it has to be. It describes all of them in full length. Five minutes long. Someone said that. Imagine you have to listen to that song, and it's five minutes long.

And you're sitting around the grill quietly. Your dad crying. Your dad's crying and you just go, I wanted a medium rare. It's sung, lasted long enough to cook the meat. Turn that one over. Dad's bawling. Dad, go ahead and pull mine off. You got this. Maybe you don't mind. That's when your dads get, as they get older, they start. That's the men, I think, they hold the tears in.

until you hit your 60s. Then it's like you're getting 60 years of crying, and it all just comes out. And then your dad, he just starts crying. Walmart, he's gone down an aisle. You're like, I don't know what's going on. Andrew Daltrey. Dusty reminds me of mad Mike Hughes, who crashed his homemade rocket trying to prove the earth was flat.

They're both obviously smart, but skeptical of widely accepted scientific facts. Fun fact, Mad Mike Hughes also set the world record for the furthest full-size limousine ramp jump before he crashed and died in his homemade rocket. So be careful out there, Dusty.

Well, I don't need to prove it. I mean, it's already been done. And a lot of people are crashing rockets trying to prove otherwise, too. You know what I mean? You like Mad Mike, though. He's a fun character. I don't know who that is, but I'm not going to be getting in any rockets. So you say the burden of proof is on the people who say it's round.

I, you know, I'm not saying anything. I mean, people are making a lot of wild assumptions about me. I mean, I'm just, I've not said anything, but I'm just saying that, you know, I mean, show me where it's curved. Yeah. I mean, he crashed a homemade rocket, you know, that's okay. You know, people crash rockets. NASA's crashed a few. They took them down. Yeah. Yeah.

Probably so. Yeah, he was getting too high, and they're like, we got to stop this guy. I was watching Challenger footage this weekend. You know, you have a hat that's got a wolf howling at the moon. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Well, you know, this was given to me. It was a gift. You know, I believe the moon is there. Yeah. I just want to... We have to ask you statements, and you just have to go. I didn't... The moon is there. I just...

You know. Yeah. I mean, maybe we didn't land on it. That's all. I mean, that's a possibility. Maybe it's not there. Yeah. Maybe it's not. Who knows? Yeah. Sometimes it looks bigger than sometimes it looks smaller. Yeah. Why is it sometimes half? Why is it not? Sometimes it goes, I'm not going to show myself. And it's a different color every night. Yeah. My goodness. Maybe it's because when it has surgery, it gets sweaty. And so when it's half, they're taking the gown off. That could be it. Yeah. It's a lot of surgery. Yeah.

What were you going to say? I was watching some Challenger footage this weekend. Not to bring it back down, but pretty brutal to watch. Just for fun? Yeah. I mean, I remember that when it happened. Yeah. You know, they didn't die in the explosion. Oh, really? They died when they hit the ground. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway, kids. The way he said that, it made it seem like it was positive, right? They didn't die in the exposure and you go, oh. He's like, yeah, they died when they hit the ground. I didn't mean to do that. Nate thought he didn't know how to end it. They made it? Well, they died, but I just didn't. Nate didn't. He just found out. Spoiler alert. I guess shout it out. No.

They just found some of the wreckage in the ocean, didn't they? I don't know. I think like last week they found some. Oh, boy. So that didn't even make you go watch it? It's just every now and then I just want to see. Krista McAuliffe. What is that? The teacher? The teacher. The teacher that went up there. I remember Garth Brooks had the song The Dance. And it had... Had some footage in the video. Yeah. Lebanon High School, our English teacher, is one of the finalists.

To go, yeah. Did you like that? Oh, really? Bonnie Fakes, Miss Fakes. I was in junior high when that happened, but then I had her later on, and her hall pass to go to the bathroom was a toy space shuttle. How close was she, do you think, to the finalists? Could you Google it? Yeah. I mean, I think she was like, it wasn't like maybe in the final round, but it was pretty close. Yeah. Man, that's got to be so crazy. Bonnie Fakes was her name.

It's called the Teacher in Space Program. Fakes, huh? Someone outer space named Fakes. Yeah. And then all of a sudden. There were 10 finalists. So 114 applicants were notified. And then so. 11,000 teachers. 11,000. Oh, more than 40,000 people applied. Oh, wow. Maybe she was one of the 114. Okay. Why? Why don't we just think it was one of the 10? She could have been. I didn't want to. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's got to be crazy just to be... Old Bonnie fakes. Miss fakes. John Musetto. Nate, would you consider writing a book? And if so, do you see your humor translating well onto the page? No. No. Because it's going to be me...

Reading my audio book is just, hold on. Let me do it again. How do you say this? Well, you wrote it. All right. Just y'all finish this page on your own and I'm going to meet you on the second page. A lot of that. You have 24 hours.

That is a fun audio book, actually, to go, listen, you finish this on your own. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are there. Yeah, you got it. There's Miss Fakes. She retired in 2017. All right. So, yeah. I've had... Somebody was asked about writing a book. So we'll see. Fiction? Yeah, whichever one that is. And...

That's the fake one. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, I've had people ask, so we'll see. We'll see if it happens. It did always seem weird that fiction is the fake one and then nonfiction is the real one. That's true. It seems like the non would be the fake. That's why I think I get messed up. Well, not if it's negating a word that means fake. But why would you not call it... It'd be like if the word is fake. So why would you say, well, this is the fake one, this is the non-fake one? You would say like the...

The two word one should be the one that's having to be like, no, no, we're not real. Don't worry. Like we're, we're the non real one.

But then this real, so here I'm reading real and this is non-real because everything's non, you don't ever go like, that's the non-truth. You don't ever, someone's like, are you telling the truth? He's telling the non-truth. Right. You don't do it like that. You would go like, yeah, this, I'm reading a real book. Well, this is a non-real book. Well, what if there are more fiction books than non-fiction? I mean, I think that's why when I first started writing books, nobody's writing their autobiography. Right.

They're writing made-up stories. Right. And you can't, I guess— Or they make up a different word. That's what I think. Because you can't just say fiction and truth because just because it's nonfiction doesn't mean it's the truth. Maybe they tried that and people like you shut them down. Like, nah, nah, nah. Yeah. There's no— Literally, business is built off words. And the smartest thing you can come up with is put non in front of it. Right. Right.

You can't think of another thing to go, it's this? Is it fiction or is it fraction? Then you got historical fiction and historical nonfiction. You can modify those words. Fiction and fraction. I'm just making that word up. My book's going to be fraction. Yeah. But it should be a different word. I agree. Okay.

They do that with TV, right? You got scripted television and then you got documentaries, right? Yeah. They have non-scripted. It's reality TV though. Yeah, reality TV. That's reality TV. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's like they should just do something like that because I always get messed up because it's like you don't think the one that says non in front of it is going to be the truth.

You don't really hear about a book about the truth that starts with, now this is not a lie. Lies and non-lies. The truth is your default is what you're telling me, right? Yeah.

I mean, obviously, if you don't tell me what kind of book it is, I assume it's a real thing, right? Yeah. That's a good trait that you have. Oh, my default is – I'm the opposite way. You're arguing the truth should get the best word, and then the non-truth should have to – I don't think it should – I think when you look at it, I look at – if it says non in front of it, I tend to think that's the fake book. It's like this is not true. Yeah.

And then this is true. Okay. Because it's just one. But I'm saying if you did a whole different word, you would never get them mixed up. That's true. We'll stick with fraction. Fraction. Fiction and fraction. Fiction and fraction. I'm looking for the fraction section. You trying to do math? No, no, no. I'm looking for the truth. Yeah. I'm not doing that. You don't believe in math? Kind of. Kind of.

Parts of it. Now, the only problem with that is Cyber Monday has already happened by the time this comes out. But companies treat Cyber Monday like girls treat their birthday. You know what I mean? It's kind of like a month. So it's really not just that Monday. Yeah. Okay. So it'll last a while. All right. Yeah. That goes away once those girls get older. You'd think.

You think they still do it? I think they still. No, I don't. I think a lot of them do. No, I don't.

I mean, y'all are hanging out with different age girls. That's true. The same girls. I'm saying it's been like, I think once you, once a lady hits four, I think 40 is big. And then once they hit 40, they keep their mouth shut for the, until they ride it out. Yeah. Like finally. Yeah. They kind of, you know, it's all like, how old are you? You're just celebrating birthdays that are like, I don't know what, but you know. Yeah. I was, I didn't know that that's the age cutoff that you're talking about. I thought you meant like after like their kids. Yeah.

Because some young adults still make a big deal out of it. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, today we're talking about holiday shopping. Dusty, right up your alley. I love it. Oh, man. I get right into it. All right. Shopping. Well, does anybody know how Black Friday got its name?

Something about the financial stuff. Like if you're in the red, you're like... Good job, Dustin. ...broke. And if you're in the black, you're doing well. Is that right? Something like that? Opposite? There's some condescending the way you just... No, I was actually really nice, Dustin. Somebody's been reading. Good job, buddy. Good job. Patch on the head if I can reach you. Yeah.

And again, by the time this comes out, Black Friday's already happening. Yeah, I mean, I'm no Mad Matt or nothing, but... Mad Matt. Mad Mike Hughes, but I'm doing it. Well, it started in... So why are we doing Black Friday after it's already... Well, we're doing holiday shopping, but... Okay, holiday shopping. But... It's Cyber Monday week, you know? Yes. Yeah, so...

So by the time this comes out, everything's done. Not everything. There are a few things that are going to be done. Yeah. Black Friday, Cyber Monday. Today is specifically about November 27th. And you're like, well, it's already past. You're like, well, we're doing it after. It's in a Halloween candy episode. Black Friday, late 50s.

cops in Philadelphia were complaining about having to work the day after Thanksgiving. And it was the busiest day of the year because the Army-Navy game was going on and people were in the streets everywhere. And not only were they not off, they had to work extra long hours. It was really hard. And they called it Black Friday. And then it kind of took off that that was the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday. But the stores were like, that doesn't sound good. That sounds negative. So they tried to change it to Big Friday.

But it just didn't work. Big Friday doesn't sound good after a day of eating Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's true. When the big ones come out. That's what... If someone thought that, they go, what is it? It goes, oh, big people shopping. They're all going to show up at once. It's going to be a nightmare. The aisle's crowded. Snow outside, air conditions cranked. Yeah.

You don't turn your air condition off until after Big Friday because everybody knows that. So Black Friday, it just stuck. And after a while, it started trickling around the country. It wasn't until the 80s, though. I still don't understand why it's called that.

Well, it was negative. It was like a bad thing at first. But then that name just kind of stuck around Philadelphia for the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah. But these stores want to do sales, so they didn't want to call it Black Friday. So they tried to call it Big Friday, but people just liked the term Black Friday. So eventually...

Kind of just started spreading. And then stores were like, all right, let's spin it this way. Let's say we've been in the red all year. Right. So if we have a big sales day, we could get in the black and that could become black. And the black is good. Yes. Yeah. Yes. You think would be in the green. Yeah. Why would they not do green? Because black is...

Black is the right one. Oh, like when you type it? If you type on like a balance sheet on like an Excel spreadsheet, if it's negative, it's red. If it's positive, it's just normal black. Oh, because it's like the ink type is black. No, an Excel spreadsheet is on a computer. Okay. So it could be green then. I mean, it could be, yeah, but this is like the generally accepted practice of how books are kept. Yeah. I think. Yeah.

That head nod that you gave was like, I don't know, but I'm moving on. But even on a computer screen like that, it's black type. Yeah, it is. That's the given. That's very good, Brian.

It wasn't until 2005 that Black Friday became the busiest shopping day of the year. So it's a relatively... 2005? Yeah. Wow. What was it before that, do you think? Was it just no day in particular? Just kind of a... Probably... It had to be probably... Probably... That day. They've got a day for everything now. Super Saturday is the last Saturday before Christmas.

And some years, Super Saturday's even been the biggest year. The biggest single day in U.S. retail history was in 2019 on Super Saturday. It's... I'm getting ready for COVID. Yeah. Got to stock up, right? We talked about last year on Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year for plumbers. Same for stores. Plumbers, so many people, stores that...

It's the busiest day of the year for plumbers. Wow. Black Friday. Brown Friday. Yeah. I just don't think it was obvious. Yeah. I think everybody made that joke. Oh, it was fun. Since 2006, 17 people have died and 125 people were injured on Black Friday. How many people have died? 17. Only 17.

Like 17. One seven. Okay. Your chances of... Not only, but you know what I mean. Your chances of dying on Black Friday are greater than being killed by a shark. It's on land too. Yep. So what if you had a Black Friday cell in the ocean, you had to swim to it? I mean, 50-50. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it wouldn't be good. So Thanksgiving used to always be the last...

Thursday of the month. But sometimes that would make, depending on the calendar fall, that would make Black Friday, then they just called it Friday, but sometimes it would not be until December 1st. And retailers are complaining that that's not enough shopping time for people. Who are they complaining to? Yeah.

lobbyists probably. Oh, probably because the president got involved and Franklin Roosevelt changed it to where, um, it's always going to be the fourth Thursday of the month.

Not just necessarily the last Thursday of the month. So that they always have more than three weeks to shop for Christmas stuff. Wow. So the retail stores really have some power to change the holidays. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Big time. Big time. Yeah. That's crazy. They called it Franksgiving after Franklin D. Roosevelt for a while. And then Congress passed a resolution making it the fourth Thursday in November, Thanksgiving. Is that a resolution? Yeah.

This means that they're like, all right, we're good. Like a trial run. And now we. It's just the declaration. I guess. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if you had to make it a law. See, I think when people ask dumb questions. This is what the guy was saying. This is the reaction, though. It should just be like, because it's like people feel dumb asking. Nobody had an answer. Right. But you look at me.

And it makes me feel like I'm the dumb one. And everybody's like, well, what's the answer? He's like, well, you know, it's something. Right. It's like, yeah, it's a teddy bear and a kid. Yeah. It's not a teddy bear and a kid. You know. Franklin D. Roosevelt. Was it a joint resolution? Is that what it was? Yeah, a joint resolution. It's a legislative measure that requires passage by the Senate in the House and is presented to the president for their approval or disapproval. Generally, there's no legal difference between a joint resolution and a bill.

So it's just another word for it. I figured it was less than a bill because you can't make someone celebrate Thanksgiving on a certain day. All the calendar people got to know. Yeah, that's true. You got to make a calendar. They're making regular calendars. It's like some guy got ahead of it. When did they pass this? Or is it a guy's like, already made next year's calendar, dude. And he goes, oh. I mean, then the calendar people get their lobbyists. Yeah, yeah. And then they're...

Yeah, they're upset. Yeah, they've made prants. So joint resolutions generally are vehicles for purposes such as the following, authorizing small appropriations, giving a little money to people, continuing resolutions, building commissions like the 9-11 Commission after 9-11, or declaring war. So it kind of got the full spectrum of what they could do. Because when you sit down on the desk, it's like,

So you're like, today's fun. Yeah. You go, what are we doing? Thanksgiving. Oh, that's nice. Ooh, that's nice. All right. A lot of war. Yeah, we're like, Thanksgiving's wrapped up. Now to the war. Now to the war. There's a great Thanksgiving episode of The West Wing.

Just throwing that out there. Oh, yeah? Worth watching. Is it about this? It's about a lot of this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? It ends with him saying, now I get to go out and declare a national day of Thanksgiving. Man, this is a good job, the president, as he walks out. Oh, wow. It's a hot episode. It's good. All right. So, ruin, though. We do know the end. Well, a lot happened. Yeah. I didn't spoil any major plot for that episode. There's a plot, like, someone doesn't want Thanksgiving on Wednesday, and...

He's like, no. No, it's a bunch of, it's a big group of people from China, escaped China because of religious persecution. They're Christians and they show up on the shores of the United States and the president has to decide whether they can stay. So there's a lot going on. At the end of it, he leaves them out there and just goes, happy Thanksgiving. I'll be back Friday. Yeah.

Big Friday tomorrow. Big Friday. Super Saturday. And then we're going to do those people. All right. So there's a history of gift giving dating all the way back to Rome. So there was a pagan holiday called Saturnalia. It was a harvest festival celebrating the sun. And pagans loved to celebrate, so they would exchange gifts.

Usually gifts they made, wax candles or figurines, things like that. And the Christians wanted to celebrate Christmas, but this was the big holiday in Rome around mid-December. So they kind of agreed just to, well, let's just go in together on it and make Christmas December 25th. Oh, okay. Co-opted. Kind of co-opted. So that's how the idea of gift giving became a thing around Christmas time because it was actually –

I feel like pagans had a good run at it. Yeah. They were dominating for a while. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to get too into that, but I know I've read quite a bit about Saturnalia and yeah. Out of all the things. What do you know about it? Well, I mean, it does seem like that pretty much that's what Christmas is now. It's like, you know, we say, you know, we add like a religious touch to it, but really we took on all the Saturnalia things. Yeah.

We took the fun stuff. Yeah. We got rid of the bad stuff. I always thought that I was taught, not taught, but I just assumed that the gift giving was rooted in the three magi. Yeah, that's what I always heard. Bringing gifts to the baby Jesus. You can just tell yourself that's where it comes from. I mean, that's what I've always been told. Okay. Yeah. But you're not buying it. We caught on into it.

Yeah, I mean, no, I mean, I don't know. That's what Drinking Dusty thought. Yes, Drinking Dusty thought that, yeah. The wise men came and brought frankincense and myrrh and gold. That's what I was celebrating. Yeah, because we decided, well, these guys brought Jesus gifts, so what we'll do is now we'll just give gifts to each other. Right? Yeah. They gave him gifts, so we'll celebrate. That's not a crazy leap in my mind. We'll celebrate it by just giving them to each other here.

Yeah, like you should be giving gifts. But you're giving gifts to another person. It's tough to give Jesus perfume these days. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're giving gifts to other people. Yeah, you see Christ in somebody else. You give them a gift, right? A gift of love, like a gift of here's my something. Yeah. What about Hanukkah? Would you be okay with gift giving for Hanukkah? I mean, I don't know. I don't know a lot about Hanukkah. I don't really celebrate that either. Oh, you don't? Nah. Nah.

I thought you did. I'm sorry. I'd love to meet the man that you talk to the most. You got to have one guy that you just really go to. A source. Yeah, you got to have some source. I'd love to see where this, you know, I don't know if he's in the woods or if he comes around or if you got to bang sticks together and get him to come out to you. But I'd love to see what that guy does. Yeah, there's some people. Yeah, we got some guys. Yeah.

Well, it kind of grew and grew, but then by 1600s in America, the Puritans were like, this is getting out of hand, all this gift giving. So the leaders outlawed Christmas celebrations on the ground that it was too luxurious of a practice and there was no justified reason for celebrating them. Boom. That's when you probably would have, if you could pick to be alive right then.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a good time. The least fun ever was happening. Well, they might've been having a good time. It's just been recorded as we weren't having fun. They were having fun. You didn't have the pressure of buying everybody something. Yeah. They had the pressure of trying to grow crops to not die every winter. You know what I mean? He's not far from that. I mean, that's pretty much what people did for a long time. He's a couple microwaves just away from that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, don't you think future generations will look back on us like, man, that was a hard time. They were not having fun. Because by then, they're going to be like, people actually died back then. What are we doing that they will not be doing 100 years from now? I mean, I guess we can't even imagine, but there are... I was looking at future stuff like phones. I'm so over my phone.

And it seems like getting a new phone every year, that craze is kind of over. I hope so. Yeah. I mean, I always did the thing where you could redo it, and I was excited, and I haven't done it now. And you're like, all right. It's kind of just like, I'm not doing this again. You're making the same phone.

And then Bill Gates, your buddy. Yeah. And he said- Former, you know, also a fellow landowner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got a few acres out there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You probably have a lot more like than you think. Yeah. Yeah. And then, but he's like, sometimes it'll be an electronic tattoo. Yeah.

It's a lot of ends up being chip stuff. It's a lot of, it's kind of like I was reading like what would cell phones be? And it's like, well, you just got chips and then it's going to be so normal that you would be feel very weird not even having it. And like all this kind of stuff. But I was like, that's a big thing to have to switch a lot of people to, to be like, just put this like chip in your brain or something. And you're like, what? Like, you know, that's going to be a lot to get, you know, I don't think that's as close. And then you never escape your phone.

you never escape your phone and you never escape. I mean, there's no, there's no, there's no distinction between the two. You are your phone. Yeah. It's not a distinct device. Well, it was saying like, you're going to be eventually your, your brain would be a computer. So everybody's a walking computer. So you kind of just know everybody knows everything. Elon Musk used to talk about that. So you could tell when someone's lying, you could tell when someone's like, no one could, you couldn't get like the, there, you know, it was like, yeah, yeah. I don't even see the, the, I guess there's pros of, yeah, it's like, but there's no, any, uh,

human nature the fun of life of being like you know or like you know originality or all that kind of stuff I guess you would have your personality and so it would just be like almost best personalities would win or I bet be a lot more killing people yeah I mean you're going to be like he knows everything I know I know you know it's like and you didn't go like the odds of me I know how to not get caught and then you know

Yeah, Elon Musk used to talk about Neuralink where he said AI would be so advanced that we would need to plug in to download to

Yeah, to keep them from taking over. Yes. He still talks about that. Does he? He's a little busy right now with Twitter. Okay. Yeah, I haven't heard. Neuralink's still a company. They tried it on some pigs. Okay. Wow. What did we get them to do? It didn't work. He did a live demonstration with some pigs and it didn't work. It didn't go so well. Maybe don't do it live. Yeah. There's a great episode of Black Mirror about this exact thing where all of them have...

Sort of a camera in their eye. And then some of them elect just to take it out because they... They have to cut it out? Because the cons outweigh the pros living life. I'd watch it, but are they cutting their eye? No, no, there's no gore. Black Mirror is too much. Black Mirror is a lot. And it's like, there's a lot of stuff where you're like, well, this is pretty...

It's describing what's actually happening, right? The social credit score kind of episode is very scary. I'm not into it. I mean, I watched it, but I was like, I can't. It's an easy show to watch because it's an anthology series, so it's not like you can just watch any individual episode. It's like the Twilight Zone. Yeah, exactly. You don't have to sit down and watch all of them. White Christmas is a good one to start with, I think. Oh, yeah? John Hamm's in it. He's very good. He's in everything. I don't know.

He's another one. Sorry. I thought you almost read my mind there. I thought they like, golly. He has a chip in his head. Yeah. Yeah, he's in. I thought we talked about it. Progressive commercials. No, but Jon Hamm, you're like, what are you? Are you kidding?

He's charming and he's funny, you know, and he's talented. But it's like all the commercials. I know. None of these people are not charming. You're going to meet them. They're going to be the greatest people you'll ever meet in your life. I understand that. But it's like he's in those commercials now, and you're just like, all right, dude, you're just everywhere. This was a while ago, but yeah. Yeah, well, this was probably great to have John Hammond. I mean, it's still, but, you know, he was great in Mad Men.

Yeah, what was it? Bridesmaids. Bridesmaids. He's great in Bridesmaids. He's great in The Town. You ever see that? That's a great movie. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's great in a lot of stuff. That's why he gets the stuff. But it's just, I feel like it's a commercial. It's like the stuff where you're like, I can't be seeing you. Top Gun 2 is where you saw him recently. Yeah. He's in the new Top Gun movie. Yeah, you're like, I just can't be seeing you too much. And I think you've got to be, once you cross into commercials, you're like, I can't see you every day. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. I get that. What do we have now that we didn't have a hundred years ago?

No, almost everything. Yeah, it'll be the same thing. Transportation, think about how much better it is now than it was 100 years ago. You're telling me that the – I just have a hard time believing the difference in our everyday lives 100 years from now will be more different than the difference between now and 1900. Well, if you can – Just so much more advanced, so much more happened in that amount of time. I think it'll be more. I think it's going to be worse. The internet, electricity –

I mean, everything happened in those last few years. You think it'll be even crazier? It's exponential growth. I do. Technological. I think it's going to be worse. Not better. Well, that's a different argument. That's a different argument. We're talking about how much of a difference it's going to be. Yeah. Like it's going to be like back to the other one. Yeah, maybe. 1900s, yeah. I think like we'll be able to travel to other countries in minutes instead of hours. Stuff like that. Okay. Yeah, that would change life more than just- This might be a time where you don't want to say we-

100 years. And you're like, you know, we're going to be able to do a lot of stuff. They might be able to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys. Eleanor might be able to. Yeah, I won't be able to win this bet. Aaron will be like, oh, he was right. Well, too bad. Eleanor, I mean, look, I mean, they might, because it's, you know, Harper's 10, you know, Eleanor's one. Yeah. I mean, by then...

Who knows? I was even giving Aaron credit to still be here. That was nice. Because people will be living so much longer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They could be. I'd have to be 143. Be tough. It's been done.

when i don't know there was some guy in like i think iran or or iraq a country in the middle east who claims like i'm 160 years old we were talking about this dude i think we had no way to prove that he was that old but you can just claim it yeah 122 is the record that the official guinness honors i think but in the bible they live in the 900s so dusty what was the top when you're 10 years old what was the hot toy

When I was 10, that would have, I don't know, Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe's. Yeah. What year were you born? 82. Okay. Well, 1990, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the top toy sold that year. Yeah. So that's pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. I love Ninja Turtles. Yeah. Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe's. I mean, that was, I had the little, I had a little Ninja Turtle sewer set. Wow.

where you had the city, and then you could go down into the sewer. So y'all are doing all right in the trailer. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's what I always say. It's not that we didn't have money. We didn't know how to spend money. So we lived in a trailer, but I had the Ninja Turtle sewer set. Is this the sewer set right here? I don't know. Yeah, I guess so. I also had a He-Man kind of set like that. Oh, yeah, look, this one up here, yeah. Oh, this one? This looks more like it.

I think that may be the same, but that gives me a better angle. It's taken with a little bit worse camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Angle looks about the same too, but I thought it was the same picture. Look at the two angles. What's a little bit. That's the other one. The fact that you couldn't put it together from that one. And then you go, nah, that was it. Yeah. You know, when I go back and look at that other one, that was it too. Yeah.

Yeah, I think I had a He-Man. I think I got one big. Yeah, He-Man, you get the castle. Yeah, you got a joke about He-Man, don't you? Yeah, I used to do a joke about it, yeah.

Yeah, about I got shot in the chest with a BB gun when I was like five, you know, and I was playing He-Man. And I was like, I put my sword up. I was like, I have the power of gray skull. And then my cousin shot me in the chest. And I say that, you know, had I made the full transition to He-Man, obviously it would have bounced right off. He caught his perfect timing. Yeah. I don't think that's the joke, actually. But that's the truth. It's on making that fudge. Yeah. I haven't told that joke since I've recorded it.

Yeah. Sounds like a good one. Thank God. It was a hot one at the time. Yeah. It was a 2014 joke. Yeah. So Cyber Monday became- You know, when He-Man was topical. Yeah. I like to keep it fresh. I'm joking. I had old jokes. Yeah.

Cyber Monday first became a thing in 2005. And the reason it took off is- Internet. Partially so. It played a big role. It did play a very big role. But people's home internet was so bad that on Monday, when they went back to work, everybody got on their computer and started buying stuff.

Oh, okay. So you're off Friday, but your dial up is terrible. Saturday. So go back Monday. You got good computer. Oh, so you would do all your online shopping at work. Yes. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Okay. Um, and,

And then some lady just named it Cyber Monday and it took off. They should call it Red Monday because no one's working and productivity's down. Some lady started calling it. Yeah. It was like Cyber Monday. Maybe pass that around. She goes. Somebody's got a case of the Cyber Mondays. And then there's Giving Tuesday. That just started in 2012. Yeah. Who started it? Some dude? 92nd Street Y. YMCA in New York. Where is it at? I don't know.

Now there's Green Monday. That's the last day before you can order something online and be delivered by Christmas. What day is that? With Amazon, it's a week of. Usually the second Monday of December.

After doing internal research, they realized second Monday, December is the last day shoppers were able to place an online order that would arrive in time for the holidays. But that's outdated. Yeah. Now Amazon. Yeah. You could. You say my research is outdated? No. Well, whoever. I'm just saying. I could order a He-Man right now and it would be at my house before I get home. Oh, really? No. Not really. Sometimes. Sometimes you can get it same day. Yeah.

Yeah, probably not a He-Man, though. It's got to be something that's really hot. I think you'd be surprised. Yeah. Something really hot that they're selling a lot of, they just have at the warehouse. Like Amazon products, like the Echo Dots and those stuff, they're just handing those out, I bet. A fire stick. But He-Man would be like... There's also a... I can get that one. I can overnight this He-Man will be here at 4 a.m. Wow. That's pretty good. What about Castle Grayskull there?

$228. There's also, Dusty, you're like, Buy Nothing Day. Oh, yeah. It's a day of protest against consumerism. That's kind of like Festivus we talked about. Yeah, what day is that? The same day as Black Friday. Oh, nice. It's working pretty good, huh? Yeah. Buy Nothing Day. Really making a dent. Yeah, maybe the people who started Buy Nothing Day could pick a different day. Yeah, I guess they're trying to... They're trying to counter it, but yeah, they should probably just pick a day that might actually... Have some impact. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Buy Nothing Day is also like Avoid the Crowd Day. Yeah, but I feel like Friday's even going to go. I mean. Oh, it has because now everything's opening on Thanksgiving night. Oh. Like Walmart's open on Thanksgiving, or I believe it is. It was last year, right? Yeah.

I didn't always like that stuff was open on holidays. Like, because you always end up, you can end up having a time on holidays where you're like, I just want to get out. And you can. Oh, you do like it? Yeah. Okay. I mean, I feel bad for, you know, people that have to work there. But it's like, it's the idea that you're like,

You know, like, I mean, I don't think there's something fun about going to McDonald's on Thanksgiving. Going to the movies. Movies. It's a big day for movies, right? Christmas. Movies are super fun. Yeah. You go do something. It just feels you're like, you really feel like we're all off. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw the movie Street Fighter on Christmas with my mom one time. You remember that? Jean-Claude Van Damme? Street Fighter? Yeah. I thought you were going to say the new one. Isn't there a new one? Oh, maybe. Yeah, we saw the old one, though. She loved that Raul Julio, whatever. Raul Julio. Yeah, she loved that. Oh, yeah, 1994. I thought you were going to say with your buddy, you stuck out of the house. Like, no, I went with my mom. Oh, yeah.

My mom loves a movie. So Amazon's 42% of people buy their stuff on Amazon now. Walmart's second. I believe it. It's about everything. I mean, it's going to be. Are you a brick and mortar or you like to go check it out or you like to order online? I thought you said Rick and Mortar. That TV show? Yeah. Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty. I was thinking a radio show. Like, welcome back to Rick and Mortar. In the morning. Okay.

I like going to places. I'd rather go somewhere. So brick and mortar. Yeah, brick and mortar. I feel like they always betray me. Like I bought a mattress one time from a place, and then they were very slow about getting it to me, and then I tried to call, and they were like – the number they gave me to call was like, oh, we only process the online orders. They made it really hard, and then like I bought a –

A suitcase from a place in the mall and the wheel broke and I couldn't get anybody online. I had to take it back to the store. You just buy things online. They'll really help you. I want to support the store because I like to go into stores. I think that's fun, but they don't, it feels like it always betrays me. They're just like, everybody's lazy. Nobody wants to do anything. Yeah.

I took the wheel off the suitcase into the store, hoping they would just give me a new wheel. They laughed at me, and they were like, you got to bring the whole suitcase in. So I had to go home, put the wheel back on the suitcase, take them the suitcase, just so they could mail it in and then mail it back to me with a new wheel. Oh, dude. If they laughed at me, I would have...

I was going to be upset. I would have not gone back out of principle. It would have been enough. It would have been enough situation. That's an enough situation. No, in reality, what I would have done is I would have been furious. I would have been polite to them. I would have left and I would yell about it in my car by myself. Yeah, yeah. That's what I did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I can't believe they just didn't trust that you were a guy being honest with a wheel. I know. A random wheel. I know. That's what I'm saying. I just want a replacement wheel. Yeah. That's all I want. I never thought about it from that perspective. But I'll just buy a new wheel. I mean, I don't even... You don't even have to give it to me. But they didn't have them for sale. It wasn't even an option. Yeah. Well, I don't think they...

Sell luggage piece by piece. Yeah, but they should have some wheels in there is all I'm saying. They should have some. They should be able to not mail it out. It should be like, hey, my zipper and my wheel came off. You can go into a clothing store and ask for some buttons. They'll probably hook you up.

Yeah. Had a button come off my shirt looking for another one. I think they usually button on the thing. Usually, yeah. I throw that away. Yeah. Walk around with it for a while. I don't need stuff hanging on. I don't like it either. Where am I going to put it? Yeah, I don't like it either. That's throw it in the trash. Yeah, yeah. Figure it out later. But I do think it's kind of they weren't completely wrong.

For a man like you to walk in with a random will. You told the... With that hat on. With that hat on, going, well, my will on my luggage broke. And they go, we don't know if you have luggage. You might just be trying to get two wills out of us.

and build your own suitcase out of the parking lot. That's what I would assume. That would make more sense to me than you. I would have been like, please bring it back in and I'll be shocked if I ever see you again. Because I think you just thought, well, I mean, you're just going to throw that other wheel away. I might as well take it back out with me. And then they see you

This could be true. This could all be true. You told that story in a previous episode and it went nowhere. And you said you were going to try it again. And look at that. It had some traction that time. Oh, yeah. It was with Greg. Greg Garcia. Yeah. You told it on stage? No, I never. No, I just was trying to follow up about he was trying to get rid of some pillows or something. And it just fell flat. Because he had a good story about returning pillows or boxes or something. Right.

And you try to follow it with that story? I try to relate and be like, oh, I got a story like that. All right. Yeah. But you started it with, that ain't nothing. Right, right. You think that's something, Greg. Yeah, yeah. Oof.

They did some research on holiday spending. Music in a store makes a big difference how long someone stays. I think we talk about this with restaurants as well. Upbeat music makes people move faster so they're not in the store as long. Slower, more...

soft music makes people slow down and stay longer. And they want them to stay? Yeah. So they'll buy more. I figure you'd just be like, you could go in there and boom, boom, boom, just buying. I think someone a little faster price I thought would spend more. Depends on what kind of store it is. Yeah. Like Lids? That would make them

I don't know. I seem like it's a kind of place. Yeah, something like that. You go to Lids a lot? Yeah, I always poke in Lids. I used to go. I always see what's going on in there. I used to, too. It's crazy. If you're on the road, you're just like, maybe they got something. Well, I don't buy hats like you, but I would always poke in to see their Vandy section. Right.

And I haven't done it because I just don't know if I've seen a Lids. But if I did see one, I still go look and see what they got in the panty section. And it's fun being in different parts of the country and seeing they got a lot more of their local teams and stuff. I don't get that far. I just look at – because I was always so mad that –

The vanity section was in the back and small. I'm surprised they even had any in most of these places. They would always have some. But I mean, it's like they're like, eh, you know. You'd find some. I found some really cool hats there. I've been with Aaron on the road to some Lids. And I know nothing about... Like when we were in Salt Lake City, we wanted to buy a Salt Lake Bee hat. Yeah, I wanted to get a minor league hat. And we looked at a few. And then we left. And I was like, why don't you buy one? And you're like, oh, it wasn't the right size. Because...

I'm not used to fitted hats. You have the exact head size down. Oh, yeah. I forgot they were fitted. I wear a snapback if I have it. But I have to wear a fitted. I wear a pretty big. Seven and seven-eighths. You like it loose? Or is that a good fit? Like, this is about right. And this is on two buttons. A lot of new era hats, I'm only a one-button guy. And that's tough. It's barely hanging on. Yeah. You know? I get on that.

I've gotten a few complaints about my hats. Can you lose weight in your head? People's heads being too big. Can I lose weight in my head? I don't know. You definitely lose weight in your face. Yeah. But I don't know about, like my hat size hasn't changed at all. But you do steroids, your head size changes for sure. I don't know about just weight. It gets bigger?

Oh, way bigger. Yeah. That was one of the things presented against Barry Bonds in court is how his hat size changed since he started doing steroids. What'd he say? Just worked out a bunch. Been reading a lot of books. Yeah. Because I'm smart now. Well, it is crazy they never called him.

That's what's crazy. I think they caught him, right? I don't think they ever had. He never tested positive for it at all? No. I think everybody else got caught. I mean, there's some strong evidence against him, but there's no smoking gun. Yeah, there's no... Yeah, if they're having to mention your head size, that means they haven't. Oh, man. Well, he's got a helmet on. But I mean, he gets so much bigger. Yeah.

He looks like a different person. Well, your body type does change over time. I mean, he's so much older in this one, but it's remarkable, the physical difference. So you've got on the left, he's thin. But it is, I mean, you know. So Brigham Young University did a study on buying, and they said people who wear high heels in stores are the best buyers.

buyers by not overbuying because wearing high heels you have a short amount of time before your feet get tired so you don't linger in there so the key to not overspending is to wear high heels wow no store that's where i always go wrong and i mean you imagine yeah just it's the your feet get tired and embarrassment i mean you're barely making it in there yeah yeah go in shirtless you'll want to just carry in a wheel

Yeah. Why do people complain about your hats? What's that? Why do people complain about your hats? Oh, because, well, they don't, most people don't. They're very good hats. But people say that, I've had people say that their heads are too big for the hat.

And I'll go, well, you knew your head was big when you bought this hat. You know what I mean? Oh, they email you and you're the customer service rep that emails them back and says, well, your head's, that's not my fault. Your head's too big. Right. It's one size fits most. You're a freak. Yeah. So. Yeah. I am sorry that your head is so big. But I have one of your hats, Dusty, and it doesn't fit my head, but I never thought, well, this is, I should take it out on the guy who sells the hat. Yeah.

I think, man, my head is huge. I'd like to get you a hat you could wear, though. I would love one. I'm going to work on that. I'm going to get some bigger hats. This is what people want you to do to them. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I hear you. I mean, this is the literal complaint. But I'm sitting right next to him. And you're like, all right, Aaron, I'm going to do it. People are like, I got 50 hats I bought from this guy. I paid tickets to this show. Yeah, said through the whole show. It's a snapback. Yeah. And even the last snap. I don't get a lot of complaints, but I've had people say it. And I don't, you know, I'm not so rude to them, but that is kind of my thought.

They don't try it on there? I would think you're buying it to just be like... I mean, it's good that the person wants to wear it, but part of me, in the scenario that they're buying it out of your trunk, I would say... I would be just... I'd kind of be like, yeah, I'll just give it to someone or something. Yeah. You know, like...

It's not. I like that you say trunk, though. That is how it feels, though. It's like I'll go do comedy and then I sell out of my suitcase. It is like I'm a traveling salesman that's in a long pitch for my hat. It's been an hour-long thing, and then I'm like, come get a hat. I'm out there with a cane. I think that covers it. According to...

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, due to inflation, if the 12 days of Christmas would now cost you $41,205. And what do you think the most expensive? Glad you asked, Aaron. Seven swans a swimming would be about $13,000. More than the five golden rings.

Swans cost that much money? I think a good swan, like a top dollar. How many? Five what? Golden rings? Five golden rings. Yeah. How much would it cost? $13,000. No, $224,000. $224,000.

For everything? Yeah. 41,000. 41,000. Now that's assuming it doesn't stack each day, right? So like the second day, you wouldn't buy the partridge in a pear tree again. Oh, I guess so. Yeah, it must be. Okay. And then you add them all up. That makes a lot of sense. It says nine ladies dancing would be 7,500. So they must be talking about renting for an hour or so. Yeah, it'd be way more than that if you're buying. Yeah.

Yeah, illegal to get, to buy. Right, right, right. We got a live swan. Yeah, the swans are alive. They're swimming. I assume they're alive, yeah, yeah. Four calling birds, three, a lot of birds. Yeah, your house would be so loud. Your house would be a nightmare. I mean, a nightmare. There's a couple of swans that hang out outside of the Lexington Comedy Off-Broadway. They do, yeah. I had no idea they were that pricey.

Well, there, just go grab those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cut some cost. Those swans are geese. There's a little bit of everything out there. I think I would like to see you go get all these things, Dusty. Yeah. Just how you got it, you know, because I think the swans would be, they'd come from who knows where. Well, the five golden rings might be the hardest just because people don't expect me to buy jewelry when I go into a jewelry store. That is for sure. Yeah.

The birds. They're like, yeah, I'll go tell this guy some prices. You get Joe Zimmerman. He's a bird watcher. Okay. I like to watch birds a little bit. He's really into it. Oh, he's, yeah, he's like way into it. Okay. You've got bird watching books, don't you? Yeah, I got some bird, bird identifying books. Oh, Joe will talk to you all day. Oh yeah. Here are these swans. I'm into that. It's like a comedy club right there. And they'll come up on that parking lot right in front of the club. Yeah. That's where you grab them. Yeah. I'll go, these are mine. They're part of my show.

Part of my act. And they go, where you do a show? Right there. Yeah. Broadway. And you go, well, all right. Yeah, let them swim out. I mean, if I'm near a lake, I let them stretch your legs. Yeah. You walk your dog, don't you? Gotta walk the swamp. Yeah. Yeah. How can you prove that's your dog? Yeah.

Yeah. He was like, I got a chip in it. All right. Well, all right. He goes, we'll get a chip in that swan's neck. Let me know how that goes. A little different game in the swan business. Yeah, you can't get it wet. Can't get the chip wet. Yeah. You can probably know a guy who gets you some birds in general. Yeah, I bet I can find a guy. A bird guy.

I've been meeting some guys out in McMinn, though, that I feel I can get about anything. That dude I met that mows your lawn or whatever, that dude's wild. Yeah, yeah. He definitely knows a guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like casinos, shopping malls are designed to make people lose track of time. They remove clocks and windows, per views of the outside world. It's a scripted disorientation called the Gruen Transfer. Mm-hmm.

Oh, you knew this? I think so. Okay. I mean, I didn't know that was the term they're using these days, but... Yeah, that's good. I'm familiar with the concept. Solid stuff. No, it's all right. I'll give you nothing. I'm sorry. This might be one of the shorter episodes. We've done it a while. It's not that short. Does Harper have something she really wants this year? Like a hot toy? I don't know. I don't know if there's a hot toy. It's like, I mean...

So the toy stuff is probably... Yeah, I looked. Every list was totally different what the hot toy is. I think kids want... I mean, if they're... They want money to buy some game or something. Like, you know, you get to a phase of... I don't know what big thing you get them. Like, yeah, she's not going... We're never going to get her like... Barbie Dreamhouse. I mean, the point of like... She could probably be saying, I want this stuff and she doesn't. She's just saying, I want something. But it's... Yeah, I think you could...

You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I remember an age like between like 12 and I don't know, 11 or 13, something like that, where you're almost over clothes. I mean, toys, but you're not really in the clothes yet where it's kind of hard to know what you want.

Do you guys remember that? Yeah. I do remember. I remember my older brother got a Game Boy, the original Game Boy, and that was a big, big deal when he got that. Yeah. Boys, I think you can, like, I mean, and the girls that are into it, but, like, gaming systems. You know, I got the PS PlayStation VR one year. But it's been cool. I mean, it's crazy. But it's like, hey, you know, she doesn't play it a ton. Yeah.

The VR is crazy. I think it's the craziest thing I've ever seen. That's the future of like that you would see stuff get wild where you can like. The metaverse? Yeah, I don't understand the metaverse. I don't know what it means. I heard it had really low users. Like people aren't using the metaverse. Is it SimCity or something? Yeah, but like you're in it. It's just another world that you go to. It's VR. Yeah, and you live your own life in there.

So you wear VR and you just like go to work or you go to. Yeah, you have your space and you can get land. People pay real money for land in the metaverse sometimes. And you can. It's pretty wild. I mean, there are versions of this. I remember when Second Life was big for a while. There's actually a class at Notre Dame that was taught through Second Life, the video game. And I played World of Warcraft back in the day. I was immersed in that same way, too. So I understand it.

I just can't do it these days. But you go in, you get off your regular life, you put those glasses on, and then you just... You're in a house, the house that you could never dream of having in the real world. Yeah. And your friends come over, and you can play ping pong with them. But you have to literally walk to go from room to room? No, no. You have a way to just move from room to room? You have a way to move around.

I've heard about homeless guys that do this. Really? Yeah, there's a famous photo out there, I think, of a homeless guy who has a VR headset and he spends his day living in another world. I don't blame him. Yeah. I don't know if it's sad or great. I'm going sad. Probably sad, yeah. Probably, but it's an escape for him. Yeah, you feel the temperatures of the...

Somebody shut that door. The sun's out. It says it's 75. That's weird. I see these commercials now during football games for like, I can be the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Is that something new that you want to talk about?

uh like you can wear the wear the headset but like you can actually the guy says i don't want to it's a kid i don't want to wait to someday be the quarterback i want to be it now and then he puts it on and he's it's like you should see he's playing in like looks like a real game that's the attitude of a lot of yeah people i also yeah i want to do it now and you're like yeah but i also love that so then they create a whole new world

That's what's crazy. It's like all this stuff that you're like, well, I want it now. You're like, well, you can go get it. You're like, no, no, no. I mean, I want it. I want it now. They're like, all right, well, and then it's being, I guess, trick yourself into thinking like, well, maybe you're like, I don't need anything because I got all this.

Yeah, and even the term, I don't want to wait to be the next quarterback, it's like, well, it's not really a waiting game. Yeah. You don't just get it over time. Yeah. You got to work for it. Well, I think a lot of people have that, where they think, I put in the time. There's a lot of... I mean, you see that comedy. Like, wow, you know, I did the time, and you're like, that's not... So I'm owed this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know people that say that kind of stuff. I've been doing this 10 years. And it's like, yeah, but you're not...

doing it, doing it. You're not really hustling really hard. Yeah. You know? Yeah. 46% of people have lied about liking a gift. Tristan did that earlier. Oh. It's a...

That's another poll that you're like, who are you asking that? Yeah. Yeah. Of course, because you're being polite. You know, you did something. It's not necessarily a bad thing, is it? Right. No. It's a good thing. Not at all. Were you supposed to tell them I hate it? Well, I don't even know. Yeah, there's part of you that you could even like... It should be way higher than that. Well, even the word lie is weird because you're like... I mean, someone gave you something. Too harsh. So how could you even be like, do you like it? Maybe you're like, oh, yeah, I love it. You're not going to use it as much. But you're like...

I'm not really lying. Maybe it's not exactly what I thought, but I'm not mad at them. Yeah, lie is too harsh. It's like you just go, yeah, yeah, no, it's awesome. Maybe I'll use it. Maybe I'll never use it. I'd imagine most things we all buy. I mean, look at how much stuff's in this room. It's like you're just not touching stuff. That's like a minimalist lifestyle. You get it where you're like, I've been really trying to do it on the road with packing.

is just get it down to what you need. What exactly am I wearing? And outside of show clothes, but it's like, like when I travel, you go, I'm wearing this. And if I just had like, I wear golf pants, you know, like you wear whatever, like you have these certain things for in these situations. And I wear these every day and just be like, that's what I'm wearing. You should be able to pack.

Probably two outfits. So you got to think through every outfit, right? That's my travel outfit. Then I get there and I'll change and then I have the show. I don't change. Well, the show stuff is, I leave a lot of that on the bus. Okay. But the show stuff I have, I mean, you know, like the show stuff I do think it's the, the shows are big now. Like, so it's like, you know, you want to dress like,

Accordingly to that. And it's fun to do that. But it's like, yeah, then I get done and I put just golf stuff back on. You could have one pair of jeans maybe because occasionally you'd be like, eh. I've had a little bit recently. I got golf stuff on now, but it's like where I've been like, I could wear some jeans. You just feel like you want to wear some jeans. Yeah. And you feel like too dressed down. But we're also going to like, what am I doing?

I think dressing could be a big thing. That's what could hurt because dressing up feels good. I think it does feel good to like put something on. Like if you go to work and you put a suit on and you're like – you go out and you're presentable and you feel good versus like if you get – everybody gets too dressed down. It gets too comfortable. It gets too like seeps in your mind that you go, I'm not being productive because I'm too – you know. The idea of it is you want to be comfortable. Like this part of you wants to like –

I'm not a person that dresses up, but it is sloppy out here. I mean, out in the world, people are sloppy. Yeah, sloppy. I mean, I don't dress up, but I try to not get sloppy with it, you know? Yeah. You can wear stuff that doesn't look sloppy.

It's pajama pants at Walmart. That to me is where I see that and I go, I never want to be that. Yeah. You have Walmart slippers on. Yeah.

Well, look, I'm doing that ironically. I'm obviously the polished, well-dressed guy. It's funny that I'm wearing Walmart slippers. You would never think that's all he's got. There's this restaurant near my house. It's not fine dining, but it's pretty pricey and it's pretty nice in there. Not in necessarily a nice area, but the restaurant itself is pretty nice. But then people come in there.

And they're just dressed so sloppy. And I'm like, you really, you don't have to do a lot to look decent. And you're obviously got a little money because, you know, it's not a, it's not, you know, fine dining, but it's, it's pricey. So you got a little money you're in there. And it's like, it brings the whole restaurant down because, you know, you feel like you're like, oh, I'm going to go out to dinner with my wife. You dress kind of nice. And then other people are there and, you know, and they're not looking good. Yeah. But just say it. It's out there. Yeah.

Well, the Outback is close to me, but that's, but no, there, you know, it's a not. You've changed, dude. You've changed. You used to be that guy. Yeah. Well. Remember the story you used to tell about you and your wife went to a restaurant and they made you sit on the porch? Oh, well. And you were offended by it? Yeah, yeah. And then what happened after? Well, okay. And, well, we went to this, in Germantown, me and Hannah went to this restaurant one time.

And we walk in, we were like, hey, we'd like to get a table for two. And they go, the restaurant was pretty empty. And they go, well, we can seat you out here on the patio. And we look up there and there's like four big tables and there's a couple at one of the tables. And I go, yeah, we'll take one of those tables.

And they're like, well, we'll have to set you with that other couple at their table. And it was kind of like a community table, but I was like, nah, that's okay. And we left. And I told my wife, I was like, they judged us, you know, because they didn't think we were going to spend any money. And so we go to this other diner and they see this right away. They're like, get in here, you know? And we sat down and we opened the menu and we saw the prices and we go, let's get in here.

So it's like they judged us, but they judged us correctly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can hang out by the door. Right. Yeah. You and your old lady can hang out by the door. You're like, what? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was like a real moment of self-realization where we were like, okay. Yeah. I could see... Like, I don't...

I'm always thinking about it. Dressing up has been, I've been thinking about that recently. Do you think if someone is at a job where they're never going to wear a suit, they should still at least dress up in a suit for the interview? I'm not talking about like McDonald's. I think you should dress, like, yeah, like if you go, a lot of places, look, LA is the king of this. So LA is, you know, no one's really dressed up. People are wearing, they're dressed down a lot.

And that's the vibe of California versus New York. But I think a lot of stuff is leaning to that. You can get away with a lot of golf stuff now. Golf stuff actually does look... You can wear a collar. You can tuck it in. You can have a vest. It looks kind of nice. I like all of it, so I get it. But it's... Yeah, I think you should dress up better than you're going to dress today.

I mean, it's that fake confidence. You don't want to go show that. Like, I don't think that's a good, I don't think people like that. Or I don't know if people do. I don't, I don't like it. I wouldn't want a fake confidence. Like if I was dressed like this and you interviewed for a job for me and you

you know, it's like, I would probably be like, yeah, you should come in a little more prepared because you're be a part of the team for a while before you come in and you're can dress down a little bit. Like, it's like, don't just act like, you know, now some people might be like, dude, don't just dress normal. Like me. Cause I'm not comfortable with it, but I would at least want to know that you're, you're thinking about, you know, that you want this job and like, you're not taking it like it's,

I need to know that you're not a loose worker, you know, before you, I would then be like, you know, and it's like, if you're dressed up, you just are like, all right, I'm this guy. Yeah. We're doing this person wants this job and they're serious about it. And if they came in just real sloppy, you're like, it just starts, you start looking sloppy and you're like, God, you just look,

And you can even look, you can wear, I mean, clothes, Mizzen and Main that we did, like that's a athletic shirt. You can just wear stuff with collars or like you can even dress, you know, there's even a world now too, you can dress cool. So you can wear something that's super comfortable, but it's kind of stylish and it looks kind of good. Like I have like Travis Matthews

sent me so they have some jeans and like this button-down shirt and I wore one of their shirts underneath it with it unbuttoned and you're like I got dream jeans and I'm unsure this one their hats on you're like I mean you kind of look stylish like you kind of like you know in stylish is like oh that's good like you you're in a time now where you can be stylish I think back in

The older days is like you had, it was much stiffer. Like suits are not comfortable and all this. They're making stuff so comfortable now that you're, can be like, yeah, dude, just, just even put any kind of effort, just look cool. And then that's like, you know, or, you know, presentable either wear a suit or dress cool or like look like there was effort put into what you had. Look intentional. Yes. Yes. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, I interviewed in a suit at News Channel 5 and then was there for 20 years and never wore a suit again.

I mean, there's never no reason to. Yeah, but it's the right move. It is. And you got the job. I did. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just pointing out how it's. But did you have like your first like few months you would at least dress up a little bit? I probably dressed down more as I got more comfortable there. Yeah. But at first you're, you know, it's like, yeah, if everybody's dressed, if people are not wearing a suit, you're like, I'm not gonna wear a suit because it's weird. Right. And I understand that.

But you're like, I'm going to wear, I'll wear like a shirt and a button down shirt. When I waited tables every now and then a guy would come in to interview with a suit on and we would make fun of them so much because it was a restaurant. Yeah. And you're like, you know,

I understand why they did it, but it's very funny. We're in t-shirts and, you know, somebody shows up. You're eating these old people's fries. Yeah. Yeah. Idiot. Look at that idiot. Look at this idiot. Yeah. We're insecure about ourselves. That's why we're doing it. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, yeah. I mean, you know, the guys are the right mindset and you're like, they got, you know, but it's, yeah. When you're waiting tables, it's a little different, but even if you go in there, you should look.

It's not a bad. I mean, yeah, that person's at a clubhouse. So some of them might be like, yo, this ain't the vibe. But in their head, they think, well, this is a private golf course. Well, that was the old folks, right?

No, this was the pizza restaurant that a guy would come into like wait tables with a suit on. Would they get the job? I think a couple of them did. Yeah. They're good kids. Did you ever wear a suit for an interview? Oh, no. No, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm not about looking sloppy, but I never get... I don't know that I've ever really owned a suit that was mine. Like, I got some hand-me-down suits. They never really fit great, but I don't...

I don't know. Once in a while, I went to Aaron's wedding, and I got to dress up very nice, and that was a lot of fun. Yeah, I like it. I think men like dressing up. It always comes off like it's a woman's thing, like the women like to dress up. But I think men like to – now, if you had to do it every day, you wouldn't like it. But when it's like, now you get to wear a tuxedo, I think most men are like, oh, it's pretty fun. I don't ever wear it. I get to think a lot about what I'm wearing, what I look like, with no judgment from anybody.

I think I'm supposed to do this. Yeah. It's one of the few opportunities I can really do that. I think you're right. And most men probably don't dress up because someone's like, what are you wearing, dude? And that's why most – so you either have to do it ironically. Yes. Or you're looked at as like you're a jerk. Like you think you better than me, dude. Like you're like, oh, you're the worst. Yeah.

And so that's why it's that- But a wedding, it's not ironic at all. It's like, I'm doing- No, you're like, yeah, dude, we all had to wear this tuxedo. And I think every dude loves it. It's the same thing I hear women comedians talk a lot about. There's this premise I hear a lot about how on dating apps, it's very common to see men where their profile picture is them with the fish they just caught. And I think the reason for that is because it's the one time where-

where it's one time where a guy feels totally fine being like, get a picture of me. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like, obviously, we're going to take a picture of the fish. But it would be weird to be hanging out with friends and go, hey, dude, grab a picture of me real quick. Right. Yeah. Oh, like up against the wall. Yeah, just like by myself. Grab a picture of me. That never happens. And you go, that picture looks good. Yeah, it's probably the only picture they have. Exactly. A picture like where they, oh, I look good. I'm happy in that. And it's just me. Yeah.

Yeah. Every other picture, it's a group. Exactly. Crop them out. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it, cause the dude would feel very weird. That is true. Wow. That's cause a guy would be like, if you had to go get a picture of myself, you would be like, I don't have a picture of myself. Exactly. I have a picture, you know, and you're like, all right, well I'll crop out my family then. And yeah, yeah. They go, they look into it. I'm not trying to get too involved in your life. Uh,

I see the crop out. Is that a little kid and another woman? He goes, yeah, it's my wife and daughter. He goes, but I cropped them. You're not going to meet them. He goes, I wasn't going to put them in the pit. I'm not trying to get us all on a date. Yeah.

But it's... Yeah, that is true. Even when I was on dating sites... As we're surrounded by pictures of me just by myself. Yeah. Well, we're different. Even on dating sites, when I was on dating sites, so many women's profile would be a selfie and not even a good one. Just, you know, when they hit... Because they apparently didn't even have a recent headshot. Yeah, well, it's tough. It's tough to...

It's an awkward moment to be like – I've gotten more comfortable with it now if I'm on the road and I got to – well, get a picture of me so I can post this or something. But it's a very uncomfortable moment. You're going to have something behind you or you're like – Yeah. It's not just going to be – It's never just you. I like my outfit. Just get a picture of me. Yeah, yeah. Girls could do it and it's like by themselves and you're like, oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Or girls can be like to their friend, you look really pretty and let me take a picture. Yeah. They're always like if me and Aaron were hanging out and I'm like, you look so handsome. Let me snap a pic of you, dude. Yeah. It would be uncomfortable. Yeah. Get a pic of you, dude. Yeah.

You'd make a stranger get in it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, come here, dude. He goes, what? I look awesome, and I just need an excuse. And he's like, why don't you let me just take a picture of you and your buddy? And you go, oh, yeah. You don't think that's, yeah. You don't think. You can take our picture. No, no, yeah. He's like, why don't you ask that? I wasn't thinking this through, dude. But why don't you just get in there with us? Americans spend an average of $123 on their spouses for Christmas. Hmm.

123 bucks good to know do you think that's high or low i'm gonna give laura 123 dollars cash give her 124 and say that's the greatest average i'm the greatest average yeah it's 124 cash one more in ones in ones yeah uh that i'll spend more than that but i don't have kids or any kind of other like you have a family i'm sure it's different

You know, you probably worked out. You had a big year, huh? I spent 150 bucks. Wow. Look at that. You're probably going to your nice restaurant. Well, I bring that average way down. You know, I mean, I don't really get into Christmas. It's because you catch her present. Yes. Yes. And. But my wife's birthday is around Christmas. And I usually, you know, I try to do a little better, but. Ours birthday is, she's 20. You just double down. Yeah. When?

Two birds, one stone. The 23rd. Oh, you don't want to say it. No, the 23rd. Yeah. No, I don't want to say, I'm always like, it's a thing with like, I feel like that I have the capacity for about four birthdays in my brain. And those are birthdays I memorized as a kid. Yeah. And, and it's like,

Always someone random. I got my buddy Kevin Morrow. Yeah. My buddy Kevin, I know him and my dad's phone number and Laura's phone number by heart. Three at three and that's it. Mm-hmm.

So it's always a thing. Like if I, if I have to, if I'm buying us a plane ticket or something, I got to put her birthday in and I go, I'll go and I'll check with her. And usually I nail it. But the other day I got it wrong and it, you know, she's fine, but it was a, it was a thing. You have a conversation. Were you close? Yes. I was very close, but. You said December 25th. I said 21st and it's 23rd. But as I'm saying it, I'm like, okay.

1978? I was thinking with my three numbers that I know by heart, like if I went to jail, it's like I have all the options covered. So it's like I got my wife, and then I got my wife and dad. So you're like, it can't be my fault why I'm in jail. And then I got Kevin in case it is my fault. So you at least got everything's kind of covered.

To be like, who do I need? I don't know. I would have to call J.G. Wentworth. That's the only number I know. Call 877-CASH-NOW. I don't know my wife's phone number at all. I bet they could get phone calls like that. Yeah, and you go, you're the only number I know. Can you patch me through to my wife? Yeah, and they go, all right, what's her number? And then you give it to them. And he goes, what? Oh, I just had to say it out loud. He goes, all right, I got it. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

I could call Empire. I was trying to think who I could know by name. Louis J. Gomez called me once. From jail? Mm-hmm. I was like, I don't even know what to do, Louis. Well, you're his son's godfather, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I sent him to Carla, Big J's ex-wife. Yeah. You just passed it on? Yeah. I was like, let me call Carla. And I'm like, I don't know how to call you back. I don't know how it all worked. But it's like... Well, he got out, so you figure it out. He's doing good. He's doing great. He's doing all right. Yeah. That's probably a good place to stop. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. We did it. Well, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. And this week, I will...

Oh, Tennessee games. Oh yeah. It's Wednesday. Huntsville, all that stuff. You're in Huntsville. Yeah. December 1st, I think. December 1st. Uh, come down and see us there. Just go to my website. Everything's on there. Dates are up. We're rocking and rolling. And then I'll be at the, uh, I think it's called the Colonnade Theater in Ringle, Georgia with Henry Cho, uh, December 2nd. I think that's Saturday. No, it's Friday. Sorry. Okay. Friday. Okay.

This weekend, I'm in Wichita, Kansas at the Looney Bin. First time headline in there. I featured there a bunch, but now I'm headlining at Looney Bin Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then Sunday, I'm back at the Helium in Indianapolis.

Last time I was there, I did the small room and they sold out. So they go, we'll give you the big room next time. Boom. So I'd like to not embarrass myself. That's going to be great. When we do the big room. Wichita, one of the best shows I've ever had. Really? Was in a theater there on a Wednesday. At that Orpheum there? Maybe. It was this year. But it was, it was, man.

I'll tell you what, I love some of these places you go. Roanoke, Virginia. They were Asheville. I mean, they're all great. Wichita is really great because the last time I went there, they were so just appreciative that I came there. They're like, people always skip us. That's what they said to me. Mm-hmm.

And so they were so happy. I'm in, this weekend I got a corporate gig, but then the next weekend I'm at Cincinnati at the Liberty Funny Bone. In fact, I just like that you told them that. Well, I want people to know I'm working. Yeah. I'm not lounging. Yeah, yeah. The 9th and the 10th, the Cincinnati Funny Bone in Liberty, Kentucky, and then December 13th at Zaney's. All right. Awesome. Yeah. All right, everybody. We love you and talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.