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and our old friends Babbel. Of course, this is not the Aaron Land podcast. This is the Nate Land podcast. I'm here with Dusty Slay, Brian Bates, and in lieu of Nate Bargetti, we have an old friend, our old pal, the apple of our eye, Greg Warren is in the building, everybody. Hey, guys. How you doing, man? Happy to have you back. You're a fan favorite. Everyone likes you more than us. I don't know about that. Well, I do.

Because I read all these comments. Really? Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people we've covered wanted you instead of Dusty. I mean, but, you know. That would have lasted for like a day. But you lived in St. Louis. That's the only reason. That's the only reason it worked out for me. Well, you know, I wouldn't offer the position, Dusty. AI might be the most important new computer technology ever. It's storming every industry. And literally billions of dollars are being invested. So buckle up.

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$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes each detail. Would have covered some moving expenses, you know? Yeah. Like the moving van or whatever. You might even just be able to sleep in here. Yeah, I'm real comfortable in here. Yeah. I was just watching the draft. There's been like Major League Draft, NHL Draft, all recently. If you were a young, just finished comedy school, what city would you want to be drafted to for comedy? Ooh.

Nashville. Well, let's say other than the city you currently live in. Yeah. I would say, uh, well, it's interesting, right? Cause you don't want to go with the best comedy scene cause you're not going to get on stage. Right. Right. Unless you got insane confidence and insane ability, which that happens. Yeah. Um,

Because you started in St. Louis, went to New York, and then they kicked you out and you came back home, right? I had about nine cities, man. Really? Houston, and then Cincinnati, and then living on the road, LA, St. Louis, New York, St. Louis. I think...

Nashville is awful good. But I think now there's a lot of stage time here, right? Like you can get up every night. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Better, better than it's ever been. I'd have to guess. I got a wild card. I'll throw out. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Louisville.

Oh, geez. Oh, no. I'm not talking about... The Oakland A's of cities? You're going to get drafted to them? I'm talking about for comedy. They've got three different comedy clubs there. Yeah, they do. And they're all... And it's a good, simple location in the middle of America. You can get to a lot of cities pretty quick. Yeah, that being said, I would say St. Louis, actually. I'm not saying stay there for too long, but there's...

three clubs and they're very local heavy with the support acts, you know, and if you, and there, you know, there's a lot of opportunity to get stage time, a lot of opportunity to get weeks. There's probably not as many like, uh,

indie shows that you guys had. You can get on stage every night here with an indie show, right? Between Chicago and Nashville, it's in that, you could live anywhere in there and be in a good location to travel. Wait a minute. That's what I think. Chicago would be great. So Effingham? I mean, what? Well, that might not be a good city.

You're saying just radius wise? Kokomo, Indiana. Yeah, you could travel and hit lots of different cities. Yeah, pretty much the Midwest. Anywhere in there, yeah. Yeah, I think I had one and I forgot. Oh, Phoenix has got a zillion comedy clubs. It does. Yeah, and you're not that far from LA. But I kind of like what you're saying. I would say somewhere in the Midwest. Yeah, it's too hot in Phoenix to be there all the time.

That's what I think. I like it, but it's too hot. I was just trying to think of a city that's got enough clubs you can get on the road. You got to weigh out all the things, right? Are we just picking it just based on comedy or are we looking at other stuff? I think that's the point of this thought exercise. Well, listen, man. I'm going to say right now, if you want to start being a comedian, that's all you need to think about is comedy. Yeah, Dusty. Put in the work. You got to be serious. Why you're not going to make it?

Charleston. If we're asking to be drafted to a good comedy city, you got to weigh out some other, like do you, like, like Denver is a great comedy city, but you're not close to anything. If you want to get out of there. You're not working the road. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I mean, but you're saying other stuff. If you, if you're thinking you're going to like,

get drafted first round and go be a great comedian and you move to a city because you like the opera scene there and you like their zoo, you can't. But you've got to be focused, man, that first 10 years. Do they have a good opera scene? Do they have a good zoo? And do they have a good comedy? Oh, like San Diego. Maybe that's the best of all three of those. Yeah, I mean, if you're hanging out at the zoo three days a week, you're not getting on stage. And I'm telling you right now, you're not going to make it in this business. Who begs out at the zoo? What if you end up writing a lot of zoo jokes?

I mean, I didn't think of that one. I mean, come on, guys. I mean, San Diego, your traffic is an ocean. I haven't seen a good zoo comic in a while. I know. You don't see enough of it. That's really a market that is not being hit. You could do a zoo tour. Once again, I'm going to put a word in for St. Louis. We got top three or four zoos. Okay. I've never heard anyone talk about the St. Louis Zoo. Then you haven't been paying attention. No, it's a great zoo. It's free. It's free. How up on the zoos are you, though?

It's a free zoo. I mean, people talk about zoos around me. I listen to the ones they talk about because I know Columbus, Ohio, San Diego. Yeah, you're missing one. Cincinnati, St. Louis. I'm not other than St. Louis. St. Louis is right in there with those. So Chicago's got one. It's free. It's not great. I've had a camel in Cincinnati.

What? I petted a camel in Cincinnati. At a zoo? Not at a zoo. It was just on the street. Outside of Go Bananas. He smoked a camel in Cincinnati. Omaha, guys. Omaha's camel. Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I did a show. No, I knew that. I did a show in the Omaha Aquarium at the zoo. It was a night show. Got to hang out. It was pretty cool. See, this is what I'm talking about. Yeah, you don't get that kind of home. Where's the good aquarium market? Atlanta? Yeah. Chattanooga? Chicago's got a great aquarium.

I think Boston does too. Did you do the show with the Great Lakes Aquarium? They can use some other entertainment in there. The backdrop of your show was like a beluga whale? It was a conference room with, first of all, you're not getting a beluga whale in an aquarium, are you? Oh, yeah. The Atlanta Aquarium has one. Really? They have a beluga whale, yeah. Now that's impressive. It's not as exciting as you would think, though. I saw it and I was like, well, this is cool, but.

At this point, it's like looking at it on TV, really. To me, it is. Really? Yeah. This guy's tough. I will say, man, I did some cruises there for a while, and that Alaskan cruise, there's a day where you just sit there on the boat and you just watch whales all day long. Oh, yeah. That's pretty cool. I see. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. That's what you need to do, man. So Fairbanks, maybe that's where we need to –

If you get drafted to Fairbanks, it's going to be a long road. So do we think Louisville is the, that's the number one draft spot for, uh, for comedy? I mean, I think so. Well, I'm in Louisville in two weeks, so I kind of regret. Yeah. I should say the people there are lovely. There are. I

I mean, Salt Lake City's got three wise guys. Salt Lake City's a great place to start because Keith, he uses his local guys. And it's, yeah. It's also a fun city. Yeah, but again, a little isolated. Yeah, it is a little isolated. You gotta get on a plane to go do a road gig. There is a college that I did there south of Salt Lake City. Mormon school. I forget what it was called. SLC? That's the- Salt Lake College? Is it the airport? It's the airport code, man. He never left the airport. Yeah.

Who's booking the airport? It's the Wolverines. I know it's the Wolverines. That's Michigan. Well, the Mormon school is down there south of Baylor. Was it Utah Valley? Utah Valley. Brigham Young. Oh, Utah Valley is not a Mormon school, I don't think, is it? Everybody that took me to lunch at the Applebee's was Mormon. Well, it's a state school. It's called Utah Valley State. I don't think. Utah Valley University, UVU. Yeah, you're right. Maybe, maybe not.

They had a good wrestling. They were all, they were like, you got any questions? And I was like, are you all Mormon? And they were like, yes, we are. That's really all I had. Conversation ended right there. That sounds like some Bates crowd work right there. Because Bates, he just asked some questions. Oh, I did some Monday.

No, it was Dustin Nickerson's show last weekend we were on. And I asked somebody in the audience, who's from out of town? Somebody said, we're from Illinois. And I'm like, Chicago? And they go, no. And I'm like, all right. And then I'm like, who else? Man, this guy's good. He just moves right on to the next one. And they're like, Maryland. And I had nothing to say about Maryland. So you got a built-in Chicago joke? And you're like, Chicago? No. Okay. I mean, exactly what? You had even less to say about Maryland. You don't even know a city in Maryland to follow up with.

Baltimore, never heard of it. Yeah. Chicago though? Yeah. There's a home video that I have where my mom is filming and she's like just filming these people in Gatlinburg and they turn and look and she's like, smile, you're on camera. And then she goes, where are you from? And they were like, Pittsburgh. She goes-

Oh, great. I don't even know why she asked. She had nothing to say. Shit, she came from the Bates School of Craft. Oh, great. I did the Opry this weekend and

I closed on a joke about bombing at a church and launching into a fake testimony about being addicted to drugs. What? It's a really funny story. What? That's my closer, Greg. That's not the funny part. Yes, it is, man. That's a...

That's hilarious. Well, thank you. And that's not, it's not, it's a little underhanded, isn't it? Like, I don't. It doesn't go that well on stage, but it killed, killed right now. But I imagine it probably didn't go that well with the church. Well, I don't do it at a church. Well, I'm not saying you're at the church. They didn't know it was fake though. They were like, yeah, that's right. So you're just like, it's going bad. And you're like, yo, I got to tell you something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was it true what you told him?

this don't get in the way. He's not trying to burn his closer on the podcast. I don't want to tell the whole thing. Can I get to the point of the story? Yeah. I'm sorry. It's just, that's a lot. So it does. That's what I call it. It does great with the Opry. The next guy following me to debut at the Opry, his name's Ben Fuller. And when the announcer introduces, he said,

This guy's a Christian artist. He overcome 14 years of drug addiction, blah, blah, blah. And I start, my ears start peeking up like, Oh, and then he goes out there and sings a song about how Jesus saved and gets a standing ovation. Then he shares his testimony on stage about how he was basically tells exactly what I just said in the joke.

And audiences crying. He's crying. Then the announcer even brings them over and talks to him. He's like, well, we had two testimonies tonight. One from Brian, one from, from you. I'm so thankful. First of all, that I went first because I would not have been listening to what he was doing. And I would have went out there afterwards. They just all thought I was mocking him.

Even so, it felt a little bit somehow, even though I went first, like I was mocking him. Yeah. The point where afterwards I was like, hey, man, I had no idea that in your story. He was very cool about it. And he's like, I made it up to. He's like, I've never done a drug in my life. Yeah.

But it was quite funny. Yeah, man. I want to see this. It's a good bit. Yeah. Should we get into these comments? Sure. What do you think? You got the comments here. These come from, by the way, we're asked a lot. These come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple podcast reviews. And if you want to send us an email, that's very easy to do. Just email us at Nate land at Nate Bargett C dot com. First comment. You know what? Yeah. These are the wrong comments. Are they really? This is, uh,

Yeah, this is last week's comments. This is exactly last week's comments, yeah. They are. See, it's normally Nate who prints these out and gets everything set up for us. So when he's not in town...

The whole charade just collapses. Well, what about this? Where were you guys at last week? Oh, where you been? Where you going? Yeah, where were you guys at? I went to Toledo, Ohio. Love it, man. To the Funny Bone. I had a great time. Yeah, it was a hot, hot weekend. Yeah, it was great. Nothing to report, really. People were very nice. Hotel right across the street. Hotel right across the street. Only one elevator was working and the pool was shut down. So that was a little disappointing. Oh, yeah, man.

You like a hotel pool? I don't get in, but I like it to be open. You like to have the option? Yeah, I like it to be open. It feels like the hotel's doing well. Yeah, man. It feels like fun. If it's open, yeah. I was staying in a hotel here last night. I walked by. I was like, man, these guys are having a great time. Yeah. You like to see it. Yeah. You like to see people enjoying their lives. Yeah, man. I don't get in there. You're right. You go, that does look fun. And it makes you feel good about the country when you see people having fun. On the road? Yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, I'm just in my room, you know, going, I wish it would rain so I don't feel bad about being in here. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a little cul-de-sac of a mall there. Yeah. Nice Starbucks. Yeah. Juice place.

Get a nice pizza. Oh, juice. Juice. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. They had this one restaurant called Hangover Easy. That's what it was called. But they were really a really dumb name, I think. And they were really. Oh, I like the pun. Yeah, but they were really using the initials to hang over easy. H-O-E for everything in the restaurant. Is this a I'm not getting the pun. Is it a breakfast place? Like you're like over easy like eggs. Hangover. You're like, hey, we're all drunk, right? That kind of thing.

but they were using the initials HOE for everything. I always talk to Will O'Donnell, a guy you know about that, because we always hate how restaurants are like making everything like dirty. Like you take your kids in, now you got to explain to your kids what HOE is. I was reading the menu and they go-

you know, get eggs with some hoe fries. And I'm like, is this a typo? Like you meant to put home fries in? No. And then they, instead of homemade, it just said homemade. And I'm like, well, I don't think that's how I want my food. No, no. Well, I don't know. You don't want to put it.

People can do whatever they want. Label hoes, you know, like they're probably good in the kitchen. But I just, it's too much. It's like, just take it easy. Here's the website right here. Big message. Yeah. Welcome to Ohio. Yeah. Yeah. The food was delicious though. It was really some of the best breakfast food I've had. Is it right there in the mall there? Yeah. Near the club. How have I missed that? That's gotta be new. It's gotta be new. Cause I mean, I've,

There's a little pizza place. Yeah. It's across from the pizza place. John, John, uh, the guy that used to run the club down there. Oh, basil. I think it's called basil. Yeah. That's a good, I've been there a couple of times. There's a thing called the hippie bowl there. Okay. That's some good food. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. What about you, Brian? Where were you at? Well, I was at the Opry Friday night. Uh, Thursday night I did a, uh, taping at Zaney's, um,

with Killer Bees. Oh, the buzz. Oh, man. Yeah, the comedy buzz. And the shows were great. And supposedly, he's going to air on Amazon Prime. Oh, cool. That's great, man. So I had a good set, and it was a hot show. Standing ovation? No, I didn't get a standing ovation. Why do you got to do that? Well, I just talked about this. It's dry bar taping. Everybody's supposed to get a standing ovation, but...

Didn't you say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are? But it did just sound like you were going, yeah, how good was it really? It sounds like that thing that when you know he did something great, but you shoot for something higher so it doesn't seem great. I thought you were saying that because I just told the story about the guy at the Opry who got a standing ovation. Oh, no. Yeah, my dry bar. You got a standing ovation at your dry bar, didn't you? I don't remember. I don't think so.

Well, I'm not going to tell you. I don't take stock in such things. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. It's not about that. It's not about that. It's about the comedy. I'm not going to tell the story. We got our comments now. We can get into it. I don't know what you guys are teaching down there in Louisville, but.

It's about the writing. It's about the performance. You're too attached to results. I've always said that about you, man. Yeah, that's true. That's where you're making up stories about church. I'm making a crowd work comment. Yeah. Doesn't even go to church, really. Yeah. Here are the comments, ladies and gentlemen. And once again, they're from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple podcast reviews and Nate land at Nate Bargetti.com. Let's dive in. First comment is from Jennifer Marbach.

I love that on the first name. Here we are. We're back at it. It's a tricky one. Jennifer M. Aaron said on last week's podcast that Columbus, Ohio was the sixth largest city in the country. I repeated this fun fact. I learned innately into several of my coworkers and everyone was as surprised as I was. I finally decided to Google it and found out it is ranked 14. I'm a little embarrassed, but I guess it isn't the dumbest thing I've said at work.

It is all about how they structure out the thing. Like St. Louis actually would be one of the larger cities, but they only include the metro area. Well, no, metro area is the big part. Okay. So whatever the- City. City. So Columbus, probably a lot of people live within city limits, so it rockets up there on the city. Metro area.

I actually looked this up. It's 32nd metro area. So Aaron, you look even dumber. Um, he wasn't talking metro. He's talking city. I think what I said that I said, it's like the sixth largest city and like six and 14, pretty close. 14 is not bad for, you didn't think Columbus was a 14th largest. Of course. I mean, how many cities are there? A couple hundred and 14, 14 is up there. 14 is not bad. Hey, it's,

It's Adolf. But based on just the population of the city, Nashville would be bigger than Atlanta.

Well, that's not even. Okay. Yeah, but metro area. Atlanta's what, five or something? Yeah, Atlanta's huge. So what's metro area? LA, New York, Chicago. Houston may be above. Houston's fourth. New York, LA, Chicago, Houston. Columbus. And then Phoenix. Columbus in the mix. Yeah. Top 20. Yeah, sure. Columbus is in the discussion. Well, I'm not sure. I think it's 32nd. But anyway. Well, thank you, Jennifer.

Sounds like really interesting conversations you're having at work. You know, I'm just trying to get the water. Maybe focus on work. Yeah. Step away from the water cooler for a bit and get some work done. Drew Guswa.

If you're flying solo on Southwest, I contend that A1 is not the best because then you have no say in who sits next to you. A15 to 30 is the sweet spot. You can scope who's already sitting and then decide whether to join them or claim an open spot.

Interesting. See, I don't really care who's sitting next to me. I just want an aisle seat close to the front of the plane. You say that. Yeah. But if you're at the aisle, you're free. You're free out in the... Yeah, but you're doing this. Yeah, but you're still free out here. There is some freedom. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I want. You can get out of there if you need to. Yeah.

But I'll make multiple trips to the bathroom. Me too, man. Yeah. And I feel bad about it, but I don't want any judgment. Yes. And, you know, like if I say, hey, you know, I'm going to ask nicely. But if I get any kind of attitude, I'm like, we can switch. You know, we can switch. You were the one that wanted to sit out here. Right. We can switch. Like when they start to set up the laptop, I want to go, don't even get all that out. Yeah. I'm going to ask you to put that out. Yeah.

But do you really have to go? You're limiting their workflow. Yeah. You're not going to want all that out. Just a heads up. You're not going to get anything done this flight. I don't know how I ended up at the window, but this is too bad. This flight's not going to go the way you think it is.

Well, Greg and I, at our age, we actually have to go that many times. You probably just go in there to, what, goof around? Well, I can come out of water, yeah, but I also, you know, I want to see what's happening. In the bathroom? I like to walk through the plane just to see what people are up to. Yeah. Yeah, I go. But, I mean, to be honest, it's been that way my whole life. I mean, you know, I think my age has something to do with now, but, I mean, even as a kid, I remember my dad being like, are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The moment I'm about to get into any situation where it will be weird to go to the bathroom, I'm like, I got to go. Man, I freaked out. I think I talked about that last time I was on here. I got one of those sleep tests where they hook you up with all the wires and immediately I'm like, whoa.

I have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. So now I got to go. Yeah. And I quit. I quit. You quit the sleep test? Last time. The first time I went, I went home, I bailed, but I just want to tell you guys sort of nice way to, you know, tie the bow or whatever. Put a button on it. Put a button on it. Thank you. I did it.

Thursday night, I did it. Wow. I went back and I did it. When do you get the results? Doesn't matter. I don't care about the results. It's just about overcoming your fear. No, I like the idea that you're like, you know what? I don't have a problem sleeping. I just pee a lot. So you're like, actually, I just figured it out. I don't need this whole task. No, to be real honest, I did talk to them on the way in and they were like, there's nothing wrong with you. And so now I've spent a lot of money to rule out. I just need to go to the urologist, I think is probably the

I don't have a sleep problem. I don't have. Really? Yeah. And Bates was telling me, you said for sure. I still feel that way. They said, could you tell just listen to him breathe? No, man. That is such, because the doctor said the same thing. Yeah. I showed up. He goes, your dad snore. I'm like, yeah. He goes open. Oh yeah. You need to sleep. Wait a minute, man. You cannot tell that. Yeah. I love those guys that are so,

I went to the dentist one time and he just, he looked, he had me open my mouth. He goes, oh, you're a grinder. He goes, you're definitely a grinder. He goes, don't feel bad. He goes, picked up People Magazine. He goes, Mel Gibson, you can tell right here. He's a grinder. Mel's a grinder. Don't feel bad about it. Wow. Yeah. I mean, they all think they know something. They want to impress you. They want to go, oh, I had no idea. To me, I'm like, if I have no idea, what's the problem?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Just grind them. It's like their talk show hosts where just make a call really firm, whether you believe it or not. Yes. My brother was a soccer referee when he was in college and he would go there hungover and he had no idea what was going on. But every call he would make it with a lot of...

But that ball is out, right? Oh, yeah. No idea. Even the replay comes in. You're like, no, no. Bad angle. And everybody believed him, I'm sure. Used that example last time, Greg. Reruns. Did I really? I said that one? I don't remember.

Man, this is going to happen a lot. I wasn't here. I've been on here too many times. It's all new to me. You saw me going into it. You could have cut me off before. Surely he's not going to tell the story again. The soccer thing I told him? Buzz Killington. I'd never heard that before in my life. Can we cut this? This is terrible. No, no. It's all new to me. It's terrible, man. It's all new to me. It's all new to Dusty. I don't know.

I appreciate you telling us. You had two choices there. Okay. You can cut me off before I do it and say, Hey man, don't tell this. You're going to sound like an idiot. Okay. Or you can just let it go. But now you, my, my confidence shaken. I can't, I don't know what I'm like. Dusty tells the same C4 story at the airport every week. So I don't know what that is, but, uh,

The candle? Oh, the candle. Oh, yeah. Well, they have new machines now. And now they tell you they can tell the difference between a candle and a stick of C4. And I'm like, oh, you couldn't do that before?

You know? So before, we're just slipping through with dynamite this whole time and not lighting it on the plane. I mean, you know. I called you a C4 story at the airport. I thought it was the gate. Yeah, that's what I did too. But I'll tell it every podcast if I can. Okay, man. Well, I still feel like an idiot. Thanks, Bates. Maria Rivard. I tell you guys, I sold Pringles. Yeah.

Maria Rivard, can we please revisit physics? I consider myself relatively intelligent yet cannot grasp that the earth spins and when we jump up, it doesn't move under us. It's an argument I've had with my family for years. How come when the space shuttle crew or any satellite is up taking pictures of the earth, it's not blurry if it's spinning?

I'm just saying what Dusty was thinking the entire episode. Well, don't pin it on me now. But, you know, don't have this old comment and then go, you know, this is not my thoughts. These are Dusty's thoughts. But you're right, though, Maria. But I think the short answer is for both us down here on Earth and for the space shuttle orbiting the Earth, we are also spinning. So from our perspective, it does not look like the Earth is spinning, but we're spinning with it.

For the same reason, if I'm driving in a car and I throw a tennis ball up in the air, it's not going to fly back and hit the back windshield because the tennis ball is also moving with the car. What if you don't have a windshield? A sports car? Yeah. Like convertible? No, like no windshield. Oh, okay. The wind would probably blow it. Yeah. The wind might blow it back, yeah, but it's still not going to fly back.

Like it was. Are you? Yeah. Is you're throwing the ball up in the car or out of the car? I'm. I'm trying to get. Let's say I'm driving. I'm trying to get. I'm driving left hand on the steering wheel. I got you. Juggling a tennis ball in my right hand. Oh, okay. All right. Like that's how I drive usually. Just to keep myself entertained. Squeeze it. Give the forearms. I scream at the windshield a lot. Yeah. I'm having trouble, but I'm, let's say I'm throwing it up. Okay.

When I throw the ball up in the air, it's just going to go straight up and come right back down. If I'm inside a car. I'm with you, man. That's the same reason that if you jump up right now, the earth doesn't just spin under you. It's because we're already moving with the earth. Okay. But isn't this also have to do with the speed of the spin? I mean, it's pretty slow spin. It's a pretty fast spin. It's just the earth is so big. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Okay. It goes all the way around in 24 hours.

That's pretty big. I guess it is. Thanks for that tennis ball. I thought you were throwing it up outside the car and I was like, well, then it wouldn't. Yeah, that's different. That's cool. But if you're on a train and closed, it would come right back down. Yeah. I say we try it.

What do you mean? Let's test it. I don't know if this needs testing. I feel like you've... I think Maria Rivard wants it tested. Okay. We'll put one up on the Patreon. I want to say, though, back to this Southwest thing. The other day, I was on... I was boarding. I was A3, and all these people... You're about to say C4 out of this.

All these people, I could see them lining up. And I pulled out my paper and I was going to tally how many people went in front of me. And then I was going to email Southwest about it because I thought there was a bunch of people from another flight that was about to board. Oh, yeah. And then I got to like, I don't know, eight. And then they were like, all right, now you can board. And I was like, all right, well, that's not worth it. But if we'd got up to 20, I was sending out an email. You don't want to be tallying anybody.

man. Yeah. I liked it. Every, if anybody, if you're tallying anything, people get real suspicious. Like what, what do you, what do you count? Well, I was, and I was tallying people in wheelchairs at that point. So it did not look good. It doesn't look good at all. But, but,

Because that's who was boarding. But I was like, all right, so there's a person in a wheelchair, but also a person with them. And that person's not pushing them. The employee's pushing them. So they're just kind of tagging along. It's like, in theory, y'all should be able to just grab the chair in front of you. And then one person brings all of you like a train. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll push a person on. I don't feel like that's safe. I like that. I'll go, you know what? I'll take one. Let me be A1. I'll take a person. Dude, I was at the Midway Airport this weekend and I saw an employee.

pulling three different people on wheelchairs to their gate wow yeah impressive dude i don't know if they're just understaffed or if you just wanted to show off that's the world everybody you know nobody's working i know but it was kind of impressive to watch yeah he was hauling too you guys all have automatic check-in on southwest i don't think i'm a less preferred so yeah i think i got automatically checked in what's that mean

Like, do you have to go in 24 hours ahead of time? Yeah. How do you get automatic check-in? I just figured, well, you said A-list preferred. If you get to A-list, you will have automatic early bird check-in. I was on that the greatest year of my life. It was great. I have to go on 24 hours ahead of time and check in. And the other day, it just shows how many people now have some A-list preferred or something ahead of time. Because I'm ready to go. Eleanor drops her sippy cup.

You know, my chicken's 855. She drops it 854. Milk goes everywhere. That's my wife. No, it's my daughter. I know who Eleanor is. And I jump up and cleaned up real fast. Jump up to check in. It's now it is now 855 or whatever. C8.

- No. - I can't believe you cleaned the sippy cup first. Just go ahead and get yourself secure away. - Yeah, yeah. - You told that story story two and a half years ago. - Yeah, thanks. Yeah, man. I wasn't gonna say anything about it. - I think it was episode 18. - Yeah. - Good episode.

Kyle Tracy. I was taking care of my morning business at the pilot truck stop in Montauk, New Jersey. Montague? I'm going to say Montague on that one. Montague. What a great way to start a day, huh? And a guy came in and sat in the stall next to me. A few seconds later, a horse with no name was playing.

I said, Aaron land. He said, he's been doing that every day since that episode. And I'm the first one to make the connection. I didn't stick around to meet him, but anyway, there's a lot of truckers that listen. That's amazing. I'll start a movement. That is amazing. Do you know the backstory for this backstory? But I love the band America. Yeah. Yeah. And the country.

What I do, I don't like a bathroom where it's quiet in there. So if there's no music playing, if there's no real loud kind of white noise, I will play Horse With No Name by America on my phone.

Really? And that's just sort of my calling card, I guess you'd say. A pair of plants and birds and rocks and things. Exactly. Yeah. I love that. I can't imagine what it's like at a pilot truck stop in the morning. I mean, I've sat in a lot of Home Depots in the morning, in the bathrooms, and it is wild in there. And I can't imagine what's going on at a truck stop. You've been eating hot dogs and drinking coffee, and it's just like, if somebody says next to you, you go, I'm going to go ahead and get out of here. Oh, man.

Man, I remember. It was a great song. Yeah. Bates, if I have told this, would you stop me? Well, let's go. There was this bathroom on the road. I think I was working Toledo, but I was eating a lot of grapefruits back then. And for some reason, I just had to go. Yeah. And I went in this gas station. It was a small bathroom. There's a guy in there.

I think he was, you know, sitting down and there was just a urinal. And I was like, I just, this is going to have to happen, man. And I just walked in there. He's in there. He just goes, he goes, it's not that kind of bathroom. Meaning it's not meant for two people to be in at the same time. I was like, sorry, dude. This is a horrible thing. It's a horrible thing that I'm doing to you, but there's a worse thing that's going to happen. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. The way he said it, it was a really tactful way to say it. Yeah. It's not that kind of bathroom. I know, man. I know. And I'm sorry. If it's not, it seemed like he could have locked the door. And this is not a normal kind of situation I'm dealing with. It's not. Right. Yeah. It hasn't happened since. Brutal. Grapefruits are, yeah, they can do it to you. Yeah, I was eating like two, three a day. Yeah. Yeah.

Two or three a day. Yeah. That's a lot of grapefruit. Yeah, that's a lot of grapefruit. It is, man. Yeah. I mean, these were. Is this your wrestling days? No. These were good size grapefruits. Okay. Eat them on a road trip. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Thomas Nielsen. Dusty mentioning his family history. May be curious. So I did some research and found his oldest sleigh ancestor, Sir Edmund Sleigh.

S-L-E-I-G-H. They changed the spelling at some point. The High Sheriff of London. Wow.

He lived in London from 1590 to 1656. Also found this picture of Grandpa Guy and the other Slay Boys from 1939. Oh, yeah. That's my granddad right there. The one with his tie. Well. On the right? No, no. Two over. Right there? Oh, yeah. That's Grandpa Guy? Yeah. How about that? Amazing. Have you seen this picture before? I don't think so. But I know what he looks like. Wow. So this guy was able to find that? Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah, thanks, Thomas. I knew that the last name had changed, but yeah, that's pretty wild. It's kind of weird that two of the guys' ties are very windy and the other two are just kind of sitting flat. They got tie tacks. They're like windmills in rural Illinois, right, Dusty? That's right. Half of them are blowing, half of them aren't. That's true. Some of them are just whipping through the air. But my guess is this guy's got a little tie clip. Well, that's interesting. Sir Edmund Slay, the High Sheriff of London.

That's interesting. I think the guy in the far left might have tucked his tie. I can't tell. No. It's got a little blow to it. Yeah. Okay. There's a tie tack right there about, I'd say, a third of the way up. Pin, probably with a... That would have been about eight years before my dad was born. Whoa. Yeah. 1939. Wow, that's a mouthful. Thank you, Thomas. That was very cool. Yeah, great. Next comment is from Nishikant. Nishikant.

Okay. Yeah. As professional stand-up comedians, Brian, Dusty, and I will take this one. How do you handle... Sorry. Greg can't get in on it? Oh, Greg can hop in for sure. All right.

As professional stand-up comedians, how do you handle unfunny stories? Wow, you might be able to do this one, Brian. How do you handle unfunny stories or jokes from close friends, family members, or in-laws? I struggle to find humor in my girlfriend's jokes, but I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that. Well, that's a tough dilemma for sure. Break up with her. I mean, just get right out of that relationship. Well, I think there's a real key question that we need to answer it.

How long are these stories? How hot is she? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how often is she telling them too? I mean, is she telling you jokes every day or these nonstop or, or is it, you know, once in a while? Yeah. Also get a fake laugh. Oh yeah. I mean, yeah.

I can do it. But we all have people after shows come up. I got one for you. I had yesterday at church, a guy came up. I got two jokes for you. I'm like, all right, this hero. And I fake laughed. And then you move on. What was one of the jokes? One of them was.

That's good. I thought that was real. That was pretty good. Yeah. One of them was something about his kids got a part in a play, and his son's part was playing a husband. Okay. And then I said to him, well, congratulations. Maybe next year you'll get a speaking role.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty fun. Yeah. That's not bad. Yeah. That's a gift that he gave you because you got a liner. Now I got a new closer. Yeah. I don't know if I'd go closing with it, but it's real good. At least an opener. Yeah. Yeah. Start with that. That is a thing though. You know, like if somebody will shout something out in the audience and you're just so conditioned to be like, this is stupid, stupid, stupid, like,

Probably four times I've been like, that's, wait a minute. What'd you say? That's really good. That's why I don't do crowd work. I'm afraid there'll be funnier than me. Yeah. But I took, took one of them.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was like, well, that's going in the act. Yeah. That was, that was good. I've had people message me things. Hey, you did this joke and you should add this at the end. And 90% of the time I'm like, no way. Yeah. Once in a while. Yeah. You know what? That's the problem. Yeah. I remember. Do you remember? Do you mind me telling? I remember one specifically that somebody gave you after a show. Yeah. You had a joke about peeing on ants. Oh yes. And a guy came up and said, that's trickle down economics. Yeah.

I just put that joke on the internet and people are like, this is genius. Yeah, that guy's good. You made it work. He just gave you the turn. What about the one in Duluth, Minnesota that someone gave you one time that not good? Oh yeah. Oh dude, Brian, stop me if I think I might've told this one before. I had a, I had a,

I had an old bit that I haven't done in a while, but about when your cat dies, what are you supposed to do when your cat dies? And at one point in the joke, I said, I don't know what the etiquette is. Like, what am I supposed to do? It's a long bit. And the word etiquette, not important to the joke at all. After the show, a woman comes up to me and she goes, got a little idea for your cat joke. I said, yeah, let me hear it. She goes, etiquette.

Etta Cat? I was like, yeah. I go, that's great. And I went back to Dusty. And we were talking, like, the show would change immediately if I were just like, Etta Cat, huh? Everyone would be like, wait, what are we watching? People have been like, what kind of show is this? Etta Cat? Yeah, that's the worst one I've gotten.

Good times. What's the next comment here? Mary May. Mary May. Great name. Yeah. Mary May Camarda just finished watching the documentary Inside Jokes on Amazon about up and coming comics auditioning for the Just for Laughs Festival. New faces. I was so happy to catch the smallest cameo from our boy Dusty. Was the new faces show what launched his career? Is that show as big of a deal for new comics as they make it out to be?

Well, I don't know the, the documentary itself. I don't know, but I was there doing a new faces unwrapped. So we weren't really a part of that documentary, but for whatever reason, when they did that one shot where I'm standing there, we got in on it, but yeah, it was, it really did launch things. It was big for me. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. 2002. I think I did it. Yeah. I was, yeah, it was like, I mean, and it,

Back then, I was like, well, this is... I'm either going to have to quit or I'm going to be a superstar. And it wasn't either of those things. It definitely... Turns out there are a lot of other options. Yeah, there was. Yeah, you make in my head. I was like, I'm going to be super... Because they make it... Back then, comedians were getting big deals and stuff like that. So I just... I did like, okay, you know. But I look back and I'm like, I could have done so much better. And I wish I would have waited a year or something like that. But yeah, it's... Well, that's how I feel. And actually, I...

It had kind of been offered to me the year before, but there were some different complications. So I couldn't do it. And then it got, it wasn't necessarily offered to me, but it felt like it was. But then there was something I had going on that I couldn't do it. So I got offered the next year and I was very happy to have that extra year of just working on jokes. Right. Because I went in hot. I mean, I was ready to go. That's great. I was ready to roll. Yeah. I wish I would have maybe waited a little bit, but it was still pretty good.

It's still pretty cool. First time, whatever the industry, somebody in the industry said this guy exists and then other people acknowledge that you go ahead and exist. That is, that is a big part of what it feels like. You feel like, Oh, I'm in the system. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm, I'm in the mix. Anyway.

But that's cool that they were doing the documentary the year you did it. Yeah. And yeah, so I was just like standing on stage at some point. Yeah. Like with other people. But, you know, I got a hat. So much like the Titans video. I'm recognizable even at the glimpse. That's like your last comic standing appearance, too. Yes, exactly. A lot of those cameos. If you pause it at the right time, you can see Dusty in the background. Yeah. Yeah. Trey Nichols. Greg can roll his eyes.

Whoa. Wow. Man. Maybe Nate can read. I pulled a Nate. Yeah. I pulled a Nate. Tracy Nichols. Greg can roll his eyes at Nate for saying Pringles aren't chips, but you would never grab a Pringle to eat dip. Chips go with dips and Pringles stand alone. Hold on a second, man. This, this, the logic is flawed. I agree. She's at here because who's dipping lace, you know?

Excellent point. Who's dipping? Nobody's dipping. I hate to say it. I don't care for some of their business tactics, but that's the kind of the gold standard of potato chip. Right. They're the Coca-Cola. Yeah. Yeah. Pepsi, actually. But I know. Yeah. Well, yeah. You know, but if if a chip doesn't need dip, doesn't that make it a better chip?

I think so. I mean, if you got to dip it, is it really that good? Yeah. I mean, I don't think really potato chips. What potato chips are you dipping? Ruffles. I don't need it. I don't need it. Ruffles. Ruffles do people do.

Doritos, I don't think, are built for dipping. Look, I think it's a pretty awesome move when you do use them to dip, but I don't think they're built that way. I think only corn tortillas. Tortillas. And be a cope on this, Bates, because I know I've discussed this on the podcast before. We'll see. No, I have. I'm just telling you right up, I have. Actually...

I just want to say, I talked about Tarangos, which was when we tried to get into the corn chip market because we wanted to- Tarangos? Tarangos. It was sort of a Pringles and we had the wrong price point and there was a divability issue there. That'll get you. It's supposed to be dipped.

It's supposed to be. And it was marketed that way. Yeah, it was. But it was too thin. Too thin. And oh, man, through the roof expensive. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't want expensive chips breaking off in the dip. No. Infuriated. You're like, what am I eating? You know, a salad now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Turning a pie into a cobbler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why Tracy's attacking me on this deal.

Amy Lewandowski. I showed my husband a clip of Dusty doing standup and his first comment was his hair is really straight, which I never really thought of. But now I'm wondering how does Dusty get his hair so straight? Well, I love that. That's your husband's first comment. A lot of women make that comment to me. I don't hear it a lot from dudes, but it feels good. I mean, I like it. You know, I appreciate that dudes are noticing a hair straightener. No, it just is like this. I don't.

I don't do anything. I wish I had a little curl to it. Really? Yeah. You'd be a much different- I don't think you'd be the same hat. Yeah. I don't think you'd be the same hat. I'd be a very different hat. Well, who knows? I might be a CEO of something if my hair had a little curl. I think a lot of your life would be much different. You think? If you had a little bounce. Yeah. If it was a little voluminous. Yeah. If you had bounce, I don't think you'd be going corporate. I think you'd be going like-

lion lion show or something you know big catch oh yeah it might be like a circus performer yeah big you know yeah you're talking like weird al yankovic hair like that kind of that kind of thing about tiger king i said bit of a curl i mean that's as curly as it gets yeah that's permed out yeah sure weird out i mean like um like a flow to it like a head and shoulders commercial you could get a yeah weird out yeah yeah that's uh that looks pretty nice though you think yeah

I don't think so. Kenny G is even earlier. Kenny G is awful similar to Weird Al in a way. Yeah, he is. What a weird career that guy's had. Very successful, but no one seems to like him. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know anybody that's like a Kenny G fan. I think it became cool to hate him. Michael Bolton. Yeah, him and Bolton. Same hair, though, too. Doesn't Michael Bolton have similar hair? Not anymore. No, he went bald? No, he just cut it. It looks good. Yeah.

No, I think it just became like Nickelback. Everybody, it was cool to hate Nickelback. And Kenny G was like, yeah, because it's not like rock and roll music. But I think he's also made fun of by real jazz enthusiasts because they think he like popified jazz in a way that they don't like. Sure. They think it's kind of watered down jazz.

not real jazz music. Also, he made a lot of money. Yeah. Yeah. And I can't name another saxophonist in the world right now. Yeah. David Sanborn. Okay. Is he good? Yeah, he's real good. Dave Kaz. I know him. Maybe I do know a couple. Clinton was, yeah. He's made a lot of money. Not necessarily from the saxophone. Right, right, right. Not much of it came from sax. Yeah. We'll move on from that. Kristen. Oh,

Jay Custis. My dad has spent thousands having his wiring repaired on his car because of chipmunks and squirrels in rural Indiana, just like bygone baits. I have been waiting anxiously for Brian's dry bar special to come out, hoping it makes enough money for Brian to build a garage. I'd love an ETA on the special. Well, I wish I knew. They are secretive about that. They are. How long did it take yours?

not that long but i was early on all right no mine went really well they put it up i was on the plane and it came out they are so secretive they streamed his life it was uh season two yeah um and uh so that you know they didn't have a lot of inventory back then whatever they did they put it out and um

But my buddy who is a buddy, Brendan air shot one years ago, man. And it's not out. And this guy's, he's a great comic. But they just, they won't tell them that they're just, I think they just have a ton of them that they shot and they sort of get to them when they get to them. You know, this is my second one. The first one took about two years to come out. Wow. This one I've chicken with them every so often. Two years. I mean, it was close to it. This one. I mean, I shot this last October and,

Well, if they gave you a second one, obviously you know it's going to come out. I'm just trying to answer the question. I feel like you're making me feel bad now. Maybe it won't come out. It's going to be okay, man. You're not a terrible comic, man. We'll still love you, dude. It's not like they tossed it. Maybe they were like, he did these on the first one. What were your medicine? But I will say that already I think about what I did and you know how

Like I've had so many specials, but I wouldn't want to record something and then it come out. God, no. Either I've already got new jokes that in your mind, whatever your newest joke is your favorite. It's so good. The best thing I've ever done. I wish it was on the special or I just started some jokes that I did tell on it, but now I feel like I tell them better. Right. That, that is, I don't think there's a comedian in the world that would say you put it on tape and then a two weeks later you figure out how to do at least three of them better. Yeah. Just driving, driving down the street. Yeah.

That's just, there's no way to stop that. Yeah. So thank you for asking. I wish I knew. I don't know, but they tell me soon, but they've been telling me that for a while.

Yeah. What about the garage? Any update on the garage? Yeah, the squirrels. Well, the squirrels, thankfully, no new problems to report. I got a hawk now that's kind of helping me out with the squirrels. But, you know, we have to stay indoors. I can't take my baby or dog out now. I got a mole that's really doing some damage to my car. Just getting terrorized. Yeah. But squirrels, thankfully, no new damage to my car to report. Okay. Good. Yeah.

By mole, you mean the road, right? Not somebody within the family that's sharing information. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, an actual mole. Kristen Flavell. Flavell? I like Flavell. Flavell. Yeah. I got a little bit of Flavell, too. You know what I'm saying? As a fellow...

As a fellow millennial, I love when Aaron throws in Harry Potter references and watching the older gents reactions. Would love to see a Harry Potter episode with Aaron explaining the story and the guys reacting, especially Dusty, who would have to spiritually cleanse the room afterwards. How do you feel about that, Dusty?

Uh, yeah. I mean, I don't want to be a part of it, but, um, I, I think Dusty will be out of town when you record that one. Yeah. And, uh, you know, you can do a whole Dungeons and Dragons and Harry Potter thing. Completely unrelated, but, uh, you know, I, I just, um, they called Dusty and Bates and, uh, Nate older gents, which makes me downright geriatric. Yeah. Yeah.

You and I are pretty close to the same age. I got you probably by about four years. Oh, is he talking about us? The older Jets reaction? Oh, yeah. Who do you think? I don't know. When I hear older, I never think they're talking about me. You're the same boat with me, buddy.

Micah Johnson, I bet your sponsors are raking in the cash. I switched from Skippy to Jif and recently bought Spectracide for an ant problem, and these items aren't even officially sponsored. Micah, get in touch with me. I'll get you something. That's solid decision-making right there. It is. The Spectracide is the best ant killer you're going to get. Yeah. Ants can't hide from Spectracide is what they say. I like it. I believe it.

Well, that's what we're talking about this week. We're talking about sales. Your special is called The Salesman. Yeah. I haven't seen it, but I'm assuming that's what it's about. And...

What? Yeah, I was going to get. Okay, go ahead, Dusty. Well, I just take over. No, I mean, it's just been a while. We've not even I see I have number one here and we've not done any. Well, we only got two this week. Okay. All right. So, you know, you do your thing. I thought you'd forgotten to. Yeah, I had not. I just I was going to about to get to it. But go ahead. Now we I want to hear. I want to hear the segue you're going to do. Yeah. You already have it planned in your head. The segue to athletic green. Yeah.

No. I was just going to wait until it comes up organically. Speaking of buying good products.

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Don't miss this exclusive offer. Visit your nearest NWFCU branch or apply online at nwfcu.org. Northwest Federal Credit Union, official credit union of the Washington Commanders. Terms and conditions apply. I worked my first job out of college, my first real job out of college, I guess you could say. I worked essentially as a telemarketer. I sold sales leads to salesmen.

And I hated it and I wasn't good at it. And I got fired from that job. And I was rightfully like, I should have been fired. Really? Yeah. I didn't even know when they told me, I was like, yeah, you're like, this makes sense. Yeah. I was like, yeah, I fear it. It was about time. You're like, I feel better about the company knowing that you're getting rid of me. Well, that sounds like you got to sell to a salesman.

Yeah. Well, we had agreements with these companies. I would qualify the leads over the phone and then just deliver via email. So I was just on the phone. You're like, hey, are you somebody that's going to be interested in buying something if somebody calls you? No, I was kind of...

I kind of have to be dishonest to these people about what we were doing. We'd present, I would present myself as, Oh, I can help you find the right software for you. And then, uh, you know, I just sell their information to companies. We did help people, but I was just very bad at it. I think we were supposed to make like a hundred phone calls a day. And I remember when I got fired, uh,

My boss was like, you made seven calls yesterday. I was like, oh, geez. He's like, we got security footage. You played ping pong quite a bit. I would play a lot of ping pong. Yeah? Yeah, I was just about. Why'd they have ping pong in there, man? Like real ping pong or like on the computer? No, there's a ping pong in the break room. Oh, so you're like. Yeah, dude, I'm not even at my computer. You got to get a Bluetooth. Ping pong it while you're making calls. Yes, there you go.

They were good. I was just not a good one. I think I was fun to have around on some level. I love they have security footage of you playing. Just by myself. I love that they thought that they had to have, you know, where you were going to be like, no, no, man, I made 100. Well, you played a lot of ping pong. I never even touched a ping pong paddle. Why don't you take a look at this tape right here? Yeah.

I don't even know how to play ping pong. And you're like selling it that it's not you. And they're like, if you apply this to the job. Yeah. Yeah. Where was this? On the January 93 call short. Yeah. That is the thing, man. That if you're going to interview him for somebody to be like, when you want to have an agent, there's people like, yeah, that guy, he was a little bit pushy. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You might want him, you know?

Yeah, you don't want the guy like, listen, do whatever you want to do, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Have your ads done a sales job? Not a big deal. Never? I think I'd be terrible at it. We worked at that camp store.

Yeah, I guess that's true. That's kind of like sales. I mean, you're a cashier. I mean, people. You ever upsell? Oh, you're like, hey, how about the king size peanuts? That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, that would be the world's worst. They say all of life is sales. Yeah. And that's probably why things are going the way they are. But yeah. No. Sell me this pen, dude. I don't even know. Like, do you guys know what? Or not. All right. You want me to do it? Yeah, sell it to me.

Aaron, before I get started here, what are you looking for in a pen? Who said I was looking for a pen? I got plenty of pens. So you got plenty of pens, you're saying? Yeah. Okay. So you need no more pens? I don't think I do, no. You see, there you go. You don't know how many pens you have, man.

I mean, you're right about that. I don't know how many I have. I'm sure I got at least one. You're a, you're a comedian, right? Yeah. Yeah. And you, you, I imagine you do some form of writing for your jokes, right? Oh, you haven't seen my act, Greg. Uh, but I need to for sure. I know I need to. Yeah, you do. Yeah. You do, man. And let, let's say, uh, you're just in the Starbucks or wherever, where do you do your writing? Yeah.

just at home, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You're there at home and you are onto something. I mean, you were onto something. You feel like this is, this is it, man. I can't do it. I can't even look at it. Pen runs on ink. What are you going to get up and go to Walgreens? No, no. You want to keep a, uh, I'd say probably a year supply of pens right there. And I can get you six months right now. Uh,

for the price of three. This is intense. I don't even know what that means. Six months of pens. You like gel pens? You like Sharpies? All in one right here. My mom uses this pen. It's the best you can get. I don't care for that. It's the best you can get. There's a Uniball. Two bucks. I'd say most of mine. I'll take it. I'll pay you later. You're buying his pen? You tried to sell me on a six month subscription to a pen. Dude, I only needed one.

Do you bring in a personal story to sell? That's what a guy told me when I was selling pesticides. He goes, I always like to go, my mom uses this stuff and she loves it. That's good. He said, people love, if you say your mom uses it, puts a family element into it. Should have used some of that in that. I should have, man. You guys are both rusty, man. You were going for, he's selling you one pen. I like to go low, low items. You know, quantity over quality is what I'm all about.

Okay. Let's knock it out. What are you talking about? You sold him one pen. I was trying to sell him six months worth of pen. I know, but I can sell one pen to everybody in the store. All right. I'm learning something here. I'm like, boom, boom, boom. All the techniques, to be honest with you, they did not work for me. The stuff, the tricks didn't work that well for me. My-

We went to this... And Bates stopped me if I told this. That's my new favorite thing on this podcast. Well, it's... I know. I don't know what I'm nervous about. And he almost baited you, right? Because he brings you in to talk about sales, knowing that you've already been on here talking a lot about sales. We didn't know anything else to talk about. Is this the pen you're talking about, by the way? This uniball right here? It doesn't look exactly like that. No. That's a good pen. Does it got a... Oh. Oh.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Cap, no click. You don't like a click? I like a cap. I like a cap, too. Yeah, and I mean, it just glides. I mean, some of the jokes I've written with that pen. There is...

There is something about getting a new pen or a new pad where you're like, I'd like to write in this. It feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It feels good. I got a lot of notebooks that have got a few pages written. It feels good. Then you sit down and then I'm like, I got nothing to say. Just let it flow, man. Get up, go to the pool for a bit. Play some ping pong.

Did I tell you about the negotiation seminar they took us to one time? It was like how to negotiate. And they had us like sit across from our partner. And the guy was like, now the first rule of sales, the first rule of negotiation is no matter what the person sitting across from you, no matter what their first offer is, you have to be shocked and offended.

by that offer, no matter what it is. Okay. And then he had us sit across from each other and practice the face that we would make to indicate that we were indeed shocked and offended by. So like we were grownups, like just like, Oh yeah.

Like just making faces at each other. And this guy probably, he probably got paid 25 grand to come teach us how to improv class. Yeah. Like, yeah. And you're doing sales like I was doing where it's like, you're selling to retail stores. We had a guy come at our meeting and speak to us. His name was Steve Martin. It was not Steve Martin. Okay. Uh, but he was pretty excited when he saw the itinerary though. I was like, I knew my company wasn't doing nothing. So, but,

But it was like, that's what they had. They had some guy, he was going to teach us how to sail and he was like selling big items. There was this long drive. I'm like, I'm just trying to get the store to order a few more cases of my weed and grass killer. You know what I mean? Yes. I saw that guy in the bathroom. He was peeing in the urn. He was like, all right, only one more hour to go. Like,

He knew none of us were into what he was doing. Retail. Cause I called on the stores for a while too. Yeah. I was grocery stores and I was calling on those guys. They teach you all these techniques and stuff. And those guys are like, all right, man, I got, uh, I got 15 seconds. What do you want? What do you want? Right. What do you want? I'm like, I got a, I got a quarter pallet here that I just like to sit here on the, on the aisle and try to boost my sales a little bit. Yeah. They're like, nah, put it on the next aisle over.

Who do you guys even, when you walk into a store, like where do you go? Do you go to the cashier and say, where's your manager or? Well, yeah. If you hadn't been there before and you try to find him and they would hide from you and, or yeah. And every now and then I would have to go to the,

the lady up front of the service desk service desk and mail. There's a salesman here to see you already. I'm sunk, you know? Yeah. Yeah. You, they would run for, I would go into the store and like, you would see like the department manager because they had all my boxes in the overhead. They would have to get the forklift to get it down. So I would need them to do it, but then I would do all the work and I would walk in and they would run because they knew I was going to ask them to drive the forklift. And it's just like,

It's like, just get the thing down and I'll stock your shelves here. How did it get there? Well, the night stocking crew comes in and puts it up top. So your company delivers it there and then they put it up top and then you... Yeah. You can't drive the forklift, right? No, we're not allowed to drive the forklift. You're not forklift certified. In my position, not being an employee of the store, we're not even allowed to get certified. Man, one time...

my friends and I that was we were just out of college as living in Houston. I lived with two guys from college and we went to this office depot or somewhere. I used to work at office depot. And we were like we had to get a we wanted to get a chair office chair or something something for whatever you know and there was a guy in there. He was like an assistant manager just a guy that worked there and I can't remember his name. Was this Opelika?

No, this was, uh, this was Houston. Okay. Houston. And, uh, we go, Hey man, we want to buy this thing. And the guy's like, you could tell he was like, didn't quite know what he was doing and he probably shouldn't have been alone in that store. So he goes, ah, it's in the, it's in the thing. And we were like, okay. So we went back, we weren't, we're not supposed to be back there in the storeroom and it's up there. And he's like, ah, man, I, uh, I can't get it. Cause, uh, I, I, uh,

I can't drive the forklift. And my buddy Marcus goes, I can drive forklift. And this guy was like, okay. And I'm like, oh man, we're getting this guy in a lot of trouble. So my buddy's on the forklift. He's a customer. He's on the forklift in the back of an office depot. And he's driving there and the dude's manager walks in and he goes, Wayne! Yeah, he goes,

who is the gentleman driving the forklift? Oh, no. And this poor guy's like, oh, it's a customer. And this guy, we were customers, so he can't yell at us, but he just kind of looked at us like,

You guys knew what you were doing to my employee that knows nothing. You guys are jerks. You guys knew what you were doing. Who is the gentleman driving the forklift? I love that. I mean, I know that whole thing all too well. I mean, when I worked at Office Depot, we had like no employees. So when people would buy chairs, I would go back there. I would get the forklift. I would raise it up to where the chair was. Then I would climb the shelf and –

unload it onto the forklift and then climb down and then lower the forklift. Why didn't you use the, you didn't know how to. It wasn't on pallets. It was just, it was a platform that another person was supposed to ride up and they were supposed to have these things that you're strapped on. And I would just climb up there because there's no one to help. I don't think my manager knew I was doing it, but I was like, this is efficient. This is efficient here. Yeah.

That's a, man, that's a lawsuit right there. Did y'all have like a uniform or a name tag that you wore when you did Spectracide? I had, I had a uniform. No, I had, we had, you know, wore, back in the day, I think I wore a suit into the, Oh, really? Yeah. Wore a suit into the stores. Like Kroger? Yeah. Yeah, man.

I wasn't that far back. We were beyond the suit by the time I was coming around. We had polos. Yeah. But I had a vendor vest that I had to wear in the low store, a gray vest that said vendor on it. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that.

Greg would walk into Kroger dressed like these guys. Yeah. Back in the day. It's called a tie-tack. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, similar. Yeah. You had your sleeves rolled up and you had to get, sometimes you had to do quite a bit of like, like a shelf reset. Did you battle with the competition? Yeah, man. I mean, there was, you know,

There's some dirty tactics going on. Yeah. We used to do a lot of that. You did? Yeah. I mean, you know, we weren't- I didn't do it, but- We weren't dealing with food. So, you know- They're dealing with poison. Yeah. Yeah. What kind of stuff did you guys put? Well, you know, we would, you know, like if somebody builds a display, right? Like a little quarter pallet there on the aisle. Yeah. Then we would, you know, tear the display down, put it on the table, and then we would

put all their stuff in the overhead in the single so it's harder to get down. And then you take the display case, go to the back and throw it into the compactor so that it crushes it. That's such dirtbag stuff. Yeah, yeah. All the time. That is just... All the time. I can't... That's dishonorable.

Well, it's like, it's not something I wanted to do, but when they, well, when they do it to you one time, Oh, they did it to you. Oh, we were doing it to each other all. And they had way more people than your competitors. What? Well, see, I was spectra side, but I had like Scott's brand, which is, has roundup. They have all the brands that everyone knows. They have all the people. And then there was also Bayer.

which is probably a bigger company than Scott. The aspirin company? Yeah. They also own a lot of pesticides. I think they own Roundup now. I think so. Yeah. And then there's- Did a gig for them. There was Central Pet is another. They used to be Pennington. Yeah. And those were the four competitors, really.

And so did you have an attitude of we're we're the little guy in this conversation? I got a little bit of a chip on my shoulder. We weren't the small like like at least representation wise, I would say we were second.

Oh, really? You're like, because products, they, the other companies might have more products. We have more, more people except for Scott's. Okay. So we were kind of, but it was like, you know, our whole mentality, they were always trying to pound into us. We work harder than everybody else. That's what they wanted to get us on. Like, yeah, sure. They have more money. They have more people, but they can't outwork us. Right. But they could, I mean, they totally, they can't kill the specter side spirit. Yes. We were the, like we were the, the company, uh,

we were the big ones. We were the big dogs, Procter and Gamble, but mostly because of stuff that I didn't sell like Tide. Oh, that's why you weren't doing the dirty tactics. Cause you were big dogs. See the little guy who was the other one, uh, you know, Jiffy. Yeah. Jiffy. Oh, sorry. Sorry. We've been over this. It's Jiffy. Jiffy is a corn mix. Uh,

Corn muffin mix. I love how serious you got here. Jiffy is a popcorn that you shake over an oven. Jiffy pop. And Jiffy is oil changes. It's not peanut butter. It's Jiff. Oh, Jiffy Lube. Yeah, Jiffy Lube. Yeah, it's not. My mistake. Jiffy.

Yeah. I mean, I loved it. I mean, some of the old school guys would tell me they would take people's stuff and they would shrink wrap, they would put it on a pallet and they would shrink wrap it. And then they would take the hose and fill the, fill the shrink wrap with water. No. And then they would put their business card inside of it. No way. Oh, like the Joker. I used to, one time, yeah. One time I hid, I took a grill box and,

And I hid all their products in a grill box and stuck it up near the grills. And what retail outlet is this that you're doing? Lowe's and Home Depot. Lowe's and Home Depot? Yeah. Wow. So you've got enough privacy there at those big stores. You can kind of do whatever you want. Yeah, you can. Once they think you're a vendor, you can just roam around in there. Walmart is not that way. I had to call in a couple of Walmarts. They're not playing that stuff. Oh, really? Walmart doesn't play. Wow. They won't even let you in the back.

Oh, really? You try to go in the back. They're like, nah, what do you need? The baler you couldn't get in the thing that crushes the cardboard. They don't let you do anything at Walmart. Okay. They set up a display for you. Well, you know, they might get your stuff.

and bring it out to you and then you can set it up. I didn't have to do a lot of Walmarts. I did tell a guy one time I needed to set up a display. I was told to do it. And the guy was like, he was like, you're not going to be able to do it. I go, listen, I'm going to do it. I said, even if I got to build the display, take the picture and then tear the display back down. I said, I'm going to build it. And he goes, all right, just do it. Really? At the end of the day, they don't care. Nobody cares. Well, the thing is, there used to be

I came in on the tail end of it used to be more independent, you know, grocery stores and, and there weren't as big mass stores like that or hardware stores. And there was a lot of decisions made at the store level. So it was in this, the companies, a lot of companies best interest to have somebody out there influencing people to struggle. But as things moved up and up now, it's like, it's all done at the headquarters and they just implement whatever they sell at the headquarters. So you don't have a lot of professional salespeople there.

at the store level. They're just more like they're laborers is what they are. And I had a real attitude problem because I was an alcoholic and I was hung over every day, but I also knew what I was doing. So I was like, let's get this done, people. Quit playing around with me in here. So you mean to the customer you were that way? Sometimes, but mainly to the employees of the stores. Well, yeah, that's the customer, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's who you're calling. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not saying I was the best, but I did a good job. But I had just, you know, some people were my friends. I had a lot of these stores that were my friends. But others, it was like...

I knew what I had to do. We, and we had these corporate plans that had been sent down and they were like, you can't do it. And I'm like, listen, this is the corporate thing. They're telling you, you got to do this. So either you're going to let me do it, or I'm going to go get the manager. The manager's going to go. Yeah, you got to do it. And then we're going to do it. So we're going to do it now. Are we going to, I'm not going to get you in trouble. You know what I mean? This is all good. I think dusty was really good sales. I agree. I mean, just that sort of that arrogance. Maybe I shouldn't. Yeah. I mean, I was working it in there, but are you guys really selling?

It's like you're just showing up and putting up your stuff. Man, you're just trying to bait me. I'm not. What are you selling, though? That's the kind of thing that Nate was doing when I was in here a couple months ago. Yeah, I was selling. You go up against some of these people. I know, but what are you... I don't understand. Don't you already have it in the store and you're just going to restock? Well, I mean, yes.

No, distribution. I mean, we went over this. Distribution is not- I don't listen to that. I never remember anything. You're presenting yourself in a way to sell more products. So you might be, the stuff might already be in the store, but maybe it's in the overhead. So you bring it down, put it on display. And Dusty's mentioned secondary locations. So you got it on the shelf. They're carrying SpectraSign, right? Clip strips. Clip strips, man. End caps. Yeah, you get an end cap, man. You're set.

I don't know what any of that is. What's Clipstripper and Cap? You go into a grocery store, right? Yeah. And you have the aisles. Yeah. But at the end of the aisle, there's stuff that's facing out.

perpendicular to that. Oh, and you prefer that? Well, that's a secondary location. If you walk into the store and boom, there's your ant killer right on the end cap. People are like, I'm just going to grab it. You take your boss in there and he sees that you're getting a promotion. Oh, so the end of the aisle is the end cap. At least get in a hand chair. And those usually cost a lot of money to get. And now they're kind of planned

At the corporate level, but I did selling at the store level. Then I did, you know, I would sell at the corporate level. I was, I was calling on the headquarters and setting up, you know, Hey, I'll give you guys, you know, $50,000. If you put an end cap up at all the, you know, Pringles up at all the stores or that kind of thing.

This is the thing I like to do. I like to do this. You're allowed so many facings. Say you go in and Wasp and Hornet Killer has three facings. I like to go in and push the other people's down to two facings and make myself five facings. It's dirtbag tactics. It's just dirtbag tactics. That's what I love doing. It is, man. And I had to deal with stuff like that.

I had to deal with these chisellers like community coffee coming in. Community coffee is a nobody. And I would go in and they had somebody like Dusty calling on them. And I would go in and I'm like,

Really, Folgers is at three facings and communities got seven. But the way that you talk... But if you weren't stocking your shelves and it was low, I was like, we got to fill in this space here. Yeah, that's what they say. It's such dirtbag stuff, man. Who decides how many facings you get? It's a planogram. Yeah, the corporate office. What's a planogram? A planogram is like...

those shells that you see at Kroger, every spot on the shelf is mapped out on this is how many faces you're supposed to get. Now, you'd have dirt bags like this going in there trying to, you know, chisel away your spot. Yeah. But the way that we would argue on those planogram things, it was like, there's a lot of data that goes into it. And the way that we would argue would be like,

Bob, we can't do this. Folgers is doing 63% of the sales and we only have 58% of the faces. It was like an injustice compared to apartheid. You can't have this. This is an insult to us. Your customers are going to hate it. So that's the sales part of it.

it. Yeah, we'd go in with data and we'd be like, you know, and then, you know. This is to the manager of the store? No, this is to the guy at the headquarters. You know, Kroger, let's say Kroger has a district manager. He might have several stores. Would you go to the district manager? District manager was a thing back in the day, like a retail. He had like 10 stores. Yeah. I would go to the buyer that's making the decision for

150 stores. But those district managers back in the day, I'm not sure it's, they did used to have some juice, man. If you could get with them, they had some pulp. I went to a store one time, big district manager kind of thing. I got, I was in Myrtle Beach. I got real drunk out on, and then I showed up to work. I was so hungover, but still a little drunk. Yeah. And I nailed those meetings. I mean, I was crushing it.

That district manager loved me. I was set. I was like, I had no, later on I got depressed because I had been so hung over, but I, I cried a little bit maybe on the way home, but it was, uh, it was big. This was a district manager meeting or this was just, you ran into the district manager was there. And then all the store managers from that area was there and I was running through my products. I was selling it. And I was like, I was a rockstar in there. It looked good. Did you guys work on commission? No, no.

So what was your motivation to- Company pride. Love of the game. Love of the game. Wow. Love of the game, man. And you want to get promoted and moved up and then you do get make more money. But yeah, just- You had a company car. Company car. I had a car allowance. Did you? They gave me a certain amount of money for a car. Yeah. Had a company car. Did you have a pager?

Did not have a pager. Did they pay you some for the cell phone? Yeah, I think I had like, well, it was back in the, before everybody had cell phones, I had like a card that we'd go to pay phones and, you know, you dial in your code and then you can call anywhere you want. What, man? That was a different era for sure. Yeah.

I don't know what, man. I don't know what's. Aaron's probably never seen a pay phone. Y'all were agreeing on everything. And then you said pay phone and Dusty goes, oh, geez. I mean, yeah, I'm a little older than Dusty. I mean, you know, but guys like me paved the way for guys like him. That's right. That is true. He walked so you could run. If I was doing it during your day, though, I could have got real dirty, I bet.

Oh yeah, man. Cause there's stuff going on at the, a lot of stuff is going on at the store level back then. And, uh, and I, and we didn't,

We tended to put most of our money in TV ads. Okay. So we had the consumer sort of pull it through. Yeah. And then our competitors like Frito-Lay, they staffed up on guys in the store like you. So we're not in there as much as they are. And they're just pulling all kinds of- That's a push versus a pull. Exactly. Push versus a pull. There's a businessman. There you go. And it was like-

And they all had a lot of stuff, man. The Frito-Lay guys, they had a lot of- Baseball cards. I mean, baseball tickets. They had baseball tickets. Oh, giving away things. Yeah, the giveaways. Yeah, man. John, do giveaways? A little bit. Scott's always had all the giveaways. Your giveaway tickets to your shows back then? I did get a few people out here and there, but it used to be like we would do these events in the spring when all the pesticide stuff's ramping up and everybody would have their little tents and

And I remember that Scott's guys had this giant, like 40 foot inflatable ant and I had mosquito repellent wipes, you know? Yeah. I mean, mine's more useful, but there's look good. They're grilling up. Oh dude. I had, I had, we had a inflatable sunny light bottles. Oh yeah. And I got one of those. That was, and they didn't do anything. Just put that thing. I put it up on a roof one time and it blew over. I got a call on a Saturday. I was out fishing. I was like, Hey man, your sunny light bottle blew off the roof.

That's the kind of stuff. I mean, it's 24-7. You're always on call. I was at a gas station. I can't remember where. And they had a Sour Patch Kids display. And it was a giant Sour Patch Kid. It looked hilarious. And it was just in the middle. And I was thinking, there's probably a price where this guy will just let me buy. I wanted to buy it and put it in here.

in the studio. So I, but there's a price, right? There's a, there's, so I went up to the guy behind the counter and I was like, I know it's going to sound weird. I want to buy that studio.

Sour Patch the display. Yeah. How much would you take for that? He did not speak English, but I really. So he had no idea what I was saying. He was like, just get the candy. Yeah. What do you want? He had no clue what I was trying to say. There's no candy inside that. But I think there probably was a price for the guy. Oh, yeah. For a guy working at the

Yeah, that's what I mean. Those guys, because the Sour Patch Guy will do anything to get more sales. So it'd be like, yeah, it broke. You know, just the Sour Patch Guy thing broke. Yeah. You know what you needed when you went in there? What's that? Babble.

Oh, wow. That's good. That's right, man. That was very good. That was smooth. I'm glad, man. Were you waiting for that? Yeah, I figured you had a story about a guy that didn't speak English. Well, let me ask you a very important question, Brian. Sorry. You know what that means? I heard very and podcast. Very was not in there. Podcast was. Okay. That was Polish. Oh. I thought I heard movie. It was. Do you like the podcast? Okay.

And you would know that if you used Babbel. It's the language learning service that we are offering. I'm bombing on this ad. Let's start over real quick. Hold on real quick. You think there's something to reading the comments that's destroying your ability to read? I don't know. I think it's just maybe Nate was a real scholar before this podcast started.

Go back and watch the early episodes. We've improved. An interesting thing, because you don't realize, I don't know if y'all felt this way, but you don't realize that there's something unique about the way your family does stuff until you're going up against another family. You're like, oh, we are different in a lot of kind of profound ways. Yeah. Anyway. You wouldn't know, Greg. But anyway. Yeah, I'm always like, oh, your families are married? Oh, that's cool.

Wait, what do you mean? Well, my parents are divorced and all kinds of relatives are divorced. So when people are like, oh, you're like your mom and dad get together for Thanksgiving. That's cool. Yeah, there's a lot more. Yeah. Can I throw some sales stats at you? Sure.

What do you guys know the terms B2B and B2C? Business to business, business to consumer. Everybody knows that? I did not know. I didn't know. So what they're talking about, they're B2B. I mean, yeah. Because they're selling two Home Depots or loads. But you know what? I would sell to the customer while in the store. If I saw them looking at some Roundup or something, I'd be like, you know, let me show you this Spectracide weed and grass killer. That's a very committed employee. Yeah, I would do that. But then they would go buy it.

at they wouldn't buy it from you right i actually have a broken bottle out in the car if you want to do you have some damages out there yeah we had we had damaged a lot of man that was like the black market because you if you had damaged coffee cans or whatever you'd go trade him to the diaper guy you know or trade him to the you know the pringle we had i had bulger stuff

And back then, like if you had a dented 39 ounce can of coffee, the grocery store didn't win it. They didn't want it. So I had to pick it up, but that's still good coffee. And it was, you know, that was going back for like 10 bucks back. Why are you guys making your can so weak? Well, I mean, uh,

Save the consumer a little money. They weren't weak. They weren't weak. Forklift drivers. They did move to, I mean, they did move to plastic. Too many forklift drivers letting customers drive around. There's probably some of that. Yeah. What would somebody do? Dusty has a great garden. If he wanted to start selling his vegetables to-

Yeah. How do you get into like a major grocery store with your product? Kroger. Hey, I got five or 10 peppers down here. Well, let's just say you kept growing, for example. Like how does somebody get their product in a store? Well, I mean, you know, you got to go to the headquarters. I don't know all this stuff because obviously our stuff was...

all taken care of. But I mean, there's all just even before you walk in there, it's got to have a UPC code. It's probably got to be past some sort of licensing or something like that. Who makes Kroger brand items? I just keep saying Kroger, but Kroger, you know, private label is a,

I didn't care for the store brands. I've always had a problem with them because it's, and to be honest, a lot of times it may be Spectracide might make- We would make the store brand. They'd make the private label store. We would have the store brand. Oh, really? Yeah, there's some of that. I don't think we did a lot of that, but I didn't care for them. It's not fair because it's their store and their product. They're stacking the deck. I've always said it's like a, you know, like a,

Little league kid Whose dad's the coach Right You know He's gonna get the best position And all that Right right Well Timmy's terrible Well You know It's his dad Timmy's got the highest margins Yeah You're right man The margins Were good on that stuff Yeah And they Man they would come They would always bump Right up against a lawsuit With us Like if you notice like

Some of those private label brands look a whole lot like Jif. They're like Jif with a J. Yeah, yeah. They're called Jif. Yeah, it's so close. And, you know, we're reluctant to sue them because they're also our customer. But they would cross the line sometimes. We'd be like, no, guys, sorry. I don't care. You can't call it Jif. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. It takes an average of eight cold call attempts to reach a prospect. You guys probably never cold called. I didn't have to cold call. Never. And that's why guys like Nate or my dad said that I wasn't really in sales. Right. Sales is not only cold calling.

Dude, cold calling is the worst. You did it? Yeah. That's when I started to be like, I'm going to get fired from this job. And they switched me to a cold calling thing. I was doing inbound leads. And then I started doing outbound, which is where I just had this list of like thousands of numbers that I had to call. And dude, I was never a guy who could do that on a phone. Yeah. Just be like, hey, do y'all want it? And they'd be like, nah. I'd be like, nah.

Yeah. Sorry to bother you. I sold timeshares in Charleston for about a week. Wow. And I was like, this is not for me. I would talk to people for a long time, but when it came time to actually make the sale, I was almost like, you don't want to do it. You get to know them. I'm enjoying talking to you. I don't want to tell you. They're going to harass you all day down there if you go. Yeah, they'll give you some stuff, but you're going to get harassed. Yeah.

Oh, where you get the trip. Yeah. I get them to go down to the meeting. Oh yeah. And then because they go to the meeting, they get free stuff for their vacation. Yeah. But you know, they got to spend hours in there getting harassed by timeshare people.

Now, the yield must be pretty good on those if they keep doing that. I think so. That's a trope. I've seen that on a million sitcoms. Yeah. That storyline where they go to, you know, let's just sit through the timeshare pitch and we'll get a Jetson or something. Are they still a thing? Did they end up getting one? A timeshare? No. But there's all those ads on especially Sirius Radio.

There's a whole industry based on getting people out of their timeshare. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a guy that's always like, I can get you out of your timeshare. And it sounds so convincing. I'm like, I just want to get a timeshare and then get out of it. Yeah. Because this guy sounds... Yeah, because they're locked in and then they start raising rates. Yeah. Cleaning fees. Yeah. Yeah. You get stuck in there. I didn't know timeshares were still a thing. I feel like that's... My parents had a timeshare, but I feel like it's like... Where at? Crossville, Tennessee. Wow. What? What?

Wow. Two hours away. I've stayed there. There's like a...

Wow. That's the Bates family in a nutshell. There's nothing in there. There's nothing there. Is there? Well, the Bates family would. You live in Lebanon, but we summer in. It's an hour 15 from Lebanon. We summer in Crossville. Crossville. It's like I just stayed in a Hampton Inn off the freeway there on the way to somewhere. Well, you could have stayed at my parents' timeshare. A timeshare. Yeah. Yeah. You missed out, buddy. That's hilarious. Yeah.

It was a hot summer. A few times. What would you guys do there? Well, there's not a lot to do. Board games. Shuffleboard. Was there a lake or anything? There's a lake around there. I think Crossville is like the retirement community of the world. There's a lake around there. We didn't go to it. See if this place still exists. It was called Mariner's Point. Mariner's Point. If there wasn't a lake,

It's called Mariner's Point. They sold us on it. Mariner's Point Drive. Mariner's Point Resort. There's Mariner's Point. Look at that. That's pretty nice. You ever walk around the lake like that? I don't remember a lake like that, but they had a picture. That bridge seems like it's been there since that time. Mariner's Point Resort is in the heart of the Tennessee Cumberland Plateau. Set in the midst of the Cumberland Mountains, the area's unmatched natural beauty will leave you breathless.

Look, they're selling it on me pretty good. Well, you did a nice job on that read. It's the golf capital of Tennessee. Wow. I've heard that about Crossville. Is your dad a golfer? No. Dad thought it was a use of good cow pasture. Yeah, exactly.

All right. This is one for you, Greg. Get back into sales. 63% of remember the stories told only 5% remember statistics. So you got to give them a good story. That's why the mom line works. Yeah. That's why he bought his pen from Dusty and not you.

Well, I was going for a bigger sale. Well, he was, you were swinging for the fence. Yeah. He was wholesale. Your home run hitter. Yeah. This is just, yeah, just, you know, my dad, my dad sold insurance, right? He sold Aflac for years and every, you know, the big thing that everybody wanted to sell was cancer policies. Cause that's the big money item. But my dad lived in a more rural area where he had like these truckers and pulp waters and all that. So he would sell accident policies.

So an accident policy is not as big as a cancer policy, but he would sell so many that he would always be a top salesman. And he would always win the trips and all these things because he was top salesman, because it's just getting those little sales in. Yeah, I like that. The irony is all those people are cancer prone too, right? Yeah. Could have doubled down. Yeah.

But they're less prone to buy a big policy. Yeah, yeah. Your dad was probably really liked in town because somebody has a bad, something bad. He's the guy who's going to help them out. Because Affleck gives you cash, right? So if you get hurt, they would be like, hey, I went to the doctor. So they'd come see my dad and he'd send the policy in and then they would get like money. Yeah.

And they were like, yeah. They loved it. And Guy Slay, great name for a salesman. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Guy was your dad's name? Well, he went by Richard. His name's Guy. His first name's Guy. Guy Slay. I'd buy something from Guy Slay. I'd buy some insurance. That guy. Well, the other guy there, that's Guy Slay. There's a lot of guys. I don't even think he had a middle name. He was just Guy Slay. Guy Slay. Probably a lot of brothers got pretty generic there towards the end. I don't know. This one's Guy. Yeah. I just remembered we used to...

When we had like, we'd have like decks, you know, like a presentation, you know, when we go in and sell like the plan for Sunny Delight for the year or whatever. And it was back in the day, it was like when PowerPoint first started and we got real, real clip art happy, you know, like clip art. So every presentation we'd get from the headquarters, the first page was like, it was, it was just some clip art of like bags of money. Okay. As if the buyer was going to be like,

well, Grace, hold my calls here. Hold on. This guy's talking about money and I mean, a lot of money. I mean, it's piled up here. It's got dollar signs on the bags. And then like one of like these type of stuff. That was the first slide as if they got, well, hold on a second. I need to talk to this fellow. I wasn't going to pay attention, but now I will. Now they're talking money. You've got my attention. And then the, the last, the last slide was always the, the clip art of two hands shaking. Oh,

Oh, yeah. As if the guy was going to be like, I don't like what you're saying, but shows us shaking hands here. So you got yourself a deal. Yeah, like that. That was the last slide on every page. We got real cute with the clip art back there.

Yeah. They love to do that sort of stuff too. They love that. We would have these sales meetings. I remember one time there was a guy on stage at the sales meeting and he was doing this chant and he goes, who's got it better than us? And everybody said, nobody. And I was like, I didn't know I prepped me on this. I just felt it. And I feel like I didn't say nobody because I was like, all the other companies have it better than us. Yeah. They all seem to be doing better. Yeah.

Maybe you guys are not in my area, but I'm really out man. I'm hung over. I mean, I, I was in, I had, I covered Charleston, South Carolina, Savannah, Georgia and Myrtle beach. Yeah. Right. And in each of those areas, research triangle. Yeah. Each of those areas was a, a Scott's rep. Each one of them. And I was the one covering the whole area and they each had a Scott's rep with their own employees. Yeah.

And then it sounds cool because I was going to fun areas, but they wouldn't give me much money for a hotel. So I would always be in the shadiest areas. I mean, I stayed in some very shady Myrtle Beach places. I'm still not a big fan of Myrtle Beach because of those days. And you're covering three cities and the Scots guys only got one. Yeah, they got one. And they're like, why are you not got more displays? I'm like, well, the moment I leave the city, they just tear them down.

Who's got it better than us? I think I was in a hotel one time doing a gig when there was one of those Mary Kay conferences. They go crazy. The pink Cadillacs and everything. They're fired up. Yeah, and you can just see right through it. This is all false enthusiasm. Nobody believes anything they're yelling about. They're just hanging out. They're just coming to hang.

feels important. Yeah. Yeah. Well, somebody's making money. Oh yeah. Mary Gay. Yeah. They're making money. Yeah. She is. Yeah. I mean, if you're driving the pink Cadillac, you're probably making me, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Is that like the top, top, top earners? I think so. Yeah. That was the big thing back then is you would get a pink Cadillac. Yeah. We would do, uh, my mom would do like, uh, Tupperware parties. Yeah. Or, uh,

Peppered Chef. Peppered Chef. We did a few of those. Yeah. That's how Leigh-Anne Morgan started. Oh, yeah? Yeah. She would sell Tupperware. Really? Or not Tupperware. I think maybe makeup or something. It might have been Mary Kay. It might have been Mary Kay. Have people over at her house and she would just murder.

Wow. I should do this. I can see that. That's what they said. My dad said Jerry Clower used to be a fertilizer salesman. He came to his town and he said when Jerry Clower would come to town, people would just come in off the street to listen to this guy tell stories. And he's just selling fertilizer. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, that guy, he's got the greatest voice. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable.

Subject line. This is for emails. I don't know if you ever had a fire of some work emails. Subject lines with more than three words experience a drop in opening by over 60%. Really? This helps me out with clubs.

Please book me. If you're sending the veils, that's what you're doing. That's why I think selling pesticides really helped me when I started getting into comedy because I'm like, I'm selling myself now something I believe in a bit more than the pesticides. And so, yeah, I mean, I really got into... It was the opposite for me. Yeah. Early on in the career, my act was nowhere near Pringles. Oh, yeah. You could shoot some holes in what I got. Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I think I definitely just talking to club bookers and stuff like that, uh, early on. Oh yeah. It was a lot easier. I've did it with corporate for a while. I, I decided this was not that long ago. I don't know, seven or eight years ago. I was like, man, I need to start getting into corporates and I don't know how to do it. And this buddy of mine, Kent Raider did a lot. And he was like, here's a list of some people. And I just, I was like, I know how to do this. It's been

a lot, but 20 years or something. But I, and I just got on the phone for like three weeks and I would just call them. Yeah. It was cold calling and it was, you know, it's not fun. Like you said, you're calling corporations to be like, it was like more associations and people. And it's like, Hey, Hey, it's, you know, whatever you guys feeling down. Um, you know, I'm a comedian. Yeah. I'll come down there and entertain you. Yeah. Did you ever cold call comedy clubs?

Back in the day, I think I did. I'm trying to, it was, yeah, back when I was like a feature act and I was, I would call up and it, then I realized, you know, the way to do this is to get

either a comic to recommend you, which is okay, but get a, get a club owner to recommend you. Now you got something. Yeah. I had this guy, Freddie DeMarco that would just make some calls for me that he worked at. He owned the comedy club in Missouri and he would, uh, he made some calls for me. I remember you guys don't call as him, right? One time I did. Cause he could do a good impression. Yeah. I called Dorf's brother.

Andrew. Andrew, man, you got to book this kid, Greg Warren, man. He's very funny. Andrew loved Fred. Yeah. All right. We'll take a look at him. This guy, Greg Warren, man. Very, very good. But I, so Fred was like, he was the guy that was like, when I went to college, that was the comedy club. And he was like, sort of like a comedy dad to me or whatever. And, um,

So I worked for him at the comedy club in the summers. I worked the door or whatever. And, uh, and then when I quit my job, Freddie, I don't think Freddie ever thought I was like gonna, he liked me, but I don't think I was his style of comedy and he just didn't see it, but he liked me a lot. I knew he would take care of me, but I was like, I'm not going to use Fred's name, man. I'm going to do this on my own. I'm going to do this on my own. So the first person I called was Colleen Quinn in Omaha.

And I was like, Hey, my name's Greg Warren. She's like, I don't know who you are. You know, she said, we got a lot of guys that want to feature at these clubs. She had like two clubs that she was booking. And I was like, well, I know, you know, I gave like three headliners that would vouch for me. And she's like, unimpressed, unimpressed. And I was like, right away. I was like,

Well, you can call Freddie DeMarco. Right away, just search. And she goes, listen to me. She goes, Freddie is one of my best friends. He's one of my best friends. I've known him, and he has never mentioned your name. And a lot of people say that Fred recommends them, and he doesn't. So I'm going to give you a chance right now, because I'm going to call Fred after I get off the phone. If Freddie doesn't know you, not only are you not going to work for me, there's a lot of other places you're not going to work. Wow. And I was like...

I was like, it's like, yeah, you can call, just call. And of course, you know, she called him and Fred, come on, Colin, give the kid a chance. And so she called me like 30 seconds later. She's like, okay, I have you in Omaha on this date. And I have you in, yeah, it was like, it was like completely switched. And she's great.

Yeah, she's awesome. She's like, she's so cool, man. And she, yeah, she loves you, man. I was having a meal. Not me, though. No, I just wasn't there. We were just there together not long ago. I was in town for doing a corporate interview.

uh, hates bait, but no, no, she just, Aaron was coming through for the first time. And I happened to be in town for like a corporate and we did radio together and she, she had never seen Aaron and really liked him. But, uh, yeah, she's, I would say she's one of the few club owners that still loves standup comedy. Yeah.

She loves comedians and she loves stand-up comedy. She'll watch shows and she's just a fan of the whole thing. Stand-up comedy and liquid death. Liquid death, yeah. Yeah, the water. Her son Dan is like the number two guy in that company. Oh, yeah. Great club. Oh, it's fun. That's all sales. Here's a good sales take. 91% of customers say they would give a referral if the salesperson asked, but only 11% of salespeople ask for referrals. Okay.

So in this case, Freddie would be the, I guess, the customer. The referral. Yeah. If you ask for him to give you a referral, he will. But most people don't ever ask anyone to give them a referral. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm always like.

Well, you used to always be looking for a referral. Yeah. Who's not asking for referrals? I don't know, man. You do feel like you're bugging people at some point. Every time I get a rental car, the person at Enterprise goes, please fill out the survey and put my name down. It's the only way I can advance in this company. They say that? Yeah. They're like, this is huge for us. This is how we get. And I always go, yeah, I got you. And I've never done it. Oh, they never asked me for that.

And maybe I look like a guy that's not going to be doing it. Yeah. Like this guy's going to, I try not, I try not to rat anybody out almost ever. Yeah. Even if it's the worst customer service ever. And I'm just like, you know what, man, there's been times when I've performed horribly or whatever. I don't want people telling on me. So I just really, and even though I'm furious, I'm like, this was, this was a horrible situation.

I'm not going to tell on you. If people are really rude to me though, I will do it. Yeah, you should. Yeah. The funny thing is though, now- Southwest. I've done it to Southwest. Have you? Yeah. Now though, everything that you do, there's a survey. Like every time you buy, hey, how do we do? So you would think with all these surveys out there that customer service would be improving markedly and it's not.

I don't think they get the point of these surveys. I don't think they're actually reading the surveys. I listed the guy's name one time and I go, I don't want him to be fired. I don't think he should be fired. I just want someone to be like, hey, don't do this to people. Yeah, yeah. He got fired. Yeah. Well, he should be fired. Yeah. I went to a Chick-fil-A at the Albany airport this weekend and it was the most unfriendly people were. Yeah.

Albany? Yeah. New York? At a Chick-fil-A at the airport. Oh, okay. And when you think Chick-fil-A, it's almost synonymous with over-the-top friendly customer service. So I kind of enjoyed how rude they... It kind of made me laugh. Yeah. Because it blindsided me. I remember that with... Because it used to be before Starbucks, now it's just...

there's just in the last two or three years since pandemic, nobody can get anybody to work anywhere. But you know, I don't know, 10 years ago, Starbucks was, they were always the most friendly people in the world. Really? They were known for that? Amazingly. I felt like too. I don't remember that. High end customer service.

Except at the airport. Yeah. Like except in there and in New York City. Like those two places in their employee manual is like, hey, you need to treat customers with respect unless- You're in New York. You're in New York, then do whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I always felt like that was good too. Starbucks is not that way now for sure. No. They never knew that was part of their brand. They seem like they're so overworked. They're all like- Completely over. You can't complain about them because there's-

There's a billion of them, a billion customers and two kids. They're running around the whole time. They're hustling. You got to imagine that all I would get at Starbucks is black coffee. So you got to imagine the, I see the drinks people order and then they complain that it's not like they, they make their own drink and then complain that it's not good. It's like, well, you made that. Yeah. This is on you. Yeah. Yeah. This is not the way you make a Greg special. Yeah. Yeah.

What about LinkedIn? Do you guys ever use that or use it now? That was way after I was in the, out of the game. I have an account. I got an account now. I was trying to make jokes on it for a while. People are not there for that. No. I always forget I have one. I'm going to give you guys a tip though. Okay. Yeah. All right. That I learned on this last special, you know, that next door app. Yeah. Okay. I just for fun, when my special came out, I was like, just, uh,

I was like, well, I'm trying to get everybody to watch this thing. And I just put a link up on Nextdoor and just said, hey, guys, I'm your neighbor. I'm a comedian. I recorded this thing. You guys might want to check it out. And I'm not kidding, man. A ton of people, a ton of people watch that thing.

That's where you're going to say it's good. Because, see, I'm seeing just a disaster. Like now everybody in the neighborhood knows you. No, I mean, no, because it's not like you see these. I don't know any of them. Yeah. But, I mean, because it's a pretty big area, at least where I'm from. But it's just a way to get a bunch of views on your special. Yeah, I'm telling you. All right. That's the next deal, right? Okay. Yeah. When I started doing comedy, I thought I –

I need to dive into this. I'm just going to burn my, like, just make my LinkedIn like a joke so I can never go back. Like get rid of the, my LinkedIn, my LinkedIn, like, uh, somebody endorsed me for tap dance is one of my skills. And then a bunch of real ones, but then like, uh, neck, I don't even know what that is. And toilets. Yeah.

Wheelchairs. Learning disabilities. Love of learning. Puppies. Ballet and Latin dance. I was like, yeah, my LinkedIn is just awash. That's great. How many followers do you have?

I don't know if they're connections is what they're called. I haven't logged onto this in years. It's a 269. Look at my, my job right now is the janitor at the school. All right. Just an internship, but I've been working there since 69 working there for 54 years. Wow. Uh, yeah, it's just a mess. You do all this. I mean, there's a couple of times where you post something on, uh, Twitter or Facebook or whatever. And I'm like, I, and it's, and I believe it.

Well, there's a comment just made about your video, apparently never talked about on the podcast, but your key and pill kind of video that went on. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was fun. Yeah. Do you ever see that one where it's like the key and pill kind of,

people who've been affected by it. Yes, I saw that. That was great, man. That was fun. But the one that a lot of people believed was the one with the crowd work with the guy where you ask him how much money you made. Oh, yeah. That was Brad Sativa sitting in an empty Zanies at noon. Yeah. I did a video making fun of crowd work, essentially. Oh, because everybody's doing it now. Yeah, where it's just me asking, how much money do you make? And he's like,

doesn't answer me. So it was just like very stupid. And that went very viral. A club used it for his promo video. Oh, dude. The whole point of the video is it's me purposefully doing bad comedy. That's great. And I was doing the stress factory and they use that clip and they're like, they're like, come see Aaron do this crowd work.

I was horrified. And within an hour, there were like five comments going, this guy's horrible. And I go, that's the point. Is that it's a joke. I asked, please. That's pretty good. Yeah. I wish I'd have thought of that.

Oh yeah, that's good stuff. I was always told when to email, email clubs, don't do it like on Monday morning. They said that would be the worst time because after the long weekend, that's the last time they're going to be going through that. Yeah. Or I heard don't, don't ever email on Saturday because they know you're not working. That's a good point. This one guy told me he was a club owner. He said that this guy, I guess it was some guy that had worked at club before and he thought,

The best way to do it, you know, best way for me to get back in there is to have a bunch of my friends call and be like, hey, man, why don't you bring back Larry? But they were all calling the owner's cell phone. That only you would have been able to get. The only way that he, you know, they were, these friends were posing as fans. Man, I really liked that guy when I saw him. I was like, no, no.

You call the club. This is what I like to do. I like to go like in the subject, like clean comic from Nashville, you know, something like that where I'm like, I'm trying to, cause I was thinking figure it's probably harder to find clean comics. So let me just put it right out there. Oh, when you were trying to get work. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's pretty good.

Well, for sales calls, it says the worst days of the week, Monday mornings from 6 to noon or Friday afternoon. I think that makes sense. Friday afternoon makes sense, I guess. Yeah. Best days to call are Wednesdays or Thursdays. But this says either from 6.45 a.m. to 9 a.m. I'd be furious if somebody called me that early. 6.45 a.m. Yeah. Or from 4 to 6 p.m. Hey, you getting ready for work? Well, let me pitch you on some stuff. Put your Bluetooth in. I'll talk to you while you're tying your tie.

I used to call when I, I didn't start till mid 2000. So I barely got in on the whole calling thing, but Zany's used to once a month, if you want to get on the open mics, you call like the first Monday of the month at one o'clock or something like that. Yeah. And Ron Carson. Oh, Ronnie. Yeah. I know Ron. I called and I didn't even know like what I was supposed to say.

And he's like, are you calling about the open mic? And I'm like thinking this is an open mic. This is Amy's. This is a big deal. So I'm like, no, no, I'm calling about getting on the thing, whatever. He got so frustrated with me that he just hung up the phone on me. And at the time I was so mad. I thought if I ever make it big. Yeah.

I'm going to boycott Zany's or something like that. You're going to take it to him? Yeah. And then three months later, not only did I realize I wasn't going to do that, I realized he was right to be so frustrated with me because I didn't know what I was doing. I was holding up the line. Yeah. And he died a few years ago. Ronnie did? Yeah. Oh, man.

So how does that make you feel? I wasn't going to bring up that point. He's a nice guy. One of these days, I'm going to stick it to him. Yeah, yeah. The rest is so. Back when I lived in LA, you had to, if you want to go up on the open mic, you had to show up at the Laugh Factory. Yeah. You had to show up at noon. They just form a line. But they would start getting in line at like noon, 10 a.m. Wow. And you had to wait outside all day long because the owner liked to

You know, like people to drive by and see something's happening at the laugh factory. So you stand out there and it was, you know, it was you and a few comics, but there's also just homeless guys that would go up on the open mic because they just had nothing else to do. Wow. I want to be standing somewhere as well being alive. They were like, I didn't even realize I was in a line here. Yeah. I did it one time. It was a long, long day. How'd it go? I did well. You know, I did. I mean, because it was like, I was like one person.

one of two legitimate comedians in the group of 15 or whatever. And then they were, it was kind of a scam. They were like, okay, well now you, you made it to the next level where you don't have to wait in line. And then, you know, you'd get to the next level and you do well. And they'd be like, do you have a manager? You know, I'm like, yeah, I got a manager. And then that was about it. They were just, they were kind of looking for people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I was in New York city just visiting for fun, but hanging out at comedy clubs. And one of the days I was there, they did one of those auditions at Caroline's where you go stand in line all day. I can't remember what it was, but I'm like, well, I'll go do this. I got down there that morning and,

And the line was so long. And after maybe 30 minutes, I'm like, I'm only in New York a few days. Do I really want to spend all day here just standing in this line? So I just left. Good for you. And I went and decided to see whatever else I was going to do. And I came back like, that was like 830 in the morning, five o'clock that afternoon. The guy who was standing in front of me was still in line. Oh, wow. And I was glad. I did not regret that. You go up and you go, you save my spot? Yeah.

That's going to get back in line. You don't mind, right? Yeah. Worth trying. Yeah. What was it for? Did you know at the time what it was? Yeah. It was one of those. I can't remember. Is that guy in line famous now? Wouldn't that be something? Was it the NBC stand up for diversity showcase? I guess they're there all day. No. White guys. I don't remember what it was, but at the time I knew it was one of those like remember CISO that

channel that yeah short-lived i think they were not they were doing some type of you know they were just going for content they were gonna do live from carolines or something like that that's cool yeah all the stuff that i think i remember doing i remember they america's funniest home videos or something one time i was just in houston in a park and we just you know wait in line and you do something you just do something silly you know and uh

I mean, I didn't think anything of it. And I don't know, like two years later, my buddy's like, Hey man, I saw you on this, uh, America's home videos or something like that. It was just like a, yeah. Huh? AFV. It was terrible. I mean, it was, yeah, it was terrible.

It was terrible what I did. I guarantee it was terrible. You didn't win the $10,000. No. Or whatever the prize money was. The Bob Saget days. Is that what it was? I think it was some show. Maybe it was like whatever the thing that was copying off. What a time he had. America's Funniest Home Videos and Full House at the same time. Big time. He was killing it. Big time. Yeah. When I was in sales, I always wanted, because I sold pesticides, I always wanted to be like a beer rep.

I always felt like the beer reps had it going on. Yeah. It seemed cool. Yeah. And they were doing a bit of manual labor, but it seemed much cooler. That was where my ambition was at the time. Really? I'd like to get out of the pesticide game into the alcohol. Into a different poison. Yes. Yeah. That's what I always wanted to do. I like sales though, in a sense. Not that, I don't want to be cold calling, but I liked what I was doing. Yeah. It sounded like, it sounds like you were good. Yeah. I liked it. I was into it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I was, you got to believe in your product, right? Yeah. And if the product was good, I always say bad things about the company cause they may be mad, but the, the products were great. Yeah. I still buy SpectraSide. I can't bring myself to buy the competitors. Me too. Me too. I can't do that. Yeah. Um, I, uh,

Man, we had Duncan Hines, the cake mixes and brownie mixes and stuff. I mean, cake mix was, that was the main part of the baking mix category, cake and frosting. And, uh, I would just bake. I got into baking. Oh yeah. And I would just, I would just bring in cakes for the secretaries. I mean, I was, I was, every time I walked into an appointment, I had a cake or cookies or something like that. And they, they thought it was cute that like a,

22 year old boy was baking. Oh yeah. Richard, you need to put this, you need to put this flavor in. He had a good cake. Oh, well that's the way. Yeah. I was working. Yeah. I was like a, like a 1950s, uh, cheerleader that was trying, that was sweet on a football player. So I just always showing up with baked goods all the time. Yeah. I mean, I, I could make a, I could make a, uh, a good,

a good cake, cake with frosting. Not a real good froster. You still baking? Yeah. Okay. I bake a lot. Wow. Yeah. I just made my dad, you guys heard of Ruggala before? Ruggala?

Ruggala. My dad grew up in New York. He was Jewish. And there's like a cookie that they make up. My grandma used to make called ruggala. And I learned how to make it and he loves it. Oh, that looks delicious. I may have had that before. On his birthday. I don't know what that's called. Yeah. Or Father's Day. And man, I made it for Father's Day. He loves that stuff, man. It is not easy. It's like basically, it's almost like you're making a pie crust.

And then you roll it up with stuff in the middle. Yeah. And you got to let the dough chill the night before. That's a tough day. A labor of love. Yeah. I made a French silk pie for Thanksgiving this past year. And that's the best thing I've ever made. That is a really, man, and it's a lot of work. And I'd buy like a quip.

New equipment. Okay. I'm not a baker. I can't bake. I can cook, but I can't bake. I'm not a baker. I'm interested in the garden.

Yeah, I'm growing some stuff. What do you got? I got tomatoes. I got peppers. I got all kind of peppers. I got all kind of tomatoes. I've never been successful at broccoli. I've grown a few carrots, some beets, cucumbers. Grapes? Grapes. I got grapes growing. Yep. Yep. I got strawberries. Really? Strawberries? I got all kind of herbs, thyme, basil.

Let's see. I got a watermelon growing right now. I got a squash growing. Man, I'm real impressed with all this. Yeah. I mean, I'm into it. I got kale and lettuce. I go out and cut down a stalk of lettuce, and then we're just able to make a salad just right from the garden. That's pretty amazing. Chop up some cucumbers. Oh, man. That's where it's at. Yeah.

Yeah. I would love to be able to do this. I mean, I'm near about trying to sell to Kroger. You know what I mean? That's where I'd like to go down and go, hey, how much you give me for four peppers? I called on him all the time. I got all I can handle. I don't know if I still got any...

I'm making pickles now. I got pickles in the fridge. I've been into sandwiches lately. I mean, I'm back into sandwiches. I've been into sandwiches. You've grown sandwiches. Well, I stopped eating sandwiches for a while, and now I've just gotten back into it, and it is. I like to get artsy with the sandwich. Yeah. How you fold the meat and stack the cheese. How you cut it. Yeah. You cut it diagonally?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always got to be a diagonal cut. I agree. You put a toothpick in there? I don't do the toothpick, but I usually eat it too fast for the- What kind of bread are you using? Well, I like a sourdough bread or there's a Dave's- Dave's Killer Bread? Yeah, sprouted grains. That is the best. I'm just realizing y'all have never been on the podcast at the same time. Yeah. I'm enjoying y'all hitting it off. Dave's Killer Bread is- It is good. And it has got some-

you know, it'll stand up to whatever you put. I recommend a peanut butter sandwich with Dave's killer bread on it. Yeah. Peanut butter on the Dave's killer bread. That's yeah. That's good bread. It is good bread. Put a little jiffy on there. Yeah, man. It's, it's not that funny. Um,

That's it. You said that joke before. Boom. Callback. All right. Well, I'm going to be in Austin, Texas this weekend at the Paramount Theater on Saturday. I have one show. Huge. Wow. One show. Huge. Very excited about it. So I need it to sell out so I look good and so that it's more fun. Man, that's going to be, you're going to love it. I'm so pumped. Austin's. I did it years ago with Burt Kreischer. So I'm pumped to be going back now.

doing it myself. That's amazing. So that's exciting. One of my favorite towns. This Saturday, whatever that date is, I'm going to look just to, just to really solidify it here. Let's look at selling really well. There's barely any seats left. Dusty, it's selling really well. All right. You're close. Yeah. Yeah.

There's some room in the balcony, but I'm just kidding. It looks really good. That's awesome. I mean, I'm pumped if, yeah, August 5th, Saturday, August 5th. That's where I'll be. Big time. Yeah, I'm pumped. You got a great bio. Did you write this yourself?

I hate that bio actually. Somebody else wrote it and I've been trying real hard to get that bio to go away. No, it's never going to go away. I know. I've got some old ones that somehow they find them. Yeah. I got a new one now on my website that I like a lot better, but I hate this one. No, mine. Yeah. I don't, it's out of date. First off. It makes you look like you're 36. They've added some stuff here at the end. Yeah. They got your Netflix special on here. Yeah. This is new.

But it's very poetic. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they did a good job at the time. I was doing a lot of trailer park jokes. I was all right with it. Yeah. But I'm like, I'd like it to go away. It's not going away. I know it won't. It's not going away. August 27th. I'm in Irwin, Pennsylvania at Community Church. A little backyard picnic and comedy from me. A little back to school thing. And then September 2nd.

Appleton, Wisconsin at Skyline Comedy Club. Oh, nice, dude. Have you been up there before? I've been there once with Dustin Nickerson. Oh, okay. Great. My first time headlining. It's a great club. Yeah. Yeah. You can go up to Lambeau. Lambeau's close by. Yeah. Yeah, we toured it last time, but maybe I'll do it again. Great gift shop there at Lambeau. It is. Good restaurants in there. Me and Aaron ate somewhere in that town one time, just at some random place. We didn't even go all the way to the stadium. We just... In Green Bay? Yeah, we just stopped at...

On the way back from probably like Harris, Michigan. Uh-huh. Or maybe Egg Harbor. That was a wild trip. Yeah. This weekend, this Sunday night, I'm headlining Denver Comedy Works.

Downtown. Downtown. Yeah. Downtown Larimer Square, man. Is that where it is? Yeah. You can't beat that club. That's so good. I'm very excited to be there. So if you are in the Denver area, come on out. And then after that, if you'll allow me to just quickly throw some dates out, I just want everybody to know where I'll be. I don't have any control. August is going to be. Yeah, it feels good. There's no one here to pressure me into doing this quickly. We can kind of settle in. This is Aaron land.

Let's just settle in here. Let's move it along. Yeah, but let's do it right now. Yeah, I mean, we are trying to leave. August is very exciting because from now to the end of the year, I got a bunch of dates. August is Denver. And then I'm in Louisville. Then I'm in Cleveland doing hilarities for the first time. Yeah, man. That's very exciting. Pittsburgh, the Pittsburgh Improv. That's a great club. And then Boston. I'm doing Laugh Boston. And then I got a show in Cape Cod.

in uh kotuit massachusetts that so if you're in any of those areas come on out all right lansing michigan michigan no no not anymore okay yeah sorry sorry to all the spartans out there yeah

I'm going to plug one day. I'm going to, I'm going to be August 16th. I'm going to be at Zaney's Nashville. If Bates hadn't shut them down by then. Yeah. But yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to be doing a show at Nashville and I'm real excited about it. I love that club. Oh, that's awesome, man. That's awesome. Let's pack that out. Yeah.

All right. Awesome. Well, you opened, you closed. You know what I mean? Well, how about a thank you to our sponsors, AG1 and Babbel. Yeah. They brought this episode to you. Part of millions of warnings. This is a fun one. This is a fun one. I enjoyed. All right. Okay. It is tough to dismount. It's not that tough. You're right. You're right. We're having a good time. We're having a good time. Have a good night, everybody. Thank you, Brian. Good work. Thank you.

Okay. There we go. Thanks, guys. I love being here. Thank you. Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the Audio Boom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.