245: #245 Virginia featuring Reno Collier
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Hello, folks, and hey, bear. Okay. I'm Brian Bates, as always. Dusty Slay. All right. Aaron Weber. And sitting in for Nate...

The lovely Reno Collier. Lovely. Right on. I just wanted to know. I never hear that. I've never heard him say that about anyone. Well, I've never felt it until right now. Yeah. You don't strike me as a guy, Reno, when the hosts ask you, what should I say about you? You don't give them a whole lot, do you? No. You just say, just bring me out there. I'll do my thing. Let's go. Yeah. They don't know anyway. And then you come out to, isn't she lovely? Bye. Bye.

I can't think of it. Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, I don't, I don't get into the long, I don't want him to have too much of a expectation. Yeah. You know, Brian Dorfman told me one time, he goes, dude, you have more credits than seats. You can sell. Yeah. So I'm like, just to say my name. Let's go. Let's end it. Yeah.

And it was one of those times where it's like he was kidding, but at the same time, I was kind of like, he's really not that far off. Rooted in truth. The host is reading off the credits on stage. The audience is going, who is this? Who are we about to see? Well, especially even if they know who I am, I don't look the same as I did. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wanted to talk about that because Nate gets a lot of credit. People mention it all the time. The glow up, they call it. How he looks now versus how he used to look. But I think you...

I mean, because I met you how you look how you look now, but I knew of you when you used to. I mean, I remember. I don't know the polite way of saying this. Yeah. You look great. You look great now is what I'm trying to say. I'm talking about washing with a shampoo bottle. That's old school. Yeah. I remember that. I ran into a little alcohol problem. It kind of blew me up like I got stung by bees and bees.

I had no neck. I just had like my head. There you go. Like, yeah, so this is the Reno that I knew before I met you. And it's hard to, I mean, it doesn't even look like the same guy. Who is the girl you said you look like off a TV show? Natalie from the facts of life. Well, there was like Marsha Brady was at that roast and there were all these people and no one knew who I was. And I was like, this is going to Larry, the cable guy roast. Yeah. Yeah. And a good God, dude.

I was doughy, really doughy. You look like a good time, though. Oh, I was a blast. I don't remember any of it, but I was freaking fun. People told me all the time on my apology tour the next morning, walking around going, did I do anything to you? Did I say anything to you? You know, you were so much fun. Yeah. I've been there. Yeah. Except with me, they were like, yeah, you did.

Yeah. Oh, me too. Me too. The thing is, when you look like the Gerber baby, people don't get real mad at you. You know, they're like, he just wants some mushy pee. Look at him. He's okay. He didn't mean it, did he? I don't know the Reno Carrier catalog that well, but back in the day,

when you were a little bit bigger and such a lovable, it was a little Chris Farley. Yeah. Like just this guy's goofy. He's funny. You had this joke about, I can't really give the punchline because this is a clean podcast, but it was so funny about your softball team was terrible. So yeah, the church softball team. Yeah. That was a true thing. And you want to call your team off constantly? Yes. Yeah.

And it's a funny joke. Dude, look at that. Wow. I look like I drive a Subaru and have a freaking kayak on top of it.

You look like Peter Griffin a little bit. I do. That's what Cable guy, he goes, if they ever do, especially with glasses on, he goes, if they ever do a live action, it would make me so mad. He'd be watching that show, and Peter Griffin would come on, and he was chasing a chicken, and he kept rewinding, like, look at Reno. Look at him. I did, dude. I was, I don't, yeah.

I was so hungry. And it looks like I don't have any teeth. Not bottom teeth. No, the bottom teeth were gone. It's dipping. It'll do that, man. I have no teeth. But apparently somebody did my hair before that because that's some. What is this from? The hair looks good there. That's from Blue Collar Next Generation. That is a good head of hair. Now it's not there anymore. But yeah, that was a good head of hair.

On top of that meatball. I loved it, though. Yeah. It was so much fun. The drinking? Well, that was really fun until it just wasn't. But it was great, man. If you can do it right.

It's really a good time. That's what I always say. I'm jealous of people that can do it right. Yeah. I can't. I can't either. I can't either. If I could just do a little bit of anything, I'd be a much better human being. Yeah. But it's like, you know. Most cars can't. No. No.

No, and I quit drinking, but now I'll eat a whole pizza. I can't have a piece of anything. It's like, if one's good, ten's better. Let's go. Like an oven pizza, frozen pizza? Oh, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's small time. Demolish those. You plan to eat one of those. Yeah. Yeah, it's thin crust. This is just a flat

That's six feet by four feet. I remember at Aaron's wedding, we were sitting at the same table and you played a joke on your wife that we all quickly got in on telling her that I got another table. It was one of the backstreet boys. Yeah. I'm bored. I don't drink. And he turned to me

He was like, sorry, my wedding was boring. Yeah. No, no, dude, I'm boring now. No, no, I'm kidding. But it was so funny. You turned to me, he's like, Brian Teller. That's, and I'm like, yeah, that's him. He had a jacket like Nate wears that's, you know, not from around here.

Oh, I see how it works. When Nate's not here, we have a good time. I love how you put that. A jacket that's not from around here. Straight from Hollywood.

That's great. So anyway, yeah, that was fun. You know, I have a story about you in my act that I tell sometimes. Who was the guy that you were trying to convince everybody? Like my uncle or something? Who was it? Just a random guy? He had like a shiny...

It was Eddie Cisneros. Oh, okay. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Eddie would have probably went along with it. He would have done it for sure. Oh, I told him later. He thought it was hilarious. My wife gets starstruck. And she was like, oh my gosh, this is so much fun. I'm like, you're not kidding, man. One of the Backstreet Boys is here. She's like, what? And I go, don't talk to him. Like, what?

Like, don't say anything because he doesn't want anybody to bother him. Just like, which one is he? I'm like, you know who it is right there. I had no idea. I couldn't name a backstreet boy with a gun to my head. But for that day, your boy was. It was kind of perfect. His back was to us. You couldn't get a good view of him. And I mean, she was playing along. Yeah. She didn't know she was. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. You had a great wedding, man. Thanks, man. It had a lot of. It was a great wedding. It was fun. It was nice.

When I was going to say, because I played in a Soldier's Child golf tournament. Oh, my gosh. I know what you're talking about. This was hysterical. Three times. You played in it once. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I haven't done it in the last couple of years because it's always on Mondays, and that's when we do the podcast. Right. But I had a couple of incidents happen there. The first year I played –

We were winning, and it was my first time there. I was nervous. Were you contributing to the win? No. It was just a good group you got paired with? I just got matched up with a great group, and we're dominating. Yeah. And we're going to win. And I go in. I've never been there before, and the director, I can't think of his name. Daryl Mackin. He pulls me aside. He's like, can I have a word with you? And takes me to another room. Oh.

Wow. Dude, this is awesome. And he's like, I've been told that your team – well, I got accused of a couple things. One, picking up the ball like – Poor Brian. Like cheating basically. You of all people. He wasn't accusing me directly, but he knew like this guy's not with these guys. No, Brian didn't do anything. He had some snitch energy. Yeah, snitch energy. Yeah.

That's my guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a best ball scramble, right? Yeah. That's the way it works. So everybody hits, and then whoever has the best shot, everybody else shoots from that place. And everybody gets a celebrity on their team, and Brian was a celebrity on that team. Okay. But the group that he was with, first of all, this is an organization called a, it's not, I host, it's not my golf tournament. I host it, but it's for a group called a Soldier's Shop. You're the heart of it, though. I tried it. Well, I'm proud of it.

What was weird was back in those days, like when I was on TV and stuff all the time, I did it out of ego. Like I was like, well, Cable Guy's got a golf tournament. I want a golf tournament. And I'd just go and get hammered and there's everything for it. When I sobered up, I realized what a beautiful organization it is. What we do is any kid that's lost their parent

That's in the military from however, you know, it started off with guys overseas and then it's grown into guys have trouble when they come back home and the kids are left. So we put on a birthday party for them through their 18th birthday in honor of their parent.

And there are summer camps where a lot of our kids now who started out as little kids going to the camps are now the counselors. That's awesome. So if you lose a parent and you're sitting in a classroom, nobody knows what you're going through. But these kids are on the same boat. And we try to get them to open up and laugh and all that stuff. So this golf tournament is for that.

Right. So you're thinking about this is to raise money. Now, Brian, go ahead and tell them what happened. All right. So he keeps asking me, did you guys do this, do that? And we literally, to my knowledge, did not do that. We didn't do anything that I saw that was illegal. But I mean, I feel like I'm trying to give him something because he keeps – and I said, you know, we took mulligans. And he's like, what? No, you can't do a mulligan. You can't take them.

Somehow we got our head. I didn't know. Every guy in the scramble, which was five of us, gets one mulligan. And we took full advantage of it. Okay.

And they shot like par 72. They shot like a 51. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, who cheats? We're raising money for these kids. And poor Brian is there. Brian has been so loyal. Like he would come. And then another time you got there and they messed up your team or something. Yes. And they had to drive him in a cart. And Brian's standing out in the middle of the course, like waving at me like, I don't know what to do.

doing? I'm like, poor guy. Does everything he can to get to this thing. Then he gets on a team with a bunch of dudes. We shot a 51. We win the grills. It's like, we're not here for you, moron. There are kids that were raised. Who cheats in something like that? That's like stealing out of the plated church. What do you get by winning? You win. People will donate grills or

There's like really cool prizes. Yeah, the prizes are really cool. And it's the glory of winning. But first prize is a grill. What's second prize? The second prize is pretty good. By the time you get the third prize, it's a lot of booze, which was...

one year. I don't know why I'm making fun of these guys for cheating. I was handing out the winners and everything. And somebody won a bottle of Jack and I opened it up and slugged a quarter of it in front of everybody. I get done. I was like, I was trying to, you know, amp everybody up for the auction. The auction was over an hour ago.

I'm like, oh, well, can somebody drive me home? So then another year...

I forgot about getting left. Because you start off, shotgun start. They're like, everyone, your hole is 14 or whatever. Right, right. They stagger everybody. And everyone, go to your hole. So I'm driving out there. I just love the idea of cool alcohol things to you that are cool, but to no one else. No one else. I literally took it out of her basket. You're like, I'm going to slam half of this.

Everybody else is like, this guy has issues. Because in your head, they're like, this is going to look so awesome. Yeah. And I'm like, man, these guys know who I am. I'm going to throw down. You want to party? I will show you how to party. You know? And they're like, take the kids to the car. And it was in a basket with like plastic over it. And I just muffled through it. I'm like, you know?

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There's so many things that when I look back at my life and I go, I should not have been allowed to do that. Like, I shouldn't have been. The first time, like, with Cable Guy, his first arena show, we're in Raleigh. There's, like, 18,000 people, right, packed out. He's, like, so excited. I'm out in the parking lot getting drunk with some politician I'm arguing with. I don't even know who he was. Yeah.

And they go, Reno, you got to come in, right? You're going up. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go up. I do 20 minutes. And I go, thank you. Good night. And I walk off stage and I'm high-fiving. I'm like, dude, I killed. And Campbell guy looks at me and goes, you didn't bring me up.

Like I did, like it was my show. I did 20 minutes to open the show. I walk off. I never introduced him. Thank you guys. Drive safe. That was it. 150 bucks for my 20 minutes. I'm out. And he never fired me. I'm going back out with him. I mean, he should have fired me every day. What did you do in that? Yes, he should have. In that instance, what did you do? Did you go back up?

He just walked out. No, they started playing Jerry Reed, and then he went up. He thought it was funny afterwards, thank God. But there's not another comedian that I know of that would not have... I mean, he was nervous. His first ever arena show, he's freaking out. He can't find me, first of all, because I'm out there like, you don't know how to tax taxes. I'll tell you taxes. I don't even know what I'm... It's just a mess. All right, so Cable Guy, you...

By the way, I keep talking about, I have so much flannel in my fingernails from riding that dude's coattails. Yeah.

Every movie I'm in, it's like, hey, who else was in it? Larry the Cable Guy. What about that other one? Larry the Cable Guy. Really? What about that wrote? Larry the Cable Guy. It's like, I want to say somebody else, but I got nothing. That's how you got on this podcast. I know it is. You made a call. You ripped the sleeves off. I was going to go out there with no shirt and just flannel sleeves. Just dangling off.

That would be great. Well, they're late on the buzz. But I'm glad you brought him up because the next story. All right. Yeah. So. The next story. Yeah. I remember driving to the tournament this time and I'm like, I don't know why. I was like, I wonder if Larry the Cable Guy will be there today. I mean, it seems like it was a pretty good assumption based on your career. But he had never been there the previous year. So I don't know why this time I was thinking, I bet he's going to be out there. And we get out there and

And we're waiting to tee off. And it's always a little slow at first because everyone's kind of backed up. And I see a guy over there. I'm like, there's the cable guy. And I'm like, I'm going to go talk to him. And I went over and I started talking to him. And he's got a sunglass on his hat. And

I mean, he could not have been nicer. I'm like, this dude is so down to earth and he's great. He act like we're old friends, you know? And I'm like, he's the best. And I was about to name drop Nate as I tend to do every time I meet a celebrity before I could. He was like, man, I'd love to meet Nate. I have flannel on my fingernails. You have jackets that aren't from here. Exactly. Exactly. Um,

And he's like, I'd love to meet Nate. And I was like, y'all never met? He's like, no. And I'm like, man, you should come on our podcast. Let me give you Nate's number. And I'm thinking, this is great, man. And then we keep talking. I'm like, I don't know if this is Larry the Cable Guy. I think this might just be a fan. And I keep asking him questions to try to figure out if it's him or not. And I'm like, I've given him all of Nate's personal information. And...

I avoided the guy the rest of the day because I'm like, I'll give him Nate's social security number if I'm not careful. I gotta stop. So I just skipped the soldier child. Sorry, kids. I'm out of here. Dude, first of all, in between all that, Cletus comes over to me and goes, man,

I'm going on Nate Lane's podcast. And I go, what? He goes, yeah, I just talked to Brian. He invited me to come on. He goes, I'm so glad I came up here. I'm like, well, I'm glad you did too. All right, so it ended up being Cletus T. Judd, who's a very funny comedian who acts like we're old friends because we are. Do they look anything alike? No. I don't know. There's a little something. I see it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's not like it was. I don't think he was dressed like this. He had on like overly sunglasses. Right.

It's not like it was Arsenio Hall or something. I mean, it was... It looks like Larry the Cable Guy if he became a hairdresser. Larry the Cutter Guy. Man, Cleetus was so excited. He's like, man, this is going to be awesome. I was like, that's great, dude. That's why you come to things like this. You never know who you're going to meet. I mean, it just kind of...

Cletus is one of the sweetest dudes, though. And when he found out about it, he's like, man, he thought I was Larry the Cable. We got to have him on. We should have him on. We should, yeah. Did he have Judd on his hat, like in these pictures when he met him? Brian's like, I like Winona, too. Who's your favorite, Winona or Naomi?

I like Ashley myself. It's like a David Cross, Larry the Cable Guy combo. Which would have been fantastic. I think that's what people say you are. Yeah, probably. Was it fun to levy that against somebody else? Yes, it was. He looks like Walmart Billy Ray Cyrus.

Yeah, that's exactly what he was wearing. That's his headband. That's him like, hey! Get her done!

I'm surprised I didn't say that to him. Dude, that, Brian, that was so freaking funny. Dude, if you hit him with a get her done. He's like, what? He's like, hit him straight. I'm like, get her done. Did you, you revealed to him that day that you thought he was there? No, I didn't know until I got home that night and I texted Reno. I was like, hey, who's the celebrity in the group in front of us? He was like, it's Clearsy Judd, you idiot. I'm like, oh.

Never mind. I mean, I remember you telling that story, but that's so funny. Well, I called Nate immediately on the course. I said, hey, are you friends with Larry the Cable Guy? He's like, oh, yeah, good friends. I was like, oh, boy. And I told him what happened. He was like, you couldn't recognize one of the most recognizable faces all stand up comedy. I'm like, apparently not. I just met Larry the Cable Guy. He's got this great song he sings, like Shania Twain. It's the most amazing thing you've ever heard.

Dude, Cletus, honestly, is one of the sweetest guys. Like, he really is a good dude. And he wasn't mad at you or anything. It was just so funny because, you know, like, people get excited about...

about anything with Nate, you know, and you guys, it's like, oh man, this is going to be freaking awesome. And then, you know, I really enjoyed it. Well, I mean, Cletus is such a much bigger deal than me that if anybody should be getting something mixed up, it should have been him about me. No, dude. Look, straight out of retirement.

I love him. Dude, he was at my house. He stays at my house for the thing. And Tom Mabe. You know Tom Mabe? Yeah. So Tom stayed at my house too because they're from out of town. So they're both there. Tom is OCD. My wife loves when he comes to the house because he fixes all the pictures. He straightens everything and he walks around. But he's like elf. He doesn't go to bed. What?

like it was like time to go to bed and i'm like all right good night tom he's like all right good night i go in my bedroom i come out like eight hours later he's in the same clothes sitting in the same chair like hey man what's going on and i'm like do you sleep dude he's all over the place so at one point my wife makes fun of us because she says anytime comics get in our house we all go to get into this like one up thing well i'll tell you a story and i'll tell you yeah so it's just flying around the whole night

And Tom starts telling these stories about Kato Kaelin and his friends. It was just bizarre. And so out of nowhere, Cletus walks over to my wife and goes, I want to be honest about Tom. I don't think we can help him. I don't know Tom, I don't think. Dude, he's –

He's out of Cincinnati? Louisville. Yeah, he is the original prank guy. The stuff he does to people, I don't know how he's still alive. I love him, but he goes downtown Louisville and will sit in a bus where the bus stop is. And he has his phone beside him and he acts like he's asleep. And people walk by and they see it.

And then they wait until he's not paying attention. They try to steal it and they start running away and it's a taser. He freaking lights them up. Like stuff. Yeah. He bought a horse and buggy, like went out and bought it.

got a horse and dressed up like he was Amish and was riding it through people's neighborhoods with a map, like with a Domino's pizza delivery thing on top of it. Like there's something off where... You have to be to be able to do that stuff. One of his best known pranks involved convincing a telemarketer that he had inadvertently called the scene of a homicide. Dude, that's one of the funniest phone calls I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, I gotta listen to this. It's hysterical. Yeah. He has no...

No fear. Like, I don't have that. Like, I don't want to get punched in the face. Like, I don't.

But he just doesn't. I hate a prank. I don't mind watching it necessarily, but I don't want to be in. Like if I had been at your table and you were trying to prank your wife about, I can't do it. I can't be in. You couldn't have lied to her face? No, I can't do it. Well, nobody would check with you about the Backstreet Boys. Yeah, that's true. If they said he was in the Oak Ridge Boys, they would ask you about it. Hey, Dusty, do you have that Backstreet Boys t-shirt on? Let's see which one it is.

But with me, I think I confirmed it for her. She's like, if anybody would know it'd be this guy. Listen to this. 2013, Mabe created a prank video in which he and several accomplices convinced a mutual friend with a history of multiple DUIs that he had just awoken from a 10-year coma resulting from a drunk driving crash.

Wow. Have you ever seen the video? No. Oh, dude, the guy loses his mind. Like he's blackout drunk. They turn an office into a hospital room and the guy's blacked out and they carry him up and they put him in the bed. And then the people are, they have actors as like nurses and stuff like that. And they come in and he has kids. Like they're like, you've been out for 10 years. And the guy's like, man, you gotta be kidding me. What are you talking about? What are you doing?

It was great. Oh my God. 10 year coma. Can you imagine? Like you wake up hungover and it's like you've been out for 10 years. Ah.

Gosh. It'd be kind of nice. Let me share a little Nateland news with you guys. The Nashville Comedy Festival is coming up, Reno. April 8th at the Ryman Auditorium, Nateland presents Good Clean Funny with Ryan Hamilton, Dustin Nickerson, Derek Stroop, Lace Larrabee, Mia Jackson, Paula Kaczynski, and special host Aaron Weber. Atta boy. Yeah, man. It's going to be fun. You want to sell an extra 20 tickets, you can put my name on there.

We don't have time for all your credits. 25 credits and 20. I'll be cleaning up dip cups on a tour bus. And our buddy Nick Thune has a brand new half hour special from Nateland called Born Young. It premiered, what, two, three weeks ago? Two, three weeks ago, dude. It's so funny. Nick's the best. He just did Mark Maron's podcast, I think, came out today or yesterday. So, yeah, dude, go watch it. Go check it out.

And the Consumers with Greg Warren every Tuesday. Don't make me come back there. Dustin Nickerson every Thursday. Check out those podcasts as well. So let's get into our weekend.

I was home for the most part. I did a show in my hometown of Lebanon, Tennessee for the Capitol Theater for an organization called Everyone's Wilson Fundraiser Show. Met some folks there. It was great. Was it a fundraiser for Wilson County? Everyone's Wilson County? Volleyballs. Volleyballs.

Or for the guy from Home Improvement. What was it? Everyone's Wilson is everyone should be included on prosperity in Wilson County. It's churches that come together to do food drives. Okay. A variety of things. So it's a lot of pastors and businesses that donate and things like that. It's a good cause. It's a great cause. Yeah.

I complained about so many people moving to Wilson County that I'm starting not everyone's Wilson to counter them. Most people are Wilson. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to do everything's Rutherford. It's just a bunch of chicken shacks and Applebee's. Yeah, a manufactured home. Does it roll off the tongue? It doesn't. Everybody's Rutherford. It doesn't. That's horrible.

And you don't think it's anything else. No. You're not like, what, Wilson? It's so vague, though, that it just sounds like it's important. Not the Wilson, but Rutherford. I know the mayor. He built my house. Everybody's Rutherford. Yeah. What's the name of the show? Everybody's Rutherford. And everybody from Rutherford's there. And everybody's there.

And if you're a part of it, you better be there because it's you. Because you are Rutherford. You are Rutherford. How'd the show go, Brian? The show was great. A lot of fun. The mayor of Wilson County spoke before me, and I know him. I'm friends with him because he was a teacher and a coach at my high school when I was growing up. Oh, cool. So it was good to see him alive. Baseball coach or your coach? He's not much older than I am. Your coach? No. He coached basketball at Lebanon High School. Okay. Okay.

Did you swipe a couple of those things? I did. I stole a couple of those laundry bags. Probably haven't even got to it yet. I thought they were shots. It looks like bourbon. Yeah, you can just kind of... Here we go. Back off the wagon, fellas. Let's get into it. I hope this is soap.

But anyway, my daughter turned three this weekend. We had a big birthday party for her. Dusty's kids came. Yeah, my wife and kids went. You know what? My daughter, my wife said when my daughter got in the car, she goes...

She was like, whew, that was a good birthday party. Wow. She texted us that. We love that. Yeah. Yeah. I've changed a little bit. I've even left out birthday. She says, that was a good party. I don't know. Yeah, that could have been it. That could have been what she said. What'd you do? Did you have a clown or something? No.

No, just me. But we had Bubbles. Bubbles were a big hit. Bubble Guns. Oh, Bubble Guns. Both of his kids took home a Bubble Gun. That's fun. I mean, that's like rapid fire. I'm out there with a little wand doing a musket. You're just getting lit up. I'm just getting lit up. AK, yeah. And then, you know, just some pizza and...

chicken nuggets. That's all you need. His kid ate an apple, but the rest of the kids, you know, have some fun. That's a good kid. It's a lot of sugar, though. If you ever want to irritate... It's good sugar, though. If your kids, like your kids' parents... When my son was like nine years old, we had a food fight birthday party. Whoa. So you knew going into it? Oh, yeah. No, this was all on purpose. It was the theme. The key is...

The parents are told a time to pick their kid up and you make sure the food fight ends at that time. Cause I had to spray them all down, but it was, we had, they had like scuba masks and,

and snorkel things or whatever. And we set up tables with like spaghetti and pudding and everything's mixed up in these big bowls. And you like just yell go. And they just start wailing on each other. And the kids get just trashed. Like there's stuff all over. And then I just hosed them down and they got in their parents. But kids still talk about that. The only thing I'll tell you is, is that Walmart Jell-O,

will stain your driveway. There's something in that that's not good for our insight. That's good to know, honestly. Yeah, for your insight, it won't go away for years. It looks like a rainbow. Something only a select few people know is that Walmart Jell-O will stain your driveway. And I want to get the word out.

That's why I'm going to go to everybody's Wilson so that everybody knows. Everyone's Wilson. Yeah, everyone's Wilson. Listen, you be careful with that jello out on the driveway. You messed me up so bad. I'm sorry if I'm ADDing out and I'm messing this up. So there is a Travis, your bits about the songs. There's a Travis Tritt song that I was listening to when I was coming back from the casino last night.

And it's about modern-day Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, yeah. And he says he picks her up in Johnson City, but he's driving up 95 to Richmond. They don't connect. You can't get to 95 from the thing. And I was sitting there going like, I should tell Dusty then. Yeah. I do that all the time. I'll text him. Have you heard this line? Yeah. Yeah, and it's like it's a long way to Richmond, rolling up on 95. You're going the wrong way. Yeah, you picked her up in Johnson City. You would have had to drive all the way to the coast.

And then cut up. It would have taken you... There's no reason. Why would you rob cigarettes and have to drive all the way across when you could clearly cut up 6 to 64? Trying to cover your tracks, I guess. I don't know. I don't think Bonnie and Clyde had it all together. But you don't want to drive in a straight line if you're committing crimes. But you can't get to it. Like, you can't get from... You'd have to take 26. It's irritating to me now. And I never would have even thought about that if I hadn't listened to Dusty's bits. Yeah.

Well, it's, yeah, I mean, that's what happens to me too. Now I listen to everything like that. Everything. I'm like, I enjoy it, but I'm still picking it apart. Yeah. Just picking it apart. Yeah. So they get arrested at the end. Yeah. Yeah. But suddenly they're on 95. 95 goes, I don't know why this is bothering me. I mean, that is up the coast. It's straight down the coast. Yeah. And he's way over here in Johnson City. You can't do it.

Yeah, you had to cross at least a full – you had to go all the way across North Carolina. And numerous back roads to cut straight across. Yeah. Seems a little wordy, but – Yeah. And this was all in a Firebird. Yeah, and you'd think – I mean, I know it rhymes, but fix it. It's like Alan Jackson. I think there's a lot of fives, though. I mean, there's plenty of five interstates. Did you ever do a bit about – 95, 75, 69. No, but Tennessee has to rhyme with call and me, too. Yeah. Yeah.

So he skipped right over it. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty tough. Writing songs is hard. It's not easy. Travis Shirt's great. When Alan Jackson rhymed Tulsa and salsa, I lost my mind. I'm like, I'm out. I'm done. I'm not listening to him anymore. And I love Alan Jackson, but as soon as I was like, this is the dumbest. You couldn't, of everybody in Nashville, you couldn't find somebody who,

You just dropped a load of salsa? Yeah, it's a lot of salsa. Have you ever seen a truck full of salsa? I don't think so. I love this song. Yeah, well, I answered him and he asked me, aren't you from out in Tulsa? No, but you might have seen me there. I just dropped a load of salsa. That is the worst. This song has some wilder lyrics than that. It sounds like a new comic tried to be funny. That's their line. Wow.

No, but you might have seen me there. I just dropped a load of salsa. What song is this? This is where I come from. Oh, where I come from, yeah. Yeah, you could just pick a different city name and a different thing you dropped off. And a different thing you'd drop off. Chickens or cows or who delivers salsa? Is salsa important to the story at all? No. Okay. There's no chips. There's nothing. Yeah, Pickens. South Carolina, isn't there a Pickens? Aren't you from Pickens? No, you might have seen me. I just dropped off a load of chickens. Yeah.

That's it. That's so much better than Tulsa and salsa. There's a famous one. T-Pain has a song. He said, I'll put you in a mansion somewhere in Wisconsin. They're not even trying. They're not even trying. At that point, you just lean into it. But is he saying Wisconsin like somebody from Wisconsin would say it? Wisconsin. Wisconsin.

Like, maybe. Maybe there's more to it than meets the ear. Yeah, it's too deep for you, Aaron. You can't do that. You can't do that. AI, that's why AI is going to take over all songwriting. T-Pain can sing, though, too, huh? Yeah, he's got a good voice. He's a good musician. What did he put? He put out something that everybody was sharing a while back. He did a Tiny Desk concert without autotune, and everybody's like, oh, he can sing. You can even tell the autotune songs. You can tell he can sing a little bit. What was that? I don't know. He put out something. I feel like it was a country song.

He's been messing around with a lot of stuff, dude. A lot of people are taking over country. Finally, we're getting some good musicians in there. Oh, my gosh. I know you're kidding, dude. I know. I'm getting dusty fired up. You got an ally at the table. You do have an ally. It looks like a shampoo commercial. The whole mess of it is garbage.

I don't even go downtown Nashville anymore. I don't like rap. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, long gone are the days where we're talking about Tulsa and salsa. You know, this is a simpler time. Well, take that out. Then the rest of it's good. Yeah, I just watched that Opry 100 special. You did the Opry, right?

I used to. Well, I said past tense. Yes, I did, and then I got in trouble. So I'm not on it anymore. I wanted to get T-shirts made up that said, like, Cash, Williams, Presley, Collier, banned from the opera. You should. I know. I'm going to. Yeah.

But I still, in the back of my mind, I still want to do it again. Because it's not the Opry's fault. The Opry's freaking awesome. It was three people from New York that all tagged Humana and tagged the Opry and was talking about something that I said. Oh, a joke? Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, it was, but it's, here's the thing.

It's not the Opry's fault. They have a brand. The Opry's a million times bigger than me. They don't need me. There's no reason for me to even be there. I don't blame them. I'm not mad at them. I freaking love them, and I'd go back on the heartbeat. They're the best. Our next sponsor, you know we love, Delete Me.

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Leanne Morgan was telling me about how you were doing a church and you were freaking out about it. Yeah. And she told you just to share your testimony. Well, yeah. But I wrote a joke about myself making up because I was like, I don't have a testimony if I had to go do this. I've never had the drinking problems that weak people have. So...

I love it. I'm not weak like you guys, so I'm like, what can I do? Yeah. Bully Bates is back. So I wrote this joke about making up a fake testimony at this church based off her telling me about you. And I've told it twice at the Opry, and the guy who followed me, which is probably the odds aren't that slim, had a real addiction problem and goes out and shares his testimony. Yeah.

You know, the first time I didn't know the guy, he was making his Opry debut and everyone gave him a standing ovation for it. And then the second time it was T. Graham Brown. Oh my gosh. Turn the water back into, or turn the wine back into water. Yeah.

That's his song. That was Jesus. No, I know, but he sings a song where he's praying, asking Jesus, I heard you turn the wine back into water. 1998. That's a song that stuck in my head when I started getting sober. But anyway, tell me again, Mr. Strong Pants, about what you did. Well, anyway, after the second time of like...

It sounds like I'm mocking these guys that I'm like, I just need to at least stop telling that joke at the Opry. Where's my phone? I'm going to tag the Opry in Humana and remind them of what Brian B.

The tag T. Graham Brown. So you had planned to do this testimony joke, and then this guy went before you? No, I actually went first, and then he goes out after me. Oh, that's so much worse. Dude, people are crying. I've seen T. Graham Brown at the Opry, and people cry when he talks about his testimony. Maybe you teed him up. You probably did. Exactly.

You did. Yeah. Finally, a guy with some real problems. Right. It says he got inducted as a member of the Opry in 2024. Was this on the night, his inductee night that he did this? Brian standing on the side of the stage. Wee! Wee! Just don't drink. I don't get it. Just don't do it. Sorry, you just can't have one, T. Graham Brown. Nobody applauds me for being strong. That's right.

I hear you, buddy. So where were you this weekend? I was at Harrah's Casino in Cherokee, North Carolina. Yeah, and it was awesome, man. I love that place. Second straight week we've mentioned Cherokee, North Carolina on this podcast. I wasn't there doing comedy, just gambling. No, I was there. Yeah, I was there.

I mentioned last week, I went skiing one time, and I think it was in Cherokee, North Carolina. It's beautiful, man. It's beautiful. And the golf course, Sequoia National, is killer. Yeah? And they let you play all day if you do shows up there. So I go up there. That's great. You know, one time when I was still drinking, we were in that part of North Carolina, me and my dad and my stepmom. And I was really like, what?

My dad doesn't really drink, and I really wanted to drink. So I was like, hey, why don't we go check out this casino? I'd never been in a casino before, and I hadn't. And I was like, I'd like to go in there. And my thought was, you know, I'll go in there, and then I'll get a couple of beers while I'm walking around in here.

And then there's no alcohol in there. It's totally dry. And the one that I was in was totally dry. Oh, no. This one, people were hammered. Falling down the escalator. Things have changed. Yeah. This was probably 15 years ago. Maybe they... I remember I snuck my kids... I couldn't get one. Yeah.

Are you sure? Yeah, man. I tried. You don't think they were hiding from you? I don't know. Maybe they didn't used to, but they do now, man. And maybe I'm thinking about a different place. Maybe they've changed the liquor a while since then. Yeah.

But I was pretty disappointed. You just over at the Pepsi thing, filled up your paper cup. I was shaking. Yeah. I was pretty disappointed. Do you remember we did Mother's Day at the Harris Casino? In Harris, Michigan? Yeah. And I saw the Mother's Day buffet at the casino was, I mean...

Just kind of a sad sight. That's a sad casino. Yeah, it really was. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan, a casino, island resort and casino. Just, it's a sad spot. On Mother's Day. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's just doing a Sunday. It's still daylight. There's skylights wide open in there. You can see the sun rays coming through the smoke in there. Oxygen tanks. Yeah. And then there was a biker gang in there. I don't know if they were a gang, but there was a lot of them. Yeah. And they were heckling us the whole time. On Mother's Day. And no one was doing anything about it. I had to eventually say to the guy, clearly, no one's going to do anything about this. Yeah. So...

I just want to tell a couple of jokes. That's all I wanted to do. But the shows were good this weekend? Yeah, they were great. I sold a ton of books. I mean, I'm not here to plug. No, but I'd like to hear about the book. I just want to say, I talked to Adrian before this. It's like PG-13. I said it all on the radio. It's like PG-13.

It's not for kids that are 10. Yes. So here's what it is. It's called Country Fried Takes. It's also got a bunch of recipes in the back, like ribs and steaks and chili and spaghetti sauce. So if you look in it, there's no writing on it.

on that side because when I read a book, I don't like bending it. It sounds like it's my book. I'm just not going to put them in there. And so there's nothing on that side. And then I also, yeah, through the whole book, when I'm laying in bed and I got to go like this to get to it, I'm like, I'm just not going to have it in there. And then I did the, I did the artwork and,

And the publisher's like, why don't you use AI? And I was like, because I'm not a communist. So then on the back... I do like that it's rather thin and you... It would have been a pamphlet. It would have been a pamphlet. I didn't want to say that. No, you can say it. It's only half of that. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's still a good book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The writing's small. And then on the back of it, it looks weird. It says, how to kill your best friend. And that's not...

has nothing to do with the book, but it's so when you lay it on the back of the toilet and your buddy comes over and he's going to the bathroom, he's looking at it going, am I his? Yeah. See what I mean? That's great. A little giggler in there. A little Tom Mabe. That's fun. A little prank. Yep. And yeah, and they are- And you tell all your friends before they go to the bathroom, you go, hey-

You're my best friend. Thanks for coming over, dude. I don't say this a lot, but you're my best friend in the whole world. And these are only $185. Get in that bathroom. It only locks from the outside. It's also weird. This lady told me she was sitting in the airport not thinking about it. So when you hold it like this, it's upside down. And she goes, this guy was sitting across from me going like...

Oh, yeah. That's fun. Yeah. So you can get them at RenoCallYourComedy.com if you want one. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. They were fun, man. They're funny and blah, blah, blah. Sell a book. Well, I was up in... Do you sell a lot of books at the shows? Sometimes. Okay. I probably sold 100 and something. I ran out Friday. Wow. But it's Bob and Tom people that...

know the, like, listen to the show. So it's the best ones of the whole year coming up, like, every Monday or whatever. So it was fun, man. I mean, it's just fun to, you know, be like, I'm an author. Yeah. You know what I mean? Another credit. Another credit. 700 credits, 250 tickets sold. Yeah. He is something else. He was on the Jack Parr show. Can you believe it? Parr.

Where were you, Aaron? I was in Nateland country, Boston, Massachusetts. All right. Brian and Dusty were there last weekend. I was here this past weekend. I was in Hartford on Thursday, Boston. Shows are great. Two of them sold out. Nice, man. It was just awesome. I had a thing. I was flying from – where were we flying to?

I was flying from Los Angeles. I was in Los Angeles last week, did some podcasts and stuff. I was flying from LA to Hartford, 5 a.m. flight. And I get there. They're like just about to open the pre-check line. That's how early it is in the morning. So there's two lines for- This is the Hartford airport? No, this is LAX. Okay. Which is just awful. Yeah. Just so bad. I mean, I had to return a rental car. It was just terrible. But-

There's two lines forming. One is for the general security. And then the other is for the pre-check.

And they haven't opened the pre-check line yet, so there's a line for me. So this dude, it's like 4 in the morning. This dude walks up, suit on, backpack, and he's in a hurry in a way that's kind of annoying. We all want to get on our flight, dude. And he walks up and he goes, pre-check, pre-check. And they go, oh, yeah, well, general boarding's open, but pre-check's not open yet. And he goes, okay. And then he walks like he's going to go to general boarding. Okay.

And then he kind of looks around and then walks over and goes through pre-check. Wow. Cuts probably 150 people in the line. I love this guy. Blatantly cuts. That's how you get ahead in business. We all see it. That's right. And I just got – I was struck by what a bonding experience it was with these strangers around. We talked about them for probably 20 minutes. Yeah.

Just making fun of him, laughing at him. And then we hope his flight's delayed and just talking about this guy. We hope his flight's delayed. Yeah, or hope he gets pulled at security or something. We hope his flight goes down. And then he goes to some private lounge and eats caviar and waits for probably. Yeah. He's like, who are those people? Loser. No, dude.

No, dude, we won in life in the grand scheme of things, dude. We did it right. Did you see him in the airport again at all? I was looking for him so hard, dude. I wish he was on my flight. I would have said something to him. You should have cut him. Yeah. In line. We'll just follow him out. Yeah. Fly somewhere else just to spy on him. You're in line here getting a spoon? The only way he could have got up there is because he –

pretended to be general boarding and then cut the line. You don't see people pretend to be general boarding that often. You know what I mean? This guy is a real businessman. I mean, it would have annoyed me at the time, but honestly, I might have saw it and go, I'd probably do that too. Things like that used to upset me, but I remember everybody's Wilson. Yeah.

Everyone's Wilson. Everyone's Wilson. I'm going to get it. Everyone is. At least one time in our life, we are Wilson. You are Wilson, yeah, once or twice.

But other than that, I mean, it was just... I almost hugged the people I was in line with when we got through security. It was such a bonding experience. So I'm grateful for that guy. You know what I mean? Yeah, he brought you guys together. In a weird way, I'm thankful. He was an angel. He did what he did. He might have been an angel. God sent him. These angels come through every now and then. They'll do stuff like that. But other than that...

Unbelievable weekend. Had fun in LA, had fun in Hartford, Connecticut, and then Boston was great. And a lot of people said they saw both of y'all last week. All right. So people triple dipping in the course of two weeks. That's pretty crazy. Did they say what show they liked the best? I did ask them, and I'll tell you after we get off, after the podcast. Okay. The –

Well, they were like, yeah, then Nate's doing, I don't know, wherever the Celtics play. He's doing there. So they're going to go see that. Doesn't mean it's a better show. No. And I said, look, Nate's not waiting in the lobby after the show to say hi to you. Neither is Dusty. Yeah, I know. I gave him a ride home. Nobody's cutting in front of Nate. Yeah.

That might have been Nate. You can't tell he wears clothes from somewhere else. Not from around here. Not from around here. That's so funny.

What about you, Dustin? I went to Texas. I went to Beaumont, Texas, and San Antonio, Texas. Both really great shows. I sent you guys the text. Beaumont, I did an hour, 25 minutes on stage. Boom. New record. Yeah. San Antonio, hour 22. They got to step it up in San Antonio. But in Beaumont, it was really great. They both were very great.

I don't know if very great is a way you can phrase it. You can say it. Yeah, why not? But there were a lot of coughing going on in Beaumont in the audience. And I got a coughing joke I like to do. And then I referenced Nate Land. I said, I do a podcast called Nate Land. A lot of people cheered. And then I said, there's a guy on there named Brian Bates, and he coughs a lot. And I always tell him he should smoke because he coughs so much and he doesn't smoke.

Smoking might help him. Did that laugh more than here? No, I didn't. No. No, about the same. About the same. But I want you to know I'm talking about you. Well, I appreciate that. Yeah. Some people messaged me. That was the end of the joke. It was trailing off at that point. Yeah. But I was like, hey, get back into the act. But... You know, when I mention the podcast on stage, I always say, Brian, I don't know if this has gotten back to you yet, but I haven't done it in a while, so I might as well tell you. I go, I do a podcast with...

Nate Bargetti is a famous comedian and Dusty Slay, who's becoming a famous comedian. Just the three of us hanging out. And sometimes people will be like, oh, come on. Don't do that to Brian. And then they'll come up to me after the show and be like, well, that was, I mean, can't believe you did that. But that's how I say it because it makes me laugh. So Dusty's doing the opposite. And now I think that the three minutes of

That I didn't do in San Antonio was probably the three minutes I spent talking about your golf. I helped you set a record. Yeah. But they're great. You know what? I love San Antonio, the city. It's a very nice place. It's really cool. I like it a lot. It's very great. It's a smoke-friendly city, too. You can really smoke wherever you want there, which I like. I was there with Nate in San Antonio, and we were walking downtown San Antonio, and a guy –

in the park ahead of us some kids whatever pulled a gun out and started shooting just randomly and you know last week on the podcast all about friendship Nate said I'd take a bullet for any of you guys I can tell you firsthand he wouldn't he took off running before I even realized what was going on he threw you ahead yeah he's like my life's clearly more important Brian block these bullets it really is a nice city yeah

Yeah. I didn't experience any of that. It's so beautiful down by the Riverwalk. And then they were shooting at us. Yeah, it's really great. It's good to take your kids. Everyone's San Antonio. There was a homeless guy on... I don't know if he was homeless, but he was...

Dirty. Some stuff going on. And he goes, he goes, I'm on Riverwalk. He's like, hey, you, you that, what is it? You that free bird guy? Free bird guy. And I go, yeah. And he goes, how's that? How's that solo go?

And I just wanted to be like, I have bad news for you. I don't know if you've been out here since the 70s, but that band's dead. That was an awful play. Oh, he thought you were Lynyrd Skynyrd. I guess so. Yeah, the guy, Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yeah. You were the whole band. He's clearly CJ. That's right. That's awesome. And then Nate texted us that he's down to 56 minutes now. Yeah.

So you're doing a full 30 minutes. And I'm doing a club this weekend, so I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I asked for some club. I'm doing the Virginia Beach Funny Bone. I asked to do some clubs because I'm working on a new hour, so I want to get in there. That's nice. And...

So I don't know if I'll be able to do an hour and 25. Speaking of Virginia Beach, I mean, what a segue. Is that why we're doing it? No, we're doing Virginia. Well, we haven't done the comments. Oh. Sorry, I was pumped. We were way behind. I was proud of that segue I just pulled together. This was a heavy first part of the podcast. It was very fun. Let's get started with the comments. All right. Who wants to read them?

You want to do it? I'll read them. I'll read them. Okay. All right. Comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. Yeah, you can if you want. Apple Podcast Reviews. Yeah, chime in wherever you want. NateLand and NateBargatze.com. Scott, boy, what do you think? Knateful. I think you got to go knateful. You don't put the K in there like that. How many words do you do the K in the end? Do you say them both like that? I don't know any. Knife? Knife? Yeah, knife. Knife.

That's right. I was a PE teacher, too. It's Knife. Knit. It's Scott Knifle. Are PE teachers real people? Yeah, I was one. Were you really a PE teacher? Oh, yeah. The old look. Yeah. Yeah. I used to bartend at the Punchline in Atlanta. They were like, Miss Collier. Yeah. Are you the field hockey coach? Yeah.

All right, boys, line up. This picture right here. All right, girls. Let's play some volleyball. Do you have a whistle around your neck and everything? No. Okay. No. What I did have was a hangover because I bartended at the punchline at night and then teach during the day. And I'd have to stand outside in Atlanta just sweating booze out. And these kids were like...

You smell like my dad. You are Kenny Powers. I wasn't a good teacher. Dude, here's what happened. I taught for a summer. I happened to walk in and apply for the job the day the other guy got fired.

So it was kind of like, okay, just let's go. Can you do summer school? Absolutely. Let's go. So I did one summer, a full year, another summer. School is about to start. I had like three weeks booked on the road, making like 175 bucks a week. And I'm like, I'm a comedian. And I ditched my apartment. I go in to tell the, it was a private school.

To tell the headmaster, you know, like, I'm out. I'm not going to be there for the next year. And I go in. He's sitting there. I'm not making this up. He's got a paper like this, and his glasses are down. And I walk in, and I go, hey, man, I didn't pay attention to, like, how much time I'm supposed to give you before I bail, right? But I just booked three weeks on the road, like in Ocala, Florida. Yeah.

and in Savannah, Georgia. Hollywood. I think I'd like to bail on this man and give it a shot. And he goes like this.

All right. That was it. I didn't even have to stay for two weeks or anything. I must not have been good at all. Yeah. Because these kids had to go through state... I don't mean to take this thing over. Is it all right? No. This is what you're here to do. I didn't... What are you asking him for? He doesn't do anything in this podcast. I'm sorry, Brian. Let me tell you. I should be the one running this. I didn't think...

When you teach school like that and you're – I totally forgot what I was talking about. I interrupted you. This is why we follow the script. No, I tried to play it up, and I was going like, just talk long enough, and it'll come back to you. It'll come back. It never does. I'm sorry. But in your head, you think like, well, I'm going to have to – when I quit this, I'm going to have to train the next guy and all that stuff. Yeah, I didn't have anything. And he's like, dude, we'll replace you in 20 minutes. Yeah, like it's better not even to have anybody than for you to come back.

You know what I mean? But the kids, I know I was going to say, but the kids had to go through standardized testing to get into the school. So PE, English was a second language for a lot of them. And I'm trying to explain games to them and they're not. And I'm like, just pick that ball up and hit him in the head with it. Like,

And they're like, oh, I don't know. I'm like, pick it up and handle it. You saved them from having to get rid of you. I did. I'm a giver. I thought I was helping out for the students. I mean, if we're going to take care of these kids. The students were probably into you. Yeah. Oh, they loved me. And the teacher that had the kids after me hated me because they'd go in there so amped up. It was fun, man. But apparently I wasn't very good at it. I love that.

Scott Naples. I'm a middle school PE teacher and hearing all of Dusty's stories about when he was young and getting kicked out of places, fighting, drinking, smoking, and all of his shenanigans. Seeing the way he's turned out does give me hope for some of these kids today. You don't know him that well, Scott. I'll say this, though. A lot of the kids I was hanging out with, they did not turn out the same. So one of those kids will be all right. And I did get in trouble a lot in PE.

I was, yeah. So I was not very athletic and I was real mouthy. Always been. Is that why you're mouthy? Because you were frustrated with you weren't. I don't know. I'm probably just frustrated with a lot of things. You think if you were like the best kickball player in the school, you probably would have had a better attitude. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. I did a lot of four square. Remember that game?

Yeah. Would you go to school in the 30s? Yeah. Four squares? Yeah, I had a little paddle with a ball at the end of it. I was ranked in Red Rover, Red Rover in the 11th grade. Four squares, crazy. You remember that game? Yes, dude. With the ball? Yeah. Jacks, do you remember Jacks? Jacks.

Remember that? I was so good at it. I do remember that. You step on one of those things with no shoes on. Yeah. Manny McBride, dairy farmer here. I can confirm that cows are friends. They're very habitual animals going to the same place to eat every day, lying in the same stall every day, et cetera, and typically hang out with the same social circle. There's a pecking order in every herd and usually a boss cow who runs the show.

Studies like these help us understand how to make life more comfortable for our animals, like reducing stress by putting them in pens with their friends. Or killing the one that's a bully, you know? Yeah. Picking which ones to kill first. Yeah.

Oh, these are dairy cows. Yeah. Do what you want. You're hungry. You're hungry. You know, that's what my dad always says about Chick-fil-A cows. He's always like, it's dairy cows trying to get you to eat chicken. He's like, they're not even in danger here. I've never thought about that. I met the guy. I met.

the guy who came up with that advertising campaign, or at least he told you he did. No, he worked at the company that did. He was part of the, the team. And originally, originally they were Brown cows. And then they did a bunch of testing and the black and white just played better. They just register as cows more quickly to people, but they did think about that. And, uh,

Most people don't care, but it is funny when those aren't even the cows that were- Yeah, they're not even in danger. I never thought of that. I always feel so bad for the guy standing out on the side of the road in the cow thing. Yeah.

Because it's so hot. And you know he's in there like, dude, I should have really paid more attention. You know what I mean? I would have done that when I was younger, but not wet. You'd get irritated and you'd swing in the sign and people are yelling at you and flicking cigarettes. And they're already going to Chick-fil-A. I mean, that's what I do. I was just like,

flicking cigarettes at the Chick-fil-A you know what I mean God bless you buddy try to ring the eye smoke this cow it's a 13 year old homeschooled kid oh my god

Hey, by the way, I do not flick cigarettes at the Chick-fil-A before anybody. That's the last thing I need. Have you ever seen one of those and been like, I'm going to go in because of that? Like a Jiffy Lube? You're like, oh, here's a guy throwing a sign. I need an oil change. It's always like, sometimes it's a guy. I just,

I'd like to get my taxes done. Statue of Liberty. Who's doing their taxes on an impulse? I might as well pull in and do my taxes real quick. I got all my W-2s here. It's like car wash is the only thing that makes sense. Or oil change, maybe. Yeah, I guess so. But if it's a high effort thing like tax... You're riding around looking for an oil change. Where's that guy with that sign? ...

Just driving by, passing them. No Jiffy Lube. No Jiffy Lube. The sub guy. Have you ever seen the guy they make dress up as a pickle? No. There's a pickle guy in Murfreesboro. That's only in Murfreesboro. I know. Everybody's Rutherford. Everybody's Rutherford. That's right. There's a pickle guy in Murfreesboro? Yeah. There's a Statue of Liberty guy. There's a pickle guy. We have the Chick-fil-A cow guy. Okay.

We have a lot of signed spinners in Murfreesboro. What is the pickle guy for? A sub place. Oh, okay. They intertwine. He was a pickle. First, he was a sub. And then I think it's a pickle. It's green. Cucumber, maybe? I don't know. Yeah. Cucumber doesn't sell subs. But not like a whole pickle. It's a whole pickle. You don't put a whole pickle on a sub. He's not a slice. It's a hot dog. He's not a slice. It might be a dirty hot dog. What if they...

It's a gross bratwurst. He washed it with the wrong stuff and it turned gray. That's the nastiest. It's at a gas station. It's a green hot dog. I don't know if you'd associate a full pickle with a sandwich like that. I've never eaten in there, but I see them and I feel for them.

Don't you? I mean, honestly. Are his arms out in it? Yeah. Okay. There's a fake face. I hate to think about him arms in. I don't feel sorry for him. You don't? Why is that? Nah, he applied for a job. No, I agree. Do you want to do the costume? And he's like, yeah, I like the outside. Yeah, but the pickle, like even a sub-

But a pickle? I feel like you'd rather be in costume than not in costume if you're out on the street. Is his face visible in it? No. Oh, okay. Then, yeah, it's not that bad. But his arms have green sleeves. What kind of shoes? I can't remember his shoes, man. Take a look next time. I will. I'm curious whether it fits the look or not.

Maybe they could be little garlic cloves. Because you make homemade pickles, you put a little garlic clove in them. Yeah. His arms are dill. Dill arms? Yeah.

I can't think of his shoes. That's probably meant to be. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack sponsor. Aaron, you like snacks? I mean, yeah. IQ Bar is the better for you plant protein-based snacks made with brain-busting nutrients to refuel, nourish, and satisfy hunger without the sugar crash. IQ Bar's plant protein bars are...

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I'll give you his phone number. No, wait. To 64,000. Text Nate, N-A-T-E, to 64,000. That's Nate to 64,000. Message and data rates, data, data, may apply. See terms for details. All right, I'm going to skip this next page. Okay. Well, just to give us... Oh, we'll save these comments. Yeah. Was there one you wanted to... No, no, no, not at all. All right, Kelly Renee says,

I'm a recent neuroscience grad based on my knowledge of internal processes of brain tissue. All right. I do believe that there's more to the effects of Bluetooth headphones on our brain than we know so far. There are at least a couple of ongoing research studies at the moment on this. So all we can do is wait to read about their findings. Dusty, I'm with you on this one.

Yeah, I mean, seems like we're finding more and more of these people, aren't we, that are on track with what I'm talking about out here. You got one Bluetooth in here, and then you put the other one in here, and it's communicating with each other. We hope that it's going over the top.

But it could just be going right. Are they communicating with each other or are they communicating with your phone? Unless your phone's in the middle of your head. I don't think the second one, at least on any Bluetooth speakers I've ever had, the second one doesn't work unless you have that first one. The one of them sometimes will work, but the second one... But it's telling the device to not play it. It's not telling...

I think that second one communicates with the first one. I mean, I'm not saying they're not communicating, but what you're describing is not that. Talk to Kelly Renne. Well, yeah. But it's like when you have that, like for me, I had a set of Bose headsets, and I love them. I love them. You put the right one in, and it works. You can do it by itself. If you put the left one in by itself, it won't work. It needs that one. So I think that one's communicating with the phone. This one's communicating with this one. And you think it's going straight through your head. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I started to get vertigo. I haven't really had any problems since I stopped using those headsets. And I mean, I love them. I'm not trashing Bose. Right. Everybody's doing it. I love those speakers. But I even actually bought Bose wired headphones. I love them.

I have many Bose products. Bose is not even a sponsor, but I just want them to know. I love them. You love Bose. But I don't like the Bluetooth wireless headphones. Okay. You just use them twice and you can't do math anymore. Yes. Yes, exactly. You got you. But I... He pees his pants every time I turn on the microwave. Well, I was doing that before. Joe McQueen. But thank you, Kelly. Thank you.

Dusty, you said your personal best was recently 81 minutes, but my wife and I saw you in Cleveland last year, and you did 90. Either way, we're having a good time. Well, you know what? The Cleveland show, I forget about that because I didn't have my timer set, so I didn't know exactly how long it was, but that Cleveland show was really long, and I had a great time. That Cleveland show was so hot. Yeah. It was one of my favorite shows I've done in a long time. Super hot. How about that? It was at a theater in a real...

sketchy part uh like i even made the joke i go i'm not that familiar with cleveland but this seems like a safe spot here huh and everybody laughed and thanks for risking your lives to be here tonight but it was great no so it was really great cleveland's a fun town it's a good comedy it's so good yeah so good yeah so good jenna obie

It's weird that Dusty's getting any pushback about planting fruit trees. What is this? Is this the Dusty show? I'm in for it, though. Groceries? I know. This is as locked in as you've been in a long time. I know. I love me some meat. Listen, that's what our whole profession is. You know what I mean? Absolutely. You show me a selfless comedian, and...

Dude, I'm going to start saying what you said. Like, I'm doing the clubs, you know, just to work on new material. Yeah, exactly. Why are you going? I'm just here to work on new material. Well, I want people to know, you know. For what? For the next club I do? Yeah.

I'm running my hour right now. I don't want people to think the theaters aren't going well. Right. You know what I mean? When people go, I'm running my hour this weekend, it's like, what are you doing? What else are you doing? Running my hour. Yeah, me too. And I do like the Virginia Beach Funnyville. Okay. It's a good club.

It's just below you a little bit. He's just doing them a favor. They are so lucky to have you. Man, it's great to come back into the clubs. You'll see me in clubs on my way up or my way down. It's good to be here now. See you in 15 years.

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Uh, groceries are insanely expensive right now. If everyone had a fruit tree, they could eat their own fruit and take care of their families a little better. We trade around my town because it's hard out here right now. And we all know it. If someone is making their own bread, they can trade it for a dozen eggs with their neighbor.

Jenna gets it. That's what I'm talking about. I'm just saying in the neighborhood that I live in, instead of all these ornamental trees, what if we all had fruit trees? Everybody in the neighborhood just had one fruit tree. Yeah. I'm going to throw it to Serge as the next comment. I'd like to read what he has. Okay, go ahead. I don't usually agree with Dusty, and this is no exception. It's my kind of guy, Serge.

Planting fruit trees everywhere seems like a great idea to an idiot, except that most fruits aren't native to where they're being grown, so it takes a lot of water to raise. They also don't support the local ecosystems like native plants do. Yeah, well, let's get native fruit trees.

Yeah, but you get monkeys living in there. It's going to get weird on your neighborhood. Come on, Serge. Let's get native fruit trees. What if you live under power lines? What's a native fruit tree to Tennessee? What could you have? I mean, you would have to, you know, I don't know, look it up. Steak? Yeah.

But there's got to be native fruit trees. So we'll get those. Apple trees would seem like a logical choice. So look, Tennessee, your options are pawpaws, parasimmons, black cherries, and Chickasaw plums. I've been called all those. Great. Well, great. You never know who you'll see at the opera.

Yeah, open for Chickasaw Plum this weekend. I mean, great. Who couldn't use some of those? A pawpaw, also known as the Appalachian banana. It's a large oblong fruit with a pronounced scent. I've never heard of this. I've never heard of it. I've had a pronounced scent a couple of times. I don't like the words Appalachian banana. There's something wrong fundamentally about that. Yeah, here they are. I mean, they don't really look like bananas.

But, I mean, the whole point is... Those are cucumber. I mean, that's the pickle guy outside the gas station. He's probably a pawpaw, dude. You don't even know. Wouldn't it be great if that's what he was? And I thought he was a pickle. He goes, I'm an Appalachian banana. What do you think I am? Moron. I'm native to my region.

Chickasaw plum. But yeah, I mean, this is the type of negativity that keeps anything moving forward that's positive. This guy does. Well, this is how life works, is you need a dreamer like you, and then you need somebody reasonable to pull you back a little bit. You don't agree with that at all? There needs to be a guy going, hey, I love where your head's at, but let's apply this to reality a little bit.

Yeah, but he's not living in reality. We just found four local native fruit trees. No, no, no. That's not what he's saying. He's saying because if you had your way, every house in Nashville would have orange trees and pear trees and pineapple trees. Yeah. And he's going... Well, not pineapple. Obviously...

Obviously, you don't grow things that are not going to produce fruit. That's all he's saying. You got to dial it back. There's plenty of fruit trees that will grow here and produce fruit. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're out to your death on this one, dude. I'm going with Serge. There's plenty of fruit trees that will produce fruit. All he's saying is,

Oh, some of these might need a little more water. But people are watering their lawns. That's how water shortages start. It's just a little more water. All the water goes into the gutter. It goes into the thing, and then it goes into a filtration system. Into the thing. And it gets filtered all the way back to you. Again, it's all recycling. There's no such thing as a drought. There's no such thing as a water shortage. Only in poorly managed places. Okay. Well, I mean, there are a lot of poorly managed places, right?

So this is what Serge is accounting for. So you have fruit. Everybody's watering their lawns all the time. So instead of putting that into lawn, you put it into fruit trees. Okay. But if you throw up an orange tree in your yard, it's going to mess up the ecosystem of your whole neighborhood. Monkeys. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's going to be a wreck. Serge doesn't even put his full name on YouTube. He can't. He's a non- He's protecting himself. I don't think he has- He's a Serge protector. He's like Cher. He's a Serge protector. For better or worse. He's a Serge protector.

See, that's why I love his tweets. That's what his tweets are, just a little thing. Yeah. Sir is protecting the neighborhoods out here. Exactly. The point is that, yes, I make the statement, but when you're actually going to execute it, yeah, you put more thought into it. You figure out what plans. That's all he's saying. No, he isn't. You just don't like the first sentence of his comment.

which I don't usually agree with Dusty, and this is no exception. He says, he goes, planting fruit trees everywhere seems like a great idea, except that most fruits aren't. Okay, well, we're not going to use the ones that aren't native. How about that? This guy,

Well, will you take down all your fruit trees and put up Chickasaw plums? No. Well, then you don't even put your money where your mouth is. I don't. Serge doesn't tell me how to live my life. His HOA does. He should. I think Serge has his head on his shoulders. Serge right now is buying grocery store fruit, and he never will have a free piece of fruit. Dude, Serge is growing Appalachian bananas in his backyard.

And I think he's doing the right thing. Now, Dusty, a lot of people said they have fruit trees. And if you don't pick them, they fall on the ground in rats and animals. All kinds of unspeakable horrors. Yeah. Rats. And so now the owls have food. Yeah. Then you got an owl problem at your neighborhood. There's no such thing as an owl. Not yet. Thank God. Because people aren't throwing up trees. Now you have owls eating. It's called the ecosystem. The circle of life. Yeah. Yeah.

This is how, like, it's us removing all these things that's put us in this spot where we're, you know, the grocery store controls us.

Whatever fruit they have. We don't even know about all these varieties of vegetables and fruits that are out there because we just get what they give us. We get what Kroger gives us. Kroger's like, you heard of tomatoes? Here's a couple of varieties. You like cherries and you like these other. Well, black cherries are native Tennessee fruits right there. You can grow some black cherries in your garden.

backyard and not disrupt the ecosystem okay great yeah let's get some pawpaws and some black cherries and a parrot what's a persimmon that's like a little orange a little orange fruit yeah yeah it's like uh like a tangerine it looks like a tomato trying to be it's almost like a plum and uh peach uh i think no oh no that's a different fruit i'm talking about yeah

The fruit I'm talking about sounds like a dirty fruit. I don't even want to say how well do you know the persimmon? Not good. It's pronounced permission. I'm sorry. Persimmon. Is it? So it does look like a peach.

It might be the most underweight, underrated winter fruit, according to most Europeans. I don't know when that poll got issued. Well, this is because people like Serge. What do you think the most underrated fruit is? People like Serge are like, oh, you can't grow anything there. You can't grow anything there. They're not native there.

Are apple... You could grow apples here. Totally. Don't people grow peaches? I wouldn't, dude. I wouldn't. I think it'd be bad. Why? Just it's going to disrupt the ecosystem. And who is these people like if you don't pick them? Pick them. You got to feed the worms. That's what I'm talking about. Pick them. Pick the apples when they're ready. Yeah, and a lot of them...

They're raw in the vine, and you're not going to eat them. Pick them up. Put them in the compost. We used to eat those little cranapples. Yeah. They used to fall off the tree. We'd throw it and hit each other in the head with them. Crabapples is what we called them. Yeah. Yeah. In West Virginia, they grew all over the place. Yeah, they're super bitter. Yeah, we used to eat those. Yeah, me too. Yeah, my mom makes a crabapple jam. Yeah? Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

Which seems like the worst fruit to do. It is good, though. A lot of sugar in there. Sounds like a music festival. Yeah, dude. Chickasaw plum is headlining. Followed by the black cherries. Jeremy D. Alger? Alger? Alger?

This is the second straight episode where Dusty spoke about having an HOA. I can't believe that he would ever buy property that came with other people able to tell him what to do with it. Does he really have an HOA? Well, this is what happens when you buy a house and you don't have any guidance.

You have no one around you going, hey, you better check to see if there's an HOA. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, I'd like to own a house. Right. And then I get there and there's some lady going, you got to paint that thing or I'm going to give you a fine. Now, knowing what you know now, would you have bought a different house because of that? Yeah, I probably would have tried to search out a no HOA. Wow, it's been that much of a hindrance. No, no, my HOA is actually pretty chill. And I do appreciate it to some degree because- And you're not the easiest house in the neighborhood. But I keep, it's my backyard that it gets wild.

I keep the front yard. Fruit trees everywhere. But – Is that a pawpaw? There's a cheetah back there. But, yeah, the backyard – Part of the ecosystem, fellas. Part of the ecosystem. It's wild. But the front yard is good, and, yeah, I mean, they're pretty chill. It's not a big deal. How much is it? I don't know. How much do you make a year? How much do you make a year before taxes? Well, I don't – Do you have your tax receipts with you? Yeah.

don't remember how much it is. There's a Statue of Liberty guy down the street. It's not very much, but you know. Well, I've been to your house. You're not in like some staunchy, snotty neighborhood. No, no. You pay HOA to pick up your garbage, right? Oh, no.

Oh, no. They don't even pick up the garbage. But they just pay them. You know, they go around, and if people are not cutting their grass, they'll be like, hey, you got to start cutting your grass kind of thing. And it keeps things up to a certain standard that I appreciate it. Just peer pressure that you pay for. Well, they fine you, so it's more than peer pressure. And there's also those psychopaths that like to see if your garage door is all the way down and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's not like that. I hate those people. I got fined because I didn't put my –

trash can all the way away behind the house. I tucked it around the corner, but they were like, well, you can still see it if you're looking for it. You know the best way to handle that? Just throw those in the trash. I do not pay them. I'm like, no.

There's nothing they can do. Reno, he owes 500 grand. No, it's not. But it's like 50 bucks. You're going to spend 10 grand on an attorney to take me to court? Yeah. No. Makes sense. Make my neighbor clean up his, he has a camper out there. Fix his, that's in your stupid papers. But if I sell and buy again, my plan would be to not even live in a neighborhood.

Or a city, just unincorporated. Yeah, I mean, you know, I will try to buy more land, you know, like a house with more acreage and maybe not have, you know, or maybe disappear from society. I'm kind of in that boat too. Like I want to move out in the middle where no one is. Let's do a thing together. I'm in. My wife, the house, you've been to my house, right? Yeah, not the new one, I don't think. Okay, so during COVID, I was working construction and doing anything I could.

And I was like, we're going to move out in the country, out in the middle of nowhere. Right. And I'm going to get some horses. And my wife is like, what are you talking about? She's like, this is going to end and you're going to have to, I'm like, no, we're going out in the middle of nowhere.

So she found this house that backs up to an equestrian thing that was left to MTSU and a grant. So there's horses out back, but the houses are way. Oh, I have been there. Yeah, you've been there. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So she's like, she goes, look, this is how we're going to do this. You're not moving me out in the country with a bunch of chickens so you can go on the road for three weeks out. We're going to live here. You can look at the horses and stand on the back porch and pretend you're on Yellowstone or whatever you think you're doing. She's like, you'd kill a horse in six weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and my wife went to Reno's house one time, and our daughter, and my daughter, Daisy, my wife, Hannah, and Reno –

Reno's like praying before we eat. And he's like, I just want to thank you for bringing... And he's trying to mention my daughter. And he goes, just want to thank you for bringing beautiful Hannah out to... Dude, and I didn't even pick up on it. And I kept going. I was like, she's so beautiful and so nice that we could be here together. And I'm like, amen. And I look up and Hannah goes, well...

thank you you know my wife is like what is wrong with you and i'm like what are you talking about she goes you said hannah and i'm i was just you know when you go into panic like i was like i thought they were both i've known hannah for i've known her for like 10 years at that point but something got twinked in my head and the baby i'm like so beautiful and you know and my wife is like and my daughter was very young she was a little baby yeah yeah

Hannah's just beautiful. She's so beautiful. We're so thankful she could come here and we could finally see her. Dusty's crying. I have no idea that I'd done it. Even after I was done, I didn't understand why I was in trouble immediately. But Hannah's face, I opened my eyes and I look up and she's like,

Well, thank you, Reno. You moron. I've never had a prayer all about me like that, but it's pretty nice. It's so creepy. Bizarre. Anyway, sorry about that. Now I have to change my prayers at home. Now they all have to be like that. Yeah. Let's do it like Reno does it. Thank you. Every day you brought Hannah into my life. Here we go again. We're never eating at the Collier's again.

John Dixon, Cossie's is down the road from me, and I wonder if either Dusty and or Aaron had been there. He just knows I hadn't. If so, what was that experience like as that place can be a bit wild? Matter of fact, me and Aaron have been there together. Together, yeah. That's the only time I've been there. I've been there several times. Is that in Ohio? It's in Newport News, Virginia.

Oh my gosh. I forgot about that. Is it still there? I think so. Yeah. Because he's just still there. Yeah. What I remember specifically about that weekend was, and everybody at the club was very nice to us. I always had a great time. We had a good time. But the condo, the week before, the comedian that was staying there had died in the condo. Literally or literally? Literally died on the floor, at the floor of like the bathroom.

Of my side of the condo. Yeah, yeah. He was the headliner at the time. I was in the feature room. You don't know the pressures of being a headliner. I mean, especially at Kazi's. Yeah, Hannah was there with me. She's beautiful. She really is. So we were the first comics in there after that comic had died. So we...

Yeah. We lit some candles. We said some prayers. We got a little spirits out of there. Yeah. But we have been there. Yeah. It was good. I've been there a few times. Jim Seward took me there for the first time. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And it's, yeah, I like it. It is rowdy, though. It gets wild in there. Oh, yeah.

I remember Kazi's now. What's the place that's in Ohio? And it may not even be there anymore, but like Red Fox used to perform there. They had like a really crazy green room, but you stay in down in a condo by the kitchen. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's in Northern Ohio. Oh,

I don't know. Toledo? It's weird. It's a really cool – it's not Toledo. It's a really cool – like, they have big seats and leather and – I mean, Dayton, Ohio had – Wiley's? Wiley's. Did you stay downstairs? I never did. I only went there for an open mic one time. Oh, man.

Was it weird? Oh, and someone died in there too. But that's what made me think about it. Just to keep that going on a comedy podcast. Yeah, that happens. The condo in Wichita had no windows. And it's like, you don't think you need a window that bad until you don't have one for like four days. I'd love a window. And then you would be there like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then on like Thursday, you would go to this barbecue restaurant. Yeah.

And they would give you a bunch of free barbecue. So all the comics would go on there. You get a whole platter of barbecue. You eat it and you take it back to the condo and you're all eating this smoked meat all week. All three in this windowless condo. Just steaming up the condo.

All right. We got about 30 minutes left. Let's get into it. That's all we need for this state, huh? Yeah. You know, Reno, I always associated you with West Virginia. You look like a guy who's from West Virginia. Yes, I am. Well, my entire family is. I lived in Virginia most of my life.

more though. I texted Reno and said, hey, let's talk about West Virginia. He's like, well, can we talk about Virginia? Yeah, well, here's the thing. West Virginia, I call home. That's got to hurt. No, no, it's good. It's got to hurt West Virginia though. No, it's my home. I love West Virginia. West Virginia is great. I just live there. We like places like that on this podcast. Like West Virginia. We don't look down on places and go, can we talk about something more flashy? Why don't you pull up the list of people from West Virginia?

Are you top of the list? I don't know if I'm still on it or not. I was for a while. Dude, that is my home. But I lived in Virginia longer. When did you live in Virginia? What ages? So from, I was little. The thing was, I went to a military school for high school. So I didn't live at home. I was in Waynesboro, Virginia. Then before that, I lived in Woodbridge, Virginia and Centerville, Virginia. Yeah. Campbell Fisher too. About 10 years? Yeah.

You're not on here anymore. They took me off. After what happened at the Opry. That's it. No, hold on. They heard about this podcast. He's like, this guy's claiming Virginia now. Right, Reno. You're on Athletes. Switching. Honestly, I should be on there too.

You were a PE teacher. I was. I played baseball for about six weeks. I'm not under frontiersman. Maybe literature and art. Morgan Morgan. He is an art author now. Country Fried Takes is for sale. Literature and art. Military. You did some military. That was in high school. I did a search. You've argued with a guy in a parking lot. Yeah. Yeah. All right. See if it. They might have taken me off.

This week, we're talking about Virginia. Who gained celebrity from... That's a little reductive. I'm sorry. Great state. That's where I'm going. I'm going to Virginia Beach. I love the state. Love it. Although it's like three different states now. Yeah. Like Northern Virginia is nothing like...

Southern Southwest Virginia is nothing like the East coast of Virginia. Like it, it used to, when I was younger felt Southern. Yeah. And now it's, I don't know. Actually the first time I went to Virginia, I ordered a sweet tea at a place and they got real snooty with me and it was in Norfolk. And they, uh, were like, uh,

Oh, we have tea and we can bring you sugar. Yeah. Somehow it's not the same. Well, it's not because you can't get it to do anything. But it's just so weird to act snooty about that. It's like, okay, so you do have the capability to make tea sweet and you're just doing it on purpose. What happened to Virginia was there's so many military bases and there's people coming from all different areas. Then in Northern Virginia, you have the entire government.

military that's based out of DC. No one lives in DC, so they're either in Maryland or Virginia. So that kind of branches out and it took the culture of Virginia and turned it into more of an international type of place. You know what I mean? But you go to Southern Virginia and it's like, it's so good to see you. I feel like God, you're here. I appreciate everything about you. Would you like a persimmon?

Or a pawpaw. Or a monkey and a banana. It was named after Queen Elizabeth I of England, who was called the Virgin Queen. West Virginia was named after her more promiscuous cousin.

You had to say cousin, didn't you? Who got around a little bit, yeah. But that's where, you know, next to maybe Massachusetts, Virginia has probably maybe more history than... Dude, it's all over. Yeah. U.S. history? Yeah. Civil War, I mean, the capital of the Confederacy was in Richmond. Not originally. Yeah. That's the only reason I lived there. You're talking about the War of Northern or

Yeah, exactly. Yes, I understand. No, it was, and people don't realize. That's what I mean by the infiltration of people from all over the country and the world that's moved there. Richmond was a purely southern town.

And now it's not at all. And the universities and the younger people. I do a club in Short Pump, Virginia. Dude, I love that Funny Bone. Yeah. Yeah, I go there when I'm working on my hour. Then he wants to run his hour. That's where he goes. That's where I go to work on his stuff. Yeah. Is that what you do? Yeah. No, I like that. I do like a two-hour show. How long is yours? I mean...

The Jamestown Colony, the first British. Is that the Jamestown Ferry? You know the song? It's called the Jamestown Ferry. Charlie Crockett has a great version. I love Charlie Crockett. Tanya Tucker.

He just brought the Jamestown ferry to Richmond. He took I-95 to Richmond, Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah. Yeah. But he couldn't get there. Anyway, Jamestown was the first English settlement, 1607. We just talked about a couple weeks ago, the whole Pocahontas, John Smith story, which is probably not true, but that all came from Jamestown.

It's called the Mother of Presidents, Virginia. Eight presidents have come from Virginia. Is that the most of any other state? Yeah, including four out of the first five. I got a relative way back on my mom's side. There's a place called Hume, Virginia, and my mom's maiden name is Hume. And one of my great-great-great-great-grandfathers ever taught George Washington how to survey.

Wow. Yeah, pretty cool. I thought you were going to say surf. Yeah, surf in Virginia Beach. He was the first feature there. He did this weird thing with his teeth. They were wooden. It was weird. I'm getting dizzy.

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson. There's George right there. James Monroe, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, and Woodrow Wilson. Okay. It's been about 110 years or so and not a single one from Virginia, huh? Yeah. Virginia really fell off. Dry spell. Dry spell. It'll come back. It'll come back. John Tyler was born in the late 1700s, president, I think, early 1800s, and he still has a grandson alive.

Wow. Did you know that? Grandson? Yeah. No way, dude. Isn't that crazy? Like one generation down? Well, do you know what grandkids are? That would be kids. I know what they are, but I also know what the 1700s are. It's like mathematically, what is he, 140? He was really old when he had his child. I guess his child was really old when he had his child, and now his child is like, grandchild is like 90-something years old. Wow. Wow. Yeah, so he's 96, Harrison Ruffin Tyler. Wow.

He was born in 1928. How old was his dad? That's a good question. He had to have been 100. Yeah, he had to have been pretty old, dude. Yeah. They used to party back then. You know, my grandfather was born in 1900, and I have a younger sister that was born in 2000. That's crazy. Yeah, there's a lot of math going on here. Yeah, so 100 years. Yeah, 100-year difference. That's wild. My head of grandfather was born in 1902.

He beats you by two years. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy, man. I'm just even thinking about the 1900s. I know. It sounds like the 1800s used to when you were in school. That was a long time ago. My kids were like, yeah, he's from the 1900s. I'm like, don't say that. Yeah. That's crazy. You were about the same age, I think.

54. Oh, I thought you meant 1954. No. Yeah, I'm 76. How old are you? By the way, I've gone to the bathroom three times since we've been sitting here. Are you allowed to say that?

I am 53. I'll be 54 later this year. All right. How old's your kid? Three. Three. Yeah, you're going to be like that guy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There you go. Brian Bates has a living grandson right now. Brian Bates. Remember that guy from that podcast? Yeah, he has a... The guy from Nate Land? He's 106 and he just had a baby.

Who was that guy, Tony Randall? I don't know. Yeah, Tony Randall. Yeah, he was doing that, wasn't he? Yeah. Robert De Niro's doing it now. Yeah. Robert De Niro's got a two-year-old. Yeah. That's why he has those lifts on his shoes. I did see that. Did you see that? Yeah. That ruined Goodfellas for me. Yeah. All right.

I was thinking about that. Like sometimes the legends, it is, I mean, you know, it's sad when people die, but sometimes it's like, if they just fade away. Yeah. Well, they don't have to die, but retire and move on. It's better. You remember them in a better time. There is, there is not one human being that can look right with like four foot blocks on the, or four inch blocks on the bottom of their shoes. Yeah. Like unless you're 10 feet tall.

There's no good look for that. And when I saw those on the bottom of his feet, it really did ruin movies for me. So the whole time, he's more like Joe Pesci. I thought he was like 6'2 or something. I haven't seen what you're talking about. I never took him for a tall guy. No, just average height. Yeah. Robert De Niro wears these things on the bottom of his shoes to make him look taller. Oh.

They're like heavy. Yeah, so they can be eye level in scenes and stuff. Right. Yeah. I don't think he does it just like going to the groceries. I think it was for a movie and they caught a picture of him, but it just threw me. Tony Randall got married first in 1938. Yeah. And then she passed away. And then he got married again. He had a kid in 1998. Yeah. He had a kid 60 years after his first marriage.

When was he born? He was born in 1920. So he was 18 when he got married first, and then he had a kid at 78. Wow. 78. Yeah. That's wild, man. Good for him. God bless him.

How old was his wife? 25. That's an odd couple. I guess his kid can't explain. Boom. Boom. Yeah. Two old guys got that reference. Some old man's listening to this. His kid's listening to it, and the old man just popped up and goes, got that one. Jack Klugman. Yeah, Jack Klugman. He doesn't know what we're talking about. The odd couple. I've heard it. It was a TV. I've heard it. It was a TV show. Yeah. A long time. Yeah. You ever watch Nick at night? Yeah.

TV land, anything like that? You ever have a 2 o'clock in the morning with nothing to do? Jack Klugman went on to play Quincy. I loved Quincy. Yeah. All right. Still nothing. And I've heard of Quincy, too. Remember Quincy's, the steakhouse? I do. Different guy. As far as we know, we're not sure. John Quincy Adams?

Yeah. Bring you back to the present. Boom. Good job, Eric. Thanks. That was good. All right. Do you guys know the phrase, give me liberty or give me death? Yes. It was by Patrick Henry. 250 years ago yesterday was the anniversary of that. I was going to say today, but I guess I was wrong. I support it. I'm still a fan of that club. I support it. Me too. That was all about the Revolutionary War, Virginia getting involved, Boston or Massachusetts was like, these dudes are riling us up. Yeah. He's like, let's go. Yep. Yep.

I've got all this historical stuff. Let's get to the good stuff. Smithville ham. Love it. Virginia has killer ham. I'm not kidding.

Sometimes it's just called Virginia ham, it says. It is Virginia ham. It's real salty. What's different about it? What do you do that we can't do in Tennessee? It's the way it's cured. You can do it here. Well, why don't we? It's just salt. Well, you're just not good at it. It's got to be in the ecosystem. You don't think it through, man. Talk to Serge about it. It's got to be native to your state. Virginia's been doing that forever. Virginia's known for ham.

I don't think it is, man. I've never heard that in my life. You've never heard of Virginia Ham? Never heard of Virginia Ham, dude. I've heard of Virginia Slims. That's about it. Well, that was there, too. Winston-Salem was in North Carolina. Yeah. Yeah, they were all around. Marlboro was in Maryland. I don't think so. There is an upper Marlboro, Maryland, but...

Newport, California. I don't know. I thought there's a new... Skull. Copenhagen, Dresley. Grizzlies in Alaska. Zen is in LA. Kodiak. Alaska. Yeah, yeah. Alaska's doing good. Yeah. Yeah, tobacco. Come on, keep going. What's the next one? Tobacco is parliament.

DC? Black and mild. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Cigarettes and tobacco. Again, I'm strong, so I don't need vices to lean on. You just have TB. That is true. That is true. Anyway, tobacco is one of the big products. Going back to the 1700s. John Rolfe, who ended up marrying Pocahontas. He also invented throwing up.

Sorry. They're not all good, but they all come out. The Native Americans were growing a type of tobacco that was very harsh. This was sweeter, I think, more enjoyable. So it kind of took off. So that's why Virginia is one of the big tobacco producers. Where did that tobacco come from? South America. He brought it up from South America. Is that where it started? Because there was tobacco fields everywhere in Virginia.

Yeah. So the Europeans that came to America, they were introduced to tobacco here? They didn't grow tobacco in England back in the day? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think their ecosystem couldn't handle it.

There is something to growing something. They smoke everything. Yeah, in the right area. Does it smoke ham? Smoke ham? Virginia ham. That guy Anthony Clark used to do a joke about. He was from Gladys, Virginia. And he goes, I was with. Oh, never mind. Sorry. Can't say it. I can. Somebody smoked a ham after. Sorry, Brian. Go ahead. Virginia slams. This is turning out like the Opry.

I'll never be back. Wait till they tag the sponsors. Yeah, exactly. Oh, Mountain Dew. That was an old sponsor of ours. It started in Virginia. Wow. How about that? In the mountains of West Virginia. Yeah.

But anyway, Virginia Slims, I was going to say, there was a TV ad on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, people smoking. And then quickly, they made a law that you can't smoke. You can't do cigarette commercials on television. Johnny used to smoke during the show. Yeah. That's so crazy. I love those old things. Yeah. I mean, that seems like a chill show. Yeah. They were really having fun. Yeah. Drinking and smoking. A cigar might be more the vibe that you want, though.

But Chappelle does the cigarettes on stage, and it seems chill. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I still think of a frantic energy with a cigarette. Yeah. But they didn't used to smoke them like that. Like, when I was a kid and my grandparents and everything, you'd see a cigarette, and there'd be an ash...

three or four inches long. They'd light it and just look a little bit. Because they're just going to light another one as soon as that one's done. My grandpa used to fall asleep with them in his mouth and he'd come out of a dead sleep when the hot coal hit and burned through his shirt. I think a lot of people died that way. A lot of people died that way. You ever see any of those Tom Waits interviews from back in the day where he'd be smiling? Those are really entertaining. Sucking down lung darts. Yeah. Yeah. Lung darts.

Have you ever told anyone Virginia is for lovers? That's on bumper stickers all over the place. You've heard that, right? Yeah. It was on the license plate. When I was in D.C., I made a joke about that. And I say, you know, you read that sign and I don't remember the joke. But in the S for lovers is where you put the heart. But we've not all decided that the heart means V, you know? Right. What if it's an S?

but I think it kind of looks like a V. Virginia is for... It kind of looks like a V. But what if it was an S? Losers. Losers? They would have put it... Virginia is for losers. There's a V right there. They used to say Virginia is for lovers and D.C. is for bullets.

But there's two other S's on here. There's a V right here, though. But there's two other S's, so it can't be an S. But it can't be a V. Well, then what do you want it to be? I'm just saying the joke, and people liked it when I was there. And then you said, Brian Bates needs a smoke. Yeah. Yeah, people like the joke. I forget it. It's been a while. I'm sorry. Well, anyway, it's one of the most...

popular tourist campaigns ever. Yeah, they should put a heart in Virginia too if you're going to do that. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. You set a standard. That's the key. And then you go, Virginia's for what? It is. That's kind of irritating now. It's only the one. Virginia is the most populated state in the country that doesn't have a pro sports team. Major League Sports team at least. Yeah.

Not one, huh? Aaron disagrees. Well, I mean, DC's kind of up there, right, for a lot of it. Yep. But that's what everybody is. They're either like DC. Or Baltimore. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I burped into the mic. Sorry about that, guys. I hold them back. It happens. It happens, man.

Virginia's basketball team's first number one seed to ever lose to a 16 seed in March Madness. What year was that? Like five years ago. Yeah. And then the next season, they won the whole thing. Have you been to University of Virginia campus? Yeah. A lot of like – it's cool because Thomas Jefferson designed a lot of it, but a lot of like secret society stuff going on. Oh, heck yeah. Yeah. The lawn, that area where like my cousin went there and she's super smart and she lived there.

I'm surprised you're into the secret society stuff, Aaron. Hey, you want to hear something cool? I saw a UFO by UVA. Oh, yeah? Not even kidding. You got a video? No, we were leaving a football, UVA football game, going to my buddy Zach's house.

We're driving by and there's a field. Were you drunk? Brian, lest ye judge, lest ye be judged. Someone know the story. All right, go ahead. I'm sorry. Let's not judge. Lest judge be ye. Let ye be judges through thee judge. We were driving back from the game and my buddy Zach goes, do what? And we look up and there's a green light.

In the air over this huge field. He lived way out in the country over this huge field. He pulls his car. If we look and that quick, it was like, it was gone. Then there's a whole bunch of military. It went away or you saw it kind of dart. I saw it dart and it disappeared. Whoa. And it freaked us out. We sat there for like 15 minutes. Like, are we losing? Like, did that, we all saw that, right? Like it was creepy. I don't care what anybody says. They're out there. Yeah. And they're coming for us.

We need to get ready. Aaron Rodgers saw one. Did you know that? I'm sure he did. I guarantee he did. William & Mary is the second oldest college in the nation. Oh, I did comedy once at William & Mary way back. Did you? At like a fraternity thing. My buddy Evan Burke was a... He went to go to school there? He had a connection there through his fraternity. And we went up. Yeah, I'd never done a road gig.

I think that's my first road gig, William and Mary College. Dude, when I was in military high school, on weekends, we could get away, and it was right by the whole Charlottesville, that entire area. And we would go. There was a girls' school, and William and Mary also. We'd go, and we were in our military school uniforms, and they all thought we went to VMI, which was college. So we'd hook up with these girls, but I have acne and braces, and I'm like, I love VMI. You know what I mean? It was great.

You did that too, right? With Auburn? At Auburn? Yeah, it didn't go as well for me. He tried. I would do that, yeah. He tried. What would you do? Well, I grew up next to Opelika, right? So I grew up in Opelika next to Auburn. So yeah, I mean, so you go to Auburn just to parties and you just be like, yeah, I go here. Yeah. But then it falls apart pretty quick because I don't know anything.

The uniform was the selling point for us. Yeah. Because nobody can tell the difference between a college and a high school military. No one dresses up like that. I mean, you'd have to really be in the game to go buy all that stuff and not even go to a military school. It'd be a bit much. Yeah. The wool pants burn off your hair. Some famous people from Virginia, Reno Collier. Yes, we already know that. Sandra Bullock, Chris Pratt, Rob Lowe, Jason Sudeikis, Vinnie.

Vince McMahon graduated from Fishburne Military School. He went to my military school. Did he really? Reno, come on. Don't try to take credit. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm joking. No, he really did. I put that on there because I knew you went there. Yeah. No, he really did go there. I know he really did. Oh, okay. I thought, I'm sorry. I saw your Wikipedia page and then I looked up Fishburne Military and they said Vince McMahon went there. Yeah, he did. And then my wife went with me to an alumni weekend and everybody's either dead or in

AA and NA. Like it's, we were a mess of guys. It's a fun reunion. It's great. It's unbelievable. And we're driving back. My wife goes, you know what? I always thought there was just one of you, but there's a whole bunch of you, right? Just churning you out. Yeah. And then we, it's a bunch of derelicts. Then we watched the Vince McMahon documentary on there. My wife's sitting there going, I can see that. Yeah. I can see that. He was real jacked up. Yeah. Hey, for people watching, I know I saw you do some, um,

Some like testimony stuff on a set one night. Where could they find that? If people want to go watch, you talk about that stuff. My testimony? Yeah, just, you know, getting sober and stuff. I mean, we make a lot of jokes, but there are people that listen that are struggling with alcohol and it's like they may want to... Do we have just a couple minutes?

Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, or just where they could... They can watch it in about 15 minutes, I think, when I go out there. I think I'm going to do it. I've started doing that. But do you have a spot where it's at online? No. You go to renocallyourcomedy.com. Well, we'll record it tonight. Yeah. You know what? If we're going to record, then I'll do it. It's all God. Yeah. It's all God. And I was a train wreck and...

And I let it go way too long. And I don't care if people think I'm nuts. You know Keith Alberstadt? Yeah. So Keith and I, years ago, were working up in South Bend, Indiana. I was like 25 or 26 years old. And we're walking around, and there was a huge cathedral church at Notre Dame. The Basilica. The Basilica. You're about to offend Aaron. No, he's told me this story. Yeah. So I'm like, dude, I'm going to go in there. And Keith's still walking around. I go in, and I'm like, I haven't prayed in forever.

So I go over and I get in a kneeler and there may have been two other people. There's nobody in there. I get down in the hour and I, and I just closed my eyes. And I, before I say anything, I have this overwhelming, like, like this feeling. I don't care if people think I'm crazy. I know what happened. And I had this overwhelming feeling of Reno. You've got to stop drinking. You're going to destroy yourself. Right. Right.

And I got goosebumps right now talking about it. And it wigged me out, man. Like I was sitting there and by the time I got from the kneeler to the back of the church, I convinced myself that I was crazy. It was drugs and alcohol and this didn't really happen. And it was all this and that. And I was drinking two hours later. Guess what? 25 years ago, after not listening to God, I ended up in hell and it was all my own doing.

And, you know, people can say whatever they want about it. It is, and I'm unapologetic about it now. I will talk about Jesus to anybody, anytime. I feel like it like this. If I find something that saved my life, it would be pretty selfish for me not to share it with somebody else and it might help them out. You know what I mean? Not to mention the fact I want to get up to heaven and have Jesus go, hey, dude, I'm

First 45 years were a dumpster fire. But I love what you did at the end. Turned it around. Turned it around. Well, I'm the same way. I like to joke about it. I love to joke about this stuff. But I don't do these things anymore. And it's like, yeah, and my life is so much better that I don't. 100%. My life immediately got better when I quit drinking.

In my adult life, I don't have a lot of money. I have never been happier in my life than I am right this moment. Yeah. Like I never have. I chased fame and all that stuff, and it was empty for me. I know a lot of people. And then if the show doesn't go well, you go, oh, I'm sad again. Well, no.

No, I really don't care. No, no. That's how comedy is. Yeah. Well, in your shows, but not mine. But tonight I'll just be working on my hour. I hope everybody enjoys it. Dude, I can't tell you how much I love being with you guys. I haven't seen you in so long. It's been a while, man. Yeah. It's fun, man. I'm not working on my hour, by the way. I'm building a new one now, guys. Building's a nice word.

Before the theater show. I didn't hear the last few things you said, but Dollar Tree is based in Virginia. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry, Brian. I was talking about our Lord and Savior. Go ahead. All right. All right. Let's see. Now we promote our upcoming shows. Yeah. So April 5th, I'm in Columbia, Tennessee at the Packard Playhouse. I'm...

April 11th and 12th, Detroit House of Comedy. April 26th, West Bend, Wisconsin at the Bend Theater. I'm a theater comic now. Right on. So...

So anyway, yeah, those are some of the upcoming dates. Cool. I'm going to be at the Boston Garden. If you really want to see where I am, just go to LarryTheCableGuy.com. Oh, come on. Yeah, come on. No, I'm not kidding. Like I finished up. I did a bunch of shows in Michigan and all that stuff. I haven't been out with him in like a year and a half. Oh, yeah. And I can't freaking wait.

wait it's gonna be like a reunion type thing i want to hang with you guys dude anytime i'll tell you i just want to tell you one more thing real quick can i say this real quick so we were talking about sobriety here's something that's stuck in my head here we go here's the type of dude that he is cable guy and i were on a flight one night coming back from a show and i was hammered drunk i was sitting there and he's paying for the jet it's his thing and he looks at me and he goes dude are you having fun and i go yeah man are you kidding me he goes good

Because all these towns we go to that you get hammered with all these people, they don't care about you at all. And when you're dying, it's going to be me, my wife, and your mom and your kids watching you die. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate that.

Dude, that stuck because I was. You want to tell us how much you appreciate that he said that. He didn't say that to you. No, he said that to me. He said, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate that. Yeah, he was obviously joking. Okay. No, he was kidding, but that stuck in my head. So we've been through this weird relationship through the years. We competed forever, and I'm like, dude –

You won. I'm on your bus. You're you want, but we still compete and everything, but going back on the road with him, it's not just laughing. It's not just goofing off. I love him. I love his family. I love how he is and what he does. The great guy. I only met him once, but he's a great guy. Yeah. I met him once. I thought,

You did? That was quiet? Dude, I love that. I met him one time. We did a show together, and then we had a cigar after, and it was like talking to someone I had known forever. I mean, he's such a genuine guy. Get into the Bible with him. Yeah, I did a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I wish I was there for that. That would have been good. NIV or what? Of course not. The correct one? Come on.

Come on. Where are you going? What do you got? You got all the- Yeah, we're going to Spartanburg, Wilmington. I don't know. Kazi's? Not Kazi's. I only do big places when I'm with other people. Yeah. We're going all over, man. If you go to RenoCallYourComedy.com and you want to get this book, but if you don't, the whole schedule's on there, and I'd love to see you come out and say hi. Yeah, man.

And this weekend, Aaron Weber here. This weekend, I'm in Chicago, Illinois at Zany's Chicago. Five shows. It looks like they're all going to sell out. So just go grab tickets while you can. Come see me at Zany's. Then I got a bunch of stuff coming up summer and the fall. One I'll plug right now since we mentioned it, South Bend, Indiana. For the first time since I opened for Dusty there, I will be doing stand-up comedy in South Bend, Indiana at the end of May. All right.

Something of a homecoming show for me. So I hope if you live in the area, South Bend, Indiana, come on out and see me at the end of May. I hope Concrete comes to see you. Remember that guy? Yeah. We had a guy fresh out of prison named Concrete. Yeah. He sat in the front row of the show. And then at one point he got up and left. And Dusty goes, Concrete, we need you. You're the foundation of the show. One of my proudest lines. Yeah. It's a great line. It didn't get what it deserved. No, but it was a good line.

This weekend, I'm in Virginia Beach at the Funny Bone because I want to be there. I enjoy the club. And then next weekend, I'm going to do two shows at the Opry. I'm going to do... Are you really? I am. You're going to visit my parents too? Anything else you want to dig me for?

This has been great. I've had a ton of fun. I love seeing you guys. Sorry, my palms are sweaty. I got to pee so bad. Let's wrap it up. All right. That is it. It was a lot of fun. Reno, thank you again. Thank you, Brian. It's good to see you guys. Anything else? No, I want to hear you sign out. All right. We love you guys. See you next week. Bye.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.