247: #247 Coffee featuring Steven Rogers
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All right. Hello, folks. And hey, bear. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. My name is Dusty Slay, and I'm here with my renowned co-host, Brian Bates. Okay. Aaron Weber. All right. And special guest and best friend, Steven Rogers. Hi.

You guys used all of them. I didn't know what. The obvious one I didn't want to do. We're having a good time. Yeah. I felt like that wasn't mine to tell. It was all solid. People get mad that I do Dusty's. Yeah. He's done it for so long that people are like, you're just doing this thing now. Yeah. They don't like it. No.

No. I had to switch words. What are you saying? I say, okay. Because he started doing all right. You started off all right. So I go, okay. Well, when I get to command in the beginning, I go. I take my word back. You keep trademarking routine phrases. I'm not going to be able to say anything. You're not allowed to wave. You're not allowed to say we're having a good time. Look, dude. And I can't stand. I can't put a hand behind my back. I can't wave. I can't do anything. You're like a little teapot when you do that. Yeah.

I used to say get her done all the time. Yeah. Before Larry. Yeah. Yeah, we all did. Just common. Just common phrases. That's what I like to do. I like to take all the regular things. I heard you started saying have a nice day. Yeah, I did. I actually told the first person that said we're having a nice day to say we're having a nice day.

All right. Well, listen, this is going to be a hot podcast. Nate is in Europe. Nate is in Europe, so they say. If you're a peep, it exists. We're not sure. We're not sure. Yeah. And we're all excited to be here. The Nashville Comedy Fest is going on. I'm wearing that last year's hat. Aaron has the updated version, 2025. Oh, yeah.

We're very excited about it. It's in full swing as this podcast is coming out. There's a lot going on. A lot of big podcasts have been using this studio. Yeah. And Stephen Rogers, our guest, has a new special out on Nateland called Stephen Rogers, Half of We. It's not out yet.

It's not out yet. When's it come out, Steven? It comes out this Friday. Okay. Yeah, that's all right. April 11th. But get in there early. It'll be in full swing. Yes. I wanted to say it. Yeah. That is a thing I say, though. All right, I can't say it anymore. You're taking all the bumper stickers off.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I don't know. Save up. Yeah, there we go. Save up. Yeah. There's that. So tell us about the special. You taped it where? I taped it at the comedy fort in Fort Collins, Colorado. Really fun, uh, club. Uh, good time. Uh,

I've never been, but David Rodriguez, friend of mine. Very nice guy. Killer comic. Yes. Very nice guy. Runs an amazing room. Yes. Any room that's created by comics or people that know comedy really well, it's one of those rooms. It's either the worst or it's great. That's true. Yeah. It's one of the good ones. It's a beautiful room. They have this stool that is from a chopped down tree, so it's this thick.

Oh, that's like a stump. Yeah, it's like a stump stool. I like that. Like a thick stool. Yeah. Like the giving tree. I love a thick stool, yeah. I can't say that anymore. It's another thing. You ever read The Giving Tree? Remember that book? Yes. I know about it. And then at the end, he's, okay. Oh, all right.

I don't know it, so I don't get the joke. This guy knows about a lot of books. I think it's Shel Silverstein. I mean, this book has maybe 18 words total in it. Yes. Maybe I have read it. But it's about a... You probably read it to your kids. I bet you didn't finish it. You're like, there's more than nine?

Shel Silverstein's great, though. Yeah, it's about a tree, and he just gives everything to this kid. He's like, take the apples from the tree, eat. And then the kid's like, I need shelter. He's like, take my leaves. And then he needs a boat, so he's like, cut me down and make a boat. And then at the end, he's just a stump. Yeah, yeah. And by now, the boy's an old man. Yeah. And he comes to the tree, and the tree says –

I got somewhere for you to sit. So he just sits on the stump of this tree. That's beautiful. I don't think the leaves are a good show. What'd you say? I'm the giving tree with my ex. Give her everything. Anyways, half a wee. Listen, I, yeah, I mean, I'm with you. I'm with you.

A lot happening with Nate Land. A lot happening. We had the Ryman show last night that I did. It went great. I got a standing O. Wow. It was awesome. Yep. And they were going to the bathroom after you said that. Aaron hosted and they still said more, more. A lot of them left after they were like, oh, he's done. And they just left. Yeah. They didn't want to see Ryan Hamilton. They didn't want to see Derek Struve. Oh, okay. I get what you're saying now. We're talking about a show that.

It has happened as of this podcast. Has yet to, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, okay. Okay. Well, I've got to say an Elevation on Dusty show. Tasty nights. Well, we all know that's not true. Let's get into the comments. Yeah, I guess you're right. Too far. Yeah, too far. Too far. It has to have some grain of belief. Have you ever got a standing of... I don't know if I've ever had a standing... I got a...

partial one at the Opry once. And by partial, I mean like... People get up to leave? He already made the joke, Brian. Come on now, dude. I'm sorry. I say like 30 people stood up and I was like, that counts as standing up. This is what I say about standing ovations.

I feel like that you, people that are getting a lot of standing ovations, they say, all right, thank you, have a good night, and then they keep standing there. Oh, yeah. That's the key. See, I don't do that. Right. The moment I say, thank you, have a good night, I'm out of there. I'm not looking. I don't want a standing ovation. I'm not trying to get them. Okay? Yeah. But people that get a lot of them, they go, thank you, and then they just, oh, they bow

And they just keep going and they go, oh, I've had such a great time. Thank you, Cleveland. Yes. Yes. When I get one, I'm going like, thank you, everybody. Thank you. Yeah. And then I peek out until they all get up. I opened for a comedian who you've all heard of once. And they were talking about all the standing ovations that they'd been getting. And then it was exactly like you described. They just stood up there and waited. And then they came back in green room like,

Another standing O. Yeah. I was like, well, you stayed out there for five minutes. Yeah. How long was Nate up there? Come on, he's in Europe. Just tell us. Yeah. Well, I got a fake standing O, as I shared on this podcast. Oh, yeah. And then I got multiple fake standing Os after that, after sharing the story. That's great. The ones after are real. In a way, yeah.

I just think laughter is enough. I've asked enough of the audience. They bought a ticket. They've come to the show. Now they're laughing at the jokes. Do they really have to stand up for me in the end? Well, now they're going to know at the beginning. Now they're going to start standing up for you. That's fun. All right. Just you walking out. I'll accept. I'll accept the coming out standing out. That one's not. Yeah. Every now and then you'll see like a crazy pop in at the club and that we'll get something like that. And you're like, well, this is awesome. Yeah. Did you get a standing out on your special? No.

No, I don't think I've ever gotten anything close. The only thing I've gotten close to standing ovation is when I come out as the opener for them to do the encore. And they're already standing for that. It happens with Brian all the time.

You do a lot of encores? Brian Regan does an encore. So I'll come out and like, so he can grab like water or whatever. What does he do? Like his old jokes in the encore? Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes people yell. Classics. Yeah. Yeah. The names of old jokes and stuff, but I'll come out and there'll be standing up there and I'll be like, sometimes I'm standing there going, this is the closest I'll get. So I'm going to, this is pretty nice. Just enjoy it. Yeah. You did a dry bar though, right? Yeah. Did you get one for that? No. No. No.

I told them ahead of time to stay seated just to prevent it. That's the humble professional thing to do. I think they deliberately told you that everybody gets standing ovations just to hurt your feelings. Wait, is that a thing? I watched it.

No, not everyone gets one. They used to. I think I maybe stopped it. It got watered down over time. I did mine right in the pandemic. Even the dry bar people were like, ah, we can't keep standing. Yeah. Ryan's getting them.

I just went back out there after the show and stood and had them. I mean, seriously, I've shared that story before. They're like, we're nice Mormon people here, but we can only take so much. If you look close enough at my standing ovations, it's actually just me edited in at every seat. Yeah. Yeah.

What were y'all doing this weekend? Well, you know what? This weekend, I'll talk about last weekend too because I was gone. I went to Virginia Beach to the Funny Bone. Great shows. A lot of fun. Me and my buddy Derek Humphrey, a lot of fun. I got sick and just a regular cold. It was fine. I feel like every time you get sick, people think now that you have COVID, but it was nice because I feel like that's done in my life. And I got sick and I didn't have a fear of death.

I just said, you know what? I have my throat hurts. Yeah. And then that passed. And then I felt like I had a fever one night. And then I took some mullein extract or mullein, depending on how you pronounce it. And it's supposed to help detox your lungs. Okay. Then I started coughing. Started coughing up a lot of stuff. And now I feel like I'm mostly well.

And it feels good. I'm no longer contagious. Did you take a COVID test? I don't believe in contagion. No. Well, then... I knew the answer, but then...

You probably had COVID. Yeah, I mean. How can you prove you didn't? Listen, they're selling flu. They test out. It says flu and COVID test, proving they never knew the difference. They never knew the difference. It doesn't tell you which one it is if it's positive? I don't know. Dusty doesn't even use a Q-tip on his ears. They're like, I don't know. The machine's like, how do you feel? Yeah.

I'm just glad I'm sitting on the opposite of you. Nah, I feel good about it. This is the direction I'm going. That's true. I asked for Steve to come on just to have some more. That's right. I get into stuff. I don't even know if I believe in the whole contagion thing anymore. I mean, I feel like... Like movie? Well, yeah. I mean, just in general. I don't know that I believe that if you're sick and you're hanging out with someone else, you can get them sick. You don't believe that things are contagious? I don't know if I believe it.

I'm not saying I don't, but I'm saying I don't know if I do. Yeah. What about when you're hanging out with someone that had the same thing that you feel later? I don't know. I think it's coincidence. Coincidence, yeah. Jesse's going the wrong direction. Kid gets sick at school, comes home, the whole family gets sick. Coincidence? Well, I don't know. I'd have to see it. These are hypothetical. Okay. But they're really real. There are things that happen a lot. That's hypothetical. That's all right.

Because you're already living with that person, so we're assuming the kid got sick at school. Sure. But maybe it was sick. It could be in the house. We're already sick. It could be in the house. Yeah. Right. It could be your diet, your bad air in the house. Okay. You're showering in a lot of chlorinated water. Our water has all this. That's okay. Our water is simply everything that we do.

Everything that we use water for goes into this thing. And then it goes into this water filtration plant. So all our water, our toilet water, our sink water, our dishwasher water, our washing machine, rainwater, it all goes to this thing. And then we filter it out and then put it back in and now we're drinking that. And that's gross. Yeah. And so that's probably making us all sick. What about if you have a Brita?

Well, I think Brita's does something, but I think it's one of the weaker ones. What you want is like a Berkey. Berkey. Berkey. Well, how do you think you got sick this weekend other than being exposed to it? Probably bodily abuse, travel, a lot of- So your body just- My body's like, you need to take a break. Created a virus. My body's like, you need to take a break. You need to detox a little bit.

So I'm going to work some of these things out. Just a message from your body. Yeah. Your body is saying, hey, enough is enough. Right. You're going to take a week off, and I'm going to extract some of these things. Yeah. That is fun to think about, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, you picked up a disease. Ha, ha, ha.

And that's how you got sick. Not a disease, but... Yeah, not necessarily a disease, but you picked up something. Stress is a big one, too. Stress. Just a random stress cold. But you don't get stressed. A virus. Do you get stressed? I'm constantly stressed. Are you really? I believe that. I can't imagine you pacing. Well, I don't handle it that way, I don't think. Just fetal position on the ground? It's in my stomach and in my shoulders. Oh, okay. If you're talking gut health. That's where it all lives. Yeah. I have two small kids.

And I travel for work, and I got a lot of things going on. I get stressed. I believe it's a – I can see you getting stress sick a lot. I get emails for my ticket sales for upcoming shows, which is – I don't need this. No. I don't need this info. No. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I've already done radio. I do a pretty popular podcast. I'm doing other podcasts. I'm making Facebook posts. I'm paying a social media team. A lot goes on. There's nothing more I can do about the sales. I don't see how we get sick.

I told him to stop including the walkout potential on these advances. I don't need to see it. It's only making me feel bad. I agree. I was about to check a bag recently just so I could load my merch, and then they sent me the ticket count. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to carry on. Yeah.

I don't even need to go. Yeah. I don't need that much merch. Three shirts. That's great. We're wearing one of them. And I do a podcast with a guy that can't stop selling out shows no matter how big the venue gets. I know. So you're like, okay, well. He just added a ninth show at Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Are you serious? No, I don't know. I think he's doing a lot. I think he's doing two or three. Yeah, I think three. It's crazy.

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With Chubbies. Where were you this weekend? This weekend, I did the Grand Ole Opry two times. I was at home, but I did two sets at the Grand Ole Opry. Ticket sales good? They were very good this weekend. Had nothing to do with me because the Opry, I love them, and I think they love me, but they never put me on the sign out there. Have you never been on the sign? I was on the sign once, but I asked about it. Okay.

They put me on the sign. He was getting stressed. Brian's first time they put him on the sign. I don't know if it was the first time, but I've been on there. I've been on the sign too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't done it. They put me up. As I was leaving the Opry, I saw John Christus on the sign for his coming up show. Wow, John's great. Yeah. So...

I saw a picture of you at the Opry. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you have that. I don't know. You mentioned showing it on there, but I wanted to demonstrate. My face gets red. We all know that my face is probably red right now. Did you post this on Instagram, this picture? Yeah. That we're talking about? Yeah, it gets red, but it's my latest post there. I can tell you the internet at Zany's is...

Yeah. Atrocious. But I wanted to, because, you know, we used to, we had that video. Look at this, though. Wow. See, on the screen versus my body down here. See, it looks like I'm on the face of the sun. I don't know if I see. I think this is one of those optical illusions where it's actually the same color. I thought it was a Cheetos ad. No, it's not the same color.

I mean, I don't think it's as drastic as you'd like it to be. It's pretty drastic. I mean, you look pretty red. You're talking about the bottom, right, where you look really red? Oh, okay.

This is another stress for me. Um, but look at that. I mean, you can see a stark difference. I like that. There's like a, maybe a half second delay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would have guessed his hands going down, but it's apparently going up. Caught you mid wave. Yeah. That's you saying, have a nice day. Yeah. Okay. Be safe. So, but that was good. There were fun shows. Um,

I love the opera. Yeah, it's great. I love doing the opera. I had hot shows. Had the family come out. That's awesome. They have to sit on the stage there for a little bit. You don't have to, but you get to. Yeah. Yeah. That's my daughter pointing. Oh, that's awesome. See, I'm out there. You can see me out there. Her face was red too. She's going, dad's bombing. Yeah. That's great. That was good. That's awesome.

That was a good time. What about you, Brian? What did you get into? You skipping yourself? Well, don't we usually go this way? Yeah, but he started it. Yeah, but he's running the... Okay. Fair enough. But he should have asked me. If you don't want to talk about your weekend, you don't have to. Pass it to the left here. Pass it to the left. He shouldn't have even brought up his. That's what I'm saying. It starts here and it goes this way. This is just what he does. You got to just deal with it. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

I'm running the podcast. He is. You know, the Nashville Comedy Festival. When I run it, I do whatever I want to do. Shut up, Dusty.

The National Comedy Festival is going on this week. In full swing, some might say. Yeah. And I get frustrated with all the industry types hanging out backstage. Why? They're great. So I decided to do a show in Columbia, Tennessee at the Packard Playhouse just to get away from it all. For the people. For the people. For the real people out there. Get away from the festival for a night. I think that's smart. And as you guys know, there's been like –

tornado threats every day the last week, I feel like. Flash floods. I was texting both of you guys in the middle of the night the other night, but... I got 14 texts in two days about a flash flood. It's like, take it easy, guys. Not all from Brian. From other people? Yeah. No, from the National Weather Service. Oh, you got it from the news? Yeah. No, not the news, probably. Probably Metro government, right? Mount Juliet police will text us every now and then. Yeah. That is true. Anyway...

I'm supposed to head down a tornado Saturday afternoon around five o'clock. Tornado Warner comes right through Nashville and it was pouring down the whole way down there. I'm like, why did I agree to take this stupid show? Nobody's going to be there. And I get there and it was sold out. Oh, packed out. Great show. A lot of, it was a shelter. Yeah. The given trick. Yeah.

People from off the street were coming in there just for safety. I'm doing standout. They're like, I'd rather risk the storm. No, it was a great show. A lot of folks came and just had a great time. So thanks for everybody who came. That's awesome. That's great. Yeah. That's all right, Steven. You're up.

This past weekend, I opened for Brian Regan in Charleston, Norfolk, and Charlestown, West Virginia. Oh, okay. That's where the camp town- So not Charleston, South Carolina? Charleston, South Carolina, then Norfolk, and then Charlestown. Where in Charleston, South Carolina? At the Music Hall. Okay. You meet Charles Cormady? I don't know. Yes, guys. How many of you guys are meeting Charles? Charles.

Come on.

Dusty gets real specific. It was a name I've never heard in my life. Are you saying Charleston? Charleston? I know that. West Virginia. There's a Charleston and a Charlestown? Apparently there's a Charleston, West Virginia, and a Charlestown, West Virginia. You were in Charlestown. I was in Charlestown. Not the capital of West Virginia. Not the capital of West Virginia. This is where a camp... What's the horse track?

It's in the Camp Town, ladies sing this song. Camp Town Races? Yeah, Camp Town Races. Do-da, do-da. Do-da, do-da. You know that one.

This Charlestown, two words. Charlestown. Charles space town. Yeah. West Virginia. Population 6,500, dude. Yeah. Wow. You had the whole town at the show. Pretty much. You probably had a third of the town at the show. The whole town was at the show. Yeah, really fun shows. My hotel room was facing the racetrack, so I just watched horses race all day. Wow. It was great. That's awesome.

That's cool. Living the life. How did they get Brian Regan? That's a great question. It was easy to get me. I don't know. I do like that that was the question, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but really fun, good shows. And went to this really great steakhouse place in Charleston, South Carolina. And at one point, you ever been to one of those steakhouses where the service is its own show? Oh, yeah. They came out with the meat. They show you what it's going to look like. Is it cut oak? No, I think it was all beef.

No, the name of it. The restaurant. Oh. Was your meat oak? Longhorn. What was it called? Did it have a little barky taste to it? They had an onion that like bloomed. It was crazy. You don't remember any of the names of any of these places. I have it in my phone, but I don't remember it. It's the big one. Charles Grill. Charles Grill and Seafood. I think it's Hall's or Paul's. Oh, Hall's Steakhouse. Hall's Steakhouse. How about that? We're talking about white gloves, like that fancy of a...

place. Very nice. And then at one point they all come at once when like you're like your entrees are ready. They all come as a team like Hall's Chophouse. It's slowly going to get longer. Yeah. But they all come at once and

and serve you all at once, like a Navy SEALs team. - They place the plate over your left, to your left, they come in from the left. - Yeah, yeah. - When I went to the country club, that was one of the things that ingrained in us. - And Brian's sitting next to me where you are, and Brian looks at me, he goes, "They have a team." - You should tell him what you used to do at the country club when you worked there. - I was the buffet guy. - What about with the fries?

Oh, no, that was at the nursing home. Okay. It's even worse. Wait, I want to pretend it's at a country club. One of my favorite stories. After school, in high school, I worked at a, or volunteered, I had to volunteer like 80 hours at this nursing home, and I would- Did you get DUI? I would do- I don't think I knew that part. Yeah.

Community service. My high school, you had to have 80 service hours to go to the next grade to graduate. That's what they told you. So me and a couple other guys from the high school, we worked at a nursing home and I would...

You know, you work, you help out how you can. I would do dishes. Okay. And it was after school. I was hungry. I would eat food off the plate all the time. Plates that people bring back to the back. Yeah, that the nursing home residents are eating. And every now and then, like French fries, you just go, obviously, I'm going to grab a French fry. And one day I was eating a French fry and a nurse walked in and goes, oh, honey, no. And I said, what's wrong? She says, some of our residents will suck the salt off the French fry. Okay.

and put it back on the plate. And I'd eaten... Dude, I'd eaten maybe 500 French fries.

Oh my God. I stopped eating those. He cut back at least. Oh my God. You see why it needs to be at a nursing home and not a country club? It's much different. It's much different. How'd you hit him today? No, dude, we would get dudes, the gentleman's card room downstairs where all these old men would plague off and then they'd go and they'd get a steak. Yeah. And they would eat the whole steak and then send it back and say it was cooked wrong. Oh.

Oh, yeah. I mean, the stuff that was said about these guys in the kitchen was so great. Yeah. I mean, they're like, oh, he always does that. Does he get anything for doing that? Like he gets money back? You void it off their account. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, you ate the whole thing. That happened at, I mean, this is a much smaller scale, but I worked at a grocery store. I worked at the service desk and people would return food, said they didn't like it, but they'd give me an empty wrapper to scan it to return their money. I'm like, well, you ate it all.

When did you realize you didn't like it? It's like you made a mistake. And you also shouldn't get money back just because you didn't like it. No, you should not. It's like, was it not good or did you not like it? I don't give audiences money back. Yeah, exactly. Because it's like, yeah, there's preference. You can not like it. Right. But was it not good? Exactly. It's two separate things. I did a weekend at the Huntsville Club where all weekend they advertised it as –

laugh or your money back no oh gosh yeah it was me uh dale jones was the headliner and i hosted you talk about pressure dude yeah i'm like well even if dale jones does great which you know he will they could be like well the host stunk yeah i want my money back we did not get a single person request their money back oh that's amazing it's pretty great look at this disclaimer at the bottom of the screen for the show i'm about to do

This is, give this context, Bri, for people listening. This is for the Ben Theater in Wisconsin. Yeah, this is coming up April 26th at the Ben Theater. It's a great theater. It's awesome. Yeah. You're going to love it. And then I see them post this. Wow. And then I'm like, oh, what's that at the bottom with the asterisk? Comedy disclaimer, comedy is subjective. Ha ha ha.

All ticket sales are final. This show will have two feature openers before the headline. They're like, don't try to get your money back. We got to get out ahead of this one. They're like, we've seen the tape. That should be the name of a tour. That's kind of subjective. The all ticket sales are final tour.

Oh, that's so great. Yeah. Okay. So what about you, Aaron? I was off this weekend, but I filled in real quick Mark Norman at the Ryman. I got to open for him. Oh, that's awesome. It was great. Mark Norman.

All right. Hey. Got me. So, yeah, nice fill-in, huh? Yeah, I mean, it just worked out. I was in town. I know Mark a little bit, but I got to go down there. That's the hard thing about being booked all the time, you know? You never get any of those fill-in spots. I know. I know. It was nice. Yeah, they reached out to me and Dusty.

I was at the Packer Playhouse. On Thursday? No. I was open Thursday too. I was supposed to do some thing on CNN this weekend. They canceled on that. It was supposed to be on CNN. What were you going to do? I don't know. I honestly could not tell you. Were you the victim of a crime? No, they have a show, like a

panel show on CNN. Anyway, it fell through. So I was in town and I got to open for Mark. Fiona Colley, who's a national comic, she did the show too. It's great. Dude, that's like a perfect venue. It's the, it's very nice. The Ryman is, I love it. Were you gonna go to Atlanta to do the CNN show? New York City. Oh, wow. Excuse me. Yeah, the real CNN, dude.

Wow. Oh, isn't it headquartered in Atlanta? I thought so. I couldn't tell you. Anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I got to do that. And that's been pretty much it. Just been kicking it here at home, man. Excited to get into it. Get into these comments. What do you think? I'm pumped. Oh, can I mention one more thing? No.

Well, two more things. Do you want to do the news? Nah, you go ahead and do the news. I really like friends that go after each other. They're not friends. I can't wait to have some one day. Alright.

Keep open. All right. See what I'm, my shirt here. Oh yeah. The Nate land merch has dropped now available at natebargatzee.com. Just click shop at the top. Turf land. This, this awesome hoodie is,

And a fun golf shirt. I don't have the golf shirt. We got the golf shirt pulled up right there. The Nate Vargasi Golf Club. Nice. Yeah. There's Nate there on the car. I think that's Nate. Yeah, it is. Other items will be getting dropped, so make sure to check that out. He's got a mustache. He's just got kind of a five o'clock shadow. Yeah. And he does have a mustache a little bit sometimes.

So it's not a good shirt, but I'm joking. It's a good looking shirt. And a Nateland hat right down here. How about that? That's great. Get your merch. Nateland. We have two other great podcasts. The Consumers every Tuesday. Don't Make Me Come Back There every Thursday. I did both of those last week. Oh, did you? Great pods. Yeah, great pods. Final episode. Who knows when it'll be out, but...

Two fun podcasts and... Oh, boy. Brian's pulling something out from under the tip. Look at that. Whoa. Can you guys see this? Yeah.

Describe it for the listening audience. Well, I can't see it, so... It's bedazzled. It looks like bedazzled. The one person who can't see it. Picture of the Nate Land podcast. It's got our pictures on there. Did a very good job. Yeah, made with beads on it. Made with beads. I don't know what it's made out of. Well, all right. This is from Erica and Kathy Kessner. Kessner's.

Yeah, the Kessners. And they're huge Dateland fans. They've seen us all in Columbus. Oh, wow. And she said, our show has been blessings in our lives. Much laughter shared with the family. This is a hobby of hers. Diamond art. Oh. She had this custom designed to do for us. And she hopes we enjoy it. Break that thing open. Let's split those diamonds. That's right.

Nate will never know. That's so cool. That's awesome. That's awesome. That really, I mean, we've got to hang that up in here. Let's take down that Stephen Rogers. Yeah, no, no, no. There's other stuff you can take down. Yeah, the Washington sketch is played out by this point. Like, we get it. It's like, yeah, the thing isn't what it is. Really great premise for a sketch. We get it. We get it. Thank you for that, the Kessners. That's really, really cool. The Kessners. Yeah. Shout out.

Okay, let's get into some comments. Comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and Nateland at NateBargazzi.com. Yeah, most of them come from YouTube and Nateland at NateBargazzi.com. Okay.

Dr. Jason Hunnell. Here we go. Aaron feeling exhausted from six shows in one weekend makes scientific sense. What are you talking about? I'm a neurologist. Finally. 30 minutes of public speaking can be as mentally exhausting as an eight-hour workday. Wow. Whoa.

And I do an hour 20 sometimes. Yeah, you work a 40-hour workday. Public speaking demands significant cognitive resources, including language processing, emotional regulation, and quick decision-making.

The mental fatigue that follows is similar to the exhaustion from a full work day. That is huge. I had no idea. Do you like how I read that one? Do you guys like how I read that one? You read it like a doctor. Yes. Yeah. A hint of condescension. Yeah. You know what? You started off sarcastic and you're like, I kind of agree with this guy. You know what though? You're right about it. When this guy started off and he said, make scientific sense, I wanted to throw the papers in the air. Yeah.

But as he went on, I go, you know what? This guy's making sense now. This is a doctor I can get on board with. This is something I would want hanging in my room and point to if anyone were like, what's with you today? You just point at that. Yeah. I'm doing emotional regulation. Yeah, look at this. Think about this, though. Think about this. If you do six one-hour shows, let's say five and make it easy, one-hour shows, and each –

30 minutes is an eight hour workday. So that's 80 hour, 10 days. That's two weeks that you worked in a weekend. But it is wild though, after a show, like thinking about meet and greets, it's like, sometimes I come off stage and I'm just like, I am so tired and it doesn't make sense that I'm so tired. But for sure, like,

You know, you do it an hour, hour 20 sometimes, and it's a lot. Yeah. With the meet and greet being its own second show in a way. Yeah. Because you're nonstop talking. They're fun to do, but it is another show. It can be more work sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.

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Today. That's rocketmoney.com slash Nate. Rocketmoney.com slash Nate. Today or tomorrow. Whatever day you want to do it. Better today. Better today. Better today. Do not put off till tomorrow what could be done today. Early bird gets the rocket money. Rocket money. And the second mouse also gets the rocket money. All right. Sean Nielsen. Oh, Nielsen. Last week we talked about baseball, by the way. Okay. Yeah.

Glad I missed that one. That's why we did it. The biggest barrier to baseball reclaiming, retaining, it's crowning. I was so curious how you were going to address the slash there. And you just ignored it.

The biggest barrier to baseball reclaiming slash retaining its crown as America's pastime is TV availability. Only the big, big teams are usually on ESPN or Fox or whatever. And even if you buy a season ticket on MLB TV or something, games can still be blacked out. It's a real chore to watch baseball.

I'm going to have to agree with this. My dad was up. I got rid of cable. My dad came up. My dad's a huge Braves fan. And I was like, I'm going to find you the Braves. I'll be able to find you the Braves. And I downloaded all of the, I was getting different apps, this app, then this app, then this app. And you could not get the Braves. On all the apps, it would even show the Braves game and it would be blocked off. Yeah, it's hard. And it's like, come on, guys. Let us watch the game. It's 182 of these things.

It is crazy. In Nashville, we're blacked out from the Cincinnati Reds.

And the Atlanta Braves, which is so frustrating. They do have, you can get FanDuel Sports Network. You can watch Braves games now. But that's another subscription fee. It's another add-on that you have to do. It's like $20 a month to watch it. But you can get the Braves games now. But it is incredibly frustrating. Imagine if Steven Special coming out this week, he was like, well, you have to be in the Seattle area to watch it. Right. Otherwise, you have to come see him live. Yeah, you can watch it anywhere. Yeah, April 11th.

I'm going to try to tie every comment into your special, Steven. Wouldn't it be great if each team had its own app?

It would be great. I think it would be great. Or maybe just the MLB should have an app like they do, and you can watch every game on it. Right. Yeah. But obviously that's not something they're going to do. I could not find the Raves games. I mean, it was like, I was like, I can do this. I'll show you how to set it up. I mean, this has been a crusade of mine for a while. I'll let you know. All right. Anna Harvey.

I can't believe you talked about baseball movies without mentioning Angels in the Outfield or Sandlot. Really? I don't even know how baseball works, but I know that's from the heart.

But I know those movies are essential to baseball movie conversations. But otherwise, great episode. Yeah. I'm with Anna. I thought I mentioned The Sandlot. Oh, you did? We might have talked about it. I think I maybe said, do you play like a girl or something? Yeah, you play ball like a girl. We've talked about Sandlot several times. And they did The Sandlot 2 that had girls on the team. Oh, really? Yeah. I do like baseball movies. Yeah. I think my favorite...

I don't know. I mean, like, um, uh, Kevin Costner has three movies and one of them is where he throws the perfect game. That's a really good one. Yeah. A major league is my favorite comedy. Yeah. Baseball movie. Major league rules. Yeah. Um,

Rookie of the Year was a really good one. Rookie of the Year is fun. The Rookie. You ever watch The Rookie? I don't think so. With Dennis Quaid. I don't think so. I like Dennis Quaid, though. It's actually a good movie. Okay. You think it's going to... I watched it recently. I thought it was going to be like a kid's movie where I go, it's kind of fun to revisit, but it stands alone. It's a good movie in and of itself, I think. I'm just throwing it out there. That's my opinion. I haven't seen it. There was a scene in...

You ever see trailers for movies and they'll have a funny scene and then it's not in the actual money movie? Major League, which came out when I think I was a senior in high school, there was a scene where somebody hits a home run off, I think, Charlie Sheen. And then I think the catcher, Tom Berringer's character, says, you know, that ball would have been out of some parks. And he's like, name one. He says, Yellowstone.

It's a good joke. You know, as kids, we thought that's the funniest thing ever. And then you'll see the movie and it's not in the movie. Wow. That's a great joke. Yeah. I've never seen that joke. I didn't see the trailer. Yeah. The flip side of that is you watch the trailer and it shows basically the whole movie and you're like, I don't need to even watch the movie anymore. Yes, see that too. There used to be a lot more of that. There used to be, you know, the inner world. Oh, I miss that. They haven't done that in forever. I can't remember the last time I saw a trailer like that. Pablo Francisco ruined that. Yeah. Yeah. Little Tortilla Boy. Yeah. Yeah.

That's really good. Thanks, dude. Yeah, he's good. Aaron Francisco is what they call him. Mike Sellers. Mike Sellers seems like a relief pitcher. Mike Sellers. Yeah, yeah, left-handed. Bring in Sellers. Yeah, I'm with you, Dusty. After pitchers have made two pickoff attempts, they are still allowed to make a third attempt, but that third attempt must successfully get the runner out or he automatically advances to second base.

But this option to throw a third time does keep the runner from taking as large of a lead as he wants after two unsuccessful pickoff attempts. Let's get it out. We talked about this last week, and I did not know that. Henry said, well, after two pickoff attempts, you can get as far as you want. And I said, yeah. In the moment, I thought, that seems crazy, but I'm glad to know this. I'm sure you probably did know that, didn't you, Aaron? Yeah.

I don't know if I could have worded it that exact. You don't see that happen that often. So I don't know if I had thought about it. That makes sense. Mm-hmm.

This is good. Mike Sellers, you know, obviously knows a lot about baseball. He very well may be a player. Yeah, that was very informational. I had no idea. Oh, we got a comedian in the next comment. Brian Hamilton. Oh, yeah. From Bride-A-Ho. Frappy face. Talking about using robots for balls and strikes and... Okay.

You gave it all for the first part of that sentence. Yeah, yeah. And you realize you have a whole other part of it. You would have thought that would have been bolded and underlined on our- Balance it out, Dusty. It's not in caps. Talking about using robots for balls and strikes, and all of you agreeing against it was surprising. Agreeing against it. That's confusing. It's an interesting wording. You got to admit that's confusing. I would encourage you to look at game-changing blown calls.

While umps might be better all around calling balls and strikes, I believe those game-changing calls are still wildly abundant. Mm-hmm.

This guy, this guy worked hard on that. Yeah, he sure did, dude. He probably, somebody in his life, he goes, hey, you mind reading through this real quick? I'm not sure it's saying what I want it to say. I don't think when I have umps here that he's going to really hit it, right? He won't hit it. I want him to really land on umps, give it a beat. Well, umps, I like that. What's the worst call, Aaron, in baseball history? It's got to be...

James Joyce, that's the name of the ump, calling the batter safe at first for Galarraga's perfect game. It's crazy. Last out of the game. Wow. You guys thought it was a perfect game. The last out, it would have been a perfect game, which is so rare. And he called him safe. And then it was the most obvious. If you look at it, it's the most obvious out of all time. Wow. The ump felt so bad about it.

He cried. Wow. And the next game, they had a moment of forgiveness between the two of them at home plate. Oh, that's cool. It ended up being kind of a nice moment. Well, he felt horrible because he robbed this kid of a once-in-a-lifetime. Yeah, but you don't get to just feel bad about that. You did. You robbed him of a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Well, what else could he have done? You leaned to out. I see.

I say you lean to out. You don't make the call too quick and you lean to out. If the stakes are I'm blowing this guy's perfect game or this guy on a team that couldn't get a hit the whole game gets a hit now. Here's the play right here. Standing of it. Here's the routine play. He's at first.

No way. Yeah, see that guy. Called him safe. Wow. Look at the pitcher's reaction. He's like, you got to be kidding me, dude. Everybody's. That was one out away from a good game. You just got to go out. You better off being wrong in that than, you know. It's like you just ought to retire. Wow. Can they not switch it right here? This is before there was any kind of replay. Now they could, right? So now they could challenge it and this would get overturned. Yeah, that's the best argument for doing it.

I mean, he's so out. Yeah. He's so out. And he's got a pretty great view of it right there. Yeah. The fact that I even remember the ump's name is crazy. That's how big of a thing... That's the biggest story I can remember of a blown call. Well, and Don Dinkinger in the World Series... That makes me upset. I don't know if I can keep doing the podcast. Why don't you like the... Why don't you like the moment of forgiveness? Yeah. Well, because...

You just ruined this guy's once. This guy now would have gotten to say, I threw a perfect game one time. Right. Instead, he can't. And he goes, I almost had a perfect game, but this guy that I had to forgive the next day ruined. Yeah. Here's the moment. We got the ump right here getting emotional. The crowd's booing him, but then the pitcher comes out, delivers the lineup card, and they have a moment. I mean, I like that this guy forgave him.

Yeah, he's a bigger man than you are. Wow. But, no, that guy should – it's just like in that moment, you got to be better than that. You got to be like – Sure. I don't think anybody's – You take a minute and you go, am I about to ruin a perfect game on a close call? Let me just call him out. But you can't take a minute. He just made the wrong call, and he agrees with you it was a mistake. Call him out. Just call him out. Yeah. I think he agrees that he should have done that. Just call him out. He just made –

That's unbelievable. I wish I did not even know that happened. My life would be better off not knowing that happened. But let me counter this interesting thing to think about. If this guy, Galarraga, had thrown a perfect game, this is in 2010. Great name. He had thrown a perfect game. I don't know if I would have remembered that.

but I remember this, and I remember him. That's a good point, Aaron. And now he's this great example of sportsmanship and forgiveness, and in a way that could be more meaningful than a perfect game. I mean, for you. It's not actually for me. But for the pitcher. The pitcher would like that perfect game. Yeah, and the ump would like to not have that on his record too. Yeah, right. They go, were you a good ump? His grandkids are like, were you a good umpire?

Don't Google me. Yeah, for the most part. But I made, you know, maybe one of the worst calls. I made what Aaron Webber considers the worst blown call of all time. That is true. That's true. But I like this moment. I like this moment. When people hear my name, they have reactions. Yeah. So, yeah. He's the only umpire anybody knows their name. Yeah, he might be. Jeez. That's sad. Oh, there's older him.

Oh, yeah. I mean, reflecting on it. And you can tell he's over it. He's still crying about it. He should be. Man. I hope he doesn't listen to this podcast. Yeah.

Oh, just another nice day to listen to Nate Landry. I love those guys. I finally put all that behind me. You're having a good time. I'm all about forgiveness and stuff like that. But I just think in this moment, you're like, you're standing there. Except in baseball. You're the umpire. You're one batter away from what's this guy's perfect game. And then the call is close. You know the call's close. Yeah. You just go out. You go out.

And there have been 24 perfect games in the history of Major League Baseball. It is incredibly rare. You just go out. Yeah. You go out. Okay. That's a shame. I bet that guy...

I didn't mean to ruin your day, too. It's just, I... You need to set the rest of this out? I hate the whole, in sports, I hate bad calls. You'd rather robots just control us. Yes. In sports, yeah. And in life. That's how it starts. I'd like the robots to just play the sports and be the umpires. Yeah.

Joystick controller. Yeah. Just run simulations of these games. We don't need to see humans. Exactly. Austin Adams. One of my favorite Nate Lynn Easter eggs is that Aaron had a we're having a good time sticker on his old laptop early on in the pod. It was there all the way up until Dusty's first guest appearance. You notice as I got to know Dusty more, that sticker is gone. Yeah.

But I was repping early, Dave. Well, you were, you know, you no longer needed it once I was on the podcast. Exactly. That's fair. Yeah. We can't have, I mean, we already got so much Dusty stuff here in the studio. Yeah, man, it just flooded with Dusty stuff. I can't add a sticker. Dusty town. I had a Don't Make Me Come Back There sticker, too, before Nate Land absorbed it. Yeah. So how about that? I don't know if absorbs the right word. I think that's how Nate learned about both. Yeah. I have stickers. He's looking at your laptop.

Let me put one on. You got one on you right now? No, I don't. Well, there you go. That's the problem. These other guys are marketing themselves. I'm going to try the other half of Wee. See if they got a sticker. They do. Emily Hudson. That's an interesting way to spell Emily. Do you see it? Spell it out. E-M-A-L-I-E. It's almost like E-M-A-L-I. E-M-A-L-I. The Book of E-M-A-L-I. E-M-A-L-I. Something like that.

Maybe that is him a lot. I'm a lot here for a minute.

Can that be the clip? My husband was born and raised in Oklahoma, not too far from Tulsa. And he's living on Tulsa time. And he and his family and everyone in that area pronounced Tulsa more like Tulsa. Tulsa. So Alan Jackson might have actually been on to something when he rhymed salsa with Tulsa.

How about that? Wow. Where's Alan Jackson from? Is he from Oklahoma? Oh, he's from Georgia. Oh. Way down near on the Chattahoochee. Oh, okay. Where it gets... Gets hot. We don't need to specify how hot it gets. It gets hot, though. That's fun. Okay. Well, that's interesting, Emily. Tulsa. Tulsa salsa. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We learned something there. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Emily. Sorry, Alan Jackson. Apology. I'm Ollie. Yeah.

Yeah. It could be Amali. Amali? Somali. Somali. She could be from Somalia. Yeah. And that's an interesting pair, Oklahoma and Somalia. Yeah. Yeah, I was almost named Stu York. Yeah.

Aaron J. Stephen Rogers is not the only one who loves Alice Cooper. I never said he was. I did, actually. It's a week you weren't here, and I'm like, you know, Stephen's the only person who likes Alice Cooper. He's the only fan out there. Alice turns on Nate Land. Can't wait to listen to Nate Land. He's with James Joyce for some reason. They're hanging out.

When I first met my husband's family, he informed me that when his aunt had gotten divorced, rather than switch back to her maiden name, she legally changed her name to Debbie Alice Cooper. Fine. She goes by Debbie Alice.

That's great. Wow. Debbie went insane. Debbie, divorce ruined Debbie.

It can do that, man. Yes, it can. I imagine. Stephen thanked Alice Cooper in his credits in his special. It's the first person that's thanked. It's an alphabetical, but yeah, Alice is thanked. Did you see who Nick Thune dedicated a special to at the end? No. It said, dedicated to the guy at 7-Eleven by my house. And this is going to blow his mind.

That's just so funny. Yeah, that's great. That's really great. Now he goes to that 7-Eleven every day hoping that guy watched it. With the YouTube playing. Is Alice Cooper Welcome to My Nightmare? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. You like what he's doing? Yeah, I like some of his stuff. Yeah, he's great. Yeah. He's really good.

The Missing Link. Wow. This comment comes from The Missing Link. We found it. I am furious that Brian didn't get swim lessons from Dusty. That would be unbelievably funny content. I mean, that could be an entire series on Nateland. And the finale could be the legendary swim contest we've all been waiting for. I started reading thanks before I went for it. Thanks for the laughs, fellas.

Yeah, last time you were on, Steven, I think it's when I broke the news that I was taking swimming lessons. This guy's a former, what, college swimmer? Collegiate swimmer. I didn't go to college, but colleges wanted me to swim there. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't go to college either. Yeah, me too. Yeah, they wanted me to play football in college, but I'm like, oh, man. Yeah, dude, Alabama was like, come play quarterback. I was like, I'm going to do comedy instead.

Well, the place I was taking swimming lessons made national news this week because... People drowned. They had flooding. The pool flooded? The whole point, because of the storms here in Nashville. And Ruth said she was watching Today Show and they showed it like Boost Fitness Center on Today Show, like flooding. But the headline said, we opened a second pool. Now I can swim for free. Just stand outside the door. So yeah, I should have had Dusty.

Do my swim lessons. Still can. Are you swimming now? Well, not at the moment because they're flooded. I mean, are you? How far are you in? I took so late close for some renovations. And so I took some time off. I got to get back to it. Where did we end?

Me almost drowning. Let's say right now you get thrown off a cruise ship. What are your chances? I think we know. What are your chances? Not good. We're all going to die, though. We're going to get eaten by a lot of fish that follow the cruise ships around. Apparently, the cruise ships dump food and all their waste off the boats into the ocean. And so fish follow these cruise ships around. That's what Aaron was going with. Yeah. Brian's going to get caught up in all that.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to make it. Well, I think, yeah, just generally not being able to swim would, even if there were no fish around, you would. But, yeah, I think even if a good swimmer has no chance being thrown off a cruise ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But let's say you just jump off a dock into the lake. Yeah. You're going to be all right. Slip and fall in a puddle. Well, then I might break my hip. Take a bath.

Now, last week, Aaron proposed a golf competition to me and him where I use clubs. He just throws the ball. I put some more thought into this. I think on a regular 18-hole course, I think I would beat you because I think your arm would give out, and I think those long par fives would get you. But you're not hitting it straight, and how far are you hitting it? Yeah, I know.

It's true. I just think by the back nine, I would just beat you. What's a good drive for you? 200? That's a really good one. Yeah, 200 straight? Yeah. So that's not happening every hole. No. But I feel like I can throw it straight every time. I'm not going to shank it in the woods throwing it. I just don't know if you could... That's multiple throws on 18 holes. You got to throw it as hard as you can. I think you're probably right. On a par three, I think you might get me because...

If you can throw it 100 yards, right? Is that what you said? Yeah. About 100 yards. I mean, I'm crow hopping, but I can get it. I can get it there. Most par threes are about 150. Some of these small courses are 100. Yeah. You might be on the green every throw. That's right. I think you and I, these two guys have checked out. Nothing loses me like golf. Yeah. Baseball, man. Golf isn't real. Crow hopping brought me back. Yeah. What's that? You don't know? Wyatt Irwin. It's kind of like a baseball thing.

It's when you run before you throw it and jump a little bit. Oh, yeah. Wyatt Irwin. The more Dusty says about the fruit trees, the better the idea sounds to me. This is why he checked out. He wanted to get to this. I live in an HOA, and while I don't have much of a yard, all of the fruit tree talk inspired me to plant some blueberry bushes in pots, and I'm trying to get my neighbors to do the same. Very good, Wyatt. I just planted some blueberry bushes, too. Why is he trying to get his neighbors to do it?

Well, that's what the whole thing is. We're all trying to get the neighbors to everybody to plant fruit. Why? Because then we can all...

You know, we're creating a society where we have our own food out here and we don't have to go to the grocery store for everything. The flip side of that is grocery stores shut down. Now you're the only guy with blueberries. You got some bargaining chips. You got a better chance of surviving. Yeah, potentially, yeah. I just think you need to take care of yourself before you worry about the neighborhood. You know what I mean? Well, but what if the neighbor has some blueberries too? So now you can feed more people. But they don't.

Aaron just purposely shuts this idea down. He knows it's a good idea. Well, people thought I was serious when I was like, I think when we were arguing about the fruit trees, I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You're out your depth, buddy. And somebody was like, the absolute audacity for Aaron to claim that. Yeah, but I wasn't. Even when he's joking, I agree, though. They're crow hopping to conclusions. There you go. Yeah. Yeah.

I try to use the word immediately after learning it. That was good. Is this the kind of razor sharp whip we can express from half of Wii? I saw you look at it and I was like, I'm about to get insulted. I have to keep looking back because I want to reference it every time you say a joke. You know, that logo's good. Who designed that half of Wii logo? Nate Land. The other half? That's good. No. Tim Cochran.

I guess I'm done with whatever I was going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steven, honestly, let's just move on. We can go, though. No, no, no. Tim Cochran probably said what I was going to say. Go ahead. Okay. I think we should all allow farmers to utilize the interstate medians and on-ramp, off-ramp areas of agriculture instead of just mowing them. Fruit trees, hay for cattle, grain, parsnips, rutabagas, etc.,

I like this guy's thinking, but this is what I've heard, that things grown on the side of the interstates will take in so much carbon monoxide, exhaust, and stuff like that, that it actually can make it really bad for you. Wow. Great point. It's a great idea. Yeah. I think we could use it for non-edible things, and we could do more beautification, do more –

Put more trees out there. Yeah. Grow some hemp. Make some necklaces. You know what I mean? Okay. But not even hay for cattle. I don't think it's good for them to eat it. What about parsnips? I mean, I don't know anybody eating parsnips, so I say why not? Wouldn't the trees do good with all that stuff too? I think so. I didn't know the right way to say it, but you know what I mean by this?

Cycle it out. Take in the carbon dioxide. Put out the oxygen. I think it would be good to have more trees out there. I support that. I'm all about more trees. Everywhere there's not stuff, let's put more trees. Christmas trees? Well, if you want evergreens, yeah, sure. Unchopped down evergreens. What about chopped down in your living room? Giving trees. No, absolutely not. To celebrate the birth of Christ. No, he never tells us to do that.

I don't think anybody's claiming he is. Okay. There's value in tradition. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. That's my bad on that one. No, no, no. Let's get into it. Our next sponsor, you know we love. Our old friend, our old compadre, our old partner, Delete Me. Delete Me makes it easy, quick, and safe to remove your personal data. Data. Online.

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Help me pronounce this last name. Damon. Damon. Damon Vince Guerrero. That's not. I think that was a good job. He sounds like a pitcher, too. Yeah. Yeah, he does sound like a pitcher. But Vince Guerrero sounds like the whole name. We don't need the Damon in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't even need a first name, Damon. Vince Guerrero. Yeah, that's a good name.

We were at Stephen Rogers special taping and had a blast. He was so good. Yes. We were at the early show and he messed up the intro to his coffee shop bit. He had to start the joke over, but the way he did it was so funny. I don't think he was this sarcastic. What a comedian he is.

consider including that reset in a tape special? Or do you always go for the smooth option? Do you want me to read it better? No, I liked how you read it. Especially smooth. I'll read it in a normal way. We were at Stephen Rogers special taping. I don't like this one. And we had a blast. laughter

We were at Steven Rogers special taping and we had a blast. He was so funny. Do you remember this moment? I do. I have unfortunately done it in both recordings I've ever done, like for an album. And I do think those are fun. Like,

real moments in our shows and stuff. But then you're like, well, does it take away from the joke? Does it is that what makes this joke funny? You know, so I decided against it. But sometimes it's it is like the best thing I have it. I think I kept it in my first special before he was super which is on YouTube.

And I kept the messing up thing. But I like recovering from like...

flubs on stage and stuff. It makes them feel like they're part of like a special moment and it breaks the fourth wall. And it grounds you too. Yeah, it breaks the fourth wall a little bit. Yeah, it keeps me in the present moment which I like. I like it too in reality but once the once you're like actually like I'm about to put this special out I always opt to go nah, let's just do it the right way. Because if you didn't your special would be three hours long. Yeah. Yeah.

Season two. That's why your show's an hour 20. Yeah. I keep going. No, no, no. That's not how the joke goes. That's not how the joke goes. Start every joke three times. Yeah, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Nah. He starts back at the beginning of his set. Full swing. Yeah. We're in full swing now, guys. Show's in full swing. Well, I was glad to see this comment because coffee show a bit because today's topic is coffee. All right.

Now, do you drink coffee, Steven? Yes. This was a big. Big coffee guy. Okay, okay. Huge coffee guy. Black coffee. All right. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. All right. How do you guys? Black coffee. Straight black? Yeah. Just black. I never put anything in it. Are you the only one that? What do you do? I do some cream and sugar. How much cream? How much sugar?

One little creamer packet and one packet of Splenda. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Okay, you don't do like caramel drip or whatever? No. A little packet of caramel. Froth it up. A little packet of caramel. A little heart. What is that I always see? Like it's a cup of coffee and then they make a little heart. Foam art. It's a latte. Yeah, foam art. But what is that that they're putting in it? I think a latte.

They're not putting up. What is it that they're putting into? I think just foam. Maybe foam of what? Maybe steam milk. Steamed milk. Hot milk. Yeah. Sound gross. Hot milk is okay. It's room temp milk. You don't want really. Yeah.

Do you drink hot milk before you go to bed? Why is that a thing? I've always... I think it may be because I'm a little guy. A glass of warm milk. Yeah, that sounds like something you put on your sleeping hat. Yeah. I like that. It has this candle. Candle in one hand, milk in the other. In my gown. Can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps put me to sleep. You guys know that reference?

You can trouble me for a warm glass of, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. That's Ben Stiller. Yeah, check out the name tag. You're in my world now, grandma. Happy Gilmore 2 coming out soon. Yeah. Is it? On Nate Land YouTube. I looked up how, I've already forgotten now, how people, Americans take their coffee. I think I sent you the link to that. Okay. And- I'll pull it up, stall for about five seconds. All right.

All right. There's a bunch of different methods for brewing. Yes. There's pour over drip French press. Oh, yeah. I don't know what any of these mean. Well, I know from Dusty Special. Yeah, you know those two. Pour over. I had a French press I used to travel with back in the day. Wow. Yeah.

Because I had a little hot plate, so I would heat up water on the hot plate, pour it into the French press. They must have thought you were making drugs in your room. Oh, yeah. I actually would put a towel under the door so they wouldn't know I was cooking steaks on the hot plate.

So pour over is the one that takes so long, right? Yeah. It's like, yeah. But like if you're on the road, you can go to a restaurant and get a hamburger for $10 or you can go to the grocery store and get a steak for $10 and cook it in your room. It's like, why do I want to eat this whack hamburger when I can eat a whack? I'll have it whack. Yeah. Okay. All right. So pour over, yeah, pour over takes a while.

That's your joke? Yes. Yeah, he had a joke in his special. Special called Working Man. Which I watched when I was putting this together. I watched that clip. Very funny. Laughing in my hotel room. Great special. Come in. Oh, sorry. I'm doing my man. All right, so there's pour over, drip, French press. Anybody else want to guess any? Iced. Frappe. Cold brew. Cold brew. Frappe. What is frappe? Frappuccino? It's not on this list. Blended. Blended.

I guess. Espresso. Espresso is one. Espresso, yeah. Chemex. Chemex?

What is that? Isn't that what made them the Ninja Turtles? A beaker, maybe? Fully washed Ethiopian. That's from a special. That is a real... Yeah, it's a type of... Ethiopian coffee? Yeah, it's a... I drink a lot of Ethiopian coffee. I do too. I don't know what fully washed means still. It's a funny line. They wash the beans? I guess. I don't know. It would seem that way. They say a lot of coffee has a lot of... I think they say...

fecal matter like yeah well there's the cat poo yeah yeah yeah what is that there's coffee that they feed like i think they feed the beans the cats or something and then the cats poop it out and then they they oh i don't know i'm not familiar with that what's the purpose i think we need to go to the internet soon you want on that or you have to get organic coffee otherwise it's so much pesticides on it i i went to uh they get burned out of there when it heats up

It's like pasteurizing it. You get that coffee hot, dude, you're burning out all those impurities. I hope so. Burning out those bacteria. I hope you're right. Oh, yeah, dude. You get like, even like a Love's truck stop, they burn all those. Oh, yeah. So hot. Actually, you know what? I'm glad we're talking about coffee. I was driving from, I was in Texas. What was the town? It was a great town. Had a great time. Beaumont, Texas to San Antonio. Yeah.

And I stopped along the way. Me and Connor Larson, we stopped at like a coffee. The first place we went was closed. This is a Saturday. First place we went closed. Next place was like a food truck for coffee. It took 20 minutes to get the coffee. It was so long. I mean, literally 20 minutes to get this coffee. It was insane. And we got it. And then we're driving down the road. We're like, I don't even feel like I had coffee.

And then so we go into another small town in Texas. I'm hanging out out front. I go in. I go, oh, it wasn't a coffee either, by the way. It was an Americano, which is okay in a pinch. Not the same. Yeah. It's espresso with a lot of hot water. So then I go to another place, small town. I was just raving about how cool this place looked in this middle of this small town. We go in. I order a coffee. The guy goes,

All I got, he couldn't even come up with a word. And I go, you're breaking my heart right now. I go, you about to say Americano? He goes, yes, Americano. I go, yeah, I'll take that. And then I go to the bathroom and the girl's making the Americano. And then I see her pour milk in there. And then she starts calling, she goes, Americano, Americano. And I go, I'm pretty sure that's mine, but I didn't ask for milk in there. And she goes, well, I can make you another one if you want. And

And I go, nah, that's okay. And then I just left it laying there. I had already paid for it. I just left it. I don't want it. And I was so beaten down at this point. And then I go outside and this couple comes out and...

And I got, I'm kind of like in their way and I'm a little depressed now and I'm kind of in their way and I go, oh, sorry. And then the guy goes, hey, big fan. And I go, whoa, I'm like mad depressed. And I go, wow, this is a weird time. And then I went to Love's truck stop, finally in desperation.

And it was, it hit the spot. Yeah. It was what I needed. It was right there. Yeah. All along. Yeah. You don't even know what Americano means at a love truck stop. Yeah. We got a big pot of coffee back there. Pour it in a styrofoam cup. Yeah. It was a cowgirl coffee. Yeah. Cowgirls. You know that? No. Apparently that's like, there's multiple,

Yeah. Cowgirls Coffee is like a... It's like a... Hooters, but coffee? Yeah. Yeah. You been there? No. I'm fine with a coffee shop. Yeah. I don't need that. You know what, though? We went to that, Cowgirls Coffee, and it was a really good coffee. The coffee's good? It was very good. All right.

Good coffee over anything else. Because in my joke, and it is true, the idea is like, I was like, I don't want this coffee. I was like, I wanted to get good coffee and I don't want strip club coffee. Right. And then we saw the girl on Tide and I was like, well, I don't know. Let's get a little cup of coffee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it was really good. It was a very good coffee. She was at the show. When we pulled up, the girl goes, hey, there was two sides to this, right? And the other side, there was a guy in like a Trans Am, basically. That's what I thought about. The guy was in a Trans Am. And then we pull up. It's me and Evan Burke and Chance Willie. And we're in this car. And we had just done a show at the Grove. And the girl has been talking to the Trans Am. We pull up and she goes-

Oh, I was just talking about you guys. And she goes to the Trans Am. These are the guys I was telling you about. And then I swear this guy like got a wheel speeding out of there. He was so, it was like, it was like, we just blocked this guy. He was so mad. He like sped away. I think gravel hit the side of the building. Wow. It was great. She'd seen you the night before at the show? Yeah. This is in Arkansas? Yeah. Oh, sweet. I'll go there then. Fayetteville. Yeah. And then she said,

I like living here in Fayetteville. It's like the Portland of the South. That's what she said. I bet it is. I don't think it is. I'm going to go with no. All right, so copy actually started in Ethiopia.

Oh, it was used by nomadic tribes for thousands of years or hundreds. And, uh, it wasn't until the 1400s that people figured out they could roast it seed. So the story is there was a goat herder named in Ethiopia named Caldi. He noticed that his goats, a flock of goats nibbling on this bright red berry, uh,

And they seemed to be more perky. So then he tried to eat some himself. Like, this is pretty good. So then he took it to a monk in a nearby monastery. The monk disapproved of their use. Disapproved of the use, threw them into the fire. Then an enticing aroma come out, causing the other monks to come in and investigate. The roasted beans were quickly raked from the embers, ground up and dissolved in hot water, yielding the world's first cup of coffee. Wow.

How about that? That's pretty awesome. That was all in Ethiopia? Yep. I love that the monk, all it took was a good smell. He's like, you know what, maybe this goat herder is on to something. There's one better. There's one better. In Europe...

Coffee shows up, and it's essentially a real-world metaphor for Islam because the Arabs drank coffee while the European Christians drank wine. So the Catholic officials and the Vininders, I guess that's the wine people, worried the beverage would catch on, so they went to Pope Clement VIII to ban it.

Wow. Wow.

And then coffee was in Europe. All right, you're on board with that one. I don't know what went on there. Wait, what? Same thing. Same thing. They went to the Pope, like, you got to ban this. And then he tried it. He tried it. It was so good. But why do you call it Satan's drink? He's being sarcastic. He's like, I think. Yeah, because that's what the Arabs were drinking. They were trying to pitch it to him as Satan's drink. He's like, well, Satan's drink is too good. Let's all drink it.

Mm-hmm. A little sarcasm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Okay. And then, I'll keep going, in the United States. Now it's America. The Boston Tea Party happened, 1773. You know, people in England drank tea. That was their big drink. And then they throw the tea over, and the Americans were like, we can't keep drinking tea. That's unpatriotic. So we started drinking coffee. That's when coffee started getting introduced. It became like the thing we drink more than tea. That's awesome. According to this. That's really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

And now we got Starbucks in every corner. I went to Costa Rica and did a coffee tour of the bean plants or whatever. And I don't know what it is. The bean farm. Where in Costa Rica? In La Fortuna. The vineyard. The vineyard.

And they were saying places like your Dunkin' and your Starbucks, those are bad beans. Yeah. And they're burnt and all that. You want a lighter bean. It's much stronger. Let me guess. You want the beans that they had? Yeah.

Exactly. Yes, exactly. Well, I agree, though. I talk about Starbucks being burned all the time, and so many people agree with me. And you can get really good coffee out there. Yes. And it's like Starbucks. I drink Starbucks a lot because it is caffeinated and it's dependable. But when you start drinking good coffee, it is not good. It sounds like you shouldn't drink good coffee.

All you've done is it just ruins other things for you. Well, I mean, you could say that about anything. Getting something nicer ruins the bad thing. Yeah, I agree. Well, yeah. I mean, it's like you're not going to be able to have a great burger all the time. That would be like you keeping your podcast going instead of doing this one.

How's your podcast doing, Dusty? Not great right now. I've not been doing it for a while. You know, you said Costa Rica. I would tell you about when I opened for Tony Tone. And I think about this all the time in Greensboro and...

somebody said something. He goes, where are you from? She said, Costa Rica. And he goes, you from the coast of Puerto Rico? I was dying laughing at that. That's so funny. That's really good. But you were there? I was there. And then there's, I went to Merritt Coffee in Texas. It's, I was with Dustin Nickerson. And they took us to- Big coffee snob. Yeah. Big coffee, he's from Seattle, yeah. And, uh,

I'm blanking on where Merritt Coffee's base, but we went to the roastery or the beanery and same thing. They showed us the beans and it was like really good. The lighter the bean, the better, the stronger the roast and all that. It's like become this thing that I really like learning about. Yeah, they do say that lighter coffee has more caffeine than dark coffee, which-

I wish that that weren't the case because I like a lighter roast, but I don't want to be so jacked up. Oh, I love it. I make a fairly weak coffee at home because I don't want to be too jacked. I like drinking coffee, so I want to consume more of it. That's true. And be less jacked up. I like to have a headache and my eyelid twitches. That's what I try to go for. Dusty, did you ever do decaf? No. No.

I mean, I was on the road with Henry last weekend, Henry Cho, and we both want to go take a nap in our hotel room, but we also both wanted a good cup of coffee. So we got decaf to taste it just as good. Yeah. That's really great. I don't know. I can't support it. Why is that? I don't know. There's just something about it. It feels like... Voodoo. Yeah, Mike. I don't know. I don't trust it. It's like a seedless watermelon. Yeah. Seedless watermelon, non-alcoholic beer. Yeah. It's like...

Yeah, all perfectly fine, but you don't like it. Yeah, exactly. When I worked at the country club and we would do big events like weddings and stuff, we would have, you know, you do coffee after dinner. And we had a big pot that said decaf and we had a big pot that was calf. And I'd walk around and go, and let me tell you something, dude.

It was all caffeinated coffee. It just becomes too difficult to keep them separate. Yeah. So we would just give everybody regular coffee. The thing you want to do in that situation is give them all decaf. And we want to keep the party going. Yeah, that's right. You're right. That would make more sense because I think – I remember I told my mom that. She was horrified. Yeah, you're going to give somebody a hard time. Give some old people. Oh, sure. In the restaurant, we would do that sometimes, be all decaf. Mm-hmm.

Well, that's probably why they were sucking on all the fries. Yeah. They need salt to keep hydrated or something. Do you know how they get the caffeine out? How they get the what? The caffeine out of the coffee beans. What?

Not like your fries, no. What do you mean? How do they get the caffeine out? Boil it out? Are they fake beans? They soak the green seeds in hot water called Swiss water process or steam them. And then they use a solvent to dissolve the caffeine. What's the solvent?

I don't know. See, that's where they get you. That's a trigger word for you. And the extracted caffeine is usually sold to pharmaceutical industry. How about that? Yeah. So they put caffeine in like goodies powder and stuff like that? Probably so. Caffeine's good for a headache. That's why any BC powder, it's all got caffeine in it.

That helps. I didn't know that. Also, you just drink in water sometimes. You just be dehydrated. Put a little salt in water. Not table salt, like sea salt. In water, drink it. It'll help your headache. Really? Yeah. Or ibuprofen.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. You take their drugs or you just have a little salt. There. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Dusty walking through the ER of some hospital. Yeah, I just got to get some salt. Yeah, anybody got any salt? I got shot in the face last night. Well, have you tried a little sea salt? Well, I didn't say all pain, but it's like.

I have a tumor in my head. Well, I heard that when my mom was giving you have a fruit tree in

When my mom was giving birth to me, she asked for salt water. You want an epidural? No, no, no, no, no, no. Bring over some Dasani. Sea salt. You can take, you've heard about like, they give birth in the bathtub. Yeah. Yeah. Put some salt in there. Yeah. Epsom salt. Get it going. Dusty, would you ever consider growing your own coffee beans? Yeah, I want to. Oh, that's a great idea. It wouldn't work because- Well, that's what I think. That's the right environment. Yeah, that's what I think too. Yeah. That was so great. Yeah.

I want to, though. Yeah. What do you mean? Is that Tennessee specifically or all of America? Well, it has to be all of America. So we can't grow any coffee beans? I think California. You've got to have the right environment. California is, it's like, man, I wish there were different things about California because it's so good for growing. It is the growing state. The coffee belt. But they ruined it. Is the coffee producing region better?

where coffee can grow. It's located between the Tropic of Cancer and Capricorn, basically around the equator. It's 50 countries, Africa, Asia, Central America, and South America. You hit the E hard. That's why I want us to really like... Is that how you say it? You hit the E hard. I want us to... You read that like Dusty, one of Dusty's comments. Rumps. Right in the equator. That's why I'm like the drug cartel situation in Mexico. That's why I'm like, why don't...

How are we not just working that out so that we can just hang out in Mexico and grow? I'd love to buy a little land out in Mexico. I think you can. I know, but it's like, I don't know. They've scared you about it. Maybe it's super nice down there. Who knows? But the climate's great. We could grow a lot of things. You have to. Now, I don't think. Everything's yellow there. You have to do research. You watch Breaking Bad.

The second they go to Mexico, everything's just yellow. Oh, the filter? Yeah, the filter's crazy. Yeah, Sicario. And then when I went there, I went to Mexico once, and everything's the same color. The trees are green here. Yeah, you're driving across the border, you see the yellow. Yeah, I was just driving into it. That's what I thought it would be, man.

Brazil is the most producer since 1852. Wow. Brazil. That's that guy. What's the guy's name? Juan Valdez. Oh, yeah. Was he Brazilian? I don't know. His name's Columbia. Oh, well, that would be a different country. Yeah. I guess. I think Brazil too, you know? I don't know. They say Brazil's dangerous, but I think that it'd be so great to be able to just own some land down there, have a

I'm about ready to make a bunch of money in comedy and then quit and move to a remote island place like that. Just grow coffee. Well, Brazil's not an island at all. Like Mexico? Like an island place like. You know what I mean? Tropical. Near the equator? Yes. Yeah. He's making fun of the way I said it. Which? The equator. When I went down to Costa Rica. I say equator too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Ecuador down there. You say equator? Equator. Equator.

Equator? How do you do... Okay, so like two plus two equals... Equals. Equals. But what do you call the whole thing? The answer. No, that's... The sum of its parts. Oh, the equation. Yeah, you'll say the equation. Equation. Yeah. Yeah, the equation. Well, you do say equals. You're right. Equals, yeah. You don't say...

Equals. Two plus two equals what? Draw that on somebody. The equator. I think that would be a great way. What's that equal to you? That would be a great way to have someone lose their mind. Yeah. Oh, my God. And everybody's saying it that way. Would you say this is equal? Is this equal? Do you say eck-comers? Eck-comers. I've been working out at Equinox.

That's true, but E is a prefix to commerce. Also for equator. Yeah, so it's just quater. Yeah. Electronic quater. That's the way you say it. The equator. That's right. iMessage, iMac, equator. That's right. That's right. Email. All right, so the traditional method of growing coffee beans. It's an electronic quater. It's right. Traditional method. One too many. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The traditional method of planting coffee is to place 20 seeds in each hole at the beginning of the rainy season. But this method loses about 50% of the seed's potential. It's about half fell to sprout. You would know this, Dusty. A more effective process of growing coffee used in Brazil is to raise seedlings in nurseries that are then planted outside after 6 to 12 months.

Yeah, raising seedlings is always the way to go with anything. What does it mean to raise seedlings? Don't walk out on your seedlings. Well, you see you get a tray of like 10 little seed pods. Okay. And then you can put one seed per pod. Like a little beer flight. And then, yeah, whatever grows, then you can go and plant that out. You don't have to waste so many. Wow.

Why don't they do coffee flights at coffee shops? I would love that so much. If you want to try a different, I want to try an Americana. I want to try what your frat. I'll like, we'll try all that different rows. Just do it out. And then I'll try a little bit of each. Yeah. I bet there is someplace that does something like that, but it'd be hard to work a latte and an Americana and all

that that's just burn your mouth on each one yeah yeah oh because they're all pretty labor intensive to make why can't you have them all pre-made and most people are not and i'm not saying i can't either but most people are not going to be able to taste the difference in like the roast but i could taste the difference in a cold brew versus a black coffee yeah you know i want to try both

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But like when they tell you the different notes, like this one's got a chocolate thing. Yeah. All these other stuff. Stop right there. I've never been to a place like that. Really? Now it's down to the two of y'all. Do you taste any of that? It just depends. I mean, sometimes you can, but sometimes it's like, yeah, it's a little much. Yeah. His face gets too red. You know, it's a little too much. That's how we tell. Yeah.

They'll tell you so much, and I'm like, just in the cup. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's like that beer, liquor, wines, all that can be like that, where they get too into it, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a good one? That's what I'm like. This is a good one? Beer before liquor, never been sicker. You ever hear that? Yes. You know the second part? Liquor after beer, never fear. Oh, I heard you're in the clear. In the clear is how I heard it. Okay. Mm-hmm.

But they kind of echo to each other. What's that? That was good. He's quick. They kind of echo to each other. This guy's quick, dude. Half of we, April 11th. I keep looking at this like I have stuff on it. Yeah, so do I. I had to put it away. I don't know what I'm doing. There are two main types of coffee beans. Arabica, which is generally more highly regarded. And Robusta. Robusta.

Tends to be bitter and has less flavor, but a better body than a Rabica. Better body? Yeah. What does that mean? Better looking. That means Robusta went to the prom and a Rabica did not. Yeah, Rabica's got money, but Robusta's looking good. Robusta's bitter and she has less flavor, but a better body. We're trying to set you up with a Rabica. She's sweet. Yeah. She's nice, but Robusta's where to go. Yeah. I've always said that.

More robust, the better. So do you guys think coffee is good for you? I think so, in moderation, yes. Yeah. And I don't believe whatever this paper says. 2017 reviews said coffee is good for you in moderation. Great. So you don't believe it, so okay. It says it can cause harm. Harm.

All right, this is what I've been working on. That is, I'll hand it to you, Dusty. That's a much more vibrant shade of red. Yes. But I think it's, I can't really tell where it starts and where it, you know. If you're listening, just watch it. I don't know how to explain it. He gave up trying. I took the red for the picture you were talking about earlier. It is, and he does look more red. That was wonderful. Sorry about that. I got a little distracted. Sorry.

he dusty had a legendary moment at the predators game where he was kind of ringing the bell and got got really red it's the thing where you wind up yeah makes the sound and i was winding and the lady told me she goes whichever way you wind it uh it'll catch on and make sound but i kept whining kept whining never caught on so on my own i flipped the other way and then and then i look up and my face is just like blood red on the jumbotron on the jumbotron

But, man, I work that thing. Anyway, three to four cups of coffee daily is okay. Oh, great. Three to four. That's a lot, huh? It feels like a lot when you're doing it. That's great. The coffee break originated in Stoughton, Wisconsin. Oh, I remember that. A little paper, a little pamphlet. I used to read the coffee break. What is that?

Is that a... Well, I mean, I guess it is a pamphlet. I don't... But it's... You've never heard of Coffee Break like at work? Like a water cooler? Oh, okay. Yeah. There used to be a little newspaper. Talking about Highlights Magazine? What are you talking about? I never knew about that. Talking about a communist... My reader's died now. Oh, yeah. I don't know the Coffee Break. Yeah. Uh...

Have you heard the good news? It originated in Stoughton, Wisconsin, when immigrant men became employed at this wagon factory. And they said, we'll agree to work there in the condition that we can go home every morning and afternoon to tend to chores and drink coffee. Wow. And now the city of Stoughton celebrates the coffee break every summer with the Stoughton Coffee Break Festival. Whoa. Took away the break, but now we have a festival for it. Yeah. No, Stoughton Coffee Break Festival.

What kind of hold do you think coffee – They took away the break. There's no more break during the day. I got you. Do you think if terrorists come into America, obliterate our coffee supply, do you think – how much do you think that impacts American life? A huge amount. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I've taken breaks from coffee before, so I know that I would be fine. I would adjust and just not do it, right? But there are people that I see at Starbucks really early in the morning getting giant –

espressos and things like that where it's like you would never make it. Yeah. There's definitely a physical dependency on it, but I mean even just how much is tied into the fabric of our lives. We've got our entire workday structured around. The amount of people I see doing their job at the coffee shop. At a coffee shop.

Like I'll go in there and I'll write in the morning at my local coffee shop for maybe I'll be there for like an hour. Of course you do. I have rules. Okay. Because my rule is I have to have something in my cup. If my cup is empty, I have to reorder or I have to go. That's my rule. Oh, wow. I'm very strict about it. An hour's not bad. Do you face the wall?

Or do you face the whole Starbucks? Everybody goes, oh, I'm writing. Unfortunately, mine, there is no wall to face. That's convenient. Yeah, that's why I picked it. I also have my QR code on my table. I support coffee shop writing. When I used to go to Kudu Coffee, my friend Charles Cormody would come in there. Yeah. I'd be writing sometimes. Good old Charles. Yeah. Now, how many...

what's the limit of someone allowed in a coffee shop for? Because I feel like it's a very opinion... I think alone, writing like that, if you're not ordering over and over again, I think an hour. I think an hour is a good amount. You have to be working...

If you can't be scrolling. Yeah. Yeah. If you're, if you're buying hang out all day. Yes. I think you feel it out. If you're taking up, like if they're trying to turn over tables, there's get out of there. Yeah. There's like, I think six to eight tables at my coffee shop. If you have a server also, that's another thing. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta either tip in a way that they know you're going to take care of them. Yeah. And you're worth the turnover they're missing. Yeah.

or you got to get out of it. Yeah. I saw a thing about Eminem when he was a kid. He would go to Burger King. You buy one drink at the Burger King, and then that gave you license to just sit there all day. Yeah. So they would just sit all day at Burger King, refilling the drink. Yeah. Wow. So, you know, it's like a lower form of what you're doing. Yeah. A lot of people have said I'm like Eminem. Yeah, that's right. Where do you explain that on half a week? Eminem. Oh, that's good. Eminem. April 11th. Yeah.

Where do you guys mostly get your coffee? At home or at a coffee shop? Both. I order from Merritt that I mentioned earlier, and then I go to my local coffee shop. So I'll make some at home, but I'll start my morning in a local coffee shop. I order most of mine, but I do like to go to coffee shops. We like to go get a – you know what? Me and my wife would like to go get a strong coffee once in a while. Oh, yeah. I hear you. Yeah. Spice things up. Yeah. Yeah.

I very much think of coffee as a means to an end. Unfortunately, I don't really enjoy coffee the way that you guys do. Um,

That's a shame. No, that doesn't make, that's just, I'm jealous of you guys. Yeah, it is. So I drink, I got a Keurig at my house. I put a little plastic pot in. Yeah. Kroger brand donut shop coffee. Oh, gosh. Fills up a coffee. I mean, 10 ounces. I down it before it gets cold. Yeah. I love it. Great way to start a day. I like the Kroger donut. Great way to start a day. I got rid of my Keurig. Oh, why is that?

Well, I buy coffee. I buy whole bean coffee. And then each morning, I grind a little bit of it. Yeah, you love it. And then it takes 10 seconds. No, it's great. It takes way more than that. And it's fresh. You can smell, much like the monk in Ethiopia. I can smell the aroma. And then I put it into my coffee pot. And I use the brown filters. I like to use the brown filter. It's like nine steps I don't have to do. I just put it in and press go.

I don't know. You have to get the thing out of the box. You have to put it in. You have to lift it up. You have to lift it up. And then you crush it down, and then it goes, oh, water's low. And then you got to go fill the water. And you got to reopen it, and it goes, you have to do it in the steps. So then you already have the pod in there. It releases the pod. Yeah. I think it's way more intuitive than you guys. And then it heats up the plastic, so you get a lot of microplastics. There you go. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. All those microplastics get burned out from when it's hot.

I don't know. They burn out the microplastics. Yeah, there was a TikTok reel that went viral. The guy basically saying that the microplastics are causing people to get sick. And anyway, more testing is required. I told you before, the Farmer's Almanac has it. In the back of the Farmer's Almanac, it tells you what plastics are okay. Which Farmer's Almanac? This year? Every year.

So in like the 1700s they were talking about plastics? Well, I mean, you know, recent years. Who's writing the Farmer's Almanac? Benjamin Franklin? Benjamin Franklin did originally, but who's writing it now? I don't know. It's probably some scientist. Benjamin Franklin's ghost writer. I don't think it's scientist. Who do you think it is? It's farmers. Farmers predicting the meteorology and talking about plastics and all that kind of stuff? Yeah. Okay. They've evolved. Why do you trust them?

Well, I trust them because what they're saying is, hey, there's certain plastics. And right here, this is what I'm looking for. See this? This little triangle has a number in it. Okay. And that number in the Farmer's Almanac, it'll break down whether those numbers, what numbers are safe.

27. Yeah, I think yours is 27. Mine says 27, I think. Mine just says 7. Oh, nope, that's a 7. I was looking at it weird. So then it tells you... Someone call a doctor. Like, I have a shaker bottle, you know, one of those workout shaker bottles. Yes. And the BPA-free.

The bottom part of the bottle has a triangle and it has a number in it. And in that number, it says it is safe for food and human consumption. But then you take the lid off, inside the lid, different number. And that number says not safe for food or human consumption. So inside the thing that you're drinking. The lid, as you're drinking it. You should not eat the lid. You should not drink, you should not put food in the lid.

Okay. But it doesn't count if it's touching the lid on the way out. I think it does. I stopped using the bottle. Yeah. Wow. And then the Keurigs, like you buy the Starbucks Keurigs, that number on the plastic actually says it's safe. Yeah. But I buy organic coffee, Keurigs, Publix brand, which I love Publix, but I use that. And their Keurig cup says not safe. Okay.

So don't do organic. So what's the number? What's the safe number? I don't know. I have it at home. I don't have them memorized. Yeah. Most scientific analyses of the accuracy of Farmer's Almanac forecasts have shown a 50% rate of accuracy. All I'm talking, I'm not talking about following the entire Farmer's Almanac. I'm just talking about- Just the stuff that agrees with you. I'm just talking about the plastic. It's not-

or disagreeing with me because, you know, this is an entire book. I'm talking about one page. I'm not, I'm not getting into the astrology of the farmer's almanac. The only time I hear about it is when they predict how many snows we're going to have. Yeah. I'm not vouching for them, but I'm just saying they're giving us some information on the plastics. Right. And they're saying this stuff is okay for you to use for food and

This one's not. That's all I'm saying. So you grind your beans. And I avoid the plastics. Yeah. I didn't know any of that. Well, you learn a lot here from me on this podcast. Oh, yeah. I mean, I get a lot of criticism. You weren't here last time I did it. I didn't learn it as much. I know. I know. You won't learn a lot without me around. You won't learn much.

Do you read the Farmer's Almanac for other things? No, I bought it. Actually, I saw TikTok on this thing. So I bought a Farmer's Almanac just for that plastics. Wow. I don't care about it. I'm not a farmer. I grow things, but I'm not a farmer. I don't care about that sort of stuff. And they do get into a lot of astrology and a lot of weird stuff that I'm also not into. Sure. The Farmer's Almanac gets into astrology? They get into a lot of stuff. I would not have thought that.

Wow. Yeah. But I mean, I think that to some degree there's astronomy, there's astrology, there's some where you're like, you're trying to, oh, I was born on this day, so this is going to happen to me today. Right. But there's also, you know, astrological signs of, you know, throughout our human history, these have been this way and they've been able to predict things.

certain things based on the stars to a 50 degree well according to the but listen this is wikipedia they're they're gonna slander the farmer's almanac that's right wikipedia has a financial incentive to slander the farmer's almanac i agree yeah i mean astrology yeah most people know their uh their sign but they don't know their blood type

Another joke from his special. That's a good Steve. All right, Cup of Joe. You guys ever heard Cup of Joe? Cup of Joe. I've heard of Cup of Joe. Don't ruin his whole special here, guys. Yeah, I guess I'm giving away too much. He didn't do any of the punchlines. I didn't either. April 11th. I'm giving away too much. I'm sorry. It's sometimes called Cup of Joe. There's three theories on what

why it was called that. Yeah. During World War I, the Secretary of Navy, Joe Daniels, banned alcohol on Navy ships, which meant the strongest drink available was black coffee. So sailors began referring to coffee as a cup of Joe. I like that. Love it. Yeah, that makes sense.

Some think it just comes, coffee means jamoke or mocha java, and they just shorten it to Joe. I don't see mocha java turned into Joe. What about jamoka? Like you go to Arby's, you get a jamoka shake. You know what I'm talking about? Jamoka comes from mocha java. That's a coffee. You never had a jamoka shake? No. Sloppy jamoka. And just some say it's the drink of the average Joe. Look at that, dude.

Wow. Joe Mocha Shake. Yeah. I'm thinking Arby's. I sure am. Where's the meat? No, that's... We have the meat. What was that? Where's the beef? Yeah. That's Wendy's. That was Quiznos. Yeah. No, that's Wendy's. Wait.

Which one's Wendy's? Where's the beef? Quiznos is mm-mm-mm-mm good. I think Quiznos used to say, where's the beef? Quiznos is mm-mm-tasty, right? Well, they stole it from Wendy's. Because they were saying, it was shots at Subway. They were saying Subway had, just using a little bit of meat, but Quiznos was using a lot of meat. Right, yeah.

But we have the meats. That's Ving Rhames. That's Arby's, yeah. When I was a kid, there was a very famous commercial for three old ladies looking at, I think it was supposed to be a McDonald's burger, which is a very small patty. And the old lady goes, where's the beef? And that was a very popular commercial. Which one's Dino Might? I worked with Jimmy Walker. You did? Yeah, here at Zany's. Well, he was an open mic-er. Whoa.

He opened for me. Back then he was saying TNT and you're like, what have you tried dynamite? I gave him his line. Some religions discourage drinking coffee. Mormons, I agree with. I'll be it, wise guys. May 16th, 17th.

It's from the Words of Wisdom in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There's abstain from coffee, tea, as well as alcohol and tobacco. And studies have shown, UCLA did a study. You lost me on that one right there. What? I mean, coffee and tobacco, I mean, that's where it's at. You heard it here, folks. Yeah, that's where it's at. UCLA did a study and it showed if you eliminated those four things, your life expectancy increases 8 to 11 years longer. Oh, wow.

So maybe those are some words of wisdom. Again, wise guys. But alcohol, I've eliminated that. What was the other one?

Tobacco. Tobacco. Coffee and tea. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't do a lot. Well, I do a lot of tea. But soda would be on there then. Caffeine, yeah. I don't think tea is a problem. Tea has a lot of health benefits. Oh, I've been in some dark spirals with tea. I don't think it's sweet tea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had some real sweet tea problems. I don't think it's the caffeine. I thought it was the caffeine was the problem. I don't think it's that. I thought it was a stimulant of coffee. That's what I thought too. What is it? The bean they don't like?

You say hot drinks, but then they made a ruling that iced coffee is also bad. You shouldn't drink that as well. I think warm liquids, they say, is better for your digestion than cold ones. I don't think these are health-related. You know what I mean? Well, they're words of wisdom for your health. Eight to 11 years longer. For the health of your soul or your body? Well, both, I guess, but for your body. Who wrote these? Joseph Smith. Well...

They were revealed to him, I think. Oh. They were getting into this of the nitty gritty with that? I think so. Man, they got into it, huh? Yeah. All right. Wow. I'm sure we'll find out if I'm incorrect. Yeah, we will. That's why I was quiet. Again, let me know at Wise Guys. Exactly, it's quiet. We talked about this in the Utah episode, I think, when Alex Vluto was on. Do they do dancing? Do you know? Do they dance?

Yeah, it was. Because he'll be in Utah. He'll be in Utah soon. He's looking to do a little dance. Is this room getting dark? I feel like it's dark. I know, but I remember because there were high schools in Montgomery that were like Baptist schools where they wouldn't have dances. They would have like dinners and they wouldn't dance. Oh, yeah. Are you okay with coffee in church?

I don't like coffee shops in church, and I also don't really like when people bring their cups into the sanctuary. Yeah. I'm with you there. Yeah. I'm like, just drink it on the way, and then when you get to church, don't be bringing your beverages into the sanctuary. Yeah. I've never even heard of that. Bringing coffee to the church? Yeah. A lot of these new age churches, you buy coffee right out front. They have coffee shops in the church. I've seen that, but yeah, just bring in your own coffee. Bottle openers on the pews. Well- Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of churches have like coffee stands like, you know, set up out in the lobby. I don't support it. What about if it was just like a Bible class?

Yeah, if you're just hanging out, talk about the Bible. If you're just hanging out, put a dick in it. I think there's a thing about this. Yeah. At the sanctuary. Have a drink. Loosen up. Even when churches are doing comedy and stuff, I've done a couple, and I'm like, I don't want to do it in the sanctuary. I don't want to do it where you're preaching. I'm not into it. I'm not selling T-shirts at the altar. I know that you do it. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm saying I don't like it. I did it once, and I did not feel comfortable. Yeah. Have you ever heard of Cowboy Church?

No. I had a buddy. He's done a cowboy church. I had a buddy started going and I was like, how is he? He goes, it's great, dude. I just put a lip in and everybody's dipping in there. That was like his whole selling point. It's more than that. It's not just like a tobacco church.

No, it's just guys who that's kind of their lifestyle is farmers and cowboys. Sure. They also believe in God and they have a church. They're everywhere. I did one. And they're ripping cigarettes and stuff? Not at the show I did, but this was down in Alabama. Not surprising, but no, nobody was smoking while we were in the thing. Okay. But yeah, they were very nice and had fun down there.

I just did grow up... I mean, my parents didn't go to church with me a lot, but I did grow up fairly traditional. And I just think there is something about...

You go into the sanctuary. I agree. We go in. We're singing songs. We're praising. And then we're – It's a break. We're reading the Bible. And it's like we're not just in there engaging in our pleasures. I agree. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like put the coffee in a thermos. And leave it in the car. Have a straw that goes –

See, I feel like a water bottle, that's a judgment call. Okay. Maybe if you got some kids, but I don't even think. No water. Let's just go in. It's just an hour. Some are just 45 minutes. We can handle not drinking something for 45 minutes. But some of these churches are two and a half, three hours. It's a whole day in there. Yeah. Now, if that's going on. Yeah, bring a picnic basket. Yeah. Got some sandwiches. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know.

You might, you know, I remember growing up, you might slip a cracker or something going on. But, you know, if you get caught, your grandmother's mad at you or whatever, you know, that sort of thing. And I used to draw a lot of pictures as a kid. But now they're like giving them iPads. You got to. No iPad. I wanted to. I wanted to go to this other church. Now, they did say it was okay. But on the church, it said, you know, take the kids to this area. And I emailed them. I go, can I?

I go, I want to visit your church, but I don't leave my kids with strangers. Can I just bring – are they welcome in the sanctuary? And they were like, yes, please bring them. But –

Did you go? No. You just wanted to mess with them? No, I did want to go, but I just messed around and didn't go. And I didn't go yesterday. And it's like I always want to go. Why do you even talk? Well, because I want to go, but I'm not home a lot on Sundays. And then Sunday rolls around, and I'm like, I'm out of the routine. I mess up. Did they ML you back? Yeah. Yeah.

It's a good way to end. How about that? All right. Well, guys, where are you off to this weekend, Brian? Did you have any top coffee shops, any lists you wanted to do? Well, I've already done my top five coffee shops in Nashville. Top five worst? Yeah.

No, there's no worst. I mean, I wouldn't do that. I like to lift people up. Okay. Yeah. James Joyce, for one. Yeah. Well, listen, I want that guy to know if he does listen. I'm not mad at you, but you ruined a guy's perfect game. Yeah, he knows, man. He knows. What if he didn't? He's like, it was a perfect game? I just thought they were going to win.

potentially ruining his life to some degree. Yeah. He's doing all right. Ruining the pitcher's life. Yeah. Yeah. Some degree. All right. Uh, let's see this weekend. I am in Detroit. I'm going to hang out at the burger King with Eminem. I'm at the Detroit house of comedy. Uh, one show Friday to Saturday. Are the tigers in town? They are not brutal. I know stadiums right there. It's like a block from the club. Oh yeah.

That would have been awesome, but they're not. They're away. April 26th, I'm in the Bend Theater, West Bend, Wisconsin. Non-refundable tickets, folks. Comedy is subjective. Comedy is subjective. Some people like what he does. Some people don't. Most don't, but come to my show. I guess that's all I want to promote right now.

Okay. My big promotion is my special comes out here on Nateland April 11th, Half of We. Please check it out. It's very funny. I've seen it. Thank you. Yeah, please watch it for the love of God. How did you see it? A little inside. He was referencing. I didn't send it to him. Wow.

But April 16th, I'll be at the Mic Drop in San Diego. And then April 27th, I'll be here at the Lab in Zanies. So please come to that. Right there. Yeah, right there. We're one room away. Yeah, please. It sounds like there's people in there. Please come to that one. Yeah, that's it. May 6th, this is Aaron Weber. May 16th, Greensburg, Pennsylvania. May 16th. God, all right. Take a month off, why don't you?

I lost all my steam right there, Brian. I mean, you give me a hard time about my stuff. You poked my balloon right there. Guys, if you remember this, in a couple months... This weekend, I'm opening for Kathleen Madigan in Orlando, Florida and Tampa, Florida. Hey, that's awesome. See, this is the kind of stuff I don't plug on here because I'm trying to, you know, for my own sake. Why help Kathleen? Right. Right. Because she's doing great on her own. I don't think she needs...

The promotion I've heard does not equal the promotion that you could do for you. That was really good. May 16th, Greensburg, Pennsylvania at the Live Casino right outside Pittsburgh. And then May 31st, South Bend, Indiana at the Stock Room East. Oh, a real homecoming. Homecoming for me, man. I'm excited. May 31st, South Bend, Indiana. I haven't been there since...

The drop. We did the drop together. So come on out, South Bend and Pittsburgh. That's awesome. Okay. This weekend, I'm doing one show in San Luis Obispo. They call it Slow. That's what they call it, Slow. And California. I'll be there on April 12th. That's where I'll be. Next weekend, I'm going to give a couple here. Next weekend, Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa.

Tulsa. I'll be there. 18th and the 19th. And then the 1st of May, May 2nd and 3rd, I'm in Denver, Colorado and Colorado Springs. And then this Thursday, tomorrow, I'll be doing a show for the Nashville Comedy Festival, a show with Goblicon Live Podcast.

Probably doing some evil stuff that I'm not on board with. Oh, the Goblin guy? Yeah. Oh. The Goblin guy. He's fine. He's just... GoblinCon live podcast. I'm excited about it, actually. It seems like it'd be fun to be me and Chelsea Lynn, Trailer Trash Tammy, doing GoblinCon pod. That's awesome. At Zany's tomorrow night, April 15th.

April. Just April. Yeah, April 11th, I think that'll be it. No, 10th. 10th. April 11th is when Half of We comes out. Yeah. Yeah, okay. April 10th, yeah. You got something to do already on the 11th. Come see me on the 10th. Go watch Half of We. It's my favorite special on Nate Land this year. Okay.

Wow. Well, Steven Rogers is very funny. If you guys couldn't tell from the podcast, very funny and a great joke writer. He worked with me years ago at J juniors in Pennsylvania. It was my favorite weekend of juniors. It was very fun. It was a hot weekend. We didn't write together. We did eat at some diner. That was like a garage. Yes. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. Wow.

But it was very cold. Yes. Eerie Pennsylvania. Yeah. But very fun. Very fun. Two years less left. It's one of my, you know, I'd not been headlining a lot at that point, and you were crushing, and I was like, wow, this is going to be hard for me. Oh, I felt the same watching you. I'm like, this is a headliner. Like, I want to get to where this is. That's very sweet. Yeah. That's really sweet. But it was great. Look at here, Ron. Equal footing now. Yeah.

All right. Look at that. Look at that. All right. Okay. Thank you very much. We're having a good time. Full swing. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the Audio Boom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.

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