249: #249 Gardening
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There's an online MBA that students say is transformative, empowering, exhilarating, and that creates a supportive community. It's the iMBA from Gies College of Business at the University of Illinois. The iMBA attracts students from all around the world and top faculty work with you personally. The iMBA is an amazing online experience with a flexible schedule and an affordable price tag.

To learn more, go to onlinemba.illinois.edu. Join us and transform your life. All right. Hello, folks. And hey, Bear. Dusty Slay here. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. Like I just said, I'm Dusty Slay. I'm here with my co-host, Aaron Weber. Hello. And Brian Breakfast Bates. All right. The most important meal of the day. That's right.

We're excited. I'm here. I'm wearing this hoodie. This hoodie says Faber Hall. I feel I don't like it. I like it. I'm wearing it for my friend, Vince. I'm sure he appreciates that. I like the hoodie. What I'm saying is I don't like wearing things like this. It's a crew neck sweatshirt. It makes me uncomfortable.

But fabric-wise, it feels very good. Because you like a V-neck, huh? I like a V-neck, yeah. Yeah. I got a V-neck on under here. Well, it doesn't kind of cancels out if you got a non-V-neck on top of it. Yeah, it does. Because there's a possibility I take this off halfway through. So I just want to go ahead and...

Point it out. Plug it immediately. Brian's wearing a shirt that says old and cold, and I'm hot. Well, that's the new Nate Land merch right there. Just dropped. Available at natebargetzi.com. Old and cold. That's a Nate joke. And the hats. Get the hats, too. Get the hat on. Brian's like our mannequin. Yeah. Real company man. I show up. They're like, here, put this on.

You're old and cold. That's what we used to say when I worked for Spectracide. You'd be at the sales meeting, and there would be people wearing Spectracide shirts. You'd be like, oh, real company, man. Okay, we have Nateland news and upcoming events.

The Steven Rogers half-hour special, half of we, dropped almost two weeks ago on the Nateland YouTube channel. And if you haven't watched it yet, go check it out. It is great. Steven's very funny. Steven's very funny. Yeah. It's a good special.

Yeah, the special is blocked on the Zany's Wi-Fi network. Okay. You know, some pretty edgy stuff being said in this. Yeah. Steven really challenges the status quo. Yes. And they're trying to silence him. And I like how this is worded, the next one. Plus, oh, oh, oh, there's no if in it. Okay. It says, find some time. I thought it said, if you find some time.

Find some time for Aaron Webber's special Signature Dish and Nick Thune's Born Young. We're churning them out here at NAMM, man. And Stephen Bargatze has a special taping here at the Franklin Theater in November. Those two shows are sold out. Oh, wow. That was quick. Thanks, everyone.

Also, new Nateland merch drop. Now available on NateBargazzi.com. Just click shop at the top. I have, well, Brian has this new hoodie on that says old. I already covered this. Yeah, I knocked that out. I knocked that out a little bit again, man. Well, I'm just reading the paper. Stick with us, folks. I've been asked to read. Ron Burgundy. Last thing. Okay. So good.

Some great podcasts. Catch the Consumers every Tuesday, and don't make me come back there every Thursday. So there's something for almost every day of the week here, guys. I'm on this week's episode of the Consumers. What's your brand? Metamucil? Seemed unnecessary. It did. It came out. I'm sorry. People have been talking in the comments about Aaron being aggressive with Brian. They are correct. What brand did you do? I actually did pitch Metamucil. Did you really? See?

Take back your mean comments about me. I nailed that one. People are backspacing right now. People have been saying that you've been mean to Brian, but I'm like, we're all having a good time. We're all being mean. We're all having a good time. Yeah. I sent him a few options. That was one, but we went with Chips Ahoy. Okay. That's good.

good you like chips ahoy yeah good you remember those commercials where they were like can you take a bite without biting a chip and then they had like a general and he was mapping out the cookie being like i think we could bite right here no i don't know but that sounds like a man what would you do for a chip so is that it no i don't think so i think that's what it was you can't take a bite without biting a chip you guys cover chips ahoy once you pop you just can't stop chips ahoy

No, but it was a hot episode. We'll see.

I'm sure it was great. I'm doing it soon. I'm excited. I got my brand picked out. Yeah. What are you going to do? I'm going to do tops, the trading cards. Oh, okay. Yeah, well, something different. Baseball cards. Mm-hmm. Something fun. Yeah. Something accessible to the masses. Yeah. Yeah. Something to bring the women in. I just feel sorry for the person next to you on the plane as you haul all your baseball cards with you to St. Louis. Well, I'll tuck it under the seat. Okay. Anyway. Anyway.

Well, I was gone last week, but I hear that it was a great episode, and I was excited. I love Ben Sawyer. I do hate history, but I love Ben Sawyer, so I was happy that you guys did that. I heard it was a good episode. Why don't you like the past? Well, people say I'm anti-science, but I'm really anti-history, because none of it's true. So you guys know that. Talk to me enough. You guys know that. Okay. None of it.

I'm sure there's some nuggets of truth in there. Yeah. George Washington maybe existed. Maybe. He's on the quarter. Yeah. So that's good enough for me. I mean, I'm sure there's some, you know, there's some accurate things in there. I think last week's episode was good because you weren't here. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. It worked out well. The last time I saw Ben, we hung out. We had a cigar. I love hanging with Ben. Yeah. But I don't need to get too in-depth with mainstream history. I like...

I like alternative history. Yeah. Mainstream history. Yeah. I like a lot of alleged history. Yeah. Yeah. We can tell. Well, that's fair. Yeah. But it was a good episode and we're happy to have you back, Dusty. Where have you been? What have you been up to? Where were you? Well, you know, last week I went out to add a show on Saturday night in San Luis Obispo. They call which they call slow.

And it was great. Really great. Really great town. Great show. I did an hour 20 minutes. And that's why it was great. It was really great. And then the next day I drove from there down to L.A. And it is an amazing drive.

California is beautiful. On the left side of me, there were mountains. On the right side was the ocean. About halfway on my drive, I stopped at some state park that was a beach. Just went out on the beach, had a little cigar. I think we texted. Enjoyed myself. Yeah. And it was great. And then finally, I hit LA, and then the traffic got thick.

And I had to get into driving mode. But it was a great time. I did the Adam Carolla podcast. And I had a meeting. I did some things. And then I did a show at the Comedy Store with Jeremiah Watkins, a show called Stand Up on the Spot. What kind of meeting did you have? Well, just a meeting with a company. No, I don't know. What kind of company? Yeah.

Just making some moves out here. Classic LA meeting. Yeah. You're part of the Illuminati, basically. Well, I'm leery of the Illuminati when I'm out there. Do you ever tell them that in the meetings just to set the tone early? Well, no. I'm just cool.

But I was at the meeting and I asked and they go, they offered some things to drink. And I go, well, I know you didn't offer this, but could I have a coffee? And they go, yeah. They go, how do you want it? And I just said, just black coffee. And then they brought it to me at the beginning of the meeting and there was cream and sugar in there. And I was like, wow, you guys really messed that up.

That's the kind of attention to detail that I want people to be paying. You know what I mean? You walk out of the meeting early. You can't get this right. Yeah. There's no point of talking to you. Come on. You know what I mean?

I felt bad because I didn't drink the coffee. I felt like now I'm the guy going, yeah, I'll take a coffee, and then I don't touch it. Right. When you do these meetings, do you take control early, or do you kind of sit back and let them do the talking? It just depends. I like to imagine you walking in, sitting at the end of a conference table, elbows on the table, and you go, here's how it's going to work.

And they're like, we don't even know who you are. But you just control the meeting. Well, it just depends. If I go with my manager, Judy, Judy really sets the table. Right. And then I call up Judy on the telephone. And then now she's in the meeting. And then by the time Charlie Danielson. Oh, that's Trudy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But that's good, though. And then, you know, Judy will set it up.

in a way that when I start talking, I'm like, I feel like a real superstar at this point. Yeah. And no, but I just go in there. Sometimes I don't even know what we're talking about. Right. Sounds like you don't know what the company was. Yeah, I do. But yeah, sometimes I don't even, you know, I don't even, I don't know why we're having the meeting. Mm-hmm.

It could easily be a 30-second phone call. Yeah. But they call them kind of in person, get to know your meetings, where you go in, you meet. And then it's like if they have some ideas, if they have some stuff they want to throw your way, they do. And that's what I'm into. I'm into that sort of stuff. I did a Cracker Barrel commercial a little while back. I heard about that. When is that going to air? I think in May.

How about that? That's a national TV spot? I think so, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. I did not know this. Yeah. What did you have to do? Well, it's... I don't know if I can really give it all away, but it's for the... They have a campfire. I think...

I got some Cracker Barrel jokes on my special on Netflix. And they, I think they like the jokes. Because I don't make fun of Cracker Barrel. I make fun of one billboard, but then I go on to talk about how much I like Cracker Barrel. Yeah. So I did. And it was in Mount Juliet. So it was a 10-minute drive from my house. I just cruised on up to the Cracker Barrel in Mount Juliet. Yeah, I don't like. I mean, Cracker Barrel started in my hometown of Lebanon. Yeah. And I should be the one in that commercial, not you. Yeah.

You got to write more positive Cracker Barrel. I mean, what are you doing? You're right about that, Dusty. You know? Yeah. You got to let them know that you like it. That's awesome. With that special, I closed down a Western Sizzling and I got a Cracker Barrel commercial. You should do a Western Sizzling commercial.

I don't know that they're doing any anymore. And how about after we ate hot chicken at Partyfowl, the company went bankrupt about a week after that video came out. That's true. We're shutting down places out here. Cracker Barrel, sell your stock now. No, Cracker Barrel is like, they know how to get in there. See, what's happening with these other companies is they're not embracing me. Cracker Barrel is like, you know what? Let's get this guy to represent the company.

Yeah. Okay, so they've got a good chance of surviving. That's what I'm saying. I'm excited to see that. Me too. They've got a strong business. Yeah, they're doing well. They're doing good. And they've got a good chicken and dumplings. Did you get any Cracker Barrel gifts? Did they give you a rocking chair or anything? No rocking chair. I would like a Cracker Barrel rocking chair and a jumbo checker set. Where they're like, all right, Dusty, we want you, when we say action, pick up this piece of bacon and start eating it. No, no, I told them I wouldn't eat it. Okay, okay.

No pork, no sausage, no bacon. Because we did have one dish that was shrimp, one dish that was chicken. And I said, I'll eat the chicken, but I won't eat the... He said that while they were rolling. No, no, I went ahead and let them know. Like he does on our ads.

That's awesome. Yeah, it was good. And then so then I came home, and then this weekend I was out in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I did Bricktown Comedy Club. Nice. Great weekend. I was working with my buddy Vince Fabra, and we had a good time. Great shows. It's a great club. What does that shirt say? It says Fabra Hall. Then what is it? Well, it's a joke, and I don't know. You could interpret it as dirty, potentially, so I don't want to get too into it, but.

All right. You could interpret it that way, but nothing about it is dirty. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You can take it off now. I may take it off. I am not. It's a, he gave this to me because we were hanging out after the shows and it got a little cold. Right. And I didn't have a shirt and he gave me this shirt and I was, so it is warm. It's a bad time of the year to start selling them, but it's, yeah, it's hot around here.

Dusty Slay here. Now, let me tell you, before I found Brunt Boots, I had these old work boots that felt like I was wearing two cinder blocks on my feet. By the end of the day, I'd take them off and my feet would be killing me. Mm-hmm.

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I got the Marin boot, and let me tell you, it checks every box. Lightweight, durable, and built for the toughest job sites. Brian got the old man. He's loving this. Those? The old man. Yeah, he's loving those. Is that how you say it? I don't know.

Is it O-M-A-N? O-H-M-A-N. Oh, O-Man. Oh, man. And he's loving those. Yeah. So if you're looking for something built different, the O-Man's boots got all the same great features. I got the G-Willikers. I love them.

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There you go.

What about you, Brian? Where were you? I was home this weekend doing some family stuff. Did some Easter egg hunts. Nice. Texted you guys something kind of deep and personal from the heart and got complete silence until like eight hours later when Dusty texted a conspiracy video about cats or demons.

So appreciate that, guys. That's your fault for getting too serious. I mean, it's not like it was out of the cold. We were having a full chat going, and I just took it up a notch and talked about how great a parent you are. Listen, it was a good text, and I didn't know how to follow it up. Yeah. I didn't know how to follow it up. I should have at least reacted to it. I'm sorry about that, Brian. Yeah, not even a thumbs up. Yeah, give me a thumbs up.

Just an exclamation point. I thought, let's settle this out. And have you ever seen the eyes of cats? And I thought, you know what I mean? Right, right. Well, thank you for that. I'm sorry I didn't respond. I got to get better about that. Dusty sent me a sentimental text, too, that I sat on it until you brought it up just now before the podcast. I'll do that. And, you know, it's a flaw. I'm sorry about that. Mm-hmm.

But Dusty didn't respond either, so it's on him as well. Yeah.

Well, I just was like, that's a great text. I mean, I'm going to cheapen this text now with a thumbs up. You were just thinking of me. Yeah. Where were you, Aaron? I had a little bit of a busy week. I was in California last week as well. I had a corporate gig in Rancho Palos Verdes, California, about an hour outside of LA. Look at the view from my hotel room. Wow. I mean.

I mean... Who's the girl down there? I don't know. I'm sorry she's in this picture. She's posing for the photo. No, she's walking through the gate. Let me scroll up a little bit. She was posing. She's not posing. She's walking through the gate and I caught her inadvertently. I apologize to that woman. Yeah, right. It's tough to take a picture of a pool without it looking like you're...

Being weird, but this is the view. And you're right, Dusty, just such a beautiful. So beautiful. I mean, it was incredible. I was brought a Jay Flake, buddy of mine, Nashville comedian. We saw dolphins. Wow. Jumping out in the water. I watched the sunset over the cliff. Apparently, this entire city is starting to slide into the water. And I think. Where's this? This is Rancho Palos Verdes, California. RPV. Slow and RPV.

Yeah, slow and RPV. That's where we hang out. I have a theory about that. I can't get into it. Okay. I can't wait until after the pod. But beautiful, beautiful place. And then I went right from there to Austin, Texas, the belly of the beast, for Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Look at that. I did a bunch of shows, hung out right around 6th Street. 6th Street will take a toll on you after a few days, man. Pretty tough to catch the audience laughing like that. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

Yeah, during anybody's set. No, it is, though. When they take pictures, there's always some serious people in the audience. This is a great picture. Yeah, I'm killing right here, dude. He's not even looking at you. This is a really fun show that Mike Falzone runs. It's called Surrounded. It's your...

in the round essentially, but the crowds right up on you and you can't do any material. It's all just crowd work. And I'd never done a show like that at all. Okay. And, uh, had a lot of fun with it. It's a muscle that I don't use very well. That's what stand up on the spot is that I did at, uh, in a, at the comedy store. And it's, uh,

Yeah, it's a challenge. That guy had a Hawaiian shirt on, and I go, you got a Hawaiian shirt on, huh? He goes, yeah. I go, hey, Hawaii not. You know what I mean? And he got, I mean, nothing, dude. I thought that was the funniest joke of all time. I've been saying Hawaii not for years, and I've been waiting on a reason to use it. And I was like, this will shut the show down, dude. Hawaii not. You get it? No. Like Hawaii? Oh, Hawaii not. Yeah.

That's a good one. And so that's the kind of razor sharp wit you can expect for the next 15 minutes. Well, if you've been sitting on that for years, though, that sounds like material. Well, yeah, that's a good point, Dusty. So you cheated.

Well, you could also say you've used all those words before in different contexts. I speak a different language. He speaks Klingon. That's what I was going to say. But thank you to Mike. Thank you to everybody at Moon Tower. A lot of great comics there just hanging out. Being in the hotel lobby during a comedy festival is...

You just see like, okay, Sklar brothers are checking in. Yeah. And then like Janine Garofalo's in there. You did Moon Tower? Moon Tower, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's fun. I've done Moon Tower before. This girl on the bottom left is losing it. Yeah, dude. I'm killing. I don't remember what I'm doing. That's when they started to get why not. They started to understand what you meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a thinker. Mm-hmm. But the, yeah, Moon Tower's fun.

yeah i did it you know five years ago maybe six years ago 2019 oh nice but uh yeah i loved it and i stopped by the mothership for it got to see that yeah hang in the green room for a minute and stuff it's all it's all very fun to just poke your head in every now and then and be like i'm out here too and then go back to nashville oh you got uh some love from john goblecon

Oh, yeah. That's your buddy. Yeah, I did a show with him. Yeah, I don't like goblins. Oh, Mitch Burrell. Goblins. Yeah, I did that show with Mitch. Mitch did that Surrounded show. It was very funny. Mitch Burrell used to do comedy with me back in Charleston. He's one of the first people I ever did comedy with. Mitch Burrell. Anyway, fun few days. Thank you to everybody I saw. I did a show with Chelsea Lynn. I did the Trailer Crash Tammy and Friends. I love those people. I love...

Tammy and Libby and Jeremiah. It was so much fun. I love them. I love them. So anyway, that's where we've been. That's where we're going. Let's get into it, man. You want to get into these comments, Brad? Let's get into it. Dusty, you read them, dude. The comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast Reviews, and Nateland at NateBargazzi.com. Sorry. Jay Quinn Creates.

The Nate Land podcast is greater than the sum of the host. It gives us a weekly clean, fun, and entertaining show for free. As long as y'all keep that up, I'm here no matter the lineup each week.

We'll see. We're going to test that. Jay Quinn is like, I don't care about you guys. Just be clean. Be clean and be free. I'll listen. I ain't got nothing else going on. So nothing like an endorsement like that from Jay Quinn. Hey, I'll be here. You keep it free and clean. I'll be here every week, man. I'll create. It's nice. That's called loyalty. Now, it is nice. Thank you, Jay Quinn. It is nice.

How about this next name? What a great name. Well, the next name is from King of the Hill. It's called Rusty Shackleford. That's Dale Gribble's kind of code name. Yeah. Okay. Rusty Shackleford. Halfway through this episode, I had to stop and check if I was still listening to Nateland. Hearing a highly educated person speak passionately about a subject they are very familiar with is always good listening.

That is not Rusty Shackleford. You need to check your name there, bud. Thurston Howell III. Highly educated person speaking passionately about a subject they're very familiar with. Hope you enjoyed it, Rusty. It's going to be a while before that happens again.

Oh, yeah. But it was a nice change of pace. Sometimes I read comments and people are like, they go, I don't know if I can keep listening. Dusty's misinformation is just too hard to listen to. And I go, how weak are you? You know what I mean? How weak are you that you can't hear someone say some things that you don't necessarily agree with? It's just weak.

I don't know if I can do it. I just can't do it anymore. That's just from Brian. Miguel Leyva.

For the haters in the comments, that I suspect is just Brian using pseudonyms, make no mistake that Dusty is the cherry atop this sundae. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. I became a weekly viewer when he came on board. Congrats, all of you, on your success. Now that's a comment. Okay.

But is the cherry the best part of a sundae? I could argue the sundae's just as good without the cherry. I'd throw the cherry away. Yeah. Who needs a cherry? It's much harder like this podcast to be. Well, I think it's like, you know, the sundae's good, and then a little cherry on top really lets you know that there was some thought put into it. Okay. It's like the coffee with the cream and sugar. It's like, if you're not putting a cherry up there, can you even –

Do you even know that the sundae was done right? Right. If there's no cherry on there, who knows what else? If you're the cherry, what are me and Brian? You're going to be the chocolate fudge. And you're the banana. Who's the ice cream? I'm the vanilla. I guess Nate's the ice cream because he's old and cold. Yeah, there you go. Right? Yeah. You guys weren't happy? I don't even know what goes on a sundae. Yeah, well, you nailed it. I think that's what it is. Ice cream, bananas. Yeah.

Is that a banana split? What's a sundae? Oh, I thought, yeah, I was thinking banana split. You're absolutely right. Yeah, sundae is just like a hot fudge sundae. Yeah. You can't define a, can't use the word to define a word. Okay, that's fair. I don't know then. Okay. How about that?

I know it when I can't define it, but I know it when I see it. But you seem to eat a lot of them. You guys are like, we hate the cherry. We throw the cherries out. What else is in there? Yeah, I don't like the cherry. It's vanilla ice cream with chocolate on top. And nuts, usually. You're the nuts. Yeah, I am the nuts. I'm the cherry, too, though. Okay, you're the nuts of the cherry. No, Miguel's wrong. You're nuts. Yeah. Steve Kelly. You can't read in dreams. Oh.

which is one sure way to check to see if you're in a dream. So that's probably why we would never dream about heavily using smartphones. Is that true? You can't read in a dream.

Why do you think that is? I don't know if that's true. But I don't know that it's not true. Do you know that everybody you see in a dream is somebody that you've seen in real life? I've always heard that. Your brain can't create a new person in a dream. What if you've seen some of these AI photos? Does that count?

If you've just seen them and then just a picture of them. That is weird to think, though, because I have dreams sometimes where I'm interacting with people that I have no idea who they are. But those are all people you've seen before. Your brain's seen them at some point. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. The brain's a magical thing. I had a dream. Well, I can't do it. I have a joke about it. But Matt Gore...

Can you reheat coffee once it's been made? Yes. I am somehow the only person in my family who doesn't reheat coffee in the microwave. I think it's gross and disrespectful to the bean. I did it this morning. Well, I put it all back in. Dusty says, yes, you put it in the microwave. I don't have a microwave. Right. Dusty gets a campfire going outside, and then he holds the cup up over it like a s'more. Gets a fire going. And then reheats it that way. I have. I would do that.

But I have poured it into a pot and just reheated it on the stove. Okay. But I say just drink the coffee. We...

Why are you letting it get cold? Yeah. I did this morning. You sit it down, you forget about it, or you have to do something unexpected, and then you come back, coffee's only hot for a second. You're using the cure. And then it's ice cold. I do use the cure, yeah. See, if you're using a pot, this is my theory. Use a pot, make a pot of coffee, and then smaller cups. What is the theory? Well, I guess it's not a theory. Philosophy. There you go.

That's the way to do it. So you're not sitting with a big cup. Yeah, the pot staying hot in the pot. Right. That would be a way of doing it. Sometimes in a hotel, what I'll do, so the coffee's not too strong, I'll have a mug, like an Arctic mug or like a Yeti. Yeah, Stanley. And then you brew the coffee one time with the hotel coffee and then brew it again through that same filter.

And then combine the two. Oh. And then you can pour it out into your cup. So it's staying warm in there. And it weakens it a bit. Okay. Because some of this hotel coffee is insanely light. It's like, it's not built on taste. It's built on caffeine. Right. But that's what I'm drinking it for. So it just depends on your goals going in. I like to weaken. Sometimes I'll do half decaf and half regular just so the coffee stays warm.

thick, but I'm not over-caffeinated. Do you take the cup and you put it in your purse when you leave? I enjoy drinking coffee. Does your Keurig get really hot? It gets hot enough. It's not going to burn me or anything. That's what I use. It's hot enough, but then I get like... The airport, they got a Starbucks and I burn my tongue. It's so much hotter. It's crazy hot. Because they're brewing it in big quantities. And they're burning it.

They might be burning it. Well, it's a good burn. I mean, I've taken a lot of sips of Starbucks and gone. But you keep doing it. And tongues, they recover pretty quickly, I've noticed. Tongues do. The tongue's resilient. The tongue is resilient. It's probably gone. Now, the top of your mouth, that's another story. That'll get wrecked for days. You bite into pizza a little too early. That's true.

That is true. Spencer Heaton. So as we all know, Aaron got his drywall bit from Dusty. I'm going to stop you right there. I don't even know what you're talking about. See, I don't know either. I read this. So let's back up. I do stand-up comedy. So I have a bit about drywall.

Oh, yeah. And I guess this guy thinks I took it from you. Well, we talked about drywall on the podcast. What did we talk? Do you remember what we talked about? No, I mean, I remember that you had a guy come over to your house and he was like trying to fix a leak or something. Yeah. So that's what the story is about. And he made a bunch of holes in your wall. He cut a giant hole in the wall. And then I think on the podcast, we talked about me coming over to your house to fix it. And then I never did. Okay. Yeah.

So I'd be curious to know what Spencer means by that. I definitely did not. He makes it sound like this is your story that I took, but that's not the case. Yeah, I mean, I don't have a drywall story. Matter of fact, I got two holes in my wall right now where I had to get some faucets repaired because I have frost resistant outdoor faucets.

But apparently, if you hook up one- You mean like spigots? Yes. Okay. But if you hook up one of those multi-faucets to it, in the winter- You hear that too? You're not calling it a faucet? Maybe. Yeah, faucet. Yeah. Okay. Faucet. Faucet. All right. All right. My bad. What do you say? A faucet. Faucet? Yeah, F-A-U-C-E-T is how- Faucet. Faucet.

What do you say? You're saying like fossil. Faucet. Faucet. Yeah, I don't believe you. You probably say fooset. Let's come back to it when I'm not thinking about it. That's right. Sorry about that. I'm sorry to bring the conversation to a screeching halt. But if you have a multi-faucet on there, it almost like negates your frost-resistant faucet. Okay.

So it cracked them and now they were leaking a little bit. Brutal. But I don't have a crawl space under my house. I'm on a slab. So the guy had to come over and cut holes in my wall to get to the thing. And he said, I make holes. I don't fix them. If you tack that on, you're going to get a lot of more work. If you figure out how to do that.

But he did fix it. By the way, I told y'all when there was a big leak, my basement flooded. We got the water bill. You want to guess how much water? It was $2,000 of water. Did they work with you on it, though?

They helped out a little bit once I explained the situation to them, but not as much as I'd like. The water company. The water company. They cover half? Well. Okay. How many gallons do they say? No, they didn't tell me the gallon amount. I'd be curious. Because I felt like that was the deal. I had heard that, like if something happened like that. They said you get a one-time reprieve for broken pipes. You'd already used it?

No, well, it was this. Is this you again, Aaron? That dollar amount was spread over the course of two different billing cycles. So I paid for half of it already, and then the other half they took care of. Okay. Okay.

Well, Spencer, as we all know. Do you want me to finish this? Yeah. Okay. So I'd love to know the insider information when it comes to how comedians share ideas for bits. Is it awkward? Is it common? Is there a website where you can sell ideas for bits? Would love to get a peek behind the scenes.

Well, you know, I'm going to say this. Aaron, me and Aaron went to an aquarium one time together and we had a shared experience. And then Aaron wrote a joke about that experience and he did it. And I liked the joke.

And then and I had stopped doing it and I watched and I watched for months and Aaron was never doing the joke. And I was like, I was like, man, I like that joke. And I go, what? Hey, I go, Aaron, what are you doing with that aquarium bit? And he goes, I never could really get it to work for me. Right. And I go, can I have it?

And he said, yes. I said, I'll trade you all your trailer park jokes for my aquarium joke. So he gave me the joke and I did it. And I went ahead and did it on The Tonight Show so he couldn't get it back. And...

I remember we were riding to a gig one time together and the song five o'clock somewhere came on and I was like, this would be a fun joke to tell. And I kind of just started riffing and did the whole song. He broke it down right there in the car, broke the whole song down. I recorded it on my phone. That's incredible. And then when I got home, I went ahead and did it. Yeah. Uh,

and recorded it and posted it on the internet. That's crazy. And I had a Cracker Barrel bit eight years ago. Yeah. That's the crazy part. Yeah. And I, you know, I saw you doing it. That's what I do. I go to open mics and, uh, see comics doing jokes and I go, Oh, I like that one. But I think the answer to your question, Spencer, take them because there is parallel thinking a lot. And a lot of us just have this, that you just have a conversation with the person and talk through it like that. There's no like rule book. I actually just had a comic reach out to me, uh,

a pretty well-established comic. He worked with a friend of mine, and my friend heard this guy's closer, and he goes, that joke is a lot like Dusty's joke. And me and the guy had a conversation about it because he reached out to me. And I don't... He sent me his, and I sent him mine, and they are not at all the same joke, but they are very much the same...

premise. Okay. And... Come out the same faucet. And, yes. And weirdly very close to the same thing. But when you think about it, I don't want to get too into it because I don't want to give the joke away, but I just think

This guy's a comedian. Yeah. He's doing the same things I'm doing. He, we're, we're having the same experiences out here. So as unique as that experience might be for someone traveling all the time, it might not be that unique. Right. Yeah. I was about to say, who's doing what you're doing out there. Yeah. I guess the travel stuff. Yeah. And I just think that, and I, uh,

I mean, mine's recorded. It's on the new special. So it's not coming down. I can't help you out, but it's already out there. Dusty puts it out quick. But yeah, it is unfortunate, man.

And I felt weird. I mean, everything is fine. This guy's my friend. But it was like, I was like, oh, dang. It's too bad. It just happens. It's inevitable. Yeah. You have a conversation about it. I had a joke recently, a new joke I was trying. And you pointed out that you had a very similar joke. Do you remember that? The joke about sitting? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's on my special on Netflix, yeah. Yeah, I've never seen it. But...

Well, yeah. I mean, about my whole goal is just to move from one sitting position to another. Yeah. But it's at the same time, it's like, yeah, of course, that's a thought that we're going to have because me and you both are not very active people. We're not trying to do a lot of standing around, you know, we're not, I don't think either of us are trying to get our steps. No, not at all.

So it is. Yeah. I mean, it is, you know, it's like, especially when you're hanging out and you go, are you going to, and a joke comes up and everybody's laughing. You go, are you going to do that bit? Yeah. You think about doing that? Cause I'd like to try that real quick. The syrup in the waffle maker. That was me, but I gave it to Nate because he's such a good storyteller and I couldn't pull it off. So,

Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to hear you tell it from the point of view of the guy who did it. I know. I tried it. I'd like to think I'm a better comic now. Maybe I could pull it off. But when I tried it a few times, at that time, I could never tell true-to-life jokes and make them stories and make them funny. Especially guys that can just take it and do it on stage immediately. Yeah. Some guys are really good at that. I'm not. Why not? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Okay. We love talking about our Helix mattresses. I've had my Helix mattress almost three years now. Nate's parents just got one and they love it. Nate's dad said it helps with the sleep apnea. We all have a Helix mattress and we all love it. That's true. I know that people make fun of me when I say that the ad that goes.

That is true. But I have a Helix mattress and I like it. I have the Helix pillows and I like them. I find them very comfortable. When guests come over to my house, they sleep on a Helix mattress with me in bed and I go, how was it? And they say it was great. They say it's a good mattress. They go, where can I get some of those pillows too? Yeah. And they go, I have not... I ordered my sister a Helix mattress and they've never slept better. They were...

I don't even know what they were sleeping on, but now it's better. It improves how I sleep. Everyone knows I love their pillows. We talk about it all the time, but it has helped with my sleep. I'm getting better sleep. Aaron's getting better sleep, and Brian's getting better sleep. Much better.

My old mattress was one of those old spring mattresses. I have a video on YouTube about my old mattress. It's a stand-up bit. Very funny. And I finally realized how bad that is for sleep. Helix fixes that issue. It's great for hot sleepers, people with back pain, snores, and people with sleep apnea. It's for everyone. Go to Helix Sleep. You just said that.

Yeah. I don't know. He had to call us out and then, hey, it's for everyone. Well, everyone can get in on it, but sometimes you got to get specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to sleep, helixsleep.com slash nate for their 20% off site-wide for their spring savings event. That's helixsleep.com slash nate for 20% off their site-wide. Sale ends on April 30th. helixsleep.com slash nate.

Okay, Bryce Dorn. Not only is Aaron the best ad reader, but he's also the best impressionist. Oh. What impressions? Thank you very much. Was that good? Well, best compared to me and Brian, two guys that do no impressions. That's how the word best works. Throw out an email right now and I'll do it. Christopher Walken.

I'm going to need more cowbell. That was... That's really good. You didn't even try to do it. I closed my eyes for a second and I thought, is Christopher Walken in the room? That was Christopher Walken. I'm going to need more cowbell. That's how you did it just now. I don't even think that... Is that Christopher Walken that does that? Yeah, yeah. That's him in the sketch. Is it him saying it? Yeah. Oh, okay. Got a fever. Will Ferrell's... Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do it, do it. I've already done it. I've already nailed it. I want to hear it. My favorite Christopher Walken is from...

Joe Dirt, though. Can you do any of those? I haven't seen Joe Dirt. Give me somebody else. I can do anybody. That's the most disappointing. Obama. Michelle or Barack? Let's do President Barack. President, okay. Well. Is he a point? That was a sassy Barack. Well. Well, let me be clear. Hear me out.

The point is I do good impressions. You guys are jealous. You said throw out anyone. He gave you the easiest one. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Let me do that. Get to the chopper. See? They all seem. I'm killing it. All your impressions seem more feminine than you are.

Right? You get more feminine. Don't say it like that. Well, I'm saying you're not a feminine person. That's right. I wear brunt. But when you do an impression, they get feminine. Get to the chopper. Well, compared to me, Arnold is feminine. That's what I'm saying. Okay, I'll give you that. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. You guys are just jealous. I nailed it. Three for three. All right, one more.

What did Obama say? Well. Well.

Let me finish, but go ahead. Give me another one. Well, just because this is in the next comment, what about Billy Bob Thornton from Sling Blade? I've been seeing that. That has come across my TikTok algorithm, and it is. He's a mustard biscuit. Listen, there's one with the girl from Snow White being, but it's the voice of Sling Blade. Gosh, it's so good.

Get some mustard and biscuits. How much you want for them? Yeah. Mustard and biscuits. What you got to eat that's good in there. That was pretty good. All right, go ahead. Next comment. Okay. Tim Stevens, what do you think of the idea of Billy Bob Thornton being cast as Nick Saban for a biopic or something similar? I think the two are total doppelgangers.

Well, Billy Bob Thorne can do anything. That guy's amazing. Sling Blade doing Nick Saban. I'm against that. He might be. He's already been a football coach in a movie. Yeah. It's like, how many times do you want to play the same kind of role over and over again? Yeah, I don't see them as doppelgangers. I don't either. I've never thought that. But he could definitely play him if he wanted to. He's really good. Because Nick Saban's old, man. I was just thinking Billy Bob's old, but Nick Saban's in his 70s. Yeah.

You know, Billy Bob's up there. Well, he'd play a younger version. I aim to kill you with it. You think he's going to play the retired Nick Saban? Yeah, he played College Game Day Nick Saban. Does those commercials for, what is it he does, Airbnb? iFlight? I just see you, man.

Hey, give me some of the big ones. Andy Corwatch. I'm a cop in Wilmington, North Carolina, and recently went out of town for training. The instructor asked who was the most famous person from their city. There was a police officer from Opelika, Alabama. He couldn't come up with a name. I chimed up and said, what about Dusty Slay? And he said, who's that?

well you tell that guy i'm gonna finish the comment you tell that guy that the mayor gave me the key to the city i just wanted you to know that i had your back and the class got a quick gadget education as to who you are i'll tell you what though 20 years ago the cops knew my name i'm telling you i bet they did

Are you the most famous person? Well, I guess you are. I don't know. I don't think of myself as famous. I'm the most public of the figures. Yeah, yeah. Has anybody else come out of Uppalack? Is there any other comedians? I don't... Oh, there's a comedian named Jody Fuller. And there's... Is that a guy or a girl? It's a guy. There's a musician named Adam Hood. There's a...

I think there's an astronaut, if you believe in that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about that. There's a baseball player, Roy Lee Jackson, who's now a pastor in the Auburn area. Okay. I think there was a NASCAR driver, a couple of football players, TJ Jackson. I love the fact you don't want to admit that astronaut. You're like, you just glaze over it. That's got to be the most famous person from Opelika, right? Well, we don't even know. Astronaut.

More than Alabama pits convicted felon who garnered media attention for his attempt to play professional baseball after his release from Sing Sing prison. This guy looks incredible. They don't even have my name in here. They never, you can never get any respect in your own hometown. I'll tell you that. I got the key to the city and they can't even bother to update the Wikipedia. There's James Voss, retired astronaut right there.

How about that? There's a real hero. Let's click on him. Yeah. Let's dive into this. This guy went to space, I bet. Raised by his grandparents in Opelika, Alabama. As a child, he read a lot of science fiction with an emphasis on spaceflight. Yeah, and then he went on to be a real-life science fiction person. We're going to have him on. Oh, come on, dude. Science fiction person. Come on, James. Come on the podcast. Let's talk about it. Yeah, come on, James.

I need the week off. Let me tell you something. If we ever get an astronaut on the podcast and you tap out for it, it'll be pretty upsetting. Well, listen. If you brought... Like, for instance, you brought this guy that was just stuck in space. John Glenn. Yeah, I wouldn't... You know, John Glenn, you know, he's...

He's dedicated himself to this lifestyle. Lifestyle. And I wouldn't want to try to come at the guy on the podcast. Right, right. What about Butch Wilmore, the guy who just came home? Yeah, I'd be very respectful to Butch, even though, you know, but I'd be respectful to him. Mm-hmm. So. I mean, that's not saying that much to be respectful. If he was respectful to you, then that would be more impressive. It sure would. You don't think he would be respectful to me? No.

I'm just saying if you... He's supposed to be a Christian man. But even within Christianity, there's such a thing as righteous anger. Like James Joyce, blowing that perfect game. There's no astronaut like Katy Perry and Gayle King. That's right. Let's get them on the podcast. That's what we want on here. Okay. Nicole...

Chittister. That's a tough name. Sure is. It's like you took two words, took out a couple of letters, and then smashed them together. Right. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, and the last name's tough, too. Nicole Chittister.

Aaron, I appreciate how often you ask the guys to describe things for those listening. That's what I'm talking about. I used to be an exclusive YouTube watcher of the pod because I loved seeing all the visuals and facial expressions. But now that my drive to work is 40 minutes, I usually listen in the car. You having things described for us make me feel like I'm not missing out on so much. All right. That is nice, though.

Because there are some podcasts that I listen to that are mainly visual podcasts, and it's hard. It is tough. Or if you're watching a movie, it's tough sometimes, too. It's like, guys, tell me what's happening in the scene. Yeah. We bring the funny, and you describe what's going on. So, we all have our role. Nicole Chidester. Do you think that's how it's spelled? Chidester? Chidester. Chidester. Chidester. Chidester is the most sketchy of the names.

She's a Chinister. Yeah. Do you guys get where I'm going with this? Yeah, I do. Bart Scarborough. Great name. Tell Dusty to check out Lasagna Gardening. It's the best. All of his leaves will be a great addition to setting up an amazing garden. That sounds like some kind of compost pile where you're layering things, but maybe not. Lasagna Gardening 101. I've never heard of this. Me either. I like the first half of it.

Well, there's a brief description on the AI. I make a lasagna compost. This reminds me of one of the best roast jokes ever. Jeff Ross talking about Jonah Hill. He said, Quentin Tarantino asked Jonah Hill if he wanted to be in a spaghetti western. He said, you had me at spaghetti. You had me at lasagna, Bart Scarborough. I'll check it out, Bart.

Yeah, some advantages. It's a no-dig, no-till organic gardening method that results in a rich, fluffy soil with very little work from the gardener. All right. Sounds like something we'd be interested in. Yeah. Fabio Fina.

Earth Day is April 22nd. Is that right? Today's April 22nd. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be... Yesterday, if you're listening to the podcast. Yeah, Earth Day is April 22nd, and Arbor Day is April 25th. Let's get a gardening episode going. Dusty, bring the green thumb wisdom. All right. I'll say, though, people...

Like one time we were talking about trees and a guy said he was really disappointed that I didn't know the native trees of Tennessee. Yeah, right. I think we all were. This is the thing about me that you got to understand. I get into things, but I don't get into the details too much. Okay.

Like when I was a drinker, all my friends would know all of these different liquors, all these beers. They could talk about them. I wasn't into it for that or like that. Cigars the same way. I got people that can tell me everything about cigars, all these different brands. I...

I'm not that kind of guy. The same for trees. I'm like, let's get some stuff in here. Let's see if it works. Let's see if it doesn't. I'm not too detail-oriented with it. When I waited tables, it was at a place called Brick's Wood Fired Pizzas, right by the movie theater. Brick's with no K. B-R-I-X-X. Yeah. That's how they spelled it. Okay.

And they had a ton of beers on tap, and I was supposed to learn about all of them. But I learned everything about one of them. Yeah. And I would just recommend that. And if they said they weren't interested, I would go, I don't know. I'd probably get some waters. Because if you don't want Kentucky bourbon barrel, the greatest beer of all time.

I can't help it. Are you even drinking? Yeah. Where else are you going to see Kentucky bourbon barrel on tap? Yeah. Get some. Yeah. And that had a pretty good yield on just recommending one thing strongly.

Do you know how good that fry story is that every time you talk about waiting tables, all I can think about is you eating those fries? That's all I can think about. I told it on Andrew Santino's podcast, and he clipped it up, too. It's a fun story. It's all I can think about. Anytime you talk about working in a restaurant, that's what I think about. A lot of people say I'm disgusting because you're supposed to take food off the plate before it goes out.

Apparently. That's stealing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But circumstances were I was a 17-year-old kid right after school, hadn't eaten yet. I was hungry. I'm not getting paid, and I'm washing dishes. I don't even have access to the food before it goes out. Right. I'm only handed a plate after we get it back. Yeah. So that's when I would take food. Would you ever take the approach, what I make out with this –

woman before. No, you did a joke about that years ago and then I gave up on it, but that's a good job. That's a dusty sledge. If you're listening, dusty left. It's a good joke. Yeah. And, um, also a good philosophy or theory. So you would only eat food off somebody's plate if you would make out with that woman, uh, person. Yeah. Then you branched out, right? And then if it was a guy, I would say with the girl that I would make out with, make out with this guy. That is a good joke.

Yeah. But yeah, I used to eat a lot of food off people's plates. So I get where you're coming from. But yeah, if you eat it off the plate before you take it to the table, then you're stealing from those people. Exactly. You're a thief. Yeah. And you need to repent. I agree with you. You were doing more of the Native American ritual of eating the entire- Not letting anything go to waste. Exactly. I'm eating the entire potato. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At least the salt.

No, the salt was gone. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. The salt was gone. They did that. Okay. All right. All right. Gardening. So, Dusty, I've always heard growing up in Tennessee that you don't plant until tax day, April 15th.

Because there'll be a late frost that'll get you every time. So I was wondering, when do you plant? Have you planted? Will you plant? Well, that's what I do. Actually, today I put out my pepper plants and my tomato plants and my cucumbers that I've been growing in my house. Oh, so you've been growing them in the house? Yeah.

You have like a heat lamp? I have a heat lamp. Well, I have a lamp and then I have heat pads to keep the roots warm. And I've been growing these. I started them too early. I always get too excited and I start too early. Christmas morning. And I get ready because you think March...

Sounds like spring to me. Yeah. The word March sounds like spring, like we're ready to go. We're marching towards the summer. Yeah. And then April feels like we're in the thick of it. Feels like, yeah, feels like we're in the thick of it. But you're right. But my mom said that her mom, my grandmother, used to call it an Easter snap.

And that you don't plan until after Easter because, yeah, you get that. Because tomatoes and cucumbers and peppers, they need heat. So you can't put a bunch of stuff out too early, and they're dead. You know what's interesting is some months can be names, but others can't. You were just saying the months that made me think. It could be April, May, June, November.

Can be names? Can be names. But if you were named March, that's crazy. September. If your name was September. I knew a girl whose last name was September. Well, really? Last name's different. But if her name was September Williamson, that's insane. What if your name was January December? January. I know a couple of Januaries. January Jones from Mad Men. But that's rare, right? I don't know if that's a real. But I guess Jan. But that's usually short for Janet.

But February would be crazy. February Slay? What about Feb? Maybe. Febra? Something like that? If your name was February, I would think that you would want to fix the spelling. That's what Vince did. You know what I mean? Take that R out there. It doesn't need to be there. Yeah. Febra. Febra. I've never thought about that, Aaron, but you make a good point. Once it hits June, I guess we're done, right?

Oh, August. August. Your name could be August. Yeah. August for sure. I think Augustus. Augustin is my nephew's name. Augustin? Yeah. After saying Augustin. It goes by Augie. I thought it was Augustus. Oh, Augustus Gloop from...

Willy Wonka. Because I thought that was where August came from. It is. Caesar Augustus or something like that. But Augustine is a- In July is Julius Caesar. Yeah. Oh, is it really? Yeah. So Julius is July. Yeah. All right. Maybe I'm wrong about all this. I feel like September is from the number seven. Right. And then October is the number eight. There you go. But it's the 10th month. Yeah. That's how we know our months are messed up.

In December is DEC, D-E-C, which means 10. Yeah. What is November? November 9? I was thinking 11. No shave. Yeah, I guess 9. Right? I thought that's what it meant. All right, so you're planning. I thought you were an expert. Sounds like you're not. Sounds like you're really messing up. No, I'm not. You know, my garden produces every year.

So I'm, you know, I'm not an expert. I'm not here to teach people how to garden, but I'm, I'm into it. I know about garden. You're like Bob Ross. You're trying to get people to discover the joy of gardening. Yeah. It's fun. I mean, it's like, we're so disconnected from our food, right? If you get out there, you take your shoes off, walk around in the yard, you're grounding while you're doing it. You're getting your hands in the dirt. I recommend trying it. Like people get so wrapped up in, uh,

This and that, that it's like you're not surviving off the garden. So I recommend don't use artificial fertilizers. Find a way. Find alternative ways to get fertilizer and see what you can do. Create some good soil. Collect your leaves. Put them in a compost pile. Yeah.

According to Wikipedia. Yes. Don't waste things. According to this, humans transitioned from hunting gatherers to growing crops through a gradual process of observation, trial and error, and domestication of wild plants. This was known as the agricultural revolution. It occurred in various regions of the world around 10,000 years ago. Mm-hmm.

Or you could translate that as to when the world was created, God taught us to garden. Right. When the world was created, there were farms of corn just lined up in a row. Well, we probably weren't doing this monoculture farming at the time. We were probably doing more of a...

You know, more of a thing. Just soy and stuff like that. All things that you need for yourself. Soy beans. Probably non-GMO soy. Yeah. Cotton. Stuff like that. I think corn was only an American thing. Right. I don't think corn was anywhere else. Well, there's maize. Well, hold on. What does green thumb mean? Do you have that in there? I do. Where did that come from? Would you say you have a green thumb?

Do you say that a lot when you talk to people? No, I think I do all right, though. It's greenish. Because I grow most of my stuff from seeds. Sometimes I'll go buy a plant, but most of the time I grow from seeds. Do you ever get seeds from the stuff that you've grown? Sometimes. And you've got a never-ending cycle. Sometimes, yeah. That's fun. As most of you know, I have two cats. What do you think about that, Dusty? I didn't know you had two. I got two cats. Yeah, I got a good one.

I got Glovesy and Mitzy. Abigail gave us one. She found it under a windmill or something. Which one's that? That's Mitzy. Is Mitzy like Mittens? Glovesy and Mittens? Well, one was already named Glovesy, so we thought we might as well keep the theme going. Mitzy. If we get a third cat, I don't know what we're going to name it. Call it, I don't know. What's another thing that you wear on your hands? Rings. Ringsy? Ringsy.

Are you going to get a third cat? I don't think so, but I got to tell you, this is the kind of joy that cat can bring into your life. You know, that's why you got to try Smalls. Smalls cat food is a protein packed recipe made with preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge and it's delivered right to your door. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food.

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I mean, this is like gourmet food I'm giving them. They're eating better than I am in this house, and they're loving every second of it. Since making the switch to smalls, my cat has had fewer hairballs. That is true. More balanced energy. That is true. Healthier weight. A soft and shinier fur coat in a less stinky litter box. How do you know if a cat has balanced energy?

You kind of, you know, you're around them. You see what they do. You know, did your cat used to complain about your old food and you were like, well, what do you want? And they're like, you're killing me. Smalls.

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So you get 35% off and 50% off? Add it up. What's that total? 85%. You're paying 15%? You're an idiot not to do it. That's a small price. It's a big discount. Yeah. What does green thumb mean? It means like your thumb is green. Okay. Okay. What is this? Jerk day at the Nate Lane studio? Come on, man. Jerk store call. Jerk.

I mean, it is really just like in England, they say green fingers. It just means you work in the garden. So your hands get green. But what's the origin of that? Well, I think if you are digging around out there and messing around with stuff, you can't, you know, things. But I think it's just your ability to be able to, you got the, you got the ability to grow. You've got a special hand. I know the implication of it. I'm wondering where it comes from. Well, that's what I'm saying. You got a special hand in it. You can really get it done. I looked and.

Like two thumbs. Two thumbs Borghese. Yeah. I don't think there is any like great revolution. Okay. Like some guy did something and said something. Okay. It's kind of just that. Now I looked up green rooms.

Oh, I'd like to hear about that. There's a few theories on why we call them green rooms, but... You're talking about the green room at a comedy club. Yeah, at a comedy club. Ooh. I never thought about this. The term dates back to the medieval times in theaters of London. One theory is that actors used to practice their scripts in plant-filled rooms because the moisture was supposed to benefit an actor's voice. Whoa.

We should have more plants, though. There are not enough plants in places. We need more and more plants. I got a lot of plants in my house. I'm all about a plant. What are you going to do for Earth Day? Probably nothing. I try to, you know...

I'm more of a, you know, I don't get into earth. Every day's earth day for you. I don't get into earth worship. I'm a God worship guy, and then he has provided me with this earth to be on, and I like to try to take care of it, try to take care of the animals. I think that's what all the earth day is about. I don't know. I don't think it's about worship. What about Arbor Day? Flag Day is not about worship. Arbor Day? No.

I don't like the worship trees. Yeah, you shouldn't. I mean, the Bible warns against it. But the... But planting trees, that's a good thing. Planting trees are good. I like to do that. I plant a lot of trees. Yeah. Oh, you do? You plant a lot? Yeah, I mean, a decent amount. Do people know it? You just show up in their yard and... No, I mean, I got land when I go plant trees. I got about 40 trees that I planted in McMinnville, maybe 50. Wow.

Fruit trees? Fruit trees, a couple of oak trees, some... Oak trees? Yeah, some pecan trees, walnut trees. Huh, yeah. Oak trees, that'll take a long time to... Yeah. Like 100 years. So that's why we call it a green room now. It's because there used to be... That's one theory. Just full of greenery. That would do what? Increase the moisture in there? Yeah, I think the oxygen or whatever. Okay, change the humidity in there? Yeah. No, it should just be called...

Red Bull Keurig rooms now. Yeah. I don't know if I've seen a plant in a green room ever. All right, Dusty, I want you to help us with this. Okay. Aaron's starting the garden. I agree with you though, Aaron. Yeah. A lot of speed being done in there. Aaron wants to start. Have you ever grown a garden? I've never planted anything. I've never grown anything to completion. Perfect. So he wants to start a garden in his backyard. What should he grow? Well, I think you should grow something that you want to eat.

Because, no, I mean... Pizza? No. Well, yeah, I mean, you have a point. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, ideally...

If you want to do a garden, grow something that you want to eat because that will be exciting for you. Can I grow anything here? Or is there stuff that you can't grow here in Tennessee? For sure. Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of fruit trees, things that you can't grow. Like an orange tree I can't grow. Yeah, things that you can't grow in a season.

that won't survive the winter. Now, I have an avocado tree growing. I don't know. I have it growing inside all winter. And the moment it starts getting hot, I'm going to put it outside. And then I'm going to try to bring it back in next winter, depending on how big it is. Okay. And I'm going to see how long I can get this going. I had fig trees that I got from Alabama. I cut them and then rooted them. And then these were fig trees that my grandfather planted in – he died in 1966 –

I thought he died in 1900. He's born in 1900. Oh, my bad. So he planted these trees before 1966, and they're still growing, and they still produce tons of figs. So I got some cuttings, brought them up here, planted them, and they grew pretty big last year, but the winter was really rough on them. The winter took them out. So now they're like regrowing from the base. Yeah.

So I don't know that this is great fig weather up here, but there might be something I can do to protect them. But, you know, you probably can't grow oranges. You probably can't grow mangoes. But most things you can grow. Most like basil and all that kind of, I don't even know what you call herbs. Yeah, I grow basil every year. Thyme lasts through the winter. Oregano lasts through the winter. Peppermint. Mm-hmm.

But, you know, peppermint. Yeah, I would grow things that you want to eat. Why does a tree why doesn't a plant just not last forever? Why does it die? Well, I think some of it is that they're not native here, so they can't handle the winters. But any I mean, any plant anywhere. Why do they die? Well, I don't know. But I mean, I think, you know, there are tons of, you know, perennial plants that come back every year.

And I think it has a lot to do with being able to survive the winter. So if you had a plant in your house and you resold it and watered it properly, you're asking why, what would eventually kill it? Could you, in theory, just keep a plant alive forever? We know, we know there are trees that are, you know, a thousand years old or whatever, very old. My mom just brought me an African violet that she took from a, uh, one that my grandmother had. My grandmother died, you know,

17 years ago and so she's keeping these going so i have it at my house you have that afghan i have an afghan too yeah from your grandma yeah from both my grandmother all right so aaron's planting a garden oh by the way he said the most common thing planted is tomatoes yeah

That makes sense. I believe it. And homegrown tomatoes are delicious. There's a great Guy Clark song about it. Very good. Called Homegrown Tomatoes. And they are so good. My kids will pick tomatoes off the vine and eat them. Yeah. They're delicious. Certified fresh. They are so good.

Like rotten tomatoes. Good. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Why not? Here's what you need, Aaron. Dusty, tell me this truth. You need a sunny spot. Most vegetables need six to eight hours of direct sunlight daily. Do you have that? A couple spots in the backyard, I think. So you have to keep an eye on where the sun's shining. That's where you put the...

A lasagna garden. Yeah. I mean, that's my backyard is not really great for it. I have, you know, a shade. Yeah. Well, that's why you shouldn't have so many trees. Yeah. Well, I don't have a lot of trees. I do have some fruit trees that I planted though, that if I move, I'm digging them up. Okay. You got to have a spot. I went to a friend's house, a friend of ours just bought a house and I went to his house and he had a huge backyard. Yeah. Did you like it?

And I was like, oh, man. I was like, I got to get a bigger backyard. Talking about Connor? Yeah. Yeah. He's got a lot of land out there. You got to come to my house. And I'm told that. Actually, my wife told me, she said, if you are jealous of Connor's backyard, you should not go to Brian's house. Oh, you got a big yard, Brian? I got a big backyard, yeah. How big are we talking? Do you mow it? No. Okay. That's all I need to know.

That's all I need to know right here. Well, even about a small yard. I would be embarrassed to ask somebody to mow my lawn. That's how small it is. I love mowing. I like it too. It's a good little- I got a zero turn and I got nine acres in McMinnville and I'll go out there. And a lot of it's wood, so it's not all nine acres, but I probably mow four to five acres with a zero turn lawnmower. I love it. When I went to Boston a few months ago and we took a tour of Fenway Park-

And I was just watching the guy whose job it is to mow the grass at Fenway.

I don't know if I've ever been more jealous of a man's job. Yeah. So great. Just to mow grass in a beautiful place. Yes. Now that I would love. I mean, what a life, dude. I don't want to be maneuvering around rocks and trees and things. Nah, just straight up. Yeah. Just center field to second base. Yeah. And then you turn around and you go back. But a zero turn, it's pretty fun to maneuver around things. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's true. I'm guessing he mows other places as well. Yeah, I bet so. But it was, I sat there and watched him for a while. I bet. Pretty jealous. All right. And here's another thing. We got a good life too. I got a lot of plants that have come back. So I have had, I've moved around stuff in my backyard so much that this year I didn't really move a lot of the plants. So this year, a lot of them are getting that second year growth and it's pretty awesome what's happening in my backyard right now.

I'm very excited about it. You got the bats coming in too? Not yet. I got a bad house. So your farm, McMinnville, would you ever like really grow crops? I don't know. I want to make a food forest, which is like, you know, basically a forest that everything's edible. Right. That's what I want to do.

For who? Do they have those? Do those occur in the wild? I don't know. Australia, I watch a guy in Australia that does it, the Weedy Garden guy. And then there's a guy named James Prigioni that does one. He has a YouTube. And he does one in New Jersey. And New Jersey, weirdly, is the same grow number. It's like you have grow areas. New Jersey is the garden state. Yes.

And it's like, they're like a 7A and we're a 7A or 7B, one of the two. But, you know, the lower the number is, the hotter it is and the more you can grow. Like, I always describe Nashville as the north of the south, you know. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. A little too cold for me here. I could do warmer. Yeah. Well, move into McMinnville. Still, this is pretty much the same weather. Yeah.

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All right, here's some common gardening mistakes here. I've kind of skipped ahead here. Not watering enough. Sometimes when you guys don't believe in a topic, you really will zip through it. I'm zipping through it because... You'll go, people are listening to this. I'm trying. No, you kept jumping in. I want to hear some common gardening mistakes. Do top five gardening mistakes in Nashville. All right, number one, setting too lofty of a gardening goal.

Bigger isn't always better, at least if you're a beginner. That's true. I probably would do that. I'd probably plant so much. Tobacco. But why do they think that's a mistake? Because you get out of hand. You can do like you and half your stuff dies because you get too gung-ho.

Yeah, but half lives. But this is if you're starting out. Yeah, just for beginners. Maybe figure out the ins and outs of growth. There's no better way to figure the ins. Photosynthesis. There's no better way to figure out the ins and outs, in my opinion, than to go all out. Experience. Yeah. I like this. This is fun. Disagree with all of them. Yes, this is fun. All right. Mistake number two, not interplanning.

Let all your buds play together. Interplanting or intercropping as a gardening practice encourages pairing companion plants as well as building taller and shorter plants. Nah, I said let them fight it out, dude. It's saying make sure that the plants that you plant play well with each other and complement each other.

You wouldn't want to plant corn next to a Venus flytrap, for instance. I don't know. I would love that. I still don't even understand that. Did you plant a Venus flytrap in the yard? I had a Venus flytrap. Somebody gave me. I killed it right away. They're very hard to keep alive. Oh, okay. Died accidentally. You said I killed it. No, I think I murdered it.

But the, uh, does it really catch? I never got to that place. I mean, I know that I've seen videos, but like, I was wondering if you ever got to that, but the, I never got to that place. That'd be incredible. But the, uh, I would say this with that one, just make sure that you're not planning something, uh, taller than something else to block the sun. You don't want, you want your, you know, to make sure everything's getting adequate sun.

All right. So far, we've disagreed with the first two. Mistake number three. That's amazing. Yeah. If you're listening, I'm watching a video of a Venus flytrap. Eat a fly. That's a suppression of a Venus flytrap. I would do much better. Well...

Get him. You also did this. Obama doesn't point with his finger like this either. It's the thumb up. The Obama I know. Does he do the thumb? Oh, of course. That's Bill Clinton. You're taught that in Skull and Bones. They teach you how to hold your hand like that. I thought that was George Bush and John Kerry. Well, they're all in there. I guess you're right. Mistake number three, overcrowding plants. Although mixing plants together is a-okay, you still have to be mindful of spacing.

People want the instant garden full of colorful, but that's a big mistake. Plants need room to grow and spread naturally. I always disagree with that. I say just do whatever you want to do. You're not going to live off this garden. Do whatever you want to do. Load it up. I like things to be packed. My tomato plants, I always plant too many tomato plants. They get so big. There's tomatoes everywhere, and I love it.

Yeah. Less is only more if you know what more is, you know? Yes. That's beautiful. Mistake number four. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I don't mean to just interrupt right now. Please do. In the middle of this. We're really rolling. But I forgot to say, I did a show with Michael J. Fox. I did.

I met Michael J. Fox. Whoa. You looked like Chris Stapleton for a little bit when you did a thing, and I also met Chris Stapleton. It's a perfect time to bring it up. And I just wanted to just say that. I met Michael J. Fox. How was he? He was really great. Yeah? Yeah.

He was very nice. We got to talk for a bit. I actually did. Did you say Parkinson's is fake? No. I mean, you listen. Did you go into it thinking I'm going to scope it out? I'm going to go to the bathroom, see if he's really doing it. I don't know. I mean, I had, I got a chance to really talk to him and it's very clear that he has trouble talking. And, um, and I, uh,

I really enjoyed talking to him, though. We had a lot of fun. He asked me, was I a musician? I don't even know if he knew why I was there at first. And I said, no. And he said, I can't play anything either. And I said, so you were just acting in Back to the Future.

And he got a pretty good laugh. Oh, that's good. Yeah. It's a crazy cast right here. You, Chris Stapleton, Michael J. Fox, Little Big Town. Yeah. Also, Sheryl Crow was there. Just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah, why not? And Kelsey Ballerini. How about that? Yeah. Did you tell her your Crow joke? No. Actually, I didn't even recognize Sheryl Crow. That's cool, man. But yeah, anyway. That's awesome. Michael J. Fox is awesome. I just forgot that. You have a Chris Stapleton beard. Well, I appreciate that, but I'd say his is...

He's rocking them. It's longer, but that's it. Okay. You and Chris together. You look so happy there. Me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I enjoy my life. And I knew my hair was better than Chris Stapleton's. Showing it off. Yeah. Yeah. He hated it. He must have hated it. Oh, yeah. Mistake number four, planting too much variety.

Tempting as it may be to plant everything from acorns to zucchini, focus on growing vegetables, herbs, and flowers that bring joy to your plate. Well, that's ridiculous. No one plants acorns. Well, you just planted a Venus flytrap. No, no. Somebody gave me one, and it was in a pot in my house. Okay. But yeah, I mean, that's an oak tree, I guess, is what we're talking about with an acorn. And it's like, you're not going to plant an oak tree in your garden, right?

But didn't you just say plant what you're going to eat? That's all they're saying. They're saying plant. That's what you said. Plant what tickles your fancy. But if your fancy is tickled by a lot of variety, then grow it. You told me to disagree with all this. I know. I like it. I'm trying. I think you're going to agree with this next one, Dustin. We'll see. You got to get on the garden schedule.

Now that you have these food, you have to eat them. Don't leave ready to harvest items on the vine. It's like leaving a popsicle in the lawn and then being surprised it's covered with ants.

The last part was for us to understand. Yeah, I mean, I guess. I mean, I say go out there every day, and if there's something ready, pick it and eat it. I mean, that's, I don't know. Don't overthink this. I don't know. Because cucumbers, what will happen with those, if you don't pick them, too much energy will go into one cucumber, and it gets really big, and then you can't eat the cucumber. It gets overripe, and then it kills your vine. And you have to pickle it.

Or do you have to throw it out? I basically have to throw it out. Are cucumbers in the ground like potatoes? No, no. They're like a vine. Okay. I thought you'd scoop them up. They're in the melon. Now they're in the melon family. Do pineapples grow in trees?

I don't know what pineapples grow on, but everybody made fun of Aaron about saying pineapple tree. I think I meant coconut tree. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? Yeah, I don't know how pineapples grow because that's another thing we can't grow around. Yeah, it's not a native Tennessee plant. I'm only interested in native Tennessee plants. Which is pawpaws and black cherries. Chickasaw plums. Number six, mistake six. You've already said this, Dusty. Misunderstanding plant growth. You got to know how...

how your plants are going to grow. Like a tomato can grow up to eight feet and then it can block and shade other plants around you. So you got to know how high they're going to grow for adequate sunlight. Yeah. I'll say it's around here. It's unlikely that your tomato is going to reach eight feet, but, uh, why around here? I don't know. I've never had a tomato get eight feet. Oh, maybe that's you. Maybe it is. James Prigioni. He'll do a thing where he builds, uh, uh,

a big stand and he has strings going up and he kind of ties the tomatoes to the string and they go, they get really, Oh, that's cool. Because tomatoes are essentially a vine too. Yeah. Um, but all right. Um, improper watering says don't water like a wimp. You got to really get in there and really drown them. Get after it. Can you drown a plant though? You can. Okay. You don't, they don't, you don't want them to sit in water. They'll get root rot.

Yeah. What about running? Do you want them in running water or do you want still water? I think still water. Okay. Have you ever, uh, I'm trying to ask the dumbest questions. Like when you put them in a river and that way there's a little bit of current going. Ever wondered why some arenas are called gardens?

Well, I haven't, but now I'd like to know the answer. Madison Square Garden. Yeah. The Boston TD Garden. There you go. The Nashville Garden. Due to the historical association with the word garden, meaning an open space or a large public area for entertainment. The original Madison Square Garden, for example, opened in 1879 with no roof, making it a truly open space. Okay. Now they're just called gardens.

I've never thought about that. I haven't either. Why are they called gardens? It's an educational podcast. Yeah. Do you guys know the nursery rhyme, merry, merry, quite contrary? Merry, merry, quite contrary. What makes your garden grow? Or how does your garden grow? Silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row. Do you know what that means? No. Probably different plants.

Uh, no one knows for sure what it means. I think it could have been mother Mary talking about spread of Christianity. Okay. How will it grow? Could have been married queen of England. Yeah. Who didn't have any children. Yeah. Um, but no one knows for sure. And Jack and Joe went up the hill. That was about spread of Islam.

There's one of the great scene in the movie Rudy where Rudy's hammered at the bar and he's trying to hit trying to hit on a girl and her name is Mary. And he goes, Mary, Mary, quite contrary. What makes your garden grow? And it's just it's not a good pickup line.

I thought it was good. Did it work? No, it doesn't work at all. It doesn't work. I think that's one of those things that they got wrong in the movie, though. What's that? I think it did work in real life. Is that the girl who let him paint the helmets? Yeah, it's the girl. And then she found out that he wasn't actually a Notre Dame student. It's a great scene, though, late in the movie, during practice, when he runs over. You remember me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great scene. Yeah, there's an arc to it. Yeah. I was thinking of some other famous gardens. You referenced the Garden of Eden. Yeah.

I don't think I did, but... Well, you said... You did implicitly. Yeah. Just by... Well, right, because in the Bible, right, there's the Garden of Eden that they're in, and then... But I don't... I think that's just fruit. It's just fruit trees. And then they get kicked out of the garden, and they have to till the land. Right. And that's when they have to get into vegetables. That's right. I believe in the beginning, we only ate fruit. And then once we had to work for it, we started to till. And then after the flood, we ate meat.

I think there was no meat eating until after the flood. Yeah. Just fruit at first. Sugar is off the charts. Just an amazing... Well, fruit sugar is... Diabetes. If you eat sugar... Eve was getting fat. If you eat fruit... Put some clothes on. The way that it's... That's why they started wearing clothes. Adam's like, think about this apple.

Sorry, Dusty. If you eat fruit the way that it's intended, like the actual structure, not putting it in a smoothie, not juicing it, then you get the fiber along with it at the same time. And your body, as you take bites, your teeth and your different receptors in your mouth recognize what you're eating and get yourself ready for it. It doesn't affect you in the same way sugar-wise. Okay. But I think a lot of it would start to be a problem.

If you only ate fruit, I think that it would just filter right through. It's just hard to go on a fruit diet. Yeah. But I think it would just go right through you. It would just filter. It's like, I think this is what they say happens. You eat meat and then it sets on your stomach for a little bit, a little longer to digest meat. So then you eat fruit on top of the meat and then the fruit needs to break down faster. So it sits in there and it putrefies in your stomach, creating a real gassy ferment situation.

I don't know if that's true, but I think that. Isn't the appendix meant to break down meat? I don't think the appendix does that. What was the role of the appendix? I think that's the gallbladder. I don't know. Well, then, if we started out only eating fruit, why do we have anything in our body that processes meat?

You know what I mean? Well, I think it just, you know, the gallbladder creates bile that helps to break that. I think it helps to break all things down. Okay. And these are, you know, a lot of this is just theories of mine. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm just talking through them with you. There's been a lot of speculation on where the Garden of Eden actually was. There was four tributaries, the Bible said. So some think it could have been Mesopotamia, modern-day Czech Republic,

Missouri? Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that? No, I know that's where some people think it is. Yeah. Jackson County, Missouri. Yeah. Independence, Missouri, I think, is where Joseph Smith thought Garnina was, and then they were

When they were cast out of the garden, they went to another part of Missouri. There was a... Some people say that the gopher wood... Which I'm a wise guy. It's May 16th, 17th, so I agree with this. Go ahead. Some people said gopher wood that the ark was built out of is only found in Florida. No, really? That's funny. Gopher wood? I've never heard of that. Who on TikTok said that? I don't remember that name. Some people. Pope Francis. They put a... God put an angel...

When they got cast out of the Garden of Eden to guard with a fiery sword, a guard. Yeah. You think that angel was like, he's up in heaven? God's like, hey, can you give me a fix? Sure. Go down there and guard. Yeah, no problem. How long? Forever. Forever. Forever. I don't think the angels have any... I mean, they just do what God tells them to do. Well, yeah. But they have free will.

That's what Lucifer is, is a fallen angel that rejected God. Yeah, but free will to an extent. You're like, yeah, you can choose to do that if you want to, but it's going to be hard for you. We're going to make life hard for you. Dusty, do you think gardens or plants can respond to sound? Do you think that helps them? Yeah, I think that birds chirping help...

flowers to open in the morning. They have a frequency. I read that somewhere someone had found class. They would play their plants, classical music, and they created larger. They made larger fruit. I remember a buddy of mine growing up science fair grew multiple plants and played different genres of music to each plant. One of them, he'd play classical music. One of them would be Limp Bizkit. One of them would be

One of them would be Lil Wayne. One of them would be Garth Brooks. And I wish I remembered the results. I would say classical. I think classical. I was waiting. I think classical grew the most. And then the other ones. I mean, it was like a negligible difference for the amount of time that this kid was able to grow something. But.

but it did play a role in it. Yeah, I think so. I think there is the, you know, nature works all together. Yeah. Studies have shown vibration like music or sweet sounds of your voice can affect plant growth. Plus on Mythbusters, which I know you don't believe in, but in this case, they showed that it did help. Wow. Yeah, I think those guys did some good things, but I think they're just, they're kind of just garbage guys. You know what's interesting? Those guys like hate each other, those two guys. And the show up,

And they do the show, and it's all hunky-dory. Yeah, I mean— And the cameras turn off. It's kind of like us. It's tough to like a guy when you know that they're a liar. And they each know that they're liars. And you're like, ah, this guy lies a lot. But they both know it. And that, yeah, I mean, that's how I feel about you guys. So they hated each other even on the show? Yeah.

No, they were fine on the show. Well, I guess I meant this didn't come later. No, this was while they were working. They were literally just like two coworkers. No particular friendship at all. They just showed up and did a job together. And one of the guys wore like a French hat. You remember that? A little paper boy hat. Right? I thought it was like a little French painter hat. Well, I think we're talking about this. Oh, it is more like a French painter hat. Yeah, beret. You can't.

And then the Indiana Jones hat. Look at these guys. They look like buds, though. Isn't that a little disappointing? It is. Because you watch, at least I watch a sports team, and I want to think they're all friends. I wouldn't be friends with either of these guys. Actually, the Indiana Jones hat I like more than the other one. That's tough. Both of them stink.

Hat-wise. Just because you know what they're about, you wouldn't be friends with them. Are you talking about their looks? No, no, no. He's not talking about their looks. Yeah, their looks. I judge people on their looks all the time. Come on. If you're not wearing a sweatshirt, then Dusty doesn't want to hang out with you. We dress very different, but we're all friends. No, I am. Yeah, no. I'm sure they're all nice guys. We talked a couple weeks ago about Farmer's Almanac.

And they put out gardening things. I didn't realize this. There's two different types. There's the Farmer's Almanac and the Old Farmer's Almanac. Farmer's Almanac is published in Lewiston, Maine. The Old Farmer's Almanac is published in New Hampshire, Dublin, New Hampshire. I think the Old Farmer's is – I always just call it Farmer's Almanac, but it seems like the Old Farmer's is the one that's more well-known. You know, somebody posted in the Nateland Facebook group the plastics thing that I was talking about.

What about it? What was it? It's the sheet that breaks down the plastics and tell you what's good, what's okay to eat and what's not. And I meant to take a look at it, but I, I mean, I did look at it, but it got very little traction. People were not into it in the group. So, you know, they do weather predictions. You guys aren't even into it now, but anyway. They do weather predictions. Yeah. And they, the guy who originally published the old farmer's malt, he studied solar activity and,

astronomy cycles and weather patterns and uses research to develop a secret forecasting formula, which is still in use today. And they won't reveal exactly. It's like KFC. They won't reveal the recipe. The Farmer's Almanac has this. Wow. And it's yielded pretty good results. Oh, really? I read that. No, it didn't. It's not that accurate. Oh, then are people really clamoring to find this? Well, Dusty is. I only bought the Farmer's Almanac for that

page that told me the plastic. Otherwise, I could care less. I bought it for the aphorisms. All right, Dusty. If we, bottom line, I want to start planning something. What should I start with? A food? Is that what you mean?

Anything in the garden. What's something easy that I could... That's what you're asking, though. He wants to impress... He wants to be able... When people come over, he goes, I got a garden. Yeah, we're going back. And he wants to show it to them, and they go, oh. I'm growing some... You want to grow from seed. I guess. Tomatoes. Tomatoes. I think that's the easiest. When you say grow from seed, does that mean the alternative is you get a plant that's already...

Yeah, you go to the Lowe's or Home Depot or a local nursery, and then you buy a little plant and plant it, and then it grows. Pop it in. And do you take a hoe and just dig a hole? Or just your hands, depending on what it is. You're not going to want to put it right in the ground around grass and stuff. You're going to want an area. It's all grass. Yeah, you may need some kind of raised bed garden situation or a pot.

For my tomato plants. Yeah, and try to get yourself some soil that's not full of – don't buy the Miracle-Gro stuff. What should I buy? Home Depot has some pretty good organic fertilizer. Monsanto has some good stuff, I think. Okay. And do tomato plants – don't they have stick, like a stick you're supposed to – Yeah, you can get – So they can grow around it? I would say get a little tomato cage.

Tomato cage. Tomato cage. Yeah, it just goes right over, sticks down in the soil. The tomato grows up. Makes it grow up instead of out. Well, it'll grow up, and then as it grows out, it can kind of rest on the... Oh, I've seen these. A metal tomato cage, yeah. Oh, that's cool. So if I planted tomatoes today, how long before I start seeing... I think you'd get tomatoes in a month. That quickly? Maybe. Yeah, I think so. Edible tomatoes. I think so. I could be wrong about that, but... Uh-huh. If you bought a plant...

If you start growing from seed, it's going to take longer. Remember that little bonsai tree I had that I let die and I brought it into the podcast? Yeah. And I gave it to you to... I really tried for a while, but after a while, I realized this is completely... Mr. Miyagi is full of it. Yeah. Well, even Mr. Miyagi wouldn't be able to... Save that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, what does this say?

Well, this was 60 to 80 days seed to ready to harvest. Yeah, so 60 days. So yeah, I'd say if you get it already grown, I'd say a month you'll have a tomato. But what's something fun like to have friends over? I'm growing. It's fun just because it looks fun or like a Venus flytrap sounds fun to me. Are you trying to get him to say marijuana? That's what it feels like. You don't want edible. What would be like something I could break out at a party? Yeah.

maybe sell a little bit on the side and make some money. I've never successfully grown weed. I have grown a little bit of it in the past, but never successfully. Uh, you got arrested or no, no, I just, they just die. You just, you knew also changed. You changed as a person. Yeah. My mom caught it, you know? Okay. Okay. And then, uh, and, uh, I never wanted to go to jail. And, uh,

But the, yeah, I mean, I like thyme, basil. I don't even know what thyme looks like. I never had successfully grown thyme from seed. But I have had some thyme. I like thyme.

oregano, basil. What about lettuce? Rosemary. Lettuce is fun too. But this is why I like those herbs. Especially if you're growing tomatoes. You can make yourself a delicious tomato soup with all of those herbs. And I grow garlic every year. I have a bunch of garlic growing every year.

uh, you know, garlic, that's, that's where it's at. You make yourself a tomato soup. And how, yeah, I was about to say, how good does it feel to eat or partake of your food? You've grown yourself. It feels the best. And you're getting maximum nutrients because the moment something's picked from the tree, it's starting to lose nutrients. So if you pick it and go eat it right away, it's just maximum. And what does Hannah think about it?

Well, she loves eating the stuff. Hannah could care less about gardening. Yeah. But she loves to eat the stuff. She likes the fruits of your labor. Yeah. Literally. Yeah. And it's great. I mean, you want something fun to grow? You know, a cow, you know, a sheep. I mean, those are fun to grow. But, you know, plants. Well, that's what I meant. Yeah. Plants. Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know that there's anything like cool. I think tomatoes maybe. I have an avocado tree growing at my house that nobody's that impressed by. And I think that's very fun. Yeah. I love an avocado. I have an apple tree growing from a seed right now. I have two apricot trees growing from seed. Dude. I have muscadines. I took, you know, muscadines, just eating them. I took the seeds out of those, planted them. I got a vine growing now. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

Yeah, just throw your food waste in Dusty's backyard. Something will happen. Well, that's how the avocado tree started. I just threw a seed out, and I was like pulling weeds one day, and I pulled this up, and it was still in the avocado shell. Wow. So I took it and put it in a pot. I bet you love that. Yeah.

Yeah. You think the world would be a better place if we just all grew gardens? Yeah, I think everybody would be healthier and we would all have a, you know, just a better understanding of where our food comes from. Of course, it's hard for people because not everybody has land. Not everybody has the time. And that's by design.

We're designed. We're just in the machine. It's just like, get to work and pick up a pizza on the way home and put it in the microwave in the morning. It's all in the morning. No, eat it cold. Yeah. It's way better. But your dad sold insurance, right? Yes. And he farmed. Yes. On the side. Do you see yourself maybe sometime farming?

Yeah. Full time? I don't know. You'll be out of comedy soon, I feel like. Yeah, I mean... Preaching in farming? A couple years? Yeah, I mean, that'd be... A couple more specials, I think? Yeah. Cows? Yeah. I mean, I need to make some money so that I can... When you taped this last special, did it feel like this might be the last one? No, I felt good. I mean, like, I already... I feel like I already have, like, a new hour, almost. I feel very good about what's happened. That's so crazy, dude. That is crazy. It's, you know, it's a lot... Did the people in the audience feel like it might be the last one? A guy...

I mean, I don't know. I feel like I was just doing this set this weekend and I'm like, I'm still doing some stuff from the special, but I'm also was doing an hour 10 all weekend. Yeah. And I'm probably doing 15 from the special. That's awesome. You're right. Take another one. I mean, I'm feeling good. I mean, I like, I like doing comedy and, uh, but I think that, yeah, I mean, you gotta, you gotta do other things. Yeah. If somebody came to you, put a gun to your head and said, you have to get rid of your garden or, uh,

a random person on earth dies, what would you do? Oh, a random person on earth dies. You'd rather that happen? Yeah. Wow. Who's the random person? Oh, that's the whole point about it being random. You don't know, dude. Could be, could be somebody you'll know and love. A random person's going to die anyway. That's why they're random. You know what I mean?

I mean, I guess that's fair. Yeah. What's one more? Yeah. Anyway. All right. Totally changing subjects. Yeah. This weekend is the NFL draft.

which I love. Titans have the number one pick. Looks like we're taking Cam Ward. Yep. How do you feel about that? I mean, look, I'm going to get excited about it. I hope he's the next great quarterback, if that's what we indeed do. But I think I've asked you guys this before. I'm so bored with a draft. I used to get so excited by it.

We've talked about gardening for an hour, Dusty. Come on. No, I'm just saying. I used to love the draft. It never pans out. You're always like, oh, man, I can't wait for next season. These are dynamic things. This is going to be exciting. Right. It rarely is. It pans out sometimes. Yeah. But all these young men have no idea what city they're about to live in. Yeah. And they have very little say in the matter. Yeah.

if you guys got drafted by comedy clubs, I've asked this question before, but I don't remember. Yeah, I like it. Where would you want to get drafted to? Or where would you not want to get, you probably wouldn't want to say that. Yeah, I don't want to answer that. But where would you like to get drafted to? Because you know there's guys that don't want to go to some of these cities. Well, it just depends on where I'm at in comedy. Right now. Um, I would get drafted to, um,

Are we doing it for the comedy scene or for the world around us? Everything. I think it's all there. Like you could get drafted to Toronto and then you'll be up there with Hannah's family. I would want to get drafted to somewhere in Florida, like Jacksonville or Tampa. The Jacksonville Comedy Zone? Yeah, it doesn't have to be an NFL city. Well, I could just – no, I just mean like I could do the kind of – I could grow a lot of stuff and do comedy still. I mean I think those are both – Yeah.

Tampa, especially. He's a big city. Side splitters. Yeah. Draft city. Big city. And the Tampa Improv, right?

Yeah, it's two clubs. Funny bone now. Oh, funny bone, yeah. But yeah, I mean, it's like... Florida has a ton of clubs. I mean, like, just comedy club? Yeah, I would say Denver. Comedy works. I meant more the first. The whole experience. But for the whole experience, I would want to go to Florida. Yeah. Yeah. What about you? I'm pretty happy with here. I say you can't say here just because... Okay, then I'll do Denver for sure. I love the outdoors. I love the area. Or, you know what? I would do Phoenix. Phoenix.

Phoenix. Arizona would be good. Send me to Phoenix, dude. I like that. Why Phoenix? It's my favorite part of the country. The hiking out there, it's unbelievable. It's a navigable city. It's... So hot. Yeah, I don't mind it. I'm hot everywhere. I'm hot. Send me to Detroit, I'm hot. I might as well have a good reason to be. What about Dallas? Nah, I don't like Dallas. Oh, I kind of would like... You know, I like a coastal...

I'd like to have a city like on the coast, but like down south. Oh, Charleston. Like Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. Charleston doesn't have a club, so there's no way to get drafted there. Charleston has a club. Oh, it does, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm changing my answer. Okay. Charleston's the new answer. Yeah. All right. All right. That's good. What about you, Brian?

I think last time... Would you say Mayberry? I would. I would like to live in Mayberry. I watch Andy Griffith a lot these days. Yeah, yeah. It's a good show. Only the black and white. It gets bad when it's in color. I've not gotten there yet. I bought all the DVDs. Yeah. I think last time I said Louisville. You did say Louisville. Because they had three comedy clubs at the time. I was like, that's an underrated city for comedy. I disagree. Yeah.

I had a great time when I did Louisville, but yeah, I don't think it's an underrated city for comedy. Well, I just meant stage time-wise, it could potentially be. I'll say, yeah, Denver's pretty good. Yeah, Denver's awesome. We're all saying that, but it's... It's awesome. It's got a lot of clubs around there. There's two in the city, and then Fort Collins has one. Comedy Fort. Yeah, and then there's other...

things just around you know colorado springs i've been all over cities there and then also uh you know i think denver's very expensive and a lot of people that are that have lived in denver for a long time are saying it's like ruined now and that's what i i mean every everywhere is going to be ruined right that's the that when i was driving down through california it was making me real sad because i was like oh this is all really great but i was like

One day, it's going to be ruined. It'll all slide into the ocean. People will come in here and put in some corporations. Well, people are leaving California, so it might be the opposite. Yeah. Might be more farmland. Maybe so. Yeah. All right. That's about all I had. There it is, gardening. Yeah. Are you happy with how much we covered? I thought it was really great. I thought it was good, too. I enjoyed it. I think we took a lot of time with the comments, but I enjoyed it. Well, thank you.

Anything else you want to say about gardening? I say do it. I mean, grow a little bit of something. Don't worry about what all these people say out here about how to do it and what to stay away from. Just grow something. You're going to want to watch a little something. I think James Prigioni is really good. He's really good at showing you. That's a big thing, isn't it?

uh just like gardening experts and yeah what's it what would he be considered uh i i mean i would say he's an expert i mean but i mean what's his title i don't know a gardener okay i don't know i don't know who that is but it's like you know the problem watching him is he's so successful with his garden that you're like oh it's like it almost makes you feel bad about yourself right but he goes through tells you how to do things he's really good at it he's fairly entertaining um

And I think it's good. And I just, I think you should grow something. You're never going to grow everything to survive. And people, you know, had people ask me, how much money are you saving by growing these vegetables? I go, oh, nothing. It's costing me way more. But it's, you know, it's about getting some health into your life. When my...

When I was growing up, the county jail, they had a garden and the inmates went out and worked the garden and

And it was great because it gave them something to do. They're out in the sun. And then they would give the vegetables that they grew to some local produce places. Yeah. It was a win-win for everybody. Yeah. Take your shoes off. Get out there. Don't wear sunscreen. If you're like – do it a little bit at a time. Get yourself a little base tan. Ease yourself out there. Don't cover your skin with chemicals. If you have to do a sunscreen, find a healthy one. And just –

Breathe in the fresh air. Touch some dirt. It's good for you. I love that. It's beautiful. And don't wear your headphones. Don't listen to a podcast. Don't listen to music. Just listen to nature. Yeah. Just listen to that. Two straight weeks we've had someone in kind of. I know. I was just thinking that. Ben ended with kind of an inspirational speech, too. This is getting me fired up. Ben's great. I love Ben. I hate history. I love Ben. Mm-hmm.

We have Ben on next week. Hate gardening. Love Dusty. Don't believe in gardening, but I like Dusty a lot. All right. Ben's one of my oldest friends in Nashville comedy. For sure. He's always been around. He's always been a cigar guy. Yeah. We've always been friends. Yeah.

Where are you going to be this weekend? April. Yeah, that's April 26th. That's this Saturday. I'm at the Bend Theater in West Bend. Awesome. Wisconsin. This is Brian Bates speaking. Have you ever done this theater? I have. How was it? It's awesome. Yeah. It's very cool. It's in a cool city, a cool little town. You're going to love it, man. It's great. Great green room. Awesome. Awesome. And I'll tell them why it's called a green room. Everyone will be interested. Yeah.

You should start doing that everywhere you go. I don't know why they call it a green thumb, but I know why they call it a green ring. May 9th, Madisonville, Kentucky at the Ballard Convention Center. May 16th and 17th, Salt Lake City, Wise Guys. Whoa. Very excited to be back at Wise Guys. You and I did it one time. It's been a couple years since I've been there, so I'm so excited to be here. Love Wise Guys. Wise Guys Comedy Club. That rules, man. In Salt Lake City.

Good deal, dude. May 16th. This is Aaron Weber speaking. May 16th, Greensburg, Pennsylvania, the live casino. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there. May 16th, just outside of Pittsburgh. And then just to round out the month, May 31st, South Bend, Indiana. June 1st, the next day, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Nice. I'm taking over the state. I'm taking it back.

Come see me South Bend and Fort Wayne, Indiana. All right. I got this weekend off for the draft. But next weekend, December – What? Jeez.

I started to read the city name. May 2nd, Denver, Colorado. Everybody at this table's favorite city. Wow. Denver, Colorado. I'll be there May 2nd. May 3rd, Colorado Springs, Colorado. Nice. And then, you know, May 16th, I'm going to be in Portland, Maine. And then May 17th, I'm doing my very first...

Theater show in New York City. Whoa! What theater? It's, what is it? I don't know. It's not listed here. But... It's beautiful, man. It's, I'm very excited about it. Tell. Yeah, I am excited about it. Yeah. But I don't get into the details. Radio City Music Hall. Maybe Town Hall. It's called Town Hall. I bet it's Town Hall, yeah. That rules. That sounds like a trick. You could be arrested. Yeah.

Yeah, it could be. What? He said, man. Yeah, Town Hall. That's a big deal, dude. That's like a milestone gig in New York City. So that's a big deal, man. That's awesome. That's awesome. Heck yeah. Look at us, huh? Yes, really doing it. We're doing it. What about us? Just doing it. And there'll be a lot of comments going, well, he called us the Nateless Podcast now. And it's like, take it easy, guys. It's like...

We're all professional comedians. That's right. We're doing stuff. I think Nate's back next week. Right? So. Okay. That's great. I'm excited to see you. I just, I see these comments all the time. And people, like, Nate has been like, hey, I'm going to be gone for a while. Yeah. And then people are still like, oh, he can't even show up to his own podcast. Yeah. It's like, hey, we're professional comedians. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And, you know, incredible podcasters. Yeah.

That's right. You want to wrap it up, Dusty? Close it out. Yeah, I'll wrap it up. How do you close it out? Well, guys, get out there, grow something. Show Brian Bates why they call it a green thumb and get out there and grow some things. Comment on YouTube. Tell us what you're growing. What are you growing? In the Nateland Facebook group, show us things that you've grown. Thank you guys for listening. We're having a good time.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the Audioboom platform. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.