#92 Ninja & Samurai with Justin Smith
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Go to warbyparker.com slash covered to try five pairs of frames at home for free. warbyparker.com slash covered. Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land podcast. I'm Nate Bargetzi, Aaron Weber, and filling in for Baby Bates, Justin Smith. What's up? Dude, I'm excited. This is it. I'm telling you. Yeah.

Mace is going to come back and be like, hey, what's wrong with my chair? He just sits lower. It won't go up. He's just sitting there below the table. Hey, does this look weird, guys? Have you broken a chair before? Constantly. Like it's a big problem? I dated a girl where I literally broke a piece of furniture. I broke a piece of furniture in her upstairs room.

On the main floor and then in her basement. Wow. I broke a piece of furniture at every level. Same day? No, no, no. It was shocking how many of them were steel. Okay. I mean, it wasn't like a wood put together. Wasn't a plastic foldable chair. No. It was like patio furniture. It was like, all right, this one feels safe. And then by the time I was just sitting there, I watched one whole season of The Wire. Wow.

And then I got up and the chair just never sat right ever again. It was just leaning forward. There's just books under it. Oh, yeah. It's just so bad. Well, these chairs are holding up great. They're doing so good. Yeah. Have you broke a chair? I broke one chair. I have a bit about it. I broke a chair. It was in college. It showed up late.

to an exam in like an auditorium. I was late and everybody was taking the test and there was an empty seat in the front. And I grabbed my test and I sat down and it took out the whole, they were all connected. So it was like dominoes, like bah, bah, bah. Everybody fell down. Yeah. And the worst part is the tension was so high because people were taking an exam. Nobody laughed. Yeah. It was just like super embarrassing. Yeah. And I had to go find another seat in the back. Yeah. Excuse me. Excuse me. I mean, I have the fear of doing it all the time.

I was one time, a buddy of mine was taping a special. Yeah. And with a special taping, you know how our audience coordinator, it was for Showtime. Yeah. So they had like a whole coordinator thing. I had a hat on with a logo on it, so I had to turn it around backwards. And they just have plastic chairs because it was in some place in Brooklyn. Yeah.

And I was sitting there the whole time, and I was with Emma Willman, who's another funny comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. And I was sitting next to her, and we're sitting there watching, and all of a sudden I'm laughing, and he says a punchline that it's just so – it was so funny. And I leaned back, and I could feel the legs kind of do this, like just this number. And I was like, oh, no, because now I'm thinking if this thing snaps, they're going to have to stop everything. Right. Because also you've been in enough specials where you're like, this is it. This is the one that he's getting. Yeah.

And they would have to stop the whole thing. They'd have to move me out, get a whole other chair for continuity. Like, I'm just like, it's a whole thing. So literally, I'm just sitting there the whole time. I'm just like, please, please. For 30 minutes, I was praying so hard. Just please do not let this break because that would be the nightmare scenario. It didn't break. It held up. Oh, no, no. It held. But it's like, even when I got up, when I got up, I looked.

And you ever seen like a plastic, like the stress marks? Yeah. Like the front, like it's starting to tear. Chair had stretch marks at the end of it. You're just like, oh man. Guy came behind you with a crowbar and he just knew. So you're like Jason Bourne in the fact that you walk into rooms, you know the chairs situation before anybody even realized what room they're in.

Like you have to look at any room. You walk in, you're like, no, yeah, maybe. All right. And then everybody's like, hey, welcome. And that's going on in your brain. 100%. Before, yeah. Yeah, I'm aware of it. You scope out the situation everywhere you go. Where are we going? That's where you go. I'm going to stand. I'll stand. I'm fine. I've been sitting all day and you haven't. Yeah, that's funny. And you go, I've been sitting all day, dude. You're like, oh, you're a comedian, though. He's like, yeah, but, you know, I sat.

A lot. I mean, not only do you have to look at the sitting situation, I got to look at the bathroom situation too. Because sometimes you go to a place and you're like, if there's a problem, I can't go here. Yeah. Because you can't. I mean, we stayed at the same condo. There was a comedy condo at a place that will remain nameless because Aaron headlines there now. Yeah. But you can't even...

sit it like it's next to the shower you can't even get into it justin and i weren't there at the same time no no we weren't thank god we didn't destroy that place that place would have been just a pile of rubble you guys have a tornado around here nope no just just weber and justin you guys just start using the shower there you go and then uh there you go boy

You got to buy that house when you leave. You go, yeah, we're just both going on it. That'd be easier than explaining what happened in there. We'll just sign your checks back over. Yeah, exactly. Stuff people don't think about. I know. Situation that you got to, you know, everybody has their things that,

Whether you're big or small, whatever, you could have some weird thing. You have this, you have that. But you do. You're like, what's going on? Let me see. I try to think about it. I have a problem if I have to pee. If they could hear it, if they're outside. The bathroom that's in here, I could never do it. I could never in a million years. Did you ever go to the stadiums where they have the troughs? Oh, I wouldn't pee. Really? Yeah, I'd wait for a stall. I couldn't.

So I just would go wait for a story. It's insane. It is insane. I think people are lunatics. They can't. I don't trust them. I mean, I always look at their freedom of being like, can you imagine just being a dude that you're just – I mean, they pee – I see the golfers. I mean, when I have to pee on a golf course, I mean, I got to walk. I'm –

I'm borderline, not even on the course. I got to make sure no one can see. And like, you just see people on the back of a tee box, just kind of, they just turn around out of politeness to you. They don't even need to turn around, but they're just like, I'll at least do that out of politeness. And then they, and you're like, well, I don't even know. I don't know your life, man. Yeah. We live different lives. For sure. You got to go to a place where the snakes live.

Yeah. Off the course? Oh, yeah, yeah. The snakes and alligators and stuff. I mean, I'm back. Like, it's, I will, you know, there's a couple turns. I get into the weeds and the trees, and then I still do a couple turns, you know, trying to throw you off, and then I go behind some tree and

But I mean, I've done it where there was one time at Legends and Vanderbilt Legends, people. It's the course here. But there, I was peeing and there's like, you don't realize like there's a greenway, like a walkway on the other side. So I'm peeing, like everybody's in the back, kind of in the trees. And so I'm peeing and I look up and it's just a family, just walks in.

And I don't know that there's a walkway. So you're like, well, there's just an entire, there's a road over there. Like you're like, and it's the most people on earth that are like, Hey, let's go this way right now.

And then you're like, well, this is happening. Do you ever do on road trips, just pull over on the side of the interstate? The kids had to use the bathroom. So my dad got fed up. He's like, we're not waiting for another rest stop. We're just going to pull over right here. I mean, I've done it in traffic. Like when you had a standstill. Yeah. I'm using gridlock. And he was like, listen, I was like, I skipped. You get out of the car? I skipped. I mean, you can't go anywhere. You're in the middle of traffic. It's deadlocked. And if like.

Because if you drive, if you do road gigs- How much are you in deadlock? Deadlock? Yeah. A lot. A lot? No, no, no. It's fine. Yeah, okay. But it's like when it happens, it always happens at the worst situation. You're like, oh, there's a nicer truck stop. I'm from Oklahoma, so I always stop at Love's because I like to keep the money in Oklahoma. Yeah. That's what I like to do. So even when I go somewhere, it's like I'm sending it home is what I'm doing.

Yeah, y'all don't have enough oil money out there. I'm telling you, you got to keep it tight. I like it. We got to keep it with our people. I like it. And so I'm like, oh, there's always like a Love's 20 miles away. And then I just hit, like there's like a horrible accident 10 miles up. So all the lanes are stopped because you have like,

You know, the highway patrolmen aren't there yet. So you got guys that are just good old boys that are trying to direct traffic for semis. And so they have no idea what they're doing. So it's just, you're just sitting there for 20 minutes to two hours. Yeah. Deadlocked. And you're like,

Well, remember, I had to stop. I had to pee. So you just got to open both doors and just be like, just make sure there's no kids around. Hey, listen, we got to do what we got to do. Oh, you just stand right there by the – Oh, yeah, just stand in the middle of the road. I was picturing Justin in front of me in traffic. You just see him get out, run out of the car, hop over that median thing. That would be more appropriate than what he's doing. I just think – I think the two – but the one thing – it was really funny. There was a – there was a –

You just imagine me hopping over something. You don't even stand up out of the car. You just lean over. You go on your side and you hope people think you're just spraying a Mountain Dew bottle out there. I get a cup. I get a cup pouring it out. That's what's just...

Never mind the studio for streams. Don't worry about it. Don't ask questions. Do you stand and try to act like you're just like, what's up with this traffic, dude? You're trying to keep all the eyes up top. You start doing sleight of hand up top. Whose card is this?

And everybody's looking up and then you're like, all right, I got to go. Well, sometimes I open my trunk. Like I'm like, I opened my door and I'm like, I'm looking for something. And then I opened the back one. Yeah. So that, that, that creates my cover. Yeah. And then I go open the trunk. Like, man, where is that? Like, like the, the,

Like, what's going to solve this traffic jam? Oh, there's road flares back there. Yeah, yeah. And then I look for it, and then all of a sudden, just make sure nobody's kind of paying attention, and then just... I think they're all watching. I mean, I know they are. Yeah. But you're like... I like to give people the illusion. Yeah. It's like, oh, he's just like... I like to give...

whenever parents are with their kids, maybe I like to give them plausible deniability. Okay. Like, Oh no, he's just looking for something. I know it looks like he's doing this. Right. But you know, that's just, that's not. And there's probably a lot of parents with kids on that interstate. Uh,

Like where it's someone he's like, you know, this family's around. Oh, on the interstate. Yeah. There's probably a few of them. It's not, it's going to be age appropriate. You're being in the middle of the interstate. You're like, I just try to keep it a little above bar, you know?

I'd like to picture you just your hand just on your like, your hands are just on the top of the hood and the door. And you're just like, golly, man, it's crazy. I know, right? And then they just see you shake. You're up there like, I don't know what's going on. You're going to shiver. And they're like, what is that? He's like, all right, everybody. And he goes around and closes all his doors and never gets out ever again. Guess he never found what he was looking for. Interesting.

And so he decided never. I have to explain the shirt tuck in too. Yeah. Where you just go. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if traffic moves would be the best? While you're peeing. We did. Have I ever talked about Lewis, what we did to Lewis? No. We were like, it was me, Lewis J. Gomez, I think Big J, and might have been one other person, maybe Vicky Owen or something. I don't know.

And so we're driving, we're driving back from a gig. We all opened for like big J. And then, so we're driving back from the gig and we're in that kind of traffic. And it's like going from Connecticut back to New York on a Sunday is like the most traffic on 95.

And so we're driving back and we're just in, we're barely moving, whatever. So this is back. I don't know. I don't think Lewis smokes the more he smoked cigarettes. And then, uh, so he wanted to, and it was like, well, you can't smoke in the car. So he's like, well, I'll just get out and walk next to you. We're not moving. I was like, I don't know. You know, we're moving a little fast.

And so he gets out of the car. And I mean, within 45 seconds, we can't see him. Lewis is, I mean, you don't know where he's at. So now Lewis has got to catch us.

And he's walking. He gets on the other side of the interstate in the middle at one point. And then he comes back on the other side. And so, I mean, we're so far. The traffic was moving. And then so then we get out. We put all his bags out and one cigarette and a match on his bags. And then right when he gets close, we drive away again. So now he's going to get all his stuff.

And he's just, I mean, it's, we're putting, there's a show going on. Yeah. And so eventually he gets back in. The crazy part was like, it was, it was like a Sunday, Monday. We're at like the cellar and this person goes up and they just see Lewis and they go, Hey, were you walking around on the interstate? Like they were like, what are the odds of that? Like, I was like, he was just in our group that watched Lewis do this. That was pretty fun. Yeah. It's like,

It's a credit. That's the worst part about being recognized. You think like, oh, maybe they've seen me on TV. They know me from like a thing, a show, something. Did I see you walking on the highway? Yeah. Smoking a cigarette? Carrying bags? Did I see you at Rock Bottom earlier today? Yeah, that was me. You had to look at him so much to recognize him. You know, you're not going to recognize. It's kind of random. You know, I guess you know Lewis. You would recognize Lewis. All right. Comments, everybody.

Yeah. Bates will be back. Bates will be back next week. Next week will be a big fun week. We are, my, the Grammys are next week and Bates has a baby. So we're going to hear all about that. Probably open with my Grammy stuff first. And yeah,

You don't want to bury the lead. You don't want to bury the lead. Like who it could be. You're like, what's more impressive? You're like, I don't, you know, a 50 year old having a baby or getting a Grammy. I don't know. The odds are probably close to the same. And so we're, but no, we want, we, we can't wait to hear about it. And he's been sending love to all them. As we know, y'all have to. So start with you guys comments. Lawrence Bama, Bama,

This might be y'all's best pod yet. My cheeks are legit hurting. I was laughing and smiling so much. Only thing he was missing was baby daddy. Prayers to his family. So happy for him. Baby daddy is another good name. I know. Baby daddy. That one's going to stick. I like it. Kurt Hunt.

Well, folks, it's official. One year ago today, I quit drinking soda, pop, coke, or however you say it in your region of the country because Nate challenged himself and the folks on the Nate Land podcast to get healthy. Nate only lasted until the next episode, but I made it a year. Good for you, Kurt. That's awesome, Kurt. You showed me up. Well, Kurt, I'm now trying to catch you. I'm not going to give up soda.

So that's over. But I'm down. You know, our weight loss thing, I'm down. I'm 181. Wow. Yeah, I was 194. That's awesome, man. Yeah. So I'm getting tiny. But that's awesome, Kurt. See, someone just goes, I'll keep going. That's why I gave up, because I knew Kurt would carry the torch for us. Kelly Swallows. If we don't get a split screen of the rock bear chest with his baby and baby baits on bear chest,

I will not feel my time dedicated to this podcast was even worth it. Look at that. There it is. There it is. That's so, I mean, good night. The difference. Which one is which again? Yeah. Yeah. Bates needs to get, I think it's the first time I've seen Bates with his shirt off. I don't care for it. He needs to get that tattoo the rock has. Maybe just pull that blanket up a little higher. If you're taking a picture, I don't know. You're like,

Just maybe, you know, no one's in there. No one's in the room. And they go, maybe just pull, you know. Just a half an inch. Just a little bit. Pull it up. Yeah. I love how there's not a blanket in the left one. Yeah. Not a blanket at all. I mean, the rock shows less nipple than Bates does, and we'd rather see the rocks. So look at his Bates. Very cute. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

That's awesome. Not much better. I mean, that is the best thing ever. Not that y'all would know. Maybe one day, dude. I got the big chest thing going. So like one out of two. Baby would feel great. Me and Justin have kids. We're going to do that exact same picture. Yeah. I mean, normal people, it's just like a Walmart pillow. I'm like a Serta over here. Yeah, your baby's going to be...

You're going to sleep there. That's perfect. Helix mattress. It's like a waterbed. Jackson Clark. I was going to say I'm a big fan of the podcast because I've been listening since episode five or six, but I've just now realized that this is a video podcast at episode 91. Also, YouTube suggested it, or I would have written it out to 100 eps. I can't describe a dedicated folk any more perfect. Yep, that's what we would do. No idea. What's that? It's videoed.

91 episodes in. Yeah. It is on YouTube if you ever want to watch it. Do whatever you want to do. Christopher M. Just saw Justin Smith in Springfield, Missouri. His smartwatch jokes were unbelievable. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Did you guys make that up and just put it on there? Yeah, you were here. We wrote it today. That's why we didn't give the last name. We just said, Matthew Mark.

You gotta just put the M, dude. That sounds real. Christopher sounds real. Yeah. It's also the owner of the club. Yeah, yeah. That is true. That's the owner of the club's name. He just wanted... Is his name Christopher M? No. Oh, that'd be very funny. But it's Christopher. So you're like... Oh, yeah. Maybe he put the M in there. It's like, that'll tell him off. It's Christopher Michael Ray. That could be him. Oh, my gosh. It really could be him. How'd the special go, man? You taped it? Oh, my gosh. It was unbelievable. I haven't seen you since you taped it. It was so... I mean, it was so good. I mean...

It was like all of them were good, but we got it on the first shot, which was unbelievable. That's the best feeling in the world because now you just get to play around. Yeah. But it was magic. That room. When's it going to come out? We're thinking June. Okay. And Homeless Pimp is doing it. Oh, my gosh. Mike Lavin. It's so great. That dude is unbelievable. Yeah, I'm a big fan of him. Rhonda Cox. A ram is a male sheep. A female sheep is a ewe.

How do you say it? I have no idea. Ewe. And the baby is a lamb. That conversation reminded me of Frankenstein's asking about the hen, the chicken, and the rooster. Something's missing, all right? Ewe. Ewe. Ewe. Is it ewe? Ewe. Like Y-O-U. Yeah. Ewe. A ram is a male sheep. A female sheep is a ewe. And the baby is a lamb. I thought they were all three different. So did I. I thought they were different species. Wow. That's why they look so familiar. Yeah.

I mean, that's like, you saw me, Lauren Harp, and you're like, those people are not related, clearly. You're like, no, that's a regular American family. You go, oh, I don't know what I was thinking. I just love it when people correct. Like, that's something that happened because I grew up around FFA people in Oklahoma. So people are like, no, no, no, listen.

It's a calf. What is it? FFA. What is that? Future Farmers of America. Oh, yeah. They wear the blue corduroy jackets. Did you know that? No, I love that you said that. That was a super common acronym. I just thought it was a super common thing. Like it's the YMCA or something. Yeah, yeah. You guys don't know about Future Farmers of America? I do not. I mean, you guys are living under a rock, I guess. I know. We don't go to college yet. Love's gas station. So...

I mean, they're good enough to sponsor the Oklahoma City Thunder. That is true. Who is a world-renowned brand. I'm a big Loves fan. I'm a big Loves fan.

I think they could update some of them. A couple of them. A couple of them you go into, you're like, you're better than this. You've been spoiled by Buc-ee's lately, dude. No, no, Love is, because Love is all I would ever go to. It's the safe, like when you're driving at night, it's like the safest. Anytime you feel the safest at Love's. But you go to some and they got like Hardy, they have like all the stuff. Yeah. And then you go to some other ones and you're like, you're like, y'all need to swing on down here. They just have a Cinnabon that's always closed. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

AJ Fox. That's a good name. The phenomenon that gives the moon the illusion of not spinning is called tidal locking. The moon takes 27.322 days to orbit around Earth. It also takes 27 days to rotate on its axis, which results in the moon appearing like it's not spinning. So do we see another side of the moon? It just, oh, would we ever? I guess we never would.

It's rotating, but we're just kind of locked in with it. Oh, okay. You know? So if we could shake it a little bit, we'd be like, ooh. I wonder if we saw the other side of the moon. I think somebody sent me a comment. This is why it's a big deal when astronauts would go there to see the dark side of the moon. Yeah. Because it's just the side that we don't get to see very often. That's crazy. Mm-hmm. I didn't even realize that. And it's like, I wonder what's going on over there. Who knows? Yeah, because of the sun. But would the sun ever hit that side? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, because it's still rotating. Yeah. It's just dark to earth. Yeah. Yeah.

But if the people that live over there, they'd be like, no, it gets light all the time over here. And you're like, well, we don't. Like, that's what I'm saying. If there's a whole family, there's, you know, a bunch of people over there. So basically there's only like 35 people that have seen the other side of the moon. I think less than that. There's only 12 people that have, I just know that from Brian Regan bit, but 12 people have walked on the moon. Well, there's, but there's people that have not landed on it. There's people that have orbited around it. Like Apollo 13 didn't land on the moon. That's true, but they did get to see the dark side of it. Thanks, Ron Howard. Yeah.

Yeah. Is he dead? No, no, no. I just like to, just in case. You never know when this is going to come out. I'm saying that's right. You got to make sure the time, it doesn't, you know, you don't timestamp yourself. Kayla Byram. Kayla Byram. I hate that when I scream at my TV, y'all can't hear me. The blonde exercise woman that Nate was trying to think of is Suzanne Summers. That's exactly what I was thinking of. There she is. Yep.

Kayla did spell summers wrong, though. Oh. I just want to throw that out there so we're not total idiots. Oh, S-O-M-E-R-S. Well, who would? I don't know. I think Suzanne spelled it wrong. Didn't she have a Nickelodeon show or am I crazy? I don't know. You know what? I feel like she did have a Nickelodeon show. And I'll look into that. Yeah. There we go. I certainly didn't know her from health, that's for sure. Yeah. Mr. Nubbion.

It's fun watching Aaron the Gout Weber slowly clap back at Nate for being an old man over the course of the podcast. Nate consistently tries to be the smart guy, but the Aaron Land podcast is starting to get some clout. If you like it. What'd you call me, old? I wouldn't call you that old. I don't care. We'll call Brian old. I don't think you try to be the smart guy very often. Yeah, I don't. I think, look, I just, what I sound comes out smart, you know?

I mean, if he thinks you try to be the smart guy, even that sentence. When that sound comes out smart. I don't even know. Yeah. What is he talking about? Yeah. I just love that somebody's like, Nate always tries to sound smart. It's like, well, man, I have four specials for you that just go the other way. Yeah. I'm not traditionally smart. I'll say that.

I can't talk. You use big words. I'm out. Like there's a lot of stuff like that. I don't know. But I mean, anything I do, like, that's why I like, if I ever talked to like anybody, like agents or business managers, like, I'm always like, what? Like, just tell me, what does that mean though? Like, you know, it's like, well, it means this. Okay. Yeah.

Right. I mean, after I say that, it's not like I just say it on a podcast. I literally say it to people's face. I go, but what does that mean? Right. And they're like, oh, we're just going to hand it to you. Okay. Yeah. And you don't have trouble understanding the concepts. It's just sometimes the language is the language. I don't know. Right. Concept.

Yeah, the concept is like, yeah, I can move around, make decisions. But you get me in a corner. That's why college is about trying to trick the dumb. I mean, I feel like you're country smart. You don't use the vocabulary, which kind of like people go, oh, well, he doesn't know the thing, so he doesn't know. No, no, no, I know...

how people trick people, how people move people. You know all those things. Yeah, you're right. And you know how those things work. You also know how to be super competitive. You know how to better yourself. You know all those things. So you know how to get there. You just don't know how to say it the way that they want you to say it. Yeah, because I think that's a shield for, I'm not saying everybody, but it's a lot of, it's a shield that you're like, you can just say big words. Everybody's been in an argument with someone and they just start saying big words and you're kind of like, I don't even know what you're saying, so you're kind of out of it.

And I was, that's like a safety because it's like, well, all you gotta do is say bigger words than me. And if I'm not educated like you are, and I'm like, I don't, I've never, you know, I don't read the dictionary. That's what I say to them, which is a dumb statement. I mean, that doesn't even help me at all. That's funny though. Yeah. I go, I'm sorry. I've never read the dictionary. Everybody. Encyclopedia. That's my big word. Uh, cocky.

Allison. K-K-Allison. K-A-K-K-I. Allison. We had to flush our cereal too. It never all went down in one fell swoop. That's an interesting thing to explain to your rich garbage disposal friends. I'm glad to hear someone else had to do it. Yeah. You had to flush cereal? Oh, yeah. Because we didn't have a garbage disposal. So my dad would say, you got to flush it. And I would almost throw up every time because it was just so gross. Pouring water and Cheerios and...

The toilet is just, it's, it was, I'd close my eyes and just do it. You hear it and you just flush it and you run out. I mean, you get a burn out. Someone just walked in our house at that point. They're like, why do you have a bowl in the bathroom? I just imagine you having people over and be like, everybody's having cereal and you're like, hey, they're like, what do I do with this? I don't know, you just go in the bathroom. You're explaining it to people. Yeah, we have a party. Someone goes to the bathroom. You know, there's like seven Cheerios in that bathroom.

Brandon Underwood. The AIDS candy situation reminded me of when I worked for AT&T in the early 2010s. The company introduced a mobile payment application called ISIS. They later rebranded it because of obvious reasons, but I vividly remember talking people into signing up to join ISIS because it was the future. Yeah.

There it is, the wallet of the future. The ISIS mobile wallet. That's great. That's great. It's an official press release from AT&T, 2013. I mean, can you imagine putting your heart and soul into a project, just spending hours and hours? I mean, there's a marketing firm that's just like, this is it. This is the name. It's clean. It looks so good. It's palindromic. And then just all of a sudden, you're just like, well...

Guess what, guys? Yeah. You know the thing where like, this is the only thing that could stop this? Well, it happened. Stopped it. I wonder if there's a guy that's like, I think we can still keep, like he, like the guy that came up with it, he goes, I don't, I mean, where are y'all seeing the resemblance? It feels different. I'm like, well, it's both Isis. Yeah. He's always just say Isis. Is, is. Is, is. You go, it's spelled Isis. No one's going to say that.

Like, what is ISIS? Let's just openly talk about ISIS. Are they doing... If you really dive into it, I mean, what, you know, I don't see how they're any different than a lot. Like, he's just trying to make it seem like he just talked to his people. All right, look, I looked it up last night. I think I would join them. And so I think we should, you know...

Keep it. First of all, the color schemes are completely different. Yeah. That is true. Fonts are different. The branding is much different. Is that purple? There's not a Toyota pickup anywhere near our campaign. That's purple. That's a purple. Benjamin Dukes. Nate has mentioned opening for Chris Rock on the podcast a few times, but I don't think he's ever talked about how he got the gig. How did Nate and Chris meet? What led to Nate opening for Chris on his tour?

which will lead us into the other thing. But I met him, I went to Zany's in Nashville and met him. Our mutual friend, Neil Brennan, is friends with him. And Chris Rock came to Zany's for the Blackout tour that he went. And he was like working on the tour show before he went and did all the big shows. And so I went down there and met him there through Neil and we hung out. It was cool. And

And then I did, I ended up opening a forum for a few cities. Uh, and the first one I did was in Durham, D-PAC, which I was just at on my birthday. Yeah. And, uh, and so I opened for Chris at that place. And then, so that's, that's how I met him. And, uh,

You know, and then, and then I did a few more cities with him, but he's a great dude. And, uh, you know, they had that Oscars thing, uh, you know, recording this on Monday. So it was last night, but, uh, it's, uh, yeah, Chris did a great job handling that. That is not, that's a brutal thing to try to handle. I know.

And that's, it's insane. Like, it's crazy. It is. You can, whatever you want about a joke, you're like, I don't know, man. You're, it's like, y'all, she's had jokes made, y'all have had to make jokes about like,

I know you have to have a tough skin, and I know there could be a boiling point. It can't be in that moment. If you wanted to say something to him afterwards or something like that, but it made Will Smith look crazy. He did look crazy. And everybody's a giant, giant fan of him. And I do feel bad. There's something that you're like, something's up, dude. I know. And it just came out in that moment. But to do that to another person, that's humiliating. That's worse than the joke. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, it's like, and I know, it's like, well, she has alopecia and stuff like that, and you're like, I didn't know that. And I think it's recent. I don't know when she came. We're not trying to defend it or whatever. I don't think Chris Rock knew that. He's making a joke in the moment. Like, you know, they've got to know each other. They've got to be, like,

You know, they're just right. Not the first time they've been in the same room. Yeah. Yeah. This is the point you go up and you're going to take some shots at you. That's what these, this is, I truthfully believe. Cause like, you know, then we'll one that, which I was so excited when he won. I've never wanted him to win more than after. I was like, please win.

Like, I think everybody was like, you're like, please win, dude. What are you going to say? I know. And then he went and said, he apologized to everybody but Chris, which is insane. I know. And then, you know, you saw Chris go. He's like, I could. Like, you know, he could have just...

just done 40 minutes on Will Smith at that moment. And it's so embarrassing. It's so like, you just put me in such a weird position. He has no way to protect himself because Will walks up like, you know, where it looks like it's a joke. Right. And we're all being funny. Will Smith laughed at the joke or showed him laughing, which I didn't, he could not be listening. And he just kind of,

putting on a face and, you know, his wife, Jada Pinkett, like she didn't think it, but it's not like his wife is not a celebrity. Like his wife, you're like super famous. Yeah. You're a celebrity. Like it's the idea of like,

No one thinks anybody should be mean to someone. No one thinks... No one's on board with these jokes and blah, blah, and whatever. But here's the point where you're like, yo, dude, if y'all both have over $100 million, then you got to take it for us to watch. I'm not going to feel terrible. Yeah. I'm not going to feel that bad that you just... You're sitting so close. You're closer to Chris Rock than anybody. You're closer to the stage. Yeah. They put you up front. Uh-huh. And like...

it's, it's crazy. Also, you just produced a show where you hung out with comedians. Oh yeah. Like you just produced that whole thing. You're like, Oh, I'm like, there's, there's video of him in that thing being like, Oh, I'm so glad I can understand this art form. And I appreciate like, it's like him learning a new thing. And you're like, well, I mean, clearly you did not learn that much.

because he came out and said he's a vessel for love, which is unreal. That's so good. The speech was so unhinged. You're like, what is he talking about? And they just cheered him. And then like everybody standing out, it's the disconnect. I, you know, it's them in this business, but you can see this business and you're like,

you're seeing that other way where it's podcasts or it's YouTube and these followings and stuff like that. I'm not doing stuff with Netflix. Netflix, I'm a big fan of, but I truly think that all these streaming places are figuring it out. But that Hollywood world, it's like if they don't

you're like you if y'all don't realize like how crazy you look because it's like it felt like everybody there supported will smith and everybody watching at home supports chris rock well there's way more people supporting chris rock yeah and no one's either way it's like it's not beyond the joke it's like you can't i get you can't be mean to someone but hey we're gonna pay you a ton of money how about you all we ask is don't slap someone yeah during the oscars

That's it. We will make you family of billionaires. You want to be worth almost a billion dollars? We're going to do that. All we ask, you can go to jail. They go to anything. You can kill somebody. You can do whatever you want. Just during the Oscars.

Just not slap. If you don't mind, just don't slap. And at the time, you'd probably answer and go, yeah, why would I ever do that? And you're like, you're... You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. Give it some time. I know right now you're doing Fresh Prince and it doesn't seem like you would ever get to that point. But you got a long career ahead of you. So just always remember, don't slap. Even the thing he said, Denzel said, he's like, the devil comes at you at your...

the strongest moments or the highest moments or whatever. Yeah. Which is a great thing to say, but you're like, how do you say that? And I love Denzel Washington, but it's like, Denzel says that, how do you say that and then not go, and I should have

Like, how do you not apologize to Chris Rock? I know. How do you not just walk off and just go like, I'm mortified? He just went and sat back down. It's crazy to just go and sit back down. All right, finish the show. I mean, he was the most professional. I mean, like, how scatterbrained you have to be? First of all, I mean, just to get a slap.

I mean, just if the wiring in your brain is all there from that, just to have to continue to just keep like, all right, I got to get back into the joke that I was starting. He really took that punch too. I mean, he took it on the chin. Chris Rugg did awesome. Like he could win down a road. Didn't even drop the note cards. Yeah. I didn't notice that. Will Smith is heavier, bigger than him. Way bigger. I think there's a picture of him between MMA training. Like, I mean, yeah. He was Muhammad Ali.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. You learn how to punch. You're like, dude, that's... Clearly not. Yeah. Well, he slapped him. Yeah. Which is worse than a punch. And then...

Slapping is just, it's so disrespectful. It's also crazy there's no security. None. I watched a clip today of TD Jakes on Instagram, and I looked in the background, and there's like five security guards around him. There's three in the front row, like three guys in the back. I'm like, how does a pastor in Dallas who's around church people have more security than people in the Oscars? The security's behind them. Yeah.

because this is how crazy of a thing that was. No one would have, no cop would have ran up and stopped him. Nobody on earth would have. There's no, that's why Rock just, there's no moment of him thinking he's about to hit me because Will Smith's walking up there, he's laughing and he's like blah blah. There's a trust that you have that, you know, especially as entertainers, like, how do you know these award shows are this? You know that it's like they're going to make jokes. You

You know they're going to do whatever. Look, she has alopecia. That's inappropriate, but you're like, I don't know. I don't think Chris Rock knew that. He made an off joke on the side and just did it. You can't just go do that, dude. That's your big... People realize one of your big fears of on stage, and I think of it, and I don't want you to say anything. I'm not trying to make...

do you get a rise out of anybody? But when you're up there, like the lights are in my face, I can't see. And, uh, you know, you can see little glimpses and stuff, but you can't see a ton. And so I don't know if someone's going to, like, and I think about it all the time. Someone could walk up to the stage. You've had it happen. I've had it happen.

And you don't know that they're there. I mean, sometimes you can see, but a lot of times you can't. And these bigger places we're getting, I have no idea. So someone could just, they could do whatever they want. And there is a fear that you're in a room with just the most trust ever, that you're like, everybody's cool, right? Because I can't see you.

and I'm talking to all these people, and all it takes is one person, and they'd be up there. But that's even a stranger. You at least might be like that. Will Smith, who you probably know, you're going to be like, oh, all right, man, sorry. Making fun of him. That's been done so many times. You walk up in fake anger as a bit. It happens all the time, I feel like. Everyone thought it was. He's also not an angry. You're not thinking, oh, he's a funny guy on screen. So you're like, oh, he's going to do a thing.

Yeah, he's a nice, sweet man is what you thought until then. You're like, I don't know. I mean, everybody liked Will Smith. Yeah, he's a vessel for love. He's a vessel for love. I mean, yeah, it was insane, dude. I mean, yeah, they gave him the award. They stayed in ovation. They cried for him. You're like, you just want to go like just all right. If you want to feel bad for –

Jada Pinkett, he should have done it. He should have made that joke about her. You're like, well, show me some sympathy for Chris Rock too. Like, just be like, you know, like some, like a lot of people are saying like, well, let's just say both are bad. Then that's fine. Yeah. But you can't, like in that situation, like it's still, one's words and one's like, you just slapped a dude in front of the,

The biggest award show in history. Right. And the most, you know, the most famous comedian and probably one of the most, and the most famous actor. Yeah. And you just like, you're chumps. And as comedians, we take it as like, look, like we're just this sideshow that you're like, well, you know what, dude, we're the ones that have to create everything. Yeah. And that's what like, you look at like Chris Rock, he had, he has to create everything. Comedians have to write all their information. They have to sell it. They have to write it. They have to do everything.

where, you know, actors, you're like, and it's hard. You got to get in these mindsets. I mean, clearly you can't get out of whatever mindset he was in for this movie. So I guess it is pretty tough.

That's like what they always say about Jared Leto. I love 30 Seconds to Mars. That one song. I watch the video all the time. Were they on Iceland? Oh, it's the best. It's so great. He's in character the whole time and you're like, well, you got to deal with that. That's a lot. If you're another actor, you're like, hey, what's up, man? And he's like, hello. And you're like, well, then I just wouldn't be around him unless he's on

You know, whatever, dude. You want to get in your space? But like, don't take it weird. Like, I don't want to see you outside of us acting because I think it's crazy that you can't be a little normal when we're not shooting for, I don't know, 20 minutes.

12 hours, four day. It's not like they have 10 minutes off and then they're back. You have a good 24 hours probably off or something at some point. I'm even cool with you being like that on the way to the set, but on the way home, just switch it off. Just switch it off and sleep. This is

started but right but look if he if that's his mindset and he and he is awesome so like yeah he seems healthy and yeah it seems like yeah well it seems like look he dives into all that stuff and like i'm you know whatever go do i get it i get staying in that mindset you know but it'd be all like with these you know that you just would be like yeah dude i'm not gonna but i would rather not even meet you really outside of outside of us being on the thing i don't want you to

If I'm getting food, just wait till I get away because I don't want you, you know, coming back. Hello. Do you mind passing me the peas? And you're like, well, you're like, hey, Jared. He's like, it's Tommy. And you're like, all right, man. You know, there's a lot of normal people around. So maybe, you know, all the workers are like regular people. So maybe don't do this. It seems weird. They should get his own section. Mm hmm.

He should get his own, like, a cage. Like a character actor section? As a character actor section. I would think there should be a fence for character actors. Yeah.

And then they build it. Chicken wire. So, you know. Do not feed the character actors. You just see them in there like. One's like. He does it for two months. And he's just in that. They're just hitting the wall. None of them have a normal world they're even in. But you're like, yeah, dude, you're going to get the best performance out of you. Right. Well, we're going to put you in here. Because we do have people that are making $40,000 a year. And I don't think they should have to.

uh be yelled at by a chicken uh a guy that's getting paid 50 million dollars for this movie and i have a single mom over here that does the lighting and so i just think she shouldn't have to figure out how to talk to a chicken

If you don't mind. So just, we're going to put you in that, in that kind of gathering. So whoever wants to do it, we support it. I'd prefer you to do it, but at least do it in the gathering area and don't wander around neutral, neutral, neutral. We got a back area. They got carpet, like a casino. Like you can walk in this area, but this is off limits. But you're not allowed out. There's a lot of, there's mainly only regular people on this area.

It's basically, you're basically a negative percent of not regular people in this movie. So, and you're getting paid the most, which you sell the movie, I'm on board with. Of course, of course. Therefore, go in that gathering. Right. And when you want to go home, we're back up like a horse trailer. Open it, you just go in there and you're like, oh, you know, you're just in there for-

You know, and then you just decide where you want to go. I don't think it's that bad of an idea. No, it's a great idea. They give you a code knock whenever it's time for you to go. Yeah. Like, all right. Yeah. Come on out. Yeah, we're good. You know, I'll have a couple people. They dress up and come talk to you like the character. You know, if you're playing a medieval character, we'll have a knight come in and give you your Chick-fil-A. And just so you can be like, thank you. You know, whatever mood you're staying in. I don't know.

It's not a bad idea. I would do it. Oh, that's great. And I think I want to be a character actor. All right. Need new glasses or want a fresh new style? Warby Parker has you covered. Glasses start at just $95, including anti-reflective, scratch-resistant prescription lenses that block 100% of UV rays. Every frame's designed in-house with a huge selection of styles for every face shape and

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We're going to talk. I don't know what kind of out of it is. Yeah. Yeah. Can I ask y'all something that made me think of it? That electric e-bikes. Have you seen this debate going on online? We're a little late to the game, but there's a big debate going on in the United States. Do you think that there are more wheels or doors?

In the whole country. Including bikes. Including bikes, including everything. Motorcycles, yeah. Everything in general. More wheels or doors? I think it's more doors. You think there are more doors? 100%. There's more doors. Think about one person's house. There's three times the doors versus cars they have. Okay. Every person. I think you have a lot more wheels in this house than you're thinking of. What wheels are you... I mean, like...

uh well you got the wheels you got your cars you got uh office chairs four wheels so we have eight wheels okay i got that electric bike 10 wheels there you go laura's got a bike 12 wheels yeah lawnmower or something out there it's got wheels think about all the wheels on uh harper's toys you got lego wheels yeah you got all these chairs here that's uh are we counting gears too

Do gears count as wheels? Well, this also depends on how you define wheels and doors. I already don't... Where's this debate happening? It's happening all over Twitter. It's all over social media. Oh, yeah. It was the talk of the town a few weeks ago. I'm just late to the game here. I just want to hear what y'all thought. It would be... I thought it was obviously wheels. Oh, no, no. I think if you're having to...

like pull a lot of strings to make all these wheels beat the doors. I don't know. The doors come out of the gate. I mean, just think about like, dude, there's doors. There's two doors here in just this room, the bathroom door and the way to get out. So it's like you have so many doors that,

There's 12 wheels. There's 15 wheels in these chairs the three of us are sitting on. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Not at the end of this podcast. Yeah, so far. So that's just saying, but you're having to literally go chase down every wheel to beat doors. Yeah, well, I don't think in this scenario you have to collect all of them in the country. It's just a...

I know, but I don't think you can even count all the, like, there's a Michael Jordan car over there that has four wheels on it. There you go. So that's what I mean. So the argument kind of gets to, like, it seems to me like it's a wheel person trying to beat a door person. And the door people have them beat clearly. And the wheel person's like, okay, but I didn't, you forgot. I didn't mention that your chair that rolls back and forth, that's four. You're like, okay, dude. All right.

All right. I guess if you add that, oh, there's a lawnmower. You're like, all right. So you're not talking about obviously what people think of wheels. When you say just wheels, no one's even going to think lawnmower. Don't forget lawnmower. Yeah. Well, that's why it's a fun hypothetical. Look at all the hotels in Vegas. Oh, yeah. Did you forget this guy's Hot Wheel collection? Did you forget that? A Lego makes millions of toy wheels a year. Think about a hotel, though. There's multiple doors at every hotel. And these Vegas hotels have...

30,000 doors. I don't know how many rooms they got. But each one of those doors has a roller chair behind it. Yeah. That is true. There's an office chair in every room. This wheel thing isn't racing to me. You got to think that every car, wheels win cars. So there you go. There's always going to be, at most, it's a tie. At most, it's a tie. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's neutral. No, because a lot of cars only have two doors, but they all have at least four. And a motorcycle doesn't have a door. There you go. I just think wheels wins in a landslide. No, I think so. I would, I just look at it as like, that's fine. Wheels might win, but the time it's going to take you to figure out how many dumb wheels you're going to make up. That's going to beat doors. Like I'm already, I got so much money in the door world that I don't even, you're going to be tired. You're barely make it to the debate center. Yeah.

because you'll be just worn out of just being like, well, there's a will, will, you know, like Jared Leto, just in character, will, will, will, there's one will.

Yeah. You know, that's what I think. All right. I mean. But it's good. Good things. Stuff's getting solved on Twitter. Sorry. Anyway, Samurais. Oh, ninjas and Samurais. I'm so excited. I'm so excited about this. You're pumped about it. I mean, as a kid, I was both ninjas and Samurais. Yeah. For Halloween. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, really? I went a little further than probably a kid that age should have gone. Oh, yeah. I was real excited about it. In what way did you go too far? I mean, probably age, probably one. Because younger, you're a ninja because you think it's really cool. But then you get older and you're like, I'm going to be a mature, like a samurai. It feels very mature. Yeah. And you're like,

I remember dressing up as a samurai and somebody look at me and be like, it's about time. Like, like they don't say it, but it's like that first time we were like, Hey, it's about time to hang this up. You're walking with your friend that's in regular clothes and you're, and he's like, I don't know, dude. How big was Beverly Hills Ninja for you?

It was huge. It was huge. The one time the big guy got the suit. The big guy got the tat. What did that movie theater look like? A lot of popcorn sold that day. They go to their kids. They just go in there and you're like, look at them, boys. We can all be one.

It's a good movie for regular body people. That's right. I don't have a body for a ninja. No one has it. Ninjas, their bodies are crazy. It's nice to see. The whole thing is they're compact and tiny.

and they're supposed to be acrobatic. That's like the whole thing. So a Ninja would be like a tight rope person or like in the circus. So Ninja, like if Ninja got a Ninja game, he's probably going to do circus. Well, the whole thing with the Ninjas, they're supposed to be very like, uh,

It's like stealthy. Is that not what he would do? It's like when a football player becomes a broadcaster. Yeah. A ninja will just become a circus performer. There's a point where a ninja is sitting there with his parents. He's got his sword. He's just eating. He can't afford to live on his own because he's always a vigilante. It doesn't get paid. Ninjas are poor people. Yeah, and he's eating cereal and a steak, having to pour it in the toilet, and his mom's just like,

how long do you think you're going to do this? He's got his mask just kind of up here. That sword just sticking out behind him. And he's like, I don't know. You know, your aunt was in a circus and she still knows some people over there. You can do all the, you know, you could do all the stuff. We can get you in the union. Get you in the union. You can ride that motorcycle around in that tube. And, you know, they'd be lucky to have you.

And he goes, I don't know, Mom. This is what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing. Chase this dream. We've got to paint over all the throwing star marks. Ninjas don't get paid. Ninjas are real, though. Very much real. Yeah. So ninjas were the specialized assassins, saboteurs, and secret agents of medieval Japanese warfare who were highly trained proponents of the martial arts, especially what later became known as ninjutsu or the art of the ninja. Ninjutsu. Ninjutsu. Okay. Okay.

You know a lot about that. That becomes a very broad term as history goes on. Because there's ninjas now, and it's very like... There's American ninjas. Oh, there are? Yeah. Like real ninjas? Yeah. Well, there's like... They take the basics of it, and then they...

They kind of like... Who are they doing it for? I mean, just to basically sell karate classes. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's where it morphs into that. But one of the most famous dudes... Did you see the movie Bloodsport? No. It's a movie about this guy named Frank Dukes. I've heard of it, yeah. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah. But it was basically... It's one of the most amazing stories. Yeah. Because he gets in this Hollywood people's ear and tells them the story about how he fought in this underground...

full contact thing called a Kumite where like people die and it's crazy and wild. And basically it's like MMA. So you have all these styles. You have like Muay Thai and you have sumo, you have, there's no weight classes. It's, and he tells a story about how he was like a world champion. He was never beaten. He had like the fastest knockdown time, the fastest knockout.

He beat like 156 guys in a row. Yeah. This whole thing. And so they get so excited about it. They make a movie about it. John Claude Van Damme is like stars in it. It's like one of his biggest movies. Yeah. And then it comes out and then everybody just goes, oh, he was lying about the whole thing. Like, nope, they can't find any proof that it's real. But this guy founded this whole like ninjutsu system.

It's one of the wildest, craziest things. He literally looks like the guy from Napoleon Dynamite when they go and study with the guy with the American flag pants. Do I need to watch this movie now? The movie's amazing. The movie's incredible. It's literally one of the best bad guys. But I now know at the end of it, they're like, nah, none of that was true. There's way more to it than that. But you don't know that. Nobody knew that when they were filming the movie. I didn't know that before you told me right now when I didn't.

But this was a movie that I grew up in my childhood with. That it was one of the most amazing. I loved it so much. I watched it with my dad. It was one thing my dad and I bonded over. Blood sport. Because he breaks... One of the things is he... It's called a death touch is what it's called. He does this thing where there's a stack of bricks and they pick a brick and he's able to... Oh, spoiler alert.

He's able to smash. He's able to hit the pile of bricks and make the brick that they pick explode. It's like a whole thing. So it was a big part of why you liked this movie that you thought it was a true story?

No, it's just a great movie. Oh, so you didn't care whether it was a true story or not? Oh, no, no. It didn't break your heart when you found out it was all nonsense? I don't go into Batman and think, oh, man, I wish more billionaires were like this. Yeah. That's true, but they didn't sell the rights to Batman telling them that it was a true story. As far as you know. So this is a little bit different. You act like that's a good analogy at all. Wait, you're saying in the movie they say it's not true. You're saying... No, no, no. But at the end of the movie, it's like,

It's based off of a guy. So like, you know the thing where Frank, you know, like at the end of a biopic, they're like, this is what he did. This is all the things that like, there's this long screen of all the records and stuff that he holds. Basically saying like, it's a real thing. All fake. All fake. Oh, so it's not like it's a spoiler in the movie. No, no, no. No, it's like, but...

Oh, when did that come out? I know, but when did that come out that it was all fake? Almost very soon after because they couldn't find anybody

That had fought. Like, hey, if you beat 156 guys and this tournament goes like every four years. Like, it's a very secretive thing. Yeah. But they're like, hey, we know a bunch of fighters. Like, did you fight in this thing? No. Did you fight in this thing? No. Do you know anybody that's ever fought in this thing? No. It's like, we're a pretty tight-knit community. Yeah. It'd be like if somebody come up and like, hey, I performed at this comedy festival. I got a Netflix deal. I had Lion Mass Square Garden last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I feel like we know a few people. So he made up the fight. Made up the whole thing. Yeah, yeah.

And then he comes over after the movie and has this, like, he has like a fighting system that he sold to all these people. And I'm going to tell you something. After watching that movie, you're like, I mean, I would sit in on a class. Yeah. Even just hearing about it, I think I would take ninja classes. Yeah. But that's like a whole thing. I literally, as you were talking, I was like, I think I want to do some kind of...

Like martial arts. I think I do. I think I would like to just like to learn how to do stuff. The only, my problem is, is you're sitting there like,

A little too old to be just like, I got another dude. I got to get him in some... And you're all over each other and you're sweating. Not in the weird way, but you're just like, I'm too old for this, dude. I want to be... What's one where you don't have to be like, I don't want to be on the ground with you. Two, I don't want to fall on the ground and then have to get out of a position. I feel too old past that. Maybe I could get over it.

Here, lay on me right now, Justin. Let's see. What would you like to be able to do? Just defend yourself if somebody tries to slap you on stage? Yeah, I always think, yes, if someone tries to slap me on stage. But it's like you want to have – it's like is it kickboxing? Do they have to go – they don't have to go down, right? Taekwondo stands out. Oh, yeah. Boxing, you're never on the ground in boxing. No, yeah, yeah, boxing. Yeah, boxing could be good. Yeah. Dustin Chafin, it was a golden –

what was it? Golden Gloves when he was a kid. So he knows boxing. And then, but I could do, yeah, but kickboxing. So you have a little like, you know, ninja, you know, like someone, I just want one person when I walk away to go, was that guy a ninja? Yeah. Like, even though everybody's not, no one thinks that, but if I got one guy thinking, God, did I see a ninja dude? He might, he might.

But what was it? Taekwondo? Taekwondo. So that's like kicking and punching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean like Muay Thai is kind of stand-up too, but that's a lot of knees and ankles and –

I mean, I don't think we need to be messing with the joints right about now. Oh, yeah, but it's cute. It's a lot of like throwing elbows and it's a lot of using hard bones in your body to hit soft points. I like that. But it's, I mean. So I could do Muay Thai, but I could do Muay Thai. And so I don't have to roll around on the ground with someone or as much. Right, right.

It's like the MMA was like grappling. You're just like, I don't know. When I did it even back then, I was like, I don't like this. I feel, A, you're a little claustrophobic, or I guess I was even a little back then. But it's the fact that you're – and now, I'm 43 now, and you're like, I can't be having some –

30-year-old, 24-year-old man just laying on me on a Tuesday. Well, jiu-jitsu is all about shifting weight. I don't know if you've met the guy and you're like, all right, I don't know. Huh? Jiu-jitsu is all about shifting weight. That's where it all comes. It's like the combination of jiu-jitsu and wrestling. Yeah. It's just like movement, you know, and momentum. Yeah. Our center of gravity is at our necks. I'm telling you. So I'd like to be able to shift the weight around. Wait, so you can... All right. Yeah, so I can take...

What was it? Jiu-jitsu? Jiu-jitsu. But our Muay Thai. Muay Thai is more stand-up. Muay Thai and kickboxing. And karate. I mean, like, straight-up karate is like that, too. And jiu-jitsu. But that's more on the ground. Like, that's more grappling. Oh. Jiu-jitsu is. Oh.

Oh, okay. These are all confusing me. But I want to say Muay Thai. Yeah. Elbows and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. What's the one that the Israeli army uses? What's the... You know what I'm talking about? I mean, they have modern weapons now, dude. No, no, no. They have like a... The Iron Dome. That's what it is. Okay. That's like a whole thing. Yeah, yeah. Where like you learn that stuff and so it's like... It makes people like really... Like even like...

Like Israeli women, like that's the one thing they're like, they're really, really vicious because they all learn it from like a very young age. Israeli women are vicious. That's my takeaway. Is it? Is it? You're going to clip for the week? Yeah. Clip that. Yeah. Yeah. If I ever learn it, I'm not going to tell you though, because I think that's the secret.

Yeah, and you surprise people with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be fun. That would be fun. Well, there's people that we know there. I encourage people to take the stage. No, I'm joking. I don't know. I don't know. Trying to bait them now. I don't know. Hey, God, dare anybody walk up here? Everybody here got alopecia. Alopecia. Just Nate pulls up his T-shirt, and there's just a yellow belt under there. Yeah, he is.

I thought this was interesting. You know those masks and those all-black outfits that we think of when we think of a ninja? That's pretty much a modern creation. Ninjas would have worn common clothing that helped them blend in wherever they are. And sometimes, I mean, think about just wearing an all-black outfit. You would stand out from the crowd pretty easily. Well, Beverly Hills Ninja. I mean, he is...

His brother is running around Beverly Hills in a full ninja suit. No one ever notices it. No one ever says anything.

And it's a great movie. I can tell you one thing from childhood. Great. It's so funny movie. One thing from childhood, they do not make geese that big. Yeah. Something I learned at nine years old. Make what that big? Geese. The belt. The outfit is called a... Oh, you can probably get one now. Ninja ones might be different, but... Do they just change your uniform color? Yeah.

Everybody has a white uniform still and you walk in with a blue jumpsuit on. You go, what are you, a blue belt, buddy? You go, yeah, yeah. You guys just have the belt. I have the whole suit in blue. I think it would be better. You should get this suit. That's more, they should give it. How good would that be? Give you a whole suit jacket? Yeah. It's like the Masters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little more threatening. Yeah. Do you have a... Chris Rock in Beverly Hills Ninja. Oh, he is in there. Do you have a ninja sword or a katana? I did at one point. Yeah. Those are college days, though. It was all about honor and courage. Would you carry it around with you? No, no, no. Do you leave it? Is it like a mantelpiece thing? Yeah, it's a reminder. Well, it was a reminder.

To always have honor and courage? Always have honor and courage. So while you walked out every door, you looked at that sword and said, honor, courage. Yeah. It's embarrassing. I used to tap it before I go out. Oh, man. Like a Weaver champion. You do it like before economic. Like a champion today. Yeah. You're on your way to...

economics class and you just, I'm beat. Can I tell you? And it's a real, and it's like, you know, this is the Notre Dame, all these warriors, they got to touch that, they go wrestle men on a football field, get people going to real war and you're, as you pack your suitcase or your backpack, going to, you know. Friendship class. Friendship class. Oh, it's embarrassing. And you just go. Friendship class. Honor and courage today. It's embarrassing how many, like, I used to watch

Before football games, I was... It's something you learn when you do Christian pastors and stuff, love clips, like video clips. I love them. And so when I would...

play high school football and I always watch a clip by myself. Yeah. A movie clip. And I'd watch the scene from The Last Samurai when he's in the rain and they're doing sword fighting and he keeps getting hit and he keeps getting knocked down and get back up. And I was like, that's how I would watch that clip before I walk out the door. And the worst part is I didn't start, I didn't play on my football team. So I would watch it just to, just, just to get psyched up. Just maybe I might get in. Yeah. And I never did. Let's go boys. Yeah.

You know a lot about ninjas. I probably did this. Ninjas, samurai, I'm all in. I love it. Yeah, I like them too. I don't know much about them, but I'm a big fan. It makes a ton of sense. I've already wrapped my head around the fact that they're not wearing those karate outfits. We should have known the Ninja Turtles didn't wear anything. No, but they're turtles. They could hide in their shell. That's true.

Nobody ever brings that point up. That they're not wearing clothes? They're the ultimate concealant is a shell. Is a shell. Well, they think you can't. They're like, I'm invisible. And you're like, all right, well, we can all see the shell. So this is a ninja legacy. This is some lore. They've been credited ninjas with some incredible feats like removing the pillow from underneath a sleeping enemy. Do you believe that? I mean, if he's got sleep apnea, anything's possible.

I've learned. The CPAP mask on. Why would they remove it? Is that all it says? That's actually a great question. Why would you not just kill the guy? Why would you need to remove the pillow? Maybe it's like a dead horse thing. So Ninja's, he's like, he's going to be very uncomfortable tomorrow. He's going to wake up with a sore neck. Wait till we go see him in that two o'clock meeting. And he's just like, hey, everybody. He goes, I don't know. My pillow ended up on the other side of the room last night. And I just can't. I got a crick in my neck. And

And they go, oh, it seems like, you know, there's a lot of ninjas in this area. And he goes, is there? And he goes, yeah, that's one of the things they do. They take your pillow. Look up why they would remove a pillow. Is it like, would they remove it and then put it on their face? I bet you it's like a godfather thing. Remember how you, they leave the horse head in the bed? Like a, like I can get to you at any moment. Oh, yeah. Almost like an intimidation. Like if you're trying to get somebody to do something, that's what I would do. That would be, but like, how would, what do you, uh.

What'd you type in? Ninja remove pillow from enemy. Oh, which range from moving? Oh, there we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, guess who's asking for money again? Wikipedia. You know? Make sure you give it to them. I'm telling you, Wikipedia, I'll give you money if you then take it off of my thing. If you take the ad away. Yeah.

I won't give you money if you don't take the ad away. But how would you know where to pay and how to pay and when to pay? Once I pay, the ad should be removed. Okay. I don't know how internet, computer works, but I'm sure we can do a lot of things now. We're going to the other side of the moon currently. Yeah. So...

If I pay and donate money to you, I'm fine. But you can't just leave that at the top. Like everything, you go to Wikipedia, it's just the whole page is, will you please...

I can never get past it. It's like I want stuff to... It's like Angry Birds. Just I want to pay to remove the ads. Oh, yeah. It's all I want to do. I'll give you everything. I can't find any reason. I think it's just, I mean... It has to be the, hey, I can get to you whenever I want thing. Oh, it's just like sending a message? Yeah. You pull the pillow out? Yeah, they were created with other incredible feats, which ranged from removing the pillow from beneath a sleeping enemy pillow,

are assassinating a warlord from below while he sat on his toilet. Well, these stories are likely exaggerations. I mean, that one doesn't feel exaggerated. I mean, it doesn't. Yeah. I don't even. If you're a ninja, I think you ought to be embarrassed. You go, what do you do? And he goes, well, I take a pillow out of. Oh, when I'm dead asleep, dude, you can pull a pillow. I lose my pillow on my own in my sleep.

And I wake up and it's on the floor. Like, why would I not just think that happened? There was no one having pillows fall on the ground back in those days. How do you not just go...

The guy just wakes up and sleep, just grabs it, sets it back on the bed and goes back to sleep. Never thinks of it again. He's like, I gotta fire my housekeeper. It would take 30 times. You think it's a ninja coming in every night? He goes, my pillow falls off every night. You're talking about once or twice a week? A month straight. A month straight.

I woke up in the middle of the night, my pillow's on the ground and I grab it and have to put it back. I don't even, I don't even know how we'd be like, I bet it's a, I don't, I think if someone said they think it's a ninja, you'd be like, ha, yeah, I hope so. Anyway, so like, it must be my arm or something. Like no one would even write a note, put something else under it. Yeah. Well, this says that people are so afraid of that in some parts they would put

deliberately creaky floorboards in their house. They'd have confusing layouts, revolving doors, hidden trap doors. Just, you know, they don't want somebody sneaking in and rearranging the bedding. Yeah. I mean, it's, is that what a ninja is like a, a great mover? Yeah.

That's basically what they do. They're just like, we'll come in, take your couch, put a new couch in. You won't even know we're there. You're like, oh, that's a pretty good service. Thank you, man. You just do it whenever you want. You go, we're getting the house. Don't worry about it. Give us the address. And you wake up and have a new couch. You just see them. That would be a good ninja movement service.

And that's the, when am I going to get the couch? We don't tell you, but one day you will wake up and there will be a new couch upstairs. And then just in the middle of the night, they got a rope and they open the windows. Your couch is going outside and new ones coming in. And it's like no one hears. They turn the lights off as they turn the corner and just, it's like all very quiet. You wake up, there's a grand piano in your living room. Oh! Ninja moving. Thanks. That's a surprise.

Here's some recent ninja stories. The 1998 East Java Ninja Scare was an outbreak of mass hysteria in East Java, Indonesia, in which the local population believed they were being targeted by sorcerers known as ninja who were blamed for mysterious killings of religious leaders by assassins dressed in black. 150 to 300 sorcerers were killed in a year. So they thought it was like the ninjas were just taking over. Well, it doesn't sound like ninjas because ninjas don't wear black outfits. Yeah.

That's true. Well, this is 1998. Everything's a little more kitschy. Yeah. You know, they did it up. But all those leaders were really killed? I mean, even- 150 to 300, which is quite a range. For 1998, you should probably count a little bit better than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's low enough that you should. You can go 1,000, 2,000 people. Yeah. But you can't go, it's a little lazy writing to go, how many people died? You know, a good bit.

Quite a few. Also, what's going on in your town? More than you, enough that I should know. Yeah, 150 or twice that. Yeah. I mean, what's going on in your town where you have 300 sorcerers in it?

I think there's just a lot going on, man. I mean, just... Yeah. I think that's the weird... Like, nobody's asking that question. Like, I don't think I've ever met a sorcerer. Yeah. And y'all got 300 of them? Yeah. Well, they all... Not anymore. I mean... Yeah. In 2019, a mysterious group of people dressed in ninja outfits have been ringing residents' doorbells around East Java.

At first, residents thought it was a simple prank until it was observed that the perpetrators were wearing ninja costumes and were adults. Why would they? That's like the new pillow. It's like, there you go. It's just ding dong ditch people. Yeah. That's their new, like, just so you know, we can always get your outside doorbell without you knowing. So just, we're watching. Just. You go. All right. Ooh, that's pretty scary. Yeah.

Well, how do you know? First of all, if you're ringing the doorbell, how do you know that it's, I mean, they don't have the ring camera. Well, this is 2019. I bet a lot of them do. Yeah. Yeah. This is three years ago. There's got to be camera footage of that. I think there might be.

I mean, that's. We're not that kind of podcast. I'm just. Yeah. We don't put video ever. I saw you Google pillow. So I was like, I understand. I'd want to see how the ninja approached the ring and how he got away. Because it's like, if you see him just like run away, like a, you know, very wide need or something. You're like, well, that's not a ninja dude. Like, I think a ninja would be able to go underneath it and would hit it and you would never see it.

I don't understand. If you steal somebody's pillow, you don't ring a door... I don't know why you would draw attention to yours. That's not very ninja at all. You're never going to find it because it's a doorbell ninja. Yeah, there's a brand. There's a brand. It's really messed up. Ring ninja doorbell into ninja... Oh, maybe... You know what? It seems like... Was it an ad for this ninja doorbell? Like...

I mean, it should be like a good ad. Yeah. Somebody said this commercial was real. You're like, where did you see this? We're like, oh, I saw it on TV. There's the news. You're like, no, no, that was like a commercial. And they're like, you're like, find out over there. They're like, what? Like, they don't know about commercials. It's not all just like real programming. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. They do like commercials and stuff. Like, and that's what I don't.

I understand. Yeah, I would be worried too if you're like, golly, dude. It seems like every 30 minutes to an hour, this is happening to me. The doorbell rings. Yeah, that's how you get a number, I don't know, 150, 300? Yeah. What do you know about the samurai? A samurai, I'm also a big fan. Like the bigger swords, lots of armor, you know.

But they're not as quiet. No, they're kind of the opposite. They're out in the open. Yeah. It's a hereditary military nobility. And the officer caste of medieval and early modern Japan. This is from the 1100s to 1876. 700 years of there being samurai. It's a big honor thing. It's basically like if...

If comedy was ninja and samurai, ninjas would be improv people and samurai would be stand-up comedians. Yes.

They don't like each other. Oh, they don't like each other. No, they don't like each other at all. Oh, really? Yeah, they despise. Well, because samurais are very like, they're like, there's like a lot of, it's like a military. No, no, it's like lineage. It's like an ancestry. There's lots of bloodline. Like there's all these big things and there's lots of honor. There's codes and they kind of fight for one goal, a tribe, and they have a code. And ninjas are kind of like, not that. They're peasants. They're,

That's why a lot of times the ninjas will fight and learn with weird weapons.

because a lot of them are like farming weapons. Like that's where they start and they've just modified them to be able to climb walls, throw like little throwing knives. A lot of times they're like gardening tools. Like when you see ninja weapons, a lot of times they're like the three hook thing. The claw is kind of like a hoe. So it's like that's what it is. It's all like kind of they learned how to use –

everyday peasant weapons, things to make weapons. Oh, wow. And samurais are very much like armor, tactics. Yeah. And it's their, their stride for perfection and everything. And it's not just in fighting. It's like they, they, like they make tea and stuff like that. And they do, like they, like artists are very, they, they do like calligraphy and stuff. It's,

It's a whole thing. The samurai were generally highly literate and skilled in mathematics. The samurai culture produced a great number of uniquely Japanese arts, such as the tea ceremony, rock gardens, and flower arranging. They studied calligraphy and literature, wrote poetry, and produced ink paintings. These are Renaissance men. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what it sounds like. So which one are the stand-ups and which one are the improv people? I mean, I like to think that the samurai are stand-ups. Mm-hmm. You know, because we think we're better than everybody else. Because we are. So samurai, they did all that stuff too? So they were like, they didn't know how to fight? They did know how to fight. Yeah. They followed an unwritten code of conduct, later formalized as the bushido.

Do you know how to pronounce Japanese words? No, not a chance. I mean, I can read them, but I don't know if they're correct. The ideal samurai would be a stoic warrior who followed this code, which held bravery, honor, and personal loyalty above life itself. At their peak, up to 10% of Japan's population were samurai. Wow. About 10% of them were. That's crazy. Yeah. That's a lot. So that's almost like they're police officers.

But like even, or it's their military. But it's hereditary. It's like a nobility class. Yeah. Like of a class of people. It's like a special class. Are they like Navy SEALs or they're even, you know? It's a hereditary thing. Yeah. Oh, like you got to be born. It's like having royal blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you like have to be a samurai.

under special circumstances an individual from outside japan could come and join and fight alongside them they could even become one so there's still time yeah i'm working on it i mean i got i got my applications but you got to be you got to be allowed to do that yeah you got to be welcomed in well then it's not very hereditary you know like oh but we also do a thing we take people from utah if they want to be the same that's the only way like that's

Only four European men ever have done it. So it's, you know, make exceptions. Be the first American. It just seems like there's a loophole to be like, my blood, my grandfather, all this was samurais. This is John. He's from Idaho. And you're like, oh, hey, John. He's like, yeah, they just, you know, I had a bunch of miles, so I flew on over and became a samurai, you know, see what's up.

the, uh, the brutality, some of this is, uh, I'm not going to read a lot of this cause it gets pretty in depth, but let's just say some samurais would check if their swords were sharp enough by just randomly beheading people as they passed them by on the road. Yeah. Well, that's a good way to find out. Yeah. Yeah. 2019. Yeah.

They ring your doorbell. We don't have any footage of that. You're like, no, they're good, dude. You can't hear them. It's just like, once you see them run away, it's like when you open the door, like you hear those wind chimes. Like every time you're like, what is that? Was there a samurai in here? Like you always hear ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And you're like, Dave Gummett, is that a samurai? Got it again. So, uh,

This is a samurai would often hire ninjas to do their dirty work. If they wanted stuff to be done that violated their personal code of conduct, they would just hire a ninja to do it. I honestly, it seems samurai are a little corrupt. It read at the beginning, like it was like this thing. And then it switched to like, let's make sure our swords sharp enough and we're beheading people. And you're like, well, you can't do that. I don't care what year it is. It just, it just doesn't make sense.

And once a little bit that, you know, rumors of that get around, I mean, who's not rolling their windows up as they go by samurai. I think you're just, you got that cranking it up, you know, samurai up here, you know, and you're, I don't, uh, so it seems like they're bad guys. And the ninja ninja feels like you could trust the ninja more.

I think, but you can also pay an agent to do whatever you want. They're also like mercenaries. Oh yeah, that's true. At least samurai samurai has a code. I mean, I don't think they do though. Cause their code is very loosey goosey. I mean, it sounds like they always want their short sword to be sure. Yeah. You go from your code starts at the beginning. Their main code is you got to be bloodline, but we also, you know, we open to meet people and see if that fits. Uh,

And then they go into like, but you got a, you got a code. You can't break this code. But if you want to break the code, call Ninja, you know, say, Hey man, uh, you know, I want you to do some stuff. How do I check my swords? We'll just kill the townspeople and just see if your sword is sharp enough.

I will say this about the samurai. They were pretty progressive for their time. Women would fight alongside male samurai in combat. In fact, recent archaeological evidence indicates the Japanese women participated frequently in battles. DNA tests conducted at the site of the 1580 Battle of some word I won't pronounce. 35 out of the 105 bodies were female.

It's a pretty good percentage. Where's that movie? Yeah, where is that movie? I mean... Little Samurai. Trying to remake Ocean's 8. You just... This is... It's already there. It's in history. Yeah, because Hollywood... But Hollywood's going to make these Samurais, you know, have like J-Lo's body. And you're like, that's not going to be true. You know, like you're...

There's no way. If 35 of them are out there, it's like, these are some strong women. Oh, dude. Yeah. For sure. Got some traps on them? Yeah. I mean, to even carry that stuff around is probably just the weight of that. I mean, their armor's not... I don't know who I'm on board with here. I don't know if you necessarily have to pick a side. I think you do. You do?

Well, if you want to have a podcast and have a conversation, maybe you should. But yeah, if you want to just move on and end it early, then yeah. Don't pick a side. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I'll pick a side. It sounds like ninja talk is what that sounds like. Oh, I can do whatever side I want. I don't know. Something like samurai blood. I don't think you could. I mean, I think a ninja, I at least like that. I know what I'm getting. I know what I'm getting in. I don't know what I'm getting, but I treat them as always. I don't know what I'm getting.

And a samurai, I think you would think, well, I think I'm getting this one thing, and then there's a chance you're getting another. Well, sometimes samurais could become ninjas.

Because there's like a... A lot of times they followed like a warlord or something like that. So if the warlord dies, you're supposed to not exist anymore. Yeah. But if you decide to not have honor and do that, then you can become a ninja and become a... So the warlords were in charge of these samurais? Yeah. So it's kind of like you have one... You have houses. So there's one guy who's kind of in charge. Mafia? Harry Potter? I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, both are not incorrect. Okay. I don't know what Harry Potter is, but I know what it is. I never watched it. You know what the houses are? Yeah, I never watched it. So we actually had a house system at my high school modeled after Harry Potter almost. When you go to the Harry Potter – How'd you get into Notre Dame?

There you go. Is that what you went in total as you try to get accepted into Notre Dame? Just so you know, I'm a sorcerer. So how was your high school set up? Well, we did it. You've seen Harry Potter. So...

I was a wizard, and I was on the wizard team, and then we get over here. Have you heard of Gryffindor, Slytherin? So when you go to the school, you're assigned one of these four houses, and that's the community that you live in. So is that not unlike what you're describing? I mean, I wouldn't have started with Harry Potter. Maybe we started with Greek life, is maybe how I would have described it. Okay, okay. But...

But like, so you would go and so you would like your classes would be on Slither. Is that what that means? No, you would still, that's just like the community that you live in and stuff. You still have classes. Wait, in high school? In my high school, we would. You live there? No, no. I thought you were still talking about Harry Potter. My high school. Yeah. We have, they're like the grades were like houses. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so like... It's just another way of calling them. Would you call them Harry Potter names? No, they're named after saints. Well, I thought you were saying... But it was kind of modeled after the same thing is what I'm trying to say. Probably the saints first, I would imagine.

Okay. You think they did? They come up with it right around Harry Potter. I think it started after. Oh, really? Yeah. The school opened after Harry Potter was already out. Oh, wow. And then they're trying to cover their tracks by going with some same things. Was it a Catholic high school? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, how were you guys? Did they even have it in the library?

Yeah, we love Harry Potter. I mean, Oklahoma, they were real sketchy. We've got witchcraft coming in here. We're dicey, you know? Yeah, we love it. This is old. This is young, the young version that they're being taught by themselves, and they don't have any system in place. Yeah.

There's no fear of anybody. They don't have, they, they, they, they listen to no authority and the authority just lets them do whatever they go. Do you want to be Harry Potter people? And you're like, I don't know. I got hit for trying to watch it one time, but yeah, I guess my class can be called slither. So let's just do it. You know? Yeah. There's,

Here's a fun one, Justin. Do ninjas have superpowers? Superhuman or supernatural powers are sometimes associated with the ninja. Such powers include flight and visibility, shape-shifting, the ability to split into multiple bodies. For example, one guy who lived in the 1600s claimed in his own writings that he had the ability to transform into birds and animals. Do you believe him? I mean, I just feel like it's a translation issue, honestly. Yeah.

You know, I've, you know, you know, if you've been around religion, Greek to English. I have not. Old English. Keep going. You know.

Maybe he just meant like, hey, I like birds. Maybe he wasn't good at calligraphy. And you think we're so bad at interpreting Japanese that we wrote... I mean, I don't know if you read the comment section of any anything, but not great. Well, I mean, the thing you read earlier was 150, 300, so it could be kind of that scenario. It's like, what's that? Birds. I'll tell you later. And he goes, I got to write it so they could turn into birds. Turn into birds.

Miscommunication. That's all I'm saying. But it's like, I think if you had stuff out of context, you would think, like, if you see, like, magicians, you're like, oh, like, you see a magician, you know, be in a place where he's like, oh, he's in a cloth, you know, bucket with swords coming down, and then all of a sudden he's, you know, the knives come down, and he's not in the bucket. He's in the back of the theater. You go, oh, he's a shapeshifter. You're like, no, he's just good with

getting back there yeah so you think this is probably a i like to hear what you see you know no you're just good at like you know this is getting out of the way and running we can't see him this is you this is i'm you talking about you know everything else is like this is me with magic yeah the bucket and the swords that's those are all oh that woman's just good at like looking like she's cutting hair yeah

You're like, that's not a ninja. She's good at shapeshifting. Yeah, she's good. Oh my gosh, she's a shapeshifter. She's a shapeshifter. What are you, crazy dude? She's good at being cut in half. So this is just misinterpreted magic. That's all this is. I'm just saying, I mean, it's just, listen, I've scared people before. As a warlord, it's bad, right?

Is a warlord bad? It's just a guy that's good at war. I think it has a negative connotation now, for sure. Okay, yeah. But back then, it was like... So they just walked around and did wars. So you would have a king, and then does that king have a warlord? A specific warlord? Like a commander? Where does the warlord live? Does he live in a country that's run by... Is he the top? I don't know. That's a good question. Like if you're the president... If we were like...

We talked to our president of the United States, and then we're like, well, I'd like to hear what the warlord thinks. And then we go listen to him, and he's in Cleveland on Zoom. And he's like, well, I think we're going to... I got some different plans than what the president wants us to do. I don't think you really have to ask what the warlord wants to do. I feel like it's in the game. I know, but is he against it? Because I thought warlords would take over. When they take over...

kingdoms and stuff. I mean, I feel like they're more like, it's like muscle. They're like the guys like... Look up what a warlord is. I think a warlord takes over. I think it sounds... Otherwise, you know what he is. He's like, oh no, he's a... How you doing? I'm a warlord. Like once he says it, you're like, oh God. Yeah, so this is all about the feudal system, the caste system there in Japan. Was head of the very... Some clan launched a war against other...

Something to unify Japan in the 1560s. So samurai made up the ruling military class that eventually became the highest ranking social caste of the period. Yeah. So yeah, they are running stuff. Hey, what did I tell you? I don't know what the caste system is.

You ever heard like serfs and peasants and royalty? That's all a caste system. Okay. Yeah. Where you're in different social tiers, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could argue we live in one now. Yeah. Though I wouldn't. Well, two of them fought last night. All right. But a warlord is...

Yeah. I don't think you really answered anything. I don't think I did either. Just look, type in what is a warlord? What is a warlord? Just in general? In general. I was looking at medieval Japan. Well, let's just start from here. A military commander, especially an aggressive regional commander with individual autonomy. That's the big distinction there at the end. Yeah. Individual autonomy. What is an example of warlord?

An aggressive tyrant, just another word to describe it. So I think they take over the place. And they have individual autonomy, so they're not answering to a king, I guess. Yes, that's what I mean. If you're a king, you don't go, well, what's the warlord doing? Warlords are like, it's like a pirate that would like, but bigger, but comes in and just goes, I'm going to run your whole thing. And then no one can do anything. His people take over the place.

The military. Right. And now that country is run by him. Most of the time they're military people, so they already have – I feel like they'd have control because they're like the highest guy. So it's – if you own – if you run the military, then you kind of control the country. But I don't – but I think they – well, I think they could break off. Like you could have like a general. You have a guy at the top or whatever. But then if he gets a little bad and becomes a warlord and then he sends all those people to fight the government –

I would think the warlord gets like, it's like a word of mouth and eventually can get big enough. As it starts and goes, hey. So he's got to get street cred? Well, he's been doing some little buzz going and he's like, he goes, I'm thinking about being a warlord. And someone goes, I've been waiting for you to say that my whole life. And then you go, all right, we got two people. And then you never go out and say, hey, I'm a warlord. I would love to...

You say, I think the government's doing us bad. We should get together. And then you get everybody. Eventually, you have 1,000, 2,000 people. Right. Some publicity, some videos, some promo stuff. A lot of people on board with you in the city, the town. They're like, oh, yeah, that does make sense. And then he eventually takes over. And then you're like, I think I might be a warlord. I think you think that as you read the paper the next morning.

He seemed like a nice guy when we talked to him, but the more I'm... They're not saying it, but I think he feels like he's a warlord. I'm checking a lot of boxes. Checking a lot of boxes. He's been decapitating a lot of people. Yeah. That seems crazy. It's not looking good. I look at my entire closet, and it's all military uniforms. So I feel like I'm... So what do you recommend for me, Justin or Nate? I've never seen any of these kind of movies.

Well, where do I start? Beverly Hills Ninja. Beverly Hills Ninja. Okay. Start there. I mean, honestly, Bloodsport is absolutely one of my favorite movies. I need to watch it. I mean, we got to watch it. We'll watch it on the bus. I mean, I'm a huge fan. I would say Ninja Turtles, the first one, is a good one also. Okay. Honestly, like a real good, other than Tom Cruise being in it,

The Last Samurai is a really good depiction. I never saw it, but I know it got a ton of flack because... Oh, yeah. Well, it's like... But basically what they did was they found that thing where it's like only four people. The thing that you read where it's like only four people have become ninjas. And they go, oh, well, let's just write a story about that guy and just make that guy Tom Cruise. Oh, yeah. Oh, so they're not pretending that he's Japanese in this movie? No, no, no. Oh, that's what I thought it was. The whole thing is he's an American soldier.

And he adopts into the culture. Oh, that's so funny. I thought he was just supposed to be Japanese. It's very much. I think everybody. It's very dances with wolves. Okay. In that vein. That's what. Oh, that's about a guy getting with wolves. Yeah, exactly. Is it? Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen the ultimate love story.

Is it? Yeah. It won the Oscar over Goodfellas. That's very true. Oh, really? Dancing with the Wolves. I've never seen it. Is it good or is it like, I just feel like it's a whole thing. It probably is, what, seven hours long or something crazy? Yeah. I'm sure. You're talking about. Dancing with the Wolves. I'm sure it's long. It just looks like a long movie. Anytime I see it and you're like, I don't think I've seen it, then I'm like, it feels like kind of a whole thing. That was Kevin Costner's, I think, his first movie he directed.

Oh, yeah. And it was great. It was great. There it is. In fact- Is it he- No, he doesn't live with wolves, but there's wolves in this. Oh, yeah. Or is there no wolves in it? There's so many wolves in it. Oh, yeah? Well, just one. Just one wolf? Yeah. Then why is there wolves? Dances with wolf.

Yeah. It's the potential. I danced with the wolf. It's the potential of other wolves. Oh, maybe there was one. There's only one confirmed wolf. Is the wolf a metaphor in this? I mean, I would say so. I mean, it's a metaphor, but it also is a real one. Okay. Am I going to watch it in the first two minutes? I'm going to be like, oh, okay.

Is it like that? No. Oh. It's a good... It's a very good movie. Yeah. I like it very much. Okay. Yeah. But I think any movie that shines a light on Native culture... Yeah.

That's one of the reasons I love that Taylor Sheridan is doing so good right now because he's a big advocate for Native people. Who is Taylor? Who's that? He does Yellowstone. Oh, yeah. But he did. He wrote Hell or High Water and then he did, what's the movie? I just watched it with Jeremy Renner in it. There you go. Wow. Kicking the teeth right there. He just turned it up.

There you go. You get sentimental around Nate for five seconds. I know, dude. That's why I know he would be great at jiu-jitsu if he ever did it. Just like, is he opening his heart up just a little bit? Yeah. His clogged heart. Well, guess what? This is the death touch right here. Bam! That's all it takes. I'm going to go learn some Muay Thai. What was the other one? Chow.

I just want, I don't want to be rolling around on the ground. I had a guy, by the way, I had a guy reach out to me. Who's a storm chaser. No way. He wants to make this happen. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's in Texas. Yeah. He said, uh, like April to the next four or five months is the season. Yeah. Oh, all the way to June. So if you want to make it happen, we can make it happen. Okay. Yeah. I got to go. I would do it in a heartbeat. Yeah.

You gonna go chase after a tornado with us? Man. Oh, you live in Oklahoma. Oh, yeah, man. Dude. He lives here now. Yeah. You say that? I live here now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a Nashville guy now. Yeah. He's in Nashville. He lives here now. Mm-hmm. That's right. I'll take that back. I'm sorry. Very excited. So if you guys are out there. You look like the one from Oklahoma. Yeah. But.

I mean, only one of us is wearing Mossy Oak right now. This definitely doesn't look like a guy from Nashville guy. You from Oklahoma, you say it real weird. You're like, I mean, you got a camo jacket on the middle of the day, nowhere near woods. Who do you think's from Oklahoma? You know, that's probably more Tennessee to be honest. Y'all wear camo?

Oh, yeah. Like, but is it... We got a Bass Pro Shop. We got, I mean, big Walmarts, you know. Yeah. We love the Mossy Oak is the brand. I feel like y'all would walk around more, like, dressed like a rock or something.

How's a rock dress? I don't know. You just got like your shape should be rocks and like wheat grass. And then you're, we do have unique rocks. Yeah. There's a thing. There's a rock in Oklahoma that you can only find in Oklahoma. It's called a rose rock. Oh, wow.

But it's like it only grows in a certain part of Oklahoma, but it literally looks like a rose. Like, it's crazy. Oh, wow. That's crazy. I don't believe that. Have you ever seen one? Yeah, I had a bunch of them. Oh. I was actually going to bring some for you guys. Why didn't you? Well, because I don't know if five minutes ago on the podcast is a pretty good example. Yeah. Hey, man, just so you know, this is part of my culture. I'm really proud of it. Oh, yeah? Exactly. Yeah, I think it's the...

It's probably been the way you say it. That's very true. That's the problem with comics is you can't say something serious, even though we will think it's great. But even if you said this is part of my culture, I'm proud of it. I would like to give you this. I would then make fun of you. And then I would say, I really do appreciate it. That's very nice. But I'm going to have a hard time not, if you get presented something and you go like, all right, dude. My comedian friend of mine who was a groomsman at my wedding, he like pulled me aside. He goes, hey, dude, I just want to say like,

I'm like honored to be a part of this. I just laughed at his face. Like, we can't do this. Yeah. I go, I appreciate it, but let's just not, you know. Yeah. This can't happen, dude. He's like, hey, just so you know, your fly's undone. Yeah. Pretty much. Right when he said it, he just said, well, just so you know, I regret it. And I will regret it for the rest of my life now. I didn't until you said that. And then I've, that was the beginning of regret. Just so you, if you want a timeline. Yeah.

There was the beginning of regret, and no, it will go to the day I die. It'll never end. It'll never end. All right. All right, everybody. Thank you. We're back. I'm in Birmingham the day this comes out. Birmingham on the 30th and then 31st. Justin's with me. 31st is sold out. 30th, Wednesday, go get tickets. Then I'm in Knoxville, and then...

Charleston, I believe. And then, uh, I got to go to Vegas for the Grammys. Oh, man. So the Grammys will be, I'm doing the live stream. I'm presenting on the Grammys at the live stream. Uh,

That's when our award is being announced as well. And so it's like, I want to say it's three to five Eastern or Pacific maybe. I don't know. I posted it on Instagram. Just look at the live streams. Supposedly the live streams are, it's the new cool thing that people are watching. Yeah. Like that people like that because it's real. They're going to be watching it for last night. That's for sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, dude, I might hit somebody. Just be, you never know.

But I get a present award, so at least I will get a walk up there and see what that's like no matter what. Congratulations, buddy. It's amazing. It's so good. Thanks, man. Don't get in a regret ever saying I was going to get this Grammy. I love you, man. It's just nice. I love you. You got me, Justin. We just had this. How many times? How many times? You take your hat off. There's a rose rock underneath it. What were it?

Where were you keeping that the whole time? You're like, well, I had it upside down. You couldn't see. You're like, oh, all right. All right. So...

I'll be there. Justinsmith.com. Comedy.com. Justinsmithcomedy on Instagram. Do you have a website? Yeah, I do, but I'm needing to redo it. I was waiting to move here and then hopefully find a good Nashville guy. You probably build it here easier than the internet. You're waiting for the big move before you build something that doesn't matter where it lives. That's what I'm talking about.

That's a smart idea. I wanted to get my location correct before I built my address. The only people not around me look at you're Mr. Oklahoma. And you thought, well, I'll take the work to someone else into another state. You're going to go to love. That's why you go to love. It's the guilt trip you got to have for paying the Tennessee people to fix your website. Uh,

Yeah, so go to his Instagram, all your stuff's on there special. We will obviously keep you updated on the special and let you know when that comes out. Aaron? Yeah, Bristol, Tennessee, Chattanooga, Tennessee. Brian and I are co-headlining a show outside of Atlanta in May in Woodstock, Georgia at Madlife Stages Studios. It's our first time doing anything out there. Then we'll be in Wiseguys in June.

I got a lot of dates coming up, so I hope you can come see it. Check them out. Yeah, man. It's going to be a great show. Great show. Aaron Land. Last time I undersold it. That was Aaron Land. That was Aaron Land for sure. Yeah. That was all Aaron Land. A little mini episode. A little mini episode. As always, thank you, everybody. We love you very much. Thank you for listening to this, and we will see you next time. See you. Bye. Bye.

Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.