#94 Easter & Taxes
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Hello folks, welcome to the Nateland podcast. All right, let's go folks. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. Like we said, we're sitting here with Iron Weber, Aaron Weber, Brian Bates, and we have the intern, Cole. It's good to be back. Yeah, people demanded for you to be back.

A lot of people asked for you never to come back. Is that, how's that feel? No one ever, no one said that at all, but that was just, uh, Bates said that. And yeah, how crazy is that? How could he turn, you know, you're doing all the work. I know. I know, dude. All right. I want you to stay. I already got my college choice for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's here in town. So Cole, uh, we've, we, you, you've made a choice of where you're going to go to college. Uh,

And no one knows his choice. Your parents know, I guess, right? I told them. Yeah, at least told them. You make them find out here. We do not know. As you can see, the hats are on the table. If you're listening, we have a lot of hats on the table. A few of these we can see. What is this one? What's that first hat right there? This one. That's Bucky's. Bucky's. So this is...

College didn't plan out. This is a great, great place. We've been to this place. And are you going to, we can ask now, are you going to go full-time at Bucky's? You don't even work there part-time. It's a possibility. Maybe still do it. It's a growing company. Okay.

So, but this is not the college choice. No. But if it doesn't, college doesn't work out. And if you don't end up going, this is probably where you're going to be. Right. Okay. I'd say save the hat. I'd say save it. Just so your first day, you at least can, you know, you're like, at least you're, it's one less bother. If you go into the interview of Bucky's, you wear this hat and they're like, Oh, thanks for it. And you go, yeah, absolutely. It was one of my college choices. Uh,

So go through this hat. You know what this one is? I don't. So this is my high school. So Donaldson Christian Academy. We have a golf tournament, I think, next week. And if you want to go back to high school, this is as far as I made it. This is my peak. This is my college. And there's nothing wrong with that. And so if you don't want to go to college, this is the symbol for that. If you want to stand against colleges.

Do you want to make that stand? You know, you got to decide right now. Right now? It's either you don't go to college. Cool. You didn't even hear me out. You don't. You go back to DCA. You go to my high school. And look, you're older. They'll probably let you start teaching there. I can probably get you teaching. Maybe a decent parking spot. That's a big deal. Get paid to go to school? Maybe. Probably get paid. All right. I thought it was a good option.

So we also have, oh, we have this one too. Chick-fil-A. Another solid job. It's like Bucky's. This is a great place to work. And this is all your kind of not college choices. Chick-fil-A, would you work there?

I could see myself there. You could see yourself there in about 10 years? Do you currently have a job? I do. What do you do now? I am a lifeguard at the rec center. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's fun. You know, so if that, you like that, that's a fun job, right? You just sit there? I mean, it's boring, but, you know, decent pay. That's what people want to hear when they're relying on you watching their children. I don't know. I zone out quite a bit. They're good swimmers. Yeah. Have you saved anybody? I haven't, no. Okay.

So Chick-fil-A, it's there. Worst case, wear it when you go order food. You put in some time at Chick-fil-A, they'll pay for your college. In college, maybe you need a job. Chick-fil-A is a good job to have. It depends on where you're going to choose. So this looks like we're now to some real choices here. So we have Vanderbilt.

Obviously, I'm a giant fan. Did you try to go to Vandy? I did not apply. That's my choice. Sorry. Wanted you to stay in town. That's crazy. You know?

This would have been a great choice. You'd have been near your parents. They would have liked that. And then you could have just kept doing this podcast for us instead of leaving us, which would have been good. Vanderbilt, being an intern at this podcast, I think helps you get into Vanderbilt. Sure did. But all right. I guess I'm not going to throw it on the ground. So now we're down. So we've got four choices here, or three, and then hand me that one.

Obviously, Notre Dame, Aaron. There you go. Dumb one. So not going to Notre Dame. That doesn't make sense. Just, you know, like why would you even – who thinks about that? I'm sorry. Should have put a Burger King hat up there instead. Yeah, he doesn't come from Notre Dame royalty where he can – just anybody can get in. Your family's been going there for years and years and years. Okay, okay.

Notre Dame's a solid school. Oh, so here's the choices. We got Clemson, Auburn, Alabama, and Texas, right? So if anybody wants to take a shot in the dark, we'll give you four choices of what you're choosing. I'm going to go with Clemson. Clemson. Clemson came out of nowhere. I've not heard any rumors about Clemson. But, you know, the cul-de-sac talks. And so...

I have not heard anything about Clemson. I feel like you're more of an East Coast guy. You're going to want to stay closer. Yeah. That's how it goes. Closer to the East Coast. He gives off East Coast vibes to you? Yeah, a little bit. I don't know if I'm getting that. Yeah, his family's from New Jersey. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I didn't pick up on that. It does change a lot. It was the episode you missed that you weren't here. Okay. Okay. I'm going Texas. Texas. That's my pick? Yeah. Joining the SEC? Solid. Joining the SEC. Mm-hmm.

So, your parents will see you when they come play Vandy. Yep. And that's good. All right. So, my choice. So, I know you went down to Alabama. I know we all went to Auburn. I think you liked Auburn. Clemson surprises me. I didn't know anything about it. Maybe I did know. Clemson's not bad. And Texas. You did go to Texas. Yeah.

You know what? I will to mix it up, see if we can get it. I'm going to go with Auburn just because I remember we went there. It's down here. You know, you like the drive down there. It's a fun school, you know. So, Cole, go ahead and.

Pick away. Take one away. What's one that you're not going to? I'll take Texas away. Oh, there we go. Boom. Just a little too far for me. A little too far. Okay. Great program, though. Great program. Great program. Yes. So you want to take one more away? Take...

Bama away. Oh, took Alabama. Laura's upset about that. Sorry. Laura fainted. Laura fainted on the ground. Alabama's out. It's where you're from. I know. It's where I'm from and what I picked. So I'm going to sit this one out. So when you see Aaron talk, you're like, I don't want to be taught by those people. Yeah, I mean, that's what Alabama is. But I guess you will with Auburn. Yeah, he might be. But all right. So this will be the choice. Mm-hmm.

Auburn, Clemson, which one are you going to? All right. So I've decided to take my talents to Auburn University. Oh!

Look at that. Clemson's out. Congratulations. Congratulations. I was right. We went to Auburn. We went to game down there. You loved it down there, didn't you? It's a good, it's not a crazy drive. It's far enough from your parents, but close enough to, which is a good thing. I think that's what you want. You want to get, I want to get far enough away, but you still need to do laundry. So was there any other reason you chose it?

I don't know, just great traditions. Really, everyone there seemed to love it. Yeah. It just felt like a good place to go. Yeah, yeah. You know what you're going to major in? Accounting. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's fun. That's what everyone says that I've told. They're like, oh, that's so boring. It is. No, but I think it's my buddy P, Jeremy Morrow.

He does accounting. He loves it. People that, like, if you like numbers and you like that kind of thing, I think people really like it. Yeah. And it's like, that's your world. I don't think people know what accounting is. You know, I don't know. Do you know a lot of tax stuff? I don't. Oh. Not really. My own kid on it. We're talking about today. Well, that's why you're going to college, you know? Yeah. That's right. That's why I don't know it. I have a joke about not knowing taxes, and I didn't go to college, and I would have learned all this tax stuff. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. All right. Dude, congratulations. Congratulations, man. It's a great choice. You're going to have fun down there. We're going to come to a game. We're going to watch everybody. Cole will be at Auburn. So make sure you go down there and say hello to Cole at Auburn. When do you start? Yeah.

Like early August, I think. Did you already submit? What do you have to do? You have to call them and say, I want to know? Do you do this hat thing in front of them? Is this how they will find out? Yeah, they're going to watch it. Okay, that's good. I'll send them the link. Yeah, send them the link. Let them know. I got my...

My housing all set up, but I haven't sent my enrollment deposit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the last thing I need to do. It's probably a fun campus. When we went down there, it was a very fun campus, and it was a very cool campus when we went to that game. So I can definitely see how it's going to be awesome. It's going to have fun. Awesome, buddy. And you're going to go work now.

You gotta go to work. Lifeguard. Outside or inside? Inside, yeah. Okay. I was gonna say, it's raining outside. It's raining outside. So, all right. And it's, so you gotta do some lifeguarding. You wear the hat. Um,

I could. Do they know? Does your school know? Does your high school know? I've told my friends, yeah. Oh, just close friends. But now you're telling the world. The whole world's listening to this. Cool. Can I still email you? Yeah. I don't know. We'll see. Coe at auburn.edu. Yeah, let's see how his first semester goes. I don't know how much. I don't think you want people to be like, why is your dad's friend emailing? You know.

Why is your dad's older brother emailing me? All right. You can go to work. Thank you for doing this, Cole. We loved it. Thanks for all your help. You've been helping us a lot. We still expect you to help us. Of course, man. We still need you. So go get a college education. Come back. Help us more. All right. Congrats, Cole, everybody. Auburn University. There he is. There we go.

Amazing. About to be the best four years of your life, dude. This is it. Have fun. The most fun. Maybe not the happiest, but the most fun. Yeah. You think there's a difference? I think that's part of getting older is I'm learning there's a difference. See you, buddy. See you. Happiest. I'd say definitely. Yeah.

I don't think he stands a chance. As soon as he leaves, you're like, I can't go nowhere. Dead man walking. See ya, sucker. I was being real serious about that Bucky's hat. I go, hey. Cole's like unbelievably smart. That's awesome. That's, you know, it's fun. You know, I felt like I didn't get to make a choice. So there you go. I felt...

That is a lot of fun. It is a lot of fun. Do a hat selection ceremony. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Seven hats. All the choices in the world. Yeah. That's great.

All right. Welcome, everybody. We're going to start off, as we always do, with your guys' comments. Thank you for writing in. We always appreciate it. First up, Rusty Green. I know Rusty. Oh, really? Yeah. This episode was my all-time favorite, having three of you together again was such a joy to watch.

Getting a behind look at the Grammys was fascinating with Laura as a guest. Taking time at the end to talk about Brian and the birth of Eleanor was the cherry on the top. Coming from a longtime fan, the whole episode was full of last special moments. Five stars. Wow. Thank you, Rusty. That's very nice. Thanks, Rusty. Good to see you, buddy. Good to talk to you.

uh kind of do this yeah rusty i think you came to shows like real early like when i was like maybe in chicago like i mean like super super early you know i'm from here uh no from there if he's from chicago yeah yeah like and from friends and so that way yeah uh uh

Laura Tanner. I'd like to congratulate Brian early on parenthood because of the patience, kindness, love, and support he shows while Nate is reading makes it clear he will be a wonderful father.

Keep up the great job, gentlemen. And thank you for being one of the reasons I'm able to not only stay sane during this crazy time, but to laugh through you guys through it. That's very nice. Insult to me. I hope we all feel warm and fuzzy about that. Bonnie Paragoy. Probably right, right? Yeah. Paragoy. I was a little frustrated with how long it took the guys to acknowledge how fantastic Laura looked in the pictures.

uh yeah well i mean i said she looked i mean i said it a ton that day uh i don't know if she wants me just going crazy over your wife i was gonna say i feel like that's up to you nate yeah yeah you're so hot yeah yeah turn it on she yeah she looked terrific i was glad everybody got to see the pictures it was uh yeah she looked awesome and it was very very beautiful and hot and you know but yeah uh i'm glad y'all didn't

You know, harp on it. Truly? Yeah. Like, all right, guys, let's get it together. KidNurse1970. Hello, folks. Not nine minutes in and Nate has blessed us with an expenditure. Please do an episode on the Pepsi Jet.

Finally, you were robbed at the Grammys. You're easily one of the best in the game and deserve that win. Well, thank you very much for that. I'd say the Kid Nurse 1970. I agree Nate is one of the best in the game, but to win a Grammy, you have to be the best in the game, and the Grammys determine he is not. Oh, wow. Good night. So much for that kindness you're showing, Nate, right? Yeah.

For all the... I'm going to... I like that clip, pulled aside. For all the, Nate, you're too mean to Brian. And, you know... Just roll it. What's the expenditure? That was you trying to pronounce expenditure. Oh, expenditure. Yeah. Expendenture. Expendenture. Yeah. I looked up the Pepsi, Jed. I know all about it now. Oh, yeah? Yep.

You're going to watch this commercial about it or are you going to talk about it first? Well, you don't even have to play the audio for it. But basically, it was – he took the guys – he took Pepsi to court. Yeah. Because they wouldn't give him the jet. And then they said it's unrealistic. The judge ruled in Pepsi's favor. It's unrealistic for you to think that they would really give you a jet because the commercial is a kid who shows up at school –

in this fighter jet. He says, it's better than riding the bus. So the judge said, this is a case of puffery, which we talked about in our advertising, where no one's really going to think that this is real. And then he argued, a judge shouldn't be deciding this, but a jury of the Pepsi generation. So he kept going back and forth, but the judge finally ruled in favor of Pepsi. And then Pepsi changed their ad from $7 million

to 70 million points. Yeah. But then put just kidding, like just to be safe. Yeah. This guy now lives, he works for the Park Service in Washington, D.C. Did he get any money? No. Why don't they at least give him the money back for what he spent? Well...

They didn't cash his check. He sent in $700,000 to say, give me this jet that he raised through investors. And they didn't cash it. They didn't. Okay. They gave him that money back. What does it say? Let me see. Yeah, right there's a good spot. So there he is with the kid with his... Yeah. T-shirt. He's got a cool Pepsi T-shirt on. Leather jacket, 1450 Pepsi points. Shades. 175.

Yeah, here he is, paper blowing in the classroom. He shows up with a fighter jet. You can see this on YouTube. Yeah. And then Harrier fights 7 million Pepsi points.

I don't know, man. I kind of like, it's almost like, I like the idea of they should have to give this guy this. I agree. Because it's like, you want to go like, well, you got caught. A guy called you out, and so you got caught. You don't have to give him, don't give him a fighter jet. Even if you're like, we're not going to give you $33 million. We got caught. But like, here's a million dollars. Like, you know, something. Just be like,

You got caught. You didn't like, you know, give it up for the dude that got it. Like, that's insane. Yeah. And then he went and raised the money. I mean, he, how does no one think that? You know, give him some, I mean, they give him free Pepsi. They probably can give him a shirt. I'm on the side of him. A ton of legal fees too because he just kept going. They should have paid for all. I mean, it's,

I don't agree with how – I don't think right now he would get – I think they would have to give him something. Are you going to become a Coke guy now? Is this enough to get you off Team Pepsi? No, no, no, no. Pepsi still. I like Pepsi. Coke would never have done this. Coke would have done it. This is where they made their money off of this. Promising fighter jets to kids. But I think nowadays I don't think he would – I think he'd get money.

Because with social media, there's so much pressure on the companies. Back then, I mean, what was that? That was 2007? No, it was earlier than that. Oh, yeah. It was like 96 or something. So back then, you had no shit. No one cares about you, and no one even knows you're trying to do this. Yeah. But now, with social media, I mean, you would just get ridiculed. I mean, people would just start doing it, and they'd have to give them a fighter jet. Yeah.

jet. And if I was Pepsi, I would straight up give him a fighter jet. Yeah. Why not? I would be like, I'm not going to give you the money, but I will give you a fighter jet. And then you have to deal with that. Yes. That's a way bigger hassle than you're thinking. Where do you, where do you put it? I would drive it to his house and drop it off in his street. And then I would leave and then go, yeah, man, congratulations. We didn't promise any other stuff.

And I would make it like Pepsi should be like, all right, all right. You're right. You're right. If you listen to all these episodes, I'll give you a Friday jet. I wanted to get it. Yeah.

If you get folk points, I'll give you all fighter jets. I found the guy. I wanted to, like, I found his phone number. I wanted to call him and say, can you come in and walk out of the bathroom and surprise Nate? But he's a park ranger in Washington, D.C. now. Oh, I love it. Maybe we can talk to him one day. Maybe. We should try to find him. He's got his phone number. Good night.

This guy's trying to live. I mean, you can't, you know, you can't. The problem is I think you're with your age mixed with technology is no good because, you know, a white book really well. And so you take that in technology. Now kids try to like Google name. They're going to get stuck pretty quickly. But the older folk that know how to do both like baits. That's like my whole life was finding people's phone numbers.

Yeah, well, now I'm on, I do a cameo and I go too far on people. Like, I'll do some research on them. Yeah, do you really? Like, hey, Aunt Jenny said that, you know, Vicky had her baby last week. Like, I tell them stuff they don't know. Yeah, yeah. I do some real research on them. Not just the stuff they give me. If anything, mine are too long. So you're on cameo? Yeah. What, how many have you done?

10? Oh, wow. That's awesome. That's awesome. Look at that. It's fun. So if you want a cameo from Bates, if you want a little too much info. If anything is too much. Yeah. I'll get personal. That's great. Mike Terry. Nate talking about presenting at the Grammys. It can be super quick or it can be super fast. It will probably be somewhere in the middle. I didn't even catch that. I don't even know how to say that about everything.

You always, well, I don't know. I might stand. So like being like when you're up there, it's like the 10 or 60 seconds. I think that's everything. Like, you know what? For jokes, I will stand beside, I'll stand by it. It depends on how they're going to react. If it reacts bad, it's going to be super quick. If it destroys, it's going to be super quick.

Oh, well, I said super quick and super fast. Yeah, I think that's the point is you said the same thing twice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Never mind. You're right, Mike. Damn it, Mike. I don't know what I'm saying, dude.

He wins. Paul Collier. I went to school with a girl named Isis. She joined the military, and this photo was taken at her going-away party before she got deployed to Afghanistan. Thought you might enjoy it. Good luck, Isis. We are proud of you. Over an American flag. Over an American flag. That's great. That's great. That's fun. Well, good luck, Isis. I'm rooting for you, Isis.

Maybe she used her to get in everywhere, you know? She'd just go up and they're like, who are you? She goes, I'm ISIS. Yeah, come on. Come on in. You're in. Shadow Champ. Hello, folks. Just spent two days in Lebanon, and wow, I can see what made Bandana the way he is. I'd like to know where you grew up, Shadow Champ. Well, he's vacationing in Lebanon, so... Worse than Maryland. Yeah. Yeah.

We had the last Kmart in Tennessee. Yeah. Oh, really? Do you still have it? No, it closed recently. There's only three left in the U.S. That's crazy. When you drive past Lebanon on the interstate, what's on the attraction sign on the side of the interstate? You know those big blue signs? Attractions. Pilots. Gas station. Flying J. They had to scratch that Kmart off of it. That's going to hurt business.

Do you have an outlet? We do have an outlet. You have an outlet. Oh, okay. That's a good one. That outlet's struggling. Oh, yeah. It's a lot of empty stores. Cedars of Lebanon State Park. I worked there one summer. Oh, yeah. Wow. What'd you do at the park? Worked at a camp store. Okay. Yeah. You look like you work at a park. You do really look... Like, if I saw you at a park, I would... I bet if you walked around a park, people would ask you. They just... If you wore that... Yeah. Yeah.

People would come up and ask you about park stuff. What's wrong with this? No, I'm just saying, even if you're that obvious that you don't, your face would still be like, I bet he works here. Like the guy with the Kmart face? Like the Kmart. You have a park face. Yeah, I could see it. You see it? Yeah, people get it.

Carlos Scholl. Jared Leto's method acting actually caused the production of his new Morbius movie to be delayed. It was getting so bad that they had to push him in a wheelchair to shorten his bathroom breaks because his character has a disability.

That's unbelievable. Isn't that movie supposed to be real bad too? I don't know. Is it out? I think it's out. Yeah, it's out. It's number one in the box office list. I don't know. I think Al Madrigal's in it. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. I heard he was great. I'm not trashing him. What a recovery. Al Madrigal. Yeah, Al Madrigal is great. That's so funny. I mean, that's crazy. They're like, all right, man. Titus hauls faster.

Hello, folks. I totally understand a new dad making every mistake. When my son was born, we walked into the grocery store, and when we grabbed the cart, my wife asked, where is Laramie? Laramie. I was white as a ghost and realized I left my kid in the car. We rushed out to meet our content baby boy sleeping soundly. You'll be great parents. Keep up the great work, and thanks for entertaining this mailman.

Yeah. I mean, that's a big fear. You leave it in the car. Have you done that before or anything like that? No, I haven't. But, you know, a lot of bad parents do. And...

Like Titus? Titus and Bates. Well, I haven't done it. Well, you're going to. No, I think people leave the... I remember the thing where you're going like, all right, you get to a point, you're running into a convenience, the gas station. And you're like, do I go get her? I'm just going. Or you pull up to like a...

little story and you're like, I'm just running there and getting back. You start doing that and you're like, I'm just leaving her in the car for two seconds. But at first you don't and then you start doing it. But he's not a bad parent. I mean, a wild amount of parents can do that stuff. And when you're fresh, when you're new, it is crazy. It's a thing that you've got to get into the habit of getting into.

get it. I remember years and years ago as a kid, we all went to a football game as a family. And then we got home, we were sitting in the living room. Somebody was like, where's Daniel? It's my youngest brother. My dad was like, Oh,

He just totally forgot him at the game. Had to drive back. He was just walking around alone in the dark. He's like seven years old. I think, yeah, that happens a ton. And you're just, if you have a bunch of kids and you don't know, and you're just like, yeah, you forget. Is he the one that went to Purdue? Yeah, he's the one that went to Purdue. Now we know. That is true. I would have went to Purdue too. You won't forget me now. Yeah, I don't think you're, you know, I feel like you'd be sitting in the backseat with your kid. Me? Yeah.

I just thought of that. It sounded like an insult. I don't know if it was or not, but it sounded very funny that you're just always in the backseat with your kid. Ruth drives everywhere. Someone's driving. Ruth's driving. You're going to get to a point where you can't drive. They're like, you shouldn't drive anymore. I forgot to mention, when we got home from the hospital, I had to go pick up some medicine. We'd been in the hospital for four days. I was like, why do I smell gas? The squirrels had bitten through my gas line again. Again. Wow. Never got to the bottom of this.

Apparently not. What'd you do to get rid of them? We did everything people suggested. Put out fake snakes. We put out mothballs. We spray. I'm back to spraying now. This rodent repellent. Yeah. I'm going to have to build a garage because it's going to cost me more. Yeah. The car repairs. I mean, just...

I've never, I don't know. I just never, it's so funny to never have this and you are getting a full-blown attack. This is such a big problem. It's such a big problem. Did you order fake snakes on Amazon or something? I did. Okay. And you laid those out all around the car? We've got like two, one by our car and one by our dad's car. And her dad's like moving it now. Yeah. He thinks...

you know, the snake, he thinks the squirrels are onto it, so he's moving it, but he doesn't tell anybody. So I'll just be going to the mailbox and I just jump out of my skin because her dad's moved it. Well, then y'all are going to get, you're going to have a real snake one day and be like, come on and then grab it. I know. Yeah.

for attracting snakes because they're like oh there's snakes just like you know i'll tell you where everybody's cool if you're a snake the old baits house yeah they're invited yeah they don't care they love it hawks find out yeah uh emma mcphail mcphail did you skip russell russell gajos gajos gajos probably

Aaron being flabbergasted that someone from another country would travel to Maryland was the exact amount of geography knowledge I expected from Nate Land. If you're close enough to go to the Baltimore Aquarium, you're likely less than an hour from D.C., also known as the nation's capital. If you were to pick any other country in the world and tell people you were standing in near the capital city,

that would make perfect sense. Only on Nate land. Would that person be mocked for three minutes for being an idiot? Another classic. I like to say that's, I did not. He said only on Aaron land. Oh, only on, only on Aaron land. Everybody treats you with the utmost respect on Aaron land. We trash. We're open-minded. Well, the guy didn't say I'm good. I vacationed in the DC area. He said, I went to Maryland.

If you go to Arlington, well, that's Arlington, Virginia, so that's right across. Yeah, you would say the D.C. area, right? I understand where Maryland is relative to D.C. It doesn't sound like you do. It's on the same coast. Yeah. You know? And they're Maryland, and you're Aron Land. You also have land. Maryland, Aron Land. Maryland. This will be a Maryland podcast, and I guess don't go listen to that because Aaron doesn't think it's worth it.

I will only vacation in Maryland. So Emma McPhail. Hello, folks. Per Jellum may very well be the world's tallest operatic tenor, but my brother-in-law has got to be Nate Land's tallest fan at 7'1". My sister and he got married last year. She is 5'4", and is standing on the seat in the car. P.S. He's an accountant. There you go. There you go.

Oh, wow. Oh, she's standing on the seat of the car. That's crazy. And he's standing on the side of it, kissing her, and their heads are level. Level, yeah. Seven foot one. That's tall. Yeah, I don't think that's going to be beat. Yeah, man. Yeah, that's how, like, when I saw, like, Al Wilson in football, he's standing over, like, a Ford Explorer, and he had his hands on the top of it.

Like it looked like, you know, like you just, he was like relaxing on a table. Yeah. Like a bar. And then, yeah, that's tall. Congratulations on getting married. That's a cool car.

Which one did you want? Let's just do this. Melody Trippett. I bought airline tickets and rented a house for the Nate Land Live from Zany's. Then my boyfriend and I broke up. Now I have to try to find someone to go with me. I'm going to have to put up with them for four days. Melody Trippett. She wants someone to go with her. She got airline tickets and rented a house. So if anybody wants to go, I mean, but Melody, don't just take, you know, we don't want something...

Yeah, we need a bit of a screening process here. Yeah. Don't just take a random weirdo. Yeah. But maybe Melody's the weirdo. Yeah. And the other, maybe, you know what? She's got her boyfriend. How about the other three? Maybe go easy because you're like, well, what's Melody about? We don't know what anybody's about, you know? So, but Melody, you know, we'll get her. She'll reach out to you. We'll meet Melody at the show. And hopefully she finds, get some friends, you know? Get some friends and, yeah.

find a new boyfriend uh it's next week so he got moved moving quick you know just like oh man i think this has been going great he's like yeah these past couple days have been fun would you like to get married and go to the nateland live from zany's i have a house uh

for four days, for four days. Uh, see if you want to go do that. That's, uh, yeah. Next week, next week's the big live podcast. Also Mike Vecchione special. We are taping, uh, and I'm directing Mike Vecchione special. Mike was just with me this weekend. Mike's so funny. It's, it's going to be so good. If you like my comedy, if you know, it's like, if you get the idea of what we're doing here, uh, it's, it's going to be, you will enjoy this and it will be, uh, uh,

wonderful mike's an unbelievable comedian i mean i've been doing it for a very long time uh and just seasoned and just it's super fun so go to zany's uh 7 9 30 show i want to say look there's tickets i think for both seven might be close 9 30 uh but just come out to big help for us it's the first thing i'm doing as nateland productions and i'm happy to be

I'm happy to start this venture off with Mike Vecchione. Something that I was confident enough, if it messes up, it will be my fault, not his fault. So that was... I got a lot to prove. Is that the main thing you ask? You just go... No, this sounds great. I know you're looking at me. Do you want to know how much I weigh? And the guy goes, we don't do that. Here you go. You take your hat off. You go, you got yourself a client. And then...

yeah I mean that does when you go to the doctor you're like I'll do it but you're like man I hate that they're just gonna weigh me I'm going in for like a cold and they're like let's weigh him but like you're as we you know we make fun of you I make and we I make fun of you a lot about it but I mean I make fun of you because you've lost so much weight it's insane but like so now I mean I don't you're even then you're a big dude like

I don't think you would ever weigh under 200, right? I mean, unless you got ridiculously skinny. Oh, I don't know. I haven't been under 200 since probably sophomore year of high school. And I don't think you ever would. I mean, you're tall. You're just a big guy. It's like...

I would imagine 200 would even be healthy? I'm sure the thing might say under because they always say something crazy. What you're supposed to be based on your height. Yeah, if I were like 180 or something, it would probably look weird. It would be insane. I would still do the fat stuff, though. I'd commit to it. We're already in too deep. I do like the idea of an insurance person come over and you just...

And he's like, no, we don't ask. But then he's trying to figure out your weight. And then he's just like, you just feel him. Like at one point, he just tries to pick you up. And you're like, what are you doing? He goes, I thought something dropped. I dropped something. And he's like, could you turn around for a second? And that's what they write. They go, when you try to grab him, how much of his shoes did you get off the ground? And you're like, and the guy's like, I mean, I think they went farther down. And he writes that down.

They don't have a number, though. That's marked in. They went farther. He's like, hey, Aaron, you ever been skydiving? Yeah. Yeah. Do you have to pay extra? Yeah. They ask you just those. We can't ask what your weight is. We can beat around the bush, though. Southwest. You bring your own belt? Who brings their own seatbelt extended? Yeah.

I got it. I think people should, you would do that. You just walk on it by yourself. You privately put it on. You don't have to wave someone down. Strapped like a wrestler over your shoulder? Yeah, like a wrestling belt. And you just walk in. Be proud of it. Champion. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to figure out the weight without being able to ask would be. We met with a financial planner today. We're working on stuff for Eleanor and

This was over Zoom, but I zoned out for a while. Yeah. And I'm usually pretty good. It's all your daughter's future, but go ahead. I know. I know. And I'm pretty good usually if someone calls me. I can listen to the last thing they said and pick up on it. But today, he said something I hadn't listened for a while. And then Ruth was like, yeah, what do you think, Brian? And I cannot pick up the cues.

The only thing I can remember them saying was POA, which I was like trying to think, what is POA? POA, which now I know is power of attorney, but I cannot. And I was like, yeah, I think we should do it. I have no idea what we just signed up for. I think we should do it. I think we should give her POA right now. She's a little young for that, don't you think, Brad? Eleanor is going to be drafted when she turns 18. And he's like, what? She's off to war. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. I just usually say that one more time. Sorry. I was thinking about the earlier thing. You like to say something like that, then they go. And if you're doing it over Zoom, you've got a million built-in excuses. Yeah. I think it cut out there for a second. Can you do it? But she heard it perfectly. Well, but she's on Team U. Yeah, she wouldn't out you to them. We just explain it one more time, and then it could be. I think Rue's having a little trouble understanding this. Can you explain it to her for a little bit? Like you're five years old. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if you can tell because of the Zoom connection. My wife's a woman, so she's not getting it all. But could you tell her one more time? You just insult her and just keep going. And they're like, all right. Was it a woman or a man telling you? It was a man. Oh. So he'd have liked that probably. Yeah. Is he old? No. Oh, he wouldn't have liked that. You need someone. My age or older? Someone your age. Yeah, someone your age or older, I think, for you to make a. High-fiving through the screen. Yeah, make one of those jokes work. Yeah.

So this week, we figured Easter is coming up and taxes are coming up. So we're going to talk about Easter and taxes, which is a fun combination. Everyone thinks about them together. Everybody thinks about them together. Easter, you know. Do they always fall around the same time? Well, do you know when Easter falls? It's something based on whenever the Pope wants to do it. Didn't we talk about this on the calendar episode? Yeah, it's when the Pope fills it out. He fills it out every year.

So that's why sometimes they go to July because the Pope just goes, I don't know. I'm just not feeling it yet. He goes, that's like the groundhog. We just see when the Pope comes out and he goes, six months to Easter. And you go, I already bought a basket. Is it something to do with the sun? No.

isn't it so the moon okay okay so i'm not far off yeah you laughed at him like that was dumb and then you're like and i thought like idiot i was about to jump in and be like this idiot you think it's the sun you're like it's the moon oh i didn't i didn't know the sky was going to be involved well the difference is i send him my notes so tell how much you read

Well, I know enough. I got some stuff to pull up, but I also like a little lively discussion about it. Yeah. Come on, Brian. Easter is the one holiday that, besides the spring, I have no idea generally. Like every other one, you can kind of guess. It's considered a movable feast. Okay. I'm listening. All right. It can be anywhere between March 22nd and April 25th.

March 22nd, April 22nd. Wow. And it falls whenever... The first Sunday after the first full moon after the start of spring. Okay. First Monday. First Sunday. After the first full moon after the start of spring. So you just got to see where that full moon's going to be. So the Pope, does the Pope have to stay up every night? How do we know so early? You know what I mean? Like, would they not...

Like, how's the Pope not out there? And he goes, now. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now. And then we're like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And like, you got to pick it. Yeah, I think we know ahead of time when it's going to be a full moon. How far out do we know about the full moon? This says 5.7 million years. We already know that far out? That's what it says, according to this. I mean, is space supposed to be this crazy thing? We already figured out quite a bit. We know what the moon's doing forever. Forever.

I just watched a thing about what's going to happen to... Where will Earth be in 10,000 years? In 5 million years? All this stuff. And they're like, I don't know. Maybe this, that. All this crazy stuff. Well, we know what the moon's up to. So why don't we just maybe buddy up with the moon? And be like, well, you're a loser that doesn't do anything. So what are you going to do? I'll be right here just hanging out. Is a full moon... Is it where it's...

Where we're seeing it. Where it's full. Yeah. Where you see the whole. Is that clouds? But it's like. Clouds don't count. See, I always thought. I only went off on clouds. So if clouds were covered, I'd go well. You thought full moon just meant like there's no clouds in the sky? I don't think I ever thought. I never thought past it. And so I would only, if I could see the moon and it was full, I would notice it. And I only see it when there's no clouds. So I never counted it.

with clouds or not clouds yeah why would it really matter to me if there's as far as seeing it you know it's a full moon tonight you're like well that looks like a thumbnail up there like yeah but it's clear skies yeah so it's a full yeah that's what i'm doing are much rarer to you yeah you know you want to see them here and there

So what day is Easter going to be? This is on the Gregorian calendar. Right. March 22nd through April 25th. Someone wanted to do the Ethiopian calendar. Yeah, somebody did suggest that. Yeah, their calendar must be crazy. Yeah, I think we maybe mentioned it briefly on the calendar. But Eastern Orthodox Church celebrates Easter on the Julian calendar. So theirs is April 4th through May 8th, their range. Yeah. What is the Ethiopian calendar? Oh, the Ethiopian calendar is seven years behind? Where is that? In the question.

A gap of seven to eight years between the Ethiopian and Gregorian calendars result from an alternative calculation in determining the date of the annunciation. Is this how you say it? No, not... They spent seven to eight years arguing, like, well, how do you pronounce it? You're not saying it right. And it was just seven to eight years of like, oh my gosh, okay.

is like the Ithiopian. You're like, we're never going to get to the bottom of this. And they would leave until finally we all agreed, Ethiopian, and everybody goes on the table, Ethiopian. Okay, we can start. How far back are we? Seven, eight years? I don't know what y'all have been doing in this room. Not the pronunciation. They couldn't agree on how to pronounce it.

That's so funny. You're like, well, why don't we just get started and everybody can say it how they want to say it. They go, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not. We will start it when everybody can agree how we speak it. And it took seven, eight years, finally got through. And they go, we're beginning. And they started at 01. You're like, dude, the other places are so far ahead of us. They're at eight. They're at eight already. And we look ridiculous. And they go, do we?

we're the only ones saying it right. And maybe they are right. They're all enunciating it differently. They're all enunciating it different. Oh, man. Okay. That was great. Someone wrote it in. So I wrote that in. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. I feel like we maybe. So what is that? I thought we talked about this on the calendar episode. I know like Afghanistan, they're different than us. They're behind. I thought they were like 600 years or something behind. We can't even agree on that. It's not a good sign.

So what does that mean, the results from? The annunciation of Jesus. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a big deal. So they just think it was a different time. Yeah, they had a different calculation for when that happened. Okay. I didn't know what that meant.

Did you think it meant pronunciation? I didn't know. I didn't think it meant pronunciation, but I didn't know what it meant. Yeah. I'm glad you were here. Yeah. That was so funny. Sometimes you don't know what it means. It's good to just guess and maybe that'll be funny for people to listen to. You know, maybe a fun joke. Oh, it was. Throw it out there. Hilarious. I was telling Brian, he's like, he doesn't know what it means. Like, yeah, that's when you make a joke about it, you know, just sit and wait for the

The Notre Dame grad to come in and his whole education is just knowing what these words mean. That's a big part of it, yeah. Do people use enunciation a lot? You've heard it like it's the resurrection, the enunciation. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I guess. The assumption. Yeah. I truly don't think I pay attention to. I think I'm day by day. Did you guys do Lent?

Do you do Lent growing up? Is that just a Catholic? Yeah, I think my parents might have when they were... Okay, if they grew up that way. Yeah, my dad would. So you didn't give anything up or anything before Easter? No, we usually did more. A time to turn it on. Yeah, no, we didn't. I remember Catholics doing it and it was always like, I guess it would be... But people did it to like...

I feel like it gets to people just trying to lose weight or something. That's what it turns into. Yeah. We did it real strictly as kids, but I don't know. I just stopped caring about it as much. I'm not against it. I almost wouldn't mind getting Harper to do it just to build that kind of like

I don't know, self-control builds the... This is not about you. It's not about... You're giving something up that you like. Give up like Cokes or candy or something like that. Or my dad was... Y'all drink a lot of Cokes at like seven, eight years old? Six? A little older than that, maybe. In the bottle? Early tens. Early tens. You know? Yeah. Drink some Diet Cokes. Yeah. Stuff like that, you know? That's just...

I love it. I mean, I think I might have too, but it is very funny to think. No one wants you to drink any Cokes now. Back then, you're like, I got to give them up. It's going to be tough. Yeah, kids, five-year-olds have Diet Mountain Dew. Now, you can always tell when Easter's coming up because you start seeing on TV, you start seeing commercials for the Filet-O-Fish. Oh, really? At McDonald's.

that's why they started selling that because lent catholics are not supposed to eat meat on fridays yeah during lent so they start pushing that fish sandwich so it's people that are going to mcdonald's every day there's a big catholic population that only eats at mcdonald's and they mcdonald's sales were just getting crushed on that friday so they go we got to come up with something

These people have a problem. They're not coming here. So let's give them another option. We got to give them... Yeah, we got to let them know we have a meat-free delicious option here. And all the other fast food restaurants started following suit. Yeah. You know? It's that big of a thing. Yeah. There's a lot of Catholics. There's a lot. Yeah. There's a lot. About a billion. Yeah. That's crazy. I don't know how many... Is it the most? No, we talked about it. There's more...

We're more Muslims. Than just Catholics, but all Christians together. Probably. Probably. I think there's more. Yeah. Because we're all the same boat. Essentially, yeah. Yeah. We're going the same way. Yeah. Y'all's might be in different cars. Y'all's party's a little bit more, and it has to do weird stuff because y'all's just maniacs. And then you have to go, give up all this stuff for this. And you're like...

How about you just live a reasonable life and not get drunk during church on Sunday? Maybe that's it. Did you do Ash Wednesday? We do Ash Wednesday. You still do that? That's what starts Lent. But do you do the ash on the forehead? That's what they do every Ash Wednesday, yeah, the mass. Would you ever, if y'all were lazy, just put a match out at home and...

And pretend that you went to Mass that day? That's pretty smart. I bet people could do it. Thought of doing that, yeah. They take the palms. Palm Sunday is the Sunday before Easter. Yeah. Where they give everybody palms at Mass. Yeah. And then they burn those palms, and that's where the ash comes from for Ash Wednesday the next year. Yeah. Oh, the next year? Yeah. So that's like palm ash that you're putting on your forehead. Yeah. Does anyone ever mistake, like, you just have something on your...

Because I've seen, being up serious, I've seen people and my first thought is like, oh, they've got something on their forehead they don't even know. It's fun to see like Tony Reale on Around the Horn every year. He always has it on his forehead. It's kind of a cool thing. Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, I would see a lot of people. Like in New York, you just see it. Yeah, everywhere. They just walk around. But everybody knows. I mean, you just then you see it so much that you're like, yeah, you're just not. Don't even think anything about it. But,

But Lebanon, you would have been like... Well, I never saw it in Lebanon. Yeah. No, no. So you would have... Yeah. You left here, you'd be like... Mm-hmm. Did you ever see it anywhere? I mean, it was when I was living in Nashville. Yeah. And one of my coworkers, I'm like, should I tell him that he's got ink on his head or just let him go about? And then I realized later, that's a little crawl symbol. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. But...

So this is Holy Week. Every day is, yesterday was Palm Sunday. Wednesday, you know what Wednesday is? No, I don't. Spy Wednesday. What is Spy Wednesday? Because Judas was a spy. Wow. So we get to do that? Yeah. Oh. What do you do there? What do you do? I've never heard of this. I think it's called maybe something else, but... It's basically Spy Wednesday? Yeah.

Are you joking about it? No, I'm serious. I'm serious. Okay. In Christianity, Holy Wednesday commemorates the bargain of Judas by a clandestine spy among the disciples. It is also called Spy Wednesday or Good Wednesday or Great and Holy Wednesday. Yeah, Spy Wednesday sounds the best. Yeah, it sounds the best, but I think you're going to do... I mean, is it like, hey, let's have some fun today?

I don't think it's like a fun day now. Yeah. None of these, Holy Week, none of these days are that fun. I don't understand why... So Good Friday is commemorate the resurrection, I mean the crucifixion. Right. Why do they call it Good... It seemed like it should be called Bad Friday. Because it was a good thing that he did. And Easter should be called Good Sunday. Yeah. I feel like one of the disciples didn't watch the news that day and he showed up. Good Friday, right? Yeah. Did you hear the news? Yeah.

So it's just good because of what he sacrificed. Right. It was what he did. It was ultimately good. It is always funny, the name, though, because it's like the worst thing that could happen. Well, it's Good Friday. Monday, Thursday. You guys know that? Monday? Am I saying that right? I don't know. I don't know. I've never heard that. Is that right? Monday. Monday, Thursday. It's... Sounds like you get like half off poppers at a Chili's. I mean, like...

Y'all going to Monday, Thursday? What's that? Half off margaritas. Well, all right. If you get a cross, you get one free. Buy one, get one free. I would get a BOGO. Yeah, BOGO. Monday, Thursday. Monday is Latin for mandate, and Jesus gave us a mandate to love each other. Oh, okay. I thought he was going to wear a mask.

Even back then. A mask mandate. A mask mandate. You're like, God, dang gum it, Jesus. He goes, well, it's just, you know, you never know. The last supper they all have to pass on. Get back up between bites. Can we take them and eat? He goes, well, just chew and if you don't mind. We all got to sit on the same side of this table. Yeah. So Easter was a pagan holiday that the Catholic Church just kind of

Took over because they're like, we could get these pagans to get on board with us. We could add some. Right. You can still have your party, but let's funnel it to something good here. So yeah, Easter, it comes from the goddess Astori, the goddess of spring and fertility. Okay. And then Catholics just like bought it almost? Yeah.

like purchased the holiday? Yeah. Like, yeah, it was, you know, it's a little bit like Halloween where it's like AT&T buying direct TV. Like you're like a merger. Yeah. It's a merger. And then we just, but we're going to keep our name. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, crush the pagans. Yeah. They're not anywhere. You know, like you, you, you don't see them or hear about them as much. And if they would have held on to this holiday on their own,

They would have been. They'd be killing it. They'd be killing it right now. They'd be doing okay. Yeah. We kept their brand name, but we run everything. So the reason we do, I never knew this, the Easter eggs and the Easter bunny and all that. I always wondered what they're associated with. It's all about fertility and spring bringing new life and Jesus rising from the grave. Yeah. Okay. So eggs are birthed.

Rabbits are known to be good procreators, so they think that's where all that came from. It fits, but I mean, it fits because there's no other way I would know. Yeah. Where does the Easter bunny get the eggs from? Because it doesn't make eggs. Easter bunnies don't? No. No. I think I would have probably...

Just assumed it. I Googled that today. I've never, yeah. Two rapids lay eggs. Yeah. I would have done that. Because I thought they would ask and I'm like, I'm 99% sure they don't, but I want to make sure. See? That's how fun it's at. I think a couple mammals do. It's not a crazy thought. A marsupial. Some marsupial, yeah. A platypus. They lay eggs. What is it? What is it? Is it a bunny? It just has the bunny? Yeah, it bursts it live. I'm guessing it bursts a litter like a cat does. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The pregnancy phase is 30 days. And then so, oh, yeah, that is interesting. Yeah, I thought they sat on them, kept them warm. Made them colors. Yeah, yeah. Painted them. This one's blue and yellow. Yeah. They're like, we don't know the gender, but we know the race before it's born. It's an egg. Yeah.

Yeah, so the Germans brought over the eastern bunny to America in the 1700s, but it was their tradition there. Oh, so this was not even pagan. German just goes, hey, we do this. Yeah. Do you want to do this? Yeah. And they just kind of spread here. But the reason is because rabbits are... It's so crazy. How do they spread in all this?

Like just what German comes up and goes, oh, y'all do Easter? He goes, we do like bunnies and stuff. And he goes, oh, man, we should try to do that. I bet it's like your neighborhood. And I guess it is. You start doing it. You don't want to be the one family left out. Or you like it. You go, I like that. And you represent this and you start gathering it. But we're not introducing any more new stuff, right? Like there's not someone going, what if we do, you know. You know, Elf on the Shelf is fairly new. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

They didn't have that when you were growing up? No. We didn't even have Santa Claus when I was growing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in high school. But originally, they had nests instead of baskets. Easter eggs had Easter nests, and they would decorate them and color them, but they put them in nests. And I guess they...

It was supposed to come from the Easter buddy. Interesting. You can still kind of see that because the Easter baskets are like usually wicker baskets that look like nests. And then that green stuff on the inside looks like, it makes me think of a nest. Yeah. I guess it is grass. I thought it was like a nest thing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

So the White House does the Easter egg roll every year. It's the Monday after Easter. That started in the 1800s where kids would go up on Capitol Hill and see who could roll an egg down the furthest without it breaking. It became such a tradition that 10,000 children did it one day on Capitol Hill. And congressmen, lawmakers were so upset that they were disrupting stuff and getting upset.

they were damaging the lawn and stuff like that, that they passed the turf protection law to prevent kids or anyone from coming on Capitol grounds unannounced. That's still in effect. And, um,

Two years later, though, the president, Rutherford B. Hayes, told the guards, just let the kids come into the White House backyard and do it here. That's cool. And ever since, it's been the White House. Yeah. They roll an egg down the hill. Mm-hmm. My dad did a show once at the White House for Easter, I believe. Now it's a big thing. They bring in bands and all kinds of stuff, celebrities. But that's how it started in the late 1800s. Wow. That's cool. Yeah.

um easter is the second best-selling candy holiday in america after halloween yeah it's a good cat it's a good candy day you got a favorite i mean sour bad cheese but uh also those those other gummy worms that are our gummy bears haribo haribos that are the sour ones oh yeah for easter uh no that's for every day those are like amazing too uh i've cut down on sour because i mean i'm i'm

losing weight which by the way I'm well I don't know what I'm at but I'm probably close to 180. I was at 194. How's it going for you? It was doing pretty good until I had a baby. Things have shifted the wrong direction now. Or maybe the right direction. Maybe you've reprioritized things in your life. It's a lot of late night eating. I'll say that. 16 billion jelly beans are made in the US each year just for Easter. It surprises me that Easter is bigger than Valentine's Day for candy.

I probably would have bet my life that Valentine's Day was two. It's only chocolate, though. Like, Valentine's, it's like, that's really the only thing it is. Nah, you got the little sweet tart things that say, be mine. Yeah, but it's not a, but it's flowers, it's chocolates. It's like kind of the same thing, where Easter is you're getting Skittles and, you know, gummy stuff and all that. I would have thought more people celebrated Valentine's Day than Easter.

That's because you don't have kids. And like, you think like Valentine's Day is like a big deal. And then you're... You don't care about it at all. We don't even talk to each other on Valentine's Day. So that's the present. I've always worked on Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is always a good day to work. Now people go out on dates, but it's like...

Usually kids are not involved. And then so Easter's about children. So it's about when you buy something for your wife, it's going to be flowers. It's going to be... I mean, I'm not saying I would have known this for sure, but when you think about it, it's... It makes sense. Easter's like... If you go home and you go see all your grandkids and all this stuff, it's a bunch of kids. You're hiding eggs. Each egg has something in it. It's like kind of the door wheel thing.

Maybe you want to talk about it for a long time with you and your friends as y'all sit and accomplish nothing. Do y'all do a big Easter egg hunt with your family? We do. We have it. Our family's all about games, so we make everything a game. Everything's something. What if we do this? Let's do this. I've realized I do it, and I never thought about it, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll do it. Our family, we will. When we swim, the kids were like, all right.

When we were on vacation a couple weeks ago or something, I get in with our neighbors, the neighbor's girls and Harper, and I'm like, all right, who can swim underwater back? It's never just chilling out. It's like, let's try to do something. Everything's a big game. So we do it. We do now, we hide the eggs for all the kids. But the eggs just have... It's whoever gets the most eggs, and then we let them go pick candy. So instead of...

The candies and the eggs, it's like they come up to us and then we let them, you know, and it's a big, they get to choose it. We have it out there and they do like a snake kind of. Is there a golden egg? I think there is. Like there's a few that have like money in it, $5 or something, which the kids just throw away now. It's like a waste of my time. No, $5. $20 is the new $5. I mean, I don't, we don't, we give $5, but I just feel like kids are,

I mean, I got paid five bucks to mow the grass and that was a lot. And I remember being like, $5 meant a lot to me. And I think to get a kid to mow the grass now, I mean, you would have to be 20. I would bet. Because that's going to at least feel like a lot to the kid. See, that's what I was getting paid when I was- 20? 25 bucks when I was in middle school. I got paid five.

I didn't get paid on my yard. That didn't even cover the gas. Well, I mean, this was just my neighbor's yard. Okay. She paid me $5. You got paid to mow your own yard? No, this was the guy up the street. Yeah. But I'm saying that you don't even come out in the black if you're only getting five bucks now. There's no business. This is not a business back then. This was...

She was an older lady. There's a mix of that. She paid $5. I did it for that reason. Okay. But I don't even think back then there was, you were thinking of it like a full on business.

There's too much business mind. Sometimes it's like you're doing stuff to be like, you're just doing it to make $5. I didn't pay for the gas. I get the idea of teaching someone how you got to charge this much to get the gas. But when we did it, it was like, I'm either going to have to mow this lady's yard for free. I would have had to do that. And then instead of doing that, it's like, I think she wanted to pay. So I'd go up, Miss Gibbons.

And I'd go up and she pulled a little thing out and handed me $5. And it was a lot. You'd just rip it up and throw it? No, no. $5 was a lot. I remember it being, it was like, man, $5 was, you know, maybe you would have thought a dollar or something would have been not a much. But $5 was, yeah, it was a lot.

The largest Easter egg hunt ever, 500,000 eggs, searched by just under 10,000 children at Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven, Florida. Spray's still mowing over some of those eggs. Cadbury eggs. You guys fans of those?

I haven't had one in a long time. I don't think I am, but I would try it again. Yeah. I'm not a big cream-filled something guy. Yeah, that's what they are. What are these? Oh, Cadbury. Mm-hmm. I put Canterbury, like Canterbury Tales. Yeah, well, that's dumb.

What are these? These are just chocolate eggs? This is the stuff that y'all don't talk about in school. You talk about enunciation, but you don't talk about just what you call the little people eat. No, I'm saying that y'all are so highbrow at Notre Dame that someone goes, did you ever have Cadbury eggs? And you are just like, you know, everybody's came from money and they're like, I ate real eggs.

Is that what you mean? And you're like, no, this is what poor people eat. We go to Walmart. We steal them. We each take a lick. And you would just look down. We just pass one around. Us non-college educated folk. And then you're up there. You ride your horse home from Notre Dame. There was a game in the Middle Ages, they said, where the priest would have all the boys pass an egg around. And whoever at midnight had it in their hand got to actually eat it. The rest of them went home hungry.

What time would they start it? I don't know. You didn't think to look into that? I mean, that sounds like the worst game of all time. Yeah, I mean, what time? They started at 11 o'clock? They started at 11.59? Yeah. It's like musical chairs, but the winner gets to eat. Yeah. And the rest of the kids just starve. Yeah. Do you know the commercial where the kid goes, thank you, Easter Bunny. Bark, bark.

I don't know. Maybe. It's a famous commercial from my era. Yeah, I think so. It aired during the A-team. Yeah. It did, actually. I'm sure it did. But Chocolate Bunnies is the most sold. And where do you start on the anatomy of the bunny when you eat it? Take the head off first. Dehumanize it as quickly as possible. Oh, God. That's the struggle. Let's see.

Aggressive. Yeah, what do you do? Start at the toes and just torture it to death? What do you do? You tie it up in a chair first and get all the answers you want, and then you bite the head off? I go right in. It's like what's the most humane way to put down an animal? You just got to bite it off at the neck. So you could fit ears and head into your mouth. Well, it depends on what we're talking about, but I would try. And that's how far, yeah.

I could see that being your answer. You don't eat the little stuff. You're like, I'm going to eat the head. And then you're like, okay, but you got to get to the ears. And you're like, don't worry about those ears. I'll get them. Yeah, you kind of stumped me here. I'll figure a way in. It says 76% of Americans bite off the ears first. It did not mention the head as a whole. So he's a part of that. And he's also that other percentage that goes ahead and gets that head out of the way. So whatever that is.

76 it's like a 76 is on its own and then there's this other like one guy there's gonna be there's gonna be a group of guys in the the walk-in cooler that are like y'all do the head too right and they go yeah obviously dude you go yeah that's yeah y'all are afraid to talk about it outside of the walk-in cooler but you go inside and be like y'all eat the head too uh

Yeah, I always buy one. I don't remember ever going. I don't remember if I ever was like, I'm such the opposite kind of fan of candy. But I do like it. And I would eat it now for sure. I get one for Harper.

Because it's a classic. I will say those variations of the candy bars for Easter, they do them for Christmas too. The different shapes. I think they taste better. I don't know what it is. Candy bars for Easter? I think the Reese's that's in the shape of an egg, that's better than a regular. I would always get Reese's. My parents would always give me, they still do, give me Reese's cups. Yeah, they do taste. I don't really eat Reese's cups now outside of the Easter.

but if i have them but i mean i'm all about sorry i mean i'm just too much gummy i'm gonna get some i'll go crazy easter yeah i'll probably be a little cheat day i'll get some of those haribo what are they called haribo haribo haribo haribo sounds like a yeah like caribou yeah sounds like a beer there's some kind of haribo gummy bears like sounds like you make it on your own yeah you don't hear it what's it how's it called

Haribo. Haribo. Yeah. He's talking about Haribo and I'm like, no, no, no. My buddy Hairboot. He makes these gummy bears. You go, oh, okay. So that's Easter. All right. That wraps it up.

Good enough? I think so. That's a lot of good stuff. Not a lot of Jesus talk, though. Oh, you want more Jesus talk? Well, there just wasn't much. Let's talk about the Annunciation real quick. I'll say this. There are two artifacts from the crucifixion that are supposedly in museums now. Yeah. The Crown of Thorns is at the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Wow. Yeah.

That's crazy. And survived that fire from a couple years ago, the one that Graham talked about. Yeah. And then the Shroud of Turin, I think is how it's pronounced, which is the veil that was put over Jesus' face in the tomb. It's some monastery or something like that in Turin, Italy. And it shows the outline of what they think is that. Can you see it? Can you go see it?

I think so. Yeah. Man, that's crazy. You know, it's debated about whether that's actually it. I think they did some carbon dating and it showed it came from the Middle Ages. But some people believe that... Have you heard of this, Aaron? I have. Yeah. That's the image of Jesus. The crown of thorns is... I mean, that's pretty wild. Yeah. Have you heard that? I've never even heard that. And I mean, I don't know if it's how authentic it is, but it's on display at the cathedral at Notre Dame. Wow.

Yeah, Catholics were big on, man, we love relics and stuff like that. That's a pretty good one. So you're saying most Baptists would have thrown away the crown of thorns? Not the crown. By now. Who needs this thing? Next. What about the crown of thorns you wore?

Who cares? Who is going to want to see that? Are you kidding me, dude? Beat it. We got his crossover here. Oh, my gosh. Look how big it is. Where are you going to put it? Where are you going to put it? Give me a sandal. Let's move on. All right. That's fair.

That's fair. We love things. You've kept them better, I'll say that. Yeah. I remember my mom had a necklace with a little piece of a saint's tooth in it. And I don't know if non-Catholics are doing that. You wouldn't have a necklace with somebody's tooth. We had alligator teeth.

dinosaur teeth, you know, T-Rex teeth. We did stuff like that. Oh, your puka shell necklace? You'd throw one of those on there? Yeah, we were just buying more stuff that you'd see at like Panama City or something like that. Like we weren't... Yeah, I don't know if we had. I have...

That cross, it's got sand in it, in the back of it. Sand from what? Jerusalem. Oh, that's cool. I think. Did your parents bring you that? Yep. That's really cool. There's a smaller one beside it. They both come from there? I think so. I know the big one does. Maybe my parents, yeah. I would love to go. Maybe look at it. Look at the back of it, and then it might say it. I can't focus.

I can't. I get something and I just forget. No, it's only $25. Kmart. Now there's sand. There's sand in it. This is the sand. Oh, that is really cool. I would love to go to the Holy Lands. Yeah, I would too. There's a little sand right there. I think they'd sell it for more than $25. Jerusalem, is that right? Yeah, so there you go. That's very cool.

So, yeah. Don't like. I'm joking. I would never do it. Like all the hats. Like my Notre Dame hat over there. Fake this. Yeah. So that's Easter. I can answer any questions if anybody wants. Are you like an expert on it? Yeah, I'm an expert. On Easter. I don't know. I can't think of any. Do you have any? I think you covered just about everything, man. I think I'm ready. All right. Let's move on to taxes.

Do you know when tax day is? April 15th. April 18th. It's generally April 15th. This year, it's April 18th. We're both right. Yeah. But it's always 15. It is. Oh, we met this year. Yeah. Why is it 18 this year? Because COVID. That's what I thought too. No, in Washington, D.C. this year, Emancipation Day is on the 15th. So the IRS moved it to the 18th. They just move it.

You can't move any of your tax stuff around, but they're like, yeah, we're going to move today a couple of days. You go to jail if you just moved your stuff around. They're like, we're moving a couple of days. It's actually the 19th in Maine and Massachusetts this year because they're celebrating Patriots Day. Can we just do whatever we want now? Yeah, why don't we let them? Because of Patriots Day? No. What is Patriots Day? The day Tom Brady retired.

I think it's a day to honor all the patriots that have served throughout the years. But in Maine and Massachusetts this year, it's on the 18th. Patriots Day the movie. Yeah. Well, it says a holiday right there. Oh, commemorates the battles of Lexington Concord. Okay. All right. It's a Revolutionary War thing. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you get...

You file your taxes. You can get an extension if you want by six months. And I think if you request it, you automatically get it. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. But you know, the annoying part of the extension is you still have to tell them what you're going to have to pay them. They go, we'll give you an extension, but like, what are you going to owe us? You know, I don't know. That's why I'm extending this because I don't feel like doing it. Yeah, I do it almost every year because I forget until it's too late. I go, I need that extension. But they go, you still got to tell us what's going to happen.

I haven't done it yet. So you just guess and then you got to. You're talking to someone on the phone? No, this is me. Yeah. Yelling at my computer screen. Just call the IRS. Hello, Aaron Weber. Oh, boy. There you go. He called back. Here we go. Yeah, need a couple more days. If you don't mind, I just have been busy with, they're like, work? No, not work. Not work. Trying to not hide your money. Not working. I didn't say anything about work. You said work.

We've been vacationing in Maryland. Our family has a farm up there that they were given, that they were given on Patriot's Day. You still have to pay taxes on that farm given to you, by the way. It's an inheritance tax. Unless it was a one-time gift to your spouse, according to Shawshank Redemption.

That's where I learned about that. That's just a minor point. Jack Swigert, one of the astronauts on Apollo 13. Oh, played by Kevin Bacon in the movie. He was a last minute addition. Right. Forgot to do his taxes. Had to call down to Mission Control and ask them to call in for an extension. Wow. And they thought he was joking, but he's like, I'm serious. You have to let them know because I forgot.

They did. Yeah, they gave him an exemption because he was out of the country. Yeah. Is that what they said? Did you know that? I know it from the movie. We watched that movie together. I don't remember that part. Yeah, it's when things are going bad, he calls in and he's like, hey, they're going to give you an extension, Jack, because you are most decidedly out of the country. Yeah. That's funny. It's a good moment. So if you get a refund and you don't claim, you have three years to claim it. So this coming Monday, April 18th,

If you had a refund in 2018, that's your deadline or you lose it. And there's $1.5 billion worth of unclean tax refunds waiting for 1.5 million Americans. And if they don't go get it? It goes in the Department of Treasury. And then what do they use that for? Whatever. I don't know.

Now, it says 1.5 million Americans who did not file their tax returns that year. I don't understand how they know they're getting a refund if they didn't file tax returns. Yeah, but it doesn't seem like it's advertised. That money just goes back to, like, where does it go? Like, some people, I get, like, if you moved and you didn't alert them and they can't find you, then it goes in the Department of Treasury. You lose it.

Or some people think, hey, I earn so little, they're not going to hunt me down if I don't do taxes. Let's just not do them. Even if you were getting money back? Yeah, I mean... I mean, there's got to be some people not doing taxes. Like, I never know. I don't know how to do taxes. I don't even know how... I wouldn't even know how to start it. Yeah. And like, you know, when you first start, you're either... Parents are doing it for you and then are...

You go to wherever and get it done. What is it? TurboTax? Yeah, something like that. I did TurboTax for a while when I just had a regular job. Comedy starts to complicate things so much. I got dozens and dozens of these forms. I started going to an H&R Block, somewhere like that. I just go, here's all the stuff. I'm here to answer any questions. You go ahead and knock all this out for me. You're at TurboTax and your career is taking off.

I need to know something that can handle it. I want to go to HR block. HR block. That's where Garth Brooks goes. So from what I've heard, I hear you guys have Garth Brooks. Yeah. I've been on the road a lot at the local funny bones and here's my taxes. Yeah. And I get the H and R block at a strip ball in Mount Juliet. That's where Garth Brooks goes to get things handled. Are they good?

I mean, I don't know. I went for two years to Jackson Hewitt because it was very close to where I lived and they just hired seasonal workers. And I mean, it was scary. The first year I'm like,

This is crazy. These people, I'm giving them all my information because they look like they were just on a work release program. And then the next year, again, I roll around. I'm like, I ain't going to go. I mean, they're right down the street. I probably got that one bad person. And I went there again. It was the same thing. Oh, man. And I'm like, I don't feel comfortable coming here anymore. Yeah. It was...

So you went back to TurboTex? No, now I have a real accountant. But for two years, I tried them. And I mean, I think I knew more than they did. Did it work, though? I mean, they fixed it where I got a refund. Yeah.

If I get audited, I'm going to jail because they don't get blamed for it. I do. I'm the one who signed it. Yeah, yeah. I was owing and I was like, that's weird. I get a refund every year. And then I was like, oh, I left one document at home and I live next door. And when I came back, he's like, I fixed it. You're getting a refund. Oh, that's awesome. This is questionable if you should even be talking about this on this podcast. Like where he goes...

Can I just go in there and go, that'd be funny, Jackson Hewitt. Like, come to Jackson Hewitt. Hewitt, you're like, do you want a refund? We'll get one for you. And he goes, we'll figure it out. What do you want? And the environment, you sit down, you get him all your papers, and he just goes, just before I even get started, do you want a refund or would you like to pay a little bit so you feel better? What's your comfort level? And you're like, I want a refund. He goes,

There's an Applebee's across the street. Go over there, have some lunch, come back in 40 minutes. And he comes back and you get cash. He hands you a bag of eight grand cash. He goes, tax is done. And you go...

I don't even want to know what happened. This place is unbelievable. I would do that. That would be a, that's what there should be a tax. It should be called. Don't ask questions. Yeah. It is amazing though. When I, the first time I went to the H and R block and I was like, all right, let's write off some stuff. I've never really written off anything for comedy. Who's writing it off. Well, they are. Yeah. So I just, I, I was, they were like, walk me through some of your, I was like, cell phone, pay for a cell phone every month.

This lady was like, well, what percentage would you say that you use your phone for your comedy career? I was like, 70%. She's like, all right, we're right off 70% of that. I was like, it's just based on what I think. Yeah. Could us maybe 90, more of a 90%. Well, they, you honestly, you could probably say being a comedian, it's probably is 90%. Yeah. Like you're, cause there's a blur of,

our business to be like, well, I think about comedy every day. Like, you know, like when you have, like we have a, like you can have a company card and personal card. Like what do you put on? What? Like I always, I still have to call Laura and I'm like, where am I buying this? Like, is it on this or that? If we do everything right. And, uh, Laura's always been a stickler about it, even forever. And like, just being like, I need to know, you know,

And, but it's, it's a fine line of just like, you're like, I don't know, dude, I'm doing

Everything's comedy. My whole life is comedy. Right. I'm on the phone all day about it. That's, you know. But that percentage is based on, I don't have to prove that percentage. It's just like what I think. You probably have to prove it if they audit you. If they were to audit me. I don't know how you would audit somebody for that. Yeah. Similar to what we were talking about earlier. I don't make nearly enough for them to audit me yet. You're going to be at the store and just be like, what do you want? You want to get, you want Cheerios or Frosted Flakes and a guy that goes...

Huh. He stands up behind you. Are you talking to a comedy? Is that a comedian? Are you talking about a joke? And he goes, no, you're not going to know. No, I'm talking to my wife. I got to get cereal. And he goes, wow, I thought you used your phone 70% for comedy. And it just seems I've been following you around for the past couple of days, you know, all the gas stations you go in. And...

I do go in a lot of gas stations. I spend an alarming percentage of my money at gas stations. I tried to write off my haircuts last year. The lady just laughed at me. She was like, what is this? I go, I get haircuts. I need to look good on stage. She was like, oh, you got yourself a haircut. She crossed them all off. She said, you can't do that, you idiot. My account has me write off Netflix because she says it's for research.

I need to go. Your person's a little more creative than mine. Yeah, yeah. You want to try haircuts this year? I'll try Netflix. We'll see what happens. Haircuts for me, that'd be a hard sell. What are you researching? Just watching comedies. Yeah. Comedy specials, stuff like that. She does movies and cable and all that I can put on there. You're going to have to have some jokes. You're going to see Brian's neck's going to be like, you might see that Paddington bear, anybody? Anybody?

What about number two came out? Because you're the uproar about that one. You can only talk about your subscriptions. That would be funny. The IRS makes you send a tape. Let's see the act. Let's see what you've been doing. I'll tell you what, following your account on Hulu is hard. It's not as hard as Paramount Plus is, but it's difficult. Yeah.

He just has to name all the stuff that you do. Yeah. Yeah. You're trying to write off. Got a haircut the other day. A lot of mileage this year. It's been a while. So you can go to a movie, join the movie theater, write off the mileage to and from the movie theater and the movie itself because that's research. What does writing it off mean? It means you can deduct it from your taxable income. So you don't have to pay taxes on it. So you're just like knocking down...

your income and it's like what can I get off of it right so I do remember at the beginning because at the beginning you're when you do comedy like you would end up you're not even showing a profit because close yeah you're you're always like negative uh and then it's like and when you get to the point where you show profit no just because it's

And then when, so then you just knock it down. So that's how they, so people get mad at companies or stuff like that. They're saying like, they're writing off so much stuff that it's like, no, they should be paying the taxes on this amount. They're only paying the taxes on this amount. That's what that means, right? They find ways to loopholes and stuff like that. Write it off. Yeah. Yeah.

They're the ones riding it off. Well, even individuals, I think they can get into a different tax bracket because they have creative accountants. They can find ways to move money around and things like that. There is, I mean, I have the tax brackets here. This is for, I think a couple filing jointly. If you make less than 20,000 a year, 10% is the bracket. This is your income tax, federal income tax, federal income tax. And then it,

I mean, it just periodically goes up 12%, 22, 24, 32. The highest bracket, if you make over $628,000, you pay $168,000 plus 37% of the excess of $628,000. So basically 37%. Everybody pays it?

Everyone who makes over $628,000. Like every state? That's federal. You could have state tax on top of that. We don't in Tennessee. Right. Most other places do. So the tax brackets range anywhere from 10% to 37%. Again, this is for couples. I think it's different for individuals and different things like that. You've got to make, I think, $10,000 to have to file, or $25,000 as a married couple. If you don't make that much, you don't have to file.

Oh, they don't even bother? Unless you make some money from self-employment, which is only $400. Okay. If you make $400 a year, you have to file? Mm-hmm. If you make less than that, you don't? Correct.

I don't know how you would even... That's from self-employment, like what we do, I guess. But if you work for a company and make less than $25,000 a year as a couple, you don't have to file. Because I know working for clubs, they feature pay for a weekend. Sometimes they're like, you don't even make enough this weekend for us to send you a... I think it's $600. Is that the amount? Yeah. If you make more than $600, then you've got to fill out a WT or whatever else. But they're like...

You're here one weekend, you make $400. Yeah. Let's just forget about each other. Just move on. Right. Yeah. Well, it's probably like without Pete. Yeah, it's like if you hire someone to do something and you're like, you're giving $400 and you don't have to worry about it. 80% of the federal government is funded by income tax. Pretty big percentage. Yeah. Started in the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln started it to raise money for...

the civil war, 3% tax on income over $800, which is roughly $23,000 today. How's he telling everybody this back then? That's what I always. The newspaper. Huh? The newspaper. And it just gets around. It just gets around. I guess. Yeah. When was the phone invented? Late 1800s. What was that? This is before the phone. So, but like, how would he, how big was the country then?

Like we're, I mean, it's pretty much all east of the Mississippi. So yeah, that to me, like, I mean, you gotta be like, you could easily not pay taxes back then and be like, like, how do you not know to pay taxes? Like, how would I know? Yeah. Like 31 million people. And so like, how does he tell everybody? Like he makes this speech and I get, you know, it's like,

I just don't know how does it get from... Maybe... He's got to go to Missouri. Right. And then he's in D.C. or Pennsylvania, and he's up there. And he says, we're going to pay 3% taxes. Well, how long does that take? I guess they take a train. So you got to have a reporter that's there. And then he's got to go take, I guess, a couple day train, write it in the newspaper, and

And then the newspaper just is like, oh, we got to pay taxes. It's not even like a lot. You're just like, dude, you're reading the old Hickory News. Are you kidding me? Yeah.

All right, we'll start paying them. I guess this thing says we have to. Yeah. Like, I don't know how. I mean, I'm sure it wasn't a quick process. He probably sent people from the federal government to different towns, and then they told their people. Yeah. And it was like a trickle down. Yeah, yeah. You got to spread the word. Or Congress. You guys go back to whatever you represent. Yeah. And you tell the mayors. No, you break the bad news. I don't want to be there. You tell the mayors. The mayors have to tell the people. Mm-hmm.

And then they, you know, okay. I hate breaking bad news to people. I can't do it. Oh, yeah. It's tough. I always think you got to do it. Just do it real quick. Sometimes you say it so quick that it comes out of nowhere. And then they're like, what? And you go, yeah. You just start talking about something else. Yeah. You know, you're like, your house is gone. Your house burned down. Did you watch that Hawks game last night? Hawks game. Yeah.

I did a show at Zany's once. I can't remember if I talked about this on the podcast, but George Lopez had to cancel last minute. And so they threw together a show at 645 for a 7 p.m. show. So it's a sold out crowd. Everybody's there to see George Lopez. Yeah. And they have to go up and say, hey, he's not here. And I was like, I can't even be in the room when this happens. I walked outside. I go, let me know how it goes, dude. I can't be in there to hear them get upset. And then I have to go out and do comedy. Well,

What were they? Did they get upset? Well, David Chasteen, who was the sound guy there, he handled it great. He walked out. He wanted to do it. Yeah. We're wired so different. He's like, I love this. So he walked out. He was like, just want to let everybody know right out of the gates, you're all getting a refund for tonight. George Lopez can't be here. You're going to get your money back. But we put together a great show. If you want to stick around, you already got a babysitter. You already get your drinks ordered. We say you just stick around and enjoy the show. And they were awesome.

Ended up being a really good show. But I go, I can't, I could never do that. Yeah. I would hate that. And then did everybody stay? About 15 people left. The rest of them stayed and it was one of the better shows I've ever done. Yeah. Because they were like, oh, this is just for a free show. Cherry on top. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Well, it's because he canceled, so.

How do you cancel that close? He was sick that day. So it was like they were already there. They were trying to do it, and then it's like, it's not happening. Yeah, he's like, I can't get by there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah. So everybody took it. I have a hard time being in the room if I know something's happening. I think I either don't want to be in the room or I have to be the one saying it.

that's the only two. Like I either, I either, yeah, I either don't want to be a part of it or I'm like, let me, because I feel like I, I don't know. So you feel like I, I know my heart. I know that I will try to do, give this news in a certain way. Uh-huh. And, or let me just get out of the room. Because then I'm going to be like, you said it. No, don't say it like that. Like, you know, I'll think about it too much. Meredith was hit by a car. Yeah. Yeah.

So taxes have been around since 3000 BC. Started in Egypt. Old Testament talks about giving one fifth of your crops to Pharaoh. Everyone was commanded to do that. Keep four fifths, give him one fifth. Wow. Well, he do them. They paid less taxes in ancient Egypt than we do now. You give way more than one fifth now. 20%? 40%. Yeah, that'd be two fifths. Yeah.

Oh, but we give, well, I guess it depends on what bracket you're in. You're in a bracket where you give 40%? I guess not. I just remembered the last percentage you said. Aaron's like, he's like. I mean, the highest was 37. I was like, whoa, Aaron. Yeah, this podcast is wasting his time. Why are you even here, man? I mean, 40%. Yeah, you do above the 1%.

You're above, you're like a 0.1 percenter. 1% of the 1%. Yeah. And in the New Testament, one of Jesus' disciples, Matthew, was a tax collector. And tax collectors were despised during that time because they would either cheat people or because they were working for the Roman government, you know, hurting the Jewish people who were under Roman rule. Yeah. So they were despised, but he became a disciple. Yeah.

All right, so there's different types of taxes. There's negative income tax for people who make so little money that the government gives them some back. Yeah, you're usually getting a refund for a long time, right? People in general? Yeah, like, I mean, I remember getting a lot of money back. Then you switch to going, you don't get money back. I mean, that's a shock to the system. When you're like, and you just, I mean, I remember just thinking, you're like, yeah, I get my money back. I get, like, I love tax day because I was like,

You're going to get like $800, $1,000. You're like, this is crazy, dude. I can't believe they're getting – you don't know that you're a loser at that point, that you're just a young kid. I don't want to say loser, but when you're a young kid and you don't realize like, oh, it means I have no money. Yeah. And ideally, don't they always say the best is to break even? Yeah. Because if you get a refund, that means you've been paying in too much to the government. Yeah. That they're keeping your money that you deserve. Yeah.

but yeah the most yeah it's nice to get that refund it's nice to get it yeah you get a big check it feels like a free check it was i mean i always worked for a company that took it out as you go so it didn't hurt that bad but now i pay quarterly self-employed i assume you pay what do you mean he doesn't want to talk about it pay quarterly like i pay in an estimate of what i make

For taxes? Yeah. Quarterly. I don't even know you could do that. Let's ballpark the number of 30 grand. So it might be a little high, but it's an easy one to get. It's been an all right year. Yeah, yeah. It's been a good year. He's got a podcast baby. Yeah. 30 grand a year. I don't even know where to go from that. I just wanted to get a 30 grand joke out. You don't pay quarterly? No, I didn't know there was an option. You pay the quarterly throughout the year? Yeah.

And I just made it all at once.

Okay. I thought if you were self-employed, you were supposed to be paying. That's a sign of you're not doing good. So that's what everybody's listening at home. They're like, oh, Aaron. He's struggling. I got to head over to Jackson Hewitt and see what they're up to. Yeah. Start writing off on Netflix. We're at Jackson Hewitt. You want to write stuff off? We're in the business of writing off. You tell us anything, we will get it out of here. Like, I bought a cat. There's a cat living in the house that you work at. And you go, yeah. And it goes...

Write it off. Yeah. 2020, I had a home office. Yeah. I built all this stuff. I got a new computer. Yeah. Home office stuff. Your home office is the majority of the square. It's a thousand square feet. And you're like, yeah. And you're like, that's crazy. You go, where do you live at? In the other hundred square feet. That's where only we do non-work stuff. There used to be a beard tax.

So you guys will be paying more. I got a little mustache now. Mustache tax. Yeah. A little beard. Is that intentional? You going for it? Yeah. I'm not like the bottom to be shaved, but I was like, we have...

I have like these two weeks. I still got to do a couple shows, but they're like private shows. And we're doing Vecchione Special next week and the Nate Land Live podcast. But I didn't have anything. I was having to film something or whatever or do something. And I was like, yeah, let me get a little run at this. I was told with mustaches, people like Eric Barber slash trainer. But it's always you get a lot of compliments from dudes more than women. With the beards? Yeah.

Mustaches. Mustaches, yeah. Dudes like mustaches. I think they're back, dude. No, they're definitely back. But that mustache from that kid at St. Peter's, every dude's going to be like, yeah, dude, that mustache is awesome. And then most women are like, I don't know. I don't know how much they love mustaches. Well, they're going to have to learn to love them, dude. Yeah, they're coming. They're going to figure it out.

Well, this was a beard tax. This was the ruler of Russia in 1698. He took a tour. Reasonable guy. Go ahead. Yeah, of course it was Russia. He took a tour of Europe.

Spain, France, all that. And everyone there was clean shaven. And he thought, oh, that's the style. That's what's cool now. So when he came back home, he's like, guys, this is where it's at. We've got to start going clean shaven. That's what's in style now. And it didn't catch on too great. So he started taxing people with beards just to try to make them shave their beards off. Oh, yeah. It's like the Yankees. Yeah.

What about the Yankees? Can't have facial hair at the Yankees. Really? Yeah. I think the Reds used to do that. Maybe they still do. You got to pay a tax. I don't think it's paid tax, but they don't let you have it. You know why the Yankees always win? Why? Can't stop staring at their pinstripes.

You ever see that movie, Catch Me If You Can? Yeah. I've seen it. I don't remember that line. It's a hotline from the movie. Yeah, yeah. It's a good one. But they're a pretty solid team, though. Well, yeah. That's what the guy goes, because they have Mickey Mantle? Yeah. He's like, nah. That's a big reason. Yeah. Wasn't there, I can't remember, a player that was pretty famous that there was a deal, like he didn't want to shave it? I'm going to say Giambi.

That's all I don't know for sure, but in my head. That sounds right. He wasn't a facial hair guy, but yeah, that sounds about right. No, like his brother. There was two of them. Yeah, Jason and Jeremy. Yeah. I just watched Moneyball. Talk about somebody giving bad news.

Billy Bean loved telling Jeremy Giambi he was being traded. I mean, he loved it. Tells him. The guy's about to cry. Gets up out of his seat, and Billy Bean immediately moves over to the seat he was just sitting in and sits in it. He loved it. Yeah. But he's like, you got to tell him direct. Just get to it. Yeah. Yeah. You just go, yeah, right on the. Jeremy, you're being traded to the Phillies. Yeah. Here's this number. Call it. Yep. You're a good ball player. Good luck. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. I just watched that movie last night. It's a great movie.

Al Capone went to prison on tax evasion. They could never get him for all his murders, so they finally got him on charges of tax evasion fraud. Spent 11 years in jail, prison for it. He died in there? I think Al Capone died in prison, right? So he just didn't pay any taxes. Yeah. And they can just prove it, I guess, because they're like,

Yeah, the Elliot Ness. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's the movie now with Kevin Costner? Sean Connery? Tombstone. It's a great movie. The Rock. But now it's escaped me. I don't know. All right. Anyway, that's a great movie. Willie Nelson had so much back taxes. He owed $32 million. The IRS seized all his assets. He had to make an album called The IRS Tapes. Oh, really? The IRS Tapes, Who Will Buy My Memories? Yes.

and all the profits went to paying off the IRS. Many of his assets were auctioned off and purchased by friends who donated or rented his possessions to him for a small fee. I mean, what kind of friends are those? Like, I'll give it back to you, but you're going to have to pay me a little bit. Well, they had to pay for it. I mean, they're all raising money, so they're like, I'll give it back to you if you've got to pay. Yeah. That's $32 million. Is that someone just not paying taxes in his...

I think he got in some bad investments too and it just kind of spiraled. Yeah. Yeah, that's always the worst.

You see, you got like, Dane Cook had that. Oh, did he? Yeah, Dane Cook with his brother. His brother stole millions from him. He's in prison right now. Yeah, that's tough. I mean, that's just so brutal. Yeah, dude. Wesley Snipes spent three years in prison for tax evasion. Al Capone did not die. Was he in like real prison? Is there like a different prison? Yeah, it's like a federal prison. What's that other prison? You always hear that. They're like, well, they're in a different prison. Like white collar prison. Is it like a fun prison? It's a low security prison.

Just a little different. Like, it's like, there's no, you don't have any fear of getting killed or something. Like, you're just, what are you doing? You're going to, you get like a meal and you get three good meals. Is your, what's your cell look like? Is it like a real jail cell? Is it? All I know is from the episode of The Office where they hired Martin. Yeah. Who was in prison. Yeah. And he described it was better than working at Dunder Mifflin. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's like, are they really better? I did a show at a state prison in Minnesota with John and Chris. We spent the day there at this prison. And what they told us is that this prison was so nice relative to some of the others that you're in almost no danger of anything bad happening to you because they don't want to be transferred out of this prison, people that are in there. So everybody's on good behavior for the most part there. So that's some of it. But they were in jail cells.

They were in, they almost look like dorm rooms. Yeah. Bunk beds in there. They didn't have the bars. Yeah, yeah. But they were, you know, doors. Well, everybody has those. Yeah, that's true. Everybody has that. Are you thinking about if you needed a break? No, you just always hear about this. Like, you know, didn't Martha Stewart go to jail for taxes or something? Hers was like insider trading, I think. So even with that, like, but then like, where did she go? Like, does she have like a decent room? Is it, is she on a bunk bed? Is it?

I don't know. I feel like I heard crazy stories about like they had to do cavity searches and stuff like that when she first goes into prison. I think they check your cavities, but it means more than that. Yeah, it means more than that. Your crevices. Yeah, your crevices. Is it nothing to do with cavities? I guess that's one area they check. Do they check there? They don't do a dental check out where they go. They check all the places you could put stuff in your body.

but like the uh wouldn't that be a crevice crevice check cavity just means a hole you know i thought it yeah but i thought i mean i would be in for a surprise because you're gonna do a cavity gesture like yeah i've done this quite a bit again where are you going though where are you where are you going buddy

Because I don't understand what's happening right now. I have my mouth open. Hold up. What's happening? I never thought about it. You're like, oh, y'all don't need to wear gloves. Yeah. It's all good. Because I don't, you know, you guys got two. All right. I'll tell you right now. I got two. Go ahead.

I'm going to be up front. I'm going to be up front with you. I got two of them. I'm going to warn you. I've eaten a lot of candy, so get ready. My dentist gets after me all the time. My gums bleed. I got two cavities. Whatever. I'm there. You know. I wouldn't lie to you. Look. You can search if you want. I don't care. You can search. What do I care? I'll show you where they're at. Yeah. So there's property tax, which...

We all do. Sales tax. Tennessee has one of the highest sales tax rates. Why do we have that? Kentucky doesn't have sales tax? I think every state does. Someone told me that today. Eric told me that today. He said he buys groceries in Kentucky because they live kind of that way. And then...

And he says because they don't have sales tax. Really? That's what he said. It might be on groceries or on medicine. It's groceries. Stuff like that. But if you buy a biker, you still got to pay a biker car. But yeah, no sales tax on food would be pretty nice. And we have the highest sales tax. One of the highest. I looked up all the states. It's 7% in Tennessee. And then the city you live in can tack on. So like for Nashville, it's 9.25%. Alabama's high too.

The way they justify that is we have relatively low property taxes compared to other states. So it's like a give and take. No state income tax. And no state income tax. Which I think we're one of the few states that does that. Us and Texas. Florida. Yeah, Florida. Arizona maybe. Places that are doing great. Yeah. But the property taxes have skyrocketed. Oh, really? Yeah, because they just did a reassessment and the property in Nashville is so expensive now.

A lot of people can't pay the property taxes. I think I looked it up. I have a joke about it now. But property taxes, so I'm not going to do the joke. But I thought I looked it up somewhere and Beverly Hills was something like $40,000 or $50,000. A year? I think so. I don't know. But I think so. And I was looking up some house. I don't know if it was a crazy house. Look up property taxes in Beverly Hills. It was like something crazy. You're like, good night, dude. Like, I mean...

That's a person's salary. And that's not even the house. That's just, you know. Well, if you bought a house, say, here in the 19th century. $25,000 a year in property tax. That's the average. So some of them pay a lot more than that. The average is $25,000. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah.

If you bought a house here in the 1950s and you're just getting by, you're old now, got a fixed income, but you live in some hot new neighborhood and they do a property value reassessment, you may have to pay so much more property tax on this house and you can't afford it anymore. What's a fixed income? It's like you just... Like you get money in from Medicare or Social Security and your bills are all kind of lined up where you can't...

You don't have any extra money to venture, so to speak. You know what I mean? Yeah, you end up being like you have $100 a month to spend on whatever. Kind of like, yeah. You kind of know what you owe and you kind of know what you get in and stuff like that. But if there's a major change, it can really mess you up. That's when he comes on Seinfeld and he goes, she's on a fixed income. Does he say that? Oh, yeah, Nana? Yeah, Nana. I think he does. Yeah. Uncle Leo? Yeah. Yeah.

The president has to pay his taxes as well, but he gets a non-taxable travel account for $100,000 and a non-taxable entertainment account worth $19,000. I get the travel account, but $19,000 for entertainment. Do you remember when Chris Christie spent like 20 grand on concession stands at the New York?

Is that when you voted for him? That's when I was like, this is my guy. Because he would take people up there. Who knows? But I remember seeing the amount and being like, dude, this is not a good look for you, man. Christy racked up $82,000 in concessions. Yeah.

In Delaware? And you want to go and see where it's like, dude, look, I get it. You're taking people out. But honestly, if we had someone a little less, you know, I think we could keep it to 40. He goes, what? He goes, we got everyone wants hot dogs. He goes, they have Dippin' Dots there, man. He's going to be like, what do you think? I'm going. It's on the state. Let's do it.

England used to tax the number of windows in a house. It's a little door argument. I know. Yeah. And then after that, houses began to be built with fewer windows.

And then people started suffering health problems from lack of air. And so the tax was finally repealed. Why would they do windows? So I looked up a little bit about this. So they wanted to find a way to tax wealthier people more. But people really did not like the idea of, you know, you're penalizing me for being more successful. And that's a little intrusive to like attack me based on my income like that. So they said, well, what is a good indicator of your success?

The bigger the house you have, the more windows you're going to have. And also that allows us to count it without going into your house. We can just walk up and you can count the windows from the outside. Yeah. So that's the way they did it. And then people just started, you know, just stop building windows on their house. They got around that real quick. Yeah. Dang, that's crazy. You just do no, you just go to the house, there's nothing. Just no windows. It's complete dark in there. Yeah. Pitch black dark.

Texas has a poll tax where they tax strip clubs and things like that. The revenue goes toward... You probably call it something else than that. I figured you'd come up with more of them. It's a very funny name, but I would just think you would be like, well, it's a regular. If I've got to pay these to a government, maybe just...

let's class it up yeah like you know kind of a entertainment yeah something adult entertainment tax yeah yeah yeah names are funny syntax i almost think i understand that more than the poll the poll tax just feels like it's you know you know just like who decided that p-o-l-e tax that sounds like it was decided at the place i

I think it was one guy that thinks, oh, this would be funny. Yeah, it is a little funny. It is funny. Yeah. And then Sam Adams was Boston's tax collector. I'll end on this. He was Boston's tax collector in the 1700s, but he was terribly uninterested in his job.

So he would just overlook tax debt from people who were having problems down on their luck and stuff like that, which made him kind of like a working, uh, a Robin hood for the working class in Boston. He's like, don't worry about it, man. But tax collectors were personally liable for uncollected taxes. So he had to make up the difference. And by 1765, nine years later, he owed more than $8,000 equivalent to 1.5 million today. Yeah. Uh,

He did finally end up trying to go after some of the uncollected taxes, but not with much success. And his well-to-do friends ended up having to cover most of his debt. So he was a good guy, tried to help him out, but things got out of hand. Well, it doesn't feel like he was being not good at his job. It seems like he just was a nice person. He hated the government, too. Yeah. Is that why he created the beer?

I kept thinking you were about to tell me. And so he started a beer company and then he made all his money. That's what I thought. Honestly, we were heading. So this is what made him start his beer company. And then now he's a billionaire.

Like, oh, that's cool, man. Right. So maybe he wasn't bored in his job. He just didn't want to do this job. And they made him do it. So he was like, I'm not going to tax these poor people. Yeah, you got to go look them in the face. And you're like, that's a problem. But that is, it's a weird balance. Because you're going to see that up close. If you have any kind of heart, you can't ask this.

And then that's where I think problems get now. People are too far away from the thing that they're, the person they're asking from. And then you're like, well, that's not fair. Well, yeah, now it's just a website. Yeah. Or let something and like you owe us. Yeah. All right.

So tax day is Monday, April 18th. Monday, April 18th. So go do your taxes. Get an extension at least. Do the right thing. Get an extension. Go to Jackson Hewitt. Jackson Hewitt is where we kind of got our own taxes. If you want a refund, go to Jackson Hewitt. Or do whatever you want. Understand we have a tax we want under the table because you've got to slot them a little bit. But we make some stuff up.

Go away. You know what I mean? Some stuff disappears. You'll write some stuff off. You're going to write some stuff off. You're going to write a lot off. You're going to write, you know. And I would recommend going in late on a Saturday afternoon right when they're about to get off because they'll get it done quick. Yeah. April 17th. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when you walk into, you know, Applebee's and they're closed in five minutes. You're going to get a very, not the best steak. You'll get it quick though. Yeah. But you'll get it. It'll be quick. It's still considered a steak.

But just hope no one dives in looking at it. So, all right, everybody. Thank you. Yeah, Zany's live podcast and then my Vecchione special. I'll be in Florida next week on the tour. Do y'all?

Salt Lake City and... Salt Lake City, Woodstock, Georgia. I'm in Denver, Colorado. First week, May. Never done anything out there. I'm excited. Denver Comedy Underground. Come see me do that. That'll be fun. All right. Yep. All right. Love you guys as always. Thank you. Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media.

Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land podcast.