Batman & Robin w/ Matt Mira & Jesse Falcon (HDTGM Matinee)
49:01 Share

Focus features in Indian Paintbrush present The Phoenician Scheme, an epic comedy adventure from director Wes Anderson, starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Threpleton, Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeffrey Wright. Follow Zsa Zsa Korda as he races to survive assassinations, win back his daughter, and pull off the greatest scheme of his lifetime, The Phoenician Scheme, rated PG-13. In select theaters in New York and Los Angeles today, everywhere on June 6th.

Make every celebration feel uniquely you. Your dog's birthday coming up? Throw a pepperoni pizza party! Or maybe you're planning a game night? Make it a silent disco and charades night! From inspo to all the items you need, Amazon can help you create a truly custom celebration. From birthdays to holidays, Amazon offers convenient one-stop shopping for any party. Shop everything for every party on Amazon.

Father's Day is coming up, and for lots of dads out there, dad doesn't quite cover it. I know, I'm a dad. I'm also a groundskeeper, a patio whisperer, and a rogue.

leaf vigilante. So this year, show dad some love with gifts from the Home Depot. They've got fast free delivery on handy gear that helps dad or me do my thing. We're talking Ryobi cordless outdoor tools like the Ryobi 40 volt expanded string trimmer. Find the perfect Father's Day gift at the Home Depot. Shop in store and online at homedepot.com. Free delivery subject to availability.

Two words, bat nipples. We saw Batman and Robin, so you know what that means. Now it's time for How to Discapate. We're going to have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, because you know you're one of them. How to Discapate. Let's all win the mediocrity of Sophora.

Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am joined as always by Jason Manzoukas. Hello Jason. How are you Paul? You are in New York, that is the sound quality that we are hearing. But it sounds pretty good to me, I think.

I think so. I think it sounds just terrific. Unfortunately, June is not here today. Scheduling has made it impossible, but the show must go on, so we have two special guests. Instead of just one, two. You know this first guy from, of course, Attack of the Show and the very popular Nerdist podcast. Please welcome Matt Myra. Thank you. I'm so glad to be here. I just wish I didn't have to watch that movie. And then...

This is a friend of the show, somebody we're very excited to have. He does a bunch of things at UCB Theater, and we can say that you work for Marvel, right? Absolutely. All right, there we go. And he works for Marvel. Please welcome Jesse Falcon. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. Very excited. So, all right, this movie. Holy shit, I don't even know where to begin. I think...

You know that you're getting into something amazing when the first shot is ass. It is like, it's a gearing up shot and it's just bat ass. Boom, right there. Not just one, two. Oh yeah, right. The Robin ass too. They were both

Pretty well formed, I'm not going to lie. No, they're in very good shape. George Clooney and... These guys have great asses. Well, I would dispute that, Manzoukas, because honestly, I went back and I watched that gearing up montage, which we've seen in countless action movies and specifically superhero movies, but they really took an extra couple seconds on both of those shots. I know people joke about this movie as being very homoerotic, but...

It is. I mean, there's no denying this movie is ridiculous. The Batnipples. No, this movie is three quarters. Yeah. Yeah. This movie is three quarters on its way to being a porn parody of a Batman movie. The writing would have been better. For the poor Barry. I do want to point out that the writer of this movie is Akiva Goldsmith. Unbelievable. This is...

This guy is insane. This guy's written so many amazing things. Does he have an Oscar? I'm sure he has. Or something. Cinderella Man he wrote. This is all Schumacher all the way. Yeah, Schumacher I think went nuts on this.

He put neon lights on the Batmobile. Why would you cover the Batmobile with neon lights? Oh, he put neon lights. And then when Robin's cycle, or whatever the fuck it's called, opens up, there are two neon Robin signs on either side just to remind you whose that is. Well, also when Robin crashes through a wall, it creates a Robin, like a Batman. Oh, my God. That was crazy.

I mean, this movie makes the Adam West Batman look campy. Oh, God. Honestly, and I felt that when I was watching it because I hadn't seen this movie in a long time. I actually remember seeing it for the first time. We were a couple of buddies of mine, our DC buddies, counterparts, were like, oh, we have a screening of this thing. Come over to watch it.

And we really liked the Batman series up until that point. We accepted the fact that they were going to kind of retcon each episode, if you would, or each individual film by getting a new actor after Michael Keaton left the series. Then it became Val Kilmer. It was like, oh, that's cool. Val Kilmer was awesome. And you have to remember, even watching that movie now, it's very campy, but that was before they did Pet Detective 2. So Jim Carrey was at

the height of his comedic power and people just couldn't get enough of him. So they loved that movie and the movie did incredibly well. It made so much money. So Joel was just like, I'm just going to keep going in that direction and really hit the gas this time. I'm going to hit the gas without comedians in this one. He did not put any... He put Schwarzenegger and Alicia Silverstone. Schwarzenegger, top build. The villain is top build in a Batman movie.

That was shocking to me. The other thing that was shocking to me is that all of his henchmen were basically Starlight Express hockey players. Yes. I said that the whole fight scene felt like I'm watching Batman on ice. It was like, this is just a theme park show that was shot a little bit better. I think that was part of the pitch when Schumacher came in. It was like somebody was like, this is going to be just like a Batman movie, but think of it as Batman on ice. And then you just know that like...

We've just signed a deal with Six Flags. We have to make it work. Yeah, absolutely. To that point, this is the other thing that I really noticed about watching this film is that I'm very conscious of product placement. I don't mean like the Coke can in Ghostbusters when she opens up the fridge. I'm talking about stuff that toy companies...

specifically asked to be in the film. This film really wasn't so much a movie, a Batman movie, as much as it was a feature-length Power Rangers commercial. Oh, it was absolutely a toy commercial. It was absolutely a toy commercial. There's so many, I mean, there's literally a line, I believe I have this. Poison Ivy. Yeah, I have that. Like, listen to this. Oh, no.

First you're going to tell me where it freezes, and then you're going to jail. I'm a lover, not a fighter. That's why every Poison Ivy action figure comes complete with him. Which is a bold-faced lie. Every Poison Ivy action figure. By the way, we're getting a little taste of Uma Thurman who plays Poison Ivy. Her subtlety in this movie is on par. There was obviously a Greta Garbo plant that bit her at some point.

Yeah, that was funny because she was like a mousy little girl at the beginning. And then somebody pours a mixture of chemicals on her and she completely becomes a different character. Oh, hey, fellas. You want to come up and see me sometime? She does have like a crazy line where she's like, my blood is aloe and my lips are poison. It's like whenever Kate Mulgrew got trapped in the holodeck. Ha ha ha!

It's your delivery. Oh, my God. A movie as a staple right away of a bad movie, which is there is a surfing scene right at the top. They're in a little- Oh, no. I was watching it just this morning, as a matter of fact, and when Mr. Freeze's car starts tilting up, I'm like, that's not a rocket ship, right? That's what I said. They're not going to take a rocket. He's not taking a rocket and then a fucking jet fire, and they're in a rocket.

Also, Schwarzenegger's hand- That is in a museum. In a museum. The rocket is in a museum. Right. Well, he drove it in there. He was ready. But if you ever happen to see this again on television, just pay attention to Schwarzenegger's terrible space work with joysticks. Doing nothing possible.

By the way, I want to talk about Schwarzenegger's car. He is Mr. Freeze in the movie, which means he says a lot of freeze puns. We'll get to that probably a little bit later. But his car looks like, I don't watch Doctor Who, but what are those robots in Doctor Who? The Cybermen. Does it look like all the things? Yeah, it looks like that. Or a Dalek. A Dalek, yeah. And it looks like, so it doesn't even look like a car. I don't know why it has all these bullet things out of it. It's ridiculous. And Gotham City in this movie, like Tim Burton made a cool, dark Gotham. It looked a little bit...

Interesting. This one, they have statues that are hundreds of feet tall. I'm going to fight you on this. I do like the super gothic Gotham City. I like the giant statue. What I don't care for is that gangs love blacklight.

Yeah, yeah. In both movies, both Schumacher movies, in the last one. So much of this stuff has elements to it that seem to me like Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. Absolutely. Whether it's the Starlight Express kind of running around guys on roller skates, or ice skates, I guess is what it is, or that crazy, yeah, black light neon makeup that people are wearing. It's crazy.

I just want to be at the meeting where Freeze decides this is what you guys are going to wear. You're going to help me out. Yeah, dude. Honestly, if you watch, really gooning for Mr. Freeze is one of the shittiest jobs you could possibly have. Because it's like, you know, they all have to sing the Freeze Miles or something. Yeah, Freeze.

And then what are they eating? Tongues are all stuck to frozen dinners that are solid ice. The best shot in the movie starts off on two, what is it, polar bear feet? Slippers. And they're tapping along and they're watching. And you pull up on his polar bear robe. Polar bear robe.

It's so dumb. It's so dumb. And he's leading a sing-along to that Raskin-Baskin Heatmiser song. And he's like, sing! Sing! Like yelling at them to sing along with the Mr. Freeze from that song.

It makes no sense. Well, to even add insult to injury here, he has to wear that mechanical suit to keep himself alive, and when he takes it off, he wears clothes that will make him warmer. Yes! Which is like... Yeah! I don't know. And isn't Vivica... Isn't Vivica A. Fox? Vivica A. Fox is the hench lady. Which the whole logic of Freeze in this movie is so fucked up because at times he's like, I'll kill you! I'll rip your bones out! And then at the end of the movie, Batman is like,

hey, listen, man, I know you just really want to save your wife. He's like, really? And then he's like, oh, I'm a good guy now. Like, how did he make this hairpin turn? You know? I don't even understand that Mr. Freeze in this movie has no plan. Really, he's just, he gets cut

into a plan later on. I think the most compelling villain in this movie is Poison Ivy's boss that wants to sell off the Bane super soldiers. Oh, which is that guy from Smallville? Yes. John Glover. He is appealing to the unknighted nations. I love those five character actors they had standing on the balcony like one black guy, one Chinese guy. You know that they are all dressed like that in their headshot. Yeah.

They're the most racist view of the world. Yeah, but there is no plan. Just to point out, there is no plan. Mr. Freeze is just going around. No, no, no. His plan, which cracked me up, is to get money for research. Oh!

Oh, yeah. That's his plan. He holds them ransom instead of selling the billions of dollars worth of diamonds he's stolen. He decides to freeze Gotham City ransom. Doesn't he need the diamonds in order to power his stuff? Right, but that's what he needs. He needs it to power that... Now I'm talking about the plot of Batman and Robin. Please, please, get into it. He needs it to...

power his freezing engine, which will freeze Gotham City, which we will then hold ransom so he can get billions of dollars for research. Thank you for clarifying that because I did not get that and I am happy to now know that that... I fully missed that. Me too, but he could just cut out the middleman and sell diamonds. I get the frozen wife part. I get the part where he needs to make his wife better, but I could not understand what the fuck was going on because I was so confused by the idea that

The most powerful fuel source in Gotham is diamonds. I was like, I don't know. Everybody seems to want diamonds to fuel something. Yeah, what? Well, I mean, look, when you have, when the number one reporter in Gotham is a gossip reporter. Yeah, gossip reporter. I'm here with Mr. Bruce.

My personal friend, Mr. Bruce Wayne says. She was way overused in this movie. Why were there two scenes that they needed that character? You know that woman exists in reality. That actress is that woman, and she is best friends with Joel Schumacher. Yeah. Oh, Joel, baby. Put me in the movie. Yeah.

And her sister Cindy Adams. Gossip Gertie is her name, played by the lovely Elizabeth Sanders, who has only been in the two Joel Schumacher Batman movies. What did I just tell you? She plays the same character in both movies? Yep, Gossip Gertie. It has to be, right? She also was in Batman Returns as Gothamite number four, but I imagine that has no lines there. So I think that she could be a friend of Joel Schumacher. She has to be, right.

She has to be. I want to get back to something for a second, just because this is a fun little tidbit of information. The scene at the top of the movie where they're fighting in the museum, and then they blast off into low orbit, and then use the escape hatches as surfboards. When Robin gets to say... Just the doors. Just the doors. Just the doors. Robin goes, Caleb!

Yes, he said that. Yes, he did say that. So he co-opted a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle line there. But that scene was described to me in very early days before the X-Men movie ever got made. And the executive producer of the film had this idea that at the end of the X-Men movie, you were going to see something like you had never seen before, I have to say, in his kind of accent. Because this guy was an amazing salesman. He's like one of the greatest...

salesman in the world and he was like at the end of the movie you're gonna see something like you've never seen before it's gonna be Wolverine and Sabretooth up on the top of the mountain and they're snowboarding down and they're claw fighting all the way down to the bottom of the mountain so that scene almost happened and they're claw fighting yeah claw fighting

Almost happened in X-Men. I will say that we always are looking for signs of a bad movie, and surfing is always a clear sign, like co-opting that culture. It was bad before that because immediately when they're in the Batmobile, when Batman now is in the one-seater Batmobile, the 27-foot-long Batmobile. That looks really like a- Right here. I mean, it really does look like an ambiguous gay duo. Yeah, it does. Commissioner Gordon comes on and goes, there's a new villain. I wrote that down.

A new villain. To trump that, when Batman meets him, he's like, hi, Freeze, I'm Batman. Like, what fucking superhero? What Dark Knight goes, hi, I'm Batman? He calls himself Mr. Freeze. And we completely skipped the fact that they look at each other, click their boots, and ice skate. Because you never know when you need to ice skate fight. Yeah, yeah.

Mind you, they just see the bat signal, so they're leaving on an ordinary crime fighting thing. They don't know that they're going to- Bring the bat boots with the make sure it has ice skates inside. And this is a dig at Warner Brothers a little bit. That movie was made in what, 1997? Yes. So that was the closest we've come so far in film to seeing World's Finest.

And there's one line where he says, now I know why Superman works alone. And I'm like, that's the fucking closest we've come to see Superman and Batman on screen together. That's an atrocity. Can we talk a little bit about... I feel like the whole movie...

is like they left the camera rolling or they didn't make the cut as quick as they needed to like there's always like an awkward beat after like the final line is said like there's one scene in particular where Alicia Silverstone shows up as as Barbara Barbara the daughter of the niece of Alfred's niece British

Her parents are British and she's Alfred's niece, but she came from school in England. Mind you, Alfred's sister's got to be as old as Alfred. Yes! Yeah! And Alicia Silverstone's like 18. She comes in and they're like, can she stay? Basically like, can we keep her? Can we keep this girl? And they're like, okay. And then they just like cut on one person's face, cut on another person's face, another person's face.

No dialogue is like shaking their head and just smiling like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no, it's like, it just seems like,

I almost felt like, should I leave the room? This is over, right? This is the movie where we figured out that Alfred must cut both their hair. Like Rob and Clooney, they have the same fucking haircut. It makes sense. He takes care of them, gets their bullet wounds. I also like that the bat computer in this movie is just a Mac. It's a Mac. It's just a Mac. It's not even a fancy one. It's just a regular Mac. No, but the hard drive icon is the bat logo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's weird that they make moves like that. Like all the other computers in the fucking Batcave. Yeah. Like they have bat iconography all over them. But they have a Mac. But when they start bidding...

fucking Batman pulls out a credit card. Oh, God. That's Batman Returns. It actually said Batman... It says Batman good through forever. No expiration dates. It was good through forever. The Batman credit card... Never leaves the cave without it. Yes. Oh, my God. And you can make the argument. You can definitely make the argument like, oh, no, they're trying to be campy. But they aren't. They do some things that are super campy and then some things that are super serious. Like...

Alfred's dying in this movie. And that's dealt with like, Alfred's dying and we have, this is a big deal. But then there's back credit cards too. So it's like, it makes no fucking sense. There's even another level to it. And I'm glad we got onto the Alicia Silverstone introduction because there was something that was so fucking disturbing to me about

Robin wanting to like seemingly fuck her that just seemed like a brother wanting to fuck a sister. And it's just like, hey man, like just leave that alone. He's like, I can't man. I just gotta, I gotta fucking taste that shit. Have you seen my cod piece lately? It's much bigger. The cod pieces were giant.

Focus features in Indian Paintbrush present The Phoenician Scheme, an epic comedy adventure from director Wes Anderson, starring Benicio Del Toro, Mia Threpleton, Michael Cera, Tom Hanks, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeffrey Wright. Follow Zsa Zsa Korda as he races to survive assassinations, win back his daughter, and pull off the greatest scheme of his lifetime, The Phoenician Scheme, rated PG-13. In select theaters in New York and Los Angeles today, everywhere on June 6th.

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. That's right. While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back. Make sure that you switch to Mint Mobile. With plans starting at $15 a month, Mint Mobile gives you premium wireless service on the nation's

largest 5G network. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile. So while your friends are sweating over data overages and surprise charges, you'll be chilling literally and financially. You know, our producer Scott switched to Mint Mobile and he says now his bill is $40 less per month. Now,

He should be taking that extra money and buying clothes for his newborn baby. But no, what he did was he splurged on the Alamo Draft House Jaws 50th anniversary popcorn bucket. That's smart thinking. You know why? That baby doesn't deserve it. Scott deserves it for thinking that Mint Mobile will save him money. Anyway, this year's Skip...

breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com slash hdtgm. That's mintmobile.com slash hdtgm. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for the first three months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

As a small business owner, your business is always on your mind. So when you're hiring, you need a partner who is just as dedicated as you. And that hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. That's right, when you clock out, LinkedIn...

clocks in. They make it easy for you to post your job for free, share it with your network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. And LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions, then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights.

You can post your job for free or choose to promote it. Promoted jobs attract three times more qualified applicants. So post your job for free at linkedin.com slash valuable. That's linkedin.com slash valuable to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

We haven't even talked about the fact that Bane is in this movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Huge. Forgot all about Bane. Like, the reality is, like, the main villain of the current Batman movie is this crazy

weird cartoon character in this movie. Yeah. Oh, I mean, beyond, like, he looks like a toy. I've never seen a character look more like a toy. And he has the best lines. This is by that time the Nightfall series had already come out, right? Bane had killed Batman, essentially broken his back in the comics. So you're in for this, like, oh, Bane's in this movie. He's going to do something awesome. And Bane is just a guy who goes like, boom! How about that?

about the fucking photograph of them coming off the plane Casablanca style oh my god and it's just like it looks like his face is photoshopped I mean it's basically they took like the bad disguises of like the thing from uh from Fantastic Four or if you opened it up it would be the little rascals on each other's shoulders yeah yeah exactly Bane is the worst what about when Bane fought the glow in the dark gang

Oh, he just essentially, it's a two-move fight where they whip him with chains and he throws them all and they run. Yeah, yeah. They just run out of their home. And Bane basically, he gets the venom shot into him. That makes him Bane. And he goes from a little wimpy guy who basically just blows up on steroids within a second. I don't know all about Bane's backstory, but is that how it happens in the comic book? No.

It's not far off. Yeah, I mean, he does... He uses... The one thing, when he hit the chest and he got more juice, he'd become more powerful. But, like, the thing is, they've been working on that guy for years to get him to that size. But, uh...

He didn't just basically drink some potion and turn into... He's the second or the first character in the movie that you see because you see all three of the origins. You see his origin. You see the making of Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze. Each one of them is doused in chemicals and then becomes this supervillain. Yeah.

I just like, it's like the easiest fucking out, you know? It's like, it's just the Joker thing over and over. Hey, you fall into that. And you become like, hey, you fall into some plants. And you become that. Hey, you fall into a thing. Yeah, and Schwarzenegger falling into his vat of ice. I don't know what the value is. No one knows what that is. But I really enjoyed, like, his small performance as Victor, I thought, was like, yeah, I believe that. Yeah, I like the line. We had hair. Nobel Prize winner. Oh, my God.

I don't know what he was a doctorate of. I think it was icy puns. Speaking of puns, I do want to play. I know that you probably have seen this clip online, but it's worth just listening to for a second. It's a combination or a compilation of every freeze pun. Oh, it's a super cut? Yeah, super cut. Super cut. Take a listen. Freezing puns. Tonight's forecast. A freeze is coming. Allow me to break the ice. Okay. If you are not sending me to the cooler, freeze well.

What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age! There's like no follow-up to that, you know? Just a cool bird boy. Let's kick some ice.

Show some mercy. I'm afraid that my condition has left me cold. Do you please have mercy? All right, everyone. Chill. It's cold. All right, you get the idea. What I do like listening to those is that he goes really the extra mile and something like, what killed the dinosaurs? Like, well, all right, yeah, I guess, yeah, I see. A lot of things. A lot of warming. It's probably meteorite. I mean, some evolution. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. It's so bad. It is so, just the thought that Schwarzenegger must have gotten $20 million. $25 million and he's only on screen for 25 minutes. A million dollars a minute. And when he is regular Victor Freeze, he's watching a video of himself giving his wife a necklace. Well, what?

Where was that video camera? This is like a personal moment. It's just like Bruce who remembers everything third person. Yeah. Oh, Alfred, when I fell. All of his weird shadow memories of Alfred tucking him in and stuff. And by the way, Coolio alert. That's right. Oh, man.

Coolio shows up for a motorcycle race because, oh yeah, Alicia Silverstone got kicked out of her boarding school for racing motorcycles. Of course. That's definitely against the rules of that school. She was there to study computers. Oh, she's really good at computers because when she's guessing Alfred's password... She's the worst ever at guessing a password. ...types in England. England. England is one of the password getters. England, Wayne. Yeah.

The other thing, too, is like she gets... This is the other thing. Like, fucking Batman's supposed to be the greatest detective on the planet. Sure. She shows up. He's like, who the fuck is that? Like, you don't know all of Alfred's extended family? Oh, yeah. And then...

Oh, yeah. Wait, you're at what school? Oh, yeah. Because I read it on your... He should know everything about her. By the way, yeah, there's only one person, arguably, in Bruce Wayne's life that he cares about. It would be Alfred. Yeah. So you figure he would do a little bit of due diligence. I mean, like, oh, so you have someone you're connected to in your life? He would know that Alfred's brother is the Alfred of the Maharaja. It's like a family of butlers, you know? It's just like manservants incorporated. Yeah.

Hey guys, about three quarters of the way through the movie, the fight sequences start having cartoon sound effects, right? Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Out of nowhere. No, that starts early because the dinosaur, when the statue of the dinosaur crumbles, it roars.

I don't know if anybody caught that sound. Oh, you know what I totally forgot about? The fucking Fred Flintstone entrance of Batman. Oh, yeah. He slides down the back of a dinosaur, pops off his tail, just like the opening of the fucking Flintstones. And it's like whoosh. Well, it was 5 o'clock. All right.

It was weird that he did punch his time card into the dinosaur's mouth. Yeah, I mean, Joel Schumacher. Oh, man. Oh, what was it? Those day-glow skeletons, when they did have that fight, did I see this? They were hanging out in the Turkish baths? Yes. The Turkish baths. Closed Turkish baths.

You're in a bathhouse. Totally normal. Let's hang out. Where all the bad guys hang out. With closed Turkish tabs. Not a gay thing at all. Not gay at all. I also love that in this reality of Gotham City, the police cars have not been updated since 1933. Yeah, that's another thing. I feel like they're like, we like this Tim Burton thing. It should be weird. But no one had an idea of why it was good when Tim Burton did it. It would be like, old car, super new computer, and...

you have high tops, you wear old ties. It's like, it makes it. Alfred's max headroom. Yeah. This is my favorite scene of the entire movie. Did you pull a clip of the scene? I did. I actually did. It's just so fucked up that it's like, it's like they went through a bunch of pop

culture things like cartoons and Max Hadrum and fucking old Batman shows and they're like just put all of it in just shove it in it just feels like someone just shoved everything into a bag just sit on it cram it Joel it doesn't fit it doesn't fit Joel I don't care I don't care no it kind of hurts the nipples

Bat nipples. Oh, man. No, wait. Play the clip. Oh, yeah. This is Alicia Silverstone who's kind of bored one night. She finds a bat cave. And this is what happens. One of the most preposterous things of all time. After she breaks into her dying uncle's secret to his brother. Yes. Here it is. Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.

Intruder alert. Identify. Identify. Uncle Alfred, it's me. Barbara. I expected you might find your way down here, child. As such, I programmed my brain algorithms into the Batcomputer and created a virtual simulation. I'd like to help Batman and Robin. I anticipated you would and took the liberty to create something in your size. And that's how she becomes Batgirl? Yeah!

He programmed a thing. He's like, imagine recording that day. Like, all right, well, if she comes down here and she wants to know, I'll have to answer that. If she just wants to hang, all right, I'll have to answer that. Oh, she needs a costume. Like, that's how she becomes Batgirl. Just like, oh, yeah, I thought that this might happen.

And also, I love the fact that Barbara reacts to Alfred as if he's a person, not... Yeah, no, no, no. It's me. It's Barbara. Why can't you see me with your eyeballs that are clearly in front of me? Why are you being so mean? Why is your voice skipping? I did not remember how, like, unkind...

I don't know. There's so much. Like you said, it's like falling into that. It's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, you got a costume. And not only, there's no training. She's shown no skill besides motorcycle racing. No, well, she flips Robin over in the garage. And if I may, in the previous film, Batman Forever, the only training, by the way, the only surviving two members of this fucking cast are Robin and Alfred. Alfred's the only Alfred all the way through all four of these things.

In the previous film, when Robin's family is killed and Bruce Wayne takes him in, Alfred sees him cleaning his clothes in the room where they've got the washing machine. And he says, oh, do you want to use the dryer? And he's like, no, dude, man, I've got my own way of drying clothes. And then they cut to this fucking insane montage of him using his wet clothes as nunchucks. What?

Like, draining the water out. And, like, that was the extent of his bat training. Like, drying his clothes. He did Karate Kid of drying. Well, I mean, he dried them really well. Saved a lot of energy. It makes you realize, like... And then he said, like, Batman Forever. People are like, that is a good movie. I like that one. So much that they gave them $125 million to make this movie. That's how much this...

I was reading about the movie, and the Dailies were coming back to Warner Brothers, and they were so happy with them, they signed Joel Schumacher for another movie. Yeah, it was going to be a Scarecrow movie. Yes, that's right, with Jeff Goldblum. So my question is, Warner Brothers must have just... I mean, the Dailies couldn't have been better than this movie. I just think maybe the Dailies didn't have sound.

Looks cool. He looks good. He looks cool. He looks really cool. You know what? I think when you see the dailies compared to the last film, it really doesn't, if you take the individual segments, they don't look that different. The thing that really makes the previous film watchable is Jim Carrey.

Yeah. You know, Jim Carrey's kind of funny in the movie, you know, and it's like he does the best with that material that anybody could possibly do and kind of makes it enjoyable. And there's still lines that I crack up at, but there's none of that element holding it together. And if you're going to be that campy, you need to be funny. And they weren't.

But they, you know, they had all those elements. They had no, I mean, they had nobody being, I mean, I guess Mr. Freeze. But there's little to no logic in this movie either. None. I mean, even, like we were saying before, even the puns don't even make sense at a certain point. Like, there was one pun that was like... Some of them aren't even puns. Yeah, like what? Like,

Some of them are just riddles or statements. If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday's finest. What? What are you talking about? Hang on, Freeze. I don't follow you. What am I doing? Iceman Cometh. And I was like, is this like a Eugene O'Neill reference? Like...

Like the play? The funniest line to me in this entire film is right after Batgirl appears to Batman and Robin, she says, Bruce, it's Barbara. I found the Batcave. Like, so?

So dumb! So dumb! Yeah, because he goes, who are you? She's like, Batgirl. He goes, isn't that a little un-PC? Bat person or Batwoman? Yeah, and then she gets like a fan. No, Bruce, no, no, no. It's me. Barbara. Barbara's only... Well, it's obviously you don't know that it's me. I mean, I'm covering a square inch of my face. You...

Couldn't possibly be a liar. My hair is out full. Oh, man. Which is another fucking crazy move because, all right, Alfred designs a suit for her. She goes out. She helps those guys. They get their ass kicked. But then Alfred's computer brain had also designed another suit for her to wear. To hold up against the cold. Yeah. These other guys, you know, I mean, again, that's another, like...

you know, for a third act action figure move where it's like, we're going to need to sell some different toys. We need another, another, a costume for Barbara. Oh, good old Barbara. Barbara also does. I mean, cause she is so like naive. Like it's me. It's Barbara. Like you wouldn't think of her as kicking anyone's ass. I feel like even a little bit.

Not even a little bit. I guess the only reason why they really need her is because she needed to take care of fighting Poison Ivy, right? She had to fight Poison Ivy just so a dude wasn't beating up a lady. Yes, exactly. And by the way, when Poison Ivy is finally defeated, the line, Curses, is uttered by Uma Thurman. That's the line she says. She says, Curses.

Because this is PG-13, guys. You can't say fuck in these movies. I also love... Wouldn't it be amazing if they just, in one line, were like, fuck. It's PG-13, we get one fuck. We get one. And they really give it. Fuck. It's fucking cold.

Jesse Ventura's cameo was great, too. Oh, yeah. Jesse Ventura. And the other guy who he's a guard with is the other dude who ended up playing Conan on the TV show. Oh, really? His name is like Rolf. Crazy long last German name. Oh, wow. I was going to say one of my favorite, again, Mr. Freeze lines. It's another kind of pun, but not really, is...

Don't forget to winterize your pipes. Also, I enjoy the idea that Bane can't possibly get through Reinforced Steel after everything we've seen him do. Reinforced Steel. You know what was weird is when he's not Bane or when he's the little wimpy version, were they playing baby crying sounds? Yeah. Yeah.

It was like, what the fuck, dude? Also, that guy's supposed to be like a hardened serial killer. Yeah. Mass murderer. Yeah. Oh, man. They, yeah. Well, yeah, that guy was a mass killer. I mean, I guess he had the body of Jeffrey Dahmer. I bet you that's what they were kind of going for. Of course, it was Schumacher. Yeah, Schumacher really got in there. So what he does is he puts the gay men in the tubs of acid. What about the, I was going to say, Mr. Freeze's car fires like 30 missiles and misses...

Everything. None of them hit. Also, if you watch back the big moment for Barbara when she jumps off of her motorcycle, there's no reason for her to do so.

And then she lands on Robin's wind-powered surf car that goes over ice and then looks to her right and the motorcycle, perfectly intact, still moving, she jumps back on it. Was she just afraid that she was going to hit her crack in the eyes? I don't know. I do also like that the first line of this movie is,

I want a car. That is the first line of Batman and Robin. And he goes, chicks dig the car. He's like, you have your Batmotorcycle, whatever it is. But that's the first line of a Batman movie. I want a car. It does set the tone for this film pretty strongly. I mean, they really are getting off. Kids, don't you want a car? Yeah.

Oh, man. That might as well be the first line of the commercial for the Batmobile toys. Oh, I'm sure it was. By the way, turn on some fucking lights in this world. Every room is in complete darkness. There's not a single lit thing, and it's a disadvantage, I think, for everybody. But yeah, the whole movie is just...

It's dark. It's dark, but not like Tim Burton dark and interesting. It's just like, no, no, no, we'll just have really low lights. We'll let you bring up Tim Burton. I want to play what if for a second. All right. Okay, because this is kind of the temperature of the times, and this is what Warner Brothers really wanted to do here. If this movie had been a success, their plan would obviously have been to do another one. They signed Joel Schumacher to do another one, but there was another property that they were developing at that time with Tim Burton, which...

which was the failed Nicolas Cage as Superman film. And I don't know if you've seen some of the work that Steve Johnson and his special effects team have done online, but there's a bunch of costume tests of the suit. And it's really incredible work.

just because it's so far away from anything that we know about the character. It's Tim Burton's interpretation of Superman, as played by Nicolas Cage. And there are pictures of Nic Cage with a gigantic mullet, which Superman was wearing at that time in the comics. Yeah, he had long hair. Just in the back. And so the mind wanders into the possibilities of there being a world's finest Nicolas Cage, George Clooney, character.

And what that would have been like. That would have been amazing. Just Nicolas Cage and, I mean, but maybe Clooney doesn't stick around, so who would be the next guy in 1997? Casper Van Dien. Yeah, okay. Hot off of Starship Troopers. Get him in there. But yeah, I mean, and George Clooney, I like George Clooney. He's fine in this movie, but it's like, but man, George Clooney and Nicolas Cage are...

together would have been... That would have been unbelievable. The world was robbed of yet another How Did This Get Made. That would be like the ultimate How Did This Get Made. That really would have been. I would have loved to have seen that. I mean, basically, if this movie was successful, Christopher Nolan's Batman movies would never exist because this killed the franchise. It did. This was done. And if it continued, we would be in like... It would be like a bad James Bond series. It would be like...

Batman 12, and here's another lesser-known villain. I can't even... I don't even want to think about that. It's so bad. And this movie, too, I really...

It's really very noticeable that Batman can't turn his neck. Like, he cannot turn his neck. Oh, yeah. Like, it's very... He's making a lot of big moves here. Well, his neck is clearly... What a disadvantage! It looks like a guy in a neck brace. It's like, he's just always looking up and never being able to look... My single favorite shot in the movie is when they're riding their vehicles across the tops of the city. Yes. And the Batmobile jumps off and freeze-freezes it, and he ejects.

And then he flies through the windshield of Freeze's vehicle. And then the next shot you see, it's a very quick shot, but it's the fucking weirdest shot in the whole movie because they don't do this. So you see, the next shot you see is his cape. And then it kind of becomes unfolded and...

Mr. Freeze is laying on the ground and Batman's standing over him in a pose, like holding up his arms. And it's a really quick shot. And it's almost like, I got him. It was the weirdest shot because it's almost like, I don't know, it wasn't necessary, but it was so weird. Did you guys notice when Poison Ivy's plant hangs Batman up? Yes. The cape is attached at the thighs. Yeah. With string. It's like, really? Yeah.

And also another great chance to get an ass shot in there. Yeah. A solid ass shot. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Hell, I might even be brought to you by Squarespace. I got so many websites up there. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Truly, I have been loving my Squarespace experience. I have broadened

out. I have my website, How Did This Get Made website, Unspooled's website, Dark Web's website, all there. And they each work completely differently. And what I love about Squarespace is from consultations to events to experiences, you can show off your offerings with a

customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Plus with Blueprint AI, they have this AI enhanced website builder. You can quickly create personalized sites that align with your brand and goals. You can streamline your workflow with built-in tools for appointment scheduling, email marketing, invoices, and seamless online payments to keep your business running smoothly.

Head to squarespace.com slash bonkers for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the code bonkers to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's right. Squarespace.com slash bonkers using the offer code bonkers.

Nothing says summer like some delicious ice cream. Tillamook ice cream is extremely creamy. It's basically what regular ice cream wishes it could be. Made with high-quality ingredients, each bite is rich, smooth, and creamy. And with the 48-ounce family-size option, there's enough to share. But when the ice cream is this good, sharing is optional.

Whether you're more into classic flavors like vanilla bean or organ strawberry, or craving something decadent like their chocolate collection, which includes flavors like dark chocolate cookies and cream and brownie batter, there's a perfect Tillamook flavor for you. Tillamook Dairy has been around since 1909. It's farmer-owned and loaded with actual dairy experts. And they've got over 200 dairy products, including cheese and cream cheese. Because why settle for just one dairy obsession? I love Tillamook.

Tillamook ice cream. It's so incredibly creamy. And I have to tell you, my favorite flavor, the vanilla bean. I mean, you can't make a better flavor. They always say, judge your ice cream by your vanilla bean. And I will say, the Oregon strawberry is amazing.

absolutely divine and I'm a huge hazelnut fan so I'm also chowing down on that chocolate hazelnut. You know, I enjoy it after dinner every night because it's summer and why not have a little bit of ice cream? Find Tillamook ice cream near you at Tillamook.com That's T-I-L-L-A-M-O-O-K dot com This is an ad by

by better help. Men today face an immense pressure. It is no wonder that 6 million men in the U.S. suffer from depression every year, and it's often undiagnosed. It's okay to struggle. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing something about it. And you can be your best self for everyone in your life if you just find a way to work

on that part of you that is feeling upset, sad, whatever it is. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. They have served over 5 million people globally, and it's so convenient. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, and they can fit therapy into your busy life. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out.

With BetterHelp, our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash bonkers. That's BetterHelp.com slash bonkers.

Okay, so, man, obviously we had some opinions about this movie, you know, and I would say that we didn't love it. But there are some people out there, some people who really, really liked it. And I culled together some five-star reviews from Amazon for a second opinion. Oh, wow.

This is from Ryan. Honestly, if you like Batman movies, action movies, or any kind of movie, I recommend this movie to you. Oh, Ryan. So that is a five-star review. Well, how old was Ryan? We'll see. When you're a kid on Amazon, it says kid review, so he must be older. You can cheat that. This is the one that kind of got a little dark. Cheryl Kane Neal writes...

No matter what the source of the crime, these heroes gave it their all in protection of human life. Even though these epics of action and adventure, they were best portrayed with dignity and comfort. Comfort. Comfort. Wow. What is that? This woman really had a moment writing this. Wait, what was Gossip Gertie's real name again? Oh, I got to go back. Yeah.

Okay, this is another one. Jeffrey writes, what's wrong with this movie? I don't care what you say. The film is good, other than the directing and the plot being a little bit bad. But that's nothing. No, the directing is bad and the script is bad, but that's nothing. Forget about that. And then he finishes off his review by saying this.

He reviews all the Batman movies. Batman, bad. Batman Returns, terrible. Batman Forever, bad. Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan's, terrible. Batman and Robin, excellent. Five stars. What? The only one that he liked. And Batman Returns and Batman Begins, both terrible. Batman, at least, is just bad.

Oh, my God. Wow, that's incredible. Nominated for 11 Razzies. 11 Razzies on this movie. A big, a big, a big accomplishment. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you guys, that popped out to you? Anything else that we... It's just, you know, it's really funny is the randomness that happens. It's like there's no really cohesive...

storytelling message throughout the film because they just keep throwing weirder and weirder shit. The Scooby-Doo special effects, sound effects. And it's added midway through so I feel like people made changes. Even Uma Thurman, she's dressed all sexy the entire time and then all of a sudden in one scene she's in a full green jumper and it's like, wait, wait, bring back the sexy version of her. Where's that one that came out of the gorilla suit? I couldn't make heads or tails out of Uma Thurman's character at all.

I didn't know what she was doing. I didn't know what her point was. She was truly like, there were so many characters in this movie that it's just a mess. Well, I mean, her character basically just wants to have the plants come back. But

She also is upset when Mr. Freeze says he has a wife. She's been killing all the men, and then Freeze is like, I have to save my wife. And she's like, oh, you have a wife, huh? Didn't mention that. This is a woman show. Yeah, it's like, but what do you want to do? That, by the way, great Poison Ivy. Anytime. Anytime he does. That's a pretty good one. But what was very funny is when the fight with Batgirl, she pulls out a two and a half inch

tiny blade that looks very dull and won't cut anything. And then they have her check her fucking makeup while she's fighting. You know what? Chicks dig that stuff, man. That's what ladies do. That's how ladies fight. Have you ever been to the fucking Bronx? That's how they fight, definitely. Not only is this movie set back filmmaking, it's set back vision of women in action movies. It's set back racial stereotypes. Everything takes a giant step back. And it must have been crazy because you feel like George Clooney must have been like,

oh fuck, did I blow it? Did I like... Should I have been staying on ER? Yeah, because this is the movie that he put it in. It's funny because you can find videos of him online going, I killed the Batman franchise. Oh yeah, he talks about it. He's really open about it. I think he was in the... He got called to the President Warner Brothers office and the guy's like,

Doesn't even give him an option. He's like, you're the next Batman. And he's like, oh, okay, I guess I'm doing that now. So work is work. I mean, there was a rough little moment there for him, I feel like. Because it's like, what happens next to George Clooney? But he obviously came back and did it for you. It made $60-something million its first weekend. And then its total domestic was like $103 million.

Wait, this Batman movie? Yeah. Wait, I thought it says here on WGA. I thought it was much smaller than that. Let's see. It says here. Oh, yeah, you're right. Total gross, $237. Worldwide. That's worldwide. It paid for itself, but only just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And...

It's... It made everybody reevaluate what the fuck they were doing. Pretty much people say this is the worst superhero movie made of all time, and I totally agree. There's a lot of terrible... There's some bad ones, yeah. Catwoman. Catwoman's awful. We've talked about it. Roger Corman, Fantastic Four. Oh, that's in... Howard the Duck. Oh!

Another, another, I could throw Marvel under the bus a little bit. One there. I mean, they deserve that for those two. Do you want to hear the first and third choice for Mr. Freeze? Yeah. Well, first of all, uh,

Arnold Schwarzenegger, not the first choice to play Mr. Freeze. Who do you think the first choice to play Mr. Freeze was? I'm going to say Kevin Costner. I'm going to go Tom Hanks. Jason? I'm guessing Robin Williams. Anthony Hopkins. Oh! Anthony Hopkins said no. So he could do Mejo Black? That would have been amazing. I really want to see that now. Third choice, Hulk Hogan.

No. Oh, no. I cannot see Hulk Hogan turning down that kind of award. Well, at the time, it was Hollywood Hulk Hogan. He never would have turned it down. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Anthony Hopkins, though, would have been amazing. The tiny little Iceman or Mr. Freeze.

That would be great. That whole movie, because just the script probably would not have changed in him running around in that costume. Oh, that would have been... All the puns, like to go from Hannibal Lecter to fucking Captain Freeze pun. And now we'd have Arnold Schwarzenegger, no doubt, as Odin in the Thor movies. Oh, man.

What a mess. This movie is great. You have to see it. It is hard to find. I found it on Amazon for very cheap. You can buy them used and stuff there, but I recommend seeing it. You have to at all costs. You would recommend seeing it, right? I mean, just try it.

See if you can get through it. I would absolutely recommend if you're with a bunch of buddies and you want to have a laugh. People spent a lot of time and energy making this thing. $125 million went into this movie. Now, you said there was a callback in the animated series, right? Yeah, I just thought this was so cool. There was an episode of Batman in the animated series. It was kind of later on where it was centered...

Episode centered around these three little boys. And none of them have actually seen the Batman. They live in Gotham. They heard about the legend. And each little boy tells their own version of what they think the Batman really is. And the first one tells the story about, oh, my uncle saw him one night at a... He was a museum security guard. And the story that he tells is animated in the style of the opening of the old...

live action TV show where it really looks like that animated style. Then the next kid has a style where he's telling a story where it's basically the Dark Knight Returns. And then before the third kid can tell his story, this one kid named Joel shows up and he's got a boa wrapped around his neck. And he's coming out of his dad's store and his dad's a shoemaker. And he's like,

I see the Batman as having like nipples and like you see his butt all the time. And they're like, come on, Joel, he doesn't do that. It's completely inaccurate. So like even like the people who create the canon for Batman were like, dude, this was horrible. Well, I mean, I think it breaks the general rule of Batman. Batman is like,

a social gadfly in this. Not Bruce Wayne. Yeah. Batman. Like, Batman is invited to events. Yeah, Batman. He goes to events. He, like, hangs out for photo ops. It's like... There might as well be a scene where he's, like, a DJ. Yeah. Yeah.

If it was made now, he would totally be like DJing every Friday at the Hard Rock, Ditch Fridays. He'd be there all the time. I will tell you and remind you that in Batman Returns, Batman did scratch a CD of

I don't know if you remember that part. It was, it was, it was, he had written, he recorded the villain's monologue so he could out the penguin as being a bad guy, not really the real mayor. And as he's playing it, like there's, it's like a bat CD player with a bat logo on the CD from the bat cave. And he's playing it. He's like, this town's gonna rot and this town's gonna fuck

Get, get, get rot. And it's like Michael Keaton's there like scratching the CD. So it already happened. Oh, man. I love it. I love it. I love it. And it makes you, and I think I've just gotten so brainwashed to the Chris Nolan version of Batman that it's so shocking that this is a successful franchise. I just can't imagine being George Clooney and watching that movie at the premiere.

I'm just thinking. Everyone. Oh. Yeah. Everyone. Even Elle MacPherson, like, why did I do this? This was bad for my career. My one line, I should never have done it. Even Chris O'Donnell, I read this article where he said that whenever he would complain about the script, Joel Schumacher would go, shut up. It's a comic.

So he would just, yeah, it was ridiculous. Well, go check out this movie. Do whatever you can. Thank you very much to all of our guests. Matt, Jesse, thank you so much. What did you guys have to do? Anything to plug? Anything you want to? Tune in to Attack of the Show. It's 7 o'clock weekdays on G4. And listen to the Nerdist podcast if you don't already. You can follow me on Twitter at jscott1tfalcon.

And go buy some great Marvel products, guys. There you go. Like it. NTSF SDSUV, the show I do on Adult Swim, is coming back this week, August 9th, 12-15, following Children's Hospital. Check that out. June is in it. I'm in it. Bunch of great people are in it. You'll like it, I think. It's second season. It's good. And Jason, what do you got?

Nothing really, guys. I got really nothing to plug. All right. I feel really bad about it. Hey, you know what? It's cool. Hey, don't worry about it, man. No, I'm freaking out. I should have thought of something to plug. All right. Well, we have our T-shirts. They're amazing. The Crank 2 T-shirts. Thank you to everybody here at Earwolf. Dave, Steffi for pulling these clips for us every single week. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Earwolf.

Pacifico is a Mexican lager brewed to be discovered. It's like fresh tracks on a powder day. Like that uncharted trail the stones throw away. Like the perfect wave on a sunny day. Pacifico. Find your own way. 21 Plus. Drink responsibly. Imported by Crown Imports Chicago, Illinois.

Hey, everybody, Conan O'Brien here with an ad about my podcast, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I've had so many fantastic conversations with people I truly admire, people like Michelle Obama, Bruce Springsteen, Maya Rudolph, Tom Hanks. New episodes are out every Monday, and we have a really good time. So subscribe and listen wherever you get your podcasts.