Fifty Shades Darker LIVE! (w/ Joel Kim Booster)
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BAS.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's vanilla, put on your masquerade mask and pop in some kegel balls. Cause marriage is in the air. We saw 50 shades darker. So you know what that means?

Oh, people!

We are live at Largo for the second part of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. That's right, Fifty Shades Darker. Wow, oh wow. If you thought nothing happened in the first movie, get ready because somehow even less happens in this movie.

It starts off with Anastasia longing or missing or broken up from Christian and then immediately they're back together. And all the S&M stuff, that kind of goes by the wayside and it just becomes like a straight up romance movie with a little kinky shit in it. And it ends with a proposal, two, three maybe proposals and finally a twist that makes no fucking sense.

But we need that twist because we have to get to the final chapter. We're going to break it all down tonight. Every bit of this movie, all two hours and 11 minutes of it, depending whether or not if you watch the unrated cut, which I did because I like understanding the publishing industry. That's all the extra scenes are just in the world of publishing. More meetings! More meetings!

Here to break down tonight's episode is my co-host. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Manzoukas. What's up, jerks? We're here for the Empire Strikes Back of the Fifty Shades of Grey series. Cut Christian open. Put Anastasia in his belly. Now...

Last night we both made some predictions about where we thought the second film was going. Boy. I would say we're kind of right and kind of wrong. Kind of right, kind of wrong. I did not expect at all that there would be gunplay. I didn't expect there to be a helicopter accident. At what point in the second movie do you introduce three villains? Movie one, the only villain, Christian Grey. Okay.

Movie two, three new villains? Okay, movies. This is like when Joel Schumacher took over Batman. Enough! There's too many villains here. Too many villains, too many nipples. Although... Just like this movie. So many nipples. I would love it if she was like, are those burns? And he was like, they're all nipples.

By the way, Joel Schumacher would have been a great choice to direct this film. I would have been into this movie if it was Joel Schumacher. Imagine these movies done by Joel Schumacher or Adrian Lyne. Oh, well, then they're very different. Then it's actually horny, and I'm not like during the sex scenes actively folding laundry. I wrote it in my notes. I was like, there's tits on screen, and I'm folding towels. Something's wrong.

I felt the same way when, when a sex scene came on, it's like, Oh, time to get a snack. Yeah. It was like, it was like a commercial break. I was like, ah, I've never in my life been less interested in sex scenes. It's so like, I don't know. It's like, I feel like, well, we'll get it. We'll break it all down. I hope. And I hope by the end of this episode, we get some justice for Roz. Uh,

We introduced Roz, like, and Roz, like, who the fuck is Roz? You can't talk about Roz like Roz is a character that we know. Who, I mean, at what point are they like, we're going to introduce 30 new characters in this movie.

you gotta follow all of them my favorite thing was that they introduce the sister who's changed her hair color but she's wearing a mask like oh you look different but you're in a mask and then she drops like five minutes of exposition and the walks off camera it's like even the people we know is it's confusing to re-meet them it was and i'm not sure the jack we meet at the beginning of the episode is the jack at the end of the movie the jack at the end of the movie i don't

don't know who this guy is he's got a smoky eye i'm like what is happening i am confused well luckily do it let's fucking do it luckily tonight we have an how did this get made all-star joining us to break down this film he has joined us once before in a movie that was also kind of sexy with uh david dukovny and his the secret yes

Oh, no. We're not bringing out that movie. Oh, no. Oh, no. The movie isn't here. The guest is the movie The Secret, which we also will watch again. Oh, no. I feel like everybody in the audience just sympathetically shared my experience with the catalog of our movies, which is why have I watched all of these?

Just reminded of the nightmare that is this podcast. Our guest tonight is the writer and star of the hit film Fire Island. He is now currently on Chrissy and Dave's Die Now. Please welcome Joel Kim Booster. Look at that. Oh my goodness. Hello, you guys. Wow, wow, wow.

You got an almost standing ovation. I know. People are jumping out of their seats. I was a little nervous when everyone, you said the name and everyone was like, oh no. I got nervous too. I was like, no, this is going to be a good guest. And yet another episode without June. The way I almost turned the car around. I told them on the way here, and I do have some bad news. June is not going to be here again after assuring you that she would be. I know she'll never listen to this, but she is

And I'm not exaggerating. She is one of the reasons I started doing comedy. Really? And so I cannot wait to meet her. You don't understand. I was so nervous about meeting June tonight that my boyfriend got stressed out about what he was going to wear tonight.

Because he was like, oh, I'm going to meet June tonight. So that's where I'm at. But it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. It's fine. Well, I will tell you there is nothing sweeter than watching June just sick trying to muscle through this movie. Oh, she watched it? I watched her. She's like coughing. And like writing, you like work? That's all I saw. That's all I saw. I was like.

Do you think the movies made her sick? That's what I was going to say. I do feel like there's something about these films that is contagious. People are getting a fever, a Fifty Shades fever. All right, so we last night spoke about our connection to this movie, which was we didn't have, we understood culturally where it was. We didn't see it before. Did you, where did you come into on the Fifty Shades scale? Either the book

the Twilight fan fiction that it began as, or the movies? Master of the Universe. So, this is crazy. I actually, I've never seen any of the other Fifty Shades movies. I've seen this one three times now. Whoa! Um...

I saw it as a joke when it was in theaters that it turns out it was a joke I played on myself. And then I watched it on the plane flying back from New York today. And then I decided to watch it a third time with my boyfriend today. So we've since broken up. So twice in 24 hours?

You've watched it twice in 24 hours. My brain is mush. It did not make any more sense. It makes actually less sense the more you watch it. Well, that's the weird thing. I feel dumber. Yeah, it's a weird movie because you're like, wow, I just spent two hours watching it.

what happened? This movie isn't interested in explaining anything that happens. As we find out when he, Christian Grey and Roz are in a helicopter crash and never explain to anyone how they got away alive. Which,

Performance of a lifetime from Roz, who says no less than five times while the helicopter is going down, what's going on, Christian? What's going on? And it's like, bitch, look around. You're crashing. You're going down. And if you are that confused, then you are not taking helicopter flying seriously. If I'm in a helicopter, I'm assuming I might die. Like, that's the choice I've made. Like, I might die here. This is it. I gotta say, too, there's something really...

uh, despicable about the fact that this takes place in the Pacific Northwest. Um, that, that, like, the helicopter goes down in Portland and then he walks in the door in Vancouver seconds later. The way that he walks in is, I mean, there's a lot of shit that makes no sense. But the way he walks in so angry, like, yeah, what? What? Yeah, my helicopter crashed. Why are you all here? Why are you crying? Why are you upset? Get out of here. Yeah. Leave. Leave.

Yeah, it's my birthday. Whatever. Go. It's like, you can't even take in that he was in a... He has the attitude of someone who is like, oh, actually, I wasn't in the helicopter. Right. The news is mistaken. I've been at the gym...

So why are you guys, you don't need to be this upset. No. I lost my phone in the helicopter crash. The helicopter crashes and he and Roz are both 100% fine. It seems like they crash. It was like, hey, I'm late for my birthday dinner. Can I just hitch a ride? He called an Uber from the crash site. Yeah. They let him home. He didn't even go to the hospital to get checked out. What's his driver's name? Taylor? Tyler? He's there, right at the crash site. Mr. Gray. Mr. Gray.

Taylor, Taylor, I'm going down. I'm going. Taylor. What is going on? Just shut up. Taylor, pick me up in the middle of the woods. I'm going down. Taylor, I need you to pick me up in the middle of the woods and give me a carefully wrapped box of Apple products that are already set up for me. I kept getting confused because he kept like texting or saying, hey, I'm here with Taylor or Taylor and I are downstairs or Taylor and I are going to dinner. And I was like, is that the sister? Like, why? Why? He's so close to Taylor. Taylor.

Taylor is his body man, but Taylor's a little sidelined in this movie. It seems like Taylor was sent to go kick the shit out of the editor who worked. That was some new information. He's like, go up there. Go beat the shit out of that guy. That guy's getting punched in the face. Like, why are you doing this? Oh, you upset my body.

What I will say about this, which I loved, is the opening sequence where we're getting a shoeless, rural, southern, like, this is his life. And he's in this very log cabin-y with an abusive dad. His trauma flashback. It's a Dolly Parton music video at the beginning is what it is. Except that that would be harsher. The stepdad is saying, you silly fucking twit.

What? Twit? Come on. And that's all we get. You think like, oh, maybe that's going to be, we're going to get more. No, that's all we need is that little sliver of him hiding under a bed.

And then it's like, and we got it. Now you get it. I think they're trying to soften the edges, though. Well, I feel like this movie, and I know it is based on Twilight fan fiction, but so much of it is Mormon coded. I want to hear about this. It really is. And I feel like this whole movie is just a series of vignettes between sex scenes that are like Mormon lady, like

wish fulfillment, basically. Like, this is, everything happens exactly, like, it's exactly as sexy as, like, the dirtiest Mormon lady you know could conjure. Well, that's it. It's like, it's like the most deviant sex. And everybody think of the dirtiest Mormon lady you know. Picture it in your head. Ooh, she's drinking a Coke. Yeah.

Like, when I was a kid, like, there was, you heard these stories of what, like, different sex acts were, and they primarily only had, like, you know, just very vanilla sex. Like, I've heard some dirty stuff. And, like, if it's kind of wrong in the translation, like, the way I heard what a blowjob was when I was a kid was... Is this in the book?

This is in the book. Maybe that's why it's like fresh in my head. Or maybe it isn't. I don't remember. You have to bring some ice with you. You put ice in your mouth. You get it real cold. And then you also have a hair dryer. And then you put...

You put your... Like, you take the ice out, now your mouth is cold, and then you, like, blow on the dick, and then you take the hairdryer and make it hot. And you're kind of, like, doing, like, an icy hot thing. Like, that's how I heard what a blowjob was. I was like, whoa! But, like, temperature's not even a remote part of it. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm learning this in like, you know, fifth grade. I'm like, got it. Blowjob. Need the hair dryer. Need ice. Wow. It's interesting because it's interesting you were learning so much about the giving of a blowjob as a child. That's just something a lady would bring to this. I know. Yeah. This is a bunch of guys sitting around talking about what you need. And I didn't even think about it in that way. Yeah.

I gotta say... Hey, Mom, I got a big date tonight. Can I borrow your hair dryer? Well, I think I got in trouble with my mom because I said, like, oh, what, are you going to use a hair dryer on him? And my mom was like, what are you talking about? You said that to your mom? Put it in the book. Who's your mom blowing? What's happening?

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But no, you're completely right about the sex in this movie. And I'm going to say this, and I might be able to explain it by the time the episode is done, but watching this movie, and specifically watching the sex in this movie, all I kept thinking is like, oh God, straight people have to do all that just to be gay. You know? It's just like the whole time I kept watching it, I was like, just be gay! You know what I mean?

You want to be a freak. Like, I don't know. Well, that's it. And so much so that this movie, like, takes back the premise of the first movie. The first movie is like, Christian Grey, he's dominant, and he's going to fuck her. He doesn't fuck. He fucks hard. He doesn't sleep in the same bed. And everything about these movies is, like, just making him into a boyfriend. Like, in this movie, he's just a straight-up boyfriend who...

maybe has handcuffs. He just loves going down on women. For two full movies, we are like, is she going to want to go to the red room? Is she going to want to go to the red room? And then finally she's like, take me to the red room. At the end of this movie, take me to the red room. They go in. He puts cuffs on her for like 10 seconds and then they're just having passionate love making. Which he has explicitly said is not what the room is for. Ha ha ha!

So I'm like, what is this? Is this just a room for set deck? I didn't realize that they hadn't gotten to the room yet. The movie makes no indication that it is a special thing at all. Well, the first movie ends in the cliffhanger that he brings her into the room and uses a writing crop on her and whips her in the butt. And she is upset about that because he's taking pleasure in her pain, which seems like that's...

what we were to understand the whole thing was. And then she's like, I'm out of here. And then this movie seems to pick up two days later.

And they're back. How long is it between movies? Do we know? Because I asked that too. Because I was like, they're acting like it was three nights ago, but then also feeling like, was it six months ago? I don't know, but either way, it's like he sends her flowers. He's like, good luck on your new job. So he's still stalking her. Like he knows that she's getting a job. She goes to throw it out. And I was so happy she didn't try to cram all those flowers into him.

I was like, at least save the vase. Yeah. And then she gets her job in... This is 2017. She gets a job in a place where I've seen more paper products...

than ever. Like, there's, one of the assistants there is next to, like, a Gutenberg press. It's like, why do they have so much paper in this publishing industry? It's like, they're not, like, this is not the past. Well, and when she, later on, when she takes over for the boss and the other boss lady is like, you have to go to the meeting, she hands her a stack of manuscripts as though, what is she doing at the meeting? Yeah, all the time.

That she needs all the manuscripts. That woman is from HR. Her job doesn't interact at all with the content of the manuscripts. She's like, well, then you're in charge now. The guy I really could talk about Jake, Jake, right? Yeah. Jake's arc, Jack, right? The boss. The boss. Well, wait, we have to, and shout out, my boyfriend pointed this out. His name is Jack Hyde.

Yeah, I saw that too. Like Jekyll and Hyde. Like Jekyll and Hyde, yes. Ooh, I like that. And that fits perfectly with the amount of cleverness in his books. I would think that was clever if he had a kind side and then a mean side. But from the jump, he's a piece of shit. And I'm like, Anastasia Steele.

is like just attracting the worst, most toxic people. He does get her coffee. Yeah, that's true. When he first comes in, I like that. I like, oh, but then I thought we were going to get like a little secretary action, like the movie secretary. The movie secretary. I was like, ooh, this will be fun. Like she's going to have that relationship here. No, like nothing. An actual sexy movie. Well, and to defend Jack Hyde a little bit. Okay. A Jack Hyde apologist? Yeah.

And I believe he's a doctor of literature, so it's Dr. Jack. Dr. Jack. I'm sorry, but he did have a point. She should have gone to New York. I'm sorry. That's your job. And by the way, this movie is all about, I don't want to be controlled. But then he invites her out for a drink.

And Christian comes in and is like, go, let's go. And they leave. And it's not even that weird. And it's like, no, that's bad etiquette. She's bad for leaving. He's bad for taking her. He should be pissed at that. The movie is unwilling to be complicated at all. This is why it's like Mormon Lady Wish Fulfillment. Because yes, you need to do your job and go to New York. But then the movie immediately is like, well, actually, he's a rapist, though. Yeah.

Right, if you would have went, you would have been raped. So thank God, thank God you listened to Christian and didn't go. I was protecting you. I really, I mean, I also want to talk about Jose's art photo exhibit. So...

Jose. On every level. I want to talk about it on every level. Jose. This year's portrait studio that he does. That she didn't know that there was going to be. The movie's got it every way. She wants to be like a demure virgin, like almost Mormon-esque person, but also a model, like in all of these pictures. And also, the movie is trying to have all of the pieces in place, and then none of it makes sense. Well, it's so interesting because

you know, his photo exhibit. Seems like arty photos. And then, you're right, the Sears Portrait Center that are like headshot outtakes. It's like, oh, no, I don't want that one. I don't want that one. And they're giant. And she's like, I didn't know you took these. Like, you didn't? Because you're fucking posing for headshots. Like, there's no way that those were stealthily taken. Like, that's a lit environment. Like...

biting my sweater, covering my, you know. Like, the only thing I didn't see in her is like, she's like, you know, wearing like a contractor jacket, like, well, I'm going to be a construction worker. I'm not going to be a bartender. I'm a sailor. You know, it's like, but she's like a composite. Yeah. But I was like, she's like, oh, I didn't know these were going to be here. Well, what did you think was happening? Yeah. Well, and then when she was like, who bought them? And it's like, I don't know who bought the six like portraits of you, the guy who's stalking you. Yes.

Who then comes, takes her to dinner, and orders her a steak. A steak with fries. A steak with fries. Get the fuck an order for someone and then don't just give them a steak. We'll have two steaks with fries.

I also was thinking about them fucking on that. That's the thing. That's the thing. It's like she said no sex, no sex, and a steak with fries is a no sex meal. Yeah. And she's sending mixed signals because then she gets a quinoa salad. That's fucking food if I ever heard it. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, that's messaging. She's saying that's a choice. That's like I'm open for biz. Yeah. Both.

Both of them, both of them, and this was true in the previous movie, but even more so here. Both of them are sending mixed signals in every conversation they have with each other. They're saying one thing, doing the opposite. Constantly flip, flip, flip, flip. And it's...

absolutely insane and makes the movie impossible to follow because none of it adds up to any I don't know what anybody wants and why they say they want it I wrote down this thing I was like what is he getting from her like he's like oh I can't get you out of my mind you obsessed me I'm like why

She's not funny. She doesn't make them laugh. She doesn't do anything. Doesn't seem to have any interesting opinions about anything. Both of them are boring. Boring. She keeps trying to touch him in the red zone. Okay, that was new information that I couldn't unpack that. I didn't understand that. I didn't understand. 40 minutes after she draws the red zone, he takes his shirt off and it's still there? Still there.

I was like, what was this drawn with? I want to see that housekeeper doing the laundry the next day and being like, what the fuck is going on inside this shirt? Every shirt is... No, but like, so he can't be touched like just slightly, like torso. But it's like...

It's weird. It's like the hardest place not to touch a human. It's like, don't touch here. And she's always like, they're taking a shower and she's managing not to touch there, which I was impressed. That's probably the most impressive thing the movie does. No, she like, when she washes it off, she's fully in the red zone. Yeah.

It's why the reds. Why? I don't even answer your question, Paul. I think what you're asking is what does he see in her? Yeah, it's his mother. That question is answered in the text of the movie, which is he sees in all of these women that he's been involved with his mother, right? That he is acting out some sort of something with right now.

It is crazy. I know that this would sort of ruin the movie. There wouldn't be three movies, three books, if this were the case. But the fact that therapy is never brought up one time. Not once does Anastasia Steele say, I get that. I mean, it's hot to me, but also let's call BetterHelp or something. It's easy. If you don't like your therapist, you can change it. Promo code bonkers. Yeah.

I have talked to BetterHelp about that. I'm like, you realize that you're giving the promo code bonkers to a mental health hotline. Like, we're fine with it. I'm like, okay. Far be it from me to critique your promo code, but it seems slightly problematic. You know, the...

It is odd. Because then we reveal, and again, you probably are putting this stuff together, but if you haven't, I'll just show you something that we know. Kim Basinger, which is a surprise. I was like, ooh, yeah. I said Kim Cattrall. I was close. I said Melanie Griffith. And I thought Kim Basinger was great. She got a great look, and I was like, I wanted her to do more, but she's...

his dom and I don't quite understand their relationship. This is the thing about the movie too is there are like three interesting movies that it almost becomes in the movie and that is one of the interesting movies where it's like she's the final boss. You thought he was a dom well get ready for this bitch and then like

How bad did you want her to tell him to kneel when she was upset the way that he did to the woman who had the gun? At the end, when they're having their confrontation with Kim Baszler, I wanted her to say to him, kneel, and for him to just immediately do it. I would have loved that, but instead, Marsha Gay Harden seems like she's in on it too. She's like, get the fuck out of my house. And I'm like, first of all, I'm confused about Marsha Gay Harden.

Because she seems like a great stepmom. Like, she actually, I'm like, the first one, I'm like, oh, is she a little trolling too? A great adopted mom. What? Adopted mom. Oh, adopted mom. Yeah, sorry. But I'm like, when we first meet her in episode one, I'm like, okay, I don't trust her. Now I'm like, I think she's pretty great. I feel like he's coming from a pretty healthy family. Yeah. Like, which is odd because we're constantly told that he's all fucked up. But then when Marsha Gay Harden's like, get the fuck out of here.

She's revealing to me that she knows that Kim Basinger raped him, right? No, she's overheard. Our book reader. Paul, you're wrong. I believe she has just overheard him say to Kim Basinger, you taught me how to fuck, she taught me, meaning Anastasia, how to love. Which is a tattoo I have. It's way too big. And you're not supposed to be touching that area when you have that tattoo.

This must have been from the book, but I'm really concerned about the business they apparently share, too. He drops it at one point. He's like, she's my business partner. And she owns the salon. Did he invest in the salon? Does he own Drybar? Yes, that must be what it is. This man owns anything. He's like, I bought the publication company. I bought the publishing house. He's buying Drybar's publishing house. He's, if anything, too diversified.

The best is when they cut into, when he's having the passive-aggressive text conversation with Anastasia, and he's in a business meeting, if you just listen to the business conversation,

that is being talked about while he's... The jargon doesn't add up to anything at all. It's kind of like, third quarter earnings are off on environmental statistics that are pushing into everything. She literally says something about quantum physics at one point. Energy. And it's like, do you work for Stark Industries? Yes.

But also own a publishing company and a salon. I mean, this company does everything and also he does not a goddamn thing. And it's all run from the Pacific Northwest. The hub. The hub of big business. But it's not tech. No, it's fucking Vancouver. Yeah.

Now, here's a question. We're going to get into it at one point. And I don't... If anyone has any examples, I don't want to get too gross about it. But, you know, obviously, we've got to get back to the sex stuff because, you know, that's what this movie is about. For a long time, we're like, oh, is this going to be a movie where it's like sexiest time? Like...

And not until he introduces these vaginal beads, whatever, Benoit ball, whatever they are, Kegel beads, whatever. They don't really name them. I had to go looking online to find the exact name. Well, I go looking. All you have to do is say, what's it called? Kegel balls? Kegel balls. Okay, you bunch of fucking freaks. Kegel balls.

15 horny Mormons in the audience said. They got them in right now. I watched a lot of, there's a lot of videos online of people going, I tried the balls from Fifty Shades Darker and this is what I found. And honestly, everyone thumbs up. Everyone is like, they're all in. Are there,

Fifty Shades Darker branded Kegel balls? What a great giveaway that would have been. I think the balls in the movie are a brand that people... If you went to the theater in the popcorn... First, you have to get them salty. But...

I love that you went to salt, not butter. Yeah. This is a real about face from Last Tango in Paris. But it was odd to me. I mean, I like that this movie finally introduces some humor. It does? Well, because she goes, I want you to wear these. And she's like, in my butt? And I was like, all right. It was a little The Lady Death Protest too much, I think.

And she was like, no, I won't stick that in my butt. Oh, you don't want it in my butt. Okay. And I guess I know the answer to this. I don't want to see it, but it seemed like it went in so quickly. It was like, bend over? Okay. So I was like, didn't seem like that was this fly in. You wanted a Foley artist to be like...

First one's in. First one is in. I think I just audibly heard her vagina swallow those beans. Well, it made me have questions because I was like, how did they go in so quickly? It just seemed like it was like... I'm really... Like she was like a jet engine or something. So this is the thing. I was also similarly confused, but I was chalking that up to my ignorance about female anatomy, but...

It feels like you should know. I just think that it seemed to the audience. Anybody want to weigh in? No. No. Wow. These pussies are gobbling these balls up, my guy. Blah, blah, blah. Half this audience has balls in right now.

By the way, that's the T-shirt. Like a vagina Pac-Man chasing, like, those balls. If people... This is the thing. People don't buy our more sexual stuff. No, yeah. The theme stuff. Because I was going to say, we should put out, how did this get made? Branded Kegel balls. But you assholes wouldn't buy them. Oh, my gosh. I mean...

I've got him in right now. That sounds like, I'm sorry, but how did this get made? Kegel Ball sounds like Recipe for Toxic Shock Syndrome. For sure. Absolutely. Absolutely. Our fans, it's going to go bad. So this movie is really led by the Masquerade Ball. We're going to the Masquerade Ball, which I'm hoping is going to be sexy. I'm waiting for an Eyes Wide Shut thing. No, it's like a boring ass...

It's an auction. It's a charity auction. The scariest mask is Kim Basinger's mask. When she forgets that she's not wearing it, she's like, oh, I better put this Pinocchio mask on. Well, I feel like she's the only person in the movie that's at a sexy masquerade ball. She's the only one that gets it. Everybody else is like, sexy masquerade ball? Just kidding. Charity auction. Huzzah!

Yeah, there are some odd things about... They're in this auction. They're doing this stuff, and we get this moment after they fuck in his room or whatever, and this guy on the staircase taking a picture of the family...

And they're like, ooh, who is that? But it's so clear because of his hair. Yeah. Okay. The minute I saw him from the back, I was like, well, here's Jack at the party. This fucking asshole. So Jack, I mean, and this is, I guess, the question, because Jack seems to not know Christian. No.

But no, this is the other thing. I don't know why he took the photo of the family because they're like a wealthy, famous family. Just Google that. Well, in the first movie it was established there's only three pictures of Christian Grey on Google and two of them were from later in the movie. I was just going to say, we've now seen him take and be photographed dozens of times. He is not someone who doesn't want his photo taken. He is out and about. He's getting his photo snapped.

But they take that picture, and I also, like, it's not, like, evidence. It seems to be simply so that he can burn the cigarette in the last scene. So he took a picture with his iPhone, went to, like, a Target, found one of those machines, printed out a 4x6. It's like, got it. Something like that. And that's how absurd it is.

Can I ask, and somebody maybe will know from the book readers or something like that, was Jack meant to be this series' Jacob? Are we supposed to be choosing between, like, the way that Bella, you were either Team Edward or Team Jacob? Don't even finish. Don't even finish. No, no. I want to keep asking. Let me explain myself. No, no. Do you remember Team Edward and Team Jacob? Taylor Lautner?

But this is why, to your point, this is why this movie is kind of missing the mark because in my mind, I'm like, wouldn't it have been interesting if they break up and she actually finds this guy kind of sexy. He's in her field. He likes literature. They get together. They find each other on a different level. They have sex. There's something interesting. And then Christian Grey comes back. But this movie doesn't allow anyone to literally...

Be in a scene with her more than 35 seconds. Even when the helicopter crashes, like, I'm back.

Guys, why were you with my girlfriend? That's my girlfriend. Mom! He doesn't even want his family spending time with her. Get the fuck out of here so I can be with my girl. And he says it at one point when he's trying to assault her. He's like, I could fuck you and make you smarter too. And it's like, well, let her get to that conclusion. I also don't want anyone to say that they're going to fuck the smart into me.

Like, I don't want to be smarter after you fuck me. That feels weird. But there's also a thing which is like... Fuck me dumber. I want to forget some vocab words afterwards, you know? I also was like, really? She cannot exist in the world without somehow being with the most toxic individuals. Like, Jose was creepy to her. Like, Jack spirals into, like, a mustache-twirling villain...

Just by somehow being closer. And then when Christian comes in and they have, then he's like, now I'm really pissed. What the fuck is this? I think that she's some sort of like demon that just is possessing people because we see nothing that makes her like appealing. She's a person who's watching like a video on her own computer screen like this. Like...

Like, she doesn't have no passion. I don't see any passion. She, and she doesn't, like, this is another thing that I overheard. When she's explaining one of the books that she likes at one point, she describes it as it's a political thriller told through the lens of Dante's Inferno. And then she gets cut off, but I'm like, I want to know more. Yeah. Like,

I love that because I also feel like there's a middle part of that where it's the author, E.L. James, going like, let me talk about publishing and how fucked up it is. You know, because then someone's like, well, wait a second. They're only popular online. And she's like, I know. And that's where the readers are. And you need to be publishing more fanfic of fucking. Yeah, because everybody at this company is a creep or a piece of shit.

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Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Cam found out that group chats between different phones aren't private. Or encrypted. Or encrypted, thank you. We only text in code. Yes, which I created. I created a code. Yes. Which can be a little annoying. Wait, what's?

Was that your attempt at the code? You already forgot the code, didn't you? I should have written it down. The place to safely send messages between different devices. WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Oh my gosh. But we did reveal a question. An answer has been given now that the cleaning lady does clean up that red room. Yeah.

And that was upsetting to me. She makes an acting choice. One of the most difficult acting moments in the movie is when he is carrying her out of the room and the cleaning lady sees her and she has to give him a face that says like, oh, you kids, but at the same time, I know what you're doing, but she's not judgmental, but she's happy about it. I wish you could pull it up because it is, honestly, give her an Emmy. Yeah.

I know it's a movie, but seriously. Who is it? Mrs. Johnson? Is that her name? Mrs. Johnson? She's turning in the best performance in the entire series so far. Truly. And some of the best performances here are in these smaller side characters. They just pop in. They do their little business. But I also feel like Mrs. Johnson is like, maybe he's in that room too. Jones? Mrs. Jones? I love that. Jones. I feel like...

I just feel like... A very Dakota Johnson delivery. Jones. What she's experienced in this house has been weird, and I feel like... Jones, I'm biting my lip. There's a lot less lip biting in this movie. Oh, yeah, she doesn't lip bite that much, although she did bite that sweater's lip, or the neck. No, no, the neck hole is the mouth of a sweater. Um...

I like the pommel horse scene. Holy shit. Holy shit. Is that a standard piece of gym equipment? When I saw that, I wrote in my notes, holy shit, he has a pommel horse in his home gym, which he then used. Yeah. And I was like, wait, does this guy know how to do gymnastics? All right, so he's doing it. I love that everybody in the crowd is like getting horned up.

This section right here, we're going to need to put a tarp down. Now, this is what I love because I can't tell if this is wire work or this is him. This is real. This looks real. Does he do gymnastics? Wow. Did you work on this movie? Are you the script supervisor? Are you? Did you play the pommel horse?

Only could do four takes. He could only do four takes and then he was done, but it's real. I'm sorry, but who set up here that he uses the pommel horse correctly? Because he just... You could do that on anything. I guess so, but... You don't need a pommel horse for that. You're right, you're right. He's needed an edge. To me, I was like, oh, this is set decoration gone wild. Like, he's never going to use the pommel horse. But then he does, and I was like, okay. Okay.

But it looks like he's somebody who doesn't know what it is. Right. He's not using the pommel horse correctly. He is just using it. Like, using it correctly would be like, you know, hands, you know, flipping around. That would have been awesome. Like Jim Cotta. Yeah, Jim Cotta. That's what I would want to see. But...

I feel like this movie is unanswered questions after unanswered questions. And to me, the biggest question in this movie is she stops at a newsstand and we don't see what she's buying. And she goes, do you have a gift box for this? Which makes me think she's insane. I lived in New York for many a year. I've been to many newsstands. Do you have a gift box?

I think the person would look at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? They would take it back. If you ask a bodega person for a gift box, they would pull a gun on you. And honestly, they would have every right to. Yes.

And here's what's even more mind scrambling. Apparently they do. Right. Apparently she's right. He does. And it works. And not only that, she gives him Christian grade the box and it's still in his pocket after the helicopter crash. The phone was lost. Nothing else. Phone was lost.

But birthday gifts stayed intact. And that to me feels like a moment where no one on set questioned it. It was like, you know, they have gift boxes. Do you have gift boxes? Yeah, they definitely have multiple size gift boxes. Yeah. No, to me, a funnier choice would have been like he like,

pulls like an old candy like here's a Twix box. Yeah. We sold out Twixes but you could put it in here and it would be awkwardly sized but yeah like that's why like this movie does feel like there's no complication like that isn't even a complication. Well that's the thing is like the whole beginning of the movie is like her being like we can date again as long as you're not a fucking sex weirdo. Right.

And then she does all the fucking sex weirdo shit that he wants. So he gets everything he wants anyway. So I don't understand what the problem is coming into the second movie. I don't understand what anybody's problem is anywhere in the movie. No, they're just a happy couple. A boring, weird couple. She is introduced to not just are her eyes being opened to a world of sexual discovery, but she's being...

her world is being opened up to like the mega wealthy. He is a billionaire. This movie should feel as though it's sexy princess diaries. Right. Like she should be like, what?

What? Everything should be shocking in every step of the way. It should be like Annie, like, I think I'm gonna like it here. Oh my God, I can't believe this. But every step of the way, she's unfazed and is like, yep, pretty much what I thought it would be. And in fact, I'll take more. The biggest moment, the most reaction we have is when the car that he gave her is like,

I don't know if it was paint that's thrown on it. She's like, oh, my car. She's upset about that. And then when the woman with the gun comes in and Christian makes her kneel, she goes and takes a long walk. And then she comes back. Everyone just comes back. From that scene, the gun scene and the helicopter crash, the rest of these people's lives would be focused on overcoming that trauma. And they instead are like, let's go get a steak.

Again, with the more interesting movie, I thought, the first time I saw this movie, I thought, okay, this girl is stalking her. This girl is like appearing, popping up. And you think she's going to be bad, but she's really there to warn her about Christian and then Christian's going to be bad. But no, the movie is like, no, no, no, no. She's just jealous. Um...

She's just jealous. Yeah, you know what? He's like, hey, look. And it's also, who's the narrator? Because she had a mental breakdown, you know? I cut it off. Broke up with her husband. Dick so good, she had to go crazy. Yeah.

She is nuts. I don't know about you. She's fucking crazy. But that whole scene when he comes in and she calls him master and is like, master lets you sleep in his bed or whatever that whole thing is. And then he comes in and is like, Neil. And that whole thing unfolds. The rest of the movie should be them unpacking those 20 seconds of time. And instead the rest of the movie is masquerade balls, helicopter, everything else.

else and not a single examination of the absolute batshit insanity. Where did she go? She's never heard of him. Oh, she is disappeared. Taylor! Taylor! Take care of her.

She is in the French Foreign Legion. She is done-zo. I mean, again, and we didn't even... I want to go to the crowd, but we didn't even get into the fact that she gets a job and within two weeks is now running the company. Running it. And it's stated...

Like, very clearly, he didn't make that happen. Like, she's good. She read that Dante's Inferno book and, wow, make her the head. I gotta say, like, it wasn't there in the performance, but if I were directing this movie, her one person of color co-worker who has been there longer than her... Yes! ...

The way she's like, so do I have to call you Miss Steel now? She says it in a normal, kind way, but in my head, if I were that girl reading that script, I'd be like, so am I supposed to call you Miss Steel now? It's crazy. I think it's the only person of color, depending on how you count Rita Ora, is the only one in the movie. Yeah.

Rita Ora is the biggest jump scare in the movie for me. I like, when I realized it was her, I was like, that's the lady who was the villain in the Pikachu movie, you know? She, I mean, again, she pops in and we see her, boom, it's like, oh, let's see if this will work. Oh, there she is. There she is. Yeah. She's popping. Oh,

Was she a brunette in the first movie? That's what I'm saying. So that's why they justify her blonde hair here because she's both masked and blonde? So they introduce a character in a mask that we know they have to say, hey, she looks different, but she looks doubly different because she's wearing a mask. And then she's like, did he ever tell you about the time he used to fight people? He got kicked out of school a lot. I'm just dropping exposition for no apparent reason. See you later. See you later.

But it doesn't seem to bear out in any way, shape, or form. He's not a brawler, unless it's him that beat Jack up and we just didn't see that scene. I mean, maybe in the scene. I don't know. Again, nothing much happens. I do just want to remind both of you that we haven't talked at all about their time on the boat.

Oh, my God. This is crazy. Your apartment isn't safe. Our apartments aren't safe. Let's go to this very minimally guarded boat. Let's go to the docks. The rest of the crew will be here in the morning. She wakes up in international waters? What? You are being trafficked. What's happening? There is something.

kidnapping going on in this movie. There are so many red flags for the entire Grey family and Anastasia Steele, again, a name that is in no way, shape, or form real, is always like, I'm into it. I'm into it. Whatever this is, I'm fucking into it. I mean, this is a scene of red flags. Here we go. It's all wrong. All of this is wrong.

Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. What?!

And it is but maybe 48 hours later that she agrees to marry this man. Because he says it in his sleep, but then he doesn't say it in his sleep. He knew he was awake. I have to ask really quickly, because this is something I'm genuinely confused about. Dakota Johnson actually is one of my favorite actresses. I love Suspiria. It's one of my favorite movies. Is she good in this movie? Yes.

Is she elevating the terrible script or is she right on par with... Thank you. We have a fourth member tonight. This girl is in the movie. Here's what I will say. I have a conflicted relationship with her. This movie is...

leaps and bounds better than the first one. What? Oh. Oh. Joel, do yourself a favor and do not ever watch that movie. I mean, the first one looks like a student film.

And this is like, well, lit. I feel like the acting is better. Like the acting in the first one, you're like, oh. I thought for sure this must have been a significant dip in quality from all quadrants. No. And as a matter of fact, this movie was shot so differently that I was Googling, is it the same actor who played Christian Grey? Because he looks, I think he's lit different or he gained weight in a good way. Like he just looks better. The movie is failing everyone.

The movie is actively working because there are so many good actors in this movie and it's working against all of them. Nobody can make a choice that is helpful for the movie even remotely. Yeah, I just like, there's something about me that respects Dakota Johnson even more now after seeing this film.

Because there's something about an actress of her caliber that will take these shitty ass parts like, Madam Webb? Girl, what are you doing? And the line that she says in that Madam Webb trailer. Oh, I love it. She was with my mother when she was studying spiders in the Amazon.

I am like, yes. We will be seated. That is our Valentine's Day date. I am all in on Madame Webb. Give me the three films. Oh, we'll be here. That's when you'll meet June. The movie is so not interested in compelling sex scenes, so much so that when she enters and has her first interaction with Mrs. Jones, it's to Jeff Buckley, which we should all be fucking to tonight, right? Right.

But then when they do go and fuck, it's too like absolute insane rap rock. And I'm like, what is fucking happening?

can happen in here this is very bizarre let's go to the crowd let's see what you have questions for obviously there's a lot of opinions out here um all right so uh the one thing that we didn't mention was there was a lot of issues in the first film the director and the screenwriter did not return because they had trouble with el james because el james is very uh controlling of the script and wanted to make sure that nothing deviated from her books

Didn't she have, like, right of refusal on cast and certain... Yes, she had some control, and so much so that the studio trusted E.L. and not the director and writer. So for the second film, they got this new director, and they hired E.L. James' husband to write the script. Oh, whoa. Whoa.

Both scripts, because they shot two and three back-to-back. Thank God. Like Avengers. Yeah. Well, this is the biggest joke. This is the Lord of the Rings joke.

of erotic nonsense. These books have been gigantic. The trailers were viewed more times than Star Wars The Force Awakens. Like, it was in this thing that was insane and the studio was like, did not commit to a sequel until the first movie opened and made like $85 million on the first weekend. So they're like, oh shit!

We've got to finish these. They already had three. And so then they rushed them into production to get them out. So it's an interesting thing. But E.L. James' husband, or E.L., whatever, wrote the thing. Who had their hand up over here? Yes, okay, yes. All right, what's your question? So y'all have yet to comment on the fact that she took her panties off while at a restaurant. Jason, I know germs are not your thing, so I'd like to know how you would... Thank you for knowing that. Of course. Of course.

I'd like to know how you would react, and I must add, I took these notes on my old company's letterhead, so... Okay. Do you want to shout the company out? Her old company's letterhead. I thought she did a pretty good, subtle job of it, but, like, I was like, if I looked, I would be the person who would be like, no, no, no, no. She did it discreetly. Yeah, you know what I had to say? You know what I had to say when I saw that? Try doing that in pants, lady, okay? Ah!

Then I'll be impressed. Then I'll be impressed when you can do that in pants. I would have loved it if he pulled up boxer briefs. I would have loved it if this movie had transitioned into being like a Zucker Brothers movie. Like airplanes. And he pulled up long underwear. By the way, save it. We can make a whole parody series. I was a little confused. Oh, I'm going to open myself up to be an idiot.

But maybe I was fucked stupid. Did he do it? What was he doing in the elevator? I was just going to say, he asked her to take them off so that he could finger her in the elevator. Right? Which everybody, she is... I don't get the angles. Close the elevator. Because he would have to kind of... Well, he's doing one of these. He's doing one of these. But it's like really... He does the old... No, no, I'm done. Yeah.

He does one of those. That's why he needs to be on the pommel horse to get those angles. I think why you thought it was confusing, Pauly, is because you assumed everybody in the elevator heard... Sucking in those fingers like a jet engine.

But she is actively being like... And everybody must be like, what the fuck is going on? Well, even at the start of it, when he goes down to tie his shoe, that one lady is like, why here? Basically,

Well, then let me ask. All right, then I'm going to continue to ask my dumb questions to the people who are very active about the... Can I ask? I'm sorry to interrupt you, Paul. Do you think he asked her to take off her panties in the restaurant knowing that he was going to finger her in the elevator later? Yes. By the way, he's fucking lame. Don't plan it.

like that, let there be surprise and discovery. This is what I thought was happening. And again, I'm revealing myself here because I trust you all. I thought he was pulling a hunchback of Notre Dame thing where he's kind of pulling... I'm sorry, what now? I thought he was doing a hunchback of Notre Dame thing where, or Notre Dame, where he's doing, where he's going to kind of pull on the bells. Like... What? The balls. The balls.

The Kegel balls. Oh! I was like, wow, there's a lot more going on down there than I thought. I thought he was like... Well,

You're right. You're right in the sense that when she's in the red room, she does pick up like a bell that is on like a cat's, you know, there is a bell, but no, no, I don't. There's two of them in there and it's fingers. I think he's dinging the bell. Oh my God. Was that leaving the restaurant?

That was in the elevator going up to his apartment, which seemingly was like a long elevator ride. And he seems, oh, I don't know who was above him. Yes. Hi. Hi. What's your question? Hi. Hi.

Hold the mic. Okay, thank God. My question is, we haven't really talked about how the charity event was for parents of drug... Or parents that were drug addicts. Right. And it was also a sexy ball, so... Right, well, you know, look, you can help out kids and also have a good time, right? I mean, you know, I wrote down the name of the charity. Do we feel like the charity has anything to do with Christian Grey? Oh, wait.

Oh, wait a minute. He's told us 30,000 times that his mother was a crack addict. I guess that's part of it? What he says is, my mother was a crack addict. You know how it goes. Like, well, no. Let's look at some specifics. Like, you know, she could be a... I mean, I guess there's not functioning crack addicts. She says, you've never told me that before. And he says, I told you when you were asleep. Yeah? When you were asleep. Oh, I can't wait till I have a relationship and I can use that one.

What do you mean? I told you, you were just asleep. The ultimate gas-- - It's your fault for not being awake. - The ultimate gaslighting. Of course I told you, you were just sleeping.

Hey, how you doing? What's your name? Nick. Nick, what's your question? In the first movie, Jose says that I just got... My art's going to be shown at the Portland Place. And I'm wondering if the gallery at the beginning of this movie is the Portland Place. Oh, so this is how close the first two movies are together? Or I thought this was, like, maybe later on. I didn't think that his art was going to be shown in more than one spot, so...

Good call. Savage dig on Jose's heart. I have a question about the first one. Is Jose in love with her a little bit too? So in the first movie, he's her friend and then he makes an aggressive pass at her. I only understood that because at the end of the movie when he's announcing that they're getting married, he gives the best face. It really does tell the whole story of the first movie and their relationship. Because he goes...

Jose's giving it. By the way, that was great. Thank you. Yes, your question. My name is John. My question is, did you guys catch the Vin Diesel reference in the film? Ooh, tell us. Where is it? So, throughout the movie while they're fucking in the bedroom, like, one of the last shots is, like, the wall they haven't shown and on the wall there's a Chronicles of Riddick poster. What? Fucking crazy! Because...

What are you fucking talking about? Oh my God. I was like, this is so incongruous to everything. He lives in a stainless steel apartment. What? Wait, that's in Christian Grey's apartment? I was really hoping you were going to say his bedroom, right? Oh, his child? Okay. It's in his childhood bedroom. So that only serves to prove to me that Christian Grey is a fucking idiot. Ha ha.

And she should walk into the room and be like, Chronicles of Riddick, I'm done. Done. You're dumped. I'm out of here. Because if that's your taste, you're out of your mind. We know he's a sadist. So obviously we have an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. My name is Ian. Yeah. You're all his, girl. But you know it don't matter because you know he's going to stalk you anyway.

You can rely on all his money. You can rely on all his money. It's a great film, and I'm going to review it because I'm going to give five stars. And that's it. Amazing. That was amazing. Just so you know, you're listening at home.

No one volunteered for a song. He took a bullet for us all. That was amazing. Great job. That's deeply impressive. That's how it's done. Short and sweet. Yeah. With a big old mustache. There were 44,000 reviews for this movie on Amazon. Read them all. Read them all. Read them all. All right, let's do it.

But that's a significant decline because the first movie had 75,000 reviews. So this is 44,000 reviews on Amazon. 82% are five stars. So this is actually higher five star rating than the last one. It's Empire, baby. So this is from Gabe. I would have loved it if Christian Grey had ended this movie frozen in carbonite. LAUGHTER

I did write in my notes that I wish he died in the helicopter crash. Please go. I still want to understand how he got those fireworks to go off exactly right because he didn't cue anybody. Like, unless he was wearing a wire or something. So Gabe writes this.

bought this for my wife. She's now watched it like seven times. This is not a movie about sex. It's about character traits. Environmental behavior impacts on the human mind and the needs which are derived from such impacts. As both a sociologist and a clinical behavioralist,

Having practiced for over a decade in the clinical setting and over three decades with in field work I can say the characters are much more realistic than many may realize Watching from this perspective makes the movie much more complete as an experience Extremely well done. This is not about sex. It's about so much more sex is a byproduct

The title, watch for the human behavioral perspective and look for a deeper point. Much to be gained. Excellent writing, directing, and acting. Five stars. Okay. I'm an abolitionist, but march him directly to jail. I just prison. If my therapist ever said that they wrote reviews of things on Amazon, I would lose my mind. This person's license should be revoked. Yeah.

Three decades of field experience? Where? Kristen Allen, or Chrissy, as she writes. Thank God we have her full name. And nickname. And nickname. Writes, movie is definitely darker. It's best to go back and watch the first one so everything makes sense. Otherwise, you'll be in the dark or interrupting the movie to ask questions, which can get bothersome after a while.

I guess that's maybe a note to someone who watches this movie. There is a lot of sex in it, but I expect that from this movie. It will make you both want to get something hot started, so that's just a little warning for you. If you don't know anything about sex before watching this movie, you will learn something by the end. I wonder what...

Definitely a girls' night or date night or maybe a pick-up-some-tips-and-tricks kind of movie. The title? Make You Wanna... Five stars. That was such a passive-aggressive review. It really was. And this was my favorite one from Brenda. Brenda's name is Brenda I Gave It a Five. Five.

And, Brenda, I gave it a five. The title is Not for Teenage Children. Found out the hard way. My granddaughter accidentally ordered this and, of course, was not allowed to watch it. She didn't know what it was about. They didn't get my money back either. And I guess it was our fault for ordering it. Not for Teenage Children. Five stars. Wait, how is that?

star review. Because it arrived on time. She did not accidentally order that. Oh my God. There's no way that granddaughter accidentally ordered. I accidentally Googled men kissing when I was nine years old. Come on. I swear to God, guys. I rented it this weekend. I tried to watch it, but my Nana found it and said I couldn't. I've been going to one star reviews too because I just want to see what's going on. And Michelle Dennis wrote this.

It's pretty clear that E.L. James had all these fantasies in her head, and she was just dying to share them with the world. But it didn't sit well with her, so she had to spin it in a way to make it look like a moral lesson or an explanation for people's bedroom behavior. The only reason her books made the bottom shelf of the grocery store is because we're in a climate that shames everyone in order to justify stripping people of their privacy. And her juvenile fantasy books are yet another tool to point out what needs to be shamed. What a hypocrisy!

If you're going to play rough with your consenting partner, own it. Don't make up excuses and act ashamed of your twisted fantasies. E.L. James. One star. That one's really taking it to E.L. James. Would you recommend this movie? Absolutely not. Jason? You know, I'm in for a penny, in for a pound. Yup, I'm in.

Having now watched last night's and tonight's, I'll be honest, none of this is good. This is an absolute nightmare to be inside of. I'm dreading my day tomorrow. Can I say, this is the thing though, I would never recommend someone, and even having watched it three times of my own volition, I am weirdly curious to see the third one. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm in. I'm all in. I'm curious. You guys are enormously into the movie. Yes? Yes.

Okay. Okay. Give us, like, can you give us, like, two or three little highlights that you want to say you wish X had made it in? Hold on, let me get. She's loud enough. I'm not getting that close. She's loud enough. It's okay. Oh, that makes more sense. Okay. At the end of the first movie. Yeah, yeah.

Don't spoil anything. No spoilers. No spoilers. Will you be here tomorrow night? Will this world be here tomorrow night? You're invited. This feels like a Christian Grey scenario. I just was sort of submissive. I feel like you're the Christian Grey, though. Yeah. All right. Well, I want to quickly just go around real quick. What do you think is going to happen in the third one?

Oh, oh, wow, wow. I mean, now that it's been introduced, again, the first movie, Joel, you'll be shocked to find out, has no thriller elements, nothing but like sexual discovery. So now that there's been gunplay and helicopter crashes and all the rest, I'm assuming there's going to be like murder scenes?

We're definitely going to have a murder. And my prediction is that somehow Kim Basinger might need to be the big bad, like what you were saying, like maybe she murders. She's going to get shot. Or gets murdered, you think? I think she's going to get shot. I think we're going to see babies. I think there's going to be a time jump. Whoa. How many, like, what do you think, 40 years? It's going to end like Harry Potter. We're going to see their kids doing S&M like Muppet babies. 50 Shades of Babies.

That's the t-shirt. And it says Nana's stocking. You just see the Kegel balls hanging out from... I think that Jack is going to kidnap her. Okay. And I think he's going to have to put together a team. Diaper guy. Roz. Piss guy. Uh...

It's an Avengers team of all kink people. Yeah, kinksters. He puts together a kinkster team. Anal fister. I love it. The expendables. That's what the fister is called. Captain cock and ball torture. Nipple clamps. Get over here. I love that they had nipple clamps, but they were only used on the finger. On the finger.

Sexy. This movie is not as horny as it wants to be. Thank you for coming out. This has been How Did This Get Made? You all are fantastic. Thank you to Joel Kim Booster and our always amazing staff at Largo. If you want to feel like you were a part of our 50 Shades Darker live show, you can buy yourself a shirt that we designed for Christian Grey's nonsensical company. The shirt says Grey Enterprises colon business.

telecommunications, independent publishing, blow-dry bars, and charity. You can buy that shirt and more at tpublic.com slash stores slash hdtgm. And if you've been dying to attend one of our live shows, well, we have a couple tickets left for our European tour. That's right. We're going to be in London, Glasgow, and Belfast.

Go get your tickets at hdtgm.com. That's hdtgm.com. My book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, is available for pre-order in Canada, the UK, and the United States. Go to your local bookstore. Go to any of your online retailers. Get it as an e-book or you can get it as an audio book. I will be reading it. There'll be special things, uh,

treats and twists in it. And if you buy it now, you can sign up for a very special part of my website. It's kind of like the DVD special features of my book on my website. Go to paulshear.com to find out more about that. And if you have any corrections and omissions from this episode, let us know. Go on our Discord at discord.gg slash hdtgm and leave me a voicemail at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K. That's 619-Paul-Ask. Then make sure to tune into next week's episode of Last Looks to hear me respond to your messages. Plus, June 15th,

will be joining me next week on Last Looks to talk to a very special guest. That's right, Jake Johnson will be stopping by to chat. And as always, we will announce our next film, which is a doozy. Remember, you can find us everywhere online at HDTGM. And if you love the show, please tell your friends about it. That's right, word of mouth helps us

And it's a lot more fun watching these bad movies with a friend. And last but not least, I got to say thank you to all of our listeners who support this show every week and our entire behind the scenes team who keeps this show running. I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avril Haley, and our associate producer, Jess Cisneros, and our engineers, Casey Holford and Rich Garcia. That's all I got. Bye for now. I just can't be. Here I am.

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