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cover of episode Matinee Monday: Holy Matrimony LIVE!

Matinee Monday: Holy Matrimony LIVE!

2023/6/19
logo of podcast How Did This Get Made?

How Did This Get Made?

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Jason Manzoukas
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John Shear
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June Diane Raphael
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Paul Scheer
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John Shear: 本片融合了犯罪、恋童癖和科幻等多种元素,剧情引人入胜。 Jason Manzoukas: 影片情节出人意料,不断反转,令人震惊,甚至有些性暗示。Leonard Nimoy的导演手法令人意外。 June Diane Raphael: 影片内容令人不安,情节设定令人难以接受,特别是儿童婚姻的设定。 Paul Scheer: 影片中存在诸多不合理之处,例如时间线混乱、金额不符、人物行为动机不明确等。此外,影片对儿童婚姻和暴力事件的处理方式也存在问题。 John Shear: 本片讲述了一群马戏团工作人员偷钱后,逃到一个类似阿米什人的社区躲藏的故事,其中Patricia Arquette最终嫁给了Joseph Gordon-Levitt。 Jason Manzoukas: 影片情节出人意料,不断反转,令人震惊,甚至有些性暗示。Leonard Nimoy的导演手法令人意外。 June Diane Raphael: 影片中存在诸多不合理之处,例如时间线混乱、金额不符、人物行为动机不明确等。此外,影片对儿童婚姻和暴力事件的处理方式也存在问题。 Paul Scheer: 影片中存在诸多不合理之处,例如时间线混乱、金额不符、人物行为动机不明确等。此外,影片对儿童婚姻和暴力事件的处理方式也存在问题。

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The discussion kicks off with the bizarre setup of the carnival robbery and the characters' introduction.

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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. It's just your average story about a state fair robbery gone wrong and a child marriage gone right. We saw holy matrimony, so you know what that means. ... ... ... ... ...

And hello, Pete Francisco!

We are so excited to be with you here tonight to talk about holy matrimony. I am tall John Shear, and this is a movie that has everything you want. It's a little bit of Bonnie and Clyde. It's a little bit of pedophilia. And it's got some Star Trek because it was directed by Leonard Nimoy. Patricia Arquette and Tate Donovan, they're a cool couple.

group of carnival workers who steal money, head to, for lack of, it's a Hutterite, but an Amish town to hide out. So it's a little bit like Witness. And through a long story, basically Patricia Arquette winds up being married to Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Do they fall in love? We'll get into it.

But here to break down this movie with me is my co-host, please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerks? How we doing, San Francisco? Who got horny for this kid sex movie? Horny for this kid and this lady? Wow! I wrote wow exclamation point repeatedly in my notes. This movie shocked me!

Every time you thought you were getting a handle on it, it just changed. Oh, oh, by the way, congrats. Oh, I don't like this. So deep. Okay, congrats, Leonard Nimoy. Like, who knew you would craft such a weird, weird, sort of sexy kid marriage movie?

I need to talk to Joe Gordon-Levitt immediately about this movie. Three men and a baby followed up by this. Weird themes going on. Holy shit. Holy shit, this movie. Wowie kazowie, San Francisco. You really... Why did you do this? Why did you make us watch this? You assholes.

Well, this movie's got a lot of things and one of those things is wigs and weird pants and there are... There's only one person in my mind who can dissect both of those things exceptionally well. My other co-host was June Diane Raphael! How are you, June? I'm not well, okay? I'm not okay. I didn't need this movie today. Wow. I watched it in bed, in the hotel today, after a shower, nude.

And got up to put pants on. I felt uncomfortable in my room because the movie was so creepy. I got dressed to finish the movie. Let's even start at the top. The movie starts with a bizarre carnival game where it's like a strongman competition that if you win, you blow up Marilyn Monroe's skirt.

You don't blow up. You don't physically do it yourself. Oh, no, no. You don't get the right to be like... You trigger some sort of fan action. But even that, in a kid's movie, felt like, wow, okay. We're starting to... Wait, I'm sorry. This is a kid's movie? I mean, wouldn't you think it's a kid's movie? This movie is basically Witness with a child protagonist, and it's just as sexy.

I'm glad we're starting at the carnival because I was obsessed with how, now I know it's a cash business, but I was, my mind kept on wandering back to how much they're making per night. So much that they can offer a $25,000 reward? And how much did they steal? $1.2 million? What?

When I saw that, I was like, it's just a state fair. It's a state fair that doesn't even look that...

that expansive. No. And the crazy thing is when there are close-ups of the cash, people are showing up at the state fair with $100 bills. Yes. Oh, wait. It's all. It's all $100 bills. I saw a couple times when they showed that cash, it was a couple singles, too. And I was like, are they just like rolling singles? And some of it is in stacks and some of it is in rolls.

I was like, what are you doing? Pick a lane. He only, Tate Donovan only took a very small tray of money. It wasn't like, by the way, the money's not being held the right way. I have a lot of issues. What do you mean it's not being held the right way? Well, it just seemed like it was kind of thrown into the safe. Like it just didn't,

Yeah. No, I know what you're saying, Paul. It wasn't like put away. One of the best parts of playing Monopoly was being the banker and organizing your cash. Yes. What are you talking about? That's the best part. That's the best part. And when I was a waitress. That's the best part is being the banker? Of course. That is heartbreaking. Of course.

It's the best part. You have all the control. You have all the control and you can organize it. You know what I used to do? I used to take a 500 and put it under a five so people didn't know how much money I actually had. Ooh, la, la. You know, every now and then they're like, oh. Chokes on them. What is this? Monopoly tips the podcast? What the fuck is happening right now? You know what I would do in the game of chutes and ladders? No. No.

I know what you're saying, Paul. So when you run a business that's an all-cash business, there has to be a better system than the one that was happening in that safe. It was very haphazard. And it didn't even seem like it was a big... It's a fucking carn... It's a traveling carnival. But all cash. I mean, I'm shocked they had a safe.

I mean, what are we talking about? Like, it is a carnival. By the way, is it a traveling carnival? Because this goes to one of the biggest issues I had with the movie, which is just the timeline. I thought that that carnival was in the same spot that she left it in.

Did 48 hours pass or four months? I don't know. I think a state fair, from what I know of in Los Angeles, they have a state fair that runs for about a month. So it's like you can go there for about a month. So she was in the colony for one month? Oh, I don't know how long. I'm just saying the state fair could be there for a while. I would guess that. Well, I don't know. Think about how much happens to Joe Gordon-Levitt's character in the span of that month.

He goes from being a kid in school. His brother comes back from the big city. He goes to town with his brother. His brother dies in a car crash that is so violent. Joe Gordon-Levitt is in two years.

staggeringly violent car crashes in this movie. He also, by the way, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, JGL, is ejected from that car in a way that I'm like, wow, his body was perfectly positioned because he's unscathed. Completely. You know what nobody in this movie ever does? Mourn Tate Donovan.

Guess what these people aren't interested in? Honoring their dead. Everybody's like, we got to move on.org. This is what we're doing. They don't even move his car from the crash site. It's like some sort of tribute. And these are people every step of the way are like, huh, I think we got to let this kid marry this lady.

I think we've got to let this kid drive this lady to America to return this money. They put him in the driver's seat. How old is he in this movie? Oh, well, he's 12. 12. What? This movie acts as if it's normal for a 12-year-old to be married to an adult. This is what's hard, though. So Joseph Gordon-Levitt...

plays a 12-year-old in this movie, and he looks like a very young 12-year-old. He's a 13-year-old when he's shooting this. Okay, he's 13 when he's shooting it, but he looks like he's 8. Yes. And even now, see, this is the problem. I wish they had an actor that looked like a more mature 12-year-old. Because the problem with... What? Yes. Because the problem with Joseph Gordon-Levitt is even now, on this very day, he looks underage. Right?

As an adult male. If he was with Patricia Arquette at the same age she is in this movie, you'd still feel like, oh, it feels a little weird to me. Yes.

- It's always gonna feel a little weird. - The movie exists in a world in which a 12 year old marries an adult. That is, regardless of the looks of the 12 year old, it's a crime. - It's tradition. - What's happening? - I totally agree. - Then they let him drive. The border police coming into America are like, "Hey kid, what's up?" And he's like, "I'm with my wife."

I'm 12 years old, we're going into town and they're like, "Cool man." That border cop doesn't bat an eye. I just want to say... Here's the thing, build that wall. I don't want 12 year old Canadians sneaking into this country with their grown up wives.

Before we let Tate Donovan go away, I just want to talk, because I like Tate Donovan a lot, but the accents that are going on in this movie. Whoa. Whoa.

I pulled a moment here, or I shouldn't say I pulled it, Avril Haley, our producer pulled it, where his accents change. When he died 24 minutes into this movie, I wrote, oh, that's why he's been going so hard. He's like, I'm only in this thing for 24 minutes, I gotta make an impression.

I was shocked when he died. I did not expect him to die. I thought he was going to run off. But this final scene here, maybe it was a day where they were shooting a lot of stuff very quickly, but I believe his accent does change a few times. So take a listen to this. Normal accent.

Now we'll continue. A commune. It's a colony. A religious... Changed. Accent has changed. We'll keep on going. Colony, one of 300. Changed even more. He seems now to be Irish. In this portion of the scene, he is for real Irish. Okay, Peter, the answer is no. I don't do chants. I don't do the singing. None. Okay, you've got a better idea where we can hide out? Yeah. Now it's like surfer.

I don't trust you. I don't trust you. And the fact that he can slip back into it, like as if he was holding it, like...

Like, I would imagine it would be akin to, like, someone who has a stutter, and they work very hard to make sure they don't have a stutter. It's like, he works very hard not to have this natural Germanic accent come out, but when he's pressurized, it's flowing. It is... I... Yeah. This is pretty nuts. There was something about the... Did anyone else on this stage feel that there was something about the colony that I liked? You liked? There was something...

There was something about knowing they were so cut off from the rest of the world and knowing that they were just in their own little land with their families in this small community. And by the way, the joke of this movie is like, we're all so upset about this 12-year-old marriage, but there has to be rampant sexual abuse and God knows what's going on in this colony. And that's not why I want to be there. But I just...

There was something about it that I was like, "Ah." - I did have one issue. - Simpler times. - I did have one issue with the movie. - Simpler times?

Simpler times. When women served their men lunch and wished them well. Simpler times. And 12-year-olds could get married because of honor and for no other reason to adult women from the outside world. Listen, I was terrified. It felt like a penal colony. It felt like Cool Hand Luke or something. I know, but there was something about the simplicity of it. Now, I was terrified of the elders. I would never want to be alone in a room with those elders. Right.

But there was something about this escape. They seem kind of cool, though. The elders? The elders? Are you kidding? The elders got burned like five times. Yeah. By Patricia Arquette and a child. The elders were like shown up every time. When I thought the elders were like, okay, well, look, you got to be married. This is how you be a husband. They weren't very strict. They were like, okay, you can come back. We got to marry her. They seemed very loosey-goosey for elders.

- They approach a child and are like, "Hey man, you gotta get your wife in line." They say, they imagine the pressure they're putting on a 12 year old. "Hey, hey man, you gotta get your wife in line. She's gotta clean those fucking flower boxes, bro. What's up? Hey guy, what are you doing?"

I did have an issue, though, at one point, because Patricia Arquette is in that community, and the women are hoeing, and she goes... And she's like, why don't the men do this? But it seems like in that community, everyone's doing manual labor. It wasn't like the women are doing... But here's the problem with the women and their labor. So...

I was obsessed with, first of all, the laundry scene. I mean, we could talk about that basically for the rest of the podcast. I'll talk about the physical comedy. Like, when she does rip up the garden, straight into the laundry scene. Of course. So much laundry. But then there's the scene where all of the women are on ladders and they're all cleaning. For the life of me, they're all cleaning the walls. And singing. Yes, but they're all cleaning one spot on the walls. Yes.

So I just couldn't imagine, like, how they got into that task, that if they started at the bottom and then just did one row and then went up, but there was no sense of, like, we're cleaning the walls. It was like we're cleaning this spot of a white wall. I guess my point is the women were not good. Now, I don't... Right. At the physical labor, but what I don't know is...

Were they purposefully... That's a quote, quote, quote, the women were not good. But maybe they were sort of slowing the company line. If you know what I mean. There were 12 women standing next to each other with hoes, all hoeing the same area. That's what I'm saying, that they've convinced the men. We are talking about a community where people are being, I'm certain, forced to marry their cousins. Okay, but what I'm saying is... They might just be like, well, cleaning the wall means this. It means I don't have to go home to my 12-year-old husband.

If it means that I can stay here and sing on ladders with my friends, then guess what? I'm going to do that. Yeah, and we're going to convince the men and the elders that it takes this long to clean a wall. Joke's on them. I will say this. This group, while you may shortchange them and say that they're Amish or not, they're Hutterites, and there's a book called The Hutterites in North America where they comment on this film.

and they say, this film provides a very inaccurate portrait of the Hutterites.

Leveret marriage does not exist among the Hutterites. Leveret marriage means that if you die, your brother is obligated to marry your widow. And they say that you dress moderately. You don't have to dress the way that they showed them. And the only people that can be married in a Hutterite community are people that are baptized. So there's a book written that addresses this movie, which is amazing. Guys, let's all buy that book.

Let's really confuse a small author who's like, fuck, hey, hey, Bane, something's going on. Somebody just ordered like 700 copies of my book, Bane! The Hutterites in North America. And then just pan out and the house is empty. But his wife, there's a skeleton and she's wearing an apron. She's died. So are the Hutterites just in Canada? This is called the Hutterites in North America. I believe from the research that I did today on Wikipedia, it's just a book.

There are a few communities, not many communities, but yes, kind of more in that part of our continent. Oh. LAUGHTER

Wishy-washy answer. That research is coming through. I will say, I enjoyed, you know, I didn't know anything about this movie. I was so happy to not know anything. Yeah. Right? I didn't know even the image on the, I didn't see the image on the front until after. I didn't either. So I'm watching it and I'm like, ah, got it. You know, they're on the run. Okay. And then when it was like, oh, wait a minute, this is where they're going? Fully on board for this.

Tiny Joe Gordon-Levitt. And then when Tate Donovan died, I was like, whoa, what? And then when they say you have to marry him and she's like, yeah, I'll do it. I was like, hang on a second. From then on, every fucking move this movie made, I was like, bravo, Spock. By the way, the only thing that I couldn't get out of my head while watching it was it felt so similar to me to True Romance, another movie that she's in. Yes.

It's like they're on the run, they have this money, but you replace Christian Slater with a 12-year-old boy. And by the way, you could argue this movie is more transgressive as a result. Yes. Who would have thought there would be so much gunplay about a romantic married couple on the run with stolen money and the male lead is a 12-year-old boy? By the way, you replace Elvis with Marilyn Monroe. The similarities are there, people. It is really weird.

I will say this, Patricia Arquette is phenomenal. Yes! She is. Joe Gordon-Levitt is great. This movie, I think, was supposed to be broader, but because Patricia Arquette is so good, she grounds it and makes it real, and then so tonally you're like, oh, wait, what's that? Yes. Like, it's hard to swallow because it's neither fun or, like, totally crazy. It's just sort of like, this is some serious shit.

Well, there's whole scenes like the... There's whole scenes like the...

sneaking around when, um, she's like, why don't you take this money and put it back with the rest of the money? And then he leads her on a wild goose chase. That's like shot like a Hitchcock thriller. Yeah. Of like missed crossings. And he's very smart and hiding and eluding her. And I was like, this is tense. There's like tension being built here in a movie that I don't think is about tension. Like Leonard Nimoy is doing like a version of like vertigo. Um,

I will say that this is a scene that I want to talk about a little bit. We get it. I said Hitchcock. You got to say Vertigo because of Unspooled. Is that the deal? It's on the list. Some people consider it to be better than Citizen Kane. I said Hitchcock so they get it. You don't need to drill down and mention one of the Hitchcock movies that's on the AFI list. The BFI list puts it at number one. Is that worthy? I don't know. It's a conversation that we did have on Unspooled. Um...

This is the scene that I really wanted to talk about when Jordan when JGL catches her cheating in the bar because this is a scene that talking about like the dramatic impact of what's going on this scene where he says where he says Aren't I a man enough when he's saying aren't I man enough for you? Like I'm crushed by this kid. I

The weight of the world is on this little boy's shoulders. He's being saddled with an adult who is more of a child than he is. And he's trying to say, like, isn't the love that I'm being forced to give you by honor enough? And she's like, bruh, no. But I do think, here's the one way the movie is successful thematically. The one way. Is I do think it illuminates some problems with marriage in general.

There's moments... Which is clearly the intention of the movie. It's a scathing take on marriage. Where you listen to him and you listen to these monologues from him and you're like, oh, God, aren't we all just play-acting these roles? This is just this weird construct of what we're supposed to do and how we're supposed to behave. And it's just all bullshit. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Anyway, that's what I walked away with. Well, no, I mean, because there definitely is a take. Like, this feels like the take of a person that may have come from a divorce or going through a divorce because there is that scene where, first of all, I need to break down that whole casino, that indoor casino that looks like the outdoor of a shitty motel, but it's indoors, there's a pool. Okay, I could talk about the fight between that man and his wife.

for about an hour. Whoa. Whoa! And that the man then sits down next to a child. Again, a child, and is like, women, am I right? And the kid's like, I get it. All they want is money. Everybody in this movie is cool with a 12-year-old being married.

But he's also, that man is fully clothed and sits down. I mean, the psychologist, I could not wrap my mind around it. Fully clothed, sits down at an indoor pool. Just about an edge from. What? You're upset that he's clothed at the pool? Yes. Well, he was. You think if he's going to sit there, he should be in a bathing suit. Yes, he should be ready to swim. Otherwise, get the fuck out of here. Why is he there?

June, first of all, I take issue with this. Again, if you've not seen the movie, picture a hotel that's in a square. There are rooms all going around the square. It's like a courtyard type hotel with a pool in the middle of the lobby. Yes, but it's clearly the pool area. It's not like, oh, there's lobby guests and a little Starbucks kiosk. But he got into a fight with his wife and he just happened to be near the pool.

I don't think they were on their way to the pool. I don't think he's going to swim. No, I think they were going somewhere and he's like, oh. What is he looking at? Why is he lurking fully clothed with no intention to swim by a pool? He's not lurking. He's fighting with his wife. This is amazing. Yes, but if you're in a fight, like if we're in a fight, I don't walk away from you and think like, let me go sip and watch the swimmers. Yes.

Oh, you don't like that he took the chair next to the kid. That's your issue. No, and I don't like that he's by the pool. You think he's like a perv going to the pool in his clothes. He's definitely a perv. Oh, see, I saw a man having like a fight with his wife and the only place he can go is away from, which is into the pool area. No, because she walked away from him.

I felt like he was so worked up, he was like, oh, I just need to sit down and bitch about my wife for a second. I'll talk to this 12-year-old. With a like-minded guy who's just a 12-year-old farmer from Canada who's married to a 32-year-old woman who's trying to return $6.2 million to the county fair.

By the way, I mean, and this, I mean, I have an issue with this pool because the pool is, I think, also in the middle of a casino. I think it's a casino. I don't know. Listen, let me be very clear. There's no world. Here's something I would never do. Get in that pool. Of course. But Jason, would you ever, if that pool was there, would you ever go to sit just a

foot from the edge of the pool and just stare out? Well, that's your issue with JGL, though. JGL is the one who sits there first. But he's a child. He's excited about an indoor pool. I'm fine with him there. He's not excited. He doesn't seem excited by it. He likes ice cream. He likes ice cream so much, he got a sundae and a milkshake.

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But does he love her? And that's the issue that I had with this movie because he goes from saying... That's the issue? Yes. Because he goes from writing on the population sign with, like, and one dumb girl and then he's like makes her... It's very much painting of the true. Is that how we mark that sign? That's clearly a stencil of a zero. And he wipes it off and there's a marker on a string?

So they're just, how often are they changing the population? A lot of people are dying in violent car wrecks. Now listen, I didn't see that car wreck, but I asked you, Paul, I said, did he... What do you mean you didn't see it? What do you mean? I sort of just...

Looked away at that point. I got distracted. I got distracted with what was going on in the world. So I didn't actually see that scene. But I asked you, I said, I don't understand. How did they crash the car? And you said that Joseph Gordon-Levitt grabbed the wheel. Yes. It sounds like he murdered his brother. Yes.

There was, he should, he didn't, but they were having a tussle. Yes. A tussle over the wheel? He was distracting the driver, which makes him a killer. That's vehicular homicide. Tate Donovan was drinking a beer. Yes. And he was trying to get the beer out of his hand. By the way, he drank so many beers at that bar. Like, he goes, go get an ice cream, and then cut to ten beers surrounding Tate Donovan. The kid's not back. What happened to the kid? How long has he been?

And why wouldn't he bring Patricia Arquette to have a beer? Joe Gordon-Levitt doesn't feel bad at all about killing Tate Don. No. So he did kill him. No, he didn't. But he contributed to the accident, for sure. Wow. But is he ever arrested? It's behavior that I suspect would haunt him for the rest of his life. But just like every single other person in the movie, he does not mourn that death one bit.

The car was also coated in gasoline because that car explodes like two rocket launchers shot into it. Immediately. It explodes instantly. Joe Gordon-Levitt should be, I don't know, very injured from the car crash. He is not. I would just say I would settle for a scrape. He is nothing. I mean, after the car crash, he looks better than he did before. Here's what I'm going to say.

This is a movie in which Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a 12-year-old boy who does all of the beats of a movie that were written for an adult character. Everything he's asked to do is what adults do. He fights, physically fights. That man slaps him in the face.

He has fist fights with adults. He drives trucks, tractors. He has a gun held to his head. He marries a grown woman. He pretends for his friend's sake that he and the woman he's now married to are fucking. Every character beat for this, again, 12-year-old boy are those that an adult would have. Well, but here's my pitch. I feel like this movie was pitched like this.

It's Taming of the Shrew, but she marries a kid. And everyone, and by the way, this is the writers of The Rock wrote this movie. So, but it is, I mean, that's how I keep on thinking of it. It is Taming of the Shrew to a certain extent, right? I mean, that's what I think what it is trying to be, but it's a weird thing because they can never really fall in love, and he, I mean, I guess they do because she's going to come back in 10 years.

I guess so. I mean, I don't know. She...

I guess you're right that she ultimately, he's a child, but he understands his values and priorities are in check, and she is essentially a see-through backpack in human form. By the way, I didn't know they had see-through backpacks back then when they made this movie. I thought that was very fashion forward. 1994? This was the age of see-through backpacks. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. It's so hard because, I mean, I had a see-through backpack, but...

There's no way to wear it where you don't look like a trash, like a pile of trash. It doesn't matter how organized it is. The contents in your backpack never look good. Never. It doesn't matter what's in there. It doesn't matter how tidy it is. It's always going to look terrible. I always thought that was just a conceit of like the now post 9-11, like you have to go to a stadium so you have to have a clear backpack. Wait, that's why you think we got clear backpacks?

I never saw them before that. What? Yeah. Wait, you think clear backpacks were an answer to terrorism? Wow. Absolutely not. Really? There are, like, at the Women's March, the first Women's March, they asked that people show up with clear backpacks. So there is an element of, like, there is a security element to clear backpacks. There's a lot. I always see people say clear backpacks. But they were a fashion staple in the early 90s. Yeah. Well, if we're talking about fashion, can we talk about pants? Yes.

And I feel like we should just pull these photos of the pants up because Patricia Arquette gets into her own clothes at the end of the film and this is the pants that she's wearing. They're very wide. They're very wide. I have another one. They're almost culottes. Yeah. You'll see here. That belt. That belt.

That belt must weigh so much. This was so crazy. This scene with this guy. This is why I was so confused about the timeline because it seems like everyone is expecting her any minute. Well, that's it. Like, why is everyone staked out at the fair? Like, what? Why would she ever come back unless she was returning the money? What is that kid's t-shirt? I quit my job? Like, that kid, I feel like it's like, what? Is there a movie going on here?

I feel like they stole this shot at an actual county fair. But I want to say this. When you look at this screen grab, which you can't see if you're listening to the podcast, but if you look at it, this is a shitty state fair. This is like a street fair. This does not look like it's making a... This is the entrance to the fairway or whatever. Right, but I think to your point, Paul, that I don't think of street fairs like I think of going to Vegas or going even to a mall. I'm going to blow all my money.

Right. You know, I think of spending like maybe $40. Okay. At a street fair. $10. Maybe. You're going to get a $10 10-minute back rub from those guys. Then you're going to get what? You're going to get some sort of a candle for about $5, right? And then you're going to get lunch, and that's it. So I just don't know how this fair is making this amount of money. Well, I mean, but I don't think he's taking the profits from the caramel apple people. I think he's just doing ticket sales.

Oh, for the rides and the attractions? Just the entrance fee. This also seems to be an agricultural fair. This is a big endeavor, you know? And there is a moment where someone is advertising the benefits of a backhoe that then JGL gets in and then captures this man. To the audience's perception, though, they have no idea that this man is bad. But yet when he is scooped up, they start applauding.

But it looks like someone just put a man in a backhoe and he doesn't seem to be evil at all. That guy just slapped that kid full on in the face. He just clobbered that kid in the face in front of all the... He was like, whabam! Oh, I guess.

But I feel like that's kind of par for the course. It's a tough look for the FBI in this movie. Sure. They don't come up great. This is the smart FBI. By the way, Courtney B. Vance? Courtney B. Vance as the head? Oh, yeah. The crazy thing about this, though, is I kept on wondering, once they hit the road and she has the money nearby, they're on the road for a little bit. And I just kept on thinking, why isn't she just grabbing that bag and running? Like, there's no world in which he can...

Stop her. She drives. She's a grown woman. Like, she could outrun him. And I felt like they were setting up a premise where he was somehow going to overpower her. Oh, no, I think they were trying to convey that she is not perhaps because she is now more feeling responsible for him or feeling like, and when she finally does leave. But is she a mother or is she a wife?

I don't know. Ultimately, a mother figure. A mother figure, Paul. Is she a mother figure that's going to come back in 10 years? No, no.

No, she's not coming back in 10 years. I think she feels some responsibility for him. Of course. He's her boyfriend's little brother. He's like, I think she comes to feel some sense of obligation to him, or not obligation, but some sense of caring so much so that when she does finally leave... She realizes that she doesn't have family, and this is the only family she's got after they sleep in the paper-shredded car, and the... And she pulls up hay on top of her like it's a blanket. Yeah.

And there's all those weird, like, Tonka trucks in there. Like, ride-on toys that are not boxed in big boxes, but yet, like, displayed as if they were in a toy store. Like, they're individually out. Like, if you were shipping those, those would be in another big box. And they put in so many train sounds just because they were, I feel like, trying to cover the fact that it was not really a train. They were, like, overdid it on the train sounds.

I guess I would just expect that earlier she would say, here's $500, like, buy, and just run away. But she did abandon him at one point where she took the money, she took off, and then he was captured by the FBI guy, and then they chased after her. She did do that, but then she didn't even leave him money. She's like, make sure he gets on the bus. Like, she doesn't really care that much about him.

Yeah. At a certain point, she does. She fails, but she still, like, hopes... She still makes a gesture so that it feels like you think, like, oh, she's at least... I think the movie's trying to set up that she's softening to let other people in, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, to answer your question, too, now I'm thinking about it, I think the movie takes place in about seven days total because the FBI guy... First of all...

That guy disappears for a full hour of the movie. Like, he finally gets that Hutterite community, but like... When they cut back to him, and I was like, oh, right, this guy. But then he's on their trail, hot and heavy. So the next day, the robbery is in the paper in a yellow section, because, you know, most papers just have that bottom corner of the paper in yellow. And I had an issue with that, too, because he also wrapped all the money in the crime. Yeah.

Which is a crazy thing to do. It'd be like, he put the evidence of the crime in the description of the crime. Not smart at all. Oh, yeah. And the FBI sends him out there, and then I think it's seven days. I think that that montage is the most wishy-washy moment there. But I think it's like an intense seven days. For that 12-year-old boy, yeah. Yeah.

He, think about it. His brother returns, dies. He gets married, divorced. He's in a car crash with his brother. He's in a car crash with his wife. He fights a grown man from the FBI. He gets a gun put to his head. Yes.

Like, a lot happens to that child. And also, he's never left this colony, so he must be experiencing such sensory overload. He doesn't know what money is. Oh my gosh, the sounds, the sights, the smells. He doesn't know what divorce is as a concept. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's pretty wild, guys. This movie doubles down at every opportunity.

to say, "No, no, no. These people are married, and they're experiencing all of the trials and tribulations that married couple experience. It is an allegory for marriage, only there's a child in the marriage." Do you think that when he goes into that one room and sees that old couple at the table, that's him looking at his future self? I mean, that didn't look so bad to me.

Two older people in their underwear sitting at a table and not even eating in their motel. They were playing a board game. Is that what they were doing? I thought so. You thought so or they were? I don't know. I'd like to know if they were and I like that you mentally put it in. You're so uncomfortable with old people in their underwear that you're like, they must be playing a board game.

I thought that they were relaxing, having a nice night, just retired from dinner, got in their comfy cozies, and then sat down for... Comfy cozies? They're in, like, underwear. It just feels like that would not be comfy cozies. Also, Joseph Gordon-Levitt walks into their room and starts, like, feeling up their bed to be like, can we share your room? Like, why would that happen?

See, I wish there was more, because I feel like the movie set up that he's going to, yes, tame her, but she never really got, we never got to play the game of him being so confused and blown away by what's out in the real world. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't really seem to ever take it in. No. He doesn't take in very much of, like, any, there are no emotional stakes for this kid at all. He has witnessed his brother die. Everything has happened. I mean, he's this,

This kid has never seen a television. He must be blown away by what's going on out there. He called the swimming pool a fishing hole? Or a swimming hole? What did he say? Yeah, see, now I understand why he was sitting there. He was like, I'm going to catch tonight's dinner. I'm hungry. I genuinely don't know. There was a lot of head scratches in this. They do kiss.

And I think this is the money shot that we've been waiting for. Let's just watch it for a second. You actually think that I could turn out to be a good cause? You already are. He's 12. Friends forever? I mean, that's sexual. This is sexual. Forever and a day. She has like spit on her mouth that she has to peel off. Are you going to go to that? Bandana as belt. Havana.

Will I ever see you again? No, but you'll see Betsy. Twelve. What? That took a contract. That's what I'm saying. What did she say? I'll do that again in 12 years. And she says, if you don't, I will. That's a motherly relationship? Listen, the relationship between mothers and sons is...

Listen, sometimes mothers and sons kiss. Sometimes they even make out, Paul. I don't know what... Can you imagine a world in which a son might mistakenly French kiss his mother?

Can we wrap our heads? I just want to go on record. I just want to go on record that as this story has grown, my mother has moved out to Los Angeles, but also it was an attempt. It was not ever seen through. So people will want to tweet it. So you're a tease.

People have now mythologized this as if I have a make-out session. I've heard it, and people are like, oh, you know, I did this. I'm like, oh, I did not do that. You have said in the past, though, that you and your mom used to play spin the bottle. But that's a kid game. Um...

Here's a clip of Patricia Arquette on James Corden where she talked about this kiss. You have worked with some of the finest actors on the planet, but there was one actor in particular where you had a very intimate experience. You were this actor's first ever kiss. Yes. Explain.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. You can tell as she's like walking into explaining it. She's like, oh boy, I gotta explain it. I like that she's breaking down the whole plot of the movie just to justify the fact that she made out with a child. All right, here we go. Mary is white. So I end up marrying a very young Joey Gordon-Levitt. Okay. Wow. And we have to have a...

And his mom is like, this is his first kiss. He's nervous. I'm like, I'm nervous. So I went up to him and I was just like, hey, this is just pretend. This isn't really your first kiss either. Like you get to really have your own first real kiss. But, you know. And he's like, yeah. You feel okay? Right, right, right, right, right, right. I totally got it. Yeah, yeah. No problem, no problem, baby. He was really like, it's fine. Don't worry. I love how the audience is like, woo! I'm like, woo!

I'm like, he's 12 years old! Did you not miss? And by the way, that was this year. She is talking about Holy Matrimony. What year is the movie? 1994. The movie was not released. Ever? No. It was a budget of, do you want to guess how much the budget was? $9 million. Sure. $16 million. Where?!

Where is that money? And it grossed $713,000. Wow. It is crazy because there are certain choices in the movie where I did think like, oh, I guess they just didn't have the money for other shots. When he's pulling out weeds from the flower garden outside, he brings the outside weeds into the kitchen. Yay!

To be thrown away in like a yard waste, giant yard waste garbage pail in the kitchen indoors, which I couldn't for the life of me understand.

I mean, I had a lot of issues with the directing of certain things, like the fact that Tate Donovan has 10 beers, where is JGL? The fact that the simplest stunt you could possibly pull off, which is a door opening, hitting a person, and that person falling down you never see. It's like three different shots. I don't think that's the simplest stunt. What? That's the simplest stunt? For a six-year-old.

million dollar movie if that yeah like let's do let's just see the guy get hit with the car door we have to imagine it with our mind we just see elements of it and then later on oh I guess that's what happened because you just you don't see it it's an E you flip the car and blew it up what I couldn't figure out was I thought I

When Joseph Gordon-Levitt said he found the money in the flower bed, right? Yeah. The idea being that, oh, that's where the money is buried. I thought he was tricking her into doing her chores. Me too. He was. He was. Go and weed the flower bed in an effort to find the money. Yeah. Right? No. No.

She rips up the whole lawn as if it's like... I feel like on the day she was like, "No, no, no, I don't think I would weed it. I think I would just decimate the whole front area." And everybody's walking by me like, "What the fuck?" And she's like swimming in dirt.

She's Michael Phelps in the dirt pile. But then why don't you address that in the scripting phase and go, rip up the lawn. And then, you know, he could do it. But like, no, it's weird. She destroys the whole garden. I don't know. And then she like kind of has this domestic abuse scene that I wanted to play here too. Because she's, this is the scene where she's like kind of chasing him around. Imagine this. Look at this. You're never giving the rest of that money to me. I'm cooking it all up.

Like, is this a scene from... Is this a scene from this movie or marriage story? Like...

Like, genuinely, what is this? That is a... Like, watching that scene out of context, I was like, my breath just got taken away. Yeah, I did like that. Because it's shot in handheld, really close, chaotic. It feels dangerous and scary. And again, one of the only two actors in the scene is a legitimate child. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And it's hard because I feel like I don't know what's going to happen to him in 10 years when he finds a wife. I don't know at the end of this movie, is he going to head into an actual marriage with a more progressive and egalitarian view of marriage? I don't know that. I don't. When he returns to his community, what is... I mean, I think what June is saying, and I agree with it, is let's get this sequel going. I mean...

Let's get this sequel going right now. Patricia Arquette and Joe Gordon-Levitt. Where are they now? You know, it's a little more than 10 years, but why not see what's up with Ezekiel and Havana. Havana, thank you. Havana, just like Alabama from True Romance. But, you know, I feel like it's prime for Netflix. It's like Fuller House. You guys are familiar with that, San Francisco. You know, it's time to go back. Go back in the well.

Let's go out to the audience here to see what you all have to say about this movie. Yeah, that's right. Looking good, everybody. Looking good. All right. What I'm going to ask of everybody here tonight is in your best butchered accent to ask your question. So, all right. So here we go. Your name and your question, but in the best Hutterite accent you can come up with. It could be as leprechaun-y as you want. My name's Francis...

Great, you can ask it now. I just wanted to bring up for June, the wig in the beginning of the movie. How did we not talk about this? When she takes off the Marilyn wig and she does have similar hair.

Like, almost identical hair to what she was trying to portray. I just know that we had to talk about this. Yeah, we have to talk about wig. People want to hear wig talk. I mean, I actually thought that that was one of the only interesting choices in the movie. That she...

A movie that features a child marrying an adult. This was one of the most interesting choices. Well, yes, that she felt like she had to put on a mask and put on this sort of character piece to play Marilyn when she was already so close to it. It's the same, it's in the same way that she had to change her name to Havana, that she was putting on this person. But she was that person. What do you mean? In a way, she is kind of living the Marilyn life, right? Yeah.

How do you mean? Is she? Well, I feel like she's... What is your understanding of Marilyn Monroe's life, Paul? Or Norma Jean? Well, Norma Jean, I feel like she's not being treated well by the people in her life. She's being kind of tossed around from here or there, treated like a yo-yo. Oh, and also, not for nothing, remember when Marilyn Monroe married a 12-year-old? Yes. Paul's on his way to the balcony. How we doing, balcony? Yes!

San Francisco balcony monsters are the best balcony monsters. I am here in the balcony with the balcony monsters. I'm going to go to this woman who is standing up. Be careful, Paul. Be careful. They're very polite. They seem good. I'm out of breath. There's a lot of stairs to get here. Deceiving amount of stairs. You're getting a great workout this show. I really am. All right. Hi, how are you? Good. Your name and your best Hutterite voice and your question. Hi, I'm Erin. Great.

First of all, why would you send a small child who's never been out in the world to check into a hotel? And then you walked into a random room. Yeah, it seemed like she was also checking into the hotel because she's like, go find us a room with a good bed. And the next thing you see her, she has the key. Well, she watches him go off to do his thing and she's like, oh, this fucking kid.

And she's looking right at the office and he's not walking that way at all. So she's like, I guess I got to do this. But she doesn't stop him from like walking in on old people, semi-naked board games. Listen, I don't know also why their room was open. Right. Oh, because they're looking for bids. They're asking for it. That's the kind of shit that goes down in one of those pool-based courtyard hotels. If your room is unlocked, you are open for bids.

There is a little piece of IMDb trivia that says that if you notice, all the rooms have key card access, but Patricia Arquette carries the key. So people did pick up on that. Shame on you, Leonard Nimoy. Ma'am, your name, your question. Hello, I am Patricia Arquette.

I want to talk about the laundry scene. Thank you. She works at a carnival, so I'm assuming she doesn't have a butler. She should know how to do laundry, but she's comedically not able to do that. The thing about that laundry scene that, listen, okay, so it was, I think, Sheets and Curtains Day. Okay.

Is that a sheets and curtains that you do them on the same day? I think so, because I think the entire colony, this is why I did connect to the colony. There's something about, I'm an avid viewer of Sister Wives on TLC. I love that show. There's something about women living in community where they're all sort of sharing the housework and the chores that I find appealing.

And I think they were all doing sheets that day. By the way, I feel like if you lived in a community like that, you would find a way to shirk your responsibilities. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, someone was, a friend of ours was over our house and said she had to do laundry and Paul was already here in San Francisco and I said, well, I don't know how to use the washer and dryer, but I'm sure we, we're two intelligent women, I'm sure we can figure it out. Now granted, we have only been in this house a couple of months, but... Months is a very long time. Now listen, I know everybody's disturbed about that, but I'm going to say... Fine, we moved in in September. I have not done laundry. September is more. And I...

And I see that as a sign of success. Ew. I have done many a load of laundry. You want me to feel badly about it, I'm not going to. Give June! Thank you, Balcony Monsters. Thank you, audience. And it's clear that we had an opinion about this movie. There are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Somebody.

On Amazon.com There's review For this Piece of shit movie That we all Suffered through Ooh Child husbands Face rats Potato Donovan Fiery fart crash That's where we Started in

Outdated views on women's roles. FBI men going rogue. Still some gave this five stars. And somewhere on Amazon.com there's reviews. Now tall John Shears gonna read them that Nate Kiley did choose.

There we go. Great job. Excellent job. Give it up for Jeff. If you are wondering why you don't hear the comments of June, it's because she had to leave in the middle of the show to catch a flight to get back to start shooting Grace and Frankie. Not in the middle of the show. At the end of the show. As we're wrapping up. But you're listening to it so you know that now she is gone. You've heard her up until this moment. I don't know what you're talking about. June's just being real quiet right now. Isn't that right, June? She's nodding.

These are five star reviews called from Amazon. There are 39 total reviews. Oh, geez. 54% are five star. 54%. Only 9% are one star. And this one is from Dr. Chili. Dr. what? Dr. Chili. Dr. Chili? Chili. What is that about?

Is that someone who got a doctorate in Chile? I don't know. It was written the day after Christmas in 2019. Dr. Chile writes this. Oh, just recently. Yes. As a budding adolescent, this is my favorite. I don't know how I would have gotten through those years without it. As a married man with kids, it's still my favorite. I purchased this for my wife as an anniversary present. I'm now single and not allowed to see my children.

And while she wasn't a fan, it still works for me. Yeah, because she's an adult. To be honest, this has probably saved our marriage, as I use it at least once a month to get the old marital juices flowing. At any rate, I cannot suggest this enough. Wait a minute. What?

I believe we might be being pranked by this one, but it was well written enough that I read it. Because it was written in 2019, which makes me believe that someone... Did we announce this movie already? I feel like about that time. I feel like this is... Oh, maybe. It starts... It could be real, but I read it because it was good enough. To get the marital juices flowing seems like someone wrote that. But if this guy's watching this movie to get a boner...

So then he can have sex with his wife? And it's like, this needs to be on Amazon. I gotta post this. I don't know. This is admissible in court? I do believe this one that's coming up. This is written by Music Man. And Music Man goes... The play? Just a man who loves music. It's a cute film. I was in this movie as an extra, so enjoy.

All right, not exactly a star, but I am in this movie. L-O-L, five stars. Oh, man, Music Man is, like, really putting it out there. All right, so this user is called Fascination. Fascination writes, I don't know why, but I love this movie.

Patricia is so charming. First name basis? Patricia. How dare you? Patricia is so charming. Patty is so good. I'm definitely a fan of hers. I liked how it was tied into the Amish community. The boy was so perfect. If he were older, he'd be the perfect guy.

The film had action, suspense, a moral, a pretty girl, romance, and it was surprisingly engrossing. I liked the conflicts. It was fun to see how putting different types of people in different situations would work. Five stars. You just described the tenet of writing.

Do you think that commenter is referring to the romance between Patricia Arquette and Joe Gordon-Levitt? Or Tate Donovan and Patricia Arquette? I think it's sort of like what... The general romance? I think it's like, I would like to see how an FBI agent would be with a Hederite community. And how maybe an old man in his underwear... Are there any Hederites in the crowd? Cool, okay. Just wondering. I am really upset that June's not here because I wanted to talk about the tagline of this movie.

which is the hilariously sexy comedy. Again, what is the message of the movie? It's a romance between a child and an adult. I don't, I just, this is wild. I mean, this is a crazy movie. Like I mentioned earlier, directed by Leonard Nimoy, not only he played Spock in Star Trek, but also directed Three Men and a Baby. It was written by the writers of The Rock, and

Double Jeopardy and Criminal. So this seems to be a real break from their action films to go into this, but I guess that explains the exploding car. The movie came out in 1994. The top movies of that year were The Lion King, Forrest Gump, and True Lies. And it was beat by Time Cop, Disclosure, Junior, Color of Night, Double Dragon. It beat

it beat nothing because like I mentioned, this movie made $713,000. Wait, when you said this movie wasn't released, what did you mean? It was in a... Was it like straight to video you mean? Yes. I believe it may have been...

limited release, like two theaters or something like that, something very small. But yeah, there's not much digging we could do on this movie. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt's first movie. It's Leonard Nimoy's last film as a director. And Jason, I guess the question to you is, would you recommend this movie? Wow. You know, yeah, I would. I'll be honest. You should all fucking watch this movie.

It is shocking.

At every turn. I mean, now it doesn't matter because we've talked about it, but I will say, having gone into this blind, every move, every turn the movie took, not only did I not see it coming, I was gobsmacked that it was happening. When they come in, when Armin Muellersdahl comes in and is like, "You have to marry this child," and she's like, "Fuck yeah, I'll do it." I was like, "What? Now I've got a boner? How does this work?"

It was a wild endeavor. This was a movie that did something that so few movies do. Even the movies that we do that I'm anticipating, it shocked me so many times. It's weird because I feel like... They hop a train hobo style. It just cuts to them in a freight car.

It turns the screw constantly. And I think what I love about this movie, because I also would recommend it, is... There's a shot in this movie where Joe Gordon-Levitt legitimately drives a pickup truck. Because there is no cut.

from when he closes the door, starts the car, and drives off. - With a farmer's-- - He's a child! - He's got a farmer's license. He's gotta do it on the farm. He knows how to drive. - He's an actor! He's a child actor!

It is, it's so weird what happens. - Look, I put on my resume, it can drive stick. You know what, 'cause in case they need it, I gotta get in there. What I think about this movie is they don't make movies this weird anymore. Like this would be stopped by someone. Like if someone is writing a $16 million check, someone would be like, whoa, whoa, hold on, wait, what?

Bring them to my office. Let's do some major rewrites. He's like, listen, I'm talking Tate Donovan. Oh, yeah, great. Young, up-and-coming actor. Patricia Arquette. Just solid true romance. She's great. And then he dies and she's married to a little child. Wait, hold on. Wait a second. I thought you were going to do like a Bonnie and Clyde thing. No, no, no. They go to like a community in Canada and she marries a little boy and then they go on an adventure.

But it's more like maternal, right? No, she corrupts him and sex is not just obliquely referenced, but in fact, quite literally referenced throughout. He at one point cries asking if he's not man enough to be married to her, which he is not because he is not a man, he is a child. Please give me $16 million. Again, I was Spock. We had a great time here. Thank you, San Francisco. Holy shit, San Francisco! Thank you to our engineer, Devin.

up in the booth. Give it up for Devin. We will see you next time. Thank you for coming. Have a good night, San Francisco. Woo! All right, that brings us to the end of Holy Matrimony Live in San Francisco. And I have to say, uh,

It's crazy to hear that. It was about a year ago today, and that was one of our last live shows that we have done. So a bittersweet moment to hear that episode. And I appreciate everybody going through great lengths to find this film. And if you have not found this film and you do want to watch it after hearing us talk about it, and I think you might, you can check out our Discord, which is discord.gg slash hdtgm. And you can also go on my Discord, which is discord.gg.

GG slash, uh, Paul Shear. There's a lot of fun stuff going on there. Really fun stuff. And, you can always check out my Twitch where I have guests like Jason Manzoukas and June Diane Raphael, uh, and more. Rob Hubel and I host a show every Thursday on Twitch, which has been so much fun. We've had amazing guests like Judy Greer and Ken Marino, uh, and, uh, Jason and I are going to be going on Twitch soon to just do a little bit of a recap of what we're watching. Adam Pally and I host a show where we talk about Twitter drafts. Uh,

There are so many fun shows that I've been trying to do to keep myself entertained and occupied during this quarantine. I want to remind you that the Jane Club is an amazing online resource for people who are looking to form a community and to be active in their community and to inspire each other. The Jane Club, you can go to thejaneclub.com and see what they're doing because they have completely revolutionized their business model to make it an online space. I'm so proud of them.

of June and how this thing has grown, especially in a pandemic and how she has created a virtual community that is just absolutely stunning. Big Mouth is on Netflix. Jason, June, and I are all in it. And Jason is fantastic in it.

And if you want to see me in a big old movie, the movie is called Happily coming out March 17th. It stars Joel McHale, Natalie Z, Carrie Bechet, myself, Natalie Morales, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Shannon Woodward, Breckenmeyer, Charlene Yee, John Daly, Stephen Root. It's an insane cast. I'm so excited about this movie. I hope you check it out. I hope you like it. And you can check out my documentary on Disney+. It's part of the Marvel 616 series and it is called Lost and Found. A big thank you to...

Thank you, Devin, our sound engineer who was with us in San Francisco, our producer, Cody, super producer Cody, we love Cody, and Avril Halle for finding this fine, fine film. Thank you, Avril. And you can also watch her on Movie Bitches. A big shout out and a thank you to July Diaz who listens through all these episodes.

and finds all the cuts and makes all the tight trimmings so this is uh acceptable to your ears a big shout out to the ghost of craig t nelson on instagram for designing our amazing how did this get made posters and of course kyle waldron who puts up amazing stuff on our facebook page we're trying to get a little bit more involved in that and do a little bit more there as well uh

I talked to you about the discord already. That's already up. And who else do I want to thank? Who else is out there? Well, of course, I can't thank everybody without thanking. I don't even know if that makes sense. Nate Kiley, who does all of our research. Nate just had a baby. We wish him so much love and the baby so much love. And congrats to Nate on that.

another kid man another kid wow all right thank you everybody and remember give me a call 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K that's 619-Paul-Ask and we'll talk in the mini episode the top part of the show I talk about like Dr. Phil Oprah questions I'm getting involved in your life second part of the show we get into the show like what went on in holy matrimony that you want to dissect so you can call that line and with any of those problems and remember

to rate and review our show. It does help, especially now that everybody has podcasts. So rate and review our show. Tell people about it. Still keep getting the word out. And we are going to announce a new live show very soon. So stay tuned for that. Sign up for our mailing list and you can do all this stuff at HDTGM.com. That's HDTGM.com. See you next week for a mini episode. Bye for now.