Matinee Monday: The Hottie and the Nottie LIVE!
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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. A movie that proves that beauty is only skin deep. Just kidding. Ugly people deserve nothing. They're gross. We saw the haughty and the naughty, so you know what that means. Hey everybody. Now it's time for HDTV. HDTV.

People of Earth and hello people of Charleston, South Carolina!

We are so excited to be with you tonight. Holy cow, this movie. If you've not seen it, it's one of Paris Hilton's finer films. It's a love story akin to The Notebook. Basically, a young boy has a crush on his first grade crush. 20 years later, he goes back to find her and...

She has an ugly friend. Anyway, we'll get into it all, but to break it down properly, we're gonna do it with my two co-hosts. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerks? Woo! How we doing, Charleston? That's right. This city is hot. Ho, ho, ho. Holy shit. You guys don't fuck around with humidity. No.

This is a polite city. This is a polite city. You know how I know? I passed a lovely couple earlier and the woman just said, Geostorm. Wow. Polite. Polite. Respectful. Kept on walking. I loved it. I loved it. Jason, the hottie and the naughty, you own this, right? Here's the thing. Did I write this movie? No. Would I write this movie? Of course not.

but I'm so glad it was written and made. This movie was trash times a million. This is a movie that feels as though while they were shooting one of Paris Hilton's Carl's Jr. ads, lightning struck and instead a movie was born. I would argue there is more artistry in that Carl's Jr. ad than there is in this film. There's certainly more sexual chemistry between Paris Hilton and that cheeseburger.

How dare you, Jason? Than any of the men in this movie. I would rather, I would rather watch Paris Hilton straight up fuck a cheeseburger than watch her kiss anybody in this movie. Come on! This was, this, there is, most of this movie amounts to a crime being committed by everybody.

Well, let's hold our thought right there because there's someone else I'd like to introduce you to. She is our other co-host. Please welcome Miss June Diane Raphael. Hello. Welcome, June. Hi, Paul. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for asking. June, your thoughts on the hottie and the naughty. So just off the bat, I feel I have to say I auditioned for the role of the naughty. Oh.

No. Yes. No. Yes. Huge reveal. By the way, we are married. Did not know that until right now. Whoa. Wow. Yeah, did not get it. You didn't? I didn't get it. Because I noticed, obviously, it was a lot of makeup and so forth. Oh, you thought that was me? So that wasn't you?

I didn't know until just now. Yeah, no, that wasn't me. That was a different actress. Got it. Got it. And I remember, because I have such a memory of when the email came in, seeing the subject line, the hottie and the naughty, roll June, and thinking...

Do I have this? Did they write it for you? Yeah, that is a little known secret in Hollywood. When they name the character after you, you automatically get it. And so I remember, I have a memory of, because it was one of my first auditions, seeing it and thinking, I've been offered a major motion picture. Like I have arrived in this industry and it's about time.

A Paris Hilton joint. Yes. You get the offer. When do you read the script? Would you read the signs? I don't think I read the script. I don't think they released the script. Oh, yeah. You got to keep this under wraps. You got to keep this under wraps. You can't. It's like lost. You can't let this be getting out there. Yeah. You cannot reveal the plot points.

This is Avengers endgame level secrecy going on here. The reason why they only shot this movie a block around the Santa Monica Pier. Yeah. The only location in this movie is the pier and literally the houses to the left and right hand side of it. And there is like no background. There is nothing. They exist in a vacuum basically. If you told me this movie took place in like the afterlife, I guess I would believe you. When they have that picnic,

They pull out for a wide shot. They're the only two people there. It is as if the apocalypse has happened, and these are literally the last two people on Earth. Oh, I wish. So, Jundi, do you go in to audition? Well, so I remember seeing that I wasn't being offered it, that it was an audition, and that I was... By the way, it was ten years ago. That's a pretty bold thing that you thought you were going to just get an offer. Also...

I don't know how Hollywood works at that point. So I was so excited, and then I saw that I had to audition. And then I saw the role was described... I wish I could find the email. It was described as, like, human garbage. Like, garbage in human form. Like, this woman is so disgusting. And it hurt that I was being considered. At that point, were you like...

Glad you didn't get the offer? Because then at least they're tacitly saying, can you prove your garbage? Rather than, we've decided you're garbage so much so, we're going to offer you the part because obviously, right? I remember reading the entire paragraph describing June and at the end it said something like comedic. And I was like, I'll be there.

When do I need to go? If you had told, one of the most shocking components of this movie was that it was only 10 years ago. Yeah. If you had told me this movie was 25 years, this movie felt like it was from 20 years ago or more. I was shocked that it was as recent as it was because of how insane it is.

It doesn't posit any sort of positive role model, moral, or anything. Like, the takeaway from this movie is bad. Oh, yeah. Oh, it is like a romantic comedy if being, like, a stalker was the only way to find love.

Like, it's a romantic comedy for the criminally insane? I will even go one step further and go, everyone in this movie is a straight-up psychopath. Yes. Like, they all belong in some sort of institution. Not the same, but different institutions, each where they're all heavily medicated for their own things. So let's say, like, When Harry Met Sally is a great romantic comedy. Sure. Can we all agree on that? Right? Yeah. Okay. Now you've got...

you've got Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. Now they represent these two big characters. But then you've got Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby. You've got people that are grounding the world. Every single other person in this movie is straight crazy. But,

Can we even just go back to the whole premise of this movie is here's a man that has not been able to fall in love because of his crush in first grade. I can't tell you anything about my first grade students I was with.

I can maybe tell you my teacher's name. They didn't even have a friendship. Yeah. He just, it was an unrequited crush. It wasn't even like, I can't get over my high school girlfriend, right? Yeah. Maybe I could get on board for a movie in which you felt like, but he saw her. She did not choose him or whatever. They didn't have any kind of like friendship or, or anything. It's first grade. But he then decides that his failure at love means he has to go back to

hunt her down like she's big game, tackle her on the boardwalk like physically tackles every single character in the movie.

He physically assaults every woman in the movie. I wrote down, why is everyone flying at each other? Yes. There's more wire work in this movie than the Matrix. But the thing that is so troubling is, so this crush happened when he was in first grade. Yes. He then, I think, moves away or he doesn't see her. He moves to Maine. Okay, fine. He lives in Maine. By the way, I love Maine.

By the way, that was not Maine. But he's been carrying around... Somebody put a blue filter on an L.A. scene. For sure. But he's been carrying around... Now, I know he was a child, too, but he's been carrying around a photograph of her from first grade. This man should be arrested. There...

This man is unwell and should be arrested. Because if you think, if any of you dummies think this guy isn't jerking off to that picture of that little girl. You're out of your mind. Disgusting. You're out of your goddamn mind, South Carolina. Why else would you keep it? Fucking disgusting. Why else would you keep it on the top of your drawer? And then he goes back home.

to his friend who's a billion times worse of a stalker than he is. So he enlists the help of, I don't know, a true monster whose mother is facilitating... He should also be arrested. By the way, that mother should be locked up. That mother, and all the time with, like, exercise video television in that house. June...

Were you upset when you saw that picture in the drawer? Because I know that it really rubbed me the wrong way. It literally put me at a distance from liking this character. Well, yes, that's the appropriate response, Paul. That is the appropriate response. The friend says, he has a line where he says, she's been getting hotter and hotter from first grade on.

There are things, okay, and I do think the writers should be jailed. The director should be jailed. Yes. These are not, I'm dead serious. These are people, it is not safe to bring your children around. Lock them all up. To be clear. It's not okay. This is only 10 years ago. It's only 10 years ago that so many hundreds of people looked at this and said yes. Yes.

Yes, you know what? Yes. Yes, Paris Hilton. Yes, millions of dollars. Yes, I will audition for this. Yes. Yes. Yes, please let June Diane Rayfield audition. Yes. Now, can I just say the thing that is even more disturbing? Yes, we can all agree the picture is disturbing. Don't say her teeth.

No. I mean, we've even gotten into the naughty, or as one character calls it, the naughty. It's naughty, not naughty. What's his name? That one guy called it the naughty. He was saying it differently, right? Do you mean like N-A-U-G-H-T-Y naughty? Yeah. You got to get by the naughty. Paul, did you also audition for this movie? These motherfuckers, let me tell you.

When I go in to perform, I bring my all. I ask them, do you want me to sit? Do you want me to stand? Too much handwork. If I was to audition, I'm sure I would have gotten the guy who was the Star Trek guy. Okay, just staying on some of the beginning scenes where they are in flashback and we are seeing the hottie and the naughty.

Horse noise. Okay, June Figg as a child. The close-ups of that child. This is what I found so confusing about the movie. If I were to see that child, I would think there's been some major neglect. Yes, or abuse. Abuse. Something terrible has happened, and an adult, sane, well-rounded adult needs to intervene. We have a situation here.

Agreed. A child. This is Los Angeles. Yes. A child has, I think, a bloody nose. No, it's not. It's like crusted up nose. It's like a crusted up nose. The naughty looked like halfway between someone who

was homeless and addicted to meth, but yet five years old. Here's what it would be like. It would be as if at the beginning of the movie, during that scene, the teacher had said, hey class, we have a new student. It is someone that has been found as a feral child living in the woods in Russia, and we have now given her an opportunity to go to school with you. Her parents lived through Chernobyl.

The mother was pregnant and this is what we got. And immediately the teacher would then take a tissue and be like, oh, don't worry, sweetie. I've got that. But no, this girl's allowed to sit in what is ostensibly insane conditions physically. But again, I want to talk before we get into the naughty. I just want to say the thing that disturbs you the most is the hottie Paris Hilton, Christabel. I want to use her, her God given name, Christabel, uh,

There is no God. She has no personality whatsoever. Like...

She doesn't even have, like, as a child, she doesn't even have lines. She doesn't have any kind of demonstrative action. But I would actually argue that the naughty suffers from the same thing. Beyond being ugly, she also really doesn't have a personality. Nor does the lead guy either, right? Yes.

I mean, we're in a world where the mom who watches exercise videos probably has the most personality. I would so much rather have watched a movie about that mother. A hundred percent. Because you know she's fucking that son. You know that's what's up. You know. Why else is he still living there?

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of them as kids, though, you would think it would set up a dynamic that would feel unfinished. You know, for a movie like this, a movie like this usually sets up some sort of unfinished business, something to remain unrequited. But that's not what it is. What possibly could be unfinished between first graders? That's a good point. Because even sexualizing first graders is a reach. To be like, in first grade, I was in love.

where the fuck are you? That means you're like, what, six or seven? Like, yeah, you're like, that's no, no, no, no, no, no. Like you could be like, I remember I had a He-Man figure when I was six or seven. You weren't like, I found true love and I've stunted my growth for 20 plus years. Paul, were you in love with a He-Man figure? When you punched his chest, it would get battle damage. It was really cool.

Are we to believe that he can't have a functioning relationship because he is still so obsessed with a seven-year-old? Here's the thing. That's what the scene with Jane. Why, if you have a June, do you write a Jane? This is confusing. This is confusing. So, in Maine, there's a Jane. Oh. Fuck this movie. The Maine and Jane race, baby.

So in Maine, there's a Jane, okay? And you cut, so when you cut to the, what's his name? What's the boy's name? Don't know. Nate. When you cut to Nate, when you cut to Nate as an adult in Maine, he is playing guitar for his girlfriend, Jane, so he's able to have a relationship. Is that his job? Would you like to? What is his job? And where is his income coming from?

Jane, I mean, here's the thing. He has no job. She has written loser on his car. She is framed as crazy?

but he is trash. Well, can we play that song? Why can't she be right? Like, why does she have to be framed as an insane person who then breaks the guitar over his head and runs him over with a car? Funny scene. The guitar breaking over his head, I was like...

Like if you gave me multiple choice, like where does this scene go? I wouldn't be like, she breaks the guitar over his head. That seems insane. Let's listen to the song though, because it's a beautiful song. And it really does come back later in the movie.

I liked her.

She's just an emotional girl. This time you're just an emotional girl. You want the guitar? It works. I mean, what? First of all, why are they all, why is he wearing a full, like, scarf and jacket? It's Maine, baby. It's Maine. And why would that song be appropriate for...

I don't know. Like, I want to believe, I want to live in a world in which Jane, who he's dating here, can understand, like, why is she still with this guy if she's behaving... Because as an audience, we have to, we are put in a position where we have to sympathize with him.

And it's absurd. I guess, yeah. But we're put in the very uncomfortable position of having to get on board with him early in the movie so that when he humiliates this woman and calls her ugly and reacts to her in such an outlandish way so many times we can understand him and align ourselves with him as an audience. And his dream to just get the hot... Like, none of it... It's like...

It's not doing any of the correct work to get him there. No, not at all. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear what you're saying, and I agree with everything. But again, they go out of their way to make him unlikable because when he does meet Paris Hilton, the first move is to sniff her hair. To sniff her hair. While she's running. Do you know how hard it is to sniff someone while they're running? Hear me out.

The year, 1980. The lady, Jackie Joyner Kersey. The Olympics. Was I old? Yes. But they make him so hard to like, because these things that we know of him, it's gross, and his character...

I mean, I don't know what he's offering to her, really, if anything. Zero. He is straight trash. She literally, at the end of the movie, Paris Hilton's like, you're not talented, you're not good, you're not athletic, you're not attractive. And she's like, so, yeah, I am better than you. And then later on goes, but you know what? That's what love is. Like, you accept people for their flaws. Like, no, love, like the way that she describes it, it's like you accept people for being garbage. Like...

Like, there's, I don't even understand why she would. There is nothing about him that is sincere or real or that he is just. He's a terrible person. He's operating, he's operating like a stalker. He's operating like someone who would be like, of course I'm in your house. This is our house. We live here.

Like, whenever he's caught out, his justifications might as well be those types. Well, we live here. This is where I live, and this is what I do, and I belong to have you. You are mine. It's a much more interesting movie to actually understand. I mean, I guess they posit this narrative of, like, every hottie has a naughty, which, like, just never heard that narrative before in the world. But when I first saw the title of the movie in my e-mail,

I thought, again, never having read the script, that it was more, and not having seen the trailer, that it was going to be focused on the relationship between the two of them, which to me would have actually been very interesting to see how this relationship is codependent and what they're getting from each other, which right now I have no idea. I have no idea. And then to see how it might change if...

It's hard that it's, you know, I have the same name as her. But if she became more conventionally attractive and appealing to men, what would happen to Paris Hilton's character? But to center the whole thing around this motherfucker was so... And to have to watch... I mean, I just kept on thinking, watching it, like, to have the confidence of a mediocre white man, to have the...

It was... I have to say, on my own personal journey with this film, was that I should feel way better about myself and have a lot more confidence in the world. Well, here's the thing... Oh, I was going to say, can I just say, like, the normal... I guess the trajectory that I thought the movie would take is that he would find that...

even though maybe in the beginning he wasn't attracted to the naughty, that he actually has a more connection to her and then he falls in love with her, but not that she would get a makeover and then she'd be equally attracted to Paris Hilton and then it would be okay that he would fall in love with her. Because it's like, it defeats the whole purpose of the movie. It's sort of like, well, yeah, when you get hot, yeah, totally fuck you too. Well, yeah. Yeah.

I agree. That's my arc. My arc is, if you get hot, I'll fuck you. Yeah. Before, when you were a frog, not interested. But now that you've turned into a princess, boner town, let's do this. And that's where I got so crazy about him sort of indicting Johan. He's no better than Johan. Oh, yeah. I felt angry that he wouldn't let this woman lose her virginity to Johan. Yeah.

Well, Johan is not a guy that we want to hang on a pedestal either. I mean, like put him on a pedestal because Johan is like, I searched the world for ugly girls that I can create in an image that I want to fuck and then I fuck them and then they're grateful. That's a David Cronenberg movie I would watch.

I'm not saying I want her to fall in love with Johan and really get her heart broken, but for her first sexual experience, I was absolutely on board for her having that with Johan. I really was. Absolutely. I mean, what are we talking about here? Like, how dare he, after all this, ruin that for her? This man, none of them, every, okay, every single man in this movie is a villain.

This is a movie about villains. Their plans are nefarious. They have files of material on these women. They have websites dedicated to where they are when. There is, he sits on the table

It's on a bench of other stalkers who we are meant to believe are adorable and harmless across from another bench of stalkers who we're also meant to believe are adorable and harmless. Paris Hilton lives in a prison.

Where she is surrounded by men who will not, will not leave her alone. So much so that they follow her, sniff her, tackle her. The only reasonable ending for this movie, once he tackles her on the beach, is she's dead by the end of the movie. Oh, absolutely. This movie is not cool. She should be dead. If anything, I wanted to scream at her, hey, hey,

Hey, stop engaging these people. The albino guy? The guy with the sign? That's what was so disturbing. All of the men are villains that we are supposed to think are heroes. They're villains. And then the women will not see them as such. No, they only see the men as potential heroes. Well, but I mean, that was the most disturbing thing at the end of the film. Spoiler alert. When Nate breaks up with Paris Hilton...

By the way, the breakup scene, were they ever together? Well, I mean, Paris Hilton's reaction to it is so like, oh, okay.

She literally goes, but I love you, and this is it. Now you can go into my lingerie closet, which seems like the wrong fantasy that we're telling. It's like when you find the hottest girl, get ready, because she's going to have a closet full of lingerie, and you get to pick it. A walk-in closet? A walk-in closet that...

That the lingerie is displayed as if it was on display in the store. It's not lined up so that you can maximize the space. No. It's like laid out so you can see everyone. It is as if you walked into... Paris Hilton and the Naughty live in a Malibu beach house.

How do they afford that? They live in a $8 million house with millions of dollars worth of furniture. Like, they've got, like, how you doing? Guys, come on.

Again, it was the best location they could get one block away from the pier, which is where they were required to shoot this movie. Holy shit. So the naughty, the naughty is, we're told that she is a vegan, right? So that, that, that, what was June? What did they say? She's vegan. She's very healthy. She's vegan. So she eats a lot of nonfat stuff.

Wait, was that it? That's the line? She doesn't eat a lot of non-fat stuff. Wow. What the fuck? Again, so many people had to sign off on this. They then got to be on set saying the lines and someone said, we got it.

We got it. We got it. Moving on. I will say, I know we have been bagging on this movie a little bit, but I will say... A little bit? A little bit. You might have noticed we've been a little negative on this movie. But I want to say, I want to talk about the term restraint. And this movie uses restraint. Because in that yoga scene, the fact that the naughty did not fart in his face...

When you could have easily done that. You know they did it in ADR. They recorded it. They tested it. I will say, I will say, I loved how many farts there were in this movie. I laughed a number of times at all the farts because I was like, see, sometimes even a dumb movie gets it right. When Paris Hilton farted and then said, don't worry, it's not the smelly kind. I was like, I was like, come on.

That's it? No, this is the movie. This right here, this is the movie. By the way... If Paris Hilton spent the whole movie shitting her pants, and that's something he had to deal with, what if the hottie is incontinent now? Now let's take a look at this. And she's like, I'm going to need to be wiped and cleaned like a baby. By the way... By the way, not into it. Paris Hilton... Still single.

Paris Hilton. Changing those dipes, ladies. I would say if she wasn't continent, Paris Hilton would not take care of her because Paris Hilton's a bad friend. She never is helping this person. The only time. Why do you say that? Well, because like the look at the way that she dresses, like you would think that Paris Hilton would be like, you know what? Let's maybe get some nice form fitting yoga clothes or let's maybe. Wait, Paul, time out. What? Yeah. Time out. Time out.

I just feel like she lets this... T.O., Paul, T.O. I just feel like... Tease, Paul. I didn't feel like... What? Do I have to go in the corner? That was actually one of the few things that I liked about their relationship that Paris never said to her, tried to change her, tried to get her to dress differently. In fact, what I think Paris Hilton says in the movie is that 95% of the way people view you is how you view yourself. Well, she also says this thing about earth suits.

There are beauty standards at work here, right? The men in the movie think they are God's gift and they are disgusting.

The men in this movie are disgusting. Except for the hunk. In terms of, are you saying in terms of looks or personality? I'm saying in terms of looks. Okay, agree. The one hunk is hunky. Right, but we don't really, we don't go to lengths to examine the, like, disproportionate amount of attention that's on women's bodies in this movie, as opposed to the men who are, yes, of course, the hunk is more conventionally attractive, but there are men in this movie who should be receiving the same amount of investigation. Right.

And they are skating by. I think that Nate needs to shave that goatee ASAP. The fact that Nate boldly says to Paris Hilton, I'm a personal trainer, and she doesn't look at him and say, you're a fucking liar. Get out of my face. Get out of here. He then shows up to yoga in jeans? I'm sorry. You are not any kind of personal trainer. You're a fucking psychopath.

Usually when there's a disparity, one party is making up for their aesthetic with a

a personality. Yes. A charm. That's what I'm saying. This guy is not only not attractive, but he is his personality is disgusting. First of all, what do we, can we just like break it down? What is his personality besides being a stalker? Let's go. His personality is he is a liar. He is a stalker. He does not have a job, but he's able to pay for a $2,000 spa gift certificate. Yes.

His car says loser. He's a terrible singer. Like, maybe... Able to pay for a $2,000 spa, but not just a simple paid job to cut out losing. Maybe hashtag Jane was right. You know? Maybe Jane had it right. He is just a loser. Get out of here. But she loved him for a long time. Meanwhile, he drives around in that car and nobody else in the movie, Paris Hilton, nobody's ever like, hey, why does it say loser on your car?

What's up with that? Can we talk about the guy that he ropes in? Cole? Cole. Cole Slauson? Cole Slauson. This movie has at least six to 11 times where he makes up things just by looking around and Cole Slauson. Cole Slauson. Cole Slauson. And commits to it hard so the whole time they have to go back to that joke. Oh, Jason. That's me.

I wanted to ask you, you know, Cole Slauson... Cole Slauson. ...wears a fanny pack in this movie. Sure. And a fisherman's vest. Are you going to get my fanny pack?

When you saw it on him, because it's a pretty big fanny pack. Too big. It was too big. Didn't like it too big. Didn't like it too big. Okay. Back to Cole Slauson. Cole Slauson. Giant fanny pack on him. Well, Cole Slauson, I want to get into him because he's a misunderstood character. You want to get into Cole Slauson? Yeah.

A man whose character name is made up and we never learn his real name. He is not worth knowing his name. Okay, so Cole Slauson...

sees an ad that Nate puts up and the ad is this, volunteers needed medical experimentation make $500 per week, part time, evenings and weekends, testing may include skin biopsies, sleep studies with persistent and unrelenting shocks, and anally, but I don't think it's spelled right,

Or, like, it's like, how would you say that that is? Anally injected fungus and bacteria. But anally is... That's not how you spell anally, is it? It's A-N-A-L-Y. It's like, yeah, it's not right. Um...

Treated only with placebo what? Drugs. Treated only with placebo drugs. So I guess maybe you wouldn't get better from it. Here's the thing about this. This should have been used as a clue by police. This should have been a clue used by police to catch Nate Cooper. Season two of Live and Die in L.A., the podcast. Serial murderer. Naughty and the Naughty.

Again, where does he have this $500 from? And where does he get the $2,000 from? He's spending so much money on...

Just to... I don't know what he... What does he think? I would have loved a scene where he's alone with his thoughts being like, Nate, what are you doing? Oh, Nate, what are we doing? What are we doing, Nate? I got too far. Coast lost and I got too, too far. Yeah, where he just like puts rocks in his pockets and walks out into the ocean. Yeah.

Also, the question is never asked of June. So Cole Slauson, of course, like sees her. And I guess he was trying to set up an even worse scenario. But sees her, is sick to his stomach, is very disturbed. But we never, the question is never asked of June. Do you like him? Right. She has...

agency and no choice in the matter of these suitors. She's just supposed to be thrilled. No, no, I think this movie exists in a world in which you are so ugly, you're lucky to get any guy that comes along and you better just take it or who knows what, just put heavy rocks in your pockets and walk into the ocean.

I mean, Jason, there is a world in which we could posit a Jacob's Ladder scenario that he was hit and killed by his girlfriend in that first scene and never makes it. This is, I will allow this. I will allow this. Interesting.

We see him literally get hit by a car. The Jacob's Ladder scenario works here because she hits him with such force with the car, and he is struck by the car, then goes underneath it, and then pops out to the side like, what happened to me? He should be very grievously injured, if not straight up deadsville. So this can be...

If, by the way, if this movie ended with just, we're losing him, we're losing him, it would have been amazing. The last image he sees is Christabel. She's now an ER doctor and she's pumping his heart. And that was it. He dies. Yeah. She couldn't save him. So anyway, Cole...

I like that. By the way, Cole Slauson... I just want to talk about, this movie came out in 2008. He sees that ad, really deliberates it. He's like, hmm, hmm, hmm. Picks it, then immediately runs to a pay phone. For this plan to work, the person needed to pick the thing. And I guess he has to watch because I guess the number is a dummy number.

Yeah. Why wouldn't it just be a cell phone? This is a movie that in 2008, the internet doesn't exist. You know what Nate Cooper never does? Google the Paris Hilton character. The guy, the creep even says, you should check out the website. There's even more websites, more so than the file. So this guy's been building a creep website about Christabel.

And then Nate is like, Nate never Googles anything. Nate never uses, nobody ever uses the internet to do anything. And Christabel has on a minimum six to seven stalkers a day waiting for one that she has a really fun, flirty relationship with, the albino. One of whom has a sign that just says, marry me, right? And he holds the sign up when she's jogging and there's a cutout for his chin.

There's a cutout where his chin goes. And I was like, ooh, that specific that this sign is lived in really bothered me.

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- June, I don't want to put you on the spot, but you are a runner. What did you think of Paris Hilton's running in this movie? - There were so many arms to it, and it was just, it was very slow. I mean, there's a point where she's running, and he's walking behind her, just at such a slow pace, but she's still keeping up that jog.

That is the craziest thing. He is walking. He is fully fucking walking. The thing that made me so angry about that whole opening run is the portrayal of this woman, the expectations that are set upon her. She's being stalked by these men. So many. So many men. There's a website that details her running route. Jesus.

And she has restraining orders against some of them, and she's happy as a fucking clam. Hey, guys. She knows all of them by name, which is itself chilling. These are all men who will murder her. Yes. They just will. If given the chance, they would happily murder her. Absolutely. Just so that they can see if she's as pretty on the inside. By the way...

I hate it. By the way, I did think there was a missed opportunity when the dad and the wife were walking with the stroller. I really wanted him to push the wife and the stroller into the sand. Did anyone else notice there was no child in that stroller? That was one of those let's hope. Oh, I don't like that at all. I don't want that for them.

Oh. All right, so Cole Slauson. Are we going to get to do-it-yourself hypnosis? Oh, well, this works perfectly with Cole Slauson. So Cole Slauson goes over to Creepo number two's house, and they're hypnotizing him, but I also feel like the mom is getting hypnotized. Wait, what? Tell me more about that. I mean, listen, I'm interested only because the mom's involved. I thought the mom was in the kitchen, and like, we'll hypnotize you, and the mom was like, huh? Oh.

Like, I thought they were going to also hypnotize her, and then I thought there would be a funny scene. Also, the mom has a subscription to... See, this audience gets me. Charleston, I'm home. Thank you. Wow. June, how do you feel about moving to Charleston? I guess I don't see that I have a choice. I'll meet you in the pineapple. I'll meet you at the pineapple. So they're hypnotizing him with a hypnotizing for dummies book and a large shocking device.

They are actively trying to kill Cole Slauson. They have hooked him up to an electric chair scenario. They are trying to hypnotize, they're trying to use... I don't care, I hated this. It was very...

They're trying to condition him to think that June the Naughty is hot by showing him a picture of a sexy space alien? And by the way, it works! It works! It works instantly. It works instantly. This movie becomes the Manchurian Candidate for five minutes. Yes. Oh, I hated this. Did I ever tell you about the time that June and I watched the Manchurian Candidate? We were in a hotel room and...

The brightness on the TV was turned all the way down and we watched all of Venturi and Kennedy. We're like, "That's an interesting choice the director made to shoot it like this." - So dark.

And barely see it. And we were like, what's happening now? I don't know. It's like, oh, that's the message. It's sort of like it's murky in this brainwash game. I love it when you are just new enough in a relationship that you don't want to say something's wrong, that you just want to justify the incorrectness of something. So that you can be like, I know that this is, I did the same thing. I went to a concert where the woman wants to see the replacements and kept insisting that, oh, I love this song. But then it was one of the opening bands.

And then another, I mean, this is like I was in ninth grade or something, and then another band came out, and I was like, well, this is the replacement. This is the band. Not the replacements. It happened twice. I was like, ugh, give me my happy one. I love that you were in ninth grade, but you referred to her as a woman. Of course. Of course. With big titties. By the way. She was like, she was a beautiful, beautiful woman. Big, sloppy titties. I hate her. I hate her.

Right? Cool? Did I get it? B-S-T. B-S-T. I will say one thing about this movie, too. Besides that running scene with Paris Hilton, this movie is all about people sitting down. Everyone's sitting in this movie at all times. Camera moves too expensive.

They really are. So yeah, he's hypnotized and now he's in love with the naughty. And then he whips out this Star Trek shit where he starts referring to her like a Borg and she's like the Borg queen.

But I'm realizing now as I'm saying it, it's because they showed him the picture of Space Lady. Oh, but I guess they couldn't use a real Star Trek picture because that costs money. So we just had to justify that that was a picture from Star Trek. And I know my Star Trek pictures. Listen, you know your Space Ladies. I know that that wasn't Alice Krug from Star Trek Nemesis. Insurrection? One of those. The one with the board. Oh boy. Do you want to take a minute and figure it out?

I believe it is Insurrection because Nemesis, I think, is the one where Picard is fighting Picard, which is Eric Bana. Right? Oh, First Contact. That's it. Sorry. You really are home. Oh, no. Yeah. These fucking nerds get you, man. Charleston. Charleston is my town.

Let's go get biscuits later in the shopping area. I loved, there was a thing that made me laugh, but then I was like, why did they do this? Then I was like, this is a bit that I would want the movie to do, and it did it, which shocked me, which is Nate is on the phone with, what's his buddy's name? Arno, thank you. Pull back to reveal Arno's on the toilet. Finishes the call. Then audible fart.

poop drop, you hear him, you, in this movie, you hear a man shit. Now,

Sometimes in movies, you hear a fart. Rarely do you hear someone actively shit into a toilet that isn't diarrhea. It's not like, oh boy. It is just how each and every one of us turds into the toilet at night. He's just like, okay, I'll talk to you later. And you know what I got to say about that, Jason?

After seeing that scene, I had one thing I wanted to say about that. That's hot. Solid Paris Hilton quote. Thank you. June, you put your head down during that whole description. Yeah, I didn't care for that, Jason. I didn't care for that at all. You know what? We all like different things in the movie. I know. I just feel like...

You know, I'm not very, I'm not into potty humor, I guess. Here's what I did find out, just because I was curious about it. I was like, that's 100% an ADR joke. Nope, that guy actually shit in that toilet in that moment. He said, I want you to mic this toilet. I'm going to drop this hot deuce. They had problems with the camera that day, so we had to do it 17 times live. Yep.

You know, because it's just like eating. If you want to eat in a scene, you have to eat in every take. So if you're going to...

Moving off that, what was so interesting about the movie, I mean, they go to such lengths to pan over June's disgusting body, right? They really spend their time, and also Paris's gorgeous body. And yet, they do show restraint, much like the fart joke they didn't go for in yoga. When they go, when they are panning up her bathing-suited body...

Her bushes kept together quite nicely, which I was surprised about. You wanted to see hair jutting out? It's not that I wanted to see that. June, you're saying you wanted there to be pubic hair pouring out of her bathing suit. That's what you, June Diane Ries, you wanted? Now this is a shocking reveal. We are aligned on this.

For all that we had seen up until then, I thought for sure when we get to her bush, it's going to be crazy. It's going to be hilariously crazy. We've been told her hair is a problem. Yes, that her hair is out of control, that electrolysis, that lasers are not helping. And so I was curious, what's it going to be like?

Well, I couldn't see anything. It was completely... Yeah, no. And I'll be honest. I went frame by frame. Me too. I couldn't find anything. I was trying to really zoom in there and see what I could see. I was like, Siri, enhance. Siri, enhance quadrant three. Siri.

A tremendous restraint shown to really humanize this character. I tip my hat to the filmmakers there. I think June and I, because June and I watch this together, and I think I would like to just talk for a second about Johan, who I think gives a pretty solid performance. I thought he was great. Yep, agree. Funny, funny.

And I didn't know. I didn't know which way he was going to go. I didn't know. Which was great, actually. He played it great, but he didn't really tip what his character's intention was. Which was much more pervier than what you thought it was. Like, if it was just to treat her to get to Paris, that would be skeevy and gross. But this was more like serial killer, like, I'll make her into what I want, and then she'll be mine. Like, it was weird. I did not like that at all. Quick question.

I thought that the naughty when she is transformed is more attractive than Paris Hilton. Of course. Of course. You say of course, but I go, I don't think that Paris Hilton's in on that equation.

Like, I don't think that Paris Hilton's like, so you'll be really hot and then your friend gets hot and then she'll be hotter than you. I don't think that that was told to Paris Hilton. Well, listen, I don't know what men think. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. But I mean, when I look at the two of them, I really don't want to know. There's no contest. What do you think the men think? I don't know. Based on this movie, I think they're insane and disgusting and everyone's terrifying. What's interesting in this movie is Paris Hilton is rejected by both men.

Which is wild. Like it is, it's like I thought the movie was full on

on going for. Oh, Paris Hilton ends up with Johan and Nate realizes true love. Like when Nate and June start dancing at the bar and they share a moment and it seems as though these people who've been hanging out all this time have like a love at first sight moment where they're dancing and getting along. And I was like, oh, what's going to happen is they'll realize, well, we should be together and they are going to go off and be together and everybody ends up where they should be and blah, blah, blah. But instead,

It just becomes Johan and Nate want June, and Paris Hilton is just kind of like... But I...

Don't you get the sense she's okay with that? Oh, yeah. She literally says, don't worry, Nate. I have lots of date options. Yeah, but yet we understand that she has not gotten a lot of action. As she says twice, I don't get a lot of action. But that's only because she says no because of June. She's like, I've said that I'm not going to do anything until June finds love. Got it. Okay, so she's getting options. She's just not taking them. Which leads to them saying, she's not only smoking hot, she's also extremely horny.

And I was like, guys, what the fuck is this? It is surprising to me that this movie was written by a woman. Yes! I wrote multiple times, it is not possible this is a woman writing this movie. I'm not surprised. I mean, the patriarchy is a smog we all breathe in.

I just want everyone to know the patriarchy is a smog we all breathe in is a quote from Brittany Packnett. Let's go to the audience to see what you have to say about the hottie and the naughty. All right. So, ma'am, your name and your question. I'm Rachel. I'm from Columbia. I have to preface this.

a couple things, so bear with me. This has to make the podcast because my seven-year-old would only let me come if he had something to brag about to his second grade class. All right, well, this is going to be the talk of the second grade class. Please don't let them listen to this episode. Next, I do remember my first grade crush. He had, my sister says he had a Kool-Aid mustache at all times.

Okay. My question is, are we ignoring the fact that this guy drove that sucky car all the way to L.A.? I wrote that, too. I said there's no way that car makes it to L.A. I have a brand new Ford Focus that would never make it to L.A.

And you're not even coming from that far. You're coming just from Charleston. He came from Maine. That's a bigger trip. Correct. I had a huge problem with this. Your main problem with this movie... It's just the... That is correct. Your main problem with this movie... That is correct. Was that a late model Ford Focus... Correct. Would not be able to drive cross country. I mean, I love that that's your problem, but this movie's got bigger fish to fry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Paul, can I ask you a question? Yeah. I did like it. Can you ask as the question to everybody if they remember their first grade crush's name? You got it. Do you remember your first grade crush's name? No. And you're, and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but you're young. Yes. How old are you? 14. Okay. 14! How many teenagers in the house? 10!

Couple, couple. About four. Those fucking nerds. Those fucking nerds just freaked out. All right. What's her name? Emerson. Emerson, what's your question? So after the naughty gets hot, I'll just say it. So thank you. This movie is shaping young minds. Yes.

This movie is reversing wokeness. Yes! She says that she was hit on by a guy with a rat tail mullet? What would that even be?

Great question. And I'm going to put that to June, who has all of our hair answers. What is a rat tail mullet, June? I don't ever want to know. I don't ever want to see that. I think it's just short in the front and then a long rat tail. Rat tail mullet. It sounds horrible. Business in front, rat in the back.

Sir, your question. My question is, the line, a life without orgasms is a life without flowers. Do you actually believe that? Yes. What? Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Sir, sir, sir, can I ask you a question? Sir, hang on. Is your wife in the box with you? Ma'am? She is. Ma'am? Hold on, I'm coming over. Ma'am, are you okay? I'm coming over.

Ma'am, do you want to live a life without orgasms? Well, he said, we have two kids that had sex twice, but that's not answering the question. Hey, that's the problem. That's the problem. He thinks because they had sex twice, she had an orgasm. She just got pregnant because you did, bro. Don't make muscles.

Don't make muscles now. Ma'am, ma'am, how do you feel about the turn of events? Ma'am, blink if you need to be saved. Do you agree with Paris Hilton? Sure. Well, that should be an... How many people agree with Paris Hilton that a life without orgasm is a life without flowers? That's not enough people. Wait, is Charlton, South Carolina not coming? What's happening here?

I'm like, I'm worried about you guys. I feel like the overwhelming nature is like, orgasms over it. It's a myth. Female orgasm. It's a myth. I'm deeply concerned. I am worried about you guys, especially you, ma'am. Listen, just so you know, it could be another way. It could be another way. Yeah. She is furious.

On the ride home tonight, she's like, why did you fucking say that? I never thought he was going to come all the way over to the balcony side box. Yeah. Then he made double muscles? Come on. Before we get into other people's thoughts about this film, let me tell you a couple things about this film. The director of this film only had directed documentary films.

before this. Interesting. So that's that. Interesting. And some of the taglines for the film were, do you want to take a guess? Anyone want to take a guess? It's a hairy situation. June, you were right there. I was going to say she's a 10, she's a negative zero. I don't know. Something like that. I thought you were close because you were like, she's hot, she's not, he's nuts.

Okay. Then there is... What? That's hot, that's not. And then finally... Paris Hilton's tagline at the time. Yep. And love never needed to be so blind. Those are some of the taglines for the hottie. Wow, even the taglines are overtly cruel. Indeed. Now, obviously we had an opinion about this film, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Second Opinions.

Come on, Unfortunate Tribe!

So vain, so mean. They say this film's not a winner and it almost made me hurl. And do I mock them? Yes, of course. You poor unfortunate trolls. Such bad reviews. If you go digging for a plot, my dear, you're gonna find some holes. If you need a boost of confidence, go on with the mole. Paul, June, and Jason, now I've got them, y'all. With speed to cruise control.

Give it up for Louie! Great work, Charleston. Those were great. Good work, Charleston. Your hometown. That's my hometown. All right, so these are five-star reviews called from Amazon. Let me give you some stats here about the film. 39 reviews for this film. 39, a real record low. Um...

36 are five-star reviews. 36%. Okay, here we go. The first one, this one from Chrissy W. says, highly recommend for 14-year-olds. So that goes to you. That kid gets it. Yep. Those nerds get it.

This one starts off, this is written by Alan, and Alan says, "Okay, let's be fair here. "I bet a majority of the bad reviews came from people "who have not watched the movie and/or have cold hearts. "I watched the movie with an open mind, "and guess what? "I loved it. "The character of 'June' was done well, "but I felt like they went a little overboard with her flaws.

I know girls that have friends like that and it was pretty much on par with how they act. I'd be bitter and angry too. Anyway. - She wasn't bitter and angry. - No. Anyway, super cute movie. Any decent hearted person would appreciate it. Even if you do not like Paris Hilton, which I personally do not like, nor dislike. She's quite pretty, but my goodness, June turned out to be gorgeous. Five stars.

Seems like one of the characters from that movie wrote this. I'm bringing up this person. The person, the reviewer's name is Sexy. That's the reviewer's name. And the title is, As Close to Paris Hilton As You Can Get. Unless you know her daily itinerary, this is as close to cheeky Paris Hilton as you can possibly get.

Far from being a rich, spoiled brat, Paris has got natural talents as an entrepreneur that I admire. She's a natural actress, very comfortable in front of camera, very cool, very calm, very cheeky, and captivating. I enjoyed this movie from its beginning. What I liked were the themes. Theme number one, Paris' character being faithful to someone unfortunate. I wonder if Paris can stay in a long-term relationship in real life. Theme number two...

Paris' philosophy about the human soul versus body and how we look on the outside. We do not have a soul. Theme number three, the revealing flashback storytelling technique that is used to explain the present relationship in relation to the past.

Not a theme. Recommended viewing, Shallow Hal. Five stars. Wow. Now, Nate Kiley pulled up Sexy's page. There's 347 reviews of Sexy, and it really goes deep into the wormhole. Paul, I don't want this on your browser.

Sexy gets into... They are disturbing. They are... But if you want to have a fun treat, treat yourself to Sexy's reviews on Amazon. I don't like it. All 347 of them. They're there. I don't like it. This exists. This is a real person. I don't even want to look at it. I feel like they're almost too disturbing to read, honestly, as I gauge through. I don't like it. A couple things here I want to tell you about that I really like about this movie. First of all, the budget. Anyone?

Anyone want to take a guess? 2008? 2008. I'm going to say $11 million. I think it's more. It's so, but keep in mind how few locations there are. Yeah. How many interiors? How much? Nobody has a quote. Like, what's spending money? $30 million. Whoa. Whoa.

$9 million. $9 million. Domestic growth, $27,000. $27,000.

I guarantee. The reason why I said 30 million is because I bet she is, Paris Hilton is an international star. Agreed. Whether we like it or not. Right. Agreed. And we do like it. At this time especially. Absolutely. At this time especially. An article in the Houston Chronicle determined that based on box office receipts, an average 28 people per theater saw this movie on opening weekend. Here's my conjecture. My belief is,

is that the people that watch this movie because of this podcast will double the net value. Possibly. We will. This is the challenge. Let's double how much the hottie and the naughty has made.

And by the way, that number they just gave you, that meant that five people went to each showing of the movie. Five people or less. It's shot in five weeks. That's five too many. It's not making me feel better. Um...

Paris Hilton scouted locations for the film, and here is the one fact that I love the most. The film was released in the United Kingdom, and it was advertised as the number one film, and then smaller print revealed it was the number one in the Intermittent Movie Database's bottom 100, which was true at the time. LAUGHTER

Holy shit. This movie was given Razzie Awards and won Razzie Awards for Worst Actress, Worst On-Screen Couple. It was nominated for Worst Screenplay, Worst Picture, and Worst Director. And this movie came in 462 out of all the movies made in 2008. The top three movies of 2008, The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This movie was beaten by The Love Guru, 88 Minutes,

Punisher Warzone and it beat nothing that we have done on this podcast wow Jason June would you recommend this film? Paul I'm not going to lie absolutely not maybe if you're going to watch it for this show watch it but like whenever the point comes when you're watching it that you're like you know what I don't want to watch this anymore turn it off

Because it's also way longer than you think it is. And I believe two have watched it. It's only 92 minutes. So long. I believe two have watched it puts you on a list. You are all on that list. I believe they're tracking people that complete this film. Yeah. I mean, usually when I audition for a role and I don't get it, I do like to hate watch that thing and just watch it angrily.

And I didn't feel that watching this movie. I felt such relief. I think if you're watching this for the podcast, then watch it, I guess. Make sure your children are nowhere near this movie. Agree. That's what I get concerned about, that there are young minds watching it. It actually should be burned and never seen. It's...

You're saying that this should be removed from existence. I don't believe in censorship, but in this one case... You want people to be burning copies of Hottie and the Naughty? In this one case, I'd be open to it. It is irresponsible for the last line of your movie to be, you're out of breath.

that calling back? What was that? The movie ends like a bar closing down. It's like, we're having fun. Lights on what? Oh, okay, so we gotta go. What happened? The movie's done.

They're also, sorry, that last moment and the wide shot they pull away in is supposed to be this romantic shot between the two of them. She's sitting on the edge of a bench so awkwardly and he's leaned over to kiss her. They look so uncomfortable. Yes. The only way it could have been better is if they lean in for a kiss and it's like... And if she said, last line of the film, uh-oh, that was a smelly one. LAUGHTER

I am going to disagree with my two co-hosts. I recommend this film. If you like love stories like The Notebook and gross out humor like Garbage Pail Kids, this is the film for you. I wish this movie had characters that had Alzheimer's. I wish I had Alzheimer's and couldn't forget I'd watch this movie.

I love this film. It made me so happy to be married to such a wonderful woman. I'm not in this crazy dating world because this is like that HBO show Euphoria. Oh my God, do not get me involved in this crazy dating world because I'd have to be stalking people and waiting for them running by. Why do you keep talking about not wanting to get involved in the crazy dating world? Not a big deal. Hang out tonight in Charleston. Not want to get involved in that crazy dating world.

Hey, June. We have a family together. What are you talking about? What's going on, pal? Definitely don't want to get involved and go out dancing and get crazy dating. Go to a good old cafe. Hey, babe, you don't have to worry about it. The good old cafe? You think the crazy dancing in Charleston is at some place called the good old cafe? I don't want to get on one of those cruise ships tonight and end up wherever they're going to dock tomorrow. Then you'd be so far from your hometown of Charleston.

Don't want to get involved in that crazy dating. Don't want to go on one of those late night romantic ghost tours. Don't want to do it. This is all so specific and well thought out. Paul, it sounds like these are all things you're going to do tonight. I want to stay as far away from it as I can. Don't want to have a burner phone in my pocket. You don't want to? Because you asked me to hold it in my fanny pack. Let's talk about it after the show.

Thank you, everybody, for coming. You did it, Charleston. You did it. Charleston, you have been a fantastic crowd. That's our show. A reminder that June's book comes out this Tuesday. It's called Represent a Woman's Guide to Running for Office and Changing the World. I can't recommend this book enough. June did an amazing job with it. It's funny. It's informational. It's such a

Good read. I left wanting to run for office. I'm being very sincere. I was blown away by this book. It comes out this Tuesday, September 3rd. Pick yourself up a copy. A big thanks to Averill Halley, our producer, who picks all of the films for all of these live shows. And this show, Hottie and the Nottie, which we have a very special shirt right now available in the Tee Public store. That's right. We have a disgusting toenail

from the naughty. It's so gross. You can go to tpublic.com slash store slash HDTGM. A big thanks to Nate Kiley, who's always out there researching and finding all the good facts, like The Rock's chest width.

And Kyle Waldron, who designed some of our great How Did This Get Made posters you can find on our Instagram page and our Facebook page. Molly Reynolds, who just kills it, culling together all this great stuff and helping work our Twitter and answering all your emails. A big thanks to Devin, our engineer, who traveled across country with us out there doing the work on a Wednesday night. How Did This Get Made? So much fun out there on tour. And Cody Fisher, our producer here in L.A. We love them all.

Thanks so much. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.