Re-Release: A Very Nutty Christmas
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Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to a rerun. But don't think of it as a rerun. Think of it as a visit from podcast past as we go back to A Very Nutty Christmas, an episode that was originally recorded live in December of 2020. It was before Jessica Sinclair had had her act together in regards to being able to record properly. I think this is before the deep dive podcast.

Be that as it may, we didn't want to just give you dead air this week because we know that not everybody is off. Some people are working. And you know what? We want to give you entertainment. If you are looking for more, you're at home with your parents, you want something to watch, may I direct you to my Twitch account?

page or my YouTube page where Rob Hubel and I hosted for the first time ever Celebrity Yard Sale. Celebrity Yard Sale was a chance for Rob and I to have celebrities come out and give away their stuff. We gave away the Earwolf table, but we had guests like Kumail Nanjiani, Lauren Lapkus, Nicole Byer, Carl Tartt, Rob Riggle, and Ben Lee, just to name a few. And it was such a great

Thank you.

head on over to my YouTube page or my twitch.tv slash friendzone page. You can watch it there. No ads, totally free. We are going to drop an episode of unspooled into the, how did this get made feed? It's a shortened episode of love, actually, which we hated. And it felt to me like a perfect treat because it is the most, how did this get made episode of unspooled that we've done besides far scump. And I thought that if you haven't listened, um,

This might be a great chance for you to enjoy something that is right up your alley as far as what we do here. So we got stuff coming up for you. You're going to listen to Nutty Christmas now, but if it isn't already obvious,

Next week, the next movie we're doing, because we're not going to do a last looks, is going to be Morbius, recorded live in Chicago. Morbius is a brand new episode. It has a 15% on the tomato meter, but a whopping 71% audience score. How is that possible? One word, bots. Nick Schrager of The Daily Beast says Morbius sucks.

Not the epic disaster we expected. It is, however, generic as hell. Oh, man. I liked my experience watching Morbius. I will say it does not go down...

I think that people reacted to Black Adam like, ooh, that was tough to watch. Morbius is fun to watch. Say what you will about Jared Leto. The guy is fucking electric. But now, before we get a brand new episode, I want to take you back to December 2020. Jessica Sinclair barely knowing how to do anything. All-star Sinclair joins me, June and Jason to discuss the 2018 Lifetime movie A Very Nutty Christmas starring Melissa Joan Hart, the Christmas queen.

as we talk about music montages, hot nutcrackers, and the Mouse King. Finally, a movie for all the people out there who always wanted to fuck a nutcracker. We saw A Very Nutty Christmas, so you know what that means. And it just can't be a good movie.

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Yes, hello people of virtual earth. Welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am tall John Shear and we are so excited to be with you. I know people are watching all around the world. We're so excited to be in your living room and celebrate the holidays with you. And we have a very big special movie for you today. We are going back to the world of Lifetime Films. Oh, we love a Lifetime film. And we are exploring the Melissa Joan Hart story.

film, A Very Nutty Christmas. Now, what do you need to know? Well, very simple. Melissa Joan Hart is a baker who is incredibly overworked. Although I have some questions about why this small bakery is... Anyway, we'll get into that. She's incredibly overworked and has a chance encounter with a German man who gives her a nutcracker who comes to life. She kind of falls in love with him and then...

the holidays are brought together. I don't know. I don't want to spoil the end. I know you've already seen it, but I want to talk about it with my two amazing co-hosts and they are chomping at the bit to get out here. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas. What's up, jerks?

It's our holiday show. That was me moonwalking as an entrance. Consider me eligible for the Olympic breakdance team. I am in it to win it. I can moonwalk. I can pop. I can lock. So consider me available, United States breakdance team, for the Olympics. Happy holidays, Paul.

Happy holidays, Jason. And you know what? You bring up a very good point. A lot of people reached out to us this week for two big things. The number one reason why people reached out was because Kentucky Fried Chicken has produced a movie for Lifetime. And they really wanted us to talk about that. And perchance we will next week. So you just have to stay tuned. But the bigger reason that people reached out was because of this breakdancing thing.

I mean, this is a big announcement for the Olympics. I mean, and June clearly has issues. People want June to maybe be a judge or not be a judge. I don't know, but maybe we'll bring her out here and see what she has to think. Everybody, please welcome Miss June Diane Raphael. Hello. Hi, Jason. Happy holidays. Happy holidays, June.

Well, I do have a lot to say about it. I mean, I think that ultimately I'm more comfortable with breakdancing as a sport than an art. Now this is a huge unexpected reveal. That feels better to me that it's just considered physical and not aesthetic.

You know, that it holds, it's not, it's not trying to make me feel anything. But I'm assuming it's going to be judged the same way as gymnastics or something like that, or the gymnastics that have dance and stuff like that, they're going to be judged on grace and moves. But here's the thing about gymnastics, and even like the ribbon stuff and the ball and...

Yes, there's moves in between, but what they are ultimately always judging on is the actual tricks, like the flips and the athletics of it all. You call them tricks. Same with ice skating. Those are present in breakdancing as well. That's what I'm saying. This actually might be a great fit. Wow, June, you're getting pretty hot. You're getting hot on the mic and hot for breakdancing. Too loud? Too loud? Listen, I've chosen a bold lip.

and they need to live into it. A lot of the comments are saying that, June, you look fantastic. Well, thanks. Oh, excuse me. I guess I look like fucking dog shit. And what about me? My background, my hat. Guys, come on. Oh, by the way, great hat. I want you to, I'm actually, Paul, I'm going to need you to take the hat and put it over your ears a little bit.

All right. Well, this is kind of the... Much better. Thank you. Well, you know, we haven't had a guest on this show for quite some time because we've been in quarantine and we felt like it would be a little hard to navigate another voice here. But we couldn't let the holidays go by. Boy, do we have a voice. Holy cow. Oh, boy. Set your levels, folks.

You guys are going to have to ride the volume bar on this one. Yes, get ready. Get your remotes out. Get your hand like hovering over that button. And just because someone's about to arrive. All right, well, here is the deal. We could not do a holiday movie. We could not do a Lifetime movie without, I think she is our fourth unofficial host. Please welcome Miss Jessica Sinclair.

Hello, everyone. There she is. There she is. Ooh, there she is. I would like to explain to everybody why I'm wearing these gigantic...

from the olden days. That's because Paul told me to buy them. And I thought the only way that you guys could hear me is if I had them on. It turns out that's not the case. I'm always the first one to send Paul down the river, but I believe he was saying, get those cans for when you're recording a podcast, just for audio purposes. But the rest of us knew, like we're on a live show. We're seen. Do I have to wear these right now?

I don't watch it. Yes, you do. You're on camera. But don't you have something a little more subtle? I don't know where they are and I didn't know what Google Chrome was. This whole thing is a shit show. I mean, let's just be a little bit honest here, Jess, and just bring the whole reason why. You're at an undisclosed location. I don't know where I am. I'm like at a Ramada Inn.

Are you and Shelly Miscavige? Are you and Shelly in the hole here? You're at a La Quinta.

So I will tell you about La Quinta. First of all, Jessica St. Clair. I'm going to tell this story very quickly, Paul, and then we'll start. I'm so sorry. I just want to say one thing, Jessica. The people in the comments love your cans. They say great cans. Jessica looks great, and her cans always look great. But Jessica St. Clair organized a trip with the two of us and a couple of other girlfriends to a La Quinta in Palm Springs.

We had a good deal. We got a good deal. In the dead of August. And I want to say it was like August 19th. Now, we arrived. I knew while I was driving there, like, something's off. Now, when I opened the door to get to the La Quinta, the heat assaulted me. It burned. It was like burning flesh. It was like 110 degrees, so we couldn't really spend any time outdoors. Can I ask a question? Was it a Bikram La Quinta? No.

A big Quinta? A big room Quinta? It was terrible. And I was curious, like, why did we get such a great deal? Well, it turns out no one else wants to be in Tom's brain.

It's a desert location is what I realized now. It's a desert location and hot at any time of the year. Yeah. Yeah. Go there in the winter. You know, it was like John Wayne wasn't like going there in the summer. Now I know. I am so excited that we are all here to talk about a very nutty Christmas.

This movie, Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson reuniting. They already were in another Lifetime movie called The Santa Con. They played brother and sister. Got to put that on the list for next year. This is a Melissa Joan Hart. This is trading off of their chemistry? Look, this is a MJH produced film.

Got her written all over it. And boy, oh boy, I got questions, people. I got a lot of questions. First of all, my biggest question was, why did this look like it was shot with sports lighting? Like, you know when you buy a TV and it's too bright? This movie was shot in the- It was shot in Calabasas. It must have been shot in, or like at a ranch somewhere. Oh, see, oh, I was like-

harsh. I was like, this is to me for a couple snowflakes.

To me, this felt like Canada all the way. Am I wrong? No, the sunlight was all California. I believe it was shot in Connecticut, but it was not shot in the middle of winter because if you look in the background of shots, there is no snow and they're standing in snow. Yeah, but I was going to say that this is... That was in Connecticut. It's La Quinta in August in Palm Springs. You know what it looks like? The lighting looked like... You know when you drive past like

workers who are paving roads at night and they have those giant lights. Yeah. That's what it looks like. It looks like those lights were shining in through every window. Well, it looked like they were shooting scenes with work lights on, not the lights, not the lights for the show. It felt like when you, when you, yeah, when you finish shooting a scene and they turn the work lights on for the stage and everything's lit.

And I never want to be seen in that lighting. There was both that problem and also sound wise, there were tons of moments, tons of sequences where there was no score and very little sound to fill out the world. So it felt hollow and weird. It felt like Melissa John Hart was- Like we were watching a director's

cut. Like we were watching something we're watching the footage. We're watching the dailies. The dailies are coming in and we're like, okay, great. This will all be fixed. Before it's been mixed or anything like that. Here's the other thing. She's the executive producer, right, of these films and like I would think she has a budget for

Good highlights. I knew you were going to open up this discussion. I mean, at a certain point, the roots were down to here. It's like she, but she can demand that, you know, her personal, she can have her personal makeup on there. But then my assumption is that's part of, that's a character choice where her character is,

doesn't have the... Remember, she's basically... When she sees herself in the window, she's like, oh, shit, I gotta do a makeover in one of the, I think, 16 music montages that are in this movie. And by the way, the movie is about 82 minutes. This movie, if you took out...

If you took out all the montages, this movie is 11 minutes long. It is much, it is almost exclusively montage. But let me ask you the question, like, what is the central problem of this movie? Like, I understand what Scrooge's problem is. Like, he's a miserly old man who doesn't enjoy the holidays, doesn't really surround himself with people. She does

Doesn't seem like she seems to be a successful business owner who maybe is a little bit OCD, a little, you know, like she's got a little bit of that anal retentive nature to her. But she's just not enjoying Christmas enough. That's her problem. Yeah. To be fair, though, she's responsible for supplying cookies to the entire U.S. military.

I used to think you could order cookies by the dozen. Turns out you can only ever order cookies by the thousands. In increments of a thousand. And I'm assuming these are our tax dollars at work paying for Christmas cookies. Tens of thousands of Christmas cookies. This is a wild endeavor. This is a misuse of our funds.

But this store, it does not seem to be, it doesn't seem to be packed. But yet she has to make 1,000 cookies in six days. And I did the math. That is 2,500 cookies a day. And according to a piece of information that we hear later in the film, these cookies don't exist after one day. They go stale after one day.

So she is, I mean, and there's only three of them. There's only three people. I mean, this also, I don't know if you guys felt Jesse. And they're also working the front.

This felt to me like echoes of Governor Gabby, where Gabby is like those kitchen scenes where she's baking up a storm and you're like, what is the business model here? You know, by the way, also...

And like they don't really get into the area of like a woman who wants to have a very successful like nationwide brand. They are much more interested in like the small town, small business owner who's like a florist or whatever.

owns an antique shop and owns like a cookie place and owns a bookstore. They set up the town as if it's like Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls, like idyllic weirdo people, small, very small town. Like maybe the small town can support a small bakery. Fine.

Great. But that the U.S. Navy would go to them, that's their go-to? The Navy and the Army. And here's the other thing. There's a storefront capability and nobody, zero people pay for anything. There is no money exchange whatsoever. That's true. The kids come in, they all get paid.

free cookies. Like if Marcus Limonis, if Marcus Limonis was called in to handle this bakery, he would be like, you have to charge money. Well, I think, well, I mean, they're giving away too many cookies. Well, but they are getting, maybe they can give them away honestly, because they're, they are getting such giant orders from the military. Yes.

And also, but why? And that was competitive shop. She gets a call that it was good that the Navy is apparently competitive with the army. So they just ordered 2000 cookies or something. How it is. Mystic Connecticut. I believe there is because I think that is where they shot it now. I think it is near a base. I think it is. By the way, there's a there's a big military through line in this because the Nutcracker himself is a soldier. Oh, yeah.

And the nephew is, at the end of the movie, the actual real love interest who arrives, the deus ex machina at the end of the movie love interest is also in the military, Conchata Farrell's nephew. Oh my gosh. I don't want to be rude. We have to really unpack that. But I don't, I didn't really want to fuck that nutcracker. I couldn't.

Oh, you didn't want to fuck that nutcracker? What? There's several nutcrackers, right? There's the actual nutcracker that you didn't want to fuck. Wait, the actual doll. No, no, no. If I had a choice between fucking the nutcracker doll, Barry Watts of the nutcracker, or that guy, the military guy, I would try to fuck that doll.

Wow. Wait, what about, can I ask a question? This town doesn't have a shortage of great looking men. You can be Mario Lopez hairless. I'm like, yes, I understand that. Wait, he wasn't in the movie. She's saying if she wants. Melissa Joan Hart is becoming my new trash can fire. The last time or whatever I was on, you guys maybe watch that piece of shit where she's stuck in a house where everyone had diarrhea. Yeah.

Right. Which is your life story six times a year, apparently.

After those coconuts. Those roadside coconuts. That movie where everybody on Christmas eats a lobster roll from an airplane. I'll never get over that, Jessica. When I was first dating Dan, my husband, he made me, I made him. I think I forced him. I was like, you never do anything for me. So he made me for Valentine's Day a seafood pasta. And it had clams in it. And I went and was trying to furiously pick

prize apart a clam and if you have to really pull it apart no what are you talking about and I said oh no no the closed ones they're the sweetest meat

Jess. Wow. That's like the movie Topsy Turvy. That's what we call a classic. You both are poisoning yourselves. Yes, that's a classic Jessica St. Clair. Doubling down. She can't not. Doubling down and diarrhea be damned. The closed one, that's the sweetest meat. By the way,

And that's the only tattoo you have, right? Yep. And it's on both sides of your butt cheek, which is odd. Like, it looks like a clamp. Don't speak about her that way, Paul. I don't think that was cool, Paul. I felt bad. Why would you talk about her butt cheeks like that? Don't ever talk about my friend that way again. Paul, just remember, you're already... I'm out of here. You're already operating from a deficit. Keep my friend's butt cheeks out of your mouth.

Paul Scheer, butt cheek talker, potential poisoner. You are really digging a hole here, pal. Really? This quarantine's got me in a way. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. I'm in the middle of trying to balance my business life and my real life. This work-life balance, it's tough. But Squarespace has been helping me by giving me the tools to reach my goals and have time to celebrate. That's right. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform.

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But you know what I did like about this, June? I know you're talking about small business, but I like, you know, we're all actors, and this movie did appeal to that actor instinct where they did talk about how an actor's most coveted role is Santa Claus, most of Joan Hart's boyfriend. This is the role that he's been waiting for for a lifetime.

They really rip, they rip on actors a bunch actually. Remember she says like, I had a, what did she say? Like I could either make a living or. She was in summer stock with him. That's right. And.

And then, so she was in Summer Stock, which is I think where they met. And then she went into investment banking. Because she wanted to make a living. Right. Well, that's why she's doing all those Excel docs at night. She's up in those Excel docs, those cookie Excel docs. I mean, what kind of like accounting is she doing? Yeah.

Well, no, I think she was, it wasn't cookie related. Her financial job wasn't cookie based. It was, she was like, oh, I'm saying at night, Jason at the house, she's still even when the Nutcracker arrives. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I get it now. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. Like calculations about the cookies. But when you look at the board, people are really saying that she's doing cookie math. Great.

She is. She's doing cookie math constantly. Okay, let's talk about her cookie math. Oh, this is like a, it's a beautiful baking mind. It really is. She has 15,000 cookies to make. If you look at the board, the little like whiteboard they have where they're checking the list twice, she at one point for 15,000 cookies. So many. It's so many. It's so many. It's so many.

and her calculations for a recipe that she needs in her ingredients 10 dozen eggs. Yeah. Now, I'm not a fan. That is not enough. But that seems like it's not nearly enough.

To make the tens of thousands of cookies she's making, she would need an industrial kitchen with many more. And here's the other thing. She would need to take over a pre-existing cookie factory. I think she's being pranked because, you know, when she answers the phone, she's like, hello? Oh, hi, General. Do you think a general is calling the cookie store?

Do you think the general, a gen, a general, a general in the army. We're going to invade Afghanistan and we're going to order 15,000 cookies. It's like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Hello? Delicious cookies or whatever the fuck you're called. I'd like to place an order. Absolutely not. If only we had Rob Riggle here, he could help us answer this because he's very high up in the military. I want to return for a second, Paul, to her hair. Okay. Yeah, sure.

It's not somebody who's not putting effort in. Okay. Well, this is the crazy thing. So first of all, she was obsessed with like hairnets. And when Santa comes in, she wants to put them in a hairnet, but like nobody else is in a hairnet.

Okay. Okay. And she wants him to put a hairnet over fake hair. Fake hair. Which he essentially is wearing a hairnet. Well, but if he were to get a cookie and there was a fake hair in it, I don't think you'd be any less upset. Totally. I'm just going to say this too, and I don't want to get onto this in a bigger way. Her cookies suck. I don't want to get into this.

I love those cookies, but they tell a story, but they tell a story. Too fat. Too fat. Too fat.

and spice and everything nice. They want to be listened to. The thing that the Nutcracker gives to her is he wants to hear her talk because no one else does. Listen, Jessica, he's literally like a fuck doll come to life who wants to listen to her stories. And why? Why in these movies do they always want to be put to bed? I wanted to watch where they like get put to bed.

This is what I want to say. I want to disagree with one point you just made, June. He's not a fuck doll because she doesn't fuck him. No. It is desexualized women's wants. Everything you just said is true. It purports to be a relationship that is the kind of baseline of what a woman wants. But it is absolutely neutered to the point where I'm like, does this guy even have a dick? But that's the life story.

Real question, does this guy have a dick? If you take the clothes off of a Nutcracker doll, not that I have. He doesn't have a dick. Wait a second. Jessica? Sounds like you have. He doesn't have a dick. It definitely sounds like you've looked. By the way, I did think that they set up something where she glued his arm back on. Can I ask one thing about Paul? I just want to see, Jessica, when you've peeked,

Okay. Nope. No peeking. Does he have, um, it's like carved into the wood. It's just a joint.

OK, so it's just a joint. It's not like a Ken doll where he's got like tighty whitey is like, no, there's not like you don't see the promise of something. It's just and I would say this. If you are a doll that has come to life and you don't and you look down, you go, oh, you're going to have to work really hard to get a woman to like you. Because here's what I'm going to say. When push comes to shove, you're going to have to admit I don't got anything down there.

Can you imagine going to someone's house and they have nutcrackers on their mantle, a family stockings hung and nutcrackers, and you peaked and it had a girthy, thick dick? You'd be like, what the fuck's happening right now? This is crazy. Do you think that the reason why the nutcracker loves to crack nuts is because he doesn't have nuts?

What? Ow, if a tree falls in the forest. I know, I was really, I was in deathly silence. I was going to say, like, why does this character want to crack nuts? It's like he doesn't have his own nuts, so he has some sort of... So you think his drive is because he doesn't have nuts? It's not that he wants to have nuts. It's that nuts are presented to him. So he's not like someone who's like, he's not like a vampire, like, oh, I got to crack those nuts or I can't.

He happens to be around nuts. Can I ask a question for real? In The Nutcracker, the ballet... The ballet, which they call like a musical dance show or something in the program. Just to very briefly comment on that ballet, the ballet performance of The Nutcracker they show is like a professional level, enormous theater production. Like from New York City 1987. Yes, yes.

When they cut to the audience, it is sparsely attended and a tiny theater. That made me laugh. But in that play. Well, I had a big issue with that theater because they were putting up ads the day it was. Okay, can we put this ad up in the window? It's tonight. Or that maybe was the ball. In that ballet, does he crack nuts? In the Nutcracker. Are you saying in the Nutcracker? He cracks a nut or two before he gets broken. He does? Yes.

He cracks a couple nuts and then the brother of the girl gets jealous and shatters. I do rely on you, Jessica, for certainly traditional Christmas lore. Like I know your father reads Night Before Christmas every Christmas. I was put in a very scratchy turtleneck, not like the one you're wearing, and a kilt and brought into the Nutcracker every single year at Lincoln Center. Of course I was. This was the height of the 80s.

My mom was in a fur coat. It was like, you know, we're having the time of our lives. I mean, that is the Christmas tradition. Yeah. But I want to go back. I want to ask this question, though, because you guys are assuming he has no dick. And I would agree with you. No way. But yet he has a backstory. Like he has a like watch this clip. See what he says here. Clip number six. Take a look. Yeah, I see the resemblance.

So I also need to talk about her dress for conservatively four hours.

She tried on every dress and that's what she settled on. We'll get to it, but just to please continue, Paul, to talk about whether or not he has a dick. I think that he is a man who has been cursed by that older Nutcracker man. He takes people and puts them in a wooden device as a torture trap. Well, that's the horror movie. Look, it is. The end of the fucking horror movie is I blink like...

It's like, I'm telling you, you could. Yes. And also even, even just her waking up to a man in her house and then realizing it's not the house guests. Like this could have gone a very different way. Yeah. Well, I mean, so that's my thought. My theory is that the nutcracker is a man who has been cursed to live his life as a nutcracker. Cause he has a story. He fought in the war. He has a family. Um,

I feel like he is like that man who lived in that house, that ghost of Christmas past that we watched last year. Well, that's what I want to know. So next year, Christmas season next year, is he going to come back to life? Yes. That's my assumption. My assumption is that... Oh, no, he came to give her the gift, and the gift is a not-as-good-looking version of him. So now he just lives in a prison? Now he just lives in a prison for the rest of his life? And that's unfortunate, because I did think...

Hats off to a couple of the performers in this movie. Hats off to Barry Watson for playing the Nutcracker. And committing a thousand percent. I love Barry Watson. He did a great job giving me very big Joel McHale vibes. When he was cracking the nut. When he was cracking the nut. That was Joel McHale, right? Hats off to Marissa. Oh, Jarrett Winaker. One of my closest. Amazing. Giving us realness.

Giving us moment to moment realness. I remember so many times, Jessica, I was like, God, why isn't she leading this movie? Because I want to watch that. She's just easy, easy on screen. Easy breeze. I'm also going to, I also want to shout out Rizwan Manji. I also want to shout out Rizwan Manji from Schitt's Creek, who I thought was also hilarious. He was wonderful. Tremendous. Charming. Lovely performances in this movie. Everyone brought it.

Even Melissa Joan Hart, my close friend, you know the story about Melissa Joan Hart and me, my close friend brought it.

Oh, no, not that one where you brought her to school or something. I didn't bring her to school. I didn't bring her to school. A guy she was dating. Somebody brought her to school. Yeah, a guy she was dating brought her to school as like a show and tell thing. And you tried to get an autograph or something and she told me to suck her dick. I got an autograph. I got an autograph on my failing math test and here it is. Wow. What is that?

There it is. She's saying Clarissa. Clarissa, amazing. I had to show up because I messed up my white balance. Here's what's weird about Kate Holiday, the character she plays. Holiday. Kate Holiday has always had a crush on the Nutcracker. Now, when I think of the Nutcracker, before seeing Barry Watson's

I've always thought of the Nutcracker as like an older gentleman. Weird mustache, formal, a little bit nasty. Older lad. Probably packing tobacco in his lip. I've always had a crush on him. I was like, what?

My assumption, can I just jump in? My assumption is she's referencing like the male ballet dancer who represents the Nutcracker in the performance every year. She looked at it. She looked at him longingly and said, I always had a crush on you. Oh, wow. You know what I always had a crush on? My fucking ponch doll. You know what I mean? Oh, my gosh. I remember that ponch doll. When I had my chips dolls, I was like, oh, fuck that.

But not this wooden guy.

I demand that you produce chip stalls. Matt, can you find that and show us a picture of that chip stall? There is absolutely no way you had chip stalls. I refused. Oh, I 1,000% had chip stalls. Are you kidding me? Every Sunday night, I'd be like, are we done with this shrimp scampi? I've got to get to the chip. Why are you eating so much seafood? You've got to chill out on the seafood. What is happening? Are we done with this shrimp scampi? What on earth?

What the earth are you talking about? Guys, if you're doing well, yes! I fucking had that doll! I wanted to fuck that doll so bad. That's an aggressive hairline. You're peeking in, you're peeking down to see what he's packing, but you do not give a shit about that nutcracker. No, sir. No, you're right about that. You're right about that. No peeking indeed. Wow. Wow-y wow. That was...

That was unsettling. I didn't like that. I didn't like seeing that doll. And I didn't like the sexualization of the toy. But I thought it was, I thought there was like, it was funny to me in the morning when he was just lying there on the floor and she stepped over him. That was like, I was like, okay, I'm kind of now on board for this. But she, the level to which

she was blasé about a strange man in the exact same uniform as her nutcracker in the exact same place as the nutcracker made me feel like, oh, she's not able to take care of herself. I want to talk about that scene because... She's not mentally sound. She should be... Yeah, she's like a... She's somebody that would eat an offered lobster roll on a Delta in flight. And just trust that she's in first class, so it must be okay.

I will say this. Not knowing. Okay, listen. I feel like it was Southwest. Jessica, I will never forget that. And I am left. I'm left so unsettled, so unsettled by that decision making. But I'm also so curious about people who come downstairs or out of their bedroom fully dressed.

Do you mean like I am so... Yes, she was ready for the day. Like she hasn't come down to have her cup of coffee yet. She's like, I'm going to get showered, dressed, and then come down and have my cup of coffee and then leave. Oh, interesting. You know that in growing up, we were not allowed out of our rooms. You do that, Jason? I do that.

You get fully dressed and then you start your day. That's how I was raised. Once I'm downstairs, I'm downstairs, baby. I'm living that downstairs life. I don't need to go back upstairs. That's time wasting. I get out of bed. I get out of bed, I shower, change. Before coffee? Don't get June. June is... Before coffee. Well, he looks at his clock.

of 4,000 white shirts. He's like, it's the beginning of Pee-wee's Playhouse. It doesn't take me long to do this. You know what I mean? Like, it's just not a long process. I can be showered and dressed in 20 minutes. Then I'm downstairs. Boom, my day is on. That's how I was raised. And now I do the opposite. Yeah, June cannot move without a cup of coffee in her system. Like, immediately. But isn't there something so wonderful also?

Correct. But isn't it so wonderful to lounge around and like you're, you know, to let the let the day kind of settle in. Like, I'm not so ready to let go of sleep.

I'd like to still be in sleepwear. I'd like to have a coffee, like to read the newspaper. Like I'd like to settle in and then go get ready. So then here's the caveat I will give, which is that you and I live very different lives because I will lounge around, but in bed because I don't have to get up. So if I lounge around emailing from bed or whatever, but once I exit the bed, I'm like, I'm now I've chosen to enter the day. You have a TV in your bedroom.

Do you have a TV in your bedroom where you pop on it? Okay. So you won't pop on a TV there. Okay. Zero. When does coffee happen? I get a shower. I change. I go downstairs. Boom. French press. Now, Jason, let me ask you this. So do you do the same thing? Like when you get all your, when you win all your gifts at the auction, do you bring them up to your bedroom and put them on your bed? You're like, let me get these up on my bed. I won't leave. Let me be very clear. Nothing goes in my bedroom.

Nothing is brought into my bedroom. Oh, wow. No shoes. Is that a fear of bedbugs? That's a New York bedbug fear, yes. I'm telling you, he didn't let me sit down on anything for almost two years. Yeah, no, no, no. We weren't allowed to sit. When we entered the UCB, someone had had the bedbugs and we were not allowed to sit. We were not allowed to sit on wooden benches in the park or in the subway. By the way, you're welcome.

Wait, you don't bring like a glass of wine or a cup of coffee or anything? Into the bedroom? No. Sure. No, no. Do you bring any beverages? I'm sorry. Let me, let me, I'll give a caveat to that. I will, at the end of the day, I will bring up tea at night to go into bed. If I'm going to read in bed, I will bring up like a sleepy time tea. Okay. Okay.

That's it, though. If I had a dick, it would be inverted by now from that description. Wow. If you had a dick, it would be inverted. Wait, let's chase down the logic of that. So in that, you have a dick, but this is so unsexy. Why don't you choose to be a woman who is turned off by that? Well, I will tell you, Jessica. I also, I don't like a man who drinks tea. Me neither. Sorry, Jason. Don't.

I don't want to see a man drinking tea. I don't! I don't want to see a man drinking a black cup of coffee. So June, but at night. But no, you get angry at me when I drink a black cup of coffee. Well, because you already have too much energy. I don't want to hear the word sleepy time. Can I ask a question? So June, you think hot beverages are gendered.

Coffee is boys. Tea is girl. Me as a heterosexual woman, I'm sure like, I don't think it's about gender necessarily, but I, I don't want to see my partner drinking tea. Oh, interesting. I as a heterosexual woman, I don't want to see a man drinking tea. Here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say. I am so comfortable in my sexuality that I will crush anything.

Here, I'll show you. Oh my gosh, you're going to make him drink tea on camera? No, I'm not going to drink it. Listen, I've done live shows of Jason. I've seen him drink a cup of tea before. Soothing caramel bed time.

Take an Ambien like a real man. And I guarantee you, people in the chat are wet for this. People are saying coffee is dogs, tea is cats. Absolutely. And I'm a dog person. I'm not drinking coffee. By the way, this is coffee. I'm drinking coffee right now.

I've lost track. You shouldn't be drinking coffee right now. It's almost bedtime. I have to drink coffee right now so that I can scream as loud as possible at you. I got my iced tea. I'll tell you this much. Tea? Iced tea.

It's a 50-50. That's interesting. June, do you think Ice-T is... Are you comfortable with a man... Okay, okay, got it. Totally different. I just want to call out, because we haven't gotten to Melissa Joan Hart's hair, which I know, June, you've been willing to talk about a lot, but I also want to just talk about Melissa Joan Hart's acting. Because in that scene when she finds him on the ground, the amount of acting she does to get through that scene. Melissa Joan Hart has to do so much heavy lifting of...

She's not realizing that this man is not the person she thinks. And I want to just play a second of that clip of her finding him on the ground because this is you watch what she's doing. She's funny. This is a funny scene. Also, her tree is fine. I'm coming, Rosa. Yeah. What the heck? Hello. Hello. Good morning. Oh, my house share guy. I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow, but I guess you found the key under the mat.

Why were you sleeping on the floor? I was tired. And boom, she's off. And she's off to the races immediately. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Can I ask you a question, though? He says I was tired, but later when she wakes up and he's already at the bakery, I had the impression that he doesn't need to sleep. Is he a magical being or is he a real man? Real question. He has the energy of elf, like Will Ferrell's elf.

but he also feels like he's been around for like, that's the thing. I don't understand what he is. Does he want love? Cause he kind of writes her like a friend zone question, a friend zone note at the end. He seems okay that he's leaving. He seems like he did fight. He was a real person. That's the friend zone note. But I feel like, I don't know what his energy is. Like he's a child, but he's not a child to like help awaken her vagina. Yeah. Do you think that she got him, that he got her wet?

Paul. Yeah. Don't say that. Like, don't say that ever again. But yeah. Gross, Paul. You're so gross. It's so gross when you're so sexual. I don't like it. Look, I drink coffee. I like to talk about wet pussies. Oh, my God. Yes, I do think so. And I was bummed that they didn't fuck. Like, that was, I think, a missed opportunity. Shocking. It was shocking. I at least thought we were going to see him, like,

put her down onto the bed and then we fade to morning. Did they kiss? Did they even kiss? No. Yes, they did. They kissed, but they kissed like a friendship kiss. They didn't kiss passionately. She kisses him and then he says, can we do that again? I mean, I don't kiss my friend that way. I more mean it was not, it didn't seem, I'm sorry, it didn't seem overly romantic. He says, can we do that again? And they do it again. It's like this.

They just pushed their lips together. There was no... But after the fall, he just goes, catch you later or something. Like, catch up with you later. And then that's weird. But I also felt like... I think they think women want that. I think that they think... Did women write this movie? Who wrote this movie? This movie was written by a husband and wife.

Because I think maybe they think, oh, we're going to tease it out. You know what I mean? We don't want to give it to them. Like, you know, we're going to do like a touch of the wrist and a glance across a crowded room. But then the end just seemed crazy. The end should have been, he should have played the part. He should have been the soldier who came home then. I think what they did was they gave you a soldier who came home who looked

Just like him. Look at this slide. Look at these two people next to each other. And it's so weird. It's like, if he would have played both parts, it would have been maybe more magical. Should have been him. Yeah. Take a look at this. This is the two of them side by side here. This is, yeah. Yeah. I agree. To the right is the better version. I agree that this was confusing and made no sense. I think the same actor should have played both roles. Yeah. Yeah.

Also because then she's like so in love with him, the Nutcracker, but then like a second later she's like into this new guy. I agree. And then she's kind of like a...

Like a nutcracker whore. We're supposed to basically, what most of Joan Hart's character does is transfer all of the romantic energy of the movie built with this other man and pours it all onto a literal stranger who, if I'm that guy and I'm like, hi, how are you? And she comes at me with so much momentum, I would be like, what is going on here? I would say to my aunt, you've set me up with a lunatic. Like, what is this? Mm-hmm.

I mean, he's also on furlough, which is not a term that I've ever heard in the military. Or maybe I thought furlough was more of a prison. Oh, it is. Okay. Okay. I thought that was odd. I thought it was a prison term. But from Germany? Do we still have forces there? Is that what it is?

Also, why is everybody from Germany? Why is everybody from Germany in this movie? I don't know. I'm more concerned about the guy, Richard Ryle, who gave her the thing. He also found that guy and gave him a nutcracker, which makes me go, did that guy have a similar experience with another male nutcracker? And he was also prepped for this relationship at the end. He seemed evil, too. If I had first thought, is that Santa? Yeah.

I thought he was the real Santa. The Nutcracker Merchant? Yes. At first I thought, is he Santa? And then I thought, oh no, he has like a devilish, like an evil look to him. But I

I don't know if it was just the mustache or... So you thought he's either Santa or he's like the guy that sells you a gremlin. Yes, exactly. Yes. Same difference. Same difference. It's weird. Like there are points in this movie where you think like, oh, we're heading, we are now in a horror film. Like there are several moments that dip you

into a very creepy territory. Like every time he says the mouth came to coming for me. So when she gets the text that says your Airbnb guest has canceled due to illness, there should be a music sting that is like alerting her to the fact that a murderer has been in her house.

Like that should be, that should turn the tide of the movie into like sleeping with the enemy or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, like you can't trust this person or, or Melissa Joan Hart should immediately say that is the nutcracker brought to life. I need to check if he has a dick. She should have walked in and said, show me your dick. Hey, you show me your dick.

It's what's weird, though. Is she upset with him? Like the scene where she puts it all together at the ballet or at the musical dance program, which is what they call it. Oh, you mean when they have like two and a half minutes of flashbacks to act one? Yes, and it's like the audience already knows this. We're on board with this. I'm watching this movie. Yeah, I have to be here. But is she upset with him because he hasn't,

told her? Like, I couldn't quite pay him down. I think she's upset that he's gonna leave. That he has to leave and that he's a toy that is just, she can't have him because he's a toy. And she doesn't want to see him anymore. Remember when she goes, it's too painful, please leave my store. And he's like, but the Mouse King's coming, I have to protect you. That's what a schizophrenic person is.

you know, like, yeah, he is like, he is in many ways should be considered at that point, a mentally ill person from the very beginning. Cause here's the other thing. What's the, what's Conchita Pharrell's name in this? Uh,

I can't remember her character's name. She's the Miss Patty of this world. Yeah, totally. She gives him a set of normal clothes. Not normal, but she gives him a set of clothes, more contemporary than what he's wearing. Her nephew's, right? Yes. But what he never does is wear them. He continues to only wear that uniform. He wears it that one time when she gives it to him, but then after that, it doesn't matter. It's just he's only wearing the uniform. I

I bet you anything that at the end of the day, Barry Watson's like, somebody take this hat from me. It's very heavy. I bet it like, you know, it just really, I think that hat was probably something to really, really struggle with. I mean, when they put him in this outfit, this Dixie cup, like he looks like he's a Dixie cup. I mean, when you see the shirt that he's wearing, it looks like those like little cups that you get, like, uh, there it is. That's exactly what it is.

How funny. So he has a Dixie Cup logo there. And that was Averill calling that out. It was so great. But yeah, I mean, I would have liked to have seen him in that, but he's not comfortable in that. He is a soldier. And that's why he's able to actually man that store and run the whole thing. Like he was able to run it like a military operation. Sorry. I didn't like what the problem of the movie was, because the problem seems to be that they have too many cookies to make.

But then halfway through, like he gets another order and it's like, oh, great. It's like, no, no, not great. No, not only that, because of his hard work though, they are a day ahead. So everybody gets the day off. She's got a lot of downtime. I mean, there's one day he makes 1000 cookies in one morning and then it's like, well, I think we're ahead of spit time. So now we can have a day off. They're not really going to make two. Stay out of the day. Yeah. So,

So I couldn't figure any of that out. That didn't add up to me. I felt like that was faulty logic. But it allowed her to go on a shopping and makeover spree and have a 10-minute montage. Which was, by the way, the second reference to Sabrina in this entire thing because she's

She has a cookie named Sabrina. So after her cousin. So Melissa Joan Hart in this movie is related to Sabrina. Sabrina also is in Connecticut. So they're like Sabrina, the teenage witch and this character shared DNA. She might be a witch. And then that dressing montage is the exact dressing montage that was in the credits of Sabrina, the teenage witch.

How much do you think Melissa's making for these movies? Because is it like a porn star where you shoot 100, but you make a good amount? You know what I mean? But you have to shoot a ton. Can you walk through your porn math again? You shoot 100?

You shoot 100 what? Movies, films in a year. And then you have a lot, but you're doing a lot of work for it. Is Melissa making, it's not like she can shoot one of these Lifetime movies a year and live on that. You think she's in like an old timey, like Hollywood contract, like a studio contract. Yes. Like Lifetime has her under a locking key. It's like another Christmas movie. A hundred percent. So you think Lifetime operates on a pornography model?

That doesn't sound right. No, but I heard that they'll have like one ice skating rink. And so one movie shoots for five days and then they turn the angle and somebody else uses that for another Lifetime movie. I swear to God. So I've heard that actually the Lifetime movies pay very well. Okay. That you stay to Acton. That you stay in, I mean, you know I love a luxury hotel.

Like a La Quinta in Palm Springs. No, I didn't love a La Quinta. But I do love a luxury hotel high-end hotel.

experience. And I have heard that, yes, it's a very big deal for me. Do you remember when you did my show, you found your way to a suite and were wrapped up in a hotel robe like seconds before she was expected on set. Yeah. If I see a nice hotel, I'm going to enjoy all the amenities that are offered to me. Wow. So I

I have heard that Lifetime shoots most of their movies in Canada, but sets you up that they always put you in a Four Seasons. Now, I've kept that little piece of information in the back of my brain. I wouldn't say no to it. I wouldn't necessarily say no to it if the four of us were in a Lifetime.

Somebody tried to write us a Christmas movie last time. Oh, really? Wait, wait. I'm sorry. Like a real person? Or just like a joke? A real person. It seemed like they were like, we wrote this for you. And then it was like, now can we go and pitch it and say that you guys are attached to it? Here's what I'll say. If Lifetime wants to reach out to us, we will make...

a Christmas movie if we are allowed to control whether or not our characters have dicks or vaginas. Fine. We need to have input. We want an unrated version of it and we want a regular version of it. I think that that's a fair thing to ask. Our movie...

Our movie has sex scenes. Unlike these movies, our movies have sex scenes. Because guess what? Aspirational romantic movies should include sexual congress. Let's talk about normal people. That was getting everyone hot under the old colère. Right? Okay, that's for mommies. The Jessica St. colère?

I mean, that is truly... I haven't seen it yet, but I've received several texts from Jessica. It is horny. It is horny and fantastic. And it is worth a watch. But that's what I'm saying. Those kind of relationships should be... People in these movies should be fucking. Because if you're not, then you're aspiring to kind of...

cold dead non-sexual romance which is i would hope not what people want i don't know i mean i think i'm just like almost 48 and single so i'm maybe i'm the dummy i think that there's a there's a uh take another sip of tea jason this is coffee look at it this is coffee doesn't matter you showed us what you bring to bed at night

So you think the reason... So I just want to be clear. You think the reason I'm still single is because I admit to drinking tea? Wow. I...

I'd love for people to I'd love for listeners to comment wherever you can you know please at anybody to explain whether or not that's the reason I am not married or have a girlfriend I respect a man who's like after a hearty meal gonna have some peppermint tea as a little digestif hey that's me like I understand yeah that's Paul that's the man I'm married to that's just the only reason Paul's doing that is because that's an add-on to that meal

He's already doing it because he's like, what else can I buy? Hey, you're going to bring that little box over to the table? Let me have a little bit more. Yeah, he was like fingering through that box to see what's available. Please don't describe going through the box as fingering through. Yeah, what have they got? Just flipping through the box like it's a vagina. But, you know, I...

I don't think I'm alone. I mean, maybe everybody in the chat is okay. So the chat seems to love Jason and tea. So great. But for me, it's not, I don't, I don't, I don't feel the same way. And, um, you know, and I'm also, I'm not a tea drinker. Me neither.

So that's also a personal preference. Well, what's interesting, I will say this, coffee is dehydrating. The caffeine is dehydrating you. And tea is a way to continue to hydrate you.

People want, you know, team Jason. I'm going to tell you this. Talking about the sexuality of everything. I had a big issue online with a romance novelist, Victoria Denault. And I read one of her books about hockey, a hockey romance novel. And it was actually quite good.

Uh, and, um, but the fucking in that book made me blush to a degree that I was surprised at. And I feel like, look, these romance novels, they go for it. And I think that, oh yeah, like a VOD service, like lifetime. The outlander. If you want to see about some hard fucking.

Well, that's a TV series in which a modern woman time travels to introduce blowjobs into olden days, right? Well, he pile drives her proofs.

frequently in that movie. He pile drives her pretty frequently? He does. Wow. Maybe I need to watch Outlander. Oh my gosh. Well, that was like whenever Edward James almost directed those sexy episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Battlestar. Yeah, he would get really too sexy for me.

Let's go to what people think in the chat. I want to hear some questions from the chat. Before we go to the chat, I just want to briefly touch on with everybody here how we all felt about the scene in which Melissa Joan Hart chugs eggnog from a half-gallon Pyrex measuring cup. By the way, it wasn't like liquor eggnog. Eggnog, by definition, is not always liquor.

Thick nog. It was thick nog. And does that have to be refrigerated? Yes! I mean, it is just eggs and milk. Now again, here's another thing I'll do. Something's left out, right? I'll say, do they refrigerate it in France? Probably not. Yes, yes. You're going to get sick if you don't refrigerate it.

They keep their milk on a shelf. They keep their eggs unrefrigerated. So I'll play fast and loose with that at times. Wow. Listen, I do think you're right about that, Jessica, that in America we're sort of like... We're obsessed with refrigerating shit. Yes, we're over-sanitized.

I mean, maybe not during this pandemic. But let's also be clear. Please don't tell people not to put their milk in the fridge. St. Clair's out here eating lobster rolls on airplanes. And prying open clams that should stay shut. Maybe put your eggnog in the fridge is all I'm saying. Put your eggnog in the fridge. With the amount of diarrhea that St. Clair is comfortable with, I'm concerned with her opinions on this.

By the way, looks great. You look great, babe. You do. And if this is some sort of diet, then I need to know about it. I'm angry that you haven't told me. Every six weeks, St. Clair's like, Dan, why don't you make a seafood pasta? No, he said no more scallops in this house. He's like, no. By the way, hold on. Talk about poisoning. He's like, you're trying to poison me with these scallops. I'm just realizing that Jason... Love a baby scallop. Jason, I'm just realizing, like...

Eggnog to you. That must have been a hard scene, Jason. It's like, it's like I honestly, I got hives watching the scene. Yeah. I was going to say, did you have to hit an EpiPen after that? I did. I have my EpiPen right here. I was like, fuck. When I saw the eggnog, I was like, fuck. Listen, I love eggnog. Like my, my father used to make an eggnog that I, I feel like so,

emotional about because it's it reminds me of my dad and then Paula started making it these past few Christmases without my dad and it's been like a lovely tradition to pass along and but I don't I don't go at that eggnog like I'm gonna get fucked up right now you don't I wouldn't think eggnog I don't think of eggnog as like a comfort chug no like you're literally have to ladle it from what is in an eggnog

I've never had it. I'd like to get you some of our eggnog. I just got dumped. I guess I'll drink a bowl of batter. It looks like. Yeah, I'm going to bring some over to your house, Jess, and I'll leave it on your doorstep at night. And just don't drink until about two or three in the afternoon.

Anything that Paul makes, he makes it and leaves it in the kitchen. Bloody Mary is eggnog and it looks so good. He's like, taste this. Just try a little bit of it. I'm like, oh my God, I need that right now. Then he's like, you can't have it for two more days. I like the Bloody Mary marinade overnight. I feel like after 24 hours, it's really going to be good.

You, by the way, June, be careful. Paul might try and poison your nog. I know that would be very painful. Because you won't be able to really notice it because the nog is so thick and viscous. Well, listen, it is a very, we make, we do make in our house a very strong eggnog. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. But again, we're going to get into it this year. I would never head there to just like escape my reality. All right. Well,

All right, well, let's start popping in some of these questions because this show has been all over. So Roland says, is Chip aware of his origins? Like, does he know that he was previously inanimate? Was he cursed in the form of a nutcracker? All right, so here's a couple questions. This is a great question because when she asks him what his name is, he looks down at the cookie and goes,

ship. But yet he does have this story about being a soldier and having parents who own a bakery. So wouldn't he have a name like, you know, like a German name? Yeah. Why isn't his name? And he has that tattoo that says made in Germany, which seems like kind of like a World War II situation. I felt like maybe there was also a swastika somewhere in there on his body. I'm glad you had that feeling. So did I. I was worried.

He was a little too German for my liking. Yeah. Well, he did have that tattoo on the- And I say that as someone who's German. You- I have that tattoo made in Germany on my back, on my neck, and it's a cool tattoo. It's, you know, it's for all my friends when I hang out with all my cool friends. We have, like, nightly meetings. Now we have to do it on Zoom. So-

But no, this movie, I believe that you could, I think that this, I think that she should pass that nutcracker onto somebody else. Like I wanted her to pass it to that woman with all those kids. I didn't understand why that woman had all those kids and what her story was, but I felt like she needed to be like, you need this more than me. And then we would know, Oh, that's the sequel. Yeah. That'd be great. It's like a great vibrator where you're just like,

Yeah, but unused. It's like a wooden vibrator. It's exactly like that. Yeah, that's what women want, a wooden vibrator. They should use splinters. With harsh edges. Don't you think they missed a big joke where she glues his arm back on, and then when she has the flashback to 40 minutes before, she remembers that. It would have been great if he showed his arm and it had glue or something there. Or it had, like, I was anticipating his...

It would be unstitched, like his uniform would be unstitched or something to signify the damage that had been done and repaired, but still not perfect. But no, they didn't do any of that. Guys, can we talk about the dress? Oh, yes. Let's talk about the dress. Yes, please. There were so many outfits that she tried on that looked so much better. She looked as if she was trying to match everything.

his period uniform, his 18th century German soldier's uniform or whatever he is. She looked like she was trying to match that, not look like, everybody else wasn't wearing contemporary clothing. People weren't dressed up like in costume. - Well, it was a ball. - Now listen, the ball. - June, it wasn't a ball, it was an upstairs of a theater. - It was the lobby of a theater and it was carpeted. - It was carpeted. That was upsetting.

It was like a dancing scene. That is savage. We should play that dancing scene. Into the carpet. But here's the thing, too. A woman's shoulders, you're never going to find a woman's shoulders that aren't attractive. It's an attractive part of the body. Why would you put that strap? It's such a shame. So you wanted the dress to just have like just the side. Absolutely.

tool and then wait out that chance. I agree. Let it be chest. Let it be chest. But don't let it be chest. I agree completely. Don't let it be this. This was like Jessica McClintock prom look. And you know...

Oh, God, it was so confusing. Listen, I've never seen like a more basic white lady in a Lifetime movie. Like this was to me the pinnacle of just like it felt very Midwest. It felt it felt very Midwest like Lifetime movie. Wow. Yeah. Wow. No, not in a bad way. Like I just thought you're going to hear from all those. Yeah.

She's hiding her arms, someone said in the chat. And yes, of course she is. I get it, but you don't need to. Well, but she should have cut off that first strap here and just done the side ones. Oh, wait, you want just these? I want just these. Oh, interesting. I would have gone the other way. Yeah, of course. No, I want just these. They're saying that they did her dirty with that cape. I actually think the cape was a nicer...

Well, yeah, she did produce it. The tape looked like she took it out of a vampire's costume from a costume shop. It looked like a little red riding hood tape. So here's my question. Here's what I'm going to say. Wait, Jason, she got in that carriage, and that aunt seems to have helped her through many different... What's happening, St. Clair? Guys, I'm so sorry, but it looks like my computer is going to die. Hold on, you keep talking. Guys, you keep talking. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Couldn't be better. Couldn't be better. This one doesn't have a plug either? Don't worry, guys. Just don't worry about it. Go ahead. Go ahead. Well, I just was wondering, that woman, that aunt. Yeah. Why couldn't she? She ended up being at the ball and seems to have played a big part in her life. Why couldn't she have gotten a ride in the carriage? Well, by the way, that to me was the scene that I wanted to see, which is like, I'll

see you there like because it was like by the way how did chip have any money chip is spending a lot of money willy-nilly he buys all of the he not only he is here's what i think he's spending her money because she he puts her name down on all it's not chip she he puts her name down so she at the end of that ball somebody must have walked up to her and been like you owe us

seven grand, you know, or whatever. She won Kelly Clarkson by chip. This is what it is. He comes into it, pretends to like her. And then he uses all of her money on carriages and dumb things. Uh, he has no money. He's a magical being. He has a wooden sword. He is like, he genuinely is as it's as if a lunatic wandered into town and everybody was like, he's one of us.

Like, it's crazy. Just because he cracks nuts. Oh, my God. When he cracks all those nuts with his hands, that's next level. I have a personal fascination with bad background. How high has some of the best bad background you'll ever see? That's the Method Man, Red Man movie. This is, I think it takes the cake because the kids in this movie, they look like they're just waiting like animals for cues. They're like, you know, when Santa comes, they're like,

Santa! Like there's no, there's just no, they're just, they're almost like Sims. It's the beat when, it's the beat when the, when, when whatever, school is out and all the middle school kids rush into the cookie store where they're all apparently, once again, given free cookies, as many as they want. And they are, they're so excited.

Like they're learning all the wrong lessons. You can't on mass crash a local business and demand free things. You know, but by the way, the children of stars hollow, the children of stars burst into burst into Taylor's started taking bunches. Yeah. Guess what? Taylor or Luke or whoever is going to be like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how this is working.

Well, by the way, they also try to tease him like a British, like a beefeater soldier, the ones that guard the Queen's Palace. They're like, move, are you going to move? That's also not part of the Nutcracker, I don't think, the not moving. Oh, do we need to talk about the Mouse King, the two mustachioed gentlemen? All right, so throughout the whole movie, we hear that the Mouse King is coming, the Mouse King is coming, and the reveal is there is the Mouse King truck right there. Yeah, that is the Mouse King truck. It is...

I mean, that is it. I mean, the Mouse King was true. He was a mover, a mover, I guess. Wait, can you go back to the picture of her, Paul, on the cover, on the poster? I want to see that girl. I want to see that gown. I think we have access to better things. That's a movie I would watch, a movie in which Melissa Joan Hart in that dress fucks a life-size Nutcracker.

With a big wooden dick. A big vibrating wooden dick. That is wood. That is wooden. It's not come to life. It's wooden. All right, let's take another question here. We got two more good questions. It's like Lars and the real girl. Oh, man. The real Randolph Dresselmeyer. Why doesn't he speak German? Okay, why doesn't Chip speak German or even have a hint of a German accent? That's a really great question. He is German.

Again, this movie is confused about what this Nutcracker is because he has elf sensibilities, but he also is someone who's lived a life, but he's also German. Yeah, confusing. But that gets back, I'm sorry to jump on you, but that's my same problem with Chip himself.

Chip, once he comes to life, if we're meant to believe the story at the beginning that the merchant tells her is that he was cursed and turned into a nutcracker and this is the original nutcracker, he then comes back to life. He should be a German man whose name is like...

Klaus or Hans or Fritz or something. With PTSD from the war. And he should speak German or English with a German accent. He should speak only German or whatever, but none of that is the case. So he's just like a hunky American guy and I just am like, or Canadian guy or whatever, I don't know what the actor is, but I was like, I don't understand what the deal is here. And I also don't understand like why he's just there to be of service and

Like it seems as though his whole thing is I just want to be of service and so much so that at dinner she says, thank you. Oh, no. She says that to the nephew. Thank you for your service. It is really like the the the most desirable man is a man who is only of who is only of service. You know, by the way. Yeah. In a way. Look, I'm going to say I'm going to say this. I love my wife.

wonderful person and maybe I could be of more service to her so I appreciate you actively I know you can if Jessica Sinclair knows about anything it's about love languages and I know there's a couple of love languages and one of them is acts of service now are you acts of service in terms of wait wait you're not acts of service June because I'm all acts of service I'm definitely not acts of service I'm physical touch I'm acts of service what are the other ones

Sorry. Words of affirmation. Oh, I think that's me. Yeah. Words of affirmation. You like quality time too. You like nothing more than to do a cross. I like quality time. 700 hours with somebody. Yeah. Okay. Not me. I just was wondering. Thank you. Go ahead. So you can have a different love language.

Like your love. I mean, I've learned all of this from Jessica, but the love language you like to give someone is not necessarily the love language you like to receive. But it's usually that usually what you give out, you also like to receive and why you have a lot of problems is I'm taking out your garbage to show you that you love me. But you just want me to sit and do a crossword puzzle and drink tea with you.

Because you're quality time. So what you have to do is learn what is your partner's love language. Now, I did help a man who is the cashier at Barney's, the food place. Yeah, he was having a really terrible, terrible time with his wife. They've been married for 50 years. And I said, what's her, what is her love language? And he didn't realize it was that he was giving her acts of service, but she was quality time.

and words of affirmation. And so over the months, they've repaired. That's wonderful. Wow. I love that you really got in there. Let's get to our last question here. You really like to give acts of service, but I'm actually, that's not something I like to receive.

No, but yet you appreciate an act of service. I do. And I tip my hat to it, but I don't like it doesn't fuel you. But like it fuels me. I have to look. I'm trying very hard to always improve my husband game. You know, like I'm learning. I'm trying. I'll figure it out eventually.

I mean, listen, Jason, the nicest thing you ever did for me as a friend is offer to take a dump in that guy's closet who stole all that money from me. Also, the offer still stands. That's an act of service. I'm not joking.

I was like, that is the nicest thing. That's an act of service. To be fair, this was before I knew that you had such a facility with having diarrhea. Had I known you could handle that yourself, I would never have offered. It was so readily available.

But I know. No, it's true. I did offer to do that. And I'm still sad you didn't take me up on it because that guy deserved it. I am sad too because I never get that money back. And I really wish you had shit in that guy's closet. No, we should have taken. I should have hidden two dumps in that guy's house. One for him to find and one for him to not find and be like, why does it still smell like shit?

By the way, this is a great question from Mike B. Why was Melissa Joan Hart complaining about cookies when Ginger was raising five kids by herself, running a dress store and organizing every event? Ginger is the one that needs that doll. Ginger is a sequel. Get Ginger in that sequel. By the way, Ginger deserves to find true love. Yes. Is Ginger a single mom? No, she's constantly a single mom.

Wow. Joanna Howard. Joanna Howard. She seemed to be at the ball alone. And honestly. And none of those kids seemed to be adopted. I felt like they were not all from the same family necessarily. And so look at what she's doing. Careful, Jessica. What? Oh, no, I didn't.

walk away walk away wow wow oh my gosh well obviously we have opinions here we have very strong opinions uh but now it might be time for a second opinion and here is a compilation of the best second opinion sent in by you our listeners jingle bells this movie swell so i gave it five stars i am so

Second Opinions on Amazon. Fa la la la la la la five stars. We made a little fun in Second Opinions time. We're not the only ones in Second Opinions time. But there are some people who disagree. Our cinematic masterpiece. This movie put them over the moon. They're probably mad at Jason Paul Dune.

Baby, it's second opinions time. Wow. That was great. Was the first gentleman in the movie? Was he the Santa boyfriend? I don't think he was. Can we take a look at him? He looked a lot like him. I don't think so. But you're right. Do we know that, Molly?

I don't know. He had the hunky look. Yeah. The hunky look of that guy. Well, all right. So there are 333 ratings, total ratings. They're checking right now to make sure to see if that's the guy. 333 positive ratings here. 64% are five-star ratings. And I'm just going to jump in right now and say this. This is, the title is Odd but Intriguing and Heartwarming.

I've been super depressed this Christmas, but when I saw Melissa Joan Hart and Barry Watson in a Christmas movie, I decided to give it a chance. And I am so glad I did. I was a little disappointed when Chip had to leave. I was hoping she had somehow broken the curse and he could stay human. In that way, the movie reminded me of the mannequin movie with Andrew McCarthy.

But I love if you're a Watson fan and a romantic fan or a Christmas fan, this movie will not disappoint you. Sorry, I edited this review. I don't know how to delete the previous one. Five stars.

So that is, this woman is saying, if you're a Melissa Joan Hart fan, if you're a Barry Watson fan, if you're a romance fan, if you're a Christmas fan, this movie will not disappoint you. So that is going to cover a lot of base. By the way, I did say the one thing that I found disturbing, I was going to say this for the end, but I'll talk about it now, was that the couple that did get together, that was Rizwan and your friend Jessica, who were great in the film.

They look like they had some hot and passionate sex and they got in those very Christmassy pajamas. The onesies. Yeah, that felt like that one. They were like the Suki and Jackson of this story. Exactly. Exactly. Because you know Suki and Jackson are fucking in Gilmore Girls. In their vegetable patch. I mean, like, total pound town. You know, like, fucking pile driver. Sure.

All right, so this one is another one from Snow Lover is the person's name. So we know that Snow Lover is going to like this one. Snow Lover writes, I like this one a lot. This person is a cocaine fan. That's what that is. Snow Lover writes, I like this one a lot, but I'm partial to Nutcrackers, so they won me over with that. Five stars. So this person just likes Nutcrackers.

There are people who have an obsession with them. I guess. I mean, I have my own dolls. We'll talk about that next week. Growing up, they were like a big part of our Christmas decorations. And every year, a new nut, Santa would bring a new nutcracker. That has a theme.

A different outfit, a different accompaniment or whatever. I hope people stay tuned for next week's episode because I can show you the dolls that we have in this house. We'll save it because we're running late. Oh, I've seen them. They're going to murder you in your sleep. If someone's going to poison you, it's going to be those dolls. We'll get into it next week. Daryl Brasseau writes, awesome movie.

This was a gift and the person said it was an awesome movie five stars So this person got on without even watching it just just off of wrote a review off of the recommendation And then finally blues chat writes I

We love Melissa Joan Hart and her Christmas movies. They are almost as much fun as Sabrina. I say almost because no Sabrina, no Salem, no Hilda, no Zelda. I think a Christmas rom-com with Salem would be

Awesome. Salem was the cat. I love Sabrina. My husband and I enjoy curling up on the couch in front of the fire and watching these funny, uplifting, romantic movies. They bring us joy and give us hope for the future. It's so nice to see good people doing good things. I pre-watched it when my husband was gone and I went to go find it last night and it disappeared from Amazon Prime. I hope it comes back. I really want to see this one again.

Five stars. So her and her husband did not have a Christmas miracle. They did not get to share it together. I will piggyback on that and say during this time of year, I also like just watching Christmas movies or holiday movies. June and I watch Christmas Chronicles 2. I will always end up watching The Family Stone or A Love Actually. Oh, The Family Stone. Screw that. Our friend Mary Holland co-wrote a great movie called Happiest Season, I think. Happiest Season. It's so much...

Oh, yeah, it's great. Scrooged is great. Vacation, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the best vacation. Die Hard. Die Hard. Lethal Weapon 1. Home Alone. Home Alone is great. By the way, Home Alone 2, don't sleep on it. Don't sleep on Home Alone 2. Also the Christmas episodes of Gilmore Girls. 100% of the best. It's interesting. I never think of Christmas, and this is, I think, maybe one of the fundamental problems I have with this movie is that

I don't like to think of Christmas or my holidays aren't, I'm going to say this, magical. And what I mean by that is I love being with, I think the meaning of the holidays is to be with family, to be with loved ones, to sort of like align yourself with your value systems.

And to, you know, slow down and to be with the ones you love. And that is magical. But I don't like a holiday movie that is actually like...

Like, yeah, like in which or like, you know, what's it called? Miracle. I'm 34th Street. I'm actually OK if the magic has to do with like Santa. Oh, OK. OK. You know what I mean? But I get it. You don't want a special like this kind of movie. You mean like this? Not cracker movie. There was nothing about it, actually, that sparked the holiday spirit in me.

Got it. I agree. You know, and I love a holiday movie. You know why? Because it's ultimately, and I think, and this is, you know, I don't want to blame the movie for this. I think in order to make a movie feel like it's a Christmas movie, you have to spend more money. Like you really would have to. When she goes out to her car.

to clean it off. You really have to have snow. There's only a tiny pile of snow. They didn't have enough. You've got to spend more money. This didn't feel, this was all interior. No, like I said, the behind didn't. Yulhor girls always had enough snow. They always had enough snow. Of course, of course. Well, by the way, the Palladinos are spending that snow money, baby. Maisel, so much snow. By the way, I heard there's a lot of coughing on those sets.

That's a sad truth about Gilmore. What do you mean? Because of COVID? No, there was a lot of like, ooh, that fake snow can get into your car. Well, I will tell you this much. They did make fun of the fake snow because that was a town that was covered in real snow, but yet they did have a fake snow machine, which I felt like they were like, just put the camera on the fake snow machine too because it's like, let's embrace it. We can't pull it off. Because that ice skating rink was also not ice. That was like plastic.

As far as I'm concerned, Alan Rickman, my queen, Emma Thompson, their storyline of love, actually incredible. Also got Mitchell. Also Joni Mitchell. It's like my favorite people. Guys, Lethal Weapon one is a Christmas movie. No one wants to talk about it, but that is a movie. Oh,

I don't mind that. You know my favorite Christmas movie and I know it's not off-watched but Mixed Nuts. I don't like it. What the fuck? It's Robert Downey Jr., right? No, it's Adam Sandler and Steve Martin. My man, Steve Martin. What am I thinking of? It is Rita Wilson and Adam Sandler and Madeline Kahn doing something that is so fucking great alone in an elevator with children's toys. It is...

so good. It's a Nora Ephron. It's so great. It's clearly written as a play. It's a Nora Ephron movie, yeah. Clearly written as a play and it all takes place in one apartment but it is so good. The cast is unbelievable. Absolutely. I'm going to watch that. Great. Especially living in Los Angeles, it is an LA Christmas movie and you feel that. Like Lethal Weapon. Could I call

Could I call When Harry Met Sally almost? Remember that Christmas when she's pulling the Christmas tree? That's when they're not getting... There's some Christmas in it, but it's not a Christmas movie. A season goes by. It's a great movie, but that's not a Christmas movie. I love Harry Met Sally. You call it Harry. You call it Harry. Harry Met Sally? It's when...

When? Listen, I agree with Paul. HMS is one of my absolute faves. Like I was watching HMS the other night. Ooh. I love Harry Sally. Harry Sally is one of my favorites. I will say this. We really had a lot to say about this movie and it was so much fun. But before we get out of here for the night, I want to give a shout out to all the people who help us here on the show. And, um,

Molly, who has been amazing in our chat. She's just awesome. We love Molly. But I also want to give a shout out to Devin, our engineer, who's traveled the country with us, and he's amazing. Devin has an album out on Bandcamp called The Beginner's Guide to Birds. It's a 52-track track.

charity box set of songs that he wrote and recorded from 2003 to 2018. And it's available for 15 bucks. And all that money goes to Girls Rock Chicago, She Rock, She Rock in Minnesota, Camp Rock, all these nonprofits that support girls, women, trans, and non-binary musicians with equipment and resources and opportunities to make their own music. And you can get this. It's awesome. And by the way, it's great. I've been listening to it nonstop. Painkillerthepigeon.bandcamp.com.

Or, yeah, .com. So painkillerthepigeon.bandcamp.com. You can pay $15, you can pay more, but I love what Devin is doing there. A big thank you to Avril Halle for picking this movie. A big thank you for Nate Kiley for doing all the research. A big thank you to the ghost of Craig T. Nelson who does our amazing designs that you've seen online. And Kyle Waldron, who is... Speaking of the Family Stone. Oh, yeah, right, there he is. Kyle Waldron... Everyone has to watch that movie. Not enough people have seen that movie. We love Kyle, who took over for Leanne Waldron. And remember... Oh, and a big...

Kyle and Matt, who are running the show behind the scenes here at On Location. We love them. They make it so easy for us. Can I just say one thing, Paul? Yeah. Can I just say one thing? That although this movie did not put me in the holiday spirit, this show and seeing... Of course, Paul, I see you all the time. But seeing my dear friend Jessica and her amazing face...

I'm so happy to see you, Jess. And Jason, I'm so happy to see you. And this, I really am so happy to see you. And I hope you start getting the kettle ready for your sleepy time tea. Get it inverted. And you'll hear it.

And yeah, just Cody and Molly and Devin. I just am so grateful to have this show and to have this moment to all spend time together. This has put me in the Christmas spirit for sure. And I'm excited, by the way. I guess the question I didn't ask was, would you recommend this movie? 100% yes for me. I love my experience here.

Everyone across the board? Literally, what did you say? It's like 70 minutes long? It is not. It doesn't, it's fine. Weird act. It's totally fine. It's down like a thick nog. We will see you all next week. Remember to rate and review the show. And if you want to talk more about this, just give me a call at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K. That's 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K.

Paul asks. Thank you, everybody, for coming out. We could not do this show without you. We love that you are here. We love that you're spending our Fridays with us wherever you are around the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And have a great, great night. We'll see you next week. Hopefully all of you. Bye-bye, everybody.