xXx: Return of Xander Cage LIVE! w/ Adam Scott (HDTGM Matinee)
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We saw the return of the extreme James Bond, Triple X.

The return of Xander Cage. So you know what that means. Howdy. Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly. Rock a rhinestone vest while ripping Justin to Kelly. Or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crowe. And take a boat with Speed 2 hitting cruise control. J-Man, Big Paul, and the beautiful June. Gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room. Branded games and street fire to help to blow off steam. Just a sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green. Sharknado, the birdemic, how we staying alive. They call it.

People of Largo!

We are live here in Los Angeles at our favorite place, Largo. If you're ever in L.A., come. Come see a show here at Largo at the Coronet. We have a great show for you tonight. It is The Return of Xander Cage, a movie that doesn't even use a number because it's trying to ignore that there was a second one. It is the third in a series that does not acknowledge that there were any before.

To join me tonight to dissect this amazing piece of film is the one, the only, Jason Manzoukas! Up, jerk! Welcome, welcome, Jason. Paul, I saw this movie today. I was talking to you.

I was talking to the audience. You must have driven far to go see it, right? I went to Burbank. Okay, all right. I went to Burbank. All right, good. It was Wowserinos. Way more people than I thought would be there, and they did not appreciate me laughing. I... I was, in fact, shushed. Alone. I... If you're wondering. I saw this film in an empty theater on a Tuesday night. I laughed...

so hard like gut belly laugh like holy shit I haven't had that experience I felt like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear which I 100% get because you also got to the theater underneath someone's car I gotta save my gas money right this economy this economy

I would do this movie every month for a year. It should never be in the theater. I will not do that. Please also welcome my other co-host, the lovely, the talented June Diane Rapio. Welcome. Welcome, June. Hi, Paul. How are you? Good. We spoke today. I saw you earlier today. A peek behind the curtain. And...

You are a little nervous because we saw this movie on Tuesday. Yeah, so I don't remember looking. I brought my phone out because I took notes in the theater. I hate when people take their phones out in the theater. We were the only ones there, though. We were the only ones there. And I realized, oh, I'm going to go back to those notes and really have an understanding of what happened. And I feel like I've forgotten more after reading them.

We try to time this podcast out so almost the minute the movie ends, you're in a car going to record. Because it is... I'm not watching it in the car. Yeah. It is leaving you. It's like memento. It is coming... It's going out. This movie...

As I'm watching it, I'm forgetting it. It's the craziest experience where... June just found out while you were introing the show that there was a second XXX. I had no idea. I thought this was... And her mind was blown, because I was like, well, didn't you understand? That's why Ice Cube came in? And she was like, no. No, no, no, no. Paul said, when Ice Cube came in at the end, Paul said to me, oh, he was in the other movie. So I just assumed that was the first. I thought this was the return.

Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. So you are kind of the perfect Vin Diesel audience member because you just disregarded the second one entirely. Yeah, well, I had never seen it. I mean, or maybe I have. Who knows? Who can say? Well,

I did feel, though, when we were... That is the title of your memoirs, right? Who can say? Who can say? I did feel when we were in that theater, we had a really terrible... What I do remember about this night was the theater-going experience that we had. Well, it was a pretty bad one. Yeah, we don't... It was a really... We could... Yeah, let's lay it down. You know what? What I realized...

Tonight was that I think we had a bad experience at this theater. And I'm not going to name it. But it wasn't great. It's like one of those places where they serve you food and liquor.

But they don't serve you food and liquor. But there was nobody there to serve us. Literally, there wasn't a single person in the theater. You had to leave the theater. Were you encouraged to get your own? You had to leave the theater and go across the street. You had to go outside in the rain. In the rain. To get a beverage. It was insane. The guy ran the bar.

And then he was like, well, do you need help carrying up these beverages and snacks? Whatever. There are bigger problems in the world right now, you guys. But I will say, I recognize that. But I will say, I walked into the theater thinking, I got to get water. I got to get water immediately. And the server is going to be over any minute. No server. No server ever arrived. Was it because you were worried about your mouth having enough moisture to water at the sight of Vin Diesel? No.

Were you like, I know I'm going to see a real hunk, so I got to have that. He looked great, and I enjoyed him. I really did. But then I realized it was a terrible theater-going experience, but then I realized it was actually payback for a theater-going experience we had, I think in that theater, where we ate a plate of sushi at a screening of House Bunny. What are you talking about?

What are you even talking about? Because you're telling me that you ate sushi in a movie theater. We sat in the back row. That's like right-aid sushi. No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't served at the place. We got it from a good sushi place and we brought it in. Okay, okay. I thought it was like you can get like a pub burger or sushi. No, no, no. We were more disgusting in the fact that we brought in hot dogs.

hot food and weird food and we're eating it and smells are coming out of the back of the house bunny theater. Now there were many people in the theater but I've lived with that shame for many many years. Do you feel better?

No, but when that happened with the whole water situation at Return to Center Cage where I had to have a sip of water all day. Again, so many bigger problems right now. But your hydration is paramount. You didn't have a sip of water all day? I don't think I had. Are you on a water fest? You have nine swell bottles in our house. I know. They're all the big ones. They're all the ones that don't fit in cup holders. We get it. You guys have a lot of double-walled water bottles.

Anyway, I think that I've done my penance and the House Bunny situation. I've done my Mike penance and the House Bunny situation is, you know, I'm absolved of it. All right. Well, we do have another guest. By the way, though, if one of the recurring segments is how is the movie theater you saw this in? I'm not upset with it.

People are always begging us to do movies that are in the theater. Well, you're going to hear this now, too. I love seeing movies in the theater. And Twizzlers. I really do. I'm really ashamed of what happened at House Bunny. Because House Bunny is also a while ago. It was. And you've carried this for this long. Yes.

Like, free yourself. Sorry. Well, you are free. No, no. Because this movie bears so much similarity to Fast and the Furious, we have brought an expert in Vin Diesel. Please welcome from the upcoming HBO show Big Little Lies, from the current show on Netflix, Michael Bolton's Big Sexy Valentine's Day Special...

And you can see him on season one of The Good Place, Adam Scott. It's good to have this family back together. It sure is. I want to hear more about this movie theater where you have to cross the street to get a Coke. That sounds awesome.

It really, it was like they were trying to go for like the Alamo Drafthouse, but it seemed like they were going bankrupt instead. Were they like, we honestly did not think anybody was coming tonight because of this movie. No, like there was not like a single person there and there was one guy, one guy manning the bar and he seemed surprised to see us.

There was not even a person to sell you tickets. Okay, when Paul says there's not a single person there, he means not just in the theater we saw it at, in the entire movie theater. We walked into a ghost town. Like eight. Oh, eight screens? There was not a single person there. Oh, wow. And they did a weird thing like, you know, when you walk in the theater, they have the posters of all the movies, but like the poster for this...

wasn't high enough resolution, so it was, like, really, like, pixelated. What? And I've never even seen the poster that they had. It was, like, it was real, like, low-level. Were all eight screens showing Triple X? If I ran that company, they would be. I agree with Jason. I would watch this movie again right now. So let's do it! Roll it!

I'm going to just come straight out and say, I fucking had a great time watching this movie. This is, to me, like a thank God this got made. It's awesome. It essentially is Vin Diesel fanfic written by Vin Diesel. Yeah. It feels, looks, and sounds like it was made up as it went along. Yes. Yeah.

And the return of Xander Cage, meaning he just skipped to the middle one. And he did the same thing with Fast and Furious. That means he's created a subgenre of multi-billion dollar franchises. Well, not in this case, but franchises that he skips over one movie because he thinks he's too awesome, but then comes back to. He never has stepped away from Riddick, has he? No. He will. But you know what?

He's always like, I'm going to let this one rest. I will say, while not a success here in the United States, this is why Vin Diesel's a genius. He cast it with one giant celebrity from every continent. So the movie does become successful. I knew that Penguin was in it for a reason. It was 80... I mean, they haven't done a movie since Ben Morgan. Dude really liked that.

It was made for $85 million, but already made $131 million. It's like, it is a worldwide... It doesn't surprise me. Yeah, it's the number one movie in the world, just not here in the continental United States. Everyone here is like, fuck that, no, sorry. I bet this movie makes like $280 million. $280 million.

Sure will. Internationally, it's going to be massive. Well, yeah, because they have the cameo from the soccer star at the beginning, and then seven minutes later, another reference to soccer and how awesome it is. I'm like, oh, this is for the world. This is...

Not for us. His entire team, there's no one on his team really that is American at all. He's the only guy. And I bet you if you cornered him, he'd say he's not American either just because he likes to keep the allure up about himself. Well, I like him to keep that allure up. Me too. I love him. I love him? Is what you just said? I do. I mean, I don't know. I think he's very sexy.

What? No. Yeah, I've said it before. So does he. Yeah. I think he's a very sexy guy. In the world of June, arguably it would be me, Ernest, and Ben Diesel. That's your top three. That's June's spank bank?

How many Ernest movies have you guys done? One. Oh, you just did one. I think just one. We should revisit. I don't know if two could handle it. Well, no. The only Ernest I like is... Oh, Evil Ernest. Evil Ernest, yeah. I think that that may be a trope of every Ernest movie. I think there might be an evil version of it. The crazy thing about the opening of this movie is when I saw him flying down the hills on skateboards and such...

How is he on a skateboard? He's... It doesn't seem physically impossible for him to skateboard. I can explain how. Yeah. They put his face on a person's skateboard. What? What? That's what... In my notes, I have a note here that says, can Vin do any of these things? I wrote down the same thing!

Because he jumps off of a tower and he has skis on, lands on a hillside, not snow. No, no.

Jungle. Jungle. Jungle and skis down a mountain. There are poles right in the spot where he lands. So he can grab the poles and go. I was actually thinking to myself, I was like, the thing that's so funny about that is picturing him like in the jungle before he did this, going, put the poles here. And then, yeah, this is the place.

Him doing all of these things is absolutely impossible. And I wrote that down too. I was like, I feel like if you said Vin Diesel's never driven a motorcycle, I'd be like, yeah, totally. Absolutely. I believe that. He's never been near one at all. But it's funny that he is associating himself as the extreme sports star. Yeah.

Doesn't do any of it. Nothing. Bizarre. My favorite scene is coming up right at the top of the movie, which is where he, I thought, met his girlfriend, but apparently seems to be a stranger. Somebody bones and then is like, you can have that shirt, baby. And then it's like, I don't know.

four minutes into the introduction of his character and he is fucking. Yes. But then, okay, so let me ask you this. This is my thing. Let me ask you this because I felt this way because then he fucks that woman and then Tony Collette comes in and is like, you got to come back to Triple X and he's like, fine, I'm in. And then they go and then he's flirting with Nina Dobrev, I guess. And I'm like, hey man, don't you have a girlfriend? He doesn't. No. I was,

He's like, oh man, don't be such a dick to your girlfriend. Well, when you find out that Vin Diesel is doing all this extreme sports stuff just to bring soccer to a small island of villagers. A small island of villagers? Salt miners. We measure this grouping of villages as an island. But he basically goes like, great job. And you're like, oh, they know each other. They don't. And that's the thing. It's like, and it's,

I felt like they knew each other, but she was his island gal. And that he can't be tied down, you know? But then he leaves her a skateboard with a note on it that says, don't hurt yourself. Don't fall. Don't fall? I assume don't fall for me. Don't fall in love. Don't fall for me. Oh, shit. I thought...

I don't know. Maybe he's not that smart. I thought he was literally like, I thought he was like, here, the first rule of skateboarding, don't fall. Like, no, no, because the movie... This movie is no subtext, all text.

And I will underline it with my favorite scene in the movie, which is when Vin Diesel comes in this movie, you cut to a salt plant where salt is coming out of a tractor. A couple of very vocal audience members are like, yes! Yes!

It just confirms for once and for all that Vin Diesel shoots salt out of his penis. Can you imagine if someone came inside you and it just was rock salt? Like what you would put out after an ice storm. It's what they're like, we'll cut to that. I just also love, it's not even like sexy or romantic, just a salt dump. Just a solid white dump. Like super dusty and dry and shitty.

I'm going to drop a bunch of particles on you. I'm going to fill you full of crystal. Oh, there's nothing to watch, says people trying to stream without Walmart Plus. Wait, Paul, Walmart Plus, how does that help me stream? Well, when you sign up for Walmart Plus, it's the only membership that comes with Paramount Plus subscription included.

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Does anyone else think that the, like, I don't remember the first one super well, so I didn't know if, did the first one, the Vin Diesel one, have this, like, weird comedy tone they were trying to hit? I don't think so, no. Because this definitely, like, this was self-aware. It was a lot of, like, that Vin Diesel smirk where it was, like,

Like, he walks out of a restaurant, some guy throws him his keys. He's like, park it for me. And he's like, ha, ha, ha. And then he, like, just takes the Ferrari and then, like, drives off a cliff and then parachutes out of it. And he's like, I parked it. You know, it's like that. Like, it was like... And then, like... Yeah. I feel like that's classic, like, rap rock time. So there was, like...

like zingers yeah but it wasn't like Nina Dobrev who I think honestly is one of my favorite characters 100% she did a great job yeah she did she's awesome hilarious

It was great. We're all in on Nina Dobrik. Oh, yeah. I do think that they added some of her stuff in afterwards, though, because I was watching this before the show and I was like, it looks like they were like, you know, we need to add some comedy here. So watch this scene and you at home listen to it. They don't share the screen at all.

So, here we go. Xander Cage. This is crazy! I was at Coachella and Guns N' Roses got back together, but this is way cooler. Breathe.

Take your time. I know mouth to mouth if necessary. She's nowhere to go there. Wow. Clearidge worked closely with Gibbons. She'll handle support for the operation. And I bet a guy like you needs a lot of support. What are you, like 220, 230? Be honest. 250 is like the hard max for my swing. Oh, come on. I'm kidding. It's not like I have a safe word or anything. It's come quiet. Well, she was very good. Maybe I didn't watch it. I loved it. Yeah. I loved it. I loved every minute of it.

It was also like, it's been a while since the first one, and so scenes like that, I was like, why is this like 48-year-old man hitting on this little girl? It was kind of weird. Well, if you're a woman in the world of this movie, you so want to fuck Vin Diesel. That's all you want to do. So much so that you will put your job in jeopardy to sexually harass him in front of your boss. Yeah, that's the first time they were meeting. I can understand it, but...

I did feel like the women in the movie... Now, this is the first time I've really seen Nina Dobrev in anything. Yes. And I think she's wonderful. And so for me, the movie was a nice introduction to Nina Dobrev. But the other scene, not to jump ahead... Who cares about jumping ahead? Basically five scenes in the movie. That other scene where he meets that hacker, whoever that young woman is, those girls seemed...

Well, that girl... Yeah, no, seriously. Everybody seems so young. The orgy that happens to him? Yes. You mean the orgy that is... I was very uncomfortable. They did basically force themselves on him. He's like, okay. And they all just like descended on him. What would I do for my country? In a jacket that looks like only what I can describe as a woolly vagina. That jacket makes me laugh. It looks like he's being born out of a 70s bush. It really does.

But was that jacket like a huge thing in the first? Yes. Because he goes to London to get the jacket in this movie. Because he thinks it might be there. And then they have this whole entrance for him in this jacket. Yes. Then even weirder. That he wears in the rain. It's a coat. It's a coat. Which is also the worst jacket to wear in the rain. No, it's terrible. He then also has like three other very weird jackets. Yeah. They're coats, you guys. They're all coats. He has.

a whole like suitcase full of douchey jackets? Right. Well, the jacket is kind of like his Aston Martin. The director was like, we needed to put this jacket back into it. Really? Really? I have an update, DJ Caruso. You did not. Because Vin Diesel's like, people respond to the jacket so much so because Mark Zuckerberg bought the jacket from the first Triple X. What?

And gave it to his like best friend. What on earth are you talking about? So like, why wasn't that in the social networks? Because he couldn't get the jacket. Sorkin, rewrite, Fincher, reshoots. So they were like, this is the quote. It says Mark Zuckerberg bought that jacket and gave it to his right hand man because one of their mantras was, I live for this shit, right?

Okay, so realizing that that jacket has this history. How does that come into context at Facebook? I get it when you're about to do some sort of extreme sport. I live for this shit, right? Let's jump off this, whatever. But like at Facebook. Let's add emoticons to these comments. I live for this shit.

So Mark Zuckerberg bought the jacket. There was such folklore built around the jacket, and Vin loved the idea of the jacket. He said, you've got to find a way to get that jacket back in the movie. It wasn't even in the script. It was on a whim. Oh, no way. Exactly what you said. They just were making it up as they went along. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I like that in this movie, though, Xander Cage, which was definitely not in the first movie, also was a little bit like Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock. What?

Like when they capture him in that little square. I knew because you were this and you were that. His fingernail had a thing on it and her eyebrow was cocked up and his shoe had no scruff on it and that guy was buying a magazine and that busted things to one another. Here's the thing, none of that stuff that he observes...

None of it made sense. None of it. And after he said each one and they showed them, I still didn't understand. And by the way, all he needed to say, which was obvious, was the guy, the most important person, the guy that sat next to him...

gave the whole thing away. Like, don't say I didn't warn you. He was terrible. So why even bother selecting a bunch of other stuff? Like, oh no, that guy was terrible. It was obvious it was fake. And also when Tony Collette comes up to him and tells him, okay, we need you, and he's like, okay, and he gets up and starts following her out. They're in like the tropics, right? They're in South America? Is that where they're? So he's wearing, he has like raw

denim that's been rolled up to his knee with big boots but it looked like so uncomfortable you know how raw denim and like tightly rolled up against your skin oh yeah it's like say it's like 80 grit sandpaper it's terrible oh and then well okay and then he's got a uh he meets his team

And I love that they pair him up with the squares, the military guys. Oh, man. This is the most insulting scene to the military in any movie ever. He ejects out of a plane. Like SEAL Team 6 basically is there to help him

get the bad guys. I still don't know who the bad guys were. Because they can't send SEAL Team 6 in. They have to send this fucking asshole. Let me ask you. A 53-year-old man. And by the way, that's the thing I did not understand about this movie because I didn't see the other XXXs. But... So what is so special about them? They're extreme. Yep.

They're just extreme in every way. Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he recruited in the first one because he's good at extreme sports? Yeah. Well, you guys saw the opening of this movie with Sam Jackson giving a powerful monologue. Yeah.

Which, by the way, kills it always. So they put the hair on him in that first scene and then at the end he's like, no hair. Yeah. Like on day two of shooting he's like, you know what? I don't want to do that hair thing anymore. So I'm going to come an hour and a half later and we're going to just shoot me without the hair. It doesn't matter. And also I'm going to wear my own glasses because I don't want to do that anymore. And I'll wear an eye patch because I'm just coming from the set of the Avengers movie. I...

I feel like the next step for Sam Jackson is for his role in the movie to literally just be footage of him going to the bank and depositing a check. And it will still, it will still on many occasions be the best scene in the movie. Oh, absolutely. I mean, that opening monologue is great. It was amazing. But this is what I don't understand about the Triple X team. So are they all athletes? No. No.

Right? They're all extreme. Some are athletes, some are extreme sports stars, and some people just like to crash cars. And some are DJs. Okay. Yeah, one of them literally is a DJ. I could not. His special skill is people like him. Yes.

He knows when to drop that beat. Every time a new character is introduced, there's a freeze frame and Chiron comes up and they say like, special skills, favorite karaoke, go-to song. Call of Duty handle. And when, what's his name from Game of Thrones, the,

The Hound. The Hound. He's in it. It says... Sander Clegan? No, what's his name? His longest relationship was his rugby mouthpiece. Yes, that's what he keeps putting in his mouth. Yeah. That was super funny. I thought that was... I'll be honest. I'll be honest.

I thought that was the best romance of the movie. He and his rugby muppies? The best romance was the unseen romance. This guy dated Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga in the same night. In the same night. I don't think they mean dated. But dated is a weird word. It should say this guy fucked them in the same night. Right. Dated seems like he courted them. They were such a good relationship. And that means...

Two very nice first dates with those women. That means he had access to a time pocket and he was able to go in and date in court. I want to see that movie, just running from table to table at a restaurant. Brady Bunch style. Oh no, I made two dates, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift.

Did you guys catch the joke when after these guys come in and assassinate a whole room full of people and they're kind of assessing the damage afterwards, somebody says, these a-holes came in here, took out the best of the best like it was Sunday brunch. Yeah.

I'm almost positive that was Toni Collette, wasn't it? Did she say that? Toni Collette was fantastic. Toni Collette is the bad guy in this movie. Not quite bad guy. She delivered the shittiest lines with such authority. I know. I feel like they were like, oh, Toni, so your part was written horribly. Yeah.

So you are going to have to chew the scenery like nobody else can. And she's like, I got this. And scene after scene crushes. Yeah, the best. She was one of my favorite parts of this entire movie. I wrote down some of her lines too. She wrote, we need someone who can walk into a tornado and come out like it was a gentle breeze. That's right. She also said...

And I've never seen anyone say this in a serious way. Olly olly oxen free. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the denim rolled up scene. Yeah. Yeah. She fucking killed it. She was amazing. Great. And I don't even think that she understands the plot because the plot was. Let me ask this. Where had Xander Cage been?

that he's returning from. He was going around getting soccer on TV for people. He's some sort of Robin Hood character in the Dominican Republic. So after the first Xander Cain. The way that we're to believe it in the world is in the second movie, because he was such a dick about... This is in our world. That girl went to Coachella.

That's right. That kind of tethered it to the... So that means the XXX program must be somewhat real, right? Oh, it's happening. Oh, 100%, Jason. Good. I'm just glad that I got that clear. Yeah, stop being so fucking stupid. So...

In the second movie, Vin Diesel was such an ass in dropping out and wanting to get so much money that the directors or whatever decided they were going to make sure that he can never come back. So they spend the first five minutes of the movie killing Xander Cage, which is just a bald guy running around that you never see his face. You go, he's in there, he's in there, he's in there. And you just see the, you know, just like quick moves and never see his face. And then they blow up a building and

And then from the building, like, you know, like, debris comes down, but his face, not his head, like, as if you ripped off, like, Westworld, like, front of face, like, hits the pavement. The bad guy picks it up like a pancake and dangles Vin Diesel's face. He goes, that's the end of the Triple X program. And then that's it. Like...

So do you think that in this movie, it's that guy wearing Vin's face? Yes. Is that what we are to believe?

Is that that guy puts Vin's face on, becomes the Robin Hood of the Dominican Republic, just so that the XXX program will invite him back and then he, a bad guy, they now think is Xander Cage, can come back in. Wow, I love that. Better movie. And also I had a question, because his name...

Well, I guess he has Triple X tattooed on the back of his neck, which is a tough thing. If you're like FBI, you don't want to tattoo that on your body when you're doing undercover. Not only...

Sorry, not only is it like blows your cover, but also he quit the Triple X program years ago. He still has a stupid fucking tattoo on the back of the neck. And like people like like the woman who is the we have we haven't identified any of the characters. Well, he's got

It's Tony Collette, Vin Diesel, then Vin Diesel has his team. But then there's the team of bad guys, which is Donnie Yen's team. Donnie Yen, just unstoppable. I love this movie. Yeah, he's great. Just unstoppable. I wish Tony Jaa had done more. I'm a big Tony Jaa fan. I wish he had done more. The bad guys had their headquarters on a beach. It was referred to as some kind of jungle rave.

Yeah, absolutely. That's how it was described in the movie. It's apparently some kind of jungle rave. And that's where they go. And it was an island populated of beautiful women that bad guys hang out at. Like, that's it. It's like Bad Guy Island. But then all of a sudden in the movie, I did eventually, I have to say, I did eventually fall asleep for a while. Okay, okay. Because I went to a 10 p.m. show last night. We will act it out. And...

But before that happened... In a theater. Yeah, it was one where the seats go way back. Oh, I fall asleep in theaters often. Yeah, we were in those comfy seats too. Yeah, it's hard. There's a danger to them. I have to say, after the movie ended, I woke up, saw the last half hour or so, then got up, walked out. It was about midnight, and I was walking out, and I was like, oh, Rogue One's playing. Maybe I'll go in and watch like 15 minutes because it had just started. So I went in and sat down, woke up an hour later...

freezing. Like, what am I doing here? I have to get out. So somebody, these people. And then you walk out and we're like, oh, hang on a second. Yeah. Lion is playing. Oh, wow. Lego Batman. Someone needs to bring Adam home. Hey, something weird happened the other night. Adam's call, wandering around, sleeping in theaters. I think he might be celeb homeless. Yeah.

Before I fell asleep, it did happen that Vin Diesel and his crew just all of a sudden they're at the headquarters for the bad guys. Yeah. They just show up there. Yes. Yes. I didn't get like how they got their location from those young women. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. No, because he goes, I know a ghost hunter. Yes. And he goes to Ainsley, who's from the first movie. That's the girl who gets out of the pool and it's the crotch shot. She's in the first movie? Wait, was she a 10 year old? Yeah. She's literally like she's 19 years old. This girl looks like, how old was she? I'm going to double check, but I'm pretty sure that that was her whole thing is that she's like the connection to the first movie.

That's the thing. There were lots of references as if we had all seen the first movie 10 minutes ago. And by the way, yeah, it was almost a decade ago. Yeah. Yeah, let's see. All right, so Triple X. I'm going to look for Ainsley. Yeah, it came out in 2002. So anyway, so the hackers give him the names of the...

of Donnie Yen's team. And then they find that they're in the Philippines and that's when Vin assembles his team and they're like, we're going to the Philippines. And then they drive up and about and people are like, who the fuck are you? He has XXX tattooed on himself. Right. He could not be also a more famous person. Right. He's like a famous extreme sportist. That's right, sportist. So mustn't people be like, oh fuck, Xander Cage, I saw you fucking flip over a bunch of buses. I don't know.

ATV. I don't know what they're up to. If there's a crowd that knows the extreme sports world, it's definitely this crowd. So they would know him. They're in it. Yeah, they're... Oh, I don't know if she was in the first movie. Maybe... Wow, I thought they made sort of a connection. I mean, he was gross. Like, he walked in... No. She was in Rogue Nation. She was in Mission Impossible. I was wrong. Yeah. She was? I thought that was... Maybe it's a crossover.

Look, basically, this movie has Marvel and Star Wars. And one of the other people is Ethan Hunt in one of his masks. Right? It's Philip Seymour Hoffman. This is... This is Xander... Triple X, The Return of Xander Cage, colon, Mission Impossible 7. Oh.

But then Ice Cube, too. Oh, yeah. I was psyched when Ice Cube came in. Me, too. That was great. Because it showed me that Vin respected the franchise. Oh, yeah. Let bygones be bygones, bro. But he still made Ice Cube say, like, an incredibly sycophantic line to him at the end of the movie, which is like, I couldn't believe I was going to work with the legend Xander Cage or whatever line he...

He had that was meant to explain his utter reverence for Vin Diesel. And he gives him back his car. He's like, can I use your car, man? He drives up in Vin Diesel's car. He's like, nice ride. He's like, yeah, I kept it for you. Where are they? They're in Detroit, right? Yes. Where is Ice Cube? When they call nine and they're like, we're in trouble. We're in Detroit. He just is there.

Like, he must live in Detroit? No, he probably has his own little plane too that he can go around. Does that car fly? Yeah, by the way. I wondered that.

By the way, that scene with the Nina Debrev scene we watched earlier, that takes place on an airplane that's flying in the air. A giant one. A giant airplane with a control room and they're all walking around. With a great set piece later when they're all flying. Oh, but by the way, talking about these guys in the airplanes, when he knocks out, we talked about how he knocks out Team Six. Then like later on in the movie, they're back on that plane. Yeah. And they're not like, hey man, you fucking tried to kill us. Yeah. Like...

Why would you re-up for that assignment? And by the way, I thought they weren't going to be dead. They weren't wearing parachutes. They were just attached to a box. It certainly seemed like he murdered them. Then they are all killed. But they came back and they were like, hey. Well, they're still Team Six. I trusted they would be okay. Oh, yeah, then they were okay. What happened was they're on the airplane and Tony Collette's like, these are the guys that are going to help us out. These are the best and the brightest, the guys, you know, the SEAL Team Six or whatever. And he's like, oh, yeah? Yeah.

And he starts asking them dumb questions, I guess, to trick their mind into things. And then he hooks them onto a big piece of freight and then just pushes a button and they all fly out of the airplane. Like they all were attached to that big thing already. Well, he's walking behind them. Yes. Hooking them all up. Hooking them onto it, yeah. Because it can see... Field Team 6 is not too... Right. I feel like they tried to Greedo shot first this because...

As he's walking up, you hear the tall guy go, say something like, oh, what's he going to do? Like show us how to like kick flip on a skateboard or something. Like there's an ADR line that you see Vin be like, OK. And then he like boots him all out of there.

So it's justified. But by the way, again, every one of these decisions, it is like if no one else weighed in on a Fast and Furious script. It is. It's like, I'm going to knock them all out of the plane. Then that girl fucks me. And then the younger girl, she wants me. Then my motorcycle turns into a boat. And then I'm flying.

and then we're in outer space and the satellites are blowing up and then he's back. And the whole opening title sequence is looking at every detail on a satellite. Yeah, that was the best.

It was a whole opening credit sequence was just every detail of a saddle. And a very like, it was so shitty. It was like the most uninteresting opening. It was pointless. By the way, one of the facts in the plane was it could circumnavigate the globe three times. Yeah. Without being refueled.

It's like, cool. That makes no sense. I would like to point out something that is now a frequent occurrence. This is the second time in a movie where the hero has been given a gun that is full of blanks that he shoots at all the people. It happened in Escape from L.A. and here, where he gets the gun and is like, knowing or not knowing that it's blanks. Like, who continues to put blanks

put blanks in guns that people, the planning would be insane in both cases. It's pointless to fill a gun full of blanks and then give it to someone. And just to prove a point, he just fires it into a crowd of civilians. Yes. Like kids and strollers. What if he was wrong? Yeah. Now, I had a hard time, honestly, and I said this to you, Paul, while we were watching it. I found that scene to be socially really irresponsible. Yeah.

I had a lot of trouble with that scene. I will say, though, that the people in that town had supreme confidence in him because they didn't seem to flinch when he fired that gun. No, they didn't. Not one flinch. Yeah, no one died from cover. Maybe they're positing the idea that every single person in that square but him is with them. That is exactly what they were trying to say. That is exactly what they were trying. Yes, it is. Really? Yes. Absolutely. And it's bonkers. Wow.

Oh, that is, this movie just got better. Yeah. Because she's like, how did you know it was fake? And he's like, that guy over there. And it's all the way across the square. Some guy buying a magazine. He's like, he's not using the right type of pesos. He literally saw a teaser trailer for the BBC Sherlock. He's like, I want to do that. So true.

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This is the scene that made Jun upset because you got upset then you look down and you miss the thing that's gonna really get you upset. So I'm gonna not even set it up. I'll just play. This is kind of the meet cute of the movie a little bit. Let me guess. Gibbons to the rescue. Yep. He said a lion like me doesn't belong in any kind of cage. She shows off her tattoo.

What about that one on your wrist? London, 2009. Climbed the Millennium Wheel. Naked. Naked? Yeah. High school. Oh, no! We all have our embarrassing moments. Okay, first of all, I was asleep during that scene. I have never seen that before. You are welcome. Yeah, thank you.

I just watched that with fresh eyes. For sure. That's your boy's nip. Why would you climb that thing naked? But that's what it feels like. That's why it feels like a 12-year-old ride. Yeah. I climbed it naked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now let's go look at my dad's Playboys.

I can't believe Uncle Vin's paying us to write this movie. By the way, I'm really just putting some things together as I've been sitting here. Again, I'm going to say, this may be the first time we have to redo a movie. Yeah, I'm really putting some things together. And the main one is that I did not realize he was an extreme sport. What? I didn't.

Now look, you have to imagine, I don't, I... What? Look at, please look at this the way I'm looking at it. Just for a second, you know nothing about this movie. When I say nothing, I mean you do nothing. Well...

You have a point. Thank you. I don't know a thing about this. He is introduced via extreme sports. Not really. Forest skiing, skateboarding. It's not in a competitive way. I just see a guy. Exactly. I guess so. I guess so, yeah. I don't see a pro. You would need footage of him on ESPN's Extreme Games. No, all I'm saying is I see a gentleman who starts skateboarding and then... Sure, it could be a James Bond type person. You don't know. That's what I'm saying. I was just like, oh, I guess this is... He's extreme James Bond.

Yeah, there was nothing that I... I just never thought this was his thing.

I don't know if he was professionally ranked. I think he's just a guy who does it. But I feel like he was sponsored. In the first movie, as far as I remember, it starts with him winning a championship on ESPN2 or whatever it was. I didn't see that. June's right. They don't establish it at all. It's the most presumptuous movie in the sense that they're just assuming we all

know everything about this guy. And he doesn't really refer to himself. Like the scene we were just talking about when he goes into the middle of that village and knows everything about everyone, I just think he's a very skilled guy. There was nothing specific about it to me. I will say that what makes it even further confusing is Samuel Jackson is recruiting a soccer player, which is not extreme sports, just sports.

That's why I asked before. Are they all athletes? And then the guy from Game of Thrones is not also extreme sports. He just is a guy who crashes cars. He's a bad driver. And then I would go even further to go, the guy who's a DJ is just a DJ. So these are just people who may go to a rave.

Like, that's what the XXX program... How about the way in which Sam Jackson recruits the soccer gentleman at the beginning? You have that? I have just the end of that scene. Oh, great. That's all we have. Did you guys know this was a real soccer player? I assumed when he couldn't act. I was like... This is amazing. Wow, putting that guy on blast. When you watch this opening scene...

First of all, Sam Jackson does a full three-page monologue. Straight to camera, by the way. It is all two cameras. And I'll bet you that was max two takes and he was out of there. He's a badass. And then the guy's like, I don't want to join. I don't want to join. And he's like, okay, bye. Yeah, this is him. Down on the ground! Now! Give me the money! Shut up! Don't! Get up!

And you say you're no hero. The soccer player picks up a napkin dispenser, kicks it a little bit to then get a really good kick to then knock it in that guy's head. Do you think his whole approach is soccer-based to being like a Triple X member? Yes. That's precisely what they're saying. That's crazy. I can understand your...

a peak athlete we will train you in all this other stuff but no what we need from you is legs we need you to we've got a bunch of guys who do shooting and punching we need a bunch of guys who can do leg stuff the DJ the DJ when he does his battle strangles someone with headphones

So, like, he's within his will. He's like, I'm going to do what I can. This is what I do. It's very similar to Fast and the Furious in that it's a very narrow application of, like, Fast and the Furious, they saved the world literally with cars. And that's why the whole movie, I mean, even though I had seen some of Extreme Sporting earlier on, I didn't see, well, I guess he was on that show.

jet ski thing. I don't know. I kept on wondering, well, what's his skill? But the jet ski thing was like an imaginary thing that isn't real. That doesn't exist. I don't know. I hope it does. I was going to order one. It looked like fun. Do you have footage? I do have the footage of them on the magical... It's great. Yeah, the motorcycles that just are built to transform into wave riders, which would be hell on an engine. And it seemed like both of them were aware that...

this is what they were going to do. Yeah. By the way, the one thing to point out in the scene, you can't see it if you're at home, is it starts at night. Oh, and ends, I wrote that too, ends in full daylight. And I was like, are we to presume that they've been driving for hours? Yeah.

around Jungle Rave Island? What is happening? Do they think we don't notice that it started at night during a rave, so not even that late, and is now in full daylight? All right, here we go. I had no idea why they were chasing each other or mad at each other. Yes, I also thought that, like, aren't you guys friends? Well, after the grenade scene, yeah. Oh. Oh.

What happened? Full day. Sunlight. Full day. You want to play? It's not even dark. It's not even that it's noon. I got one of those four seconds too. When they ride in two waves. And then Vin Diesel goes underwater with a motorcycle and it still runs.

And I get it, the motorcycle's got jet ski skis on it, so maybe it's got some sort of waterproof motor, but like...

I don't think so. And he seems to be unfazed that that capability is built into it. It's like getting a James Bond car and you're not James Bond and you know every feature of the car without anyone explaining it to you. Totally. You know, I think the whole thing about every single girl in the movie wanting to have sex with him is completely just to carry over from like Bond. Like this is a James Bond trope that we're going to

on in our new extreme sports way. But it just comes off as so gross that every girl, he's like, oh, let's do it.

He is Stallone-esque in that way. I mean, look, they were just very young. Like, they should give those opportunities to women, you know, who are in their 30s or... Like, they should just open up that. June, what are you saying? No, I'm just saying, like, if they're going to cast someone, like, they should let... Nothing would make me happier than if you got cast as Vin Diesel's love interest. Yeah, they should just, like, open it up a little bit.

little bit. I would have loved to have played that Nina Dobrev character. I wish I had the scene, and this is what I was talking about before, because James Bond, he has his little witty things, and there was a line, and this is going to be me and my bad memory of it, but it's like, I thought I got rid of you guys, the army guys, right? And he's like, well, how many flushes does it take to get you guys out of here? Something, and then he went, what is it? Got to two flushers.

A two-fold, yeah, a two-fold. I'm like, oh, man. So you're talking about your shit? No, he says, he says, if I was to stuff you in the toilet, you know, like the maximum velocity of something, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so what he does, though, is he gets that guy in the toilet and he says the line before the guy is jettisoned out, but, like, that's the wrong time to say that line. Like...

You flush him out and then you go, I finally figured it out. Two flushes. Bam. But he's like, he gets them in there. He's like, I figured it out. Two flushes. As if it was like, ha ha, I did do the math. But it was written like in a funny aside, but he made it a logical aside. Again, no idea what you're talking about. I'm pretty sure I missed this scene. You shoved the guy in the toilet. When he has his fight with the guy wearing robot gloves? Yes, I did.

You know this movie was four and hours long, right? I do remember thinking this is a pretty short movie, but... All right, let's go to the audience and see what things you guys want to talk about. All right, I'm sure there's a lot. All right, I'll start down here with you, sir. What would be one extreme fact about you? My name's Tim. I've been skydiving. You've got to say it like, skydived.

You got, I'm in skydive. Yeah. I think like someone made you do it. I love it. Okay, so I wrote down what he said about the math problem. He said, I'm trying to figure out a math problem. I'm calculating airspeed and wind velocity to figure out where between China and North Korea I should tell the NSA to pick you up. The answer to that is not two flushes. That's amazing. I think Vin on the day was like, I'm going to say two flushes.

The line is different because we've already shot the other side of it. He's like, nah, two flushes. All right, so... And, Vim, can you please stop putting the word family? This is not one of those movies. All right, so your extreme fact and your question. I live my life a quarter mile at a time. And, uh,

In the end fight scene in the lovely Detroit finale sequence, what was the hound doing when his plan was to bum rush a bunch of demons shooting at him? He's like, I got a plan. He puts in his mouth guard and then he just gets shot like eight times. And then at the end of the movie, he's just fine hanging out with everybody. Didn't he and Donnie Yen both get shot?

Yeah. And they are 100% fine. Yeah. I mean, I thought he had a suicide wish and was like planning to sacrifice himself. I thought he was trying to draw fire for them or something. I think that that guy does have a suicide wish. We're introduced to him literally just getting in a car and crashing through a building for no reason. No, he's not well. Yeah, he's not well. Well, I...

I was very happy we got to be there for his 200th crash. I mean, I guess... I could tell that was meaningful. I guess he fulfills the, it's the good, the bad, and the insane, so I guess he's the insane part of the equation. That's what Vin calls him. Oh, is that right? The good, the bad, and the insane. Wait, who's who do you think? Oh my God.

Well, I think the insane is the guy who crashes his car. Sure. Is the good the DJ? The good the DJ, yeah. The bad is Ruby Rose? Yeah. Okay. Who is the sniper who... Ruby Rose. She murdered someone who was about to shoot a lion. Oh, yeah. No, she shot...

She just injured those people so the lion could get them. She said she's just evening the odds. But wait, but the lion off screen sounds like he's eating them. Absolutely. I understood her point there. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I mean, yeah, for sure. But June, and now I'm even finding June's point more valid because she's not extreme sports either. She's just a sniper. I had no idea this was about extreme sports. We find out that all of Donnie Yen's team is also triple X and none of them are sports people either.

Right. Thank you. I think the extreme sports thing is just, they just took a way back seat. Yeah, you're right. I feel like extreme sports was popular 10 years ago. Yeah. And they were like, that's a fun idea for a movie. And then now they're like, uh. But like, why have Vin Diesel still participate in so much extreme sporting in the movie? Just have him be a badass ass kicker or whatever. Why have to have him just...

ski in the forest and do all this nonsense. By the way, Triple X came out 15 years ago. Wow. 15 years. What is happening? I know, I know. That's one year less than between Return of the Jedi and Phantom Menace, so. Wow. Wow. Below your mind. Wow. All right, your extreme fact and your question. My extreme fact is I'm the June of my group.

And my question is, so Neymar is Brazilian soccer player. He shows the game, the World Cup final, which is the most embarrassing defeat of the Brazilian team of all time. You think Vin Diesel just insists to like degrade his fellow co-stars, the people who actually have skills? That's amazing. So they picked the worst clip of him? Yes. Like it's monumentally embarrassing defeats the Germany team in the World Cup final there.

Yeah, I bet you so. Wait, the guy that he put in the movie? Yeah, did they show a clip of him? He also humiliated him? Yeah. Wowee. I wonder what that movie is. Do you think he was trying to redeem him in this movie? No, because he's great, right? Yeah, he's great. They just picked a shitty clip. It's like, we got the best basketball player and then you show him missing a dunk. Yeah.

always dunking. I wonder if the guy was a dick and then Vin was like, you know what? Put in like him being like embarrassing or something. I like in your scenario Vin Diesel's like around for the editing process. Oh, please. He is, by the way. I 100% believe that this movie was edited in his pool house. For sure.

By like two kids on each other's shoulders wearing a trench coat. What's that character's name from BoJack? Sir, your extreme fact, your question. Can't live for this shitty movie? All right, great. I'll hold the mic. Especially at the lackluster way you delivered your extreme lie. I'm definitely going to hold the mic.

Did you guys notice how when he goes to the super spy in London to get the information and when she comes out of the pool, she's got an ankle bracelet on, she's on house arrest, and then after he blasts the seven teenage girls to sleep, he meets her in a restaurant the next day to get the information. Right. I have a theory about that. I have a theory about that.

And this is, I don't know if I'm right, but this was my justification of that, which was, she says to him, you know I can't touch any kind of computer or something like that. She is like a hacker who's been removed from hacking. So I was like,

does the bracelet pick up computer activity? Oh, yeah. Like, could it be related to the... Like, there are blood alcohol bracelets that if you are legally not allowed to drink, they will put a bracelet on you that... Like, it has a Bluetooth in it? Yeah, is it supposed to... Is that the implication? Is, like, there's a bracelet that'll know if you're emailing?

So she can go to a restaurant, but if there's someone on a laptop in the restaurant, it's all over for her. Well, no, because all of her lady hackers are, like, hacking away. That's right. Right next to her. I don't know. She's got a skirt and a law. I think we may have found a hole. Just a lot.

Just the one. You know what? In XXX3. I don't know if I like this movie anymore. I want to get a woman that has a question. Yeah, because we have a lot of dudes have questions. I want to hear from... Yeah, dude movie. No girls allowed. Yeah, boys club. Just by round of applause, we're going to get to your question too, but by round of applause, if you're a lady or a dude, who here finds Vin Diesel to be as sexy as June is making him out to be?

I'm trying to find my wife who's out there. That's right. Sit on your hands, honey. God damn it. And just to hear the other side of it. And I'd also like to just tell a couple of girls in the audience to sit on their hands as well. If that's not weird. It is weird. Sit on your hands, honey. Same line. Different intent. I actually...

All right, ma'am. Your extreme factor question. I live every day like it's my last. Great. And I'm wondering what tagline is better, we're family or X takes care of its own. Oh, shit. Like the sentiment, the sentiment is very similar. Yeah, it sure is. It's like Sophie's Choice. Yeah. I feel like if I knew what X was, I'd have an easier time with this.

We, oh, I will say we have now reached the point in the podcast where June has forgotten the entire movie. If you are curious what the tagline of the movie actually is, it is, kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while you're doing it.

That's what he says to him at the end, right? Yeah. The observation you made, Paul, that extreme sports isn't as much of a thing anymore is just one of many indications that they just shouldn't have... Like, why... Extreme sports is just, like, not a thing. I feel like, honestly, he was like, oh, the only movies that make money for me are Fast and Furious. How can I do the exact same...

same thing but just not call it Fast and Furious. Yeah, on a different mode of transportation. Yeah. He doesn't get a car until the end. No. And by the way, when he drives, he's going to drive a great... If these two things could merge... They're both universal, right? That would be amazing. Here's the movie. Vin Diesel is both Dominic Toretto and

Is that why he's bad in the new movie? Yes. He's his own evil twin brother that he doesn't know exists. I swear to God, I swear I can see that happening. Yes, it's definitely been talked about. Oh, absolutely. By Vin Diesel.

I would go see that. To himself in the mirror. Like, how quickly would you buy a ticket to that? I would buy a ticket. I would finance the movie. Yes. But by the way... I would make myself poor. I would take out irresponsible loans. You would make it...

You would make it back because that's the thing. It's like, Vin Diesel, Last Witch Hunter, who cares? I would see this movie a million times. It's great. It's super fun. All right, here. Yes, your question. All right, coming over here. Here we go. All right, yes, your extreme fact. Here you go. Extreme fact. I went to Chico, so we know how to drink, right? All right. All right, that's your extreme fact. Did you say Chico? Chico State. Chico State, yeah. Okay, anyways, my question is,

They had this supreme accuracy with the satellites when they fell. How the heck did they do that? It was like a... With Samuel L. Jackson, the first scene, like, how does that even happen? Well, same thing... Yeah, same thing at the end where they're sending the satellite to kill them in the factory. Why not just leave the factory? Well, I... No, but I do hear what you're saying, though, because... Hey, guys, get out of there. It does... All right.

It does seem odd. Because it would seem like the satellites had been made to become weapons. Yeah. At a certain point, when they were really ever only satellites. And the accuracy you write is impossible. Yeah. That was the whole thing. The whole movie...

If I'm correct, let me know if I'm wrong, but the whole thing... From the person who slept through most of it, yes. Go ahead. Is them trying to stop... Satellites from falling out of the sky. Satellites from hitting targets. Correct. And here's the real bummer of that. Satellites are not designed to withstand the friction of reentering the atmosphere. Sure. And any satellite that would fall would be burnt up. I'm glad to know that because I did walk out of the movie feeling a little nervous about all them satellites.

Come on over here. Oh my gosh. You know what, the other little interesting fact was the girl, the one he was showing his tattoos to, she turned down a part in Fast and Furious. - Whoa! - How dare she? - And then she jumped on board for this one. She's a Bollywood star, yeah, so she knew. All right, your name, come over here a little bit. Your extreme fact, what do you got? - Seth, extreme fact is I love to moped. - Awesome, all right, love it. - Did you ever get it out there on that Sweet Sweet Water?

In the satellite realm, when they disclose the fact there's like 250,000 satellites orbiting Earth and they're going to drop one a day. So how long would this plot take to happen? I agree, a long time. And he even says at one point, he's like, I'm not going to stop. I wouldn't stop anyway.

The amount of destruction seems like you wouldn't even need 250,000. You could probably really do all the damage you need in probably about 10, 15 days, right? I mean, knock on all the major places. All the space junk they showed at the beginning of the movie floating through space, it didn't seem accurate to me. I agree. Thanks, Jason. All right, one more question. I got your back on there. Thank you. All right, what do you think? Your extreme fact or question? I teach middle school. That is fucking extreme.

I feel like now I have an understanding of those exes. Towards the end of the movie, Tony Collette is arresting Donnie Yen and what's his name, Dom Toretto. He says, hey, he's not really a bad guy, except for he smashed through the window and murdered the National Security Council at the beginning of the movie. Kind of a bad guy. Oh, yeah, he did.

Oh, no, he's like a total bad guy. Straight up murdered a room full of government employees. And he slid for like a city block. Everybody slides. I mean, he slid, he slid so far. Like, I was laughing so hard at that because he slid across the table, then like down the hall through the door. Like,

Shot out a big plate glass window and slid through that. Takes his jacket on and off four times during the fight. Oh, totally. For full disrobe row. And it was awesome every time. Oh, Donnie Yen is a fucking monster. Dude, he is fantastic in this movie. I just wanted more Tony Jaa. He's great. Um,

Okay, oh, here's some interesting facts about Triple X, just so people are at home not going to be too upset about it. There is no... Ripped? Yes.

Vin Diesel is the first Triple X. There is no organization or team before him. So when Triple X started, it was like, here you are. So if we met, that would be similar if you met CIA. Like, whoa, you're a CIA? I heard about you. CIA tattooed on his neck.

And then... And the gun with the full of blanks is a callback to the first film where Gibbons puts him into a fake diner and they have guns with bullets in there. And then...

Again, these callbacks to something that no one knows anything about. And here's the best one. The original... 15 years ago, who was the original choice to play Xander Cage? Oh, shit. 15 years ago? Relax, everybody. Let's not get too crazy, okay? Jeez. Keanu? Interesting, interesting. Keanu Reeves is a really good call. I'm going to also say Keanu.

Although, I don't know if you would have done it. It's point-breaky. Yeah. Well, you know, he turned it down. Yeah, he turned it down. This person turned it down. I'm going to say Bruce Willis. Probably not, because, yeah, I don't know. I'm going to say... Think out of the box. Out of the box? Will Smith. These are all great. These are all great. But that's in the box. Yeah, maybe. Helena Bonham Carter.

That is out of the box. HBC. Eric Bana. 15 years ago? I'm immediately into it. I guess it was like, this guy is going to stream because he gets that movie. Why wouldn't he...

I guess he was like, I don't like this script. Yeah, I mean, why? He clearly is chosen right across the board. My favorite Eric Bana piece of trivia is that he was on Australia's version of Saturday Night Live as a cast member. Yeah. He's very funny. He's hilarious. But I'm also like, I want him now to be Triple X.

How do we do this? By the way, if they make another movie, I'm sure they'll bring it back. I'll finance that too. They'll be doing callbacks to the original casting session. That makes sense because that Hulk that he did was like 15 years ago. Yeah, right. So they probably picked between the two. All right. So clearly we had an opinion about this film, but there are other people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions.

Vin Diesel is a cool rider, a cool rider. He was so damn cool, he risked his life to make soccer free. Whoa, his motorbike's a jet ski, and he's also in an orgy. He has a nipple tattoo, and he knows how to flex them guns. This is Second Opinion. Thank you, Tim.

Amazing. Tim, a returning... That's how it's done. Tim, a returning champion of the second opinion theme. He's walking away with a Street Fighter encyclopedia book. He will now know once and for all what a Street Fighter is. And by the way...

People, you have the audio track. Now put beats behind it and let's make it a song. We literally have 40 second opinions themes that we are like on track 16 of. We need to do more. Now, these are called from different sources because Amazon was not right up to the challenge yet. But they're nonetheless fun. Oh, as a matter of fact, this one is titled Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun.

And the amount of stars they gave it are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. 10 stars. All right. Where did you find these if they were not in the... This is from IMDB, and one is from a Christian website. Great. Ooh, I hope they liked it. So this is from... All right, this one, get ready. All right. I won't read this guy's name because I think he'll kill me.

Triple X are great action movies. I like them very much. And this Triple X is not different. I love it. But allow me to write this few words. An outstanding Triple X movie will have this title. Triple X...

Julian Assange. Whoa. Imagine, CIA, NSA, Hollywood loves movies, but no one in the U.S. or out of the U.S. modern colonies even published what the empire did wrong in the secret wars.

USA is fighting under orders of the Nobel Peace Prize. The USA news media and the USA movie industry really need to have the triple X courage to do... I will stop. Triple X courage. Fake news, fake news. And it goes on. I just stopped before it gets really racist. Was he just confirmed for Secretary of Labor? This guy...

Also gave it 10 stars. This is another IMDb review from Tiger Hen. And Tiger Hen clearly likes Donnie Yoon. Donnie Yoon stole this movie with his role. His screen presence is extraordinary and the audience cannot wait for the next scene with him.

His acting is on point. His action scenes are so fast. That is as fast as eight years ago when he was IP man, Flashpoint SLP. It doesn't take much time before you start cheering for the villain, which is him. By the way, yeah. I agree. I'm not disagreeing, but you'll see. And then he talks about the Bollywood star Deepika. Deepika's accent was a little out of place. LAUGHTER

But her performance was okay. All the female characters, Nina Dobrev, Ruby Rose, performed the best and overshadowed Deepika. Just like Donnie Yen overshadows Vin Diesel every time he is on screen together. Overall, good movie with interesting dynamics and a storyline that does not have much flaw. Ten stars. For a minute there, I thought Jason wrote that review.

Now, this is a little bit of a longer review. It is from faithbasedreviews.com. So they ask a lot of questions at the top, like, did you like it? Should I see it in IMAX? One of the questions, are there any phobias to be aware of? There are some heights early on.

But nothing close to the edge. There are some scenes of bad driving if you have a fear of auto accidents. By the way, a lot of civilian deaths in this movie. Does it contain strong Christian values? No, it does not. And here we go. You all know that chick flick that has a lot of stuff that appeals to women and makes the average man want to spew.

Now I present for you... Wait, what makes the average man want to spew? This is overtly sexual at sentence one. Now I present for your enjoyment the adolescent fantasy. This has a lot of stuff that a preteen will think is cool, but your average adult will want to blow junk.

- This guy's into barfing. - The movie is the argument that every awesome skateboarder team presents when an adult asks him or her if they'll get a real job. Yeah, man, I'm gonna be a super cool Vin Diesel when I grow up, like some super secret spy people are gonna recruit me to save the world. It will be totally righteous. I'll be super cool and I'll be super rich and it will be like totally radical.

I'm sorry. I'm not hip to the latest jive talk. Hey, um, hey, Gary, so we just, uh, we read your review of the new XXX movie, and we're not changing anything. It's gold, buddy. But there will be a lot of hip talk involved. Do you dig? The whole movie is full of people being really, really cool. There's Vin Diesel standing there. He looks cool.

Now there's Samuel L. Jackson standing there and he's saying something. I didn't quite remember it, but it was cool. I feel like a very old nun is writing this. Now there's some cool kung fu with that Donnie Yen dude. You know, he's the go-to kung fu guy now that Jackie Chan isn't doing movies really. So he's cool. And they're just blowing stuff up. Cool. Cool.

Wouldn't it be cool if someone could wreck a car? Uh-uh. They just wrecked a car. Each of the team is recruited for having a special skill. The woman is a really good sniper. All right, I can see that being useful. The guy is really good at crashing cars. That's a little less useful. Maybe the entire movie is a long car chase. No, it's really not. His usefulness is just dropped. He's like taking Aquaman with you to Iraq. That's a good point.

Finally, there's a guy who's a really good DJ. Seriously? Are we planning on having a raging party until the bad guys surrender? Yeah, if it was my team, I'd go fish. Like the card game?

I guess. What is that? The movie proves that you can't display a bunch of rapid fire cool stuff and be left with a movie. The Fast and Furious franchise has more of a plot and that's saying something. Burn. Wait, does it end five stars? No, no, sorry. I forgot to. That is, what star? I'm sure that's a zero star. Oh, sorry. This is a third opinions. Uh,

it is a base score of a two that he adjusted to a 1.5. I don't understand how he knocked it down 0.5. But yeah, two out of ten, I would add. Why would the lowest score you can give be a two? Yeah, it seems like he kind of is envious that he wasn't in the... It seems like he's angry. He's angry at, like, he was like...

angry at cool stuff. Yeah. And stuff that people thought was cool. It basically is like the guy that I feel like is like, cool isn't cool, you know. I'll tell you what's cool. Raising a family is cool, all right? That's what's cool. Yeah, and being a middle school teacher, that's what's cool. That is very cool.

That is very cool. And you know what's really cool? Paying for your own HBO Now account and not stealing your parents' passwords. That's cool, dude. Or am I not speaking your lingo, brah? So you can watch your not-anymore-Jackie-Chan-gotta-be-Dunny-end movies. Is it piss that Jackie Chan's not working? Apparently.

Well, I think we've said everything we need to say about the return of Xander Cage. Adam, you got a bunch of cool stuff. Right now, obviously, the Michael Bolton's Big Sexy Valentine's Day special. It's so funny that Lonely Island, Scott in Comedy Bang Bang, Scott Ackerman, it's so funny. It's so good. I'm in it for like one second, but it itself is great and really funny. And then you're in the Prestige episode.

Big Little Lies, this HBO show. Yeah, yeah. How was that? Is that fun? Yeah, I haven't seen... I saw the first one. It was great. That starts February 19th. Seven of them. Yeah, yeah. All right, what else? Anything else you want to plug? I have a bunch of things I could keep on telling you. Is this a spinoff series from Pretty Little Liars? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a pretty low life. It's like all the liars grown up? It's a time machine, kind of a time machine. And that's who Shailene, Nicole Kidman... They grow into Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Shailene Woodley, Laura Dern. And in 15 years, you'll revisit it. You'll do another seven episodes in about 15 years, give or take. They'll probably make a sequel without you guys, and then you'll come back. Yeah, they're going to get some actors that are right in between our ages. Do you play one of the lies? I play one of the littles. LAUGHTER

Are you tiptoeing it? You are on your knees like Gary Oldman is. That's right. That's right. Wait, you guys did tiptoes? Yes, we did. Classic. Come on. I know, sorry. It's the stupidest question of all time. Anything else? Anything else? No, no. That sounds pretty good. June? I'm just going to keep going. The third season of Grace and Frankie comes out March 24th.

So that's really exciting. And then Paul and I on Instagram are working on a campaign called At the Big Hundred, which is 100 days of actions for the first 100 days of this administration. And if it's something you're into, I'd definitely check it out because it's been pretty amazing. It's a little doable action that is just that are good, like good little small actions, bite-sized actions that you can do that are nonpartisan and just make you a better citizen.

They're kind of partisan. But anyways, go on. Yeah, seriously, fuck those assholes. Oh, you know, I do a small thing, a small part of a wonderful new podcast that Seth Morris put out called the Seth Morris Radio Project. And it is on... It's on Stitcher Premium. It's on Stitcher Premium and it is... Or Howl.

Crazy funny. Or is it on the Howl app? It's on the Howl app, yep. Okay, great. So if you're on the Widow Howl app, get on that. Go through with that. It's super funny kind of parody of radio, basically. It's really fantastic. But you're really dropping the lead, Jason. You're in the animated Batman movie. Oh, yeah. Are you? So excited to see that. I am Scarecrow in Lego Batman. That's awesome.

I will say, lower your expectations. It's very few lines. But very exciting. I will say, you can check out this new series that Rob Hubel and I created called Drive Share. It is an episode a day for 30 days. It's on Go90. It's totally free. It's not an app. You don't have to pay for anything. It's a website and an app. It's called Drive Share. I'm going to give you a little bit of a tour.

On the Go90, Verizon Go90, Jason's in an episode. It's super, super fun. It's really funny. It's so many different people, 120 different rides. Oh, and I'll also say this just because I still want people to watch it. Paul and I did an episode of the Chris Gethard Show on Fusion that's on YouTube. And if you have not watched it, please find it and watch it. It's called One Man's Trash. And it is one of the best things. If you want to see Paul and I torture our friend Chris Gethard for 45 minutes. It's amazing. It is worth it.

Well, I guess that is it. Well, if you had anything that you wanted to say, you can give us a call at 619-Paul-Asks. That's P-A-U-L-A-S-K, 619-Paul-Asks. You can leave it on a message, and then we will play it on our mini episode. A big thank you to Avril Haley who cuts all of our clips, July Diaz, Nate Kiley, Marissa Zeitz, Leanna Waldron, everybody here at Largo, and everybody at Earwolf. Thank you so much for coming. Bye-bye. Earwolf.

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