110: I Need Someone To Climb With/On
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And we are back!

In the first official Shark Tank since the live show. Yes. Oh, I know something we could talk about. What's that? We're talking about doing another live show. Yes. Yes. We're going to do another one probably in September. In a couple weeks. Do you have a date you could look at and we could do it in the moment? Or no, because it's going to probably be...

We'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Mid-September, we're going to do a live show on the Patreon again. So join us on the Patreon. Yep. The calls that really work, that we like, we're going to put in the main show at some point, and then we'll do some fun stuff just for that show. But it's going to probably be 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.-ish Pacific time in that zone. Sure. 11 to 3. Great. But we're going to see how that goes and see what we think. The problem with that time frame, though, we're not going to get the shirt.

- Oh, loose shark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That would be a big problem. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's okay.

yeah you didn't like that i loved it i think it's okay well we're experimenting when i watched him drinking his third old-fashioned second call yeah it was awesome but i'll tell you what it did was it did create the shark is a big character oh yeah because there's been a before and after episode 100 i agree um he's coming to his own these are new yes uh this is the painting it's in

For those people listening, we're talking about the painting of the man and the woman in the ocean. That the 80-year-old man did. Somebody sent us this. They didn't put their name on it, but it's really nice. We appreciate you guys sending things in. Yeah, we're populating the studio with it. We're going to get a bell. We're going to get a Lexi bell. A Lexi bell to ring the bell if we feel like we've solved the problem. Yeah, we got a good show today. Garf, you got an email story.

Oh, well, this isn't much, but I was just going to say that I ended an email to schedule a conference call, probably about eight people on the email. And there were four options of times. You know, you get those time windows. And I was like, someone couldn't do 9-10. I was like, I can do 9-4. And then I ended the email going, and 9-11 is great. And then sent it and then went, and then I sent a follow up that just said,

That was a bad turn of phrase. And then nobody replied anything. The assistant just sent the Zoom link. Not great. Not great. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show.

Hi, how you doing? Hey, how's it going? Welcome to the show. We're here to help. America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. I'm a shark. Huh? I'm a shark. When he does that, you got to throw in, I'm a shark. Yeah, yeah, you're a shark. Can we get your name, where you're calling from, and what your issue is and your age, if you feel comfortable?

Sweet. My name is Jake. I'm calling from Long Island, New York, and I am 27. 27. Wow. Just a boy, yeah. What do you do for fun out there in Long Island, Jake? Go to the beach, go to the movies, drink.

Well, that's a hell of a list. What are you calling us about today? What's going on? What can we help you with? I want to drink more, see more movies, and go to the beach. All right. So I've been having an issue at work where when I go to the bathroom at work, I like to go in, just do my business, and get out. You're talking about taking dumps, Jake? The other guys at my job. Hold on, Jake. Are you talking about taking dumps or taking pisses?

Both. Pretty much both. I like the way that Jake talks to Jake. Well, I gotta get, so like you go and you do your business. Hey Jake, we talking dumps? But you're talking about you get to work if you're gonna take a dump at work, which is a weird choice. You like to go in and out. Great choice. Really? Yeah. You should be pooping at work instead of pooping at home. Do you really believe that? Yeah, I really do. Wow. Yeah. Get paid to poop. So you're working right now. Did you take a dump at Kevin's house? I'm not gonna talk about it.

Would you feel comfortable taking a dump in heaven? You swear to God? Yes. You're an animal. You answer that way too quick. You're an animal. I was at the airport this morning. Yeah, that's true. I'll go anywhere. I'll go on the plane. You've been on the road so long. Yeah, it becomes horrible. I'm going to get a text from Leah, studio's done. All right, so Jake, you like to go fast in the bathroom, in and out. Some people at work go slow. Back to yours. We will not interrupt. At least I won't for now, and then I will interrupt you soon. All right.

That's all right. I would just like to clarify that I don't go to work with the intention to take a Dom by its... When it arises, it arises. Oh.

Oh, there's a schedule to this stuff. You're not an animal, right? Sometimes, but he's just saying, I like that. Right. It's almost like your bowels are, who knows what's going to happen with them. I like that. Unpredictability. Wait, are you being honest? You don't have a schedule to when you go to the bathroom? I have a schedule, but I also have wild cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. So I have the morning, but then I also have the like, hey, whatever. Guess what? Fate's taking the wheel. Jake, are you on a schedule with what's going on with your body, or is that drinking at the beach changing it?

Do you take a nap in the morning or is it whenever? No, I think it in the beach changed it. Okay, all right. Yeah, he's down there. He's had a couple of rums. Then he gets a couple of street dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, if you see a weird vendor on a corner, stop eating that meat. Yeah, don't eat that meat. It looks good. Well, you're drunk. You go like this. How much? And if it's shockingly cheap, don't get it. Yeah, you'll be paying for it the next day. You'll be shitting at work. All right, so Jay, keep going.

So pretty much the guys at my job, they like to hang out in the bathrooms. They like to chat. They're like, you know, and I'm not about that. They should be calling in. You're not weird there. Yeah. This is insane. Agreed.

Yeah, so I don't judge them too much for it, but I'm not about it. But they try to get me in the conversations even to the point where I'll be in the stall and they'll recognize my shoes or they'll see me go in. And they try to strike up a conversation with me while I'm in the stall. Shocking. Terrible. Okay, keep going. So, yeah, my question is pretty much how do I kind of get them to stop trying to talk to me? In the bathroom overall would be great, but just...

in the stall would be like specifically what I'm trying to get. That's crazy. You are totally in the right. We were jumping on the setup in the wrong way. This is madness, man. Now walk me through the way that is sort of set up a little bit. Like they're in there hanging out. You go in to take a shit and they're just talking to you while you're in there or while you're in there the gang walks in there. Like how many people are hanging out in there at a given time? Feels like a movie from the 90s about high school.

It's real weird. So it's about two to three at a time. And it depends on the time of day. Like sometimes I'll be in there first and then one or two of them will walk in and they'll see my shoes and they go, Jake the snake. And I go, okay. And they're just like, so Jake, we're doing this late. I'm like, guys, like, and I tell him, I said, please wait till I get out. And then just keep like, you know, trying to talk to me.

So we get it, Jake. It's crazy. You're in the right 100%. Jake, you're a victim. Yes. And we're going to get you out of this part. All right. Two words. Fart machine. Poop shoes. Poop shoes. Poop shoes. Walk me through that. You got a separate pair of shoes you take. Oh, you disguise. You disguise your feet with poop shoes. Make them high heels then. Make them clogs. Clogs. You got a pair of clogs that you go to the stall in. But then wouldn't they know that? You have a thing I call clog log. Right. Right.

Didn't go over great. What else? That's it. Okay. But you wear your poop shoes in there. So what you do is when you go to the bathroom, you take a, like you take whatever, like a little shopping bag with you or something like that. Maybe shopping bag is not the right term, handbag. And you put your clogs in there. And when you go in there, you put your clogs on. So when they walk in there, they go, well, that's not Jake. That's a Dutch guy. Okay. And with that in mind, that's, there's something really interesting. Like, it seems like he's joking, but he's being serious.

And I think he could be right because part of it... I can hear you. Yeah, but he's laughing like we're doing a bit here, but this is a real pitch. No, I mean it. Yeah. Like there's a world where...

Different shoes those guys walk in and might feel uncomfortable running the bathroom like you guys are hanging out. Yep. Because what you're saying is this is a place of privacy. My underpants are at my ankles. Yes. I don't want to chat with you. No. So... It's the weirdest time to chat. Right, right. Another move is, and you could do these together, is fart machine. Yeah. And that is, so pretend I'm in there. Gareth, bring up conversations with me. You're one of the guys. Did you see the game last night, Jake? Yeah.

Over time, they got to cut that kicker. What? He went wide right twice. Jake. What? He went wide right. I'm taking a shit, man. Yeah, but did you? Jesus, dude, are you okay? No, I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be fine in 30 seconds. You didn't go to the beach yesterday, did you? Yeah, I had some weird meats. Oh, dude. But with that idea, Jake, the idea of making it a bathroom. Like, what about being aggressive? So here's my only pushback on that is that

This group of guys have been in the bathroom before where someone else was like legitimately going to the bathroom. And he like, you know, the other guy let out like a loud one. And one of the hangout guys said, oh, sound off in there. It was it was wild. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's hard for me to even process this issue because it's like.

And my friend, like, we're all animals, but that would never happen. I actually feel like you might be in an unsafe work environment. If somebody takes a big fart in a bathroom and the guy in there goes like, sound off, King. Get out of here. It's like when we shot that thing and it was like he, remember at the beginning, he was like, he took a big poop. He was like, high five, I took a big poop. And you're like, I'm not going to say that. I can't relate to this.

Okay, so this is wild, Jake. And then in the people you work with, are you high status, medium status, low status? Where are you at in the work totem pole? I would say kind of low status. I've been there only five years and I'm on. Buddy, you're 27. You've been there your whole life.

You know, I'm pretty low status. I've been there for 41 years. I'm 42 and a half. It's my dad's company. I've been there since I was 15. It's named Jake and his dad's company because I actually came into a lot of money and I bought him out. Okay. So you've been there for five years. So just to get clear, because this is really getting hard. You've got a group of guys who are a little bit high status who take over the bathroom as if it's their home turf and talk to you if you're

Making noises that are natural in there They almost cheer it on and you're wondering how to get them to leave you alone while you go to the bathroom Just to say it again to clarify it to help my own brain Because obviously the first pitch that people are gonna think is is there another bathroom? Yep, is there so the other bathroom is on the other side of the building? it's a bit of a walk and

That if I'm, if I'm saying like, you know, I'm low status in this bathroom, these guys, whatever, I kind of want to say that the other bathroom is like, even for like even higher status people where that's what, like the president of the company, that's the bathroom. We use it like, you don't feel comfortable. Exactly. I feel like they look down on me when I walk in. There's certain bathrooms that certain people go in. And if you're in a work environment where you're kind of like, yeah, I don't know if this is the toilet for me. Yeah.

I think I should go in that. Whenever I've had a writing gig or something, I've always found it's never the bathroom closest to where you're working. Yes, agreed. It's always like you've got to find the weird bathroom where you're like, oh, cool, the dentist bathroom. I totally agree. So here's an idea. And we've pitched something like this before with another thing, but I think we pitch it a lot because it's effective.

What if you started talking to the guys outside of the bathroom of this really weird things people did to you when you were out at a bar and you just basically let them know that their behavior is in fact insane. You go, I was at a bar, you know, I was having fun and I went in there and these fucking guys were talking to their friends while he was taking a dump.

And I was like, you guys are freak shows. I mean, it smelled like shit. The guy's time. I go, well, you can't talk in five minutes when he get out. And he was like, that grossed me out, man. It was like, I couldn't imagine having boys like that. I was like, I would lose it. And then the guy who does it could, could be like, yeah, it's what was he saying? You're like just small talk while he's taking a dump. And the guy could be like gross and go, I think we're getting weird.

We're not like that, right? And then the next time he's in there and he goes like, dude, the fucking Jets, brother. You go, he looks at himself in the mirror and he goes, I am that guy. It's definitely a way to air out the grievance. Yeah. You know? I like that, yeah. All right, alt pitch. Print a sign that says no hanging out in the bathroom management and put it on the door of the bathroom. Also, print a sign that says...

We've had an issue with men being in here, creating a glory hole type situation. Let's keep that out of the workplace, guys. It's a sign escalation. But the idea is they go. But for him to hang a sign. Mine is don't talk in here. Yours is don't put your hard cock through a hole. Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying for those guys to go.

We're not the glory hole guys, but I think people are trying to create a right a fake room scarlet letter on anyone hanging out that if you're in a bathroom and there's hanging over like hey guy or just like hey company-wide thing FYI there was somebody in the bathroom late last night who didn't work here who was soliciting sex I don't know how it happened. Just be careful. I

Why don't we start? Is that insane? It'll work. I don't even know if it will. Or you got like nine guys hanging out there? Yeah. You're going to be like, every stall has a hole in it. You go like this. Who are you? And he goes like this. I'm the janitor from down the street. You go like, get out of here. I don't work here, but I'm looking to be on the other side. Dad, what are you doing? Visiting you at work. Dad, Jake.

How you doing, buddy? Why you wearing clogs? Get the fuck in. Why is my dick in this hole? What am I doing? I hit my head. Don't tell your mother. But what do you think of, truthfully, Jake, what do you think of something like that to create this idea that... Let's separate the pitches. Yes. One being the no hanging out in the bathroom management. Yes. The other, you're talking about an email. No, I'm talking about the same sign. A sign that just basically says... Hey, guys, this happened. Be careful. Uh,

We're looking into it. We apologize for any inconvenience. We're investigating a sexual situation in the bathroom last night. Exactly right. Ongoing situation. But there has been a report of solicitation of

uh, in this male bathroom. Bathroom is for doing your business and leave. So please do not linger. Please. This is not a place for sexual hookups. Don't carve holes in the stall, but that is not what this bathroom is for. If it continues, uh,

we will have to move forward. Or we'll have to figure out what we're going to do. But you're just saying, why would you hang out in a bathroom with three guys, mostly when that's happening, at this building? You guys can all talk in your bathroom at home if you want, but here, this is a place of work, and if you're going to take a dump, take a dump and get out of here. I think that's fair. It sounded crazier, but there is a world where it could just go like, we're not even saying what happened, it's an ongoing investigation. I think we could do mine, if

If that doesn't change it, we can do yours. Those two could be wedded in an escalation. The main thing, though, Jake, is you cannot get caught putting that sign up. Oh, right, right. No, you've got to be like, you've got to be like, that sucks. I guess I can't hang out in the bathroom. Do you guys see that sign? I wouldn't play that. I wouldn't mention it. I wouldn't. And then people go, what sign? And you go, they go, I was just in there five minutes ago. There was no sign. Then they walk in and they go.

Wait a second. It's got your handwriting. It's printed. I printed it. So it's not my handwriting. It's new Helvetica. But on your computer. Really well worded though. Yeah. The document is still up. You didn't delete it. Well, now you're, now I mean, I can't get out of this one. So Jake, what do you think about putting a note up? What's on the note is up to you, but starting that way with a

a thing that you go up there, you get to work a little early one day, you tape it to the wall. If people bring it up, you're as confused as everybody else. And you take this to your grave. What do you think of that play?

I do. I like it. And I might combine your two ideas where I'll put the sign up that says, um, no hanging on the bathroom, whatever. And then if any of the guys talk about it, I'll be like, oh, well, did you hear what happened? It's like, no, I don't be like, well, it's just that, you know, apparently there's some sexual activity or attempted activity in the bathroom. Somebody solicited. Now question for you, Jake, in case somebody asks, cause I'm a guy who would ask, I'd say, who'd you hear that from?

I just turned around. No, false. You made it up. You're soliciting.

That is not accurate. Could you have somebody you heard it from? You overheard it. But I don't want it connected to you, Jake. I agree. Because if you're saying that and you grew up to a group of guys and you go, you guys see that sign? Turns out you go like, this guy Jake is a fucking weirdo. He's a narc. He's wearing a wire. He's a narc. He's wearing a wire. Exactly right. So I want to keep you as anonymous as possible. But I don't think it's bad necessarily to put that sign up.

And then if people are talking about it, you could throw wood on the fire of, you know, I hear something that's been going on. You know, this happened to my sister at her place of work. There's some dudes going into businesses and trying to do fucking hookups in the bathroom stall. It's like getting huge in Long Island. It's fucking weird.

But everyone, these guys are going around. It's a whole group of dudes. They're just looking for rubbing tugs. Where do you think of that, Jake, of putting up a sign and then not saying a thing? If you happen to be in a talk, you go, you're not the expert on this, but you're just planting the seed of like, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of these guys going around doing this shit.

But be careful with that. Don't do that. I like that. I think it'd be like, it had to be some sexual shit. Yes, that's it. And then somebody goes, what do you mean? They go, well, fucking, a lot of people hang out in bathrooms for weird like Gloria. Yeah. I mean, there's only reason solicitation because they would not care if you're talking. They would not shut it down unless it was like, it's exactly right. And then you go, but I have no idea. I don't know. I'm just a guy. What do you think of that, Jake? Anyway, let me put it. Okay. I think I can get away with that. Yeah. What do you think your sign is going to say? Would you dictate it for us?

Or dictate it to us? I think I would do something like, please do not congregate in bathrooms or don't loiter in the bathrooms during work hours or maybe something like that. Right. And then sign management. Yep. Yes. And then by the way, if it doesn't get fixed...

Then you put the sex stuff up in the next one. Then you go, fellas, we're not kidding. Yeah. Hey guys, we're banging in there. We, this, the reason we said that is because of this now. Cool it. Yeah. But I think that first sign we'll get it done. Uh, could you maybe go to like a Kinko's type place and get it, uh, laminated?

Laminate is good. Make it official. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't just type it up and then stick it with scotch tape. I would laminate it and put it up on a- And again, we're doing this when nobody's around. Of course. You got to be very careful. But can you find a time at that place of work where you can get in there? Yeah, I can. Everyone leaves mostly at 4.30, so I can stay a little later one day, and most people clear out at that time. So, yeah. You feel good about this, Jake? Yeah.

I do. I feel great about this actually. So what we'll need is we'll need a follow-up. We'll need a picture of the sign. And hopefully one day this is just a fun memory about a time when you were so worried about talking while you took poops that you went to a Kinko's, had a sign laminated and hung it on a door. Thanks so much for the call. When nobody was watching after you called the pipe. We appreciate you, buddy. All right, bud. Thanks so much, guys. See you, buddy. Bye.

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Hi there. Welcome to the Sharks home studio. The Shark Tank. Now, is this our first call outside of the live? Yeah, it is, right? You're on our first real... Yeah, you're right. This is the first sober call for Shark in his studio on the podcast, I guess is the best way to label it. Well, this is the beginning of year two. Yeah, that's right, Jake. And you're over here to help. I'm so honored. Yes, you should be. It's America's number one podcast. What is your name?

Where do you call them from? What can we do for you? Okay. So my name is Alana, like banana. Okay.

You can call me Al if you want. And so I'm from Philly, calling from Philly in 33. And backstory is, so I'm a single mom, been divorced for a few years. My ex and I co-parent peacefully. And about three, two or three years ago, we all got into rock climbing quite a bit. So I found a great gym. It's a wonderful community, kind of become a pretty significant part of my weekly life. And the

The one thing is I've had a difficult time finding a climbing partner while I've been there. So it's fine. Like I can go climbing alone because the auto belays, but it's more fun to have a climbing partner. And Alana, let's just stop you for a second. Cause this is what just happened. It's always fun when there's a moment, the seed, when you just go, there's the seed.

Well, because there's a lot of buildup. It's married, divorced. Did they start rock climbing after the divorce? They do it together. Yeah, and then you hear rock climbing. You go, that's a little interesting. Here's a picture of her too. She's on a pick with her child. Oh, lovely. You found a child in the tree. But then it's just...

And I need a climbing partner. And then you're like, there it is. There we go. And what does that mean you're having a hard time finding a partner? All right. Well, listen, by the way, my ex has a girlfriend and she's great. So that's out of the question. And it's all best for everyone. That remains.

Yeah. Anyway, so, well, here's the thing. When I approach people at the gym, I don't know if it's because I was homeschooled growing up, but it just gets really awkward fast. I don't think I'm an awkward person, but I, you know, I go up to them and I, they get really nervous. And the three people I've asked,

people, a partners, it turns out that they have girlfriends and then they get very weird because they think maybe I'm coming on to them. I'm going to tell you, Al, and I know why Kevin showed the photo is you're, you're a babe. And so if I'm rock climbing and a babe walks up to me and says, will you spot me? I'm going to go. Yeah.

My wife will know. Yeah. And I know what you're trying to do. It's just not going to work. No. I'm not going to let you put me in straps so you can see my groin very clearly in front of my wife. I'm just not that guy. Okay. But maybe I could be. Look, I have feelings for you too. He takes his wedding ring off and throws it. And you go like, honestly, just a rock climb. But so Al...

Just before we get into stuff, because I don't know if homeschool has anything to do with this, but it does. Yeah. What? Well, I mean, you know, she wasn't thrown in there. I have to ask you, though. Hang on. Jake, can I call you Betty if you call me Al? Oh, I like it. Yeah. Jake just threw his wedding ring. I won't rock climb with you. Of course I won't. But I won't rock climb with you. I'm happily married.

Okay. So anyway, yeah. Homeschooling comes into it. Homeschooling comes into it because of the social aspect of itself. But, but also, okay. That's not fair. I stopped wearing socks and sandals when I was like 25. Now we got to go. Um, but, uh,

Why do you need a partner? For those of us who don't know anything about rock climbing. Spotted. But you have to have a consistent partner. You can't just go there and there's not just some rogue humans like a lost and found. No, but there's ropes. You need somebody to... Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can go, you can do auto belay. It's just not as much fun because like, you know, when you have a belay partner, it's just more fun. You spot each other, you help each other figure out the route and you can also rest a bit because, you know, they're, they're, they're, they're providing tension from the ground. So with an auto belay, you just plummet as soon as you let go. And you're providing tension from the interaction. Can I, uh, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Just to start this off a little bit, a little softball pitch right down the middle. You ever asked the lady, uh,

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I have. And what happens when you ask a lady? Is it still weird? Because if so, it might be the homeschool. So, Alana, what happens when you ask a lady? I got to hear what you say. When I ask people? No, hold on. The premise of this call is that you're a rock climber and you're having a hard time finding a partner, right? And when you ask them, it gets uncomfortable, correct? Correct.

Well, yeah, but I want to take it a little bit farther because here's the thing. Like, uh, in addition to having a hard time finding just someone to climb with, I'm also finding that dating apps are a wash. There's, it's impossible to meet anybody, you know, and make a meaningful connection. And you know, my generation is getting tired of them. So my thought was,

What if I could solve all these problems in one fell swoop and figure out how to approach the manager of the gym and pitch like a singles night at the climbing gym? And I don't know if that's a totally weird idea, but, you know, I just had to figure out, like, I don't even know if it should be like a romantic thing or more like, you know, find your belay day and keep it less weird. That's kind of what I tell you guys. Yeah.

I think this is actually interesting. Very interesting. Yeah, because part of it is in it, they put straps around your upper thigh and your ass is hanging out in the air as you climb up and someone's beneath you. George W. Bushed up there in the front. So it's a little bit like you are, it's kind of your butt's in someone's face as you're going up and down and vice versa, correct? Yeah, yep. Okay.

So, okay. There's a lot more to rock climbing than just carrying a bike. Of course, of course. I'm just talking about first dates. No, but Jake's right. I'm just saying what the shark is thinking. Yeah, no, it looks like all the guys are hard and all the women are wearing diapers. And the women are going like, this is disgusting. Yeah. Guys are going, nice. Could you please spot me and stop going like, I can see in your butthole. Hey!

Gross, dude. I found a hole. Yeah, yeah. Chill out, man. You're taking this too far. So your pitch to us on what we need to pitch on is you are thinking of approaching the manager of your rock climbing gym and suggesting we have a singles evening. And you're kind of curious, A, do we approve? And B, do we have any pitches on how do we kind of market this? I think it's more B. Yeah, more it's just B. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that you think people want our approval, but I don't think they respect us, Garrett. Garrett, they don't respect us. They do too. No, we just talk a lot. If you go online, they know that we command and demand respect, and we receive it often. We receive it sometimes. So...

though, this call is you are asking us to pitch how you can talk to the manager at a rock climbing gym and make a singles night. Yeah, I think it's great. I like that idea a lot. Yeah, I just, I want to come to her with like a good idea, you know, like it should be kind of funny because, you know, I don't want it to be intense and like maybe kind of gamified. I don't know if there'd be activities, some kind of a punny name. Now,

Now, question for your personality and who you are. Are you comfortable being the emcee of this evening? Because a night like this needs one. You can't just all be there and no one's running it. No, no. I want to meet people, though. And if I'm the emcee, I'm going to be stuck behind the microphone

phone and that's kind of isolated. Yeah, but then who runs it? Well, you're in Philly. We could maybe help figure something like that out maybe. Fig? Yeah, like I think... There's somebody on the staff who I know would love to run it. Okay, interesting. Okay, so you got... What's our staff member's name?

Okay. So what we need to then do is pitch on how you can talk and get this night going, right? Yep. A singles night. It could be open to others. You don't have to close down the place. What about as a first idea, a first theme, 70s night, swinging 70s?

I like that. Right. So they've done a lot of those. OK. They do a lot of like 90s. Don't do the 70s. It's wrong. They've done the PJs. And that's what Al and I are saying. I like you're out. Good for you. I also you know what I like about Al here. She's one of these callers who she doesn't placate us. She knows what she wants. Here's what I would say we probably need. What we probably need is like an hour of a mingle.

And then after that hour, you sort of then ask the people you feel a connection to. So like speed dating. Kind of. Let me pitch something close to this. Okay. Last night I went out to dinner with my kids and a buddy and we were at a restaurant and next to the restaurant there was a jogging club.

that all met outside of the Red Lion. Uh-huh. Oh, beautiful. It's a bunch of young people. They were mostly underdressed. They just all met, ran for less than 45 minutes, and I know that because they ran by the restaurant, then ran right to the bar to get drinks.

So this is a group of alcoholics who just feel like they need to justify it. My friend, I asked her about it because I'm like, this is wild. And she's like, it's just a singles night. It's a way for everyone to meet. So there could be a singles open climb. And then after everybody who's there, if there's like a bar nearby,

And the way you could pitch it to the woman who runs it is we're trying to get half off on your first climb. We're trying to get new people in the gym. But part of it is no couples allowed. I think we got to hit that. No couples and nobody already has a climbing partner. Yes. And but isn't part of the gag of it that you need a partner to climb? And so the idea of the title could be something like solo climbers or free solo. Solo climbers or or it

It could be rock hard. Huh, interesting turn. I wasn't expecting that. Belayed. Yeah. Finger holds. Ew. Or the night we call it the Rocky Mountain Highs, spelled H-I. One thing I know we're not calling it is finger holds. Okay, all right. You know what I mean? I do, yes. One thing I've loved to say on this show a lot is sometimes you've got to walk a mile to hit a block. But imagine this, Gareth. What?

One woman saying to her other friend, hey, want to go to this singles night? I'm looking for singles. Me too. Where do you want to go? It's called Finger Holes. All right, listen. But I think what's good is I flooded the market. Yes. So now Rocky Mountain High seems really good because of Finger Holes. Yeah, but that's about the weed. I kind of like Rock Hard. No, H.I.

Rocky Mountain High. Oh. I was thinking like on the rocks because of the drinks, but it's kind of a stretch. Don't hit that. Al, is there a bar nearby? Does the climbing place have any sort of hang area?

No, it's kind of a dirt big gym. And I say that affectionately. It's really small. So there's not a really place to congregate. How about near? Probably, yeah. But I feel like a lot of people are so into health that there's probably, I don't know. I mean, it's possible. Yeah, maybe people want to get a drink after. But we can provide pie and punch. And I'm not sure. But then let me ask you, Al. What do you think would be the thing that worked here?

Like, how do you think, you know, the community better than us. How do you, what do you think would kind of work if it's not a drink after, but if we found a night, call it finger holes or my finger up your ass on a rock climbing thing or squat on my face. Sounds great. And way better than that. Or how about sweaty stranger's butt in your face as you try to keep them alive. I mean, if you're pitching right now, you're way off the path we should be on. But so, cause we can come up with a name and a theme, but what's the night look like in your opinion in that gym? Yeah.

Right. Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I feel like maybe keeping it in the gym makes sense, but I'm wondering if we'd be able to maybe...

Instead of isolating it to just singles, maybe there could be a way we could distinguish the singles by putting a wristband on or something. But you're right. No, no, no, no. And it feels gross. Yeah, it's weird then. Because, look, we if you don't want couples. Remember, you called because you're like you think maybe there's a way to make it about being single and needing a climbing partner.

That immediately makes it kind of weird. But also being single and being a partner, but it's a perfect connection. Yes. So I need a climbing partner and I need a climbing partner. Yes. I need someone to climb with and I need someone to climb on. That's exactly right. Yes. So maybe some terms like that could be part of the thing. If you're looking for a climbing partner and someone to climb on, come to singles only

only climb where you will be paired up randomly. Partner free and partner free. Oh, speed partnering. Every climb you have to switch your partner. That's a good idea. That's good. Right? Because that goes back to the speed dating. So each, every like 15, 20 minutes. We swap. There's a bell that goes up and you have to swap. So you have to do the interactions where you go like, hey, how you doing? I'm Terry. Hey, how you doing? I'm Al. You can call me Al. And then you do the back and forth. You've got to get suited up.

and then right on, hands on the ass, pushing them up. I don't know how much the hands go on the ass, but anyway, I love it. And I think what's good about that is then we can kind of nix the idea of making, it's like then you'll have five climbing partners over the course of the night. One of them is probably going to be a single individual. It's maybe just a good way to grease the wheels. But here's another way you could do it. As part of the intro when people say hi to each other,

And this might be weird, and if it's weird, we don't do it. But part of it is you say your name and you exchange emails. The reason is, is after, if you had a connection with somebody, you could say like,

You don't have to do it there, but it's like speed dating. You leave, you do the little test. I know this because I saw Love on the Spectrum. I have too. And I liked it. I did too. Are you coming at me? I loved it. I follow a couple of the people on Instagram. Al, he's getting so hot. I'm not. You're getting hot. So, so it was triggering for some, the weird. You're triggering. Okay. Okay.

That's a good idea, though. The email, it's kind of endearing. Right. So then you go like, hey, my name is Al. And then you have like everybody has like the email exchange. And then you go like, part of we have to do this is so awkward. But so then you could write later that night. Hey, had a lot of fun wondering if you wanted to get a drink. Yep. Or a climb. Or another climb. Al, this works, dude. What are you thinking? I mean, I think that all sounds great.

Great to me. I think that's a great idea. If you can think of any other, I'd love to have like one more activity that we could do. The speed climbing is great, but maybe there could be something like, what about, you know, everyone gets blindfolded and they get a random partner and you have to hear their voice and then find each other from across the gym, you know, like kind of croaking through the air. So walk us through that because that's kind of so, so walk us through the night of climbing a little bit. So if we started off, you had Shane, I'm seeing it where he's like, hello, singles. Welcome to the group shower. Oh, go ahead. He's off. Hmm.

He's off in this studio. We got to get the head going. I was hot the night we had the live show. So walk us through it. So Shane does it. You start off, you're doing speed rounds, right? And then you're saying when that's done, everybody's kind of, you know, mixed around five or six different people. This is probably an hour and a half into the climb. Mm-hmm.

How long do you want this night to go? How long until people, I would say our age, Gareth is way younger than us. Yeah. But our age- I'm a kid. Ish. You're probably 10 years younger than me and 15 years older than Gareth from your photo. Oh, that's a long time. So she's probably what, like late 20s, early 30s, and you're what, 14? Yeah. Legally, I'm not allowed to work on this show. It's also gross you have facial hair at your age. Well, I'm 21. I'm raised by Vikings. Yuck. Yeah. I mean-

So I think there's a world where, are you saying after that there's another activity? Well, maybe. I mean, the thing with the timed climbing is that that's tough because the routes are different. There are varying degrees of difficulty, you know? Right. So one person might be able to beetle up a wall like within another person. But we don't need to complete a climb. Ooh, Al, I have a pitch. I have a pitch. I have a pitch. Okay.

Okay. And you're going to need Shane and somebody else at the top to be sensitive so that everybody gets selected. But I think you start it off with a 30 minute speed dating round that you have the table set up. So as a joke, you have to walk up and you have to say on a piece of paper, like,

This is my first time. This is what I'm looking for in a partner, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then you rate people. So if Gareth and I go and I go like, I want to be with Gary, I'll go 10 out of 10. Let's say he got weirded out by me. He said two out of 10. So when you're going, you could look at who, and maybe you don't pair us up together, but so they're then pairing up the people together before. So it's a 30 minute speed, one minute each manic, fast, jokey. You get a sense of each other. Then there's a schedule that goes up of who's climbing with who.

Also, I think that's a lot to ask of the gym. Al, why don't you also be a part of that? And you then can also put yourself in the best position to meet the people that you kind of want to meet. And then what you can do... Yeah, like that, get the cream of the crop. We got to cheat so we win. But one of the things you can do, if two people pick each other out of 10 out of 10, and they're the only two, well, they can be together for a longer session.

If you see other people and they're like, they didn't even pick each other, but we need it for the numbers. Well, that's a shorter session. So some people only had three switches because they're more intermediate. They're going higher up and other people are longer. What do you think of that? It's going to take a little work from you and a little work from Shane, but who gives a shit? Yep.

I think that's good. I like that. And I like the idea of the event being maybe just two hours, like shorter. Yes. Short and sweet. You don't want people to be bored. Yeah. And so you can do it again. Yeah. And so the beginning of it is the fun game of it is a 30 minute speed dating, whatever. Then very quickly you make on this sheet of paper. Very simple.

It's a top three whatever. So when you get in that back room, you don't want to do a lot of hard calculation. Then you take 15 minutes in the back. You pair people up on a schedule. It's written up on a board as you go. You're out there for the next hour and 15 minutes climbing and switching. And Shane has a mic just doing some silly jokes. And then he's got a buzzer when it's time to switch. And he'll say it. He'll go like, Carrie and Joe, switch. Joe, your new partner is...

Melinda. Yep. And we might not be able to just do it. So we're going to need name tags. Name tags for sure. Yeah, great. Okay, what's the theme music? I mean, what kind of genre should we have pumped into the speakers here? 70s porn. Wow. See, now, I'm off. You go. Well, that's a crazy pitch. You go. I would say, how about, I would say maybe like 80s jam. That's fine. 80s like stadium rock. Okay. Yeah.

Like some queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rock and roll. Funny old rock and roll. Yeah. If you're going to get it. Yes. Or you play the joke and it's all sex songs. I'm going to sex you up. Or it could be all mountain themed. Like it could be like all like rock.

Rock. That's easier. Yeah, it is easier. But the idea of it is... Rock and roll. Yeah, but you could do the fun of certain music. You could also do, for the last one of the nights, the lights go down and it's like disco lights. Slow climb. Right? Yeah. Time for slow climb, everybody. What do you think? This is a climb for lovers. Find your finger holds. And I'm talking about the sidewall gang. Are you going to be in Philly anytime soon? No, that was the first thought I had. Please. All right.

because there is a world of doing the final one is a slow climb. There's something fun in there where you're playing like, yeah, sweet old music. Like it's a seventh grade dance. Yeah. I would do, I would do personally eighties rock. I think Garrett is right. That rock and roll, but I would throw, but I would throw in some over the top sex songs. Yeah. So that everybody gets a little uncomfortable, but it's funny. That's why we're here. Yep. Bump and grind. Bump and grind. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep. Uh,

"Do you think I'm sexy?" - Yeah, exactly. - Do you know some joke funny ones where like as somebody is getting suited up, "Do you think I'm sexy?" is blasted and they have to go like, "Pardon the look in the front, I am bigger than this." It's just, it's not flattering. And the person goes like, "We're good." And then it's, "Do you think I'm," and like, you're just loosening up the vibe.

I love it. I do too. I like the title. What did you have, Rock Hard? You want me to go through them all again? I don't have a problem doing that. And then Al, hold on, stop. Do one at a time. Al, I want you to rate these one out of ten. Okay. It's an evening where all the singles are rock hard. One out of ten. It's two on the nose. I'm going to say it's like a four. Just the number. I don't need the email. I'll take the email. Okay.

Let's get belayed. By the way, that's pretty good. Let's get belayed. Hey, singles, let's get belayed together. Everybody, let's get belayed. Al? I like that. Yeah, that one's an eight for me. Great. Eight's fine.

Controversial? You know, I can give you some other terms. Okay, sure. Let's go. Sending. Huh? Pump is a term. Sending. Beta is another word. Spraying beta is a rock climbing term. Sending is one of them? Spraying beta? You said spraying beta? Beta.

Yeah, spraying beta. I've been spraying beta since I went through puberty. That's crazy. A little alpha, but mostly beta in there. Spraying beta is without question the new jerk off there. I don't know. I'm going to go home and spray a little beta. Oh, man. I just had to spray some beta. That movie was great. I napped right after I sprayed beta. I sprayed beta and alpha, one alpha. Out of the million, there's one alpha in there.

It always is. Okay, a couple more terms. Spending, spotting, heel hook. Spotting. Mirroring. How about something like this, Al? In search of a spotter. Hotspotting. Hotspotting. Oh, hotspotting. Kind of like that. So a night of single... Yeah, hotspotting is great, actually. But don't remember, we also on the board have finger holds. If we ever need to break the glass in case of emergency... Two out of ten. Keep going. I don't believe you're the number. Al...

Finger holes or whatever. Finger holds, not holes. Holes is gross. Finger holds. Oh, finger holes. I thought you were saying finger holes. No, hold. It's also insinuative. It's still gross. It's not not gross. All right. What do you think, Al, about finger holds?

Finger hold. Yeah, it creates a lot of ambivalence and dissonance in my chest when I hear it. I don't know. I love it. It's called your heart beating for the first time in years. It makes me feel like somebody grabbing a woman from two holes and doing a finger hold where you go like, easy. It's called spraying beta. You thinking of you tonight going, finger hold, spraying beta, finger hold, spraying. I gotta go to the room and spray beta. I can't stop thinking about finger holds. Yuck.

Okay. Rocky Mountain HI. Rocky Mountain HI. What do you think of that? That's good, too. That's good, too. I like that. That's probably a 7.5. The hot spotting is the one that's really, you know, catch spotting. We're not going to talk past the close. And so, Al, let's do this for a second because we're about to get out of here because I think we've won here.

I think our side, we're feeling confident. We hope you're feeling the same. Can you take a second and pitch to us as if we were the manager to hear what you're proposing for this night at their gym? And we in the audience at the same time can see if this sounds crazy or great. Do you feel comfortable doing that? Yeah, I can do that. Okay. You ready? Yes.

Okay. So Angela, I've got this idea. I was thinking, you know, there's a lot of people in the gym who are having a hard time finding belay partners and it can be awkward just approaching people because you don't know what their deal is. So I thought, you know, you guys are so great at putting on wonderful events and we haven't done like a

singles event here. So my thought is, what if we did something, well, you guys did something and I helped you and it was called Hotspot. You know, an event for all single climbers who are looking for a belay partner or maybe something more. And it could be just some evening, maybe a Thursday night, just like two hours tops. Start out with like a

a speed dating type around where you've got some good music playing, you know, Eye of the Tiger on repeat, something like that. People kind of get to know each other. They rate each other, you know, on various things, interest in climbing, level of climbing. And then you or Shane or I could help out. We kind of go and figure

figure out how we want to pair people up and then, you know, every 30 minutes or something we blow a whistle and people switch. Well, actually 30 minutes is too long. But you know what I mean, speed dating. Everyone gets a chance to know the other single blade is climbers in the gym and then, you

you know, at some point in the night we could shift into something else. Maybe people could pair up and see if they could come up with a funny team titles. Sorry, it's getting long. It's falling to pieces. No, no, no. Al, we're sitting here nodding, going like, you've got this. Keep your confidence. You're right there. Yes. I would say just land the plane.

She's gonna be talking during this too, so you're not gonna have to do a monologue. Yes, but everything you're actually saying is right. I would say don't get lost in too many of the details because you have those. So when she starts going, yeah, you know what it could be, you go, yeah, it could also be this. But it's all right if this one changes a little bit because it would be different if you were the owner of the gym because then we could say this is what we're doing. You still have to pitch her, but you got a lot of bullets in the chamber. Yep.

Okay. Yeah. So do you want to start over or just kind of... No, just bring her in for a landing. You're doing good. Yeah. So after people have had a chance to meet and mingle and get comfortable, then they can have turns climbing with each other and seeing how that feels. Maybe we could figure out some games that we could throw in. Just kind of create a low-key atmosphere where people can meet

other people here at the gym that they've maybe never encountered just because of schedules and stuff. And I mean, I think it would be great for you guys. Great for the community might bring in new people. I'll help out. No, no. That's the other thing I think to say is to be like, I also think it's going to create a more social environment in your business that is just going to make it like more of a club than it's ever been in a great way. I think that honestly, I think you're in a money zone. One quick pitch.

What do you think of doing this over email? That's a good idea. Right? Yeah. Sometimes I like when people go like, I'll have somebody like, hey, can we talk on the phone? And they'll talk about something and I'll think, that's a text. Yeah. Just give me your information and then I can write back, sounds great Al, not for us, but I appreciate it. And then I don't have to like, or sounds great. And then I could read it a second time over and process what they said. So it might just be, just kind of put this in email form and that could be your cleanest way of doing it.

What is your relationship like with the Angela or whatever her name is? Good. Oh yeah. We always, we banter whenever I'm in there and I'm friends with the gym owner too. So yeah. Do whatever your gut feels. Yeah. Email her in person. Cause it seems like you're good. You had a good pitch. Also you started this off that you're awkward. We've been talking now for 30 minutes. I don't see that. No. I,

I think socially, I just don't see it. You're also. No, you're good. You're talking on a radio show with two guys who talk all the time and you're not being weird. No, you've done well. This is not an easy thing to do. The weirdest part was when you kind of reacted odd to finger holds, which Jake and I found to be a pretty good pitch. But hold on. Hold on, Jake. Other than that, I think the whole thing has been good. I will say. Go ahead.

Calling a singles night at a rock climbing finger holes is criminal. Why? Because it's so awesome. It's so aggressive. What are you talking about? If I saw a sign for that... Yeah.

I would shut the test out. You're not seeing the art, though. What's the art? Just a hand with a mangled finger. With, like, tons of muscles here. Hairy this, hairy that. Yeah, yeah. All right, now I'm in. Now I'm in. There is a chance that at that gym, Fingerholds would fly as an event name. Because they've got great sense of humor. So I'll add it.

I would not add an email. I would say that's follow-up bits. Keep the email fast and clean and lean and mean, and then let them yes and, and then you can pitch on it. Even if you wanted to do an in-person pitch that is short and say, I can email you the details. That's nice. Al, will you follow up with us? I will. I will definitely. We appreciate this call. Thanks, Al. All right. Thanks, guys. Bye.

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Hey everyone, it's the shark the original call from this next follow-up aired on july 25th It's called the inner circle with andy richter and it is the second call from this episode So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher go for it. Enjoy Hi, can you hear me? Yeah, we got you perfectly. Can we get your name? Where you're calling from and what we can do for you today

Yes, this is Lexi. This is actually a follow-up, my second follow-up. Lexi, remind us. I like to gossip with my girlfriend's mom. Yes, I remember this. Yes, and Gareth did a great...

of my girlfriend's Southern mom. Right. But that wasn't a follow-up. So initially it was great advice from Andy Richter where it said, talk to your girlfriend, get on the same page, maybe make things fun, have a sign so she's in control. We tried that. Didn't work. Lasted one phone call, five minutes. Then we practiced a little bit and my girlfriend's mom actually came to stay with us for about a few

few days and I got to gossip or the airport

It's all good. It's all good. Okay. So then you tried the sign you tried and then where are we at? Keep walking us through. This is an interesting ending. So you had asked if my girlfriend would be interested in coming on for a followup to kind of like maybe practice or see what she thinks I'm doing. I asked her, she wasn't interested, unfortunately. So you're just getting me. Okay. But I do, do have more other,

other updates because her mom came to visit. Okay. Keep going. It was great. We had a great time. We gossiped the first thing she came in and started talking about her work. And my girlfriend turned around and walked out. But it was great. Cause I just got to bond with her mom. We had a great time. And actually she told me that she's retiring next year, which she hadn't told my girlfriend yet. Um,

So when I told my girlfriend that she was retiring, which made me really sad because then all of my work gossip goes away. My girlfriend is now very supportive of the gossiping because she thinks that her mom maybe just is retiring too soon. She's a bit younger. And so she's like, keep gossiping with her and see if that'll help her hold on to working there a year or two. Let her know how much you love it.

So, you know, the tables have turned and we had nothing to do with why nothing.

well you started the conversation with my girlfriend lexi lexi we're spin artists but every once in a while we got to take a loss yeah so it seems like a nice win for you your girlfriend and what it sounds like you guys are doing is trying to convince a poor woman to keep working because your girlfriend for some reason doesn't think she's ready to retire doesn't think she's ready so

but you benefit as well. The loser in this is the mother. And us. And us. And maybe the audience. Yeah, probably. So I think the takeaway is you're tricking an older woman to keep working. And are we going to do this?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so just out of the curiosity, cause we're here now, why doesn't your, why does your girlfriend think she needs to keep working? Is it, you guys are afraid you're going to have to support her in 12 years when she goes, I think I stopped too early. Yeah. And you go, yeah, babe, you got about 30 more years on planet earth. You're not making any income. Yeah.

Is it just about... You're going to have to live with you and it'll never stop? Is this about just the money train running out at some point and your girlfriend's seeing the future and mom's just ready to stop working? Yes, that's exactly it. Okay, I respect that. Okay. Okay, but...

We are here for you, not for mom, not for girlfriend. And you got your gossip buddy back. So look at me being a spin doctor. And sometimes you got to run a mile to walk a block, but you are back to gossiping with mom and your girlfriends into it. We all win. Like, see, am I out of line? Yes. Except, but she's not the caller. No.

She's our enemy. That's right. Always. So, Lexi, are you happy that you called in this podcast and we have gone down this road? Have we directly or indirectly solved your problem? Yes. I would say you guys have both directly and indirectly solved my problem. Ring the bell, Shaki Boy! By the way, we should get a bell in here. We should get a bell. Something dumb that we ring the bell. Yes. All right.

Totally. Now that's a great thing. All right. We're going to get a bell Lexi. And this came about because of you. So we can call it the Lexi bell. We've I love it. Ring sexy Lexi baby. We'll see if everyone's comfortable. We'll spitball it. But Lexi. Ring her bell. All righty. Lexi listen we've rung the bell. Yeah. We've solved your problem indirectly.

We've done you a huge favor. We've given you so much of our time. We've sacrificed so much for you and your girlfriend and your girlfriend's mother. You're in an airport. Yep.

Is it inappropriate for you before we hang up? Send us a bell. To just yell. No, no, not send us a bell. Oh, yell. I love this. Give us a yell. Give us a they're here to help. No, how about this? Yell, everybody stop what you're doing and listen right now to we're here to help. Lexi, is this possible? They're all flying. I mean, you go to a game that's not yours. Yell, download it now before you get on the plane. America's number one podcast. Kevin? Please. No, I'm a shark. I don't think you'll get arrested.

Will you just do Gareth thing right now and yell really loud at an airport? Everybody listen to We're Here to Help. It's America's number one podcast. Okay, here we go. I'm going to do it. Thank you.

Everybody, listen to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Ring the bell! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! All just blank looks. Wouldn't make sense. I'm just going to grab my bag and slowly move to a different area for sure. You are the best. Thank you for the call. Thanks, Lexi. Thank you, guys. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

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