135: I'm on a Pool Noodle! (with Jamie Loftus)
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And we are back on a Thursday. Love a Thursday.

We got Steven. We got the shark. Garfman is somewhere on planet earth traveling right now. Traveling man. Godspeed Garfman.

Well, you know, I was making some split pea soup. Well, I made it this morning. I did all the prep work and then I was just testing it out. And let me tell you, it is good. How often you cook in these days? A lot, a lot. I love to cook. You know, sometimes you don't have the time. You just, you know, you grab and go. But yeah, if I have a little time, Jake, I will cook. A lot of times I'll do the prep work on the side.

while I'm having my morning coffee. Interesting. Kevin, are you a man who cooks? Not well. I'm trying to make up for that with yesterday Lee and I put up Christmas lights around the front of the house and I was going a little slow for her and she was like, all right, why don't we trade spots here and you can hold the ladder and

So then I try to pretend the whole time, like it actually makes more sense that I'm down here because I could catch you if you fall. And it was just kind of, yeah. Yeah. Nodding at the neighbors. Like it makes sense that I'm here. I'm the strong guy.

I was, Andy Roddick has arrived on the movie. Holy shit. So cool. So, yeah. And we were watching him yesterday. We shot some scenes. And then at the end, we went on the pickleball courts with the great Brad Gilbert. Yeah. Everybody's coach. I love him. He's been kind of overseeing it. And everyone was talking about Andy and hitting and how he's going to do with pickleball. And he has not had any anxiety about it.

his vibe has been like it's gonna be just fine this fucking dude got out there and was just ripping it that's so cool and you're like oh yeah and then we started talking and he was basically saying that from an early age you can kind of tell when somebody's like a special athlete yeah yeah and you're like that's a pretty cool idea and he's like kind of by 10 you can kind of tell like if you're not

already there you're probably not gonna pop yeah that's so not not every sport but i was like just sure idea i'm like that's a cool idea and then seeing him hit i'm like now that's a beautiful backhand like that's how you hit a pickleball god damn it yeah and he has one of the still to this day i i think the best serve in the history of tennis you think so it was the most powerful i mean it was his greatest weapon like

He didn't have the skills that Federer or Rafa Nadal did, but he could hang with them because of his serve. So he could just rip it. Rip it. I mean, he hits the ball in general so hard. I mean, he is such a powerful player. Husker, too. Nebraska boy. And Steven, you're a tennis man. How would you describe your game?

Oh, I'm a power baseline player. No doubt. No doubt. I think that's probably a thing that Roddick and I have. We probably have a lot in common. We're both from Nebraska. We both really just crushed the ball from the baseline. Are you a power hitter? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, I'm a big guy. I get a lot of topspin on it.

And in your opinion, when we played, what happened? I had the flu for one. You'll never be. But hold on. Cause Kevin, Stephen has talked trash about his main sport has always been tennis. And I'm not a, I'm not a racket player. You know, I didn't grow up playing tennis or pickle or any of this, but we played one time.

And I think I played in total in my life up to that point five times. Steve, what happened that day? Jake won. And it was just like, you know, but he had his like, he was doing his whole rat thing over there. Just like ratting down the ball as he does. The sad thing is he's a very good athlete. And like he can, he picks stuff up fast. He's a basketball player. And that's kind of the, I hate playing with basketball players because they find a way to like become better than average at things very fast. What do you mean my rat things?

No, you were ratting around with that ball. I mean, you weren't hitting pretty. I mean, I'm sure now you've got... You know, you have to admit, you were not hitting pretty back then. No, no, no. It was just pure athletic and sheer will to beat the master. It was the mean and the maddest thing I've ever seen, Stephen. Yeah, I was not happy. I had a low-grade fever, achy.

It'll never happen again. In fact, when I come back in town a couple weeks, we're playing. I would love to. Yeah, it'll be really fun. And Kevin, what is exciting about this episode today on a Thursday? We have a bunch of fun ones. We were talking to someone with some drama with their...

water aerobics instructor. We have the great Jamie Loftus did a call with Gareth about a barber needing some dating advice. And we have a special follow-up at the end. So without further ado, enjoy the show.

Hello? Hey, Ken, welcome to the show. You're on with Gareth, the shark, and myself. It's so weird to hear that in real life. And I'm sorry, sorry, caller. Let's just, Jake, first of all, intro yourself. And second of all, you are one of the most sexy men alive. I don't know why you're kind of like... This is why you were setting up for the intro. We're not doing this on the call. What? What?

Can we please get your credit? We can do it in a different bit. We're not wasting. I'm having a little trouble focusing on the show, Sexpot. We're wasting this poor woman's time. Can we get your name, please? Hi, my name is Becca. I'm 33 and I live in Minneapolis. I like Minneapolis, too, quite a bit. I love it. I'm going to be there in January. How about that?

Shame. Great response. Not I'm going to come see you, but same. Becca33, Minneapolis, what can we do for you today? The floor is yours. Take your time. Walk us through your issue.

Okay. So I go to this water aerobics class every week with my mom. We've been going for like six years. You are in Minneapolis. Okay. I know. I know. I was like, my accent is going to come through strong. Anyway, so we go to this water aerobics class and...

So there is like a normal instructor who we love. She is like a elementary school teacher in her real life. So she's like good at lesson plan. She's very engaging. She actually gets in the pool with us. She like does the whole exercise. It's very good. However, this is my, this is a stick. There's occasionally substitute teachers.

And they never tell you beforehand. You just show up and you're in your swimsuit and you're like, oh, it's that way. And you've already paid. And there's different subs and there's this one sub who...

she's a very sweet woman, but she just sucks because that's how, you know, a Midwesterners about to destroy. So I totally agree. Yeah, this is Midwest. She's wonderful. I love the fucking worst. It's my me thing. I'm sure she's so nice. So she's like,

I would say conservatively like 78, 79. She like will sit in a chair by like on top of the pool and like do seated exercises. And like, we have to follow along with it. And she, she will never tell you what's happening. She'll just like smack her legs and be like point. And,

And I'm like, I don't know. By the way, all of this call is starting to wake up all the senses in my body. Yeah. A 79-year-old lady being mean, just smacking her legs, telling you what to do, and you have no idea what to do. I'm like, yes, please. She's like, she'll talk to us all. You're worth it. I know. Listen, listen.

I can't get out of the pool. That's the thing. That's the frigging thing is you can't leave. And so you're like stuck there. And he can't get out because he popped a tent in his little trunks. I need the pool. He's like a little kid. He's like a little like eighth grader who won't go to the front of the classroom and do a math problem because part of me is working out. Yeah.

Okay, so, Becca, you got a substitute teacher who's older. She's smacking her legs. She's pissing you off. What's going on? Okay, so that's, like, the tip of the iceberg. So then she'll, like...

Eventually she'll get in the pool and I feel like that's when it really starts to get crazy because we'll all be like, we'll all have like pool noodles and she'll be like, get on your noodle. So then there's like 25 fucking. I got a pool noodle for the class. Is this real life or am I fantasizing? Am I still asleep? Yeah.

And then what she'll do is she'll like make us do exercises with pool noodle. I got an exercise with my pool noodle. Oh my gosh. So then we're all like riding it like a bike. I gotta go. I'm taking a shower. It was great to meet you. Bye. Bye.

So she makes you all get out, you and your mother, and this is the wildest porno I've ever seen in my life. I love that she's calling for a totally different reason, and everything, our issue is like, this woman is using the most insinuative language possible. That's her issue. I think she doesn't, she has no idea that she's saying any innuendos, but my mom and I are always looking at each other like, hmm, the noodle, okay. But she'll say, she'll be like,

everyone pedaled big and fast. And we're like, what does that mean? Like big and fast. And I'm like, what are you saying? And then she'll be like, small and slow. And I'm like, what? I'm on a noodle in a pool. And then she'll be like, go uphill, go uphill. And I'm like, what? I'm in a pool. Like I don't uphill where, like, what are you saying? So there's like a

a lot going on with her like and then what she'll do is she'll like yell she'll be like okay four three two one and then she'll be like ah like she's just had the best like most quenching drink of her life and i'm like you can't just yell ah like in this group of so so let me cut through the uh wildness of this call because i like the setup yeah i could listen to it as an audiobook

before I fall asleep every single night. I like it. I did too. It's calming. It's a calming, it's interesting. It's really weird visuals. There's a lot working very Midwest. The way you said noodle really worked. Oh yeah. Get on your noodle. Say it again. Double. Yeah. Having double O's for someone from Minnesota being said that often as a real pretty good. Yes. But what is the specific question that we could kind of get into? Okay.

Yeah. The question is what the hell do I do? Because we don't actually learn that there's a substitute until we're already there. We've already paid. I'm like hoping that it's Karen who's the good teacher and not Mary. And it's always freaking. I'm like my mom and I are like, Oh, it's her. Right. But look, you're already in the goddamn pool. You're doing the aerobics. You don't get in a pool, see a teacher and fake an injury. So Gareth, don't even pitch a weird twisted ankle thing.

Well, it's pretty obvious that was among my ideas. Because we can't get out of the pool. She's got to do the 40. How long is the class? You can hurt a shoulder. Yeah, that's true. I like see her on the side of the pool, like before I go into the locker room and I'm like, oh, wow.

But you and mom already went to, you already went to the pool. You're with your mom. It's not easy to get mom out of the house. She's got a bathing suit ready. She's ready to work that bod. You want mom to do some cardio. She's got to move those knees. She's got to get the heart pumping. What are you going to do after? Get a bite to eat?

No, you're going to exercise. Yeah, like we're there for a purpose. And that's the other thing with Mary. I'm like, you are going so slow. I'm gaining weight in this pool. Like that is not a workout. Like I don't know what you're doing. I don't know.

That's a great thing to say. This workout is so slow that I'm gaining weight. I'm fatter. Yeah. I get, by the way, when I do my weird garage workouts, I come out fatter. Are you still, you still doing those? Yeah.

Yeah, you know, when I can. It's less kind of jujitsu with the dummy because I've been tired. It's more kind of cuddle and romantic shit. Watching football. Hanging out, talking about our days. You want another beer, Dan? No, he doesn't have a name. Interesting. I like him better nameless. Stop talking. Enough. Let's focus back on Becca. Because when I give him a name, I come up with too many. Okay. So Becca. Okay, so really the question is,

Basically, how do you get out of the predicament when you have the terrible 78-year-old substitute who does not fulfill at all what you're going for with your mother? What can you do? Not even a little. She's a bad instructor. She's bad. She's unclear. You get fatter while working out. Nothing is kind of working. Now, is it partly that what she says is...

Was it us who added the sexual stuff or were you saying the hard and fast? Or was it her? We might have done that. Is it really just that she's bad or is there anything specific that makes her the worst?

I think it's like not like she has like a routine that she knows and no one else does. So like having this unknown, I don't care. She can talk about the noodles. That's funny. And my mom and I get in trouble too. Cause we'll like goof off in class. Like this past Wednesday, we were like goofing off and Mary yelled at me and was like, hello. And I was like, girl, I'm, I'm,

I'm here to work out and you are not doing that. So like, I don't know. So Mary's also a little tough.

I mean, I don't, I wouldn't use that word, but I just feel like she, she wants people to pay attention to her. Like she's, we're on first grade and I'm like, these are all like, I'm the youngest one there. And they're all like in their fifties or whatever. And I feel like there's lots of sweet women who just like do the thing. And I'm like, no, I pay for this. It's like an hour out of my afternoon. I'm like, I want to get a workout.

I remember once I went to a yoga class at Valley Total Fitness in Hollywood, and it was basically this. It was like an 80-year-old woman was teaching, and it was all people in their 70s, and I was in there like, but I did finish because it was like, well, I'm here, all that. We basically need to come up with a way for you to send a message while not feeling like you're sending too much of a message. I do think what you have to do is,

I mean, you either need to come up with some kind of alert system or you need to flag this instructor as terrible, which may be in Minnesota as a little. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is an 80 year old woman in a pool. We're going to give we're going to give Mary her little glory moment. But Becca, what we could do for you.

And I don't have the end of this, Gareth. I'm going to need help on it. I just have a... I have a visual, but I don't have a pitch. Okay. Wait, did you just say ankle weights? No, her ankle hurts. Ankle weights is good, though. Yes. Ankle weights is good. What if you put water ankle weights on? You add extra weights. Yeah. Because the image I had was...

The Flashdance, Farley. What is it? And Tommy Boy when he's getting sprayed by the gasoline. He's going way too fast. Yep. Yep. Whatever Mary... So she does play... She plays that song. She plays Maniac. But hold on. Let Jake Cook back a go. Well, I don't have much here, so jump in if you're feeling... Okay. Well, let him... The image I'm having is...

Let's say Mary goes like, and swing the Tanya, go around the noodle. Will you go as fast as you fucking can? And you have weights on your ankles. So you seem like a spaz, but you've ankle weighted, you've wrist weighted, you put a little weight around your hips. So you are dying to keep up with this instruction. And if you're not doing what she wants you to do, you're trying your hardest. Maybe even put earplugs in so you can't hear.

So you're just looking around. You're like a goddamn, you're like an animal being hunted. You're looking at the room and you're, you're just moving and jacking around and trying to keep up. Your cardio will go up. Your instincts will be on fire. Gareth, is this insane? I think I would almost just go. First of all, I think maybe an earplug is a good idea because she sounds kind of annoying to her. I think I would, what I would do is I would bring the,

ankle weights and like actual light weights for you and your mother during the Mary class so that you can step it up. I think that'll just make the workout harder. It will everything. Even if you're just standing in water, you can do her workout still, but that'll just make it harder. I mean, it's the same thing as rocking. If you're going to have a little back, who goes at a slow pace.

Throw a weighted vest on. Yeah. Okay. So I've kind of done that where I like just push harder and we do this really dumb arm exercise. And I'm like, my legs are just standing here. So I was like running as she was doing the arm exercise and she yelled in the class. She was like, if you want to run, you can run. And I'm like, yeah, I'm already, I'm already ahead of you, Mary. So I feel like I've tried the like push harder thing. I feel like,

like, I don't, I've never heard of an ankle weight that you can like put in a pool. Is that a thing? Yeah, I think there is. I think there, yeah, yeah. I think there are, I think there are. Yeah. I think there's things you could make it back and you could make it on your own sand in a plastic bag, duct tape to your goddamn ankles. This isn't a goddamn fashion show. It's a workout class in water. And here's the other thing. Becca didn't say, or sorry, Mary didn't say that you can't

Do that. She just was like, if you want. I also think just the appearance of this shows her this workout isn't what I thought it was going to be. Another thing, if you want.

I think you could do is after a class with a good instructor, you could go up and say, I'm so glad that you were here. Like you're the best instructor. And you could say, is there any way to know your schedule a little bit ahead of time so that we can favor your classes? Because you're the best instructor and kind of the only one we want to make the trip for.

Yeah, that was kind of, my mom was like, I'll call. And I'm like, are you going to call every week and like check? Like, are you, and then I don't, I don't know what happened to the instructor because she's missed the last two weeks. So we were like, is she sick? Like, I don't know what to do when it's like.

This is an unplanned thing. Like, no one... Like, I don't think that the normal instructor was, like, planning on this. Like, she didn't tell us, hey, I'm going to be out of town or whatever. It's a two-pronged approach. I think have the weights in your car...

And then you and your mother can have those weights on when you take the class. I also think you could ask like, I mean, I remember when I used to go to the Y, there's like a front desk. You can go up there and be like, who's teaching that class? Oh, it's Mary. Let me go to my car and get the weights. I see a little unfocused. I got an idea to Becca. How mobile is your mom?

Oh, yeah. She can move. Oh, yeah. She's moving. She's moving and grooving. She's only 64. Oh, she's a young woman. So where that pool is, is there also like exercise bikes and treadmills and stuff like that? So this is like in a middle school. This gets weirder and weirder to me. Quit peeling. Yeah. As we peel, my brain's getting... Stop digging. Now, does the middle school, does it have...

two levels to it. Is there an upstairs downstairs or is it just a one level school? There's a point to this. I hope so. Uh, I think it's just one level, but to be honest, I just walked to the pool. So, cause here's what I'm thinking. The other thing you could do when you're with mom and you're in exercise gear and you're ready to go. If you walk in there, it's merit. You turn around, but you have a plan B already in place. If there was two stories, you do 50 up downs on those stairs. Yeah.

Like the Rocky movies. Like the fucking Rocky movie. I like that. I like an additional workout. That you have, like, if you do the ankle weights and you don't want to do in the pool, you get there, you see Mary slapping her legs by the pool. You go like this, mom, let's rock. You guys put ankle breaks on and you already know it's a, a, a mile and a half North turnaround, a mile and a half South back to the car. Then you can get your goddamn cheesecake. But you did the three miles. Okay.

And that, cause what we don't want to do is Mary's teaching a class. A lot of these older ladies like it. I'll tell you the person who doesn't like it. The young lady, right? Those other ladies are happy in the goddamn pool. It's just you and your mom. And if you weren't there, I'm sure your mom would be fine.

That's why we don't want the 30-year-olds in the pool with us older ladies. Do you notice a demographic switch? You don't, right? It's like the same level. The women are handling both the good instructor and Mary the same, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's also my concern is like everyone else seems undisturbed by this and I'm like, why is no one else mad? This is a you thing. You know, my mother used to do water aerobics and she said it was a bunch of women and then one creepy old guy in Wisconsin who would like swim up to the women and go like... This is very specific. Yeah. It feels targeted.

- How do you make this story about you? - You just said it's one creepy guy in Wisconsin. Of course I think you're talking about me. Okay, Becca, so that's our basic- - I'm sorry, Garrett, but my mother lived in Wisconsin. - It's tough to hear. I mean, God, believe me, Jake, I know. I would bring the weights. I would bring the weights and I would just, I would increase the workout for yourself in the class. I think that sends a message. And then if you want to post workout, I would also do that.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with when you see this 78 year old Mary being like, yeah. And just right. Like maybe I should be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's you. I mean, you're very nice of you to favor. We're not getting crazy. We're not attacking a 80 year old woman. It's very nice of you to favor the feelings of this woman. She is meant to be teaching a workout class. And she is for all the older ladies, but Becca. Kind of.

Yeah, but look, if you're a 70-year-old woman in the pool, you're not looking to do CrossFit. All right, let me step it up, and I'm going to tell you my last pitch. It's off of what we just said.

Bring a bunch of like weights that like bring a bunch and be willing to hand them out. And when you see her just say, this is not a group. If anyone, it might be. I, we got to Becca. Is it a group problem or is it a you problem? Well, so everyone is used to the normal instructor, Karen, who like really pushes.

So I feel like people feel a lot. People are annoyed. Like, but I think I'm the one who's the most annoyed. But I feel like everyone else is just like, do to do. I guess it's this lady. And I'm like, no, can we all band together and be mad together? Because I feel like they're like bands. Not a bad idea. Bands. Yes. Not a bad idea. Some bands.

I think anything you could do underwater, you should. I agree. That's what I've always said. Okay. Becca, we appreciate the call. Good luck. Oh, thank you so much. Let us know how it goes. I'll tell you how it's going to go. We didn't really give any advice. We didn't really. She laughed at literally every pitch. Every pitch she laughed at. It was okay. Bring bands. We tried. She juggles. Okay. Thank you. Good luck to you. Bye. Bye.

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Blue Nile dot com. Hi. Hi. Welcome to the show. We're here to help. You know the show, right? Of course you do. I do. I do. OK, smart. OK, well, you are on with Gareth. You know me from the show. We're here to help. You know who I am on the show. You're aware of that.

Yeah, you get that. And we have no Jake today, but standing in his stead, we have the great Jamie Loftus. Jamie, I should point out a successful podcaster in her own right. You have a podcast called 60 Minutes of Fame. And and so we're going to help you out. So why don't you tell us your name, where you're calling from and what the hell is happening?

Sure. My name is Mandy. I'm calling from Philadelphia. And my problem is that I am single. I'm trying to date, but I'm not on any dating apps and I don't want to be on any dating apps. But I also don't feel like I need to be on any dating apps because I am a straight woman who works in a barbershop.

So but my problem is figuring out how to go from the client barber, semi professional relationship to opening the door to going out or something else without making things awkward. Yeah. Dangerous game, Mandy. That's hard. You work at like a nice barbershop or you're at like Supercuts?

No, no. Yeah, it's like a more higher end place. Are there people there regularly that you're like, yeah, I would go for this guy? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's a small pool. You know, there's a lot that are out of my age range or in relationship or whatever. But like there's enough enough of the time, you know.

Okay, so the reason you don't want to do the dating apps is because it's a hollow experience where you feel like you don't really ever get anything out of it and it's just kind of a time suck that leaves you feeling sick? Yeah, I think that's a perfect way to summarize it. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I feel like people have come all the way around on dating apps, or at least this was my feeling where I feel like the argument for it used to be like, you'll end up meeting people you normally never would. And I was like, and that might've been a good thing. That was the right way to have it. I really don't need to know anyone who works in the tech field ever in my life. I like how Tinder shoots out like sonar. It really makes you feel like great when you're like, cool, let's just send out a radius. Um,

Um, okay. So Mandy, so you're, you're cutting someone's hair and you like them and you might have good banter with someone, but you can't tell if like, I feel like I have real good barbershop banter. I feel like I keep it going. I'm asking questions, but that doesn't mean that you're, uh, into it. Is there, are we talking about a couple specific people or in general, you are like, how do you, cause it is a difficult thing to sort of like,

you know, I've felt that in stuff before where you, I think the last thing I ever want to do is be viewed like as a creep. Like I would rather go unrequited or unfulfilled than be like, that feels weird. Um, so, okay. But are we, are we talking about anyone specific or we're just saying there's just, you want to be open to this? Uh, I think more open, like there are specific guys I think of, but it,

You know, in general, I'll talk to a guy. He seems great. He's cute. We get along like, oh, it would be fun if we could hang out outside of here. But it's like, how do I go from that? Or or do I not at all? You know, is it just like not appropriate? And that's just a weird thing to do. Do you have a boss? Yeah, but they're not there. OK, so it's like, I don't know. I feel like it's OK when women do it.

I do too. That was what I was going to say. To just like straight up be like, hey, do you want to go out like right after? Or is there like a subtler way to, you know, get there?

My instinct is, and this is maybe just because I'm a coward, but like, do you get along with the people you work with? Because I feel like maybe it's like a work wingman kind of situation that that would be what I'd be comfortable with instead of being direct. But also you might just be much braver than I am.

No, I'm not. That's why. Okay. Then yeah, it's like if there's someone, I don't even know if like, I don't know how it would like feel natural to ping pong it to someone else, but you got a wing barber. I like this idea. I like the idea. Do you, how many people are in the shop at a time that work with you?

Only one or two. And it is tough because the way the shop is laid out, I'm kind of like working on like a loan in the back. So there's not... You're in the back? There's nothing like directly at like a station. Yeah, it's not like backpack, but like there isn't someone at a station right beside me that we could kind of like...

Is that like a VIP or like a punishment? Yeah, what is that? It's me wanting to like be away from everyone else. Okay, that makes sense. Boy, I really, I was really getting excited with a wing barber. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, it does make it easier. Yeah. Okay, how long have you been single?

A long time. Maybe like six years. I've got an idea. I got a pitch. Okay. All right. Do you have an Instagram? I do. Do you post pictures of haircuts on Instagram that you do? No. Okay. Here's what I'm going to recommend. This is just because we're talking about how do we turn the page and move in a new direction. Why don't you start posting some of the haircuts?

on Instagram. OK. And so like just to have just to sort of corroborate the fact that this is now something that Mandy the barber does. There are times where you're just going to just post four or five

Then once you have that going, when you're done with someone's haircut, who you like, you say to them, hey, I'm really happy with how this came out. Would you mind if I took a picture of the back and put it on my Instagram? And they'll go, oh, yeah, if you're really happy with it, take the picture and then go, I'll tag you. What's your Instagram? Then you're moving into the DMs.

That's a great way to just set up like, wow, you look amazing. Nobody's going to say... I mean, if someone does, then whatever. You can go from... But this is a way now to sort of... Again, because at this point, it really is more about getting into the DMs. That is really... That is almost the new phone number. Again, that's not encouraging...

mainly men to be creepy, but it is a way for you to just go after you post it, give it a few days and then just say, Hey, a couple of my friends had how much they really like your haircut. It was great to meet you. Leave it there. Then, then at least you've, you've kind of, you've gotten it to the point where you, it, because it's so awkward to try to ask someone out at work, especially when they're hiding you in the back of the shop, like the sloth of the organization. Um, I don't know. What do you think of that, Jamie?

I like that. I think that that is like kind of the smoothest way to go. I mean, unfortunately, I don't feel like it's really possible to completely divorce finding someone from your phone. And like, but I think the worst case it's, it's better labor than going to a bar with someone awful a thousand times.

It's just like you might have to take a picture of a couple of uggos before you. Yeah, you're definitely going to have to do that. You have to. You can't jump into this plan right away. You know, get a few haircuts up there. And then in a month, you can say I started to post them to sort of like, I don't know, up my barber profile. I don't know what the hell it means. But but something like that. There is another option.

And the other option is you could tell people. And again, I don't know if this breaks work protocol. You could tell people the next time they want a haircut to just text you directly and you could get the number. And what is it like if I have like a business? Well, I haven't done it, but I thought like if I get.

OK, we have like business cards for the shop, right? Like, could I put my personal number on there? Yeah. And be like, you know, here's my my days and here's my I put my number on there. Yeah. It's a way to sound like you're in demand, too. You could be like, yeah, my schedule fills up really fast. So you might want to like reach out in advance. Yeah. And you could be like, I only do this for people whose hair I like that I want to fuck.

My worry now that I, my only worry with that one is that it is going to be, it could be a little, like with the social media dynamic, you can start the follow. You can like a pic. There's a way to kind of get more feelers out there that might not happen if the, it's just like once like that. Like if someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh yeah, okay, cool. I'll text you when I want a haircut. And that could be five months from now.

- I have a pitch. I don't know if this is too much work. - This is Shark on the ones and twos. - Shark on the ones and twos. We did an episode where we talked about a singles night for a rock climbing gym. Would it be weird to have something like that? Like a work thing where people are coming to, like single people get a haircut half off or something like that?

Yeah, just an excuse for single honks to come to the barbershop. Just a haircut place full of lonely men. Sounds potentially dangerous. It could be so strange. Keep in mind, Kevin is pitching this in a sleeveless tie-dyed Miller-like dress.

Yeah. No, here's what you do. Rent out an AMC theater for a screening of Joker to folly. I do. And then invite everyone. See who responds. No,

No, I actually, I'm very supportive of the Instagram solution. I feel like that is kind of similar to how I started dating my boyfriend. It's similar to how I started dating my girlfriend, yeah. Right, because then you can check, I mean, this is, I guess, obsessive behavior that I've done a trillion times. But then you can see, like, are they watching my stories? Are they single? Exactly. Are they even single? That's the big thing, yeah. Yeah, that is really, I think...

There is a good amount of cover with this one. It's very easy to see if you guys do the follow. See if you get the follow back, get the follow back, like a picture, see if they like a picture, then hit the DMs. And then you're really getting like temperatures along the way. You know, otherwise it is like it's kind of an all or nothing. And then it's like if you creep people out, then they don't want to come back and not creep people out. But then it's like makes it weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I like that plan. Well, what do you think, Mandy? How do you feel? You're going to do this? I feel good about that. I think I will try this. What is your... Okay, so let's say you post a picture of this haircut. You're not hearing back. What is the first DM going to be to a potential suitor, just so we see what we're dealing with? That is...

See, this is a bad question for me. Yeah, because I think we've got a game. All right. Nice, nice head. Nice head. Good head. Great touching your head earlier today. Want more head? What a great soul. Yeah. More head. It's getting a little eugenic, see, be careful. I felt your head. You're one of the chosen ones. How about this? I got one. Hey, just an FYI, you left some of your hair at the shop.

That's cute. Feels like nobody liked that one. Hey, you dropped this and then just a fistful of his hair in your hand. And you're eating it. And it's in your mouth, chewing it. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach if I were brave enough to do this. I'd be like, hey, great to, like, whatever the haircut opening line is. And then, like, I noticed you liked this as long as it's from their last episode.

eight posts. I like that too. And then like potentially start a conversation that also if they don't want to start a conversation would be very easy to ignore. Yep. I think I think I think that's pretty good. I think again, read the room. If it's a short reply, that's where you leave it. And then it was just fully work related. Yeah.

Well, Mandy, I we want to know if you're going to get laid through our advice and if you're going to find the one there. So keep us posted. It feels like you'll get there on average. What percentage of are you straight or are you what are you? Are you by? I'm straight. You're straight. So we're just looking for dudes. What percentage of the men would you say you want to? Yeah.

de-smock after a couple of times. A low percentage. It's a low percentage. Then I think we're good. The good thing is the men you have absolutely no interest in, they don't know about the Instagram account. Oh, yeah. True. No, you'll be fine. I think this is the best way to creep. You have good outs. Don't push it.

And I like the Jamie pitch of if you're just like, you know, you're like, oh, wow, I didn't know they still made kites. Something like that. Baseball. Tell me more. Baseball. Ask him to explain something to you. Whatever you see the activity, just say that activity and then LOL. Just be like hiking LOL. That's the move. He's like, damn, did I just meet the love of my life? Yeah. Lots of love. Yeah.

All right, Mandy. Well, go get them. Good luck. And, you know, we're here to help. You'll be great. Great. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Thanks, Mandy.

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Hey everyone, it's the shark. Hope you're having a nice Thanksgiving. The original call from this next follow-up aired on September 2nd. It is the second call from the episode, which is called I need someone to climb with slash on. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hi, thanks for calling from another room. Uh, can we get your name and, uh, what your first call was? We know you're a follow-up.

Yeah. So my name is Alana. I'm from Philly and I am the rock climbing lady who called you guys for help. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Well, good. We're excited. Walk us through what the problem was again, what we pitched and then tell us what happened. We're excited. Yeah. Um, so the problem was I was just calling to, to get your guys advice on how I could pitch a rock climbing singles night at my

climbing gym. And you guys gave me a lot of great ideas, a lot of sexually explicit punny names that I could have thrown their way for the night, which was great. You recommended different types of like, you know, 80s music playing in the background, a few different games, lots of great stuff like that. So I went in armed with a bunch of ideas and I

When I pitched it to them, they were all over it. They loved the idea right away. Although before I could even recommend a goofy name, they were like, we can't do anything romantic in the title because we don't want to be weird. So it ended up being kind of more, they just called it like start a new relationship. That's how they marketed it. Relationships.

Yeah, relationship, right. I know, Gareth, you had said something about fingering the hole or something that didn't fly. I don't love hearing my stuff back out of context. I'll be honest. It's probably the worst part of the follow-up for me. Nobody believes that you don't like hearing your stuff back. I mean, if we like it, I like it. I'll be honest. It's kind of group thing.

And if nobody else likes it, I still like it anyhow. It's just me talking. I like me fair. I just want people to like me. Keep going. We do. We do. We all like you. But anyway, it was, yeah, it ended up being great. And I mean, I didn't know what to expect. I don't think anyone really knew what to expect. But there ended up being, it was a group, it was a smallish group. And yeah.

you know, I didn't, I didn't know if I would end up meeting like a, you know, a hunky nerdy guy there. I didn't cause it was mainly just women, which is fine. And there were a couple, a couple dudes showed up. Although I don't know people like one of my friends, Shane, who works at the gym was laughing at me before the event. He said, you know, it's only going to be guys showing up. And I said, I don't know. And,

And it ended up just, you know, but everyone was lovely. Everyone was great. And it was they actually didn't have any games planned, though. It was super, super casual. And I know I recommended on the call. I said, well, what if we wear wristbands? And one of you shot it down because that was too dorky. But that's what the gym did. So we all had our little orange wristbands on and name tags.

So we could identify each other. And yeah, everyone just, we all met each other. We all took turns belaying each other. Then we did this one game where we like paired up based on butt size. Like if you had a big butt, you got together with another big butt and you got tied together at the butt.

And then you timed how fast you could climb up. All this seemed so normal until this. It's also, you can tell it's like in the rock climbing world, that's normal. But to us, we're like, what the hell is going on? It's wild. Everything was so normal. Big butts tied to big butts. Well, you know, we wanted to get at the heart of whether or not butts are actually a big part of rock climbing, which is what Jake asserted when I first called in. Jake not remembering that going, yes, like he believes it still is great. Yeah.

Okay, I feel terrible, guys, because I just was pulling your leg. We didn't tie each other together at the butt, but that wasn't part of the night. Okay. So basically, it sounds like you guys just had a regular old singles night, and everybody met and had a good time, but you didn't find love. Yes.

Well, no, I didn't find love, but that's okay because I actually, I really like being single. I mean, and if I meet somebody someday, that's great. But it's, yeah, it ended up being a great night and I got everyone together at the end. So what was the question you called with originally? Well, just kind of like, how should I pitch it? Like, how should I make it happen? So you did make it happen. That's a win. I'm ringing the bell that Jake can't hear over Zoom, but it's ringing. Yeah.

Yeah. And you know, another thing that just happened like a couple of weeks ago, which I feel like is sort of related. I know when I first called in, I said that sometimes when I would approach people to ask them if they wanted to climb, it would get really weird. And a couple of weeks ago, one of the guys that I asked many months ago who got super weird said,

He came up to me when I was bouldering and he asked if I wanted to come with him in a big group to go bouldering outdoors on the weekends, which I've always wanted to go with that group. And that just happened a couple of weeks ago. And so that's opened up since then. So it's kind of, I've just ended up meeting a lot of more, you know, a lot of other climbers in my gym since I called you guys that, you know,

It didn't go off exactly as we discussed on the call, but I feel like you guys gave me the gumption to just go in with the idea. And so I would say it's definitely a success. Well, good, because I rang the bell already. I would recommend trying to do another one. That would be my pitch. Do one more. Well, we got, Kevin, we got one more follow-up, correct? Yep. So we got a boogie, but we really appreciate it. And this is good news. I'm glad it's working out. Congratulations, Alana. Thanks, guys. Bye. Thank you very much. Bye-bye. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

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