140: Uncle Master Rodney
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And we are

Oh, Jake. We got the big three. We're doing an intro for Thursday. Thursday. Back. Better than ever. Holidays. Yep. It's happening. And, you know, we, as we've said before, our show is coming to our first major hiatus. Yep. And we...

We've had a lot of fun doing it. Yeah. I've had a full day of calls. We appreciate the community. Yep. What's something you're going to take from all this, Garrett, that you look back at one day when we are out to eat? If we don't come back right away where we go, you know, it was really fun is blank.

Well, I'll be honest, Jake. I think we, I don't know how much we see eye to eye on the fact that I think we give pretty good advice. I think I really do think about the amount of times where I've been like, that was good advice. And you've been like, no, it wasn't. No, I don't think that's true. Remember the percentages, Kevin? The percentage was a red flag. I just tried to hang with my boys a little bit and drop the ball. But I,

I really think like when we started this show, I didn't know what our kind of wheelhouse would be. But when we were doing the New York Times thing, we were saying drunk uncles at a bar. That's why we did the photo shoot at a bar. And I really think we've hung in there with that premise the whole time. And it is small world problems, but with real thinking towards them. Yes. There's been two takeaways for me.

Both have been really fun, which is people's problems are so much weirder than I ever thought they would be. The amount of insane emails that we get and calls we've done has been super fun. So that's been really cool. And then the other... I don't know if this has happened to you guys since we've started doing the show. Not all the time, but maybe every other month, I will see something happen and I'll go, that was just like that call. So kind of that weird combination of like...

someone, you know, flossing in a place they shouldn't be. And then I like hear a story about someone also flossing in a weird spot. I'm like, oh, we actually like had a call. So it's just weird. These like hyper specific issues people have. But then out in the real world, seeing other people dealing with them has been very fun.

Agreed. What about you, Jake? It's been nice spending all this time with you, Garf. Yes. And over the years, it's more mean texts about sports. Mainly. So it's been fun. It's such an easy one because it's once a week for 17 weeks. I know. No, it's amazing how available we both are to talk shit about sports. Well, you're kind of my last sports friend.

Interesting. My whole other group, like everybody else has faded. And now that my dad's passed, he was the main guy. So I'm like, I'll be reading about sports. My kids don't care. My wife doesn't care. So I'll read about it. And then I'll go like, well, he would be a good potential GM. Well,

Well, what I love about our text too is that you're always like, look, I don't care anymore, but here's eight specific thoughts. Only someone who cares would come up. Well, I love to read. I still read about every sport. Yeah. So my favorite thing to do is read about team building. I find it so fun.

But that's a lot of what this has been. Yes. Well, that has been so goddamn fun. Figuring out our tactics and then getting our Mr. H's, our Connors. For me, that is the most fun stuff. I think that is what is the best, is the world building and the way that little things come back and that you really do start to...

you know, in a good and bad way, we're like, ah, this is a team name pitch. That's right. This is what this thing is. All right, we got party pitches. Yeah. All right, fuck it. Let's just go Parmesan on the floor and that's going to help. Parmesan on the floor. And then...

Why don't we go a little 70s Bush? But by the way, and I think it's partly a lot of the people, what was really fun on the producing side of it at the beginning was when we were finding the emails, curating, having all those talks of what kind of calls work. And then you find a groove and the groove where now is now we're going to a lot of the callers know the show.

Yeah. So they are calling in with the idea of like, I know what you guys are going to kind of say. And what gets really hard is you're like, that's kind of what we're going to say. What also becomes so funny is when people are like comfortable talking shit to you and you're like, I mean, I don't know. You know what I mean? It's like I remember one time we did a show. We did a dollop in like the UK and we went across the street for beers, which is a bad idea. And this one guy came up to me and he just goes, you're Irish accent is absolute shit.

And I was sitting there and I was like, okay. And then he goes, he goes, oh, wait, I'm that guy, aren't I? And then he walked away. But anyway, we really have enjoyed it and, you know, excited for a breather, but excited to see what comes next. And without further ado.

hi hi welcome to we're here to help gareth reynolds is traveling right now so i'm filling in for him my name is steve berg and we got jay johnson with us and the shark hi everybody happy to be here we're happy to have you how are you thanks uh can we start by getting your name please yeah my name is erica erica where are you calling from erica

Calling from upstate New York. What part? My mother used to live in Troy. I'm about an hour south of Syracuse. Oh, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure. Everybody knows it. What sparked you there, Stevie? Me? Yeah. Well, obviously, you're probably close to the Finger Lakes, I'm imagining, right? Yeah, about like a half hour to 45-minute drive, depending on which one you want to go to. Well, they're really taking over in the red wine department, which is interesting.

The Finger Lakes are putting out some great wines. I'm a big wine pour girl. Ooh, that is fun. Are you close to the Hudson Valley by any chance? I honestly have no idea where that is. I'm geographically challenged. Okay, yeah. Well, make your way down to the Hudson Valley because there is UFO flaps galore there.

All right. I'll have to do that sometime. Is it me or is a name of lakes? Finger lakes. Gross. It's gross. It's gross. Finger lakes. Like in Chicago, we got Lake Michigan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Finger lakes. Well, they look like finger lakes. It feels finger food adjacent. So that's right, Shark. So Erica near the finger lakes, uh,

If you were going to have a last meal, if you were in jail, you were about to die, be electrocuted. God forbid you committed a crime and you deserved it in that state. Who are we to judge? This is a goofy podcast, not a political one, but they're going to put you down in about two hours. And the warden says, you get a last meal. You can mix and match, get whatever you want. Who gives a rat's ass? It's your food. It's your meal.

What's that plate going to consist of? All the sides, all the trimmings. Yeah. So I think I would have to go with maybe like a braised lamb and then like mashed potatoes. Oh, boy. And then like a big giant sundae. Oh, wow. Elegant. And then I think we'll be good. Would you have a map that you're ready to go?

Would there be a mint sauce to go with that braised lamb, you know, as per tradition? I'm thinking more of like a gravy situation. Like a wine reduction, perhaps? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yep. When Steve and I first met, we were at the ImprovOlympic. We got put on a team together, and he thought, who's this Greek asshole? Yeah. Something about the lambs and the sauces made me think of that. Yeah.

I would kill a Euro right now. Wow. Me too. Erica upstate. Very interesting. Last meal. Uh, floor is yours. What can we do for you today? All right. So, um, so in January I wanted to get my son into like something fun and like physical for him to do. So I ended up signing him up for karate. Respect. How old is he? He's five now. Self-defense.

Love it. Yeah, exactly. And he's not very coordinated, and he needs a little confidence boost, so I thought it would be a good thing for him. He just needs the right sense, Erica. Exactly. Period. Well, speaking of that, I hate it there. I think the owner is... We've had a couple of interactions that just haven't really sat well with me. Can you walk us through those interactions, please? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So basically the first one was we originally signed up for a month trial and then after the month, he really liked it. So I signed up for three months, which was great. And then when that was up, I intended to sign up for three months again, but I accidentally locked myself into a six month commitment.

And it's pretty expensive. So I emailed her afterward and I said, hey, I'm really sorry. I didn't realize that I was signing up for six months and that's totally my bad. Is there any way I can do the three months again? Not in karate. Maybe if you're doing a fucking pottery class, but this is karate. We break boards and heads. The contract is signed in blood. We live by discipline. Essentially.

So she said no. Whoa, all right, that's interesting. She said no, and she basically also said that the progress that he'd made in the four months that we'd already been there didn't count, and nothing counts until you're locked into a six-month or 12-month agreement. What does that mean? Wow. That means towards his belt.

Yeah, well, you're supposed to promote every four months, and we've been there since January. He's promoted one time, and that was at the end of July. I just need to jump in really fast, Erica, and we're going to get to the thing here. I just have to make an unnecessary statement. Sure. I don't like that these martial arts are given belts based on schedule. You've got to earn the belts. Yes. Well, he earned it, okay? Hold on, but Erica, I'm not talking about the boy right now.

But all of a sudden, it's after six months, I'm all yellow. How about this? When you can defend yourself against six criminals and an ally, then you're a yellow belt. This isn't Scientology where you're paying to advance. It's karate. You earn this. Can you do a flip kick and kick off somebody's head? If not, you're not a black belt in my dojo. So Erica, she said the sensei's a woman.

Yes. Well, Master. She's a Master. Respect. So she doesn't go by Sensei. She goes by Master? Yes. And what are her credentials to get that title? I'm just asking because this is something I would love in my life. Not a bit. I don't really know. She did a three-month course. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

No, she signed it for the six months. Well, I think honestly, all you got to do to get the title of master, because it's not like a degree. You just have to do it in an email a couple of times and you need a few people to go like, Master Johnson? Oh my God, how great would this be to try to create a nickname that stuck with anybody? Master, not doctor, master. So she's a master and she said,

the three months he did are fucking dog shit. But now that you're in six months, his journey begins. That was an appetizer into the world of karate. But now that he is a karate student, we begin his journey. Yes, exactly. So I kind of was just like, whatever. Like, that was my bad. I accidentally signed up for the six months and I signed the thing. So I guess I'm locked in. So my problem comes...

I got a letter from her last week and it said, I want to have a one-on-one meeting with you to discuss his renewal and his training going forward because our membership. Erica, we got to start training you right away. Cause you're going to fight the master. Erica. She's going to kill you.

I'm honestly scared. She scares me. So here's what we got to do. You got to sweep the leg, okay? I'm going to teach you a move where one leg goes up. Your arms do this weird thing I've never seen before. We'll call it a crane for now. We'll call it a crane. She's got some advantages on me. I don't know if I could take her. All right, so here's the first thing you need to do. You need to wash my car. And while you're washing my car, wax. Then you need to do all the laundry in my house. My patio, because you're the paint job. Then you...

Push the dirty laundry in the dryer. Push. Okay, so she wants to meet you in a week. Yeah. Or like she just gave me some times and told me to sign up for one of them. And what do you think the master wants to meet with you about? These are office hours. How weird. It's to discuss renewing my membership, which I don't want to do. Another six months.

Yeah, or 12. I think after this one, you have to sign up for a year. Have to is wild. Yeah, this, I mean, I will say this. As a person who has read a lot about cult activity, this is a cult-like structure to where you force people in. Well, you force people into financial obligations to have them advance. This is sketchy, I will say.

Exactly. And I guess that's my frustration with it. But now I either have to meet with her or send her an email or something and just get out of it now. But what is what is Daniel something? Does he like it?

He did it first, and now the class structure is weird. It's like the same thing every week, so he's not learning new things. Let me ask you, in your general area where you live, is this the only game in town? Is there another dojo you could possibly go to? I met with another one before I decided to go to this one, and it was great, but the schedule just wasn't going to work out for me. And they only did monthly, and it was way cheaper.

Interesting. Okay. So the specific question, Erica, is then what? What do you do with this upcoming meeting? Yeah. Or how do I get out of it before that meeting? Because I've just been going to avoid confrontation. I tried to just ghost them and I didn't show up for like a week. And then they called me asking me where we were. So I've just been going to avoid talking to her.

That tells me you have the upper hand, and I'll tell you why. Because if they're writing you actual... Yeah, well, she's writing actual letters. They're calling. They're wanting to set up office hour meetings. They're desperate for money. The lights are about ready to be turned off in this place. It is the funniest thing about business, and it's the funniest thing about negotiations when she goes like,

You have to sign up for 12 months. There's no negotiation. But she needs the money and you go, no, six months. She'll go, I'm willing to make one exception. And you go, actually, four months. Okay. Well, first off, then that's simple. You just don't have to.

I know you want your kid to be involved in something. Is there something else that's like martial arts? Yes, but Steve, we're not talking about Danielson's other hobbies. We're talking about in a week or so, she's got a scheduled meeting with the master. Right. And either she blows it off or she goes to it. And my first thought, Erica, is you don't blow it off.

Yeah. Okay. I think you go to that meeting. I'll tell you what she's not going to do. And I just know this as a fan of karate, what it stands for. A karate master is not going to roundhouse kick just a random lady in upstate New York. There's no pride in that. And if you did, you just got rich because you can sue, sue, sue. So there'll be no pride in her kicking you in the head. But I think you got to go there. And I think you got to say, master, my son will not be continuing this program.

And I think you've got to break up with the karate master. Cause if you just don't show up, she's going to keep going. Yep. And if you try to say like, we're really slammed right now, then every three months, there's going to be another thing. I think you need to have the reasons why. And I think you should say, I don't like the payment structure. We didn't like this other thing and it's not working for my son. And so, and I think you can actually do it via email.

Yeah, you definitely could. Because I'm a pushover and I can see her talking me into. Literally, as I was saying it out loud, Erica, that's what I thought. I felt like it's going to end with your son doing a month by month with this person. Yes, it absolutely would. Yes. So I think this is an email. Okay. And I think it is an email. And I think you got to think of her as a little bit of

the bad guy yeah and i think you got to think of yourself a little bit of the good guy this is you two in the octagon for the final battle and i think if it also also like your reasoning behind not much this is so beyond valid i mean the the the master is out of control here's another pitch

you have to stop going because your son found a new master and we make a video that Steve is the new karate master. And the new master does not want

Any other influence on his young project? Yeah. That is an excellent idea. Right. And then it's very simple. Hey, just got to let you know, I need to cancel my son's uncle-in-law.

is actually a karate master too. Right. Didn't know that. And he's also a river rafting instructor, but long story short, he came in town. He's been kind of living in and out of his old mobile and crashed at the pad. And lo and behold for a bigger guy, he had some kicks and punches, but when he found out that Daniel son was doing karate, uh,

He has taken a big interest in it and he is going to be his main master. And unfortunately, his rule is no two masters in the dojo.

Yeah, they cancel each other out. He's opening up a little shop down by one of the fingers. Nope, nope, no competition, no other shop. He does everything out of his old mobile in parks. Yep, yep, yep, yep, in parks, in parks. And he has a non-compete. I have a non-compete. I have a non-compete clause. So you go like, sorry about this. We love the classes there. But now that it's a family matter, we're going to have to go with Master Rodney.

Yeah. All the best. Email her the video. Yeah. And then, or we, we either do a video or we just do an audio clip or we don't even necessarily need the clip. If you just, what if we just wrote that email? Yeah, that would work. That would absolutely work. All right, Erica, you want to pull up the email and we'll pen it together. Yeah. Let's write it right now.

Yeah. Can I handwrite it and then I'll email it later? Of course you can. Of course you can. Okay. Just checking. I like to follow the rules. I love it. We got a lot of rule followers who call in, which I respect. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people are like, I know I'm just really trying to follow all the rules here. A sense of decorum. It makes sense though, because the people who don't follow the rules, they don't have problems. They just like do whatever they want.

Yeah, they create the problem. Yeah, exactly. That's actually really funny. The rule callers are calling in to deal with the people who create the problem. Yes, yes.

We would never get a call from the master of a karate dojo being like, how do I continue to make people stay in my class? They'd be like, you are kicked out of class. Okay, Erica, do you want to start the email in your own words? You've got the information. Rodney's either your uncle or however you want to do it.

Uh, he came in town. He is a, uh, he, his career is he performs in parking lots of Walmart's doing karate demos. Yeah. Um,

He, you know, came through town to do a demo, I guess. Yeah. And then your son got interested. He started teaching him and he's going to stay in the area for a while and really take over his classes. But he has a no compete clause and he's going to be his new karate master. Yeah. So we really appreciate you starting us on this journey, but it's Rodney's show now. And maybe just to throw it in the master's face, it's a pay what you can. I don't know.

So Roddy's not even in it for the money. Oh, because it's free because it's family. There we go. I love that. Throw the price right back in the master's face. All right, Erica, you want to start just saying the letter out loud as you're writing it?

Okay. So we're going to say dear master and then her name. Imagine making people call you that. I can't. I would love it. I would love it. I'm going to change my zoom to a master, master Jake.

I am writing to you on behalf of my son in regards to his continued membership at the karate place. Great first sentence. Well, I was trying not to give the name of it. It's very good. Well done. Well, thank you. So while I appreciate the effort that has been put into my son's karate to this point,

I am unfortunately going to have to go a different direction with the rest of his training. Yes. His uncle, Master Rodney, has come into town and will be staying for an extended period of time. Yes. We have chosen to take over his karate and his teachings with Master Rodney as he is family and it is free.

Ooh. Appreciate everything again. So sorry. Hold on, before you finish, Erica, do you want to mention that he lives out of his Oldsmobile or no? Some of his credits? I'll say he stores his sparring gear in his Oldsmobile. He is very old-fashioned, and we appreciate tradition.

That's great. Oh my God, that's so good. That's great. The old-fashioned and appreciated tradition is the chef's kiss. I think so too. Okay, then keep going. And then just, I think that's it. So then just sincerely, me. Wax on, wax off. There's also, and this is just a pitch, it might not work.

The only unfortunate news is he has asked to borrow money a bunch. But as of this point, we've said no. Rodney gave us. It's a donation. He asked for donations. He asked for, so rather than free. I love that. It's just, you know, he has family, but Rodney does ask for donations, pay what you can. And the only battle we've had is we've said, well, you've been eating in our house, staying in our house. But that's not for this email.

We have donated sandwiches. But he's eaten enough ham to put two kids through college. So then I would end it with like a, but all the best master, whatever we appreciate the four months we had. And for you, uh, opening our eyes to the wonderful world of karate. Excellent.

Steve, did you start eating really fast? No, I started sneezing. I just bent off frame to grab some mashed potatoes really quick. No chicken today? No chicken today. Well played, Erica. Well played.

And then Erica, when you're ready, will you read us back the email and let's you and me, Steve and shark and the audience all think about this for a second from, uh, the master of the karate's point of view. When you receive this, let's see if there's going to be any backlash. Let's see if we, we don't want to put Eric in a bad spot. No, we want master whatever to read it and go like all the best. Yeah. Lost another person. I pushed too hard in business.

Dear Master, I have received your letter regarding my son's continued membership at the Karate Place. Unfortunately, after some thought, we have decided to go a different direction with his teaching. His uncle, Master Rodney, has returned to town from far away and is currently teaching lessons out of his old mobile, which he stores his karate equipment in. He requires only donations for continued teaching and does not have a set monthly price.

This fits better with our lifestyle and we will be continuing our care with him. Oh, I forgot about the tradition part. I wrote bullet points.

By the way, this is really good. This is really good. It's from the heart. Okay. All right. Master Rodney is old-fashioned, and he appreciates tradition. At this time, we will be continuing with him. Thank you for all of your care in teaching my son karate and opening our eyes to this world. All the best, Erica. That's great.

I think it's great. It's perfect. Cut, print. It's very positive, too. Yeah. This could have gone in such a meaner way that it didn't. So it just feels very, very light. I think this is going to get you out. If I'm the master of the karate studio. I'm a nice lady. Yeah. My kind of thought is...

I might write back. Trust me. These master Rodney's do not have credentials, blah, blah, blah. But then you don't have to follow up with it. Yep. Yeah. Right. She's like, this guy is a hustler, but then that's the world of karate. And then she can take a look at herself. She's like, am I the hustler too? Oh, but she can kick and punch. Rodney can't. He just eats sandwiches. She says she can. We don't know that. I guarantee she can kick some. Yeah, I'm sure she can. Um,

So will you take a screen grab of the email? I will. And then send it to the shark and we could post that and we'll black out everybody's names and email addresses.

Yeah, absolutely. Erica, I think you're going to get out of trouble here. Yeah. Thank you. I cannot thank you guys enough for your assistance. I think you swept the leg. Yeah. I really do. I think this is a big win. You won. You win the movie. The music swells. I mean, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Everyone's cheering for you. Oh, I love that. Thank you so much. Please follow up with us. We'd love to hear how she responds.

I will for sure. Thank you so much. Thanks, Erica. Bye, Erica. Bye. Bye.

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And February 16th, 2025 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time.

Hello. Hi there. Welcome to America's Number One Podcast. We're here to help. You have Gareth. You've got the shark. And instead of Jake, we have the great Arden Marine is joining us. Guest helper, I should point out. Hi, Arden. Hi, guys. So happy to be here. And I know you mean it. I do. I know. Can we get your name? Not you, Arden. Your rough age and where you're calling from, please. Hi, I'm

I'm 28, and I'm calling from Omaha, Nebraska. Oh, beautiful. Steve Berg Country, our buddy, friend of the show, Steve Berg. Oh, I love Steve Berg. Looking for UFOs. Looking for UFOs. Smoking one-hitters, seeing Sasquatches every Saturday and Sunday. Don't mind me. He's...

So good at being Steve Berg. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I'd rather eat canned corn than fresh. Sorry if that's a crime. Wow. That's how I feel. I feel like I'm hanging out with Steve Berg. My favorite way to open wine is actually to do the trick where you put it in a shoe and you bang it against the wall until the cork comes out and then you just rip it out like Captain Jack Sparrow. Wow. Like a buccaneer. Okay, Hope, you're 28. You're from Omaha. Let's party. What is going on?

Okay. So I'll start with the question, then I'll backtrack into the backstory. However you want to do it. So I want to know, how do I break up with my chiropractor? Oh, great. Backstory is I've been seeing him for about a year and a half. Backstory. Come on. It's too easy. Stop. This is funny. Well, it's a backstory about your back. This is very good already. All right. Keep going. We'll pretend that was intentional. Yeah. Um,

So I've been going there for about a year and a half and he's a really nice guy. I want to preface, like, I don't think he's like creepy or anything. Um, but I just like, don't know how to talk to him. Like he's very socially awkward. And so am I. So it just creates like a standstill of zero conversation the entire time that I'm in there or very awkward, like dad joke kind of conversation where I don't know if I should laugh or just kind of let it pass. Um,

Like a backstory kind of play? Yeah, exactly like that. Exactly. And I also just don't feel like the chiropractor has really worked for me at all. I don't feel any less pain than before. And maybe I need to just go somewhere else. But I also just don't want to spend my time and money on something that I don't feel like is actually working for me.

I have two questions, if I may. You may. Okay, so I went to a chiropractor once. Everybody wants to go to their guy. They're like, I got this guy. You got to try. This is the guy. They're going to fix you. Now, I had a shoulder problem, and he just kept adjusting my pelvis, and it made me really uncomfortable. Have you felt uncomfortable with this chiropractor? No, I wouldn't say in that way. Okay, that's good. Number two. That guy, that, listen.

It's all interconnected, so I'm not saying, but you definitely got to log some hours in the shoulder if you're also going to do Pelvis.

You can't just be like, let me go to the pubis and go from there. That's literally what I was like. I am not going back to your guy. Okay, here's my, I'm very not confrontational. I was not raised confrontational. And I'm a big fan of, I actually think this might help you more. And it's okay to have a white lie, but maybe it's not a white lie. I think you might say, I'm going to take a pause on this for now. I'm going to go investigate acupuncture.

But like, you know, but I'll let you know. I would maybe open it up to say like, you know, I feel like I'm sort of we've plateaued and perhaps we can, you know, I'm going to go investigate acupuncture, but I'll reach out to you in the new year if it doesn't work. Hope, why is it tough? Why? What makes this such a difficult situation to break off from? I mean, he's just a chiropractor.

Well, sure, but I just, I don't know how, do I just say, like, I don't want to spend my time and money on this anymore? I mean, that just sounds like a rough... Maybe just don't, can you just not book another appointment? Yeah. I mean, I could, I guess I could just cancel my next one and say... Well, you want to know, I pulled this. This is what I pulled once. I was living, I lived in Idaho for 2020 alone, like a psychopath. I remember that. And I tore my hamstring.

And this is actually when I first started doing your podcast, Arden. I remember that. And I tore my hamstring. And so I started to go see... Darren, please don't say the lowest point in your life and then say this is when I started doing Arden's podcast. Because that was the lowest point of his life. It was the worst era ever. I became a regular on Arden's show. Yeah. I was watching The Bachelor. But what I did was, right, I kind of teed up because...

Because I saw a few ineffective people before I finally saw someone who was kind of decent. And I'd gone to this one dude a few times, and he was real kind of intense.

And I basically just said I was moving and I just said I was moving back to California. And then I said that two sessions prior and then I just pulled the trigger and moved. And then I was like, if I ever want to go back, I'll just be like, yeah, I'm back for a little bit. You could just pull the move lie if you really feel this level of attachment to this person.

I also think you could use the holidays. You could be like, oh, I've got a really full play. I'm hosting Thanksgiving. And, you know, we've got to create the holidays are crazy if I'm still in pain in the new year. But I like moving. Well, what were you going to say? Hope you had a pushback. What was it?

Well, I don't think the moving would work because now my husband also goes there. You're getting divorced. You're getting divorced. You have to get divorced. You're getting divorced. You have a restraining order and you have to leave the state. You have to get a rest. Your husband is an alcohol. I'll stop. OK. OK. But what do you think about maybe the husband part does complicate it? Does he have a similar experience? Does he not like it as well?

Um, yeah. And he's been to other another chiropractor before that he felt was really effective. And he feels like this guy is maybe not that great. Hope, here's what we're going to do. We're going to put the fact that you're married is very helpful and that your husband's going. We're going to make your husband tell him that you're just trying acupuncture or something like that for a little bit.

You don't even have to do it. You just let your husband do it. Two sessions and do it. He's probably going to go, hey, Hope hasn't called in a while. And he's going to say, oh, yeah, I think she's trying to acupuncture for a little bit instead. That's all it is. Will your husband do that? Yeah, I feel like he's a little more...

good with confrontation than I am. That's what we're going to put it on. Or you could also both say that you're moving and then go back to the good chiropractor. Also a great pitch. Yeah, you're both moving. You could make up a great job. You guys won a job to go live on Egg Island in Scotland and be in charge of importing their pork.

Wow. I like that. Have some fun with it. How did you pull that so quick? I have a dream job. I see myself on Egg Island eventually. I want you. I want you on that. Oh, I need to go.

I need to go. It's just the best. I could do my accent there, you know? Well, we've not got as much pork shoulder as we'd hoped, but we're getting a bit of the back bacon in this week. I think you'll find that quite lovely for the scotch eggs. Wow. Nice job. That's where I need to be. I don't want to fight you. Okay. Okay. Okay.

What do you think of that, Hope? I like that. If your husband's kind of ambivalent on this guy, too, you're moving. I don't hate that. I feel like that could work because I don't think we have any other connections or like people that might rat us out to him or anything. Yeah, you're moving to Egg Island. You're moving to Egg Island.

Please say egg island. I think that's what you do. I would do this is what I would do. I would do the two pronged and one of these will work. You say to your husband, look, are we done with this guy or not? If your husband says, I want to give him another few months, you let him know that you're just going to stop going and he's going to have to liaise on the fact that you are now into acupuncture or you started to do yoga, some version of that.

If your husband's like, yeah, I'm kind of over this guy, too. You both have two sessions to sort of start peppering in. Ah, he got this job. Yeah, we're pretty excited. We're deciding next session. You're moving in the new year. So after the holidays, you're not going to be able to see this guy anymore. Go with that. I actually have to say, having had a lot of back pain, acupuncture helped me more than chiropractic. You did just call it acupuncture. Is that because you love it so much?

It's my nickname for it. It's my it's my love name for it. Acupuncture. Yeah. OK, baby. Yeah. All right. Hope, what do you think? Well, I mean, those are those are the two leading pitches. Are you down for that? That's a kind of a choose your own adventure. Yeah, I like that. I think that could work. I think I'd probably lean more towards like I started going to yoga classes or something. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know if he could sell the acupuncture, but I mean, maybe I'll try that. I don't know. Maybe that would be more effective. Whatever you think is going to work, but I would just make your husband push it. I would make your husband be like, like, just say he's going to know I'm gone. Just tell him I started doing yoga or acupuncture or acupuncture, depending on how much you take to it. Yeah, I say acupuncture. Yeah, say acupuncture. Is that what you're going to go with, Hope?

Yeah, I think that could work. All right. And you think your husband's going to respond to this? I hope so. I'm going to make him do it. If he pushes back, do a quick call in for a follow-up with him, and I'll twist his arm and tell him that he has to do this. He has to do this. Or you're going to leave him. You're going to get a divorce. Yeah. You really are going to move. You're going to move to Egg Island. Yeah, to Egg Island, where I'll be. Importing different pork, or as I call it, imporking. Oh, God.

Stop it. I don't want to fight you. There you go. See, Arden's really got that one phrase close to down. Kevin, we all heard you kind of roll your eyes with your voice and none of us appreciate that. But keep us posted. Let us know how it goes and let me know if you need me to twist your husband's arm. OK, sounds great. All right. Thanks. Good luck out there. Yeah, thank you so much. This message is sponsored by Greenlight.

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Hello. Welcome back.

Hi. Thank you. Welcome back. You're on with the shark and Gareth. We do not have Jake today, but we will pass along what I'm hoping is a success story. We know your follow up. We don't know what the I don't know what the first call was. So can you tell me that and then tell tell us what happened?

Yeah, yeah, just really quick. I didn't meet you last time. Was it Garrett? No, I'm totally kidding. Sorry. Yeah, get his ass. Okay, but you did point out something interesting, and I think I've made a major producing flaw, but this could actually be kind of fun. That's how I'm going to spin it. Yeah, I mean, the best. Yeah.

Yeah. Gareth, I don't think was on the first call. So maybe you could briefly give him a recap for what happened and what and what you ended up doing. Yeah. So the original call was with Jake and Steve Berg. My whole thing was I had to I my son was going to karate and we'd been in it for a while. And I just we weren't vibing.

So I needed to quit. And J.K. Steve kind of helped me. And they told me, well, I got a letter from the woman telling me that she wanted to set up a face-to-face meeting to talk about, you know, continued commitment moving forward. And I wanted to quit. Yeah, as you should. That's crazy. Okay. So anyways, they helped me kind of set in, you know, give me information to put into an email to send to her. So I did that.

And I sent a picture of the email to Kevin. Basically, the email said that my son will no longer be going there and we are going to be taking up lessons with his uncle Rodney.

who will be moving back to town and transporting him to lessons. Okay, so I'm going to leave names out of this. But, dear Master Blank, I received your letter regarding setting up a meeting to discuss Blank's continued instruction. Unfortunately, at this time, it will not be renewing. He's received a few lessons from his uncle, Master Rodney, who will be moving back to town soon. He has offered to provide private lessons on a donation-based price plan and provide transportation to lessons via his Oldsmobile. Very specific. Very specific.

So whoever's reading this, like this, who do you think pitched that part? I don't even need to tell me his name, but I guarantee you lessons ended with a T.H. Receiving lessons based on tradition and discipline by someone he knows has been beneficial for blank. And I feel that this will be a bit.

Better fit moving forward. I did want to thank you for your time and dedication to blank. You and your staff have introduced him to the world of karate, karate, and we intend to continue to grow based on the foundation you have provided best Erica. Okay, great. I mean, I think that's great. You sent this to the master. What happened? I did. And I, after that, even if I did want to go back, I can never show my face there again. I've given it about a week and a half and she has chosen not to respond to it.

So I'm calling it a win. Listen, sometimes you get I've done that. You get it out there and there's no response, but that's fine. You don't need. Listen, you've moved on. Uncle Rodney is. Is Uncle Rodney really going to train your son? No, he's fake. OK, it's just good for me to catch up on what Uncle Rodney and his old mobile. Oh, my God. Knowing that it's all fake is so great.

Yeah, I think with a one hitter in his brain just going and Uncle Rodney will drive him in his old mobile. He's going to take Uncle Rodney's going to start taking him to his lessons. Yeah, exactly. Totally believable. Completely. It's great. And listen, I wasn't I wasn't there for it, but we're ringing the bell on this one. No question. This is a bell ring.

Bring it. And good. Good for you. I'm glad. Now, out of curiosity, your son's karate, where is it going now? Are we just done in general? Yes. And he started wrestling this past week and he's having a good time with it.

OK, well, when that situation becomes too intense, you you know where to call and we'll help you back. Or worst case scenario, you now just have that prototype email. You just replace the master's name with coach. And I think the Oldsmobile and Rodney still plays in that direction as well. So you've got a good you've got a good like standard letter now. Yeah, it's applicable to many scenarios. Yeah. Breakups, financial issues. You can send that to anybody.

Yeah, honestly, I can't thank you enough. Well, not you, but you know. We don't need that. We don't need that. You don't need that. That's not, I'm always here. Even when I'm not here, there's only one set of footprints. In spirit. In spirit. Well, thank you, Erica. Very happy for you. Thanks for calling the show. Thanks for letting us help. And I'm ringing the bell whether the other guys are here or not. All right. Thank you guys again. Appreciate it. Thank you. All right. Tell Rodney hi from the show. Will do. Bye. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeith. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

Hi, guys. I'm Aga Wodum. Check out my new show, Thanks, Dad, now on HeadGum. I was raised by a single mom, and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And spoiler, I don't think I'm ever going to have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hasan Minhaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like...

How do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday. ♪

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.