157: The Doubtfire Trap & The Ghost of Patty J (with Zach Cherry)
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And we are back. We are Zach. We are Zach. We got the great Zach Cherry with us, and we're adding him to the intro. Yep. Zach, you were a great guest helper. How did that go? It was thrilling, and I can't wait to see how they turn out. Yes, agreed. There's some really great follow-ups. You know Zach from Severance?

Zach, how's that job been going for you? It's amazing. It's a lot of fun. It's cool how excited people are about this second season. It's a huge season for you guys. Oh, how was that PR stunt where you guys all went in the box?

Yeah, we spent three hours in a glass cube in Grand Central Station together. What was that like? It was fun. No one could hear us, so we could kind of say whatever we wanted, but we did, we basically all stayed in character and committed for the full three hours and just went about our work day. Incredible. That's great. What if you had to go to the bathroom?

You could be asked to be escorted out by one of the Lumen security who was there if you needed to. Every base is covered. Yeah, we didn't need that. Well, that show is awesome. And what was great about the second season was there was a fairly long break. So many people watched the first season. It was kind of genius at the end of the day. It did pick up a lot of steam. It was a real snowball rolling downhill. Yeah.

And then you're also hosting the Great American Bacon Show on Roku? That is correct. With Casey Wilson. Oh, no way! We love Casey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's basically just the American version of Great British...

uh, baking show. We have to say baking show here because Pillsbury, I believe owns the term, uh, bake off. Um, so it's the baking show, but it's, yeah, it's the same thing. Paul and Prue are the hosts. Um, they bring me and Casey and a bunch of Americans over to London. We shoot it just outside of London, uh, same tent, same vibe. It's a lot of fun. What's it like to film those reality shows? Cause I've always thought about like, like, do they really, is it all the time? Cause we talk about on the challenge, are the finals real?

Do they fudge the numbers? You know how they go like, five, four, and everyone's putting like a last thing on? The close-ups, the tension. Is it really like that? Or are they like, just everybody finish your fucking croissant? On Baking Show, it's all pretty real. It's like they are really baking all day. Casey and I barely, like, you know, we don't have to be there for the whole four hours. We just pop in and out and tell them how much time is left. Interesting.

But yeah, it's pretty much as it seems. And so what do the hosts do? Great gig. What do the hosts do in between?

We will talk to the bakers. So we like go around and kind of interrupt them and check in with them. We'll announce how much time is left. And then we will sometimes do other bits of business. You know, they'll give us like a pot and pan and say like, can you go bang this? And say you're part of the like a croissant brigade or something. Just trying bits. But you got somebody in your ear?

No, we have someone who walks up and whispers to us. So sort of, the old-fashioned IFP. We haven't advanced to the earwig technology. We're on the old school system. I love Casey Wilson. She's the best. We did improv years ago with her. She's so funny.

She's a lot of fun. What a great kid, man. And we have a lot of fun together. We've found our own little vibe on the show. What a blast. Well, what's good is you've got two great ensembles, and then you came into this show, and you're part of the ensemble cast here, because great advice, great calls, and I can't wait to find out where these two situations land. Yes.

But it is quite a ride. It's a wild one. It's quite a ride. Yes. I need the updates as soon as you have them. Absolutely. Well, that's one thing. People, we are so invested in the actual outcomes, partially because we're egomaniacs and it's our advice, but also we do genuinely... See what happens. We want to help. We want to help. Yes. You're here to help. We're here to help. That doesn't make it... Oh, no, wait. What?

So, Zach, we appreciate you joining the show. You crushed it, and keep going with all your success, man. Thanks. Thank you, Zach. And without further ado. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu. Adieu.

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Hello. Hello. Welcome. Hello. All right. Let's get into it. Welcome to We're Here to Help. We're going to help you. We've got a guest. I don't know if that changes your emotional tenor for this call. How do you feel about that? And then we'll do the reveal.

I feel good about that. I'm excited to see who it is. All right. Look, you've got Jake. We know Jake. We love Jake. You've got me. You've got Gareth. But joining us today... We love Gareth. Thank you. Jesus Christ. I was waiting for that. We are joined by the great Zach Cherry. And we love Zach. We love Zach. Oh, wow. Hello, Zach. Who is our guest helper today.

Can we get your name, where you're calling from? And if you want to give us your age, it's always helpful. Yes, I'm Jennifer. I'm from San Diego and I'm 25. Okay, Jennifer, 25, San Diego. What are you doing out in San Diego, just so we know?

like work-wise. It doesn't matter. Okay, what's going on? What's the problem? What can we help you with today? We need a little bit more. We need a little bit more, JR. It just got too complicated, Jake. I agree with you, but I gotta blame the host. I gotta blame the host. Like, how are you? And someone's like, well, in what sort of context are you? You know what I mean? By the way, you're totally right.

That's a straightforward one. That's exactly what you want to do. I need to know work-wise and non-work-wise. Zach, you got any questions for Jennifer just to get us started? Take over, friend. I guess let's start with work-wise. Okay. What do you do? Yeah. I work in donor relations for a college. Donor relations are just donations then, yes? Yes.

Donor-related. Well, I say thank you to the donor. You can't talk to three people who are entertainment-based. What you just said to us is like, I study moon rocks. Zach, you got any other follow-ups for her?

We're getting to know Jennifer a little bit. What do you do when you're off the clock? Now we're talking. I horseback ride and I'm an avid pickleball player. Okay, so this is important information for us to have. This helps. Yeah, that's why I was hoping for something more like that. Why do you like pickleball more than tennis?

Oh, well, it's easier and I get to run less. That's it. That really aligns with the Jake mentality of the next project. So Jennifer, now we're getting a sense. You're a little on the lazy side. You have a job where you just say thank you to people who give you money. We ask what you do. You're thrown. Yes. You know me super well already. We're liking it, Jennifer. What's the issue today? Take over.

All right. So my parents have been married for 32 years, four kids, relatively good life. And a year ago on Easter, they decided to tell us they're getting divorced. After 32 years? There's no cheating. Yeah. Like they're high school sweethearts also. So they were married for 32 years, but they've been together like way longer. Okay. So...

No cheating, no affair, anything like that. But it's weird because they still hang out all the time, like multiple times a week. I asked my mom what she was doing and she's going to the movies with my dad. But then they do things where they like invite all their kids to something and don't invite the other one. Like there's a weird rivalry going on. Jennifer, one second. Zach's got to jump in. Is your last name Affleck? Affleck.

I can't answer that. This would make so much sense. My dad's also dating this pop star. She's from the block, but she's changed a lot. But she's the same girl. I mean, I don't think she's changed, but she still seems like the same. People in the public think she's changed, but the neighborhood still knows her as Jenny. To her, she's the same she's always been.

So, all right, Jennifer, so keep going. So mom and dad divorced after 32 years. They're still hanging out a lot. Sometimes they invite the other. Sometimes they don't. Awkward for the kids.

Yeah, getting weird. So basically I'm wondering how I can parent trap them because I feel like they just made a choice and they're too stubborn to change their mind. They're parent trapping themselves, just so you know. And they only hang out together. I mean, yeah, but then they want to like have Christmas separately. Like it makes no sense. I mean, I think they're pitching the soft divorce. They're like, I don't want to get too clinical with what I think is going on, but I have a theory.

Well, so hold on. So Jennifer, before we get to it, so mom and dad have been together since high school. They haven't cheated, which means, and you called in, so we got to be real. Mom and dad probably haven't had strange with anybody else but each other. Correct. Okay. So that's part of it. That doesn't mean they don't love each other and still like each other, but one of them was like, no other dicks ever? No.

I think we know which one based on that. No, we don't. We don't care. We don't. To be fair, we don't. Especially with the weird voice I chose to do. Yeah. So one of the reasons they're probably still hanging out is they probably still really like each other. That's fair. And so you're then saying the call in today, your specific question is, is how do I get, how do I pair? And guys, Zach, you know the show, right?

It's not our job to judge Jennifer. It's our job to help with her call. Absolutely. We may judge her. We're allowed to judge as friends. But our job is not. In the end, we want Jennifer to go, I'm going to take that third piece of advice and that's how I think we're going to help. So Jennifer, you really want deep down, if we come up with a plan, you're going to try to bring mom and dad back together. Forget this stupid old divorce. We're a family. Let's finish what we started.

Yeah, definitely. Okay, then before we do anything, Zach, just speak a little bit. Where are you at, man? How would you feel if they opened their relationship? I would not want to know about it, but they could. But that's the right question. I think that's what they did.

What's that? I think that's what they did. But then why the divorce? Maybe they don't know that that's an option. I don't think they know that's an option. Because if they've been together for 32 years, they might not even have heard of that. I think you're right. Jennifer, when we're going in this zone, what do you think? How do you feel about that? I'm comfortable with this. Okay. Now, question for you, Jennifer. Let's be honest. Your parents are never going to listen to this show. Why do you think they split? I think that...

One of them, I don't know if it's important which one, was just thinking that they needed a change and they picked like a drastic change in my opinion. Do you have any idea which one of them would have done that? I'm going to say my mother. Oh, man, I was going to guess the dad.

Yeah, he like still thinks they're getting back together. Oh, heartbreaking. Okay, so he's on your team. Yes, he's on my side. Yeah. So this might change the direction we were going. Yeah. But it might not. I think it becomes less of a parent trap and it's more of a mom trap.

Yeah. That's true. You're totally right. Mom trapper. Which I think is, that's helpful. It is helpful. Yes. Logistically, that is a better zone to start off from because we can have someone on the inside of the parent trap. I think that's exactly, yeah. Or we might need to keep dad a little bit in the dark. Maybe. But maybe. But I'm open to any pitch on that. But question for you on this, Jennifer, in terms of mom.

Just stream of conscious, who knows? This all could be wrong, but what are three guesses of why she wanted something different in her life? Did mom start going to the gym? Did mom get a health scare? Is there a new pool boy? What happened that started this? In every great breakup, everyone pretends there was not a thing. They're like, it's nothing. It's just I changed. And then you're like, who's your roommate? Yeah.

Yeah. He happens to be Brazilian and he's six foot four. You're like, give me a fucking break. He's so handsome. That happened weeks after the breakup. No, it didn't. I just, it started the line. He was a foreign exchange student, mom. He's so handsome. And then dad looks like a sack of shit. So what are three guesses for you, Jennifer, of what started this?

I would say one is that all her kids had officially moved out of her house. Devastating. Two is that there was a health scare. Okay, what was the health scare? It was like a mental health thing. For mom? Yeah. Interesting. And then let me think about a third. She went back to working with my brother.

Crazy, Jennifer. This is a wild one. How would that impact it? Just the third thing. Is your brother like, is he a player? Is he out there dating a lot? Is he talking up the single lifestyle? Is my brother dating a lot? Yeah, like why would that make her think, oh, I want to get out there and change it up? I don't know. I just feel like she's back in, like, I guess because he...

you know, is on like looking for a partner and maybe like him talking to her about that. She probably saw a dating app and she was like, what are you doing? Yeah. That's crazy. Okay. So we're getting a sense here, Jennifer. So mom's kids are gone. She had a little mental health scare. She's working with a guy on the scene. And then how did she tell dad what happened?

I don't really know. Like they kind of, the way it was put said to me is that they decided on it mutually, but then, you know, I'm talking to my dad and he's like, that's not really mutual. And then they just told us, we're like, I'm opening my Easter basket. And they're like, oh, and we're getting divorced. Oh, and they lived together at this time. They still live together. They don't now, but they did when they told me. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We're all, that's important to the story. But if I may take an off ramp real quick.

Jennifer, you're 25 and you're still getting an Easter basket? I had a question about that as well. What are we getting? What are we getting, a 25-year-old dude?

I think everyone deserves an Easter basket. I'm with Jennifer. I wish my mom still gave me an Easter basket. First of all, she never did it. She never did it. Yeah, she never gave you one. I got Cole in an Easter basket. When's the last time you guys did an Easter egg hunt? I mean, it's thrilling. Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer. It's thrilling. Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer. I like Jennifer. The whole optics of this call just changed for me. Yeah, I agree. Parent Trap now seems a little weirder. Oh, my God.

So really quick, Zach, before we start diving in, where are you at a little bit? I have a pitch right away. How old is the youngest sibling? 22. 22. Okay. So it's going to be a little bit of a long walk. I think you need to tell mom that you want a younger sibling.

Mom gets pregnant. Mom has a kid. It doesn't matter if it's with dad or not. That doesn't matter for this pitch. Then that allows dad to come in and Mrs. Doubtfire. You need a young kid. You need a young kid to be able to Mrs. Doubtfire.

Jennifer, biologically, how old is mom? My worry here is that we're going to go on an egg hunt of a different variety with mom's age and not find anything. Mom is 59. Yeah.

But hold on, Zach. Zach, keep letting it cook a little bit. Where are you at here, big daddy? You were on to something. What do you think? That doesn't impact me because we can adopt this kid. That's fine. We just need a young kid that needs a nanny in the home. Then keep going. How do we – okay, let me put something on you, Zach. Just because I want to hear this out. So, Jennifer, do you have any nieces or nephews?

I do. I have, well, I guess they're not my, they're my cousin's kids, but I have little children around us. Any little kids that are around, because part of the thing you said, which I think Zach is right on, is the empty nest thing. Yes. Any of those little kids that are around your mom and dad that could help us with this?

Yeah, there's two. Okay. So Zach, keep going a little bit with what you're going. We do have kids. We don't need to adopt them, but maybe there's a real play here. Now I know it sounds like a joke, but maybe there's a play that mom can remember how great of a dad dad was.

Yeah. Now, it wasn't really a joke because it worked in the movie. I think it's basically exactly the situation you're describing. Mom and dad grew apart. They split up. Dad comes back in. I guess he doesn't have to be undercover. He could just be showing he's a good dad. I think it works better if he is full on Mrs. Doubtfiring. Some type of different...

nationality maybe. Maybe we don't go British this time. We go Spanish. We go Portuguese. Something in the safe part of Europe. Senorita Doubtfire. Yeah. Yeah. And then he gets in there. He gets fresh eyes. Hey, Jennifer, just for a second before we go down this road, and I want you to really think here, because what we're then doing is this is something new. Your mom's having a bit of a midlife crisis.

Right? She's getting really scared. The end is coming close to her and she's getting spooked. Her brain's playing tricks on her. We all know it's happened. I don't know. It's going to be fine, Jennifer. She's going to be fine. All of a sudden, there's a little kid around and then all of a sudden, her husband shows up as a Portuguese nanny. I think there's a real way that we could mom trap her where she goes like,

What are you doing, Carl? And Carl goes, me? Carl? No. Impossible. It's so shocking. It just resets her perspective. So you know what this makes me think of, Jennifer? You know that song from the 70s, If You Like Pina Coladas? Oh, yeah. And in the end, they both fucking do this crazy thing, and where do they end up? In a goddamn bar facing each other.

I never followed the plot of the Pina Colada song. The whole thing is...

I don't like this. I don't like this. I'm tired of this old lady with me. I got to go out there and find somebody. And then he writes a little ad. And some lady goes, I hate yoga. I love getting stuck in the rain. I like drinking champagne at midnight, all this madness. They go to a bar and guess who he's sitting across from? Wow. His wife? His old lady. Wow. And guess what they do? They drink pina coladas? They go right into let's remember to have fun.

And he's dressed as an older Portuguese woman. That's right. And she goes, it's not as sexual, but it is sweet.

And then he ruins it by going, it is as sexual. And she goes, I still want a divorce. Are you talking about the song? Are you pitching addendums on the song? I feel like that's in the song. What I'm pitching now, Jennifer, is we do a Mrs. Doubtfire with your dad so that your mom's midlife crisis ends and she's staring at your dad and goes, let's get the team back together.

Well, Jennifer. I think that's perfect. Wait, hold on. So you think that's perfect? Do they have a sense of humor? Like, is that something you're, would your dad be up for doing something silly like that? Because that is something that I would, if this was my parents, I would actually pitch this to my dad for real. What would happen with your dad, Zach?

What would happen? I think he would honestly maybe do it. What kind of, is your dad kind of straight-laced, Jennifer? What would you say? Is he a fun guy? He's a fun guy. Mrs. Doubtfire is one of his favorite movies, so I do think if I suggested this, he would actually be down. Walk us through the plot points of this movie.

idea. Like, how are we starting this, Jake? We're starting with... Hold on. Before we get there. But that's the right question. That is going to be a Zach question. Okay. But before we get it, Jennifer...

Because if this is a real road, we might go down. This is a wild, real road. Wild. And so Jennifer, can we just hear you talk for a little bit before we go deep on this pitch about everything you're feeling, where you're at? What are you thinking about the idea of Mrs. Doubtfire in your mom?

I love the idea of Mrs. Doubtfire and my mom. I think my dad is down to dress up and like play this character. I think the hardest part for us is going to be both the kids and the scenario. Yes, the logic. Wouldn't necessarily need a nanny. So like he could do it. But I like where we're going with like seeing him around them. Hold on, hold on, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.

We found this about you. What do you like to still do on Easter? Be babied. You need Mrs. Doubtfire and your sister, not the nieces and nephews. Gareth already pointed it out. You still like your mom and dad. You guys at 25, you're still wet behind your ears. You guys are still kind of kids.

You're the little kids in Mrs. Doubtfire. You're just in your 20s, so it's weird. So you're getting the original band back together. So mom goes, oh, my God, I loved raising these kids. She's an empty nester. Get the nest back. Baby bird's back in the goddamn nest. Get the nest back. As a dad of 11-year-olds, I'm going to start crying. Uh-oh.

I do think there's something very sweet about the idea of doing this because obviously it's like a little silly, but it is a meaningful gesture in the sense that it ties in thematically with the movie. It's basically saying like, hey, let's run this back. I want to try this again. I'm willing to dress up and be silly. It's also, if the thrust of it is, like if the point of it is, and I'll be...

Honest, I can't believe we're this deep into this, and that we might pull this off. I think it's going down. I do too. What we can do is we can, however we come up with that plan, if it was like,

your mom's hanging out and be like, even if it was like, oh, I have someone coming over to watch me for a little while, just because I needed, I wanted a little help around the house. Like ask your mom to be there, be like, come over, have a glass of wine. Oh, I have a new housekeeper coming over. She's just going to start helping me with stuff once a week. And then you have, then you have Carl come over in whatever ensemble. The truth is it doesn't even need to be that good to,

because this is just going to be a sweet gesture. Although, Gareth, no, I think all of that is right, but I think it's going to be very good. We can't get Harvey Fierstein to do a fake face. We might be able to, goddammit. Jake, I mean, we're talking, I guess San Diego. So, Zach, will you walk us through a pitch of how you see this happening? And Jennifer, you're the only one interrupting on this, so will you guys just take it away for a second? Jennifer, I want to hear your thoughts, too, as it's building.

Okay. I think that's exactly it. I think you say to your mom, you know, can you come over and hang out with me? Whatever that would be for you. If it's watch a movie, et cetera, you set up that you have a new housekeeper coming over and then boom, your dad walks in the door. He's doing the voice. He's doing the big thing. Maybe you even turn on Mrs. Doubtfire beforehand to kind of like prime the pumps and

to subconsciously let the magic work on your mom. And then you let dad take it from there. Close. Have him cook something or clean something. Yes. He needs to do something. Otherwise, we'll all just be standing there. It'll be funny, but then we're stuck. Great, Jennifer. I think you're totally right. Now, will you do a second, Jennifer, and pitch? You know your family. You know the four.

Can you pitch potentially how the Mrs. Doubtfire could actually work with your dad? And then we could pitch on your pitch. I think he... Like full wig. I'm thinking... I'm thinking like a... What's it? Like a midi length dress. I wonder if he would do that. He might. And then I think we need to put makeup on him. So I would need to see him before. Do some makeup. And then...

I think I would have to tell her, like, I have someone coming to fix something. She won't believe I have a housekeeper. But if I tell her, like, oh, someone's coming to, like, fix a light, and then it's him...

And then also he has to do, he likes the accent for Mrs. Doubtfire. I don't know if he could do it now. Even if it's bad, he just has to go for it. He just has to go for it. He's not going to think it's Mrs. Doubtfire. Yeah, but you never know, girl. So does Jennifer's, Jennifer, does your mom know the movie too? She knows it, but not the way he does. Okay. Do you think a sweet gesture will wake your mom up from this and go,

I'm turning 60. I'm a little afraid. I love this guy. Maybe we just need to have a real conversation about going with like opening it up or doing what we do. But we are partners in this game and we are going to grow all together. Do you think...

deep down, something like that could wake your mom up to say, I'm not restarting over. What's your real gut feeling, Jennifer? Because what we don't want is just, your dad shows up in a dress, your mom goes, this is weird, and you go, I was on a podcast. And then your mom goes...

okay. And your dad goes like, shall I do the dishes? Like, look, it's, it's fun. Changing in the bathroom. And then he goes like, honey, it was me all along. And she's like, you're a fucking goofball, dude. Yeah. Right. So that, what we're looking for, if this happens, Jennifer, who knows? We're just doing a podcast from our homes right now. We're goddamn zooming it. But if we can,

actually bring your parents back together with zack's mrs doubtfire we've achieved something in the world of podcasts everybody definitely no you call back and go my parents are happily back together because my dad mrs doubtfire my mom guys we're in a different zone and jennifer

You know it too. So we now have to really work together to figure out how mom can come back to dad because of a doubt fire. So what is your mom, in your real opinion, what is she missing from your dad?

They used to do a lot of fun things together. I think she misses like going out to dinner. They used to go out dancing. That's also important. My dad's a good dancer and he loves to dance. Now we're talking. So Mrs. Doubtfire needs to be a dancer. Keep going. Oh, yes. And yeah, no, she loves to dance. So she never gets to dance anymore. She's quite introverted. She doesn't really go out and do stuff by herself. I think she just really misses like having someone to go do stuff with. And why did dad stop doing this, Jennifer?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. That's, that's a good question. You got older, you got tired. It could be interesting to, cause if you say like you used to cook, okay, here's a pitch on this. What if you say this, what if you say to your mom, I want to have a girl's night. I want you to come over. Uh,

I've hired a chef who she's going to come over and prepare dinner for us. This is our Mrs. Doubtfire. We almost try to sneak your chef Doubtfire into the house with ingredients. So your dad is going to cook dinner. And then when your dad finishes cooking dinner, he brings it in.

sets it down and your mom probably is suspect at this point, but we kind of hide mom, dad in the kitchen for a little while. And when he sets it down, it's actually dinner for the two of them and he's cooking. And then you put on some music after dinner and they have a dance there. I got a pitch. I like the ending. I got a pitch. All right. Zach, you got one? No, that's very sweet. I love that. I got a pitch. You tell your mom, you just found a new dance instructor and

who's great and you paid for her to get a free lesson and his name it's like whatever kind of dance you like the most if it's salsa if it's whatever and she's like what and you go mom i know you used to like to do this stuff with dad you're out there again and i know that like dad stopped doing this fun spontaneous stuff so you're looking for a new dance partner someone who's going to and like i you know we don't want you guys splitting up but we love you both

And so I found somebody who's going to give you, do all the stuff you want. His name is Mario. He's from Portugal. He is, and she's like, oh, how old is he? Your dad's age. What does he do? Similar to what your dad does. He also has four kids. We, we, we song them. Oh, he's perfect. He's going through a divorce too from a woman right around your age. He's just getting out there. He works with his son. And so she's like, oh, yeah.

Then when Mario gets to the door, it's your dad in a full Portuguese costume.

dance outfit with an accent and she goes what are you doing and he goes do not talk to me like you know me I am not your boring old sack of potato husband I am Mario and you go and you all the kids all go like Mario thank you for coming and she goes this is insane and right then there's music and they go out on a date that's another all of my siblings there

It's that, Jennifer, that's up to you. Probably just you in case it goes sideways. Yeah, it can be scary. Yes. I love that because I feel like she would believe that. The setup. Yes, yes, that setup is believable. And would she be charmed by the reveal or would she be like annoyed and be like, I'm out, I'm going home?

That's where it really is. It's hard to say. It's 50-50 for me. I could see her doing either. Same. That's why it's a dangerous game. That's why we're playing Russian roulette. You guys all saw the deer hunter, correct? Yes. There's a moment you got to pull the trigger. And then Jennifer, where are you at? I love this. I think it's realistic that I could do it. I think it's what we said before. She could react quickly.

Either way. And we might have to do a follow-up to figure out how she reacts, but where would you, in terms of this idea in this call, Jennifer, and I don't think we're at that point, but we might be. And if it doesn't work after I ask this question, then we'll go back to pitching, but what are you going to do? I think I could get him to dress up and show up at the door and

give her a dance lesson or they, he could take her on a date to go dancing and he could miss South fire. Mom trapped my mom. Question for you. Yeah. Go ahead. No, you go. I'm thinking about his outfit. I mean, I, I think I can, I'll get him to wear whatever. I would just need to figure out what it really is. Question for you really fast on this. Would you ever text your dad right now? Would you ever miss his doubt fire mom?

Oh, a thousand percent. I would text him that. Okay. Do you think, will you text him right now? Yeah. I just want to, if we get lucky and he writes back. He's always on his phone, so we should get lucky. Okay. We might have to just get dad on at some point. Yeah. Oh, he would like that. Right. But we got to see first. So what did you, Jennifer, will you tell us what the text you're writing? I said, would you ever miss his doubt by your mom? No other setup. Okay.

You know what we could do if we wanted, Jake? What we could do is we can see how he responds to this. Yes. While we take another call with Zach, we could have them set up the call with Dad, and we could end after this with like maybe a 5 to 10 with Dad, with you, me, and Zach, Jennifer, and Dad, and try to pitch this a little bit in his direction. Is that possible? He responded already? Jesus Christ. He responded, huh? Wait, hey, Nat Attack?

I'm sorry, Natalie. Yes. Natalie's going to call the show real soon. By the way, you did not respond to Natalie, but you seem to get excited about Nat Attack. Is that the wrong read? Yes. Okay. It's incorrect. Okay. So Natalie, will you see if we can get dad on and do Gareth kind of plan? Is that, is that possible? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that cool, Jennifer?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Will you, Nat Attack, will you set up this call and then we can start the next one? Mm-hmm, yeah. Thanks, bud. Thank you. All right, Jennifer, we'll talk to you and your dad really soon.

Okay. Normal day. Thank you, Jennifer. This is going to work. Talk to you soon. Bye. All right. This is going to work. Wow. There we go. That's a pin put in her. Incredible. Incredible. By the way, if it works, can you imagine how funny the photos are going to be? Also, if it works, it will without question, I think, be our best guest ever.

First pitch ever. For sure. By the way, when he started, I thought not a chance. I was like, this is just, I was like, we're going to, this is a good joke. We're going to move on when she goes. I think this could work. I thought again, I never, yeah, that's special. That's special. If we pull off, so,

A Mrs. Doubtfire reunion of a 59-year-old and probably a 62-year-old guy. This show's in a zone I don't know what we're doing anymore. If all of a sudden it works. They'll have to bring Ellen's daytime show back to have them on to talk about it. You know what? Maybe our show's going to do one live daytime episode. All right, should we do the new call? Yeah, yeah.

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Hey. Hey. Who are you running from? You know, work. Okay. We all are in many ways. All right. Well, what do you do for work? Are you able to talk? It sounds like you're in duress. Oh, yeah. Okay. No, I am. I'm just that waiting music was making me nervous. We didn't honestly know we had waiting music till just now. Well, welcome to We're Here to Help.

You've got Jake, you've got me, and you've got guest helper. We're still sticking with that. The great Zach Cherry is joining us. So you've got three great minds on this one. Thank goodness. I agree. I'll tell you, Zach's got a hell of a track record so far on this show. Let's do this for a second. Zach, you know the show. Is there any questions you'd like to ask from her? Yeah. Let's hear name, age, where you're calling from.

Going basic. So my name is going to be Patty J. Patty J is your made up name? Yes. It's very strange. Okay. It's my nickname for my alter ego. Okay. Sure, sure, sure. We'll get into all that. Yes.

It's a nickname for your alter ego. It's not the name of your alter ego. It's a deep cut. No. Okay. Yes. I am 22, calling from South Carolina. Okay. And then, Zach, any specific question to get to know Patty J a little bit more that you could think of? It could be literally anything. Name three things you can see right now. Hmm.

A bench, a bush, and a tree. Oh, I need it. So, Patty J., you're seeing a bench, a bush, and a tree. We all are. We all are. By the way, merch. A bench, a bush, and a tree. So, Patty J., what do we got today? What's going on? Okay, so my issue is...

It's causing quite the kerfuffle in my home. I can't stop drunk eating my roommate's food. Oh, wow. This is so relatable. It is? Yeah. I used to have this problem. Oh, yeah. I agree. Absolutely. So you get drunk and you eat your roommate's food.

Only when I come home from going out. Yeah, drunk. Yeah, we know what drunk is. Yeah, for sure. Okay, okay. Are we talking snacks? Are we talking like whole meals that they've made and is in the fridge? What kind of food are you eating? It's mostly snacks. Okay. So it started with cheese balls. It always does. And then progressed a little bit. To what? Where are we at now? What do you mean progressed? It was like a little bit of my roommate's burrito.

That is honest to God too far. That's not snacks. No. Now, if somebody, if I have a roommate that eats some of the chips I have, I'm like, come on. If you're eating a half-eaten burrito that I have saved for myself...

What's happening? It was just a little bit. It was just a little bit. But by the way, you're taking bites of a burrito. That's worse. Let's remember, though. We're talking to Patty J. She's sober. She's smart. She's sober. She's smart. But drunk Patty J? We don't get to talk to her. She's not going to be on this call. She might.

Patty J., you got any Jägermeister to you? Do you mind getting hammered? Let me just ask you this question very quickly, and then if there's more setup, you can get into it. How angry on a scale of 1 to 10 is your roommate about this behavior? Because I've experienced moderate frustration to get out. Yeah. So I lost access to the frying pan.

They are hidden somewhere in the house. Wow. And the Brita and the ice maker is now relocated. Let's talk for a second here, Patty. What's your roommate situation? Who are you living with? How many people? So I live with two girls who I met on the internet. So not friends. No. You're weird.

I know. Drunk you as a savage. Patty, you're eating a stranger's burrito when you're drunk? You're weird. Nibbling. No, Zach, no way. Just nibbling. No way. I thought you were supposed to say here these were old friends. I've had random stranger roommates. If a random stranger roommate ate half of my sandwich, we're in a world of trouble. What good are you nibbling at worse? Oh, you are a friend. Okay, but you met on the internet. Yes.

And we were friends first. Okay, so you met on the internet and then moved in together. You didn't just like find them as roommates on the internet. Okay, that's very different. Okay, never mind. Okay, and then, so you guys are all in college, 22, or right out of college, right in that zone? We're about right out of college. Okay, and you're all living together and kind of partying a little bit in South Carolina, having some fun. Mm-hmm.

Is anybody doing the kind of jobs they're going to do for their whole life? Are you guys doing more jobs where it's kind of like a couple of fun years together in this situation? I am more so...

I work in a hospital, so that's something I kind of want to progress. But then they're still kind of figuring it out as they go, you know? That's a surprise. So you're the most serious. Well, they're busy shopping. They don't have time to get their lives on track. They're replacing food. And Patty, how often are you drinking here, big dog? Honestly, with my work schedule, like once or twice a month.

Not very often you let it rip, but when you let it rip, do you become Patty J? I do. That's the ultimate. The real lady, we don't know. Patricia. Patricia. Patricia has a job. Patricia drinks.

Yeah. You become Patty J. And can I try to fill out the profile a little here? Patricia's healthy. Patricia tries to eat well. Works at a goddamn hospital. Patricia's having salads.

Patricia's really trying to just keep it all pretty good to go. And the Patty J is a fucking wolf. You're essentially talking to three Patty J's right now. We built life on being Patty J's. Yes. So, you know what? The connecting tissue of trying to make your life into Hollyweird is...

is not what people think it is not for the attention it's not for the awards it's not for the money it's to be lifelong patty jays yes truly it's a question for you so you get drunk is your question when is that truck gonna stop backing up that she's next to or okay i'm trying to get away from it go ahead jake sorry uh

So you get drunk and turn into Patty J and eat all their food. And you, the question is, is how do I stop? I've worked on stopping and I've been pretty good about it, but it's more so how to try to make amends. So it's not super awkward up until our lease ends.

Okay, that's a very clear question. Great job, Patty. So the question is next. So Zach, what are you thinking? You haven't been talking that much. Yeah. Did we ever get clarity on how mad the roommates are about this? Because I do need to hear a little bit about what has their response been. And you said until your lease ends. So does it sound like at the end of the lease, you're going your separate ways? This is not going to be a continuing roommate situationship?

No, I fear that that bridge has burned. Because of Patty J? Yeah. Wow, it's that bad. Patty J. Ooh, okay. I know, I know. Hey, Patty, can you tell us a little bit about Patty J? She has dance moves that no one has ever seen before and nobody should see, honestly. She drinks a lot of tequila shots, if that makes any sense.

And she gets hungry. And what's Patty J's behavior when she comes home? What's her volume? What does Patty J do when she gets home from the club? Has Patty J ever been confronted in the moment or is this a discovery after the fact? Yes. After the fact. Do you remember Patty J eating the burritos? Yes.

Yes. Okay. So while Patty's eating them, you're in there, you're just going, Patty's a wild animal, man. You're not blacked out. You're seeing Patty and you're going like, Patty's a wild dog. Let Patty cook. Yeah.

Okay. She's hungry. That drunk hunger, though, is something fierce. It really is. You'll burn a bridge for a burrito when you're drunk. So have your roommates ever confronted Patty while Patty was hungry? And if so, what happened? No, they never have. It's always been in the morning, a text message.

girl why did you eat my burrito what do you write back i said i'm so sorry i it was not it was i pretty much will say it's not me it was patty and what do they say i don't think they appreciate that okay yeah they will they'll venmo request me for their burrito fair okay and will you pay it

Yeah. I'm not trying to start beating her. I understand. Is that part of that? Are you more financially stable than the other two? You have your hospital job. They're still kind of figuring it out. Well, I think we're all not super financially stable. Okay. Okay. So you know what? I will say to not Patty J, because I'm not talking to Patty J. So I'm talking, this call has been Patricia. Okay.

Yeah. And so great set up, Patricia. Very clear. Your question was just to remind myself and the team. Will you say it again? Yeah. Just how to make amends. Make it so I can use a frying pan in the house and it's not hidden. Okay. I got my first pitch. Same.

Go. You go first. Zach, you go first. No, I need to hear a little more. Okay. Okay, Gareth, you go first. Well, I think we got to do a two-pronger here. The base coat is that when we know... Because it's not like Patty J just emerges out of nowhere. She's a scheduled arrival. So when we know that Patty J is going to be in the house...

We need to buffer the roommate snacks. We need to buy extra snacks for Patty J. You kind of have to shake yourself out of this belief that you can control Patty J. You're only doing it once to twice a month. I would get some snack mix. I would get a burrito. I would prep yourself for the arrival of Patty J. She's going to do what she's going to do. She's not going to listen to reason. I'm going to pitch on that pitch because I'm close but a little different. Well, I have a second part for the amends, but go ahead. You go ahead then.

Well, my amends pitch is that we need to put together like a basket with a bunch of snacks and like tortillas and things like that. And a nice card that's written from Patty J who expresses that she's a boar, a wild animal. And when she comes home, there's nothing that stands in her way. I have a whole new pitch. I have a whole new pitch. How much longer are you going to be living there? Four more months.

Can you make an agreement that you're not going to get drunk and come home in the next four months? I could try. Here's what I want to do. But it might be kind of hard. Here's what I want to do. I want you guys, I want you to tell your roommates that Patty J was just murdered. Oh my God. Okay. And go like, guys, I have really sad news. As you guys know, I'm great.

But twice a month, this woman comes here, Patty Jane, she's the one who eats your burritos. She eats your cheese balls. Here's the reality. It's not me. It's Patty J. And I just got word she was murdered in Cuba. And they go, what? And I go, yeah, she's not coming back. And then if it comes back and you do get drunk...

Then they're also dealing with Patty J, but it's not you. It's Patty J. And then the ghost of Patty J. Jesus Christ. I can't believe we have our follow-up. They go, did you? By the way, Patty, you're totally right. They go, girl, did you eat my burrito? You're right. What? Of course not. Patty J's dead. I like that.

If you've got something, Zach, go ahead. I have another hat on your pitch, Jake. I was going to say, I like the idea of leaning into the distinction between Patricia and Patty J. Yes. One other angle is maybe you get even angrier at Patty J than they are. I'll just go in there, yes. You're like...

I fucking hate Patty J. She's ruining my fucking life. I need your help. We're in this together, the three of us, against this piece of shit. And you're like, you bring them in. And whether or not it works, it will probably confuse them to the point where they're no longer mad at you. They're now maybe scared of you. It becomes a game and you go...

Guys, we have an issue on our hands and we have to work together. And you put like, if you're going out drinking, you put a sign up like wanted Patty J. Yes. Thief of burritos. Put a lock on the fridge that you go. Guys, we all know it only happens twice a month, but I hate Patty. We all hate Patty. We need to work together to keep Patty out of the goddamn fridge and where she belongs in a hotel.

That's interesting too. Or just a sleep. Or a sleep, or some random person's house. You're living in a dream world, Patricia. Yes. She shouldn't go to bed. I've got a pitch that maybe combines your two ideas. What if we, one night when you know they're coming home, you prep the place and

and you hold the funeral for Patty J. And you get some really nice food, but we all get to sit there and we all get to kind of briefly eulogize her before we have cheese balls and burritos and some of Patty's favorite foods that we know the roommates also enjoy. Yes.

And you kind of humanize her, but then it's kind of an event you guys can share together. So it's sort of hatchet burying a little bit. I got a pitch on that pitch too, but I think we're getting really close to nailing this one.

So, because the only problem with, and it was mine too, the kill her or the funeral is that we all know Patty's going to eat everything she sees when she gets home. But to your point, Jake, if we keep her out of the house for four months. Yes, but we're not going to. But that's not a reality. I made a mistake there because she's 22. I like that Patricia even said that was possible. Yeah, but so, but I also really loved what Zach was saying of you also hate Patty J.,

here's what I would pitch to you when you're going to go out drinking. Cause let's be honest, you know what you're going to do. You know, this is a night you're going out. You tell them your friend, Patty J is going to spend the night, but Patty J is a nightmare. So you need to prepare for Patty J. So on the kitchen table, get like a corned beef sandwich, get some like weird mix next to it. And you leave out Patty J's dinner and,

As if Patty J was like an inmate getting out of jail. We have different takes. An inmate getting out of jail and spending the night. You make sure Patty J has Patty J's food. So like, guys, I recommend there's going to be a weird two liter thing of Dr. Pepper. There's going to be a corned beef sandwich and there's going to be like Funyuns. Trust me. Don't touch Patty J's food. She sucks. I

I'm keeping her away from your stuff and I'm going to distract her. So there's going to be like a weird light on the kitchen table. Tomorrow morning, she will be gone, but Patty J will be here tonight. I will do everything in my power to keep her quiet and keep her at the kitchen table. But guys, if you're going to lock up food, tonight's the night. And so we are aware that Patty's coming and you are doing the prep work so that your friends go, my friend's really weird, but she did fix the problem. They didn't eat our food. We just had to deal with

A corned beef sandwich on the kitchen table all night. Your food pitches are horrifyingly accurate. I want it to be Patty J's food. So, Zach, where are you at when you're hearing this? Before we get to you, Patty. I think that's fantastic. I think it's hard-boiled eggs left out loose. I think it's a big pile of sauerkraut. I think this is the kind of stuff that Patty J's is ready to do. You make a gross mix of...

And surprise Patty. Don't go too gross, though. I agree, because then you'll eat a burrito. You're totally right. Patty could turn to the others. Patty will go, fuck this. Yes. I'm not eating sauerkraut and Funyuns. I'm eating that burrito, dude. And cheese balls. I do have a question, which is, do your roommates ever go out? Do they have their own Patty J's who ever make an appearance?

They don't. They do go out. But they don't become bad. But they don't. They don't. Gotcha. They're not like you. They're not like us. Yeah. So they have control. So Patty, where are you kind of at? So I'm thinking that having a nice spread of a little less disturbing food. But food you know Patty would like. Sure. Oh, by the way, what about a welcome home?

What if you do it lovingly to Patty? You put a banner that says like, welcome back. Thanks for the visit. Got your favorite food. And when Patty comes to visit, she brings food for the roommates as well. That's great. I was going to suggest a slight alternate is,

You know, maybe you give them the opportunity to eat some of your food in a wink-wink way. So you buy some stuff that they like. You label it like, this is mine. Do not eat. And kind of like present it to them as like, oh, hey, you better not eat this. You know, remember what happened when I ate your stuff.

I lost frying pan privilege. And then you let them kind of have that little, they get a win over you by eating a little bit of your food. There's another move on that, Patty, where you turn this into a celebration of your dear friend Patty. And when she comes, because it's not a lot and it's happening less as you're getting older. But when Patty comes, you're buying a lot of food. The food's for everybody.

I think that's exactly right. So you have Oreos, you have all this stuff. You don't get one burrito, get three burritos. If you turn Patty J coming to town into a good thing, that flips it on its head. So when Patty comes to town, there's more food. And they go, all of a sudden...

My roommate, Patricia, got six burritos because she doesn't know how much Patty's going to eat. But the reality is Patty only eats one and a half. You're going to come home from a shift and they're going to leave a bottle of tequila on the table and be like, can Patty come to play? You know what? By the way, Gareth, that's the goal. We need to make everybody like Patty because when Patty comes to town...

You, Patricia, make Patty a fucking dream visitor. There is everybody's favorite snacks on the table and you're just setting up and you know how you pay for it? At the end of the night when you want one more round of shots? Don't get them.

Mm-hmm. Or just have to kill it at home. Or like literally save one cost where you go, I'm not going to buy this round for these four girls and I. But Jake, I think that's great. And in theory, that's great. But we also have to remember that Patty J knows one law and that's Patty J law. I agree with you. It's hard to logic with Patty, but that's why we're doing logic with Patricia. We're stacking the deck. I agree. There's a lot of good. So Patty, you've got a lot of interesting pitches here.

Will you tell us what you're going to do? I do think we have a winner. I, as a person, I love sharing. So even if I did eat my food, that wouldn't bother me. That would almost be like, oh, that means that we're close. Anywho, I think that when Patricia comes, when Patty comes to town, she should bring a lot of food. Yes. But is Patricia getting it or is Patty getting it?

I think it has to be Patty. It's hard. That's dangerous. It can't be Patty. Patricia, Patricia, what? I think it has to be Patty. You can't be getting them while you're tequila drunk. No. You'll make the worst decisions and then you'll eat it all. Patricia prepares for Patty. Yes. Yes, yes. But do you mean yes or are you thinking Patty's got it? Well, it would definitely have to be a pre. Yes, from Patricia. Sure. Yes. Okay.

But you are setting up... Go ahead, Zach. Is that reasonable? Or does Patty... Like, do you know when Patty's coming to town? Or does Patty kind of just show up uninvited? Sometimes I know.

I can prepare since I don't go out that much. Sometimes I know. That's the greatest. Such a 22-year-old answer. So great. I actually can get this now. I do too. I'm letting Patty out tonight. I'm going to have a goddamn blast. But now guess what? At 22, Patricia, you just have to prepare others for Patty.

So you have a responsibility to take care of Patty. And this is an easy fix with these roommates. They're not really mad at you. It's just a little much. So you just go a little much in the other direction and you have four months to right this wrong and it's going to end very positive. And I definitely think

before you go out, put like a spread on the table that is for everybody. And all you ask is leave Patty enough to do what Patty does. Because if you don't, she's coming after you. We all know this bitch. Now, I got a question for you now for our show. First of all, are you going to do this? I want to, yeah. It's not an easy enough fix. I will. Okay, now we're talking. When is the next time, and you know the answer to this, when is the next time Patty's coming up?

It might be on Friday. Okay, perfect. So let's lean into it for you on Friday. Will you take a photo of the spread that you lean out and send to us so we can post that along with it? And then will you take a photo of the same spread in the morning when Patricia wakes up? Okay.

Yes. And I do think you need to tell your roommates that's why you're doing it. I think you need to let them in on that this is to make amends. You know you've been eating their food. You want to get out ahead of that. Patty J might be in town on Friday, and this is her spread, but it's for everyone. Zach, you're totally right. Patricia, will you do something for us? Will you on your phone make a voice note and record you telling your friends the plan of what's going to happen with Patty J this Friday? Yes.

To my roommates? Yeah. I don't know if I could text it to them. You would rather text it? Or if we're not usually home at the same time. Oh, they're not home at the same time. Yeah. You want to just do a text? I could, yeah. Or do you want us to, all three of us right now, leave a note and explain to them what's happening? And you could just send them this voice note so we could do it as a group? Yeah.

Oh my gosh, yes. Okay, let's do that. Zach, will you take the lead of this? Yeah, sure. We're not preparing. We're just starting. And Patricia, now we can't use... Do they know the name? Patty J, would they know? Or what names should we use here? Give us the real names and we'll beep them out. Okay, my real name? Yeah, your real name. Or theirs?

Probably yours. My real name? Yeah. My real name is... We're not beeping it out. You've just been hustled. You've just been, we're here to help season two. There's no podcast. Gotcha, you drunk Caroline. What's your last name? I'm calling you parents. You've been had. Okay. And then who is your real alter ego? My real alter ego is...

Patricia Jones. Okay. So really, we just got to laugh. I think she tried to keep...

Patty's last name anonymous, which is also fucking incredible. I need an hour or so to sort of digest this. Me too. So now we're going to leave a quick, and what we're going to do is we're going to do a voice note and you're part of it. So maybe you start it and say hi to your roommates and say, there's something I need to tell you about what's going to happen with Friday. Can you do that for us? Oh yeah. And then Zach, you take the lead and we'll jump into, and then whenever you're ready.

Okay. Hey, guys. I know I've been eating your food when I get drunk, and I just wanted to apologize and make amends with you guys, so I have a couple of friends that are here to help me. Hey, that's right. Hey, guys. This is Zach, or as you could call me, Daddy J. Nope. I got an abandoned ship on this one. Keep going. So we're here talking to you on behalf of...

And, of course, her infamous alter ego, Patricia Jones. And we know she was nibbling on the burrito, and we don't like that, and she doesn't like that. You know, we're all on the same page. That wasn't great. So we have a new game plan for when Patty J comes to town. So let's tell you all about it. This Friday, she's going to go out and she's going to get drunk.

She's going to get Patty J. She's going to get Patricia Jones, and we all know what happens when she gets Patricia Jones. She comes in the house, she eats your fucking burrito and your cheese balls, and it pisses everybody off, including ****, and **** is really sorry about it. Yeah. So, Zach, what's our game plan here? So, Patty J. is going to have a new modus operandi, which is she is going to provide snacks for the evening. She's going to lay out a beautiful spread of all your favorite foods, and

All we know is cheese balls and burritos. I assume you eat other things, but that's a conversation between you.

And your God. And that's right. And that night on Friday, when that spreads out there, you guys are allowed to eat it because guess what? Patricia Jones is back in town. She's only going to be around for two more times each month. So in four months, you're not going to see her very much, but Patty J is bringing food and the food's for everyone, but just do us a favor and leave enough for Patricia because

Because Patricia comes home drunk and needs to eat. And when she's done eating, if she's still hungry, she's going to eat your food, which we don't want. Am I right? Garfman, what do you think? Yeah, I agree. It's Gareth. Yep, that's all of it, pretty much. Thank you. Good job. Yeah, nailed it. So we can send that over.

And then can we do that via a text? We'll just send it to them, see what their response is. And then on Friday, will you set the whole thing up, take a photo of it, and then follow up with us? And honestly, this first one, do it real well. Yes. I would stack the deck for this first one. That's exactly right. So that we really are making this a salve. Okay. I got my brain thinking I already have an idea. Okay, great. And then surprises with that photo.

Okay, I will. And you're going to do all this? Yes. Great. I have nothing to lose. I think you're totally right. You have only things to gain. I think we have a win. I do too. Thank you so much, guys. This is going to work. So are we. Let's party. Thank you so much. Okay, we are back, Jennifer. Let us know what's happening. Hello.

Kind of down. He's not on the call, unfortunately, but he wasn't ready. Walk us through what happened since we've been gone. So I called him. I let him know that I wrote in. He was like, oh, that's so sweet, but you want to get back together. And I told him briefly, I was like, yeah, they're talking sort of like a Mrs. Dot Fire Lee. And he said, oh, so I would dress up.

And I was like, yeah. And he wasn't opposed to that. And then he said maybe he'd be more down for like a follow-up situation. So he's definitely not saying no. Oh. So that's good. So he's going to do it. He just didn't want to be on the call right now. Yes. Yes. Fine. And he also was on a long walk and like huffing and puffing. So this is still good news. Is he being chased? Yes. No, he's just long. He likes to walk. So Jennifer, what are you going to do next?

I think I can tell him your guys' pitch and see, since he seemed like kind of down, I think it might actually happen. So can we do something really fast, Jennifer? Can you pitch us what you're going to pitch him?

Okay, I'm gonna say that I'm gonna go to my mom's house and I'm gonna tell her that I invited a dance instructor over to do a private lesson with us because I know she's been like really missing that part of her life. And I'm gonna tell him, you know, dad, like,

I think it'd be a good idea for you to dress up and let's essentially mis-stoutfire her. And like, I bought you the outfit. I'm ready. You need to be there this Friday at 6 p.m. But once you get there, I'm going to leave. And hopefully it goes well and you can take her dancing to that place you like. Or you could stay home because you're going to be all dressed up and you have to do a special accent.

And then I'll see what he says. Okay. And do you think, I think this is great. I think it's amazing that we had a half hour away and I'm hearing it back now and I'm like, what is happening? But I agree. I'm in. And do you think, uh,

Do you think you should be there that night to help make sure it goes smoothly rather than leave right away? Because what you don't want to do is you set it up, your dad's in a weird mariachi outfit, and you leave and your mom goes, what are you doing? And he goes, I'm not sure. Yeah.

And then she goes like, I'd like you to take off. And he's like, okay, shall I salsa out of here? And she's like, I want a divorce. That's why I'm divorcing you because you do what other people tell you to do and you don't think it out. And he goes like, haram, bam, bam, haram, bam, bam. So do we want more of a safety net for dad in that is you are curating their evening a little bit.

I think that I could stay, or if I leave, I could become a common villain. If it goes bad, they could start complaining about how ridiculous this was, and then they can bond over that. I actually like that, but I would maybe put that in dad's ear. Yeah.

Like, like I kind of made him do it. Yes. Then it's silly, but he's doing it. And then maybe they could get in a conversation and she made me do it, but I do want to be back with you. And I like dancing with you. And I miss dancing. Maybe they'll just go. Cause he's already there. So, you know, I've got a question for you about the dance place. Is it buying tickets? No, no tickets. So here's what I would recommend you do. And nobody likes to spend money. Uh, I would book them a car.

that you get your siblings to do too, and here's why. He gets there, you leave. Then there's a town car out front.

And it's going to take them there and pick them up at midnight. Whether they go or not, there's a town car there. It's been paid for. So he's like, can we just do this? Because what you're hoping is they have a couple of drinks. I like that. Me too. And all of a sudden she goes like, this is so stupid. He goes, you think it's stupid? Look at the pants I'm wearing because of Jennifer. And then they have a drink together. They have a little bit of fun. And she goes, if you like pina coladas, you're going to like it.

Getting stuck in the rain. And it's fucking you all along. We raised our kids together. What are we going to do? Find somebody else? Spin, spin. That's good. She's not going to want it. The car is already there. She can't say no. No, it's weird. There's someone waiting there. And then why not drink? You have a car service. Because what we need is... Oh, exactly. They will. You need alcohol.

Oh, yes. Here's what we're looking to have happen, Jennifer, and I'm sorry to say this because you're the daughter, but right now we're just on the pitching team. We're looking for mom and dad to fuck. You know, because... I'm sorry. That was too far. No, no, no. I just want to make sure you heard it. Jake said fuck. Yes, because what we're looking for is... No, yeah. You heard that. Okay. Sexual intercourse. And sex with each other. But you know this, Jennifer. You're not a kid. How do people who are kind of on the outs re-find the thing?

Offender sexual intercourse. Thank you, Zach. I threw an L at you, but I was hoping somebody was going to dunk it in the ball of the air. Zach comes, air bugs it and dunks it. Thank you. And so nobody likes that part of it. Gareth hates when it happens with Pam and I, but when we're fighting, that's what happens. Jake, Jake, focus.

I can't because I haven't eaten yet and I'm getting hungry. Focus. I'm focused. So Jennifer, can we do that whole date but book the town car? Yeah, definitely. And what we're hoping for and like what's your mom's favorite drink of choice? Is it like a bottle of wine? Is it a tequila? Yeah, she loves wine. So your dad shows up with her favorite wine that you've bought. Yes. So once you're there, before you leave, you know what you're doing?

She goes, what is this? You're opening the wine, giving her a drink, giving him a drink. And she goes like, Jennifer, what are you doing? And you go like, I'm just telling you what the night is. And then he goes, she's doing all of this. She called some silly podcast. And then she goes, wow.

And then you look outside and there's a town car. Ooh. That's actually realistic. Now we're talking. Can I add, can I add, and this might be, this might be a hat on a hat, but mom might not be prepped for the evening. What if we get her kind of a nice sort of dress that kind of matches what Mario's wearing a little bit. So the two of them are kind of going. They look hot. They look hot. And they're in unison. Um,

Yes. A little bit on the same page. It maybe saw it. Oh, by the way, I have an idea of how to do that. Go. Jennifer, you tie in another sibling that does a girl's day with mom where you got, they get their nails done. They get their faces put on. They have a full mom spa day.

Oh, easy. My sister will be so perfect for that. So at the end of the day, are you saying spa day ends with the purchase of some sort of dress that matches great? Yes. But it's like, and they go like, why are you doing this? And it's like, you know, my Jennifer and I decided we want to do this for you. And so all of a sudden it's like, just please play along, just have fun. So she's looking better than she's looked in a while. And then here's what we got to do with dad.

Dad can't look goofy as Mario. Yeah. Dad's got to look hot as fuck. Let's get that jet black hair. Yeah. Yes. Yes. This is changing. This is good. It did take a turn, but it took a perfect turn. This is just about the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Yeah. We'd like to drive out for the event. Is that okay? Is that great? That would be perfectly fine. Okay, great. All right, so Jennifer, what are you thinking now?

I think this is the best one we've thought of yet. I do too. I think having her distracted and also feeling good about herself during the day will put her in a good mood. So there's less risk of her being annoyed and more that, oh, there's a car here. I have wine. We should go. You know what we're actually now doing, Jennifer? Parent trapping. Parent trapping. Yes. Yes.

It went from Doubtfire. It started at Parent Trap. It went from Parent Trap to Doubtfire. It's kind of a Doubtfire Trap.

It's a Doubtfire trap. It's a Doubtfire trap. With a Doubtfire ripcord. If your dad needs it, he can go handle Doubtfire. Yeah. But this is, they're both, your dad looks great. Your mom looks great. The night they're doing it is the night that they're, that dance at the place they like to be. He shows up, she shows up, he goes, you look beautiful. And she's like, I mean, I've had a full day.

I think at the end of this too, let's your sister and you credit dad with the day mom just had a little bit too. Yes. You know, like put that on dad. Yes. That was dad. Dad wanted to do this for you so that when you met Mario, you guys were ready to go dancing. By the way, there's a car in the driveway. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Hey, Jennifer.

You got to document a lot of this. Yes. I know. I've been thinking about it. There's a lot of photos I want of mom, of dad. We deserve this. The town car. Yeah.

And if he does an accent, we need a voice note. We need a voice note is right. Can I add one more? And guys, if I'm getting cuckoo bananas, just say, Gareth, get out of here. Parmesan the mom right on her head? No, Parmesan the town. We rose petal the backseat. With Parmesan. We don't want to turn this into the golden bachelor.

Should we get, guys, will you host it? Will you have a black jacket and go like this? What do you guys think? So what did you get in a rose tonight? My dream is to be the driver of the town car and make it all about me. Start to kind of sour the event by just talking about it. The driver's talking a lot about his stand-up. I'll tell you what, I don't know what they're doing, but they're not improving it with all this construction. Ghillie beams here. You guys seem like a lovely couple. My wife and I are on the skids. So, Jennifer, are you doing it?

Yes. Yes. Love it. Totally. All right. Follow up. This is a big win. I think this could be the most romantic episode we've ever had. Yep. Aw, thanks. Thank you guys. Well, it depends how it ends. Yeah. By the way, we want the credit. We don't want the blame. That's how this works. Because this could go sideways. If it goes poorly, you never met me. We were never here. Yeah. Okay. But I don't think it's going to. I think this is going to work. I do too.

Yeah, it's really sweet. I think it's really sweet. Thank you. Thanks for calling in. Keep us posted, Jennifer. I will. Thank you. See you. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash heretohelppod. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal.

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