160: Turkey Turkey Turkey & Spying Gary
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This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back. Yes.

Jakey boy. You know what I got, Gareth? I don't think we've texted about this yet. I did a 72-hour fast. Oh, did you? Yes. How was that? Great. Now, we might have talked about how we like a fast, but that's a lot. I know. Nothing but water. Nothing but water, 72 hours. How was your sleep?

Okay. How was the first 24? Nightmare. And then after that start to ease up on you? Day two, pretty weird. Yeah. Day three ended up I was Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now. From hour 65 to 72, I was doing some weird stuff, my man. Okay. I still have more questions. What were the biggest benefit you felt? Um...

Well, the biggest benefit was actually it's more sad than funny, but I was doing it to try to I was missing my buddy Jeff. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I was just dying to like get drunk or do something. I was like, I don't want to do that. And I was like, I just want to shake something up because I can't stop thinking about him. And then the health stuff, I was like, you know what I might do is just see.

And Eric Edelstein obviously is like, brother, it brings out the dog in you. It's like you'll feel like you took mushrooms. Yeah, man. He's like, man, I'm telling you, when you get to hour 60, watch out. So did you feel – I mean that's a very – Yes. It's also, while that is a very – I don't want to say sweet, but –

It's such an in-your-40s way to party. I just won't eat. By the way, you're totally right. It's like the sad version of like, I'm going to drink a bottle of vodka. My friend's gone. You're like, I'm off food for three days. Well, you know, in the past when I've lost people in my life, I've always drank. Yeah.

No, I know. And you just go like, what's going on? Like, well, I'm really sad. What happened? There were five really weird days. Well, it's also, I went through that a couple years ago and it was great for the night and then the morning was the worst. But then you got in that same cycle. You're like, well, now I'm just going to have one to like,

calm this moment down yeah and at a certain point of life you're like i'm turning into nick cage from leaving las vegas no i know by the way legend uh what was legendary performance what was the the best have you ever worked with him no no uh that would be the dream what was your uh what was your first meal back did you play it like safe were you like safe

So just kind of some sort of like probiotics. Sauerkraut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did the whole thing. I've been into it. I really want, I'll do, I'll throw in a day fast every now and then. I really have, you know what I want to do? This is where we're getting weird. I want to do the week.

It's seven day. Yeah. Why? I hear it's very, there are, and again, this is- Crazy benefits. Crazy. We're just talking. Yeah, we're not recommending. Podcast intro, we're just talking. Yeah, but I- I thought you were going to say a darkness retreat. I'm not doing- I would do one of those. Yeah. I would definitely do one of those. But the week is, I can't imagine getting through the week because even on the day, even on the day fast that I do, you're allowed to have coffee. Right. I did my one sip.

I was telling people about that. It's just, have we aired that? We've aired that intro. Yeah. Has anyone, I feel like you got, that got buried in everything. What are you, like, has anyone said anything to you about it? I don't think anyone in my world listens to this shit. I know, but even online, like, it should be a thing that people are like, what are you talking, the way you, you just even just now in earnest, out of a one sip.

It's wild. So you did a sip a day? It's just the audience for this show. Did you do a sip? And they all go, yeah. Did you do a sip a day? Yeah. And what was that like? That was your only thing that wasn't water was your one sip a day? Yeah. Oh, shit, dude. I really enjoyed it, and I will do it again. Seven days seems like what I don't like about it is it could start eating the muscle. Yeah. Well, I mean, are we— I don't want to— What are we—

No offense, but... You and me are different animals, man. Yeah, what are you... You ever seen a chimp without hair? Like, you know what I love? That's me. You know what I love when you watch, like... You're a koala with no hair. When you watch chimp stuff and you see, like... The best. Like, you've got those, like, chimps that look like they climb trees all day and then there's the one who looks like he got laid off. And I love when apes go bald.

Me too. By the way, hairless apes. But you see certain chimps without hair. I mean on the head. Like they fully are just like, I lost it around 16. By the way, everything about chimps is the funniest. The best. We've talked about bubbles. Michael's chimp. Yep. And you've told me a wild story about your...

you were real deep into the story about how much you wanted to tell the bubble story to the people. Well, I mean, just everybody go on a little Google search, but I'll tell you this. Michael Jackson had a pet ship named Bubbles, took it on red carpets, fed it sushi, was on private jets, and then

And then, you know. It happens. That little chimp grows up a little bit. A little less cute. Gets a little aggressive. Gets a little bitey. Right? Gets a little teethy. Yep. And all of a sudden, Michael's busy in Japan doing something else. So what do you do with a chimp when he gets wild? Well, you put it in a sanctuary. And so Bubbles was in a sanctuary, but he doesn't want to hang around with a bunch of goddamn chimpanzees. He doesn't want to eat raw veggies. Yeah.

Homies had the best food in the whole world. He was on red carpets. He's a star sushi on a private jet. There's photos of this little maniac in the back of a limousine drinking champagne. It's just not okay. It's not okay. Now you're giving him a bucket of carrots. Fuck your carrots, man. It's not good. Who is he going to hang with?

I used to hang out with Elizabeth Taylor, Mike Jackson. Now who am I hanging out with? Literal chimpanzees? He was like signing to the zookeeper, like get Michael Douglas on the phone now. Get my agent. I want to talk to my agent. Yeah. You guys have made a huge mistake. You put me with a bunch of animals. So he wouldn't socialize. Yeah. There were reports he was very depressed.

As one would expect. Nobody was visiting him. And then he's still currently, he found a companion, a friend. He still is alive. Yes. And you want to know what he does? He's down in Florida. You know what he does with his days? Hangs out with his companion and paints. That's pretty good.

It's a true story. It's crazy. He's a painter. He's a painter. Listen to these words I'm saying. Garrett, he's a painter. Michael Jackson's chimp is a painter in an animal sanctuary in Florida and hangs out with one chimpanzee friend, and they don't socialize with the other chimps. It's real life. It is best-case scenario for where things were. Or worst-case scenario, because guess who else are painters? People in San Quentin jail.

All right. Well, it took a turn there. Listen, everybody, we appreciate... He's at Sanctuary, a.k.a. He's in jail. He's in jail, but he's got a buddy. He was on red carpets. He's never done anything wrong. Yeah, everybody has a buddy. They're called Sellies. Ugh.

The paintings are just of like stars of the era. Just like him with Mel Gibson. George Michael. George Michael. Just him drinking champagne. You know the worst part, he probably thinks Michael's still alive. All right, anyone, that got weird. So we appreciate everyone telling everyone about the show and go have a Google of Bubbles. And let me tell you, Jake really wanted to tell this story and we'll just leave it there.

What's that? You really wanted to... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanted to make this movie at one point. Yeah, still do. Yep, we all want you to. And without further ado...

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And then, Rob, I need you to hide your face so I just see Gareth. You got it. Wow. Thank you. That's what I'm used to. That's so cute. It's a different thing. Shall we? Do you want me to? I'll start us. Is the caller here, Rob? Yeah, yeah, they're here.

Hello? Hello? Oh, you are here. Yeah, there you are, buddy. Hey, how long have you been here? What have you been doing? Just eavesdropping? Yeah. No, I've just been waiting my turn. What did you hear? That's cool. What did you hear? What did you hear?

I heard nothing, nothing. Any of the Pesci talk? No. Pesci? Any of the asking Rob to take his face off so I could just see Gareth on the Zoom? I did hear that. I will say I did hear that. And Gareth saying that was cute or what'd you say? Yeah, it's sweet. It's nice. It's,

I literally just look at you these whole I'm used to it now with Rob there too my eyes were going to two places there was one at the very beginning we had Jake was like let's see him let's see what that's like and we had the caller on zoom and it was the fucking weirdest experience ever because we were watching the person like process our insanity and we were like and we were too felt like a job interview after about 350 of these calls we got a system let's stick to it can we get your name please

Yeah, my name's Hannah. Hey, Hannah. How you doing? I'm doing great. How are you guys? Good, thank you. Pretty good. We're just starting. Hannah, where are you calling from? I'm calling from upstate New York. Nice, nice. Gareth, whereabouts, please? I'm going to hold back close to the rest for now. But zone, like zone, you near like Buffalo or you near like Albany?

Closer to Buffalo. Okay, great. What's your favorite meal? Favorite meal, I'm a big spaghetti gal. Spaghetti and meatballs is probably my number one. I would say Steve Berg would also say, I'm a spaghetti girl. I'm a big spaghetti girl. Steve Berg is a big spaghetti girl. So Hannah, a spaghetti girl from near Buffalo. Should we just get into this, Hannah?

Let's do it. What's your problem today? And we're going to try our hardest to help you. Okay. Awesome. So about two years ago, my husband and I moved to a small town and we didn't really know anybody. So we joined a bowling league. And then last year we bowled with a really lovely older couple and we had a blast and, you know, we did pretty well in the league and we made friends with some of the people who worked there at the bowling alley and just met a lot of people. So it was great. Um,

And then this season, that older couple wanted to bowl with some of their friends from church, which totally get love that for them. So we needed to find some new partners, obviously. And we asked my husband's older relative and his wife who live in the same town as us to

to bowl with us because we thought that they would be a safe choice. And pretty immediately, we realized that that was a huge mistake and they've been a disaster for pretty much the whole season. They have gotten so drunk that we had to forfeit a game. They also got so drunk that they started making out on the benches inside the bowling alley.

They like pick fights with other teams. Everyone hates them. They sneak in vodka nips every week to try to like save money on drinks. They tip the staff on tips. Like everyone hates them. Oh, they don't. So they're not just drunks. They're the worst. Yeah. Yeah. They're the worst. They're not like great drunks. No, they're not tipping people to study fights. They're making out. Yeah. Cause I was halfway through. I was like, do we like them?

We hate them. It definitely doesn't help you from a bowling standpoint, but yeah, like, you know, you could be dealing with some people who are like enjoyable drugs. Yeah, but they're belligerent. And so these are your, this is your husband's sisters, you said? No, so it's my husband's mom's second cousin. So like kind of a random connection, but still family. Yeah, but kind of. You went older.

Again, why, just real quick, why going so old? You were dealing with old people. Did you think like old, did these people like to bowl? Did you ask that?

Yeah. No, they were pretty much, we were just like scrambling to find some people and we still don't like know a ton of people in town who like have random Thursday night availability. So we just kind of on a whim were like, they seem like a safe choice. We had like hung out with them a couple of times for dinner previously and they seemed really normal. Um,

And now we've gotten ourselves into this situation where they suck. And they've already started mentioning bowling again with us next year. We want to find a way to either make them not want to bowl with us next season or just kick them out or replace them without causing a fuss.

A stir in the family, like no family drama. Understood. So you're already basically circling it and you're doing a great job of it. But just for the fun of the show, what is the specific question? Yeah. So the question is, how can we make sure that we don't have to bowl with them next year without causing a huge family rift? Okay. Yeah.

I think this is something we can help with, Gareth. Oh, absolutely. I mean... This doesn't feel too hard. You have a... Let me ask one question. Wear a diaper. Wear a diaper? Go bowling in a diaper and let it get dirty.

That's not what you were going to say, Garrett? What? I literally said what you were going to say. I thought we were going to finish each other's sentences. No, no, no. You go, man. You go. No, no, no. Buddy, buddy, buddy. You go. Hold on. Hannah, give me a second here. What's the diaper pitch here? You're saying wear a diaper because... No, no, no. You go. No, no, no, Jake. You don't stop. I literally thought we were saying the same thing. Jake. We did the eye contact thing. Jake.

Jake, this would be a good one to actually have Hannah's video because I would love to see her face when you said that. What... I'll tell you what I would never want to bowl next to as an adult with a dirty diaper. Okay, there we go. Agree or disagree? I agree, but maybe we don't need to go there yet. I don't think we're there yet, but I like... Let's start at the beginning. The floor is yours. It's just a great...

We can end there. No, no, no. We can end there. This, we're going to get a bell ring. I completely agree. It's just how crazy Hannah wants to get. Well, let me just see. But, Hannah, you're going to win here. You just have to drive the train. We're getting you off of this boat. You want Hannah to split her pants.

I promise you this is going to end this relationship. Hannah, would you be willing to put a diaper in this? Probably not. Only because I know a lot of other people in the league and at the bowling alley and I want to say a good thing about it. Maybe you send out an email and you say, hey, Thursday, I'm pooping my pants. How about your husband? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I got to tell you, it's also a relief. Okay. He's with you. Okay. So let's get rid of the diaper pitch. I love it. I like that. I like where we're, where we're starting. That's the bot. We're dropping something crazy there. Right now we're going to go back and we're going to start building it small, but I wanted to know, this might've been a five minute call. He might've said, let's do it. Yeah. We said, give us a follow up. Send us a photo. That's great. We'll both poop our pants. We don't even need the diapers. We're cuckoo for Coco Puffs. Say that again, my man. Let's party.

Now, since these people don't bowl, are they going to be, are they going to want to like go back to this bowling alley? Are they, if you cut them loose, are they even going to know that you're like, could you say to them, we're just not going to do it next year. And then you pick up different partners. Are they going to know that it is a little bit.

So we've talked about doing that. The only thing is that they sometimes go to the bowling alley randomly to like play pool and like hang out. Like the bowling alley has pretty good food. Sometimes they'll just go there for like a meal, sit at the bar. And so I'm just worried that they're going to come in on league night and be like, what are you doing here? But let's put that on the shelf for a second because we know where that could end, right? Okay. Yeah. Now let me ask you a quick question.

We all know, all of our listeners are big bowling fans, myself included. We all know that the best thing you could do is get a 300, turkey, turkey, turkey, 10 times, 13 with the 10th frame.

Gareth has never heard Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. Oh, I have heard of Turkey. That's what you hit three. 300, perfect game. Do you spin? Can I ask you this, sir? Do you spin? Of course I spin. Well, I spin too. We're from the Midwest. Don't you dare bring that to me. I used to walk to Brown Deer Lanes. Are you okay? I'm fine. I'm fine. Here's my question to you, Hannah. Yeah. What do you bowl?

I will say last night I got a turkey. Oh, you got a turkey. That's three strikes in a row. Yeah. I'm pretty inconsistent. So the highs are high, but the lows are pretty low. But Hannah, what are we talking? Are you a 150 player? Are you a 180? Are you walking around at 210?

No, probably closer to 150. Okay, 150. And what does your husband walk around at? He's a little higher, probably like 170, 180. Okay, and what is this older, weird second cousins, whatever, what do they ball at?

That really depends on the level of intoxication. When they're on their A game, he can bowl probably like a 130, 140. So life is like typically trying to break 100. Okay, so they're dog shit. So that's where I was going. This is what I was hoping to hear. I think there's another thing you say, hey, we love bowling with you guys. You guys are a lot of fun. We are looking to win the thing next year. So we're going to try to level up.

And it's not personal. That could work, yeah. They're like, look, you go like, I just bowled a turkey, not to brag. That's when you get three in a row. It's called turkey, turkey, turkey. Are you flexing? Are you? I walk, yeah. Me? No, not you. You're fine. Jake keeps saying turkey, turkey, turkey. Because I've done it before. Yeah, I've done it before too. What's your highest number? Are we about to go to a bowling alley and compete against each other all afternoon? I'll go anytime, buddy.

Who are the two floor hockey guys? Gareth and Jake? What's your PFF, you geek? So our call would be which one of us, we just want to both admit we're average at bowling, but the other guy's got to admit he's also average. I mean, it would be so great when neither of us breaks 100. And then we both go, I'm really not good at spinning. It's hard. And it hurts my thumb. Well, by the way, every time I, like when I get back into it,

It's just gutters. And I'm like, if it only got, it just was so close. It's so frustrating. It's so hard. And I get, I get three great shots today. Oh yeah. Like back leg goes up perfectly. Oh, the leg is key. And then I always do the hacky thing. Who do you think you are? I am the best, the best Pete Weber, Pete Weber. So back to you, Hannah.

I think there is a move that you could say, hey, guys, just to let you know, again, this is not personal. We love playing with you. We love that you sneak in boots and you're utter trash and you don't tip the waitresses and you start fights. All of that we absolutely love. But...

Next year, there's been some talk about the league getting a little bit more competitive. So, of course, you guys could join. We would never kick you out. But we're looking for... We're going to try to level up and not even do it with, like, friends next year. We want to try to find people in the 200s to see if we can go up a tier. So that's just what we're going to do. But, again, not personal. It's not because you're trash and you don't tip the waitresses and you're alcoholics and you make out on the court and it's creeping everybody out. It's simply because...

It's simply because, Donna, you can't break 100, dear. And by the way, my husband Andy pooped his pants tonight. It's called a turkey. Turkey, turkey, turkey, and that's a flex. Okay. So, Hannah, what do you think of that idea, just a, it's simply about the numbers. Where do you get in that zone? If I may add a little lie to it if we want, Jake, you could say you were already approached by another couple who are really good. Ooh.

And so you could just have that in the chamber and say, look, we want to win this fucking thing. They're better bowlers. You know, no offense. You know, it's for a guy who's not a swinger. It's very similar to the swinger community. If you swing with a group and then new hot swingers come up, I'm sure you got to upgrade. Absolutely. Gareth, is that true? Well, I mean, it depends. Look, we're all, I mean, wait, what?

Boo on the fake turn. You didn't even fully sell it. I could have gone longer. You could have gone longer. You're right. You're right. You're right. I could have gone for it. That's fair. So what do you think about the new couple, Hannah? And is there a new couple you could reach out to? Is there somebody that you could say, hey, any chance you want to pair up next year? And then just say to them, hey, sorry, we're playing with, you know, Patrick and Monica. Yeah.

They're 200 bowlers, whatever. Yeah.

I think that could definitely work. And I love Gareth's spin of having it be like they approached us. Yes. There is another couple who has this season had trouble spilling their team. They can't consistently get people there every week. So they... And we're pretty friendly with them. So I feel like in the offseason, we could coordinate with them and put together a team. And then maybe even offer up to...

the cousins that like, Hey, if, if we ever need alternates, like we'll keep you guys in mind. So that way it doesn't feel like we're stiffing them, but like obviously we'll never. And you could, but you could also say we're going to need them and they're going to need them. They've said that like they miss a lot. Yep. So,

Would you guys be down to be the alts if we ever need it? And they'll go like, sure, we don't care. We're just looking to drink vodka and fight each other and maybe have some makeout sessions. And she'll go, I've never even got past 100. Yeah, and then you also go... I know, I bowled a turkey. We get it. That's three strikes. And my husband Andy has pooped his diaper. But I wouldn't do the diaper technique with the new team. I would. I think keep it going.

Name a situation it's not helping. Dinner. Wrong. Right. No, I'm right. But what do you think of that, Hannah? After-bowling desserts. Gross. Smells like shit in here. I'm trying to eat some ice cream. Andy pooped. What happened? Andy pooped. He's wearing diapers. What does that mean, Andy pooped? He has a diaper. Hold on. I'm trying to eat this Oreo cookie cake thing. It smells like, Andy, it smells like you sat on shit. Yeah, Andy did. But remember, he got a turkey.

What does that mean? You shit in your pants, buddy? Yeah, three times. Back to back to back. New turkey, turkey, turkey. New turkey, turkey, turkey. I think where we're leaning towards is this idea of a new couple that you don't reveal to mom's cousin until the last minute and you guys can be an alternate. Where are you at on that? Yeah, I feel like they can't really...

argue with it if we position it as like, oh, we actually want to like win some money and be in the top like quarter of the league. Oh, the winners get money? Oh yeah. Yeah. You have to pay to join, be in the league and then winners win? Yeah. Great. So there you go. Oh, and then it's very clean. You go like, they came to us and said, let's see if we can win this thing.

And I think it's worth trying. I would get them in soon. So I would have that plan locked in place soon so that you could tell the other couple pretty quickly after the season's over, you know, next year it's not happening, give them time if they want to try to join the league. By the way, which would be best case scenario. It would be great to have a shit show there just to be like still around, but they're just not on your team.

And what do you think about in the meantime to ensure that there's not drama later? Because look, I think we got a game plan that's going to win. But as we all know, the best way to get out of a relationship you want to get out of is to have them break up with you. There's also a play that we can make it so they dump you. Like the diaper thing? Like the diaper thing. But also like the, you start, you decide you're trying to do something

dry April, so you can't be around alcohol. Oh, okay. So if they're drinking, go like, hey guys, it's really triggering for me. I can't be around alcohol. And they go like, oh, she's the worst. You go, sorry, I'm just doing this weird thing. And they're like, hey, could you guys not swear? I'm trying to do no swear spring. Hey, can you guys crap your diaper? We're doing crap our diaper December.

If you did all that with a dirty diaper, I'm quitting. Absolutely. I'm like, I'm having a fucking beer. I'm bowling. You literally smell like poop. Look, look. So Hannah, what are you thinking? Hannah, we talked past the close on this one. I don't think I'm probably going to do anything that makes myself smell bad to the point where other people don't want to be around me. Okay. That's fair. That's a choice. That's fine. I do like the idea and I feel like I have...

both of us have been like trying to like keep some distance and like not be as fun so that they won't want to like hang out with us as much. But I like the idea. This is mom's second cousin. Yeah. Yeah. But I like the idea of maybe being like the alcohol thing of like dry April or something. You know, you could also do in terms of that, um, you, um,

You and your husband can be in a fake fight that's really passive aggressive and just ruin the vibe. Because whenever you're around other people when they're fighting, it's so lame. What we could do is if you wanted, I like what we have, but if you wanted off of that, you could, when you lose the next game or like the next matchup,

Have you or your husband get a little pissy, storm out, something like that. Then you say the reason why we can't do it with you guys anymore is because Andy, who didn't crap his pants in a diaper, he's taking it real seriously. So next year I really want to level up so that I kind of can take this competitive aspect that I don't love about him out of the equation a little bit more.

But then, Hannah, if you do that, which I think is a smart play, you set it up and that's after each. No, here's what you do. After each one of your guys' shots that's not a strike or a spare, get mad at each other. Yeah. Have him just. Oh, okay. Have him be a little tantrum-y. But don't get mad at them. Yeah, no. It's between you guys. You just go like, you get an eight and have them go like, come on, girl. It was right there.

and then go come on and then when the drunk lady the other one goes i got an 83 she's like hannah's getting yelled at for a 160 and she's yelling at what are we calling him chad is your partner chad

I think you guys have been calling him Andy. Andy. Did we just make up Andy? Yeah, you did, but let's go with it. Right. It was like, did you create that Gareth? I believe so. Okay. So then all of a sudden 80 get Andy gets a strike. He gets a strike on his third one. You go, you didn't even get a Turkey. Okay. So Hannah, what do you think about that? How do you feel about, we've kind of thrown a lot at you. What do you think is your clear path? What are you going to take? What are you going to leave?

Okay, right now I'm thinking I love the last pitch because it sets the stage that we care more about the score than

Than they do. Than we initially let on, and then they do. And that we're doing worse this year than we did last year, and that's clearly getting to us. I think that sets the stage really nicely for us to then be a couple weeks after the league ends to send them a message saying, hey, we got approached by this other couple that is really good, and they want us to join their team next year, and we really want to try to...

Be at the top of the league. And if there are ever a need for alternates, like we would love to have you guys on the team. This is clean. Yeah. I like that. I think you two maybe want to rehearse a little bit with the agitation. Well, here's what I was about to say. You want to see some. Hannah, pretend I'm Andy. Okay. And I want you to go for it here. It's the seventh frame. I'm at about a 172. Okay.

I do the ball near the face. My form is good. I walk up. I go a little bit from left to right. I do the perfect little banana. I throw. I got spin, but I'm a little bit to the right. Seven fall. Your reaction.

My reaction is... No, no, don't tell me about it. No, no, no. He just did it. So I'm going to do it again. We're doing this live. Okay. We're doing it live. So now I just got the seven. I'm going to pick up the spare. I do the perfect little banana. I throw. I only knock down two. There's one remaining I missed. What are you doing? I need you to get your head in the game.

Can we do it again with a little bit of heat, please? Yeah, a little louder. Pretend we're not in a library. Pretend we're in a bowling alley. Okay. Okay. Okay? So I just got two. Oh, my God. What are you doing? That's like the fifth frame in a row that you haven't closed. All right. I'm doing the best I can. All right? Okay. Well, I need you to do better. All right. I missed, Hannah. I can't deal with this. I need you to step it up for these last frames. We're going to be losing to this other team.

Hey, I'm the lane over. I crapped my diaper. You know, let me give you one more piece of advice because we're getting really good here. I want less words and I want a firework of anger and then a quick apology. Oh, okay. Okay. Give me a 10 from the start and then catch yourself. Okay. And I got three up there. I throw it. Two. Go damn it. Oh my God. Not again. That's a seven.

A seven. Let's see what a 10 looks like. I want you out of your goddamn comfort. I don't know if I can get to a 10. You can't. Okay. And two go down. What the hell is your problem, Andy? Hold on. Hannah. I'm sorry. You know what? If I was a drunk next to you, you know what I'd go? She's fine. I'm playing with her next year. You're yelling to get them out of here.

But I thought we were going passive aggressive. We probably are. This is probably just for the show. Okay. Okay. But now we're in a hole I created. I'm trying to get out. Okay. Okay. Let's end it. But you keep doing it six out of 10. I'm sorry. Give me a goddamn 10. Okay. Okay. Two pins go down. Damn it.

Oh my god, Andy, what are you doing? Hit the goddamn pin! Hannah! Yell, fuck you, Andy! Fuck you, Andy! Now I want your mad hissed fuck you. And go, two pins go down. Fuck you! Yes!

do that and then apologize every time he misses a crazy like a crow fuck you sorry it's like having your therapist weep like about his own stuff it's just awesome you do that that's a winning for me I love it can I add one thing and then we'll get out Hannah show up to the next game with one of those bowling gloves on

Oh, okay. I can do that. And then before we go... Really up the intensity. Yeah, like you're crazy now. Before we go, to take us out, could you yell that fuck you one more time at the same time? Yes. Oh.

Fuck you! That's great. That's really good, actually. All right, Hannah. Let us know how it goes. We're on your side. It's going to be great. And again, if you got a drug nuclear, crap a diaper on your pants. We're pretty good, dude. I know. All right. Thank you, Hannah. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Holy shit, dude. Hello. Hello. How are you?

Good, how are you? Good, thank you. Can we get your name, where in England you're calling from, and approximate age, and then we'll get into the problem. My name is Sarah. I'm actually New Zealander. I'm calling from New Zealand. Oh, you're a Kiwi, Jake. I'm sorry about that.

Sorry about Gareth. He's bad with accents. So Sarah. We are. We're getting tired. We'll pull it together. No, no, it's okay. All right. Sorry. Sarah, where in New Zealand are you?

uh i'm in auckland oh beautiful and what international school did you go to jake stop it uh what just get into it sarah all right okay all right your favorite animal in my backyard go quick please just shout your problem and don't stop talking no matter what you hear okay my problem every morning um i sit in my bed and eat my breakfast

Sit in your bed, eh? And I have quite a big window that's like I'm on the road, like a roadside. And quite a big window. And there's a man that runs past with his dog, I'd say around 7.30 in the morning every day, and just looks straight in. And every time, like I can sense him coming. And so I look. And then, of course, we both just lock eyes every day. And it's driving me insane as to why he...

A, keeps running by and looking in and doesn't think, oh, I probably should not do that and go on the other side of the road. And that is my problem because I also see him sometimes at the dog park and he never stops. He's always running.

I've never been able to like, cause I have dogs. I've never been able to kind of like let my dog meet his dog just to get a sense of them. Yeah. What exactly is your issue with it? Is it that he's running or that he's looking in or you're just puzzled by all of his behavior? I just don't know why he's looking in. Okay. So looking in is the issue. Sir, I just got to get clear on this. I'm a little confused.

A guy, a peeping Tom looks in your window every day? Well, yeah. I mean, I've not called him a peeping Tom, but yes, he runs her. They call him spying Gary's there.

Spying sounds. Yeah, he's a looky Luke. What room are we going in? Are we talking like living room? Bedroom? I'm in my bed. Yeah, I'm in my bed and I'm looking out the window and I obviously like I could close it but I want the morning light. But hold on, we're talking about

A looking Luke looking in your window every morning. One quick thing. We don't want to have to close it. We don't want blouts. Yeah. Look out your window. I agree. I think our solve is, I mean, you're calling the show because you don't want to do that. So, which I understand. I mean, it's your, yeah. And so is there any feeling of unsafety? Who is this guy? What's your vibe with this guy? Well, so I used to have a flatmate who lived here and she would sit outside in the morning to have her breakfast. Yeah.

And I thought he was like flirting with her because she'd always be like, hey, look. He's thinking he's creating a meet cute. Yeah, but then I was like, well, she's gone now. I'm like, stop looking in. A couple of questions. What is the approximate age of this man? I'm going to say late 40s.

So he's an old guy like Gareth. No, he's not, Jake. Stop it. You sound crazy. Everybody thinks you do. Read the emails. Can you read the emails? I can't. I don't know the password. Okay, late 40s. What time of day is this happening? Like you said, is it morning? Yeah, it's like 7.30 almost every morning. So it's early in the morning. Okay. Yeah, it's weird. I got my first pitch. Oof. All right, go.

You think it's too early? No, I don't. Well, the look when he's looking, I know this feeling of like just looking. There's a difference between looking and leering. Sometimes you do a look because there's... Careful, buddy. I say this as a friend.

I think he could just be looking over because there's like... Every morning in the same window of a woman in her bed. I don't... I agree. I agree. Okay. Just stop, my man. Love you, brother. Love you and care about your future, brother.

Care about your career, brother? Not worth it. It's just a stupid podcast, brother. You got a big career ahead of you. You got a great life, brother. So here's my first pitch. It's in two parts. One is a sign that says, what are you looking at? And two is an air horn. And when he looks, you blast the air horn and it makes him jump.

And it's basically just getting him out of this routine where he goes like, fuck, I looked in there and she blew an air horn. What the hell is that? Or a sign that says, stop staring. Yes, I'm talking to you.

Oh my God. Good start. Do I, do I have the sign up just all, all day? No, no, it's just, you know, the time he's coming in, the sign goes up at seven 25. It goes on at seven 35. Once you wake up, put my sign out and you go like this. Hey pal, stop leering.

You know, this is a great jumping... No, no, go like this. Go like this. Leering and looking is the same thing. You're a creep. Dude, I fucking lost my shit just now. That's a great start, and I think anybody relates to a looking, leering debate. I mean, it's age old. Stop, Gary. No, no, you're right. It's not a debate. No, no, I love you, buddy. I love you back, buddy.

This is a great start. What we could do instead of, because that's obviously a very bold move. But you're also not talking to anyone specific, Gareth. I know, but we could also have a little more fun with it. Like, we could be setting little scenes that make him not want, like, what if you just wore a Jason mask?

And when he looks over at that time, you have a Jason mask on and you sort of just look out and maybe you build off that where there's just a couple things that by the way, even what if it's not creepy? You're creating. There's another thing here. You could create a weird. Do you have other roommates?

No, just a dog. Okay. We could create a storyline that, like, he's putting together a mystery. But the problem with this is we're just having him look more. It's a slippery slope because we don't want to create more intrigue. Yes. Because then he could be leering, and there's a huge, there's a chasm of difference. Okay.

But it might be good to start with a Jason mask just to see if you could creep him out a little. And then maybe we move to a sign or something like that that just makes him feel weird about what's going there. I think what we want to do is make it so that he's like, I don't want to. I don't want to do that. I don't want her to know about me looking. Yes. Yeah. So you've got some early pitches, Sarah. Where are you at? Let's hear from you.

I don't think I'm going to do the air horn because I don't want any neighbors to then check in every morning why I'm doing that. But I do like the sign. And I worry about the mask. I think I don't want to become the waiter. Agreed. Okay. I think that's really smart. What are you thinking of that sign? What are you thinking of it saying? What's the intention? Just kind of stream a conscious ramble a little bit.

So he's always running with the dog and he's always wearing a blue t-shirt. So I could pinpoint him and say, hey, blue t-shirt, what are you looking at? That's also crazy. That's crazy. He always has on a blue t-shirt? Yeah. Yeah. The same one? I think so. Pretty close. He's always sweaty by the time he gets to my house. He must live far away. Yeah. Okay. So now question for you, Sarah, do you want to fully pinpoint him? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not against it or like the humor of it. Yes. I hear it. Cause one of the things I like is we're trying to just get him to stop. Yeah. If it's very specific him, um,

Then he's going to feel like, should I do some sort of response? Is this a game? I think if it's cutesy or like funny, I think that's intriguing. He's like, oh, she's playing the game. And then he might do a sign that says like, hey, you underpants and t-shirt while I hear it. He leaves a note on your door. So I think if you're going to do it, I like the idea that we don't think he lives right in your neighborhood. So you're not going to go walk and get a coffee and

you know, see him. I would go for it. I would just be like, hey joggers, don't look in. You know, I'm not an aquarium. Okay. I like joggers because that creates... I don't want to be that weird. This ain't a zoo. Stop staring. Yeah, not a zoo. Don't look in. Yeah. Okay. But you're only putting it to him. Yeah, well maybe just a sign that says like...

Stop looking. Just generic. Yes. And then... Although, no, I'll tell you why I don't like that. Because it's almost like an art project. It said stop looking so that I should look. Yeah, yeah. But it's just kind of weird. It's like a weird... Like, I kind of understand that it's just weird to have a window to the street in your bedroom. What do you got? How about a sign? Because I don't want it to be too open for everybody. What about...

Walk your ugly dog elsewhere. Stop staring. See, I want it to be more for maybe this is a problem with all joggers.

And I want him to be like, oh, okay, that's weird. What about this? What the hell are you staring at, pervert? That's pretty good. Because if I was walking by and every day I looked in a window and then I saw that sign, I would get an instant stomachache and go like, who's the pervert? I'm not the pervert. And then you'd go like, I'll never look there again. Like, eeeh.

You'd go right into panic mode. I don't want to be a fucking pervert. Then you go, what am I looking at? Why am I looking in that woman's window? What is happening? Well, you know what we could also do? We could come up with like three or four that you're just rotating. Like that could be one of them. Like we could have like stop looking in pervert.

Just like, it's not an aquarium, don't stare. Yes. Like something like that. We could just have a few that you rotate and you just put up in the morning as soon as you get up. I think that's right. And after like a week or so, you could just kind of see if there's some kind of difference made.

Yeah. Sarah, how are you feeling about this? I think it works. I'm not going to call him a pervert. Okay. I think if I antagonize, yeah, I just think of... I agree. But I think a sign that's like, you know, what are you looking at? I think, again, if I rotate it every day, it's like, oh, what's the next message going to say? I think it will. I think there's one sign. So let's go with one. One sign. Okay. So what would be the dream sign, Sarah? Um...

You like zoo? You like aquarium? Was that a street you want to walk down or no? Yeah. I think, yeah, I think it's not an aquarium. Stop looking or something like that. I don't know. Can you read? What did you say about Big Bear? There's something about this isn't – here's what we don't want. We don't want him to stop and have to read the sign. Right. True. Sure. And look more. How about a big sign that just says –

Looking into random people's bedrooms is illegal. Or is weird because it's not illegal. It's weird. It's not illegal. We don't know the law over there. It's a very strange situation. Kind of specific but not pointed is like, keep running, stop looking. Ooh. Yes. Love that.

Yep. Keep running. Stop looking is perfect. Great. Because then you're saying to all the runners, you guys are being weird. I like that. I like it. That would change my habit. Yes. And it's quick too. You know. It's perfect. Punchy. Nat attack. What do you think?

My only concern is that it has to be big. It has to be big enough that he's not coming closer to the window. That's my concern. That's right. Big. That's why I like few words. It's very quick. But yeah, let's go big. So he can't come up to my house. You agree. We don't want him closer.

But I will make it big. It's a big window. Bigger the better. You know what you could do to make it really big on that first day? For one day, let it fill the whole window. Yeah, okay. Just a really big thing. Yeah. Yep. And you told him, what time does he come by your house every day? You said it's the same time? It's about 7.30 in the morning. Which is now. Did he come by yet? Which is around now. I haven't seen him now. I'm watching. Like the creeps. Just give him the finger.

I think this is going to work. Are you going to do it? I'm going to do it, yeah. Take a picture. Send us a picture of the sign. Let's have a look. I think it's great. I do too. Sarah, are you happy? Are you going to do it? I'm happy. Yeah, I'm going to do it. Thank you for calling in. Thank you for calling. Please follow up. Okay, thanks. All right. Bye.

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Hi. Hi, welcome to the show. Thank you. We're here to help in case you weren't sure. You're on with Jake, you're on with Gareth. Can we get your name, approximate age, where you're calling from, and your first concert, please? Sure.

And my first concert. So my name is Rachel. My approximate age is 41. Where we're calling from is Edinburgh at the moment, but we're from South Africa. And first concert, I think, was actually a Christian concert, DC Talk. Oh, we love DC Talk here. We're big fans of DC Talk. What's your favorite album from DC Talk, Gareth?

Oh, God, Jesus Freak. Oh, she did, yeah. That's what I was going to say. No, that was for me, but it's awesome that we have that album coming. And then, Gareth, what's your favorite song from Jesus Freak? Not obviously Jesus Freak. What's another one you really love? Nailing It.

Now, Rachel. I know. Now, Rachel, so you are South African. Jake was starting to do his international school bit because he assumed that you were English, sort of. But Jake, the South African accent is very complicated. So you haven't. Don't I know it? I spent some time in Namibia, which is near South Africa. You haven't. You haven't. It is. Yes, I. What's the capital of South Africa?

What the fuck? Was this geography class? Well, I mean, you spent some time there. I know my people. I don't study a map. You think you know one of the three capitals? You think you know one of the three? Hold on. Rachel, don't jump in. Jake, you don't know one of the three capitals, Jake. Don't jump in, Rachel. What are the capitals? I mean, one of them is very famous. I got this, Rachel. Cape Town, Pretoria, Bloemfontein. That is correct. Okay.

He's so confident right now. It's disgusting. I've never seemed smarter in my life. Okay, Rachel, what can we help you with? What's going on? So this is actually a little bit of a feedback. So my husband and I got married two weeks ago. And three days before our wedding, we were working out in our gym.

I was on the treadmill and he was lifting weights to get swole. And he was listening. He was listening to We're Here to Help because we listen often. So he was busy lifting and he just burst out laughing. And he turned to me and he said, I think we should re-look at our first dance song. So he said, you have to listen to the latest episode. So I obviously listened because I'm a good wife and I listen to my husband. Okay.

And I heard the badness of Mrs. Gingerbread. So he said, it would be absolutely ridiculous. We can't do that. So I was like, okay, sure.

possibly not, got into the car, took my kids to school. He took his kids to school. And on the way to school, I played the song for my kids. And then I said to them, guys, what do you think of me changing up the sort of songs for the wedding? And they were obviously on board because children...

So on the way back from school, I phoned the DJ and I said, I've got an idea. I'm sorry to do this two days before the wedding, but can we include this as the second song where the kids will count math and dance with us? And I said, please don't tell Brandon because he doesn't know. So Brandon's the fiance, the now husband. Smart to not tell him.

Exactly. It's good to surprise people every once in a while. And you'd probably say no. Yeah. Okay. Keep going, Rachel. Keep going. Keep going.

So we got home and later that afternoon I told his kids, because I had a little family meeting minus Brandon, so told his kids this is my plan. And they said, oh, we've heard the song. Dad played it to us in the car on the way to school this morning. So that was just my confirmation that I had done the right thing. Wow. Yeah.

I mean... So then what happens? So then we have the wedding two days later and we're all sitting at our table. It was family and friends. It was absolutely the most amazing day. And...

First dance comes up. So we go up and we start dancing. And I said to the kids in front of him just before, guys, remember, you have to come up as soon as the second song starts playing. And he looked at me and said, what is the second song? And I said, you'll see. So then for the whole first dance, he had absolutely no idea. What is the first song? Good question.

So the first song was, it's by a South African artist, but I can't even remember the name. Okay, very important to you. Guess what song you remember the name to, the second one. The first song is pretty sentimental. Is it a slow dance? Is it more DC talk? Yes.

No, definitely not DC Talk. We've grown out of that phase. So it's a nice slow dance that means something to you too. Yes. Slow dance. You guys are looking at each other's eyes. I can't believe we found each other. Life is beautiful. That's the first song. Exactly.

Well, found each other again because we dated in high school. So 20 years later, we started dating again. You know, I think that happens a lot. That happened to my buddy Bill, who I was just in Portland with. Facebook and social media makes that a lot more possible than it used to be. It does.

Because you follow someone and then you're like, oh yeah, I remember this. Then you slide into the DMs. Then the next thing you know, you're dancing to a cat song. Yeah. It's the story of Cloutland's oldest time. Yeah, I mean, we've heard it a thousand times. You do the first song. It's a hit. You guys are looking at each other in your eyes. You're remembering what it was like as high school loves, now a grown-up loves. Then take us through the moment before you decide to put...

I think the name of the song is I Love You, Mrs. Gingerbread. Yeah. Yeah. The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread. The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread. Unbelievable. Incredible. So we're looking into each other's eyes. It's incredibly romantic. And then the first chord starts playing and he looks at me wide-eyed. And then I just burst.

burst out laughing and he took he said afterwards he took a couple of seconds to recognize what it was because he had no idea what was coming and then he realized and then he actually ran off the dance floor after the kids came up so the kids came up danced with us and then he thought I have to film this so he didn't realize I had already spoken to about five guests. Yeah

To say, please film this particular moment. You two are meant for each other. Yeah, it's a good match. Yes, we are. About how many people were at this wedding?

There were 45 people. Okay, wonderful. And then, you know, we just did an interview, Gareth and I did, for Rolling Stone. And one of the things the woman said that she likes about the show is the world building. I think this is the epitome of the world building. Well, she also specifically commented on Mrs. Gingerbread, and we were sort of talking about...

The odd reach the Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread has had. Yeah. Like to the point where like people in our real lives are going like, oh man, that song's odd. Like it's just very... No, Garrett, in your real life. Yeah. Anyway, the point is that both of us have felt the impact. But what I will say, the impact for me, going back because we just did that interview, I think it was yesterday or the day before.

You heard a song, then you played it at your wedding. Imagine those other 45 people. They're at a regular wedding. They're like, oh, this is nice. It's a crazy song. The song's insane. The song is in... I mean, from the second it's like...

To be able to go back and listen to it for the first time again is like watching The Sixth Sense for the first time. By the way, the lady, the woman who wrote it has a link for it. It's now on Spotify, not connected to our show. It's just out there, which means somebody's random mix. They could be like, you know how Spotify recommends stuff for you? They could be like, I love this song by DC. What?

what the hell? I love you. Love you. Some kid or some person might hear that and go like, who's this band? Like, I love this. Mrs. Gingerbread's getting bookings in Reno. And so, and so,

We're gonna watch the clip and for anybody now that we're an audio only we will put the whole clip on Instagram Yeah, so you can see that But will you tell us how it went first before we watch it and what happened after Rachel?

So how it went was quite phenomenal because not very many people understood or recognized the song and it was an incredibly emotional wedding. We made every single person cry just before that. Wow. So we put that on. And then most people didn't have any reference to what it was. So it was a little bizarre. Nor should they. Which, I mean, the song is. Yes. So...

Yeah, this song is extremely bizarre. It's a big time inside joke. And it's long. It's not a short song. No, and we kept the whole thing on. Oh my God. So first it was Brandon and I dancing. Then the kids ran up. We called them up because they didn't actually listen to my instruction that they should just come up.

So we called them up and they danced with us in a very awkward circle. You'll see. It's not pretty. It's a hard song to dance to, to be fair. Especially at your parents' wedding in front of 45 people. Yes.

I wouldn't know what to do. No. Yeah. And then one of our friends came up because we kept asking people to come up and dance with us. They just didn't. I was like, no. Makes no sense. But also because it's not like a banger that everyone in the nation knows. No, no. But also, what am I dancing to? I love you, I love you, I love you.

I'm always thinking of you. I'm getting more and more excited. Before we watch Jake, pin it so you see the big video version. Okay, so then... That's a good idea. Look at you, Mr. Technology. I help my boy out, you know? And so then you do the song, and then before we go and watch it, which we're gonna, we're gonna...

Everybody comes up and dance. Did people say anything afterwards? Was there any reaction to it? Are you guys okay? Nothing. Nothing. Nobody even brought it up. Nobody was like, what was that? No, no one. I think people understand that we're just those people, so they just didn't ask any questions. I don't know if those people have ever existed before. Okay.

I think a lot of them do. The Mrs. Gingerbread couple? This has to be a trend. I'm calling on our audience to now, if you're getting married, add a second song and it is the ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread. You know what? I don't think it needs to be a second song. You know what I think it could be? First song. Aisles. Walking down the aisle. You're right. I think this should play at every wedding if you're a fan of the show. It can be deep in the night. Wait.

When everybody's drunk, you know, like we did a few things. We're at weddings. We do like bets. What's going to happen next? Yes. Just throw this on with the DJ. Film it.

And then call it. Because anytime you would have a wedding party where this could become a niche YMCA. Oh my God. Or brown eyed girl. Or shout. Shout where you're like, at a certain point of the night, you got to throw that weird gingerbread cat song on. That's a banger. That's an end of the night. Everybody's drunk banger. You know what that is? That's how you let everyone know the wedding's over. Yeah. And it's the closing time. I love you. Love you. Love you. Oh, the pop version. I'm always thinking of you.

You know what I would love? Covers. Yeah. Well, also, I would love somebody to sample this and put a cool rap over it. Yeah. Yes. That would be cool. Let's go. Give it on the real second life. Emily from Rolling Stone, you want world building? How's this? Okay.

That would be so goddamn... And if all of a sudden it's cool and you go like, hell yeah, that's a rethinking of this goddamn song. And so, Rachel, congrats on the wedding. Yes. Thank you. I'm really glad you played it. Yes. I'm glad it worked. Well...

Well. And then, well, we'll see. And then Gareth, for the audio only, while we're watching it, why don't you just kind of say what you see? All right, I'll lay in with some light commentary. Yeah. Okay. And like Jake said, go to our socials if you want to watch this. Here we go. We've got a beautiful light show going on. The lovely couple feels miles away on their own on an island.

Cool guy at the bar, too. Yep. Yeah, guy at the bar putting the vibe out. Okay, so that's the end of the first song, I think. And now I recognize it. It is... So now the husband is slowly understanding what the hell's happening. Kids are running out as this song blasts.

A great awkward family dance. This dance is not rehearsed. They don't know how to dance to a song with barely any beat. They're all holding hands and kind of moving in and out. They're ring around the posying. Now nobody's moving. Now everyone's just standing there. Everyone's standing there. The guy at the bar has left the scene. No.

Nobody's laughing except for you guys. Rachel, really good stuff. We will post the whole thing on the Instagram. All videos, obviously, on Patreon. Rachel, that's phenomenal. Awesome. Thank you. And congratulations to you, your family.

to us and mainly to Mrs. Gingerbread, who continues to have a legacy that I didn't see coming. Me either. And so I think what we're saying to the community is that maybe this is just the start. Yeah. That's up to you guys. We have so many. I mean, we've got an 18-year-old birthday party this year. We can play that. We've got multiple big events. So this just is becoming part of our lives.

And I think that the world is in need of healing. And maybe this is a small band-aid.

Exactly. Thank you, Jake. Rachel, we appreciate you. You're the best. Congrats on the wedding. Thanks a lot, Rachel. Bye, guys. Bye. Wow. That is just... I would say before we go to the next one, that's a ring a bell. Oh, yeah, that's a bell. You know, that was cheating because it's not a real follow-up. I saw that email and asked her to come on. Oh, really? We're still ringing it. Yeah, ring it. But that's a victory.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash heretohelppod. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal.

And we're now hosting a new improvised show called What If on the HeadGum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of TV, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big, ridiculous questions like, what if you heard a monkey's feelings? What if your grandma was a secret agent? What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout?

I'm not. And then we turn the conversation into spontaneous scenes, songs, well, because that's what we do. Subscribe to What If on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch episodes on YouTube. No script, no net, just What If.