Shownotes Transcript
The new McCrispy Strip is here. Dip approved by ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey, mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch, more ranch, and creamy chili McCrispy Strip dip. Now at McDonald's. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
Calling all ones and twos. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash here to help. And we would love to hear from you so we can keep making content that you love. You know this. We know this. There are ads on our podcast. We want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.
The survey is a quick, easy, and free way to support the podcast. Take you two minutes, and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. So go to gum.fm to fill out our audience survey. That's gum.fm here to help.
Are you ready to rock big savings? Rakuten's Big Give Week is a festival of savings with 15% cash back at hundreds of stores. We're talking 15% cash back at Expedia, Ray-Ban, Stanley, and more. Shoppers in the know get the best savings when they use Rakuten. They shop the brands they love and earn cash back on top of deals. Big Give Week is only once a year,
and the cashback rates are through the roof. I'll be shopping for some new beauty products and home essentials while getting 15% cashback on it all. I get my cashback sent directly to my PayPal, and it feels so good whenever I see it hit my account. Join for free today and get a $20 welcome bonus. Hurry! Big Give Week ends May 12th, and there won't be an encore. Go to Rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N, Rakuten.com.
And we are back, Jake.
Have you been enjoying today so far, Gareth? Yeah. I'm giving a bell ring. Just to start us off. We're having a time. I'm home. Yeah. We're recording. Everything's good. You know what we've been doing this morning? We did some ads. We decided to do them together. Yeah.
And we decided to just record the whole thing and put it on Patreon. Yep. So if you like that sort of stuff, go to Patreon. And if you don't, then enjoy the free show. Fine. It's a free show. Stop. So I got something that somebody wrote the show that I just want to share with you. Interesting. A woman named Ariana. Okay.
Just going to let you know that I know you without giving your last name away. It starts with a C-H-A-M. You know what I'm saying, Ariana? Chamomile. She wrote this at 4.58 a.m. Well, but that could be an 8 a.m. East Coast. That's true. That's true. Hi, all. This might be TMI.
But I don't think this adds anything. Wait, this might be TMI+. I don't think this adds anything to Stone's call. But since I heard it and last week's call was Stone cameo, I've been thinking about this. And maybe this is in Stone's defense, question mark.
Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I do not have a foot fetish. That says everyone who has one. And I have never- That's how it starts. Asked anyone to do anything with slash to my feet. That being said- Oh boy. 80%.
Of the guys I have slept with in the last year have put my feet in their mouths completely unprompted. What? There may be something in the air for men in their 20s and 30s. She must have great feet, but even then, that's not a justification for that stat. Just think about it. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
80% of men in their 20s and 30s are sticking a lady's foot in their mouth. Do you? Gareth, has the world gone utterly insane? Do you? It's gone topsy-turvy. Do you? Have you any interest? Have even in your single days. Yes.
The foot to me was never something. Now, maybe if you're just getting out of a bath together, who knows? Or maybe if you're doing the bath where you're sitting across from each other. Even then. Now, this is the sort of thing, if someone asked you to do it, no issue. Agreed. By the way, you're 100% right. Unprompted, no. But just for my benefit, no interest. No way. No interest. There's other parts for the mouth that will work great. But also, she didn't say post-shower, post-shower.
No. Which means at a bar, dancing, hanging out, laughing, socks on, getting in the sack, taking the socks off, taking the clothes off. I'm going to stick these disgusting little piglets in my mouth. But let's be fair, Jake. Talk to me. There are...
You know, let's say you're performing some other stuff. You're not necessarily going, what's the day been like? I agree. You don't think you did play racquetball before this. Yeah, you might be asking. Because if you did, there would be no babies made. No, no, there's definitely, certainly not with the mouth. I'm talking mouth time. I agree. Okay, yeah. How are babies made? Through the mouth.
And science is a wonderful thing, Garrett. But I, but foot stuff. Agreed. To me, it's no interest. I don't know. This is something I want to say. Is this an age divide? I don't know. But this is something I want to say to the community, to the fan base. Mm-hmm.
Stone has sent this show in a weird direction, and we are getting emails at 5 a.m. in Stone's defense. Now, we've never gotten stuff like this. Now, a lot of people have been mad, Gareth. This is another thing. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know what people are mad about? Kink shaming. No. What? How we handled the denture call. Oh, okay.
They do not like that a woman is shaming an employee for dentures.
And they think all of us, including... No, it didn't. Okay, good. Okay, then I'm okay with it. Yeah, gender was. I just said she. Okay. Not only was the woman an asshole, but the two hosts and the goofball who hosts High Strangeness were also dog shit. Yeah. What a miss. And we got a lot of, I'm still a listener, but...
But this one turned me off. Well, look, what's great is that, okay, that's noted. That's good to know. Next time we are weighing in, I mean, again. No, I disagree. I think it's just, look, this is a, I respect the opinion. I hear it.
This, we're not, nothing's planned. We also- We're taking it in. By the way, if the woman without the teeth called in, it's a different session. That's exactly- We're on the side of the caller. That's exactly right. So we're trying to solve the caller issue. By no means are we heroes, which is what we've been called.
Yeah, by us. Which is true. I still think that's right. I do too. But I also think that if I put myself in the position of going to a place to eat and I can tell the person has no teeth. Please, I can already read the emails you don't read that I do. Just stop. That was a loss. Yes.
They hated it. They hated it. So many like, guys, this was really in bad taste. I think the complaint was she can't help it. And also a lot of people were saying like, honest to God, she could get sued. As a boss, you are not allowed to send. And by the way, that's why at the end, Gareth put in something saying, make your own decisions. Yeah, we are no, yeah, legally we're clear. Leave us alone. There was a few emails that said,
You guys are honestly on this one. If a boss sends something to the employee about maybe putting your dentures in, that's a lawsuit. To which my thought was, I hear ya. But she was saying she was going to put her in a different zone of the... We were in many ways trying to preserve the role that she... Can't you just accept the loss? It's coming from a Bears fan. Ring the bell just to piss the people off. This is about the denture call.
Just for all the emails and the comments. But to bring it back to the toe and the foot. Yeah, stony. It is interesting in general, but it's also interesting that the new cover boy for the feet, he didn't want this battle. He didn't ask for it. I think 80% of those guys who are sucking toes don't think they have a foot fetish.
I think we're in a new world where to them, that's not a fetish. To them, they go, of course I sucked a random lady's toes. That's what sex is. See, look, I have to – full candor, I am a very straightforward person when it comes to that. Like I'm not –
look, you want to do a position shift, let's party. You want to get a little weird, that's fine. You are aging yourself in a way that you don't want to age yourself. I never ask for anything crazy. This goes against your boyish vibe. You just said, hey, I'm pretty much meat and potatoes. How long until I post a picture of me sucking toes being like, hate all you want, and I have my teeth out? And you have a perm. And I have a perm and my teeth out and I'm sucking toes. Ha ha ha.
And then I go, Gareth. And you go, what? I've always loved sucking toes. Oh, yeah. Get off my lawn, old man. Leave me alone. I'm with those guys that you sent me that podcast with. The kids who talk about pizza toppings and they've never even known oatmeal. One guy's like, I like the meatball when there's cheddar on it. And then it cuts to you and you go like this. I totally agree. If you saw me in there, the shave is as clean as possible. Either way, you know what you should do as a bitch?
I'll cut myself in. Cut yourself in with the perm. And just all of a sudden it cuts to them. And then if you can get the lighting to look the same, and then if you go like, yeah. And it's just not even you doing jokes. My teacher hates when I do that. But don't end it at the end where you're winking and nodding. Yeah. Just literally have a moment where it goes in. You know who you're talking to, by the way. But then it goes to you, and you've got the full perm, and you've got the Matt LaFleur beard. It's not a perm. Again, we're having fun, but to call it a perm is crazy. Okay, fine. Curling creams. Yeah, curling.
And then you literally go God given curls. Not God given. Curl created from a curling cream. That created for it's enhanced. So I really thought I was going to sneak that one in. By the way, you don't have curling creams in right now. You don't have God given curls. Look at that. You got one curl. So then Gareth actually do that video.
I do like that idea a lot. That would be so, and just, don't even just slow, we'll post it on the show. Have you ever seen, have you ever seen Kirby Jenner? I don't even know who that is. It's a guy who pretends he is a part of the Kardashians and he's invented this character called Kirby Jenner and he just cuts himself into, it's fucking, it's so fucking funny.
That would be great. I like that idea a lot. But be careful that if somebody's already doing that bit and it's no, no, I, I've, I've, I've done these bits where I'll like cut myself into like news clips, like being the guy interviewed. That's funny. And just like, be like, you know, we find like an ESPN clip and then I'll just, whatever, just go up. So that's not hard to do. I like that idea. That's very funny. Um,
Well, let's get into it. Let's get into it. Yeah. Without further ado. Ado. It's not curly cream. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by something that I have in my home, and that is Skylight Calendars. Skylight Calendar is basically your old school calendar made digital. It
It looks like a calendar. You see it like a calendar. It's not like the calendars on your phone. You can visually see it in that old school way, which I love, but it can also put things on from your technology, which makes it easier. I bought one from my wife. She loved it. We talked about it on the show and now they are sponsors. It's a pretty full circle Skylight calendars and I like it. We're very happy to have this sponsor because Jake and I were talking just about how hard it is for us to keep our calendars straight and
You know, whether you're someone who uses sticky notes or you just kind of get lost in your calendar, Skylight Calendar is here to keep your family organized.
So right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to skylightcal.com slash here to help. Go to skylightcal.com slash here to help for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. That is S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-C-A-L dot com slash here to help.
This podcast is sponsored by the crisp, the refreshing, angry orchard. Now, Jake, you don't sound angry when you talk about it, because why would you be? Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about. But let's be honest. Sometimes it's hard not to be. I get angry at stuff, Gareth. Such as, Mr. Johnson?
Your perm? Stop. I'm soaking wet. Stop. Not today, by the way. By the way, your anger at the perm. I told you you're going to see my movie and you know it's going to be the perm. It was a ridiculous face. It's not even a perm. I don't know what's happening. I get angry at your love of the Packers.
I get angry at your delusion over the bears. I get angry at the draft in green Bay, where you just looked around and my mother who lived in Manitowoc, I'm like, Oh, look at this city. And people are like, and it's like, go back. And I was like, I'm fucking,
feeling they had a great draft listen don't get angry about all the things that we talked about except for jake's kind of uh obsessive relationship with the bears that they've never fulfilled him for 1985 i was alive it's one time instead get an angry orchard and feel good feel chill and refreshed not getting pissed off but have a tasty angry orchard okay angry orchard is the number one hard cider in the country has a bright crisp apple flavor i just had one the other day jake
Uh, it's just like biting into a fresh apple, something we all want to do. So grab an angry orchard cider today. Don't get angry, get orchard and please drink responsibly. This episode of we're here to help is brought to you by the one and only square space. Oh, square space, Jake. We love square space. You guys want to see how square space works. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Gareth is at a square space website. Uh,
Jake, let me answer that question with one word. Absolutely. And what do you like about it? When you built your website where people can come see you on the road, what works about Squarespace's website, garethreynolds.com? Squarespace not only makes the site look professional, the design is great. It's not that hard. You just are able to scale your business. That's right. It gives you everything you need. It's the best. It helps you. And now they just keep getting better and better. Well, they got cutting edge design.
They got SEO tools. That's big too. Do you know what that means? Of course I do. What does it mean? Don't push me. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and an auto-generated sitemap is what it means. And more, Gareth. The domains, they make it easy to find the best domain. There are videos. It makes it easy to showcase your expertise.
Check out squarespace.com slash here to help for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code here to help to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Gilly, take us out. Well, Jake, it's been a while. It's been a long while. Thank you so much, Gil. Hello.
Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Good. What time is it where you are? It's got to be like the middle of the night or something like that, isn't it?
Uh, yeah, 2.30 it is here. Crikey, Jake, you hear that? It's 2.30 in the morning. Don't do it. It's 2.30 in the morning. What is your, please stop. What is your name? Are you in Auckland? Please. Auckland's New Zealand. She's not a Kiwi. She's Aussie. What are ya? Yeah, I'm Aussie. Correct. Right on ya. Uh, where in Australia are you, Alex?
I'm from Melbourne. Lovely. Great tone. Beautiful. Love it. Great tone. You been there, Jake? I'm going to be there. JakeJohnson.com. Right now, I'm in Rockford, Illinois. Jake's in his little weird dojo with the sailor head and gorilla paintings. All right. Well, Alex, rough age. Let's say you're going through one of those websites where you've got to pick
the category respect are we what are we an 18 to 26 are we a 27 to 32 are we a 32 to 41 I'll finish are we a 42 to 52 are we a senior what are we
Oh, definitely the 18 to 26. Oh, okay. 18 to 26. Yeah, you didn't have to keep going, but... It was good to show that I know how to categorize numbers pretty well. Gareth, can I ask one question? You sure may, Jay. Based off what Morgan Nally created on the Patreon, which was she asked the Patreon community for questions. Oh, yeah, right. Hey, Alex, without looking back off the top of your head, and please, no bullshit.
Just be as honest as you can. What was the last text you sent and to who and what was it about not involving our show? Oh my God. It was probably a happy birthday text to my auntie and my uncle. Sweet. Your aunt and uncle have the same birthday?
Yeah, no, they're not even twins, but they just magically happen to be. Oh, they're brothers and sisters. I was picturing maybe like uncle by marriage. I hope not. Let me give you some advice. I am opposed to brothers and sisters marrying. Alex, what can we do for you? So I studied fine art in uni and for one of my projects. A quick pause to the audience. Uni means university. And project means project. College.
Yeah, that one. So for one of my projects, I crocheted a human. She was meant to be life-size. She's now, well, she's actually seven foot tall. Whoa, Alex. Yeah, she's pretty awesome. I do love her. She's pretty well beloved by all, but not all have to live with her. All right. So Alex, you make a seven foot crochet. Is it a lady or a man? And do you do jujitsu against it?
Have you ever beat it up? She's a woman. Okay, wonderful. She's been through it. I can't say violence has ever been deliberately enacted on her. I like that about you.
Thank you. Yeah, no, we love her. We respect her. We treat her with kindness. What's her name? Virginia. Great. Of course. Yeah. So you made it. Oh, wow. We got a photo of her. Oh, fuck. We got some more photos too, whenever you want to see. So she's, Gareth, will you describe what we're seeing? Oh,
Well, obviously crocheted. Actually, hold on. Gil, will you describe what we're saying? Oh, my God. Where have I been? I'm waking up under a bottle of red Solo cups. And yes, they had beer at a one man beer. Pog is achievable since I've been put on the sidelines. Jake crocheted. Not a lot of people know about this.
This is the art of knitting. It looks like a potato sack. Let's go to Gareth, please. So I'd say it's like a potato sack looking woman. She's well designed. Big eyes. Big eyes, black yarn hair, black yarn eyebrows. Her arms definitely have no bones in them. She's boneless, I would guess. Yeah, but very... I mean, but I will say this. Pretty realistic. If you crocheted that, Alex, that's very good. The eyes look good. The eyebrows look good. The eyes look good. The mouth...
The mouth, I'm not sure what's happening to the mouth. It's a little bit like the first photo we're seeing, which obviously we'll post, is a little bit like they're either on meth or they're in that horror movie. You know what it kind of reminds me of? Obviously this is animated, but it's a little Wallace and Gromity. Yes.
Okay, so Alex, keep going. So, and by the way, so... Okay, hold on. Hold on, Alex. We're going to put you on ice for a second longer because Jesse has scrolled to pick two. We're seeing... Hold on, Alex. Alex. Well, Jake, let's tell people what just happened. Okay.
Okay. We are... He's got boobs and a vagina. Okay, great. Thank you. So Alex is now naked. There's a photo of Virginia sitting on a chair with her legs spread. Legs spread. Let's just say the vagina is very... That looks pretty good. Kind of something. Yeah, it's... The boobs look like a lady laying on her back. Yes, this... It's way too realistic. And my question to you, Alex, is...
what's up? Why'd you do the vagina and boobs? Yeah. And way to go. I don't have a dick on my dummy in my garage. Well, yeah, when it's yours. She had to be, she had to be realistic. She had to have her bits. Walk us through now the very real reason, because look, you have talent as an artist. Were you in art school?
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're an artist. It'd be great if she said she was an English major. Yeah, so you were an artist, you did a project, and...
You like this podcast. Do you find yourself to be a funny person? I think you do. And I think you're funny too, but is it a little bit funny? Oh my gosh. Oh, I think I'm hilarious, but I haven't actually. Yeah. This is a very funny doll you've created. So when you're making the boobs and the vagina, I want the truth. How hard were you laughing?
Do you know what? I want to say really hard, but I was really into it at the time. I was very serious. I was very... Pictures back up. I'm going to be honest. Please. There's no patterns for vaginas. You just have to make that shit up. I totally agree. I was really concentrating, guys. Okay, so it might have started as a little funny, but then when you got into it, you said like, well, I want to see if I can make a good vagina. Yeah, yeah. And you have. Yeah.
From the photo we have. It's not a close-up, and I don't need to see any closer. We can figure it out. Do we want to CSI it? No. Oh. So now you have left this seven-foot creature. Jesse, please don't push it forward. Honest to God. I honestly feel barfy.
Thank you for not putting, thank you for not continuing. I like the way that Jesse did the tester push-in. He's like, do you want to see a little closer? So Alex, so now you've made this doll. I'm with you. It's seven feet tall. It worked when you were at university. Since you have graduated, you have moved on. You leave it at mom and dad's house. Mom and dad are nice to have it because it's your art project. It's in your room.
Yeah. Okay. And then where are we at now? Mom and dad are now starting to say what's going on with Virginia.
It's pretty much, yeah. Like, there's only... It's sort of like beating a dead horse, you know? Like, it was funny for a bit and now it's just scary for them. And there's a few ideas, like people... Like, my sister wants to burn her and have, like, you know, all that, but I just think she's better than that. I love her too much to get rid of her, but I don't know what to do. And, like, I'm still making art and everything like that, but...
You can't like, she's now stretched and dirty and gross and she's been through it. And I don't think I can revive her, but I just don't know what to do with her remains. You know? I understand. So you have love for Virginia. And so a part of you doesn't want to disrespect her by just throwing her in the trash, but you also don't want to travel with her. You don't want her in your house. Right.
And you don't want to try to fix her. You've moved on artistically. So this is, what do I do with my childhood stuffy if it happened to be a seven-foot-tall doll named Virginia with a lifelike vagina? Yeah, pretty much. That's interesting. It is for sure. Don't send it to Gareth. Well, come on. Everything's on the table. You said, Alex, that they were talking, your sister was talking about burning it at the stake. Yeah, an effigy. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she hates her so much. And what do you think of that? You don't like that because it's disrespectful or do you think it'd be fun? No, I think it would be so sad. I don't know. That was nine months I spent on this woman. She's kind of awesome. I just think she deserves better. So I got a question to you about where you're at in your art.
You can't incorporate Virginia in something. You can't make like a glass box. So we had a thing for a while where we were talking about this show that they used to do with dead bodies. They would embalm them and put them in glass boxes and use them as coffee tables.
Oh, shit. Okay. I would just consider putting Virginia in a dresser like she's dead. And it's a coffin, but it's a glass. It's like either plastic or glass box that is your coffee table that you move around with you. And she's in there as if it's like a dead relative. Okay.
Wow. That would be actually pretty cool. I like that one a lot. I think that one's pretty good. It's definitely artsy, and you get to keep Virginia in a way where she's not going to deteriorate on the outside. I got another one. Okay, I got a couple too. Go ahead. Without any notes, send it to your worst ex-boyfriend. Mm. What?
I don't know. I live in a smallish town and everyone already knows about Virginia. They know exactly what's wrong. Okay, that doesn't work. Okay. Yeah, she's also been like very prolific on my Instagram. I got you. Okay. Well, here's what I... The first one I thought of is, well, off of your sister's pitch, if you did want to end it, we could just kind of...
cremate her. So we're not burning her. We're cremating her. You can have the ashes. We can have it a little urn. We can put it on a shelf and you can always have Virginia there. You can have a picture how wide of the shot you want, you know, is up to you. But how do you burn it? Do you have a fireplace? I mean, honestly, I think the way that they do cremation anyway is like they're kind of fudging it a little bit.
Well, that's not accurate. I don't know, guys. I did call in to ask what to do with Virginia to keep her alive, not to kill her. Okay, all right. I'm going to nix the water funeral. Wait, what is the water funeral, though? Just dump her off a boat. It's not a water funeral. Yeah, it is. It's not a boat.
That's how mafia guys kill each other. They swim with the fish. We grieve. We grieve. We grieve Virginia. She's in the ocean. We put concrete on her ankles and you just throw her off the boat. All right. Here's my last one. My last one is we could flat Stanley her.
We could, we could, we could, what we could do is we could float this out there to the audience and see if someone wants to take Virginia on some kind of a adventure. Yeah. And they could keep you. We did this, didn't we, with the gumball? Yeah, we did. Well, we got the gumball. Keep going.
Didn't we get the gumball sent to someone? A museum, but it first started, they took a road trip in like a convertible. Okay, so then I'm pitching maybe some sort of Virginia road trip. We put her in clothes, we take her on a journey around the world, or what we could do is kind of chain letter her.
so that you could send Virginia to someone who wants her. They can have her for a couple months, take Virginia on an adventure. That person floats out where Virginia should go to next. Let me jump in here, Garrett, because I love this, but it might not be Virginia. It might be another caller, and here's why. Virginia's seven feet fucking tall. Yeah, but she squishes. You saw how she could squish. She's super squishy, yeah.
She's a real squisher. What size box could you put Virginia in to send? I fit her in my boot before. She was pretty malleable. Boot trunk, car trunk, Jake, not shoe. Yeah, trunk. That trunk is humongous. Sorry, Alex. Are you talking about like could she fit in a backpack?
Oh, no. Oh, wait. How big is the backpack? Like maybe like one of those big hockey ones? No. See, this is what I'm saying, Gary. We can't send a truck. She's seven feet tall. We can still ship her around. With a realistic vagina. She's light. How much does she weigh? How much does she weigh? I've never weighed her before. 40 to 50. No. You think 50 pounds? 40-ish.
That's a lot. That's more than I would imagine. Yeah, actually, like that amount of yarn and cotton probably does. Look, I wrestle with dummies, man. I know what they weigh. I guess I really am kind of ignoring your expertise. This is what I do. This is what I do, brother. This is your dojo. Brother, this is what I do. This is my life, brother. I don't know.
I've murdered these dummies, son. I murder them, son. I murder them. Okay, okay. I snap their fucking arms, son. This is what I do. This is Saturday, brother. Well, your little shed dummy hurt your knee, didn't he? Yeah, I haven't wrestled with it in ages, son, but I'm looking for a Virginia type. I will murder this one. I have one more that is terrible. Make a Tinder profile for her.
Make a Tinder profile for her and see if anyone swipes on it. And if they do swipe on it, take her to the rendezvous point and see what happens. I think that might be my favorite. I would say create a Tinder profile of Virginia and just see what happens. See what happens. Like fill it out. Fill out the world.
Yeah, yeah. What do you think of that, Alex? Well, I think that's perfect. I did say she was meant to look great at things, and maybe she needs to find her own dojo guide. Well, what you could also do is, if you wanted, I don't know how far you want to carry this into your life. It sounds like you're kind of done with her. Sorry, I got dogs over here. But if you're kind of done with her, what you could do is,
is you could create an Instagram for her and just kind of take her on adventures and her first date could be one of those adventures. Yeah, you know, I think that's really nice. You could do something else where you could say like, Virginia has grown up and she's moving out of the house. Looking for a permanent home must be perfect person willing to interview over Zoom. Yeah.
Okay. Yep. I like that. Why don't you do this? You could create a website for Virginia saying, Virginia is looking for a new home with photos of her. Send an email to this contact if you are interested.
And we as a show will post that, obviously, and get that out there. And we can do follow-ups with you and figure out what happens with Virginia. So why don't you make a Tinder profile that says, I'm here for the longest-term relationship possible. I'm getting out of something complicated right now, and I'm looking for my forever home. No sex. Something like that. Isn't Tinder partly about sex? Yeah. Yeah.
See, we got a vagina and boobs on this thing. We've got to be careful what we're offering. Hey, look. Well, I feel like you could reach a few platforms. There's not just Tinder out there. Yeah, yeah. Sweet Tinder. I'm looking for a little bit more PG. You know what could be nice about this, Alex? Alex, are you single? No.
Yes. Wouldn't this be a wild way for you to meet somebody? Isn't that a movie premise? Somebody writes back and you guys are talking about creating a home for Virginia and all of a sudden you guys realize, well, hold on, maybe we should get coffee and talk about Virginia. Let's talk about Virginia. I mean, I'm down to talk about Virginia any day of the week. So you're leaning towards starting a profile?
I think so. Start a couple profiles and see if someone would like to have her. So why don't you do this, Alex? Why don't you start the profile, send them to us so we can also see them too. And I think we could share it and we can see if there's anyone who really is serious about this and you can vet them and, you know, whatever. And if all of a sudden it becomes about sending it to somebody, then we can go down that road. But you've got to figure out if it's the right person and if somebody really wants Virginia someplace.
Maybe we can find a good home for it. Why don't we do this? We just did this with a fish, didn't we? We did. We created a nice house for a fish. Well, yeah, we made him. But why don't you do this? Why don't you get it out there? We'll share it. You vet some people. And if you think you have the winner, let us know and we can have you both back on and we can approve. Yeah, that's exactly right, Alex. I love that, Gary. So then pick your top two if you find two. And we'll do like a game show type thing. Great. Who gets Virginia? Great.
Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, I like that. Okay. So either, what are you going to do? You're going to create a Squarespace or you're going to go on the Tinders of the world?
Or an Instagram. There's other options. Or an Instagram. Yeah, I'm thinking I'll do it on my, I'll start on my Instagram. I've got, I've got an art account that I reckon like I can definitely do some advertising on. So what's the name on your, what's your Instagram art account? So everybody can just look at that when they hear this show, because this won't come out for, this won't come out until May anyhow.
I think it's just my name. I think it's Alexandra underscore Canny, C-A-I-R-N-E-Y.
Okay, why don't you say that again one more time a little bit slower? Alexandra underscore C-A-I-R-N-E-Y. Okay, so if anybody wants to check that out, check it out. You will see either links to Virginia or Virginia will be there. If you are somebody who wants Virginia, hit her up there.
Yep. And we will take the top two or three and we will do a little bit of a game show about this on a follow-up and we will find a home for Virginia. Oh, that would be amazing. All right, here we go. That's what we do. Thank you, Alex. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Appreciate you. You want to start us, Garth? Okay. Hello there. Hello. Hi, how are you?
Hi, how's it going, guys? Great, you really turned it on once you realized it was the show. Can we get your name? Where are you calling from? Rough age, please. My name's Gabriel, and I'm calling from Fullerton, California. Yeah, so I'm in sort of a I love you man situation. Have you guys seen that movie? Of course, great movie. Give the quick premise of the movie for anybody who hasn't really fast, Gabriel.
Yeah, basically this, um, this guy has a great relationship with his partner, but, um, he doesn't have any close guy friends and he needs a, um, he needs a best man. So he tries to go find, he basically tries to make friends. Um, because he, yeah. And, um,
So I'm in sort of a similar situation. Um, we're just trying to find, uh, friends, but, uh, guy friends. Cause I live in a, uh, a suburban neighborhood, um, with my wife and my son. Um, and I, we, I walk around the neighborhood all the time with my, with my little son and, um,
I see all these dads with their, you know, these young dads around my neighborhood. And, you know, I say hi and, you know, just very short interactions. But I guess my question is just like, how do I make friends with people
all these other all these other young dads and then the neighborhood and it's without i don't know there's kind of this awkwardness what's a sweet question and um so it's not an easy solution but it's a sweet question are you just trying to make friends just there's no event you're just trying to become friends
Yeah, just try to have like a... He's looking for some dad friends. He's with his kid. He's a little bored. He's like, if I could just hang out with another guy at the park, it could be more fun while the kids are playing. This is tough. You don't have... Something like that. You don't have any... Is this just been a lifelong problem of yours? This is new?
Well, it's kind of gradual because like in my 20s, you know, gradually my friends that I grew up with started to move out of state, move away. And now I'm at the point where, you know, at 30, I got married and then we, you know, just focused on just hanging out with my wife most of the time. And then we had a son. And so then it was like really like just my immediate family.
So, but yeah, I mean, it's like all my close friends are like out of state. We like play Xbox, you know, online, but I just don't have that, you know, that male energy. Right. That's tough. I mean, it is hard. I think like, well, what do you like? Do you like to play Xbox? Are there any other outdoor activities you like? Yeah. Golf. I am a big golfer.
Well, we can't just pitch clean, Gareth, of trying to find interest because that's not what this show is, right? So, Gabriel, we're in a tough spot because here's what I think we're going to have to do. And it's weird. But, you know, you called in a weird show for an easy fix because – not an easy fix, but –
You didn't want a straight shot because a straight shot is not why you're calling, but how to make friends in your thirties with dads. I don't know what's going to happen. I bet your son is very young. How old's your son? He's 21 months. Yeah. So here's what really happens, Gabriel. The people you're going to hang out are the people who gave your son wants to hang out with and you're going to just be with those parents.
Once he starts making friends, it doesn't matter who that other dad is. You guys are at the park together and you will find something to gab about because right now you still have to decide pretty soon. He's going to decide, and this is not going to be a problem in six months or a year, but the premise of the show is we're here to help you right now. And so that's what we're going to do. So here's what I'd like you to do.
I'd like you to maybe host something at the park where it's a dad's day where you can put a sign up that says, like, got my son to myself from 10 till noon. Would love to talk masters. Now, this is weird, even as I'm saying it at all. I got one. Go ahead. Well, look, we have the Swiss Army knife on this show, and sometimes...
Sometimes it has to be meta, which is we have to just use the show to help the show. Okay. I think we should invite... How old are you, Gabriel? 37. I think we should invite some 37-year-old guys who live in this area. Where in California? Fullerton. Yeah, Fullerton. To submit...
Who are also feeling this. This does happen. This is not fully uncommon. Like, men start to... I agree. But so are we pitching then, Gareth? And I'm not against it.
Are we pitching the same thing we pitched earlier, where earlier today we had a thing about Virginia, a seven-foot doll, and we were talking about creating a website where she was looking for... Are you saying that he hangs out with the doll? No, he BFFs the Virginia doll? I'm saying, do we create a find-a-friend type website? I think we go differently. I think what we do is we invite some Fullerton, California...
male, probably parent, not necessarily, listeners of this show's, to submit to the show. And we, as our follow-up, which could be a little lengthy. A date. We do, he gets to evaluate a couple guys and pick which guy he wants to go on a friend hangout. I don't hate it.
oh that's wild but it's gonna make that first hang so weird maybe but any of this it could be funny too look you know what's weird is walking around the neighborhood with your 21 month old son trying to lure pals with him
I mean, that's fucking weird. Like what we're basically doing, Jake, what we're doing, Jake, is we're saying we want you to online date versus, hey, walk up to three women in a bar when you're single and try to get numbers. What do you think about creating a getting on squarespace.com, starting a website, and it's your interests, your likes, your
who you are, what you would like, what you're looking for. And basically the thing is called, I'm looking for an I love you man situation. But we can even, I want to use Squarespace and we probably can, but why not right now? We can have him make his dating tape right now. And I'm only saying dating tape because that's what's familiar. Right. How did he do it? Well,
Hey, my name's Gabriel. I'm 37 years old. I live in Fullerton, California. And we posted on our Instagram. Yeah, and it's on the show right now. Okay, I understand what you're saying. So yeah, we posted on our Instagram, and we say, or we could just, we released this episode. I hear what you're saying. And we say, email the show. The subject is friend for Gabriel. If you're near the Fullerton area. If you're in the Fullerton area, you're a fellow dad, you're not a dad, but you have some of the likes that Gabriel's about to cite off. What do you think, Gabe?
So this is like blasting my message to like everybody in Fullerton, basically. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on, Gabriel. We don't have a link to Fullerton. Yeah, we're not going to drive around with a speaker on the car. But by calling into your show, you are currently blasting your problem to everybody who's listening. So we're just... Yeah, but I was just wondering like what would that, what would the...
Like what account would it be from? It would be from ours. It would be from the We're Here to Help Instagram. Oh, okay. And then people would write to us and we would then do a follow-up with you and them where we basically see if you guys want to continue this friendship. We are trying to manufacture... It would be the friendship dating game. We are manufacturing a friendship. Well, that is not... I mean, that sounds...
Yeah, I'm open to that. That's cool. That's not the thing you were thinking about. You guys were going to go in, to be honest. I mean, I thought you guys were going to, I mean, not, I think that sounds better. Actually, it sounds easier, but I thought you guys were going to like coach me on how to like, you know, have conversations with people. And, but you're right. I mean, like, that's awkward. Well, I know like those,
But we can maybe do the coaching when we have the dating game thing, but we don't know how you are with people yet. So we couldn't coach it. Yeah. I mean, look, part of it, I think you're running up against. That's the thing. That's part of it. Is that you're not in the position where you're able to make these friends easily. We're basically saying, we're going to leapfrog you to the end of this little race.
I think that's exactly what we want you to cross the finish line and feel just as good about it. But you know what? We could sit here role playing and go, uh, no, Gabriel, you know, talk about golf a little bit better. We could say, go to the golf course and hit, you know, go to the driving range and start hitting on some dads for friendship. We can do that, but we can also right now just vet this system a little bit and just say, your name's Gabriel. You have a young kid. You like to play video games. You like to golf. Uh,
Hey, look, are there any other dads in the Fullerton area? We're putting up the Gabe signal in the sky saying, do you want to be friends with this guy? If you do, let's do a little friend hang and see what happens. What if you're just looking for a golf buddy?
And you go, Hey, I'm Gabriel living in Florida and I've got, I'm 37 years old. I've got a two year old son, uh, just looking for a golf buddy in the area. My other golf buddies don't live near me. Uh, if you are a golfer and looking to golf with me, and is there a course you like to play golf at?
Yeah, Burchill's Brea. Say, looking to play golf at Burchill. If you're near it, we could meet there for a round of golf. Let me know if you're interested. Yeah, just looking to play some golf with a buddy. I got one more pitch. Okay. Why don't we say, my name's Gabriel. I've been chosen to be...
We're here to have the podcast. We're here to help golfer of the year. I just need one person to play golf with at Burchill and Bray. Only rule is you need to have a kid. Okay. Yes. And so father golf out. Like what if we, what if we do it and we do it? Okay. Yeah. So what's the name? Oh yeah. That's Gabriel. What's the name of the golf course?
It's a Birch Hills golf course. Birch Hills golf course in Brea. Birch Hills in where? Brea. We are now setting this up. There is a winner of the contest. Yes. And it's for a father. But we're not giving them anything. This is just to play with.
The, well, but it's. Let's just see what happens. Okay. All right. All right. Here we go. Three, two, one. Hey, Gareth Reynolds here. Jake Johnson here. Hey, we're from, we're here to help the podcast. We're unique. Yeah. Sorry. Let's take it over. I jumped on you. Three, two, one. Hey, Gareth Reynolds here.
And Jake Johnson from the podcast. We're here to help. We have a unique opportunity for fathers in the Fullerton area who like golf. Boy, do we, Jake. We are very excited because we've picked one person to go golfing at Birch Hills and Brea, but we're looking for one other. Yes, we're looking for a partner to our friend, Gabriel. Gabriel, how old are you? Do you have kids? And we know you like golf.
Yeah, I'm 37 and I have a two-year-old kid. That a boy. So what we're looking for now is if you are a father in the Fullerton area and you would like to play golf with Gabriel, email the show. We can only select one, maybe two tops. So give us the subject golf partner and email helpfulpod at gmail.com. We're very excited about this. Thanks so much.
Great. All right. I mean, I think we're going to get some submissions. I think we can link these dots. Jake, thoughts? Great. Yes. Gabriel? Yeah, that sounds good. I mean, we could even do, I mean, one other person, you could do...
we can do a foursome, we can do three. That's exactly right. Well, here's the thing. We'll see whoever emails in. And if we have an overwhelming response, we will then suggest that we do a foursome of you guys going on golfing. And then what we'll do is when we have people in, we'll bring them on the show and you guys can meet. Yeah, we'll have a little chat and then we'll set it all up for you. And if you want coaching before, we can do that. Absolutely. Yep, we can do a pre-session. I love some pre-sessions.
That's amazing. Yeah. The show has just become the real life movie hit. I don't know what the hell's going on, but when you go, but remember when you're out there golfing,
You're on your own. We're not going to have a little earpiece in your ear or something like that. Oh, we might. Yeah, maybe we will. Sure. We're not above it. Might be the movie Roxanne. How about this? We fly Berg out to go undercover as one of the people so he can kind of coach him silently. Well, remember Berg had an idea for a show called Looking for a Friend? Yes. Yep. This would be an amazing episode for him. By the way, do you remember when Berg had the idea for a show called Murder He Wrote and it was just him doing Murder She Wrote but as him? Yeah.
Gabriel, thank you for the call. We will follow up with you. Thanks, buddy. All right. Yeah, sounds good. Thank you so much, guys. You guys are hilarious. I'm a huge fan of the show, obviously. We appreciate you, brother. Thank you. Bye. Great. That worked. Yeah, great. There's an intramural golf league.
that golf course that he could easily destroy. Natalie. Why are you telling us now? Natalie. Natalie. I'm going to murder you next time we're in person. Natalie. Natalie. You know what? Did you see him dying? Natalie, we're doing an intervention next. We're doing an intro and it's an intervention intro. It's called an introvention. And we're doing that next intro. Yes. I agree, actually. Yes. You don't after the call tell us a great pitch. Bring it in. Bring it in. We'll see what happens. It's too quick.
You guys, you're making magic happen. We had nothing! It's a follow-up! We get a follow-up! We were dying! We could dress him! We could do a whole thing! We could have dressed him is totally right. We could have dressed him! We could have coached him, we could have dressed him. We could have told him how to act. Then he could have gone and called us how it went. But yay, we did a great follow-up! Instead we're doing a dating show!
We did the weirdest version now. We still have our intro. We still have a great intro. I know, but this is, we ended up, we made a weird dating thing on Instagram. I know. We had a solution, Natalie. We did.
Natalie's crying tears from her eyes. Actually include all this at the end of this call. Jesse, 100%. All this goes in. It's not an intro. It's not a, we'll do an intervention too, but this has to be part of it. Because the next thing we might have to do is bring him back and say, just go to the intramural thing if people don't respond.
So we do for, you don't know this yet, Gabriel, but we do have another pitch coming and it's called the Nat Attack Special. And the Nat Attack Special is after the call, she pitches.
That's the Nat attack. It's called the fifth quarter. She attacks us after the call with the right answer. Yes, the 19th call. I had other pitches. I send them to Jesse, usually. Why do you send them to Jesse? All right, Jesse, from now on, if she does that, it's part of your oath. What the hell is happening, Natalie? You have to jump in and say she just texted you a pitch. All right. Thank you. He tried. He told me.
I said, take it out of the chat. She said, no, I'm not doing that. We need what we need. Next episode, we're going to treat it like Natalie's called the show. We're going to treat it like Natalie's called the show and we're going to give her advice on how to be on the show. Great. I think that's exactly correct. It's great female energy. It's helpful. Look at us. We're like the same guy. One's just drunker sometimes and it flops who it is. All right. Well, I'll take you out to go. I got to go. I got to go. All right. Thank you, guys.
Hello. Hi. Hi, how's it going? Going good. Great. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Can we get your name, age? What's happening? My name's Stone. I'm 28. I'm calling from Virginia. Beauty. Welcome back, my baby. How are you, friend?
I'm doing good. How are you? Good. So Gareth, you missed the Stone cult, but you're going to love Stone. The name is great. You haven't heard this episode. No. I think it's worth listening because I think Stone might be a counter for us.
Oof. Okay. That's good news. So Stone, will you walk Gareth a little bit about what the first call was, what the problem was, what our solution is and where we are and just feel free to talk a little bit so that Gareth can get a sense.
Yeah, of course. First of all, how you doing, baby? How you doing? Hi, Stone. Yeah, yeah. I love being here. It's great talking with you guys. And I'm sorry I missed you, Garrett. It made me kind of sad, honestly. So I'm glad I get to hear you. Stone, our time starts now. All right, let's go. So I...
I called in my friends think I have a foot fetish. Um, but I don't have a foot fetish. This is just, uh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Just in law. Yeah. Um,
We came to the solution, or they were making memes, editing photos of me. Well, he claims he doesn't have a foot fetish, but Gareth, what he did was they were all playing a drinking game like asshole. And it was his, and he said, losers got to like suck somebody's toes. Yeah. And everyone was like, why? And then we found out that like, Stone's in defeat. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Like an appreciation. Yeah. Stone. I'll, I'm sure we've already covered this, but the way you're talking is not helping your case that you don't have a fetish. I have an appreciation. It's like what a sommelier says about wine. And then we decided to go around about everything he likes. And we created a chart of like, what's the most. And what we found is, is that feet are, I believe stone is,
Feet and face were the same. Oh, wow. No, no, no, no. They weren't. They weren't. No. Stone, what were the pie charts again? 3.5 for both butt and boobs. Two, I think, for face, or 2.5 maybe. Yeah. And then it was 0.25 for both hair and feet. Yeah. Was this on a scale of one to five?
Yeah, it's close. Did anything hit a five? No, it wasn't out of five. It was like a pie chart. It was... Oh, we're separating out of 10 or something. Separating out of 10. We did it like points on a movie. Gotcha, gotcha. So, Gareth, really quickly, out of 100 points, where are feet for you? I...
If I have to give a number, I'll give. No, you don't. You don't. But then I'll do none, honestly. You'll do what? I mean, we had a woman call in and she had no toes. And we've had to, like, put ourselves in this situation. And I was like, honestly, I don't think I'd care. Same. I do not think I'd care. Mine would be a zero, too. I really don't think it would matter. And so, Stone, the reason your numbers got better, Stone, was if you remember at the end, we found that face was too low, and so I helped fudge some numbers.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So feet are up there for the big guy. Sure. That's fine. So then we made a meme to his group of friends because they had a meme where it was him holding a foot and it was like, you looked like a maniac. It looked like a psychopath staring at these feet. And it was something like, I, what was the meme again? What did it say? Stone?
Oh, my God. You guys want to see it? It was just a picture of me looking at an ice cream cone. Yeah, let's see it. And then they edited the ice cream cone to be a bucket of feet. Let's see it again. Obviously, this will be reposted. It's also on the website. We're putting all the images there. Everybody chill out. They're all there. We're just about to see this picture now. Oh, I saw this. Yeah. Yes, I saw this. Can you read it?
Well, it's a picture of Stone and he's got a tiny little bucket and he's holding a pair of feet and the expression does him no favors because he looks turned on aggressively. And the meme goes up top. I do not have a foot fetish and I did not throw up in there. And then below it says, you got to believe me. So we made a meme in response.
Good. Okay. Can we throw that up? And Gareth, will you read it out loud and describe what you see? So this is the rebuttal meme, which is... I'll be honest, Don, it's...
It feels evidentiary. We're just attacking the meme culture, but it says Stone's fetish. Same picture, I should point out, and now he's holding a pie chart that is, as we described, the numbers are split. We've got 3.5 for butt, 3.5 for boobs, 2.5 for face, and then feet, hair, sharing slivers of 0.25. Okay.
And it says up top, Stone's fetish is, I can't believe you even care about this, you weirdo. Jake. Jake wrote that. At the bottom it says, if you say I have a foot fetish, you're an idiot. And then at the bottom it says, boom, lawyer. You sent this, by the way, it's a great response. So you sent this to the group, Stone. Yeah. And what's happened?
Yeah, so it's, I'd say middle of the road. Some people that didn't think that I had a foot fetish think I have a foot fetish. Hold on, Stone. Hold on for a second. Gareth, what's your guess of what's going to happen? I'm pleasantly surprised with what he said because I think that is the move of someone who, it's like someone responding in silence of the lamb language. It's really...
Crazy response. Stone, in seeing it back, it's kind of a psycho's response. It's a psycho response. I loved it when we pitched it and seeing it now, we might have led you the wrong road. This is what happens. We talk on this call for 40, 45 minutes. The language changes. The vibe shifts. We land somewhere and then we hear it back and we go, what did we say? I don't think we should have done that. Yeah, but anyway, it's a conversation starter. So go ahead, Stone.
So the person that made the meme, Kaylee, and you have a voice clip, I think, of her. Oh, we do? Yeah. Yeah, she made the meme, and she is settled. She doesn't think I have a foot fetish. Oh. However, there's other people, like some close friends, that...
Didn't think I had a foot fetish. But now because I called into a podcast, I'm protesting too much. They're right. Now they think I do. They think I was too honest. Stone, I would be like them. I would now think you had one. Listen to what he just said, though. He just said they think I have a foot fetish because I was too honest. You have a little foot fetish. And my guy, that's okay. Okay.
But what you just said was you do. He claims he doesn't. Buddy boy, look, and it's fine. You got a little one. Huh? Define fetish. Define fetish. You were aroused by the foot a little bit. You like things. On your list of important things, foot has entered the conversation. Stone thoughts. Stone thoughts. Honest ones. You're an honest guy. That's why we love you. Yeah, yeah.
what do you think of that um yeah i mean yeah i mean i'm okay with it but hold on can i ask you a question stone for real yeah what's up we all had images flash before us while we're sexually aroused just the way the human brain works yep you go i wasn't expecting to think about that or that person but here they are
How often are feet popping in? Just floating through Stone's head in the heat of battle? In the heat of battle? Probably, yeah, I guess, yeah, 0.25 often, I feel like. Do ever they just float by on their own, like not attached to a body? You're in it, man. You're in the battle, you're near the finish line, and all of a sudden just a pair of feet float by? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. Look, I was going to ask you a couple questions because I did not expect that answer. Neither did I, Stone. But, buddy boy. I thought it was going to be never. You got a little foot fetish, and that's fine. Not even little.
I think 2.5 is wrong, Stone. I don't think it's like a Tarantino obsession. No, I don't think it is either. I don't think it is either. You're going black and white, my man. You live in the gray. Yeah, almost black. Almost black. You don't have one of those. You don't have, by the way, his last name ends in... You're in the gray just like Gareth's shirt and not the hoodie. Yeah. It's black. It's black.
Yeah, I mean, it's, we all got our little weird things. Something happened when you were a kid. You know what I mean? Something happened. Somehow, something imprinted on you at some point in your life, and here you are. A grown man, a fine member of society. You don't have a duffel bag full of feet in your closet, am I right? Yet. Stone, so here's my question to you. Are you, this is a crazy follow-up, but are you willing to admit you got a foot fetish? And don't do it if it ain't real, babe.
Because if you're not there in your heart, don't do it. Because we both know, we now all know your group of friends is going to listen to this. Well, I just feel like fetish is just such a dirty word. I don't know. Attracted to feet. So you explain to us, Stone, what's your deal with feet? Take away the word fetish. I don't know. It's just like, I don't know, they're there and they can be attractive sometimes, I guess. Sure. But what do you think about hands? But what do you think about hands?
Do a pair of hands ever float by your head in the heat of battle? No, no. How about kneecaps? Gross. No, no. Elbows? Definitely not.
Stone. You got a foot fetish. You like feet. You like feet. Definitely, definitely no elbows. You're not Rex Ryan. Nobody's suggesting that you're like Googling. Maybe you are. Who knows? But it's fine if you are. Well, I have. I have. And I don't know. They just don't do it for me. But sometimes in the heat of battle, yeah, they do cross my mind as something –
And Stone, listen, you got two buddies here. Jake and I are your friends. And this whole show is about being on your side. We fully support it. I've never been in the heat of battle and thought about feet. It's not that it's abnormal, but it's your thing. Oh, now it sounds like you're coping.
Stone, do not. Come on now. We're buddies. We're arm and arm here. We're pals. Don't you do this to me. Stone, we're not going down the Gareth Road. This is the Stone Road. So the way that you feel about elbows is the way that we feel about feet. Yeah. Take it or leave it. Whatever. Doesn't matter. All right. I'll write that down. So, Stone, here's my question to you. What has the responses been?
- Yeah, overwhelmingly positive. I mean, it's hilarious that this stupid little meme breached our little circle and now in this podcast. So everyone had a great time listening overall. - And you said there were some meme responses sent your way. - Yeah, we wanna see those. - Yeah, I sent them to you guys. - Yeah, can we see some? Gareth and I have not seen them. - Yeah.
Oh my God. Okay. We got Frank from Always Sunny, the great Danny DeVito. I can't remember the episode, but it's a great one. And his face is horribly bruised. And it says, we got to definitely do a podcast about how I don't have a foot. Okay, now let's go to the next one. Okay, we got the same picture from before. This time Stone is holding a butt and...
And it says Stone's fetishes. We've got a final evolution at the bottom. We've got butt that he's holding with the enamored face, 35%. Below it, we have a bust, 35%. Above it, we have a face, which is 25%. Hair, 2.5. And at the bottom, we see some toes peeking out, 2.5%. That's a solid meme. It's a solid one. That was also the original meme maker. Oh.
This is a great one. This is a great one. We got Salt Bae, one of the world's great con artists, Salt Bae-ing over some loin and Stone's Salt Bae arched arm with the salt coming out of it is feet and...
And the loin is labeled fetish pie. So he's salting the fetish pie with feet. Seasoning. Holy fuck. We got the stone foot fetish spectrum ADA recognized diagnostic tool. So we are seeing a spectrum. On one end, we have stone. And on the other side, we have a Dakey Miyazaka fetish.
We have the garlic topping under Stone and under Miyazaka we have the sauce. Oh, yeah, because he kept mentioning the sauce. He would say, I'll go boobs, and you'd go, that's the sauce. All right, this is pretty great. All right, so Stone...
Pretty wonderful. All that's obviously going to be on the website and the Instagram. You won't miss it. But Stone, so where are you at? What's the feeling? Do you guys want to really quickly hear the audio clips from his friends? Yes, of course. We'd love to. Yes.
Hi, my name is Sadie. I'm one of the ladies from the aforementioned Vegas trip, so I can attest that yes, we are allowed in there. And I just wanted to say that when Stone originally came up with this bit, we were so drunk in our friend's living room that I couldn't stand, and I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life.
And having heard this podcast now, I have to amend that and say that, in fact, this podcast segment that Stone did is the funniest thing that I have ever heard in my life. Stone, you lawyered up. What good? And we have to concede defeat. You do not, indeed, have a foot fetish. And I must...
admit just once for the record while I have everybody that I did not hook up with anybody. By the way, hearing defeat probably turned him on. I always believed you. I always believed in you and I will always believe with you.
We love you, and we love your .25 foot fetish. Ston, this is me dying laughing. Oh, I've updated the meme for you, and I'm happy to let this one lay to rest. I think we have our next big meme to focus on, the sauce. And also, guys, finally confirmed, Ston did in fact throw up in the air.
I was in your corner to begin with, and then like the podcasters, you lost me for a little, and then you won me back so hard. Like my lovely girlfriend, I never doubted you. I've known you longer than all these bozos, except the ones you've known since you were a kid. But they clearly don't know what's up. I love you, bud. You don't have a foot fetish. Stone, this is a winning group of people. Winning. Yes, this is good stuff. I'm excited to hear the next chapter. I do have...
A pitch on a thing that already seems resolved, Jake. Please. I think we lean in. I think we have now made our – we have now put our flag in the foot sands. Dare I say, we get a little gold chain made, and the word in a little emblem we spell out, stone told, T-O-E-L-D.
Like Stone Cold. Hello? Is this thing on? I got an idea. Oh, wow. I love that. Jesus Christ. That was a dinosaur's reaction. That was one of my first domain names.
Stone-told? Yeah, yeah. You know what I wonder that we could also do if we want? Because obviously we're not going to make the necklace. We don't have that. No, I want to be very clear. That's going to be you on your time, not our budget. Well, that was just Gary wanting to do the pun. No, no, no. I wanted to do the pun, but now that it bombed so hard, I think I have to make the fucking necklace. I was literally, I was just thinking about practically doing it, and I was thinking, how are we going to get a gold necklace? I was wondering. By the way, the idea that you are...
How are we going to get a gold necklace? And my head was like, we don't have a gold guy. We don't have a necklace guy. I got a gold guy. But here's what I'm thinking. We could come up with a piece of merch we could talk to Leah about that just says, I don't have a foot fetish. Or I have a foot fetish. Or it could just say 2.5%. So Stone, how about you do a pitch? If there was a shirt or a hat,
What would that shirt or hat be to sum up where you are? You don't want a shirt that's too long. I made a shirt for my brother that had so much dialogue on it that it was a paragraph and we realized too much dialogue.
You got people rooting his stomach. So you want like a line. My whole thing with my brother, because we found out we were Hungarian as older men, because we didn't know what my dad was. And then when we found out he was like a Hungarian Jewish guy, we got really into being Hungarian. So we just started doing a lot of Hungarian pride. We both got Hungarian flags. This is so Jake. And then everything was how, of course, we're Hungarian. So I made him a shirt about Hungarian pride that went on for so long about Hungarian stuff. And then my brother was like, too long. Yeah.
Shirt's not worth it. I just walked down the street, people are staring at my stomach and I was like, mistake. - Looks like a menu. - Yeah, it's disgusting. So we've got about a line stone. What would you wear to kind of sum up where you're at
uh where i'm at huh and it's not celebrating you as a man even though i think you deserve it it's celebrating the fact that you called in and it's about foot fetishes and where you're at and let me ask you because your friends have now conceded to you which means ring the bell we've won ding ding ding ding ding but i gotta be honest it feels like a false win because i honestly in my heart of hearts think you have a foot fetish
I think you think fetish is an uglier word than I think. Yeah, but if we just take the dirtiness out of that word, then I can come to terms with it. So what can you come to terms with? I'm sexually attracted to feet, but I don't want to call it a fetish? It's not a fetish. It's an appreciation. And then on the back of the shirt, it says boobs are the sauce.
I mean, look, this is what's great. What was that line really fast to get, Garrett? Say the first line. It's not...
It's not a fetish. It's not a fetish. It's an appreciation. And then on the back, it says, boobs are the sauce. What's great about that is that we could pitch what the shirt should be for a day. I'm literally, what you just did was you spoke from the heart. You included some of your catchphrases, and I think it's perfect. I do too.
And I'll be honest, in this call, the show is the sauce. You're the foot. Aw, thanks, guys. And I would also maybe say that you might be the sauce. Because the sauce is better than the foot. We might be the foot, and you have a little bit of thing with a stone. I'm lost now. You're the sauce. Let's do this.
Stone, you want to hang out with us and do a follow-up with us? You're going to be very confused, but I think it'd be fun. Yes. Yeah, sure. That means stay on the line now. Yeah, so just stay on, don't hang up. We'll walk you through it, and most likely the person has heard the last episode, they'll know you too. So everybody, this is the end of this episode. We're about to do a new one. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.
We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.
Subscribe to Extraordinarians.
on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch... Watch it on the YouTube. There's new episodes that we release every Wednesday. We do. I've never seen you cry before. I know. This is upsetting for all of us. They don't let us pray for lunch. They do. This podcast is so competitive. They make you just...
Guys, we're watching a spin out. Please subscribe. Oh, man. Extraordinarians. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. And season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.