178: Add a Zero & Boys Supporting Boys
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And we are back. I work with somebody here on the movie. Her name is Rob and she goes by RK. And she came up yesterday. I was talking to somebody about the podcast. I'm doing a hard push here in Alaska when I meet people. They go, can I get a selfie? I go, absolutely. Have you heard? We're here to help. But she goes, you know, Gareth Reynolds.

And I go, yeah, she goes, oh my God, I love him. I have the biggest crush on him. Let's just start with this, Natalie. Yeah, yeah, go for it. I had the biggest crush on him. And then she met you at a show. We're posting the photo. First of all, what are you doing with your arm on her shoulder? Sometimes I see... What are you doing?

You all of a sudden, Gareth, and I didn't even look at this until now really because she texted me late last night at a bar while we were going hard. You look like the lady in a photo resting your arm in yoga. I'm like, your partner. How are you? Okay, first of all, I agreed. That's Robin, by the way. That's RK. Agreed. Conceded. What I'm doing with my arm is not okay. Really weird stuff.

But can we go down a little bit and just look at the pants situation? Why does it look like I just like got caught jacking off in my office and then jumped up to take a picture? Also, why does it go inward? Why does it go inward? Where the penis should be. And also go back up to the face. My face. Let's just be honest. Not great either. I mean, very red.

Very sick. Natalie, could we do this? Could we try to contact Robin? Yeah, I just texted her. Okay. From what she said, it was about 2017 maybe, she met you.

okay you did that weird thing on her body during the photo where it almost looks like you're gonna kidnap her it looks like i'm trying to shove her into the ground yeah but your other arm is holding her so your right arm is behind her it's you know what it looks like you're doing jiu jitsu

Stop. It looks trappy. It looks trappy. It looks like you like me. Yeah, it looks like I'm trying to climb up her to get to the stairs or whatever's behind me. It looks like you're trying to climb her for sure. And then, you know,

She was attracted to what the G-Man was throwing out. Not sure how, but okay. I am. Great looking guy. In that picture, you think that that's okay, the way I'm put together there? I gotta say, I like the slightly rounder G-Man. He's nice and round. Yeah, a little bit rounder. Not heavy, just softer edges.

It's kind of like when a camera's a little out of focus, but it gives you that great 80s Polaroid. I love how you think you're on the path to a compliment. It is. Who likes hard edges? When a camera can't grab an image. Who wants all these hard edges? Get a little softness in life for fuck's sake. I'll show you a hard edge. Mr. What does that mean?

Sorry. I didn't think you'd highlight it. Anyway, go ahead. When you said you were showing me a hard edge, you mean the hole in your pants where the penis should be? Can we please go down that way? Can we please go down? Where's the hard edge? Did your butt eat it? I think it's the Altoids in my pocket. Gareth, what's going on here? Where's the genital? I've never seen this before. Not only do I... I don't know where the waist is. I don't know where the genital is. But it looks like your butt ate your penis.

It does look like a wizard made my butt go in front. This looks like a butt, dude. It does. It looks like an action figure. My king, you have a wedgie in the front and men don't get that. You have camel toe. I have a moose knuckle. This is after a show. You were on stage. Yeah. Natalie, somehow your words hurt most. And yes.

It is. What's nice about you, Garrett? Rob, it's starting to pixelate. Rob, you're not going to be able to get into the penis.

But Gareth, what's nice about this is no matter what I say, I know the words don't hurt. Natalie, ask one question and you get tricked. Yeah, Natalie, you're out of line. Natalie, you're out of line. I'm saying your butt ate your dick. You're like, zero. Bingo. I'm agreeing. Bingo, bingo. Yes, Ed. Yes, Ed. After this moment where for anybody who just likes the audio doesn't want to go to the website or Instagram, who cares? As a matter of fact, I'd recommend not.

Yeah. I wouldn't look at that photo while eating. No. Do this when you're alone and you have a pillow to scream into. And don't want to. Yes. So, but the hug, the embrace, to me, that screams, I like this. And she's an attractive lady. You're an attractive guy. You said to her there, she said like, really nice to meet you. This was so great. I'm such a fan. And you said like, DM me.

Oh, I did? She then did, and you never responded. Is that one of your moves? No. Listen, I don't know. This guy, I don't know this guy's moves because the movie is pulling physically I've never seen before. So I don't, I can't, but no. But why say DM me and then not respond? Because DM me means like, let's go. Hit me up. You want to see my front butt?

Let me take these pants off and see what a genital doesn't look like on planet Earth. Want to see Martian crotch? And in that moment, she's going, yes. No, no, no, Rob. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Ignore your instincts. Go back up. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Want to see the hole where the penis should be? I don't know. I don't have an answer. I mean, I am obviously now at the

doesn't matter because I am with somebody, but in 2017, I don't know what he's thinking. Look at that. You think I know what that guy's thinking? But is it an old school move for the G man? And this is real curious. And the reason I can bring this up is it's old school. It's not you now. This was nearly a decade ago, my king. There's a chance. What's the DME and not respond? I don't know. There was such, I probably, you know,

Maybe in my head that night I was like, we could go get a drink after and then I had to go to the hospital because of what's physically happening to me. But maybe that was my thinking. But again, I don't know. There would be some times where, you know, a DM would translate into hanging out. Of course it would. But not always. I understand. I understand. And without further ado. Bad picture. Bad picture.

You gotta start, Jake. I gotta get my shit together. No, you start. You're in a good role. You're getting us in a good place. Hello. Hello, how are you? Good, how are you, man? Hey, how you doing? Hey, how's it going? Good. Okay, great. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Can we get your name, your age, where you're calling from? And then I'm going to ask the question that's just been hitting homers for us today after that. But answer the first part. Okay. Okay.

My name is Taylor. I'm 37. And did you ask where I'm from? North Carolina. Okay, North Carolina. And Taylor, say, end of your life, you're writing a memoir, looking back on everything. What's the title of Taylor, 37, North Carolina? What's the memoir going to be called? Miscellaneous Hoes. Okay. Thank you for the call, my man. Okay.

It's weird that you asked me that. I've just been thinking about what I'm going to name my memoir. Jake, what is happening today? I don't know. Taylor, where are we at? What's the problem? What a great title for a memoir. I've been thinking about it and it's still called that. By the way, thank you to the Patreon community for coming up with that question. We would just be talking about, of course, Morgan, we would just be talking about gorillas. Oh,

This is better. We are in a new zone. All right, so Taylor, writer of Miscellaneous Hoes, what do we got? Today, the author of Miscellaneous Hoes joins. We're here to help. Go ahead, Taylor. What's going on, my man? So I'm a member of a long-term friend group since high school. We're all in our late 30s now. But over the years, I've kind of accrued the shtick of taking –

Stupid dares for small amounts of money. Respect. So pretty much you could do anything for $20, especially not too much money. That's kind of a Gareth-y trait. I've definitely had a dance in that world. This was younger Gareth for sure. Oh, yeah. You could get Gareth to do almost anything. It's less about the money and more about the entertainment. Completely agree. But the money was very nice, and it needed to be there for it to happen. Agreed. That's right. Okay, Taylor. Keep going. So I'm just looking...

As I mentioned, we're in our later 30s now, and I don't quite recover from some of these dares like I used to, particularly now.

Uh, the, what, what brought it to my notice was a series of spicy food challenges. Um, and, uh, they're all unrelated, but each of them set me back a few days, uh, afterwards, if you know what I mean. So basically I'm just, I'm just looking for a way to kind of reinvent my reputation within a group of people that, you know, already have certain expectations. Um,

This is an interesting one. You know, I don't want to lose my place in the group, if you know what I mean. Yeah, you've got a thing. Right. Yeah, you're the wrestler. Can I just, before we jump in, spicy foods, can you give us another, a little more of a sampling of some of these dares, just so we get a little more of a sense of what your deal is?

Yeah, so the recent ones, the food ones were pretty simple, just some spicy chicken and stuff like that, the hot chip challenge people were doing. But also, for $100, I drank an entire bottle of malt vinegar, which went down all right, but it didn't come back up quite as nice. Well, that means it didn't go down. But the more physical ones...

We were in Mexico. They paid me $20 to let a random guy take a body shot off of me. You got video, my guy? There might be video. There is. If you can get your hands on it, we would love it. Yeah, after the call, the first thing you got to do is definitely reach out to the group and see if that's available.

Yeah, at a local public park where we would play disc golf, they dared me to go into the pond there to retrieve some lost discs. Where we knew there were snapping turtles and snakes and all that and families wandering around.

With the large half naked man. Journey into the pond. Okay. Do you know the TENS machines? They're like thin little pulses like they do for like sore muscles and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, like the muscle recovery thing. Yeah. It was a chug of beer with fat on my bicep and a chip of tooth.

How did you chip a tooth? Well, it's like, it spasms your arm as I'm trying to raise the beard to an outfit. To vibrate. That is... Oh, shit. Smash right in my face. Yeah, that's gonna happen. Stuff like that. Okay. So the problem... Why don't you just bottom line the problem and then we can start talking solution territory. Yeah. So just...

Kind of maybe coming up with a new shtick or reinventing my reputation within the friend group, but keeping in mind that I have a place to fill if you follow. - I do. I'll say my-- - I can supply some value. - Well, here's my gut on that right off the bat. You've got a very unique, legendary thing.

Like Michael Jordan, not the baseball player, he was the basketball player. Sometimes you're just going to have one thing and that's a lot. So maybe...

We might not be able to say what Taylor's second chapter is, but maybe my gut, Jake, is that we just kind of Derek Jeter Taylor. Talk to me. We kind of, well, we're going into retirement. We're 37. We've been doing this stuff for a while. But we're going to play with the sports.

Yeah, but hold on. Taylor, do you want to go into retirement? Because I think he was saying, I don't want him to come back if it's Jordan and a wizard. Yeah. Because... You know, I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to disappoint the group. And he likes the role in the group. He's having fun. He doesn't want to lose his role. But it's starting to wear and tear at him. Because you made a change, Gareth. You became a different guy. We don't do that with you anymore. No. Are you tricking me? No.

This is how it works. Now I know why you're so paranoid. This is how it works. See, he's working right now. I let you change and I changed with you. We evolved together. Okay. Well, what are you, so, so then Taylor, what, what are you, what would you like us to pitch on then? Yes. Well, there's, I mean, I was kind of thinking of two solutions that the problem is they, they have their problems, but one is kind of just like upping my prices.

I mentioned it's not really, it wasn't initially about the money, but I feel like sometimes that'd be a good, that's a good way to get out of it. It's like, no, I'll do it for double that. And they're like, no, I'm not paying that much. So it really, it really selects what's important to them to see and not either that, or this does kind of shift the reputation, but just pick up a new,

Pick up a new thing, become like the so-and-so guy instead. See, that's what I'm saying. I don't think we can necessarily do, Jake. Can I pitch on the first thing? Yes. Taylor, you get a new catchphrase. Add a zero. Add a zero, and can I jump in with the rationale behind that, which is that

You went to a doctor who told you you've got to be careful when you're doing these ingesting activities. Yeah. But no matter what, because even if it's not ingesting, you go like this. Hey, guys, our economy's crazy. And you're 37. You go...

You got a new toll. They go, dude, if you bang your head against the wall in between your forehead and the wall, put a jalapeno, and then as it drips, lick it, I'll give you 100. You go, add a zero. I think add, I'm not going to lie, Taylor, it's a right out of the gate, but add a zero is pretty good. Because then they'll go, I'm not giving you a thousand bucks. And then you go, then I ain't banging a jalapeno on my forehead.

And it is very frustrating when you're on the other side of that, when you really want someone who has kept you satisfied with doing those things. But you know what you do? You find somebody else who's willing to do it. Or you step up. Or you step up. Yeah, a replacement might be a thing, but... Yeah, but that's got to come naturally. I kind of like the ad of zero because...

The ringleader in the group, unfortunately, has been fairly successful, and he may not be that turned off by out of zero. You might be excited by that zero. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It might be more selective about him, but I can still do one here and there. Let me ask you a question, Taylor. Let me ask you a question. What was the last one you did?

The last thing was the, uh, the disc, the disc golf, uh, retrieval. Okay. And walk us through that one again. He went into the, okay. That's right. It's a disc golf course, but it's an actual, like a local park where families and all that, it's not, you're not allowed to go in the water. And what did they pay you for that? That was 40 bucks. But I also recovered like 15 extra discs. But hold on. So 40 bucks.

At a zero, how do you feel about walking into a pond for $400? That sounds, excuse me, a lot more appetizing. Okay, what was the one before the pond again? Let's see the order. That was the vinegar. Vinegar, and what'd they pay you for the vinegar? One of the food. That was like, that was $100. At a zero, would you have done it for $1,000?

I would have done it for $1,000. I don't think they would have paid the $1,000, but I mean, I would have been fine with that. But then you all move on. That's right. Because now you're not saying, I've changed and I've grown up. And they go, shut up. You're going, we've all changed, Mr. Money Bucks. Hey, Daddy Warbucks, you want to see me drink vinegar? Add a zero.

But I honestly, Taylor, I really wish I'd had this advice. I mean, it would have gotten me out of a lot of things. And then if something was going to happen, it becomes worth it. Gareth, will you tell the pilot story when we were shooting 22 together and the opening that they were trying to do for each of our characters? Yeah.

And this is important for you to hear, Taylor. People are going to go like, it's not about the guys, it's about the callers. Well, you're wrong. This is about Garrett because he is the caller. Okay, so in this pilot...

We each had intros. Jake's was to shoot a fire extinguisher while he was in an office chair. No, be shot a fire extinguisher in my face. And get fire... Just be covered in the fire extinguisher stuff, which is for fires, not for humans.

And Jake- He pushed backwards. The chair had wheels. Yeah, yeah. And he pushed by stairs. If I fell down the stairs, hilarious. If not, fine. But I get blasted in the face by a fire extinguisher. And this was before Gareth and I were working at all. It was one of our first gigs. It was by, the guy's a hotshot. He's connected to Kimmel. He was connected to Comedy Central. It was a real look. Yeah. And so Jake-

Uh, well, no, then first say Gareth, you, what was yours? Well, you, but you, okay. You want to talk philosophy after together? No, we were, we were separated the way a little do. So everyone had to make their own call. Okay. Mine was, I was going to, um, jump out of the first story of this frat house and

And I was supposed to look down the barrel of the camera. So look into the camera and kind of make a crazy face. They were going to freeze frame on us halfway through our action. And then it was going to stop. So Jake blasted by the fire extinguisher stops before he hits the stairs.

It says Jake's character's name. Then he finishes and he heads to the stairs. Me, like a lunatic, a party animal, jump out of the window before I hit the ground, looking into the camera, says my character's name. Then I fall on the ground. So Jake said he's not going to do his. You know what I actually said? Add a zero. I said to the director, that sounds fun. I'll do it after you.

And he goes, I'm not getting sprayed by a fire hose by those stairs. I'm the director. And I go, then neither am I. I...

like to play ball taylor so i said that's a can do you are what will i be landing on and they said some couch cushions that were going now i don't want to suggest that i was jumping off of a balcony onto the ground but this is a fairly this is a five six foot jump to the ground so i do one

I jump out of the window and hit the couch cushions. And they say, you didn't look right into the camera. Well, as a human, I'm trying to think of my landing, but I've got to kind of beat that gut instinct to stay looking down the camera the whole time. I do it again. They say, you didn't look down the camera properly.

I did it a third time, this time fully focused on looking down the camera. I land improperly and my pinky finger that for those of you watching now will see is still irregularly hunchbacked.

snaps to a 90 degree angle and points out completely the wrong way. The director and I look at each other. We both basically scream and I, out of instinct alone, take it and just snap it right back into place.

And I never went, I was broken. And I never went to the doctor. And now I have, I had 87 Oldsmobile. I have a hunchbacked pinky finger that sort of detaches from my regular. What you now have is the NFL commentator, Brian Baldinger. I have a Baldinger. I have a ball finger. You have a ball finger. So Taylor, to connect this to you, when you see those examples of,

we're not saying you're not a Gareth type because you are but we are saying if you say add a zero it might save your hand you jake it up yeah I have to consider that I can have a life altering deformist like a pinky like hunchback pinky so I gotta make it worth it but that pilot never got picked up so that was pointless yeah it never got picked up

I'm sorry, Gareth. It's okay. It's fine. I got a cool story out of my hand. So, Taylor, what are you going to do? What have you taken from this call? How are you going to imply in your life? And after Gareth, why would that finger be called the stinky pinky? That question is not going to get answered. Taylor, are you going to... And I'll tell you why it grosses me out. The other four are closed. It's like it's sneaking in a different area. Yeah, it's a sneaky. So it sneaks in the butt is what you're saying?

you're disgusting you are gross some people appreciate the curl

Taylor, ain't that the truth? Some people appreciate the curl. Ain't that the truth? Incredible. By the way, that's the name of Garrett's memoir. By the way, we just want to point out again, we are joined with the author of Miscellaneous Hoes. Hoes are by some people appreciate the curl, a.k.a. the stinky pinky story. But Taylor, what are you going to do here, cowboy?

Well, I want to thank you guys. I appreciate the bonding that I've got with Gareth. I didn't expect that. But the add to zero, I mean, I think it's the most straightforward pitch. Like I said, I don't want to fully abandon the premise and fully change, but I can become more selective and cross it a little bit more when they decide to pony up.

And Taylor, let me tell you this. They're going to push back because nobody likes a reinvention when it's benefiting them. It's very important that you hang in there. Don't say add a zero and then not make them do it because then they see a little bit of crack. They see a little bit of daylight. You're never going to get the zero added. Stick to your guns. Make them add a zero. I think that's right. All right. All right, buddy. That's good advice. Keep us posted. Yeah, follow up with us, please. Definitely.

Yeah, I'll look for the, well, the body shot video. Please. That'd be very helpful. I'm sure you'll regret it, but okay. I don't think you're right. All right, Taylor. Thank you, bud. Thanks, bud. Thank you, guys. Good luck with the book.

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Alright, we're doing something a little different for this next call. I can tell. I love it. So we're doing a follow-up with Gabriel. This is the looking for a friend. Oh, great. But what we're going to do is we're going to play a version of the dating game. Oh my god. So let's hold on. Let's do all this on air and you just explain everything. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Okay. So we've started. Yeah, yeah. We've started. And we're in. We have four...

contestants that are auditioning to be friends with Gabriel.

Great. So I think first round, we're going to let Gabriel in first and you guys can kind of chat through and set this up. But first round, I think you go through each of the contestants and ask them a question that each of them answers. Okay. And then the last round will give them each 30 seconds to give their friendship pitch. This is fucking awesome. This is its own podcast. I agree.

And then Gabriel will pick a buddy. All right. Yeah. Let's bring Gabriel in and let's do the catch up real quick and then we'll find him a friend. Here we go. Gabriel. Hello. Hello. Gabriel. What's going on? A lot. Yeah. Welcome back. Hey. How much do you know of what your follow up is, Gabriel?

Uh, you know what? Honestly, I did it when I didn't hear back initially. I just thought like no one probably wrote in. So I was like, Oh, okay. Well, you did wrong. Oh, we got some people right then my King Gabriel. So do you know, we have some potential friends, um,

And we're going to kind of do a, you know, we're going to kind of vet them to see, you know, kick the tires a little bit on some of these pals. And Jake and I will kind of run our points. But then, you know, obviously you're going to have to decide. But the goal here is we could all decide. Yeah. So, Gabe, here's what we're doing, Big Daddy. We're playing the dating game.

We're going to have four different people come on. We are going to ask them a couple of questions. Then they're going to each do their pitch of why they should be your friend. Then they're going to sit in the waiting room. You're going to pick and we're going to hook you guys up on a little friend date. How's that sound? Nice. So you're going to do it like one by one? Yeah, one by one. And you're going to be with us and you're going to hear too. All right. Yeah, sweet. So let me ask you a quick question, Gabe.

Off the top of your jack, don't overthink it. What are some questions you would like to ask somebody about them? And if this is, how can we get a better sense of what you're looking for in a friend? Number one question would be? I would say like what's like described, like your favorite, we're here to help episode. And, you know, just like in a sense, like,

like their humor like what what they like what i thought was funny interesting kind of give me an idea of uh like what their humor is like there's no better way to figure out if you're going to have a good friendship with someone than to talk about our show i mean we've said that for a long time uh then number two what's another question here what's another cue that they can a

I guess like their family, like their kid. And if their kid's around the same age, it might make it better to easier to relate. Respect. Same life stage. How about number three? And I know you're running out, Big Daddy, but just keep shooting. Number three? Yeah, golfing ability.

It'd be kind of annoying to golf with somebody who hits it 30 yards to the right and we're just not getting the pace of play. That would be a problem. I respect that. Question for you, though. Out of 10, how would you rate yourself? What's your PFF? I don't have an official, but I'm like...

95 to 100 uh as far as like out of 100 oh so like strokes like no no no not I'm saying out of 10 10 being you're the best player 10 being your tiger woods and whoever's the best now zero your dog shit where do you rate yourself out of 10 I'm probably like a six okay okay that's nice to know and number four what could be the last question

Go deep inside there, Gabby. What are we thinking? Deep inside. It can get a little goofy. It can get a little weird, but keep it real. What's something you're curious about? You know what? I mean, I don't know. Something's kicking around in between those years, babe. What is it? When are you looking for a friend?

I don't know. I just got to say, like, I just got to say humor and likes golf. Okay. I got some questions that might dig a little bit deeper too, Jake. Okay. We're good to go. Yeah. Let's play the dating game. It's so good to see you. Tell me what it's like to be you. Okay. Got one in. Oh, hello. Caller, are you there?

Hey, how's it going? Hey, how are you? We're going to actually call you contestant for this because, as you know, today we're trying to find our man Gabriel, his new BFF. So can we get your name, please? Yeah, my name is Herschel. Herschel. Okay, Herschel. And why don't you start off and just tell us a little bit something about yourself?

Yeah. Um, you know, Gabriel, I'm 35. I got a little girl who's about to turn two years old. And, uh, you know, I feel like me and Gabe could, could be, uh, besties. All right, Herschel. And Herschel, do you live in the area?

Yeah, I live in Yorba Linda, California. It's right next to Fullerton. I'm like 12 minutes from the Bridge Hills golf course. 12 minutes from the golf course. Sounded pretty good to me. Let's bring on contestant number two. Number two. This is our pairing. Yeah, hi. I'll go first. My name is Matt. Matt. Okay. And Johnny. Matt and Johnny. Matt and Johnny, how old are you two? So Matt, I am 42. 42.

Johnny, 51. Johnny, 51. Okay. And tell us a little bit of something about yourself here, Matt. Yeah. So the thing that I was thinking of is that I'm right here in Fullerton and I have three kids. And so I'm definitely in that stage of parenting and just kind of that world of, you know, the things that Gabriel described. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Hilarious, Matt. Very fun. Johnny, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Sure.

Yeah, so I'm the older, wiser friend. I've been there, done that. Respect. Kind of weird. Do you have... So maybe we'll do this, Gareth. I will run point and you will run commentary. Well, I'll say, Jake, right off the bat, Johnny's is a little weird. I'll keep pushing us forward, Gil, and you comment. A little strange. And I will steamroll us forward. Johnny51, do you have kids?

Yes, I have an 11-year-old, and Matt and I actually have kids that go to the same school together. Oh, wonderful. Hilarious. Okay, let's bring on contestant number three. Hello. Hi, can we please get your name? Yeah, I'm Sam. Sam. And tell us a little bit about yourself.

Yeah, I just moved to Fullerton from Colorado. I've been married for about a year and it's been pretty awesome. I work from home remote like all the time. So, okay. And then,

I'll tell you, that is absolutely hysterical. And then Sam, really fast before we get into it, do you have any kids? No kids. No kids. Oh, shout them ass, Jake. None yet.

And can we now bring in contestant number four? There's no more contestants, Jake. That's all of them. Remember, we got a twofer. Let's get into the game. Absolutely. Gilly, do you have any questions for Herschel, contestant number one? Well, Jake, I think it's very important. First of all, it's awesome to be outside again. Not about you, Gilly. Let's fire the Herschel. Of course not. Of course not. Of course not. This is not about me at all.

But I will say to any of the runners up, if they want to have a hang with old Gilly bean, he's certainly looking at number one. Absolutely. Thank you for pinning me in my man. I needed it more than ever, but I'll tell you, we all need a friend like Jake, but I like, he's about to say, focus it up, Gil. And I'm about to Herschel Gil Buchanan here on the ones and twos, just with a quick question here.

Let's say you were to win. You get in the winner's circle. Your buddy's with Gabriel. I want to know what your ideal day of friendship would look like. We're meeting up at noon. We're wrapping it up at 8. Walk me through today's itinerary. Thanks, Gil. Good to be here. Good to be out competing again. Hilarious.

Yeah, you know, we start off with a pre-round beer to warm up a bit, you know, get the small talk out of the way. Laser in, have a solid 18, maybe knock down one or two more drinks. Say good shot, boys supporting boys, you know, wrap up around 4, 4.30.

come back you know fire up the grill maybe roast something up have the kids play together since they're both about two years old and you know wrap it up with some music some good times and our wives asking us what we talked about and really just saying you know golf

That's a pretty great answer, Herschel. We're now going to go to Matt and Johnny. Hold on, Jake. Can I point out his day is getting drunk, playing golf, getting hammered, having meats while your kids are there. I think this guy's a winner, no doubt about it. Go ahead, Jake. Take it away, buddy. Matt and Johnny, same question to you two. Let's start with Matt.

Yeah. So as I mentioned, so two, two for one, me and Johnny have consulted, um, we're ready to offer our friendship. And so, uh, around the golf, around the golf in the morning, uh, definitely getting outside, um, just getting away, having that, that break, uh, uh,

And with the two of us, I haven't consulted with Johnny yet, but after that round of golf, I like to say that Johnny makes a mean old-fashioned. He's got a pool in his backyard. Me back up with the family. Kids can swim in the pool. Dads can hang out on the edge of the pool. He's got the cocktails on lock and enjoy the afternoon that way.

Jake, I'll tell you, you know what I like about this pitch? It's the exact same as the first one, but with a pool. But with a pool and another guy. Johnny, go ahead. What are you thinking? Johnny, fill in some details. Yeah, that sounds spot on. I think all of that can be accomplished, definitely. That sounds great. Johnny, not a man of many words, Jake, which I love. We're now going to Sam, number three from Fullerton, just moved here from Colorado.

what are you doing with Gabe? Yeah. I mean, all these dudes have the right idea. Day drinking on a patio. Sounds awesome. I don't know shit about golf though. So, uh, would definitely be willing to drive, but I'm down for all sorts of other activities. I like to, uh, make things in my spare time and definitely like sharing that time with other people, uh, playing games or, uh, whatever else. And then hanging out with, uh,

and his wife, perhaps. I love it. Quick question, Sam, to follow up. You don't know shit about golf? I don't know anything about golf. Okay. Well, this is a competition where we're looking for a golf buddy.

Jake, I'll jump in, Sammy. Jake, he doesn't have to play golf, but I would say, Sam, in your pitch, it might be nice for you to replace the main activity in the other pitches with something else. Because so far, it's just patio time. Can I also say this, Gil? Jump in, Jakey J. Two of the things we were looking for is a golf buddy with kids around the same age. And Sammy came in, don't know shit about golf, meh.

No kids. Well, tell you what, that's why I'm saying swinging. He's got a very, very likely he might be looking for. I don't know what he's looking for, but probably has a pineapple on his doorstep. But Sam, why don't you walk us through the eight hour window that we have open for a hang that doesn't involve just sitting on a patio. Does involved making shit, making shit. What are you talking about? What do you make in Colorado, Sammy? Talk to us.

I'm a blacksmith. I like woodworking. I build things in my spare time. I have a nice...

Garage, workshop, you know, that kind of stuff. It's just like learning new things all the time. So, you know, in my pitch on that email, I want to learn how to golf. That'd be awesome. I love this. I love this. I love this. So maybe Gabriel teaches you how to golf and you make him a sword or something like that. That's kind of where we're at. Yeah, hell yeah. So at this point, thank you, contestants. Now we are going to ask you to mute. And Gabe, we're going to ask you to unmute.

Yeah. Gabriel, weigh in. What are you liking? What are you not liking? All right. Yeah. My thoughts, just like in general so far. About the people and what they said. I would say about what we're doing here, pal. Focusing on the activity. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. I'm going to say Sam's a definite no. We don't know. We're not at that point of the game. Jesus Christ. Gabriel, mute yourself. Now mute yourself. Mute game. Mute game. Gabriel, at the end, we want to reveal that. Mute game.

It's called stakes. Gabe, you are not talking again until the end, my king. Let's go to question number two. Herschel, this is for you. Herschel, we're going to you, sir. Gilly, what's another question for Herschel? And we're only going to do three questions total. All right, Jake. And then we're going to get to the ending. Well, look, Jake, we've heard the pitch. They were all fairly similar. I think maybe it's time to dig a little bit deeper. Let's find something a little more emotional. Herschel.

This is quite a heavy question. When was the last time you ended a friendship and why? That is a heavy question. Let me cook here, Jake. Let's see what comes up. Feels like the train might absolutely fall off the old track skis. Well, okay.

You imagine on the dating show, Chuck Worley saying, have you been divorced? What happened? I'd like to know that before I entered a relationship. We're talking way more about what kind of whoopee do you like to make? All right, then why don't we say this? As a friend, what is your best quality? Now we're back. And why did someone reject it and you had to eliminate them from your life? Now we're off the track. Go ahead. What is your best quality as a friend?

Hey, man. You know, I'm a big believer in boys supporting boys or any iteration of that. Said that twice already and I've never heard it before in my life. It's like you've got a mantra. Boys supporting boys. I think he's pitching merch. Herschel's a big believer in boys supporting boys. Is that right, Herschel? And what does that mean to you? I just feel like, you know, I feel like you trash talk, have a good time, but at the end of the day...

We're just out there. How many times do you get a chance to hang out with a buddy for a few hours outside? And I feel like I'm a, you know, I'm a, I'm a good guy to spend a day with and just feel better about how things are going. Now, let me ask you a question, Herschel, cause I'm loving the answer. I know our audiences too. No, they're going nuts, Jake. I'm looking at the polls online. Let me ask you a question. Please don't take offense by this. I'm just trying to get a better sense of Herschel, the man, the myth, the legend. Do you have a lot of male friends?

Yeah, pretty dude, just a lot of, I mean, yeah, stereotypically about sports, video games, but yeah, a lot of guy friends. We moved to Orange County like a year and a half ago. So a lot of our buddies are in Los Angeles. Oh, from Los Angeles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were up north for a bit, but we were in Los Angeles for many years. Most of our friends are in L.A. or San Diego. So you're in a little bit of a shortage. You're in a little bit of a shortage in your new community. Is that correct? The greens need to be watered.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, some greens that are closer than an hour away. Wouldn't that be nice? Herschel, let me ask you this. Hold on, Jake. I'm going to power through here. Now, let's say Gabriel's lucky enough to end in the winner's circle. He brings you on board. You guys BFF pretty hard. Is Gabriel going to have access to your other friends? Is he going to be brought into the clique as well?

I was going to say, I mean, you know, we live, got some other buddies. So if Gabriel wants to open it up, right, there's other people who can get involved. If he wants to just be a little casual, swing around once or twice, you know, no pressure. Starting to sound like swinging again, Jake. Go ahead. Let's get to number two. Matt and Johnny, same question. What makes you each individually a good friend to have?

Yeah, so this is Matt. I would like to say that I'm just a, I'm a chill, down-to-earth personality. I don't know if Gabriel is similar, but I've been in social situations where just people are really intense and kind of in your face, and you almost get to that point where you feel like you need a break from hanging out with friends just from the intensity, so definitely more that chill, down-to-earth, just

just hang out and hang out and be together. There's no pressure. So even like the golf situation, you know, if Gabriel had to cancel, there wouldn't be any pressure of like, Hey man, where you at? You need to be here. So just, uh, that understanding of that. And what do you think about you? What can you add as a friendship?

Yeah, you know, I think I'm a good humor person that's always willing to lend a hand. Someone needs, you know, in need, whether, you know, someone can always use a hand, whether it's moving furniture or, you know, always glad to help out. That sounds wonderful. And now, Sam, we're going to go to you. Our time mover, 51. Nobody needs that help. Go ahead. All right. Our question to you, Sam, and let's just have a one-word answer. Do you like pizza?

Yeah. Okay, moving on. All right, we love pizza. Let's just point out what a turn of events. Gabriel called the show looking for a friend and immediately removed the stakes from one of the contestants by saying he wouldn't end up as his friend. So Sam likes pizza. Good to know. Now for our final question. This is a big, big round. Gabe is going to ask Sam,

The question, but Gabe is not going to eliminate anyone, not going to eliminate anybody, not going to do a, any questions about what you're feeling, Gabe, what would you like to ask Herschel? Um, so what, uh, what's your favorite, uh, we hear a help episode. Um, like, what did you think was particularly funny about it? Um,

Oh, by far the floor hockey ranking. Yeah, it's without a doubt. I was very invested and very happy that it ended up being a lot closer than I thought it was going to be. Just competing and things that have zero stakes, I think is the reason I listened to the show. Perfect. Pretty great answer. Matt and Johnny, go ahead, please.

So definitely for me, the episode where the guy took the gummy edible and the kids were staring at him through the window. Definitely the one that I was just dying rolling and just that situation was absolutely insane.

Yes. And Johnny, your answer, please. Hilarious. Okay. So full disclosure, prior to the podcast with you on it, I had never listened to it. Matt's wife texted us with a link to it and said, this guy needs a golf buddy. Let's have fun with Sam. All right. Okey dokey. All right.

All right, Johnny. It seems like Sam's back in the running, back from the dead. Sam, your answer, please. And now you can use more than one word because now you have a fighting chance. Absolutely. What an offensive round for this game, Jake.

Not to dig myself any... I couldn't dig a bigger hole, but my wife was just looking at you in the other room. Okay! You like pizza! All right. Jake, what started off as a round I thought was going to be a full ego stroke has ended up hurting.

So first of all, we want to thank the wives everywhere for listening to this show and making it what it is. And now I understand why Gareth curls his hair. And Jake, let me point out very quickly that if I was invited on a show, by the way, a joke, none of these guys are going to get

They don't listen to the world we've built. But if I was going to call into a podcast and I was going to be featured on it, I'd probably listen to a few episodes and prepare myself to have some backstory and some history. And now, boys, we are in a really crucial part of the show. This is your final chance to convince...

our friend Gabe why it should be you we are all at a clean slate right here you have 30 seconds to say whatever you want there will be a timer which I will hold on to I will tell you we are a go and I will just say we are done when we are done

Please, please, I beg of you, do not continue. It is 30 seconds. It is a hard 30. If you finish early, there will be no talking until the 30 seconds. The floor is yours, and we will be starting in reverse order with Sam. We've got a clock up there on the screen. So Sam...

The floor is yours in three. And by the way, Sam, sometime you want to listen to the podcast. That's pretty well. A lot of people like it. Go ahead, Jake. Sorry. Two. Millions of downloads. One. Go ahead. I was totally going to listen to the podcast. Just FYI. I just found out I was going to be on this last night. But I'm a really cool hang. I'm really funny. I love my friends. I always gas them up. I have lots of friends with kids. Yeah.

I don't love kids that much, but they're pretty fun to hang out with every once in a while. So I'm into lots of hobbies. I do lots of stuff. I love exploring California. Thank you so much, Sam. Now we're going to go to Matt. We are going to go to you in three, two, one. Matt, take it away.

All right. So in addition to golfing, I'm an outdoor enthusiast, specifically fishing. And so I know here in Fullerton, our local area, we can do, in addition to golf trips, I got you on fishing trips. So out on boats, local areas. And then after we kind of have our own time, just kind of away from the kids, getting those spots, I'm pretty good at teaching kids to fish, too. So you want that son-dad experience of your kid catching your first fish.

I know all the spots and create that memory with you and your son. Wonderful. And your timing was also spot on. Hilarious. Mr. Johnny, the floor is yours in three, two, one. Okay. I would just say if you want to feel better about your golf game, Matt and I are your guys. We are not that good at golf. So 30 seconds left.

So no pressure there. I don't know how good you are at golf. That night we got involved earlier this year. So again, we're fairly new to the golf game and trying to craft that game. We also love making homemade pizzas at home. So that's something that we can always go back and fire up the oven to make some delicious pizzas after we're out golfing. Keep going.

With some good craft beer. You could throw that in there. And then wash that down if it gets crazy with, I guess, some old fashions after that. And I love pizza. Ten seconds left. Okay. All right. Time there, Johnny. Fantastic stuff. Woof, woof, woof, woof.

Let's go to Herschel. We started in three, two, one. Herschel, the floor is yours.

Hey Gabe, you know, I'm a pretty easy going guy. It sounds like we're in similar places in our lives and we got families that could probably hang out together. I look close to the course so I'll never keep you waiting. And you know, practically, I'm also a neurologist. So not a contact sport, but if you're going to get hit in the head, you know, which one of us is going to make you feel safest? I feel like we'd have a good time. It'd be fun to play around and, you know, think about me.

You want me to add more, guys? I feel like it's a pretty succinct pitch. But, you know, I think, you know, making a story would be pretty cool. So I know Sam's kind of out of the running, but, you know, he sounds like a pretty good dude just for, you know, what's for what.

Okay. And, you know, Johnny, Matt, homemade pizza sounds pretty good. I don't have an outdoor pizza oven. Herschel pitching an orgy. All right. Eight seconds left. You have eight seconds left. Eight seconds. Wrap it up, Herschel. Bring it to Berlin. Final statement. Final statement. All right. I don't know what's happening anymore. Time is a flat surface. Sam, you've got ten seconds to do a final pitch and go.

Yeah, I realize I'm like pretty much out of the running, but if you guys ever want to do a group hang, that would be awesome. Wonderful. Now let's go to Johnny really fast. Your favorite episode, make one up and what you liked about it. We're just trying to get a sense of your humor, Johnny, and go. Yeah, the one with the three-legged dog, that was very heartwarming. And what did you like about it?

Just what the dog had to overcome and how it found a family. And it's just, I don't want to start crying right now. Well, it's a comedy show, Johnny. You're not anywhere in the neighborhood. Last but definitely not least, Johnny, what are our names, the hosts of this? Go ahead really fast. Without looking at the Zoom screen.

Oh, okay. Jake and Gareth? Hey, pretty good. Okay, so now we're going to take a second. We need all of our contestants to please be quiet for a second, but don't mute yourself. Do we want to put them in the waiting room, Jake? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We can take them all in the waiting room. Go back in the waiting room. We appreciate you all coming on. First of all, thank you guys so much. You've done a wonderful job. It's been hilarious. We would love for you to listen to the show.

At some point, that would be awesome for everybody. Everybody wins when that happens. But you go in the waiting room, and only one of you or two of you potentially will be brought back in, and they will be the one who is going to become Gabriel's new friend, even though a couple of you at the end there started pitching you all just get on a group thread. No.

But we could also probably hook you guys all up. I don't think that's part. Nope. Let's stick to the premise. Might not be part of it, but guys, thank you so much for joining. And we will only be bringing back the winner. It's so good to see you. Tell me what it's like. Gabriel, you are now just on with Gareth and I. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. So, um, she just do nitrous. What's going on over there? What's that? Okay. Go ahead. What were you going to say? Uh, yeah. You know, it's funny. I felt kind of bad because those guys, I felt bad for the dude. I was like, uh, or Sam. Cause I was, um, he was like, sound really let down. Um, well you didn't cut him immediately. Yeah.

Yeah, I did. I did. Sam, here's why you're here, Gabe. I feel kind of bad for some of these guys because I was like, uh, kind of, uh...

Gabe, can I jump in? Gabe, this is a game show. And in a game show, we need a winner. So what we're looking for here is can you give us, apart from your feelings about what was negative about each thing, can you tell us which one, contestant one, two, or three, will you first eliminate and why? Okay.

um so i would eliminate sam uh because no she doesn't know shit about golf and because he also did 20 minutes ago but keep going yeah because i did 20 minutes yeah that's true and um yeah pretty much that's the main reason and um i don't know anything about his interests like blacks being a blacksmith and uh woodworking that just sounds things that are

I'm completely not interested in. Now let's do something that I just kind of had a memory from the dating game. And we will say 98% of the audience thought Sam would be voted off. Remember how they used to do that? Yes. That was 98% thought he was gone. Now what's the second contestant you're getting rid of game. And can you please tell us why?

So, Matt and Johnny are a pair? Correct. Yes, Matt and Johnny are a pair. Yeah, Matt and Johnny. You're eliminating. Interesting. Can you tell us why? Well, Johnny didn't know anything about the podcast, which is kind of like... And the age gap's kind of big. They sound like nice dudes. But also, they sounded like...

Yeah, they sounded a little too nicey-nice, like, oh, don't worry, you know, we won't pressure you. And I don't know, it just kind of sounded like a very, yeah, that kind of, I don't know. Okay, I didn't feel the vibe. That's interesting. He also, Matt had three kids. It was also a very different thing. I like what you're going. So that means, tell us who you are selecting and why. Going with Herschel.

Herschel! What was it about Herschel for you, Gabriel? He seemed the most similar to where I'm at, like kind of stage of life, like same kid, is the same age, didn't like come on too strong with like, I don't know, I think Matt and Johnny came out like pretty hard with the

the backyard pizza oven and barbecue and all that. I'm like, okay, we're getting into, you know, other things. I'm like, let's kind of focus on golf a little bit. Okay. Can I point out Jake, Gabriel called the show for a friend and is it? No, I'm kind of with Gabe banishing what I'm liking. And I was afraid you weren't going to do Gabe, but I'm seeing you got some boundaries, my King. Yeah.

This makes a good friend. You know what you're looking for. And I will say, Jake, much like Love Connection, what they would do is if it didn't work out, they would invite them back to try the second option.

So if it doesn't work out with Herschel, Gabriel, I think what we can do is invite Matt and Johnny, Sam back on, and we could just do one last round where we could restart the friendship. But I'll tell you, I got a good feeling about Herschel. Me too. So then here's what we're going to say, Gabe. What would you like to do on this friendship hang with Herschel? 18 holes? Yeah. When would you ideally like to do it?

Ideally, I mean, I'm pretty open. I usually go on like a Friday or Sunday. Friday or Sunday, and you're pretty open sometime in June. Yeah. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to bring Herschel back in, and I would love if you're comfortable with it,

You telling him you would love to play golf with him. We can now take away terms like winner. Cause now we just are hanging with a friend and he could use, say, Hey man, what's up bud. And you guys start your little vibe and then go, Hey, you I'm free mostly Fridays and Sundays. You want to get 18 in? And then we will connect you guys via email. But what would I would love to have happen is now we fade away a little bit and you guys start chumming it up. And then at a certain point,

Gareth Adler will say, all right, fellas, we're going to take off. We will hook you guys up via email. Great. Gabriel, are you comfortable with that? Yeah, sounds good. Feeling good, Gabriel? Yeah, I'm feeling great. You got a buddy. Woo! So remember, Gabriel, you're going to be doing the talking as soon as we bring him in. Okay. Sounds good. Okay? All right. Guys, can we bring in Herschel? Yeah, here comes Sam. And can you tell him when he's in? Here comes Sam. Yep. All right, I'm letting him in. Okay. He is in.

Hey, what's up, Marshall? Hey. Hey, what's up, man? Hey, doing good. Hey, I'd love to do a round of golf sometime. Like, I'm mostly available like Friday, Sunday afternoon. So if you want to set up a time, love to do a round. Dude, yeah, man, let's do it. I'd love to and excited we get to play.

Yeah, sounds good. I guess we'll just get your contact info from the guys, and then, yeah, we'll just set something up like this. Hopefully we can do it in June.

Yeah, no, that'd be perfect. Let me send my info and then hopefully the show can give me your details and yeah, I'll text you, man. Let's set it up. Hey, man. Thanks guys for bringing us together. Yeah. And maybe what we would love to do is follow up with each of you guys individually after if that's cool.

Yeah. Like make sure the day. Yeah. We'll just do the same thing. The show does where we kind of follow up with each person and we hope you guys have a lot of fun. Thank you guys for participating. This has been great. And we can't wait to hear how the hang goes. Not a date, more of a hang. Hey, appreciate you guys. All right, guys, you guys are the best. We'll see you guys. Have fun playing golf. Okay. Bye. All right. Thanks. See you guys. Bye guys. Bye.

That was so funny. To Rabbit Grin, to the producers of the show. You guys, Sam is so sad. Is he? Yeah, he emailed and said, I'm so sorry if I bombed. I think he does have no friends. No, no, please email back and say, like, it was perfect. Maybe we should have him back on. Bring Sam back on. Bring Sam back in. Yeah, bring Sam back. Right now? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

This episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by the crisp, refreshing, angry orchard. Listen guys, there's a litany of things we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. Don't get angry at Piggly and Moe and say that it makes no sense and nobody would fall for it.

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Get angry, get orchard. Please drink responsibly. Anna, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm honored to be here. Hi, Anna. Gareth, do you guys know each other? No, I don't think so. I don't think we've met. No. Hi, Gareth. It's nice. Hi, Anna. Hi, Anna. Hey. Well, Anna and I have been in Alaska hanging out quite a bit. Mm-hmm. Having a lot of chats. A lot. We were on a boat last night. Uh-huh. Yeah.

I've seen orcas. It was really cool. Having glacier water. Having glacier water. Anna, did the alcohol get on top of us a little bit? To me, yeah. For sure. You're fine. You woke up at eight. He wasn't happy about it though, Anna. Really? He's different now than he was when we started. So you probably know Anna from Pen15.

Which is fantastic. Oh, thank you. That's so nice. Everyone should watch that. Could you tell our audience a little bit about the origin of that show, the making of it? Absolutely. What you learned, what you love, and where you at, girl. Oh, wow. That's a lot. Let's see. Pen15. Well, you know, Pen15 partly came from having auditioned for commercials throughout, like starting as a kid, not booking one thing until age 18. Yeah.

But in the middle of that, the casting director was like, okay, so you're 13 now and we won't see you for three years because no one wants to see that on TV. And I was like really taken aback by that, that I'm just so awkward that I'm not allowed to be on screen, even though I wasn't before that either. But you know what I mean, hypothetically. And then Maya and I became close friends in college and wanted to make something about rejects. And that felt like...

Yeah, a trove of untapped, reject, sad, hopeful, traumatic, funny stories. And there were so many, like, sexual stories that we couldn't tell at that age and failing. And so we were like, okay, we'll get fingered. This is fine. We'll tell. So we're going to catch up with what's happening. Gareth, will you explain to Anna really quickly where we're at? We just did a dating game with a guy named Gabriel. We had three contestants. One was a two-friend contestant because Gabriel moved to a new city. He's looking for a golfing partner.

The guy he rejected immediately was this guy named Sam who feels like he bombed on the show. This just happened. So now we've invited Sam to come back on the show for a quick follow-up so that we make him feel a little bit better about the fact that he was eliminated very quickly by Gabriel, who became drunk with friend power. And we found out Sam likes pizza and is a blacksmith. He's in the waiting room and he's about to come in. Sammy boy.

Yo, welcome back. So we got word from Natalie that you felt a little bit bad post-call that you maybe felt like you bombed. Is that correct, Sam? Can you take it away and explain where you're at here, pal?

Uh, I just, you know, I just didn't feel like I got to put myself out there the way I wanted to, but, uh, I don't think I bombed, but I definitely wasn't top choice, you know? Yeah. Well, I think the truth is he wanted a golfing buddy and someone with kids he didn't have either, but...

But we got something really special. We got something really special for you. We brought in the actor Anna Conkle from Pen15 and a load of other stuff. She's heard about what happened with the call, and she's got a few things she wants to say to you. Anna, go ahead. Oh, well, I just want to say, I mean, it sounds like you feel good about what happened and that that is positive. And I could learn from you because sometimes when I have...

a moment of embarrassment or insecurity, I can spiral, you know? And you aren't. Oh, yeah. So kudos. No, thanks. I think what we should do, Jake, is we should just say, look, we're not going to become friend Tinder, but if anyone who's listening to this wants to get involved in blacksmithing, likes pizza, or wants to talk about Colorado, email the show,

and maybe we could set you up with Sam. Yeah, but also, last but not least, Sam, is there anything else you would like to say? And we will get this to Gabriel, too, because Gareth pointed it out, but at the end of the dating game, if the first date doesn't work out, there's always a second chance. So you said that you didn't get to fully sell yourself. So, sir, can we put a timer up for...

90 seconds. It's a long, just so you know, 90 seconds of talking is feel- I know it is. Okay. Sam, when you're ready, say whatever the hell you want. We won't edit anything out of this. You got 90 seconds. The floor is yours. We will not interrupt. No, it isn't. Sam, do you think it's a punishment?

Oh yeah, I mean, I love the pressure. That's what I'm saying. Sam emailed in because he's like, I didn't get my fair shot. So fuck the 30 seconds. He got cut too early, which I also don't think is fair to Sam. Sam in three, two, one.

I mean, when I initially emailed into the show, I was pretty clear. I knew the guy didn't want to... Or wanted a golf buddy and wanted to hang out with other dads and stuff like that. But I put in my email that I was like, I don't have a kid, but I hang out with lots of people with kids. I don't play golf, but I would love to do it with the driving range. I feel like the...

when you make friends isn't necessarily doing the thing you love, but just doing something together for a little while to get to know each other. And I think that, you know, when people get to know me, they tend to like me and, and I look forward to hanging out with Gabriel potentially, but that's just all I wanted to say. And, you know, I do love your guys' show. I haven't listened to it a lot. I know who both of you are though, and enjoy and look forward to listening to it in the future. Yeah.

That's pretty much all I got. And the dead air is awkward. And, yeah, that's it. I guess I didn't need a whole 90 seconds. Thank you. Okay, maybe this was a punishment. All right. All right, there we are. The 90 seconds. What an ending to that 90 seconds.

It was wonderful. You crushed it. I will say, I think I mismanaged the time for you. I put you in a bad spot. It should have been about 55 seconds, but I do think you painted yourself in a nice picture. How do you feel about that? Where are you at? How are you feeling about the final? Honestly, I feel good, and I was slightly embarrassed about the call, but I don't think I'm on that bed. I'm

Why were you embarrassed, Sam? It's a comedy show and you were so funny. You added so much comedy for us. I didn't mean to get pity or anything like that. No, no. You're not. But I'll tell you what, you're giving us more and we're loving it. So let's get to the bottom of this now. Here's what's funny about the call, Sam.

is that Gabriel called our show looking for a pal, had three options, and because you didn't golf right away, he's like, nah. So that's what we found funny. And also, if we didn't have you, and we didn't have the be able to go to a one-word question...

It wouldn't have been as much fun. We didn't know we needed you, but once we had you, you were golden. It was good comedy. And why don't we say this? If you have any interest... Hold on, Anna's got something really fast, and then we're going to go to that. No, I was just wondering, have you talked about Gabe as the golfer? Yeah. That Gabe wasn't interested in, like,

being with more of a novice. I mean, that's interesting. He might be, yeah. What do you mean? No, we don't know. He passed. I know, but he passed because Sam at the beginning said, I don't know shit about golf. And then he said, I want to do things like blacksmith. Okay, well, they could teach each other. I know, but that's what we're getting from Sam. But the tone felt like, I don't know, I'm not interested in golf, but we can do weird stuff in my garage. Is that fair, Sam? Yeah.

Oh, I did not mean to do that. I might have read that wrong. I don't think he did that. He didn't do that? No, I heard that. I heard that. Okay, so Rob's heard that, Natalie. Natalie, what did you hear? He said, you can teach me golf. He did. He was quite clear. That came later, though. It was first weird stuff in the garage. He was still with Gabriel. Sam, you know what's great about you? You're the controversial figure of our dating friend game. So, Sam...

We want to say thank you for calling in. Thank you for doing the email and following up. All right. Thanks, Jake and Gareth and Natalie. That's awesome. And Anna Conkle. And Anna Conkle. And Anna. All the best to you, buddy. All right, bud. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Does something smell bad in here? Is it my fucking chocolate candle that you hate? Chocolate candle? No, I was just making like a finger mustache, but... I bought a candle. Yeah, your candle's disgusting. And Anna thinks it smells terrible. It's chocolate. Chocolate candle. Jake, Jake. That is so weird. Jake, are you on a diet? And is it coming out in strange ways?

I honestly, I did something that I didn't think was weird. JK'd his candle. But she thought it was weird where I bought it without reading what the smell was. But that is insane. Sociopathic. That's crazy. Serial killer. Yeah, there's a whole,

I just saw it, grabbed it, and I got some incense and said, I'll take those too. Did you see what kind of incense you got? No. No, you just bought whatever. It's not great. No, it's interesting that anything aside from your smells is better. It's interesting.

Again. That's a take. That's a take. That's a good read. Yeah. Very good. I don't care what it is. It's got to be better than what this is cooking up. Yeah. Anything. Oh, look, candles. I'll have one. Like we're in Soviet Russia. You got to go. Yeah, Kathy. Bye. Good to see you. And then text me. I might show up. Nice to meet you.

I mean, what we do is another friend dating game with Sam. I like that too. Three more people. That's a great idea. Yeah. Blacksmithers in the Fullerton area. The losers just get their own episode. And then one guy's like, I don't know, that kind of sucked for me. And we're like,

All right, look, we're looking for anyone who's a black smither and likes to shop for shoes online. All right, so then call to action. If you like to do hobbies outside of golf in the Fullerton area, if you don't have kids but you can have kids...

If you like pizza, if blacksmith is interesting, or if you want to golf, you just want to go to like a driving range, but you would kind of describe yourself as you don't know shit about it. Or you're just a cool Colorado-vibed person. Yes, but if you recently moved to the area and you're looking for friends, we don't want two-in-one. We don't want, well, maybe, I know what's-his-name doesn't, but maybe...

Sam does. Maybe Gabriel. But this is a call out to anybody there. Publicly enjoys. From Natalie, just say it, please. These are Sam's hobbies that he first emailed in. Publicly enjoys camping, hunting, blacksmithing, dive bars with jukeboxes, woodworking, movies, learning new things, buying expensive stuff to my wife's dismay to support learning new things, etc.

Pretty great. So if anybody is interested in that in the Fullerton area, please email the show and we will be hosting another dating game very soon. Here we go again.

And I have a new podcast that's out now called Next We Have, Jake, which it's a head gum show. So it's right on the network. It's in the family. And if people could go subscribe, listen to that. It's very strange and it's a bunch of little segments, but it's fun. There's minor problem solving. There's a lot of games. There's guests. It's just totally insane. So go listen to that for me. Next We Have.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler.

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash heretohelppod. Hi, I'm Jessi Klein. And I'm Liz Feldman, and we're the hosts of a new HeadGum podcast called...

here to make friends. - Liz and I met in the writer's room on a little hit TV show called "Dead to Me," which is a show about murder. - But more importantly, it's also about two women becoming very good friends in their 40s. - Which can really happen, and it has happened to us. - It's true. - Because life is imitated

And then it imitated life. Time is a flat circle. And now. We're making a podcast that's about making friends. And we're inviting incredible guests like Vanessa Barrett. Wow, I have so much to say. Lisa Kudrow. Feelings, they're a nuisance. Nick Kroll. I just wanted to say hi. And Matt Rogers. I'm like on the verge of tears. So good. So good to join us and hopefully become our friends in real life. Yeah, take it out of the podcast studio and into real life.

Along the way, we are also going to talk about dating. Yep. Spousing. True. Parenting. Uh-huh. Careering. Yeah. And why we love Thelma and Louise, and it's the greatest movie of all time. Shouldn't need to be said. No, we said it. It's just a true thing. So please subscribe to Here to Make Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Friday.