181: All in Crumbles (with Steve Berg)
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We're here to help. We're here to help. We've got a special one. Ugh, Jake, how...

I mean, we thought this one would maybe never be released because of how long we might be teasing this, but where do we start? How about we do this, G-Man? Just stream of conscious a little bit what all this is, what's the backstory, and what are people getting themselves into?

Well, let's just lay the foundation very quickly in that you and I, for years, before there was any public benefit to playing pranks on Steve Berg, reveled in it. We've kind of gone through some of the pranks. They would involve jean shorts, Zumba classes. We one time made him place a bet on a football game that happened 24 hours earlier. Yeah.

But quick pause, I have to say, for the sensitive viewers, because Lord knows there's a lot of them. Sure. Especially in 2025. Sure. Steve Berg, Gareth, and I, and Eric Edelstein, have all been dear friends for 20 years. Steve loves the pranks.

Nobody laughed harder at the reveal than Steve Berg. When we did the football one or the Zumba one, by the way, we still haven't made him do the Zumba class or the head shots. No, there's a couple we've left on the table. So to the sensitive people, we haven't even made him do some of these bets, but we've just enjoyed the process so much of tricking him or fooling him. We would be in cahoots. Jake, for the most part, would be the architect, but I was always like...

like this to kind of like quelch his paranoia over whether there was a prank. I would always step in as a trusting friend who would betray him. Um, but, uh, but we've been doing that for a while. So, so anyway, what you're going to hear, you were afraid. Oh,

I was 100% Fredo. Couldn't have happened without me. I was the other crime family. You were Fredo. Yes. But so knowing that and again, kind of, you know, doing the show, things would pop up and you'll hear today that...

there were certain items that were almost an albatross for someone. They wanted to get rid of something. They didn't know what to do with something. They had an item they didn't want, but they didn't want to just throw it in the garbage. And so for the past few months, this has come up a couple times, and I think it started probably in classic fashion with your idea of let's just start sending some of this stuff to Steve. Yeah.

Um, and, and not saying it's from the show from us, but just kind of some confusing stuff. Well, you know what also happened is, and we've had this also with the Piggly and Moe nonsense. Yeah. And that is what, what a, what a battle we're in right now with the public. And not only that Gareth.

I got to say, I think a fourth of the people are on Piggly and Moe's side. Who would have guessed? Well, we've definitely, I think this is what happens. It's like once you start talking about it, people start coming out and saying, hey, I'm not saying anything, but I like them. Because you know what it goes to show about somebody who wants to be a little internet troll and say mean things?

It's now time for the other trolls to start saying stuff, and they are. It's a mixed bag, but this isn't about this. You know me. I can go on a tangent because... No, no, and it's a shame. Look, again, we know that they didn't have the thing to break the window in the car, so they're gone. But again... Not necessarily. Ha!

We've been hearing there are pitches. There's a great new one. There's a great new one. And the guys suggested literally just creating for Friday episodes where you and I late night just do full Piggly and Moe.

podcasts, and then we are recommending people to the Piggly and Mo podcast under the We're Here to Help umbrella. Well, he was also suggesting that we just, for kind of to sort of validate the fact that this exists, use some Gemini AI and have that kind of deal with the Piggly and Mo podcast so that we're not just sending random voice notes to people and people are like, hey, this podcast doesn't exist. That is the funniest comment that people have made. Yeah. Where they go, look,

I don't, a lot of my favorites are, look, it's fine. It's not that funny, these two characters, but what's the worst is that you're actually thinking it's going to work and that people send each other clips of a little podcast and that nobody does research. That's where I felt like the audience had a bullseye on us and they beat us. That is bad advice. No, it's definitely you and I were like, we got this. And going to how that connects to the Berg thing.

Certain pitches we've gotten, guys, we've done how many of these calls, Gareth? 400? Yeah. Is that an exaggeration, do you think? No. I don't think so either, man. And we've done it all in a year and a half, two years? Yes. So every once in a while, the G-Man and I are on a four-hour session. We're at hour three. We're trying not to go off the rails and do too many bits because everyone gets mad at us when we do that, but we don't have any ideas. But what do you want us to do with a dead old rat in a box?

So one of the pitches came just to make each other laugh. Just send it to Steve Berg. See what happens if old Steve Berg and that it's our example. It's our way of getting Steve Berg back on the show, which we love talking with Steve, hearing his reaction. And so you're going to see what we were hoping was a multi-year prank. We had a plan to let this go for a while. You'll hear, you know, how it kind of falls apart early, but it's,

I think the best part of all of this, and always has been, is when Berg is talking to us thinking we're not in on it. It's a real pleasure. But there's also some interesting growth and changes.

Maybe. I will also say that we we both took part. Some of this will probably you can listen to the full episodes of High Strangeness. Yes. Steve's podcast, because we were also laying found. I mean, with the world we lived in around this time was just the world of Fibs Woodberg. So check out.

Enjoy this episode. Check out High Strangeness, Bird's podcast. And if you want to see me live, go to garethreynolds.com. Yep, Jake's out there. Or if you want to see Jake doing his other show, The Dollop, go to dolloppodcast.com. It's going to be on the road. Yes. Oh, and then you have a new show. Next we have with HeadGum. There's too many shows, Gareth. I agree. It's a nightmare. Anyway, anyway.

Listen to this show. Just listen to this show. Ignore the other ones. Jake's doing too much stuff. He's in Alaska. He's flying on biplanes. Without further ado.

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That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash here to help to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash here to help. Hello. How are you? What was that?

I said howdy. Howdy. Okay. Can we get your name? Where in Tennessee are you from and your rough age, please? Wait, but did you say howdy? Or did you say how are you? And did you combine a bunch of things at once? Did you say howdy, y'all?

I said, howdy y'all. Howdy y'all. I love howdy y'all. That's going to be a new way to start these calls. Howdy y'all. Can we get your name, please? Of course. My name is Annabelle. Annabelle. Where are you from, Annabelle?

I'm from California, but I'm calling from Switzerland. Where's the y'all coming from? Did you go to international school? Did you and I go to school together? Did you go to school with my accent? Not to force you to defend your intro, but where's the howdy y'all coming from if you're California? Zurich.

My dad is from Texas. He just always answered the phone like that. I think I picked that up from audio. Okay. And when did you graduate international school and was that cool? And was it fourth at Cathedral? You're from South London. So Annabelle, California. Your dad's from Texas. You want to just get into it or you got something? You're in Switzerland. What are you doing in Switzerland? I'm working here. I'm teaching. Teaching what?

I'm teaching English. There we go. I love it. And how old are you, Annabelle? I'm 22. 22. And what part of California are, in my opinion, the best state in the union? Do you agree or disagree, Gareth? I disagree. What do you think is the best state in the union? I'd go Vermont. Interesting. Or Hawaii. Yeah, Hawaii's pretty great. So, Annabelle, what part of California, north, south, central, where were you?

I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area. Okay. Annabelle, can you get into the problem? What's going on? What can we help you with?

Absolutely. So on my 22nd birthday, which happened this past September, I received an unmarked package on my doorstep. It was a little gift bag filled with tissue paper. I felt similarly, but I did take it into my apartment because I wasn't sure what else to do with it. And when I unwrapped it,

I found inside a dead rat. Oh, oh, oh my God. Is that like a taxidermied rat? No, or that's a, that's a potentially, it's a taxidermied or a fetus snake. It's a white rat with blue eyes. It was a taxidermied rat, taxidermied snake.

quote unquote, in my likeness. So the hair was dyed because I'm blonde and the eyes were dyed blue because I have blue eyes. Hold on. Annabelle, this is a comedy show, not a horror podcast. I'm assuming we get a little more information because that is fucking horrifying. I'm legitimately afraid for you. Please tell me there's a second half of this where there's some like goofy friend of yours. You do pranks. No.

Keep going, Annabelle. Howdy, y'all. I did find a note at the bottom of the bag under the rat, and it clarified that this is from an old coworker of mine turned friend as a fun little prank. Pranks? What is the prank? Pranks are not this strange. So keep going. Give us some more information here.

So this is a friend of mine that I've known for about four years now and does have a history of sort of strange pranks and particularly strange birthday gifts. So, for example, on my 18th birthday, I got in the mail a box of 500 condoms, which was fun to explain to my parents. So it does happen back to me. By the way, great gift. Yeah. Your parents. Great gift.

I told you my brother used to, whenever I'd move, would get me a subscription to really over the top smut magazines. The best. And so the mailman, when I would move in, it would be like,

the grossest stuff imaginable and I'd have to make eye contact with him and my male people always thought I was a big pervert and I had to beg my brother to stop doing it and then he would get a bunch of pizzas delivered but I'd be home alone. Okay, so who is this co-worker? Can we get a name for this individual? John Gacy. Sure. Her name's Katie. Katie.

Katie. Katie. Okay. And what's your relationship with Katie? Definitely thought it was going to be a guy. I'm happy it's a Katie. Less scared. I feel less scared. Yep. Agreed. If you were like Lou, but he tried to date me in high school, but I said, no, I'd get scared. Lou, he's 55, but he's chill. Yeah. Lives with his parents or in some weird basement, but he's cool, I guess. So Katie. Okay. And what's your relationship with Katie?

Katie and I worked together for a while when we were both late teenagers. Okay. Since then, we have kept in contact. We see each other every once in a while, but not every day or anything like that. And in the picture you sent of the dead rat, behind it, there's a Barbie laying on her back with her arms up. Yeah. Is there a reason there's a dead Barbie behind a dead rat or just random photo?

No, I think that's just serendipitous. Okay. Serendipitous. Okay, so we got this set up. I do feel like I'm in a slightly different show. I think I'm in a little bit of a horror picture. But maybe there's a way out of this. Maybe there's something fun. Unless there's more set up, what is the specific question? Well, the specific question is...

How do I get rid of this dead rat that's in my house? Garbage. That's an easy one. Garbage. Literally burn it. Get the Barbie out too.

One is that living in Switzerland, they have a pretty strict trash system and there are about six trash cans in my house. None of them have the iconography for a dead rat, so I don't want to get fined if I throw it away. Put it in a Jamba Juice cup and throw it in trash on the street. Throw it in the stranger. And the second part,

Throw it in the woods. Eat it. Steve Berg's pitch. Put marinara sauce on it. You know what we could do? By the way, all jokes aside, I have a pitch. I do too. Send it to us and we'll send it to Steve Berg. We'll do the same pitch to him. It'll just be at his house on his door. And we don't tell him anything.

We this is what we do. We send this rat to Berg. We don't tell him anything. We make up a fake name. Then we have him on the show shortly after we think it's arrived for an intro. And we're just doing a catch up. And we see it. Yes. And then we reveal that we said, by the way, if OK, Annabelle, is this. So the real problem is simply you want to get rid of the rat. You're not worried about Katie. Your question is really simply what do I do with the rat?

No, my question is how do I get rid of the rat knowing that Katie is going to come visit me in June and I don't want to hurt her feelings by throwing away the presents.

well first of all you're sending it to us for berg i i don't i i would not i look i don't know your friendship i don't know how sensitive this person is she sent her 500 columns when she was 18. it's not a sentence did you save all those there's at least like a utility to those this is just like kind of gross so i would say that you know i would just say that here's what you do no no no you tell her about the podcast

Yeah, that's good too. You say, you called in a podcast, we're giving it. She says, where's the rat? You said, I gave it to Steve Berg. Yeah, Steve Berg has it. And then you can play her the intro where we get Steve. And she goes, who's Steve Berg? He's the guy who burned his chicken. He's the guy who was trying to give people advice, but while he was doing the show, he got so baked, he forgot he was roasting a chicken and thought he burned his house down. I think that's fair. And then she'll go, what show? And you'll go like, it's a long story. Have you ever heard of The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread? No.

Then play the song on blast. She'll get freaked out. Then throw some robo glasses on and go, there's a camera in here. And she'll go, I got callbacks coming at you right now, Annabelle. But he's right. I think if you send it to us, we'll give it a good home. We'll send it to Berg. We'll freak him out. And then I would, do you want to be receiving these gifts? Do you care?

I think they're a lot funnier in retrospect than in the moment, but I'm not too worried about it. Okay. So then we have an easy fix. You know what we're going to do? We'll email you after. We'll send you the money for shipping. We'll take the rat. We're going to handle this one. We'll take the rat. We're going to send it to Berg with a fake name in the corner, a fake address. But will you do us a favor then? I've got something for you, Annabelle, so you can be part of the fun.

Will you put it in a package, maybe put that Barbie in there too, and leave him a note that is a surprise to us, and we will not even open the package. I'm going to give you a P.O. box to send it to. We are just going to grab it, resend it to Berg, but we're not even going to open the package until Berg opens the package. How does this sound to you? Are you into this? Sounds fantastic. And then let's also do this. Really quickly, though. Contact Katie.

and ask what else she thinks you should put in the thing, because now you guys have a gag together. And remember, Annabelle, in the note, we want Steve to be as confused as humanly possible. Either way, it's going to be fine. I don't want her to say we're here to help her. I want him to receive this in a way where he's like,

There's some energy coming from Steve. Annabel, what are you thinking of putting in the box? What's in the box? It's the box. By the way, Berg doing a, "What's in the box?" What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? Annabel, what are you going to put in the box? Do you want to contact Katie and have Katie be part of this with you and do it together?

I think she would be the number one brainstormer as the origin of the dead rat. Certainly that's going in there. I do like the idea of the Barbies and various states of disarray. Agreed. Maybe you can, Oh, you're not supposed to give me any ideas, right? Cause it's supposed to be a surprise. It could, we could also pitch on it because we, I think we solved this problem pretty fast, but because we have a second half that could be fun, I'm not against discussing it.

All right, go ahead. Well, first I was asking. I definitely think some condoms. How many of the 500, how many you still got? No shame. Well, they do expire after a while. So I think they might have. Let me throw some things out of my wallet.

Expire, what do you mean? 1997, 1999. These new Vodacondoms don't work anymore. Hold on, baby. Let me put this on. It just coughed. So I've got something that you could put in there that could be a lot of fun. I think the Barbies, the rat, and then things that are very specific to Switzerland.

like a candy bar or a wrapper or something that he's like, I think this honestly came from Switzerland. You know what he would love is like something, some sort of lip tobacco-y thing from Switzerland. He would love that shit. Oh, yes. When I was in Iceland, he was like, I need you to get a very specific kind of lipper. So...

I think we've got a win here, Annabelle. Do you mind doing that? And then I can email you later the address to send it to, and we can send you money for shipping. And don't be afraid to throw in like a pair of socks or something like that too. Just stuff that really... How about some used socks? Used socks would might be nice. Actually, that gets pervy. A lot of people pay for that. Yeah.

Yeah, but Steve's not that guy. I know, but there's a whole business of it. It would change the tone of this if they're like, they just did all this to get that weird girl from Switzerland socks. All right, how about like a hand towel or something? People pay for that. Half-used roll of toilet paper. People pay for that. What?

Now you're just making it up. Now you're creating fetishes that don't exist. Everything's a fetish. Dead rats are a fetish. I'm a paper jacker. Berg is going to go like, Jesus, sent me a dead rat with a Barbie? Okay. Okay. I guess I have a fan. I got to go play house. Yeah. I think I'm the rat in this. And we know the Barbie's my wife. So Annabelle, let's do this. Do you feel comfortable doing this? Has this, in fact, solved the problem?

Absolutely. Great. Winner, winner. We'll get you that address. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Winner, winner, burnt chicken dinner. Fiery chicken. Winner, winner, get to stone, burn your chicken while you're doing your buddy's podcast. So good. So this is a weird one, but then we'll probably have you, we'll try to maybe have you on the follow-up with Steve at some point. Yeah. Sounds good. Okay. Thanks so much. All right, Annabelle. Appreciate you. There we go.

All right. See you. Thank you. Bye. Appreciate you. See you. So we want him to open it and kind of stew with it a little bit. Yeah. Well, I'll get a tracking number on it. And then once I know he's had it, we'll do a follow-up. And then in the follow-up, we'll start bringing things up and try to get it. I mean, we'll be able to trick him. We have had, you know, the story where he bet on a game that had already happened and we watched. Yeah.

We got him to bet on a playoff game that had already taken place. I also convinced him that the Denver Broncos had decided to be the openly gay team, and it was known in the league, and they were only drafted. The reason Josh McDaniels got rid of Cutler and Brandon Marshall was they weren't comfortable being on the gay team. Then he drafted NoSean Moreno because they were gay together. Steve Bird got to the point where he called me up sad, and he goes,

honestly, like I'm happy that this exists in the NBA and the NFL. I just wish it wasn't my team. Yeah. He said the same to me. He was like, I was just, cause I, Jake said it all up and then I text him, are you seeing this Broncos stuff? This is crazy. And then he called me and goes,

This is insane. This is insane. And then he calls his buddy, who's like a huge Broncos guy. And he goes, this is stuff about McDaniels and Moreno. This is nuts. And the guy's like, what are you talking about? He's like, he drafted Moreno because they're dating. And his buddy goes, he said his buddy took him off speakerphone and went to like regular phone and goes, what are you talking about? And he's like, repeats it again. He goes, Bergie, you are smoking too much weed. What?

who told you this? And he's like, Jake and Gareth and, oh no. I told him I was listening to ESPN radio and it was all they were talking about. He's like, they're not talking about it anymore. I was like, because they covered it so much. Holy cow. Oh, fuck. This will be great. This, this, this,

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skylightcal.com slash here to help go to skylightcal.com slash here to help for $30 off your 15 inch calendar that is skylightcal.com slash here to help hello howdy hey how are you it's our second howdy jake i agree i got a question for you we're in the dark here is this a follow-up or a first call

This is a follow-up. Oh, wow. So this is the Howdy. I had a feeling with the laugh in the Howdy. Good eye. So can you remind us who you are? Have you said Howdy in the past? Is that how you started the other one? Are you the Howdy lady? Where are we at here?

Yes, I'm the Howdy Lee. I'm in. Howdy. Howdy. I got a dead rat in the mail. That's me. Oh, right. Yeah, we're sending it to Virgo. No, Natalie sent an email. Something happened. Annabelle, tell us what's going on.

Yes. I regret to inform you upon unearthing my taxidermy rat, which I had received a while ago. I found that it had become decomposing and therefore I found it inappropriate and possibly illegal to send via airmail. Okay.

I did, as I was leaving my apartment, went into my neighbor who volunteered to take it and said she was going to use it to place in her garden to guard her plants from real rats. So maybe it's found its real purpose.

Okay, so question for you, Gareth. Yeah, I think we're on the same page. I mean, we're very happy that the rat has found its second home, but obviously for us, this is not a bell ring. It's not. Okay, so this is an official season two miss. But what I would suggest is we should still send Berg a weird package. Maybe we could find some weird stuff in your house and send it to Steve. It would be nice if it came from a different address.

But what do you think, Annabelle? I mean, I would absolutely love to be a part of it. If nothing else, I do want to tell you, I did text Katie, the person who sent me to that and asked for ideas of what to send. And she did send me a long list just in case you want to do it on your own or with me and you need some ideas from. Let's hear the list. Cause Jake, let me say the bells.

It's not dead just yet. Is it not? It's not. With this little turn here, we might ring the Annabelle still. But let me tell you this, Jess, and then we're not getting in the weeds about is it a bell or not, because this show is not do we get to ring a bell, what we turn it into.

That's not the premise. Not the premise. Not the premise. But the bell, it's huge. It's huge. Someone gave Gareth a bell. Now we're excited. I will say, the original call, Annabelle, was what? Will you rephrase your first question?

Of course. I had gotten the dead rat and I was trying to find a way to have an excuse to get rid of it that wouldn't hurt the feelings of the person who had sent it to me. Right. And we pitched, send it to Steve. Turned out it was decomposing. The neighbor took it.

That was not our pitch. She solved the problem, but not by calling in. Now we're starting a whole new problem, and she's not calling for help. No, we're asking Annabelle for help. So now we're just in a new zone. Yes. This one in our percentage goes down. God, please let a listener out there who's really into spreadsheets actually do a tally.

So we can get a real percentage like baseball stats. I would also like to know first season, second season stats too, if we're going to do an overall. I agree. We might have to do a mass email to anyone who's called in. And if you don't want to do a follow-up, just email back. Didn't help.

It better be an email when we BCC everyone. We're going to get hundreds of emails. Didn't help, didn't help, didn't help. Waste of time. Never listened. Didn't help. You guys are weird. I'm ruined. Yeah. You told me to bully a seventh grader. You're weird. Yeah, I hung up flyers. I've been in jail. Your advice sucks. Your show's weird. RocketMoney.com. Let's not talk about this right now. I attacked a child because of you. Annabelle, this is our first one today with Gareth and I. We're excited to see each other. But this is about you.

So what is the list that Katie had about sending this to Stevie? Of course. It's not child appropriate. Is that all right? Okay. Steve's an adult man. Steve's a grown man. Believe me. He seems like a little guy. He seems sweet, but he's an animal. Annabelle, back to you. All right. Okay. I'm going to read it straight as I received it from the top. Okay.

I love that. Glitter bombs are a classic. No. Live bugs. Ladybugs are common. You could also use earthworms or crickets. You can't send living stuff internationally. But it's not internationally. Annabelle, you're in the States, correct? No, sir. Where are you again? You're in Germany, right?

Oh, you're in Switzerland. That's right. Close enough. Yeah, I don't want to say... You know what? I've done that thing where I release ladybugs because they... You put them on milkweeds and they eat the... I'm not remembering the little bugs they eat. I don't like the idea of getting them and just killing a bunch of... But you also...

I think there is an ethical claim. However, I also don't think you can put worms in the mail from Switzerland to America, to Nebraska. Annabelle Gareth is not wrong here, in my opinion. So what else we got? We're not doing a glitter bomb. I don't want him to have to clean that up. I want to spook him.

Yeah, we want to make him feel like, wait, what's going on? Yeah. So the call he did, which was a really fun call where he spooked somebody, was there was a call we did with him that I think was his best one or one of his best ones where it was somebody was putting underpants on pumpkins.

And Steve called the woman whose house it was or something and pretended to be wanting to buy one of the pumpkins. If you haven't heard, you got to listen. What? Yes. And got like, was like in love with one of them. He got really mad. And at one point was like, I am so sorry for being upset here, but you have not returned my call. So I'd like to give Stevie a little taste of his own medicine here. So what's the third thing, Annabelle?

Okay, it's only going to get worse from here. The next thing is use a needle slash surgical scalpel with just a bit of blood on it. Some bones. Bones? Okay, nope.

You said bones like a positive until I reacted a minute. Agreed, agreed. You were like, bones? I mean, come on, that's insulting. Hate bones. No, not bones. Okay, what else we got, Annabelle? Good pitches, by the way. Katie's shooting with real bullets here.

A crayon drawing of the person plus a kid with a note saying how much they want to meet their long lost parent. Oh, man. Oh, there's something there. There's the drawing. By the way, not lost parent, but I want to meet you. Yeah, I'm your biggest fan. Yeah. Or maybe just what if I want to meet you? I want to meet you is pretty good.

With a crayon picture. With a crayon drawing of what Steve Berg looks like. Very easy Google search. Yeah. With a little kid. The whole package is, I want to meet you. Yeah. And maybe like some Tootsie Rolls. One Tootsie Roll. One Tootsie Roll. And we've got to find out when we reveal it if he ate it. Or what we could... He'll eat it. Or what we could do is...

Some sweet from Switzerland that you can only get there. Yeah, that's good. So that he goes like, I don't get this. Yeah, we could make it seem like a Swiss boy. Yeah, I don't understand this. A Swiss boy who loves him and we don't explain how or why. This is insane. This is crazy. I got a package from Switzerland with a delicious milky treat. Honey, get here. Look at this. And look at the flaky milk bar. There's a real chance he hangs the picture. Oh, yeah.

I like this. Me too. I mean, let's maybe hear a couple more, but I feel pretty, that one has a real kind of charm to it. All right. These are going to go in a slightly different direction. The last two are Silicon Foot slash Chastity Cage slash Large Sounding Rod. I mean, Chastity Cage is, it's a different, at least we have options. Yeah.

I'm inclined to go with the child picture and some chocolate. Put the child picture in the chastity cage. Oh my God, I don't think we could do it. We're not doing it. Yeah, I think the FBI would be like, sir, how are you? Yeah, exactly. Is that the last one, Annabelle?

That's the last one sounding right. By the way, shout out to Katie. Yeah. Creating a really weird list. And she covered a spectrum, which is nice. There's options. She is like a dark chat GBT. Yep. Yep. Absolutely. All right, Annabelle. So what are the logistically the next steps? I mean, we don't want to ask you to do a drawing, but we probably do. We want Swiss chocolate. Do we want to pretend like it's a Swiss boy? We need the drawing from Annabelle. Okay. Are you cool with making the drawing? It's got to come from Switzerland.

for us, Annabelle, and throwing in some Swedish chocolate and a letter that we should probably maybe write now? Absolutely. I also do work with children, so I could... Get real kid droids. Yes. You know...

How many kids do you work with, Annabelle? Why does that matter? Well, I'm a teacher, so 160. Okay. Is that 160? What if we take 10? It's a pretty big classroom. That's nuts, by the way. Now that I'm actually moving backwards. America ain't so bad anymore, listeners.

I gotta pay for my preschool. Well, over there in Switzerland, they got 160 kids in a goddamn class. 160 just stacked on shoulders. It's a fucking auditorium. That's nuts. What I was gonna say is maybe we get 10 kids to do drawings of Berg and

and we can have one of them write the letter that she dictates. And it could be short. - But I don't want, no, I'm gonna pitch no on that, and here's why. I wanna scare him. I don't want him to think it's a school thing. What if we do something like this? And anything you wanna do, Annabelle, I just say no, because that's my pitch, but you do you. I would say one kid draws the photo, and then Annabelle, have one kid write Steve the weirdest message you can, but don't tell the kid what to write. It's like little kid actors.

A lot of little kid actors, when they audition, their auditions are spectacular. Then when they get to set, their parents have coached them and they're terrible. Yeah. They're like, I do everything mommy tells me so that I get a chocolate. And you're like, oh, you were such a true weirdo at your audition. Just say to the kid, write any message you want to Mr. Steve. I completely agree. You've sold me in that direction. I think you're right. Nonsense.

I was thinking of penmanship, but let's get essence and let's throw that all in a box. And he goes, there's a little boy from Switzerland who is a diehard fan of me. Man. Man. This could be something. This is...

We've walked Steve through a number of strange worlds. This is a good one. I got a good feeling. Yeah, and Annabelle, you're a big part of this team. Yeah, and now we're holding off on the bell until we freak Steve out. But could you do us a favor? Yes, but could you do us a favor? Let me jump in here before you say that, Gareth, and wrap us up. Could you take a photo of all the stuff before you send it and send it to us so that we have all the stuff before he does? That's great. That's a great follow-up.

Of course. Great. And then Gareth, what were you going to say, buddy? I was just going to say, are you cool to do all this for us? Well, you, you had, you know, where we're sending it. Can you put like some, you know, not too much, but just a little bit of chocolate in there. Um, does that sound good? Define too much chocolate. No, you Annabelle, you and Katie define it. Yeah. Okay.

You just tell us. Yeah, I think absolutely right. Again, your gut's been real good on this one, Jeff. Real good. I would say Annabelle's has. I thought you were going to her. Both of you, but Jake, you're the Steve Whisperer with this sort of stuff. I think we're in a good zone. And I think Annabelle's a real big player in this. And Annabelle, if it works...

And then we get him on and we talk about it and we don't reveal it. We might do this with you annually. Yeah. We might be, this might be the beginning of a very strange relationship the three of us are in. And guess what? Katie's welcome to be part of it. Katie's involved too. Okay.

So keep us updated. Send it as fast as you can because the sooner it's there, the sooner we can get Berg on. Oh, also we're all going to do his podcast, Gareth. I don't know if he's talking about it. We're each going to individually do it and we'll do an episode of high strangeness. So maybe we can do that after he gets it. And we should do that. And that way it'll come up a little organically. One of us can get it out of him. Oh, here's what I'll do on that.

I'll talk about strange things that I've gotten. Oh, great. Great. Perfect. And then we'll have that, and then we can bring him on for the show to talk about it as an extra. Yes. And then we'll reveal. And I'll go, if he says his, I'll go, that's the weirdest thing, man. You got to come back and tell this to Gareth. Yeah. And then maybe he'll tell you individually too. Great. Okay, so Annabelle. We're sitting on a beauty. Annabelle, could you do this ASAP? Absolutely. You're the best. Thank you, Annabelle.

Appreciate it. Do you just hang up without saying goodbye, Annabelle, or did you just get quiet? Howdy. Go here. Okay, you start with howdy. What's your goodbye?

Goodbye. Okay. Okay. How about fare thee well? But you've hit some dingers today, so we don't expect it to all be a home run. Look, the game's over. We already won. I'm asking her to come out of the dugout and swing again. Yeah, she's fucking tired. She's like, I got Gatorade on my back. I won the game. I'm doing reps. Stop. I'm doing my post-game interview. Bye, Annabelle. Thank you. To the moon. Biz, biz, biz.

I texted you the other night that I started thinking about this and I genuinely laughed. I was laughing. I was laughing alone. If the whole reason we have done this show is for this. It very well could be. And so...

So now Steve is getting the package has been sent to Steve with Switzerland chocolates and a Swiss boy. This is the package. So we got an email telling us what's in the package. We will post this for everybody so they see it. Oh, my God. All right. So in the little boy or girl handwriting, it says for Steve.

Steven, spelled wrong, crossed out Steve. Great start. Different colors. I know you can all see this, but this is how we do the show. No, no, we can't read it as well as you. Hello, I am a Swiss boy. It's a remarkable start. Agreed. I made this for you with our classmates. We love American Raising Cane's Crumble Cookies.

Or in and out. Do you like Travis Scott or having guns? Sorry if it's too personal. Maybe you know our teacher. She is from Cali. Uh-huh. Hope you are finding it. Please return with answers.

No, Nils Dino something in yellow I can't read. Eve's Finn Mateo. P.S. Did you know that Edward Berger is Swiss? Hi, we also wanted to send you Zins, but chat GBT says it is not allowed. Also, the Rivela has milk in it. Then they sent this.

well they're not gonna be able to send the soda they did no way it's already been sent it's not gonna clear our customs there's no way um so death of a salesman just to talk it out um shocking and so then out of a hundred times how many times do you think steve berg is gonna eat at least some of the chocolate

God, I just could go either way. There's part of me that's just like he's going to get high and eat it, and there's another part of me where I can just see him... Getting really paranoid. Yes, and throwing it out right away. I'm not eating that shit. I could see him have that attitude too. He'll definitely Google the chocolate and see if it's real. So one of them is like a grain bar. Then there's Ricola cough drops. It's crazy. Then there's three different types of chocolate, and then there's like a soda. Yeah.

And this soda, by the way, is sealed. He's going to drink this. He's not going to get the soda. You can't send liquid like that. But so what are they going to do? Open the package? Yeah, they're going to open the package and take the soda out. So it's going to be delayed. Okay. But he's definitely going to eat the Ricola. They're packaged. Like, what do you mean packaged? Like, it's in a sealed bag? Sealed. Like, it looks like a pack of cigarettes.

And it's plastic coated and sealed as well. The chocolate is just regular wrapping, just chocolate. The three chocolates are regular wrap, but the crackers are like a you have to tear it open to get to it. I would feel like it. Honest to God, I would eat the looking at this. I would eat the Ricola. I would eat the cracker. And then realistically, I would take my chances with the chocolate because they look very sealed.

I would too. He's definitely going to contact some representative. Who? I don't know. He's not. He would be embarrassed. He's not going to want to go like, hey, any auditions coming up also? I don't think he'll eat it. Any of it. Because we could also make a side bet. Because this is now getting too juicy here. All right, let's bet $50. I'll say he doesn't eat it. I can see the paranoia. So you'll say $0.

Well, I think he's all or nothing. I think he's either in or out. Do you think one cough drop will get opened and eaten or none of it will? God, I could see him doing something where he's like, I had the cough drops, but the rest, fuck that. And the yellow package is one of those. It's packaged almost the way like a granola bar is. I'm going to say no. Okay. So I'll do a $50 bet that he eats something.

I got a package from Zurich, Switzerland yesterday. I'm not joking. They sent me three different Swiss candy bars. Look at these. I mean, these are fine chocolates. These are fine Swiss chocolates. They sent me some weird cookie. They sent me Ricola. Look at that. They sent me a weird drink, and they warned me that it has dairy in it in case I'm allergic to dairy.

But it's all sealed. It's all sealed. Then the kicker is they send me Death of a Salesman. You're an actor. Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. Incredible. I mean, and I'm going to write them back and send them like some like, I guess, candy and other stuff from America because there was a return address and it was like a, it was a Swiss school. What are you going to say back?

I'm going to try to answer the questions and tell them about what I like in America. Will you please tell me what you're going to send back, Steve? I'll read the letter to you. Will you come on to Patreon for We're Here to Help? Yes.

Yes. Promise? Yes. I promise. And then we could post it to your High Strangeness Patreon too. Well, we can construct a letter in real time. Maybe you and Gareth can help me write the letter. Well, here's what we can do on mine. We will not help you, but we'll do it with you. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll talk to Gareth about it. Yes, we'll do this 100%. I mean...

But I can't remember. So you were just asking me about the pizza. I'm like, well, that's a synchronicity. Crazy. I've never been sent a random package with Swiss candies in a letter that's in crayon. So when did you get this package? Yesterday. Like at 5 o'clock yesterday. What was percentage of you thinking of eating it? Even the closed stuff. I have not. I mean, honestly, my instinct was...

Oh, my God. I'm going to tear into these chocolates. Fine Swiss milk chocolate? I mean, yes, please. I mean, this is a wafer chocolate, dude. Like, what could be better, right? So my natural inclination is to take a hit of a Sativa Hybrid and go to town, brother.

And then luckily Susie comes home like 10 minutes later and she's like, what the hell is all this? I read her the letter. Susie's the only reason you didn't eat it. She's the only reason I didn't. She's like, hold on, hold on, hold on. Maybe don't eat some random food. I mean, that's exactly what we said. I go, why didn't you? And he goes, Susie came home and I was like, so now he's home alone.

I just think... I don't think he eats it. I'm going to bet. Okay. All right, double or nothing. But by the way, I don't know how much, but he will at least...

If he eats any of it, you win. Okay. So 50 bucks. 50 bucks. And it's by the time we do the Patreon with him, which will probably be early next. He'll have taken a bite or a sip of one of them. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Okay, yes. Or even a Ricola, whatever it is. But right now, everything is closed.

The Ricola's tough, but I don't think he's going to eat the Ricola. I hold strong. He will not eat any. He's going to listen to Susie. He'll get in trouble. He's going to get stoned and eat something. So about, I want to say six weeks ago, five weeks ago, I received a box in the mail with this lovely handwritten letter that looks like kids' handwriting.

And it was full of like Swiss chocolates. This is true. Some kind of weird drink called Ravella. And then the only thing I haven't eaten yet. Wait, how much have you eaten?

almost all of it but i thought you weren't in it i thought suzy flagged it and you weren't gonna have any of the chocolate she flagged it and then marijuana won and uh does she know that you does she know that you went against her judgment yeah the next day she found you know like a like a rappers and you passed out under like like genie sacks from uh sopranos you know getting caught in the basement eating a box full of candy bars

I remember you did not eat the, you were going to eat it. That was the last thing, but you ate everything else. Yeah, this is called Darvita. It seems like some kind of high-end cheese and crackers. And why haven't you eaten it? He's waiting. Honestly, because I left it up here and I forgot about it until a minute before this. Are you going to do a mukbang and eat it on air? If you'd like me to. Yeah, I think that'd be good for ratings. Let's do a quick review. Okay. You want me to eat it right now? Okay, sure. Yes.

The packaging's nice. Wait, hold on. ASMR. He eats it. Just silent fingers. Do you know the person who sent it to you? No. It said, I think it was from a classroom. Okay. Right? An entire classroom. These are all in crumbles, I'll tell you that much. All in crumbles. Title? Oh, excellent. I'm back.

You can tell there's no preservatives. Like, we get shit crackers over here. Oh, this is the mother's milk. This is like...

This is like fine wheat. It's like a wheat thin, but elevated. Now they said there's no monsoon here. Please do this as a thing. Do food reviews. Well, you've got to develop a relationship with whoever this is. But also, new show idea. Food reviews. This whole thing is amazing, but then also for him to eat it is shocking. Do you want to know what else I was sent? I was sent something else. There's more? From them? Yeah.

I don't think, I mean, this does not seem to connect. Okay. I was randomly sent another package late last week. Is this a joke or for real, Steve? It's for real. Here it is. And it came with a note that says, Steve, hope you can put this to good use. Enjoy. P.S. Don't use it all at once. Okay. And it is a box full, I mean, and I mean full, of little lube packets. What the fuck?

producer sherlock here the lube packet origin story will air on a future episode here here's where my head is at right now jake and i did a podcast we record a podcast yes uh when reviewing the podcast jake was adamantly it would not leave it alone kept on asking me have you ever been sent a weird gift

And I didn't notice it at the time. And then eventually in the podcast, I broke out the Swiss chocolate. Well, now that you say I have, I just got sent a box of chocolate. Even the next day, Susie and I are outside. We were having a nice glass of wine. And she goes, did you ever think that maybe Jake and Garrett sent it to you? And I did. Somehow I didn't think of this. You've,

I didn't know it was you guys. If you were to go back and listen to the second half of the podcast you recorded with Jake, Jake asked three times, even when I answer it, he comes back and he's like, no, but have you ever received like a weird gift? Even people commented on my, people who listened to my show were like, Jake sent it to you. Jake? It was abundantly clear even to the listeners. Somehow it went right over my head.

Guys, I gotta pull the plug on the bit. Steve won. Yeah! Damn it. Steve won. You won. We've been doing this on you, but you pulled it off and I blew it, Gareth. Let me just say that. I did. I went too hard because I was too excited. You went hard at the pay to pay. When Susie said the next day, I was like, I don't know. And then all of a sudden, it was just like a life review of all the times you guys have...

pranked me and it's a lot and i bite hard when it and i did i'll tell you when i first got it because i got it like a few days before you were on damn it first off i was disturbed i thought it was like a serial killer yeah but that's why i needed to say if you remember i was like nothing to be afraid of nothing to be scared of yeah and you were like you should eat it

Well, that's because we had a side bet on whether or not you'd eat it. No, I did not. Go back and listen. I did not say you should eat it. I said, are you going to eat it? Because Steve and I, because Gareth and I made a bet. Would you eat it? And we've done a double bound bet. Because as of now, I owe you money. But Steve, did you eat it before or after Susie made the connection? About two weeks after. After the connection? Yeah. Oh, wait. So now I think, so you've known this for a while.

I've known her for about a month. Yeah. And then the lube you just assumed. Huh? The lube you just assumed was us, too. Right, right. I was like...

By the way, you reverse played us. Well, because we were going to do this like a few weeks ago and then something like that. You double-dogged us. A double-dog would have been like, we're moving, we're freaked out. By the way, you're right. That's a double-dog. Had you flipped this and got us scared and we had to break?

That would have been a double dog. But I didn't get a full double dog, but I got Morgan. You are no dog. Gareth and Jake, we have lost. We've lost. I also think that the $50 bet is null and void because he figured it out and then ate it. Now it's tricky. I honestly thought he ate it. I was so excited. I do want to say this, though.

When I did eat the chocolate, it was fucking phenomenal. And you're going to love this episode, Steve. We're going to release this on a Wednesday. Well, now we can finally release it. Oh, my God. It's so funny. Because what happened was we got a call from someone who basically had a taxidermied animal. And she didn't know what to do with it. She was disturbed by it. This is in Switzerland. Okay. And we said, well, why don't you send the taxidermied animal to you?

So we came up with this whole thing to send the taxidermied animal to you. To me? Yes. As a bit. As a bit. With no note. And unfortunately, the animal basically had disintegrated. So the person called back in

Said the animal disintegrated so that she revealed she was a teacher. Then she and her friend who sent her the taxidermied animal came up with the idea that we send you a package from her students with a bunch of Swiss stuff in it. Really? We had the class put together a package and a note and we kind of said, hands off, go for it.

They sent that to you. We wanted to let that cook. Jake and I made our side bets as to whether or not you'd eat the chocolate, etc. We were fishing for you to go send something back, but then we got another call about all this lube. This person didn't know what to do with lube. And we thought, well, fucking A, we're sending Bergie stuff. Let's send Bergie that as well. And so we had them send that. Steve, I gotta give you a lot of credit here, babe. It's Susie. I don't care. That's why they're a team. Yeah.

Come on. But we, Steve, Gareth and I have been, when this thing first started. We saw this going for a while. We were like, there's a chance we could do this for six months. Honestly, longer. Years. You guys were talking. Honestly, longer. It could have been a multi-year pen pal. And then another person sent the loop. We were like, we could create a thing where one of the responses is,

You got something weird, just send it to Steve, and all of a sudden you get like a trampoline. I mean, look. I know. All jokes aside, I mean, like the chocolate was exquisite. I mean, as good as it can be. Well, Susie ended the gravy train. I hope you're happy. Yeah. But what I will say, I got to apologize to you, Gareth, and the community. I went too hard in the paint. Stop.

Because Steve, that was our initial burst. You were just trying to get him to talk about it. I said it so many times. Yeah. I literally went like, I go like, have you been sending anything? And he goes, no, nothing I can think of. And I was like, Hmm,

You sure? Well, you get that. No, you know, Steve, somebody in the community might've sent you a comment too. Cause we've been talking on this, on our show a lot. We've got something cooking with Steve. Yeah. Cause you, I knew when we hung up that phone, you did not do the math on that. I did not know when we were talking.

I will say, you did phrase it well. You got a little impatient at the end, but you would say, have you ever received a gift? You were trying to play into the high strangers. Yes, I was. I kept saying, oh yeah, like a synchronicity. I was answering it like a paranormal professional that I am. Yes. Well, Bergie, honestly, I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for Susie, and I'm disappointed for the show. I'm happy it's ended. It was such a run. But I mean, like, you know, I can forget. We're not sending you more chocolates. No, no, I'm not asking for chocolate. I'm saying for, like, one word to send me, like, some Giordano's from, you know, Steve Dish. I can forget about the whole thing. Yeah, we can keep on going with it. Steven, you ruined it. It's like, hey,

If anything, this is a win for the show because Steve was about to get sent a lot of free shit and now he's not getting anything anymore. No, I, you know what? Yeah. I gave Stevie when he deserved it. Yeah. Way to go, Steve. I'm very happy for you. Last but definitely not least. I need to end this sequence by giving the great Steve Berg, the credit that he deserves.

Gareth and I have been pranking this man for 19 years. I'm loving it. The three of us have been laughing our asses off. But old Stevie Berg won this one. He beat me. Feels different. Humbling. Yet exciting. I'm happy for Steve. I'm sad for me. And Gareth didn't lose this one. So I'm neutral for Gareth because I blew this one. So going to our PFF rankings...

On this prank sequence, I'm a Jack. I'm a Jack. And I would like to apologize to the team, being the audience, and say that I was overconfident. I was ready to give lessons about how I was going to prank old Steve Berg, but Steve, a.k.a. Alex, is not an 8 to my 2. He's not even a 7 to my 6. He's a 5 to my 6. So congratulations, dear Steven, if you make it this far, but I'm not going to tell you about it.

If you don't, I love you. And you've won dear King sleep. Well, sweet Prince sleep. We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpful pod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash heretohelppod. Hey there, we're Heretos. That's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth. Just reminding you, if you have not checked out my new podcast, next we have also a HeadGum production. Please do that. It is a show that just has a lot of good, quick-hitting segments that are funny.

The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time Magazine's Podcast of the Year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But, you know, listen, we're here to help the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next We Have. Please give it a listen. And if you like it, you know, do all that stuff you got to do with podcasts. Appreciate it.