28: Ketchup Carrie with Johnny Bananas
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All right, another episode after the intro. We're back, Jake. We are back, Garf. Helping people.

Great episode today. We have a returning guest. Mr. Johnny Bananas comes back and just slays dragons. Home run after home run. This one is particularly enticing because hopefully there will be an update on this one. If all goes according to plan. If this one works, this will be the holy grail. This is huge. We also want to promote that Johnny does have a new boxing gym in Boca called Rumble.

um, that, we encourage people to go to. And he's also on the E show house of villains. Yeah. That's killing it. Uh, so we catch up with him and then we have, uh, another problem with, um, you know, invites and children. Yes. Invites and children and the precarities of, uh, of that sort of stuff. But, uh,

But yeah, that's pretty good. And we really do appreciate everyone sharing. We, you know, we, we see the show growing and again, we have merch, we have an email where you can email the show. If you have a problem, helpful pot of gmail.com. So yeah, join us on our socials and we're enjoying it. So we hope you do too. And without let's just go over there. Okay.

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. All right, Shark, you know what's up. It's finally time for summer travel, and there are so many choices of places to stay on Booking.com across the United States. From the stylish hotels, the family-friendly resorts, the cute B&Bs, beds and breakfasts,

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How you doing, gentlemen? Hello. Can I get your name, please? Yeah, my name is Matt. Matt, you got a special one today. You got myself, you got Gareth Reynolds, and then you've got the man who has created and built MTV's The Challenge, Mr. Johnny Bananas. The legend himself is here. Johnny, how you doing?

Not bad, man. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Thanks for coming on the show. I have a feeling this guy did not call in to talk to me though. Well, I think he's pretty fired up. Matt, where are you from, buddy? I'm from upstate New York. Upstate New York. And how old are you?

31. 31. And also, we have the man who built the challenge, Mr. John. Start of House of Villains. Yeah. Richard, you like to be on TV? His name is Matt. Yeah. Oh. You can call me whatever you want. Richard's not the worst thing I've ever heard. Listen, I'm bad with names. I'm a face guy. And since all that shows up on my screen when you talk is a phone. We'll call you Matty Orange. How's that? That might be a little easier. We'll call you Mateo. Works for me. Matt, what can we do for you today, buddy?

All right. So I have a dilemma here. I have the opportunity to audition or have the third audition to be on Jeopardy. Still waiting to hear back about that. But my issue is my life is very interesting and it's hard for me to nail down one anecdote to tell Ken Jennings. So I'm trying to have you guys help me out with that. This is the greatest.

This is my favorite because I actually on my album, Riddle with Disease, just short plug, I talk about this. The short story segment on Jeopardy is brutal because these people have been spending their whole lives studying. So you don't hear about the time they dropped a keg stand on their buddy, or they, you know, or like someone took too much molly and ended up in a bathtub with an or like there's none of that. So right. So you need us to help kind of

Whittle it down to which story you would tell. Or should we like make one up for you? You want to just like put our heads together to come from real whack time. You lived in Ken Jennings garbage. You know, you know, I, I, I would go with either one of those options. Barring it. That would be great. But if I could get a fully crafted, hold on, hold on, hold on. We might end up in the world of bullshit where we create one, but let's see, Matt, do you have a, you have a couple of stories in mind.

Yeah, I mean, I just, I do a lot of stuff. So I'm currently in grad school getting my master's degree to be a history teacher. I'm also a traveling DJ and music producer. Oh, wow.

I'm the father of a handicapped wheelchair dog, which is always, you know, that always tugs at the heartstring. In the front or the back? So is it a pull situation or a push situation? Good question. Good question. So wheels on the front, legs in the back, or legs in the front, wheels in the back? Wheels on the back, legs in the front. Oh,

Okay, I feel like that would be easier. I feel like we're getting lost in the weeds on this one, Johnny. Okay, well, I'm just saying, hold on. The story... Or is it maybe... Is it one up front, on the right, one back? What are we talking here? Where are the tires popped? I think what we should do, maybe combine...

some different aspects of your life. Like maybe like the wheelchair dog and DJing. So maybe like Steve Aoki, instead of throwing a cake out, you like threw your dog out and hit someone in the face or something, you know, in the crowd. Pretty good. I mean, Matt, are you willing, are you willing to let us just kind of let her rip? I couldn't be happier if you guys just let it rip. And then if we get this, if we get this right, you will be telling this on jeopardy. That's, that's the goal. If we get this right, this will be the story that I tell the producer. This is extremely exciting.

But you're going to have to air this episode after Jeopardy because we don't want them to know that we told you the story and made it up. So it'll come out after. Very true. Very true. So I will keep everyone posted on that. What if you're one of those guys who's on like a 55-day run and we're like, we got to release this goddamn episode. He's running out of stories. Every night we're talking to you, coming up with new bullshit. We release it, then he gets booted from Jeopardy for making up a fake story. Yeah.

I got a quick thing, Johnny, to you. And if I put you on the spot, blow it off. But what is one of the wildest things you've ever seen in the challenge house that never aired? So do you know who Jemmy is? Jemmy Carroll? Oh, yeah. Wait, the girl who's afraid of ketchup. Oh, that's where the story's going. Yes. So Jemmy has a very rare phobia called mortus cus phobia, which is a fear of ketchup. This is great. Okay.

So mortally terrified that like if she even gets around it, if she smells it, she literally like she can't function. She freezes. So.

We decide on Dirty 30, which was an episode a few seasons ago, to have a prank war against the girls. But it's all going to coalesce. The whole point of this prank war is to basically lure Jemmy out from underneath the balcony because we're on the top balcony. She was below. We were going to smear a yoga ball with ketchup and we're just going to destroy her with this yoga ball. So anyways, we do this whole thing. We dress as ninjas. They couldn't tell who was who.

We go down, we prop up a big garbage can full of water against the door. We knock, they open it, the water spills in, they are chasing us around. So CT is on the upper deck with a ball that we have smeared with about five bottles of ketchup. Okay, this thing is just, this is so, it's just coated.

So, Jemmy has this trash can that probably still, I don't know, maybe like half a gallon of water and she's pulling it towards me. And I'm kind of slow walking it so she comes out and then as soon as she is in a striking distance, all of a sudden, I just hear and feel, I feel like this bong and I feel this mist, this red mist just spray on my face. Yeah.

And for a second, she didn't know what it was. She started laughing. She just thought we hit her with a ball until she realized that she was coated from head to toe in catch up.

Couldn't move. Dude, when I tell you. Wait, hold on. So then what happens? So she's covered in ketchup. She freezes. And then when girls all come down, she was frozen. They actually walk her into the pool. What? So she's like Carrie. She's like Carrie. Yeah. It looked like, you know, when you go to Mecca and they like baptize you, like drip, dip you in the water. So that's what the girls do off. That's what the girls do.

That's what they did. And they were screaming at us the whole time and they cut it out because it was literally like, they were like, this is, this is too dark guys. I've got to jump in here. Uh, I think we nailed it. I think that your story is that you have a ketchup phobia.

And I think you basically tell the unaired MTV to challenge bit. You are Jemmy in this story. This happened at the college you go to. You've grown up. You have a fear of ketchup. Johnny, what's the name of it again? Mortus Cuse Phobia.

That's what you have because that's going to get attention right from the start from the host. That could be a Jeopardy question. What is a fear of catch? What is a phobia of catch-up call? Well, now I know that answer, so you've helped me out in doing. This is an interesting start. What they're looking for in these segments is something that's fun and quick. And so even by just saying you have this phobia, you're an interesting guy. And then you say…

It's fantastic.

And you go, in the end, it got over my fear of ketchup. And he'll go, amazing. Now it's my favorite condiment. And then the next person will be like, I went on a hike and I forgot a shoe in my car. No.

No, then you can be like, dude, it got me over my fear of ketchup, and now I have a terrible fear of yoga. Or balls. I have a terrible fear of getting hit in the head with balls. I just have no friends. I really think this is an excellent... I agree. I like how you did that, Jake. Wow, you're good. I like how you did it. I mean, it's a perfect story. I like how I did nothing.

What a great team effort. Well, you created Catch-Up Care, which will probably be the title of the episode. All right, thank you. Kevin, our producer, was like, more toos, Matt.

My friends called me Mortus Matt growing up because I had Mortus Cuse phobia. By the way, that's a great start. That's great. My friends called me Mortus Matt because, yep, great. So Mortus Matt, is this something you're comfortable doing? Yes, absolutely. One thing that I did leave out is I was an actor.

major before I got into the rest of the stuff that I was doing. But I realized I didn't want to sell weed for the rest of my life. So I'll be able to pull this off. So then let's do this. Gareth, you're the host of Jeopardy. All right. Matt, you're you. Let's see how you do with the story. And Sheila, that's a great story about replacing your roommate's plant. Matt, upstate New York, I understand you had an interesting way of getting over a phobia.

Yeah. Thank you very much, Fat Aaron Paul. I appreciate that. No, you're wrong. Ken Jennings. Just Ken Jennings. Please keep it on that. Oh, right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We're running out of time. You don't have much time, assholes. So keep going. So.

Yeah, we were at a party at my my dirty 30 birthday party that we had at my my former fraternity house in college. Great. And a good friend of mine decided that they wanted to, you know, immerse me in some, you know, immersive therapy for my more to excuse phobia, which is what did your college roommates call you as a nickname when you were in school?

They did call me more tooth, Matt. I would lead out with that. That's your opening line. All right. We'll start from the top. Sheila, that's an amazing story about how to unclog a toilet if you don't have a plunger. And now, Matt, you're from upstate New York and don't give me a nickname. Just keep it on task. I think you have an interesting story about getting over a phobia.

Yes, yes. So growing up, my name was Mortus Matt. That's what everybody called me because I had an unreasonable fear of ketchup. Wow.

in college, uh, a couple of friends of mine, uh, decided that it would be a good idea to give me some immersion therapy in that category. Um, and you know, we're drinking, we're playing a game of beer pong. Um, and all of a sudden from over the balcony of the floor above me comes a yoga ball. Uh,

It hits me in the back, but I wasn't 100% sure what had hit me, though. I felt a slime coming from my back emanating, and I touched my neck, and I thought I was bleeding. Come to find out, as I smelled my hand, I was covered in ketchup, and I froze, got brief rigor mortis, and my friend had to carry me from

the fraternity house into the pool out in the backyard and baptized me. But now I'm not afraid of ketchup anymore. I'm just afraid of yoga and rubber ball. It was an above ground pool that has not been cleaned out in a long time. Like that was the only way to rinse it off. Gotcha. Gotcha. Really nasty. Matt, I'm going to say this. Wow. What a fucking crazy story on Jeopardy. I'm going to say this. I just wanted to cap it. I would say avoid the term immersion therapy.

And I'll tell you why, because it gives it away. I would lead out with the nickname and then the host is probably going to say, why do you have this nickname? And you say, I've always had a incredible fear of ketchup. That will get a laugh. Then you go like, but it's also, it's very real to me. And then they go, we hear you have got like a good story. And you say, yeah, at my dirty 30, my 30th birthday, that'll get a laugh. You say, we were all hanging around and my buddy CT decided to pull a prank on me.

And then you say they covered a yoga ball in ketchup so that the audience sees it before you do so they can all go like, oh, and you go. But I didn't see that. They lured me outside and dropped it on top of me. Making me a ketchup carry. Making me a ketchup carry. That's otherwise I don't get any credit for what we just built. So that's the only reason why you got to include that.

You went from more to Matt to catch up carry. Yeah, pretty good. That's great. In an instant. I think that's great. How do you feel about that, Matt? I feel great about it.

If you win the next day, I think your story should be about how much you love pranks and playing jokes. Yes. And the story you told the day before was bullshit. Great. That's a great idea, Gar. You're going to be a legend. You will be a Jeopardy legend. You'll be the next host. If you get this on TV, Matt, you're a king. King. King. King.

And that's coming from the king of TV. Yes. Mr. Johnny Bananas. Yeah. Well, Matt, keep us posted. And if we have to find out through Jeopardy, we'll do it that way. But let us know how close you get to this. Good luck, man. Yeah, and if you end up winning millions of dollars, we want to let go. All right, Matt, Richard, whatever your name is, we really appreciate it. Good luck. See you, buddy. All right, thanks, fellas. Have a good one. Thanks, bud. Bye. Bye.

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Sure. Yeah, my name is Danzig. I live in Melbourne and I am 36. Danzig? Yeah, well, I thought if I was going to go for a random name, I might as well have a really good one. You did great. And are you really in Melbourne? Because you definitely sound Scottish.

Yeah, yeah, I do. I live in Melbourne. I'm from Scotland. So Jake, this is what a Scottish accent can sound like. It's interesting you say that because I was going to say sounds like Australian. Australian, yeah. Authentic native Australian. I was with you, man. I was like, yeah, this is right. Well, what can we help you with today?

Yeah, cool. Well, first of all, thanks for having me on fellas. So yeah, last year, my wife and I, we were planning a trip to celebrate her 40th birthday. And we were talking about it with some friends. We said, hi, we're thinking about going to Japan. We're going to do like a big trip. We'll go to the theme parks. We'll do Mario World and all that sort of stuff. And our friends were like, that sounds awesome. Can we join you? And we're like, sure, that would be great. And

And in the time in between then, they've since had a baby. And they're like, they are super attached to the baby, as you would imagine. But when we brought up the trip again, they were like, yeah, cool. Well, we'll be bringing the baby. And don't worry, baby's not going to get in the way because we're going to bring our family member who's going to look after the baby the entire time. And so...

Yeah, right. So the problem is like, we love these people. We love their baby. We love that they're so happy with their baby. But we don't want their baby on the trip or their kind of their random family member we've met like three times. Man, this is a pickle. Yeah, right. And I know you guys would have the goods.

Well, listen, we we don't ever claim to solve anything, but we certainly will give you some options. I want you to start on this one.

Well, let me ask you a question. Do you have kids? No, he doesn't. Do you ever plan on having kids? No. She's 40. This is pretty much... This is part of it. One of the reasons we don't want to have kids is so that when we travel, we can travel without any kind of restrictions or time issues or anything like that. As someone who travels all the time, I see people with children and I...

go through a range of emotions. Sometimes I resent the screaming child and other times I go, this just seems horrible. Just seems like a nightmare. But this really sucks because it's a totally different trip. That is a totally different vibe. That's different than having a couple friends who you're going to go out and enjoy the time with. And they're also bringing the grandma or the aunt or somebody or the uncle. Here's what I would say, Danzig.

And also thanks for picking Danzig. And also going forward, anybody who has a name, let's be influenced by Danzig. Let's lose all the Johns and Sarahs. We're looking for like fence swingers. Give us a little bit of heat. Yeah, Liberace's, things like that. I am a man with children and kids on a trip. I'm going to go on the other side of Gareth. I think it's wonderful. I think it's great. But it is a fundamentally different trip.

And your friends aren't going to be really connected to you. Let's say you're in Japan and you're having a great night and you go, let's go out drinking and have a night. Well, they can't because that baby's going to wake them up early and you're going to have to constantly figure out different schedules. So here's going to be my starting advice. And it's not great. I would say to this other couple, bad news.

work shit came up we need to cancel i would say we can't do it we would love to because you can't say come but don't bring your baby because you're making them do it but then what are what what's your secondary move there because i i obviously japan but okay so but then okay so you still do the trip yes but then you can't post about the trip you have to lie about the trip you have do you live in the same city as these people yeah and we see them pretty regularly as well so

It's a tough one. I listen, my instinct. And again, I don't like on the show when we're like, my advice is to lie, but I feel like lying is really the only option to some extent. I kind of agree, Garrett. This feels like a potential friendship ender. Yeah. If you say, I mean, well, if you say if Gareth and I were, if he goes like, Hey man, come out, let's take this trip. And I go, great. And I go, awesome news. God, man, my daughters are going to come. And he goes, no,

don't bring them

Now I've got to make a choice. Well, we used to I had a friend who used to. And again, this is nothing against someone coming out with their significant other. But we would be like, we're going to have boys day. We're going to go to the rustic. We're going to drink. We're going to pour beers on it. And we'd be a group text. Ten of us. Oh, yeah. All that. Oh, all that. And then one of the guys would show up with his girlfriend. Who was I? I don't think I was part of this. No, I definitely can't. Let's just call this guy Danzig.

And, uh, and so, and so, and so, and, and it happened all the time. So it just kind of became this thing where, but you never wanted to be like, Hey, don't show up with someone you love. Um,

I don't hate Jake's instinct. I just think you set yourself up for getting caught again. So Dan, can I jump in for a second? Go ahead, Garrett, unless you're finishing, you got something. Well, I, what I, my pitch was also, it was going to be some, a different lie, uh, was going to be that another set of your friends found out that they were going and they wanted to go. And when you said no, that kind of blew up in your face. So to sort of save another friendship, uh,

You just think this trip, you got to maybe just go solo. You're super sorry. And you'll do a big thing when you're back. Something like that. Hey, Danzig, as a Scottish man living in Melbourne. Yeah. Does that mean your family from Scotland is not connected to your group of friends in Melbourne?

Yeah, well, they've met a couple of times enough that there's some like loose social media connections, but nothing. But do you have an ongoing relationship? Do you have a number one in Scotland you could lean on and say, like, I need you to do me a solid here and I need to use you? Yeah, I could. I could rope in my brother. That'd probably be the brother's move. I was going to say brother. But what I would do is I think Gareth is right here. I would say to this other couple and go like, hey, guys, we're in a really shit situation right now.

And we need you guys to kind of be cool here.

My brother found out we were going with you guys and asked if he could come too. And it's just not what we want for this 40th. We wanted something really small and intimate. And obviously you guys are like, you know, so close to us. And you're bringing someone else. It's kind of expanding now with him as well. And so if it's cool with you, can we plan another trip with you guys at a different time? And then for this one, I think we're just going to go together. But let's plan...

plan something closer to Melbourne with us and the baby and the nanny who we love.

Or you do a weekend. Yeah, I think something like that's pretty good. What do you think of that, Danzig? Yeah, yeah, that sounds good because no one likes to get involved with family politics. So if I invoke family politics, then where can they go from there? I think that's right. And then once you start it, you present it as like, I'm in a fucking nightmare situation here. Yeah. And the way you do it, obviously, is you go, I just talked to my brother. Yeah.

And he wanted to join us on the trip. That's a Danzig reference. That was great. Well, you're not laughing, Danzig, so I'm not sure you did get it. But go ahead, Jake. I was just so blown away by the voice, the whole thing. I'm going to tell you another thing. And this might be shocking to those who do not have kids. But a lot of times if you have kids...

The reason you say you're bringing your kids in the net, you don't want to go on the trip without kids because it's a such a different trip. Even for them, the people they're most excited to hang with right now is their fucking baby. And if they're going to fly to Japan, that might actually help. Maybe. I mean, we'll see. But here's why. Here's why, Gareth.

Before you have kids, the idea of a 40th birthday seems cool and important. When you have kids, you're like, who gives a shit? You're 40. Like when an adult invites me to their birthday party now and I'll write like, they'll be like, we're all going to a park six tonight. And I'll go kids and they'll be like, no kids, man, just adults. I'm like, what a bunch of fucking weirdos I pass.

Have the kids in a zone, the grown-ups in a zone, and then it all turns into a great night. And if you don't have kids, God bless. I think what your point has taken well, which is that they...

listen, they're bringing another person. They have, there's a chance that this is not going to necessarily let them off the hook. You might be letting them off the hook, but you have the brother angle. I think again, I never would book. Sometimes you just got to lie to get out of a predicament. That's why we're not professionals. Do you think Danzig that in your heart of hearts, do you think they kind of want to be let off the hook here? Are we making that up?

The way that they were like just so immediately when it came up again they were like yeah cool no we've already got it figured out we've got like a nanny coming with us it kind of sounded like they were all in on coming with baby. Which they might be. They might be. Yeah and we

We tried to show them a really full-on schedule of what we wanted to do in the hopes they'd be like, shit, logistically, that's going to be a nightmare with the child. It will be a nightmare. It's impossible. And they were like, yeah, no, that sounds great. Cool. That's a good move, by the way. Trying to make it seem like you're going to sleep in a volcano is a good way to be like, that's not for the kid. You think they're in the zone where they already purchased tickets? Yeah.

No, no. But they're definitely asking like, oh, hey, when are we going to start planning this stuff? And they're like, what's the prices already? Jesus Christ. Danzig, you called it the right time. You called it the right time. This is it. This is it. This is the fourth quarter.

And the kid, we want to get to know your baby better on this trip. We would love to do it. It's a separate weekend. It's a drive. It's local. And if you're going to fly overseas and go to Japan and you're going to spend all that money, it better be a perfect trip. Yeah. Jake, you want to bottom line it? See if that's what he's going to do. You're going to go with that? What are you going to do, Danzig?

Yeah, I reckon the family politics play is, you know, they often say honesty is the best policy, but as I've found out listening to this podcast, it never is. It's just... Sometimes, we don't want to say always lie, but sometimes you've got to lie. And I think this is just one for self-preservation, you know,

the feelings of everybody. It's probably just better to do an inconsequential white lie to get yourself out of it. And before we get out of here, how, how do people react to your accent down there in Australia? What they think about you? Uh,

Oh, good one, Gary. Love it, Gary. Um, the, uh, yeah, I'm always being asked if I'm Irish. Um, and I'm not clearly a couple of three Scottish guys really wrapping up this call. All right, Dan, so we're going to wrap the call up. Jake started new accents, which is always, it's time to wrap it up. Uh,

Hey, let us know how this goes. We'd love to hear the follow-up. We hope you survive, and good luck to you. All the best to you. Thanks, fellas. Appreciate it. All the best. Thanks. Sorry about the end. Sorry about the end here. Have fun in Japan. All right. I don't know why you're looking down like you're cheating on a test, Jake, but it's not okay. Cheers. Have a good one, fellas. Thanks, buddy.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. That was a HateGum Podcast.