35: Crisis PR
31:10 Share

This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.

Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. Getting the smile and confidence you've been dreaming about all from the comfort of your home isn't a total mystery with Bite Clear Aligners. Just don't be surprised if all your friends start asking, what's your secret?

Begin by ordering your at-home impression kit today for only $14.95. Bite Clear Aligners are doctor-directed and delivered to your door. Treatment costs thousands less than braces, plus they offer flexible financing, accept eligible insurance, and you can pay with your HSA FSA. Get 80% off your impression kit when you use code WONDERY at bite.com. That's B-Y-T-E dot com. Start your confidence journey today with Bite.

And here we are! We are...

We are back. Here to help, and we're back. And we're in person. We're next to each other. And this is rare for us, but it's just started. Yes. And I like it more. I like it more, too. I like it all, but this is... I like seeing you, Gareth. All right, let's just start the intro. Because we're old friends. We are old friends. And it's nice to see you. It is. And we enjoy this. We really do enjoy doing this. I'll tell you what happens as you get older. Yeah. Better looking. You see... No. Less fat.

No more injuries. No. People love you more. No. You have less stresses. No. You can eat whatever you want. No. You don't have heartburn. No. Okay, go ahead. Add in balding. Balding. You get more hair. No. Oh, okay. Less. And at certain times I'm in the bathroom and I look. It's tighter skin. No. You can go wash your dishes without worrying about peeing a little.

Yes. Okay, great. So that's just me? Okay, go ahead. What were you going to say? Hold on. What did you have, a baby? Yeah, I did. You know when you pee from your nipples when you're doing your dishes? No. I've had that. So here's what I think happens.

I think you see the friends you love in person less because you're just slammed with shit. So you and I for about 10 years became text pen pals. That's when, when Caitlin was asking us for videos of us together, I was like, let me tell you what our relationship kind of, we got to, we talked, we were in touch all the time. It was an annual hike.

It was texting about football. Maybe tri-annual. Yeah, maybe. Because when you were here more before you were touring so much, then we could squeeze it in. But it was like, it became constant texts. Yep. But then I think your point is that because of the show, we're able to bring in people we like, people we don't see as much. We see each other more. We're talking more. So it's been a real delight. And without further ado.

And if you're going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina or Rutherford, New Jersey, I'll be there in the December 20s. GarethReynolds.com. GarethReynolds.com. And without further ado.

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. All right, Shark, you know what's up. It's finally time for summer travel, and there are so many choices of places to stay on Booking.com across the United States. From the stylish hotels, the family-friendly resorts, the cute B&Bs, beds and breakfasts,

Breakfast is that did not go right. Booking.com has the right option for you this summer. So book a fabulous stay and maybe catch a baseball game while you're visiting your rival team city. Now, I was just telling you about how I was at a northern Colorado Owls game. Yes. And I stay. Go Owls. Let's go. Who? Who? Who? And I needed to find a place right near the stadium.

As always, I used Booking.com and truly got a steal of a hotel. Huge room. That's awesome. Two nights, two rooms because my friends were filming it, and it was all Booking.com. So no matter what team you're rooting for, Booking.com can make you a fan of anywhere. The right stay can make you a fan of any U.S. city, even your rivals. Book today on Booking.com on the site or in the Booking.com app.

All right, we are brought to you by BlueNile.com. We love Blue Nile. The road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories, or it can be short and thrilling, or somewhere in between. But the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is a straightforward path every time. All you've got to do is head over to BlueNile.com. Kevin, you just recently got married. Do you have an engagement-

I got engaged before I knew of Blue Nile, and I had an odd experience where Leah and I went to a place together and we're looking at different rings. And the person we were looking at

multiple times throughout, which I guess I appreciated the honesty, would go, I mean, I wouldn't get that, but if you like it, go for it. Super weird vibe made one of the more exciting moments of our life. Very awkward throughout it. Blue Nile would have been perfect. We wouldn't have had

very awkward customer service like we did at another place. I was just going to say, if you go to BlueNile.com, you can create a bigger, more brilliant piece than you ever imagined. Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. And these are ethical standards. The ethical standards are observed when sourcing the diamonds and jewelry.

Everyone is insured. When it shows up, it doesn't look like an engagement ring. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. There's even more stuff. Okay, just go to bluenile.com. So right now, get 30% off. Select lab-grown diamonds on bluenile.com. Plus, use code HERETOHELP to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. That's $50 off with the code HERETOHELP.

at BlueNile.com BlueNile.com

Hi. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help. You're on with Jake Gareth. And what is your name? How old? Where are you calling from? And what can we do for you? Awesome. I'm Mackenzie. I'm 28 and I'm calling from Portland, Oregon. So nice to meet you guys. A pleasure, Mackenzie. Thank you. I'm calling about a problem I have with my little sister.

To preface my problem, she is really funny with like a dry sense of humor, but also a little, everyone in my family is a little bit scared of her. So she was living in D.C. last year and then in about May or June, she sent us, my whole family in a group chat, including my brother-in-law, a three-page press release.

about how she was moving to Boston. And it turned out... It turned out she had already moved to Boston and hadn't told anyone. But it kind of outlined why she moved there and any frequently asked questions in there. And it kind of threatened us and said if we asked to come visit that she would block us immediately.

So I'm actually going to Boston in a couple of weeks to visit a friend. And so my problem is, is that I don't really know if I'm allowed to tell her that I'm coming or if she's going to get mad or if it was kind of a joke. I can't really tell with her. Oh, we have it. We have it. Oh, my God. It is nuts. Garth, will you read the press release? Sure. Well, first of all, it has the Red Sox logo up top and it says press release and then the date.

wild already uh to whom it may concern hello friends families and family and others i gathered you all here with an announcement today with an announcement i have made the decision to relocate to boston massachusetts i am both excited and sure in this decision and hope you will all have similar emotions at this time i would appreciate you holding off on bombing me with

questions as that will only annoy and frustrate me. You all are probably curious as to why I've decided to move, but honestly, I don't really have an answer, nor does it matter! Exclamation point. In order to proactively get ahead of the rumor mill, I have listed three pre-approved options below for you to tell people. One,

I am young, beautiful and could do whatever I wanted to work. Three, Boston is America's best city. Who wouldn't want to move there? I have attached additional answers to some of the questions I anticipate getting you getting asked. If you have any questions outside of those ones I've provided here, they are hereby declared as irrelevant and I will not be answering them. Thank you in advance. And then the name. Cameron is very funny. Mackenzie. So she how many people got this ridiculous, ridiculous press release?

Me and my older sister and then my mom and dad and then my husband and my brother-in-law got it and my best friend who's kind of like a sister. So there was like eight people in the message. Mackenzie, I got a pitch.

So she's doing this like a professional athlete, right? It's a press release. She's got the Boston Red Sox socks. These are the questions. Those are your answers. You're basically the question is you're going to Boston. Do you let her know? I think your family needs to host a press conference. And I think you got to do it via Zoom. And I think she's got to get there. And I think you guys can all ask a couple of questions. And she's allowed to handle it like a press conference. She can be a moody athlete.

But there needs to be follow up on this big decision affecting the team and the family is the team. So she's creating some weird game. And in order to play the game, if you want to see her in Boston, I think you do a press conference and you see how she's feeling about that. And as her representation, I'll talk to her first and you can go through us. Oh, my gosh. That sounds amazing. Hey, how's it going? All right. Can we get your name, please?

My name is Cameron. Hi, Cameron. So you're on with Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, Cameron. Great to meet both of you. You too. It's great to meet you, but we know something about you, Cameron. We know that you created a press release in order to tell your family you were moving. Well, first of all, did you guys like the press release? I fucking loved it.

We're members of the press. We're not at liberty to give our actual opinions. I apologize. Jake jumped in the deep end real hard and fast there. I'm going to listen to my man Garfield, my legal counsel, and I'm going to say we're not at liberty to give our opinions. That's not what we're here to do. We're not here to compliment you about your press release. We're intrigued by it. Yes. Understood. Okay. Got it.

And so I think what we would love to start with this, and I think the audience would like to know this too, because it was your sister who called in about it, asking what she should do. So our kind of question to you on this is, what was the thought behind a press conference telling your family you were moving? When I moved to DC in the first place, I got so many questions about this and everyone's giving their opinion. So when I made the second move, I said, I think I'm just going to

take a different direction here. I'm going to give them my pre-approved answers and nobody can be mad about this because I've given them so many great answers, but it seems they still were. And I thought it was pretty funny too, but I don't know if they took it the same way.

So what about if you put out another press release? We're on the same page. And this one is about the kind of, for lack of a better term, mending fences and you inviting your organization is inviting the McKenzie Corps to come and visit you.

And let's just have a sisterly trip, something like that. Jake? Yes, I think we're on the exact same page, but I don't think the press conference is to just McKenzie. It's a follow-up press conference. So a lot of press conference are like- Press release. Press release. Thank you. Yeah. So I think we need to do another press release that says like, hey, here's a follow-up. Visitors open. Lightness open.

Let's bring the fan base back to Cameron. Cameron, are we anywhere near something you would do here? I have to say I'm loving the direction that we're going in here. I think a second press release is just what the world needs. And what the doctor ordered. Just what the doctor ordered. Maybe I can even extend it to friends this time because I honestly don't think the original one got enough attention. I think that's right. Just the attention of my family.

So now, Cameron, I'm going to ask you, because you're the driver of this train. You're the comedic engine. We're the two angels on your shoulder. And Kevin's the devil. Be wary of Kevin. Why don't you start out loud right now, just right off the jack, start putting together that press release. A little spitball.

a little spitball of what you think needs to be in it. I'll transcribe for you, Cameron. Again, don't trust him. Let's trust him. But let's see if you can put a press release together on the spot. We can get it out to you. You can say we're part of the help of that. But what we're trying to do is get the fan base back to Cameron. We've lost our team a little bit. Off the cuff, I think we started out saying, hey, guys, like,

Sorry that the last one was a bit too dark, but let's reopen the conversation. Let's lay down a few more ground rules about potential visitors. Maybe add in a section wherein it's one at a time. Cameron, I can't write that fast. I can't write this. I'm trying my hardest. It's a trap. Cameron, don't fall for it. It's a trap. Here's what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do. You are going to talk it out, then later you're going to write it. You'll hear it back. Okay. Okay. Kevin, write it later.

No, not Kevin. We can also send the audio to send you the audio camera. What if we sent you the audio clip? Oh, audio press release. And you do an audio press release. We could even put in some of that echo. Like it's Lou Gehrig's goodbye speech. That's interesting. We could also put in a fake audience. Yes. Wait, I have an idea. I'm going to have a blast with this. I,

I've got an idea right now really fast, actually. Gareth, tell me if you want to do this too. Okay. Because I was saying it a mistake before where I was saying a press conference. What if we hosted a press conference with you right now, Cameron, and we sent this to your whole team about the move to Boston? This is good. So we could ask, so you start with a statement, we ask a couple of questions and then we'll finish it. And then you'll say like, thank you for the time. We'll do the whole thing in two or three minutes. We'll give you just that clip to send individually. You send that to everybody. Okay.

Cameron, are you as excited as me? You can start with a little press release email, but there's audio attached that really kind of gets us into it. Yes, I think that's great. So why don't you open with a statement like you were making? Hold on, we haven't asked her if she likes it. She's on board. Shut up, Jake. And then we'll get into it. All right, action, everybody who's not Kevin. Let's go.

You kept saying yes. I'm like, listen, asshole, I know we're on the same team. What if I was just scarfing? Two idiots are going like, yes, yes, yes. This is the good stuff. Yeah. And she's like, I don't want to do this. This will work. Yeah. No, this will be great. Okay. So let's, so what Gareth said, let's do it. He's going to call action when he does. Like you've seen a sports press conference or in any kind of sports conference, you sit down at the table, you make a little improvised statement. There's seven mics. Mm-hmm.

Then Gareth, Kevin and I will ask a couple of questions. And then, you know, at a certain point when you're ready, you say, you know, in closing, this is where we're at. And thank you guys so much. And we all leave and we now have enough to go to our art to write our articles for papers. Right. Perfect. So, Cameron, when Gareth says go, you start and you are talking directly to your family and your friends. Quiet around, everyone. Come on. Let's focus up. We got to get this in one. All right.

Here we go. All right. It's not in one. It's not acting. Jake, I appreciate you, and I love what you bring to the set, but you're not in charge of this, okay? It's not a set. Let me helm the ship, please. Okay, but it's not a set, and it's not in one. The last thing I need right now is I need the crew to sort of lose faith in what I have. There's no crew. We just have like a few cameras. Jake, Jake, Jake.

All right. Places back to one places, not back to one sound speed. Do we have speed on audio? We've already been going. So yes, we have speed. Thank you. All right. Get the slate in. All right. This is Cameron. Cameron reopening to everyone. Scene two, take one. All right. Slate out. All right, everybody. Quiet, please. Make sure it makes a bend. Make sure that door is shut. All right.

The only thing that made sense to make sure that door is closed. Sorry. Do I have to go through it all again? No, please. Are we still rolling sound? Kevin, if he does, please do this in double speed. I got rap gifts for everyone. That's awesome. That's great. And Jake, you're even included on that, even though you've been a bit negative. All right. Back to one, everyone. Ben, keep that goddamn door shut. All right. Here we go. And ready and action. Go ahead. All right.

Hello, family, friends, others. Thank you all for coming and listening in here today. I did just want to clear the air a bit from my previous press release that I sent to you guys a few months back. I have been hearing some reports, mainly from Mackenzie, looking at you, that we are not receiving the humor in my original press release. So I wanted to come here today

clear the air, maybe lay down some more ground rules wherein you can come visit. But I would like to set a precedent wherein it can only be for one day. You have to buy anything and you can't ask me any questions still.

Yeah. All right. Cut, cut, cut. Yeah. It might just be better to do the press release. Cameron, Cameron, my dear, my friend, my amiga. We're on your team here. I got to tell you, if I'm the fan base, you just said, wait a second. You guys wanted, you know, if you're a baseball team, we go, we thought we were going to get a star pitcher. And then you do a press release. We go, we didn't sign him, but also fuck off. No beer at the stadium. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you're courting. Uh,

I don't think you're courting. So I think we go with the press release. Let's just do the written one. Here's what I have from the press release. Hey, guys, so sorry the last one was a bit dark. Do you want to take it from there, Cameron?

Let's reopen the convo. That's what you said. Cameron, can we pitch a little bit of the possible thing? I would love your assistance. Can I start and Gareth and Kevin jump in? Yep. This is crisis PR. This is crisis PR. I didn't know what this follow-up was going to be. Now I think we're getting a grasp on this. So Cameron, really quickly, you do love your family, yeah? Of course, yes. Great. Okay, so I would say this. Dear family and friends,

Apologies for the first press release. I feel as if it was misinterpreted. I am excited about my move. I am excited about the decision I made. But my door is always open to my family and my friends. I am eager for my family and friends to celebrate this.

This new chapter in the life of Cameron. And I apologize for any misreadings of my tone in my first press release. Mackenzie, my friend, please, the olive branch is extended to you. All the best, Cameron. P.S.

If you are going to come and visit me, might I suggest a housewarming gift? Question mark. Just a thought. Okay. Because that puts a little bit of her character in. Yeah. Yes. Cameron, where are you at with that? I think the ending note really tied it all together. I was going to say at first, it sounded a little too nice for me. They probably would have gotten suspicious, but the gift portion at the end, I think really

We'll sell it. We'll drive it home. So here's what I suggest we do. After you send it off, will you write Kevin? And then lastly, let's do a third on this one and let's have Mackenzie back on. Yes. And I don't know. I don't think we have Cameron on with Mackenzie. And I'm going to tell you why Cameron, you're one of us now. You're our friend. We're with you. Yeah.

I think you might spoil the meat a little bit. We're going to try to end this in a happy way. I got a feeling you might say something that's going to really hurt the organization. Yeah. Cameron, we got a plan. You happy with it? I think this is the best plan we could have ever come up with. All right. Well, listen, we're here to help because that's what we're here to do. So good luck to you. Good luck to us. Good luck to everybody. Thank you both. This one's a scary one, guys. Yeah. Thank you, Cameron. Thank you. Thank you.

And we're brought to you by Philo. You know Philo. We love Philo. Philo's got current seasons of shows that I and Jake and Shark can't miss on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. They've got shows like The Office, Martin. If you haven't watched Martin, and The Office, Martin's a great show.

Martin is one of the greatest shows of all time. Friends, they have a library of 75,000 movies and TV shows, all which I can rewatch anytime for a whole year. You don't miss a minute of anything here.

They've got Catfish. Jake and I probably wouldn't be doing this show without Catfish, to be fully honest with you. You don't believe me? Go watch Catfish. That's what got Jake into it. He was watching the Catfish Marathon. Tons of stuff. Kid shows, SpongeBob, Paw Patrol, classics, Golden Girls, Best Pilot of All Time, and then reality shows like The Jersey Shore,

But best of all, with Philo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to philo.tv slash gil sent me and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's philo, P-H-I-L-O dot TV slash gil sent me to start watching.

And we're brought to you by Squarespace. We not only love Squarespace, I use Squarespace for all my personal websites, but we use Squarespace for the show all the time. Whenever we need to help a caller, we send them right to Squarespace. And we are not lying about how much we love and use Squarespace because we just did it.

The wigs and whatever. Suits and wigs. Wigs and suits party. And then just recently, we had a caller who lied to her boss and told her that she was taking a cooking class for a week, which just sounds insane to begin with, that a cooking class would be a week. Really, she was going off and doing some BDSM stuff.

Yep. So she didn't want to get caught in a lie. So we came up with the website for her and it is www.friendly shark dot Squarespace dot com. The friendly shark dot Squarespace dot com. You should you have to check it out. It looks so legitimate. Our Caitlin and our patron subscribers all made it look like bulletproof. And if you haven't heard the episode, the caller's boss totally believes it. It's crazy. Yeah.

It's awesome. And the reason we can do that is because Squarespace is so user-friendly, so easy. And it's not just websites. There's tons of stuff you can do there now. But anyway, we love Squarespace. If you need a website, if you want help building out your company, Squarespace is the place to go. So go to www.squarespace.com slash gilthsentme to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using the code gilthsentme.

We are brought to you by Hero Bread. We love Hero Bread here on the show. Love it. We love the bread. We love the tortillas. It's, you know, it's one of those things where... Yeah, and, you know, you kind of try to, like, cut bread out if you're trying to eat healthy. That's kind of one of the first things to go. And then think about it, like, summer barbecues, all that stuff, and you're going like, eh, I don't know, but they have now made it so that

not only is the bread way healthier for you and you should not feel bad, it has protein in it, you should not feel bad about eating it. It is just as good. I mean, it tastes, it's just, you are not missing bread when you use Hero Bread. So yeah, and like we said, nutrition, the tortillas, they fit your health goals, all that stuff. So all your favorites, no consequences or compromises, zero to one grabs of net carbs, zero sugar, high in fiber, just delicious. So,

Keep the carbs out of summer without compromising flavor with Hero Bread. Get 10% off your order at hero.co and use code HELP at checkout. That's help at h-e-r-o dot c-o.

Hi. Hello. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Welcome back. Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like you're an old friend at this point. Mackenzie, how you doing, girl? How you doing, girl? What's happening?

I'm great. My kids are out at recess, so I'm calling in the quick 15 minutes for that. So let's jump right in. You're in a rush. Yes. By the way, we have time. And by the way, Mackenzie, we're good too. So our kids are at recess. Our kids are also at recess. Yeah, but I have a, I have an appointment in like 10 minutes. So even the recess end doesn't matter for me. I'm in a rush. By the way, Mackenzie, he doesn't, he's with me for the next two and a half hours. He's got nothing to do except talk about how great Austin is. I'm swamped over here. So Mackenzie, let,

Let's move. So your sister, Cameron, sent you the new press release. Yes. Have you read? Yes. There's no way that she wrote that. Really? Interesting. That's an interesting take. What makes you think she didn't write it?

Well, it was really nice. And she apologized. Interesting. So none of that is your sister. So here's, I don't know. I don't remember. We're going to break this down for you a little bit. Cameron came on the show. Uh, we had a great discussion with her and we, as a team formed this press release and we need to know McKenzie, where are you at with it? Where are you at with visits? You represent the family. Talk to us. Where are we at? I'm still happy to go. As long as I got the okay from her.

I'm happy to go. And what do you think about the P.S.?

I felt like that really was Cameron, for sure. Yeah, we wanted to keep it on brand. I thought maybe there'd be a few more PSs. What do you think the other PSs would be? Because maybe we talked her out of a little bit of who she is. What do you think your sister would have? Any PPS? Probably something about complimenting her while I'm there. Cameron's incredible. Cameron is incredible. Yes, she is. And she knows it.

Yeah. So, by the way, Cameron sounds like me and you sound like McKenzie. Yeah, that's very true. I'm in my 30s. You're in your 40s. I'm a Dolphins fan or Eagles fan. You're a Packers fan. Should do you have should we hear how the email came out at the end or we feel like we could do you have the email in front of you, McKenzie, just so maybe we could hear if there was any additions or omissions?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She sent me a press release with a bunch of olive branches at the top. Yeah. She put olive branches at the top. Interesting. Yeah. Nice touch. So she said...

That's great. Yeah.

Please, the Olive Girl has been extended to you. All the best, Cameron. P.S., if you're going to come visit me, might I suggest a housewarming gift? Just a thought. This really came out great. Hold on, Mackenzie. Wait, can I just say my favorite part of what just happened? You just tried to turn your headphones up because we're in the studio, and you just turned mine up. Both and mine. Okay, I thought you just were like, you're like, I know what I'm doing. I'm a technician now.

It's like Jake's Jake. The Garfman has bad ears. I got you, baby. What, babe? What were you going to say? So here's what I have to say, Mackenzie, and this is now just talking from the heart.

You know, when somebody does a press release from an organization, they're not always just doing it on their own. That's why they do a press release and not an email. Right. So Cameron's words are Cameron's words. Yes. That's from your sister's heart and soul. It's from the desk. And so that is the press release. Your first call in for us was, if you remember, and I remember...

What do I do now? My sister sent this really weird press release. You were saying something like you were a little afraid of her. You didn't know how to move forward. Well, fucking A, I think we have helped. If I'm you, I can move forward and visit. I would bring a housewarming gift. And if I'm you, I'm like, wow, these guys really did some effective helping. I mean, we really helped. As well as if I'm you, I think I love my wacky sister, Cameron. Yeah.

Yeah, because it does seem like like some of her stuff is just lost in translation a little bit. I mean, look, you're probably going to listen to this episode and there's probably a revealing meat to the bread of this sandwich where Cameron probably pitches some wild shit. But don't focus. Don't think about that.

That's just how she is. That's what we love about Cameron. Yes. That a lot of what she needs to do needs a PR firm to help her rewrite it. Yes. So Mackenzie, in the end, where are you at going back to the original call? Are you going to visit? Are you going to visit? If you do, will you be bringing a gift? Where are we at? Let's get us out of here, girl.

I think it's a win. I feel like getting Cameron to apologize ever is, I feel like, a hard thing to do. I feel like you guys kind of were her therapist a little bit and helped her, you know, come to a nice apology. Legally, we're not saying that, but keep going. Yeah, well, I will say this as a diehard 49ers football fan in my 30s. It's crazy what's happening with you.

Are you okay? I'm going to say this to you. This is problematic behavior followed by problematic statements supporting the weird behavior. I'm glad that you feel like you won. So am I, but it's just, I mean, it's like a guy being sweet and he's covered in blood. It's like there's a lot of red flags.

Thank you for the call. Thank you, Mackenzie. Good luck getting the kids in for recess. And if you know anyone who can help Jake, he's really in kind of a dark, weird spot, but he's smiling through it, which is in his 40s. What a geezer. I'll talk to you later. Everybody in their 30s like me. Go 49ers go. Hello. Hi, this is Kevin. Hi, Kevin. Can you remind me your name, please?

Yes, this is Emma. Hi, Emma. How are you? I'm doing well. Hey, Emma. This is Jake and Gareth. We're on here, too. Hi, Emma. Oh, hey, guys. What's going on? I have Jake and Gareth with me, and they don't know. They know this is a follow-up. They don't know what it's about, and I wanted you to have the honors of reminding them what your call was about.

Oh, okay. Well, if you may recall, I know it probably wasn't a story to remember, but I am the one who was calling in about the pet camera. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're about the masturbating. Oh my God. I'm starstruck. Me too. I'm nervous. Oh my, I like the idea that you're like, we might not know who you are. You are on our Mount Rushmore.

Yeah, you are a Mount Rushmore for sure. Wow. You're the episode that I feel like really started this podcast. I agree. This is a hell of a problem. Oh, I'm so excited. No matter what happens, it's just good to hear from you. I know. It's good to talk to you both.

So real quick, Emma was house-sitting. She had roommates. She was very excited to be house-sitting on her own. She masturbated like she was getting paid every hour to do it. Then towards the end of the house-sitting, realized there was a pet cam, and then she never got asked to house-sit again, and we don't know where it ended up, and that's where we are. Okay, sorry. Go ahead, Jay.

Yeah, that's me. Okay. And so where are we at? Has there been any further updates, any discoveries? Where are we?

Yeah, so definitely discoveries on my end. I called it anonymously. So luckily, nobody seems to have noticed that it was me, which is a really big deal. I find it really funny that sometimes I'll be online and I'll end up seeing a clip from that episode and have to be reminded all over again of, you know, the trauma. So the updates are that I did see one.

one of my friends, one of the couple over the summer, and she didn't mention a thing to me, but they also went on a two week trip to Europe and said nothing to me about it. I found out over Instagram and noticed that they did not mention it or ask me to catch it.

The seeing them and them not mentioning it doesn't do anything for me. I don't feel like you'd do a drive-by and be like, hey, you were masturbating a ton. You better... It's the non-inviting. It's the non-inviting. Now, remind me again. I agree. Do they live in the same city as you? No, no, no. I live out of state. Right. So there's that part of it. But I also lived out of state the first time. Yeah, there's that part of it. I also...

See, I don't remember.

remember. I don't even remember that part of it. That part is madness. Did you tell us that part the first time we spoke? I think she said she threw it out the window, but we both just blew it off. We were so overwhelmed. I mean, Lamorne was on the call. A lot was happening. So yeah. Okay. So you stole their camera. I did. So I've got a question for her. Have you a house sat since? No, not for anybody. Is there a world where you're going to house sit again?

I'm definitely going to look out for the red dot in the sky. That's for sure. And if you don't see it, do you think you're going to be watching videos about control and power? The fact that you don't remember the camera got tossed out the window, but you remember what porn she likes really says a lot about the male mind. Yeah, thanks for that, Jake. I'm disgusted. I'm an animal. Who cares about the camera? She's a therapist watching control. Jake's such an animal, if his wife leaves town, you could look after him, Emma. Ha!

I'll hold you to it. I'll hold you to it. But no, I really think that if I ever were to be in that position again, I would just, you know...

get back in the closet, turn off all the lights, ensure that there's no chance of being seen. Oh, stop. You could do it. You just have to do a real scour. Well, that's what she said. She said she's still going to play her game. She's just going to do it not while you're out in the open. I don't like it being done in the shadows. Yeah, there's a middle ground. I don't think you need to go shadows or daylight. You can have mood lighting. What's the middle ground? The middle ground is you do a sweep.

You go through the house, you Navy seal it for a minute. You check the nooks and the crannies and you make sure there's no red lights. And then you go to town on yourself for a week. No problem. But the problem is the cat cam. That's it. I got to say, as your friend here on this one,

The most humiliating turn of events in your life would be you house it for somebody else, you Navy seal it, you check every corner, you go, I'm good. You open up your videos, the character goes like, well, you are my secretary. And you go like, oh, Lordy, you spend the next 35 hours in bliss saying,

And then you realize you missed a spot and you're filmed again. Horrible. Yeah. And that's a fear. Understandable phobia. This is a fool me once situation. You can once in your life get filmed masturbating in somebody else's home. You can't do it twice. Garf, you know I'm right. You're absolutely right. But it's just a sheet. Don't clip this, Caitlin. Do not clip this. I know you're listening.

But I do listen. The problem with your situation isn't that you were, you know, you masturbated in their house. It's that you really it's almost like you were cat sitting yourself more than the cat. You had a party. Truly. Emma, thank you for the call. Thank you for helping launch this podcast. You always have. I actually do need a cat sitter. So is this true? Yes, I really do. What state are you in, Emma?

What state are you in? Oh, you're so far away. Yeah, just a bit. That would be such a funny end to this. Not only would you be a great cat sitter, like I'm saying, there's no cameras. Go to town. Sure, sure. Emma, thank you for the call. You're the best. Thanks, Emma. Yeah, thank you guys for all the advice and support. Enjoy the day, fellow fiends. Yeah, you did great, Emma. Thank you. All right. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye.

Oh, man, I do need a catsup. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum Podcast.